Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 8-3-20

Episode Date: August 3, 2020

Bill rambles about Milwaukee, David Foster, and splitting the check.

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Byrne. It's time for the Monday Morning Podcast from Monday, August 3rd, 2020. What's going on? How are you? How are you, everybody? You feelin' mellow, man? You know something? I got the fuckin' song in my head. Any time I watch the Houston Rockets and I see James Harden, every time I see him, all I think is, me and Mrs. Jones, we got a thing goin' on. That dude looks just like Billy Paul, and I know it's wrong. Every time I see him, I mean, I know I'm watchin' Hoop, but all I'm thinkin' is, me and Mrs. Jones, Mrs. Jones, Mrs. Jones. What is that song about? Is it about the obvious? Is the dude fuckin' around? You know, havin' an affair? Or, as someone

suggested on the internet, he's talkin' about gettin' high. Oh, shit, is there like two meetings? Mrs. Jones, you know, you got a Jones. We're gonna meet the same time, you know, tomorrow. Even though we know it's wrong. Right? Anyway, I gotta be honest with you, I actually have really been enjoying the NBA games with the virtual crowd. You know? I think it's alright. The NBA was like notorious for constantly cutting to famous people sitting on the side of the fuckin' in the crowd. Like, who gives a fuck? You know, holy shit, it's the guy from the Phantom. Phantom of the Opera. Look at him. He doesn't like that call. Why do I give a shit? I know there was a bunch of hockey yesterday, but somehow I ended up

missing it. I missed all of it. And my Bruins lost to the Flyers, and some cunt sent me a fuckin' email from Philly, because what else would they be doing other than celebrating a fuckin' hockey win in August? Fuckin' douche even brought up the Eagles. It's just like, why would you do that to a Patriots fan? We won six. You know? I don't understand bringing up the fuckin' Eagles. What, because you won the last one? We beat you, you went one in one with us. You fuckin' QB, puked in the fuckin' huddle on the final goddamn drive. Great. You finally won a fuckin' Super Bowl. Your first title in 60 years. Alright. I mean, I guess if you want to talk shit about it. I actually literally have to remember that

loss. That's how many fuckin' titles we won. But this is a big thing. How long will the people before the Patriots win another one? What's gonna happen first? Will the Patriots win another Super Bowl or the fuckin' Flyers? And they have like a 50-year drought. Alright, so was that, was that like the playoff game? Bruins, Flyers, overreaction. B's in danger of earning low seed from Round Robin. Yeah, who, I don't get, I immediately go to the playoffs here. The Round Robin. Flyers beat Bruins in NHL, Round Robin game. Okay. Flyers stay hot. They stayed hot, okay. Stayed hot from what? This was like the first game back. You talking about the exhibition? Whether you weigh their last few wins at all that

much or not, the Philadelphia Flyers remain on a roll. The Flyers beat the Bruins 4-1 in the first NHL. Return to play Round Robin game on Sunday. Heading into the pandemic pause, the Flyers saw a nine-game winning streak end against the Bruins. Being that the Flyers won on Sunday and also their exhibition against the Penguins, this team has been on quite an upper trend. Jesus, I mean, that's a bit of a stretch, wouldn't you say? If you fuckin' won eight games four months ago and had a four-month layoff, these guys just keep rolling along. You think the last 200 days they didn't play. All right. I guess that's worthy of talking shit. I have no fuckin' idea. I don't even know what's going on. I mean, you really

gonna count this? You gonna count this as a fuckin' Stanley Cup win if you win? This is like when the Redskins won that Super Bowl in the early 80s, when like some of their wins with like scab players and shit. I don't know. I do know this is if there is a way to fuck it up and give somebody an unfair advantage, the NHL will figure out how to do it. So I don't know. I have no idea how the whole Round Robin thing wins. All they know is we're one game back and the Flyers beat the Bruins and evidently they're on one hell of a one-game role. Well, good luck to you and the Flyers. We'll see you in the next one.

Yes, sir. I don't give a shit. I actually like the Flyers and, you know, I can actually remember when the Bruins won the last cup, you know? It's that fuckin' song Joe Bartnick sings. Have you ever seen the Flyers win the Cup? Have you ever seen the Flyers win the Cup? If you have, you must be crying because, you know, you're close to dying. Have you ever seen the Flyers win the Cup? I mean, Jesus Christ, if I could talk and shit, you... It's time you won. Gerald Ford was in office. The Big University of Michigan. Yeah. So there you go. Congratulations to them. I think the Celtics lost. We lost to the Milwaukee Bucks who were looking great. They were our number one seed in the East. Yeah, we're wearing

these uniforms. We're like, what the fuck are those? It said Cream City on them. They said a cream-colored jersey and it said Cream City. I'm like, what in the fuck is Cream City? Milwaukee's one of my favorite cities. I've been there a zillion times. I love it more and more every single time. And I love one of the people say, hey, where would you live? I said Milwaukee. They're always looking at me like I'm fuckin' around, which is, I'm like, great, the secret's still not out. All right, Milwaukee, Cream City. I looked it up and it has to do with the fact that Laverne and Shirley got so much dick during that sick... No kidding. Cream City. It's because of the brick, I guess, that cream-colored brick. Cream

City is a cream or light yellow-colored brick made from a clay found around Milwaukee, Wisconsin in the Menominee River Valley. It's so weird how we went in there and just committed genocide against the Native Americans, just completely wiped them out and then just named shit after all of them. On the western bank of Lake Michigan, these bricks were one of the most common building materials used in Milwaukee during the mid and late 19th century, giving the city the nickname Cream City and the bricks the name Cream City Bricks. Characteristics, Cream City bricks are made from a red clay containing elevated amounts of lime and sulfur. This clay is common in regions of Wisconsin, especially near Milwaukee. When the bricks are fired,

they become creamy, yellow in color. You know something, Dean Del Rey keeps showing me this shit. He's like on Instagram following this cheap houses account and so many of them are like in the Midwest. I will tell you something right now. There is nothing more scary than a super old home in the Midwest. Every single one of them looks like fucking Ed Gein is going to be coming down the goddamn stairs. They're absolutely terrifying. Those old houses with the fucking wood and all because they're always empty, you know, in the middle of fucking nowhere and you're like Jesus Christ, how many crimes against humanity have happened in this fucking house? I saw one in the middle of Kansas. There's a school for sale, an entire

fucking public school, you know, big fucking brick brick ass building enough to hold all those baby boomer kids way back in the day and all the land. They want 25 grand for it. So I was texting some buddies of mine that make movies. I'm like you should fucking buy this thing. You'll have a location for the rest of your career. This fucking school could be a goddamn office building. It could be a nut house. It could be a school, a precinct. You could dress it up anything you want it to be and just fucking become the Tyler Perry of the middle of fucking nowhere in Kansas. You know, none of them bit on it. You know, I can only imagine the fucking problems that are in there, but you got to see the picture.

They're this thing. They still have the old fucking desks in there. When I say old, fucking old, like little house in the prairie old, maybe not that far back, but like desk kids probably used to dive under when they would take like they would do those practice. The Russians are coming to bomb us. Anyway, so Milwaukee known as cream city because of the cream city brick, who the fuck knew? Anyway, so I was last night, my wife was watching this, this frigging show about a serial killer. And I'm like, I don't, I don't want to watch this right before I go to bed. She's like, no, I just want to see it. It's like really interesting. It came in the middle of it. It was about the golden state. I'm a said warrior,

the golden state killer, that guy, you know, where you just fucking go to the police. Rape and killed all these fucking women. And then that shit that came along, you know, where you send your DNA into the internet, one of the dudes relatives sent it in. And it was a close enough match that they knew was part of the family. And they kind of narrowed it down to this guy. They waited for him to have like a fresco or some shit. And they took the can out of the out of the garbage. And then a 100% match and they fucking caught this guy. Right. So I'm watching this documentary and I got to tell you something. There's something wrong with one of the people in that family. I just don't buy anything that they're saying.

It seems like they're just saying what they're supposed to be saying. And I got halfway through that and I'm like, wait a minute, can being a serial killer? Is that like, you know, if you got like music in your family, if you have a serial killer, you know, and all of a sudden, you know, it skips a generation, but then somebody just sits down and can play the fucking piano. You know, okay, does that happen with like, let me see, let me look that up. Another fucking stupid thing. Oh my God, damn search engine is being a serial killer. Genetic. All right, I'm not the only dumb one who asks this question. Do all serial killers have a genetic predisposed position? No, I mean, is it hereditary? That's what

I mean. No, no one was dumb enough to ask this. I do not spell it. Her H. E. R. E. D. Red heredity hereditary. Oh my God. No, it just refuses. Can your genes make you kill when they don't mean tight genes? This is genes G with the G. All right. That's fucking hilarious. I got to wait for a fucking goddamn Ford pickup ad warning. This product is not safe to alternative cigarettes. It was a pickup truck. All right. The killer read his Bible. He drank heavily. It was the fall night of 2006. When the so-and-so walked out of his rural trailer in southeastern Tennessee carrying his 22 caliber hunting rifle. It's a strange wife and his friend. And it pulled up, dropped up there, washed up, brought eight times, killing

her. He used a knife to cut her head open. He then chased his wife with the knife and a machete. What in the fuck? There he told his frightened children, come tell your mama goodbye because it was the last time they'd ever see her. Miraculous, his wife managed to slip his grasp and escape. Is this a movie? Three years later in a county court, the dude admitted to the whole thing. He said he had snapped. I'm not proud of none of it. He told the truth. He convicted a felony murder. He faced a death penalty to save his life. His legal team took an unusual approach never before. They said he had a generic variant on his ex chromosome, the one that code. All right. Well, okay. So you got a bad chromosome.

You got to go. Job is breakdown. Jesus fucking Christ. That man hasn't looked up a fucking recipe. I don't even care anymore. You know, that's my ongoing complaint here. Anytime you like, Hey, what's a good pot roast recipe? You got to go through fucking three pages of, you know, growing up pot roast was always one of the meals that just brought our family together. The smell of it searing in the kitchen. My mother would always hum me and Mrs. Jones. And that's when we found out she was fucking a fat guy down the street that she called her her little side pot roast. Anyways, you're going to need two fucking sprigs of time. You got to read like a whole goddamn soliloquy. Is that the fucking word? The whole goddamn

thing there. Just to get to it. I think you look up how do you pour corn flakes on milk? You know, cereal is really a dividing issue in the breakfast world. I mean, personally, I love it, but there's other people that just cannot handle milk because they're lactose intolerant. Obviously, this really affects the cereal lobby. I remember when I was a kid, my parents wouldn't buy me tricks. So me and my little sister decided to try to make our own chicks. Um, fucking scroll down 10 pages. Take your favorite cereal, pour it into a bowl, add milk. Um, anyway, I did, I watched a lot of frigging TV. I didn't see the F one race. I knew there was an F one race, but I also knew that Lewis Hamilton

was going to win. And he did. Now he's like fucking 30 points ahead. I did watch the last lap with that high pitch guy was just screaming. He just wins every fucking race. He already has like a fucking 30, 40 point lead. I mean, he's just too goddamn good. The guy won the race on like three tires, like fucking stroke a race. That shit's only supposed to happen in the goddamn, uh, in the, in the movies. I actually kind of stopped watching F one because I was starting to have this irrational hatred of Lewis Hamilton simply because he was so fucking good. It was winning. He was so good. He was making it boring. Then I'm like, why am I, why am I bothered by this guy dominating like this? It's like, well,

you know, cause I turned on to see a race. I want to see racing. I want to see passing. I want to see excitement. I don't want to see, and Lewis Hamilton is the first one out of the first turn. And we all know that the race is already over, even though there's 70 laps left. Um, I will tell you a great documentary you got to watch. You got to watch the Robert Foster documentary. He's this legendary, uh, record producer who just has like this gift where he can, you know, hear a hit, make a hit and all of that. But I'm going to tell you something, man. I, you watch this documentary. This dude is the closest thing to like if

like Ron Burgundy was a, was a real person. I mean, the guy's fucking ego is like, I don't even know where to begin. The stories that he told about himself, none of them had a left turn. Every one of them was, I had to do this and I didn't have enough time and I fucking crushed it. He's like, when I was a kid, my mother played on the piano and I immediately said, that's an E and she was like, what? And I was like, that's an E and she was like, Oh my God, he has perfect pitch. He was telling these stories about himself. Then he told this weird story. I like his fucking, he had like four or five sisters and his mother every morning would feed them like soggy fucking cornflakes and then make

him bacon and eggs with toast every morning. And you're like, Oh, there it is. You're with a little prince and all the other ones were like scrubbing the floor with toothbrushes. And at no point was he sort of a little like, you know, it was fucked up. She was that playing favorites like that. The best part, right, is all the people around him who are just sitting there talking about how fucking amazing he is. You know, none of them questioning the guy's ego. This one fucking poor woman. I don't know what he had on her, but she's just like, you know, it's about time you did Broadway. I mean, she's literally pointing to a fake watch and her wrist. He's sitting there going like fucking, I don't know. I can't even get it. It was like,

and then Barbara Streisand told me she wanted an album that was all synthesizers, no drums, no bass, no French horn, no bassoon. And I got to tell you, I killed it. This guy goes like, he's the greatest keyboard player I've ever heard. And I've played with Herbie. He's talking Herbie Hancock, right? And then they cut the David Foster and he's working with Chicago. And he literally takes the horn section out of Chicago. He deballs the fucking band. He's better than Herbie Hancock. And then you're watching Peter Seteris singing one of the songs. I am a man who will fight for your honor. It's like, that's better than

bow bow bow. Get the fuck out of here. Herbie Hancock played with Miles Davis. This fucking guy is writing it and I will always love you. Anyways, check it out if you get a chance. Check it out. I mean, it is amazing what the guy has done, but Jesus Christ, what a fucking ego on that guy. And then there's fucking kids come on and evidently this guy was like, what are the worst fathers ever? As far as just like, his kids, even his kids were sticking up for him though. Maybe it's true. He's going, yeah, I was born and then he left like six, seven months later, but you know, he's still a great dad. He did the best he could. It's really bizarre. All you need to do is just see the picture that

is promoting the documentary. It's him with like 72 Oscars. I mean, sorry, what are they, what do you call those fucking music ones? Grammys. And he's just sitting there next to him like, yeah, I'm this fucking good. I got a great idea for a promo everybody. How about I just sit here with all my trophies? But evidently he wants an Oscar because he wants to be an Egot. That's another thing. He lists all his trophies and goes, and I still feel my trophy case is a little light. I mean, it's just like, why don't you just tell people that it's time for the gun show? Anyways, I think the only reason why Chicago didn't get more shit for the songs that they did in the 80s was because Phil Collins was doing all that other stuff. Phil Collins for some reason became

like the Bee Gees. There's always one band that just takes a fucking pounding. You know, I don't know who it is this decade or last decade. I remember two decades ago, it was like Nickelback. And the decade before that, who took the pounding? One of those rap metal bands probably. I get no idea. There's always just somebody just out of nowhere. Just all of a sudden, everybody was buying their albums. Then out of nowhere, they just get a ton of shit. So in the 80s, it was like Phil Collins, maybe Milly Vanilly. In the 70s. Well, I can't say that. I think in the 90s, it's the decade after when people then look back, going like, hey, man, that band's fucking lame. It's like, oh, the one that we all listen to.

Now we're all trying to walk away from the style, man. Sorry, I have no idea what the fuck I'm talking about here. It's 22 minutes in. Maybe it's time to do a little bit of fucking reads here. People, I'm actually, I'm trying to put together a fucking stand up tour here. Because at some point, I also have to go out and I gotta earn some fucking money here, you know, got a house to pay for. I'm trying to figure out how I can do it. Like the show has to go down where nobody at the show gets COVID, obviously. So that's the part that we're working on. Oh, it's easy to protect the person on stage, you know? But it's the people in the crowd there. Like how do you work it? If you get one of these stubborn fucking people

that refuses to wear a fucking mask, or the ones that walk around wearing the mask and have it underneath their nose, what do you do with that person? I don't know. But the mask shaming is getting crazy. I saw this one, this video on Instagram, where these two, what sounded like young people were just yelling at this fucking, look, the woman literally retired witch, this old white lady with like white hair and shit. They're just yelling at her. It's like, we fucking leave her alone. She's somebody's grand parent. You know what I mean? She has it. She's going to fucking die from it. And they're just hounding or screaming at her since she comes over and she fucking coughs on them, which is inevitable.

It's like, how much shit can you give your waitress before, you know, she's going to spit in your fucking teeth? You got to go easy. They're fucking sitting there yelling at them. Then when somebody coughs on them, call the police. That's it. Call the police. And then they both got fucking charged with being douches. I hope they put them in the same goddamn cell. Anyway, what else? I'm sorry, I'm in a fucked up mood because I saw yet another thing happen to a comedian where it's just like, it's accusations and then people just like sign off on it before the person can even defend themselves. Now, I mean, you're just sitting there going like, were you there? Aren't you like me? Like, I have no idea if this is true. I have no idea if this

happened. I don't know if it didn't happen. I just know there's some people saying something happened. And then my favorite, my favorite fucking thing is the bitter ass comic. You know what I mean? Who uses that situation as an excuse to air their personal feelings about that comedians act. I mean, how fucking low can you go? Jesus Christ, somebody's laying on the side of the fucking road for all you know could be innocent and you take the time to be like, you know, it's always like, you know, I can't believe this fucking guy, blah, blah, blah, blah, the shit they've just been accused about. And then there's some sort of criticism about the act. I thought his biggest crime was that he was called a comedian. It's just like, wow.

Wow. What kind of fucking person are you? What kind of fucking person are you that you take a fucking that you'd use? You know, people are trying to suggest it's a sexual assault happened here. And you're going to use that platform so you can get out your fucking bitterness about where your fucking career is acting. Unbelievable. Unfucking believable. So this person actually made a video. And in the video, you know, the part that I love is the fucking sitting there saying how the people around them were advising him to not say anything. Just let the news cycle pass. It's just like, I don't understand why the accused person can't defend themselves. It's fucking nuts. And I don't

get how all of these people are signing off like, yeah, this makes sense. This seems like the right solution for this. So I'm actually, you know, happy the person ignored and actually made a video. And hopefully people will start doing that again and due process will return. And hopefully this time due process will actually work for victims if they were actually victims. I mean, isn't that the logical way you should be looking at this rather than just being like somebody said something happened. All right, that's it. That means it happened. Hey, I'd like to defend myself. No, you shut the fuck up. All I need to hear is an accusation. I don't need any fucking evidence whatsoever blows my fucking mind. I understand regular fucking people. They're bored right now.

They're in the middle of a fucking pandemic. So yeah, throw someone to the lines for my fucking entertainment. But to see fellow comedians jumping on this shit. And you want to be like, oh, so evidently you were there. You know, or did some I don't know what fucking evidence you have that makes you that fuck, but what it really comes down to I then fucking see is it always comes down to they then they don't like them as a comedian. Jesus, what a complete fucking piece of shit person that you would do that to somebody, you know, not saying whether the person accused is innocent or guilty because I have no fucking idea. You know, that's why you have a full control. All right, let's do a little bit of reads here. Let's do some reads. Let's do some reads. All right,

Helix everybody. Helix. All right, not being able to sleep because of today's politics, your love life and all the other drama mentioned shitty sleeping conditions on the road you've had to deal with. Oh, Jesus Christ. On the road I've had beds I've been afraid to climb into and I just you just do it. You got to make it your own. Just got to get your DNA on it. You know, I'll tell you a bad one is when I used to stay in those fucking motels where the doors opened up out into the parking lot. And every time a car would pull up, I'd see the headlights underneath the fucking underneath the goddamn door and you're just going like just one good fucking kick. And that door is going to come flying open and I am in here without a weapon. I'll tell you,

I understand people buying guns when you fucking stay in a goddamn motel that opens up into the to the goddamn fucking parking lot. Anyways, Helix sleep makes personalized mattresses made right here in America. That's good. We make weed. We make mattresses and shipped straight to your door with a free no contract delivery free returns at a hundred night sleep trial gross to choose a mattress. Helix Helix made a quick quiz that takes just two minutes to complete and matches your body types and sleep preference to the perfect mattress for you. If you like a mattress that's really soft or firm ladies, you sleep on your side or your back or your stomach. You sleep really hot with Helix. There's a specific mattress for each and everybody's

unique tastes. I love Helix, but you don't need to take my word for it. Helix was awarded the number one best overall mattress pick of 2020. They did it again by GQ wired magazine and apartment therapy. Just go to helix sleep.com slash burr take their two minute sleep quiz and they'll match you to a customized mattress that will give you the best sleep. If you're life, life, life, life, life, they have a 10 year warranty and you get to try it out for a hundred nights gross, risk free. They'll even pick it up gross and give you a full refund if you don't love it, but you will right now. Helix is offering up to $200 off mattress orders for our listeners. Get up to $200 off at helix sleep.com slash burr H E L I X. Oh shit. Look who it is. Whoop.

Whoop everybody. Whoop. There it is. Sorry. If you're going to mention the PGA tour, this is how we have to technically phrase it. Whoop has been all over the news lately after the PGA tour proceeded or procured 1000 straps for its golfers, caddies and staff to help everyone at tournaments stay safe throughout this pandemic. Whoop has been using respiratory rate to help members detect potential signs of illness before other symptoms develop. Thank God. Thank God for science. Whoop can help anyone perform better, whether it's preparing for a golf match, race, meeting, et cetera. Whoop can plan out your day and make even smarter life decisions to help you feel better than ever. The whoop journal and monthly performing assessment

allows you to track the decisions you make during the day and actually see what impact those choices have on your recovery sleep and strain. Whoop tracks all four stages of sleep, slow wave, REM, light and awake and can tell you how much sleep you've gotten down to the minute. Their sleep tracking has also officially received third party validations. Strain coach is a feature that allows you to plan your work day to hit your target exertion level. This is really fascinating. I almost want to use this for something that I've been doing with my drumming. Hang on a second. Plan the workout that your body is truly ready for. Check your progress in real time and finish your workout when whoop has let you know you've pushed your body hard enough.

The key to whoop is that you wear it all day long and never miss a beat. Whoop has a really smart charging system where the battery pack slides right over the top of the strap so you can never, oh, they mean like one of those wrist fucking, I thought, I thought when they said this strap, I thought they meant the strap on the golf bag. Like that's what you touch the most and somehow they came up with a germ free one. Oh, this is like a Fitbit. You won't ever have to worry about losing a night's sleep or missing a workout. Whoop is offering 15% off when you use the code burr at checkout, go to whoop.com, w-h-o-o-p.com and enter the code burr, b-u-r-r, to save 15% off. Sleep better, recover faster and train smarter with whoop today. That is amazing that they have

that technology where you can really break down, like, I mean, like you're turning yourself into a friggin' race car. I mean, as long as they don't share it with anybody, I'm sure they won't. I've been doing this thing with drumming as I've been, you know, the drum lick that has eluded me forever and I've really realized it was, it's the bottom good times, bad times thing that I've been talking about forever. It's just eluded to me because of my practice was flawed. I would try, I didn't have the technique and then I would try to go too fast, too quickly and then I would get discouraged and I would move on to something else and then I would come back and I would do the exact same thing that, you know, led to me not being successful

the previous 59,000 times. So, what I've been doing is before I play drums is I stretch for like 20 minutes because I'm fucking old, do a really good long stretch, I get totally relaxed and then I go in the drum room and I just start playing and I play as slow as possible, not as possible, just like really slow and just slowly warm up my hands, my feet, legs and the whole thing and then when I go to do the good times, bad times thing, I just warm up super fucking slow and just gradually increase it and I don't have any goal other than I'm going to practice this lick really slow and then I'm going to ramp it up to where it's comfortable and then push myself a little bit and that could be a little bit further than what I did yesterday or it could

be a little bit slower. I don't care, I'm just going to fucking do this. So, I've been doing that and when I play, it's like I'm going to be really relaxed. So, there's like these two bars that I play when you come out of the solo before he plays that lick fucking 10 times in a row back to back towards the end of the song and what I say to myself and those two bars is I just say as I'm coming up to it is I just say I just tell myself to relax and who gives a shit, you know, if I pull it off, just make sure you get that first one and what's been happening is I'm actually staying relaxed and then when I get that first one and I come into it relaxed and I get that first one off, I just sort of lock into it and now all of a sudden, you know, the speed is coming and I've

been able to play it. Last night, I got the 16th note triplet three times in a row at 90 BPMs and the song is 95. It's the closest I've ever gone. I can't play it 10 times in a row but I did play the 10 times in a row lick at 80 BPMs comfortably and I almost played it at 85 before it sort of crapped out. So, now I'm just like great. So, then I went back down to like 75 and I just sort of played the whole song, jumped around the song, I like the sheet music and just sort of locked that in that that just feels relaxed and regular and then I ramped back up to 80 which was way easier at that point and I just sort of played that and then I stopped and I don't know if just that's been working for me because I've I've I think pretty much everything from paradiddles to

everything I never fully got up to speed because I am really fucking impatient and I sit down scatterbrained and there's like 50 fucking things I want to learn how to do so I do all 50 things for like 18 seconds each and and nothing really gets better and it all gets fucking it's all sloppy you know then it sounds like shit so I've had to figure that out about my brain and now when I sit down I have to have my brain like totally clear and I really have to just be like no we're just working on this we're just working on this and then I apply a bunch of shit that I learned from Dave Elich back in the day when I could actually go get a fucking lesson you know face to face is I've just I just applied all of this stuff as far as like relaxing how I'm sitting

and I don't know I think if you go beyond that if you have a good teacher if you really sit there and figure out how your brain works and what you're doing to contribute to not being successful um I mean I came in last night you know I was like flying I was like I can't fucking believe I did all this that's the fastest I ever played that um so that's that's gonna be my new my new approach uh when I'm downstairs I always get nervous when I start talking about drums for too fucking long that people can be like all right but we get it we don't all fucking play drums all right stamps.com everybody uh as we slowly adjust to the new normal it's just how it's gonna be forever we still need to be smart about how we do business luckily there's stamps.com

to make things easier thousands of small business owners have discovered the benefits of stamps.com in recent months yeah you don't have to go to the post office and risk risk getting infected or passing along the disease they've been able to keep their businesses running and avoid the crowds at the post office all from their own computers stamps.com offers UPS services with discounts up to 62% and no residential surcharges by the way why can't everybody just go to work with a mask now and they just do that thing where they take your temperature I'm not saying that it's totally foolproof but like you know just to give people a financial fucking break here um anyway you've heard me talk about stamps.com they've been sponsoring the show for over seven years now

and if you haven't tried it what are you waiting for stamps.com brings all the mailing and shipping services you need right to your own computer and you're the comfort of your own home or office whether you're a small business sending invoices an online seller shipping out products or just working from home and need to mail stuff stamps.com can handle it all with ease once your mail is ready just leave it to your mail carrier schedule a pickup or drop it in the mailbox it's just that simple and like I said with stamps.com you get this great discounts two five cents off every stamp and up to 62% off USPS and UPS shipping rates five cents off every stamp I mean that's gonna add up people every 20 things you send out you save the dollar

right five dollar foot long right you send out a hundred fucking packages all of a sudden you got yourself a free sandwich right now our my listeners are getting uh get a special offer that includes a four-week uh trial plus free postage right now uh my listeners oh I just read that uh right now my listeners get a special offer that includes a four-week trial plus free postage and a digital scale without any long-term commitment just go to stamps.com click on the microphone at the top of the homepage and type in burr burr that's stamps.com enter burr all right now it's time now it's time to say goodbye did I read all the ones I guess I did I guess I did I got to get into hockey I'm actually psyched that Philly fan wrote in that

shit you know get me going here um guest in own home all right here we go hey Bill I hear you on the wife feeling like you're a guest in your own home I'm an airline pilot and I've been home way more than ever which I took as a good thing but apparently I'm screwing up her and the kid's routine I just keep biting my tongue thinking what the routine would be like if someone wasn't off working to pay for all this shit rant over love the podcast stand up and efforts for family thanks and go fuck yourself yeah I mean you got you need to understand her and she needs to understand you because like I always see like with professionals sports athletes right professional athletes they provide an amazing obviously lifestyle for everybody to be living but then like they're not

home a lot so what happens is everybody gets into this fucking groove that doesn't involve you and then all of a sudden you come home and then yeah you do disrupt it so yeah so there's that weird thing that she is right that you are disrupting the routine but you know it would be nice if she also acknowledged that you're paying for the routine but that's not how it works you know I found that when you when you actually make a good point with the woman that automatically means that you just somehow threw something in their face rather than you brought up a point to defend your own position well you don't need to throw it in my face I didn't throw anything I just said it trying to give you a little bit of perspective it sounds to me like you on some level think what I

just made was a great point and you can't really refute it so now what you're going to do is act like I was that somehow by me bringing up a great point to shine a light on my position is somehow being rude to you am I supposed to just sit here and be a fucking punching bag that is fucking amazing that you're a fucking airline pilot so you probably have like 300 people's lives in the palm of your hand for the better part of anywhere from three to six hours and you have to handle that you have to fly instrument every fucking flight right anything above oh my god I already forget anything above 18,000 feet I think you automatically fly instrument um I don't know but I'm back into flying baby flying twice a week and I wish I was flying

three times a week um my auto rotations are getting really really good last time I flew I was really working on that last part of it where I don't bring the nose up you know and make my rpms go up and I lose my airspeed to stay level and just wait to do that that flare um once I get that down once I get that down and then there's the last little part just leveling out and pulling power right before you settle down onto the ground um I had a did a great flight went out to the Camarillo airport um the last time and I used this four flight app that I literally sat down and I watched this guy give like an hour in seven minute instructional thing on and now I get it and one of my favorite things about the

app is they actually have a 3d picture of whatever airport so if you're not familiar with the airport you can actually look and get a 3d visual of what the approach is going to look like you combine that with the map of the airport and then you take an airport that you were totally unfamiliar with um I would never say that I'm familiar now because I hadn't gone to it before or hadn't gone to it in a while but you're just so much you have this picture in your head you got all the uh taxiways and everything you know the runways and you got the whole fucking layout and um I actually feel confident now because that's one of the ones that's really busy a lot and uh I would get anxiety whenever I come in there because you want to talk quickly

you don't want to step on anybody and you don't have to have the tower repeat anything to you so what I would normally do is just transition which means I would just ask to fly through their airspace which is the easiest thing um but this past time I actually did some padwork at the north pad that they they have there or whatever and um I had a great time although I got a little frustrated some stuff what I'm really learning is it's just like drumming is that you know I've really been like holding on too tight with the controls is you want to be like the looser you are the more information you can take in as far as like what the helicopter's telling you um most importantly which way the wind's coming from and I started to do that last

time because I had a couple you know I came back it was just like the first times I soloed where I would go into the downwind and all of a sudden the fucking low rpm horn would come on and I think oh my god I'm having a fucking engine failure and it was just because I was gripping the throttle too tightly and I was overriding the governor and I did that a couple times so I really had to think about it but like all my instructors have always said you're going to be like with your feet on the pedals to have all your weight like on your heels like super light and when you're pushing down either your left or your right foot the other foot is not even touching the um it's barely touching I should say the other pedal and um

I don't know you just want to like because I don't know what it is like I don't know the more nervous you are the less comfortable you are the more rusty you are just the tighter you hold and on to that thing and then exactly what you don't want to do which is fight the thing ends up fucking happening and it's the same thing as like playing some drum lick that's super fucking fast is if you tense up it just all goes to shit so um I don't know like I said I'm flying a couple times a week I'd like to fly three three would be fucking huge for me as far as um you know because it always ends up being like a three four day layoff as opposed to like if I flew every other day how good I could get would be awesome so

um but I also have responsibilities here at home so we'll figure it out anyway I'm babbling now babbling on all right let's read the next one here all right aging out oh sorry guest in own home hey bill I hear you on the wife oh no sorry I didn't read that one okay aging out of moto gp uh heli hey hey there billy burkez instead of marquez love you stuff yada yada what makes rossi's age impressive is okay so valentino rossi is like 41 years old and he's still competing at uh the highest level in motorcycle racing in the world and he gets on the podium still like once a season or so um so I was like well you know it is the machine and all that what is what is it about his age why is it so hard to keep riding at his age does your body break down um taking all those

g's obviously fallen off the bike and shit so anyways the person says a the usual stuff that a lot of this is what makes it impressive the usual stuff that a lot of athletes go through injuries that build up over the years senses not being as sharp as they used to be I didn't think of that getting tired of the travel in the media circus but also b since he started riding in the lower classes in 1996 it's incredible uh there have been endless changes to the rules regarding tires electronics engine sizes and tracks coming and going from the calendar yeah that's like a bellachic thing like how you're successful for that long because usually you win a couple super bowls all the other coaches break down what you're doing and totally steal what it is that works

um indianapolis colts uh see uh in moto gp right now there's an insane amount of young talent coming through the lower ranks uh fabio that's uh quattarara was 19 when he entered the top class he won the junior world championship the class below moto 2 and moto 3 twice in a row at age 13 oh that'd be fucking cool to watch can you watch that anyway we'd love to see 13 year old kids future stars fucking ripping it up um you wanted age 13 and 14 mark marquez was one of the youngest world champions ever in 2013 at the age of 20 he won the moto gp thing uh it isn't that riding at his age is impressive uh the top isle of man tt riders are 30 40 48 and 51 and that shit is crazy what's impressive is that he's been able to adapt to the changes in bikes tires and riding styles

over the years while staying competitive with the younger guys cheers come to japan sometime and go fuck yourself oh i'd love to go to japan and one of my favorite riders already forget his name because i'm new to the sport there's a great japanese rider in moto gp who had an incredible race i think the first one um it's always good to see new blood coming up in the ranks uh yeah japan is definitely definitely on the list um i gotta make that happen obviously when it's when we go back to the old normal um anyway all right guys who won't let you split the check oh wait there's a great documentary too out there about um the year mark uh sorry valentino rossi switched from honda to i think he went to yamaha or shizuki i think it was yamaha so um

you know he was he was winning and he was just the shit and he was riding for honda which is like lewis hamilton who's the shit and he's driving for mercedes so there's a lot of critics of f1 who are saying you know lewis hamilton wouldn't be as nearly dominant if he was driving for somebody else because mercedes is the best and then it's also like well lewis hamilton is also the best so mercedes wouldn't be winning at the same clip you know and i think both mercedes and lewis hamilton would obviously agree to that right well the the dumb ass is at honda in early uh this is funny after i just gave a shout out to japan um i'm not saying they're still dumb asses but they made a dumb ass move where i guess valentino

rossi was getting too much fucking credit they felt and they said hey it's not just the rider it's also the bike they made some so they alluded to something that well he is driving riding a honda so that pissed off valentino rossi and he switched to yama and everybody thought he was nuts because i guess yamaha whoever the fuck he switched to wasn't um winning shit and not only did he go over there and made immediately made them a winner he won the championship the very next year which from what i can tell is unheard of having what little i know watching f1 and watching an amazing driver like daniel ricardo you know switch from red bull team to uh who the fuck is he with now i forget who he's with like he was with renault last year and

this year i think he switched again and um you know it's it's it's literally like football where if you like one of the worst things to be is the top qb prospect in a draft because you're going to go to some shit fucking team with no offensive line and then people how the who knows how good you could have been if you were maybe the third ranked guy and you actually went to a competitive team that had an offensive line with an older quarterback and they worked you in you know and you had a good quarterback coach you didn't have fucking a new qb coach every fucking year um like happens to a lot of people out here so that really is interesting anyways all right guys who won't let you split the check uh what's up bill love the podcast okay one thing that i

find extremely annoying is the the guys have to pay convention on dates i'm in college and the guys i date are in college so i know that neither of us having that much money neither one of us had that much money to spare it seems kind of fucked up to me that being in a relationship is like a money saving tool for women and a huge financial burden for men uh yeah i would say that i think it was that way back in the day because women weren't allowed to work and then also once you married a guy like he could fucking lord over you when you were like his property so to just you could even vote i mean to try and balance it out somehow as you had to go out and go buy you buy the sasparillas um anyway some guys are adamant adamant about paying for dates i always was even when you're sincerely

sincerely offering to split parentheses not some fake oh my god no you don't have to do that bullshit all right is this like the coolest chick ever she wants to pay she's owning up to the fact that chicks do shit like that all right which then this is what i wish happened in politics so they wouldn't be screaming and yelling where you could just be like uh hey you know oh you know obama fucking drone bombed some weddings and uh you know he kind of blew the oil companies okay i can definitely give you that you know i haven't said that you know this guy trumps a little out of line here um you know then you could actually maybe have a fucking conversation instead of screaming at some old lady because she's not wearing a fucking mask she's gonna be dead so just leave

her alone uh anyways which also puts me in a weird spot because it feels like since they bought me bought my meal now i owe them sex yes like prostitution but with food as an uh intermediate step all that considered what do you say to a dude to actually convince him to let you pay for yourself i don't know what you say because that's a weird thing that's got to be a weird thing for a woman where a guy insists to pay because then you got to be sitting there going like all right what do i have on my hands here do i have an old school gentleman who's going to take his coat off and let me step on it as he walks over a mud puddle whatever the fuck that is um or do i have somebody that's going to be shoving that dick in my face because they paid for my fucking steam

spinach here but that's a hell of a thing hey that's see this is why i wish more women wrote in on this fucking podcast well bill maybe if you didn't trash them every 10 seconds they'd they'd fucking listen to this shit uh fair enough um yeah because that's interesting that then you you're going to be sitting there being like okay i'll let you pay for this but you know that doesn't mean you know you can take old hank out and fucking 20 minutes when we're back in your Prius um yeah i just i would tell you this at this point um uh the way things are now i would be terrified as a young guy out there as far as just like all right you know you i'll tell you this to all the young guys out there if you even get a hint of vindictiveness or craziness you gotta you gotta

just fucking walk away like deniro in heat you just gotta stand up and just fucking you just fucking walk um you know i don't know and then women i don't know you gotta come up with some sort of fucking uh it's gotta be there's gotta be some sort of well that doesn't really work with the guys a monster i don't know there's really no solution because human beings male and female are just inherently fucking flood um i will say to women out there young women out there that are dating and all that shit you know there's plenty of fucking dojos out there well you could learn some fucking grappling and jujitsu i mean that's my thing i really think every fucking woman on should learn how to do that shit and then they probably abuse that power too but you know whatever

i'm just saying like you could fucking you know when somebody is gonna with a sexually assault you they gotta get in close all right so if you're good at fighting on your back and you can put that person in an arm bar and there's no ref to tap out you fucking blow out his elbow that's it nothing kills the heart on like a broken fucking or just put him in a triangle i mean i gotta tell you i would think no matter how much a guy outweighs you once you i mean i i you know i shouldn't say that i i should ask rogan this but like at what level belt okay does weight class not matter if the other person has no grappling skills whatsoever has no idea like oh fuck they just did that which means in

another half a second i'm gonna be in a triangle or an arm bar unless i do this i just think that would put you at like a tremendous tremendous fucking advantage that's something i really want to do uh you know with my kids i hope my uh hope that you know these fucking this thing ends soon and you can just teach your kids how to you know defend themselves against you know psychos in life and then you just teach him like never abuse this power and all that shit which i think is part of the dojo's responsibility down there but i would definitely say that okay now you know how to choke people out just don't go fucking walking around choking people out um it's another thing too but if you knew your kid was a psycho do you

then fucking let him learn how to do that can't have some cobra kai kid jesus it's a fucking quagmire all right father-in-law offers car our dear billies are us congrats on baby number two thank you um he is amazing by the way he is amazing and watching my daughter interact with them is just one of the coolest things ever she's head over heels for him it's so awesome um anyways i'm 30 years old and just married the woman of my dreams congratulations she loves the outdoors is draw a drop dead 10 and is in residency to become a surgeon to boot dude you fucking hit the lottery i work in the nonprofit sector and and loved it but was unfortunately laid off due to covid sorry to hear that i haven't owned a car for ages because i live in a pnw city

with great public transportation what is a pnw city what in the fuck is that mean that like i'm supposed to know that pnw meaning it says pnw serial killers oh pacific northwest that's hilarious that i just looked up pnw and immediately said fucking serial killers all right pacific northwest city with great public transportation and protected bike lanes don't worry i'm a biker who stops at stop signs and i don't wear that silly spandex shit dude i love a bike lane i wish they actually had him here in la instead of spray painting bicycles on the street um and like there's your bike lane new york city has some great bike lanes where you're on the other side of parked cars i mean it's

fucking amazing jersey barriers and all that shit anyways my new father-in-law reached out and has offered his 2002 lexus with 130 000 miles on it for just below kelly blue book value it's a good deal but i worry he might hold it over my head in some strange way we haven't always gotten along for a few reasons he's an asshole he talks down to my wife he believes if you aren't furthering science you're not worth really working do i buy it fuck no thanks and i hope the family is doing well no fuck this guy if what you're saying about this guy he's an asshole he talks down to my wife no fuck this guy for all you know this this is the type of guy if what you're saying about him is true there's something wrong with the car you know and i had a buddy

of mine i remember a long time ago way back in the fucking day a buddy of mine when i was a kid uh he bought a bmw off a doctor and we were kids man when i say kids we were still you know teens early 20 20s and he sold it to my buddy and i remember we were driving home i saw this blue smoke coming out the couple times out of the back and i was like all right it's burning a little oil whatever um and then all of a sudden like it just started sitting weird in the back and uh finally a buddy of mine knew about cars he put it up on the fucking the lift there and they saw that it had been in a major fucking accident and the frame had been bent and this guy didn't disclose any of that so the fact that this guy is a scientist um you know and i you know it's in defense of him in this time if

you aren't furthering science as far as working on a cure covid i mean it's probably the most important work right now as far as the world economy goes but i would not do that i wouldn't do it i if you know if you got money to buy a used car i would buy something else somewhere else um yeah yeah that's definitely where you fucked it you don't you don't want that guy getting in any clothe you gotta you gotta keep a guy like that at at arms distance i really believe that you're cordial you have to respect that that is the the father of the woman that you're going to marry in all of this or that you married or whatever um you know so you always got to be respectful hello goodbye but you don't got to let him in um all right worried about college

okay hey bill i love the mmp and i've watched your conan appearances at least a million times oh thank you conan's the best uh i'm a 17 year old girl and i'll be a junior at the university of florida all right go gators by the end of 2020 go gators she writes um i took a ton of advanced lessons classes in high school and now i'm three years ahead what i'm 17 year ago i'll be a junior she's crushing it at first i thought this was great the faster i start school the faster i finished right i didn't want to waste my entire youth slaving over textbooks my issue is that i've been so focused on academics that i lost out on a lot of the experiences my friends were having in high school i didn't go to parties prom homecoming football games or even my graduation

ceremony i'll stress that this wasn't because of my parents i'm just insanely introverted and none of these things seemed appealing well i can relate because i didn't go to most of those things either um now i'm basically a socially awkward weirdo and i'm worried i'll be 50 uh before i even have my first kiss everyone says college is the best time of their life so how do i put myself out there so i that i can make some friends and maybe even find a special fella ah that's adorable thanks and i think it's pretty mean that people are always telling you to go fuck yourself look at you you got a good heart you're motivated i'll tell you this right now you're a catch and a half all right so any guy is going to be lucky to be with you so i was totally introverted you just

have to like you got to forgive yourself and not beat yourself up that you're introverted and that you're shy so just to start putting yourself out there baby steps you know what about bob just baby steps your way out there and gradually you know open up you know if you don't speak up in class just say all right i'm going to answer one question today and i'm going to get over that and i mean that's how i did it now i baby stepped my way into being a comedian i started any opportunity i had to take a public for any any class that i knew where i was going to stand up and speak in front of the class i would do it and once i made that decision i started to have you know i allowed myself to be not good at it i allowed myself to be embarrassed get dry mouth and all of that stuff

once i was just like okay all this stuff's gonna happen and all of this stuff is normal because the way i'm wired i just need to to move the ball an inch in the direction i want to go every day right and once i did that i i grew by leaps and bounds as far as like my confidence so this is something that is um is a great thing that you can work on and it's totally fixable and then also just start going to some florida gator games you know i heard the sec might have some games this year just go to the games um put it out there that you want to go to the games but you need a crew to go with you'll fall in with some people now here's the thing considering you've been introverted and all that i'm a little worried that you're going to fall in you know with some you know

no i'm not worried you know what you're gonna here's the thing just go with your gut when it comes with friends all right if you're feeling that the people you're with are cool and they're good people and you're clicking with them continue to hang out with them if if they're not don't be afraid to fucking move on um it's no different than being in a relationship boyfriend girlfriend with somebody you know it's you just got to listen to your gut so there you go so congratulations you'll be fine um all right rambo helicopter bill with your knowledge and understanding of helicopters yeah pretty limited uh what's your take on helicopter scenes in rambos in the rambos well i always loved them obviously um this is what i'll say about not specifically rambo i'll

just say in general in movies is when somebody's getting chased and then they run over and just start they start up a helicopter like it's a fucking car and then they just drive away um um that's the fucking whole most hilarious thing especially if it's like a turbine engine like a jet engine like you know there's a whole startup procedure that i've watched you should check it out look up uh a star 350 startup procedure and there's a thing when you go to start it up where the engine is heating up and uh you it gets up to a certain temperature like 700 degrees and then you have to back it down or something like that roll down the throttle for a few seconds before rolling it back up or you could actually burn down the fucking helicopter

you could actually have a fire because of what's going on in the background um so whenever i watch one of these movies and somebody gets in even if you fly what i fly it's there's a whole startup procedure especially if the fucking engine is is like ice cold and um you know you got to let the belts roll out you got to let you know you roll up the power they got attention though the clutch light has to come out there's a whole startup procedure i mean you can just you can fucking do it i guess you could just do it it's not good for the engine or anything else and i would be nervous about that but i guess you know if my option was getting eaten by fucking zombies um but even then it takes a little bit for it to roll up to fucking speed that that's my only issue

about it and then also whenever they shoot out the fucking tail rotor and then the person just spins and spins and spins and spins and spins you know any helicopter pilot unless they were brand new the second you start spinning is you you roll down to the detent is what they call it so then it's basically putting it in neutral so now what's keeping the main rotor turning is the ship falling rather than the torque of the engine so whatever you've rolled down a neutral so neither one of those the the um the tail rotor not working now and the main rotor is still spinning you're not dealing with the the engine turning that anymore so there's no torque wanting to turn the the ship in the opposite direction that the main rotor is turning jesus christ so yeah you would

roll down and then with your pedals what you had left from the oh i what they shut oh wait no they shot it out so then you don't have that maybe you would i don't know i've never had my tail rotors shot out um so anyway it's just you know you know what i talked long enough that you ended up learning how little i know about fucking helicopters i know more than the average person but i don't know shit and that is a great way to go up in life just know you don't know shit because then you'll be open to learn new shit by the way uh mrs jones was written by a guy named uh was performed i should say by billy paul um and i actually went down a rabbit hole listened to that guy and i learned about some other singers that i had never heard of like if you google billy paul

he ends up he talks about the um singers that he was influenced by and what's really cool is it's really a lot of female singers because he feels that they did more with their voices which i thought was really interesting and then he brought up this guy uh oh shit what the hell is he let's see here nina samon johnny mathis the eldest style silkiness um and then there's a guy jesse bellvin he said one of my favorites they used to call him mr easy jesse bellvin and this guy helped write earth angel and unfortunately he did a show in arkansas he was died when he was 27 got into a head-on collision in a car and back then you know those cars were just you know the engine just went right into your fucking chest uh had a head-on collision and died

unfortunately a 27 super talented kid um he did a a mixed race show him and another i think uh african-american act and these old racist white dude showed up yelled a bunch of shit at the stage which you know was the n-word and a bunch of the ugly shit and then we're kept pleading with the white kids to get up and leave and um there's a theory that he had his tires slashed and that's what caused the accident and if that's fucking true man what kind of a fucking human being could do that to somebody like and feel no guilt about it and at the end of their life you know if you have believe have any sort of belief in any sort of a high power not think that you're going fucking directly to hell for that one um fucking brutal so i don't

know i gotta tell you i wish i was better at writing scripts because to me that's like there's a fucking movie in a half there like what happened like no no investigation just i don't know how the fuck did they figure out all these years later or did people know back then that it was possibly the tires were slashed i don't know there's been something to possibly look up jesse belvin j e s s e b e l v i n um all right that's the podcast everybody thank you so much for listening uh it's so great that sports are back and i'm hearing this news that they're able to test get test results quicker i think that that's going to be our way out of it just it's going to be testing and um eventually the quicker you can test people and the more inexpensive it is

the quicker you'll be able to figure out who has it who doesn't in your quarantine and i think we're going to get out of this stuff all right and if that you know don't yell at people who don't aren't wearing fucking masks i mean i understand getting them out of stores i get that at this point and i understand why people are yelling because financially everybody's fucking hurting at this point um but screaming at them is not gonna it's not gonna help i mean look at me i tried to fucking make fun of them and i i never got more negative fucking shit in my life uh i will say to people who don't think you should be wearing a mask to maybe watch some international sports and you'll see that everybody is wearing masks and uh so you don't think that it's a conspiracy

against your guy which i understand why you would think that because he has been under attack the entire fucking time as all presidents have been since uh bill clinton you just under attack the entire time you're trying to run the country which is not fucking helping us out all right but anyways that's it that's the fucking podcast uh thank you for listening go fuck yourselves and uh i'll check in on you on thursday see you