Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 8-31-20

Episode Date: August 31, 2020

Bill rambles about Chicago, School House Rock, and avoiding violence.

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August 31st, 2020. This is it. It's the last day of summer. Not really, but it is. I always felt that way as a kid. If it was the last day of August, September meant only two things. You had to go back to school and wa-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. Football came back.

Even though there was a little bit of exhibition football, that they would show very, very little of. You know, when I was a kid, they didn't show that bullshit. You know, there wasn't a bunch of people playing fantasy football, trying to break down who the fucking top three running backs are, who you want to add to your team. I'm actually thinking about playing it this year. You know, I know a disturbingly few names in the NFL,

where I used to know them all back in my football card collecting days. So, I don't know. You know, I don't know if it's because I'm old or whatever. Keep talking about this on podcasts. The names have just gotten so fucking difficult. You know, in hockey, I mean, he always had the French guy names, but Pierre, Jacques, you know, Claude, wasn't too hard. Those Russian, Finnish fucking, oh my God,

with the four fucking consonants in a row, and then a letter Y that I guess is sometimes a vowel. I've just never been able to get caught up with that. And, you know, and then, I don't know, just black and white dudes, they just got all different names for when I was a kid. You know, white guys were Mike, John, Bill, Bob, you know, black dudes, old school, Leon, Hank, you know, simple, Mel, Miles. Now, I don't know, it's like fucking, it's like you take nine names,

you put them all together, and then white kids are like, they're all named after like either attitudes or like obscure cities or states, you know, or descriptions, you know, Hunter, Dakota, I don't know. Are they really named that? I don't fucking know, maybe, it's probably because I'm just old. I have no idea, but, you know, there was something exciting about going back to school, though, when I was a kid, because you got new clothes.

I know that's probably weird to all you younger people, but like when my generation, your mother shopped for clothes once, once a year, all right? Other than you got something on Christmas and on your birthday, but usually not clothes on your birthday. Christmas, you get some fucking, you know, awful sweater or a shirt, button-down shirt from your grandmother that had like fucking flowers on it. Yeah, you got once she went out and she'd buy like fucking two

or three pairs of corduroy's, you know, and then a couple of shirts and then you'd have a pair of sneakers, and that was your pair, and then she'd buy them a little bit bigger, and those would be your sneakers for the year. And that was it, that was fucking it, the overhead, that was it. You got some pencils and some pens, you got some notebooks, and then you took the brown paper bags from the grocery store and you covered your books, and you had to have a cover on it.

If you didn't have a cover on it, then, I don't know, you got some sort of demerit, you got detention. I remember there was this fucking cunty teacher that if you had a little tear in your book cover, he would walk by your desk and go, oh, look, look what's happening, and you'd stick his finger in there and rip your cover off, and you had to have a new one. Such a cunt, such a cunt, and I remember having crushes

on some of the girls in my grade, and I remember all the, like the prettiest girls, like they had, like their book covers were like perfect. You know, there was a way to fold it over, God, it's all coming back to me, where you taped the cover to the actual bag and all the guys were like animals, we just like cut them and then you taped the fucking brown paper bag to the book.

And then when it came off, you would be tearing off the inside pages of the book or whatever, parts of the paper, the inside book. Oh, that was a long fucking time ago, long time ago, and every year I had hope, this is the year, I'm gonna break out, and I'm gonna get back to getting good grades, and I would do all right in somewhere in October, I don't know,

I just didn't have, I couldn't stick with it. I didn't have to fight in me. I got a lot of shitty grades that I should not have gotten. You know, one of the worst fucking things I ever did was fuck up in school like that, because then I didn't get to go to like some, a buddy of mine just dropped off his kid at like Indiana, University of Indiana,

and I'm just thinking for four years, that kid's gonna get to go to college basketball in that amazing arena, that I went to a long time ago, and Bobby Knight was still there, and he earned it. You know, and I remember after my fucking college, my high school career, the shit that I had to like, apply to colleges like this, like listen, can I just give you money to take two classes?

Sorry, got my phone on here. Can I just give you money to take two courses to just demonstrate that I can work at a college level? And I had to like strike a deal where they would gradually work me in, you know, like a non-Italian trying to work his way into the mob, and I could only get so far back in the day, right? So anyway, yeah, that's what I did,

and I gradually worked my way into the University of Massachusetts, Boston, and eventually transferred to Emerson College after that. And even that one, I had to kind of do the same thing. How many credits are we gonna take? It took me forever. You know, if I just buckled down and applied myself, I could have been out.

I actually to this day still think like, what if I fucking actually did well in school? But then even then, I still wanna rush through college just so I can become a comedian. So I start thinking, well, what if I picked up a semester over the summer before I was supposed to go, and then I'd be done with my freshman year, December of the year I graduated high school,

and then I just keep blowing through the fucking, the summers, picking up a semester each time, I'd be done in like two and a half years or something. And then I'd finally be not only caught up, I'd be ahead, because I stayed back in first grade, and I always just felt like my whole life, I've just felt like I've been behind. And the reality is, is there's nothing I can do about it,

but that doesn't stop me in my fifties of still thinking about this shit. What the fuck is wrong with me? So any who, hey, guess what? Guess what? I've finally, I gotta fuck it. I got some social distance tour dates coming up. You know, everybody else is back to work.

I have to work, I have a mortgage, just like you. So you guys, you guys are just regular people. You put your pant legs on, you know, one leg at a time. I'm in show business. I jump into my slacks, both legs, same time. I'm gonna be doing a Twilight comedy on the farm. At South Farms, just 15 miles outside of Bristol, Connecticut. The September 23rd shows,

the early show and the late shows are sold out. Thank God, thank you guys so much. So we added two shows, September 24th. Tickets are live now. You can go to billburd.com for the ticket links. And then we're gonna try to just, we're just gonna see where this goes, how many shows I can add.

And then I'll be back East. So then we might, the ticket sales go well there. Then maybe, I don't know, maybe I do something else. Maybe I don't, I'd have no idea. All I know is, yeah, I have to get back out and I have to go back to work because I got a wife and two kids and a fucking mortgage and all of this shit, you know, we downsized a little bit.

We pulled back, we've tightened the fucking bootstraps that you pull yourself up while you've since you've belt a little closer around your waist, whatever the fucking expression is. No, I have to, yeah, I gotta stop dipping into the rainy day fund here and I gotta go out and go make some fucking money. That's basically it.

Okay, I can't fucking sit around doing nothing. All right, it was a great, it really wasn't a great five months. It really wasn't, cause it was always the frustration and the fear of the unknown. But, you know, whatever, I took off some weight, I put it back on and I took it off. Took it back off again.

All that weight that I gained when I was out in Yellow Springs, one of my new favorite parts of the fucking world. I've thought about that milkshake that I got at the Jersey Dairy Farm out there. I gotta get the right name for that place. Let me see here. Is my internet working?

Is the internet working? Jersey Farm, Yellow Springs, Ohio. Come on, come on, Bessie, come on, buddy, there we go. Young's Jersey Dairy. Homemade ice cream and family fun. It's just fucking tremendous. I'm telling you, for the rest of my standup career, if I'm ever in Cincinnati, if I'm ever in Dayton,

I'm driving over there like a fucking crack feet. They're ice, it was like heroin. It was that fucking good. Tremendous. Oh, Billy, sweet tooth. So I came back. I was a bloated, I was filled with salt and sugar. Speaking of back to school,

I was eating like I was still in grade school. And like I said, I went to the local juice place. They had a really cool t-shirt. I still got it in a medium and I put that fucker on and I was like a fucking, you know, when you cook a hot dog right before it splits. That's what the fuck I looked like in this goddamn thing. One of those things, if I reach forward,

like this separation between my lower back where the shirt is and my pants was like at least, I was probably a full foot. And that's all because, you know, it's all in my arms and my fucking mantits and all of that shit. So I have eaten like a saint since I got back. And now, like I said, if I eat bad for seven days, I need to be a saint for 18 days.

That's kind of how it works. It's almost a three to one ratio. Good to bad, bad to good, however that fucking works out. So I've just been eating perfectly and, you know, occasionally once a week you're supposed to have like a high calorie day just so your metabolism doesn't get used to eating perfect

because that's the worst. Cause then you're eating perfect and you're not seeing the results. So last night I had a little steak dinner with corn on the cob, my favorite. I only eat corn on the cob in August. That's it. Back in the day, that's when my mother would go out

and get it. She was like, it's fresh, they got corn in the cab. All right, the rest of the year it was frozen corn which absolutely sucked. And I've had an ongoing debate with my great friend Paul Verzi where he has two things that he says no use for in his diet. It's corn and peas.

And I just, you know, he's Sicilian and Greek and I'm basically German-Irish with some Scottish in me. So, you know, in my world there's nothing better than mashed potatoes with some peas. Even better if you put them in one of those fucking little pies there and they're both mixed in together. I love peas and I also, I love corn

but it's got to be corn on the cob. You know, that fucking frozen corn where they had like the, back in the day where they had like the butter inside of it too was just, there was something wrong about that. Like you just didn't feel right after you after you ate it. But I know there's gonna be a lot of people going like,

you know how Paul is right about corn is because you shed it out and it still looks like corn. Your body has no use for it, has not used it at all. Although I saw this documentary on food one time and it said that basically everything was made out of corn. So I don't know what to tell you. Oh man, I went down a fucking amazing rabbit hole last night. I just, you know, from watching that,

oh it's fucking hilarious, whatever the hell that guy's name was, that fucking documentary I was making fun of that music producer who's like Ron, if Ron Burgundy was a real person, David Foster. So I got, it got me back into early Chicago which is something that I always wanted to kind of get into.

I just never got around to it because I was too busy into my metal man and you know, Nia loves that. It's funny, Nia is into all of that early 70s, like she likes to band America, she like Chicago, she's really into that. She has like these different eras of music that she's like totally into.

Like I know she's into like, I don't know if it's like R&B or whatever, something from the early 90s. She absolutely loves it. So I started watching this documentary that Terry Cath's daughter made. And I didn't get any sleep the night before so I can't remember the name of it.

I think it was the Terry Cath experience. And basically this fucking guitarist, I've told you about him before, he was so good and I didn't know this, like Jimi Hendrix saw those guys and saw Terry Cath and was so blown away by them that he took them on tour. He had them open up for them and he was telling everybody going,

you know, Terry's a better guitarist than I am. And that is why Jimi Hendrix was so great because there's a lot of fucking people in show business that when they see a beast coming up, they wanna get away from them and have some cupcake open for them. But the true greats who even when they're considered the greatest out there are not afraid to be challenged

and wanna be pushed because their passion is not that stupid list that they're on. It's about continuing to get better at what it is that they do. So it made me love Jimi Hendrix even more and Terry Cath even more. And you gotta watch it. It's called the Terry Cath experience.

And, you know, they get into all of, a lot of stuff that I didn't know. I didn't know where the band was at and how Terry was looking to do a solo album at the time that he left. And I also, David Foster, a little bit of an apology because I was saying he took the balls out of the band. But, you know, while Terry was still in the band,

they had that number one hit in 1976. If you leave me now. Remember that song? If you leave me now, you take away the biggest part of me. Ooh, no baby, please don't go. And the horns, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop. That song when I was a kid, even when I was a kid,

it kind of used to depress me. And I'll be honest with you, a lot of Chicago's music, there was something about, I don't know what key it's in or whatever, but it kind of, I don't know, would bring me down a little bit. There's certain music that I totally respect, but if I listen to it because of the way I'm wired

and prone to depression, like it fucking drags me down. John Legend, another one. My wife loves John Legend when he fuck, we're just ordinary people. And I hear that ordinary people song, I want to go put a fucking gun in my mouth. Not literally, everybody relax.

I don't need to fucking phone a friend here. I'm just saying, I just, there's something about that, like, I don't know what it is about the song. I can't even name any more lyrics after that. I like fighting in my head. You're not ordinary people, you're special. You just haven't found your thing yet. Yeah, but now I think that I'm older, more mature

and more fucking chilled out and I have a better feeling about myself. Now I go back and I listen to that early Chicago, including that song that they won their first Grammy on. Baby, please don't go. And I absolutely love it. And I'm fascinated with the band, especially the drummer, I listen to Danny Serifin,

I think his name is, the size of his bass drum. Because it looks like he's only playing like a 20 inch bass drum. And you got that horn section. You got Terry. You got Peter Satara. I got all of these monsters on stage. They're killing it.

And you would think that he would need at least a 22. I was kind of surprised, but yet not surprised because all of those guys who were such great drummers back then, they all kind of grew up listening to jazz because that was more like mainstream, I think. So they all kind of had that swing pulse in their playing. And that's why I just think the drummers back then were, a lot of it was a lot more interesting.

As far as like the white drums, I feel. Because they did listen to jazz, they had more of a swing in what they were playing, where the white drummers that came after that kind of started with this real heavy Sabbath zeppelin and all of that. And they kind of missed out on the swing music. And if you just sort of started with that,

I don't know, I have this weird theory about white people clapping on the downbeat. Because if you watch some old jazz shit in old jazz clubs or whatever, maybe Dave Brubeck, where it's like a really white crowd, you see them clapping on two and four. And then somewhere when rock music got really fucking heavy, because even rock and roll still kind of had

that swing pulse to it. But when you get into the 60s, where, you know, zeppelin, the who, black Sabbath, and music started getting like really heavy, all of a sudden there was the clapping on either one and three or on all four beats. Because I think it was just, I don't know, it was just the phrasing of it, I think just,

doesn't take much to throw us off, but I don't think we've ever recovered. Speaking, speaking of not recovering. Let's go through the NHL playoffs. My beloved Boston Bruins are down three games to one to the Tampa Bay lightning. Is there anything worse than losing to a fucking team that's named after a goddamn weather report?

You know, we're just all out of animals, all out of ferocious things to name teams after, and then you just gotta be like, the hurricanes, the lightning, the, I don't even know what, what the fuck else could you be named after? What the fuck do they call that? What is that inversion where all of a sudden just air comes crashing down like a fucking skyscraper,

a microburst, the microbursts. You can't say that, because then everybody will talk about dick size. Yeah, we are down to the Tampa Bay lightning, who are just playing great, and you know, we've taken a couple of stupid penalties took a five minute major boarding penalty in the last one, you know, not arguing the call.

That's exactly what it was. And then they scored the third goal, which just really put us in a hole. And considering that we got Halaken net or the way he's been thrown in there, we need to be playing with the lead and we're not in and on top of that, we're then taking dumb penalties.

And that right there is a recipe for being down three to one. Now, I think my Bruins have too much hot. I don't think they're gonna lose today. Then it becomes three, two. Then it's interesting. Then it's interesting. Your number one seed in the East, Philadelphia Flyers, the creamsicles.

Kinda saw this one coming down three to one to the very quiet and dangerous New York Islanders. Vancouver Canucks down three games to one to the fucking, well, the Vegas Knights who were looking strong as shit. And then the Colorado Avalanche who I believe they lost their goaltender for the series, at least for a couple of games.

He split his fucking taint in the first game or his nutsack, something happened. They're down three game, also down three games to one to the Dallas Stas. So I was talking to a buddy of mine. He said, before this round, he goes, it's gonna be Tampa versus Vancouver. I'm sorry, Tampa versus Vegas in the finals.

That was his prediction. And my prediction, of course, was the Bruins versus Vegas and the Bruins win a cup. I mean, I thought that that was a lock. Kid, we were behind the eight ball, okay? Goddamn goaltender left. What are we supposed to do? Okay, respect the fact.

I expect the reasons why he left, but that definitely left us kind of in a bit of a pickle, as they say. So, I don't know, just as a fan of hockey, I don't like that everybody's down three games to one because I wanna see as much hockey as possible. Although when this thing ends, don't they just start right back up again in October?

Kidding. How the fuck are they gonna get everything lined back up again? Where if these playoffs are gonna go into October, I mean, not at this rate, if everybody wins in like fucking five games. My question then is, is if you delay the start of the,

do you play a shortened season or do you, I don't know, just fix it over two seasons? I have no idea. The only thing I know is that it's the NHL, so God knows they're gonna do something fucking weird that makes no sense, which is why I love and also get super frustrated with the NHL. Lewis Hamilton wins again in Belgium.

It's funny, the F1, it's just the same fucking shit every week, but it's still exciting to watch, but it's just Lewis Hamilton, wins poll, gets out of the first turn in first place and the fucking race is over. The most excitement of this past race was watching Daniel Ricardo.

He had a great race, just a great driver and I just wish he was on a better team. There's just every race though, it just seems to be, you know, Lewis and then see the Max Verstappen or fucking Botos and then maybe Vettel, every race, it just seems to be the same fucking thing. They gotta do something.

I don't know what they have to do. You know, maybe the other teams can fucking step it up, peek into the Mercedes little pit there and see what the fuck it is they're doing. Try to, I don't get it, step up your game, something. And I also finally, I'm two races behind a MotoGP. I finally saw that MotoGP race where they had that horrific fucking crash,

which I saw the replay of the day it happened, but like to watch it sort of with the race going on. I mean, I can't believe somebody didn't get killed. If you didn't see it, basically they were coming down straightaway going close to 200 miles an hour. Two bikes touched and at the end of the straightaway, you know, you got to break hard and then make a right turn. And these guys collided on the right hand side of the track.

So their bikes got twisted up. One of them like, you know, continued on straight. They both did the wreckage of one, the other continued on straight and hit one of those air walls. But the other one, which still had like the, I believe the engine in it, the wheels were gone, was like going end over end

as these guys were making a right turn. And it was looking like it was going to just like broadside somebody on a bike. And the bike had to be still going over a hundred miles an hour, just going end over end. And it literally threaded the needle between Valentino Rossi in front of his bike. And I forget who else was there.

I forget, it was Zarco who was on one of the bikes. I forget if it was Vignales. I don't know who the hell it was, but like literally the shot that they have, the onboard camera of Valentino Rossi, you know, he's looking his way through the turn and then just all of a sudden, like right in front of him, this fucking motorcycle, cartwheels, nobody on it,

parts just hanging off of it. And you see him like, whoa, what the fuck? And then he just rolls back on the throttle like a fucking lunatic. I would be just pulled over. I don't want to do this anymore. And they actually had to stop the race. And these guys went into the pits,

which was probably worse, because then they had to really sit there and think about it. I would just go into the mindset of like, all right, well, what's the odds of that happening again in this race? That's the only place you could go. And there was one of the guys on the KTM bikes. I forget the name of the guy.

He was all fucking pissed because he was leading the race and was looking like he was going to win it. And then he went out there and I thought he went into a real Bill Burr mindset where he was fucking pissed and he let his emotions get the best of him. And he ended up crashing because he was so trying to get back.

He seemed like a hothead. I really like related to the guy. And I felt bad when he crashed out of the race. So I would be watching the next race, wherever the fuck that one is to get caught up. So this weekend, if they have another one this weekend, I will be all caught up. All right, so that is it.

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Enter Burr, B-U-R-R. All right. Okay, we're on the back nine. All right, we're gonna be doing a little bit of questions and answers, little column responses here. All right, school, house, rock, everybody. This is the first one. I remember, school, house, rocky and chip up the block

from your favorite school, house, school, house, rock. School, house, rock. Dear Bill, did you know Amazon Prime has all the episodes of school, house, rock? What do you fucking work for Amazon? I still feel like I'm doing a read here. Here's just a few as a memory. Jogga, I actually, I own all of this on a CD.

I just don't have a CD player anymore. Just a bill, I'm just a bill. Yes, I'm only up in conjunction, junction. What's your function? Interjection, transmission, hallelujah. What about verb? I do my thing in action. All right, and so on.

You know what's funny is I listened to all of those as a kid, I absolutely love them. And then after I stopped watching cartoons and everything, I started playing drums. I tried playing guitar and all of that. And then I gained an appreciation for bands. And I gotta tell you something, the drumming on like three's a magic number

is just, it is the perfect drum part. Incredible, incredible musicians that are on that thing. He said, I just sat and watched the ones I remembered and it was amazed at how well they put together the songs that had dry as hell topics like how a bill is put into a law. How catchy, yeah, and just shit you had to memorize. We the people in order to form a more perfect union.

I forget. Provide for the common defense. That they put the songs, okay. How catchy the tunes were and that I remember them like 30 years later, I could almost sing them word for word. It's also impressive how many there are, how many never aired that I saw and finally how many were super anti-British.

Thanks for your time and go fuck yourself, anti-British. I don't know. Well, maybe because that was put up around our bicentennial. So we were reliving some of that bullshit back then. By the way, the British kicked our fucking ass in the war of 1812. They went to our state, our country's capital, had dinner in the White House and then burned the fucker down.

Which by the way, I gotta tell you something, for all this shit the United States of America gets for what we did to Native Americans in slavery and all of that shit, which admittedly, I mean, you can't even, it's just, it is what it is. It's fucking horrible. The shit that England did in India is just, I mean, there's just,

this is what it's like to be white. Well, our evil was really evil, but your evil was extra evil. And what kills me is that they're out from underneath the power of the oppression of England, yet they kept the caste system. Like, why would you do that? Is it because there's so many,

hey, people from India, right in, man. What do you think about that shit? This shouldn't be somebody born into poverty and they have no hope of ever getting out of it. The same way if you're born into riches and you can't fucking lose it all by being a fucking idiot, right? Are there just too many people to try and pull that out?

It's kind of like over here, like we all know it's a Ponzi scheme, but everybody's bought into it, so you gotta keep going with it, right? I don't know, it fascinates me and also my one trip to India, I fell in love with the place and the people there. And I saw some of the most amazing things there

and then I also saw some of the most heartbreaking things there and it's just, you know, they're fellow human beings and if you have any sort of a hat, you don't wanna see people suffering. So, people from India, right in, man. If you were to fix your country, two things. How would you get rid of the caste system? If that is the solution,

because I don't wanna be the guy who went there one day for fucking, I was there for about 36 hours. And number two, how would you fix the population problem? Let me know. All right, Middle East, dear Bill, remember the Middle East? Yeah, I'm still listening to hair metal.

We're still over there. Remember the Middle East? It's this place that's far from us that has little impact on us here in America, except when we need to blow them up for defensive reasons. What do you mean they have little impact? They basically still provide the majority of our oil, right? That's our energy.

We're still dealing with the fallout of 9-11 and those never-ending wars that we had over there. Finally, they did end Afghanistan, which is not the Middle East, but I'm just saying the never-ending wars that we ended up getting involved in over there and we bankrupted the country fighting that fucking war over there.

So they have a major impact on us. And also they're fellow human beings, and if they're not getting along, that's eventually gonna affect over here. Funny how we don't talk about that anymore. How come liberals and Democrats don't talk about that anymore? I don't feel like anybody talks about it.

I feel like people almost think we've been at war for so long, it just feels like we're not at war. They just approve military budgets and no one says, peep. I don't believe Republicans do either, and I've been saying this forever. This is why I never vote for Democrat or Republicans,

and I'm always going with libertarians because they seem to be the only ones going, corporations own our politicians and are determining our foreign policy. I could, you know, I might be wrong. I might be wrong. Maybe the Democrats are the only ones not saying anything. Maybe the Republicans are the ones.

I will give this up to Trump. He does talk about never-ending wars, and Afghanistan has ended on his watch. Like it or not, liberals, that has happened. Not saying that I like the guy. Not saying that he's shown any sort of fucking leadership during this difficult time. My vote right now, the most leadership I've seen

during the pandemic is Jerry Seinfeld in what he wrote in the New York Times. That's the first thing that I read about the pandemic that made me stand up straighter and make me feel positive. Anyways, he goes, it's almost like they tell us what to talk about and think about. Right now, they show us violence every day, probably to normalize it so they can make an excuse

to up the domestic military police and convince us we need more ruling over. P.S., check out Matt Tabie's book, Hate, Inc. pronounced Tai-E-B, okay, T-I-E dash E-E dash B-E-E. You didn't capitalize any of it, so I don't know where to stress. It's all about that culture war being propped up by news outlets for money.

All right, I love everything you wrote, but I don't like that it was basically aimed at liberals, and that's the problem right now is that all criticism of this country right now is aimed at either Democrats or Republicans, and you gotta step outside of all of that. And you just have to, you know, it's like looking at the NBA,

and you have to understand that the NBA has sold its soul to the super team, and even if your team wins a championship with the pile-on team, you still have to step back and say, this isn't good for the league despite your team loyalty. And I feel the same way about politics that we're just, we're on a runaway train. We just are on a runaway train,

and you know, that Paris Agreement where we were actually going to have to look at alternative sources, live a cleaner lifestyle, to pull out of that, okay, great, saves us money, but what is the end game? If you're saving money and you're destroying the fucking planet, which is what the fuck we're doing? We are doing that.

So California passed the law, where all the trucks are gonna, by 2025 or something, are gonna have to be electric, like stuff like that needed to happen fucking 30 years ago. We are so far behind. We're like a sixth year senior here, trying to graduate, but I still,

cause the only thing you can do is just believe in people. I believe that Democrats and Republicans at some point will come together and it just feels good to say it. We gotta come together and you know something? What it really is, is we have to, I think as individuals, we have to be helping out the problems because to put it all on the cops, to put it all on your politicians,

to put it all on your military, and then you just get to not deal with it, outsourcing all of those problems. If you don't like what's going on in inner cities, you should get involved in programs that give people a fucking chance. And especially if you think that you know, certain races of people choose to live that way

or prone to violence and all that, go down there and get involved. And then you'll actually meet people and you have a fucking frame of reference instead of some ignorant shit that somebody put in your head when you were a kid. It's one of the great experiences that I've, probably the greatest experience I've had

getting into show business is traveling this whole country every state and then going across Canada and then into Europe, Australia, and went to Asia one time and just that trip to Asia that one time, what that did from my perspective on people and everything in a very positive way. You know, it helps you to sift through all of this,

just this fucking evil shit that they're spewing out trying to make us hate each other. So, I don't know. And hating people, it's just, it's a lot of energy. It's a lot of fucking energy. There's no reason. We're acting like a bunch of goddamn kids here. We literally live, if you see nature not fucked with,

we live in Eden and we've fucked it all up. So it would be great. Can you imagine if we actually turn this bus around and we fixed it? I mean, it won't happen in my lifetime, just to see the bus turn around. And you can go back to like being able to drink out of a river.

The fact that we just accept the fact that our rivers and everything are all polluted by these fucking goddamn companies. And I always stay open-minded, like how do you keep seven billion people alive? Maybe that you need man-made salmon. I'm coming around to that shit, you know? And you see some of these chefs, you know,

they can take a foam and you drink it and you feel you just had a steak and cheese sandwich. I don't mind eating like an astronaut in the future. I would just like, you know, clean air and all that stuff for kids. Cause, you know, we're sitting here selfishly doing all of this shit and we're fucking it up for future generations.

All right, I'm done. I'm off my fucking stump there. All right, so, oh, one last thing. Yeah, in the future, like when you present arguments, like a great way for people to hear what you're saying is not to say liberals or conservatives, you know, and kind of let go of all of that shit, which is a big ask, I think.

It's almost like letting go of a fucking religion. Podcast response. Bill, oh, I have a feeling that this is just gonna be somebody trashing me, cause they say, it sounded to me from your last podcast that you've only read headlines in social media posts about 17 year old kid who shot three people in Kenosha but probably haven't watched the video yourself.

No, I watched the video. If you've not watched the video, I'd like to hear if your perspective changes after seeing it yourself. It seems clear to me that Kyle Rittenhouse didn't take an assault rifle, as you said, just shoot unarmed innocent fucking people. It doesn't look to me like he just decides

to take matters into his own hands and shoots them. The first guy shot was charging at Kyle and throwing some unknown flaming object in his direction while he was trying to run away and hear a gunshot directly behind. All right, admittedly, I watch grainy footage of this shit. But here is the thing. Here is the thing about all of this shit, all right?

A 17 year old kid should not be walking around with a fucking assault weapon, okay? And then secondly, why people are rioting and all of that stuff is something else that white people have fucking ignored for hundreds of years. There is also that. Now, you should not run at somebody, you should not fucking throw a flaming thing at somebody

or anything like that. But I do not sign off on fucking people. Like, I mean, I would have to watch all of this fucking thing. Look, if somebody comes into your fucking house, I mean, yeah, but if you're outside going down there with a gun to confront people, then I don't know, I don't know, I don't know.

But you are right, I haven't watched it, I guess to the level you have. Doesn't look to me, okay. The first guy shot was charging at Kyle throwing some unknown flaming object in his direction. Well, I mean, obviously you can't do that. The second guy was shot trying to grab his rifle as he was being kicked in the face by another protester.

The third guy shot was lunging towards him with the pistol in his hand. Before the first shooting, he can be seen on video running away from a group of people. My question though is why is he there? Okay, the cops can go down there and handle this shit. Why is he out there? That is my question.

And he's retreating, someone behind him fires a gun to the air, imagine running away from a mob of people hearing a gunshot from behind you, then turning around. Okay, here's my question for you. Imagine putting yourself in the perspective of those other people, because the problem is, is that people just keep putting themselves into the perspective of the white person

if they're white or the black person if they're black. The bottom line is you should not be rioting. And the other bottom line is you should not be going out there acting like you just deputized yourself. This is a 17 year old kid. What the fuck is he doing out there in the middle of a fucking riot? There's also that question, isn't there?

All right, at this point, he had to choose between using his rifle or getting into a fist fight with an angry mob. Well, you're not addressing why he's out there. After this shooting, he does not flee the scene. He grabs his phone and stays with the victim. However, the mob quickly starts moving, his direction begins yelling at him,

so he runs away to avoid another confrontation. Once again, the mob does not allow him to flee. Yeah, and he also inserted himself into this, is the thing that you're ignoring. And the second shooting about a minute later can be seen jogging down the street with a group of people chasing him with something yelling, get him, get his ass.

Yeah, because he just shot two fucking people. There's also that, okay, what you're acting like is this guy was sitting inside doing his homework. He went out there to confront. He went out there with a gun to join it. Okay, now, if you don't have any sympathy for people that went out to riot, how do you have sympathy for somebody

that went out to confront it, who's not a cop? That is my question, all right? Now, I'm totally about, I 100% get the self-defense thing that you're saying here, but you're not addressing why he went out there, all right? I mean, what about that guy, that same thing, that guy in Florida where the cops are going, don't follow that kid, don't follow that kid.

He went out there to have a confrontation. Anyway, within two seconds of tripping a person, tries to kick him in the face while he's on the ground and a second person reaches down, grabs the barrel of his weapon, and is shot in the chest. He immediately sights his rifle on a man running towards him with the handgun. The man with the handgun freezes

and puts his hands up for about a second. It appears Kyle looks down at his weapon to clear a malfunction, at which point the man with the handgun lunges towards him and is shot in the arm. Now, okay, so now imagine you're trying to get away from, yeah, I get all of this stuff except why he was there. Why are you there?

Why the fuck are you there? That's what I don't get. While someone is screaming for people to stop you, someone sprints up behind you and throws a haymaker at the back of your head. Yeah, what you're ignoring is that he went down there to confront. He got his confrontation, he then got involved.

Like, what would you think would happen if you went down and started shooting people in a mob? What would you think if you went down and faced a mob? You go down there with your gun to face a fucking riot and you were against the rioters. Like, put yourself in that other position. What are you gonna do? All right, put yourself in the position of the rioters

who've been pulled over for years and years and years for no fucking reason at all other than for being black and they could literally be driving home from a night course at college and end up dead. And the people who do it have never gone to jail. Imagine how angry they are. Imagine if they're showing up and there's yet another white person with a fucking assault weapon walking around

and no one has a fucking problem with it because they're white. Imagine if you're a black guy and you're walking down the street after you just shot a couple of people who are coming at you or not with your hands up and the cops just go, oh, hey, get out of the way. I mean, if you're gonna do this, put yourself in the white dudes position.

You have to do that on both sides, okay? Now, from what you're saying, if it went down the way you're saying it went down, then a lot of that, all of that on paper is self-defense but what I don't understand is why he goes down there. Why does he show up with this fucking gun? What is he doing? He's not a cop, he's 17 fucking years old.

He should be at home, inside, and he should be letting the people whose job it is to stop it, stop it. He doesn't, he chooses to go down there, get involved and face the anger of hundreds of years of oppression, inserts himself into that and is standing there with a fucking gun, okay? I would think if I went down with a gun to a fucking riot, I'm eventually gonna run into somebody with a fucking gun.

That's what's gonna happen. So, I mean, look, if that kid was fucking sitting on his front porch even, trying to fend his house because if they're gonna come and burn down his house, you got a gun, you have every fucking right but you start walking down the, you insert yourself and walk down the fucking street, you're looking for it, isn't he?

I don't know, I don't know, and this is another thing too. I am not condoning what people do in riots. I think riots are wrong. I don't think that they help what people are trying to achieve. On the other side, I definitely believe that people get hired both in those new world order, fucking white, peaceful protests. I definitely think that the government

hires people to go down there and stir shit up. I've seen plenty of fucking videos where they just leave stacks of bricks places, acting like they're fucking built. It's like sitting in the middle of the fucking road. There's all kinds of variables here. So, here's the thing, sir, I have no problem with gun owners,

I have no problem with self-defense. I do have a fucking problem when you're a 17-year-old kid and you decide to just go down there the same way that fucking asshole down in Florida murdered that kid. He went down, he was looking for a confrontation, he got one, and then people died. I don't know, but having said that,

I'm sure your version of what happened is what's gonna happen because this kid's white and he will get off. I think that that's what's gonna happen and that's not gonna help things. I don't know, that's just how I look at it, all right? In defense of what you're saying, I haven't watched it to the level that you have watched it,

but I also, I'm not gonna watch this video when I do watch it, I'm not gonna watch it like this kid didn't have an option to not fucking be there. All right, I don't know. Let me see something here before I make a total ass of myself. Like, where did this kid live?

Where did, does Kyle, slow wee, slow wee, internet? Of course. I mean, didn't this guy like drive from a long way away? The reality is I shouldn't be weighing into this shit if I know this little about it. I mean, that is the truth, but I will, if this is another classic example

of somebody who did not have to be involved, who was not a fucking cop, and went down there with a fucking weapon and then gets themselves, inserts themselves into a situation where they now have to defend themselves and then kill fucking a couple, two, three people, it's like, and then you're, well, you know, self-defense, it's just like, what the fuck were you doing?

I've always equated it to like, I could fucking walk through Central Park back in the day at three o'clock in the morning, dressed like Liberace, singing, I'm in the money, waving my money around. And then when somebody comes up to me and starts attacking me, I think, you know, first of all, if I get my fucking ass beat, the person who did it is still wrong,

but this also an onus on me of like, what is your response? Like, why would you put yourself into that fucking situation? All right, I mean, I don't have time to read all of this. All right, 17-year-old shadowed local law enforcement as a cadet and filled his social media feed posts declaring that blue lives matter. I mean, here's all kinds of shit here

that you were fucking ignore. You're ignoring all of this type of shit. You're ignoring fucking racism. You're ignoring media hysteria. And what you're doing is you're going to just take this case and you're gonna fucking act like history and there's nothing up in front of it. And you're just gonna press play

when these rioters are coming at him and be like, boom, self-defense. And you're gonna ignore all of that. And dude, I just can't sign off on that. All right, I just, I can't sign off on that. I can sign off on if this kid stayed home and some fucking lunatic rioters start coming up his fucking driveway,

then all day long, all day long, that's self-defense. But when you fucking go out of your way to go down there and get into it with people, you know? And then, oh, and then he checks the victim's okay and he put his fucking hands up. Well, what a fucking boy scout. I mean, I can't sign off on that. I just, I can't.

All right, I mean, I easily in this state that I live in could buy a gun for fucking self-defense. And when the riots were going on here, I easily could have gone down to where they were going on and I could have stood there with a fucking gun and been yet another white guy in front of black people with a fucking gun, not on their side. And I could have gone down there

and I could have got into it. And then when they came at me, I guess I could have shot him. I would have been in trouble because I wouldn't have had a license to carry, I guess. But you could have watched that video and been like, you know, Bill was just defending himself. It's like, Bill didn't need to be there.

I didn't need to fucking be there. So, I don't know. I don't know. I have empathy for people on both sides of all of a sudden because of the ills of society, you are thrust it into something. But when you go out of your fucking way as a white person to go down there and confront it,

I just, that's the part that I have a problem with. And I don't have a problem with black people protesting. I hate to see the riots because I think it works against them. But, you know, who am I as a fucking hothead who can't even go through airport security without losing his shit? To sit there and judge somebody

that expresses their frustration of oppression that way. And I'm not saying that that's only that. I'm not saying that there's not some piece of shit that just wanna go down there and get some free fucking TVs and shit. There's always opportunists. I'm not saying that either, but I just, I just, I can't co-sign on the,

you know, going out of your way to stand in front of people with a gun. And then, oh my God, I had to shoot people because I was being attacked. I don't know. I mean, that's like the fucking chick walking around with the tits hanging out and then says, what are you looking at?

I'm looking at your tits. They're hanging out of your shirt. I don't know. All right, grandpa help. That's gonna start a big debate. But you know something? I do respect your opinion. I do respect your opinion.

And, you know, and you watched way more of it than I did. I'll just be honest with you. The reason why I don't watch as much of it is because I just find it so depressing to watch. White people and black people acting that way because someone who came from an extremely white background, the life that I have lived and now seeing way more of it

than I did when I was a kid, you just really see that there's no reason for any of this. So it becomes overwhelmingly depressing to see two people that should have been hanging out having a great time in an unpolluted world are then shooting at each other. And then people just literally pick teams due to skin color or political ideologies and all of that.

And I don't know, I just find the whole fucking thing overwhelmingly depressing. And yeah, that's it. I don't wanna watch this shit. I don't wanna watch Fox News and watch them fucking race baiting. I don't wanna watch CNN and watch these fucking assholes deliberately putting out misinformation

to hurt the standing president because all they want is their corporate cunt to get in there. The whole fucking thing is depressing, overwhelmingly depressing, but all right, that's it. Okay, grandpa, help. Hey, Billy Buttlicker, 33-year-old lady here. I was wondering if you could give me some advice

on how to have a better relationship with my grandpa. I love him, of course, but he's the quiet stoic type that occasionally adds a hilarious one-liner to the conversation that goes back to watching whatever Western movie is on TV. We only see each other on holidays and other families get together. We might have more in common than I realize.

We just never had many one-on-one conversations. I wanna know them better, but I don't know where to start. I've known him my whole life and want to get closer to him. My grandpa died a few years ago. My grandma died a few years ago and we were both devastated. Now he's very lonely during the quarantine and I wanna be able to call and chat, but I don't know what to say.

Thanks for any advice you can give and of course, go fuck yourself. I just bring some food over to him. Just call him up one day, ask him if he wants to have lunch. Then bring over his favorite sandwich and you guys sit there. And you could start by saying, talk about the fucking pandemic

and ask him what's the closest thing he ever went through in his life that was like this and then that'll get him talking about the old days. When he talks about the old days, you can ask him more questions that can lead into what was your first car. You can get to know him better. Then you can talk about yourself.

Like I've always found that with older people. Is you just take an interest in what their life was and what they went through and you try to relate it to what you're going through. You ask him for advice and shit. And then there has to be something that activity that he's into that maybe there's an overlap that you guys could do together.

And maybe it is just having lunch with them. Just start, you know, afterwards, say, you know, I enjoyed this. Maybe it'll be cool if I come by every Tuesday or whatever day it is to have lunch with you and just start doing that. Maybe next Saturday you're coming over a couple of times a week.

But, you know, if you work on it, you can definitely make it happen. Anyway, a number six combo from Jack in the box and two tacos. All right. Hey, oh, Billy, bag of bones. I was getting some late night munchies from my go-to spot Taco Bell the other day.

When I pulled up, the drive-thru was closed. When it was supposed to be open for another two hours. I searched for nearby fast food. By the way, the number six combo from Jack in the box with the two tacos was my late friend Wayne Pravity's favorite order. Anyways, I searched for nearby fast food joints and Jack in the box came up.

I've never had Jack in the box before. As I was not interested in a one-stop shop for all your fast food needs kind of place. Fast food isn't all that great for you to begin with. But a joint that serves every type of food at all hours of the night can't be that good. However, after hearing about your friend Wayne and your failed Jack in the box attempt,

I thought I'd give it a shot. Oh, that's cool. So I got the number six combo, which actually does have ketchup on it. I didn't know that because I used to get the ultimate cheeseburger and that had no ketchup. And two tacos. The tacos were shit.

I knew it. Unfortunately, but for Wayne, I enjoyed them. That cheeseburger though, was actually pretty fucking good. I would definitely be revisiting to give some more items a shot and have another ultimate cheeseburger in the future. No, back in the day, the ultimate cheeseburger did not have ketchup on it.

Thanks for all the laughs and best wishes for the future. P.S., I watched the documentary Tread and it was fucking hilarious. Dude, don't go to the fucking Jack in the box. Don't start eating in those goddamn places. That's why I'm losing friends. Go to the heart doctor, see what you've done to yourself. So you can figure it out and they can hook you up.

I'm going, I got an appointment coming up. Because that's what it is, because I'm at that age now. We're all paying for our sins. So everybody, I got friends now calling me up. Doc says I can't drink anymore. Doc says I can't smoke anymore. It's just, it's a wrap.

So like I've said, I've told you guys, save up some fun days. And by the way, for everybody who's really gonna react, because I know it was a really hot button fucking issue there, that thing that I read, okay? And about that kid, because that's the other two thing too, is you're watching a kid who just threw his fucking life away.

If it goes down where he gets convicted, like if you want to be like this guy who wrote in, like I really appreciated the tone of this, like if you want to come at me like a fucking adult, but if you're gonna come, hey, libtard and race trader and all of that stupid shit, the same way I can't listen to fucking woke signalers, however the fuck you say that.

Like I just, all I want on this podcast, I don't give a fuck if you don't agree with me. I respect your opinion and I know that I don't, I could be 100% wrong on that Kyle Rittenhouse thing, okay? That's just my feeling on it and I'm entitled to it. You don't have to name call, I'm not gonna do that because I just don't want to do that shit anymore. I need to talk to adults, all right?

That is all, that is a podcast, go fuck yourselves and I will check in on you on Thursday, see ya.