Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 8-29-16

Episode Date: August 29, 2016

Bill rambles about golf wear, Reno and winning the Grand Slam.

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr, and it's time for the Monday Morning Podcast from Monday, August 29th, 2016. What's going on? How are you? Ah, I'm back. I'm back on the time. No more jet lag and all that. I apologize for the, I sounded like I was coked up on my last fucking podcast. I was listening to it. I was cracking up. I was like, I literally sound like I'm wired out of my fucking mind. But if I didn't do that, I was going to fall asleep. So sorry, I got a little loud. I got a little fast. I got a little hyper. But I think last night I finally beat it. I was starting to fall asleep again at 7. I kept falling asleep at 7, then I wake up at 2.30 in the morning. And that's not a good time

to wake up, you know, as a person by yourself, waking up at 2.30 in the morning. You have nothing to do but your mind to just sit there fucking with you, you know? What are you doing, you're getting older. Are you doing everything you're supposed to be doing? And you're just like, you're walking around, shut the fuck up. You know, isn't it amazing how loud your feet are when everybody else in the house is sleeping? It's so, at 2.30 in the morning, you can literally, like, I'll be at my desk and I'll take a pen out of a glass cup and I swear to God, my wife will stir downstairs. What was that? What was that? Oh, I'm sorry, honey. I put a sock on. Well, can you keep it down? I'm sleeping. Everything

is so fucking loud at that hour. And yeah, so I've just been, last night I started to fall asleep again at around 7.38. So I just drove down to the improv, didn't even do a spot because I felt like my head was in a cloud and I just fucking, I just walked around talking to people and, you know, it was great. I went down, I got a fucking salad, you know, one of those comedy club salads, except this was a good one. So I'm back right now because I got to drop like fucking 10 pounds before I do my next special, which is going to be recorded in Nashville at the Reiman Theater on October 21st. Very excited about that. And, you know, I got to drop like 10, 12 pounds so I don't look like a fucking Billy

fathead on this thing. So last week was the, all right, I'll start doing some cardio, blah, blah, blah, blah, still eat like a fucking jackass. And then, you know, but I'll make attempts to not totally eat like a fucking jackass. And now this week is when now it's like, all right, I'm going to the grocery store. And I'm doing, I'm going back to my fucking, that fucking, I need to lose weight diet. Just like a third of a cup of oatmeal and a fucking egg over easy, no fucking toast, no bullshit. Then what do I have? I have like a fucking apple between then and lunch. And then for lunch, I have like fucking turkey slices and some other bullshit. And then around four o'clock, I don't know what the

fire, I have a protein, like a turkey patty with a little bit of fucking salad. And then for dinner, a couple hours later, there's another fucking protein. And sometimes I'll just go like a fucking salad. It sucks. It's not fun. You know, my wife asked me to make a strawberry fucking shortcake. So I'm going to do that. You know, so I'll have that I always got to have a little bit of crack on the back burner. But anyway, so I'm back into that just going to do fucking cardio 45 minutes of fucking day over there. And hopefully the shit will start to come off because I was disgusted with myself when I got back from vacation. Holy shit. Dude, I was doing that shit, putting on my socks, making those noises.

Anyways, I want to thank everybody who came out to the, was it the Silver Lake Casino? Whatever the fuck it is, the Silver Something Casino up there in Reno. And hey, was I right about Todd Rex? T Rex? Was I right about Todd Rex? I told you the man was a beast. I told you fucking kills. I told you one of the funniest guys in the country, this fucking asshole. I say that most endearing way ever did 15 minutes in front of me and got a partial standing ovation. Okay. All right. And I'm sitting there going like, dude, you're supposed to be opening the show like, Hey, how's it going, everybody? Let's get settled into a little fucking knock knock. Who's there? This guy did like a closing set for 15 fucking minutes.

I heard it from the crowd when they clap. They didn't want him to get off. But anyways, we had a, we had such a great time up there. The crowd was fucking amazing. And I'll tell you, underrated, underrated right here and now is fucking not only Reno, but Reno's international airport. I don't know why they're all international. I've never heard it. Where you going? I'm going to Paris flying out of Reno. I've never heard that connecting through Reno and then I'm going to South Africa. Reno's international airport. Great food. And when you walk right in, there's this place across from where they have all these, uh, they have all this golf wear, by the way, which I am totally fucking addicted to those polo shirts

and the fucking action slacks. You know, can I just, just stop for a second? I just want to thank all the unathletic fucking people out there. All the fat fucks, all the people who literally, if they tried to bend down and touch their toes, they do a somersault. I just want to thank all of you for taking up that game, attempting to walk a couple of holes and rather than addressing it, addressing yourself and how fucking out of shape you are, you turned around and complained to the companies that your balls were too sweaty and that your shirt was too tight because all of your fat fuck complaints, right, is basically created the most comfortable fucking clothes I've ever worn in my life. I wear

them all the time now. It's, they're comfortable as hell and my wife hates them. So it's, it's a win-win. Every time I walk out the fucking door, my wife, where are you going? Are you going to meet Tiger Woods? Oh, they're the greatest fucking clothes ever. It's unreal. You put on one of those golf shirts, you go to reach for something. It just stretches with you. You feel like you're doing yoga, but you're like just reaching for a donut. It's the greatest. If you're not wearing fucking golf clothes, all right, let me tell you something. If you're an old fuck like you're in your 40s like me, 48, sliding into 50, you are a fucking asshole if you're not walking around wearing just golf clothing, you know?

And the sweet spot is, is to just buy the clothing and not get sucked in to that game. I'm not saying it's a bad fucking game. It's actually a fun, it's more, it's like, I don't know. It's like smoking a cigar with your friends, but you're also walking around hitting this fucking ball. Um, I have a good time anytime I play just cause I do not take it seriously and I count every fucking stroke. I don't do any mulligans. I don't say there's any gimmies. I come in at about, you know, I play nine holes. I come in at about a buck 30, you know, and I count every stroke and I do it loudly. So all the fucking cheating cunts that I go out, well, that's a gimme. That's a mulligan. Fuck you're talking about

it. See, you know, something that's the only fucking, I'm telling you, it's why it's not a, it is, it is, it's an activity. It's a fucking skill. Okay. And the guys at the top level, the men in the ladies, they are athletes without a fucking doubt, but I'm just saying, you know, Michael Jordan plays a game of darts. I mean, he's still an athlete, you know what I mean? Darts is not a fucking athletic endeavor, right? I don't know. All I know is the fucking clothes are tremendous. And, um, you know, it was great. I was looking yesterday. I was actually watching this golf event. Um, I like watching on Sundays. Like, you know what I love about golf is how they try to act like it's this upper crust thing and you listen

to the crowd and you can hear it with the people yelling, they all go to the track. Like golf and betting on horses and bowling, you know, they're all fucking kissing cousins, all of them. All right. And bowling just is like whatever we're fucking bowling. Eat a fucking grilled cheese sandwich as you're rolling it. We don't give a shit, but golf, golf has that fucking like that arrogant, you know, cut above type of thing, you know, like Democrats, like Republicans are the bowlers of politics. They're not trying to pretend to be something. They're not, they don't give a fuck about me. They don't give a fuck about you and they don't pretend to Democrats on the other hand, try to act like they actually

give a fuck about people when they get paid by the exact same fucking assholes, you know, they keep the fucking wars going. They know what's up. They know what's up. They don't want to see that 1963 convertible limo pulling up to the White House. They don't want to get back in that thing. You will give them what the fuck they want or you, sir, will be taking a trip to Dallas. I'm out of my fucking mind. Whatever. It's a fucking podcast. Just relax. I don't fucking read. But when you listen to the crowd at a golf event, I'm telling you right now, like, like, you know, you know, golf actually has the nerve to fucking pretend. They think that they have the same sort of crowd that you find at a

Formula One event. All right. What you have at a golf event is a bunch of fat fucking dopes and really, really comfortable fucking clothes. You know, and anytime anybody hits the ball, why they all have to yell at the ball. Get in the hole. You know, they, you know what it is? You know why they yell like that? It's because they're so used to being at the track yelling at the dog or the horse, you know, coming down the stretch, they come. Come on, you six. Come on, you six. What time, right? You take them to a golf, yeah, a golf event. That's just how they're behaving. If you really look at the people, if you have time, they're fucking animals. And this is the thing too. They know they're animals.

You know, I know that they know they're animals because those fucking assholes will stand in front of somebody teeing off, looking down at it like, like they're, you ever see people like when the subway's late and they're fucking looking down the tunnel, they're doing that while somebody is driving a professional. It's God forbid. I can't believe nobody's ever gotten killed. Good. I mean, I would have, I'd have a fucking pen if I was a professional golfer like that would be my nightmare. Hit some little kid in the fucking forehead. Yeah, the fucking animals, but anyways, I cannot say enough about the clothing. So I'm sitting there watching the event and one of the guys who of course has fallen apart, they

all end up falling apart. You know what I mean? All of these golfers, I don't understand what the fucking problem is because I don't play the game, but I just don't understand. There's nobody stopping you. Nobody's getting in your face. You're not like Tony Romo. You're fucking rolled out and somebody tackled you and you broke, you broke bones in your vertebrae standing over a fucking ball. You got a club. Just hit the fucking thing. What is the fucking problem? You're already in the winner's circle. You're already going to win six figures. Everything else is fucking gravy. And then he's like, no, you don't understand. It's a game against yourself. I mean, once you have that one bad shot, you know, you got, you got to forget

about it. But it's like, dude, you're literally describing life right now. I love, I absolutely love oversimplifying the game of golf because people have such a passion for it. And when people really enjoy something as a comedian, if you make fun of it, you get to see them get upset. And for whatever reason, if you're truly a comic, it fills up your heart. Now, don't listen to me. I'm fucking with you. I think golf is a great game. It's a fun game. I mean, look, you get, you get yourself a six of course light, right? You get yourself a nice, nice fucking stick, you know, I do that right now. But I'll tell you right now, I can't do 18 holes. I can't do it. Like doing 18 holes, that's like a marriage.

You know what I mean? I want to fling. I want to do, I want to go to a fucking par three, nine hole course. You know, actually, that'll probably go by too quickly. You know, if I'm smoking a stick, whatever I do, you know, I would just like whatever, wherever I go, right? This is how I would like to play golf. I have a cigar. All right. I like the fucking thing as you do, right? Set it down. Whatever the fuck I said, I have a little fucking, they got to have like a on your bag, you know what I mean? Remember Ronnie Dangerfield in Caddy Shacky had all those extra, you know, he had the radio, he had all that shit. There's no fucking way they don't have an attachment where you can have your fucking lit cigar still going

as you stay. Have you address your ball? You mean stand over and get ready to hit it? Um, oh, you know, watching those fucking old fucking people getting down on their fucking hands and knees when they're on the green, trying to read the putt, you watching their face getting all fucking red, you know, and you just stand in the halfway down the fairway. Well, you just fucking hit the thing. Jesus fucking Christ trying to take a couple of strokes off my game. Oh, kill yourself. Just hit the fucking ball. Just be happy. You're still walking around. All right, you bacon and cheese omelette eating fuck. That's not a thing too is then it always ends up getting backed up. You know something I I I just feel

too much stress when I'm playing golf. There's always that group of people behind me. They're always better than me. And I feel like a fucking asshole like I'm ruining the day. You know, like when a few times I've golfed, I feel the same level of stress. Like when I'm the first person at a red light to make a left, you know, and there's like five people behind me. Like literally my heart starts racing because I know that not only is it my job to make sure that the person behind me makes it through the fucking light. Okay, like the person behind the person is that works out here in LA, by the way, for all you Boston people so you don't fucking almost get yourself killed. You know, that move you do in Boston

where the light turns green and you just stomp on the fucking gas and you cut in front of people is as far as I know, Boston is the only area of the country that does that. And it's totally acceptable. Like as soon as the light turns green, you just stomp on the gas and fucking cut in front of two lanes of traffic out here. If you do that, you're going to get killed. Nobody's ready for it. They're not good drivers and it's going to be at least three lanes of shit coming at you. My brother came out and visited me one time. And I forgot about that move. And we were on like Venice Boulevard and the light turned green and he stomped on the fucking gas and I just put my foot up in the dashboard

was like, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude. We made it halfway across and he was like, you know, like when you're driving and you don't know what's going on and the other person's freaking out, but you can't figure out what you get like mad. I was like, dude, you just stop and he's like, fuck, everybody's beeping at him. And I was just like, dude, you can't do that out here. You can't. And he goes, alright, then we had to just sit there as everyone drove around us, looking at it. It's like what the fuck. Anyways, getting back to the golf thing. Out here, one of my pet peeves is fucking people who's the first people in line, your job. You get out into the intersection, you get out into the intersection.

You make sure that not only the person behind you, the person behind you, behind the person behind you, there you go, two fucking cars back. Jesus, Bill. You know, that's how I feel like when I'm golfing. I swear to God, one of these times I'm just gonna do, I'm gonna fucking, I got this GoPro for my birthday. It's still sitting on my desk, just mocking me going, yeah, you thought you could figure this out, didn't you, Bill? Yeah, you really thought you were gonna use this fucking thing. I would love to give a fucking tutorial on how to drive an LA. I really would, you know what I mean? And I'm talking just how to behave. There's too many fucking people out here. The traffic is fucking ridiculous. I just really

want to do this. I'll even tell you how to be a good pedestrian, alright? You get in a crosswalk, you fucking hustle, okay? You know what I mean? I've been walking, okay, and I see, I'm approaching the intersection and I see that person wanting to turn and then they're looking at me like, fuck, you know what I do? I stop, I wave them through. They're based coach, waving like five cars through. Go ahead. Go ahead. Because the second this thing turns red, I can just run across. It'll be fine. Five cars will fucking make it and I'll get across. No biggie. Or I can be a douche and just completely not even pay attention to the situation you're in in your car acting like I've never been that

guy and just stroll across the street and I'll fuck at least two people out of the light. You know what I mean? You know what I'm talking about right now? I'm talking about having a little bit of empathy, which brings me to Colin Kaepernick. Oh, what a segue. I am not going to watch, I'm not going to watch any part of this story. The only thing I'm just going to listen to what he says, which is I think, you know, I'm not going to sit here in these fucking assholes on sports radio. I'm going to try to get me all fucking stirred up like what he's doing is going to somehow bring down this country. And second of all, like I'm going to say, I can't, I cannot sit there and listen to a bunch of people act

like they don't understand where this is coming from. You know what I mean? This is a good time. I think, I don't know, I, you know, I'm not going to tell you what to do, but I think this is for me personally, I'm like, you know what, I'm a white male, heterosexual. I can basically within reason do whatever the fuck I want to do. Here's a guy who's making zillions of fucking dollars and he still feels this way. This is, this is, I should probably shut the fuck up and listen to what he has to say as opposed to all of these soapbox cunts. So this person like, you know, of course, you know, shows a picture of a soldier who lost both his fucking legs and writes all this fucking bullshit. And

I so wanted to just tweet to the person and be like, Hey, let me ask you a question. What's that soldier's name? You know, what happened to that person? Are they being taken care of? Do you know anything about that person? Will you just fucking hoard out the worst fucking thing that obviously is happening in this guy's fucking life is for your own political propaganda? I don't know. I can't even talk about it. I just can't stand white people who don't act, act like they don't understand, you know, I don't know. But you know something, I can't even get mad because I'm a hypocrite. Everybody's a fucking hypocrite. There's literally people out there. They're going to chastise that guy and act like they

don't understand what he's talking about went and completely not in touch with the fact that if he moved into their neighborhood, you know, let's just say he was unknown and a black guy moved into their neighborhood that, you know, how not thrilled they would be. You know what I mean? But it's this this the amount of fucking people out there, it's fucking hilarious. If you read half the shit that people are writing, they say, this guy should be lucky. He's in his fucking country, blubbering. And then in the middle of that are writing racist shit. That's why I think this is a great thing. I think it's great that he's doing it. And it's just a way to open up a little conversation. I mean, I

don't know. I don't think it's going to turn into a bunch of people fucking yelling at each other as it always does. And then unfortunately, nothing's going to get changed. It's going to be a bunch of people going, my kids in the fucking Navy, my uncle fought Vietnam for your freedom, buddy. You don't like it. Go back to fucking Swahili or whatever the fuck they're going to say. Completely ignore the fact that, you know, there's been an astounding level of cell phone video over the last couple of years. Can you at least admit that of some pretty questionable fucking slash murderous behavior? All this shit. Yeah, your whole life that you heard black people saying was happening. Now this video and I'm not saying

all cops are bad. I'm not saying everybody black is fucking instant. I'm just saying I've seen a lot of fucking people black pinned on the fucking ground. No hopes of getting up shot in the back or just shot in the fucking chest. So you can't, you know, if you're a fucking rational human being, regardless of color, can you really sit there and act like you don't understand where that's coming from? So I don't want to listen to. I don't know. I you can't fucking say you're going to argue with somebody on their experience. Let me tell you something. Your your your idea of how your life going is wrong. And I can say that because I'm over here living my own fucking life. So anyways, I think it's great that he's fucking

doing it. And hopefully it goes into a in a positive direction. Because you know what, I don't I don't think that I don't think any cop wants to go out and shoot somebody that's innocent either. You know what I mean? I don't know what's going on. I have no fucking idea what's going on. But I definitely think something ought to be discussed. You know, there now I'm off my fucking soapbox. But I'm hoping more people than not won't respond to this guy with fucking anger. I really don't think that that's the way to go about it. But in my heart of hearts, I know that that's what's going to happen. I know he's going to get booed on the road by a bunch of fucking lunatics. And it's going to be ugly. It's going to

be fucking ugly. And there's going to be people holding up signs. And they're going to make his life experience about them. Which I think is a selfish thing to do at this point. Okay, nobody's saying that, you know, anybody who fights for this country isn't a hero. Nobody's saying that. I think this guy's just saying, Hey, you know, my group of people is getting murdered. You know, innocent people are getting murdered and this needs to stop. How how you could be against that? I don't know. And how you would then somehow wrap your fucking life into his shit. When you know, at least I can't do that when I can drive down the fucking street. You only have a fucking hilarious story. One time my brother-in-law right was

going to move across this country and he was driving across the country in this sheer panic my wife and my mother-in-law had. It was instantly a sketch to me because I'm thinking, Oh, you're driving across the country. You got to do route 66, you know, make sure you hit the arch and they are in full on panic mode going. Don't drive at night. Only stop in major cities. Do not get off the highway in the middle of major cities. Like they were in like you would think that this that he was in Russia. And you know, I mean, right there, can you imagine you imagine fucking driving across the country and if you get pulled off in the middle of nowhere, there could be a chance you could get shot to death just because you're reaching

for your license. And I'm not saying it's fucking everybody in all that shit, but that that is actually a something that could happen to a citizen in this fucking country is pretty crazy. So I don't know. I already said I was off my soapbox, but I wasn't instantly just picturing that as a sketch. That would be like a great Chappelle show sketch. Now, would it be a great one, Bill? Well, I think Chappelle could make it great. How about that? You know, just have to really white guy in the background. You got to see old faithful. You know, it's big on route 66 Europeans. I don't know what propaganda they sent them over there, but they are fucking all about. I've met more goddamn people. When I go over to Europe,

they have a driven route 66. I'm like, dude, I barely know where it is. I know Santa Monica is a part of it. And I want to say it starts somewhere in Illinois. Does it start out of Chicago? I don't know, but they're all about it. They're all about coming over here, renting a classic car. And so many of them have done it. They showed me the pictures. I'm like, fuck, I had to do that. When I get out there, big daddy, don't garlics. All right, let me read a little bit of advertising here for the fucking week. All right, go. You guys eventually going to figure out my fucking podcast because I have to mutter it to myself every time I fucking do this shit. I always fuck it up. Hey, let me hit pause so you don't have to

go through this torture. Okay, just like that, we're back. All right. Let's do a couple of reads here for the week. Oh, the Tim Ferriss show, everybody. You know what? We here at the Monday morning podcast are huge fans of the Tim Ferriss show, which was selected as one of iTunes best of 250. Now the Monday morning podcast wasn't his show was look how big I'm being right now. I could be all upset. Have a podcast protest. The podcast has been downloaded by more than 80, more than 80 million times. Jesus Christ. And in each episode, Tim deconstructs world-class performers from every walk of life, business, sports, investing or more to find the tools, tactics and routines you can use. Favorite books, check morning

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them back in front. I should probably look this shit up. Okay, through the magic of the pause button. I just looked it up. Formula one standings. Lewis Hamilton still in front. 232 points to Nico Rosberg's 223. But I think it was really important to come out of the break for Nico to get a win. I don't know what happened with Lewis for some reason. He started in 25th, 25th fucking place. For some reason he had a bunch of penalties or something. It's like he had a bunch of parking tickets and he's like, well, I'll just pay him all at this race. And they stuck him at the back of the race. And because he's one of the greatest drivers, or at least right now he went from 25th to third. The guy still

made the podium, which was pretty amazing. I'll look at all this. They've got a little gossip here. I've never seen more people bumping into each other yesterday's race. It was fucking unreal. And the first turn, the Ferrari team, they slammed into each other while its other cunt was trying to cut down low. And then he says to his team, oh, they ran into me. It's like, dude, what were you driving on the sidewalk? Whatever the fuck you call it. So anyway, somebody said Max Verstappen will cause a massive accident sooner or later if he does not change his driving tactics. Ferrari driver Kimmy Reikinen says, oh, he must have ran into him. Reikinen was angry after an incident during Sunday's Belgian Grand Prix,

the latest of series of controversies related to the Dutchman's driving. The Finns said, if I had not break, we would have had a massive accident. It will happen sooner or later if he doesn't change. I am fine with good, hard racing, but that is not correct. Reikinen swore over the radio because of a tactic Red Bulls Verstappen had adopted. Oh, Verstappen was with Red Bull, my fault, has adopted repeatedly this year, which is to drive in the middle of the track and only make a defensive move at the last moment when he sees which way the driver is attacking is coming. Verstappen, Reikinen and Ferrari, Sebastian Vettel collided at the first corner of the race with all three cars suffering damage, but it was an incident

on the Camel Straight later in the race that angered the Fin. Other guys defend, but they do it correctly. Yeah, I guess you're only allowed to make one move. If somebody's going around you, you're allowed to make one move to get in front of them, but you can't start fucking zigzagging back and forth. I can't believe I finally got into this shit. As you can listen, if you actually watch this stuff, I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about, but I really enjoy it. And yesterday's race was the kind of race that I wish they were all like. I think when they're fucking bumping into each other, it was like fucking Mad Max. And this track was crazy. They had like major fucking downhills. So you'd be coming up the

hill and I learned yesterday, they call it compression, the cars sticking to the fucking ground. So you got a lot of traction and you come up over that hill and they say the road falls away from you, which really made my fucking stomach drop because they're driving like, you know, 180 miles an hour with the road dropping away from now. You're like coming out of the seat and this guy in this fucking yellow car came up over. He lost it. He got it. Then he just fucking, it's unreal. If you saw what the car looked like after this guy's accident, you would have thought that like a family of five was dead and he got out. His ankle was a little tweaked. You know, I don't understand why they can't make our

cars like that. We just put on helmets and just drive like fucking lunatics. Did I mention you guys how bad I want to buy a motorcycle again? I can't fucking do it because everybody just tells me I'm going to fucking die, but I really want to buy, I want to buy a fucking bike so bad. I miss it, man. I fucking miss it. I want to get that Ducati, that DeVol one, that Cruiser. Have it all in black and then on the side, just right underneath where it says, uh, the name of the bike just had that little Italian flag sticker on it. That's all I want to do. And I want to get up at Saturday and Sunday morning at like six in the fucking morning because I had jet lag and I was walking my dog. I'm being, this is

the time to fucking ride. There's nobody on the road. Slow down at every intersection. Just look, take it through the gears, you know, uh, fuck everybody. Last night I was talking to somebody done. No, you can't do it. I've had fucking three friends of mine. They died and I'm like, yeah, but they were young driving like maniacs. No, they were great riders. Somebody else hit them. I'm just like, why can't they, I wish they could come up with like, like a suit you could wear, right? Where, right as you get hit. What are those, what is that thing that stupid thing you put on your desk that people have where you can totally compress the thing or open, it's like a toy or you can open it up into

this big ball. If you've seen that toy for kids, it's a little plastic ball. You can make it as a really small ball. You can make a big one. What if you just had that thing, right? Because it would be heavy as fuck. I don't know. The solution is that you always just make carbon fiber always seems to be solution, which evidently is flammable. Is that what I'm seeing? I have no fucking idea. Can't be right. Um, it always just seem like carbon fiber. The, uh, the particles when they go to make it like the underneath the guy's cars on fire a little bit. Um, anyways, why can't they just have something like that? So when you get knocked off your bike, somehow it senses it. This is in the perfect world

and it just expands this giant ball around you and the ball takes the hit, right? And you're inside of it, right? Isn't there a fucking way to do that? I mean, I could Skype with somebody on the other side of the planet and there's no delay as they're talking to me and you can't come up with some sort of fucking suit that allows a fucking freckled cut like me to ride down the street. Oh my God. I, uh, if you go to Europe, there's no way to not get into motorcycles because everybody's there's so many people over there riding them. Um, and, uh, I got into it fucking hardcore again and I'm trying to, uh, I'm waiting for that thing to go away and it's not going away. I just wrote like twice a fucking week, six

to seven. Yeah, I know. I'll tell you right now, it's not a matter of if it's a matter of when everybody has to ruin it. Why does this fucking business have to be in this city? Why can't it just be like in Montana? Just the middle of fucking nowhere, you know, just a bunch of self centered cunts in the middle of that giant fucking state. And then you just fucking, you could go out and cruise on a bike. Just don't understand why it has to be here. All the fucking places to pick. They had to pick here, the middle of a goddamn dessert, a desert. Um, I always say dessert and then desert because of the late great Greg Geraldo. When you talk about the troops right in home

during the civil war, like how eloquent that writing was as opposed to like, you know, in the Gulf War, you know, it's fucking hard to not have your balls sticking against your leg as you're sitting out here in the, in the desert. Ah, fucking Mr. Good. All right, let's, let's, let's read some questions here. For some reason, after all the ignorance you just heard, believe it or not, people actually write into me and they ask for my advice, knowing that I have no background in psychology whatsoever. All right, so here you go at your own fucking risk, at your own risk. All right, Kenya. Uh, hi, Bill. I'm a Bostonian like yourself. Uh, I'm a suburban outside of Boston, right? Get it right. Okay. I lived in a cul-de-sac

and played street hockey. Okay. I wasn't, I wasn't down in Southeast dealing cars, good at math, like in apples. So a whole different breed of tough guy. All right. I had Legos. I had Lincoln logs. I had a tree for it. Okay. All right. I'm a Bostonian like yourself. That is a question for you. My wife is Kenyan and we have a place near, uh, Nairobi National Park. The government is ramming a railroad straight through the middle of the park in clear violation of the environmental efforts put in place by past generations for the betterment of the Kenyan people. Uh, this park is considered a world heritage site and this construction would be devastating. Would you be willing to champion this cause with your connections?

What do, what connections do I have to stop a railroad being built in Kenya? I mean, I can lie to you, my last couple of specials were pretty damn good, but I don't know if I can stop because I hope just to bring attention to this cause as it is being implemented very rapidly before people can complain about it. I can ensure you this is a very good cause and deserves the attention of anyone who values nature's nature. Now I'm off to fight in the traffic on the Jamaica way. Um, all right, wait a minute. Well, if you send me a link or something, I can definitely retweet it. Um, but I think the best thing for your cause would not be me to be a spokesperson as long as I don't have to speak about it

because I'll tell you right now, I'm not going to read, even if I read up on it, I'm going to stutter. It's just going to, you know, it's kind of come across as a, as a dope, right? But yeah, just tweet me a link today and I will, I will retweet it and, um, I don't know. I mean, they're not listening to their own people. They're going to listen to a fucking comedian in LA. Don't John play yourself, Bill. Everything counts. Well, fuck it then. I'll go positive. Okay. I'll join the goddamn cause. I'll say don't build that railroad through that park and then they'll say, well, what's your other solution? You got an alternative and I'll say, no, I don't. All right. Concert story. Hey there, Billy

vanilla tits. That's a good one. A month ago, I took my niece, the little lady and a couple of friends to a concert they wanted to see. I get free tickets to lots of shows, yada, yada. So I took them. Uh, we get there and I'm immediately, and immediately I'm standing out in an ocean of teens to get into this thing. Another group of friends show up and they're accompanied by one of the other girls dads. So we say hello and walk into this situation. It's pretty slow at first. The opening band didn't have me in mind when they made music, but they were okay. The second band came on and they sounded real familiar. The dad says to me, I heard about these guys from bill burr. They're amazing. So I'm immediately I'm like,

fuck yeah, this guy knows about burr. So after they're set, we walk outside and decide I would guess that was 21 pilots because I went to go see mute math and they opened, uh, for 21 pilots and they had a very young, young crowd screaming like it was the fucking Beatles. So anyway, so after they're set, we walk outside and decide to have a couple of beers while the kids enjoy the main act that definitely didn't have us in mind when they made their music and talked about, uh, Jesus, she talked about me and left our asses off in the lobby. What a turn. Not only did I get to stay with my, is this like a fluff piece? Why was this sent to me? I'm not saying that you sent the email. I'm just saying my fucking podcast

guy. Um, not that I didn't want to stay with my, my niece, but I had an excuse to let her hang with the friends without me standing there. And if I didn't have this guy to talk to, I'd be the lone dude in the lobby or even worse on the floor watching the show, but it doesn't end there. All right. I'm guessing this is why the email was sent. Here we go. While I'm standing out there, a girl walks through and asked me what time it is because her phone died. I answered her and a couple of minutes later, we're talking about everything and anything. The other dad was a champ. He laughed at my jokes and then pieced out when he saw things going well. What was going well? Not like some married dudes. Uh, oh, oh, what

this chick came, wait a minute, wait, wait, wait, what? Oh, I answered her in a couple minutes later. Oh, we're meeting you and the lady. We're talking about everything and everything. The other dad was a champ. He laughed at my jokes and pieced out when he saw things going well. Oh, there's not enough guys like that. Right. Dad. He fucking made it. Look at this guy. He's holding in court. There's a guy right there. That guy, he gets out in the intersection when the light turns green. He makes sure two cars behind him gets through. That's what I'm saying about that guy. He said, yeah, he made sure he pieced out when he saw things were going well, not like some married dudes who don't get out

much and feel the need to flirt. So they have, uh, something to jack it to later. Anyways, I've gone out with this girl a bunch of times then and got into a new band that I love whose name I won't name because you don't like to name names all because of all Billy original recipe tits. Uh, thanks to go fuck yourself. Well, that's great. That's great. You know what? And that's a nice fucking story for all the cock blocks out there. You know what I mean? Those people who fucking cock block, I've never understood that. It's such like a, it's such like a, ah, this is bad. So I want to trash women in this. I'm not the worst. I was looking to see that such like a female thing to do. You know, chicks have

that fucking thing where it's just like, well, if something good's not happening for me, then I'm, and everybody around me has to suffer. That's like what that's like. The male version of that is the cock block. Well, if I'm not going to get laid, you're not getting laid. It's what the fuck is wrong with you? You know what I mean? That's that fucking douche who throws the lady out of the way and jumps in the fucking lifeboat on the Titanic. That person, right? Um, I don't know how the fuck did that's like male behavior. And I still ended up trashing women. Like what the fuck is wrong with me? I mean, part of it is I have issues with women, obviously, but the other part is it's just so fucking fun to

annoy him. Maybe that's my fault. Maybe that's my problem. Is it wrong that you'd rather annoy him than fuck him? Is that weird? Or is it just sort of a different approach? Oh my God, the best people watching in the fucking world, Reno International Airport, that fucking burning man thing was coming in and I was going on, you know, a couple, everybody kept asking me, hilarious, they're going, are you going to hang around and go to burning man? First of all, I was like two, three hours away from Reno, I guess. And secondly, it's like, dude, look at me. I was joking about that on stage. I'm a 48 year old fucking bald white dude. I'm not going to show up there and freak everybody out.

I look like a cop. Everybody's going to be in the middle of taking acid or whatever they're doing. And then I fucking show up looking like I have a walkie talkie on my waist. I don't want to do that. That's, that's some young kid shit. I hate when fucking people my age right before they just totally just, they're just too fucking old to even hide it anymore. I hate when they still try to go to young people's shit. It's over. It's not your time. You don't remember when you were, I remember back in the day when I would be in the clubs, you know, way back in the day, old Billy Redface in the clubs won't bump it, don't bump it, don't bump it, don't bump it, don't bump it. That girl is poison. Right? They'd always

be that fucking old creep and then you just believe, looking at, like, I remember just looking at somebody who was like 35, even like 27 started to seem old, like, what the fuck are they still doing there? We were like 20, 21 fake IDs getting this pain. There'd be somebody 27 in there like, what the dude, you should be like married with kids by now. That's what 27 seemed. Now here I am 48. I don't, you know what, who the fuck am I to tell you what to do? It's just my own personal choice. I don't, I like going to adult shit. I want to be with adults. I don't want to be, you know what I mean? I don't want to be around that shit. Oh, by the way, and speaking of young shit, I have to give a shout out to a DJ named

Afrojack who I'm not going to lie to you. I never heard of the guy. I'm not in that fucking world and everybody sent me this thing where he took a clip of some shit. I guess I talked about DJs like a couple of years ago. That's how it works on my podcast. I'll say something and it takes like two years before anybody really hears it. Like that Kardashian thing or the Yoko Ono thing. Like I said, they did the podcast and it goes like two years goes by and then somebody who actually has a podcast with influence like Joe Rogan. Joe Rogan blew up the Yoko Ono thing. So anyways, people were sending me this shit and he did like a, I don't, do you call it a song? Is it a track? Is it something else? I don't know what the fuck is. I don't know what it's

I don't know what the fuck it is, but he somehow lined the shit up and he put me in a song and as much as I still don't get what the fuck is going on, I want to thank the guy because there's a bunch of young people in the crowd and you know, performers, you need that. You got to keep getting the next wave of young people as your fans start to get older, they have kids and they can't even go out if they want to go out. You know what I mean? Like he just, he probably just stopped me from going on cruise ships. He delayed that for another like six years. So thank you very much, Afrojack. I don't know if your name is Afrojack, like that's your first name or if your name's Jack and your nickname's Afrojack, like, you know, Billy Redtits. I don't know. I don't

know what it is, but I appreciate it. Thank you for, you know, whatever the fuck, you know. How have you say it? How have you kids say that shit? You know what's funny? I actually watched this thing one time with Nia recently, this documentary on DJ AM. Can I just say that again and you guys, so I can make you cringe again, the fact that I, as old as I am, just said that name on DJ AM and I watched it and I actually started to understand like, oh, to see the, I know there's an art to everything, but I actually was really starting to understand it and Nia was talking about how one time she and a friend of hers were in New York and went to some fucking club and that guy was DJ in there and she said it was like the sickest night ever of music

and, you know, within 10 minutes of being in the club, everybody's like, who the fuck is the DJ and then they figure out it's that guy and I don't know what it is. I guess it's like what song leads into the next song and you're changing the energy of the crowd, which I'm relating to stand up, right? You don't open with your closing bit, but you got to open strong, then you got to take them on a ride, you bring them up and then they're going to be burned out, you got 40 more minutes, what do you do? You take them down a little bit and you start building it back up, down a little bit and then you're tearing them apart. Yeah, you know, it's like wrestling. It's like what I did while Stone Cold's fucking podcast and you talk about how you bring them up, down, up, down,

up, down a little more higher, a little bit lower, a little higher and then you get them right in that last fucking moment and then they fucking explode and go nuts. So I don't know. Having said that, I just fucking, I like seeing live drummers. How is that problem I had when I went to go see fucking Lady Gaga? Like I can go see anybody if I can see the band. She had a band in a fucking house. They're like, it was in this fucking castle and she's riding around on a goddamn horse. Jesus Christ. Jesus fucking Christ, I believe was my quote. By the way, what the fuck's, Tony Roma right now, okay? If he was, it's hard to say this, you know, because I could never retire from fucking stand up. I don't feel I could. And obviously he loves football the way I love stand

up, I would think, but like this is the time to retire. This is the time to just say, you know what, fuck this, you know, it's like Ali, those last few fights, if he didn't have those, maybe it would have been a little bit different. I don't know what the fuck am I to say that shit, but I don't know, man, you fucking break a bone in your back for the second fucking time. Jesus Christ. How fucking tough is that guy? By the way, everybody always breaking his balls. I probably shouldn't have said that shit, you know, I don't know if he's married or he's got a woman in his life. Because what if I just gave her ammo and then I just ruined his breakfast? Tony, do you hear this? Do you hear this podcast? You hear with this person who never played organized

football past the fourth grade said, sorry, look at that. I'm sitting there fucking shit, not cock blocks. And then I turn around and I make a move like that. What a fucking asshole. That's, you know what, Bill, that's just typical you. All right, let's, let's read these last couple and I'll read a couple more fucking questions or whatever. All right, simply safe. Thousands of people thinking home security get ripped off every day and home security industry and the home security industry wants you to believe it's your only option. They've got hoards of salesmen out there trying to scare you into signing with their long-term contracts. You get stuck writing huge checks month after month with no way out. It's robbery by contract

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I'm a lot of sorts here. Okay. Oh, this will be a good one. Stand up at high school reunion. Oh, no. Oh, this just has fucking train wreck written all. If this is a comedian, and they're going to do stand up at their high school reunion. That takes balls, man. All right, Bill, fuck you, sunscreen burr. We've missed a couple reunions now. All my classmates are married with kids. So we, I'm guessing you're a significant other. I've been doing local stand up for a while now, but that's been two hours away from where I grew up and none of my classmates have seen it. S C E N E. They haven't seen it. This is why it's great to get into show business is you could be as dumb as me and you can still be successful.

Um, now they've asked me to do a set for the reunion. I'll admit it's different for people, you know, so your advice on going after the home crowd that knows you, keep it clean, offensive, use your best shit regardless. What are your sunburn thoughts? My sunburn thoughts is you're out of your fucking mind. There is no fucking way. There is no fucking way I would do that gig. I'm going to stand up there in front of these fucking people that I knew for 15 years of my fucking life and haven't seen for 20 years. And I'm going to be, as I'm looking at them trying to de-age their faces and figure out who the fuck is who. Oh my God. And go right

back to being like the pecking order. I'll tell you right now, you got balls. Like right now, the fact that you just said that, you know, I'm going to do stand up at my high school reunion is the spider moment in good fellas where he goes, why don't you go fuck yourself, Tom? And then DeNiro goes, oh, just like that pause. Shoes him in the 40 tell him to go fuck himself. You know, I don't take no shit off nobody. Right. Yeah, go ahead and you know what, dude, I say you fucking do it. And this is the thing, dude, I would, I would fuck. I would not hold back. I would give them both fucking barrels. The only thing you have to lose is, is if it goes bad, you're going to have a great panel story

about bombing in front of people you haven't seen in 20 fucking years. My advice would be, I would definitely, I would see the humor in this situation, how fucking ridiculous it is. That's what I would do. You know, I don't make some sort of joke that, you know, after me, you know, fucking Joe blow over here as a biologist, he's going to come up here for 10 minutes and look through a fucking microscope or some shit. I don't know why I have no idea what I would do. But I've actually, you know, I've done something like that. I'm I'm not going to lie to you. I've done something like that. I did stand up in a bar in my hometown and there was, it just so happened there was,

there was like, I don't know, there was like a table of people I went to high school with and I'll never forget looking at them. The look on their face was, holy shit, that's that fucking guy you used to have snowball fights with. Like they're not even listening to you to just watch. This is the thing. They're psyched. You're doing it. It's all between. It's all about keeping your own fucking head together. And I'm not necessarily good about doing that. Like I don't even like seeing the crowd before the show. I hate that. I hate when before I go into something, somebody goes, Hey, Bill, looking forward to the show or like, Hey, really like your stuff. I hate that because I feel like I always feel like, well, now what if I go in there and I bomb? Or what if

you don't like my shit? And then you already said that you liked me and then you're going to feel bad that you said that because I stunk. Like after the show, I'll talk to people after it went well and I felt like I gave you your money's worth. Then then I'm fine. But I feel like if I get compliments on the way in, I'm like, I'm like taking out a loan. Does that make any, I don't know. So anyways, I gotta say, you got more balls than I do. And if that sounds weird and disjointed, like from that, my last thought is because I had to pit pause and go fucking shut off the air conditioner. Oh, it's going to be a fucking hot one today. You know, all right, I think this is the last one here. The last question. All right, last question here.

Ex-girlfriend's sister. Hey, Billy Bergenstocks. I'm 26 and still in love with my high school sweetheart. We've been on and off again for 10 years and have gone through a lot to say the least. Jesus Christ, yes. I just got back from a two week vacation with her where everything was perfect and we had the time of our lives. This is the woman I want to start a family with and it became more and more apparent on this trip. Congratulations. What could go wrong? Here's the thing. I slept with her sister on a drunken blacked out night three years ago while me and her were not together and were on bad terms. Oh boy. Oh boy. My heart was broken and I had a lot of resentment. I was 23 drunk week. Shut the fuck up, dude. You had a dick. You fucking jerked off to her while you

would date in her other sit stick. Get the fuck out of here. Don't fucking comment me. I got a dick too. All right. Don't fuck. And her younger sister came on to me. Oh my God, you victim. Things were different then and I was a mess. Listen, I'm not saying you weren't fucking heartbroken. You were fucking psyched the next day. There you go. You know what? You just got to check off a whole family. All you got left to do is bang their mother. That's got to be called something like the grand slam. You know, like when Tiger Woods won four in a row and they were saying he won the grand slam. You won all four majors would be if you bang the mother and all the daughters, that would be the grand slam. The amount of guys laughing right now while the women are pissed.

Well, a year or so later, me and my high school sweetie started talking again and started to become close leading up to where it is now. I had an unbelievable guilt for what I did with their sister. The closer me and this girl got years later. It is the only thing that I haven't been honest with her about and I had to tell her, you fucking idiot. Now you didn't. You should have talked to your sister and there's been like, look, what are we going to do here? You know, is it good? How does it make things better that you told her? That's such a, and then like for the rest of their fucking lives, that's going to be a problem between the two of them. Jesus. You shouldn't have said shit and just waited till 20 years later

when the sister, you know, who never got married gets fucking hammered and you go, yeah, well, I fucked your husband 25 years ago. And at that point, you know, what are you going to do? You be like, yeah, it was dude, I was in the fucking 2000s. What do you want from me? Anyways, he goes, well, a year or so later, me and the high school sweetie started talking again, blah, blah, blah, blah. I had an unbelievable guilt. So I had a test. So the last night of our vacation, oh my God, we were laying in bed and I told her everything. I took a slap. She was crying for hours and it was as ugly as you can imagine. Well, you know what, dude, I commend you. You got it off your fucking chest. He goes, I feel terrible and I'm torn on

if it was the right decision to tell her. My friends are giving me mixed answers and I would like an outside perspective from someone who I respect greatly. Jesus, I appreciate you respect me. I don't know, dude, if it was really bugging you and you felt like you had to tell it good, good, you told her, you know, now you don't have to worry about that fucking thing coming out of nowhere. He goes, it is still fresh and everything is confusing on what is next. We love each other very much, but obviously I fucked up big time. Do you think this relationship stands a chance? I really hope it does, but I'm worried I ruined it. She seems to be getting through it better than I thought after her first reaction. She told me she loves me, but I really hurt her and she needs

some space because when I'm with her, she needs some space. I hope you don't have a brother. Because when I'm with her, okay, she told me she loves me, but I really hurt her and she needs some space because when I'm with her, she can't be mad at me. I'm not a scumbag and this is completely out of character for me to do. I just made a terrible mistake. Thanks, go fuck yourself. I will say the fact that you actually feel this level of guilt, you're a better man than me because I wouldn't have said shit. I just would have just been like, well, I hope this doesn't fucking come out someday. Well, we're having pumpkin pie over Thanksgiving and I bet there's a lot of people out there that

live with that secret. My thing is not only the cowardly self-preservation that I would try to have, I would also, I'm also thinking like, this is, I would have handled that situation. I either wouldn't have said shit or I would just break up with her and just walk away from it because I wouldn't say, hey, by the way, I banged your sister and then for the rest of their life, they have to fucking deal with that when I'm the piece of shit that did it. But I have to commend you that you actually felt that level of guilt and said something because I don't know. So it sounds to me that you're going to get past it. So the good thing

is that now you don't have to worry about that fucking grand piano crashing down on your fucking life someday. So that's the upside. Maybe there's an upside that you told her where she'll have faith in you that like, wow, this guy actually feels guilt about stuff like that. So I can trust him. We were broken up while it happened. You know, let me see if I can get Nia in here for this one. Hang on a second. All right, the magic of the pause button again. The lovely Nia is here. Hi. Hey, how are you doing? I was watching the VMAs because you refused last night and we were watching. No, because I was watching the car race. Is that Formula One? Formula One. Was it? Is it called? Yeah, I said it sounded

like a swarm of killer bees. It's a lot longer than I thought it was. They go into the corners? Yeah, I know. It's a little PlayStation fucking Game Boy they have for a steering wheel now. I didn't know they had to go around 44 times. That's a lot of times. Well, it's a long track. It's like a four and a quarter mile track. What? Nia, they're going like 200 miles an hour. You can't fucking have them drive around a parking lot. Oh my God, I know, but yeah, it was just a lot longer than I thought. Yeah, the first time you go to a race track, you can't believe how fucking big it is. Like, I've gone by Talladega and it just keeps going and you're like, oh yeah, they're driving like 180 miles an hour.

Yeah, so it's got to be long. Okay, that makes sense. Yeah, and then I fell asleep, so I wasn't able to catch up on all the moments that everyone's talking about. I don't know what anyone's talking about. Oh, the VMAs? Yeah, I have to go and watch. Obviously, they're not on MTV, but they're all online. Yes, videos are still produced and made because you're always like, they don't even make videos anymore. They do make music videos, but they're all online. How do I say it? They don't even make music videos anymore, but they're all online, but they do make them and they still have big budgets too. That was going to be my next question. All right, ex-girlfriend's sister. Oh, Jesus. All right,

really quickly, this guy, all right, I'll give you the abridged version. I've been on and off again for 10 years, just got back from a two week vacation with her. Everything was perfect. We had the time of our lives. This is the woman I want to start a family with. Here's the thing. I slept with this sister in a drunken blacked out night three years ago while we met, while we, me and her were not together and we're on bad turns. My heart was broken. I had a lot of resentment. I was 23 drunk week and her younger sister came on to me. I don't know. I tell you, that's a rough one. That's a real rough one. You like how he makes himself the victim? Yeah, she came on to me. Okay.

I said earlier, I said, dude, I have a dick too. Don't fucking lie to me. Yeah, exactly. Stop it. I said, you rubbed one out to her before you fucking. Yes. The seeds have been planted for a while that you've been wanting to fuck the sister. Don't try to act like, oh, I was so heartbroken. You and the sister are both dirty. Okay. So here's the deal. He goes, he felt terrible the last night of the vacation. He couldn't deal with the guilt. So he told her. Oh my God. He goes, I tell, he goes, I took a slap. She was crying for hours and it was as ugly as you could imagine. Yeah. All right. She told me she loves me, but I really hurt her and

she needs some space because when I'm with her, she can't be mad at me. I'm not a scumbag and this is completely out of character for me to do. I just made a terrible mistake. So he's basically saying, do you think the relationship stands a chance? I really hope it does, but I'm worried I ruined it. She seems to be getting through it better than I thought after our first reaction. What do you think? Yeah, no, it's, it's not going to happen. You fucked your sister. It's over. That's it. You think so? Yeah, because I mean, maybe, maybe there are some people who are more emotionally evolved than I am, but I couldn't get, but like that's her sister. Like her sister's not going anywhere. And like, how's it going to be at like Thanksgiving and Christmas and like all that

kind of stuff. Like you're just going to avoid each other or just kind of like it's weird. I mean, maybe the three of them can have a threesome. No. That's exactly what I was thinking. You can't, you can't have a threesome with your sister. That's disgusting. That's gross. I would never want to see my sister talking to each other and he's behind them. Yeah. Yeah. Talking to each other. Hey, never we went to the water park. Oh no, stop. Unless the three of them sit down and both this guy and the sister are so repentant and so whatever, but like you, you'd never be able to trust them. You'd never be like, oh yeah, can you guys run out and like, you know, get some extra sugar and more groceries. Exactly. Exactly. So, and that's the thing. She might be okay with him

now, but in the end she's going to choose her sister like that. No matter how her sister betrayed her, that's the sister. So you are disposable. You're just like the dude. That's her family. So if you think that you really have a chance, her and the sister, her and the sister will probably get past it, but like a long, long ways from now and it will probably always still be there, but because their family, family betrays each other all the time, you know? Here's the thing. I think what she did was worse than what he did. The sister? Yeah. Oh, definitely. If we're going to like put them on who was the worst person in the situation, the sister 100%. So here's what I learned. You never do that. If you're with a woman, okay, okay, and you guys break up and blah,

blah, blah, blah. If her sister comes on to you, like you are effectively ending that relationship forever. Yeah. Yeah. Not only do you think he should have told her and the relationship with her. Do you think he should have told her? The thing about it is, is that he told her because he felt guilty. So it was to unburden his own conscious because it wasn't real because there's nothing in telling her that would make her feel better. And oh my God, thank you so much for being honest with me. That's the sister. So I don't know. I don't really know how to answer that. You said nothing, nothing commendable that he had such guilt that he had to tell her? Not really because people are burdened with guilt all the time and they like, oh,

I just had to get it off my chest. And it's like, great, congratulations. It's off your chest. Now I feel shitty. So was that really for me or was that for you near Renee Hill? Coming here, bringing the love. Yeah, I don't, I don't, I'm not with that whole like, well, at least he was honest with you. It's like, for what? For me? No, that was all for him. I never looked at it that way. Wow. Yeah. Not that I don't think apologies are worthwhile or I don't, it's not like I don't think that you should apologize for something you did wrong, but I just feel like you really need to question. I was really hoping that's what you were saying. Yeah, you really need to question your motivations for confessing something of this level. You know what I mean? It's like,

what are you really trying to do? A lot of times people are just trying to unburden themselves. Well, that's what I was saying. The best thing now is he got it out there. So he doesn't have to worry about that grand piano coming crashing down into his life someday. Like I'm saying, well, they haven't like fucking Thanksgiving dinner. What I want to know is what is going on between the girl and the sister? Because obviously that's no sister. That's no real, I don't know. That's what I'm more interested in. You know what's something else? Why that's fucked up is because now you know that the parents know, you know, you think she would have told the parents like, mom, Stephanie fucks my boyfriend. Yeah. And then they got to be like, oh my god, we raised

the whore. And I don't think that she's a whore. I'm not she's not a whore. I'm serious. People make mistakes, but that's really that's that's issues. No, no, that's that's beyond. That's a power thing. Yeah, it is a total power thing. It is. I wonder if this was a younger sister. And I wonder like, who knows? But that's what I'm more intrigued about now is like, what's going to happen with these sisters? You know, that's like, that's some deep shit right there. I don't know. That's like a power thing on her thing saying like, you know, as much as you're into her, you still can't fucking resist me. What is it? Yeah, maybe so. Because who does that? Who goes after me? Let us into the female mind. I can't let you on that. That's not a female thing.

That's like a dirty ass hoe, bitch, nasty person. I don't know what that's like. I would never go after a relative's like significant other. So where do you draw the line? What do you mean? Co-worker. So you're not just so the people know because you really have strong opinions on this. So I want to know. So family obviously. Yeah, no, you don't do that. Yeah. If this is a person that is clearly in a relationship with somebody else and, you know, got all that together, I want to know where you draw the line. Co-worker. Okay. You guys occasionally have lunch together with the sister's co-worker. Yeah. And there's something the guy's got like, he does like the the paisley tie with the suspenders, you know, that can't resist. Yeah. You guys always go nuts

about that. No belt. Yeah. Well, if you have suspenders, you don't need a belt. So but anyway, um, what if he has both suspenders and a belt and then you think like, I don't know what it is that you're trying to do. Why would you have both? Wouldn't that, wouldn't that like get that thing, that female thing where like, you'd feel safe, like this guy's really going to have like, he's going to have an alarm system and a gun and a sword and wear two condoms. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know about that. Yeah. No, I mean, if they're not involved, if they're not like in a real relationship neighbors, yeah, that's not a neighbor, would you, would you bang a neighbor? Would I bang like my sister's neighbor? No, not your sister's. No, we're taking

family out of it. I'm saying where, where is the line where it's just like, well, whatever, bitch, you know, isn't that how you guys say, you put the hand up, whatever, bitch. What are you talking about? I'm saying, cause you're saying like, that's family. You can't fucking do that. I'm just trying to find a comedic angle here. Oh, I see what you mean. I mean, neighbor, two streets over, your neighbor knew them, invited you over and you went over there. You know what? I have a real life example of this. The guy was, the guy was an architect. Okay. All right. I got it. I have a real life example of this. During, during my prom, I went, my senior prom, I went with somebody else. You're dirty. Yeah. Wait a minute. I went

with somebody who was just a friend. Okay. But my friend, yes, Bismarcky was just a friend. But my friend went to the prom with this guy that she had just met and they were set up by another friend. He went to a different school. So they didn't really like know each other. Here come the justifications. They just met. They were set up by friends. So I'm totally innocent. So we really, we really connected during prom and like, as you know, that was not what happened. As you know, my prom did not end that great. My parents like came and like took me from this house that I was in because I was dumb enough wait to tell them the truth. I called my parents because I was supposed to spend the night at a girlfriend's house, but instead we're going to be hanging out at

this boy's house. His older sister was there. There was a whole bunch of us were hanging out. I was having such a great time that I called my parents and I said, Hey, just so you know, I'm staying here. My mom completely flipped out and she and my stepfather came and like extracted me from the home. So that's how my prom ended. Exactly. So it didn't end on any, it was a very traumatic, but great parents. Ultimately, they did the right thing. But anyway, he me and this guy ended up connecting and we ended up like dating afterward. So, you know, oh, that's different. I thought you were saying like, you know, like we went in the bathroom went to the front part of the limo and put the window up.

No, no, no, no. But it wasn't her boyfriend. They had just met. I think she definitely felt some type of way about it, you know, only because he chose you over her. Exactly. You guys didn't have any sort of like friendship, friendship. No, she and I were really good friends. Yeah, no, that's not good. Oh, that's a rough one. But it wasn't a lot of rough ones. A lot of rough ones. And we dated for a while. We dated up until, you know, like I went to college, basically. And that was that was the end of that. So it wasn't like this long term, you know, tour to fair. It wasn't like he was my first love or anything. He was just really cute and a football player and likes Bob Marley. You know, hey, what can I say?

Oh, I'm sorted, sorted, sorted details here. All right. Well, that's the podcast for this week. Jeez, Nia, you came hard this week. You came hard. You really fucking just put that guy. You just said, you know what, that's it. It's a fucking rap. And you know what? I think you're right. I think you're right. I can say that. Yeah, as I said in my PGS. Yeah. How long have I had these fucking, but I've had these as long as I've known you, these fucking pajama bombs. There's two things that'll never die. Pajamas will never get holes in them. Right. And sweatpants. You cannot kill sweatpants that I made out of that fucking, I think I'm gonna go do some breakdance. What was that? Boogaloo? Something rather whatever the fucking movie is? Yeah. Yeah,

whatever that fucking movie. Electric Boogaloo. Electric Boogaloo, right? Right. That was the second one. That was the second one. Electric Boogaloo. That was such a weird period where all those dance movies are coming out. You know, one of the worst dance movies of all time is Footloose. That is some of the worst dancing ever. Yeah, it's not great dancing. It's pretty peak white dancing, but it's still a fun movie. What? Why are you looking at me like that? Because I don't, I just, it's how, how you can fucking sit through the excruciating dances in that movie and still see the fun. And it's cute. And it's like, it's a town where they, it's a small town and they're band dancing. That's right,

because dancing and folks. Was that an off Broadway play that they turned into a fucking, they made it into a Broadway show, of course, because they always do. That's where it should have stayed. Yeah, I don't know. You should have to decide to go. Kevin Bacon was hot in it. And remember that part where he goes and he does that solo dance out of frustration in the barn and he's like flipping around on the beams and the ceiling along the barn and he's, you know, no, was that the Billy Squire video? Who's Billy Squire? Billy Squire, the poor bastard. The guy was a fucking rockstar. This guy that you were like obsessed with watching all of his videos when we were on vacation. Yeah, because when I was watching him live in like Detroit, I was like,

this guy was a fucking rockstar. Nate, you got to see the video. It's so bad. No, I remember you showed me the video. Did I show you when he was crawling on his fucking? I feel bad piling on, but like, I know the guy already feels like it ended his career. What are you doing? I know. And I said, I wouldn't do it. I said, I wouldn't do it. And here I am. No, I don't know what is it's the, you need to apologize to Billy Squire and get that off of your chest while he's still feel shitty about it. Oh, by the way, his drummer, I guess, is pronounced Shunard, Bobby Shunard. I'm reading through that book, and I'm reading that WBCN book, which is fucking great. All right, that's it. That's the podcast for this week. Thank you

for stopping by, Nia. Thank you for having me. Always with your wonderful advice, your stories, your general adorability. The dog needs to go for a walk, take her around. Hey, Cleo, you want to go outside? Look at that look. She has been wanting to go all morning, poor thing. Cleo, let me see. Can I get her to howl on the podcast? Cleo. Wait, have her sit down. Cleo, sit. Sit. Sit. Sit down. Come on. Sit. Cleo. You want to go outside? Cleo. Come on, man. Fucking, she's like the frog. Cleo. Do you? No. Cleo, you want to go outside? Because she knows you're trying to get her to do

it. Wait, hold on. Do you want to go outside? There it is, Sarah. All right, I'll see you guys. Check in on you on Thursday.