Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 8-7-23

Episode Date: August 7, 2023

Bill rambles about Martha's Vineyard, flying in a biplane, and robots. AG1:  Take ownership of your health, try AG1 and get a free 1-year supply of Vitamin D, and 5 Free AG1 Travel Packs with your first purchase at www.drinkAG1.com/BURR  SimpliSafe:   Listeners get a special 20% off any SimpliSafe system when you sign up for Fast Protect Monitoring at www.simplisafe.com/BURR Stamps.com:  Sign up with promo code BURR for a special offer that includes a 4-week trial, plus free postage, and a free digital scale.  No long-term commitments or contracts.   www.stamps.com

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Monday morning podcast for Monday, Monday, Monday, August 7th, 2023. What's going on? How are you? How are you? I am, I'm on vacation. I'm winding down my vacation. I'm going to get one more day of vacation and then it's back to the black I ride. But I had an amazing time. Me and my family have been staying down here in math is vineyard. There's no wine on Martha's vineyard. If some white dude a long time ago had a daughter or a wife named Martha, and he named the island after her, and probably did not check in on the people that were already living there.

Either the people that were originally there, or the people that killed the people that were there, or reeducated killed the people that were there, or reeducated them to their Methodist ways, whatever the fuck happened over there. I don't know, but all I know is I came by three, 400 years later and I had a lovely time. Been having a lovely time. I will tell you this,

if you never been to Martha's Vineyard, you've got to check it out, Bennett. Absolutely gorgeous. They shot jaws here way back in 74, came out in the 1975, I believe, and began the summer blockbuster craze. You can thank jaws, right? That fucking movie, why every summer Tom Cruise saves us from something. No jaws, no Tom Cruise. Tom Cruise would have been doing like fucking, I don't know what he would have been doing. He's been doing a western or some shit. Yeah, I believe that was the first one that just caused this absolute, which is nuts to me because I would think that there was big hit movies

before then, you would think that there would be lines down the street, but I think this was the one that was sort of almost like a pop song, where it just appealed to everybody and everybody wanted to go see it. And then of course, Star Wars a couple years later. So anyway, it was shot down there. And there's a lot of ice cream, a couple years later. So anyway, it was shot down there.

And there's a lot of ice cream, a lot of ice cream to be had. Down that way. What else? Lot of people eat an ice cream down there. I will say that. I have never seen so much fucking ice cream consumed in my life, like every five, in my life, every like five feet.

There was another place to get ice cream, and there was a bunch of people standing outside, not saying anything, fucking eat an ice cream. Eating ice cream, and I didn't get ice cream once when I was there. I was like, I'm not doing that. I am not gonna be waddling down the street in a pair of fucking salmon colored shorts,

open-toed sandals, being just yet another person waddling down the street. Actually, I'm lying, there weren't that many fat fucks in the island. I don't think there was. You know, they couldn't have made the ferry ride over. You know, they'd have to hang them off the side. Anyway, and while I was on the island, I did the most incredible on the island, I did the most incredible touristy thing I've ever done in my life. All right?

Wait. I... Yeah, wait a second. Before I get going, I... On like one of the nights I was out there, I popped in and did a stand-up show in Oaks Bluff, or OB, as the locals call it. At the Strand Theater, I want to say Steve K. Puss runs that thing and I got to work with Damon Williams who I had not seen in forever.

It was a fantastic crowd. I went up, you know, tried out a few new things, did some stuff that work, and I had a great time. And then you leave and they got this fucking, somebody goes, you gotta go, you gotta go to like, backdoor donuts. I'm like, what's backdoor donuts? They go, you know, after they're fucking,

you know, bacon all day. You know, they sell donuts out the back. You know, cash only out the back, but blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, all this shit. Now, I know what you guys saying, like, Bill, why are you ratting these guys out? I'm not ratting anybody out. There was a fucking line like nine miles long.

So, you feel like you're doing some, you know, prohibition shit, like you're going into like a donut speakeasy, but you're not. It's like, you don't have to know a password. They literally have like a line out the back, like you're at fucking Disneyland. And, you know, I had been laying off this, I was just like, I don't eat desserts,

I don't eat desserts. And everybody's like, you gotta get the apple fritter. You gotta get it. It's like, hey man, I don't have to fucking do anything. But, you know, I'm gonna, do what you guys were all lined up here, like fucking sugar zombies. So I ordered one and I gotta tell you,

lived up to the hype. I had like four bites of that thing. The thing was gigantic. You could split it between three adults, no problem. Or if you want early onset diabetes, you just wolf it down yourself, you know, with another little donut chaser, whatever. I had the thing, back to our donuts, unbelievable. Midnight tacos, eight there. Fantastic. Where else did

I go? I can't remember the names of this one place I want. I got oysters like twice in J. Edgar Hoover town. Anyway, I wrote a bicycle every fucking day. I do this giant loop. I went around and then I was getting coffee at this place behind the bookstore. A lot of fucking covert shit that's not too covert. You know, backdoor donuts, fucking, you know, behind the bookstore, coffee, down low brothers from Atlanta, you know, they got all kinds of, like, just seemingly, you know, clandestine shit, but it's kind of all out in the open. Anyway. So I get my coffee there. I would get, I'd get the fucking papers, the papers

every morning. I'd ride the bike into town, I'd get myself a quartado, right? And I would fucking get the globe in the herald. And I would just sit there like an old man sipping coffee and I would read the paper. And then I'd get back up my bike and I would ride home. I did that every day. It was like a 40-minute total ride. And you know, kept the pounds off for the most part.

I may have gained a few, but whatever. I'm gonna be back in LA tomorrow. I'll hit the gym, back on the elliptical. I think I maintained, which is pretty good to be away for like six, seven days. It's pretty good. But anyway, let's get to the deal. So we were staying in this little house, right?

And I keep seeing these snoopy biplanes, a snoopy biplane, like flying by, red barren-looking thing. And the first day I saw it, I was just going like, wow, look at that thing, man. I heard those things only cruise at like 60, 70 knots or something like that. Like that's top speed and they're, da, da da da, and all these ideas that I had, I was like, man, I've always wanted to ride one of those. And then, you know, like an hour later, I see the guy going by again,

I'm like, wow, the guy's flying for a while, and then I just started noticing, like every like, half hour something, this red biplane would go over my head, and I'm like, they're giving tourists. There's no fucking way, there's not tourists. So, I found out there was an airport a couple miles away with a grass runway, Katama or some shit like that, airport, a little breakfast place there.

Eventually, they had a good lobster roll. I did not partake, I don't eat lobster. All right, until they learn how to kill those fucking things before they drop them in boiling water, I don't know why they can't knock them out. They can't give them a little anesthetic. Why do you have to boil it alive like we're trying to convert its religion? You know? Anyway, so I go over there and I say I say to the woman over there, I said, hey you guys can I get a ride in that thing? And there was two of them they go yeah.

So I go, all right, what's the deal? She goes, what's over there, I said, hey, you guys, can I get a ride in that thing? And there was two of them, they go, yeah. So I go, all right, what's the deal? She goes, what's over there on the sign, right? So they had like, you know, these four different trips she could take. One of them was like an entire hour around the whole island. So I'm like, I wanna do that. So she's like, fine.

I go, can I do that tomorrow? She goes, all right, she goes, yeah, she goes, all you can do it in like, in a half hour we have an opening. And I was like, keep I do that tomorrow? She goes, all right, she goes, yeah, she goes, oh, you can do it in like, in a half hour, we have an opening. And I was like, keep it better, I'll do that, all right? And so I went in, I got coffee, you know, I come back out and she goes, all right, he's gonna be landing soon,

and they had two of them going, right? And she says to me, you know, for an extra 120 bucks or something like that, you want to get the acrobatic package. And I'm like, what's that? He goes, you know, they do like a series of seven acrobatic moves, like loop the loops and dive bomb and twisty turties and that shit. I was like, yeah! I want to do that.

I've always wanted to do a fucking loop in an airplane, better yet even in a biplane. So they're like, yeah, far. So she goes, sign the waiver. Now I'm thinking like, what am I doing? I got two young kids that I'm fine. This fucking guy does this all the time, you must, right? Then they gave me a parachute and I'm like,

all right, what's the deal here? Like, do I gotta pull this thing? She goes, no, I go, so it's like a static line, right? Cause I've done that. I did a long time ago on pepper or Massachusetts I would tell you guys about that 19 years old one-day course arc 1,000 2 1,000 3 1,000 look if nothing look reach pull I still remember that you're looking for your shoot if it ain't there you have to look down to the red thing or else it would be like

fumbling for it like an old man trying to find his glasses you got to look down to the red thing or else you'll be like fumbling for it. Like an old man trying to find his glasses. You got to look for the red handle and then you fucking pull it. So it was a one day course. I guess in the army, it's like a week before they let you even do it, you know? But these people were just like, hey, you know. In fact, there's two guys in my class that would join the army and wanted to be paratroopers and wanted to get one jump out of the way. So anyway This is a one day course. They send you a video. You watch like a VHS tape. This back in 87 summer of 87. You watch the VHS tape of

you know Whatever all the fun you have skydive and all that shit and then the end this lawyer just comes on going you know if you die You can't see us. And that brings laughing nervously. So anyway, so we go to do it. And I remember this bigger woman, you know, you jump, it was sitting the door, get out, go. Arquent thousand, two-one thousand, three-four thousand,

look, if nothing, look, reach, pull, right? So she does that. But when you put one, and then they had a radio and they talked you down, they? So she does that. But when you put one and then they had a radio and they talked you down, they just had a spotter and they would just fucking talk you down. And when they told you to pull the toggles, you had to pull it all the way down to your knee, all right? But you know, she was a big girl. She had some ass and thighs. She was only getting it down to her waist. And I think with her weight too, like she was dropping faster whatever she had landed across the street in a pile of loom

and dislocated her knee. So that was a bummer. So then I went up there and you know me, I don't pay attention, right? And the guy we're up there and the guy's going, sit in the door and I'm like, what? He's like, sit in the door. I thought he said, close the door.

So I'm going to close it. And he's just sitting there smiling at me. I remember the guy was a jerk off, like he was enjoying, like thinking that I was freaking out. I thought he said close the door. So I'm going to close it. And he's just sitting there smiling at me. I remember the guy was a jerk off. Like he was enjoying, like thinking that I was freaking out. I could hear what he was saying. He was like, sitting at the door. I was like, oh, all right. So I sit in the door.

He goes, get out, I got out. You know, it's just like, fangirl. They do the same thing. You get out, I'm actually acting out. You get on one foot, you fucking hang on. Like the wing was over the fuselage. And you're hanging on to the the wing was over, the fuselage, and you're hanging on to basically the support thing, right? And he slapped you on the shoulder.

I let go, and I was supposed to do R1,000, 2,000, 3,000, but I did not. I let go, and I tried to like reach for something, and I started doing front flips, and as my shoot was coming out, and I felt it go by my leg, like the inside of my right leg, I still remember that vividly,

I still remember what that felt, I was like, oh my God, I'm gonna just be like a fruit roll up with this thing and I'm gonna die. And I had that thought and then boom, it was just open, it was just so fucking stupid. And then, I did the toggle things. I was fucking probably weighed 158 pounds, soaking wet, skinny motherfucker back then, you know, I did the toggle things. I was fucking probably weighed 158 pounds,

soaking wet, skinny mother fucker back then, right? And I just, no problem. Landed, you know, and they say, don't look at your feet, you'll break your legs or something like that. So you just look, he's supposed to just really elaborate role. I remember I landed, hit the ground, and just did a face plant. Like when what's his face got knocked out, when they finally fought at boxer that's also

a politician. I can't remember his name right now for some reason. Anyway, so I, yeah, so it's been a while since I put on a parachute, so I put the parachute on. And then we walk over and there's just this fucking gorgeous plane, right? And I'm talking to the pilot, I said, all right, I got the acrobatic package. Just don't make me puke, all right? He goes, yeah, he goes, we're not going to do anything you don't want to do.

I said, all right, cool, cool. And so we get in the thing and I can see where they have like, you know, I'm sitting up front. So the stick that's going gonna be between your legs, they obviously take that thing out because you can't have some idiot like me, just grabbing onto the thing, but the rudders, the foot pedals were still there.

And they were like, don't touch this, don't touch this, I got it, I'm gonna just gonna hold right here, they're like, cool. And that was it, they gave us like the snoopy fucking cover with the goggles and shit. And they'd like singing, I mean, it was like, the decision to do it, I drank a coffee and I signed a waiver. And next thing, it all felt like eight minutes.

They'd sing, I'm going down this grass runway in this open cockpit. It was the coolest thing I think I've ever done. It was amazing and we just take off any banks of left and we head over towards Chapacwittic, right? And I was looking at the gauges and I saw that the VNE velocity never exceed was like 210, 220 knots and the guy goes, yeah, he goes, it can go that fast. I thought these things were going on the 60, 70 knots, he's like, no, he goes around 150, 160 knots though, the wind does start whistling through the wires, which I think would be unsettling

because that would just sound like you were in World War II. But anyways, it was in 1942, by plane, that they used as a trainer for, I imagine, Navy pilots because there was no Air Force back then. And it was the first thing that they taught them in to do acrobatics, and the moves that they would have to do in a dogfight to not get killed. Or to follow a guy who's trying to get away and still be able to get a kill. And so this is like a, I would think like the center of gravity, they had really almost like a snub nose 38 like the plane version of it.

There was probably really forgiving. So they worked their way up to the beast that they were going to be driving. Essentially the Thunderbird TurboCoup, you know, sorry, all my references are from the 80s. Come on, the 1987 Thunderbird TurboCoup and Silver, one of my buddies had that car, that car was fucking sweet. No one's arguing with it Bill. So anyway, we We fly up or going around and I see this little bridge. I'm like is that what Ted Kennedy went off with that poor woman Mary Jo And he's like, yep, that's it right there.

And we went around the whole island. He showed me like a shipwreck. We got up around, you know, Oaks Bluff, and there was a tall ship, and he fucking knows it down, and we went like, right by it. Oh, it's incredible. Yeah, a couple of shipwrecks, one really old, one like recently, like, no one knows what happened. The boat's just of shipwrecks, one really old, one like recently, like no one

knows what happened. The boat's just in 25 feet of water. There's nothing down there, but divers still go and look. Went around the whole island. He was talking about the ice age and all of this stuff. And he was asking me how I was doing this stuff. And I'm saying, they're thinking, I'm like, why is he going to do, you know, the acrobatics, right? And we go all the way around the whole island. You know, we show me the part where Spielberg shot Joss, you know, when he goes underneath the bridge and everybody's on the bridge looking at it,

he goes and he bites that guy's fucking leg off. Then when we're up in a chill mark or something like that, that's where you first see Quint in the movie, show me a bunch of celebrity homes and politician homes, all of that. But now we're coming around the backside of them, the island, and I'm just thinking like,

he must have vetted me, you know what I mean? Because he was asking me questions and stuff, and I probably said something, I came off like a nervous nelly of this thinks I'm a pussy, so maybe he's just not going to do it. And then just sort of flying along with talking and everything. And it's just, I literally felt like I was like in a convertible. It was almost relaxing things I've ever done. And all of a sudden, I noticed looking at the L Timmer that we went from like 900 feet all the sudden we up to 3,000. And I I was like, oh shit. I think this is coming. He goes, all right

Now here's the here comes the acrobatics. All right, he goes the best thing to do is Just look outside the aircraft. Don't be looking inside it and We'll get we'll get the scariest one out of the way first and then I see the engine go like Like he fuck it. It's not like he shut off the engine. I don't, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh just like, you're just, we're literally gonna go in outer space and then you will upside down, you're like, where the fuck am I? But it was all like positive G, so you felt like heavy.

It didn't feel like you were gonna fall out, right? And that was the other thing too. We made sure my seatbelt was on. So that was another thing that made me nervous. Are you okay? He's asking me, what it looks like here. So then we came out of that and then we did like a dive bomb down towards the ocean while we were spinning,

which I think was my favorite. I actually remember thinking while we were doing that, like, wow, this must be what it's like to die in a blank crash, right? And those are the only three that I remember the names of them, sort of, it was a giant loop. There was a dive the dive bomb thing. There was the first thing he did,

and I don't know what the others were. There was a, there was seven in total. And the pilot was amazing. I forget his name, probably got, probably got shook out of my brain, but if you ever get a chance, if you ever go to Martha's Vineyard, you know, it's funny too, then we landed. And the people that were going on after me,

they watched it because it was near the airport, like, dude, that was fucking sick. And they were all like, did you puke? I was like, no, no, I felt good about that. Like the woman when she was going to get me out, was going, oh, puke bags not filled, yeah, you know. The only thing that made me a little bit sick was just, I think I breathed in a little bit of the engine fumes.

That was the only thing that was getting me going, you know, but other than that, it was unbelievable. And I'm gonna, I'm gonna figure out a way to get back there again, and they actually give flight lessons, and I think I'm gonna take a lesson, you know, just for the hell of it. I'll do the lesson, and then I'm gonna do me some of those more, just for the hell of it. I'll do the lesson and then I'm gonna do some of those more fucking acrobatic things,

but it's unbelievable. If you get a chance, it's an Edgar town at Katama Airport and they got these two biplanes and they just, I mean, it's the greatest way to see the island, the like the knowledge of the island. I mean, he was literally talking about how big the island used to be and how scientists have gone out like three four or five miles away from the island and they dig into the the bottom of the ocean and they get deep enough and they find

They find trees underneath the sea floor from I guess before the ocean came up, but what I don't know what But it was fascinating. Show me John Belushi's house, rest his soul, you know. All of that type of stuff, man. It was so fucking cool. If you ever get a chance, you got to do it. Then I shoot some video. Yes, I did.

Unfortunately, I couldn't shoot the acrobatics part or I would have lost my phone. But if you ever get a chance that I want to thank the pilot, I'm definitely going to, you know, I don't know when the hell I'll ever get back there, but I am 100% without a doubt. Maybe I'll go there during the off season and I will go down there and take like a flight lesson because that was a bucket list thing. I still can't believe that I did it, but I'll be posting a video soon of my plane ride. All right, my kids flipping out, hang on a second. All right, I'm back.

I was putting out a fire. I also just had a fucking steak and cheese. Alright, so that's my, that's my, that's my cheat meal for the week. Um, anyway, so thank you to everybody associated with, uh, make sure I'm saying it right, is it Katana Airport? in it right, is it Katana Airport? Katama, airfield, sorry. And that incredible experience, I had an unbelievable time.

Unbelievable time. So with that, with that, I got some gigs coming up, back-eached, I got Springfield Massachusetts, and I'm doing some place up in Halifax in Canada. Oh, Canada, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, boo, I'm doing a gig up there. I'm always going up to Canada, I feel, you know?

Like the last time I was out here in the Massachusetts area, I had my big show in Boston and it was funny how like the road worked out where I didn't get a chance to do a victory lap. Like last year, this time, I was getting ready to do a gig at Fenway. And I remember I was walking around town and there was all of these, you know, I'd see people whatever they were, hey man, they'd be like, hey good luck, good luck with your show. So I kind of felt like, you know, the city was behind me a little bit, you know? It was a pretty, uh,

pretty huge gig. I don't think I've really mentally allowed myself to even think about it. And, uh, anyway, I did it and it went great. And the very next morning I was at the airport going to Toronto, Canada. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. So, I was joking. I was bustin' my agents balls goin' through. Do you name give me a chance to fuckin' do a victory lap, you know?

I didn't even get to go into like one duncan donut and get an ice coffee and gay, that was all right. You're a good shit. All right, go to the airport, you know? I didn't even get that. So, I don't know. You know, I don't know how the fuck it works. They're always trying to keep you going if you're out there. Like if you're out there, you gotta be making money.

I don't know how the whole fucking circus works. So anyway, speaking of which, the strike continues in my business. And, um, yeah, I mean, I don't know. This is a very crazy time. I think where everybody who works for a living, in other words, works for other people,

you got to support unions. Because I feel like we are just going backwards where we're gonna go back to like, hey man, if you want a job, you're gonna like, it's gotta be like slave labor. It really is like the level of greed. I mean, I'm just talking about entertainment. I just just straight across the board

of these fucking assholes, these corporate fucking ass, all of this fucking shit out there, right? Going after this fucking person said this, this person tweeted that and da da da, all these little brush fires that they're acting, that they're like, it's like fucking arm again. And meanwhile, all of these corporations, for the most part, are run by a small group of people at the top who are just lining their pockets. Incredible amount of wealth.

Which hey, they run into the corporation. They should be wealthy, but they're literally eliminating the middle class, which I feel is that that was the thing that made this country great, is that you didn't have to own a company and oppress 800 people underneath you so you could get a big house or whatever. You could work for somebody and they had to pay you a living wage and with that living wage, you could buy a house, you could pay it off,

and you could have a wife and kids. Like I remember when I was a kid, like the fucking, the milkman, guy dropped up in a truck, dropped off milk, picked up the empty bodies, empty bodies, empty bottles, and could afford to have, you know, where inflation wasn't everything, how strong the dollar was, could afford to have, you know, where inflation wasn't everything, how strong the dollar was, could afford to have a wife and a family, and the wife had the option

of working or not. And I don't know that. I think that they just eliminated that. They went around the unions. It may be honest, they were the unions did get greedy themselves and had the owners of the fucking factories or whatever under their thumb.

And maybe they pushed too far. And at some point the factories just like, well, fuck you, we're going to take it somewhere else. And I don't know, this global thing that the only way to turn a profit is if, you know, there's people, it's like, everybody's loving these electric cars, all these environmentalists. And it's just like, if you look how they get it, there's like pregnant women in these minds, handling whatever the natural resources without any barrier between them. It's just, why does it always have to be that way? It

doesn't. And then they go, well, if we didn't, it'd be fucking $40 a gallon. And it's like, why is that? Why is that? It's because you're not willing to take less of a fucking salary. You're not willing to make less profit. So if you actually have to pay people a wage where they're safe and they can live somewhere halfway decent, you know, you're just going to pass that expense on to the consumer. You're never going to take it out of your pocket.

And like just the level of that fucking greed and the fact that that is never, it's never addressed. I said that last time, like when someone was going like, this guy's writing on a hit show and he's living below the poverty line on the hit show, writing for a hit show. And somebody goes, well, the actor, maybe the actor should pay him some money. It's like, that's such a fucking stupid thing to say. That's like, like I said before, it's like you're working at home depot and the guy driving the forklift isn't making enough money.

The guy managing the store. I'm about to honor in a fucking store. Sorry, kids are downstairs. And I also just like what fascinates me is the lack of empathy that not just some random person. A person who's in the same boat has towards people like, well, get another job. It's like, you get another fucking job. What do you do for a living?

And then what, I'm supposed to not support you if you have a problem. I don't get it, but the level of fucking greed that is going on out there, but, you know, I just don't think that it's going to take regular people joining together because politicians are not, nor have they ever held corporations accountable. If they do, they're just trashed in the media, is socialists and communists and all that, and they just destroy them before they even get a chance to

get a campaign going. Or people pick that person and then the Democratic Party goes like, yeah, now we're not doing that. We're gonna get you a fucking career politician that's gonna get into the Senate and there's no fucking rules against insider trading and they're gonna turn their 200 grand a year into $20 million and it's totally fucking legal

and then they're gonna go, I don't know what, go buy a fucking aquifer. All right, I'm off my fucking podium here. Ahem! Anyway, it was very fun to be back east here, especially on this island, man, it's amazing. Just a great mix of people as know, people from around the world. And like New York people, Boston people,

different sports affiliations. Oh, my favorite thing. I met somebody at a coffee shop from New York. And he goes, I know you don't want to hear this, but I'm a Giants fan. Talking about the football team. What? What?

What? That's like a thing. Like Gi giant fans apologizing to Patriots fans. And I'm like, why do they do that? It's like, we, yeah, we lost two to you, but then we won three, lost two to you, and then won three more. And somewhere in there lost to the Eagles. You know, like what are you, that's that New York fucking thing where they have to figure out a fucking way. Next time a Giants fan goes, you know, hey man, sorry I'm a Giants fan.

Like what am I supposed to, oh hey sorry, I'm a Red Sox fan, sorry about oh four. Sorry I'm a Giants fan. Sorry about oh four. Sorry I'm a giant fan. Well, that's all right. You made it up with the nicks, the nets, the mets, the jets, the Rangers, the devils. Whatever you fucking soccer team is, the Yankees, choke it away, I would never do that.

I don't give a fuck. It's just, I think it's cause they can't chant 1918 at us anymore. So now they gotta be, oh, sorry. I mean, I know this is gonna bug ya. Remember that game you lost last decade, the decade before? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I think I was like 38. I'm 55 now, I'm over it. T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T now, I'm over it. T-ha-ha-ha. I think that's what I'll say next time. Oh, sorry, I'm a Giants fan. Well, you know, but all your other teams suck. And not to mention, we also have, you're gonna make me do this, dude.

We have more Super Bowls than the Jets giants and bills put together You have three professional football teams and you still have less rings than we do So Pology accepted Fucking jerk off of every reason why I Don't go into those fucking chat rooms. Anyway, oh, look at me. Run in my yap here, 32 minutes in.

Let's do the, let's do the fucking, the reads here, huh? I'm a Patriot's fan, sorry, rest of the league. Can you imagine doing this, walking around, apologizing? I know, I know it must be hard for you. It was talking to me like somebody died. All right. What do we got here?

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I was just thinking about that shit. With that technology, somebody breaks into your house and they can like dial these cameras up and be looking at the dude as he's doing it. And the amount of people they're gonna get caught doing that like serial killers and jails are gonna be just like, he fucking,

you gen-what, gen-z fucking serial killers man, you know? like Sarah Killers and Jail's are gonna be just like, he fucking, Gen Z fucking, Sarah Killers man, you know? You don't know what you missed. We used to kill people back in the day, there was no cameras, right? Like I think in the future, there's just gonna be like cameras everywhere. My question is, is what's the stop? Some pervert from just turning it on

when you're just home though, you know Watching you scratch your balls as you're eating a grilled cheese sandwich And all of a sudden your house is like the fucking Truman show there has to be I don't know checks and balances that they can't do that i don't know that's the only that weirds me out just figure i'd say that after there was enough distance between this and the read uh... all right let's get to uh...

let's get to the uh... the content for the week uh... all right jim ira say oh, the biggest crybaby in fucking sports. Hey, Bill, did you hear about Jim Urse and his $20 million donation to help free a whale that has lived in captivity for 53 years? Apparently he does a lot of stuff like this. I still hate that he owns all the cool guitars. I don't mind that he owns all, like, Prince's guitar and Jerry Garcia's guitars.

Like, those things, like a guy like him should own that after those people die, because he's never going to make any music with them. It's done. Your job as a musician is to make your instrument famous. So after you die, a guy like Jim Urse can be like, you see that Yucca Leile? Anyway, apparently he does a lot of stuff like this. I still hate that he owns all the cool guitars, but also glad he's probably got security on them. Does the whale thing change your mind about him? No. Who doesn't like

fucking whales? This is just common courtesy. You know what I mean? It does not change my opinion about him. Like the guy is the biggest crybaby in the NFL while cheating his fucking ass off the entire time and everybody ignores it cause they weren't successful. Changing the rules of past coverage, pumping crowd noise in. You ever see that one where the fucking thing's, I'm not going through this again. No, it doesn't.

It doesn't. Cause I can guarantee you his $20 million donation is, there's something beyond a tax break. Because people think when you donate a million dollars, you get to whack a million dollars off your taxes. You don't. You get to whack, well, it would be like 500 grand because you were in a 50 percent tax bracket at that point.

But the other 500 grand is just gone. So there is a donation going on there. But no, it doesn't change, you know, acting like, you know, being a rich person and actually doing nice things for people and animals, that's what you're supposed to do. Okay. But like owning a team and cheating your ass off while also slandering another team for doing what the fuck you're doing is just, I don't know, I always love stuff. It's like when Trump is going like, you know, I'm going to drain the swamp. It's like, well, dude, you can reach the plug because you're neck deep in it.

Like what the fuck are you talking about? I'm a mob boss. I'm gonna stop the mafia. All right, Tom Brady taking over UK football team. I look at this. This is all sports this week. Oi, sit them in balls. I actually like that. I think that's nice. I want to live with some cinnamon balls. What do you make of this? Tom Brady is now one of the owners of Birmingham City Football Club in the UK and chairman of the new advisory board. I don't know much about American football, other than out of all the names you yanks could have called this game. You had to name it after

the biggest sport in the world. Almost like it's because you guys we don't pay attention to you. You know you guys are always paying attention to us and what the fuck you know movies will make it in there are blue jeans and all of our fucking music. We don't pay attention to you. We don't give a shit. We left. All right. When are you guys going to move on? We broke up with you in 1776. We got our own shit over here. You got your own shit over there. I don't give a fuck that you called, you know, the trunk of boot and the hood of bonnet. I don't give a fuck. I really don't. You call French-Friese chips. I don't know why you call them that, but I don't

give a fuck. How could you name french fries chips after the biggest fucking snacks over here? Do you hear a sound of syrup? Dum that sounds. I don't care. All right. I look at soccer as Europe's answer to professional wrestling. Except our professional wrestlers take way better bumps than your fucking soccer players do. Anyway, almost the biggest, almost like Twitter branding as American Facebook. Yeah, I wouldn't say that. Because everyone in America knows what Facebook and Twitter is. Nobody really pays attention to soccer. Plus, being the only sport where the halftime show for the biggest fixture of the year is a bigger deal than the game itself.

That's not true. It is for you because you don't give a fuck about American football. When Shakira's dance moves get more traction from the Super Bowl than the teams do, that's not true. That in your paper, yes, not an ours. Perhaps the halftime show needs to be fucked off or someone needs to have a rethink. Ha ha. No. The halftime show, getting some woman out there to shake a rast with leather pants is for you guys to be watching. So everybody still makes money. So you're actually contributing to our economy

by watching the halftime show. Real football fans, we just watched the game. We taped the game and we fast-forward through all of that bullshit. So, I hope that clears it up. Seriously though, oh Jesus, he's getting out of his standup back, but seriously who? Let me tell you I love Tom Brady. I know Tom Brady isn't oh geez

I put that in there. I know Tom Brady is an absolute fucking legend, but what do you make of this? What do you think Tom Brady can bring to the table? Can only be a good thing to have such a winner on board surely i for one thinks it's absolutely fucking amazing news and i'm glad it's not some sadiya rabian dude taken over uh... later is my favorite shaved orangutan uh... well it can go either way that shit goes either way you know you're not like in

the sadiya rabian dude taken over, that's like, you mean like a businessman? Or you're not like Saudi Arabian people because they fly all their cars over there and rev their engines and stop and go traffic and London every summer. I don't know what the deal is, but I will tell you watching George Steinbrenner, a businessman from Cleveland, Ohio, buy the New York Yankees a businessman from Cleveland, Ohio, buy the New York Yankees, and he brought them back. So, I mean, if you get a businessman that really wants to fucking win, that's not necessarily a bad thing.

All right, and then getting to Tom Brady, I mean, all that guy does is win. He's won at every level, when he left the Patriots and went to Tampa Bay, he won again. So I can only think that that's a good thing. I don't know anything about the Premier League. I love the Premier League. I love the logo, the lion, right?

And I also like that if you're in the bottom tier of the football league, they fucking kick you out. I think that's Larry's. Like, yeah, you're not, this is the Premier League. You guys did shit this year, so go fuck yourselves and then let's give somebody else a chance. I think that's very democratic. So, I like it. I hope he's super successful over there.

That kind of seems like a thing that people are doing. I want to say a couple of actors, but a small football club over there. Am I right? Am I right? I don't know. Who knows? I don't. I got to be honest with you. That sounds like a 24 or 7 job. I will tell you that. I know that if I bought a team, that would become my major focus as far as my business went. And I would be like,

I have got to bring these people, a championship, to prove to them that I'm now just some douche that made money telling shit jokes that I actually give a fuck. But that's gotta be exciting though. I would be just sitting there, like I can't believe I'm in this meeting. I really gonna make this decision.

I think it's cool. I'm really going to make this decision. I think it's cool. I think that him being over there is great. I also think that it's going to bring a more attention to soccer in this part of the world. I think more kids are playing it, less people are playing American football because it destroys your brain, which I would love to hear somebody over there in England talk about CTE all these years. We like a bunch of falcon pooses. They're now like those tough rugby players.

It's like they're both tough. They're both tough. It's just different kinds of tough. Like, what are you talking about? Like these guys over here actually commit suicide from the results of playing professional football. The people in rugby commit suicide. They have in their leg amputated because they can't deal with the fucking pain anymore.

Are they doing that? I don't know. They forget who they are and commit suicide before after they've murdered their whole family, that's the guy in the chiefs did that a long time ago. Anyway, Jesus getting dark, huh? All right, robot destruction. Hey Bill, I'm not excited for the robots to take over.

When I started seeing those four wheel boxes rolling down the sidewalk, delivering stuff, I wanted to see them get smashed up and destroyed and laugh when they broke down or kept ramming into a wall like a video game glitch however I just watched a video where people are fucking with the robots good the robot is just trying to do what it's programmed to do it's like how low-frequency it's like a low-frequency animal in a way. Yes, right now it is. You know? You see what the first airplane looked like? It was like

you were laying down riding a bicycle, you know, with fucking paper mache wings. Now you get the stealth bomber. Anyway, I can't relate to most wild animals and I don't want them in my home, but I also don't want to see anything get fucked with. Let me be clear, I don't think robots should get the right to vote when they eventually can start talking and living among us, but it seems like we're the one who lose either way. Yes, we will. We will.

And they will keep us divided with blue and red ties. It's this simplest formula possible. You know, um, and I think robots do it all the time. Anytime there's any sort of intelligent discourse happening on social media, someone will chime in and say, you can blame Donald Trump for Biden's America. And then it just spins it away. And everybody forgets about what the real issue is and what we're talking about.

And they just go tit for tat, like Yankee and Red Sox fans or, you know, whatever. I have a state Michigan. What would you want? Whichever rival do you want to pick? Wikipedia. Hey Bill, I argue with my friends and wife all the time about Wikipedia. They think it's the word from God, the word of the Lord. I understand it's a great reference for surface level stuff, but they'll use it to make

editorial points. Any asshole can edit Wikipedia. That's true. But I do think they have some sort of fact check thing going on there. Remember when you would walk over to the encyclopedia, grab the letter you want and read about where a sparrow lives? There wasn't some bullshit about how sparrows were used as a symbol of hate or something back in medieval days. You could just get the basic information.

What should take on this? Am I being a cunt? No, I think you wanting something better than Wikipedia. I would say it depends on the level of information that you're looking for. Like if you're looking for like, you know, what year was Red Fox born? I mean, I would believe that on Wikipedia.

But if we're getting into other things, more complex things, like world history versus like what actually happened. Then you're kind of, you kind of, you have to do your own race. You have to go beyond Wikipedia. You have to read history books written from people on the winning side and the losing side. Then you have to formulate your own opinion about where the truth lies. And then on top of that, you, then you have to formulate your own opinion about where the truth lies, and then on top of that, you know, you have to understand that you're unbelievably flawed, and you're reading about shit that already happened a lot of times 100, 200, 300 years ago.

So, you know what my feeling is, is if you really want to enjoy your life, is if you really want to enjoy your life, just keep your life simple. And just hang out with your family and tell them you love them and read books and stay away from your phone and all of that stuff. I've found, you know, since I started reading again, I'm a lot more relaxed. My brain isn't all over the place. I already have a brain that kind of bounces around and when I go on to Instagram and these things, as much as I love them, I fucking love Instagram. I mean, I really enjoy it. Hilarious clips.

I love YouTube, I love all of that shit, but I don't love looking at that shit instead of talking to my kids or just looking at it instead of reading a book. I think you should treat it like a fucking dessert or something, you know what I mean? Like you don't just eat dessert all day. I mean, probably should need dessert at all.

That's probably a bad fucking example. You know what I mean? You go out and get a steak. Steak's delicious, oh whatever. Red meat evidently is high to fucking, you know, I don't, I don't go Oprah here. Start fucking with people that, you know, slaughter cattle and shit. I'm trying to find a fucking example where someone's not going to get annoyed. You know what I mean? I think, you know, if your biggest problem in life is people are quoting Wikipedia is facts, I think you live in a great life. You know, speaking of Instagram, this account that I follow, which I don't have

in my fingertips, and it's something that actually goes into what used to be called third world, I guess I'm called new-world countries now. So we've given them a nicer name as we still sort of fuck them over and control the natural resources and fuck with their economy and place people in power that do not have the country's best interests

but our best interests involved because we are the beacons of freedom. So anyway, this person is down there actually helping people out. And if you see some of their stories and the situations that they're in, and the day-to-day fight to survive, you know, it's a great kind of thing. I just, I was joking with the person that sent me the clip going like, everybody should watch this every day, you know, should look at this clip and you would have nothing to complain about. And then I wrote,

oh, wait a minute, then I would have no act. So I can't watch it every day, but anyway, I like to think that I'm a beacon of freedom. Beacon of freedom. That's on my Wikipedia page. It isn't, but right now if somebody can upload it, comedian actor beacon of freedom. Anyway, I have find that when somebody, something is referred to as a beacon or a bastion, it's usually bullshit. It's a bastion of liberal ideology. Oh, is it, is that what it is? Or is it really just a bunch of people that agree with you? Um, I'm gonna send me saying that about Atlanta. It's a bastion of liberal ideology, and then I talked to some people that lived there, like, yeah, it's, you know, if you're in the CNN building, maybe.

Um, oh, that was from that classic fucking Joder Rosa. Ha, ha, ha, that one where you went on. The fuck was that guy's name? I go to Atlanta all the time. Ha ha ha that one where he went on the fuck was that guy's name? I go to with Lynn all the time That one you know is a classic Clip I can't fuck just look up Joe to Rosa Atlanta. You'll find the clip It's one of the great podcasts Pete Dominick one of the great podcast fights of

All-time anyway Sad to believe in math has vineyard. By the time this is posted, I'll be home, back in Los Angeles, but I did have a great time coming back here and wanted an incredible experience. Once again, thank you to everybody associated with the, you know, go to Edgertown, give them a shout out, you gotta do the, you gotta take a ride around, even if you don't do the aerobatics shit. All right, if you just cruise around the island, oh my god, I will, there's literally something I will never ever forget. It was fantastic. So thank you to everybody. And that's it. I hope you guys have a great week.

Go fuck yourselves and I'll check it on you on Thursday.