Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 8-8-16

Episode Date: August 8, 2016

Bill rambles about performing in England, afternoon shows and The Real Fast N Loud Arabs of London.

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Try not to have it on my chest so you don't listen to me breathing. I know it's been an issue with the last couple of podcasts, but like I said, I'm out here on the road and the little mixer that I use is a piece of shit. And even if I have an adapter, for some reason it seems to blow up. It probably didn't. I probably plugged it into the wall and I fucked up. But who knows? So, I am in, as an American would say, Edinburgh.

I don't know how the fuck they say it's Scotland. I just did a show, believe it or not, at like a quarter to four in the afternoon out here. I have shows at 3.45 and 11.30. I don't know why. I thought it was because I signed on late to the festival. I have no idea. But I'm going to tell you, man, it was a fucking great time. It was a great time.

Look at that. I just got a message here. All right. Let me shut this fucking thing off. All right. So anyway, I just did a show. I got to tell you, I loved it. I'm sitting there the whole time going over there being this cranky fucking little show girl, right?

I was in Amsterdam last night, which was a great show. So today I'm flying. I land. I get to the fucking hotel. The hotel isn't ready. You know, as always, that's how my travel always gets put together. They never let me sleep that extra hour and a half. They're always like, let's get them up and get them to the next fucking city.

God forbid he misses the show. And then you always get, I always end up landing before the fucking room's ready. And I know what you're thinking. Well, Bill, why don't you have you or somebody call ahead and ask for an early check-in? I'll tell you why, because I don't live my life that way. I live my life moment to fucking moment. That's, I try to. Because if I look too far down the road, I have a panic attack and I start getting overwhelmed and depressed.

And I just start going like, it's just flying by. I'm going to die soon. All right. It's not worth contemplating your own mortality just to get a fucking early check-in. I would rather walk in and then be like, what do you mean the room isn't ready? But I have a show. Right? And throw a big fucking hissy fit.

Admit it. That's what everybody wants to see. Oh, you know something I forgot to mention. Visiting John Bonham's grave, the legendary John Bonham, and paying my respects. Such a quiet, peaceful place. I was just looking up some stuff on it. I forgot to mention this. I don't know if they've raised enough money, but there's a group of people trying to make a statue around his home town.

It's the John Bonham Memorial Fund. And I've been trying to reach out to them to see if they were able to raise the funds or whatever. But, you know, with all these fucking bullshit charities out there, you know, hopefully this one's legit. I'm sure it is. But, you know, that's a pretty fucking cool thing. If I could drive you guys that way. For John Henry Bonham statue. I think that would be that would be that would be great.

At least me. I don't know something I would like. So if anybody knows somebody connected with that fund, I tried to send them an email. I didn't try to. I sent them an email and I checked one day to see if they got back to me. I didn't see anything from them and I'm really bad at checking email. So I'm worried that I'll never check again. But I don't know.

Somebody knows somebody connected with it. And if you can get some information, send it to the podcast or send it to me. Hopefully I'll fucking see it. And if they're coming up short, I would love to send some money and make a donation myself. Apps are fucking literally towards it. Couldn't think of anybody more fitting as far as I'm concerned as a performer. Right. All right.

So plowing ahead. So, um, yeah. So I had a 345 show today and I absolutely fucking loved it. I went over there and I'm just thinking like, Jesus Christ, this is what was with me. A bunch of blue haired old ladies. The fuck has a comedy show at 345 in the afternoon. It reminded me of when I was on my way up and I was paying my dues and I was humble and I treated my fellow human beings with respect as opposed to now, like I just ordered room

service and like the water wasn't in a glass bottle and I slapped it down to the ground and I said, how dare you. I'm from the United States of America. Right. No, I didn't do that. Anyways, my humble beginnings as I was coming up, we used to do these things at colleges and they were called nooners. You know, I got a nooner at fuckhead state or whatever and it was basically you did stand

up, you know, anywhere from fucking 11 in the morning to like one in the afternoon and you had no idea what the fuck you were going to walk into. I mean, you knew it was most likely going to be one of the most humiliating hours of your life. You knew like 90% chance that most of the people in the cafeteria or in the hallway area or whatever had no idea that there was even going to be a show guaranteed that whoever is bringing you up on stage is not in show business. So it's going to be a horrible fucking intro.

The whole thing. I remember I used to just go on stage right before I would go on stage. I would just look at my watch and I would always think an hour from now, this is going to be over no matter how awful this gets, no matter how humiliating this gets an hour from now. I'm going to be back in the rental car. I'm going to drive away from the school and I don't have to ever think about this fucking show again, but I will have the money.

Okay. And whenever they're paying me, they probably shouldn't give me twice that amount because I blew probably at least three times that on fucking therapy after going through those things. But that's how I always used to, that's how I used to always think it. And if you guys think I'm angry and negative now, you should have seen me back then when I didn't even understand. I'm actually, I'm not negative now, but I was way, way more angry and I was really fucking

negative. I was always waiting for the other shoe to drop before. I don't know. I just, I don't, I read a bunch of fucking books and shit and I was able to come out of it. And I know I trash a lot of shit here on the podcast, but I like to think that when I give advice, you know, you can hear the twinkle in my eye. You know, it starts to sound like Christmas when I try to help somebody up.

Maybe I'm not, maybe I'm the same way. But I mean, back then I was at least, I wasn't even fucking aware of how fucking nuts I was. And I would just go up there and I was just, I don't know, if somebody said anything, I just tried to chop their fucking head off. And a lot of times they weren't being mean. And I ended up creating the fucking hostile situation between me and the crowd that I didn't want. I wanted it to be an easy gig.

So why wouldn't you go up there and smile and be like, Hey, it's great to be here, you know, blah, blah, blah and try to ingratiate yourself to the people. You know why? I don't know how to do that. I don't know how to do that because when I grew up, I didn't see anybody doing that. All right. There's very few people from where I'm from, from even fucking, have ever used the word ingratiating.

I can tell you right now, I have no idea how to spell it. All right. The first letter is either an I or it's an E. Is it N-graciating or in, in, in gray? I, I'm going to go with I. I'm going to try to spell it right now. Let's see. What do we got here? Come on, Bill.

I'm going to, I'm going to close my eyes. It's I-n-gr, so it doesn't help out in gray, C-I-A-T-I-N-G. Come on, one time, one time, get it right. Oh, fuck you. It's I-n-G-R-A-T-I-A-T-I-N-G. I miss one letter. Do you know what I mean? It's like being off a degree in the space shuttle.

Then next thing you know, you're on fucking Mars, you know, and you were trying to go to, I don't know, Jupiter. We'll go with Jupiter. Let me go back here. So anyways, I was sitting backstage waiting to go on, and Ellen was, the show was fucking tremendous. And I know, and I was like, why the fuck did I think that was going to stink? This is why, because the last time I did shit like that, nobody knew who the fuck I was. No one knew there was a comedy show.

This shit I went there was people that listened to the podcast. They wanted to go there, and they knew it was the show. So now I'm like, holy fuck. I want to do fucking quarter to four in the afternoon shows from now on. Fuck this eight, nine, ten o'clock at night shit. Dude, if I could have my day over, ah. That would be the greatest thing ever. I want to become the 11 a.m. comedian.

Be like back in the day. I'll become a morning person again. Well, who's getting who with all my fucking demons? I can't sleep more than four hours a night anyways. My wife says I always have a fucking look on my face of worry or I'm thrashing about. I'm a fucking mess. She goes, the only time you fucking sleep peacefully is when you get fucking drunk. But then I snore.

I mean, as I told you before, like I'm a fucking, my wife's a saint putting up with me. So anyways, I would fucking love to do that. You know, if I had like a show Friday night and a show Saturday night, if I could move them up to like four in the afternoon, right? Even if I did a two hour show, I would be done at six o'clock at night fucking rap. And then at that point, I can go to a blog. I can go see all the shit that I miss. That would be perfect.

But it sucked for the four hours coming out to see me because they'd have to leave work early. It'd be the Saturday night show. I don't know. Probably wouldn't work. People are too used to the other way. But I have to tell you, like, if I didn't have this 1130 show to do right now, like, like the level of excitement, I feel, you know what I feel like right now? I feel like I got a day off from school, you know, when you were a kid,

except I got that other one hanging over my head at 1130. Oh God, it was great. The people were fucking sober. It was tremendous. There's a number of comics that do like, there's a few comics who work totally clean, and they do, like, afternoon shows. And I've always pictured it being like, oh God, you must, I mean, it's the afternoon, the sun's out. You must have to be, like, beyond clean and wholesome.

And I got to tell you, I just did my fucking act, you know? As hard as I would have done it at night, and it worked fine. So, I don't know, I might have accidentally stumbled onto something. So, sorry about clearing my throat every five seconds. I've just been, you know, working every night doing this tour. And I got to tell you, man, this has been one of the best tours of my career as far as just the people showing up and the venues that I've gotten to play. When I last left yous, when I checked in on you on Thursday, I was,

I had just gone to Bristol, England, the place where those ants were crawling all over the chocolate cake. I had a great time there, great show. And then I went to legendary Manchester, England. And I got to be honest with you, that was the one out of all the shows that I'm doing on this tour. That was the one that I was concerned about. I'm like, all right, this is Manchester, Man United, Man City, the fucking hooligans and all of this shit. And the only thing I knew about them was that book that I read. I can't remember if I brought this up Thursday.

I read that book, Among the Thugs, where there was an old American journalist. He was considered old. He was in his 30s. He was considered a good geezer. And he somehow infiltrated them and just some of the violence that they fucking talked about when they were over there. I remember some of the fucking stories. Do you know there was something that, I'm not saying that this was specifically done in Manchester, but Manchester was only the only soccer city that I knew. I didn't even know, or football as they say, like Liverpool to me was the Beatles. And meanwhile, the Liverpool team, before Manchester started, went on their run up until about 1990 and won more championships than anybody.

And I had no fucking idea. But anyways, I guess one of the things these fucking hooligans used to do is they'd have a box cutter, a razor or some shit, right? And they have it so fucking sharp that they'd come up behind the supporter of another club when they were standing up waiting to go in and they'd slash right across your ass, you know, horizontally. And it was so sharp, it would go right through your fucking pants, slash right across both butt cheeks, all right? And it was done so quick by the time the person realized what was going on, the other person had taken off. And here's the fucking thing, it cut deep enough that you needed stitches to close it, all right? And the reason why they did it there was so then while you're waiting for like a week, I'm trying to remember when I used to get stitches. And depending on how bad it was, it went from three, four days to like a week later, they took it out.

Basically, you couldn't sit down or you'd pull the stitches out. So you can't sit down, you can't sleep on your back and God forbid, you know, you got to take a dump. How do you do? And I was thinking you'd have to get in that, you know, that yoga position, the table position. It's basically, you know, I don't know, just imagine trying to make yourself a table facing up. You'd have to do that and put a bucket underneath you. And then you can't tell me, God, just, you know, during the process of that, it's not hurting. I mean, the fucking misery of that is unbelievable.

And I mentioned that to somebody when I was up there. And then they talked about how another thing that they would do is they realized that, you know, if you cut someone with the box cutter, they could stitch it up. So then what they did was they put two blades side by side that were far enough apart that when you slashed the person, there wasn't any way for the doctor to stitch it up. They had to like glue it up because the space was too big, just some fucking sadistic shit. So anyways, among other fucking really gross things that I read. So in my head, I was just like, Jesus Christ, this is like, I mean, this is going to be like a Philly show with box cutters. And it was the exact opposite. It was great.

And I got to be honest with you, it felt like a show in like Boston. Like I really felt some sort of weird connection with the sound of the crowds weird. Every crowd sounds a little bit different. And they had that working class blue collar, you know, sucker punched in a bar fucking vibe, you know, that I grew up with. No, I was no tough guy. I just grew up there. So I saw, I used to see the violence and try to get the fuck away from it. Like I said, I basically fought other kids up until about sixth grade, you know, I had a bunch of baby fat.

So I was like, I was in a higher weight class. Then all of a sudden I like thinned out and I was one of the scrawny your kids. And then my fighting career abruptly ended with a couple of ass kickings. And I was like, all right, why don't we try being funny from here on out. So after that, people just kept getting bigger and the injuries got worse. You know, people laying on the floor of the bar, someone's repeatedly kicking them in the head, teeth getting knocked out. And I was just like, yeah, you know, I don't want to do that to somebody. And I definitely don't want that done to me.

So I'm going to start, you know, I utilized my footwear a lot when I was younger, walking away, running away, skipping away, whatever the fuck I had to do. Not interested. So anyways, after I did Manchester, then I had my big shows in London, you know, and at the Hammersmith Apollo, and I went and I was talking about all the all the bands that had played in Manchester. And one of the guys working on the tour used to run that building. And he saw everybody from when the Stone Roses first came out, Red Hot Chili Peppers, all those bands from that era all played there. So when I went to the Hammersmith one, I decided to look up to see who the fuck is played there. I mentioned a few of them. I thought it was Manchester on Thursday, but it was actually the one in London.

Like Ziggy Stardust, that character, David Bowie, I thought he retired at the Manchester Apollo, it was London. And also, Iron Maiden did there. They had a live, let's see if I can find it here. What is it? Beast over Hammersmith. And that was in 1982. It was sold out show on that stage. And one of the coolest fucking things ever, that's when Clive Burr, who shares my last name, I should say, I share it with him.

He actually played there. Just fucking amazing drummer. But I went to look up all of these. I hope I'm not boring you guys with this shit, but this is the fucking history of that place. All right, 1950s. All right, this is the Apollo in London. On March 25, 1958, Buddy Holly performed two shows at the venue. These were his last shows ever in the United Kingdom.

In the 60s, Tony Bennett with Count Basie, Ella Fitzgerald with Duke Ellington, Louis Armstrong. The Beatles did 38 shows over 21 nights between 1964 and early 65. Johnny Cash in 66. Eric Clapton with the Yad Burt. What else do we got? I'll just kind of just fly through these here. Queen, Freddie fucking Mercury, the greatest frontman ever, Elton John. Oh, God, there's a bunch of kids next door.

I hope you can't hear that. Bruce Springsteen, Neil Young. Kiss made their first UK appearances in 1976. They sold out two shows in two hours. Genesis, back when they were like this Prague rock band. Rory Gallagher, Carlos Santana. It just goes on and on and on and on. There's another great one.

Black Sabbath played there in 78. Jesus Christ, these fucking people are trying to come in my room. Black Sabbath played there in 78 and their support at their opening act was Van Halen touring on their first album. Can you imagine if you fucking went to that show? I don't know. It just goes on and on and on and on and on. You can scroll through all of this if you just looked up. I was at the Apollo London and then one of the coolest ones I saw as far as stand-up comedians who performed there.

In 2010, the great Billy Conley played there. This fucking guy sold out 20 shows from July 5th to July 31st. Oh, by the way, Led Zeppelin when they announced that they were going to have their reunion. Oh, I'm sorry. A press conference for the premiere of Celebration Day. They did it there in 2012. Talk to the press. That's how big their press conferences are.

It's like most people's concerts. There's a picture of Plant Page and John Paul Jones on stage. It's pretty fucking killer. Anyways, I'm done geeking out here, but I want to thank everybody who came out to those shows. The first night was amazing. The light was a little bit in my eye on the first night, so I couldn't quite see anybody. I kind of fixed it the second night, and as great as the first night was, the second night might have been one of the best shows I've ever had. And I remember thinking before I went out there, you know, I'm like, you know, who knows if I ever get to come back.

So make it count. Don't go out there like a fucking pussy or something. I forget what happened. A number of people were talking about all the heckles I got during the show. It did not even remotely bother me. I didn't find any of them to be malicious or anything like that. I just feel like I say a lot of dumb shit when I'm on stage. And I just feel like, you know, it makes people want to like yell some shit.

So anyways, I got to tell you guys about the fucking. I'm going to do I'll read a few advertisements here and when I'm done stuttering over these the live reads, I got to talk to you about like during this time of the year in London. A bunch of Arabs come in to vacation. We have like tons like basically as far as I could tell, limitless amounts of money. And they're coming in from the Middle East because it's just so fucking hot. So they holiday as they say out here in London and they fly in on a cargo plane, all of their super cars. The only reason why I found this out is because I've, you know, I've never seen it. I was like, is there a car show here or something like that?

And they would then I just started asking around. I mean, just one fucking Lamborghini, one Ferrari, crazy Mercedes. I fuck it. You know what? Fuck the advertising. I got to tell you about this shit. Like I've never seen anything like it. Like for Ferrari, Californians, the spiders, the, and then all these crazy colors, like this one fucking dude over there.

Let me just read about how they get their shit there. If I can find it. Oh, you stupid cunt bill. Did you really just mess that up? Hang on. I got to hit pause. I don't want to fuck this up. Oh, no, I have it.

I have it here. Okay. Here it is. So, you know, all these, these people at the hotel are saying, no, these, these people come in, they fly their cars in and all that. And I was just like, Jesus, they fly their fucking car, like ship them in or whatever by boat. Like how much would that cost? So it says, you know, it's a website here revealed how Arab playboys fly their super cars in the London on chartered cargo jets for the trifling sum of 20,000 pounds per vehicle. 20 quid, whatever the fuck they say.

Cars are flown distances of around 3000 miles in planes, such as Qatar Airways Airbus a 330 Lamborghinis Ferraris McLaren's among vehicles spotted recently in Knightsbridge area, which is the really ritzy area or posh as they say. And the owners are usually here only for a couple of weeks. Dude, this is like a level of fucking wealth that, you know, I, I haven't seen it. I'm not saying that, you know, it doesn't go on in my country, but this, this, it was fucking jaw dropping. So basically, I'll send the link for this thing. I mean, these guys do not fuck around. These are just some of the sickest rides ever. And then what I love is this, this one guy.

Yeah, here's a Lamborghini. There's a yellow one. There's a gray one. I don't know. There's other ones like a McLaren or is that a Ferrari? And they, and then this is a thing because they can all afford them. They're trying to trick them out. So there's looks unique.

This guy is some sort of spider webs going on, which is horrific to anybody who ever considered buying that car. Like, why would you ruin that? Why would you do that to that fucking work of art? They look through that. They're hooking these fucking things up the way, you know, those kids who drive the drifters and shit. You know what I mean? Or people drove hot rods. We always have that.

Who's that guy? The guy used to do all the fucking artwork on those things. You know what I mean? And those are like cars, you know, that the kids could afford it to like fix them up. These are like some of the richest people on the planet. They do that to Ferraris Lamborghinis. So there's this one fucking guy. He has all of, he's like becoming famous because he flew like six of his fucking cars over and they're all like,

done in like this mirror gold. It's like, I gotta be honest with you. It's like the gaudiest thing I've ever seen in my life, but it's fucking hilarious on another level. Hang on. All right. So I found the guy here. This guy's not even trying to be famous or anything. I don't know what he's doing.

So Saudi billionaire Turkey bin Abdullah is the man behind the fleet of incredible golden supercars currently touring wealthy parts of London. Dude, this kid, he looks like he's like fucking 23. All right. These are the pictures. All right. He's got a, this looks like a Lamborghini. They're all the exact same color gold.

And you know what's funny is they got pictures and then flying in their private jet and they're doing that stupid peace sign, YOLO thing, right? Except they're dressed in like traditional, you know, the Saudi Arabian headgear that they wear. Like it's all fucking white. And then on top looks like that traditional Betty Crocker tablecloth. They got that with the LeBron James headband on. Right. Love and life in this private jet.

You know, they didn't rent it. They probably own it. Right. Then he's got another one. This looks like a fucking one of those either a Range Rover or Mercedes Benz truck. And this is the greatest thing. Custom interior, all gold. And in the driver's seat, there's a cheetah.

Every car is like 350 fucking grand. Hey, you know, you ever seen that truck, the six wheel Mercedes? It's got six wheels. I gotta be careful of these kids next door. It's got fucking six wheels on it. There's no fucking reason to have this truck ever. I mean, the thing is, I mean, it's incredible. Fucking thing is incredible.

He's got one of those in gold. Oh, and that's where he keeps his cheetah evidently. I'm just scrolling down. He's got a Range Rover. I mean, they are gaudy. I got, I don't know. Then he does them in black. They're kind of fucking cool looking.

So anyway, so there's a bunch of people that fucking can't stand it. You know, of course, you mean you have one of those cars. Everybody's going to hate you. If you got fucking six of them and you're getting them, you know, and they look like the grill. Remember those, those fucking grills they used to make those guys in Houston when that rapper Paul Wall, I think even he had a line of those things, right? Remember how fucking like just in your face, gaudy that was.

But that was just teeth, you know, so you had to make them laugh first, which is a really difficult thing to do with the rapper. You know what I mean? The second they smile, their album sales, they drop tremendously. So it's very rare that you got him to smile. So as gaudy as they were, it wasn't that bad, right? There's no way to, there's no way to look away from these fucking cars. So when he was so, I'm walking down the street, right?

In London, and I'm just looking at all these cars. It was like a fucking car show, man. It was amazing. So this, this typical fucking, you know, showy jerk off in this Lamborghini, not a gold one, and he's, he's in like stop and go traffic. And the entire time he's in stop and go traffic, he's just, he's just revving the engine. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

I can't do the high pitch. You know, you know those super cars, how crazy they are, right? And I'm trudging along in this humid air and shit with all these Londoners, right? And this fucking lady is the guy's going, is sitting there going like, whoa, whoa, whoa, doing all that stuff. She just goes, oh, stop it. I almost fell down on the sidewalk and laughed. And that's the first time I thought like, that's what made me research it, going like,

like I was, you know, after the 50th Ferrari went by and there wasn't a car show, I was starting to sense that there was something going on here. But I just thought that these were just super. I was like, wow, man, there's a lot of money in London. These guys are not fucking around. Who the fuck would live in London? You got the tube, you got all these taxis. I mean, like, it'd be like owning a Lamborghini and you live in Manhattan.

Like, why, why, that's just a disgusting level of wealth. So I was just like, man, these people are, they're crushing it over here in London. But I guess it's just this group of people that comes over. Dude, you got to look this kid up. This kid cannot be more than like, I don't know, 23, 24. Dude, he's got a gold Rolls Royce. He's got a Bentley. I got to be honest with you.

He knows his fucking cars. The six wheels Mercedes is fucking ridiculous. I know a lot of people. Oh, you know, it's blood money. It's this. It's that. Yeah, you know, you're right. But whatever, you know, it's fun to look at.

And you know something, just being someone who likes to go on stage and like, I like to entertain people, but it's also really fun to annoy people. And the fact that these people are coming there and they're driving around in their fucking cars. Sorry that just slid down the pillow. Sorry. They're driving around in their fucking cars and they're annoying, you know, making that lady go, oh, stop it. It was just, it was hilarious to me.

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Will we? I hope we will. All right. Continuing on for our 34 minutes. Very nice. Perfect, perfect, perfect. So I actually got to spend a day in London, which was great because I was there for two nights.

And I also finally got to drive and see a lot of England. Absolutely gorgeous country. And so Hyde Park is like their central park, and I just went in there, walked around. I always look at Royal Albert Hall because I'm telling you, one of these days, I'm going to play there. Right? I'm going to do a show there.

God willing, if not, I'm going to see a show there. But if I do play there, I can guarantee you, I'm going to rent a drum kit again during the day. I already talked to the promoter. I was like, can I rent a drum kit? Can I go in there, put on some headphones, and just fucking play to Led Zeppelin? Because that was one of Bonham's, I don't know,

I think it's some of the greatest live footage of him ever. Is there performance at Royal Albert Hall? And he was like, oh yeah, absolutely, no problem, mate. So that's definitely a bucket list thing for me. So I always go there and I just forget about dreaming, about playing that place. Just to look at it, if you Google a picture of Royal Albert Hall, it's just, it looks like it's something out of the Roman Empire.

I know it was made in the 1850s or 60s or something. But it's just an absolutely incredible, incredible venue. And I told you that time, a couple, I don't know when it was, like 2009 or 10 or something like that. I took a tour of it with Nia, and Nia didn't want to go because she said it was going to be boring as shit, and it was boring as shit. But then when we went to go check out,

they brought us out on the mezzanine level. We got to sit down in one of the suites. And right as we were sitting down, the London Philharmonic was like practicing for that night's performance. And it was like they were waiting for us. Like right as we sat down, they started playing. And it was one of the most beautiful things I ever heard in my life.

And Nia immediately, she puts a hand over her mouth, starts tearing up and all that. And all I could think was like, you know what, now would have been a great time to ask her to marry me. That would have been the, but how the fuck did I know that was going to happen? So instead, I waited until we went to White Castle, no kidding. Anyways, so then last night, I got what,

I got to walk around all Hyde Park. And it's really incredible that just the sheer size of that, and they have a bunch of parks way more so than Manhattan, as far as the size of them and everything. And it actually seemed like there was enough space for everybody. And then after that, I went over to Amsterdam the next day, flew out. Oh, Jesus, I forgot the whole other part of the story. My brain is all, even more all over the place,

because I've been flying all over the place. And I just did a show in the afternoon and I'm still jet lagged. I don't even know what the fuck I'm doing here. So I apologize if this is more scatterbrained than usual. But so after my second show in London, I was just, I could not have done a better job on that one. I was so fucking thrilled, thank Christ. And I deliberately booked myself in a hotel.

I usually stay wherever the fuck, I don't care. But this hotel actually had a cigar bar in it. And I learned that from Cigar Fictionado. They got this thing called Places to Smoke. So if you're traveling, just look it up and they will tell you the place to go. And I went there with the person who was the tour manager. And it was just me and him and we went in there. It was funny when we first came in, they were like,

ah, we're sorry, we don't have any seats. Because we walked in looking like a couple of fucking roofs. You know, had my baseball hat on and shit all sweaty from the show. We just looked like two fucking assholes. And you know, in there were all these gorgeous Arab women and all those fucking, you know, that whole fucking scene was, I don't know if those chicks were from London trying to meet the guy in the golden car. But at this point, I was so caught up in the fucking soap opera.

It was like watching a reality show. Like how that isn't a reality show is fucking beyond me. Somebody needs to make that a fucking reality show. It's literally like fast and loud without building a thing. Meets like the fucking real housewives meet but they're guys. You know, I don't know, big brother or something. I want to see them talking about what it's like to be that rich. I want to see the whole fucking process of how they got those fucking cars over there.

Did they give a fuck that people, you know, hate on them for having those cars? How do they deal with women coming out? Because I don't, you've got a fucking fleet of gold cars. I don't give a shit who the fuck she is. Well, that's not true, but there's a sizable amount of women that'll just blow you just so they can look at themselves sucking a dick in the fucking shine of that car. If anybody in London ever fucking makes that show, please text me a link because I'm going to watch every fucking episode.

I want to see, I want to see the whole thing. The ride over in the jets, you know, the whole thing, the confiscating of the passport. So you have the slave labor that builds Dubai. I want to see the fucking, I want to see the whole thing. The pain, the sorrow, the whores, the whole fucking thing. Tremendous. Um, anyways, where was I? I don't know where I was.

Oh, so we ended up, so I just said, like, yeah, we don't have, I knew what he was doing. He saw me coming in with my stupid potato face, all fucking sweaty from the show. My dumb Tiger Woods beat up golf hat. And he was just like, I'm sorry, sir. We do not have any fucking blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I was just like, dude, I said, dude, which really made a difference. I was like, I booked myself in this hotel specifically so I could smoke here. Um, and he goes, well, you can sit at the bar.

Maybe you did it. So I fucking go upstairs, drop my shit off. By the time I got downstairs, they had a table because I think the fucking, uh, the tour manager guy said something. So, you know, we were able to sit down. You know, it was fucking hilarious too. This is what's hilarious. There were plenty of seats. Fucking assholes.

You know, they saw me coming in looking like old sickly Ron Howard. They were like, fuck this guy. This guy's not bringing any ass or money in here. Yeah, beat it. Go get yourself a snow cone. You fucking freckled mess. Um, oh, we're sorry. You're spending money here.

Okay. Oh, by the, well, there's 40 empty two tops. Where did they come from? Well, when you went upstairs, they were like, I don't know. Okay. Oh, by the well, there's 40 empty two tops. Where did they come from? Well, when you went upstairs for two minutes, all of a sudden everybody left.

Um, so I was the greatest in the, uh, the tour manager didn't smoke cigars, but said he wasn't adverse to doing it. And, uh, greatest feeling ever, right? He sat down and he was smoking it and he was just going and he's gradually getting more and more into it. And I was happy to see that he was liking it. Then I was also nervous. Like, ah, fuck that. I just give somebody a cigar habit, but he was just like, he's, I forgot what you're saying. This is brilliant.

This is lovely. And I go, yeah, this is what it is. Everybody thinks it's like smoking a cigarette. Cigarette smokers are animals. They're junkies. They run outside in the rain. They're fucking standing next to dumpsters. They're sitting on stoops.

Animals sucking it into their lungs. You know, I need another one. I need another one. I need another one. I need a cigar. It's for gentlemen. You know, you sit down, you shoot the shit. You break each other's balls.

You solve the world's problems. You don't really, but you feel like you do. It's fucking tremendous. I guess it's kind of like cocaine, right? And that would happen when you do cocaine. You think everybody's a good shit and then you figure out how to run the world. Then you get all paranoid like a dictator and then, I don't know, somebody overdoses and everybody runs out of the room. Um, I don't know.

I always stayed out of that world. All right. Let's get to some, uh, let's get to some questions here. Um, for the week, um, there's no fucking way that they're not going to make a reality show out of that. They got to do, unless those kids are so fucking rich and by kids, no disrespect. It's just, I'm an old man. If you're in your twenties, you're a kid to me. Um, unless they're just so rich that they don't want to bring any, well, that's stupid.

Don't want to bring attention to yourself. You're driving a fucking gold mirrored car down the road. Oh God. It was tremendous. It was, you know, I drive a fucking nine year old Prius, right? I was always envious of those fucking people that would do shit like that. Those, Hey, look at me people. You know, I would feel like the, if I drove down the street in one of those, I would feel like the biggest fucking tool ever.

Like if I ever had a Ferrari, the last thing I ever want to do is drive it slowly by a cafe. I would be so fucking self-conscious of people looking at me. And then people would, I, I, people would actually laugh at me. They'd look at me and they would, I'd be in a Ferrari still getting laughed at. And I just, I've had enough pain in life. However, if I ever had a Ferrari, if I was out on the fucking open road, yeah, I would have windows up. I don't want anybody to see me because that really ruins the car. If you're like, Oh my God, let's see this James Bond looking guy in this car.

And then you fucking see my redhead in there. He must have a terminal disease or something. How the fuck did he get that car? All right, let me, let me read some of the questions here for this week. Oh Jesus, did I even take that and even copy and paste them yet? What are you, what's going on with you this week, Bill? You're, you mean Christ, you're, you're, you're all over the map here. All right, content, content.

All right. All right, Bill, great. Keep forgetting to have you announce the posters. Oh yeah, the Madison Square Garden posters will be on the website this Wednesday. When I played Madison Square Garden, I made all these fucking posters and I didn't have a merch person. And for some reason I thought the venue was going to handle it and nobody did. So I had all these posters made and shipped to Madison Square Garden and I sold like zero. And then I had to pay to ship them all the way to fucking LA.

It was a fucking, it was a fiasco. So I have a couple hunt. I don't even know how many of me, I think I had made like five, five hundred, maybe four, five hundred of them. So I autographed all of them. You know what's funny is I always keep one poster for like the scrapbook and I wasn't paying attention and I autographed all of them. So now the only poster I have is signed by me. So I'm not going to get one because I can't have a poster son. Hey, Bill, keep being you, you know, Bill, be stupid.

So I feel like an asshole. You know, it's a continuing story of me being an idiot. All right, minimize the crazy. All right, love the podcast. Bill, I listened to it at the gym because it's really motivating. Not not really just good to hear someone talking shit rather than listening to the constant grunting and self praise you hear in gyms. I'm in Australia and I'm in my early thirties and I need to break up with a crazy chick. Oh Jesus, this is always difficult.

It's not difficult if I'll tell you right now, the degree of difficulty is greatly increased if you're living with her, obviously. All right, if you're not living with her. I can tell you exactly how you do it. All right. And I would be, oh, I can't tell you, I'd have to tell you to have Al Madrigal do it. Al Madrigal. I should have him on the podcast. He had the greatest fucking way ever of breaking up with with a girlfriend.

And I feel like it's his story to tell. So now that I got you all fucking interested, I'll fuck you. I'll make up for it here. Let me read this real quick. All right. I need to break up with a crazy chick and I'm hoping to minimize the property damage or stalking that usually comes along with the crazy. Well, why don't you do this? Why don't you set up some security little cameras, catch her damaging your property and for once report a woman damaging a guy's fucking property after a breakup and maybe she'll actually have to fucking pay for it.

All these videos of these chicks just fucking, just destruction of property does not apply to a female. I don't understand it. Anyways, he goes, I would normally just do it in a public place and then go into hiding for a few weeks with all my possessions under lock and key. But this is different. This time it's different. We've been together for a bit over a year and when I first met her, I thought she was perfect, but it all changed. About nine months into it, her sister-in-law was caught drink driving with her 15 month old driver daughter in the car. And as a result, the kid was taken off both parents until one of them can prove to be a fit parent.

Oh my God. They took it away from both of them. Wow. All right. Her brother slash the kid's father has always been a fit parent, but in Australia, the authorities have a preference for the mother. So he had to go through the bullshit to get his daughter back. Yeah, Jesus, every fucking lot seems. When this happened, we put our hand up to take care of the kid and the kid and the girl moved in with me for a bit over 12 weeks.

Having the kid around was fucking awesome. And because of our work schedule, I got to spend a lot of time with the kid and loved every minute of it. My girlfriend, however, wasn't very keen on it right from the start, which made it pretty clear that we want different things in the situation also brought out the crazy in a pretty big way. She tended to be angry with me every morning over shit that I couldn't do anything about such as her job. And on top of that, became extremely jealous that her ex had a new girlfriend. Normally, this would be the kind of thing that would make me walk, but we were looking after the kid. Now the kid is back with their father and it's time for the breakup. I'm pretty sure she's the type of crazy that would resort to property damage before physical violence.

I'm trying to reduce this. The only issue I see aside from the crazy is that she still has a few things in my house and there are a few things that belong to the kid left here. Portable cot, clothes, and toys. Any strategies you can think of would be great. All right, you know what? You need the Al Madrigal advice and he's not here. This is Al Madrigal's...this is his...this is how he did it. I'm giving him total credit here.

When Al had to break up with the woman and he made the decision, you know, before he went over to her apartment, he would get a box and he would take all of her belongings that were in his apartment, put them in the box, and then come over holding the box and the woman opens the doors like, what the fuck? And then you immediately...oh, I think he already changed the locks too. That's another thing too. Change the fucking locks and what you can easily do just with a different deadbolt. That's just a couple of screws. Just do that and usually, you know, that's no big deal.

I guess down below is a couple of two. It's no big deal. Just change the fucking locks, put everything in a box, then you go over to her place, you sit down and you just say it's fucking over, blah, blah, blah. They flip out. They want to break something that are in their house. That's it. Fucking over.

If you have anything in her apartment of value, I would get that first and then I would do the rest of it. But there really should be, you know, with all these things now that they're complaining that men do, like anything from fucking like mansplaining, manspreading and all that, all these fucking feminist groups up and down the fucking street about the shit that we're doing. Do any of them address the ridiculous level of destruction of property that women do to guys when they break up with them? Or even if they get caught fucking around. Okay, he fucked around on you. That does not give you the right to key the guy's car.

I mean, you can do it, but you should go to jail. You should have to pay for it. You should go on your fucking record. But guys are always just like, you know, I just want to just make it go away. They make like YouTube videos of themselves fucking destroying property. So that might be something else you want to look into. Dude, if this chick's crazy, I would just go total CIA on her. Go over there without her knowing.

Just take back. Leave. Just first of all, you're gonna have to leave some troops behind. Couple pairs of sneakers. Got to go Willem Dafoe platoon here. All right. But if you got, you know, if you got some, I don't know, I don't know, a fucking iPad or some shit like that, you need to grab that shit, get that shit the fuck out of there.

You have some sort of nerd friend or friend who knows a nerd. They wire like, you know, you got fucking cameras and all that shit. You got that going. Change your fucking locks, box up the shit, go over there, drop the fucking hammer. If you're worried that this woman's going to get physical with you, I would do that. And I would break up with her in a public place because I don't know how it works in Australia. But here in America, a woman can take out a machete, chop a guy's head off, and then sue the surviving family members for the blister on her hand that she got

when she swung the fucking thing through his head. So good luck to you. Be careful. And I hope it all works out for you. All right. Oh, for God's sake, I fucking hate these fucking computers. You know, it kills me. I can't get him to do anything.

And then you barely brush up against him and everything fucking goes away. What the fuck? Oh, drives me nuts. All right. All time lows. All time lows. Sorry. All right.

Hey there, Billy with the little red Willy. What the fuck do you know about my dick? How dare you insult it like that? The fucking... I challenge you. I'll challenge you to an Instagram photo. No kidding. All right, dear Bill, I'm a 26-year-old guy living in Pennsylvania.

Until recently, I was dating my girlfriend of four years. We bought a house together six months ago. I... You what? You're 26. You're in Pennsylvania. You're dating a girl for four years and you bought a house together. We had two great cats and couldn't be happier.

What the fuck? You marry this girl, dude, or stop buying shit with her. Sorry. About two weeks ago, she went on a 10-day group hiking trip to Nevada with her aunt and a bunch of random people. When she came back, I had a $300 purse waiting for her as a welcome home gift. However, after she thanked me for the gift, she sat me down and said we needed to talk. Oh yeah, she went on a hike, dude, which means she did some soul searching and some dick sucking. No kidding.

So then we... She then told me she was breaking up with me because she doesn't want to live in the suburbs anymore or work at desk job anymore. She said she wanted to move out west and become an outdoor adventure guide and that it was a dream to work in our country's national parks and live an outdoor adventure type life. I asked if there was another guy and she said no. She said she just needed to find herself and follow her dream. All right. Well, up until now, you can't get mad at her. She's just telling you what she wants in life.

As a regular listener of your podcast, I always hear you tell people to follow their dreams. You know, I was heartbroken. I supported her decision. Well, dude, I gotta tell you, that's really mature of you. Most people would go and, you know, most guys would go into the false set of you fucking bitch. The next day I saw her. She got a text from a guy named Zach. Uh-oh.

We don't have any Zaks in our friend circle. Uh-oh. While she was in the shower, I snooped through her phone and read her text message with Zach. Her messages about how much they missed each other. And now she, she couldn't wait to move out to Arizona. They both sent each other naked pictures and they talked about how much they liked fucking each other on their trip. Oh boy. She still doesn't know I've been through a phone.

So as of now, I'm at an all time low. I have to sell my house and lose a ton of money. I lost my girlfriend to another guy. She is also taking the cats and since I can't afford an apartment by myself, I'll be a 26 year old guy living with my parents. Well, don't you get half of the house? He goes in and to top it all off, she's walking around with that $300 fucking purse. My question is, how do I confront her about the text message? Do you have any advice for me moving forward?

And was there ever a point in your life that there, that was an all time low and how'd you get through with it? First of all, dude, sorry you're going through all of that. Here's the bright side. All right, look, if your girlfriend went on a fucking hike, that's what she always wanted to do. And when she went out there, you know, she gets all caught up with this other guy. She comes back and just immediately breaks up with you. You know, maybe she's letting you down a little bit easier that she didn't meet this other fucking guy. Why add insult to injury?

But the fact that she accepted the purse, she should have said, I can't accept this. She didn't have to tell you about the fucking guy. I mean, what's that going to do other than make you feel fucking horrible? Here's the bright side of this, all of this, okay? The bright side is you're a fucking great guy. You're a solid guy. You didn't get mad at her or any of that type of stuff. You're supporting a fucking dream.

And she kept the purse, which means she's a cunt. And I don't think this guy, Zach, knows what's going to hit him. You know, but you know what, Zach might be a dick. She's going out there. She is, you know, I mean, what are you going to do? She wants to go out and go fuck some guy with sandals on a rubber raft. I mean, that's her idea of a man. Then you just got to let her go.

But the thing is, you can't internalize it like it had anything to do with you. It had nothing to do with you. All right? You just picked the wrong one. But you know what, dude? I was going to say, at least you didn't have any kids. You learned something. Don't buy a fucking house with somebody you're not married to, okay?

You want you know 100 fucking percent that this is the person you want to spend your life with and they say that to you, you know, hopefully they're not lying, which is the difficulty of fucking relationships. Then you go out and you buy a fucking house with somebody. But dude, you're only 26 years old. You got your whole life ahead of you. And I would bring up the fact that she was with that guy, Zach. I think, I mean, I don't know.

This is what you should do. This is what you should do. Here's what you do. Just be a total fucking gentleman and ask her if she likes. Oh God, here we go. Just sit her down and just ask her if she likes the person, all that. And right before this is the last time you're going to see, last time, you know, you're going to ever see her.

Just right before she, hey honey, you know, good luck with your dream and blah, blah, blah, blah. You do your little bullshit hug and she walks away and you go, oh honey, one more thing. Hey, tell Zach I said, what's up? And just shut the fucking door. And then as she's walking away, you just scream out, you fucking whore. Oh, um. No, you don't need to be funny. Listen, you just say that you throw Zach in the middle of it.

You could really have a lot of fun with this. And I'll tell you something right now. No one knows more how much fun you can have with it than a woman. A woman knows how to fucking like, I'm going to ruin this. Women are really good at this. Guys are just like, go, let's go fight. Women know how to be like, ooh, I got this piece of information. What is the perfect fucking way this will do the most amount of damage?

What if you put it in the middle of it? If you're saying, listen, I just want you to know, I'm really happy for you and Zach. You know, you're going to be out, that's too early. Really happy for you. You're going to be out there living your dream and as much as I'm going to miss you and everything, I'm just so happy that you have the courage to follow your dream. You know, somewhere in there, somewhere in there, you just got to be out there rafting. You know, you can keep fucking Zach, but don't say fuck.

See, I'm going to mess it up, but you understand where I'm going with this. You got to just put drop Zach in the middle of it and then do about two more sentences and then just stop and just stare at her and just leave her in the stunned silence of that moment and then whisper in your ear. I'm so happy I didn't have kids with you. And then you walk away. Sorry. All right.

That was creepy. Anyways, all right. Amusement parks. Hey, Billy Bonzo. Bozo. Sorry. Billy Bozo. I thought he was complimenting me.

He was actually insulting. Just wanted to hear your take on amusement park, what your take on amusement parks are. I went the other day with my girl and just could not help but notice all of the fucking animals around me. From people walking barefoot to the fat asses walking with their giant fucking turkey legs around the park. I hope you guys can't hear my stomach growling. I haven't eaten all day today because I've been eating so bad trying not to fucking eat a giant breakfast here. Anyways, I was just disgusted or lunch, I should say. I was just disgusted.

You a fan of going to an amusement park? Whatever. Go fuck yourself. No, I'm not. They are, they are fucking animal magnets. Look, I don't mind kids that go there, but the fucking adults that go there. Some of the worst tattoos, some of the worst bodies, some of the just mouth breathing fucking morons. Like you go to amusement park, that's for everybody who can't afford to go to Disneyland.

You're talking animals. You're talking rides that don't work. People get killed at those fucking things. I swear to God, dude. It's like, it's a bump up from a carnival. But even carnivals aren't as bad because I feel like a carnival. You have the community, they came to your town, so there's a bunch of high school kids seeing each other. It's still kind of a fun thing, but you just go to an amusement park, it's just there.

Any of those fucking water parks, any of that type of shit, that is just a white trash fucking magnet. All right, that's my elitist comment for the fucking day. We got a couple more of these to read. Let me, a couple more questions, and let me just knock out these last two advertisements here. Advertisements. All right, MVMT watches. When you're in your early 20s and 30s, money can be tight. If you're not careful, dressing well can drain your bank account, like spending four to five hundred bucks on a department store watch.

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And they'll give you 15% off your entire purchase. That's MVMTwatches.com. Last but not least, least the list. Stamps.com, everyone. Trips to the post office have probably become second nature to you. They seem easy because you've been doing your mailing and shipping that way for so long. But think about all the hassles, man. Dropping what you're doing, driving there, finding parking, hitting an old lady, looking around to see if anybody saw you, hiding the body, waiting.

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Enter Burr. All right. Let's knock out these last few questions. Come on. Help me out here. I fucking hate computers. They just don't fucking work for me. All right.

There we go. All right. Baby's mom is a whore. Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ. Or as they say, a fucking har. Get the chars. Get the chars and the chars.

All right. I'll try and keep this short and to the point. I was dating a redheaded succubus lady for almost eight years. What does succubus mean again? It basically takes over your life. Kills you afterwards. I remember the South Park was the first time I ever heard that. Chef was warning them about a succubus.

Succubus, a female demon believed to have sexual intercourse with sleeping men. What? It appears in dreams takes the form of a woman in order to seduce men through sexual activity. But then what does she make you do afterwards? Hang on a second. Appears to take the form of the male counterpart is the incubus. Oh, is that how they got the name for the band? Religious traditions hold that repeated sexual activity with the succubus may result in the deterioration of health or even death.

I really don't see the downside to any of that. All right, let's... Is that supposed to be scary? It's fucking great. Sleeping, she comes in, she takes care of you. We need more succubuses in the world. All right, her and I conceived two sons together. Why do people date and have kids and buy houses together?

And in that time, we were talking about getting married. I loved her very much with all my heart. We rented a house and lived together for most of our relationship. I've always treated her with respect and tried my best to be the best provider for her and my two sons and her third son whom she has with another guy. Needless to say, she went out with her girlfriends, which she had done many, many of times before, but did not come home until the next day. When I asked her why she stayed out all night or didn't call to let me know what's up, she responded by telling me she had sex with some random guy she met because she was drunk. I was like, what the fuck? How could you? Why would you do that?

Her and I started to argue. In the course of the argument, not only did I find out that she had cheated on me, but in the entire time, but in the entire time her and I were together, she just admitted to cheating on me with 12 other people in our eight years together. What the fuck doesn't quite put my feelings into perspective. And the only reason she gave was she wasn't happy with me. I don't understand that and to this day, she still will not elaborate on that. So I've since then moved out back home at my mom's.

I feel crushed like my entire life with her was a lie. It was. She betrayed me in the worst possible way and completely destroyed my outlook on love, but not only that I feel like I'm failing my family, my kids, and even that red-headed whore because I couldn't keep my family together. I've offered to go to counseling. No, dude, fuck that to try and work through this, but she's not interested. She acts like our eight years meant nothing. It didn't meant nothing to her. That doesn't mean you're a bad person.

She's been bouncing from guy to guy since we split up. The whole situation's kind of fucked up. Yeah, and you got kids there and she doesn't care. It's been several months now and I still feel like shit. I've been slaying bar sluts right and left, starting to work out, trying to focus on bettering myself and my son's lives, trying to keep my mind positively occupied, but I still feel this pain in my chest like something's missing.

Her, I guess, I don't know, still feels lost as shit. Dude, all of that's totally normal. You're supposed to feel that way. She probably doesn't feel anything, or maybe she does and that's why she's going around there, you know, fucking everybody. Maybe she had an asshole dad. I have no idea. Or maybe she's a succubus. I have no idea. The only way to get past this, dude, is to continue doing what you're doing.

Go to the gym. I'm not saying you gotta fuck every woman that moves, but the only thing that cures this is time. Time and don't try to block it out, dwell on it, cry it out of you. All of that shit you're not supposed to do as a guy. That's what women do. They sit down, they talk about it, they cry it out, and they get past it, and we fucking hang on to it forever, and it kills us. So cry that bitch out of you. You know, it is a big thing.

Never trash her to your kids, because as much as she fucked you over, that's their mom, you know, and it's gonna fuck them up, and it's gonna make them pick the wrong kind of woman, or it's gonna make them treat women disrespectfully. So I think what you gotta do is just, it's all about you now. Obviously you have kids, but I would just try to become the best guy you could and go meet a woman that's worthy of being with you, and then have a great fucking life together,

and you'll never need to trash your wife in front of your kids. They'll figure it out. They'll figure it out. That's it. And if she trashes you and says all this shit about you, just be a great dad to them, and it'll, that aspect of it will work out. But as far as like feeling lost, feeling like a piece of shit, then, you know, that just is how it goes. I mean, I had kids, but I had women cheat on me, you know? I've been an asshole. I've cheated on women.

I kind of gave and took equally in my dating history, but, you know, especially when like I was a young guy, I dated a fucking older woman. She fucking ran around. I mean, I was an idiot. And then I was going like, oh, they're all fucking like that or whatever. So whatever, you'll work it out. All right, time travel follow-up.

All right, this is the last one the podcast has done. All right, Mr. Burr, I just now caught up with your podcast about the time travel topic and thought you might be interested in a few resources. Last night, there was a Chris Hardwick show episode about the time travel story that may have influenced your writer or not. In any event, the coincident is interesting to me.

The Hardwick bit was based on the actual candidacy for president of a man named Andrew Bushago, like Chicago, all right. Mr. Bushago claims to be the whistleblower slash witness you would like to hear come from any real development program. His essential claim is that he was inducted into a deep black military program.

There are many of these around the age of six and discharged eventually at the age of 23. That program developed physical and virtual modes of teleportation and time travel. It's as easy to create an address for a different time as a different place, it turns out, which was in service starting about 1967. Yes, he says.

I don't understand any of this shit. I believe Mr. Bushago testimony to be truthful, so take that as you must, but if you are interested in the story, you should at least give some of his long-form interviews a listen. I think you can find them easily by searching his name on YouTube.

The quality of the interviews vary a lot depending on the interviewer, so if you get one where the interviewer is annoyingly dumb, continue. One of my favorites is this. Just listen to the first four minutes and see if you want to stop. All right, you know what?

I'm in. I love this sci-fi conspiracy theory shit. I'll read it any time you want. All right, that's it. If you could hear the kids screaming next door, my apology. If I had to record it too close to my gurgling stomach, I got to get some dinner before I do my second show here.

I apologize for that, and big thank you to everyone who came out to my show last night. Hear that kid? In Holland, Amsterdam. Unfortunately, I literally landed, did the show, and then had to leave. I barely went by the Van Gogh Museum, just saw it, didn't get to go in,

and I don't know, would have been great to hang. Such a great city, but I didn't get a chance to. Thanks to everybody who came out when I went through England. It's just been a great tour. So far, one out of four shows is done here in Scotland, and the first one was as fun as shows. You can have it four o'clock in the afternoon is possible. So that's it.

I'll check in on you on Thursday. Go fuck yourselves. I'll see you.