Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 9-1-14

Episode Date: September 2, 2014

Bill rambles about breaking up with a friend, Knoxville TN and sophomore year of High School.

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Time to watch people in way better shape than you, making way more money than you as you get fatter and dumber. I don't know about you guys, but I can't fucking wait. Okay, I'm putting away my little Speedo fucking bathing suit for the rest of the summer. I am now taking out my football shit. My jerseys and my stupid fucking hard hat that I put the construction, you know, I don't do construction, but I have a fucking logo on the side. Don't you hate that? Somebody did that back and I think the Steeler fans were the first ones to do that. And they actually were building bridges and they actually worked at construction sites. Then after a while, you just kind of look at somebody going like, is that a foreman? I don't think, is that an account?

I think that's an accountant. Is that a fake fucking construction head? Anyways, I'm so fucking beyond excited that it's football season. It's been a while. It has been a while since I got this excited and I watched a little bit of college football. I did my usual rooting against, I don't even know why I root against Alabama. I don't really not like them. I'm a fucking, you know, I'm a guy from Massachusetts. Where do I get off not liking the Alabama Crimson Tide? How do you fucking say it? Crimson Tide, you know, I just somehow fell into it with LSU. And I missed every second of that game because I was doing the wonderful oddball tour, but I guess they were down by 20 something and they came back in one.

So that's great that they did that, but that's not really an impressive way to start, you know, against boring ass fucking Wisconsin. What do they do? Run the ball to death? I'm just fucking with you, Wisconsin. All right, I just wanted to get you up off the couch away from that giant fucking cheese block or whatever the fuck it is you're doing. Okay, sitting there with his and her cargo shorts on. Car girl. I can't talk. Fuck you. I just got off a plane and I ran home to do this on Labor Day. Happy Labor Day, everybody. I'm gonna help you fucking. I hope you're not listening to this right now because that would mean that you're out with some friends and shit, right?

Unless you listen to this later, at which point, you know, maybe you had a falling out. Maybe you finally just fucking broke it off with somebody. And I don't even mean in like a romantic way. Like you had a romantic relationship. How about you just fucking get rid of a friend? There's a great New Year's resolution to make in September. September 1st. Isn't it the Chinese year? New Year or something? The year of the oscillating fan, whatever the fuck it is. I don't know. That's a great thing to do.

Especially after, I don't know, depending on how old you are. If you've had friends for a long fucking time, there's gotta be one of them. You gotta be like, you know what? I'm just sick of your shit. I'm sick of you. You know what? I'm sick of the ride. It's the same fucking ride and it ends up with an apology as you're pulling into the station. Oh, dude, I'm sorry, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then when you should get off the ride and you don't, you stay on. And here we go again, going up the hill.

Everything seems good. Everything seems good and they fucking crossed that line again. Alright, then you go around the fucking rollercoaster, that's the big goddamn fight, and then you're pulling in, yeah, you're right. Sorry, you know, I've just been going through some shit lately, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then your forgiven ass says it's okay and you get back on the fucking ride again. Get off the fucking ride. Is there a talk show about that? There's all kinds of talk shows about romantic relationships,

but is there anything out there that just talks about, I guess that court TV is, friendships gone wrong. No stupid TV judges sit there screaming at everybody because they're trying to get you to quit flipping channels. What is it about watching somebody getting yelled at? You just have to stop and watch. I hate those judge shows. I don't care about the people. I don't care about their fucking problems. And how, you know, he took one of the fucking pickets out of my fence. So I threw some dog shit over his fence and then he fucking pissed in my car. I mean, I mean, they're not even that compelling, you know, dumb it down to the level of my act. And that's basically what's going on. And then at some point somebody talks and then the judge has got to start screaming and yelling.

I hate how they have the actual authority still of a judge. You know what I mean? You shouldn't. It should be like optional, whether you listen to them or not. And I don't give a fuck. All you people out there right now going, well, actually, you know, Judge Wapner was actual judge and all these people actually, I don't give a shit. All right. The second you're on TV, you're not a judge anymore. That's like the old timers game for judges. You know, like everybody before the all-star game, right? They'll have an old Rod Carew will come out and all the greats, you know, when they're swinging the bat and they can barely fucking run because they're in their 60s. That's the same thing with these judges.

Once you go on TV, you're not, you're not your job anymore. I don't think unless you're in show business and you were a dancing monkey from your first fucking open mic. Like what's his face? The guy who looks like a fucking cop from the 1970s. Dr. Phil, a crooked cop at that, right? That guy, he's not a therapist. He's not a therapist anymore. He is a fucking TV star with groupies, right? Cocaine if he wants it. It's not a therapist.

I don't even know what I'm talking about. I don't even know how the fuck I got onto this thing. All I know is it's Labor Day. Okay, and this is the perfect fucking holiday to set off the football season. You know, one day a week, that one game that fucking counts. They all count because there's only 16 of them. So they're all important. Two game losing streak. You're in trouble, right? Those football players have been working out all goddamn summer to get into peak physical condition. And what better way to honor them than to sit down and just completely blow out your fucking body?

That's what I plan on doing. Sick of this fucking working out shit. I want to fucking, I want to grill. That's what I want to do for the whole football season. I'm going to fucking grill something different. This is what I would like to do. Eat like an angel all fucking week, right? My little button nose, you know, my dreamy eyes. I'm just going to add another compliment to every physical thing that I have. Nah, I shouldn't say dreamy eyes. I got to make it easy for you guys. My confident forehead. I don't know what that means. Anyways, that's what I want to fucking do.

And I actually have a little bit of time off this year because I just decided to take some fucking time off. You know, because I get the NFL package every year, but it's usually like today, like I'm flying back from the fucking road. I already know what happened and I sit down and I can sort of fast forward my way through the game, but I don't get to go through the whole emotion of it and that type of shit. So this year, this fucking year, I plan on doing it. I plan on doing it. So I don't, I don't really know what's going on in football. The game I watched, I watched, I watched West Virginia versus Alabama and I really resent the highlights of that game where they just keep showing Alabama scoring when there wasn't some major concern going on down there in Tuscaloosky there.

And as I tweeted, for those of you who follow me on Twitter, that was a close fucking game. And I didn't see LSU, but I imagine I wouldn't have been impressed with them either if they got down by 20 something. I don't know who the fuck they were playing. Oh, Wisconsin. That's right. I brought it up. But I don't know, is it me? But that was sort of supposed to be a cupcake game for Alabama and they, I don't know. Hey, by the way, is Lane Kiffin, whatever his fucking name is, is he associated with Alabama? I wasn't sure the first 58 fucking times they showed that guy. What was the big fucking deal? You know, he had a great job at Tennessee. He told them to go fuck themselves.

I'd rather be out here in USC, you know, tagging some Hollywood pussy. Then he went to the fucking Raiders and now he's back there. It gives a shit. He's a coach. You hang around long enough. You're going to get fired or whatever. Or if you're smart enough, you leave early. That's the game I want to see. I want to see when Alabama goes up to Tennessee and it's the first time Lane Kiffin has been there since he fucking left. Now, for those of you who don't watch college football, they take it really seriously down there in the South, especially in the SEC. And by the way, they got this great commercial now, how they swept all the awards. Any fucking major award that could be won last year, the SEC did it.

That's never been done by any conference and they won the fucking national title. So I think they have bragging rights straight across the board and everybody else has to pipe down. But so anyways, they take the shit real seriously. So out there in Knoxville, Tennessee, for those of you who've never been there, it's in the eastern part of the state. It is on East Coast time. Okay. If you're thinking about driving from Zanies and Nashville to drive over to a fucking game, you will lose an hour. Okay. And you might miss the beginning of the game, but you can still drive back and make your show. All right. Although I never did it. It was just going to be too much of a fucking thrash, but that is one of my bucket list games. I want to go to that stadium with the Perina catch-out fucking, you know, end zone painted.

It's going like, dude, you don't want to go out there. I know this guy from Tennessee, right? And he fucking said, they're animals. Don't go out there. And it's just like, what the fuck is going to happen to me? I'll put on a Tennessee hat and I'll just fucking, whatever they say, I'll just say it too. Like some guy, that's right, buddy. You fucking know it. You fucking know it. Give me some of that. Yeah. And then I'll just keep walking in. Nobody's going to fuck with me. I just want to go see it. So anyways, Lane Kiffin was the head coach at Tennessee. Now, Tennessee has had sort of up and down, but I mean, generally speaking, as a respected program, as far as I know, and what I know of it was since, you know, Peyton Manning was there. So I don't know shit about it.

So I'm going to talk about it without knowing. And all you people in Knoxville can tell me what a dumb fuck I am. And I don't give a shit as long as you listen, as long as you listen. So anyways, so he goes there and he's going to turn the program around. Right. Yep. Whatever that fuck it's they all sound the same, right? That's all the same fucking song. So anyways, he's going to go there. He's going to turn this fucking program around and then all of a sudden USC, I don't know where, you know, he probably gave the big long speech, you know, I'm going to turn this program around. He's had a long and storied history of winning. And I plan to restore that blah, blah, blah. So all these fucking Knoxvillians.

Okay, they're out there shining up their smokers. They're buying extra tins of chew. They're creasing the visor on their hat even farther. They're getting an extra oily rag in their back pocket. They are fucking in. They have bought into the Lane Kiffin era, whatever his fucking name. I'm probably saying it wrong. I don't give a shit. I should probably look it up. Lane Kiffin, right? And then out of nowhere. In the middle of the night, he accepts a fucking job with with USC and he just fucking leaves. And I guess that was really embarrassing for everybody in Tennessee. Because they didn't, they, they don't, they view their school as a destiny school for a coach.

Like they're being head coach of the volunteers should be your dream job. We have won enough games. We have done enough things that we should be able to hold that status. And he treated him like a stepping stone, you know, like some bitch. He was banging on the side and then his fucking wife called and he fucking comes running home. So basically they can't stand this motherfucker. And so the way I said, I wouldn't get in trouble when I went out there, because I would just wear a Tennessee hat and have an affected accent. You know, they wouldn't give a shit. They'd be so drunk they wouldn't notice.

They wouldn't look and be, why is this German Irish guy talking like he's on Heehaw? It wouldn't register. They'd be like, I fucking love this guy, man. Look at him. Red neck. He's fucking red head, man. He's even, he's in it deeper than we are. But Lane is going to go back and he can't do that shit. He's got to come back wearing Alabama. He's got to wear Alabama fucking colors. You know, that team named after the detergent. I thought that they, you know something if West Virginia had converted on a couple of more plays like that fucking game could have gone the other way, which you can also say about Alabama.

I mean, that one poor kid, he dropped like a 50 yard bomb was right in his hands. So I know you can say that, but it was way closer than the way that they showed the highlights. But anyways, I'm really excited that college football is back and I'm psyched to watch SEC football. I fucking love it. It is the best. And I'm also excited to see other conferences to try to dethrone them. Okay. So that's what happens on say on Saturday, right? And then on Sunday you got, you got pro football, pro football. That's such a great time of year.

And then you also got baseball. The games are starting to matter. Like I'm actually starting to pay attention to my fucking, my Detroit Tigers. Oh, Billy bandwagon is a Detroit Tigers fan. Why, why you ask? Because I got, I bought in half on Red Sox season tickets this year and I lost my fucking shirt. I know I live out here, but it's the fucking Red Sox. They just won the world series and I'm thinking, all right, whatever I don't fucking go to, I can throw them up on stub hub. All right. And someone will buy him and I'll, I'll at least break even. But when your team just never gets, they never got going this whole year.

I don't give a shit how bad your team is. At some point they, they put together a little bit of a streak, gives the fan base a little bit of hope. It never fucking happened. And, um, oh shit, this is Andrew talking about the fucking podcast. All right. No worries. I'm sorry. He's got a text. Anyways, and they never got going and I've just lost my fucking shirt. So last game of the year, I have tickets.

It's going to be Derek Jeter's last time at Fenway Park. Now I could sell those two tickets and make some of my money back, or I could go back and pay my fucking respects to one of the best baseball players I ever saw, both on and off field, the whole way he conducted ambassador of the fucking game. So you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to fly back to the game. Now, if the Yankees don't make the playoffs, that is his last game he ever fucking plays. However, if the Tigers shit the bed, I think they got a four and a half game lead because they got one game, one game at hand. They played one less game, I should say.

One game in hand, I guess is a game in hand is hockey, but whatever. If they shit the bed, then the Yankees, they get in and then it kind of, it's not as big a moment. So I'm not being a Yankee hater here. I just, I'm being a selfish fan where I want to go to his last game ever. See his last at bat. I mean, that's, that's, that's, that's some legendary shit right there. You know, and I always show Ted Williams last at bat at Fenway or whatever. So this is probably the biggest last at bat in Fenway.

I'm trying to think of a, come on. One of you guys who plays in the baseball fantasy league, one of you stat guys. Who's other than Ted Williams, who had the most famous last at bat? I mean, obviously you'd guess a big time Red Sox. I'd say the next biggest Red Sox after him would be Carl Yastremski. Unless you want to count Babe Ruth's last fucking at bat before we sold them to the fucking Yankees. Oops. Hey, he's kind of fat.

You know, I don't know. You know, he's drinking all the time. Look, we won our three, whatever is going to go down to that fucking shithole. Go down there. He fucking did to the Yankees. They share a stadium. Dude, you realize the, before Babe Ruth came there, the Yankees were like the jets. You know, where the jets played at giant stadium.

The Yankees played at the polo ground, which was the giant stadium. And then Babe Ruth comes down there. All right. And in next scene, that's why they call it the house that Ruth built. As far as I know, as far as the drunk people that I've been talking to in sports bar, I bought sports bars. I think that that's how the, that's how the story goes. Um, so anyways, there you go.

There's, there's, there's, there's your fucking sports talk for the week. All right. Now let's get to, uh, let's get the pain for the downstairs here. Uh, dollar shave club, everybody. Uh, nothing feels better than that first shave with a fresh blade, right? Nobody can argue that it's smooth. It's close and the blade is as sharp as it's ever going to be. It's absolutely fantastic.

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Okay, we'll get to the other ones later. Just set this thing up here. All right, let's talk more about. So this weekend, I had such a great time. I did the oddball tour. Remember that? The oddball slash pay for Billy's basement here. It was just a great time, man.

Anytime, I don't get to see those guys, everybody that I toured with, and we went out. We had drinks. I don't even remember where the fuck we were. We were somewhere in Michigan. They booked us at these amphitheaters. So like, they're gigantic, so they need gigantic parking lots, so they're not really in major cities. So I landed in Detroit, and I fucking love that city, man.

I really love that city. I swear to God. I swear to God. I want to find a couple of investors, and I just want to buy a block, you know? Just buy a block of it. You redo it. You just make it some late night shit. A couple of clubs.

No, no, but you need a grocery store to make people move in. That's why, for years, when I looked at Cleveland, and I looked at Detroit, Buffalo's not as bad, but even like Buffalo, you just look, it's like, all it's going to take is just these fucking buildings. They're beautiful. I don't know. But every time I get there, it gets a little bit better. So every time I go to Detroit, it's a little bit better.

Cleveland's like fucking, there's all kinds of building going on there, man. I like all of those, I like all of those cities a lot. Like, I don't know what it is. I don't know if it's because my family's from the Midwest, and we drove out there a few times, but there's something about the Midwest, I really like it. And so anyways, we performed down there wherever the fuck we were at. I don't even know. I can't tell you the name of one venue.

They were all like the, you know, named after some cell phone company. But the crowds were just amazing. Absolutely amazing the whole weekend. And I really got to see, you know, just working with, you know, some of the best comics in the country, some of the best upcoming guys, some of those ones that are going to be the guys, you know, when I went out drinking, dude, I fucking went out drinking in Detroit. Oh, that's right. We stayed at the MGM.

Now it's coming back to me. And I was riding back in the van with Nate Borgazzi and he got wind of like saying, hearing that I said on my podcast that golf wasn't a sport and dude, the whole way back into the bar through the second round of drinks, we argued about whether or not it was a sport or not. And he brought up NASCAR. He said, those guys are athletes. I'm like, dude, I'm not saying that somebody who drives a NASCAR vehicle is not an athlete,

but you don't have to be. You don't have to be a fuck any sport. Like I said, any sport where you can throw like a girl, then it's not a fucking, it's just, you know, you don't have hand, eye cord. Somebody throws you a ball and you fucking tense up and it bounces off. You like they just threw it against the wall. I know guys like that and they're still good drivers. I'm not saying that they're NASCAR level, but to me, okay, as much as it's an insult,

I'm going to get myself in trouble again here as much as it's an insult to golf. A lot of people would say that I say it's not a sport. I think it's an insult to NASCAR to just say it's a sport because like the NASA level shit that is going on in pit row, that's the funniest thing about going to a race is if you're in the stands right across from pit row, the level of intellect that's across the track, trying to figure out basically how to make these rockets that don't leave the ground go like a fucking 10th of a mile faster than somebody else. And you're talking to going like, you know, 180, 200 miles an hour, whatever the fuck

they do now with the restrictive plates. And if you go right across the track, it's guys like me like sitting there with a cooler eating baloney fucking sandwiches. I don't know. I think I actually I'm not I'm not shitting on NASCAR. I think it's a fucking insult to say that it's a sport. I don't think so. All right.

And also the fact of where it came from that it basically came out of like bootlegging during prohibition and having like a stock car, you look at a car and you think it's just stock from the factory, but you got under the hood. You know, I love that shit. That's why I was talking last week. I love that Mercedes Benz station wagon, but it comes from the AMG factory. So go, you know, whatever, zero to 16, 3.5 seconds. But people think, you know, you're going to the grocery store.

I love a fucking sleep. So I'm not disrespecting NASCAR by saying that it's not a sport. I just look at it. I think that's an insult to to racing to say that it's a sport. You know, because as great as basketball is at the end of the day, you're putting a ball through a hoop. All right. As great as hockey is, you're trying to put a fucking rubber disc into a net.

And you can do that with all the four major sports. What they're doing is, is an entirely different level. Like they're changing what's possible in, in transportation. Like, I don't even know how to say it. I'm too dumb to say it. You're talking about like the, like the amount of like physics, the technology that is going on, I don't know. I would say it's closer to transformers than it is a sport, but whatever.

So Nate is just sitting there like flipping out. And his argument about golf is what everybody says about how fucking hard it is. And I just keep going like, dude, just because it's hard, doesn't mean it's a sport. Algebra two and trig was really hard for me. I didn't think it was a sport. I also don't think just because there's a fucking ball, it makes it a sport either. All right. So whatever, I'm going to have Nate.

I'm going to have Nate Borgazzi on my podcast because it was such a fucking long argument. And then we got into the whole NASCAR thing. I'm going to have them on here. And plus you guys should know about him because he's a fucking phenomenal comedian. Really one of my favorites that's coming up. I worked yet. Just a lot of really funny guys. Hannibal Burris, that whole fucking generation of guys.

Michael Che, all of those guys are fucking hilarious. And the next night that we went to Pittsburgh and Pittsburgh is one of my favorite cities out there. And it just sucks that when I go there, I'm only there for one night. So I think next next year is I'm putting together my fucking hour. I might do a little three, four day run there. There's always something you don't have always wanted to do there. I always wanted to take that fucking whatever the hell it is that tram up that hill that you see. Every time I go there, I look out my hotel window and I'm like, there's that goddamn thing.

I always say I'm going to go up there. Those fucking Illuminati houses looking down on the city like we run shit. Like they have the power switch switch up there and they're going to flip it whenever they want to. If people get out of line and shut everything off. And then the last one we did, we did outside of Chicago, which is another fucking unbelievable city that I don't never get to spend enough time in. Another great show. And on that one, we had Amy and she fucking crushed fucking crushed.

And yeah, I got to work with Sarah Silverman. I never get to work with her. Chris to Leah, I never get to work with him. I just, it was just fucking awesome. And you know, had a fucking going up to Jim Jeffries every night, which is Jesus Christ. Fucking guys, one of the best storytellers I've ever heard. And I'm thinking, all right, I'm going to get a night off because there's a buffer between fucking him and me. And then fucking Amy Schumer goes out and absolutely destroys.

But it was, it was a great time. The crowds were so well behaved. It was fucking awesome. And then, and then the end of the night, I got to hang out with all these comics. It's one of the reasons why I like doing comedy festivals because you get to hang with the other comics and stuff. Chris Hardwick, another guy I worked with. I'm trying to remember to say everybody. Oh, and what's his face?

Stephen Brodie Stevens is the funniest fucking host ever. He says so much shit. The crowd doesn't even get in the comics in the back of fucking dying. He said, what the fuck did he say? He was going, I can't, I'm going to do a bad impression of him. He's going, ladies and gentlemen, the level of comedian you are going to see tonight. These comedians have been on television. They've been blah, blah, blah, blah.

He goes, these comedians own houses. I know I fucking butchered it, but the crowd doesn't even get it. Cause they're sitting in the crowds like, well, we own houses. They don't understand that most comics, it sucks. If you stick with it, you don't end up with a house or you stay in a one bedroom apartment. Like, look at me. I fucking, I bought a house when I was 43 years old. I finally got a house.

And before then I was, you know, in a one bedroom apartment. You're just terminally in this one bedroom apartment waiting for this big break. So it was a really inside fucking joke and I butchered it, whatever. I, um, we, we got a great picture that, uh, I don't know who the fuck took it. I can't even remember. I was drinking so much this weekend, but, uh, um, Steven Brody Stevens used to play, uh, like AAA baseball or something or college level baseball. And you know that warmup thing that they do when they walk across the field and they're

kicking their foot up into the air and they're trying to touch their hands. That's above his head. He brought up Chris Delia. And when he was walking off stage, he was doing that and I never addressed it, never looked at the crowd. And somebody took a picture. It's one of the coolest fucking pictures I've seen. I'll, I'll retweet it on the, uh, the MM podcast at the MM podcast, uh, Twitter thing.

But, um, but whatever, man, it was a, it was a great, great time. And, um, you know, I don't like where my fucking act is, uh, currently and evidently a few people in the crowd didn't either. Um, we drove back in the van last night. It was fucking hilarious. And we just, we, all we were doing was reading the tweets from people that didn't like us in the van ride back. It was one of the funniest van rides.

I had somebody write, uh, Bill Burr is killing dot, dot, dot my buzz. Uh, and then said, please get off the stage. Hashtag boo. I had another guy write, um, he tried to claim that I, I told the crowd to go out and murder people. And if fucking I laughed so hard when I read that, it's just like, what is so funny about doing standup is, or just public speaking in general is the second you get done saying it, it's, it's not yours anymore.

It goes into people's heads. I know I've said this before, but however they hear it is how they hear it. And then they write back to you with supreme confidence that they totally understood your intentions. This guy said that I was on stage and I told the crowd to go out and go murder people. I didn't say that. That completely wasn't my point. Um, but I've learned to not, I've tried to anyways, learn to not give a shit and just

be like, all right, well, that just has to do with maybe somebody yelled, right? As I said that sentence and he didn't hear it, or maybe it's his childhood. I don't know what, but he wrote like, you know, cause I was retweeting people who said nice things like, Hey, you really made me laugh. I retweeted that. And he wrote to me like, you know, Hey Bill, retweet this, maybe like, you know, hands on the hips, you know, with the fists standing in like Superman, like so fucking confident. I actually had to think for half a second to be like, what fucking joke did I tell that he

thought that that's what I was saying? I was like, Oh, I know what joke it is. Yeah. It's like, dude, I want, and I wanted to write back to him. Like, you know, or you could, you know, pay a little closer attention to the meaning of the joke, but maybe he was paying attention. That's just how we heard it. But you know what?

That's not my fault. It's not my fault that you, that that's what you heard. It's a little bizarre that that's what you thought. I hope that whoever wrote that isn't one of those, one of those list people, you know, those people that are just kind of like, they got their little list like, okay, these, these are good words. These are bad words, you know, or not, not even like bad, just like there's one context. Like if you say this word, that means you're a homophobe.

If you say this word, that means you're sexist. If you, if you feel this way on this subject, you're a Jesus freak. You're a gun nut. You're, you're a, you're a baby murderer, whatever the, wherever they stand on whatever fucking issue, abortion, whatever, like they, they don't listen to what you're saying. And it, what it makes for some really entertaining tweets. I ought to save them. I ought to save them one time and just fucking.

I'd say put out a book, but why do that? No one would, no one would buy it. Just fucking, you know, save a goddamn tree with this laptop that probably killed fucking 40,000 trees and I'll just put them all out there. I got somewhere in my, one of my hard drives. I have a bunch of hate mail. I just kept saving them because they were fucking hilarious. And I was also trying to learn to see the humor in them.

Cause back in the day, I would actually write the people back and then what you learn after thousands of, you know, you actually kind of await like validated, you know, if what they said is wrong, then just let it go. You know, that's kind of what I've learned. Just let it fucking disappear into the abyss. But I got to tell you, they're fucking hilarious to read. Hashtag boo. Anyways, where are we?

Where are we in the podcast at this point? 36 minutes in. All right. I'm going to go a little short because it's also my labor day, you know. I work so fucking hard. Don't I? Telling jokes. God damn fucking, what the hell is this?

Labor day. I think I read this every year because I always forget what it is. Labor day in the United States for you people around the world is a holiday celebrated on the first Monday in September. You know, I realized there's actually somebody who might work in a sweatshop listening to this going like beside themselves, you know, going like you actually have the balls to have a labor day after what the fuck I do, you know, or maybe they used to work there because if you still work, they probably wouldn't have a laptop, you know, they don't allow you to

see things. Do they? Have you guys seen that movie about that train that never stops moving with Ed Harris? Jesus, did I just ruin the end of the movie? I'm going to shut up right now. I think I just ruined the end of the movie. Labor day in the United States everybody is a holiday celebrated on the first Monday in September.

It is a celebration of the American labor movement and is dedicated to the social and economic achievements of workers. Basically, they had slave labor here and we started unions to get out of it. And then the unions for the most part became what they were fighting and then the companies left. And now we're all in cubicles. It constitutes a yearly national tribute to the contribution workers have made to the strength, prosperity and the well-being of their country.

Oh, that's what it is. Sorry. Labor day was promoted by the Central Labor Union and the Knights of Labor who organized the first parade in New York City and the Haymarket Massacre, which occurred in Chicago on May 4th, 1886. Oh, we got to look up at this one. This is why you get a decent wage because these people died. It's fucking unbelievable.

Protestant, how much you make an hour and you actually take a shovel to the fucking head. The Haymarket Affair also known as the Haymarket Massacre. This is like, you know, whether which side of the shovel you were on. If you were the one who killed somebody or sent the people down to kill the fucking rabble officers, it was called the Haymarket Affair. And everybody who was there or knew people got killed called it the massacre. And the cops called it the Haymarket Riot. All right, here we go.

It was the aftermath of a bombing that took place at a labor demonstration on Tuesday, the 4th, 1886 at Haymarket Square in Chicago. It began as a peaceful rally in support of the workers striking for an eight-hour day and in reaction to the killing of several workers by the police the previous day. That was the shovel day. All right. An unknown person threw a dynamite bomb at the police as they acted to disperse. That's not the way you get your point heard.

The bomb blasts. Oh, wait a minute. I had this backwards. Maybe the workers called it the affair. We had a little affair, you know. It was one fucking stick, dude. One stick. Whatever, dude.

They should be on our side. So then I would say that the cops called it the massacre. And also, see that? This is the great thing about me is I don't read and I just form a fucking opinion. And then I wade into the swamp. I don't think it's that deep. The bomb blast and the ensuing gunfire resulted in the deaths of seven police officers and at least four civilians.

Scores of others were wounded. Yeah, that's not a good time to get wounded either in 1886. Jesus Christ. So anyways, yeah. So who knows that? And now it's just this day that we sit around and we take a day off and you listen to some fucking moron do a podcast. All right.

Anyways, let's get to the wonderful questions this week. Oh, oh, oh shit. Oh shit. Here we go. I actually have a big promotion here for a good friend of mine. Joe de Rosa, also known as the teen idol sensation from the opium Anthony program, a K a Joey roses, a K a roses, a K a Joey D. Um, a K a shoulderless Joe.

All right. Joe de Rosa has a new album coming out digitally on Tuesday, September 2nd. That is tomorrow. If you're listening to it on September 1st or it's yesterday. If you listen to it on Wednesday, the third, or it was seven years ago and you finally discovered me. How are you in the future? Am I still alive on Tuesday, September 2nd?

And it's called mistakes were made. This is actually a really cool idea. Mistakes were made the B sides. It's a double disc of unreleased material recorded at various places over the last seven years. It's essentially Joe's version of rarities that a band would put out. I think that's cool as hell. And I'll tell you right now. I, for one, I know what I'm doing tomorrow, September 2nd.

Downloading that album. Then congratulating my good buddy, Joe de Rosa. For a job. Well done. All right. Leaked photos. Billy gatekeeper. The internet almost exploded Sunday because a massive dump of hacked nude pictures of celebrities.

Yes, it is a violation of reality. It is a violation of trust. Yes, it would be immoral to post or spread. But my question to you is what if you were the nine to five or even worse night shift guy that doesn't have a lot going on? No girlfriend. No future. How was it? How was not looking at them making the world better or preventing it from being an issue?

So let's break this down. Millions of us see Jennifer Lawrence nude, but guy with nine to five doesn't. Does that change anything? I don't understand your question here. Millions of people, they're saying, I get, I missed on the out in the store. So I guess they were leaked. Millions of people saw him and now they're saying out of respect for her, you don't look at him. So the guy with the nine to five just hears about it.

Should he not look at it? Does it change anything? Well, it'd be nice if people respected people's privacy. I mean, that, you got to understand that all of us by being on the internet, you got a tiger by the tail. And I never liked that cloud thing. I always thought it was, I didn't like that they had my photos. Even if they don't leak, somebody has them and somebody can look at them. You know, it's like, I mean, not like I'm taking pictures of my dick or something.

I mean, I don't know why I would do that. That's fucking weird. But it's just, you know, family photos and just private photos of where I am and what I'm doing, like all of that type of stuff. Yeah, I think that's really weird and I don't know, I don't like any of this shit. I don't like doing any of this. Why I don't bank online, even though I know all my information, all my information is online. Just in case I want to bank online, which is fucking hilarious to me. I don't think that that should be legal.

I think they should have had to clear that with me because anything that is online is compromised. There's no such thing as a secure site. All there is is more secure. So I don't know. I would like to think that you wouldn't do it. I'm not going to do it. She's mortified. There's plenty of naked women out there on the internet that are doing it and making money off of it and want to do it.

Just respect your privacy and don't do it. I wouldn't want somebody doing that to you. Not that anybody give a fuck seeing you naked, but whatever that version of it is. You wouldn't want somebody to hack into your bank account and take all your money and that type of shit. I feel bad for her. Hopefully everybody stops using the cloud. I think I actually inadvertently am on the cloud now. I see that little icon and I don't ever remember signing up for it.

I suck at these things, but I don't know. I don't know. It's very strange and I just think the further we go into the future, the less and less privacy there's going to be. Rather than people thinking about it in a rational way and a human way, it's just going to be a bunch of screaming and yelling, which kind of seems to be what all debate is now. It's screaming and yelling. It's not listening to another person's point of view, having an ability to be swayed, trying to hear where they're coming from.

It's all about just getting out your point of view, talking over somebody and hyping your fucking way. That split screen shit where they're going to debate something and then the two people just start yelling at each other and whoever yelled louder, I guess, wins. I don't know. It's not like those fucking Google glasses. If those things ever take off, the fact that someone can then walk around and just be randomly filming people and conversing, all privacy is gone. I don't even know you're out in public, but you should just be interacting with who you're interacting with right then and there.

Well, you're in public, so now what? I share it with the world? I don't know. I am not looking forward to that aspect of the future. You know what I mean? That shit to me is all fucking creepy. All right, so here we go. Next one, dollar bills. Dear dollar bills, what's your favorite form of currency?

I'm a huge fan of 20s. What bill best represents you? Oh man, dude, I like the $100 bill. The $100 bill is the fucking nothing I had. You see old Ben's fucking face. You got a couple of those in your wallet? That's my favorite. I like that and I like the five.

I like the five bucks. I like Lincoln. I just like the way it looks. I've always liked the Lincoln Memorial. The 50s weird. I really like a... I like the $100 bill. And I'm fascinated with the $500 bill and the $1,000 bill.

Like, where can you get those? Can I go down to the bank and like withdraw a thousand bucks and say, yeah, can I get that and just get $1,000 bill? That's what I want. I'm sorry, sir, we don't have any. Well, that's how I want it. But then what happens? Do they have to go get it?

You know, like, well, this is like, it's a special order car and I got to wait three months for the factory to build it. Like, how does that work? Who uses $1,000 bills? That's got to be done like when we're doing some dirty deal. Arms for hostages. You got that fucking briefcase. There has to be a bunch of $1,000 bills in there.

You know what I mean? I don't know, but I would say I like the $100. You have a $100 bill. You just become more generous. No, no, no, I got it. I got it. You fucking take it out. You slam it down on the table.

$20 bill. You're playing a little closer to the chest, you know? I only got 20 of these things. I got a hundred. Who wants some potatoes, kids? All right. Comedy tour. Billy the King looks like you're having fun on the oddball tour.

I had a great time. Could not have had a better time. Please tell us a funny story or a joke from the tour. I think I already did that. We saw you wheeling Sarah in the Chris Delia picture on Twitter. Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

I'll retweet that one on the, the MM podcast too. I don't even know how that happened. She was just sick of walking through that giant airport. So she was trying to like, you know, she was making us laugh. She was trying to almost like treat it like how you'd lay down on a skateboard. She had this giant bag that she was a check bag. So she started going on it and she was slowing down. I just sort of grabbed it and started walking with it.

And she was like, this is the fucking greatest way to go through an airport. She loved it. And then Chris Delia took a picture of us. And even though we were having a lot of fun, what's funny about the picture. We were laughing was it looks like we were a couple that just got a rain for something shady. And now we're walking out of court and we're just trying to get past the press. Like, you know that face people have. When after they get a rain for some, they haven't been acquitted.

They haven't been, they haven't been convicted. They just got a rain. Like this is what we are accusing you of. And this is the time you are facing that fucking look. I could never have that look on my face. I think he caught me between emotions. I think my inner thought was like, am I going to be in this picture? I don't think I'm in this picture.

There you go. Is that funny enough? I don't know. Made me laugh. If you were going to put together a comedy tour of only deceased comics and you were the host, who would you pick? Keep in mind, you have Chaplin up there to lean into the wind or Abbott and Castello for some who's on first shit. Legendary bit.

They're all dead. So you're not pissing anyone off. 00:50:26,000 --> 00:50:29,000 Well, I'm not going to talk about any of my dead friends because that's too fucking sad. So I will talk about Charlie Chaplin to do a stand-up show. I still haven't come out. I don't know. I've become a huge fan of his.

I never had the patience to sit down and watch one of his movies. And I was in Montreal. I sat down and I had breakfast by myself, sat up at the bar. And Jesus, even at breakfast you're at a bar? Absolutely. And they had it on in the background. And because it's silent, you know, I didn't have to listen to any dialogue and I was actually able to follow it. And I really got into the whole character of the tramp, what a piece of shit he was.

And he was always having problems with the cops and running into shady characters. He's always going up and down the alleys and stuff. I just like, I like this guy. You know, so yeah, I'd have him on there. I had Buster Keaton. Got to have WC Fields at some point. My chickadee hadn't come out there being all grumpy and shit. All the other obvious ones that you'd know.

Pryor, Carlin, Kinnison, Hicks, all of those guys. Man, I guess I, you know, I guess the obvious ones. Red Fox, you know, speaking of which, by the way, you know, it sucks about Joan Rivers right now, man. She doesn't get a fucking do. You watch, it's unfortunate if she actually passes away, which I hope doesn't happen. There's no way to not put her top five, top six all fucking time. For some reason, you know, she hasn't gotten her credit. I don't understand why.

And for the love of fucking Christ, I don't want to listen to the fucking woman issue again. There's plenty of people that don't get that fucking do, but I'm sure with her, because it was way back in the day, I'm sure there was an element of that, but I'm fucking exhausted with that fucking topic. But anyway, yeah, she's like top fucking six, seven all times, five. Like, if you put her in top five all time, absolutely fucking literally. Absolutely like, I think she's like, she doesn't put out specials. She's just on that fucking fashion channel, shitting on people's dresses. But if you actually put it on and you listen to the jokes that she's doing,

it's just like they're fucking unbelievable. Who's telling me a joke? I think Sarah told me this weekend she had a joke. It was a joke about Woody Allen. It was something about somebody went, I'm going to fuck the whole joke up. It was something about, you know, we can take karate and you're a yellow belt. And she did some sort of joke about the last time something yellow became, came in between Woody and whatever, Mia Farrow. It was a reference to the karate belt and that he has an Asian wife.

I completely butchered it. Jesus Christ. I didn't even back into that joke. I just fucking threw that thing into the chipper. But it's just that type of shit. I can never get away with that fucking joke. So anyways, I don't know. I really hope she's fucking pulled through, man. It's a fucking legend and a half. And all you guys want to be tough on Twitter and be like, what was the big deal? She's fucking 81.

I get it. I get it. You're edgy. All right, back to school. Hello, Mr. Burr. I'm about to start my sophomore year of high school soon. And I want to know if you can give me some advice. Yeah, don't do what I did. I said my grades were pretty good last year. So that really isn't a problem. Dude, that's fucking huge.

Keep your grades up. Keep your options wide open. Unlike mine that fucking closed immediately for this upcoming year. Oh, so the grades aren't a problem for this upcoming year, but the girls of my school are. I have no problem making friends in both genders, but I can't really seal the deal with the ladies. I know I am young and probably shouldn't not be worrying about sex yet, but as a horny teenager, Jesus Christ, please tell me this is a guy.

He said, I feel the need. Oh, he said with women, but you know, you never know. He said, I feel the need to at least try and get laid. I can't seem to be taken seriously by girls in my school. They seem to think I'm just a comedian and not a possible sexual partner. Any advice on how to get with these girls? Any advice is appreciated. I know you get a lot of advice questions.

So thank you very much for reading this. God damn it. He went respectful. I love your standard podcast and your film. Thank you. I appreciate all that. I didn't get laid in high school. I was barking up the wrong fucking tree.

I was, I was you. I was you. I was making my friends laugh, but I didn't have, I didn't have women friends either. So you're, you're further along than I am. So I actually meant to ask you, how did you do that? I wasn't even like, oh dude, it was a fucking barren wasteland. My, my, my childhood was overloaded testosterone. So overloaded that like, I don't even like, you know, I am just getting like my views.

And understanding on women at 46. Like I should have been plowing through this at like 19. Um, I just, as far as understanding how, where they're coming from. So, uh, what, what can, what advice can I give you? Um, um, um, stop being friends with, with women. Bad advice. Like I wouldn't do that. There's, there's that, there's that whole fucking bit Chris rock did where if you stay

friends with them too long, they view the view you that way and then looking at you as a sexual partner becomes gross. Um, so what I, this is the deal. I'm not going to go negative. Stay friends with the women you're friends with. All right. But don't become friends with any other ones. Hit on all the other ones.

All right. If you're, if you're in a really small fucking pond, go to a fucking party in the next town over and be the mysterious guy from the other town. Although if there's football players there, they might just beat the shit out of you. At least that's what would happen when I was a kid. So watch out for that shit. Um, I don't know. I would say the upside is that college is only two years away.

College is only two years away. And this is the deal. You're going to be thinking back all the fucking women that you could have fucking been having fun with. Um, so you just got to put it out there, man. I think that that's what you're doing. I think you're being like, uh, you, you don't know how to fucking get into that traffic pattern.

You know, you just sort of circling the fucking, you're in a holding pattern here, man. You got, you got to try to come in for a landing. And, uh, I would say any girl that you are friends with, it's fucking over. Don't even try to hook up with them. Don't weird them out. All right. I would actually, you know what I would do a couple of them. I would talk to them.

I would talk to them. And you know what? If your friends with them, they'll try and hook you up with some other girl who they'll see is like, well, you know, she wants to meet a boy. That's there you go. That might be the way to get in there. Hey, Nia, can you help this kid get laid? This is beyond, this is beyond my realm.

It's a, it's a fucking, it's a, it's a kid in high school. Some kid in high school, he, he has no problem making friends. He's doing well in school. He has a lot of female friends, but he can't seem to get past that. So he's asking me, how does he get laid as a sophomore in high school? I was like, I didn't get. Sophomore in high school or whatever. Hook up, you know, get him in the game.

He wants to make bets. All right. So young and cute. He doesn't need to, he doesn't want to be cute. This guy wants to be a badass man. He's got marble man here. You got to build this dude up. So, so he, he's friends with a lot of women.

So me like a moron. You know what I said? I said, first thing you got to do, don't be friends with any more women. And I immediately heard your voice in my head going, you're such a fucking moron. So I was like, all right, scratch that. So I came up with, don't try to hook up with any of the girls you're friends with. Cause they've already stopped looking at you like you're a sexual being. It's going to seem gross.

You're already in the friend zone. Yeah. The Chris, Chris Rock, classic Chris Rock, the friend zone. So I said, a couple of them that you feel like you can trust. Just kind of put it out there. Like, Hey, you know, I have girls, just you, you, you, you play your back away. Like, Hey, you know, girls, they don't want to hook up with me. They, oh gee, they just look at me like I'm just funny.

And then they'll be like, what are you talking about? You have a lot to offer. And then I think that they'll maybe hook him up with some other girl that they know that is probably maybe saying the same shit. Yeah, but he probably knows all those girls though. I feel like he's got to move outside his circle of the girls that he's friends with. I mean, if he wants to sort of be like, do you guys think I'm, I don't know, do some sort of like, I don't know what am I cool?

Am I like, do you think girls want to like date me? Cause I just feel like, you know, you can't say am I cool? Why don't you say am I cool? You're not cool anymore. Well, I suggest. I suggested that he go to another town, but I'm worried he's going to run into town. Yeah. Be the mysterious guy.

Where you from? The next town over. You should see our 7-Eleven baby. If there is a girl that he likes, he should just go up and just start talking to her, but just make it clear not by being like, I want to date you or I want to fuck you. Cause I'm looking to get lit. Not like that, but just like, oh, that's bad. Yeah.

Just start like, you know, just being funny and, and all that kind of stuff and just being cool with him. But definitely like you got to put up the flirtatious vibe. That's what it is. It's all about properly flirting. You know what I mean? And not like lingering too long with it and not like, oh, can I, you know, just showing up at her locker, you know, in between classes already there.

Like, Hey, so going to algebra, huh? Like not like that. Lingerings bad. I learned that the hard way. Were you a linger? And I was quiet. So I look like a psycho. Creepy.

Yeah. Definitely. I could definitely see that being your, your thing. Oh, when I was younger. My thing. Like I'm a fucking creep. I didn't know what to do. I was old, I was old Billy freckles.

I wasn't, I was a man without a country. You just got to just flirt with them. Just be cute with them. Give them a compliment. Don't go too overboard with it. You know, even if it's just something like, you know, all right, I'm going to give you two compliments. Sally, you know, like nice dress, keep moving and keep it.

Hey, Sally. Nice dress. He's got to give him something better than that. I'm not really good at this. Okay. Cause I feel like it's like a natural thing that you have. It's all about, you know what it is. I think, I think once you're secure with yourself and you're not feeling those feelings of

inadequacy, that's when that's kind of natural swag can happen. You can't manufacture it. So that's why me trying to give him like lines to throw out sounds ridiculous. Cause they're completely manufactured. Yeah. And also you're a woman. So you don't have to like hit on. You just show up and look cute.

That's why. Yeah. We've been through this before. I'm not getting into it again. That's why at your cute age, your opening line is, Hey, Sally, nice dress. No, that really wasn't terrible. But, but just give out a compliment and keep it moving. That's all I'm saying.

Can you come up with a middle ground between a, Hey, Sally, nice dress and hey, Sally, nice fucking rack. What? What I say. I don't think that I can. Just make it something like, you know, just off handed. You know, oh, that's cool. What's that?

Or did I just ask about something about her? You know, what's that book you're reading? I'm trying to put it in context of like a school type of situation. So it's not completely at a left view. You know what you're good at starting the calm, getting in. Right. Hey, what's that book you're reading? And then she's got to be like, um, uh, fucking Harry Potter.

And then you're like, yeah. That movie. That's pretty, pretty cool. Oh God. I'm the worst. And then your face turns all red. Well, the thing about it is too is we're talking about teenagers here. So I don't know that this is, this is fucking creepy.

Yeah, we're a long ways away from being like in high school. So I can't even like go back there mentally to figure out how. A boy that age would talk to a girl. I have no idea. Cause I, I can't, I can't remember anything previous to insult her a little bit. Like that's, that's how I always hit on. Negging. Yeah.

No, not tearing them down, but just giving them shit in a funny way. Yeah. Well, that's all. Yeah. That can be cute for sure. T is like a playful teasing. Yeah. But it's like, you got to know the person well enough to do that.

You know what I mean? It's like, if it's the best thing to do, to do that, you know what I mean? It's like, if it's some girl that he's hasn't talked to and like three years and all of a sudden he's like, yeah, fucking blah, blah, blah. And like, she's going to be like, what? Who's that? Yeah.

No, no. That's the worst. I've learned all these lessons. What was that? Did I ever tell you? Did I ever tell you? I feel like it's less about here's my, here's my final thought on it.

I think it's less about, oh, shut up. I think it's less about how do I get the girls to like me? Shut up? Yeah, I did. Why'd you tell me to shut up? Your face was saying things. No, because, no. I didn't like what your face was saying to me, so I told it to shut up.

I'm going to, I'm going to tell you what my, I was imitating a woman's face when I said something to her one time. That was the face she made at me. What do you mean? What did you say? Uh, you know, I was in between relationships. You remember, just spit it out. No, because it's embarrassing.

I was in between relationships and all these comics were just like, dude, just, you know, just fucking say it and blah, blah, blah, blah. Just stay single and just bang a bunch of broads and blah, blah, blah, blah. So I tried to be that guy. So, and it was sort of working for me. And then I just, one night it just completely backfired. I was at Dangerfield and this woman came up to me and told me how much she liked my, you know, blah, blah, blah.

I started to small talking and everything. And then I tried to be, you know, leather jacket guys and hey, you want to just cut through the bullshit? I mean, I live right up the street. And she goes, she just went like, what? Huh? No, no. And she slowly backed away and I was like, I fucking, it took me sick.

You blew it, baby. You blew it. There was nothing to blow. It was just fucking, it wasn't even there. There was no situation. I completely, I misread the whole thing. I feel like this kid has just got to just get his, his confidence in his own personal swag going.

That's all it is. I feel like it's not about the other people so much is about how you feel about yourself. You know, and I, but I feel like that's also like a concept that's kind of hard for people that, you know what, dude, you're going to figure it out. Just keep fucking trying. Say hi. Just say hi. Hey, how's it going?

And keep moving. That's what I feel like. You know how you're talking about the, the mystery. That's way better than high Sally. Nice dress. No, that was the fucking worst advice ever. You know, judging by your skills and some of the shit that I said back in the day. I don't know how we ever fucking met.

How do we make it? I make cause I think we're both, you know, it just nerds. All right. Beat it. I got to read the advertising and wrap this up. I thought you were wrapping it up early. I am. I, but I, I got, I got to do the advertising here.

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Okay. Here's a big dilemma for the week everybody. Dilemma. Dear Billy the baker's man, big fan, first time writer, first time to write dedicated listener for over three years. I have an age old dilemma for you. I have been engaged for about five months to the perfect woman for me. About two weeks ago, she received a text after 10pm from a male coworker.

Oh, Jesus. Like the mature man that I am, I passed it off as nothing and kindly reminded her that text after 10pm should only be for emergencies or naughty talk between the two of us. She agreed. I work out of town five days a week. Oh, Jesus. So I'm not there every night. A few days ago, she texts me that she's going to dinner with the same guy.

Oh, Jesus. Dude, what the fuck? The same guy, just the two of them and they're going to the same restaurant as our first date. Jesus Christ, dude. I can't even read the rest of this text. There's so many red flags flapping in my face. I hope I'm not right.

She explained that they invited other coworkers, but everyone declined or bailed. Okay. And if she did the same thing, she would be cool with that. I wouldn't be cool with this. Man or woman would not be cool with this. This is not because I'm trying to see is this like a female thing and a guy doesn't understand. This is not a cool.

This is not cool. I tell her that this does not make me mad, but I am not happy about it either. She describes this guy is short, single and dates around. Yeah, he's trying to bang her one more time before she gets married. That's what he's doing. I'm not saying that's what your fiance is doing, but that's what he's doing. The fuck's he going there for conversation? The guy who dates around ever since that night.

And of course, my dissatisfaction for the event that occurred. Things have been slightly touchy between us. I trust this girl, but I could never trust a single guy. I have, I had issues with women and guy friends in the past. My parents divorced when I was young due to infidelity and I've never been a hundred percent trusting of women. Am I wrong to think that this is inappropriate for an engaged or married woman to go out to dinner?

Let's face it. It's a date with a single man or vice versa. Oh, yeah. Apps of fucking Lutli apps of fucking Lutli and the timing of this too. Well, you're engaged and you're going to get married. It's like, yeah, I'd be like, let's see. Yeah. I'd be like, listen, if you want out, just say so.

Just rip the band-aid off. Take my heart, throw across the fucking Roman to the garbage disposal right now. And let's just fucking get this over with because, uh, yeah, dude, that is a, uh, that is not, that is not cool. That's not a cool situation. Um, yeah. So I agree with you. You haven't really asked me anything, but I 100% agree with you.

That is not, that's not cool. And that's a really shitty position for her to put you in. Um, and I've been that piece of shit other guy too. So I know what his fucking intentions are. So there you go. There's that. Um, I don't know what to tell you. That's one of those things where like you got to say you can't ever do that again, but

then there's also that thing like, I shouldn't have to tell you not to do that. Um, and that's a hell of a fucking tale that they invited all of these other people and they all declined. That sounds like a really bad lie. Um, Jesus Christ, what is that expression about a woman's heart about the secrets it holds? I shouldn't, I shouldn't quote this because you'll never trust them. Um, who's getting who?

Who's getting who? You can't fucking trust anybody. Let me look, let me just Google this woman's heart secrets. Let's see if it comes up. Do do do do do do do do do do do. The woman's heart secrets. New woman's heart program. The woman's heart secret.

A woman's heart is a deep ocean of secrets. There it is. I didn't take too long. Holy shit. I'm fucking believable. That's amazing. Is that true? You know, the staff, that's why I never believe in stereotypes because they always say women

can never shut the fuck up. They can't keep a secret and they're always gossiping. Maybe they keep their secrets. Maybe I should shut the fuck up and I've said enough dumb things for the week. What do you think? I think so. Enjoy the rest of your labor day. All right.

That's the podcast for this week. God bless all of you. Thank you to everybody who came out to the oddball tour. Thanks to everybody who tweeted that they liked me. Thank you even more to the people who said they didn't like me. They were fucking hilarious. And that's it. Go fuck yourselves.

I'll talk to you next week. Some people say the metaverse will only be virtual. But one day firefighters will use augmented reality to navigate burning buildings faster, saving crucial seconds when lives are at risk. Doctors will use the metaverse to visualise scans and make quicker decisions in A and E. And though woolly mammoths are extinct, in the metaverse students will go back to the Ice Age to visit them. The metaverse may be virtual, but the impact will be real.