Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 8-8-11

Episode Date: August 8, 2011

Posted in PodcastPlay AudioBill rambles about Reno, Guns and Nirvana.

Ikea, tip of the week. Do you like to get a gift? You can count on us. Because until April 15, Ikea family members get a free children's menu at the purchase of a warm meal for adults. Right here at the top of this podcast. This is something I've been sitting on for like the last six weeks. And I basically, I have the biggest stand-up gig of my career is coming up in a couple of months.

And I know all the women are upset. He said he had announced it. Oh my God, is he pregnant? How does that happen? Is he like a seahorse? Um, anyways, there's a couple of fucking, what do you call it? Oceanographers laughing at that joke that actually know that the male gets pregnant in the fucking seahorse family. How the fuck did I remember that?

But I can't remember where I put my fucking key. What the hell? I'm finding house keys. Um, alright, sorry. Little hack stand-up from 1980. Alright, plowing ahead. I have the biggest stand-up gig of my career coming up. It is so big.

How big is it you ask me? Uh, that actually I have been told to hype to announce that I will be announcing it on the Opian Anthony program. That's how fucking big it is. So I'm, right now when I just got you all fucking excited to tell you that I'm not going to tell you what the gig is here on the podcast. Alright? I will be announcing it live. We'll do it live! Live!

On the Opian Anthony program. Um, Wednesday August 10th at 8am. And, uh, the Opian Anthony program has been nice enough to let me announce it, uh, on their show. And they will also be giving away two tickets to the front row of the biggest stand-up show of my fucking career. Alright? Now all of you will be like, well I don't have XM Serious Man. I had to buy another fucking heat lamp to grow my weed, man. I can't afford the Serious Man.

Well, don't worry. I'm going to be, uh, the second I do that, after I announce it and all that type of shit, I will be then of course tweeting about it, Facebooking about it, but I will not be my spacing about it. Alright? There's the deal. The biggest gig of my stand-up career. It's so fucking big that I have not, I've been pushing it out of my, my, my, my thoughts. So I won't get overwhelmed by it, but it's, uh, it's fucking amazing.

And, uh, I can't wait to announce it. August 10th, Wednesday August 10th, 8am, East Coast Time on the Opian Anthony program. Alright? There. I said it. Alright? Now, on with the podcast. Um, I had a phenomenal fucking week and weekend.

I just worked in, uh, Reno, Nevada, everybody, for the first time, um, in my life. I've never been to the city, ever before, and all I ever knew about it was, uh, Reno 911. That's all I knew, and all I knew was everybody just tell Reno, oh my god, Reno, what a fucking shit-hole. Let me tell you, if you wanna smoke some fucking meth while fingering a fucking hooker, I'll tell you, Reno's the place to do it. Right? That's all I heard. That's all I heard.

And I gotta tell you, I went there and I absolutely fucking loved it. Underrated for the week, Reno, Nevada, Nevada. Nevada! I got like two hours of sleep last night. Reno, Nevada. Underrated. Overrated. Las Vegas.

Alright? You wanna know? Yeah, I figured out why people have been shitting on Reno for all these fucking years. It's because they don't want anybody to go there. That's why. The same way I rarely tell people how awesome Burbank Airport is. I let these cunts fly into LAX. Do it!

Go all the way down there, fight the fucking traffic, and that sea of goddamn people there. Burbank Airport, it's like this little mom-and-pop airport. There's never more than 11 people in it at a time. It's ridiculous. They have their little baggage claim is like outside, and it's one of those little circular ones. You know, like the old Fisher Price Airport game you had in the 70s. That's what it looks like. It's one of those airports.

And it's in Los Angeles. And nobody fucking uses it, and I absolutely love it. Reno is the Burbank Airport of Casino Towns. It's the shit. It's fucking awesome. Reno is Las Vegas. Minus douchebags and traffic. It's phenomenal.

Now I'm not gonna lie to you. There's definitely, definitely white trash on a scale of one to ten. It's, it's a solid eight, nine. It's a fucking nine. And that's saying something because, you know, I could have used, oh, it's fucking ten out of ten. I know there's worse places. All right. I've driven through the south.

I've been to Memphis, Tennessee. Okay. I've driven through there. I saw, I just, I mean, it just was fucking horrific. All right. So I know it gets worse, but, but I'm telling you. But it's awesome. Anything, what do you, what do you want to do?

Tell me what you want to do. And I'll tell you where you can do it, Reno. You want to go to a whorehouse? They got one. They got one. It's not the bunny ranch, man. Go fuck yourself. They have one.

Ten minutes right outside the city. They test those fucking girls all the time too. I don't know what that does. You know, if you're not testing the Johns, that really doesn't help the situation. Does it? It's like you got a hole in the front of the boat and the back of the boat. You just keep stopping up the one on the back. We're all good here, everybody.

It's the same fucking vessel. I think that they should test the Johns and the horse. All right. You test them both. Then I still wouldn't go in. I wouldn't wait until that cesspool of fucking semen and vaginal juices. Why would you do that? Maybe get some ideas on how to decorate your fucking parlor.

I don't know. I have no interest, but I'm just saying if you want to do it, you can do that in Reno. You know, they got all the games. Craps, fucking poker, Texas hold them, all that shit. Blackjack, I don't play any of those fucking games. They got all that stuff. Minus the douchebags. Minus the traffic.

Minus the celebrities. Minus all those hot chicks who aren't going to fuck you anyways unless they're whores. At which point they got whores in Reno. So why go there? It's a fucking hour flight from LA. It's the shit. I had the best goddamn time out there. I checked out this morning.

I opened my door and there was some dude passed out across the hall in front of his room. He had money. His money was underneath him, but I could see it and he was just laying there. I took a picture of it. I got all this shit up on the mmpodcast.com. It's just a fucking, the town is hilarious. They went through the casino and they made this announcement. They were just like Angela Davis just won $3,000.

It's fucking awesome. It's, it looked like the size of what Old Vegas probably looked like before all the douchebags showed up with their shiny fucking shirts and everybody trying to walk around like they're Frankie and Dean. You're not, you're not, you're a douchebag. Oh, it's great. I love a shitty casino. I love white trash. It's just phenomenal. The amount of fucking ladies that I saw that had a fucking beehive haircut and they weren't doing it in memory of Amy Winehouse.

Okay. They had that shit before she had it. They probably had it before those fucking chicks in that fucking band with that chick who left and left the three of them in Detroit, right? Ah, fuck. You know how many times I've started this podcast and stopped it? This is like the fifth time and I'm just, I have to plow through this one. I knew this was going to happen. It was going to start off fast and it was just going to, it was going to taper off.

It was just like a plane crash on takeoff. We're in the air and now we're not. Boom. Everybody's dead. Well, what happened? Well, he didn't realize he still had it on autopilot. That's what this feels like right now. So I'm telling you right now, I highly fucking recommend going to Reno, especially if you want to gamble.

You know? Plenty of fucking tables. The goddamn, you know, you don't have to sit down at some place and play five bucks a hand. You can probably play for a nickel. That's what I love about those cheap ass places. Every time you go to a real fucking casino, you know, just want to sit down and fuck around and feel like James Bond for half a second. Is your girls holding your arm, blowing on the dice or whatever? You crap out in fucking ten minutes, unless you want to blow a couple of grand.

There's a bunch of gamblers right now going, this guy has no idea what he's talking about. Of course I don't. I told you I don't play the fucking games. I'll play like roulette. I bet he the red or black. And I just stand there watching the trees. Like it's that simple. Like no one else figured out to do that.

Anyways, I had a fucking phenomenal time up there. And as I told you last week, I went to Bizarre Guitar. They have this amazing, this amazing store out there. It's called Bizarre Guitar. It's all part of one little strip mall. It's its own building. You go in the door on the left. No, the door on the right, they got guitars.

Every fucking guitar you could ever want. And if you're not a cunt, they'll take you downstairs into their vaults where they have easily three to five million dollars worth of fucking guitars. But I didn't go in there first. I went into the other door. Door number one, right? I went in there and that side of it is a gun shop. It's a guitar store and a gun shop.

There's two separate entrances. I thought the guns were going to be on the other side of the store, but they're actually two different rooms. And I went in there and it was amazing. I was looking at the handguns, right? I got to keep this low because I've been trying to get a handgun for a while and Nia is just not having it. I don't want a gun in the house.

Okay? I don't want a gun in the house. Great, we live in an apartment. Don't fuck with me. So anyways, I walk in there and I'm looking at these guns, right? And I'll tell you, first of all, I looked at like six of them and four of them starred in like three of my favorite fucking movies. You know? Magnum.

They had the Magnum Force fucking. They had the 44 Smith and Wesson. 44 Magnum, right there. It was like 850 bucks. That's what I couldn't fucking believe how cheap they are. Now, I know what you're thinking. I know what you're thinking. 850 bucks, Bill. That's a lot of fucking money.

Yeah, but when you think about the capability that you can get for 850 bucks, the fact that I could shoot at a criminal, miss, have it go through four houses and kill five of my neighbors for 850 bucks. I mean, that's incredible. Not to mention the concussion I'm going to give myself when I fire it for the first time and that gun kicks up and hits me square in the middle of my fucking giant fucking forehead. 850 bucks. All right.

Do you know what Glock costs about as much as an iPod? Isn't there something wrong with that? I can't figure out if that's fucking awesome or one of the major problems with this country. Ha ha ha ha. It was like, I can't even remember what they were like 280, 350. It's fucking amazing. And I wanted to get one.

And it's Reno, they don't give a shit. They're like, yeah, take two of them. We don't give a fuck. I'm like, well, I live in Los Angeles. They're like, oh, Jesus. And they said there was like 9 million fucking, you know, miles of paperwork, which I understand because if you live in a heavily populated area, you can't be just handing out concealed weapons.

But the thing about when you live out there in Reno, out in the wide open spaces, northern Nevada, let me tell you something, buddy. You're your own sheriff. What you gonna do, boy? You gonna call cops? Shit. You're looking at the cops, buddy.

Me and my fucking... They always have those redneck guys they always have. I'm not worried about shit. Oh, I need my two friends, Smith and Wesson. All right. And then they spit into some Tupperware. You know, I had somebody send me an angry email about me making fun of rednecks. And I just want to tell that person, like, fucking grow a dick.

All right, douchebag, I trash women. Like, women are the only ones who really have a fucking right to trash me for the level that I trashed because I trash them every fucking podcast. Every once in a while, I make funny you fucking overall wearing no shirt, no fucking shoes wearing, you know? Fishing in the fishing hole, right? I'm actually envious of you motherfuckers. You know, I tell you, all the people freaking out when we hit the debt ceiling,

I can tell you right now who wasn't freaking out, and that's fucking rednecks. Okay, and you know why that is? Because they don't have televisions. Oh, I'm fucking with you. Television, what's that? Is that that magic box where they got the people in it? I'll tell you something, man. I don't pretend to know how that technology works.

I just don't understand how they all fit in there. You know what I'm saying? You know what's funny? As offended as people in the South are getting, if I was from the South and I wore a hat with a price tag hanging off of this, I could make a million dollars going from Alabama to Mississippi to Chattanooga, Tennessee, and you guys would all eat it up. Because you all know somebody as dumb as this, but none of you think it's you.

Well, let me tell you something. I've been to your part of the world, and it ain't pretty. All right? I'm coming to Nashville in two weeks. So I got two words for you. Mop it up. Let's try to fuck it. Let's try to act like you know this company coming this time.

I'm from the North, Southerners. Do you understand that? Why don't you clean up a little bit? All right? Those stories are going back over the Mason-Dixon line with me. Do you understand me, son? You know, I actually downloaded some Charlie Daniels the other day because I always loved that guy's voice.

But Jesus Christ, that is some shit-kicking music. You know? I get drunk in the morning, get stoned in the afternoon. I got something and something, and I've just fucked a fucking baboon, but I ain't asking nobody for nothing. If I can't get it on my own. That's a line in the fucking song. I ain't asking nobody for nothing if I can't get it on my own,

and I just want to tell you people, if ever there was a recipe for failure, is if you're not going to ask for help in life, you know, what are you fucking Zeus? You going to do it all by yourself? You know? No wonder your fucking living room is just outside a goddamn swamp. Why didn't you ask for a little bit of fucking help?

Excuse me, a little help? Is it me? Is this kind of a fucked up way to live a life? I thought it was. You got any suggestions? I'll be out with it because I'm sick of wrestling pigs for a quarter. All right, I shit on them enough. What am I trying to say?

I was actually trying to compliment you guys, which is basically what I'm saying is, the reason why rednecks aren't freaking the fuck out about us hitting the debt ceiling is because they're armed, they can grow food, or they can hunt. All right? And they all live near a creek. If you're a redneck, you have to live near a fucking creek.

It's in their goddamn Bible. If you don't live near a creek, what the fuck are you going to jump in your 69 Challenger, buddy? You just going to be driving on ground like a fucking quiver? I'm envious of them as I shit all over them. I ain't asking no buddy for nothing. Oh, Jesus Christ. You just go to a waffle house.

You know what's funny is I actually love SEC football, and I actually have no problem with the fucking south, and I love working down there, and I'm going to get a fucking, I'm going to, Jesus Christ. I just want to guess the name of the guy who's going to punch me in the face if he ever fucking hears that. It's going to be one of those inbred names. Cleetus, one of the names from Duke's that has it.

Come on, Bill. Thunk outside the box. Come up with a better. One of those fucking hillbillies lives in the Appalachian Mountains. They're like immune to Lyme disease, because they've been bitten so much throughout their fucking, the bloodline of their family tree. Nothing gets to them.

Babies come out dirty feet already. Jesus Christ. All right. So anyways, I'm watching this shit the other day about the fucking goddamn, you know, America hit the debt ceiling again, and like most people in America, I really don't know what that means, other than it scares the shit out of me, and it doesn't really make sense how they solved it.

You know, I know that it's a little more involved than my life, but I got to think here. If I maxed out my fucking credit card, and I wasn't paying the bill, I don't think at any point they'd be like, hey, let's say we give them another five grand of credit. They're really going to call some gum snapping whore at a 7-Eleven and tell it to fucking cut up my credit card,

or they're just going to cut it off. They're going to do both. They're not going to give me more credit. Oh my God, this guy keeps punching me in the face. What's my next move? Oh, I know, I'll tie my hands behind my back and stick my face closer to his fist. I saw them when they were on TV,

they were saying like, you know, we got to get this thing solved, so the troops can cash their checks. I'm sitting there going like, what? The fuck did that guy just say? Our government is going to start bouncing checks, you know, like some fucking convicted felon staying in a goddamn motor inn.

This is freaking me the fuck out, right? So I have this philosophy, everybody, and it's based in paranoid thought, so if you don't like it, fast forward through the next 19 minutes of this podcast. I don't believe in anything other than that, I guess, I don't know what I believe in, I just like insurance, I don't believe in insurance.

I think it's bullshit, I think, you know, somebody goes, yeah, you know, I'm covered. I'm covered, you're covered until you're not. You know what I mean? They tell you you're covered, but at any point they can just say, yeah, you're not covered. Sew us, go fuck yourself, right?

It's kind of like when you put your money in the bank and everybody, well, you know, I got a bunch of money in the bank, but you know they're all insured up to fucking 100 grand. Yeah, until they're not, until they're not, until they decide one day that they're not going to honor that, kind of like the fucking airlines when you have all these frequent flyer miles

and all of a sudden they just go, yeah, if you don't use them by next Tuesday, yeah, you don't have those miles anymore. But I earned them. So, hey, go fuck yourself. We're the corporation. You're a little fucking piece of shit. So I don't trust anything, right?

So I'm sitting there, and I basically just freaked out my fucking tremendously lovely girlfriend. I freaked her the fuck out because I'm sitting there going like, telling her, I told her basically when I was in Reno, I called her up and told her that I bought a gun. You know, I'm a dick.

I just wanted to see what her reaction was. I said, listen, I went to bizarre guitar and guns. I went into both stores, and I bought something, and it wasn't a guitar. And she was like, what the fuck are you talking about? I said, well, they sell guns, and they also sell guitars,

and there's this great guy named Tony who works at the guitar place, and that person will take you down into the vault, and she goes, I don't want to hear about the vault, and I was like, but wait a minute, there was like three million dollars with the fucking guitars down there. They had a fucking 1959-less Paul.

They had the seventh fucking Fender Strat ever made. It was insane. She goes, I don't give a shit. You like I'm telling you about that place while keeping this story going? I don't know about you guys, so I basically, I just, you know, she flipped the fuck out.

I just shot one across the bow just to see what would happen, and she's not having it. She's not having the gun in the house because she buys into all those stupid stats, you know? Have you ever heard the stats that people who aren't into guns have,

and then you have people who are like with the fucking NRA, they just completely cancel each other out? It's just, you have two people who have two different philosophies. One group likes guns, and the other group does not like guns, so then they just start spewing out stats.

Having a gun makes your dick bigger. We did a study. And then the other side's like, the second you have a gun in the house, the chance of shooting your toe off goes up by 83%. Shut up! Shut the fuck up.

Either you have a gun in the house, or you don't. Either you want one, or you don't. Either you're comfortable, or you're not. Other than that, shut the fuck up. Jesus fucking Christ. Do you realize

how many people die a fucking year because of automobiles? Here's my stats. And everybody can have one. Just driving down the fucking street. Do you know if you take your car and you deliberately drive into somebody else in their car

that's considered assault with a deadly weapon? A car is a deadly weapon, and they're giving them out to 16-year-olds? We need to outlaw the cars! This is the deal. If you're not a fucking moron, I don't think it's that dangerous

to have a gun. How many people have chainsaws? How many people have chainsaws? All you gotta do is just fucking yank it. It's not in a safe. You don't have to keep it in the trunk of your car with the blade and the glove compartment. You have that fucking thing laying around.

As long as there's gas in it, anybody can go out there and do something fucking stupid with it. You go out to your goddamn kitchen. Look at your fucking kitchen! You got a whole butcher's block sitting there, and you got a whole set of kitchen knives.

Any point someone can just come out there, grab one, and just toss it at your jugular. But you're not worried about that, but that's for toast. And if we... What if we have pork chops? How are we gonna cut it up?

Yeah, what if you have an intruder? How are you gonna fucking blast them in the fucking forehead? I want a gun. This is what I want. Feel all you gun nuts out there. I want to get a gun that I can shoot and not that I can fucking stop someone from doing

something to me, but it doesn't hurt my ears. Did I just describe a BB gun? I think I did. No, my ears are junked from playing drums too long. And I went to one too many ACDC

hair metal fucking concerts, and then one time we were fucking... I had this little landscaping company for about two minutes and we were fucking working in this guy's yard next thing you know he says, you know, I got a 5-shot-38 I never fired before, and next thing you know

we're down the street shooting the thing with no ear protection. After the first shot, I couldn't hear a fucking thing. It was like Tom Hanks in the end of Saving Private Ryan when he's just sitting there. That's what it sounded like, and I fired and I couldn't hear him, but God knows

I did permanent damage that day, so I would like to use deadly force without hurting my eardrums. I'm such a douche. So anyways Oh, can I digress for half a second? Do you know it's the 20th anniversary of Nirvana's Never Mind? And I bought Spin Magazine

they had this giant article and everybody was talking about it. And for the majority of people were just like, dude when that album came out man, I was just like fuck

hair metal. This is something different and it's fucking over. Was I the only guy who heard that album and was just kind of like hey, you know you know, I kind of still like White Snake. I did. I was too far

down the hair metal trail. I didn't realize how good Nirvana was and I hated Pearl Jam. Fucking hated them. I hated Eddie Vedder's stupid I'm in a trance on purpose face When he sit there and he

fucking have his arms up and his wrists were all fucking limp and he was making those faces on fucking purpose he looked like a we should have been on wrestling or something he's crazy Eddie Vedder I hated that fucking I still

hate that fucking album Even flow hated. I like their other stuff Vitalgy I like when he stopped making the faces you know what he was like he was like Mel Gibson in the first lethal

weapon when he was fucking acting like he was suicidal and it was so awful they had to make him stop that's what Eddie Vedder was like in the first Pearl Jam and then they'd go to fucking interview do you ever see that interview Kurt Loder did if somebody can find this fucking video

they interview Eddie Vedder and he's like literally in like the fetal position making this face like he doesn't want to be interviewed it's like Eddie you don't have to do the interview you could just say I'm suffering from exhaustion and everyone will think you have a coke problem but who gives a fuck

so I wasn't into any of that shit I didn't get into Nirvana until probably 1993 and by then I noticed everybody was wearing flannel shirts and smashing pumpkins and all my bands were

gone, banished, never to be returned until that metal show came back triumphantly to bring back my music but uh yeah I was late I was definitely late so I guess the article would suck I'm such a moron

I was upset that no one said that basically in the article like why would they say that Bill they're trying to commemorate a fucking masterpiece of an album why would they have a bunch of people going you know I thought I didn't think anything about it

I thought Pearl Jam sucked but I really I was still listening to the fuck I was listening to the fuck was I listening to in the early 90s I actually tried to get into jazz I was flailing and just completely

not progressing in my drumming at all so I thought if I listened to jazz I would get better and I like big bands swing and you know I I saw all the great drummers I used to go to the regatta baa

in Boston I saw Tony Williams I saw Tony Williams in a fucking bar that held like a hundred people Louis Belson I went up and shook his hand I'm standing behind his drum kit it was fucking ridiculous Roy Haynes I saw Max Roach I saw all these guys

didn't improve my drumming at all that's what the fuck I was doing and I was hanging out with my drum teacher who was like 70 years old I don't know if I need to add this at this point but yes there was no pussy in my life at that point

so anyways yeah I kind of missed the beginning of the grunge thing I'm not a Gen X I think I'm old enough to be Gen X but I'm not I am a hair metal fucking 80s kid that's who I am I watched family ties

full metal jacket the lost boys that was my shit that was when I came up I can't help it that that's what the muse I thought Cinderella was a good band what did I know

just a fucking red head kid in the middle of nowhere um yeah so they were just everybody was just going I just heard it and I stopped in my tracks and I was like what the fuck is this

it's like how did how did everybody know that you know I remember being annoyed by the uh that their first video when Kurt goes to take the fucking solo and he pretends like he's

like doing the tap on solo like basically making fun of all the bands that I was listening to and I was kind of like who's this douche you know you call that a fucking solo just basically playing the goddamn melody of the song through a fucking distortion pedal

I'm not saying any of these thoughts were right I think the guys are fucking genius and the album is fucking unbelievable but that's where my head was at that is honestly where my head was at like I went got when Axl Rose had his run in backstage with them

at whatever awards show that was when the uh the bass player and now senator threw it up in the air and it fucking crashed down on his forehead and I believe Dana Carvey was hosting going did you see what that fucking guy just did I was rooting for Axl Rose

I think the only thing that I did respectively respectively as far as my music listening between 1988 and 1992 was I never bought guns and roses use your illusion

one or two I hated the fucking band by that point when they had Dizzy and Lizzie and all these other fucking guys and they had Matt soren and the whole fucking band was gone and he was running around

in goddamn biker shorts and he had that stupid white fucking windscreen it just it was unfucking believable it just went right down the shitter so that's where I was at

I was sitting there going I can't believe they kicked Steven Adler out that guy's a phenomenal fucking drummer changed the whole sound of the goddamn band now Izzy left that's what I was thinking of I wasn't my libido

a mosquito look at the windshield is that a mosquito I wasn't listening to any of that yeah I didn't listen to any of it and then that fucking dude came out that's when I started feeling old I think when that album came out

and then smashing pumpkins came out and whatever the fuck he was singing about cats, simies, twins the hell was that song I don't know this bad all my rage all that shit I was trying so hard but by then I was like 25 years old

and I gotta tell you it's fucking over it's over music is for young people alright there you go if you wanted to relive the early 90's through my fucking eyeballs there it was Jesus Christ was that long enough for you um

the hell was I talking about but I was so anyway so I freaked out my girl tonight because I was just like listen evidently this country is in the same financial position as some of my pot head acquaintances

one in particular who's been smoking weed for a good quarter of a century this country is in the same financial position as that so that is frightening to me because I don't know how to hunt and even if I didn't know how to hunt the only thing I could hunt around me is other human beings

and I'm not doing that I had a fucking pig to have the other day and I draw the line at that alright so you know there's really no simple way to tell the woman in your life that you want to get a gun you know what's funny about me wanting to get a gun

what am I gonna do with it you know let's say this whole fucking thing collapses and it's a goddamn police state alright and let's just pretend that I actually lived in a house and had a basement to hide in so now I'm down there with my year supply of pop tarts

brown rice and water and I got my little Glock in my little fucking box of bullets am I really gonna stop whatever warlord has taken over my fucking neighborhood well wait a minute why don't I become the warlord then I'll steal everybody else's rice

or roti that would be great that's what I'm gonna do if I ever buy a fucking house I'm gonna gain all my neighbors confidence I'm gonna mow their lawns uh fuck it I don't know what I'm gonna do sweep up the streets

ah Jesus look at him and he looks like Ron Howard boy do I feel safe around him then when the shit hits the fan as they come running out of their houses Mark did you see the news I'm gonna be fucking peep peep peep just firing it up in the air everybody on the ground

right I'm gonna gather them up a little cul-de-sac right and then I'm just gonna tell them any of them moves I'm gonna shoot them in their buttocks and then I'm gonna go through all their fucking cabinets like the goddamn Grinch

when he took everybody's Christmas tree and I'm stealing all their fucking food then that'll be that'll be fucking awkward right because then I'm gonna be fucking across the street with all their food as they're sitting in the cul-de-sac what the fuck is this guy doing ah shit I need a getaway car

I need a van alright it's like writing a script we're just throwing shit against the wall here basically I'll add to this every week so right now I'm gonna get a gun and I'm gonna have a van that's as far as I've thought about dealing with the apocalypse

but no but it ties back into what the fuck I was saying where it you know everything is what it is until it isn't you know what I mean like well what happens if the shit hits the fan what if people start attacking my house it's gonna be the house I don't have well then you just call the police

but it's like but if the shit hits the fan and the shit basically hitting the fan is the inability to write a check to pay people to continue doing their jobs the second that happens it's fucking over

it's gonna be pandemonium especially in this country as I mentioned before on past podcasts that this country we are not one alright it's like gangs in New York here it's like a fucking reality show you know

you got the fucking asian dude you got the white dude you got the fucking hoary blonde chick you got the smarter brunette you got the misunderstood black guy you got the black girl fucking gonna slap the white girl

you got that all that over and over and over again all the way across the fucking country I'm telling you those rednecks you know it's such a gamble either way we just say you know you basically

it's just like you're back in Reno but you're doing it with where you live wherever you fucking live and you're rolling the dice you're rolling the fucking middle of nowhere with your well water shooting squirrels every goddamn day putting them on your fucking bagel alright you're rolling the dice

that the shit is gonna go down and you're willing to live over there in them trees middle of fucking nowhere and me I'm rolling the dice that the shit isn't gonna happen you know and as of five six years ago

it didn't look like it was gonna happen and that's it I want a gun I want a van and I'm coming to your fucking cul-de-sac and I'm taking your pop tarts that's what's gonna happen that's my game plan alright let's get on with the fucking

some YouTube videos for the week this is one of this was absolutely hilarious um oh cause I got some shit last week from some of my male listeners cause when that lady trashed me and all stand up comedians they were saying fuck that she's not right

you're a pussy for blah blah blah you guys are idiots alright do you know how you win arguments with women do you know how you win no you don't shut up you don't the first thing you have to do is when you're wrong

you have to admit it alright you establish credibility if every fucking time they give you shit like a goddamn fucking wild dog frothing at the mouth you got no credibility

you're just a loud asshole every once in a while they get you they're right you gotta say they're right then they go oh my god I was I wasn't expecting that they got their guard down see all the ladies have their guard down this week

because I said that they were right last week which now sets the platform to tell you about this fucking youtube video this week it's X game 17 Moto X Enduro women's highlights now if you thought women couldn't

drive a fucking car alright especially that that fucking broad that's never won a goddamn race and typical fucking broad she can't win a fucking race so now she's gotta take her tits out in every goddamn commercial win a fucking race zip up

your suit win a race fucking go home and make some fucking chicken salad so anyways XM games 17 it's basically the highlights of motocross which I'm a huge fan of

I don't know if these girls are 18 years old but they just it's if you're a fan of three stooges and you're fan of slapstick they can't go over the jumps you know you need momentum to go over the jumps and they have

logs laying there and you're supposed to fucking jump over them they go up really cautiously and then they get right up to the log and then they gun it and then they tip over it's fucking hilarious that's the best part about it is in this video there's like 20 people wiping out and they all do it

going about three miles an hour why they're wearing helmets and fucking pads and shit is beyond me because they don't need them so check that one out and also I have the commercial for bizarre guitars

and gunshot but I want to give those guys a shout out and I want to thank them for how nice they treated me and Rick Delia the comedian who opened up for me who actually I started out with in Boston many many moons ago um

and they they took us down I kind of glossed over it in that story they have a vault downstairs and I'm telling you the guitars they have down there they had like a Gibson firebird from like the either the late 50s or early 60s and it was

a 12 string I've never seen anything like it just to I took a couple of pictures down they were nice enough to let me take a couple of pictures but they they're it was insane it was insane it was like

the holy grail the greatest collection of guitars I've ever fucking seen so anyways definitely check that out but they make hilarious commercials I mean how can you not make a hilarious fucking commercial when you sell guns and guitars

also I talked about last week how I ate a pig's head with Robert Kelly up in Montreal Canada I mean I didn't really eat it I only had a couple of bites but Bobby went fucking crazy who's eyeball cheek

fucking dude threw down there's a guy there's a guy who's gonna survive when the shit goes down Robert Kelly Robert Kelly doesn't give a fuck he'll eat the he'll eat the eye out of a goddamn pig's head okay that's the kind of guy you want on your team

when the apocalypse happens alright and he's a very likeable guy people absolutely love him so he doesn't need a gun see me I'm a dick I need a gun Robert Kelly actually has a podcast too I wish I knew the fucking name of it I would hype it

but search him he has an app a one stop fucking you click on it and everything Robert Kelly comes to fruition I just say fruition anyways let's plow ahead here so last week I asked to hear some fucking questions

from the ladies and I got some here we go from the ladies well I've been listening to your Monday morning podcast for about a year actually my boyfriend listens but now I'm hooked which is awesome anyways I just want to say

that I agree with you about the 21 year old virgin from last week and she says what Mia it's Nia with an N not an M a lot of people mess that up what Nia with an N says makes sense to my wiring

being a female and I agree with you that the young man may get laid get totally attached to the nerdy chick and then like a little domesticated puppy dog

proceed to follow this nerdy first time girl around waiting for her sexual peak waiting and waiting and waiting then voila he's 40, horny, feels like he's wasted his youth perhaps angry at himself and women at large

and then who knows maybe a comb over and a corvette maybe a serial killer who knows for the record it's not that I don't think love works but I do think that men have to come to that on their own fucking brilliant absolutely she's basically agreeing with me

that you have to fuck the demon out of you after they've realized that they want a relationship to come home to or perhaps they realize that they don't which is fine but then there won't be children to fuck over and a relationship ruined absolutely

now if I hadn't freaked out Nia about my goddamn gun talk you guys would have loved me Charlton Heston would have been fucking high-fiving me from the goddamn grave I could have had her comment on that number two actually you know what

let me get her for a second hang on a second okay and with the magic of the pause button the lovely Nia has returned to the podcast and don't you look lovely thank you

all right listen to this I actually got to kind of read that this girl actually kind of agreed with me last week remember last week the 21 year old version version why do you keep saying version I would love to say that I have dyslexia I have a rare case of dyslexia

where I don't even have to be reading to do it you just mispronounce or it alright so who agreed with you are you in a mood let's keep it nice okay I didn't bring you on here

to have you do things that I don't appreciate alright the 21 year old virgin this is a lady who's saying this cause I asked the brides to quit their fucking whining just read what was written

I'm trying to make it funny here let me turn you up a little bit there fucking squeaky alright well I already read this damn thing I have to paraphrase now okay she says basically Nia, I told her it's not Nia

happens all the time makes sense with all the warm fuzzy feelings look at me don't look at the email alright but now that she's been in a relationship for 10 years she kind of understands that guys have to come

to a point where they realize that they want to be in a relationship you know what I mean? so telling this guy right out of the gate to just go for the warm fuzzy might be the right thing but I mean you could send this guy

could end up just latching onto the first thing he ever fucking you know bent over and realizes he and I wasn't in love with this girl and all this pussy I could have gotten and then he could make him a woman hater oh give me a break that's gonna make him a woman hater

as opposed to what so following wanting to take somebody out and go on dates and stuff and having it not work out that's a worse idea than just going out and just banging a bunch of chicks because banging a bunch of chicks

and just treating them like disposable fuck toys I'm not gonna make him disregard women no no it wouldn't do that at all no no I'm not saying I'm crazy I'm the crazy one suggesting that he could take them out he turned the sarcasm down a couple of notches Nia first of all

you don't understand how guys are wired I do understand how guys are wired you don't I don't understand how you're fucking wired I would never tell you what you're thinking you're telling me like I'm telling you right now I didn't tell him how he's wired I just said

if he had an instinct the thing is you guys are twisting everything that I said up all I suggested was oh should I take her out to dinner and all this other stuff or take her out cause he was talking about being a nerd I don't remember what he said but he said something about wanting to take her out

and getting to know her and I said yeah that's a great idea and now it's like no it's terrible cause he's a boy you should tell him just to fuck everybody and not take anyone out God forbid he falls in love I'm saying this dude he's in Dire Straits right now

if he's 16 fucking years old and he likes a girl Dire Straits it's not that serious he's only 21 years old he's up to his fucking neck and I'm never gonna get laid in my life and the water is swirling down the fucking drain

so he's desperate right now so anybody fucking pays attention to him I'm not saying I was just worried that that's what the fuck he was gonna do he's gonna get sucked into a goddamn relationship and there is that thing and you know something here when people fuck up in life how often did they actually own up to it themselves

like that was a stupid thing that I did they usually don't that's how you end up fucking why he could possibly end up hating women cause he's gonna blame them not that it's their fault it's not this nerdy chicks fault that this guy hasn't got laid in 21 fucking years

you know it's not her fault it's not being her fault I'm explaining resentment to you you understand resentment I don't need to explain that right yeah but I think you're also when people talk about doing stuff like that you're also coming from a place of fear

and I just don't believe in that you know I can't argue that alright let's go on to the next one see that people I established credibility you admit when you're fucking wrong I do come from a place of fear I know what you bitches is up to alright number two

dearest William who wrote that no one did I just dressed it up a little oh okay you always bitch that women don't write in for advice well here you go I met this guy a year ago now I want to answer this one before you go on one of your rants let me just answer this one

you tell me if I'm right or wrong I met this guy a year ago at a mutual friends wedding he's fucking hot he wore a pair of pants that were so tight I could see everything wow could see his sausage

my sausage let's just say he gift wrapped his package and it was well received wait a minute she keeps going with the late night jokes but he's so cocky but I'm bumped she says I didn't think he'd have any interest in me

a while later he invited me to a party and paid me an undue amount of attention about a week later he had me over for dinner and when I say he had me over for dinner that sounds like a setup and when I say dinner

I mean it's like a bad sex in the city joke yes that you've watched every episode 100 fucking times well that's why I can speak on it better than you can cause you haven't seen it anyway read the rest of the letter it's like fucking entourage

you see one episode you've seen it oh my god we have a problem what's gonna happen oh it all worked out let's go to Vegas fuck you turtle right? that's the episode alright whatever go fuck I don't give a shit I watch sports

anyways and when I say I mean we ate I mean this is funny this is actually funny she goes I mean he bragged about himself a lot and we jumped into bed basically before I drained the drops from my wine glass that's what you do with the dildo right

I like this girl she's fucking she's using them yeah wow can you believe that can you believe is she calling saying I never get laid and what do I do about it no she's talking about something else entirely so don't even try to compare the two situations that's not what I'm saying I'm saying that women

can think like guys too duh well I thought that that's what you were reacting to wow like why'd you say wow no because I think that's awesome she's being very upfront about it oh well your read of wow was terrible

fuck you I'm not auditioning for your little ham radio show you have going on here really the ones you go can I be on it again you asked me to come in here tonight that's because I felt bad because I freaked you out about saying I wanted to buy extra paper towels oh my god

they know what it was about alright let's fly we slept together about once a week for the next two months but because he said because he said at the first dinner that he wasn't into having a relationship even though all his friends marveled that he's so wonderful and not yet not married

I did my best to keep it casual so this guy basically said he didn't want a relationship so she's keeping it casual anyways after we hung out a bit I started to realize he wasn't really as much of a dildo as I initially thought and I knew I was in danger of developing feelings for him

so of course I got more distant and he eventually he ended it saying ironically this isn't going anywhere then she in parenthesis says wait what I thought you said you didn't want a relationship oh Jesus she goes I didn't object

but I told him I wanted to be friends and may have sent him an overly drippy drunk text or two last week we had dinner and from the second he got there his hands were all over me he flirted like fucking

crazy all night but we went our separate ways here's what I want to know is it possible for us to date now like for real now that I know him better I think we could really have something but in my experience and according to all my male friends

guys don't stay interested in someone they fucked before especially if he got bored enough to end it the first time around what should take bill can I make this happen again and if so how this is what I think I think the fact that this guy is a douche

alright that's the father of your kids some guy who shows up with his fucking package hanging out you know like he's fucking Robert Plant and the song remains the same that's the guy you're gonna fucking breed with and then you have dinner with him and all he does

is talk about himself hey let me do this I don't need you to do it I don't like that I don't want that I'm not in a church right now I don't need you to go uh huh I think

okay you know what we can talk about this you know what I think really happened I think that his ego was bruised this guy is obviously tremendously fucking insecure so he overcompensates with the fucking ego so he talks about how awesome he is and he has a big dick so he bangs a lot of girls and all caught up in it like you do sometimes

yeah I really didn't need to know that I'm just being honest can you just shut up and let me just I'll walk out of the room as you fucking answer this this is it alright he fucking so I tried to desperately forget what the fuck

he just said there he basically I think his egos hurt the fact that she wasn't totally fucking into him and then when he said well fuck it it's over he was trying to get her to fucking beg for it and she didn't yeah and she didn't so now he's

coming back trying to get her all her all into him so then he can tell her to go fuck herself yeah that's what I think he's gonna am I right yeah he's playing mind games with you sweetie run the other way run the other way there you go yep Jesus Christ really what really

yeah he had a big dick which you sometimes get caught up in why don't fuck the women why don't women talk like that on TV why do you guys just fucking sit there and you actually why don't you guys talk like that I don't know why can't you guys show that you're just as big a fucking pigs as we are

well maybe if we if women rallied more and got in the the business of writing and producing and executing then there would be more shows like that but you know women have to write this shit we have to make it happen can't rely on men to do it for

us so yeah that's it but yeah he's a what do you mean who am I what the fuck are you talking about you're causing revolution you're talking about big dicks let's move on to the next question I'm being honest no people want to hear an honest answer

and you know the situation that she found herself in is not unusual but he is a mind he's a game player so you know she needs to she needs to go in the other direction just leave it alone you will find another guy

who you have incredible sex with who has a nice dick and he's not going to be this manipulator that's the thing you can have a guy that is really amazing in bed and gives you multiple orgasms and he's not an asshole it's possible

it's hard but you'll find him I like how you went back to wacky humor it's hard because you have that I think it's time for you to get a spin off podcast because if you're going to start talking like this I really can't

frankly and honestly what I do is no different from your rants and raves it's just a different tone yeah but it's my podcast it's my podcast this isn't your fucking podcast oh I get it it's just like you walk into Tycho

and without talking to anybody else you start building your own fucking toys so you don't like the toys that I'm bringing to the you pitch them first you pitch them first you don't just fucking throw them out there in the god damn meeting it isn't that kind of a show go back to your office I'll see it for

we get on here we just start talking you don't ever know what's going to happen isn't that the exciting part you've never annoyed me more yeah I'm fucking around you think I don't know all of this shit about you we're very honest with each other about our past yeah I didn't know you were going to say it on the fucking podcast

you said that telling me not to bring up the fact that I want to get a god damn gun but you can sit there talking about a fucking dicks here did I say anything about personal experience no I did not Jesus Christ Nia I didn't say when I

I never said that this is just becoming a riveting podcast alright here we go number three hey Bill I've been a huge fan for many years and decided to finally write in write R-I-G-H-T I wanted to tell you that as a woman

I agree with your comment it's effortless for women to nurture and make a great sandwich she's agreeing with what I say I currently work from home and our family oh nurture and make a sandwich I thought like nurture like the sandwich

no nurture and make a great sandwich okay alright I currently work from home and our family watches our son while I work since our family watches our son I feel he's getting just as much care as I would give him if I was home plus having two incomes is very helpful

I've heard you mention on several podcasts that you don't feel divorced women this always scares me because I can't even remember half the shit I say on this podcast I've heard you mention on several podcasts that you don't feel divorced women who stay at home should get money from their husband if he worked during the marriage

that's not really what I said I do agree that not all women should get money in a divorce so my question for you is this if a woman stays at home to watch her kids while her husband works and they divorce no cheating just regular old divorce do you think she should get money in the divorce

even though she didn't work during the marriage just wanted to get your thoughts in this scenario as the husband and wife both decided on that specific work arrangement thanks for the podcast big fan oh yeah see as always I probably said it in a confusing way

trying to be funny I'm not saying that a guy should just be able to walk away from a wife and kids and the wife doesn't deserve any fucking money what I'm saying is these women who get like 50 grand a month 30 grand a month

15, 20 grand a fucking month to raise kids is ridiculous the fact that it's suddenly when you're together how much does it cost a month to raise a kid let's say a thousand bucks

it costs more than a thousand dollars how old is the kid wait wait wait let's back up go ahead tell me get up to a thousand dollars tell me everything you buy well it depends it depends on how old they are if they're in a school if they're in activities if they need school supplies

if they need school clothes they don't need that every month they don't need that every month dental if they need to go to the doctor if they have braces if they get hurt alright I'll give you 2 grand a month 2 grand a month do you think you can keep an 8 year old alive on 2 grand a month

will there be enough cereal in the cupboard will he have enough clothes to wear 2 grand a month 24 grand a year for a fucking kid do you think you can somehow get this kid some popsicles of course people have done it

people have done it on much less why are you acting I fucking what we fucking had tough skins I knew what the fuck my school clothes were going to look like next year because my fucking older brother was wearing them

alright they fucking handed them down there was no iPods there was no iPads there was none of that shit we were like 80 bucks each a month it doesn't cost to raise a child per month well I can tell you right now it doesn't cost 30 grand that's what I'm saying ladies

I'm just saying when you go through a fucking divorce this whole goddamn thing where because the relationship failed in your piss now and you're fucking angry that you're now going to take this guy for every dime he's worth which is actually a cliched statement at this point I'm taking you for everything

you're fucking worth and it's like everything exactly not 50% everything a lot of those cases like the ones that really stick out are the ones where this guy has this unbelievable fucking career he's earning all the goddamn money what kills me is that

the ex-spouse gets to take credit by saying I supported I supported him like that's just such a fucking intangible support it how you can do it honey

rah rah sis boom bach it goes out emotionally yeah you don't think that has any value yeah but I don't it not 50 grand a month does it how much do you think that's worth that's worth me making sure you don't starve to death and you have a nice place to live and I'll pay for it but how much

do you think that's going to cost how much do I think it's going to cost for all that for all that I don't know probably what three four grand a month is that include rent yeah where are these people living that three or four grand is enough

for everything about 90% of the places yeah we lived in New York and now we live in LA you're getting a totally a skewed how much it cost to fucking live yeah I was just in Reno okay Reno Nevada

they got homes out there that look like they're like fucking almost 3,000 square feet you can get it for 200 grand if you know what 3,000 foot square foot house and fucking Hollywood house would be like a million and a half but if you're divorced and why don't you listen to that

I did but I'm asking a question if you get divorced and the kid goes to live with the mother so the two of them need a place to live right so the place has to be paid for and everything that kind of goes along with that you know bills

groceries car whatever fuel and then the kids got school stuff that needs to be taken care of they have their own set of expenses okay again this is think about all that you could also get a job and you could help with that absolutely but initially

if say for some reason somebody's been married for 10, 15 years and the couple has decided mutually that the husband say is going to be the one that actually physically goes out and does like a 9 to 5 type of job I already agreed with this I already agreed that the guy shouldn't be allowed to leave

high and drive what I'm talking about the ridiculous amount of fucking yeah because this is what ends up happening is the guy fucking pays for everything the guy goes from living in a fucking house you know in a relationship that's

allegedly working when it's working he gets to live in the house when it stops working the wife for the most part ex-wife continues to live in the house he goes and lives in a one bedroom apartment what about him why doesn't he get to say well I'm used to a certain

lifestyle I don't know but I also yeah I don't know yeah it becomes like that thing what I'm saying is everybody's lifestyle goes down okay you do what's right for the kid but everybody's lifestyle

goes down that's also about the transition for the child and if the child and the fucking woman drafts behind that shit I'm doing it for the kid it's like fucking what's his face ex-wife she took his championship belts and tries to say I'm holding on to these

for the kids when they turn 18 cool sugar Shane Mosley's wife I don't know anything about that well he got it his ex-wife is getting his championship belts in the divorce really yeah

that's see that's what that's ridiculous that's what okay well that's what I'm talking about I'm talking about how you live in a 5,000 square foot giant goddamn house when the relationship's working the relationship fails but what failure

financially does the woman feel the guy has to go fucking live in a one bedroom two bedroom if he's making sick fucking money but the wife gets to stay in the fucking house still sitting by the pool yeah and I'm sure she's oh so happy about it too there's a lot of emotional damage that happens

with these kind of things too so where would you rather have your emotional damage in the 5,000 square foot house or the two bedroom down the street the 5,000 yes that's what I'm saying yeah I'm not saying that a guy should be able to walk away from

relationship I'm not saying that the woman didn't make a sacrifice in that scenario where she agrees to stay home and she fucks her own career you definitely owe her on that one but what I'm saying is the owing goes to such a fucking degree that financially

it's like she's still in the marriage it's like they never left they got that whole thing she's used to a certain lifestyle that's like actually not laughable in court that's a legitimate angle to get more money that she's used to a certain lifestyle well it's like well she used to be

married she's not fucking married anymore there was a failure here and it was 50% your failure unless the guy went out and cheated on you or something like that you know which is a totally different fucking animal I'm just talking we fell out of love it's not fucking working anymore and then somebody pulls the trigger

and then when the fucking wife goes psycho and says I'm taking you for everything you got and then she does I just don't think that's fucking fair I think it's bullshit and I don't see anything on tv presenting that point of view yes

there's plenty of shit on there about wife beaters that's all I'm saying so there you go so in answer to this this woman here I think if the husband and wife both agree that she's not going to work she's going to put her career on hold that yeah that's it

you can't you can't just leave somebody high and dry like that alright but just because you decided to do that doesn't mean that this guy now has to well maybe it does because she can't earn a fucking income if she has a 17 year gap well that's what I'm going to say and then she's trying to get a job again

you know all these expenses still need to be paid that that's not like she can just jump back into her you know lawyer career or whatever the hell else she was doing before it's not that easy alright well I'm not arguing that I'm not arguing that part I'm saying I'm talking about the one

where you know they both fucking working they both have jobs okay and the husband is this phenomenally talented guy who's making a ton of fucking money okay and that the wife gets to take credit for it well I supported

him I said that you should fucking develop the ipad or whatever not legitimate what is the support that's you're making it seem like that's just like a stupid thing I'm not saying I'm not supporting someone

emotionally that's it I'm not saying that that's stupid I'm just saying it's not it you don't get to take 90% of the fucking money because you supported somebody he did 100% of the fucking work and you did 100% of the supporting so you get 90% of the money like how does that math work well if you're

talking about kids it's not just emotional support it's running like the everyday day to day there it is there it is yeah you draft behind the kids but what about the kids what about the kids I need your championship belts I need 25 grand a fucking month to raise two kids it's complete bullshit it's complete bullshit guys are getting fucking

kicked out there they get raped in these divorces now well I don't think it's right of you to make these blanket statements about stuff like that this podcast is all about blanket statements that you've never been married you've never been divorced and you never had children so your outrage is like I don't even know where it's coming from

please ask me what I'm basing it on what are you basing it on I worked third shift in a warehouse there was three people who fucking worked there drug addicts people working their way through college and divorced men working a fucking second job

hating their goddamn lives living in fucking one bedroom apartment paying for houses there was like a half dozen of them those guys a particular radio personality that I know who's fucking ex-wife lied

and said that she supported his dream to get into show business when she didn't according to him of course but I believe it but I believe it yeah by the end of it she had a basically a husband and she wouldn't marry the dude because the alimony

payments she was getting from her first husband was way more money so she just never let the guy move in I think that's the exception more than it is the rule what is that based on the fact that you just don't want any of this to be true I'm giving you an actual example

you asked me what it was fucking based on it's also based on doing research you know what I mean what kind of research what kind of research I read about the shit on the internet I find out about divorce laws I talk to people who are fucking divorced

I meet people at my shows all the time we've been married this long we love it blah blah we decide not to have kids we're going with dogs you should definitely get married blah blah dude don't fucking do it don't do it I fucking talk to all kind that kind of research that's the research I do that's what I do

it's like I'm going to buy an old car I talk to a mechanic first what do I look for what can I get involved in here how do I get a good one is that fucked no I guess not I mean you've never been married you don't have any kids yet

you seem to have some strong opinions well because my parents were divorced and my grandparents were divorced and it's like kind of a big thing in my life so yeah I feel like I can speak from adequate experience so you so you witnessed a relationship

my parents are still together so what I can't comment on divorce no I'm not saying that you can't but you're acting like somebody who's actually gone through it yourself and that's why you're so outraged because you yourself have dealt with this whatever we're not going to see eye to eye in this

so whatever where did all the fun go in the podcast all of a sudden you just took to this serious goddamn place because my dad and my parents well it's true and the fucking people coming over on the Mayflower they broke up

and they switched ships Jesus fucking Christ Nia what happened do I have to edit out this last part of it why would you edit it out I'm not going to edit it out I'm just trying to say something fucking slightly upbeat oh alright well maybe I'm sensitive about it

because it is something that I have gone through alright we'll discuss it later alright that's the Monday morning podcast for this fucking week Jesus Christ Nia what see me in my office I bring you on here to bring the funny okay I know she I didn't do good this week

you did great but you took it to a fucking place I didn't want to go to you know what I think we have all the colors of the rainbow on this one I keep it real man you just can't handle it you're already feeling yourself you got a couple of good comments on Twitter about your performances and now look at you

you're resting on your laurels no I'm not I'm just speaking honestly I'm speaking honestly you are suspended for the next two weeks no listen let me just say something listen everybody that's the Monday morning podcast thank you so much for listening don't take any shit

go fuck yourselves and everything else I say oh very special announcement once again I'll be making it on the open Anthony program 8 a.m. eastern standard time please listen and for those of you don't have serious exam and can't listen to open Anthony

I will be tweeting about it and all that fucking bullshit afterwards and but please tune in and and that's it I suck at this all right see you some people say the metaverse will only be virtual but one

day firefighters will use augmented reality to navigate burning buildings faster saving crucial seconds when lives are at risk doctors will use the metaverse to visualize scans and make quicker decisions in A&E and though woolly mammoths are extinct in the metaverse students

will go back to the ice age to visit them the metaverse may be virtual but the impact will be real learn more at meta.com slash metaverse impact