Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 8-5-24

Episode Date: August 5, 2024

Bill rambles about the demise of Los Angeles's public transportation, clam digging, and men facing a lion.

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Hey what's going on? How are ya? Oh, Jesus Christ with the fucking Olympics. Waaah, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba. Fucking, two weeks straight, my wife has just had it on in the background. She never watches any real sports. You know what I mean? But these fucking events, you know, people shooting guns, three on three, hoop, ping pong. She can't get enough of it. Cannot get enough. Oh, so and so's getting on the hobby horse. We got to go see it. Which listen, I like the Olympics too.

I mean, how the fuck do you not get into that? The fucking song just makes you feel like you're on the inner circle. Like you got invited to something you had to, you know, you had to go out and rent a tuxedo for that's when you know you've made it it when you own a tuxedo, at least as a, as a white man, if you're a white man and you own a tuxedo, that means you're getting invited to a lot of balls. And that's where the real decisions in this country get made.

All of you fucking idiots, wasting your time watching these goddamn debates and all of this shit. Like you don't know who you're voting for already. Everybody knew, everybody knew before old man Willie retired. Everybody knew fucking before Trump, you know, was on track. Everybody already know. So anyway, everybody sits around and they watch that. Right. It's become such a fucking joke.

They don't even talk about policy. Like, I don't know when the last one was. I do love that fucking Trump is going manny packy out now and he's fucking ducking people. I mean, I was looking forward to that. I feel like if he goes and debates a woman, it's going to look like my standup act in about 2012. Oh, Billy was pointing the finger. You know, ACDC song.

I put the finger on you. Yeah. My hands are a lot of control. That was me. Oh, Billy, everybody else is the problem. Not the fucking see-through man on the stage. He, how he's got it all figured out. Um, anyways, yeah, if you're a white man and you own a tuxedo and you're going to like political events where you have to, it's required in fundraising and fucking $5,000 plates of food. Yeah.

That means that you as a sociopath, potential sociopath depends on how many balls you continue to go to. Depends if after a certain amount of time, you start looking at that tuxedo, not as though you finally got a membership to that coveted golf club that you wanted to be in. You look at it and it makes your stomach like feel a little queasy. You know, and all of a sudden you don't want to go then then you're still a person because you might have just bought the dream that you know, I'm going to go there and I'm going to know the mayor, we're going to get some things done and we're finally going to pick up fix up these public schools. Why am I talking about this?

Because I saw this fucking clip that was trying to explain why people get into conspiracy theory. And I said, all right, this is interesting because I've had my deep dive into it. Then I got out of that. But then like, I never let go of it. Like I never, I don't know if this is just being a jaded. I never think like what you're telling me is what's really going on. This is your version of it. You know, like being a police officer, anytime there's a fender

bender, you go up and both people get out of there, they stand next to car pointing at each other. He fucking was driving like, I was going down the road, hands a 10 and two. And then he goes over to the other person. Christ, she's a fucking maniac. She came out of nowhere. I have a brand new prescription on my glasses. I can see from here to the fucking Palos Verdes Peninsula

Yeah, I don't know if it is fucking conspiracy I just think it's fucking literally just how people are wired so anyway I'm on my mom. I'm on my mom. I'm on the fucking Instagram because I'm 100% addicted to it And this guy was explaining why people get into conspiracy theory, but what he was really doing was shitting on, um, psycho fans of Donald Trump, like red hats and all of that, and all of their beliefs about fake news and blah, blah, blah, blah, all this fucking shit. And I'm listening to this guy and feel like tensile. Wait, so you're saying all conspiracy is, is because of this, this personality makeup flaw.

That's what the fuck you're saying. How many fucking documents need to be unclassified and they're still classified. They're still putting the black ink over because we can't possibly know what the fuck they're really doing. Take where I live everybody you take it You stick your fucking hand out and I'll drop the city of LA right in the fucking traffic problem out here They made a fucking cartoon Roger Rabbit they referenced it nobody gives a shit We get you fucking tin hat up tin foil hat on

At one point believe it or not Los Angeles was viewed as having the greatest public transportation system better than New York, I Don't know if they're fucking if they threw that shit on there to make it sign it but no one can even know No one can believe it they had red cars and yellow cars street cars and they went all around LA and you didn't have to have a car and Then this new this new Corporation came in and bought them all up called the national transit rail fucking whatever and It sounded okay. This this companies but this rail companies buying this other rail company

Nobody seemed to give a shit, but then they found out it was owned by GM Firestone rubber company and some fucking bus company or something like that and they started buying these these Street cars up to rip up the tracks. So you'd be forced to buy a car. And in 1948, there was an antitrust lawsuit against them, which they lost. They were convicted in court, but this is the funniest thing ever. They only got a $5,000 fine. They got a slap on the fucking wrist and they were allowed to continue doing what they're

doing. So the point from the 1940s, they, LA went from the greatest public transportation, arguably in the country. And by 1961, the last street car was running and then the big fucking traffic jam started. And then everybody starts feeling, Oh my God, what the fuck is wrong with LA? But bop, bop, bop, and then you try to tell them and then they say you're a fucking conspiracy terrorist. Um, you know, I don't know. So I'm not saying that all could, but what I don't like is that being conspiracy theorists,

you get lumped into people that think the moon is made out of cheese, that the world is flat and we're in a giant cereal bowl. They always like to go with them. The whenever they talk about conspiracy theories, they like to go with the fucking most craziest mentally ill thing they can, they can possibly, they can possibly come up with. They don't want to come up with like this whole global warming shit. Scientists were warning them since the late 1950s and these fucking people just didn't give a shit and just kept plowing for us It's not gonna happen in my lifetime. Let the next generation deal with it that either whatever the fuck they thought and now here we are

And are these companies gonna be held accountable? No, you and I are They're gonna hold us accountable They're gonna fucking hold us accountable and you're gonna get charged for your carbon footprint You're gonna get fined for playing the game that they fucking created That's how that shit works. So anyway, I don't know why I got on that fucking thing You know, that's because you got your fucking tin foil hat on. I don't even know what that means tin foil hat Trying to think what that means people like we're trying to like communicate with other people beyond the dead using some sort of the cheapest form of metal.

Is that what it was? Anyway, let's get on with my week here. My Boston Red Sox have been winning as of late. I mean, I can't get too excited. They fucking did well against the Texas Rangers. They did well against the Seattle Mariners These are not people that are gonna be there in October. However, we got our fucking asses whipped by the fucking Dodgers and The New York Yankees who by the way, neither one of them is really fucking burning up the fucking boards either

Are they this is sort of a very I? Think as of right now the fucking Baltimore Orioles, the Baltimore Orioles, the Baltimore Orioles, the Baltimore Orioles have the best record in baseball. Oh God, here comes my son. I knew I couldn't get up early and do this. Maybe he's just getting a snack. Um, anyway, yeah, I'm a little jet lag cause I was back East. I was,

I was visiting the family back East and, um, you know, I was on vacation, so I was in bed every night by like fucking nine 30 and I was sleeping until my kids came in and woke me. It was really my son. He always comes in and wakes me up. Fucking come into five 30 in the morning. Yeah, I'd make me breakfast. He still does that. I'm just, you know, waiting for him to outgrow that. Um, anyways, but back to the baseball, back to the back to life, back to reality.

Um, back to bread and circus. Hey, uh, why am I saying, Hey, there's a documentary you have to watch. It's on Pete Rose. Um, it's a new four part documentary. I got through about three and I couldn't fucking watch it anymore. But I'm telling you, it is a, what nobody's talking about. You know, I saw somebody did something that said it was sad and blah, blah, blah. What nobody's talking about is that Pete Rose is, I think, I think the guy is just

a complete narcissist. Um, the way he takes like no responsibility. Like I just watched the guy and I'm like, this guy could have been in the hall of fame 20 years ago, if he had just, when he got caught, just said, you know what? They got me. You're right. I did this. Yeah.

I let down my fans. I let down baseball. I'm ashamed of myself. Uh, major league baseball is a hundred percent right to give me a lifetime suspension. Nobody is bigger than the game and includes myself. I just want to apologize to everybody involved. I am guilty. I'm sorry.

And just walked away and never fucking said anything. If he just did that, he would have been in 20 years ago, but he continued to say that he didn't bet on baseball He continued to fucking lie and then after like 20 years of saying that when he finally comes clean It admits that he bet on baseball goes fine. I bet on baseball now. Let me in the hall. That was his apology so You know everybody's just sitting there going like I I feel like at this point you can let the guy in the Hall of Fame You know considering Major League Baseball is now involved in taking bets in all of that but what they were talking about like

You know The reasons why this guy got suspended if you watch the whole thing He starts off betting on basketball and football and like everybody he's fucking losing. And then when he got to baseball he'd be killing it because he knew everybody in the fucking league. He knew all the ins and outs. He had all this inside information and all that and he would fucking be destroyed. But the problem is is you still lose. So eventually you get yourself into a level of debt that you have to do something to try and make it up.

And eventually you got to throw a game. That's what they worry about. Not saying Pete Rose did that, but if you watch this Pete Rose documentary, like I love Pete. I am a huge fan of the baseball player watching how he conducts everything else. You know, I'm not, but I'm also trying to figure out who this guy is through a fucking documentary. But the accidental comedy in it is anytime they ask him about gambling, he acts like

he can't remember, right? Like at one point the guy, you know, and it was a pretty softball like questions. He's pretty much asking him about, you know, playing and his philosophies and all that. And Pete is just lit up like a Christmas tree. But whenever this guy asks him about fucking gambling, he turns into a little badger, man. It's fucking hilarious.

Like, it'd be like, Pete, do you remember the first time you bet on baseball? And he stares at him for like a half a second. He just goes, I mean, you must think I'm a fucking genius. I mean, Jesus Christ, that was like 40 years ago. I mean, I can't remember what I did last week. How the fuck would I remember? And he gets all fucking defensive. And then in the same documentary at any point, he'll be like, it was 1979.

We were playing the Pirates, John Candelari is on the mound. I go down O2 after chasing a slider in the dirt he had like a photographic fucking memory of anything that he did in baseball like dude the way he went through the 1975 and 76 World Series the guy remembers every fucking game he remembers every fucking game. He remembers every fucking anything, anything, anything about gambling. He just starts going like, I mean, I don't know. I mean, if that's what they say it happened, then I mean, that's what happened. I don't mean, I don't feel, I mean, it was like fucking you're going back 35 fucking years ago.

1963, we're playing the Dodgers. Sandy Koufax is supposed to be on the mound. Guy by the name of Flip Johnson comes, comes to the mound. Nobody ever heard of this guy threw a fucking knuckleball like I never seen. He could remember the name of every fucking bum ass pitcher he ever faced that spent like two weeks in the fucking league. Anything about the gambling he could remember. And then he, you know, he has this young friend that he, he like totally grooms to help him, uh, you know, places bets on baseball and everything like that. I don't know who the fuck told him to do this documentary, but I feel like this thing is just another major step backwards. Um,

This thing is just another major step backwards. Um, and also I feel the fact that baseball is involved in gambling now is making money off of it. Um, hurts Pete's case because I feel like now he's going to be like, all right, we have to not let this guy in. So on some level, we show that we're still against this while we make money off of it, which is pretty amazing, you know, that they've come around like the level of fucking greed.

Like you weren't making enough money with this fucking billion dollar TV contracts. You have to make it like super accessible for all of us to go out and start gambling and all of this shit. It's, I don't know. The whole fucking thing is, you know, I don't know. I don't know what to think about it. I mean, I like to gamble. You know, football season's coming up. I like to have a little money on the game fuck around but I put a little money on

the game Like I don't bet more than like, you know I bet like a hundred bucks or whatever the only time I ever put it like the biggest bet I ever made was a thousand bucks in Vegas and when I saw the fucking Kansas City Chiefs Were underdogs in the Super Bowl. I didn't even think about it. It's like, there's no fucking way I'm not getting that back. All right. Tom Brady just retired.

Okay. Patrick Mahomes is the heir apparent. They need, they, you know, the league needs stars. So, and the stars get the calls and the stars earn the calls because they're the ones that get everybody paid because everybody loves them I hate them, but they sit down and watch them. So I just felt like That was just a lock I mean I guess really make me taken away from the Chiefs Chiefs know how to fucking win That's basically it

Although you know people's talk about how they get called for a million holding calls and they've never been called for a holding call In the Super Bowl who knows maybe they play that discipline and they've never been called for a holding call in the Super Bowl. Who knows? Maybe they play that discipline. So, oh, Billy Freckles, what did you do on your vacation? I spent a ton of time just playing with my kids. Basketball, tennis. Yeah, my daughter took a tennis lesson. I forgot there was a moment in the eighties with the oversized rackets when the graphites first came out. I'm old enough to remember wooden rackets and wooden drivers like your grandfather's and your dad's first set of fucking clubs. They would have fucking wooden drivers.

Um, so I had what, what fucking racket did I have? We you know, the P I can't remember in the eighties pen giant fucking racket and uh, like tennis was like big, you know, after uh, beyond Borg and John McEnroe and it just had like fucking meatheads like me going out there and you know, talking shit, smashing the ball. Uh, we used to fuck it up. And it just had like fucking meatheads like me going out there and you know, talking shit, smashing the ball. Uh, we used to fucking get into it. Me and all my drunk friends from high school, we would start talking shit. You'd start watching the U S open.

And I think Andre Agassi, you know, we still had the hair and they were really selling like the attitude of tennis and all of that type of shit. And all of a sudden Reebok had like fucking these super colorful fucking tennis sneakers. The next thing you know, us fucking morons were going out there in these public courts, annoying all these actually, you know, real tennis people, you know, who maybe gave up their tuxedo to the balls and not a member of a fucking tennis club. Anyway, I mean, I don't think I've played in fucking 35. I mean, geez, You know who maybe gave up their tuxedo to the ball so not a member of a fucking tennis club

Anyway, I mean I think I've played in fucking 35. I mean Jesus you must think I'm a fucking genius. I Mean, I can't remember last week. How the fuck am I gonna remember the last time I played tennis? So anyways first time I got drunk I was drinking Michelob lights down at Faneuil Hall 1985 It was 76 degrees out. Very little humidity. Anyway, Pete, just stop talking. Just stop talking and actually just stop talking. Just talk baseball. Don't talk about any of that. Just be like, yeah. They're right. Just do that. I guarantee you, you'll fucking get in. But he's 83 now. Unreal. That's kind of like a game for me, spot the narcissist. You know, after 32 years of being in this fucking business and just having the rug pulled

out from underneath me, like, you know, the amount of times people have stolen and, and, and just, you know, just, you know, just, you know, just, you know, just, you know, just, you know, just, you know, just, you know, just, you know, just, you know, just, you know, just, you know, just just having the rug pulled out from underneath me like, you know The amount of times people have stolen and just material money whatever Like legit hardcore fucking friendship and then BAM you figure out who the fuck they are. So You know, you gotta start looking for red flags. So here's here's one I Found on the the Instagram web there You know, you got to start looking for red flags. So here's one I found on the Instagram Web there.

Let me see if I can find this thing here, because I have to read the comment. All right. So unfortunately. NHL goalie, uh, Creed Jones passed away in a motorcycle accident, right? It says 2000 to 2024. So immediately I'm thinking like, first of all, how did the kid die? And then I found out it was a motorcycle accident, right? And then you just, you know, thinking about their parents, their siblings and all of that. And then also just how quick fucking fast a life that is and how sad it is, right?

So I go to the comments, you know, and I'm reading through and then it took about, you know, everybody's like rest in peace. What a tragedy. I am heartbroken condolences to your family, you know, normal responses. And then the narcissist out of nowhere, this person writes, I will never own a motorcycle, no way. I've seen the damage done with them. Sad. It's like, Oh, I thought that this was about the tragedy of this kid dying.

Oh, this isn't about that. This is about you, dude. Nobody asked you whether you've ever owned a motorcycle or if you ever will. I will never own a motorcycle. No way. I've seen the damage done with them. Sad. Then I love that actually trying to have an emotion sad first of

all the person makes it all about themselves and then also elevates themselves of like you know I took this information of the things that I've seen and I would never make this choice that ended this he's using this person ending their life to elevate how intelligent he fucking is I know you think I'm paranoid. I'm not I'm not this is the type of shit Okay for you fucking young people you have to understand Okay Okay, okay

You got to understand how many fucking narcissists are and they just fucking walk amongst us Invisible and these are the fucking people that tear up fucking train tracks. These are people that get us involved in never-ending wars These are people that fucking poison food supplies. These are people that go on fucking Instagram like this guy right here. This guy is a rated G narcissist Because as far as I know, he's not making any overall decisions at balls, wearing his fucking tuxedo that he owns that are going to affect humanity adversely, right? Oh, I know I'm tying it all together here.

This guy, he's like a tadpole narcissist. He's growing into a fucking. I, the other night, I'm, I went out to dinner, right? And I was like, I went out to dinner, right? And I am not an eavesdropper. Okay, but the way they had us sat in the acoustics of this room, like it was annoying how much of the conversation these people that was weird, they were like they were far enough away that I shouldn't have been able to hear him and you know, I fucking playing drums all these years. There's no way I should hear him

But there was something about the shape of the room that like It was kind of bouncing over right? And it turned out That this woman, uh You know one of nia's friends Saw me laughing and she goes are you laughing at what i'm laughing at and I found out she could hear it too. And it was this young couple out to dinner and I just wanted to get up and tell the girl to just get the fuck out of the relationship.

Like the guy at one point he goes okay, so what are your biggest concerns so far? You know, which sounds like a business conversation and then the woman said something to the effect that I have a little concerns about your family I couldn't quite hear what she said and then his response to that was Okay, just get that out of your head And we were joking at the table get it out of of my head. It's not in my head. It's in my feelings. It's in my heart. This is what I'm feeling.

Immediately takes it out of how she's feeling and she puts it between her ears and he starts gaslighting her like she's acting fucking crazy. And I glanced over there and I saw her trying to do the fucking math. And I had like, you know, I was like, yeah, I've been there. I'm in a fucking situation right now where I didn't listen to my gut. Just fucking happens over and over. It happens less. But it's fucking out there. So anyway, we went to the shores of Massachusetts

and then over to Martha's vineyard and, uh, spent a glorious week down there with my lovely wife and family. And, um, I just, you know, I try to do different shit this year. I was like, Oh, I'm going to go on that fucking biplane riding. I was like, all right, you know, if I get to it, I get to it. I didn't get into that. I went to some different restaurants. I went to some different parts of the Island. And then a good friend of mine took me out clam digging, which I'd

never done with this, this fucking, you know, 60 something year old sea captain that had seen it all. And, uh, we went out there. I got a fucking bucket of clams. And you know, it's funny, you're out there and they just talk about all the houses, like, you know, so and so lives there and this person lives there. This person just sold the house to the fucking, you know, queen of England or some shit like that. Like it's, it's some pretty, uh, that Island living. It's just fucking next level. So we're out there, you know, in like knee deep water with these fucking rakes. Like I'm in one morning and, uh, one morning in Maine,

the Robert McCloskey book that I've read a zillion times to my kids. And we're pulling these things up and, uh, they're this is just like in Seattle when we took that little boat rider They were going like that's the guy that I see that house. That's the guy that that started Zillow. Okay that house That's the dude that started YouTube. That's Bill Gates Alright, that's that guy right there. His great-grandfather invented the orange construction cone, you know Just shit you take for fucking great. Oh that guy. grandfather invented the orange construction cone. You know, just shit you take for fucking great. Oh, that guy, yeah. Every orange construction cone that's made that their descendants get a nickel. Is that, Oh dude, you have no idea. People think about it.

People run over them all the time. We haven't come up with a better technology to fucking anyway, that guy right there invented the fly swatter It was the same thing down there in the island so it was pretty cool to just like You know that island is like interesting the Kennedys are there Belushi John Belushi Way back in the day used to go there and chill out And uh Uh, way back in the day, used to go there and chill out. And, uh, so anyway, I don't know why I'm telling you all that shit.

So we're digging for these clams, right? And we out there flicking how great workout. I still have a blister on my thumb. And we get all of these things and I got some whoppers, you know, the whole thing is if it falls through the rake, don't take take it but even like some of the ones that look like they were still adolescent I was like fuck that I threw it back oh aren't you a conservative conservativist what do you call it? conservationist yeah so brought it back to the house and made I don't know

fucking threw him in the pot. What do you call that? Linguini with clam sauce. Ended up making that and had it like three nights in a row. And it was fucking fantastic too. We were out there and the captain was like cutting them open. We eating them right there. It was just, it was amazing.

I was talking to this guy and he's going like, yeah, you know, I fish over there. I get my clams here. I got some chickens. They give me three, four eggs a day. You know, once a year I shoot a deer and that's my fucking stakes for the year or something. I said, this guy's getting, I go, you never go to the supermarket unless you get in condiments. He goes, yeah, you know, for all of these fucking people that live in cities

who trash people that live in the middle of nowhere, the fact that they know how to live off the land. Do you realize that that just literally, you know, that is, that is the off the grid you want to be. You don't want to be off the grid, off the grid, living, maybe you do, you know, living out there. You know that is that is the off the grid you want to be you don't want to be off the grid off the grid living Maybe you do you know living out there? You know

Your wife has hairier legs than you do at that point I mean if that's you know walking around smelling like a beaver pelted That's what the fuck you want to do God bless you But the off the grid you really want to be is you not only can you you know how to live off the land you can? Where you live? So then when they're just like, oh my god the dollar collapsed today are the fucking stock market Oh Jesus about 10,000 jobs just went away and then they are not coming back jobs just went away and then they are not coming back. To know you'd be like, all right, well,

I don't have any money coming in, but I can still eat. And I have fresh water, so other than that, I can keep wearing this shirt. What is the fucking problem? My question I have is, technology keeps eliminating these jobs and Like what is the fucking problem? My question I have is, is technology keeps eliminating these jobs and doesn't seem to be creating new ones other than I guess robot repair man. We need you to fix the A, the lights in the A for the AI sign we have outside our business. Like what are they going to do with us?

Do you know, I saw a thing the other day that said that they, that California approved fake meat, like manmade chicken. It's going to, they're going to make chicken that has no head and no feet, you know, cause they don't even want to deal with a live, like just can't make enough fucking money. And now they're doing all of it.

I love that all these reports are finally coming out because it's basically illegal for them to say what's really in food. And I'm feeling like that's starting to fucking come back up, or maybe I've been clicking on it, so that's coming on in my feed, but, um, getting back to that conspiracy theory, when I actually was looking up this morning, why LA has such the history of LA traffic problem, uh, I kept being driven to CNN and they sort of took this whimsical like, you know, LA you go in LA, you better get ready to sit in some traffic.

They completely did not report on any level about GM and all of these guys, you know, Firestone and all this guys fucking advertise on their channel. They just completely. They were just like, you know, there's a lot of people out there and people in LA, they love their cars. I mean, that was like how much they skimmed what was fucking going on out here. So my question is, what the fuck are they going to do? They love their cars. I mean that was like how much they skimmed what was fucking going on out here So my question is what the fuck are they gonna do?

What you're gonna do what you're gonna do when? When these fucking corporate guys they you know all the jobs are gone and then they fired all All the jobs are gone. And then they've fired all everyone they worked with, like take my business. All right. They're gradually going to phase a guy like me out and everybody else. Like they're not going to need creatives. They're just going to need people to button push. Um, kind of like, you know, we don't need to hunt.

We can just go to the grocery store. So you don't need to hunt until you do. Right. Playing crash or fucking, you know, you wash ashore like Tom Hanks in that fucking soccer ball movie. Well said. What the fuck are they going to do with all of us? They're going to put us all out of work.

They want us to buy what they're making. That has to be such an interesting fucking thing to be doing. Like I want to fuck over all the humanity for my own benefit, but I, I, I, there's a level that I can't fuck them or else I'll be fucked or do they even think that? That they just think, eh, you know, somebody else will figure it out. I have no idea. All I know is I went clam digging and came home with a bunch of clams and we were eating them later on that night and I kept joking to Nia going like,

you know, you're eating that because I went out and I got it. I hunted for these things, you know, felt like a fucking man. That's a fucking great, I will say that. That's a great feeling. All of these fucking twinkle toes out here in my business. You know, it'd be amazing to get a fucking vegan to fucking shoot a deer. Just go with me on this one. Okay. And then he brings it home. He fills siad. They make him butcher it.

Right? Be careful. Netflix will make a series out of this. Vegan carnivore. What? Um, we took 20 vegans and stuck them in the forest with no berries. Um, so you make them fucking kill the deer and then he sits down to dinner and everybody's eating the venison and his wife looks at him a different way because he now knows how to provide.

He's not out there with the basket on the front of his fucking bicycle, you know, gathering nuts and berries. He actually went out and fucking killed an animal. And then she just fucks the shit out of him that night. just fucks the shit out of him that night. There's a lot of variables here. I'm just assuming that his wife actually secretly wanted to have some venison. I haven't worked this out. This is what, like, if you ever want to know how to write a script, this is how bad it

is when it starts. But if you keep working the idea, you know, you keep working it like Phil Neekro with the fucking baseball in between each fucking batter. Or I'm just doing, maybe I'm a narcissist, maybe I'm because I had such a good feeling about actually eating food that I went out and got. I mean, let's be honest, as far as hunting goes, clam digging is maybe one half step beyond nuts and berries gathering.

Um, how fucking great, you know, they used to act like everybody died at 30 years of age back in the day. They didn't, they didn't. I think back in the caveman days they did when you were age back in the day. They didn't They didn't I think back in the caveman days They did when you were literally out in the elements and you didn't even understand what a fucking shirt was You're walking around hairless with your dick out Trying not to get fucking eaten by saber-toothed tiger. I think then yeah the stress of that

But like, you know I cut through a graveyard when I was on Martha's Vineyard and there was a bunch of people in the 1800s bunch of them living into their 70s and 80s and all of that So then you combine Like I've read this thing where there was like they were talking about how back in the day there was actually a lot more leisure time Before we got involved in the rat race here Like once you've you fucking killed something before we got involved in the rat race here.

Like once you fucking killed something, all the guys would go out, right, with some fucking curtains over their junk, and a sharpened stick, and they'd go out there and they'd fucking kill a woolly mammoth, and then they were like, they could eat, I don't know, how did they refrigerate it? I don't know, but they were good for like three four days they could just fuck a once one You know get the fire going and you just fucking As they say overseas lazing about doing fuck-all right You'd have to go to a great job in the meeting. All right. See you tomorrow. Nice and early, you know It wasn't that wasn't the rise and grind

grind culture all of that stupid shit. You killed something, you fucking ate it, you were full. And you just fucking chilled out. I think once you had an established village, well still at night, you still had to worry about shit coming in. I don't know. I think they had it down. I saw this group of guys in Africa, right?

And they were like this tribe that was still living the old school way. They went out, all right? They had their shields and they had their javelin spear looking things. And they went out Okay, and the way they had their defense bill Belichick would have loved it These fucking lions were they walked up to a pride of lions the lions ran away They were afraid because they knew that they would kill him and they went fucking right up and the first guy And they went fucking right up and the first guy like an NFL quarterback throwing a timing pattern just throws a fucking dart at this goddamn lion that's starting to run away,

gets it right in the side. It goes right into its heart. The fucking thing takes three steps and collapses with the fucking, it's like a giant rake sticking out of it. They went out like, fuck this, we're eating lion tonight. And they just went out They fucked this thing up the other lion saw it. They're like goddamn, and they killed the fucking The one with the Bob Seeger haircut right the fucking mail

And all the other lines like Jesus Christ they fucking ran away And then these guys just like butchered it and I'm thinking like they're kind of good for a while away and then these guys just like butchered it and I'm thinking like they're kind of good for a while that's like what 800 pounds of meat minus the skeletal system and whatever you don't want to fucking eat the head sorry I was on an island for a week this is a little fucked up let's get let's get to uh I don't have any advertising is it a conspiracy all right, let's get to, uh, what the fuck I wanted to, oh, I brought my guitar on the vacation to Oh, Billy C. Alice out this. This is my favorite thing. Oh my, and I told you, my daughter came down on me about the cigars. So I had a nice run. You know, it was time to take a break. So I'm six days in and now

I could go fucking 600 days. It's weird. I don't know why I go. Oh, because probably I'll be an addictive personality. All right. Sorry. I should have figured that out. All right. All right. Here we go. We got some, we got some reeds from some letters from you guys. Let's see here. What do I got?

Thanks, this says. Hey, Billy Big Bullocks. I'm a 24 year old guy from Sydney, Australia, and just wanted to let you know it's now been eight months since I finished cancer treatment. Oh, Jesus. I wanted to say how the podcast helped me get through that tough period of my life, and the laughs I got from it were a pretty good medicine. It also helped serve as a reminder that no matter how bad things got with the good poison

going in me, at least I don't have to live as a fucking ginger. Love the pot and go fuck yourself. Well, you don't know what it's like to be me. You got no idea sticking out like a sore thumb your whole fucking life I remember when I was a kid I like I used to think my whole life would be different if I had brown or black hair I like the amazing level of success that I would have. You know, my popularity, the girlfriends I would have, the job, you know, I could wear Larry Bird short shorts and a fucking half shirt.

And that listening people tell me how fucking white I was. Oh my God, look how white you were. Anyway, but it works out. It works out. Being a fucking oddball really is a major part of my entire personality. Never feeling, never feeling like you're fucking fit in. Always feeling like, you know, there's the group and then here's me. Like how do I fit in this fucking thing? Um, yeah, I always told you, I've done it a million times. The first time I felt like I was part of the group was the second stand-up comedy show I ever did. I was in, I went to this place, Stitch's Comedy Club, that no longer exists.

And it was open mic night. And I remember standing there amongst the other open micers. And it was the first time I ever felt like, you know, being part of the group. I was like, yeah, these people are the same kind of fucked up that I am Anyway, I'm very happy that you're cancer-free, and I'm glad I gave you some laughs during there And that was a tremendous tremendous setup of the left hook to my freckled jaw so good on you You're fucking down under cunt. Oh by the way, this is a

This is something I did with the internet. I actually my son is like obsessed with ACDC and now his latest song that he loves is um what is it uh it's a long way to the top it's a long way to the top if you want to rock and roll, right? He loves that song. So I'm watching it and I'm sitting there looking at the video going, that looks like Melbourne. I don't know if it is or not, but if it's not Melbourne, it's probably Sydney. Who knows? But Bon was from Perth and they sang about the highway to hell, driving to all of these fucking gigs in the middle of nowhere. Who knows? But only one millionth time of watching that video, I actually saw a street sign in it.

So I looked it up, the shooting location, it was in Melbourne. I looked up the street and then I Google Earthed it. And there's a lot of it. You can't go down the street and I was able to find one of the buildings in the background. So if I ever go back to Australia, which I hope I do, just waiting for my kids to get a little bit bigger because I'm going to bring them because I don't this, I don't want to be I don't know. I did do Abu Dhabi and I was going then. I don't know. I don't this I don't want to be I don't know I did do I did do Abu Dhabi and I was going then I don't know I don't just haven't fucking worked out but if I ever go back there I am walking that entire I'm watching the video and I'm taking pictures and I'm walk walking that entire fucking street and I don't know why because you know why because like no other band

that fucking band I don't know what it is about them there's just like a fucking connection with that band that's other people have with like Bruce Springsteen the Beatles you know Michael Jackson Stevie one like you just have that fucking band that you connect with and that Gangnam style guy. He's still fucking huge over there. That's one of my favorite videos to watch is when he's like underneath the stage and he's like, not yet, not yet, not yet, not yet.

And he's like, okay, now, and they fucking shoot him up, the Michael Jackson thing. And he shoots up in the, the fucking place Goes wild Fucking wild like it's like as far as the eye can see people absolutely losing Their fucking mind about that guy Anyway, that's what I when I had my downtime on the island I

somehow figured out what street they would draw the streets in the video I finally noticed that I should say and then I I googled earthed it for what so at 56 I can walk down and this is where bond was playing the bagpipes. I don't know what that is. Here's a question I have of any psycho. I'm sure some psychologists listening to this for the wrong reasons. Uh, for reasons I wouldn't want, um, is a question I have for you. What, what is it about when you get get in your 50s and you start seeing

Celebrities from your childhood Like dying why is that so fucking depressing Like You know what like when? guitar players or drummers from like Bands in the there was always like the tragic death Somebody overdosing. I don't mean that I mean like The band that you saw you were in your teens. They were in their 20s and then fucking all of a sudden

like You're in your 50s there in their 60, and one of them dies of some fucking cancer. Just some regular, I don't know what the, I don't know what, but you never met them and you don't know them. Like I've lost a ton of close friends, so I understand the sadness of that. But there's something about, maybe because they were like gods to you when you were a kid and they looked immortal and then to just see them Die you just like okay, this is gonna get too fucking dark Anyway, let's plow ahead there big fan from Scotland writing in Oh, by the way Thank you to everybody that went out to go seek Bianca Christobau out there in the the the Edinburgh What they call the fringe festival? I don't know what the fuck they call it

She already has a bunch of hilarious stories about being over there, I believe that she's moving to a new venue Which to me means that like because the shows have been selling really well, maybe they're thinking Oh, you know she can go to a bigger place so definitely check her out you know what the fuck is I swear to God why can't I that's not a hair I have a fucking crack on my cell phone screen how did that happen I bought the fucking protector thing. All right, let me finish the promo here. I got like five fucking cracks in this thing.

Oh God, now I got to go down to the fucking place. Why is the Apple Store so fucking depressing? Is it because they try so hard to make it not depressing? Is that what it is? The geniuses? That's a classic corporate move. Congratulations. We've decided to hire you as one of our geniuses.

Oh yeah, what am I making? Am I going to make a genius fucking salad? What does a genius get paid at the fucking Apple Store? Shit. But you get to walk around with a shirt that says jean how are they a fucking genius? That's what I don't understand You're a fucking genius the genius is the person that came up with the device Not the fucking person on the floor that was took it had to take a course to learn how the device works

So when some shithead like me walks in be like, I don't know They go all this is how you do it. Alright, we're not gonna get involved in that. I'm not gonna be trashing the common man in that fucking creepy culty fucking Apple Store. Alright, Zombie Apocalypse. Dear Billy Fanny... Fanny Baws? I don't know what that means, but I'm sure wherever that's from.

Whatever. I gotta look that up. Fanny Baws. Big fan from Scotland. Scotland writing in. Your thoughts behind having a helicopter during a Zombie Apocalypse. No, it was with the fucking... it was really more of the Dalek when the the dollar collapses. Have inspired me to start my own lessons. I always thought planes were the ultimate getaway vehicle, but the zombies could fuck up your takeoff, and I don't want to be crispy BBQ haggis for the zombies. Well, what I will say about planes though, is you can go a lot further a lot faster.

But the helicopter is you can up and out in an emergency up and out any tight situation that's what the fuck you want. And then you can pretty much land. You know you don't need an airport to land. You definitely need, you know, an acceptable surface. pick three comedians to be in your zombie kill team, who would they be? All right, um, who would they be? Nobody is coming to mind. Who I'd want to go on tour with I could talk to you all day long about and let me see who's

a fucking who's a good gun guy. I don't know a good gun guy. It's got to be somebody. I mean a legit fucking' grew up with him. That's what I, how about the criteria? All right, I'd have to have, I'd have to have one comedian that did jail time for beatin' the fuck out of somebody and went in jail and survived.

All right, well, can I pick people that aren't alive anymore? All right, one of the first guys I would have got would have been Charlie Murphy, martial artist, went to jail, survived it. I remember he said that to me one time. He never used to say, Bill, it was always, Hey, yo, Bill, hey, yo, Bill. Bill, let me tell you, he used to just like talk through his teeth when he would be fucking getting into something, right? And he fucking, I remember we went to San Francisco. We were doing that Rich Bitch tour, it was me, him and Don-El.

And Don-El was talking about how he wanted to go to Alcatraz, let's go to Alcatraz, let's check it out. And I was like, I've been there before, you know, I'll go check it out. We were kind of excited to go do it. And we were like, Charlie, you wanna go? And he was like, no. He's like, I've been to prison.

OK? That's what I said. He said, you guys are going to go out there. He goes, you know, and you're going to go into a jail cell. They're going to close the door. And you're going to put this tough look on your face if someone takes a picture of you. And he goes, but I actually went to jail.

I've actually been in jail. And I never got raped. Can you say that? Then he fucking big laugh. Just laughing at us. So I used to ask him about the shit all the time and he was just, he basically, he would break down how not to get raped in jail. He said, first guy that stepped to you, he goes, I don't care. Even if you're going to lose, just, I remember this. He goes, you just got to fucking, what do you say?

Go buck wild, just swing for the fences. Just be a maniac. Uh, whatever you got to do, just fucking put up a fight and then people won't fuck with you. You won't, you won't be looked at as prey. Um, so anyway, him, he would definitely be in there. Yeah, and then I would just want people, yeah, that had been through some shit. Maybe ex-military background. I would go with that.

I don't know much about zombies other than that you got to shoot them more than once. I could definitely say that I would be the weak link. I mean, I wouldn't have any problem killing a fucking zombie or whatever, but it's just like I would need earplugs because it would be to the point if I started having to shoot guns without earplugs the level that my ears would be ringing eventually I would turn the gun on myself and I'm not even lying to you so okay what is the end game here I kill the zombies so then I can listen to waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa the entire fucking night in my ear um

much love to you the lovely near in the family from all the way in Bonnie Scotland Jessica Alba. Drunky. Kids are up. Kids are up. Oh, four minutes to go. Hey, hang on a second. All right, I'm back. That was my son. Dude, my kid is. My son is the sweetest. And he's a lunatic. And he's a lunatic. Always coming in. Wants to fight all the time, but when he wakes up in the morning, listen to the noise he's making up there. The smile on his face. Just it's so, it's just so awesome. Um, anyway, uh, what was I talking about? The zombie apocalypse. I would definitely be the weak link in the whole thing there. I don't know, whatever.

My preparation for the zombie apocalypse is I'm not doing anything. I don't want to survive that. I don't want to rebuild society. And I don't want to be there as I watch sociopaths once again fucking take over the narrative. And decent people just being like, yeah, that guy's kind of, you know, I don't know. We're living in the zombie apocalypse right now. I actually think we are. I do. It's just the the the nuts are running the fucking nuts house. Alright, documentary suggestion. Hey, Bill, I really hope you watch this one. It's a documentary called The Mayfair Set.

It's four parts and it chronicles the huge economic shift and the way the power shifted in London between huge player and the old guard. It's not just depressing or boring either. The style of the doc is archived interviews of old men giving first-hand accounts and thoughtful narration which I think is better than listening to some 40 year old explain things that happened through their bias lens. You really got to check this one out and report back here's the link it's on YouTube now I will check that out although it seems like it's gonna be really depressing. All right, last one. A what if question. Oh, by the way, you know what I never saw? I never saw Punch Drunk Love. I started to watch it the other

night. I got to finish it. You know, I got the kids. Arguably one of the most beautiful movies, the first 20 minutes that I saw it ever shot. I Absolutely loved it. I got a I got a You know, maybe tonight. I'm gonna sit down. I'm gonna I'm gonna Make sure I started early enough. It's so fucking funny I'm at this age like if the movie goes past 10 o'clock at night with the kids. I just I fall asleep Okay, a what-if question iced Iced out pendant. Dear Bill the great Bostonian Burr. The street... I'm from the suburbs. All right. The great suburb... Greater Boston Burr. I'm gonna make you breakfast in a second, buddy. I just got

to finish this here. on no please daddy make me some breakfast the streets want want to know the streets want to know not really it's just myself if you were into jewelry or hip-hop pendants what kind of custom pendants would you like to have on your chain and why PS I can picture you with an iced out diamond four-leaf clover With the green emerald outline about a size of a half dollar coin Yes Celtics. Oh, that's the direction you're going in No, I actually really like Julie it just looks stupid on me because I

Feel you got to have a little bit of pigment to pull off any sort of gold Now Jesus you guys asked me it's a tough one zombie apocalypse who the fuck are you picking Streets wants to know you're into jewelry or hip-hop pendants What kind of custom pendant chain would you like to have? I What costume pendant chain would you like to have? Ummm... I wouldn't get, it wouldn't be of me. I wouldn't do a, you know there was a moment there where people would have an iced out picture of themselves, which is the funniest

fucking thing ever, or like a microphone. You know? microphone, you know? I don't come from an impoverished, that level of impoverished background where I got to be like, this art pulled me out of the fucking basement of a, you know, the tuberculosis department. What the hell would I have? You know what I would have?

I would have a fucking iced out skillet. Me making an egg sandwich for my kids every friggin morning because that's basically what I am. I'm essentially the Mel Sharples of my family and I also love doing it. And I also love that someday when my kids get older, hopefully they'll talk about what a great dad I was and one of the things that they'll bring up is that I made him breakfast every morning because I love doing it. And it's funny, like, you know, when I was a kid growing up, like, you know, you had

pancakes on Sundays, that was it. You know, that was fucking it. But because my kids, their dad is a stand-up comedian and I don't have to be anywhere in the morning, like whatever the fuck they want, I make it. Whatever you need, it's coming your way. So probably a bad answer. I don't know, I guess I'm not into jewelry I like jewelry on my wife You know marking your territory letting other guys know that she's taking care of fucking back off

Call it the warning lights no I Can't get why go watch Listen I'm not into necklace. I'm not gonna get a necklace. I had one in the eighties. You called it a chain, but let's kid, let's be honest. It's a fucking necklace, right? What would I get?

It would be something understated. Oh, you know what I might get? I might get an old Cleo Cleodeo, my old dog. That's what I would get. See, this is why I don't, I'm not in those types of world. I'm not in the flashy world. For all my fucking cursing and saying, I'm a fucking big old softy. Like dogs and making fucking breakfast for my kids.

You know what this sounds like? This sounds like a first date with a narcissist. I like children and fucking doing all this stuff. Turns out to be a maniac. All right, I gotta go to work here for the kids. Doing it for the kids. I'll go fuck yourselves and I'll see you on Thursday.