Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 8-29-22

Episode Date: August 29, 2022

Bill rambles about professional gamblers, walking away muttering, and Hawaiian sports.

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Byrne. It's time for the Monday morning podcast for Monday, August 29, 2022. 2022. What's going on? I want you. Oh my God. Was that the last weekend of the summer? Or is it technically Labor Day? Is Labor Day the last weekend of the summer? You know, I'm excited about I'm looking at my hotel window. I'm in a casino in Maryland right now and I just saw a Southwest jet landing. So I was thinking to myself, does that mean the airport is really close? You know, but you never know what Southwest because those motherfuckers will land anywhere. You know, I mean that in a good way. You know, they go to the alternative airport. You know, the mom and pop one where you can show up with

like a gun in your bag and they don't figure it out till, uh, I don't know, you got your fucking gun out on the plane or some shit. Um, like you can go instead of going to Dallas, the main one, you go to Dallas love field just like JFK, but you don't rent a convertible. Right. You actually drive, you know, a little faster. Um, that would be awesome. I'm going home everybody. Oh my God. Thank frigging Christ. I mean, as much as I enjoyed it out here, I have not been home since August 8th and I've had enough. This is my last big run of the year. All right. Then we're going to call him old Billy slow down. Oh, Billy around the house. You know, well, Peter pattern. We'll be walking around my pajama bottoms.

My slippers. I ain't doing shit. I ain't doing shit, which means I'll be editing the last bit of the movie. Fuck, but it's going to be done. And then that's going to be it. And then I am going to fucking, I keep saying this, but it's every time it's like, it's like walking up to a mountain, right? You think it's there and then it's, it's another hundred yards. Okay. Another hundred yards. Why is it still way the fuck away? Um, yeah, it's just going to be me, a little bit of football, playing with my kids. That is going to be it. Um, that's it. All right. And I know you guys are probably sick of hearing me saying this shit, but I'm just saying it. So I just keep saying no to shit. So I'm not doing

shit. So I can do the shit that I want to do. That's basically it. So, um, with that college football started this weekend and I will, I landed out here in Maryland and I saw a little bit of big 10 action. I watched the second half of Nebraska versus Northwestern and it was like last year's football season never ended. I picked up right where I left off being the old man screaming at the TV. Why the fuck would you do that? If somebody, somebody can explain to me why Nebraska scored that touchdown went up by whatever the fuck they went up by. I'm an old man. I can't remember the score. And then they, the, the next fucking move in the middle of the third quarter is you kicking on side kick, you know, pushing

all your chips in going all in. You have the fucking momentum. Northwestern recovers the ball, bang, bang, boom. They go right down the fucking field. And I'm, I blame John Madden video games. Everybody is just, I don't know, these fucking analytic, these fucking nerds who never, who didn't even get picked in gym class have figured out mathematically that this is a better thing to do, which it must be. If it works out mathematically, you know, if mathematics involved is involved, now we're talking about science, right? And all the good science, not the science that's paid for by a lobby, right? The science that is open minded. Is there such a thing? I don't know. Are human beings open minded? I don't

know. God knows I'm not. I try to be, I try to be empathetic. Mathematics involves science and science is like, this is the answer because we can prove it, right? Until someone comes along and says, well, you know what, I don't think you're right. Because this shows this and then they're supposed to be like, well, you don't say that's what science claims. That's what they claim they are, you know, like they act like they're a little bit better. Like, you know, science versus religion is like chiropractors versus masseuse. Okay, there's some respect with both parties, but each person thinks that they're doing a little bit more. All right, each person thinks that they have, you know, like the way chiropractors

probably think that they have the back a little more figured out than a masseuse and a masseuse is kind of like, well, you know, they can only do so much where they stop, I pick up and then the chiropractors are like, well, actually where they stop, we pick up and then masseuse goes, excuse me. And then the chiropractor goes, excuse you are excused. And they're like, you want to take this outside and then they're both like, well, we don't want to fight because we'll fuck up our backs. I think that's how a chiropractor masseuse fight goes down. I think so. I was watching that on the masseuse channel, which I'm sure there is at this point, the masseuse app. I guess the nerds, I guess if you can't catch a ball, you have time to

figure out mathematically what the ball does, right? As opposed to people who actually have to carry, catch, throw or swat a ball, you know, they're too busy fucking screaming like they're about ready to run down a hill in Braveheart. They don't have time to add fractions to figure out that I evidently the right fucking move was not to kick the fucking ball all the way to the other side of the field and make Northwestern, you know, try to go the whole length of the field and hopefully you'll stop them, you'll get the ball back and you'll take their fucking hot, right? Mathematics says you go for it. You kick the fucking onside kick, you catch them off guard. I don't know what the deal is. I don't know

what the deal is, but like that kind of like decision to me, you know, I don't gamble, but you know, like those fucking seasoned gamblers and they're playing Blackjack and they're sitting next to some shithead like me who doesn't really know how to play. And then at some point they start screaming that you're taking all my cards, which is my favorite thing in the world. I'm not taking any of your fucking cards. This is a game of chance. All right. Stop acting like you're in rounders and you got some sort of system. All right. If you had a fucking system, you would have figured out your life and you wouldn't be a professional gambler. All right. You gamble for fun with some something that you can afford.

First of all, if you're a professional gambler, how about you're not a professional gambler if I can sit down next to you? All right. I can't go out there and line up against a professional football player. Can I? I don't think I can. Well, sure. I could go down there for a second and then security would tackle me. Maybe that guy in the Pittsburgh Steelers would pick me up and body slam me. I don't fucking know. Anyway, so they fucking onsite this goddamn kick, give the ball right back to fucking Northwestern and then Northwestern goes down and scores and Nebraska never got the fucking lead back and they end up losing the game. The corn huskers lost to a fucking team that, you know, it doesn't eat corn. You

know, they're in the middle of Chicago evidently. Northwestern, which is weird to me. Shouldn't they be called, this is like an old school 80s joke. Why are they called Northwestern when they're in the Midwest? Shouldn't they be called Midwestern? Did mid just seem to like normal, like middle of the pack? Let's say North. So it seems higher. North is not higher. Okay. It's on a map. It is, but like on in reality, it's just North. Listen, I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about either. I have been on the road. I have been out here for fucking ever. And yeah, I don't understand why I would have this gigantic show in Boston, and then I wouldn't get a break afterwards. I'm kind of confused as

to why it was like, did you enjoy that? Great. Now work the next six days in a fucking row. Was it hard? Was it hard to come down after a show of that magnitude? Oh, there was no problem whatsoever. I got on a plane to Canada the next day and we all acted like it never fucking happened. It already seems like it was 20 years ago. But is the upside the upside of traveling the way I am is you get so fucking sick of your act. Last night, I think I rift like a half hour. I just like abandoned my act. I started thinking the jokes. I'm like, I don't want to say that again. You know what I mean? It's like, you know, when you know you're going to quit your job, you just pull up one day and you're sitting in your car

and your body literally won't let you get out of the car. It's like I physically cannot get my brain to have me reach for that door handle, open it up. I mean, maybe I can open up the door and maybe I'll start walking, but I'm not walking towards that establishment. I am done with that establishment. And it's funny because nobody in there knows you are. Nobody knows that you're that sick of it because you've been putting on a fucking phony smile like you do in every picture. Hey, let's take a picture, right? No matter what mood you're in, you're like, geez, I want to kill myself. Hey, can I get a picture? Absolutely. Ha, having a good time. I've figured out life. You know, back in the day, you know, those

fucking old pictures back when the guy, you know, looked like he was looking under somebody's dress before he took a picture. It was a small explosion. Nobody smiled. I mean, they just sat there and they just, however they were feeling, you just got that look on their face. I mean, maybe they were just sitting there going, where the fuck did the photographer why is he under that thing? And I'm not under anything and there's going to be an explosion. Maybe that's the reason why people had that look on their face. You know, maybe life was harder. I know I don't have no idea. It must have been harder. Everything was fucking hard. He had to figure shit out. You know, it was a motherfucker back in the day. It was having

a toothache. Oh my God. I mean, it was literally like that's one like one of your parents came in with some sort of farming tool. All right, open up. See what we got going on here. You're like, all right, quit you crying, quit you crying before I have you fucking trampled by an oxen. And that's the way it was in America. 19 fucking 01 19 ought one. Are you guys like me? If there's not video footage and it's about history, you can't watch it. I hate when there's like a picture. Somebody just draws a picture of what they think happened from a couple hundred years ago. And there's some guy narrating it as they slowly pan to the right and the picture, you know, to give me the idea like it was videotaped, like it actually

happened, you know, and then Jesus with his dirty feet walked up to a leper, right? And somebody painted a picture of it. And then they just slowly, you know, pan, you see Jesus, you know, forever with his just his arms open. Anyway, jam ban Jesus. That's my favorite Jesus, you know, jam ban Jesus. I don't know which Jesus you like. I don't like the one that's like hovering when he's looking down sad. I like jam ban Jesus, you know, where he looks like he went to a rock festival and got charged too much money for water, right? Which by the way, as much shit as you know, if you watch that Woodstock 99 documentary, I kind of googled some shit on that. This kind of makes sense, but they never really talk about it.

You know, they kind of make it seem like Woodstock was like this giant festival and it came and it happened, man. And it was like they were going to charge money, right, man? And then like all these fucking groovy hippies snuck in like the pieces of shit that they were. You know, it's just like this groovy hippie. It's a bunch of fucking crooks. That's what went to that fucking thing, the cheap pricks. I mean, how much was it? What kind of a fucking asshole doesn't take a bath and then sneaks into the concert and stinks it all up? No wonder it was outside. Jesus fucking Christ. Do you imagine if they had that in a goddamn arena? I'll tell you right now, people couldn't have snuck in just walking through

cow pastures as shit in their fucking sandals bitching about Richard Nixon the whole way. And what a crook he is as they sneak into the fucking festival, right? So anyway, all of those people showed up. Oh, can we see music festival? I'm trying to. And then they act like nothing ever happened again. Here we go. I'm trying to look this up as I'm telling you, but they act like nothing ever happened again, which, which like makes no sense. It makes no sense that people who try to make money off of other people would see all those people show up and there would never be another giant festival like that. Evidently there was people were like, well, hey, man, like what if we had

our own fucking Woodstock man, except we got these dirty stinky hippies who don't want to fucking pay for shit as they bitch about the man to come in and actually have to pay, right? There was that going on. And then there was also conservative America slash people who take showers and wear shoes. And when they go to a concert, they go into, you know, a venue and they actually pay to go in where they steal is at work from poorer people when they whatever the fuck business and they all do it. They all fucking do it. The liberals do it and the conservatives do it. It's why conservatives to me are less annoying because there's no lying in what they do in their lives. They're like, yeah, we're going to fucking rape you where the fucking liberals are just like,

hey, man, like, we're all in this together. We're like, we're all fan, we're all family, you know, man, and then they fucking rip you off. It's better if someone's just cunt right out of the gate, which is this. This is why I do my podcast, you know, just wire to wire cuntiness. So anyway, after like Woodstock in 1970, they did a number of festivals and the same shit happened, right? So they want to have another music festival. All right. So I guess like the groovy people were looking at Woodstock like, well, man, that's like far out, man, can you like imagine being out there, man, and like not have to pay for shit and like get shit for free? Wouldn't that be awesome? And conservative America is like,

we don't want a bunch of dirty fucking people coming in here. A bunch of goddamn dirty white people coming in here doing their fucking drugs, shitting out in the open, walking around with their pubes and pubiscouss and pubic bones and genitalia is out. All right, fuck that shit. So meanwhile, the man's like, well, how do we make money off of these filthy children? So what they did was they started festivals and then immediately once the conservative people, people with the shoes on, right, and wallets and stuff like that, right? So they're like, you're not having that dirty shit in our fucking town. All right, this is a Godfare in town. Jesus is white like us and we don't want anybody with pigment and that includes mud on their skin. That's how white we are.

There's even white people that we don't like, right? So they're like, fuck you guys, you're not doing that shit here. So then the people putting together the festival, they had to switch up the name. They couldn't say it was a music pop festival or whatever. So it was this festival called the Erie Canal Soda Pop Festival, you know, and they did it at this in Griffin, Indiana. All right. And the capacity of wherever the hell they were having it was 55,000 people. And they said it was a soda pop festival. Now, I don't know what kind of fucking rubes were living in that town that thought 55,000 people were going to go up to a soda pop festival when you can get fucking soda anywhere. All right, you know, I just realized,

you know, on the East Coast, they call it soda. And towards the Midwest, they call it pop. You want some pap? Hey, Bill, you want some pap? All right. And I'd be like, you mean soda? And like soda, that's all. What's all? All. O-I-L. Oh, oil? Yeah. You want soda? You want all? I just realized soda pop. I never put those two things together. You want some pap? Pop actually makes more sense because it's fizzy, right? I know. I'm all over the place. Well, you go fuck yourself, all right? You travel around. You travel around the goddamn Heartland, okay? Telling shit jokes for fucking week at my age. All right. I'm in survival mode right now. So anyway, so they call it the Erie Canal Soda Pop

Festival. So it doesn't sound like a bunch of dirty white people who don't want to pay for a ticket are going to show up, but that's exactly what happened. It's also known as the Bull Island Rock Festival. It was a rock festival held on Labor Day weekend of 1972 near Griffith, Indiana on Bull Island on a strip of land in Illinois, but on the Indiana side of the Wabash River. So they thought 55,000 people were going to show up, right? So probably everyone's thinking like, you know, Woodstock happened and I missed it, man, right? And then like, it's like Morrison was dead. Janice Joplin was dead. Jimi Hendrix was dead at this point. So they're probably like, all right, it's going to be a bunch of new fucking people, man. We can say that we were there

before they all fucking no deed, man, and we're not going to pay and all of this shit, right? So fucking anywhere from 200 to 300,000 people showed up and they had like eight bathrooms and they were saying it was the equivalent of having one bathroom at fucking Yankee Stadium and it went the exact same way as Woodstock 99. It was the first day of like the same, man. It doesn't seem like it's being run right, but we're here, right, man? We're fucking far out. Where are you from? Rock on, man. Peace and love, man, right? I don't even know if any of this shit happened. It's just, it's just how I feel it went down. And then by the second day, you know, the what the fuck emotion started settling in and then by the end, they just burned the whole

fucking place down. That's exactly what happened. And someone was trying to claim that at Woodstock 99, some old fucking rocker was running around on the last day telling everybody, you better get out of here. This is going to be another bull island. And everyone was like, what the fuck is that guy talking about? And you know what? He got the dude I called it. So anyway, like, I think like three or four people drowned probably because they were trying to bathe. Over the three days, the festival drifted steady into chaos. Food and water were in short supply. A torrential rain soaked the festival. By the way, God hates rock festivals. I don't think God likes peace either. And that's why I think he made us

the way we are. We are psychotic warlike people. And it goes from the humans all the way down to the fucking animals to insects. Everybody is fucking killing everybody on this fucking planet. I don't know why we think it's anywhere different. I don't know. A torrential rain soaked the festival. A truck bringing food into the festival was hijacked, looted and burned. Fucking peace and love, man. Till I don't have food for a day and a half, then I turn into a fucking vigilante. When some vendors overcharged for food and drinks, the crowd turned over many of the RVs and robbed the vendors. Fucking man, man. I gotta be honest with you. Why the fuck would you ever go to a rock festival? Every year when they have that goddamn Coachella and all of the Coachella,

whatever the fuck I said, Coachella. Cochella, right? Why the fuck? I understand young people. That is such a young person thing to go to. You don't have any money, so you don't give a fuck about your clothes. Why do you care if you're tripping, laying in the mud in the grass or in the fucking desert heat? But anybody over the age of 25 that goes to Coachella, you know, you know what the worst is? Is now when they go to those things, the richie riches that go there and they like fly in by helicopter and they have wristbands and shit and they sit there in an air conditioned little fucking pod as they look down as the raping and drugging and all of that shit's going on. People drowning and shit. We're up here. We were there, man. Fucking up there,

getting Botox shots as somebody's downstairs fucking Odeon. Is that dragging them into a pop tent? I don't know why anybody would ever go to one of those fucking things. Hey, man, do you want to stand outside for three days around people that have no business not having clothes on? I mean, why don't you just stay home and listen to the album or whatever the fuck it is. You listen to your phone. You know, I think that would be a lot nicer than actually going there. People are going to videotape it, right? You know what's funny? I can't say this, but this somebody who does that with like war, like there's certain people that keep showing up at wars, you know,

like that's their rock festival. Instead of saying home and watching it on the news. Anyway, on Sunday evening, some starving festival goers killed a local's cow that was still on the island, but did not have any means of butchering it. So they just killed the fucking cow. Drugs were freely available in a makeshift shopping district where dealers openly displayed their illegal goods. Numerous bans quickly canceled and three concert goers drowned in the Wabash River. As the festival ended, what was left of the crowd destroyed the music stand by fire. The promoters later explained that they had sold 30,000 advanced tickets for 20 to 25 each and had estimated a crowd of no more than 55,000 would attend.

Thus they were completely unprepared when more than 200,000 people showed up. Now, how could you be unprepared after that already happened at Woodstock? Following the concert, the promoters were subjected to multiple lawsuits by the owner of Bull Island, the vendors, the internal revenue service, the state of Illinois and the state of Indiana. The court found the promoters to be in contempt of court and find them several thousand dollars. All right, well, several thousand dollars. They sold a gross 600 to 700 grand and it had fucking shell out a couple of grand fucking state of Illinois and Indiana coming in to get some fucking money. They didn't give a shit what happened. I don't believe any of that. What happened there was deplorable,

but if you give us 1500 dollars, we'll forget all about the dead bodies. Do you know when I was in St. Louis one time when I checked out of a hotel, they charged me an occupation tax. They taxed me for occupying a hotel room like I was selling goods out of it. I didn't. I just used it for what it was for. That's just one of those. It's just a complete 100% fucking shakedown. Our ticket master is up to their old tricks. What is it now? Is it like $40,000 to see Bruce Springsteen in like the fucking 200th row? That whole thing. I like how scalping has become like professional now. Like literally the website that sells tickets is now scalping. And why? Why don't the politicians step in? Why don't they step in? I'll tell you why,

because the money that they make scalp and tickets, they then fucking probably peel off and stuff it into their front coat pockets and they pay for their trip to Epstein Island. Oh, there it is. I figured it all out. So anyway, I had a great time. I was in Redding, Pennsylvania, which I was talking about on the Anything Better podcast. So if you want to hear some of my stories from that, I'm not trying to do that shit. I didn't mean to do that. Well, man, you're going to bring up a topic and then make me go listen to another podcast you have, you bald orange cunt. What if I am? What if I've gone totally corporate America on you? No, I'm going Delta Airlines on you. You thought you were in the first group,

but we created another group ahead of that group. You go chase that fucking carrot for a while. Who do I have to blow to get on this fucking plane within the first 300 people? Is the number one question asked at a Delta gate? No, Redding was amazing. Just great people. Same thing like Buffalo, but I really liked Redding, Pennsylvania, and it was a beautiful town that is going through a lot of tough times. And for all these fucking patriotic douchebags out there, wearing their American Eagle fucking shirts and fucking America and all that, and all these liberal cunts out in Hollywood that act like they give a fuck. It's the fact that we just, I don't know, don't have the time to help really just help people out. Like there was so many people that I saw when I

was down there like that just needed help. But you know how I'm not even going to say capitalism, every form of government, how it works is you have to be constantly running or you're going to get trampled. So you can't even stop and help some if you go to stop and try to pick somebody up, then you get fucking trampled is the way the game is set up. That way you don't have the time to rebel against the cunts that are making you run. That's my theory. Now I'm not good at math, so there's no analytics involved there. So I'm sure it's fucked up on some level. But like I walked down the street and Redding, Pennsylvania was one of my favorite gigs of the year, by the way, an amazing venue. This little, what was it? I think maybe I talked about this on Thursday. I think

I did. Sorry, my head's spinning. It's just an amazing venue. But dude, walking downtown and Redding at like 10 in the fucking morning to get coffee, I immediately felt like I needed my head on a fucking swivel. You know what I mean? You know when you're walking down the street and you just feel a little too shiny and new and people looking like, who the fuck's that guy? And why does he look like he's eating healthy? I don't know. I don't know. But I really enjoyed, even though I was walking down the street, it was kind of scary and everything. There was a lot of great people there. Same thing with Buffalo. Buffalo great people. And before I went to the airport, I, well, before I went to the show, I got some wings and this great little sports bar

that had like the jerseys of the French connection from the 70s with the Buffalo Savers. They had all the Buffalo bills, you know, Cornelius Bennett, Thurmond Thomas, Jim Kelly, even like a Jim Kelly, Houston gamblers shirt on the wall. Great wings, the fucking onions were ridiculous. I'm trying to find the name of the fucking place. I'll figure it out. Probably say it on the next podcast. Shout out to them. They were super nice. And before I went to the airport, I went by Chialli the butcher, got a great roast beef sandwich. And my only, and then I also did a little walk around Buffalo. That was my cardio for the day I did that in the morning. And I walked around there minor leap ballpark, which is fucking cool as shit. My only problem was I went to go buy a

cigar in this place. And the guy goes, you in the system? I said, no, I not, no, no, I not, no, I not, no, I not in system in, I said, no, I'm not. And he goes, do you have an ID? So whenever I have an ID, I hold on to it. So the guy ended up taking it out of my hand and he goes to scan it. And I put my hand over the, so he wouldn't scan it. I go, what are you doing? He goes, I have to see if your ID is real. So I said, I said, I don't want to be in the system. And I quickly took it down. I took it down. I said, listen, man, I understand, you know, you didn't create this, you're just doing your job. I'm sorry, I'll put these cigars back. I don't want to do that. And, you know, little tents. And then I talked, commented, because they had these

humid doors that I liked, they had like an American flag on them, kind of look cool. And I was like, who makes those? Those are cool. He said, you know, I don't know whatever. I said, all right, have a nice day. And I walked out. And then, then I said all the shit that I was going to say in there that usually escalates, which has been happening to me lately. And that would have been the third time, third time, you got to look at what the fuck you're doing. So I made sure I didn't say nothing. But I did walk away, you know, muttering like a son of a bitch, like, what do you mean you got to fucking scan it to see if it's real? Just look at it. It's a fucking ID. You don't need to scan it. We got to make sure that I'm fucking 21. Look at me. I look like a

fucking lobster fisherman. You know, I'm fucking over 21. I know what you're doing. Fucking assholes always trying to take information from you. I'm buying a fucking cigar. I'm not going to scan my fucking driver's license. It was my only problem. Anyway, so other than that, I had a great experience there. And I had fun, you know, talking to the bills fans in the crowd. I'm just saying, you know, you guys got a good team. And I was, I was being 100% honest with them telling them when they do one of those NFL films about the Buffalo bills going to four Super Bulls in a row and losing all four, and they do it from the fans perspective, I shut it off. Like, I can't sit there and watch that level of pain. And I was joking that they should show that highlight

right after they do like starving children around the world, war torn countries, and then like Buffalo. I mean, there's literally people that went to all four, because after they lost the first year, and you blew all that money as a working class person, and they go the next year, they're going to win this year, they're going to win this year, and then they lose again, and then they go again. Now you're like in now you're chasing your money, you're like, well, I know if I don't go, then they're going to go, and I'm going to blah, blah, and they went again, and they go the fourth time, like there's no fucking way they're going to lose this fourth time. And then they did. I mean, these people literally lost a down payment on a house out there. I mean,

unreal. It's still an amazing achievement to go there four times in a row. But what sucks is no one appreciates it, and then you just get shit for it. So I worked with Dean Delray and Joe Bartnick in the running, and in Buffalo, and then Marilyn here and working with Todd Rex. So I've been having a good time, and they actually brought a drum kit in today. It was kind of funny, there was like a zillion workers like walking around, and I was kind of psyched. I used to get self-conscious if there was a bunch of fucking people around staring at me while I'm playing, now I don't even give a fuck. I still sound like shit though, but I did get a couple of practices in here. All right, let's do the reads for this week, shall we? All right, Indochino. You know, finding the perfect suit

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They offer a lifetime warranty and a 30 day free return policy. Right now, you can get a, you can get big discounts on all fire pits during Solo Stove's Labor Day sale and use the promo code BR at Solo Stove.com for an extra $10 off at Solo Stove.com promo code BR for $10 off on their incredible Labor Day discounts. But hurry, the Labor Day sale ends September 11th. All right, here we go. Oh, look who it is. They always, they're always batting clean up. It's the one and only zip. Cruder. Hiring is challenging, especially, I always start with just some big, you know, I'm frustrated. Every now and then we have all the copy starts that way. Don't you want, I want to feel safe. Don't you hate going out in the backyard and you burn your

toes? It's frustrating. Hiring is challenging, everyone, especially right now when you have so much on your plate. What are they talking about? Over-eating? What are they talking about here? Luckily, how am I supposed to hire anybody when I got this pile of wings in front of me? Luckily, there's one place you can go where hiring is simple, fast and smart. Other than just meant hiring simple, like you're just going to hire dumb people. They're simple people, good people, put their pants on one leg at a time. A place where growing businesses connect to qualified candidates. That place is ziprecruiter.com. You can easily review these recommended candidates and invite your top choices to apply. Zip is so effective that four to five employers who post

on Zip Recruiter get a quality candidate within the first day. No wonder is the number one rated to hiring site based on G2 satisfaction ratings as of January 1st, 2022. And right now to try Zip Recruiter, you can try Zip Recruiter for free. My listeners can go to ziprecruiter.com slash burr burr burr burr ziprecruiter.com slash burr. The smartest way to hire hire. Okay. Oh, I'm sorry. What the fuck says Hawaii Little League team have to do with anything? This is a letter. Oh, that fucked up. I love my favorite line of any copy. Zip Recruiter. The smartest way to hire. All right. I paused too long, but I always feel like a professional. Just the way that's written, you know, I always point to, you know, like you guys are looking

at me. I point at the smartest way to hire. I give you a little wink, got my hand in my slacks pocket, you know, exposing my smart belt. All right. Now it's time for the shit that you guys wrote. This segment is called the shit that you guys wrote and Bill tries to read it without stumbling. All right. Hawaii Little League team. Dear Bill, please give a shout out to our Little League team. Hawaii does not have a professional sports team. I wonder what would happen if we did. Well, who's your Little League team? Are you guys doing something in the Little League World Series? Now I have to Google this shit. Jesus Christ. What are you too busy living in paradise to give me all the fucking information I need? All right. Hawaii Little League 2022.

What do we got here? Little League World Series. Little League World Series. Hawaii has enjoyed one of the most dominant runs in Little League World history. Get the fuck out of here. All right. Congratulations. Little League in Hawaii and it capped off the fourth title in state history and yet another dominant victory. Back by six runs driven in by comma, Angle, Angel. I'm sorry if I said that wrong. And 10 strikeout performance from Jeron Lancaster or Jaren Lancaster or Jaren Lancaster. Hawaii blew away Kerasio. Did you just want me to read this shit so I'd sound stupid? 13 to 3. Winning by a 10 run rule walk off single from Angle in the bottom of the fourth. Hawaii went out of its way. Was it out of a way? What? Hawaii wasn't out away from sealing. You

get it? Hawaii, seal, sealing the victory in the top of the fourth, but a two run single by Jathan Cordia brought the score to 12 to 3 keeping their eye right. We got it. They fucked. Did they win the whole thing? That's awesome. Well, shout out to you guys. Congratulations. Congratulations and continued success. Oh boy. We're talking about pizza here. Chicago pizza in particular. You know what? It's time. It's time for an adult beverage. Did I mention I started drinking again? I almost made four years. What do you want? Now I'm drinking in the afternoon by myself while I'm doing a podcast. Oh, that's delicious. Tastes even better when you come back. I'm kidding. I'm drinking water. I'm drinking liquid death. Chicago pizza. Hey, Billy,

sherbert shack. It's a sherbert sack. Sorry. Sherbert sack. What is that? Oh, it's the color of sherbert. Oh, you son of a bitch. That's fucking hilarious. Billy sherbert sack. I like that one. It's a little quirky. I did that. I had to do a little math on that one. I don't eat sherbert. I don't understand what sherbert's supposed to be. Sherbert, you know what they should call it? Disappointing ice cream. Oh, wow. Did you give me some ice cream? What the fuck am I eating? It's sherbert. It is, you know what? I see sherbet. Sherbet is, I thought it was sherbert. Have I been, I thought there was another arm in it. Hang on a second. Have I been saying that wrong my whole life? Sherbert. Maybe I just wanted it to rhyme. Sherbert ice cream.

Oh my God, there's not another unit. Am I saying it right? Sherbert pronunciate. My whole life I've said sherbert. You want some sherbert? Here we go. Sherbet. Sherbet. It's sherbet? Sherbet. Oh, shit. Sherbet sack. I thought it was sherbert. No one's ever corrected me. You want some sherbert? Are we like, no, I want some, I say sherbet. Sherbet? Well, it does say BET. I swear to God, I don't know if I have a slight dyslexia. No, that's the new, that's the new way of saying, I have dyslexia. No, you're a dumb fuckbill. All right, I'll go with that. When you're in Chicago this November, skip the deep dish pizza joints.

Now, I wanted a Chicago Ian, a shagga wooing, whatever you guys call each other. Is it Chicago? Or is it shy cargo? I don't, I don't think I say anything right. I wanted somebody to tell me where the deep dish place was to go. This person's saying that style is not from the norm. Oh, it's not the norm for most local Chicagoans. There it is. Places like Lou Malnet, Mount Mount Natees, M-A-L-N-A-T, Mount Mount Natee, Manatee, Gio, Gio, Nails. What the fuck are these from like the turn of the century or Geno's East. They have a Gino. All right. What the fuck you doing? Which are the typical touristy places to get pizza are not the usual choices for locals. I couldn't agree with you more about how the sauce is the star

of the show. Probably the crust too. Yeah, if the crust is too thick, you know, in the end, you know, it's all of a sudden somebody gives you a fucking loaf of bread. Why am I doing that? And the cheese is just to compliment the sauce and the crust. Exactly. Okay, here you go. We're getting the inside scoop here. I would hunt down two places. Pequod's Pizza, P-Q-U-O-D-S Pizza. Pequod's is known for their amazing caramelized crust pan style pizza. It is a thick pizza, but not a deep dish or stuff style like the joints mentioned above. Amazing sauce, amazing crust. Dude, these are the kind of solids that, that, that you need. All right. Number two, Aurelio's Pizza. See, I like this. That's a good name. Aurelio. You know what I mean?

If they're not making pizza, they're one of the five crime families. The Aurelio crime family. No kidding. Aurelio Pizza. A-U-R-E-L-I-O. Aurelio's Pizza. Aurelio's has the best sauce of all time, period. Well, it's my favorite. Anyways, the sauce is a sweet style. It's fucking amazing, trust me. Although they have a deep dish, get the thin crust. It's Chicago style, which is cut into little squares, not into big triangle slices like New York City. It's not even New York City. It's like, like every other city. All right. Good deal. I'm adding that to the places to go. Am I turning into like a food podcast? Because now somebody's going to talk about sugar. If I turn it into a food podcast, you'll know when that day happens, because

the podcast intro will start with that. You know that generic everything's going to be okay music that they play before a cooking show? Like, ah, hi, I'm Kathy Kudwick and welcome to another edition of Mediterranean Moms. And I'm going to show you some of the recipes from the old country. My family is Greek and Italian with a little bit of Portuguese, Spanish, and French. You lion bitch, you just named the whole fucking Mediterranean so you can cast a wide net. What are you really? Huh? You're from Bulgaria? Is that what it is? Was your uncle a vampire? Is that where Dracula was from, by the way? Transylvania is a place, you know what I mean? Nowadays, I will say this. If Dracula was written today, you could not say he was from an actual

place because people would get offended. Are you saying we're a bunch of zombies? He was, you know, how is, you know, with all these woke douches out there, how has Dracula not gotten cancelled? I mean, I don't think I ever saw him hook up with a chick consensually. All right, he comes over there with his whole fucking vibe. He fucking bites on their necks and he basically ruins their lives. Yeah, that whole thing about him was just weird. He just came in all with his fucking slick. I mean, this is dangerously close to Richard Pry talking about fucking Dracula. I'm going to stop here. But I mean, that's basically when you watch. Remember that old Richard Pry about the whino meeting Dracula? All right, your sugar rants. Yo, Bill,

all those sugar and fatty rants are spot on. What ones? The something that I said was right? That's amazing. Or the ones that you're that I made reference to. Fat people go to the doctors routinely, but they're low cost visits to health industry because doctors can't do much for fat people. What are you talking about? They can fucking make a living off of them, giving them medication. They give them lap band surgery, you know, when they go in there with a fucking wet vac and suck all the fat out unless they can. Wait, unless they can and then the fatties have to pay for procedures when needed. Oh, all right, I recently learned how cancer detection works. And if it isn't the biggest tell as far as cancers go, I don't know what is this is how

they locate cancer. According to this person, they locate cancer by actually radiating sugar, sugar and adding dye to it. Then they inject the radioactive sugar into your system. It travels to the cancer because sugar feeds cancer. Every woo woo cancer treatment in the last 100 years includes cutting sugar out completely. I swear to God, I don't even understand. Just how did we get here? Is the only way to make money by slowly killing people that seems to be the easiest way to make a lot of money? Podcast question. Dear Billy Graybush. I was recently, these are getting really personal guys. I know you're running out of ways to

insult me, but you know, at least you taught me how to say sherbet. I'm actually going to call my lovely wife, Nia, after this podcast and be like, how are you going to letting me say sherbert all these years? I'd be like, oh, I fucking hate sherbert. No one would say anything. But then I wonder afterwards like, did that guy just say sherbert? It's sherbet. That's sherbert. It's not a new fucking muppet you asshole. All right, dear Billy Graybush, I was recently listening to your podcast when you brought up drinking and how that is the easy way to go to deal with your problems. I don't think I ever said that directly. I don't know. Maybe what I was saying was like that. I don't know. I don't even remember half the shit I say. Anyways, this person says, I've been a booze

bag and done some pretty deplorable stuff since I was 18. I use it to suppress my childhood problems, but I feel it's really time to quit and to try to deal with that in a functional way. I don't want to be that old guy with a massive nose. Yeah, that's called a gin blossom and a face the color of a beat. I'm 26 now and every time I stop drinking, my friends shit talk me about how I'm not fun anymore. Should I risk losing my friends to better my own life? I don't think you even have to lose them. Just be like, yeah, you just like, listen, I'm going to fucking die. I don't want to look like WC Fields when I'm fucking 27. Look, you can, I just stop drinking and then try to stay friends with those people and if they're not going to be friends with you, if alcohol

was the only reason why you're friends, then you need to get some new friends. Unfortunately, you're only 26 years old, so you got plenty of time, plenty of time to find new friends. At my age, it's hard to find new friends because, you know, most of your good ones are dead and then people my age that are looking for friends, it's usually because they're assholes and they got kicked out in their 30s and 40s with people that should have been their lifelong friends. Anyways, love the podcast and what you bring to the comedy scene. Thanks and go fuck yourself. All right, I'm gradually learning how to speak English during this podcast. Sherbet, sherbet and it's anyway, not anyways, anyways. All right, underrated.

All right, shopping for deals. I make decent money. If I spend an extra thousand dollars a year on groceries or everyday supplies because I didn't price shop, I'll still be fine. After prices started inflating, I started looking around and realized no stores, no store has deals on everything anymore. You really have to look at multiple stores. I don't care if you need to save money or not. If you are giving into the convenience of paying $4.99 for dish soap instead of $1.99, you're a fool and are contributing to the fall of civilization. Well, look at you. You got it all figured out. Don't you get tight fuck? I'm going to tell you this right now. If you can afford to pay $4.99 instead of $1.99,

you can just fucking get the dish soap that's right in front of your face and not make an extra goddamn trip and actually live life, I would do that. But I've been there. When I wasn't making money, I just went to some shithole that smelled bad. I went to the bodega around the corner when I was living in New York City. That fucking asshole used to mop it up with the same dirty goddamn mop. I remember thinking like, why doesn't he just change the mop here? What I should have done is I should have just gone over to the shelf and got some bleach and poured it in there. To this day, I can still smell it. That was half my life ago. That place probably doesn't even exist anymore. That's the fucked up thing.

It's probably some glass tower with talking heads from CNN and Fox News living in there. Yeah, you know what? You're right. I think that sometimes because I'm terrible with money. Like, I don't spend a bunch of money, but I also don't give a fuck. I shop like a guy, where I'm just like, I need this. Are you selling this? Great. What do you want from here? That's how I shop. I don't go around doing shit like that. But I think you're actually right. That's why I kind of gave you shit because I knew you were right because I do that all the time. I just don't give a fuck. Like, part of it is I'm like anti-social. And it's like, now I have to go talk to another person. Now I have to walk into another store and there's

going to be that security guard who's like 108 years old. What are we going to admit that most of the security can't do shit in this country? It's just they just have person there so they won't get sued and they just hire somebody who got fucked out of his security money to stand there and lean up against the goddamn display of dishwashing detergent as you come on. You're the security? Yeah. Did you fight in the Spanish-American war? How fucking old are you? Oh, Jesus, Bill. That's ageism. Why would you stick an old guy? Is he just putting another victim in the store? Unless they wire their help, I've fallen and I can't get up button to the local police. Maybe that's the way you do it. I don't know. I have no idea. Anyway,

college football starts next week. Is next week's game, let's take a peek here at the NFL schedule. Let's take a peek. The NFL Thursday night game, right? NFL Thursday first game schedule. When is it? Week one. All right. Thursday, September 8th. Ah, fuck me. It's not next Thursday. It's the Thursday after. But look at that game, would ya? Josh Allen in the Buffalo Bills versus the Rams and that fucking guy from Detroit, who I already forget his name even though he won a Super Bowl. What the fuck was his name? The second the season's over. See, back in the day, I used to, when I had football cards, I would just go through them like flash cards. Granted, I wasn't flying all around

the fucking country and having two kids and shit. Uh, what the hell was it? Matthew Stafford. Bam! Got it. Who else is playing? Oh, would you look at this? Would you look at this? Would you look at this? Saints versus the Bengals. Browns at the Panthers. 49ers at the Bears. Steelers against the Bengals. Look at that. A big fucking divisional game right off the bat. Eagles versus the Lions. Colts versus the Texans. And look at this, look at this. My New England Patriots with Mac Jones is going up against the Dolphins who signed Tyreek Hill. Can we cover them? The Washington Commanders. Jesus fuck, the Cleveland Guardians, the Washington Commanders. What is it? That sounds like one of those, both of them sound like names of, of sci-fi,

like space TV shows that would be spinoffs from Buck Rogers that would go half a season. You know, Lauren Green stars in the Commanders. The New York football Giants against the Tennessee Titans. Oh, here's a fun one, the Chiefs versus the Cardinals. Raiders Chargers. Jesus Christ. Last time I watched a Raiders Chargers game, I was on mushrooms. It was fucking amazing. Packers versus Vikings. Buccaneers versus Cowboys. Tom Brady going into Dallas. Oh my god, there's going to be a lot of Botox leaking after he fucking drops 400 yards on them. And then you got the Denver Broncos against the Seattle Seahawks that do not have Russell Wilson. Wait a minute, the Broncos have

Russell Wilson and he's going into Seattle. You're telling me you're not going to sit down and watch that? Does anybody do it better than the NFL? As far as the show, I'm not talking about, you know, they take care of their veterans the way this country does. Shots fired. All right, that's it. That's the fucking podcast, man. I hope you enjoyed it. Thank you to everybody that came out over the last week. In the last week, I've performed to more people than I've probably performed to in my life without a doubt. It was unbelievable run. And I got one more show and I'm already feeling like I'm going to be in a stupid mood. And I wrote a couple of jokes today. I didn't

really write them down. I just, they got them in my head. You know, I was sitting outside up by the fucking valet and enjoying myself having a fucking root beer and a little short cigar. Now I'm going to head in and I'm going to do a little fucking damage there tonight, hopefully. All right, that is it. Oh, wait. Oh, I got to give this Buffalo, this Buffalo coffee shop a shout out. Let me see if I can at least find this. Let me see. Best coffee in Buffalo. All right. Here's the thing. All right. If you want, is this what it was? I think this was it. I think this was it. Let me see. Yes, this was it. I went to overwinter coffee in downtown Buffalo and they made just the perfect

espresso. See, I say that right. I don't say espresso. I say espresso. It was fucking amazing. And nothing gets my day going like that. And that's the same way I was saying the way you judge your pizza. It's, it's, it's, uh, you get, you got to get the plane. You got to get the margarita so they can't hide behind their toppings. Same thing with the coffee joint. All right. If they can't make an espresso, fuck everything that they're making in there. That's what I say. All right. We know that's what you say, Bill, because you just fucking said it. All right. Relax. All right. That's the podcast. Go fuck yourselves. And I will check in on you on Thursday.

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