Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 8-30-21

Episode Date: August 30, 2021

Bill rambles about Florida, skateboarding, and Grandma law suits.

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Byrne. It's time for the Monday Morning Podcast from Monday, August 30th, 2021. Holy shit, the summer is over. The summer of 2021 is over, but thank God for global warming because it will continue right into October. I'm sorry, climate change. Does that make you feel better? How about climate transitioning? How about the climate is living its best life? Yeah, that's the one good thing. Can you wear white after Labor Day? What if it's still 130 degrees out? How do you think that climate change is going to affect Halloween and some of the costume choices? What are some of the exciting new ones? Because I remember back in the day, you go out as a ghost, you go out as a vampire with makeup. That's going to be too much makeup. What can the kids look forward to doing this year? Well, they could go out as lifeguards. They could go out as Adam and Eve.

They could maybe come over to your friend's house and you could hide in the freezer and then they yell boo and then you get in the freezer and maybe you warm up. They stick their candy in there before it melts. Sorry, I'm feeling a little apocalyptic because I just did a gig out there in Florida, man. And I'll tell you, there's a reason why that state is surrounded on three sides by water because only Georgia and Alabama can deal with them. It takes a special, special kind of, you know what, to handle what the fuck is barely hanging on to this country. Jesus Christ. I got to be honest with you. It wasn't as bad as everybody was saying. I mean, I didn't look at any of the numbers and I didn't talk to anybody. All right, but you know, like when people back east, they call me up, they're like, dude, what about those fires in California? Are you all right? They think the fire is like right at my front door. All right, like the whole state is on fire. It's a lot of fires. There is a problem. But it's not, it's like all they show on the news is fire.

So people, they get the idea that that's what fucking California looks like. All right. And I got the idea that I was going to go to Florida and there was going to be zombies walking around trying to vomit black shit on me. And I was going to die and never see my family again. You know, it is what it is. But there was a lot of people wearing masks. A lot of people were wearing masks. It's not everybody's just walking around like, you know, fuck this. There's definitely the fuck this people. And I'm happy. I'm happy about that. I want them to continue saying fuck this, breathing on one another, continuing to eat, putting on the pounds and taking themselves out of the equation. It's all, it's, this is all part of nature. This is what's supposed to happen. And I got to be honest with you.

People who are smart or let's who's kidding who people who consider themselves smart being upset like I have been with people who don't choose, you know, to come along for the ride. I can't get mad at that because we are the only species where the weak survive because of modern medicine. The reality is, is if it wasn't for modern medicine, I would have died in the fifth grade with a rupture of appendix. I would have died under 18 blankets going, Paul, can't you do something about a Paul? I'm sorry, son. Looks like I'll have to make another one. Yeah, so I mean, this is what happens. So it's great that you have a bunch of mouth breathers walking around that watch either CNN or Fox and they let the channel tell them what they should be mad at without making up their own mind. That's great. It's great that you have enough of those people to do that when there's not a virus because then you can sell them crocs. You can come up with like, hey, here's, you know, yeah, your pens always exploding in your pocket. Well, I came up with a pocket guard, you know, and they'll fucking buy it.

Okay, that's what is great. That's what keeps the economy going. But during times like this, you know, you know, you got a comes time, you got to pay the price. So it is what it is. I'm looking forward to it. I am now watching this whole fucking thing like it's a Will Smith movie. I know some Tom Cruise type of character is going to show up and fucking save us all. That's what I'm hanging on to. All I know is I got in and out of there, took a rapid COVID test when I got back and I was fine. I kept the mask on. I still went to the gym. It was the only guy in the gym with the mask on. Just masked it up, said, fuck it. I don't care. They didn't give me shit. I didn't give me shit. It was perfect. I didn't care if they went over and they licked the fucking elliptical. I don't give a shit. Do whatever the fuck you want to do.

So then I go to do the shows. And as I said, they had like that white line down on the stage. They're like, all right, if you stay on this side of it, you're 10 feet away from the people. So I was like, all right. So you tell me the other side of that line is Florida and this side here, I'm safe in my room. That's what we're telling you. And I had a fucking ball. Two amazing, amazing crowds and I teased the shit out of them about Florida. I was saying Florida, the fat and the furious and they left their ass off on the second show. Both shows I came out wearing a mask acting like I was going to keep it off for the whole show. So on the second show, I came walking out and as I was saying, what's up?

And I was outtrolling for a Shaw who murdered Miami's own for a Shaw. As I was outtrolling him, I was, I had the mic in the mic stand. I was slowly backing up to the furthest like point, like all the way at the back of the stage. Being like, so happy to be here amongst all you Americans in Florida. It took me like three quarters away that people realized what I was doing. And then I just, you know, hid behind the curtain or whatever, but I had a fucking great time. And I want to thank the seminal hard rock cafe for having me and everybody coming out and everybody being such good sports. When the old Hollywood liberal came out there and teased you, you didn't give a shit.

But I wasn't a cunt about it. I wasn't a cunt about it. I was cheering him on. You know, I want him to be right. You know, let's see what happens. Dude, I stayed in this fucking hotel. Like I got off the plane. I went to the car. I went to the room other than when I went down to the gym one day. I had to do it because I got to, you know, I put five of the 10 pounds back on over my vacation. So now I've taken a pound off and fucking starting over again. And I just stayed in that. This is how long I was in that fucking room because I got in the day before. Because they were going to have a bunch of weather and shit.

So we didn't know, you know, how to make sure couldn't fly in the day of coming from the West Coast. Right. So I flew in the day before and I just stayed in the room for like 30 hours or so. Right. And this is how bad it got. I got onto like YouTube. And at one point I finally figured out how my, all those other attachments on my food processor, what they were for, I could never figure them out. Because I'm really good about saving the manuals. I just don't know where I put them. Just moved too many times. You know, we got that thing, a couple of fucking, a couple of apartments ago. I can't even remember the fuck we got it. And I got really excited. I was like, wow, so that plastic one, I could actually do the first three quarters of the kneading when I'm making homemade pasta.

I never make homemade pasta, but I got all excited about it. And then one of the discs, you attach it all the way down on the ground. I'm like, oh, so that tall skinny and then the tall skinny thing sticks on top of it. But if you want to do like slice a lemon or something, you stick the tall skinny thing in first and then the thing goes on top and then y'all. That's how bad it got. That's how quickly. That's how bad it got. But I was a good boy. I didn't do anything. I had a nice balcony. The balcony had a shower. I wasn't even on the top floor. This is a fucking sick ass hotel. They had a, it was a shower bathroom, right? With a shower.

Had a little window. You get to open and close it to look out. And even when you looked out, you were looking at the shower, which was had a wall behind it, right? So you could fucking, you know, I'm sure if you were young, you'd fucking two hotties, you know, you'd bang in there or whatever. But I'm old. All I was thinking was, dude, I could smoke a cigar out here. If my wife was here, I could take a shower before I went inside and I wouldn't stink up the fucking hotel room. That's how old I am. But I guess they had some sick ass cigar bar there with a private room and all of that. And I didn't go because I've smoked, I smoked like a thousand cigars between the end of May and fucking the middle of August. And I was like, I said I was taking some time off.

I just know myself if I do this, I'm going to fucking start back up again. So I laid off. I laid off. Then I just sat there on YouTube. You know, I studied my flashcards. I got my check ride coming up for my instrument rating in the next, I don't know, four to six weeks or something. So I got to get ready for that. I did that. I worked out. I stretched. I ate perfect. I didn't eat one bad fucking thing the whole way there.

I watched a movie called Boogie that had Don Lombardosie in it as a basketball coach about an Asian kid whose dad wants him to make it to the NBA. And he moves them. So he moves them into this school where he'll play like the top kid in New York City. Really cool movie. And then I saw on the way back, I watched this thing on Martin Luther King and the FBI and all the horrible shit they were doing to that guy. It was really bad. The whole fucking thing. You should definitely watch it, but it's just like, can you just leave them alone? Meaning black people? Can you just fucking leave them alone? I just don't understand it at this point. This far fucking along. They did make a great point that, you know, you hear these people like, dude, what are black people bitching about? Fucking slavery ended like almost fucking 20 years ago. They didn't get civil rights until 50 years ago.

That's fucking ridiculous. So I highly recommend watching that and watching how as that person wrote in was saying they've been trying to cancel people forever, which he was right on that, but I disagreed with the fact now that anybody can do it. Like back in the day, you had to be J Edgar Hoover to cancel somebody or running a studio or be the fucking sheriff in your goddamn town. You had to achieve a level of power to do that to somebody. Now you can just be, you can be like now the fucking, like J Edgar Hoover would get canceled by some guy working in a warehouse, you know? Just be like, hey, you know, J Edgar Hoover tried hitting on me. That would be the fucking end of him. Yeah, we can't have a guy who's homosexual running the FBI. Was that the rumor on that guy? Hang on a second before I get myself in a watch lift. J Edgar.

It was a big thing back then. Have initials. J Edgar Hoover. Gay. The secret life of J Edgar Hoover. For half a century, the FBI digger waged war on homosexuals, black people and communists. And what was he gay and he was into black men? How's this going to pan out? What are these fucking things you put it on? It says your privacy. Do not sell my personal information. Then I click on this and I'm supposed to believe that they're actually not going to do that.

And now a controversial film by Clint Eastwood is set to reveal some of the explosive truth about him. All right. So now I got to read this whole thing. You can't just give me the answer. J Edgar Hoover was a phenomenon. All right. Guess what? I don't give a fuck about his personal life. How about that? I don't give a shit about anybody's personal life. It's none of my business. Sorry. It just became what I don't like. All right. Anyway, plowing ahead here. Ah, fuck, is this goddamn thing going to crap out on me? Shit, it's not charged. Oh, well, I'll have to do this in sections.

Anyway, moving along. How about the New York Yankees, everybody? 13 game winning streak. It ended, but nonetheless, they won 13 in a row. And they are in a collision course with my Boston Red Sox to have a one game playoff. And you know what I say? I say, bring it on. Bring it on because we do not have the team this year, but it's only one game. And I think if, you know, we get Chris Sale in there, you know, if he can get through five innings, I mean, we're not supposed to win that game.

This was the year of sales supposed to fucking rehab. And then next year we try to buy it with all the free agents or whatever the fuck it is we're going to do, right? But when I love a one game playoff, the pressures on the Yankees to win it because they're built to win the whole fucking thing. I think they are. Although they didn't play too well for the beginning, but whatever, they're playing great. So I feel like they're the favorites. And, you know, I know we're not going to win it this year, but if we could actually knock the Yankees out of the playoffs, that'd be fucking awesome.

So I'm kind of, kind of into it. And then also if we lose, I'm excited to hear I got like two whack-a-mole sports fan Yankee guys who, whenever the Red Sox lose to the Yankees, they pop their heads up to fucking New York fucking douchebags, where one of them I swear to God, I didn't I didn't hear from the guy since like game three of 2004. I didn't hear from them from then all the way until when the Red Sox choked in the early teens, the last decade, that Bobby Valentine team. Maybe I can't remember what it was, but we collapsed in September and he out of nowhere starts talking all of this fucking shit. It was embarrassing to be honest with you.

And that was funny. It was the very next year we then won the World Series again. I haven't heard from him since. I got two fucking Yankee fans like that. So, you know, I miss him. So maybe if they win a one game playoff against us, I can actually hear from him again. So anyway, I'm back out here in in Los Angeles. My kid is my son is fighting off a cold to now, you know, my daughter's back in schools.

We got to keep my daughter away from my son, you know, so she doesn't go to school with the cold and everybody freaks out thinking it's something else. And all of that type of shit. So just kind of dealing with all of that. But I'll tell you something, man, coming home to see your kids after being away for a couple days is just fucking awesome. It really is. I'm always make sure that I take that in because I know, you know, kids are when they get to their teen years, they got to go away for a couple years, even though you're still living with them. They go away for a few years trying to figure themselves out. They're trying to push you away, you know, then they come back.

Hopefully they don't go too far, you know. That's the deal. I'm already preparing for that because this part of being a parent has been so friggin awesome. I'm trying to block out what all these other fucking asshole parents tell me. Well, joy. The joy. They tell you where they become teenagers and become fucking assholes. It's just like, or maybe you might be a little bit of an asshole.

So you only like them when they freak out when you come home and they're excited to see you like a fucking puppy dog. You know, so now they're in their teen years and they're a little bit grumpy or whatever. Now you're going to be, you're going to get in your feet. You're literally going to do that. Their brain is even fully developed. Let them go through their fucking bullshit. Be there for them. You know, you know, fucking go great Santini on them.

I am a great Santini. All right, let me do some reads here before this fucking thing craps out on me again. And then I'll talk a little bit more about, you know, I'm actually excited because my tours officially started before I do the reads here because I keep putting together the hour and then I can't do it for a while. You know, any for any significant time. And then I get another road day coming up. So it keeps falling apart. I put it back together, falls apart, puts it back together. You know, so I'm excited now because next week I'm at Penn, I'm at, sorry, Atlantic City, the following week Penn State, I do the 9 11 gig.

And then I got like Kansas City, Red Rocks. I got Milwaukee, Minnesota, go back to Red Rocks. And I think I can really start to shape this thing. And it's a crazy hour where it's shit from before the pandemic and then all this shit since then. And I don't really know where the first hour went. It's sort of just all evaporated except for like two bits. And then one of the jokes somebody said was too much like something Louis CK did. So I was glad the fans said that.

I was like, oh, fuck, I got to go watch that bit now to make sure I'm not side swiping anything. And then I got all this other shit that I'm trying to put together. So it is, it is, it's still funny, but it is a mess. And I kind of felt like I was talking to force when I got off stage was like, was I funny tonight? I just felt like I was up there yelling like a fucking lunatic. They just didn't seem to be, you know, right now my act is just funny. But there's not like some sort of thread tying it all together where I feel like it's ready to, for me to start thinking about doing another special or whatever.

So, but this is the fun part, right? Fucking around and doing all that stuff. So we shall see. We'll see where all of these shows take me. And I am really psyched that I started with Florida went into a place that has so many cases of COVID and was able to get in and out of there and not get sick. And which means if fans do the right thing, they won't get sick either. And if you choose not to, you know, that's your freedom, man.

That is your fucking freedom. So, you know, go for it. I don't give a shit. All right. So anyway, with that, let's do some ad reads here of you. Oh, look who it is. Look who it is. It's Indochino.

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We got simply safe, everybody. Isn't that what everybody wants? Speaking of simply safe, I watched that Bob Odenkirk movie also on the film. It also had starred the RZA. What was it called? Nobody. I watched that. I really enjoyed that. That reminded me of the action movies I grew up watching.

Bob Odenkirk absolutely crushed it. That's another one I recommend. All right. Sorry. Had an early flight. Simply safe. S-I-M-P-L-I-S-A-F-E. Oh, I can't say E-E-S-A-F-E.

Oh, you do two notes. It sounds like two E's. I'm trying to do that. S-I-M-P-L-I-S-A-F-E. All right. Wrong song. All right. With simply safe, home security founders.

Chad and Eleanor Lawrence designed their first security system in their kitchen. Now, you see this? This is smart. Everybody thinks they're fucking smart. You're not smart like Chad and Eleanor Lawrence, you know? They designed a security system in their kitchen. What did you do? You bought a softball bat.

You went down. You bought a gun. You went to the range. You shot at these fucking people. They used electricity. Use electricity. You're a goddamn wizard, okay? In my world.

They designed their first security system in their kitchen. Probably because they made their own pasta. I'm really jealous of this couple. You know, talk about connecting. They did it for... They didn't bang each other like they were in nine and a half weeks after they designed it. Right on top of their blueprints. They did it for a very special reason.

Their friends had just had their home broken into. They were struggling to find a security system that was simple to set up. Well, why didn't you make it for them? You selfish bastards. That was simple to set up. It would make them feel safe again. I understand all this. I'm just fucking with Chad and Lauren.

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Oh, last week I mentioned that my daughter all of a sudden was really into skateboarding, right? And why is my screen flickering like an old television? It just happened there. Is that because of this wire, the vibration of my voice? Oh, Jesus. I need Chad and Eleanor to come over here and design me a new laptop. All right. Skateboard for your daughter.

My daughter said that she wants to ride a skateboard. Hey, Billy. Oh, God. Billy Boston. Hey, Boston Billy. It's not Boston. It's B-A-W. You dumb fuck.

So many times I got to tell you. Boston is how people in the Midwest say it. Hey, Bob, let's go get some pop. And then we'll watch the Boston Red Sox. Red Sox. It's Boston Red Sox. Boston. B-A-W.

It's like saw. Someday I'm going to teach you guys how to talk like this. Boston. Long time listener, long time skateboarder. All right. I recommend going to Valsurf Skate Shop in the Valley. It's on Whitset and Riverside. Whiteset.

They're one of the first skate shops in the country to ever sell a skateboard. So they have some cool history in that regard. The guy, guy slash girls behind the counter will surely be able to help your daughter get fitted for the right size deck, trunks and wheels. So the deck is what you stand on. The trunk is what you attach and that the wheels go on to. Is that what it is? I mean, there's only three fucking parts to the skateboard, right?

Well, there's the ball bearings, dude. Uh, any brand they sell there will be good, will be a good brand and as they sell all of the popular skate brands, they also have pads there so you can get her fitted, fitted out. Yeah. She said she, she wanted one of the Marvel characters on her skateboard and I went to one of the old school skate shops and they were like, yeah, you can get that at Target. I'm like, I'm not buying a fucking skateboard at Target.

That's not happening. All right. She's going to get a legit one. Okay. And then I'll, I'll find some, she wants Spider-Man on it. I will buy a plain one and I will, I will hire some, one of you fucking guys with your spray cans, you know, with the street cred, the graffiti there, you know, to draw one on there, you know, that would be fucking cool as shit.

Um, it says some mass produced one over there at Target next to some Pop Tarts and a gallon of wine. Um, if you end up looking for skateboards, skate parts to take her to, there are a ton in LA. Some popular ones are Peadlow Park out in Encino. A ton of young kids go there. There's also North Hollywood skate park in the Noho Park, but that is an older crowd on weekdays.

The old heads getting out there. Fucking eating the gummies. And the park is usually full of homeless people. All right. I guess we'll probably avoid that one. Then if you want to go, she's going to be in my driveway, dude. Then if we're going to go to the way, go to the west side, you can go to a, to Stoner Park, which also has a jungle gym right outside the skate park.

So you can bring the whole family from back east, back east. He writes, I hope this helps. And I hope your daughter has as much fun as I did when I was a youngster just learning how to skate. I got to be honest with you. I walked in there and I was, I was instantly like, I get this. This looks fun as shit, especially because the person in front of me, they only let one person in at a time.

So he had like these, like these updated old school skateboards where your feet still hang off on the, on either side by like an inch or something. And, but he had like the, the, the big like soft cruising wheels underneath them, which they didn't have when I was a kid. We went to child world or toys are us. I still remember both jingles. There's no other world like child world. It's a happy, happy, happy store with miles and miles of toys for happy girls and boys

and much, much, much, much more. And then I can't remember the rest because usually at that point we'd be looking at Mark, can you take us to child world? Now you have plenty. Sorry, cut out on me. Yeah. So you, I would watch that and when you'd see the commercial and then you'd be like, Mark, can you take me down there?

You know, and then she would say what every mother said in the seventies. What? Now you got plenty. It's not your birthday. It's not Christmas. Well, come on, mom. I just want to go now you're going to go down there. I'm not buying you anything.

All right. You got plenty of toys. Go outside and play. Go pick up a stick. Play cowboys and Indians and reenact the genocide that started this country. Going down there buying your toys. You're going to be a spoiled brat. Yeah.

My stupid recorder crapped out so I had to charge it. And I actually got to watch that MotoGP race. Fabio Quattararo blowing him away, winning by almost four full seconds on his Yamaha there in Britain. And congratulations to a pre. Yeah. Is that how you say it? Um, their first podium since they came back, uh, Laceous Espargo taken third place with

Jack has just, uh, you know, all kinds of passing on the last, um, on the last lap, two, three passes between the two of them. That was fantastic. It was on the edge of my seat. Charity on. But anyways, um, okay, death from therapist. And thank you, by the way, for all, all of the skateboarding people out there. Like, uh, what a community, man.

I just opened that up a little bit. I got like 20, you know, emails and tweets and all of that type of stuff. Sounds like a good group of kids. Even though the cops always chase you away, you meddling kids. All right, death from therapist. What? Hey, Billy Bird balls. These few guys, I don't know how you keep coming up with these.

I don't even know what the fuck that. I've never even thought about bird balls. Uh, on Monday show, you were talking about people overcoming their fears and dying. Well, have I got a story for you? I work at this lady who's stepped dad was the therapist of some sort. He's got this client who is deathly afraid of water. This chick wouldn't go near a river, a lake pool. She wouldn't even take a bath.

Wow. So she goes to this guy to help her get over her fear. He tells her the only way to overcome it is to face it head on. He organizes a white water rafting trip for her. Oh, Jesus Christ. Oh no, white water rafting trip for her and him to go on together. Long story short, the boat flips and this chick drowns right in front of the therapist. The therapist quits and has been in therapy of his own for years now.

For a red faced, freckled freak, you do make a good podcast. Take care and go fuck a shark. Wait a second. Is that true? Now I got to because we they're saying people write phony shit into me here. Let me see here. Uh, therapist, patient, white water raft drowning. Sons death leads family to seek reform and commercial rafting.

Now that's not it. A new theory. Boy dies. Love raft overturns. Where did you get this story from? Woman drowned during Hudson River, River rafting trip Hudson River. Seems like, you know, I figure your biggest worry there. You get hit by a fucking ship.

I don't know, sir. I don't see where this is. You guys, what I want from now on, tag the story when you write these things in. You get me all fucking excited. I'm not excited. I'm not happy somebody died. I'm just saying you get me all worked up. Check.

You get me all excited. Like the guy who does the MotoGP. Um, all right. Google hack. You'll build, you'll build it from another time. Saw this tweet and thought of you. It has some tips to make Google searches more efficient. All right.

It's probably my fault. And he says, go fuck yourself. You red button beauty. I like that one. That was fucking old school. Oh, red button beauty. All right. If you use, if you use it right, Google is the most powerful tool in the world.

All right. Easy. Easy, Chris. But the truth is most people suck at it. Okay. Fair enough. Uh, here are eight Googling tips that you probably don't know. Quotation markets, not quotation marks, quotation markets, put quotes around search items to

let you search exactly for that word. All results will have your terms in it. For example, quote, James clear end quote gives you all James clear search results without just James. Well, let's put it to the test. All right. Quote therapist. Patient dies.

White water. This is going to give me Hillary Clinton. Uh, white water. All right. Boom. Am I getting PTSD from bedside nursing? See, this doesn't fucking work. Public health news.

I only tried one thing. Let's keep going with this. Jesus fucking Christ. Um, quotation markets, you mean marks, dashes. If you want to exclude a term from your search, include a hyphen before the word. Example, example, dolphins dash football. You just want dolphins, the animal, not dolphins, the professional football team. Okay.

Tilled. Use the till. That's the hyphen, but it's got a little fucking. It's got a little sass to it. Little swiggle. Use tilled when you want cinnamon, synonyms, cinnamon, synonyms to appear in the result. Example, music, uh, tiled, whatever the fuck it is. Classes.

Here you only get music classes, lessons, coaching, et cetera. You, okay. Site. Use this SIT E colon. Use this to search within a specific website only. Example, Kevin Ryan site colon. Oh, Jesus Christ. I'm never going to write vertical bar.

Same purpose as OR. Example, Netflix. Vertical bar Hulu means Netflix or Hulu. Oh, because you can't write or okay. All right. I still didn't find it, but thank you. Thank you everybody for trying to help me. Thanks to you.

It works for some of us. The Google search. Alcohol prohibition. By the way, I'm still, uh, watching all the untouchables. I just saw my favorite episode. It's called the fist of five. And guess who's back? Guess who's back?

Back again, Lee Marvin for the second time I've seen him on this series. Last time he played a gangster this time, he played a cop who was doing the right thing. He was a little too good at his job and he's right, rough enough tough Tony's guys. And the cops that were on the take didn't like it. So they made him turn in his badge. So he says, fuck this shit. We're getting our money. So he's Irish.

So, you know, he's got at least four brothers, which this guy does. Comes from a big family, right, banging away there. So he, him and his four fucking Irish brothers, just, he comes up with the plan. He's just the sides out of the fucking blue that he's going to kidnap tough Tony. With all of his other brothers. And one of his brothers is a 21 or a 22 year old James Kahn, who's fucking great in it. I really think that the untouchables back in the day was almost like law and order, where any, every actor, it seems at some point was living in New York

and you did one of the law and orders. It was like a rite of passage, your first TV credit, and then you moved on. And it seems like, I mean, you're talking like Charles Bronson. Oh, Ed Asner, who just passed away. 91 years old, rest is sold. The great Ed Asner, who is great as he was on Mary Tyler Moore and we're on his own show, Lou Grant. If you watch him in the untouchables, because you see his range,

he plays everyone from like a, you know, straight law by biting citizen to a gangster who won't talk, who ends up killing himself rather than going to fucking, you know, dealing with, you know, the mobster that he knows is going to whack him or fucking playing, I guess, some Hungarian immigrant that don't trust the cops. Amazing. So I'm trying to think who's left on the Mary Tyler Morts. Betty White and John Amos, I think.

And I remember when Gavin McLeod, another incredible actor, when he passed away, Ed Asner wrote this really nice thing and he actually said, see you soon. I don't know if he already knew that he was sick or whatever, but he wasn't in his 90s. So amazing, amazing, amazing. All of them, that whole generation of actors, just incredible. Charles Bronson, you see him a couple of times. I think I saw him one time, maybe twice, I can't remember. Untouchables, who else?

Leonard Nimoy. Oh, Robert Loja, is that his name? The guy, what to do with all the fucking cash? The guy from Scarface. Don't get high on your own supply. Fred played Frank Lopez. He did the piano dance with Tom Hanks and was it big? I think that's what it was.

Anyway, plowing ahead here. Paul Prohibition, dear Billy Noboos. I've made it a thing where every Sunday I read about something I think I know a bit about. But if I asked for detail, wouldn't be able to give much insight beyond common knowledge. I mean, you just explained everything that I ever talk about. Trying to avoid sounding like everyone online and on podcasts. Guilty is charged. This week I decided to read about prohibition.

I learned some interesting things that you probably wouldn't know, because the topic is one where everyone says what happened casually and can't offer anything more. Nina Kanai, here are some takeaways. It wasn't led by religious nuts. It was led by scientists. Some really dumb sounding ones at that. Here's an example. Here's an excerpt from a study explaining it better than I can.

To sum up the quote, science behind prohibition, society had tremendous numbers of pathologies on the loose, and they all traced to one dominant variable, liquor. You mean people with loose morals that were out fucking around? There was poverty, crime, fatherless households, illiteracy, political alienation, social immobility, city squalor, and so on. You can look carefully at the data to find that in all these cases, there is a common element of alcohol. More than any other single factor, this one jumped out as the main one. And hence, the most plausible caustic agent.

It only stands to reason, if you think in this two-dimensional way, with no thought to unintended consequences that eliminating this factor would be the single greatest contribution to eliminating these pathologies. Ban the liquor and you strike a blow against poverty, sickness, family, break up, and crime. Like most causes or crusades, their heart was in the right place. They didn't think about all the other shit that they were going to create, because people would still be like, give me the booze. And then you create the black market.

The evidence, as they understood it, was incontrovertible. I don't want to say that. Do this, then that, and you are done. To be sure, the augment wasn't always this clean. Simon Patton, 1852 to 1922, was the chair of the Wharton School of Business. His late 19th century argument for alcohol prohibition featured a complicated argument concerning the weather in America. It gets cold, then hot, then cold, and alcohol consumption seems to track these changes. Driving people to drink evermore until their lives fall apart.

Imagine being one of the dummies that hurt a scientist say, we need to ban alcohol because of weather, then parroting that shit on the street. Alcohol is fine in the islands, but not here in the lower 48. Anyways, hope you found that interesting. I did, because as much as I agree with what you were saying, it also made me see how little they knew about addiction, and that they didn't understand addiction and alcoholism, so then they kind of took it away from everybody.

I remember my grandma used to tell me to make beer in the bathtub. It was something that you did back in the day, and they had themselves a great old time. They'd say you were blind drunk because when you drank either poor qualities or I think alcohol of a really high potency, you could actually lose the ability to see for a period of time. Not a great amount of time. I don't know how long. Let me look this shit up before I sound even dumber than I do.

How long do you... I'm not using quotes or any squiggly lines. Lose your sight drinking impure alcohol. Jesus Christ, this shit. How long does it take alcohol to get out of your system? Fatal, methanol poisoning, a drink to die for? Jesus Christ, I suck at this. Alright, quote.

Blind drunk. Origin. We'll do that first. The phrase, blind drunk, the phrase Dutch courage has been used. The Irish accounts seem to date back to the 30-year wars where British soldiers noticed the apparent increase in bravery that the Dutch soldiers gained from consuming... No, I mean blind drunk. History of blind drunk.

So drunk that vision and senses are impaired, the expression has been used. So I guess you don't literally go drunk. That's another one that I thought happened. I thought you literally lost your sight. Like you couldn't fucking see for a minute. Now that I say that out loud, that sounds really dumb. It might be true. I don't know.

Alright, why don't I just stick to the jokes? Boyfriend's grandmother tries to sue. Hey there, you bald-headed boozebag. Well, here's somebody who hasn't listened in a while. I haven't drank booze in almost three years. I'm over a thousand days, no booze. Other than some Nyquil I drank the other night, but I didn't do it for the booze.

My friend is having a little predicament and I wanted to hear your thoughts. The other day, one of my friends threw a surprise party for her boyfriend and I helped set up the party. We had the party on the roof of a building which was about three flights of stairs. When the family of the boyfriend arrived they all walked up the stairs, oh god.

The grandmother of the boyfriend complained about the amount of stairs while walking up to the roof. We did not think much of it since it is pretty normal for people to complain about stairs. When she got to the roof she was pretty winded, but fine. Alright, you got me on the edge of my seat here. Cardiac episode here. Someone offered her a chair and she sat down.

After sitting down, she immediately passed out and fell on the floor. Oh no. When she fell she fell on her arm. Jesus Christ. Each sentence gets worse in this story. When she fell on her arm and went through the floor. When it went through the floor she touched the stove.

Immediately her family members helped her back, helped her up to put her back in the chair, and she woke up a few seconds later saying that her arm hurt and that she didn't know there would be that many stairs. My friend and I went to get her some ice to put on her arm. Yeah, shake it off grandma. There's no reason to bring the fucking cops here. Alright, later in the night it started to rain.

So we had to wrap up the party early and the grandma and a bunch of other family members left. They went to the hospital since the grandma was complaining about her arm hurting and they found out that her wrist was broken. Oh Jesus. After finding this out the grandma reached out to my friend saying that she will be suing her for personal injury.

Does she have a case? Am I a lawyer? I don't know. In this day and age I think anybody has a fucking case. I don't think she should. She should have tapped out. Did you specifically invite her? Or did they bring her? Alright, hang on a second.

Why are you trying to get legal advice from me? Family arrived, they all walked up and said the grandmother or the boyfriend complained. Wait, the other day my family threw a surprise party. I don't know, did you invite her? On the night of the broken wrist in question, did you or did you not invite this old bag of bones to walk up three flights of stairs?

It's not as if she slipped and fell due to something that we caused, like some water on the floor that we did not clean up. It seems she walked up the stairs too quickly. I mean I like that angle. Just say the boyfriend walked her up too fast. I mean this is going to end your friendships but I mean at this point if they're coming after your money

these aren't your friends. She walked up the stairs too quickly and she passed out. Also my friend is really mad the boyfriend on behalf of the family. Wait, also my friend is really mad the boyfriend on behalf of the family even though the boyfriend is taking the grandma's side. Okay, what kind of sentence is that?

Also my friend is really mad that the boyfriend on behalf of the family even though the family is taking the grandma's side. Actually when the boyfriend FaceTimed his grandma to ask if she was serious she looked dead in the camera with a sad face and said, look at my arm. Look what they did to me.

Real fucking dramatic if you ask me. And the boyfriend has moved out of the family's house for the time being all the boyfriend or the person with the party and that's his grandma. So he sided with the girlfriend rather than his grandma from the old country. Oh boy.

You know you try to have a fucking birthday party. You know this all goes back to those animals in Florida. If they had just worn masks you could have had the fucking thing on the first floor and not have to party on the roof. I'm just blaming Florida for everything now. And the boyfriend has moved out of the family's house for the time being until everything cools down

to live with a friend. What are your thoughts? Do you think the lawsuit will go through? Also do you think my friend and the boyfriend have a chance to stay together? They've been dating like two years. Go fuck yourself. Thanks for reading. Alright if this is the boyfriend and the girlfriend

who threw the party, who the grandmother is going to sue and the grandmother is the boyfriend I think the only chance you have with this lasting is if the grandmother dies soon. So then she wouldn't be at the wedding. The family of the boyfriend. Okay well the other day my friends

threw a surprise party for her. One of my friends, oh she threw the party. Okay so they've been together for two years. She tries to have a surprise party. His grandmother, he brings his grandma along. So this kid's a good kid. What kind of a fucking young man brings his grandmother around, right?

A kid who was raised right. You know a kid that has a sense of family. You know what? That makes me feel like the grandmother is trying to milk this. She's full of shit. She's evidently not from the greatest generation. Is she a baby boomer?

Yeah they have a chance to stay together but they're going to have to have a ridiculous sense of humor about it. They really are. I think, but I mean as far as like do they have a case or whatever? I don't know. I think, I don't like the grandma.

My gut tells me that she makes everything about herself and that, I don't know. I don't know and she got all fucking emotional and didn't think she could walk up those fucking stairs and she did it anyway and then you know hyperventilated and then she fucking fell down on her arm. All right?

I mean if anything she should have told the boyfriend that she needed to rest on one of the landings, which she didn't. You know what I mean? I mean, I think it'd be one thing if she slipped on the stairs and it was something that you guys, you know, it was your place of business.

You didn't clean them off. There was something slippery there. Like you said that you spilled. I don't think she has a case. I don't think she does. Okay? I'm sorry. I'm sorry, grandma.

You're at that age. You can only go to first floor birthday parties. I don't know what to tell you unless there's an elevator. Okay? What are you doing suing my girlfriend? I'm finally getting laid over here. Are you trying to fuck that up? What's going on here?

All right? I'm sorry you came of age before Woodstock. Unhappy husband, unhappy life. Hey, Billy Birkensox. Since you're the man of amazing advice. Oh, by the way, that is a big like whole, that's a myth too, the whole sexual fucking resolution that basically nobody was fucking

until Woodstock and the, the dawning of the age of Aquarius. It all depends on who you were talking to. Told you a long time ago. I remember talking to this fucking, he was 72 at the time. It was like the early 90s. And he was saying he had this fucking,

he used to bang this redheaded chick with green eyes up against a tree out in the Boston calm. And my job has hit the floor and he stopped his story and he goes, let me tell you something kid, every generation thinks they're the first one that ever fucked. And I never forgot that. So I think the sexual revolution was more of a sexual

revolution for like suburban people. But I think if you in the city, they've been, those fucking animals been banging away. You know people in the city, they grow up fast, they grow up fast. They don't wait for the ice cream man, they rob him, they take his truck. You know, they push him down a flight of stairs

like in that fucking Brad Pitt movie. And all of a sudden they go to a school for boys and horrible things happen to him. All right, since you're a man of amazing advice, sleep is, is that what it's called? I figure I tell you my story of how money can fuck up your marriage. All right, I was married for a year until I found out

that my ex-wife was lying to me about money. Oh, she didn't light up the cards, did she? A bit of a backstory. I've known this chick for 15 years. I'm 37 and she was 42. We always had a thing for each other, but life circumstances always kept us busy. We both got busy with our careers,

our other relationships, et cetera. It wasn't until 2019 that we said, let's give it another shot. We did. Well, together I was on cloud nine. I thought I found a good woman and with someone I trusted with my life. Boy, was I wrong.

Jesus Christ, you guys just start writing for like those murder shows. My wife watches. It was a quiet town. A little too quiet. Before we got married, I laid out my financial books and told her everything. How much I made, bills, debt, et cetera.

I've always been good with money and never had to rely on credit cards. That I have been known... Wait, I've always been good... Let me just back up. I was just thinking of some fucking episode I watched. Before we got married, I laid out my financial books and I told her everything.

How much I made, bills, debt, et cetera. I've always been good with money and never had to rely on credit cards. Now, did she do the same thing? That and I've been known to live a frugal lifestyle. Her, on the other hand, no. She always had to have the Louis Vuitton nice clothes, et cetera.

She was making good money when we were together. But she told me after we were married that even in a dip in income I won't change my lifestyle. What a fucking thing to say after. I figured it's her money. Let her have her fun. This was pre-pandemic

and she was making close to six figures. How fucking immature is that? Even in a dip in income, I won't change my lifestyle. At that point, you're not living in reality. Buddy, you married a dope. I'm sorry. When the pandemic hit, we lost both of our jobs. I picked up a few odd jobs while she found another job. She's an accountant, but she took a $30,000 pay cut.

How did she celebrate finding another job, buying a Birkenbag? She went from making 120 grand a year as a senior accountant to 90 grand a year. While it's still good, I come to find out that's a huge chunk of her income goes to paying off credit cards and that she still owes student loans. She's been an accountant for almost 20 years

and she only paid off 10% of her $85,000 in student loans. Now, did you not ask her this shit because she didn't want to cause a fight or because you assumed that because she's an accountant, oh, my laptop's flickering again, that because she was an accountant, she had her books balanced.

Of course, she failed to tell me this before we got married. She went further to lie more about money. It turned out she barely had two nickels to rub together before we got married and saw me as a way out of her bad choices. Now, you have that in quotes as if she said that. Dude, this is the shit out here. They keep acting like men are always the predators and women are always the prey.

This is not the fucking case. There's assholes on both sides of the genitalia there. Now that so many people are transitioning, you're going to get more assholes in that fucking pool. It's everybody, whatever you're into, you got to have your head on a swivel. As I'm in the process of finishing nursing school and I'm getting ready to graduate within the next six months,

I have hospitals throwing themselves at me offering great money. Once she saw this, I saw her eyes widen and she and I both knew that I'd be making great money while she got to spend it. No, no, dude, no. This is not happening. You can't let this happen. By the way, I put myself through school.

She never dropped a dime for me to go. This was all grants and loans. Wow. Wait a minute. I'm confused. So after you had this conversation, you then went to medical school? No.

You're finishing nursing school and I'm getting ready to graduate within the next six months. Okay. All of my friends and family have told me to bail. That's what I say. Even my own mom paid for the filing fees for my divorce as I was tapped financially due to me helping her with her bills. Yeah, dude, she totally took advantage of you.

Get out now. And there's nothing you can do about it, okay? Because she's a woman and you're a man and that's it. So they fucking win always. So just lose by 40 rather than by 100 would be my advice. I didn't make a lot, but I tried to be the good husband and have her back. Did she help me when my bank account is close to negative?

No. A few weeks ago, I filed for divorce and moved out. All right. Good for you. Our lease was ending and I figured fuck it. I moved back in with the family as she took what little we had, the couch bed and what little furnace you had in our small apartment.

Yeah, of course she felt entitled to that fucking twat. As I write this, I still don't understand why she felt the need to lie to me about her finding, because she's a piece of shit, sir. She's a lying opportunistic piece of shit. Maybe I never will. Even though I'm rebuilding my life, I thank God every day we didn't start a family.

That's good. That is all good, but I can tell you this. Now you have to accept some of the responsibility. If you ever, if you want to grow from this, what the fuck are you going to do the next time you get ready to marry somebody? Okay. You got, you got to, you got to vet the person. You got to find out what their finances are, where they're at.

All right. You got off easy. Oh, you know, something, you know, it's funny about all of the way she's living her life was she ended up in the same fucking situation she was in with nothing and then she put you in the same situation. And all she got out of it was a couch and a bed and a small apartment. What a fucking piece of shit. I hope she has to scrub the floors with a toothbrush.

I used one at that. Um, all right. Anyway, Bill, I'm sorry for the long ass email, but hopefully my story will help someone that was in this situation was in my situation to ask the right questions and always do your due diligence. There you go. See, look, he's taking responsibility. Thanks again and go fuck yourself.

Yeah, man. I'm sorry that happened to you. Um, you know, and there is this big sort of thing out there that, you know, the man's supposed to help, you know, take care of the woman, take your jacket off, put it over the puddle, you know, don't get caught up in that fucking hype. Treat him as equals. All right. What are you bringing to the party?

Okay. Like they, their, their ability to manipulate the whole game, like the same way, like they look at it like sex is they're doing you a favor. Like it doesn't feel good for them. Like they don't have an orgasm too. You know what I mean? Like the whole fucking thing, just the whole way that that whole thing is just looked upon that they're, they're giving themselves to you.

You know, I guess how we're set up, you know, how you're entering them. I guess on some level, but I mean this also like some mind, there's some Tom foolery little Tom fuckery going on there with the, with the whole power structure of that. Um, and all they got to do is show up and look good. And they've done their part and you got to go pick up a hammer and go crush all the rocks. I mean, while they say they want equality, I don't know.

I'm just saying there's a lot of great women out there. This one wasn't, uh, but this woman does exist, but you can't really talk about her now without being called sexist. Okay. But the truth is, is this K women like this are not big foot. Okay. They actually exist. So like this person says, do you goddamn do diligence, look out for it.

And if they start getting their backup and they start getting angry, that's cause they got something to hide. All right. Then you go Colombo. Yeah. Confused. And you keep fucking pressing the questions. And then you, then, you know, then maybe you start asking people around you what

they, what their thing is. Cause sometimes people keep their mouth shut cause they don't get in the middle of it. Like, well, you know, it looks like he's going to marry her. So I ain't going to say nothing cause I'm going to lose my friend. Um, all right. That is it. That is the podcast. Congratulations to Fabio Quattararo taking a commanding lead of the 2021 Moto G peak

championship. Um, another great fucking race. Um, I got to watch the formula one cause I've heard that's unbelievable this year after all my bitch moaning complaining. I should have hung in there cause I've been missing an incredible season. Um, congratulations to the Yankees, you motherfuckers. You're playing great baseball. I hope we get a one game playoff and I hope we bounce your fucking goddamn fucking, uh,

what do they call those things? The pinstripes. You know, you can't, you can't lie, man. It's one of the best uniforms in sports and you just can't, you know, I mean, how far are you going to take? How far are you going to take the hatred that you're not going to give it? It's a fucking great looking uniform. It's a great logo.

The whole fucking take. Um, the only thing that ruins it is those idiots out in right field. We're chanting your name. Then they got the dumb pinstripes on that. I always, I would feel that's a little low rent. I always feel like they, they could do better than that. You know, and I blame the New York Yankee franchise for us playing sweet Caroline cause you asshole started playing, uh, YMCA first.

I mean, come on. We're two baseball franchises that have been around for so goddamn long. No reason for us to be making asses of ourselves. You go to the Yankees game. They're spelling it out. Horrific nightmare nightmare. Who do I blame ESPN for over promoting sports and getting people who really aren't into sports to then go to the goddamn ballpark?

You know, they don't want to go to the game there. They had a fucking dancer in the seventh inning. All right, grandpa. Shut the fuck up. I'll talk to you guys. Uh, I'll check it on you on Thursday.