Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 8-26-13

Episode Date: August 26, 2013

Bill rambles about bow fishing, eating toddlers and scat singing.

In the mountain, in the kitchen, even in the living, they really lie everywhere, the empty batteries. But now we're going to the finish, bring them to a BeBat collection point quickly. You will always find one in your neighborhood on BeBat.be BeBat! Together, better for nature and for all of us. Campaign in cooperation with the OVAM. What do you say there, fuckos?

How are you? How's it going? Holy shit. Where did the summer go? You know, I always make fun of that. I always make fun of people who go, oh my god, can you believe it's already August? I worked my ass off this summer, so the summer did fly by. I can't believe it. I didn't get to lay out or anything. I didn't get to tan myself up.

I didn't get to red myself up at all. You know, do you guys lay out there, get a little skin cancer? I am finally back in Los Angeles. After spending a month in New Orleans, I had a great fucking time down there. Ended it on a great note. You know, I settled my differences with the city. I finally said, you know what, you win. I'm going to have some of your fried fucking food.

And I ended up going, I went bow fishing out in the bayou. A fucking bow and arrow, right? I got myself a six pack of Bud Tolls. This is America for you people overseas right now. For you people over there, I don't know what we did to you. I don't know what we're doing to you right now. What we're going to do to you in the future. That's going to make you fucking passively aggressive, aggressively attack the great game of American football.

You know, because you won't get to the real core of the issue that you don't like our foreign policy. And by our, I mean me, because I sit in on those meetings. I'm making the calls, you know, and all you fucking cunts over there who, I get every week, every week I'm getting these fucking emails of people still shit and acting like NFL football players aren't tough compared to rugby because they wear helmets. Do you realize how fucking dumb that is? That's like saying, well, you know, so basically if you're in a car, you can drive it into a tree and you won't get hurt because you're in a car.

Is that what you're telling me? Huh? With all your portly fucking white guys waddling around out there putting shoulders into chests? Okay. It's not what we're talking about here. We're not talking about a bunch of pasty fucking white dudes running around who can't even run a fucking five second 40. That's not what we're talking about at all. All right.

We're talking about a game that is played at a size and speed that is not seen overseas. It just isn't. You know why? Because you're not big enough. You're not fast enough. And you know why that is? Because you never went to a country that was bigger and stronger and forced them to come over here and do all the hard shit.

See? What you guys did was you fucking went to where they lived and you tried to fucking build a castle over there. Stupid. Stupid fucking move. What happened? You lost all of it. So what do you do now? Do you own up to it and just say, you know what?

America's better at pressing the world right now than we are. Now, you don't man up and say that. You send me cunty fucking emails about a goddamn game. I've told you from the very beginning, rugby plays are the toughest sons of bitches. You know, the tough, you know, great fucking game. I really enjoy it. Okay. Well, let's not pretend that if Leon let right now rolled off the fucking couch and decide to run down the fucking pitch and some short shorts.

That, you know, those guys wouldn't be falling over on their backs. They would. I'm sorry. It's bigger. It's stronger. It's faster. Hence, you know, and then you put a helmet on. Now you got a weapon.

That's all it is. It protects your skull, but your fucking brain's going inside that fucking thing. The next thing you know, you're on the roof of your house when you're 40 years old shooting at mall cops. That's what happens to our retired players. What do you guys do? Huh? Fucking get your ears fixed. Finally get that wedgie taken out of your ass.

I don't know what you do when you retire as a rugby player. I'm sorry, people. I'm a little grumpy right now. All right. I finished my acting gig, my big song and dance number down there. I'd like to thank Mike Binder for giving me a shot on that thing. And the second I was done, I ended up going up to Boston before I came home. Because I had a gig at the, uh, the MGM, the MGM casino there in Connecticut, not in Las Vegas.

I played the one in Connecticut, which is like going to the University of Miami, Ohio. No kidding. It was a great gig. And I want to thank everybody who showed up and everything. And I was in a fucking grumpy mood when I came out on that one. I started shitting on Paul Verzia. I was going off on the traffic. I just, I just, I just really needed to go home and have a fudgical, you know, some comforts.

I don't know what the fuck I needed. I'm still all wound up. Ah, fuck. Where the hell did this fucking year go? I got to tell you this. I lost my shit. I know I started to tell someone, oh, bow fishing. I'll get back to that.

Remind me, remind me to get back to the bow fishing thing. Um, I forgot what the fuck I was just going to talk about the, oh, the traffic. My fucking brain moves in a straight line, a very slow, but it fucking line, but it is a straight line. If I miss the exit, it just keeps going and I can't, I can't turn around. Um, see, it made me fucking forget the traffic. I lost my shit like three fucking times when I was up in Boston. All right. I fucking hate that city now.

I love it. I love the sports teams, but I hate that fucking city because you land in it. And the first thing you go, you drive into is that big dig, which is the biggest fucking scam. I ever perpetrated when it comes to fucking transportation. Jesus, talk my way out of that one, didn't I? I didn't know where to go with that. How the fuck do you shit on a highway? These fucking assholes, they just took everything.

They put it on the ground and they made it all one lane. Everything's fucking one lane. I don't know if they're anticipating some, some plague or something. I don't know what, but that thing, like this should just be like Model T's. Oh God, driving around that fucking thing. They didn't add any lanes. Every time I go in there, the whole fucking thing shut down. They got the Ted Williams tunnel.

You know what they should have outside the head? Ted, Ted Williams tunnel, they should have his head upside down on a tuna can, you know, like made out of concrete and tribute to and then tell his family that we're going to fucking leave that up there. And till you give that man the proper burial that he fucking deserves. So anyways, you go into fucking Teddy ball game tunnel and there is enough room for like five fucking lanes and there's only two. And then there's this, this, I don't know what this bike lane for the obese. What is the fucking, it's never open. And then the other one always has cones on it.

Sorry, I've gone there like three times this fucking year. And no matter what time I drive in there, there's fucking traffic because of that shit. Oh, I'm in a mood. I am in a mood people. I admit it. And here's another thing. I'm driving down to my gig going down to the fucking MGM thing there. MGM Miami, Ohio gig that I had and I'm fucking two 30 on a Friday afternoon should be wide open bumper to bumper fucking traffic.

You know, bumper to bumper fucking traffic. I got to the point. I literally wanted to roll down the window and just and ask the guy next to me, where the fuck are you going? Don't you have a job? Are you also a comedian? You know, are you, do you work the fucking night shift? Please tell me you're actually driving to your job and you're not just out here to be out here fucking come back from the MGM thing. I get myself for fucking hours to get up to Logan airport.

No, three hours to get up to fucking Logan airport. So I'd have a two hour fucking window to get to my goddamn plane and I ended up getting a bumper to bumper traffic. The second I get near the South Shore Plaza bumper to fucking bumper traffic, like 1230 in the afternoon on a Saturday. You know, where the fuck? Those fucking idiots sat in traffic Monday through Friday. Are they, do they like sitting in traffic? It actually made me look up to population. I was like, is the population exploding in this country because I didn't think it was we were doing that bad.

I started doing the road hardcore around 97 98. We had about 267 million people. We'll just say 268. Okay. Before I get some country email from somebody works from the census. And now we're up to 313.9. So we'll call that 314. All right.

So what's that? No, Jesus, he's going to do some math here. That's 32 million plus 14 million. That's 46 million people spread out over 50 states. I don't fucking know if that's the problem or what, but I'll tell you, they're all out on the highway. It's almost worth being president. You know, just seem to have to sit in fucking traffic. It's almost worth just becoming an absolute yes man and signing off on shit like spying on American people, being able to put American citizens in jail indefinitely without a fucking trial just because you think they're a fucking terrorist.

It's almost worth doing that. You know, just so you don't have to sit in the traffic. Maybe I'll just get like a helicopter license. I'll get one of those little two-seater ones, you know, basically the smart car of air travel. There's a lot of flat fucking things out there that you can land on structures. And what are people going to do if you land on their roof and just rappel down? What are you going to call a tow truck? Hey, you can't leave it there.

Yeah, I just did. I'll be back in 20 minutes. You don't even know who the fuck to call about this. What are you going to call the cops? You got to stand there with your hands on your hips. That is a helicopter. You know? Well, fucking keep it.

I don't give a shit. I'll get another one. All right, cost me 400 bucks. Look at it. Um, I don't know. Sorry. This is just all, this is what being away from your shit for a month does to you. And then you come home and you have a mountain of junk mail.

You know, I realize in my mail, nobody sends me anything nice. I don't get one fucking, hey, just thinking about, you know, I guess that's emails now. You know, back in the day when somebody would just, you know, because you couldn't call them, they'd have some fucking jerk off, ride a pony with you. God damn, they didn't ride a pony or a horse. Why did they call it the pony express? I would tell you guys when I was a kid, I thought a pony was a little horse and eventually it grew into a horse. So he's fucking people down the street at a pony and it was ridiculous.

They had it tied up to the back of their house. I don't think they had a fence. Fucking, maybe they had a little bit of a fence. This thing just stood there. We're driving by the thing for years and I finally looked over at my mother. I'm just like, I'm like, when is that pony going to turn into a horse? She just sort of looked at me. You know, I didn't realize that look when I was a kid, but I realize it now.

Where she just was like, she was literally looking at me like, who did I mate with? That came out of me and just asked me that. Oh shit. Anyways, so I want to thank everybody who came out to the MGM in Connecticut, wherever the hell I was, it was fucking beautiful out there. That's the one thing I do like. And the one thing I really do miss about living out here in LA is I miss all those trees and the lakes. I love that shit. You know, maybe one of those douchebags that fucking sells this house here in the city and just goes out and gets a ranch.

Can't even fucking change a light bulb by the whole outfit. You know, big stupid cowboy hat and some chaps getting in and out of my Prius. You know, no, I can drive my old truck. That's what I do. That's why I went in town to get provisions. I just roll around in the dirt to make it look like I was actually out doing something. Oh Christ. Anyways, oh, you know what?

Let's let's bang out. Let's bang out a little fucking. Oh, should we? No, no, no. You know what? I started talking about the bow fishing. Let's let's finish it. So my last night there, I get invited out to go bow fishing.

And I was just like, yeah, I'll fucking do that. Shoot fish with the bow and arrow. I don't know how to do that, but I would like to know how to do it. Why not? Right. So we fucking go out there. It's like a group of four. And we meet these guys at a gas station.

You got to get a fishing license and all this shit. And you know, I got a six pack of Budweiser. I mean, you're getting on a boat. I mean, you have to where I'm from. You have to do that. If you're getting on a boat, you have to have a six pack of something and you got to drink it or else you're an asshole. So I got it.

And one of the guys is like, dude, you're going to have a weapon. It's like, yeah, well, I'm not going to be pointing it at you or me pointing at the fish. Let's let's try to make this a little sporting here. You know, I'm taking a stick like Tom Hanks in that fucking movie where he talked to the soccer ball cast away. Well said. Right.

Dude, we went out on this fan boat all the way out in the fucking bayou. It was terrifying. It was fucking the second we got out there was because we did it at night. It was a full moon was the shit. You know, I kept thinking of, you know, that movie Southern comfort with powers booth. That's what I thought about. And I felt good that I was thinking about that and not deliverance because I feel like that's hacky at this point.

You know, one fat pasty dude gets banged in the ass in the woods and nobody can remember Southern comfort after that. It's fucking ridiculous. I think it's high time that stops. All right. So anyways, it was, it was, it was amazing.

Basically when you bow fish. I don't know. I don't know what even begin this shit. The guy had like a flashlight. One of these born in the bayou guys. And he go right there. Right there. Right there.

Right there. Born arrows. Trying to shoot some fish that was this fucking chilling out. And basically what you do is, is you shoot wherever you, wherever the fish looks like it is, you shoot like five inches below it. Cause it's an illusion, man. Cause a little water. So it took a little bit of time to get, to get used to that.

So what I did was I started aiming at all these small fish, just bringing the bow up cause I realized I was just shooting. I wasn't aiming. I was just kind of shooting in the general direction I kept missing. So I was practicing on the little fish. I didn't shoot at him. I would just bring it up just to get the muscle memory. And I did all right.

I hit, I hit three in about three hours. I averaged like one an hour. It was a lot of looking for him. I'm not going to lie to you. So I wasn't that bad, but I missed a lot. Um, but I got three, including one. We fucking pulled this thing in and it was, uh, had an alligator face in the back. Look like an eel.

It's called an alligator gar. The thing looked beyond evil. Look like a fucking dinosaur. And we got in the boat and they're like, all right, watch out. Watch your feet. Don't let it bite you. Don't let it bite you and all that shit. And everybody's like, dude, you got to get a picture with that.

You got blood on your face. It looks fucking awesome. Everybody's saying all this shit. You know, I got to tell you, you tap into that inner fucking cave. Man. Cause when I went out there, I immediately had this sinking feeling like I can't go back to fucking the village without bringing home something to eat. That's still in me.

And the village was my fucking hotel room where I have room service. It was fucking stupid, but I literally felt that I don't want to be the guy that doesn't fucking get something. So anyways, it's now I'm feeling like a fucking man cause I killed this goddamn thing. And, uh, I don't know. So I'm like, all right. So what do we do where, you know, we killed a bunch of fish and I asked the guy, go,

can you, you guys are going to, you know, clean these things? You put the fucking meat on ice or some shit and ship it to me. And the guy's just like, yeah, no, no. So then I was like, well, what the fuck? We're just out here killing shit. And it just kind of bug me. Oh no. What's going on here?

How come I'm not getting any readings here? I think it's recording. What the fuck is going on with my mixer? Oh, is it just saying it's really loud? What is this? What is this? Come on. Come on.

Talk to me. Talk to me. What's wrong with my mixer? Ah, Jesus Christ. Now I got to, I got to shut this off. I'm going to splice this together. You're not going to notice, but I got to make sure I'm recording here. Hang on.

All right. So it was recording. I don't know what the fuck's going on with the mixer. What did I do? What did I do to it? That gives a shit. So anyways, I, so at that point I was like, all right, well, I killed three of these things. The other two that I shot, they were fucking beautiful, really thick.

And I was like, you know, if I'm going to kill these things, I want to fucking eat it. I just want to be putting holes in shit. But anyways, I guess that alligator garthing can survive out of the water for a couple of hours. So we were able to put that one back or they said they were going to. So I don't know. The only part I didn't like, other than that, it was fucking great. And, uh, yeah, it felt like it was in like a Mad Max movie.

Thoroughly enjoy it. Just next time I do it, I don't want to kill like one, you know, or kill like two or three and then fucking clean them, take it and fucking eat it for the week. Does that make sense? I'll tell you, I maybe feel bad as I went home and I looked up the alligator gar and I was looking, waiting for the, oh, the most vicious fucking alligator eel this side of the fucking Mississippi. Yeah.

And they did. It was just like, yeah, it's kind of, it's very docile. If it sees you, it's shy and swims away. I was like, oh man, I shot a fucking nerd, an ugly nerd fish with an arrow and I judged it because of its face like it was evil, you know, I don't know. The people I went with, they also hunt wild pigs. That's, that's something else I could shoot. I could shoot a fucking pig.

Dear, I couldn't do that. Who's getting who? If I was starving, I could do it. You know, I shoot a fucking cat if I was hungry, hungry enough. There's anything I learned from reading that fucking book fly boys and no, that's not about a boy band. You know, what's up, Brooklyn? We are fly boys.

Sorry, I saw the VMAs were on tonight. What's the deal with VMAs? I know a lot of people say this, but doesn't MTV have a lot of fucking balls? They don't show videos, but they still have their video music awards. You know, I know that's completely hacky, but like, I actually saw some of the videos. I'm like, these are fucking great videos. I wish they would show them. Where can I see these?

How do I know this music is out? Where do I go now? Can anybody help me? Well, can you? All right. Let's do a little bit of advertising here for this week, everybody. All right. Dollar Shave Club, everybody.

Dollar. There are so many things in the world that irritate me. Traffic at 2.30 in the afternoon on a Saturday or a Friday. You know, stewardesses who just love talking on that microphone. We want to thank you for flying American Airlines. Our flying time today is three hours, 22 minutes and 18 seconds. There's going to be a time difference. Shut up, lady.

Sit down. When so many things can irritate you, why add razors to the list? That doesn't make any sense, does it? It's time to stop milking your razor blade, everybody. I know with brand name razors, you're used to paying outrageous prices and exhausting those razors until they start to look like rusty soda cans and start carving up your face there. It's time to move on. Move on to a better world.

Dollar Shave Club delivers amazing quality blades to your door for just a few bucks a month, everybody. Never think about it again. They send a pack every so you can change your blades every week. That's not me. That's missing a thing. They send you a pack every month, I guess is what it's supposed to be. So you can change your blades every week. I love these guys and your face will love them too.

They also got a brand new product called One Wipe Charlie's. You know, if that line was in the movie Platoon, that would probably be really offensive. One Wipe Charlie. It's a butt wipe for men. What? And it's classy. Check out the video for that. There's no way.

There's no way that's true. There's no way that's true. They got a new butt. I hope it's true. One Wipe Charlie's. It's a butt wipe for men. What about women? They supposed to walk around with a stinky ass?

Or you trying to say that they wiped their asses better? Oh my God, the sky is falling. Anyways, I guess they're classy. Check out the video for that if you're into scat and sign up for your razors today. Go to Dollar Shave Club Forward Slash Burr. That's Dollar Shave Club Forward Slash Burr. Or go to billburr.com and click on the Dollar Shave Club banner. I really hope One Wipe Charlie's was a joke because that's hilarious.

You mean baby wipes? The baby wipes, the poor man's bidet. Hulu Plus, everyone. I'm sure you've tried Hulu.com, but I want to tell you about Hulu Plus. Hence the title. Hulu Plus. Hulu Plus lets you watch thousands of hit shows anytime, anywhere, streaming on your TV or on the go with your smartphone or tablet.

Why stand in line or ride a train and just stare at your feet? Why would you want to do that when you could be watching your favorite shows on Hulu Plus? Hulu Plus is a great way to binge watch your favorite shows. Hulu Plus has tons of episodes from great comedies like SNL, Community, Modern Family, South Park, Family Guy, and thousands of other shows. Hey, how much is it a month? $7.99. That's $7.99.

$7.99. Okay, before you think it's really expensive. All right. For all the shows and movies you can watch, catch up on current shows, binge watch on old favorites, or catch a great movie. You can do it all on Hulu Plus. Right now you can try Hulu Plus for a couple of weeks. Free on me when you go to the podcast page at billbart.com and click on the Hulu Plus

banner or go to huluplus.com slash bill. All right. Now, please make sure you use huluplus.com slash bill so you can get an extended free trial, extending it, stretching the defense, throwing the long ball on first down here so they know that we sent you. All right. There you go. Huluplus.com slash bill.

One more here. Evoise. Okay. If you're an entrepreneur and a customer calls, do you want to seem like you're in a high-rise window view fancy pants office? Of course you do. Wouldn't you want to do that? Or do you want them to know you're sitting in your underwear?

Like me right now doing this podcast. You don't want that. You want to come off like a pro with Evoise. You can create the appearance of an entire building. Sales, customer support, tech support, you name it. It sounds like you got the whole damn thing. Give your customers the royal treatment with Evoise. Evoise will forward business calls to your home, mobile, or any number you choose.

Wherever you are, Evoise will find you. It's kind of creepy. Don't have time to take a call. It's routed to a voicemail and you can read it at your convenience as an email. Evoise not only gives you an edge over your competition, it takes away the edge the big companies have over you right now, because you can pretend to be just as big as they are. And now you can try Evoise for free for 30 days.

Go to evoise.com and use the promo code bill. B-I-L-L. That's Evoise promo code bill. Or just go to the podcast page at billbird.com and click on that. Evoise banner. God damn you. All right, back to the podcast. Yeah, so there you go.

You can add that to my list of skills. All right, I can bow fish hunt. Provided somebody shows up with the bow and the arrow and has the boat. That's not bad, right? That's a good skill to have. When the dollar collapses and I'm out here in the desert with no lakes. Well, I can modify it then. You know, what the fuck could I shoot?

What can you shoot? That's not a fish, but it's like a fish and it's out of the water. I know a toddler. There you go. And you know what? I wouldn't be killing more than I was going to eat. I'd only take one. Bill, why are you talking about cannibalism?

Because I just read an amazing book called Fly Boys. Jesus Christ, what a book. What a fucking book that was. It's unreal. Everybody has done horrific things around the planet like right now how we're sitting there giving the powers that be shit over there in Syria, Damascus, whatever the fuck it is for possibly using chemical weapons. I don't know.

Some of the shit we've done. We got a lot of fucking nerve. Is this thing recording? What is with my goddamn electronics this week? I don't know. You know, Bill, stop blaming the technology. Why don't you man up? You got to read this book.

It's really just balanced and it just shows the fucking horrific shit that basically the Americans did and the Japanese did to each other and then also the unbelievable heroic stuff that they did. It's the whole goddamn thing. Every color of the rainbow. I don't know how to talk about it without fucking ruining the book. I don't know. It just I can tell you one fucking stories can do douchebags.

I'm going to read it. You listen to this podcast. There's no way you read. I'll tell you one quick story. All right. This will probably take two minutes if you want to fucking fast forward. They're going into bomb this goddamn island shaped like a horseshoe, right? And the thing is, is what they're bombing.

All right. He's right in the like, you know what a horseshoe looks like, right? Sure. We all do. Fucking crazy uncle. It has a horse. Don't you? Or a pony.

All right. The bottom of the horseshoe, not the two ends where the luck runs out. If you hang it upside down right there, like you're going around the, you're going around the corner, right? Right down there. What part of the horseshoe is that called? It's funny. People who do crossword puzzles know what that part of the horseshoe is called.

Anyways, that part down there, like if you're pouring water into it, where would gather? We got it Bill. That's where the fucking radio station was and they had to basically fly right into it. All right. On the sides. That's where the mountains were. They were actually above where the airplanes, the mountains on the sides were so high up and these guys had to come in so low that the anti-aircraft fire was coming down on

them. These guys had to have the fucking balls, 20 years old, 1920 years old to fly in there and just be like, well, they're not going to get me. The other guys got to get it. And no one full well that if they got caught, they were going to get fucking tortured and just, they basically told them to keep one in the chamber and just fucking blow your brains out. Cause when, if these guys catch you after the shit you've done, you know, cause once,

once, once, once airplanes got involved, I guess way more civilians started to get killed and I know that sounds obvious, but like I never really thought about that. I thought back in the day, like the revolutionary wars, I mean, I thought people just, you know, just indiscriminately raped and pillaged and went all the way around. I guess you could, but you had to be a man about it. You know, you had to kick open the door, you know, kill a couple of males and then tackle somebody in a house coat, you know, all kinds of scratches to your face. I mean, yeah, you fucking got, you got dirty.

You got dirty back in the day, but all of a sudden the advent of the aerial, aerial type plane there, right? Does this sound as dumb as it sounds to me out loud? They fucking, you could just fly over, you know? You're trying to hit a warehouse, you hit a house, you blow up a couple of babies and so people, they fucking hated these pilots. They thought they were cowards, they thought they were devils and so they didn't want to get caught or whatever.

So this fucking guy is flying in anti-aircraft fire comes in the flak. That's what they call it, flak. That's what I call, my boss would give me shit for not unloading a truck quick enough. That's what I called flak at 20 years of age. These guys had such big balls. That's what they call people trying to shoot down the fucking airplane they were in. So it's basically like softball size holes that going through this guy's fucking wings and he loses it and he goes into his spin.

So he tells the two guys in the back that they got a bail out. So he's got to do this move where he brings up like the fucking flap on the right wing and then something with the rudder. And it basically causes the plane to kind of go sideways and it gives these guys a chance to open the door in the back because if they couldn't the air pressure would like hold it tight. So the guy's doing this move as the front of his plane is on fire and the flames are lapping at his feet.

He's doing this maneuver so his buddies can get out and it works. Both his buddies jump out and now the fucking plane, it's almost going to hit the goddamn water. It's in a flat spin. This guy takes off his seatbelt, he's still fighting it. You take the seatbelt off, that's the last thing you're getting out and at the last second he catches it and he comes out of the span and goes up and then he looks back seeing his two buddies fucking landing in the water and they're going to swim and get taken prisoner

by the Japanese and the guy was completely you couldn't be unconsolable. Landed on the aircraft carrier, it was just balling. All he could say over and over again was I took my seatbelt off, meaning I was going to bail out. It was just fucking out. I butchered that story. Just imagine someone who can actually write telling you that story. It's a fucking unbelievable book.

It'll make you a better person when you read it and Jesus Christ. I think I'm going to read a whole bunch of books on the World War II now. In like the part of the war, I want to say specifically the Pacific Ocean. I just don't feel those words go together well, particularly the Pacific Ocean part of it because all that shit, Okinawa, Iwa Jima, I don't know where in that shit was. They had a map and everything. You know dummy like me actually was it was really if it's going to be a book like that where they show the dirt on both sides.

That's the kind of shit that I like. Just fire bombing cities. It's just fucking unreal. You know, you basically on both sides in a war, it's you got war criminals and then whoever wins gets to prosecute the other one going, how could you be such a piece of shit? And everybody kind of did the same shit. That's what I was saying. The bow and arrows with the babies.

Everything when shit goes down like babies die. It's unavoidable. Does this make any sense? Is this fucking horrific? I'm like 300 pages down this fucking road and you guys haven't read the book yet. So you probably looking to me like I'm a maniac. Why the fuck is it so hot in here? Um, anyways, hopefully I'm able to get this podcast up on time.

You know last week I recorded it on time and there was something going on with the goddamn recording. I was getting new. You know what that something was? It was me. So I actually recorded it on Sunday. It still couldn't get it up until fucking Monday afternoon. I'm the worst.

All right. What have we talked about? Oh yeah. So I started reading up on all this stuff about the, uh, the war with the Japanese and shit and I didn't realize, you know, there was like three guys, three Japanese soldiers that didn't surrender until 1974. One of them wasn't aware that the war wasn't over. People call him, uh, Bill.

That's some shit I would have done. The other other two guys knew the war was over, but they were like, I'm not fucking standing down until the fucking grandpa tells me to, because that's what I was told when I was, they just were like Dudley do rights. These fucking maniacs stayed in the woods for an extra 30 years in their uniform. Their guns still work. They still had ammunition. Well, of course you did.

The fucking war is over. And every once in a while they'd run in some local fishermen and they'd take shots at them. Local fishermen were just like, come on, man, let it go, man, it's over. They would drop leaflets in there and they were reading them and they thought it was a trick. Oh my God, just sitting out there fucking eating squirrels for 30 goddamn years. You know, best friends, like a little fucking, what, what would you be friends with out there? I don't know.

I'll give you the link to that shit before I just butcher it anymore. If anybody else knows any really good books about World War two words really balanced. Um, because I read a few, I read this one that was great. Uh, I read the rape and Nan King a long time ago. I read this Hiroshima diary about this guy who was in that city when the bomb hit. Uh, I read another one. I like those first part like people who were there. I read one, one time about this Jewish kid who was on the run with his dad.

It's a classic too. I forget what the fuck it was called. I'm such an idiot. But at one point he was kind of looking at his dad and he was just like, just die already because he was, I don't know, was slowing him down or something. He has guilt about that. She was fucking unreal. Actually, it's kind of depressing when you think about it, but, um, how it do gives

a shit. Hey, I got all caught up in breaking bed. I didn't have AMC in my hotel. So I came here and just binge watched all fucking three of them. Jesus Christ. Is that the greatest fucking show ever? I don't want to overhype it, but, uh, it's fucking insane. I'm not going to tell Cabana.

I shouldn't, I should have said right out of the back that I'm not going to say anything that happens in them, but, um, I didn't think anything was going to beat the wire. I guess I put them on par because the wire, just the size of the subject and how many different angles they hit it from. But as far as keeping your stomach and absolute fucking knots, uh, I don't know if I ever saw a show like that, like this one, man, um, it's kind of funny cause I always have like quick little scenes in them and that's all they would ever give me is just like the little scene.

So I don't know what, I don't know what's going on, which is kind of perfect cause my character doesn't need to know, doesn't need to know what is going on and wouldn't know. Right. Saul would just call me up and say, just fucking do this. And I'd be like, all right. So I always end up watching the episodes of how that's what the fuck that was for. Um, that happened this week. All right.

So anyways, hey, I'll put the red socks on coming out to LA, beating the fucking Dodgers. I would have loved to go into a game down there and war and not war any red sock shit because fucking LA fans are such fucking psychopaths. Well, maybe they actually, maybe they wouldn't have beaten me because I wasn't there with my children. Fucking pieces of shit. Good God almighty. You know, I don't know what the fuck, I don't know what happened out here.

I don't get it. I don't get why that's that extra level that gangbanger vibe is out here. There's gangs every fucking city. Are these like in LA or like these the only or Southern California, as you say, because I felt that vibe at a charges game too. Like, is this like the only part of the country where gangbangers are into like sports too? You know, you think you get some hard looks at a fucking next game? You don't.

Everybody's there having a good time. I don't understand it. They could have something to do with neck tattoos. Once you get the neck tattoo, I thought it was fucked up when I was in New Orleans. But I saw two guys with face tattoos and I couldn't believe how unshocking they were at this point. I've seen so many people with face tattoos at this point. This guy literally had one right in the middle of his forehead and it wasn't a good one.

You know, Jesus Christ, I thought I was dedicated to being a comedian or whatever. You put a tattoo on your face. Give me that. You've limited yourself to either working in a tattoo parlor or doing just illegal shit. Right? That's kind of a good way. You know, if you ever think that you don't, you don't, you don't have the balls to stop following the herd.

Just get a nice, you know what? Don't do it. Don't, don't do it. I don't want to suggest that you get a fucking face tattoo. Please don't do that. Can you, can you please not do that? Did I mention I was at the University of Cincinnati last night, Saturday night? By the time you get this, it'll be two nights ago.

I want to thank everybody for having me out there. What a fucking beautiful school that is. Absolutely gorgeous, man. I love those, those, they have like the perfect size football stadium and it's like built down in it. So you, into the campus, you know, so you come walking by and it's really open. Like you can just walk right into it. Had that same vibe.

When I went down to Florida state, I liked the students can like, you know, run the stairs if they want to. I love that shit. I hate when you go to those places and they got the stadiums like all locked up. I was surprised when I went to Boise, you know, and I was trying to look at the blue turf. I saw a little bit of it that the whole stadium was just locked up like that. I figured Boise is a cool place, right?

What are you worried about? The meth heads coming in, stealing the aluminum benches. Is that what it is? It probably is. I don't know. Oh, by the way, I want to thank Rolling Stone magazine for putting me on the cover this month. It finally happened for me.

That was a big moment. My career will definitely have a link. I know a lot of people don't read magazines at this point, so it's not a big deal, but it's a big deal to me finally being on the cover of, uh, of Rolling Stone. Um, actually, I have no idea who that kid is, but it fucking freaked me out when I saw it. Um, all right. What am I talking about here?

What do I got here? Huh? What am I going to go do the, uh, let's read. Let's read a fucking, uh, read one of these things here. Why don't we do that? Why don't we read a little fucking letter full moon, Mr. Burr? You mentioned something about the full moon in last week's podcast and how it causes strange behavior.

I worked in an emergency room for three to five years. And when I started working there, I thought the theory was bullshit. He actually said, bull, I don't want to make this guy sound crass. He goes, I now know, I now know what to be true. Every month during the week of the full moon, we get a surge of patience other than the plethora of fatties that clog our department. He's spelled it pluthora. Uh, we get weirdos.

Example, a one-legged schizophrenic man with a suitcase of knives and a butane torch. I don't even, I don't even know why. Other than the weirdos though, we have a lot of really sick patients coming. There are more strokes, heart attacks, and other serious health related issues. I've recently heard a theory on why this is from another healthcare professional. Well, thank God you went in this direction, buddy, because I thought for half a fucking second you were going to put this in my lap. All right, because I have no clue about any of this shit.

Um, all right, what do we got here? He goes, I, I too take a lot of what I hear as fact. All right, the theory is, the theory is this, even our blood has its own tide. Jesus Christ. Why don't I read up on science? This is like better than any fucking movie. Just the truth. What do you mean it has its own tide?

When it goes out, is that when I get lightheaded? Is that what you're talking about? He goes, this may be minuscule. I love that you're spelling all these words wrong and you fucking work in an emergency room. Uh, but the lunar pole on our bloodstream can cause a person with health slash heart problems to be at a higher risk for strokes slash heart attack. It can also cause behavioral changes because of the change in our bodily function and our

body function. Whether this is true or not, I cannot deny three and a half years of dealing with hell every week the full moon appears. Thanks for the free imitate entertainment in the left. So that's really interesting. So like if that's true, so when there's a full moon, that's like, uh, when society's like menstruating, that's our once a month, like everybody just acts like a fucking maniac. A one legged schizophrenic with a suitcase full of knives and a butane torch.

Jesus Christ. Doesn't that sound, that sounds like, uh, what the fuck was that movie Mickey Rourke was in there? It looked like a cartoon, but it wasn't Jessica Alba had the chaps on. She was a stripper, but she still looked like you could have her as a girlfriend. And then there was that guy with the yellow head and the red eyes. For some reason remind me of the guy who played Beretta. Do you know, I saw him when I was out here.

I saw Robert Blake. That's a hell of a thing. Run into a guy who fucking killed somebody or did he get off? I don't know. He fucking did it. Jesus Christ. You know, you go to take a piss and all of a sudden your girlfriend's shot in the head and nobody saw anything.

And you found her. Come on. Come on, Beretta, for reals. Come on. Um, all right, Wisconsin's a rod, yo, Billy Redface love the podcast and I would love to paint another picture of the a rod story. All right. My version is with no Ryan Braun.

I live in Wisconsin where Aaron Rogers and the Green Bay Packers are basically a gift from God. I am a Chicago Bears fan. So I think basically, so I think they're all cunts. Sorry. I'm really reading worse than usual. Um, all right, Brian, who also got popped for PEDs had opened two restaurants with Aaron Rogers called the eight to 12, oh, eight, 12 MVP bar and grill since they were both named

MVP in their respective sports and I'm gathering that his number is eight. Is he a baseball player? I don't watch baseball. Uh, when the news broke about Braun getting suspended, Wisconsin was enraged. Not so much that he was cheating or being the bad image to kids or whatever. These parents who want to blame other others for their kids lack of lust or athletic skills, but because he lied to Aaron Rogers, that's fucking awesome. The Wisconsin has some great sports fans and I love the fact that their fan base owns a

part of the team. I wonder the fuck that works even though, you know, none of them are allowed in the board meeting. It's probably just by name only in someday they'll realize how bad they got fleeced. Um, anyways, in the past month or so, when it came to the news reporting this reporting this story, local NBC, ABC, Fox and CBS affiliates within 10 seconds into the story, they talk about lying to Aaron Rogers. When interviewing fans about it, all they talk about is I can't believe he would lie

to us and even lie to Aaron. Like everyone knows each other on a personal level. People need to quit talking, taking professional sports too seriously and taking it personally. Uh, especially when they are multimillionaires lying to other multimillionaires, Google search some of this to get a laugh at how brainwashed sports fans of my state are come to show Milwaukee during the football season to see for yourself. I've been up there. It's fucking great.

Thanks to go fuck yourself. Well, look, I mean, how, how did he lie to Aaron? They got in business together. You know, it's not like, uh, he got on their football team and then he said, well, you know, I'd like you to join the Packers as long as you're steroid free. They opened a business together. I don't give a fuck what you do. Just don't steal from the register.

That would be more lying to Aaron Rogers, right? Where do you think he actually sat down and said, well, listen, I have a great image. You know, last thing I needed to be doing is hitching my wagon to some guy who's then going to be a, uh, you know, you know, fucking hookers and, uh, everybody's somebody sticking needle in his F. I, you know what? I've never opened a business as you can tell. I don't know.

I don't know how the interview process goes, but I don't, yeah, I don't feel like he lied to Aaron. Um, maybe, maybe they actually came up with this. Maybe this is a good cop, bad cop thing they're doing where this other guy plays the bad guy and then Aaron sits at the bar looking all dejected and the cheese heads walk by and then they come in and they buy more fucking mozzarella sticks. You know that that could happen, right? I don't fucking know who gives a shit.

You know what the fucking thing is and I'm telling you, I'm pulling a Paul Versey and I said this three years ago within 20 years, everybody's going to be on steroids. Everybody's going to be on HGH. Okay. We're all going to be on it. They're going to fucking get it to the same way weed is gradually becoming legal. That's what's going to happen with Royce. All right.

And now how also if you smoke weed now, if you have a vaporizer, you just basically inhaling just the shit that gets you high. All right. So it's doing way less damage than sitting down, drinking a bunch of Budweiser's like I did on that fanbow out the fucking bayou. You're going to do that with Royce. Back in the day, you did some fucking Royce, right? Your balls shrunk up and you went and you punched a horse in the fucking face.

That's what happened. And now they're they're way more mellow, although fucking Jerry Remy's kids snapped. I don't know. Jesus Christ. That's another fucking Boston story. You know, when all these, all these stories came out, all this shit that's happened recently, I was actually thinking, well, you know, this is the balance. We had such an unbelievable decade, it has to balance it out, you know, with all this

horrible shit happening now. And it's like, no, wait a minute, no, it was nothing but horror. So with those championships, that made us even. So now there's some horrible shit coming these last couple of years. So you know what that means? We're going to win some more championships coming up. That's how I look at it. Oh, by the way, any San Francisco 49er fans listening to this, how do you feel about

old fucking Kaepernick out there fucking on the cover of every magazine, half naked with this fucking ass in the air showing off his tattoos and his abs doing commercials and all that type of shit? You think he won the fucking Super Bowl? Have you seen one goddamn commercial with Joe Flacco? Huh? Have you? I haven't.

As a football fan, I don't like when that shit happens. I'll tell you right now, once Tom Brady started experimenting with his haircuts and walking around with Uggs, going to fashion shows. I don't know. We have one. One cents. Doesn't that sound like some typical moron shit that you'd hear on Sports Talk Radio? The rena.

I had when I was in Boston was tuned to Sports Talk Radio and I, I, I can't fucking listen to it. It's just, I was, I put it on and they were criticizing big poppy saying he's a selfish player in all its classic Boston fucking morons. Sports fans where it's just inevitable they're going to eat their own. You mean the guy who fucking helped was one of the main factors in ending that curse, the 86 year curse of the babe, all of that fucking horse shit. That guy should be able to shit in the street for the rest of his fucking life.

Not even 10 years later, you're already saying that the guy's selfish. Shame on you. All right, let's get back to the podcast here. Sorry guys. Um, so I'm actually predicting, uh, you guys might have a little bit of a hangover there in San Francisco. Your coach is putting on weight, right, filling out those dockers more and more every week trying to will his people to win.

Actually, I think Kaepernick's going to do great, but I always get nervous with quarterbacks who run around like that. Eventually those linebackers, they get sick of that shit and they get an open shot at you and they, uh, they see, you know, you're bleeding into your lung, um, advice for a skinny guy. All right, here we go. Hey, Billy boy, first to that first time, long time. Thanks for all the last there.

No worries. All right. It's great that you're helping out those who are overweight by shaming them. Is that what you're saying? I've helped out a couple. I've probably had other people have their face in a bucket of KFC right now. But if I may, I'd like to ask for advice for a guy who's a little on the thin side of the spectrum.

I'm tall, six foot seven and weigh around a hundred and fifty five hundred and sixty pounds. Dude, I can't fuck it. Help you. You six, seven, one, I weighed one fifty five in high school and I swear to God, I look like I was going to get blown down the street. Jesus Christ, dude, even though I eat quite a bit and eat regularly, I even also have protein slash meal supplement drinks in between.

Dude, don't fucking drink those things. I don't know shit about them, but don't drink those things. That fucking powder thing that comes into that, that breaking bad fucking oil drum. Don't do that, dude. All those supplements and all that type of shit. Don't fucking do that. All right. Just accept who you are.

We all want to look up a little bit better. All right. Believe me, trust me on this one. You're going to fill out. All right. It happens whether you want it or not. So enjoy the fact that you can kind of eat whatever the fuck you want to, but I, my gut tells me to, I don't fuck around with shit like that, that creatin and that fucking muscle

milk stuff and all that shit. You turn it around the back. You can't even pronounce half the shit that's in it. There's no fucking way that that stuff's good for you. There's no way that that thing's, it's going to be better for you than sitting down eating a nice grass fed fucking steak there. Um, granted, I don't know shit about nutrition, but I'm also not a fucking moron. All right.

Anyways, he goes, my siblings are just as tall as I am and they are not thin like me. I'm also 23. Is it metabolism? Dude, I'm not a doctor. I don't know. Well, I passed this stage. I don't know. I am somewhat comfortable with myself and I have a smoking girlfriend of five years.

Don't go fuck yourself then, dude, come on, who loves me for who I am, but wouldn't mind a few pounds. Oh, wait a minute. Is she bringing it up? Should I binge on pasta? Thanks Bill. I bought the razors because of you. Well, I hope the razors work out for you.

Jesus Christ, do with your height, you probably need to order them twice. Um, no, dude, listen, listen, listen, listen. You got to be who the fuck you are. All right. What do you do to your girl? Like, Hey, you know, I'd like it if you lost a few, you can't, you know, I don't know if she just made one comment and forgot she even said it or she, she's literally giving you a body image, but I'll tell you, do one of the greatest things you can ever do in life

is accept yourself. All right. And I'm not saying like, Hey, you know, I'm doing something unhealthy to myself and I accept it. I don't mean that. I mean, like, except what the fuck you look like. And, uh, and, and just, you know, just be a good shit and everything falls into place. You don't need to go out there and drink muscle milk and eat fucking angel hair pasta.

You know, set your alarm and get up at three in the morning and go eat that shit. You're 23 years old. Yes, but you're supposed to be in good shape. All right. Okay. So you're a little fucking underway. Who gives a fuck? Dude, you know, you built like, you built like Snoop Dogg.

He seems to be doing fine. You know, um, I, I would, I would not try to gain any weight. I wouldn't try to lose any weight. I would just, just keep doing what you're doing. All right. You're a guy, you're six foot seven, you weigh about 160 pounds, you're 23 and you have a smoking hot girlfriend who loves you for who you are. And she made one fucking comment about putting a few more pounds on five this, let, let that,

let that go right by you. I won't even worry about that. All right. You're a good man. You look how you're supposed to look. All right. Put that fucking powdered nuclear waste away. I don't know what the fuck that shit does to your kidneys or your liver or whatever,

but, uh, you know, when the ingredients look like the last name of Russian hockey players, you know, or the fucking Swedes, I think the Swedes got the most difficult names. That's a good time to fucking, you know, the only time to eat shit like that is if you're orbiting the earth. Other than that, you know, go to a farmer's market like a goddamn human being. All right. Organizing porn, uh, Bill, on a recent podcast, you complained about the difficulty of searching porn on the road.

Did I, I thought I was talking about how I wanted to stop watching porn. I might have said that on a podcast in the past and you just listened to it. I don't fucking know. But recently I've been trying to cut down on it. I've been trying to watch it only on Sundays and that's not a slap to the face to whoever created all of this shit. It's just, you know, Sundays a day arrest. And I like to be totally relaxed if I can open up to you guys a little bit.

I'm sorry. All right. Anyway, she says, as I also have a job that requires me to travel a lot, I know all too well the frustration of unreliable internet connections and the sheer amount of time wasted on searching for the perfect porn video. So let me tell you about a little trick I recently discovered paying for porn. I know paying for porn feels counterintuitive, but it's worth it. Um, here's what you do.

Well, this thing, I don't pay for porn is because I don't want my credit card on the porn site. And then if they double swipe it, I don't want to have to call the credit card company saying that, you know, you jizz.com fucking double swiped my credit card and I'm really upset by it. Or no, even worse, they call me up, you know, you know, did you, uh, fucking, I don't know, you can't even come up with a good fucking, did you, uh, ass bag 9,000? Did you fucking rent that?

No. Did you rent fucking scat bag on the ass bag returns? Yeah. Yeah. I ordered that one. No, I'm kidding. I'm not, I'm not into scat everybody. The German kind or the, or like the shit that scat man crothers did.

I hate that. I tell you how much I hate scat singing. I'll tell you one of the worst scat singers of all the time would be fucking Frank Sinatra at the risk of pissing off all the Italian Americans. His scat singing at the end of strangers in the night. Do be do be do do do be die die. They died. I don't do.

He sounded like Joe Piscopo doing him before Joe even did it. Right. Anyways, let's go back to this shit. So let me tell you what I learned a little tricky thing, uh, paying for porn. I know paying for porn feels counterintuitive, but it's worth it. Here's what you do. Find a site that has the kind of content that you're looking for. Make sure that the site allows for downloading and isn't just streaming only.

This is key. Download all your favorite videos to an external hard drive. Ah, Jesus Christ, dude. And then what the FBI kicks open the fucking door and make sure you cancel your membership before your 30 days is up or else they'll charge you again. Once you've done all that, you'll have a drive full of high quality porn that you can keep forever and you don't even need an internet connection to watch it. Jesus Christ, this guy might have something figured out here between the external hard

drive. That's 50 to $100 and a one month subscription 25 to 30. You're looking at about 80 to $100 initial initial setup. Dude, that math doesn't work out. You're looking at 75 to $130. All right, you kind of fucking alligator on both ends of it, whatever. I suck at math. So no, actually, I don't suck at that kind of math.

I suck at the kind that, you know, once you have to learn how to build a bridge, you know, once there was shapes and there was these paragraphs, right, you had to memorize. I even did okay in algebra. If I wasn't such a jerk off, I could have fucking got the C minus not to go to summer school. But that's a whole other fucking thing. Oh, so I trashed the, uh, my teacher at a speech and pediment, so I used to make fun of him.

That was stupid. So when I kind of had a 69, he didn't give me the 70 and he fucked my summer. Anyways, where am I? You're looking at about $800 initial investment, but think of, think of all the time and frustration you'll save by not having to deal with surfing for porn on the road. It's changed the way I travel. Dude, you sound like you just bought the ultimate like neck pillow pillow. How would the fuck you say that word?

By the way, I fucking hate those things. You hate when you fucking walk around the airport and those fucking douchebags have those neck pillows already around the neck. I always just want to punch them right in the nose. It's because they already look like they have that neck brace on. How fucking lazy are you? He can't hold your head up when you're walking around. Sorry.

Um, anyways, Bill, thanks for the free hours of entertainment. They've got me through countless boring flights and cab rides. Well, dude, so now if I, if I download my favorite ones, well, the ones is when I find one that I really like, I always forget the name of it and then I can't find it. And then I try to search like these. I try to come up with words that describe what I watched and it never comes up like the search engine on these sites stinks. So maybe that's a reason to do it.

Uh, and also if I want people to pay for my fucking DVDs, shouldn't I be paying these porn stars? Aren't I being a hypocrite? God damn it. I think, I think I've convinced myself through you trying to convince me. People I think it's high time. How come Lars didn't, uh, Fowler didn't speak out about that? Well, I guess it wasn't happening to them.

Back in the day. Ah, Jesus. I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about here. Um, all right, overrated underrated for the week, everybody guys using the term slut to refer to his male friend. That's overrated as in what a, as in what up slut? Oh, Jesus, guys say that to each other. That sounds terrible.

He said a kid I hadn't talked to in a while, whom I was supposed to meet up with in New York city, drop this on me. And not only did I tell him I didn't want to hang out. I told him I wanted to connect my knuckles to his teeth in a way that would send them across times square. Uh, yeah, that's bad. What up slut? That doesn't sound, that, that sounds like something one white frat guy would say to

another white frat guy, you know, and then do some bastardized version of some gangster side, right? I got, I got a, I have an underrated for you, everybody watching reruns of TJ Hooker. TJ Hooker is arguably the worst acting ever on any show that ever happened. Or at the very least I would put it up there. All right. You had the March madness of worst TV shows. All right.

That anybody ever acted on TJ Hooker without a doubt would be a number one seed in one of the regions without, they would be like Duke. It's fucking horrific. First of all, what was the episode I saw him and the Armenian dude or whatever the fuck his name is, who's pretending to be Italian, uh, Romano, they get separated and they're on walkie talkies and somebody's shooting at TJ Hooker and Romano is going into these calling TJ Hooker and I don't know why he's not saying TJ. He just, he's just going hooker and then they'd show fucking TJ Hooker with his fucking

awful to pay where half the show, it doesn't even match his fucking sideburns. More gunplay, more gunplay and they cut back to Romano again and he goes hooker. And then fucking Captain Kirk, any chance he gets to fondle and get cheap feels on Heather Lockley, he does it. He rescued her at one time and he was literally like caressing her face just for like fucking the final like 90 seconds of the show was just, just rubbing the side of her face and he could tell she's like a young actress and she doesn't know how to say in between takes like, Hey, do you want to do me a favor and maybe just have your hand on my shoulder

just for a second? Yeah. Cause I just don't feel like your character and my character. That's how you talk your way out of somebody doing something weird in a scene and she doesn't know how to do it. Just imagine them running around in Larry Bird short shorts cause they do that also and Captain Kirk is sucking in his fucking stomach. Whatever.

Don't, don't, don't, don't listen to this here. Just sit down and watch it. If you can find it on your, on your cable. I'm telling you, unbelievably underrated by the way, by the way, my tickets came, my tickets came for fucking Texas A&M, uh, Alabama college station. Me, dude, I called it Paul Versey and two of my other buddies outside of the business are going to go to the game and we're taking some fucking, uh, I'm doing a couple of gigs. Oh, I just, right.

I'm doing El Paso part of the Billy Red state tour and then I'm doing, um, uh, San Antonio. I've never, I've never been to either one of those. Either one of those states, states, either one of those cities in that state. So I feel like at this point when I perform in those two, I've, I've, I've hit them all. Right. I've been to Dallas, Houston, Austin, San Antonio, El Paso, the fuck else is there? I went to a game at the cotton bowl. Right.

I'm going to go see Texas A&M. Who else I got to see? I got to see Texas Tech. I got to see the Longhorns at some point, but I went to the Red River game. So I saw them, I saw them play Oklahoma. I got to go to, I got to go fucking pig hunting down there. You want to go pig hunting? We'll fucking do it, buddy.

We got the biggest fucking pig, pig, pig, pig. I got it. It's big. We're in Texas. I get it. Um, yeah. Oh yeah. By the way, you know what, um, now that I'm done with my, my, my fucking, my glee shoot

there. Now I told you what it was. It's called black and white. Comes out next year. I'll show you with it because, uh, it's not going to come out until next year, but when it does. Oh, oh, golly G. I'm, I'm going to hopefully get the director, Mike Binder, who's, uh, one of my favorite comics when I was growing up, uh, hopefully I'll get them on the podcast

here. All right. Hang on a second. Let me go to my website here. What's your website, Bill? Oh, it's billbird.com. Thank you for asking. Thank you for being interested.

Isn't that sweet of you? All right. Here's some of my upcoming shows that I have, uh, cause I had to move around the red, uh, the Billy red state tour, um, oh, would you look at that? All right. Tuesday night. I'm co-headlining. I'm opening for Brian Regan.

That's already sold out at cobs comedy club. All ticket proceeds, uh, go to charity, um, which I don't know. I, I, I pitched it to him. I always wanted to work with them and I was like, come on, I'll, you know, I'll open for you. We'll get shit faced afterwards. And he goes, yeah, we'll get the money to charity. Oh fuck it.

Let's do it. So hopefully if this goes well, I'm going to start doing that with some other guys. I'd like to work with, you know, I'd like to do like, I'd like to work with other fucking headliners that I love and I never get to see because they're always out headlining. Right. I'd like to do that with a couple others and just do them and, you know, and then just do shows in the middle of fucking nowhere. Um, all right.

So here we go. September 4th. A rescheduled Billy red state, uh, extravaganza at the boulder theater, September 5th. I'm going to the Broncos game. Why not open a game of the NFL season, September 6th. I'm at the pike peak center, Colorado Springs, Colorado. That's also a, uh, red state rebooking. And then I got, uh, the spotlight 29 casino in Coachella, California on September 7th.

And I'll read the next week after that. I'm at the Abraham Chavez theater in El Paso, Texas. That's a red state one. And then cause I'm on my way over to fucking college station. Why not stop at the Lilla Cockrell theater in San Antonio, Texas. I hope I said that right. I never been there. I heard it's fucking great.

And, um, Paul Versey will be on both of those. Um, those Colorado dates in the spotlight casino will have Rose Bowl legend and cook. Um, Jason Lawhead, who's just growing by leaps and bounds. It's one of my favorite things that I'm watching in the business right now. The fucking guy is hilarious. Uh, try and come out to those shows. Um, that is it. And that's the podcast for this week.

I was supposed to mention at the top of the podcast, cause I know I have some new listeners. Uh, if you like my shit and you'd like to see, uh, my new standup special that came out last year. Uh, or did it come out this year? Last year came out, uh, you people are all the same. You can download it for five bucks or you can get your very own hard copy, uh, DVD version for 20 bucks, delivered right to your fucking house, whatever the hell you live, whatever country I don't give a shit. All right.

You can do that billbird.com. Click on the, uh, what is it? The merchandise button. So what it is. March, click on March. That's it. All right. That's the podcast for this week.

Have a great week. Don't put that pottery shit in your goddamn drink. All right. Don't do it. Okay. Go fuck yourself. So talk to you next week. Yeah.

In the berging in the keuken, Zals in the living, ze liggen echt overal die lege batterijen. Maar nu gaan we tot de finish. Brengt ze dus snel naar een beehbad in samen op punt. Je vindt er altijd eentje in je buurt op beehbad.be. Beehbad. Samen recycleren beter voor de natuur en voor ons allemaal.

Kampagne in samenwerking met de oven.