Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 8-26-19

Episode Date: August 26, 2019

Bill rambles about celebrating, Sonny Liston/Cleveland Williams, and dentitions.

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Byrd. It's time for the Monday Morning Podcast for Monday, August 25th, 2019. What's going on? How are you doing? Oh, I got a bunch of shit to do tomorrow. So I'm recording Sunday night. People are slil. They're starting to go to sleep. My lovely daughter's gone to bed. My lovely wife is upstairs, you know, fucking watching the TV or whatever, loving life, that I'm not there ruining her shows, ruining, ruining her shows. So anyways, let me knock this thing out here. All right, I got a lot to talk about. So I don't want any interruptions. You just fucking sit there and listen. I'm sick of you, goddamn people. You understand me? Anybody

under the age of like 33, I've had enough of you. I've had enough of your fucking selfies and the camera just being on you and not having the decency to whore yourself out and get into show business like me. And all you fucking youngsters out, oh, I decide that I'm going to have a TV show. Who the fuck do you think you are? All right, I got in this business. You had a sucker dick to get something. And that's what me too is all about. Setting the masses free to create their own mediocre content. You can create mediocre content without sucking a dick. Thank you very much. That's what we've learned here. Okay. The artistic process can continue. The self congratulatory fucking thing. All right. This is what I'm

hoping for. Okay, after watching that Florida fucking Miami football game, if that's what the fuck you want to call that horseshit defense on both sides of the fucking ball, I had to shut it off. I shut it off and then I watched I had to take a break from the game. I'm gonna stand up comic and I was disgusted with the level of defense in that fucking game. The horseshit tackling on both sides of the ball, both sides of the field, both teams. Jesus Christ. This is what happens when the coach can't slap you anymore. I don't know what it is, but like this whole fucking, I'm just, I'm just waiting for somebody to rebel against these self congratulations that just everybody is fucking doing now. Whether you're flipping

over a fucking water bottle. I know that's an old reference, but I'm an old guy, so I'm entitled. Okay. Flipping a water bottle over, or you just fucking sealed the corner and forced to run back to the inside for a one yard game. This is just celebrating and posing and nodding and fucking, you know, the whole hulk of mania. He only did it once a fight. He billed you. He earned the fucking moment when he finally ripped his fucking shirt off. I'm just wondering the same way, like in music, every, every couple of years, it's like somebody strips it down and brings it back, man, you know, which is just at that, at this point, even that is just like played out, but like the first time the fucking Ramones, the Ramones

and all of them came out and they just rebelled against the giant arena rock behemoth that rock had become with all the fucking pyrotechnics and all of that fucking horseshit. Then they fucking stripped it down. Is there going to be a group of young people that just bring back getting a first down, flipping the ball to the ref and going back to the huddle or making a fucking, the, if you've taped the game, just go back and watch and, and remember the numbers of the players because you watch them act like they just ended the game and single handedly won it for their fucking team. And two plays later, they're out of position. They get run over or they get beat. I saw a fucking guy, right? It was like a fade route

to the sideline. It's a nice pass. The receiver beat the cornerback. It cornerback. It just ended up being out of bounds, slightly out of bounds and the guy caught the ball. All right. So the corner got lucky. What does he do? Cause it's out of bounds. He starts yelling in that guy's face like he just fucking stuck him or knocked the ball down and say, buddy, you just got, you got beat the fuck are you yapping about? Right? Yep. Yep. Yep. Yeah. Two fucking plays later, Florida fucking runs the goddamn ball for like 40 yard touchdown, 30 yard touchdown, just runs through the defense. And one of those guys was the guy fucking yapping two plays before. Now where did, where did he go? Are we just be fucking disappears?

Dude, that game was so fucking ugly. It needed Vince Lombardi to come back from the grave to be walking up and down the sideline going, what the hell's going on out there? Grab, grab, grab. Nobody tackling. All right. And it wasn't just the defensive players, not just coming down on them. It was everybody, even the fucking field goal kicker, fucking Miami's down, right? They're going to go for a field goal. I don't even have to fucking score us. I don't even give a shit. I'm so disgusted with everybody acting every other play like they just ended the fucking game and then getting smoked two plays fucking later. All right. So the fucking field goal kicker lines up a kick, right? Right. Ever. He's back there. They're going to kick a field goal. Take three

points. Go John Madden with it. Take the points, right? They called the fucking LSU fake little flip and he fucking runs for a first down. And now he's jumping around like he's fucking bow Jackson nodding his head fucking all of this fucking bullshit. And what does this fucking poor bastard do? They end up getting stopped. The end of that drive, right? They were down like the fucking 19, 20 yard line with that first down. They drive another whatever and then they dig date. It's fourth down. Now they got to kick a field goal. It's a fucking chip shot. Looks like an eight yarder. If that's even possible, fucking 15 yard. What is this guy who is just fucking, you know, jumping all around about what the fuck he just did. He fucking missed it.

He missed it. See, if I was the coach of either one of these fucking teams, this is what I would show the fucking play they made with the dancing and singing and all of the fucking horseshit, right? And standing up on the bench and fucking wearing the fat boys chain. You know, I love when you get the turnover chain when the other team fucks up too. It's like you didn't even cause the turnover. They just had a bad fucking exchange. And you fucking stand in there like you just want to Grammy for playing football, right? I would show them celebrating and then the next play where they got smoked and then be like, there was there was fucking two minutes left in the first quarter. You're right. You're already at the after party and we got our asses

and lost the first game of the season. Now it sounds like I'm just coming down to Miami. I'm not. Okay. Florida was doing the same fucking thing and then their quarterback. He fucking goes down. They're losing. Okay. They're ranked number eight. Miami's not even ranked. So they ought to be ashamed of themselves that they're in a game this fucking close if you're going to believe the rankings, but who can in the beginning of the fucking season, right? So they go down the fucking field. Okay. Now that they're down after they let up a 50 yard run, the one that I had to shut the fucking game off of just running through like fucking, you know, I don't know what it was like fucking daffodil arms, just right down the fucking field was a joke.

Melted butter defense. I think that that that was, that was what they had in for that fucking play. So now that they have to come back against a team that's not even fucking ranked. So what do they do? They pull, they call the Verzi call. Verzi loves it up top, first down, keep them honest, right? They go up top, they connect, great pass, great catch, gets them down, gets them down into the red zone. Couple plays later. The quarterback calls his own number, fucking runs in, gets a touchdown, and then he jumps up and does the fucking run DMC pose like he just ended the fucking game. All right, I think I can't remember what happened. I was so fucking beside myself watching. Somehow Miami turns over the ball on downs. They get sacked.

Okay. The young quarterback, well, I thought, you know, markedly improved throughout the fucking game for his first game. He was taking a lot of sacks in the first half. And we should have got rid of the ball. And then he wasn't making that same mistake in the second half, you could tell. But on that last play, he's trying to make something happen. He's hanging on the ball, desperate times. He takes a fucking sack, 450 left. And I see one of those Florida players celebrating after he tackles it. And I'm thinking, you know, this is the first time I can justifiably see celebrating because you essentially just ended the fucking game. Not really, there's five minutes left, but I can see that you're starting to get excited.

So he fucking celebrates. All right, Florida gets the fucking ball, takes over on downs. The guy who just did the run DMC pose, what does he do? For some reason, they tell him to go to the air. I don't know why he goes to the air and immediately throws a fucking pick, puts Miami right back into the game, right back into the fucking game. And it just blew my mind. I'm not singling anybody out. I'm just the plays that I remember here. I'm sure they're all wonderful with great parents and all. I'm just saying the amount of fucking celebrating and just fucking chewing up the scenery that was going on with both of those fucking teams, when that game wasn't in the bag with until like probably to my record is shut off. I know the final score was

like 24, 20 wasn't it? I don't know what it was, but Jesus fucking Christ. I know the kids play with passion. I know back in the day, it was more of like a fucking sharecropper fucking league. You know, there was all these old grumpy white guys telling everybody that they can't have any fun and you had to wear fedora and be a fucking asshole. I know there has to be a happy medium between that and this fucking ridiculousness. It was like that team sitcom fame met a football game. Players running up to the audience, you know, trying to get them going like it's a college football crowd that they're going. They spent dad and mom's money on booze. They're ready to go. They understand it's a big game of the I just didn't, I don't know. I don't know. That's it.

We're going to have these new sections on my podcast called grumpy old man. And that was it right there. That was my grumpy old man. I was so excited for the first game of the year. And every time I think it's going to come back a little bit, I think it's going to come back. It just keeps going further into that fucking direction, which is why I think my favorite athlete right now, even though I don't know how to say his first name is that dude Leonard on Toronto. And I was also a big fan of Marshawn Lynch where he would just, well, maybe he said like I deserved to celebrate. I just liked his post game interviews. I'm just about that work, boss. Leonard won't even high five as other teammates before a fucking playoff game.

I mean, doesn't that at this point, doesn't that seem more like Jesus? Like that's, that's the fucking guy. This guy's going out here with a fucking look on his face like Sonny Liston. Anyway, speaking of Sonny Liston, I just read that book, somebody from the movie I just did, one of the sound people. I never got his fucking name. He bought a great book for my daughter and then bought me that book. So if he's listening, thank you very much. I read the Devil and Sonny Liston. I read and I learned all of this stuff. And most importantly, I learned I'm going to post a clip of this guy. I learned about a fighter who arguably should have been champion at one point or the very least should have been given a shot at the title. This guy,

Cleveland Williams. I'm hoping I'm saying his fucking name right. And this fucking guy, do you remember that fucking, the first time you saw Mike Tyson, if he was old as me. Okay. The first time you saw his speed where he threw the left hook to the body and followed up with another left to the head. And you just never saw that ever even remotely in the heavyweight division. And when he did that, it was like, what the fuck? And I didn't think anybody had that sort of speed before that. Now I'm not saying this guy had Tyson speed, but for the 1950s, for what the fuck people worked out with with this guy, I guess never lifted weights. He just threw bales of hay for him to have this level of speed and power. Floyd Patterson ducked him. And then he wouldn't

give him a fight in the fifties. And then Sonny Liston came along and then he wouldn't fight Sonny because Sonny had all this underworld, you know, trash on him, you know what I mean? So he was, I don't know, Customato actually speaking of Tyson, I guess trained Floyd Patterson. So I had no idea about any of this stuff. So Cleveland Williams then instead of fighting Floyd, it looks like he would have been because Floyd was only like 190 pounds, 189, 90 pounds. And he was like, I don't know, two 15, sort of the same size. Well, he was when he fought Liston, he looked like the same size guy. Roughly, he looked a little bit smaller. So he ends up having to fight Sonny Liston twice, bloody, gave Sonny Liston a bloody nose, fought him really well, lost both times back to back

to Sonny Liston. Sonny ends up fighting Floyd, beat some twice, a young, caches clay, runs into the ring from his fifth row seat, says, you know, Sonny isn't great, I can knock him out in eight, or I can beat him in eight, literally got grabbed and taken out of the ring, but totally stole the spotlight. And he just became the next fucking guy. And then Sonny fights, you know, cash is clay, then Muhammad Ali, when he changed the fucking name, boom, boom, boom, the whole fucking time, Cleveland Williams is just getting older and older and older, never getting a fucking shot. I mean, I guess you could say no, because he would have fought Floyd before Sonny came along. And I think he would have beaten Floyd. And then when Sonny came along, when he,

even if he beat Cleveland, he still, I think he would have been the champ then, if you will, look at this guy's fucking highlights, he was amazing. So meanwhile, while all of this shit's going on, well, then it's, it's the, uh, Liston Patterson, one and two, and then Liston Clay, Ali, one and two, um, Cleveland Williams is just getting older. And at one point during that time, he gets pulled over by a cop in Houston, is charged with resisting arrest. And during that time when he was allegedly resisting arrest, the cop took out a 357 Magnum shot him in the gut. Okay. One of the worst places to get shot if you're going to live, because you have, you know, according to people in medical field, they've told me, because you're intestines and that

shit leaks out, ridiculous infections and all of this stuff, a lot of troubles with that. So he gets shot and fucking, he loses 10 feet of his intestines, eventually a kidney and the bullet is lodged in his left or right hook hip for the rest of his life, affecting his mobility. And he loses 17 months of his fucking career. And this dude goes back to throwing bales of hay to get back in shape. And then he ends up finally getting a title shot in 1966. He fought something Liston in the late fifties, finally, like eight, nine fucking years later, he finally gets a title shot. He fights Muhammad Ali at the height of his powers in 1966. After getting shot, you know, fight and Liston twice and being eight, nine years old, older,

he loses, he just gets schooled. A lot of people say arguably it was Ali's greatest performance as a fight, as a fighter. And then he fights for like another five years, Cleveland Williams does until the early seventies, and then gets a job driving like a forklift or something like that. And then in the late nineties, he was crossing the street in Houston and gets hit and killed by a hit and run driver. And that was his life. And just reading all of that and looking at the highlights of the guy, because I watched, you know, these fights are on YouTube. Like I watched Liston, Patterson, one and two. I watched the first Ali, Cassius Clay, Liston fight. And I watched the first Cleveland Williams

versus Sonny Liston fight. You can see all it is fucking amazing. And I don't know, just looking at that guy and how good he was. And it's just like, I look at sometimes in this, in, in my business, where these people, they're so fucking funny and so talented, they just suck at the business. I almost feel like in boxing, this is the same thing where there's just like this thing where, I don't know, with that, if you got with the wrong management, nobody protected you and shit, it was so fucking filthy. But this book I read was saying that was trying to claim that Sonny threw both those fights against Ali and that he allegedly had a piece of Cassius Clay before he became Ali. And it didn't really mean shit because people weren't making that much money. And then

Ali was starting to become a superstar, converts to muscle being a Muslim and then doesn't go into the war, profuses to serve in Vietnam. They strip him of his title. Nobody gives a shit. Nobody gives a shit. And then all of a sudden he comes back, he gets reinstated. And like when Liston fought, you know, he'd make like a hundred grand for a title fight or less. And then all of a sudden Ali comes back like six, seven years later, and he was going to make five million bucks. And Liston had a piece of that. So people try to claim like that's because it's always like, did Sonny overdose or was he killed? And that one of the theories in the books presents that it's a really fucking good book is what I'm trying to say. But check out this guy, Cleveland Williams.

Look at watch Liston, Cleveland Williams, the first fight, watch the second one, which I haven't watched yet. And I'll post his highlight reel. Pretty amazing. But I'm just looking at that guy's fucking life. It's just like that fucking guy, he actually forgave the cop. The cop said no hard feelings. And he came to the title fight. The guy was shot him and shit. Like he just was a good guy. Just makes no sense why bad things happen to good people like that. It's brought up some other shit, you know, all these fucking friends that I've lost to were fucking good people. It just doesn't make any fucking sense. It's why I don't go to church, everybody. Oh, this fucking is this podcast, it's all over the map. It's all over the map. What the

fuck am I even talking about? I meant to set my alarm so I could watch that fucking MotoGP race that was on it, the British Grand Prix, like 330 in the morning, but I got a kid. So that didn't happen. I don't know who won, but I heard David Cio so crashed and turned one, which really is upsetting because there's nothing better when he's in the race going up against Marc Marquez. So because I missed the race, and I was jonesing to watch a MotoGP race, I went back and watched one of the ones that I missed earlier this year. And I got to tell you guys, you got to sign up the MotoGP website, sign up, and they got all the races and just watch them. Watch the Italian one, that Danilo, Danilo Hawaii says in the Petrucci, the other, what's his face, Andre David Cio's

teammate for Ducati. He wins his first fucking race. It's just the sickest thing. There's nothing better than, it's almost like in Formula One, when Lewis Hamilton isn't in first place, it's like the greatest fucking race ever, because he has the skill, the money, and the fucking car to actually work his way through the field. So you'll see some decent passing and racing or whatever. Excuse me. And if Marc Marquez falls behind a little bit in the beginning, it's fucking unbelievable because he will literally ride through a guy in front of him. He's kind of a cunt, but not really because he's got the boyish good look. So I think he gets away with it. But I saw him last year, like fucking just basically run over Valentino Rossi. Oh, was it earlier this year?

I can't even remember. I mean, jumping around with races, but watch that one from Italy. It's fucking incredible. I watched a ton of shit this weekend because I had a Veracost vein removed in my left leg. I had this gnarly when I was starting to bother me and I'm flying all the time. I was just freaking me out. So I had the fucking thing removed. So I've been laid up for the last couple days. I watched this amazing documentary on Karim Abdul-Jabbar that Dave Kushner, who does all the music for Effaces for Family, recommended. And it was fucking amazing. Check that out if you get a chance. And then I watched some of the new Beverly Hills 90210 with my lovely wife. And I really enjoyed that the way that they're doing it is really clever the way they set the

whole thing up. I don't want to ruin it for you. So I was like, oh, that's how they're doing this series. That's such a fucking cool way. Whoever came up with the idea. It's really cool. Watched a little bit of that. I watched this thing on Buster Keaton on Turner Movie Classics. And then I watched they were having this whole Fred Astaire ginger Roger thing. And I started to watch the gay divorcee. I had to record it. I'm like, that's the funniest title for a fucking movie ever. So yeah, that's it. That's basically what I did. I did this weekend. Oh, and I also learned how to say the whatever the team owner or leader, the manager of Ducati. It's Giovanni Giovanni da Vigno. I was trying to I wasn't trying to find

his name. I was trying to find the name of the other guy with the white hair, the short white hair. When they fucking win a race, nobody goes nuts like that guy. It's fucking great. It's fucking great. I love seeing him going crazy. All right, let's let's read a little bit of advertising here. Shall we? All right, I just did 20 minutes of a podcast. Did I start celebrating like the other 40 minutes are gonna be funny? All right, feels man. Do you experience stress or have anxiety or chronic pain or have trouble sleeping at least once a week? You're not alone. Try feels man. What is feels? Oh, I also watched a whole documentary on Netflix about about Woodstock, the 50th anniversary of Woodstock. It's fucking amazing. I

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I kind of have an exciting podcast here because I have the usual questions, which I'll get into now. Now, I usually do it around the 40 minute mark. I try to anyways. But I had a bunch of teachers right and remember when there was that whole thing, the teachers would were having their fucking little order me some supplies, you know, whatever the fuck that little drive was. And I've just gotten burned so many times with these charity things. And you find out that some assholes keeping 90% of the money that I wanted teachers to write me directly. And then I opened my big mouse that I'd buy everything on their fucking list and deliver to him personally. Well, guess what some goddamn

teachers wrote in and now I'm gonna have to put my money and my fucking car where my mouth is. So that's going to be the end of this podcast, but this is a very exciting thing too. It says advice jingle. Hey, Bill, I made this jingle for your advice section of the podcast. It's a gesture of appreciation. So I don't expect anything in return. If you want to use it, I'd be honored, but no worries if you don't. If you want to use it, let me know if you need a different format like WAV, WAV as opposed to an MP3. I don't know what anything those things are. Huge fan. Love everything you do and all that other shit you hate hearing. All right. Well, let's let's listen to the jingle. I think this is a keeper. Listen. I mean, I think that works.

I kind of fucking love that. It's time for advice with your host Billy Burr and I'm ripping up this melody from somebody else. It's got a nice little ring to it. I'm going to start playing it. All right. And when you hear that, I can't fucking sing. You're going to know that you shouldn't listen to my advice. All right. Prison guard survey follow up. Yo, Billy Gazette. Oh, there's going to be more shit about this fucking guy. Everybody's saying didn't kill himself. My uncle is the head of a prison. It was his birthday, his weekend, this weekend. So he went over to his house for a barbecue. I was hoping it wouldn't be, you know, I was just picturing two prisoners escaping, you know, when they get to the nearest farmhouse or whatever, there's always

clothes on the line and they start stealing the clothes and they look over and it's that guy's house. He's in the middle of a barbecue with all his prison guard friends. Sorry. Anyways, I was hoping it wouldn't just be a family party. This is the barbecue because I wanted to ask him prison guard and prison related friends what they thought of the Epstein thing. I asked them all what they thought and if any of them knew anything about that prison, the results were astounding. That is, if you're a sucker. Okay. I don't know what this is. Is this shitting on me or shitting on? I don't know who. All right, let's see what we got here. This is already, I'm getting interested here. I asked seven men who had all worked their whole adult lives in the prison system what they

thought. When I asked, do you think, Jesus Christ people, can you proofread these things? Do you think was murdered or had help killing himself? Do you think he was murder or he had help killing himself? Two of them said no response and two gave a confident yes. The rest just made it sound like there could have been some fuckery, but they were basically saying it would have been hard for him to do it himself. None of them said no. None of them said, yeah, it's possible. One guy said, and I quote, I bet my dog on it. Dude, you're being very, that he had help or was murdered. The same guy brought his dog and never stopped talking about his dog the whole time. Another guy who said no response. That's some hard fact reporting, Bill. I hope you're grateful. Thanks.

Go fuck yourself. Dude, I just hate that you're as dumb as me and you left out so much and it was, yeah, so I want to hear more people talk to prison guards. What do you think? And proofread your fucking emails because that should have been like some sort of like, you know, smoking gun there. And it looked like a fucking book report I read in fourth grade or wrote in fourth grade, I should say. All right, girlfriends, crooked tooth. All right. Oh my God. Listen, okay, this one, this is an advice one. So you know what that means? Come on, play it. It never gets old. That's me from somebody else. Go fuck yourself. All right. I love it. Yeah, I like this little showbiz. Feel like I'm doing an actual show here.

Girlfriends, crooked tooth. All right, here's one for you. Would you rather have your girlfriend have a crooked tooth or crooked titties? Everyone's going to see the crooked tooth, but hopefully only you know about her titties. That's a tough one. Ladies, what would you like? A guy with a crooked tooth or a boyfriend with a crooked tooth or a crooked cock? You know, is there an Invisalign for your dick? That's what they should do. You know, I don't mean one that just sort of hangs to one side or the other. You know what I mean? Like a fucking dog trying to get some sun on a porch. I'm not talking about that. Your ballbag being the porch, of course, I'm talking about like one that looks like it's peeking around the corner

like it owes somebody money. I mean, there's got to be Invisalign for your dick. Anyways, I'm a 23 year old dude, which just started listening to your podcast. I've been with my 21 year old girlfriend for almost three years and we love each other very much. Why would think so? My lady is sweet. It sounds like a song. My lady is sweet, smart, creative, pretty, and has a banging ass body. I just have one problem with their appearance. Her front tooth is a little fucked up. What are you talking about? She got a banging body with a crooked tooth? That's fucking, I think that's hot. She's not a play pool. I'd fucking marry her. It's a big crooked, overlaps her other front tooth is slightly bigger and seems to have more plaque than the other.

All right, draw the line and plaque. Jesus Christ, go get her a water pick. She wasn't born with it as casually mentioned, mentioned having the legit surgery to fix it, but has never said she plans to. I know I'm being a dick about waiting, wanting it to be, you're not, you're not being a dick. You're not. Okay. And you're going to help her out in life. She shouldn't have a big fucking refrigerator door next to a couple of smaller chicklets with plaque on it. That's going to affect you. Nobody fucking wants to see what you ate for the last three years when you smile. And with Invisalign now, you got all these other people. That's the PED of bad genetics, right? All these people walking around like they got fucking little piano fucking straight

teeth there and they don't. I actually use them too. My teeth are pretty straight, but I have them down the bottom. So I'm full of shit too. Although my teeth did come in pretty straight. I never had braces. I never went down. I never went down. Anyways, he says it's annoying to hear her talk about how she has really good teeth in complete seriousness. Wait a second. I thought she said she was going to get fixed. I know I'm being a dick about her wanting, wait, she mentioned having legit surgery to fix it, but has never said she plans to. Anyways, it's also annoying to hear her talk about how she has really good teeth in complete seriousness while I just stare at the tooth. How should I approach wanting her to have the surgery? Tell her I think she should have it,

wait it out and tell her when we're more financially stable or just don't say anything to her about it. What's your advice? Oh, that's one I should have played it. What did you say? What is your advice? That's me. Leave, I'm somebody else go fuck yourself. I love that. I got to get a little soundboard. You know what? I always remember, Opien Anthony had that. I always, I should get one of those fucking things. Oh shit, what is this? That's Jeff Beck. That's Jeff Beck group. Huh? That's cozy Powell on the fucking drums. What the fuck's going on? I can't shut it off. Where is everything? There we go. The space bar. When in doubt, you hit the space bar. All right.

Max Middleton, who else was in that group? Bobby, not Tucker, but I was forgetting his fucking name. And then you had that Clive Shaman. Is that what it was on bass? Anyways, because of that band, I ended up finding this other band called Hummingbird that had Bernard Purdy on it. They had like three albums, two of them that Bernard Purdy. Those are the good ones. Those are the ones you want. But trying to find them is difficult. All right. Anyways, what should this guy fucking do? Thank you for loving the art of comedy and being great at it. Oh, thank you. Go fuck yourself and thanks again. All right. What would I do? Listen, if she just had a fucking crooked tooth,

that's one thing. Okay, but she got fucking plaque on it and shit. Yeah, you got to get that fixed. You're helping her out, you know? And the way you're describing it, it just, it seems like, you know, those fucking, you know, where you go into like a 7-11, you know, and you got those sliding doors to open it up to get some ice cream or something like that. It seems like the tooth it's kind of done that. Like bowling pins. Is that what it looks like? We just got the number one pin sticking out there. How would you do it? The next time Invisalign comes on, I would just say about yourself. This is what you do. The way to beat a female at this fucking game is you have to go female on them, which a guy, you're like, how do I say it? What do I do? Because

guys just say it. Hey, sweetheart, I love you, but your fucking refrigerator door with the fucking, it looks like a great day that rolled around and mud slammed into it. Yeah, we got to get that fixed because it's really, I don't know, it's bugging me. Everything else about you is great, but that breakdown main street, I can't stop looking at it. Okay. You need to go female. A woman would never do that. Okay. If she knew you, it was going to be a sensitive thing until you get her a ring, then she'll just fucking gloves her off at that point. But what you need to do is you need to finesse your way into this. So what you got to do is you got to make it about yourself. So the next time Invisalign comes on, you got to be like, Hey, you know what? I'm thinking about

doing that. I want to do that. I want to have like perfectly fucking straight teeth. Yeah, you want to do it? Let's do it together. Let's, you know, maybe you can do that. It's like when you're dating somebody and they're putting on weights. Hey, we should start taking walks. I would do that. I don't know what to do here because I don't say, or get her a water pick, but you got to do one or the other. He can't bring up Invisalign and then show up with the water pick because she's going to figure it out. Or maybe you do both. And then finally she just says, Are you bothered by this thing? And you just hang your head and be like, Oh God, I didn't want to hurt your feelings. But like, I just think you're so beautiful. And you know, as we get older, it's important to take

care of ourselves. And I just, you know, I just noticed that, you know, it's getting browner. You can't say that. I don't know. How do you do? I got to get me in here for this. I don't know how to tell it to her. I would try the Invisalign trip or you could just go straight up on us. She goes, I have great teeth. Be like, you know what? No, you have a great body and you have a great everything else, but your fucking teeth are, you know what I mean? It's like, you know, like when a team is one player away, you know, yeah, there's just one piece of the puzzle missing. Yeah. Like for you to be the golden state warriors, you need to fix your fucking teeth. Or you just wait for her to bite into an apple. And when you see the bite marks, you just point

at it. Is there a badger in the house? I hope that helped out. All right. I like OJ on Twitter. The next one says, Hey, Bill, I'm going to be straight with you. I like listening to OJ talk. I know he probably committed an unforgivable and unforgivably horrible, horrible act. But I really like his demeanor on Twitter. Besides, if you can still clap for a president who has ordered thousands of deaths, any of the last six and certainly more than half of all the presidents, thousands of deaths to an easy buddy. Let's, let's go. You're hundreds of thousands. Well, I guess if you're going to include all six, oh, slick Willy wasn't involved in a war, but he definitely bombed the country to get a blowjob

charge off, you know, change the focus of the news. Anyways, it seemed. Anyways, then can I at least clap? Can I at least follow him on Twitter? I'm, it's, I'm not even clapping. I'm just watching. Every time he says, Hello, Twitter world, I get a warm feeling. I don't feel bad. And I want to know if you think I should. Thanks and go fuck yourself. No, I mean, I don't think you're condoning what the fucking guy did. I don't know. You know, I don't give this shit. It's your fucking world, man. Go on the internet and do whatever the fuck you want. You follow the guy who gives a shit, gives a shit. I mean, I watched the first 48. That show is for entertainment and that's people like dealing with the fact that a loved one was

murdered. We know people still watch that. People don't want, I'm trying to watch to see the person get caught at the fuckup. It's not the only reason why you're watching. So yeah, continue to follow the guy. Who's the first podcast that's going to get him as a guest? All right, fatherly advice for a lady. All right. What do you want? You want fatherly advice for a, for a, for a lady, right? Okay, well, yeah. One more time. Well, fuck yourself. All right. All right. Oh my God. I know I got to get more sound effects. I'm starting to like these sound effects becoming a prop act here. All right, looking for some advice regarding my estranged

father. All right. The last time I saw or heard from him was nearly 30 years ago when my parents divorced. Oh my God. First of all, I'm so sorry he did that to you. How do you walk away from a kid like that? Oh, he was a scary, abusive alcoholic with poor boundaries and very manipulative. Well, maybe it's good that he did take off in spite of the odds. My old decision I have grown up to be strong, successful and loving people. Yeah, that would be your mom. We are both in our mid 30s. Well, good for you guys. We recently found out through a cousin that my father is interested in seeing us before he dies. He's not sick, but he's nearly 70 and just wants to make sure we are okay. At 35. Are you okay? You need an Invisalign? He also mentioned an inheritance, which may

not be true. He's known. He's known. He's a known pathological liar. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I think your inheritance is an Anhyzer Bush at this point. Google Street View of his home shows two shiny red Camaro's in the driveway. Wow. Presumably one for me and one for my sister. Ooh, I don't know about that. My sister and maybe it is. I don't know. When was the picture taken? Maybe he's dealing drugs and he didn't pay two guys who drive red Camaro. You don't know what, you don't know what you're walking into. Look at you acting like you're in the CIA. My sister has a family and is understandably protective of them and has little interest in having contact with them. But I am a single woman

with no children and a string of failed relationships partially due to the fact that I've chose partners that are not the best for me like my father. And I've had a hard time receiving love and being and believing a man will stick around when the going gets tough. Oh man, that's the fucking worst thing ever to do to a daughter. My question is, should I agree to meet with my father after all these years? I'm hoping that rewriting my relationship with him will turn will in turn help me choose better partners in the future. To be clear, my motivation is not about inheritance or or car, but a chance at healing that part of myself. There is an equal chance that it could be a disaster and I'm still

afraid of him and worry I am setting myself up for future pain. Yeah, that would definitely be an issue. Is he reaching out all of a sudden because it's the end of his life and he's run out of money and he needs something from you also choosing to meet with them may upset my sister who I have a good relationship with and I don't want him to come between us. Thanks for the advice and go fuck yourself. Well, this is something you need to do. Then your sister should understand that. And if you're afraid of this guy, I would meet him in a public place with somebody else. I mean, that gets when you say you're afraid of this guy. I don't know. Is this guy got a gun? If he said if he's a gun guy, I wouldn't meet this guy at all.

Yeah, this is a tough one. I would ask somebody in law enforcement the proper way to go about meeting this guy if you're going to meet him. And then I would also go out and I'd get a therapist because sitting down at a Starbucks with your estranged father, you know, to try and fix 30 years of your life, it's not going to happen, you know, it's going to take a lot more than that. And I don't know if I can just put my opinion in here, the fact that he's an addict, a lot of addicts are horrifically selfish fucking people. And he might be doing this more for him than for you because it's the end of his life and he feels guilty. And I wants to show up and buy you a couple of shiny fucking things so he can feel good when he dies. It could be that. So I think

yeah, I think you're going to have to like as far as like fixing this shit, you're going to have to go to therapy is what that is. But the great thing is, is that you're a woman and there's no shame in crying, which is really a healing thing to do, which took me forever to learn. So you're going to have to go down that road, I believe. But as far as like meeting this guy, I would definitely I would try to check with somebody who's in law enforcement, if you know a buddy who's a cop or something like that, and ask them, you know, in fact, if you got a friend that's a cop, I would check this fucking guy out to see what the hell he's been up to arrest record and all of this shit. You know, I don't know, because I don't want to tell you to go meet this

guy and have God forbid have something fucking happened. So that is my advice, go to therapy and talk to a cop before you meet this fucking lunatic. All right. That's it. Good luck to you. And I hope you meet the guy you're supposed to be with all right, overrated slash underrated, underrated jury duty. I had jury duty today. I really enjoyed it. It's interesting to me. I love fucking jury duty. I love jury duty. I haven't said that I haven't been to it forever. I know I'm overdue. I went to it last night. I shouldn't say this on the podcast. You know, you just don't want to get stuck in a fucking OJ trial where it's going to be like a fucking a year of your goddamn life. You know what I mean? In the end, you just let the guy go anyways. Underrated. I wanted to say

that learning to break down a whole chicken is a massively underrated skill. Yes, it is. It's not very hard to learn. No, it isn't. There's YouTube videos on it. Buying a whole bird is usually cheaper per pound than the individual parts. And it really comes in handy every, every Thanksgiving. The biggest fucking thing you have to have is you have to have a sharp fucking knife because when you cut off the breast, breast is on top. When you go to make your slices, when you slice through the breast meat, you want to make sure that first of all, they're thick so they don't cool off by the time you bring it to the table. And then also you want that little piece of skin on top. And then you fucking the way you plate it is you have your fucking

two rows of breast meat, okay, laying there like a fucking deck of cards at the beginning of fucking Texas hold them. And then I put my dark meat on the outside. I go thigh, a thigh, drumstick, a drumstick, and then I stick the wings on the other side. No, I think I put the thighs in the middle of the plate on either side. It's always a showstopper. Okay, I agree with every part of that. He said, I learned by watching Jacques Pepin make a chicken gallantine on YouTube, and then trying to copy what he did. I highly recommend it. I highly recommend you sharpen your knives and give it a shot if you haven't already. I already did. It's one of my favorite things to fucking do. You know, it's a hard thing, you know, is you think where

to cut the leg from the thigh, you think it's way further down. It's actually closer than you think to the knee bone there. And then I have to rewatch it because I have a problem with like when I get the wings off, I tend to just cut the wing in half and miss the rest of that shit. But I got it pretty much down. I love it. All right. Okay, here we go. Now we're into the teacher portion of this. This this is the part of the podcast that's going to cost me time and money. But I'm going to make this happen. All right, from a public high school, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, where the fuck am I? Teacher in LA, in LA and son of a banker, you fucking son of a banker. All right, a Billy Beantown Bunker,

Buckner, Billy Beantown Buckner. I'm a history teacher in LA and a big fan of you stand up in the podcast. You mentioned your desire to donate supplies to underrated underfunded teachers directly who actually need the help instead of one of these quote, ed education funds. I'm lucky enough to teach at a school where the basic supplies are easily met. But my professor from the teaching education program I attended works directly with the most underprivileged communities in Los Angeles. These are the schools and communities that never make the news. And the smallest donation goes farther there than anywhere else. All right, these are the people I want to help. All right, I would be more than happy to put you in touch. This man's passion is completely unmatched when

it comes for helping understanding these schools and communities for what you described wanting to achieve on your podcast. And this man can make it happen and quickly, especially a school, start back this week. Nice. All right. Okay, I guess I got the email and everything. Finally, I've introduced my dad, a retired 57 year old trader at Wacovia slash Wells Fargo to your podcast and he loves it. He actually agrees with many of your complaints about the banks and the 2008, 2009 crash. If you had interest in talking with an interrogating a banker, he has plenty of times on his hands to answer any questions. Finally, your relationship slash dating advice for young men is very practical and helpful. After recently having a friends with benefit situation and exactly

how you predicted in many advice segments, I had to restrain myself from laughing during the middle of her meltdown. I stayed calm while she kept trying to escalate and I wouldn't bite. I would have taken the bait without your help. So thank you all the best. And if any of these contacts would be helpful, please reach out. You're the man and go fuck yourself. Oh no, I absolutely would do this. This is the way to help people get directly in contact. All right, from a public high school in LA. Yo, Billy, thanks for putting the call out for teachers and for the willingness to help out those that do public service in the classroom. I've taught in South Central LA for over 12 years now and I've had a fair share of coworker benefits from the funded teacher websites that have gotten

some attention lately. While I don't have any sort of wish list Jesus Christ people, I'm trying to be Santa Claus here. Nobody's telling me what they want of materials that I need funding help with. My point of writing was just to highlight what some of your other listeners might not realize when it comes to public education, particularly in the inner city. I have personally moved classrooms for the past six years in a row and had to substitute for myself for almost three damn years during the financial. What wait, I've personally moved classrooms for the past six years in a row. What does that mean? Move them and had to substitute that's in quote for myself for almost three damn years during the financial woes of around 2009 that stripped hard earned teachers credentials

from over 5000 teachers in LA. My point is not to bitch about the situation, but these are the realities that many of my colleagues have gone through. And when we're faced with teaching six classes of about 39 students per class, all that's what you're saying. It's easy to become cynical and treat the profession as just a job. Dude, if you're going to invest in anything, they're with your kids six hours a day, you know, and it's a free education. Like this is something that I could really get behind as far as everybody's trying to start something that we re help out these things before every poor bastard has to send their kid to private school. And it's like your kid goes to college from age three until 22. Anyways,

anytime I have a conversation with anyone, even thinking about becoming teacher, my advice is don't do it. It takes a lot out of you emotionally, psychologically, financially and staying single as far as relationships and determined to become a more effective educator have been my drives, especially since I started coaching kids to run the LA marathon about eight years ago. In my experience, very few teachers have created the necessary resilience and testicular fortitude to stomach the politics of the job while truly finding joy in building positive relationships with young adults that we teach in rough areas of the city. While most other teachers just seem to treat kids like cogs in a wheel. But that may be the result of those teachers having been treated

negatively because of the politics of the profession. Anyway, I don't want to discourage anyone from helping out any teachers personally or through websites. But for anyone that is going to do that, please do society is solid and do a little bit of homework pun intended and realize that this is putting a bandaid on a systematic form of cancer. And at least as far as Los Angeles is unified school district, as long as we have a board of education that elects an investment banker to be super intended. Yes, the current superintendent is an investment banker with zero education experience. Well, how the fuck did that happen? Problems such as lack of funding overcrowding in a classroom and 750 students to one counselor will persist to survive. We need

laughs. So keep telling jokes and doing what you do pro education, yet anti schooling. Well, wait a minute. Well, what the fuck can I do to help out? I don't know what to do here. All right, with that first person gave me an email to do something. Oh, whatever, I'll just try to get involved and then I'll figure it out from then and then I'll pass the information on to you guys and hopefully you guys will do the same. How about that? All right. Los Angeles teacher Billy Love Doer. I'm an aspiring screenwriter slash actor and I currently teach math and history. That's I'm not going to say where we teach six to 12th grade in a building. I'm not going to say where students don't write anymore because they're so used to typing and

texting. So they never have paper and pencil. And since I think writing is vital, I make them do it every chance I get. But they always look at me in shock when I tell them to get out some paper and a pencil. So a tall stack of paper and a deep bit of pencils would go a long way. All right, where should I send it? Also, maybe you could come wearing a do what you love t-shirt. I hope you're making fun of that. Do what you love. Oh yeah, that's right. I forgot I joked about that in the podcast. I got into medical school five years ago after I finished college, but I read Hemingway and realized that my dream was to become a writer. So here I am. It's been four years in LA. I've written four screenplays, had a handful of agents, managers,

and all the rest of ups and downs that come with the pursuit. But still I believe work and fight. And it's hard, but deep down I try to remember it's worth it. Oh yeah, well the fact that you've had any sort of bites at this point, that's all good. It's like Columbus sailing over. He saw tree branches before he saw land. And just don't do what he did when he got to the land, according to some people. All right, the point I'm making is that the one thing I try to teach my student, if nothing, students, if nothing else is that the world doesn't give you a damn thing either way. But if you find something you love that you can do every day, work hard and forget all the rest, in the end you'll be happy. Isn't that the truth? But it's hard to me inspire them

considering my current progress. But if you come in and preach the same, I think it'd be a beautiful thing. All right, so you want paper, pencils, and preaching. Are they, these six to 12th grade, are they even going to know who the hell I am? This old bald guy coming in with paper and pencils. I want to just come in with a butter churner. Oh, I'm going to teach you how to be happy. I'll definitely give you the paper and the pencils. You know, and if you set up some way where I can talk to them. Yeah, why not? Why wouldn't I do that? I'm living a great life at Jesus Christ. There's a zillion of these fucking emails. Teacher in need of help. My name is Catherine. Oh, I can't say a whole name.

I'm going to teach her in blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, my husband is complicated. Currently, I use a free math curriculum that has very few activities and not many rigorous problems. I found a very useful resource online that made made by teachers for teachers. Unfortunately, their work isn't free. This is the link. If you could help, it would be fantastic. Well, what is this? Let me click on the link. Go to the page. Go to the page. Okay. Eighth grade math curriculum activity bundles. Okay. What am I buying here? It says it's a $400 bundle. Subject math grade levels eight.

I don't know what this is. Hang on a second. Did I skip something? Husband, blah, blah, blah. It's a huge fan. Let's see. One time he was telling me about what was going on about you being unable to help teachers. Mine was told me to contact you in hopes that you might be able to help out directly. Currently, I use a free math curriculum that has very few activities and not many rigorous problems. I found very useful resources online that was made by teachers for teachers. Unfortunately, their work isn't free. Oh, so how do I do? Well, so I buy this and how do I gift it to you? I'll figure this out. I'll figure this out. All right. How many more are these? There's three more. Can you guys hang in there with

this? I hope this inspires you guys to somehow try and help because I really think that's a fucking thing you can actually just do directly with the stupid election coming up and everybody, you got to get this guy, you got to get that guy. There's shit that you can do, but that's very powerful on your own. It makes you feel good. Then you have good karma. The next time you bet a three team tease, maybe it comes in. Football season is upon us. All right. Goochland teacher. Big butthole bill. Oh, come on now. It's average size. It's big enough to do the fucking job for Christ's sake. All right. I'm a teacher in blah, blah, blah, blah. I saw you in blah last summer and I've been listening to you around me. You're like an angry New England

uncle who I weirdly vibe with. Anyways, I teach high school math. One high school and my ears perked up when you made a shout out to LA teachers last Monday. I may be on the other side of the country, but my country has a hilarious name. So I figured I'd lump myself into your shout out. I'm implementing a new phone policy in my classroom where I don't want the kids on their phones at all because they should be freaking kids who talk to each other and mess around and because of all the data and also because of all the data on anxiety slash depression slash phones to go with this new policy. I want to stock up my room with activities for when they are done with their work, connect for checkers, Yatsi Uno, uh, origami books, et cetera. So here's

an open invite to help me fund. I'll go buy those fucking games for you. Yeah. All right. Well, how the fuck do I send it? Wait. Okay. I have everybody's email here. Okay. Cool. All right. I'll figure this out. Everybody like has these fucking computer things. I'm just like, give me a fucking address. I'll buy this shit. I'll put it in a fucking box and I will, I will write and just do it the way I know how to do it. All right. Hey, Bill, I heard you just talking about helping teachers podcast this week. I'm a K four special education teacher at a little title one school in Lawrence, Massachusetts. I know I don't live in LA, but I would, I just said the name of the place. Be grateful for any donations to what? It's not like they're asking for bad

shit here. Towards my Amazon wish list. My classroom is an old blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, my students light up whenever they walk in my room and see something new for them to use. It would mean the world. Oh, come on. Of course I got to do that. I'm going to go fucking broke on this thing here. Uh, Bill, I listen to podcasts all the time fan. I'm an old friend of your wife from when she lived in New York city. I now live in blah, blah, blah and work in blah, blah, blah. I don't normally do things like that. It feels weird, but you remember podcasts like we said, if you get to help any teachers. So that's why I'm writing. I figured I have nothing to lose. Someone wrote to you mentioning the clear the list. So I looked it up and basically it's teachers

creating Amazon wish list for items they want need for the classroom. That's why I'm writing. So there's a way to directly donate to teachers. Here's a link I created of stuff for my classroom room. It's totally legit cause this person says so. I feel like these first ones are going to be legit. And then I'm going to start doing this and people like, Hey man, this is a scam. You're writing this fucking jerk off in the podcast is bleeding heart liberal and it just send you the stuff. Here's what I need for my classroom. A fucking bass boat, a fucking assault rifle and some new camouflage pants. I teach a hunting class. It's totally legit. Okay. All right. You know something I'm going to do this. This makes me feel good. All right. I'm going to get

some papers, some pencils. I'm going to talk to some kids. I'm going to buy a math bundle. I'm going to fucking be Santa Claus here. I'm going to handle all of this shit right here. And then that's going to be my good American deed for the rest of my life. I'm never helping anybody else after this. No, maybe I'll start something. You know, next time is like a fucking hurricane. They got to donate to the Red Cross. Maybe I'll fucking, I'll have somebody. Well, but then it's, how do I know you're in the fucking hurricane? See, then, and then I, then I hope my son, there's always a fucking scam. It's always a scam. That's why I like me taking it to you. Cause if I do that, then, then there you are. I mean, what are you, what are you

going to, even if you rent it out to school, that's going to cost you more money than the bullshit I'm bringing here, right? So it has to be legit. I don't know. I'll, I'll figure it out. All right. Thanks for listening to the podcast. Go fuck yourselves and I'll check in on you on Thursday. And we usually don't have music at the end of the podcast, but I love this and I'm bringing paper and pencil to a fucking school near you. Go fuck yourselves. See you Thursday.