Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 9-11-23

Episode Date: September 11, 2023

Bill rambles about tourists waiting in lines, stupid phones, and greek wedding cosplay.  Bill Burr:  Live at the Troubadour 3 | the Monday Morning Podcasthttps://youtu.be/3KckS4k1uls

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For Monday, September 11th, never forget, 2020 tree, what's going on? How are you? How are you? Are you at your job? Do you sit there and feel sad? Why don't you get up and walk out because you can't? because the bankers have you by the balls. It's kind of amazing how money just makes you do shit you don't want to do or the fear of not having it or the amount of money you owe people. You know, be nice if you just be like a little kid. Go over there and get in that queue. I don't wanna do it.

All right, all right, okay, you don't have to. Why doesn't whining work as an adult? Anyway, here I am. I am in Greece. I've been in Greece for the last couple of days. I'm doing the Acropolis tonight. And then I get home and I get to see my family. And that's what I'm thinking about. I won't be thinking about that when I'm on stage tonight though, because it's going to be fucking amazing. But I'm not going to lie to you. That's what I was thinking last night before I went to bed.

And like, this is my last fucking night. I'm going to show, and then I'm getting on the plane. I'm fucking going home. And it's been an absolutely incredible trip over here. I was joking with the other comics on the tour I go. I feel like I won the showcase showdown on the prices right, you know, all these cities and all of this stuff that I have seen

some of the cities I'd been to before, others I haven't. I can't remember what show I had done the last time I talked to you guys, but I know I talked about Prague. Berlin was fucking amazing. Amazing city I went down to checkpoint Charlie. So it's left to the Berlin wall and The city just has like a great vibe. You know those refugees that come in from around the world. I guess you know

Berlin Germany is a place where they accept them Which is cool. Helping out other people, Greece does it too, you know. This is speaking of money, isn't that fucked up? A bunch of refugees over crowded on a fucking boat and then they're out there and they get in trouble and the countries of their wealth could have caused this money to go out there and die to help those

bear. You don't give a fuck about other things, do you? They always give a thing. They always start talking about money when it's helping God damn people, but when it's, you know, fucking rubbing the balls of some corporation, they don't give a shit what it does to the right. I swear to fucking God. Hey, did I call it on that Robert F. Kenny Jr. shit? I knew they were gonna bury that guy. I fucking knew they were gonna bury that guy.

I love when you're a fucking politician and you actually call out corporations for the absolutely heartless, horrible shit that they're doing to people. And then you immediately get labeled a fringe, you know, he's out on the fringe, which, you know, it's just a little buzzword to make it sound like you're fucking crazy. So here's my thing. If you don't like that guy, I get it, you know, there's other people. Like here's my thing, why isn't any other politician talking about what the fuck he's talking about? You know, a Democrat or a Republican, why aren't any of them talking about how one corporation

is trying to buy up all the houses in the United States to become the landlord for everybody and literally take away that part of the American dream. Just out of your... So if you don't like Robert F. Kennedy and he's friend and all that, why isn't any other candidate talking about how one company bought up all the fucking pig farms, put all these farmers out of fucking business, turned them into surfs on their own fucking land, and then turned around and sold it to a company in China. All right, okay, you wanna say the guys on the fucking fringe? Why are the rest of them just going around saying nothing? You know why?

Cause they're already bought and paid for. Every fucking one of them. Every fucking one of these fucking pieces of shit. And the genius is they got everybody looking at the color of ties. Oh, I like those color of them. Every fucking one of these fucking pieces of shit. And the genius is they got everybody looking at the color of ties. Oh, I like those colors ties. They share my values. Is that what your fucking values are?

Drives me up the fucking wall. Even though I knew it was coming, it disappoints me every fucking time. I mean, our country is getting so fucking corrupt. Like they could just openly do this shit. Yeah, we're not counting the delegates and fucking, whatever the fuck, we're not counting them in the hampshire. I can't mean... I don't know. You tell me the difference between this and the WWE. If you could tell me that, I will fucking high five you. Unbelievable. I'm fucking real.

Well, what are you gonna do? But other than that, you know something, that's why I like traveling. Because I will tell you this, like, the people that I have met and just observed sitting around, like I didn't go to any stupid ass fucking tourist attractions. Tourist attractions are for fucking dumb people and people in relationships, which a lot of times is the same person, right? That's what they're for. You know, fucking do that.

If you come over here and you buy yourself, just go fucking sit in a cafe, drink a cup of coffee, watch the shit go buy, talk to the locals. Don't go to the dumb thing that everybody's going to. Have you seen the obelisk? Yeah, I can see it from here. I'm not gonna stand out here with a bunch of jerk offs watching the changing of the guard, okay?

I get it, right? They do there. They do their fucking little little show there. They they stepped this way. They stepped that way. I'm not going to sit 40 fucking deep in obesity. I have a limited amount of fucking time over here. All right. This is why you don't need to see tourist attractions because if you notice the people that live here

are not only they walking by it, they're not even looking at it. You know, I moved to New York City. You know, I was there for fucking 12 years. The only time I went to the Statue of Liberty once. I went there once because somebody came to town and they wanted to go and I was fucking miserable. Who the fuck goes on vacation to stand in line?

I'll stand in line after a hurricane. Well, I don't have any bread. I'm not standing in line to look at some shit. Oh, you go in here. We got a fucking, you know, Henry VIII's robe. Oh my God, you got to see it. I don't have to see it. I can go online.

I can look at a fucking picture of it. That's, it's no different than when somebody is talking about some new TV series. Oh my God, you gotta see it. Okay, yeah, it's, you know, season four just happened. Season four just dropped. It's like, wait, I'm four seasons behind, three seasons behind, yeah, forget it. I'm not catching up

I'm not catching you got it. Oh, come on. The acting so I'm sure it is. I'm sure it is But you know what sometimes in life you just got to accept the fact that you missed it I missed it and then just say to the person just tell me what happened. No, I don't want to ruin it. You're not ruining it You're not really it. You're not really, you are saving me 60 hours of my life. I'm sure it's great. I'm sure the acting is unfuck and believable. Just fucking tell me what happened. I did that with succession. My wife was watching and everything. And you know, the acting was amazing on it and everything like that, but like, it was depressing.

I don't want to see a bunch of loveless people just fucking walking around going after money and stabbing each other in the fucking bag. And like, I watched that show for three episodes or whatever the fuck I did. And once none of the family members just killed their dad or nobody just said, you know what? Fuck this family. I'm going to go learn how to skateboard it's just go enjoy life.

I don't give a fuck. Keep your fucking money. It's so stupid. Oh, keep springing me back to that Arnold Schwarzenegger moment when he goes, I just a little man, I need such a big desk. If that is a little man, I need such a big desk. Immediately took all that guy's power away. I don't give a fuck about you and your big desk.

You wanna put me in one of your movies? Fine, if you don't, somebody else will. I'm gonna make it either way. I'm not sitting here waiting for you to tap your fucking magic wand on my head and to tell me I can live a fucking life now. Oh! Oh Billy's fucking grumpy today.

Old grumpy Bill. That's what he is. So I'm in Greece now. Athens, right? Old Crumpy Bill. That's what he is. So I'm in Greece now. Athens, right? And I'm not good at it yet. I did walk up to the Acropolis. What I liked about it was there was no line.

You just walked around. It was a little line to buy tickets or stuff like that. But I wanted to just, you know, check out the theater, which I thought the theater was the Ecopolis. It isn't. It's the theater at the Ecopolis. And we went up there, you know, we looked at all of the stuff and they got all of this shit roped off,

you know, we're not supposed to go in. And some fucking asshole goes in and takes a selfie. Oh my God, one of the dudes up there goes, hey, hey, hey, he goes, get outta there, he goes, he goes, show some respect. Give me a camera, delete that photo. The guy tried to do another, the piece of shit,

tried to show him a different photo. Right, and the guy goes, that's not the photo. And he goes, that's the one. Show some respect. And he fucking yelled at him was fantastic. It was fucking fantastic. And also that guy, that guy, you know, the Scarlet Letter, that guy should have a Scarlet Letter on him that he's that level of a selfish cunt and that he's also that shallow, that he thought anybody on social media was going to give a fuck, that he was three feet closer to the fucking thing. You know, then the rest of us, I don't know, I've been learning some shit though out here. Greek coffee. So I ordered this Greek coffee.

It comes in like the tiniest little glass. So I knew it was going to be strong. And the coffee grounds are at the bottom of it. So I'm sitting there going, you know, I'm tough and I'm not going to be able to drink all of this and they were like laughing at me. They go, no, you only drink down to here. You drink like half of it, but it was really good. But when I got down to like the fucking coffee grounds, I felt like I was eating oysters when, you know, except there was no oyster in there, you know, when you get like the sand. But anyways, the vibe here in Greece is fucking incredible. It's like, you're the halfway point.

It feels like half Italy, half Turkey. You know what I mean? You got like going out towards Italy vibe and then you got going towards Turkey vibe. So the food is fucking incredible. And then there was so many street musicians that were Arab and playing all their type of music and everything, man, it was fucking amazing, fucking amazing and it made me want to keep going

eventually at some point in my life. Keep going east and You know kind of following that music and those people and all of that. It's just really really really cool vibe and And yeah, maybe think of that drummer you set days, because I think he's, I want to say he's part Turkish or whatever, and all the different influences in his music, and like sort of hearing a little bit of that as I was walking down the street. It was really incredible. And I'll tell you, Greece Athens looked nothing like I thought it was going to look like.

I don't, my idea was it was all those fucking islands that they show where all the buildings are white and there's people living their best lives, you know, vacation, I'm actually in the city where people work and shit. And it is crowded as hell this time of year. And you know, it's funny, I was gonna rent a scooter. I always say I'm gonna rent a scooter, I never get around to it.

I'm like, I gotta ride a vest, but I'm fucking Europe, you know. Ciao, I'm a medic, I ain't, you know. Fuckin' do that shit. And so clubs soda Kenny inquired about it and two people immediately said, don't do that, don't do that. And they go, the streets are very dangerous to drive and I wouldn't do that, right? And so we land in Athens and driving to the hotel, we see there's an accident. Some guy went down on a bike and they'll put them in the back of the ambulance you saw it was all scraped up and bloody and all that. It looked like he was going to be all right. And I was like, well, there you go. And then we got into the city and it's,

it's funny, when you're in the crosswalk, they don't stop, they slow down. And you definitely become really aware of your legs. It's the first thing you're thinking about, like that car's gonna fucking hit me right inside. And my FEMA, but anyway, it's just been really, you know, amazing, a couple of protests out here. I didn't know what they were talking about or anything.

And one night, the first night we hung out in this park reminded me of Washington Square Park, or a like Union Square in like 1995 in New York City. It was just like a bunch of young kids. They had their music going. Kids were playing soccer, football, whatever the fuck they call it over here. And I'll just young people hanging out socializing and trying to figure themselves out anything. And we would just fucking hang, we would post it up over in the corner and just sort of took it in and it was fucking amazing.

It was really, really amazing. And before I got here, we were in Budapest, which of the best the best comedy crowds in Europe. I mean, they're just fucking unbelievable They're unbelievable anything goes they don't give a shit they fucking laugh at everything and I play this great venue It's a second time I played it and You know last time I was there It's a winter time and I had a sore throat or something like that and one of the promoters moms got me Was a nurse and had got me some medicine and she remembered and I came back and she had left and don't gave me the same medicine In case I was sick again. It was really fucking cool

And before that we were in Stockholm Sweden. Oh booted past by the way, I got some of the best fucking coffee I'd ever had. One of the guys over here that were Schrolype Nation. Bang, bang, bang. One of my favorite people in the fucking world. Every place he goes, he tries to find the best of whatever he's doing. You know, whatever restaurant, coffee, whatever it is you're trying to do. He goes out. It's funny. It's almost like, you know, the two-chainshow that he had, most expensiveist, I was saying,

is like, dude, you need a host, a show like that, except rather than expensive, it's the best because he's more geared towards the best rather than how much it costs, which usually is one in the same. But he found this place to get coffee when we were in Budapest. By the way, we did do another touristy thing, but only because there was no line. We went on the Ferris wheel of Budapest. It was the smoothest run thing, anywhere, ever. And if you don't have time to see the fucking city, when we saw this shit, we just, you know, I walked, we looked at it or whatever, but like, I just, I can't do the line thing. You know? Do you know when we were in Berlin?

Yeah, we saw, I don't know what it's called, but it's that... the bust, like the head... and famous. Sorry, your fucking still jet like that famous fucking, I don't know what you call it, peace of artwork. It's like the Mona Lisa of Egypt that the Germans stole when they were fucking occupied Northern Africa and World War II. Which is just fucking amazing to me, Matt.

Like, just somebody's telling me he goes, dude, he goes, you want to see some of the biggest crimes ever go in the basement of the Vatican. It's like they've stolen more goddamn shit there. And the reason that they did it is beyond just greed, because it's worth something. They wanted to steal people's culture so they didn't know of their accomplishments. So it could seem like the side that the Catholic church was on was this more advanced, smart people.

It is the most evil fucking shit. That's what kills me. You know, the Pope sits there and gives all those speeches and say, that's just like in 2023, at some point they could give that shit back and be like, look, it was a long time ago. It was wrong. And we've now progressed and thought that we understand how horrible this is to do to a different race or culture

or whatever. So here is this stuff after centuries. Like what are they hanging on to it for? We're gonna sell it at a fucking yard sale. You're not doing anything with it. It's a bunch of clutter. Maybe you could fucking get rid of it. You know, put a workout room down there. Maybe a home theater

Instead of having just a bunch of priceless stuff. That's not yours. How do you go up there and fucking say mass? Thou shall not steal and all of that stuff. Thou still shall not covet You fucking... I don't know. It is kind of funny that they got a bunch of stolen goods there or another side too. Like some fucking common criminal. I need a fence man, I gotta unload this shit.

The heat is coming down on me man. Anyway, what else I do? Did Stockholm Sweden? Did Stockholm Sweden? I had a great time there. Highlighted that trip other than the incredible crowd that showed up. I got to play this serena over there and it was all like red on the inside and everything. It kind of has given me like royal Albert Hall type of vibes and the crowd was incredible. My

favorite part initially it was sad because when I got there I was staying right around the corner from the first hotel I stayed at, like that's my fifth time there. And there was a hotel that I stayed in the first time, the burn hotel, if it's the burn something or other. I stayed there with the lovely Nia and, you know, God, that was like 2009, I think. And, you know, it was such a fun trip because Nia has always wanted to, you know, since she was a little girl, wanted to travel and everything and getting to do that with her and seeing how excited she was a little girl, wanted to travel and everything and get to do that with her and see and how excited she was with every country that we were going to and her trying to like, you know, check stuff out. So first I saw that and I was sad. But then I kind of walked around,

found some beautiful parks and stuff, You know, just walking around. I literally didn't go in anywhere. Remember a long time ago, I looked at that big ship that it sunk, that they raised up. But I was also staying there for like five days or something. But I ended up sort of finding this coffee shop that I went into. And the guy in there was Italian and there's a

few Italian people in there so he's speaking Italian to them and then he was speaking Swedish to the regulars and then he spoke English to me. I was like Jesus Christ fucking people over here. How much room is in their brain? So anyway, I missed all the NFL football, shout out to Paul Verzi calling the Lions against the Chiefs. I have no idea. I don't even know if my patch won. I heard that they were given him a good game though

Let's look it up here Let's go to the fucking ticker Where are we here? Let's see pets Patriots oh They lose a hot breaker 25 to five, and the Eagles covered. The Eagles cup. And I stayed away from that kid. I was thinking about it.

Oh, I was thinking about it. And I was gonna take the Eagles because I think the Patriots are actually gonna have a good season, but I also feel like it's one of those deals where, you know, you're not just going to come out of the gate way better than you were last year. I think we're going to start a little slow, but I think by the end of October, beginning in November, people are not going to want to play us. That's what I'm hoping is going to happen.

But we shall see, oh tonight, what, ba, ba, ba, ba, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, is the fucking jets first of bills, I believe. And I can't fucking get any football over here. I know it's on YouTube and all I gotta do is just fucking sign up. I just, I'm gotten around to doing it. I gotta be honest with you,

the fucking NFL really annoys me. Where they go, yeah, you can be on YouTube. You're gonna have to stick some dish on the side of your house. It's like, well, you didn't fucking say that, 15 years ago when you went to direct TV. Why the fuck would you say that? And you don't have to stick some dish in the study house. Like, do you think I'm so dumb that I don't remember that you already did that? You didn't fucking give a shit 15 years ago? Here's one for you. How long you think the NFL is going to ignore that

study that they did over in Europe? You know those fields that they have, where they have the recycled tires there, those recycled tires have led in them and they're finding that they have this high level, higher than normal level of cancer with football players in Europe, meaning soccer to fellow Americans, and specifically the goalkeeper who, you know, dives around on it. So now they're making that illegal over there. And you fucking watch how long it takes them to get rid of that shit over here in America. You fucking watch because all the corporate concepts infiltrated any sort of watch group

in our government. They just will like, what is the group that is is watching us making our lives miserable let's get one of our guys in there and they will approve everything oh bill you're bringing the fucking rain clouds today i am i am bringing that because every fucking four years i just watch and it's specifically lately it's been the goddamn Democratic Party, the fucking Democrats, the bleeding heart liberals. Yeah, we know you fucking wanted Bernie Sanders,

but go fuck yourself. Go fuck yourself, you're getting Hillary Clinton. Oh, we know you wanted Bernie again. Go fuck yourself, you're getting this guy with dementia. Oh, we know this guy, Robert, you know, have Kennedy Jr., he's, you know, we know he's going to do well and yeah, go fuck yourself. But we're liberal and we believe in democracy. And by the way, fuck all you Democrats who are going to go, we the guy can't win, it's

a wasted vote. You're a wasted vote. You're a wasted vote because you keep voting for these fucking corrupt pieces of shit. And then you got the convenient out, a blame in the other color tie. And they're the reason for all the fucking problems. It's like the God complex. That's not a God complex. It's like God. God has the convenience of the devil. God created the devil so he would have a fucking excuse when he made a serial killer. I 100% believe that. That stupid that God gave his freedom a choice He can he doesn't give you freedom a choice when he makes you fucking mentally ill and you're going around eating other human beings There's something fucking wrong with you

From the day you're born. There's something fucking wrong with you coming out of the fucking barn Right fucking mad dog mad dog and he gets that was the devil Not dude, it was you It was you All right, well, I don't know I don't have any of my fucking advertising, so I don't really know what I'm supposed to talk about here. I will tell you this, I found this a movie I want to see. There's a town I know where the hipsters go called bedrock, boo-doo-doo, twist, twist.

I don't know why I'll never get that song out of my fucking head. Hang on a second. Where is it? I took a picture of it. Why does it do that? Why is this? Like how I blamed the phone when I just did that. You know when you're scrolling through your photos and then it just,

it fucking, it just fucking did it again. Fuck this fucking goddamn phone. Why can't you fucking scroll through the phone, the fucking pictures anymore? It then turns them into days. I don't remember what fucking day it was on. Jesus Christ. These fucking goddamn phones, I swear to God,

I can't fucking do anything on them, but the amount of shit I can accidentally do is astound it. But the amount of shit I can accidentally do is astound it. I can't close a fucking window until I'm trying to film something, right? And then my phone slips in my hand a little bit and somehow the fucking meat below my pinky finger slams right down on the action, stops fucking recording. Or hits the stop button, whatever it is. Whatever people, I've just been on tour too long fucking recording or it's a stop button whenever it is Whatever people. I've just been on tour too long. I'm in a bad fucking mood I'm gonna be in a great mood tonight when I go out there I've been joking around with the waders and waitresses here kind of little hit or miss not gonna light you so I'm thinking that it's gonna be

The vibes gonna be more like stock home than Budapest, which are both amazing crowds, but two completely different rhythms. Where Budapest, I can be more like in American mode and then Stockholm, like Helsinki places like that, they're super fucking polite. So they laugh and then they want to shut up because they want to hear what you're going to say next and they don't want to be rude. It's really amazing.

It's like you're just looking at them like, they still make people like you. I didn't know they made people this fucking polite. It's incredible. Have I mentioned, by the way, how windy it's been here in Athens, which really I got to be honest with you in a lot of ways reminds me of Los Angeles. It has like an LA vibe where there's just like so many fucking people here that like, you know, the Mediterranean Sea we was seeing was like eight miles away, but it's a 40 minute

drive, you know, and we all live in Los Angeles who like, oh, oh but it's a 40-minute drive. And we all live in Los Angeles who like, oh, it's one of those. There was actually somebody made a fucking hilarious video about living in LA and when people come to visit, like how they just don't understand, you know, how long it takes to get somewhere in Los Angeles. And they'll just be like, yeah, I figured we'd go to the Griffith Park Observatory and then we'd head over to Malibu and hit the beach and it's just what, wait, what?

What? You think we're doing that in one fucking day? Either one of those things is gonna be all fucking, those things are separate days and Then might have to be a day in between of them because you know when I fucking sit in traffic again. I kind of feel like Like Reese's like that, but I don't know. I'm gonna walk the streets today because I saw a couple of drummers, and I'm hoping I'm gonna see some more with that

The whole Middle Eastern vibe turkey Armenia all of that all of that good shit They got those symbols that sound fucking amazing and And then they just playing these rhythms that you know, I've only heard a little bit living out in the West, man. It's fucking cool as shit. All right. I don't know what else I can talk about here because I don't have my advertising and then I also don't have the questions here.

Yeah. It's a question. Oh, by the way, I missed the whole US open. I did see the clip that woman won her first major or whatever, man. Fucking sports, it's just the best. You know what I mean? I don't know. I understand why. I guess they, people watch like reality shows and just watch those fights and all of that dumb shit.

But like if you just wanna see like genuine emotion that's not assisted reality, just like watching how fucking, like happy and overwhelmed, can you imagine that winning a major? Especially tennis too, that is such a brutal, brutal fucking game. Like some of those men's matches go like five fucking hours. You play five hours running around,

starting and stopping in the fucking sun. You lose a five set heartbreaker. And you just gotta go fucking lay down in your hotel room bed thinking about that shit and shaking it off and continuing on the tour. Like the level of how tough you have to be mentally, you know. They were just talking about golf, how fucking tough you have to be mentally golf. Get the fuck out of here.

Walkin' up to your ball, lookin' around. Yeah, it's it, man. You know, you just have to, it's all that thinking. It's just like, I swear to God. Reminds me of some of this shit you hear like, fucking, I can't, I'm not gonna go down that road. Come on, Bill, you took the mushrooms, you let go of some of that shit. What?

What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What?

What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What?

What? What? What? What? What? What? know like oh that Dion Sandra stuff. How great is it that he wouldn't like that that first game and everything you know and everybody you know a lot of people not everybody. I know that they got to bring up the racist assholes but I also want to say to Dion that me and all of my friends are white guys in our 50s and all we're doing is sharing all these speeches that you make it and everything. We think it's fucking great.

So we're not all bad. But I also have to know that the guy does have a point when he's saying that they don't like it because he's a black guy. Him being all confident and all this shit. It's a hundred percent fucking true. Because you tell me what is the difference between the stuff he's saying and what Rex Ryan said

when he was coaching the jets. The fucking media loved Rex Ryan. They love a guy like that. That's just gonna say what he's thinking and give him all these great quotes. Like a coach like that, a head coach like that just literally writes the article for them. They have an easy day talking to that guy.

So like why when D on does it is it now at a fucking problem? What is the difference? Which by the way is why sports write his fucking hate bill, Belichek, because he knows what they're doing. It's like, I'm not going to give you some bulletin board material. I'm not saying shit. It's like, hey, coach Belichek, you're playing the worst fucking team in the history of football next week. You think you're going to have a nice easy win? He's

like, you know, it's a game, just like any other game. And we're going to approach it that way. And that's what we always do. that's what we play don't do it. And then the sports players are like, fuck, man, I can't get fucking five columns out of that. I was hoping you were going to agree with what I said. So then I could do an easy article saying Bill Bella checked does not respect the blah, blah, blah. Um, anyways, Alabama, the dream ended early this year. But for some reason with college football, it's not about the amount of losses you have.

It's about when you lose. So, um, I always crack up whenever, whenever Alabama loses, I always picture Mrs. Sabin just fucking going off to their vacation house. Just like, honey, I don't want to be around this. Okay, I don't want to be, you know you're gonna turn the season around. You're Alabama, you're fucking Nick Sabin. I'm not gonna be sitting here as you're shooting me looks like I dropped that pass in the flat. All right, just enough.

Okay, I do support you. I do support you, but at some point I have to choose myself. Oh my God, I cannot wait to get home to see my kids. I cannot wait. I've been FaceTime in with them and everything, but it's just not the same. I am coming home and I am fucking dropping my bags and getting down on the floor and fucking wrestling

with them for like 40 to 45 minutes. And then I'm gonna unpack. I cannot wait to see them. Oh Billy French face is getting back into his French again, I have to take in like, you know, a leisurely six month, my brain just got tired. I got frustrated. And now I'm finding with this Pimsler

that you don't necessarily have to do like the lessons. You know, if your brain gets tired of the, you get overwhelmed, you've gotten too much information in them. If you just do like the lessons, you know, if your brain gets tired of you get overwhelmed, you've gotten too much information in them. If you just do like the practice things and turn them into like flashcards, you can get it going again. And then you can listen to people talk. I also have been listening to the radio. It's been another good thing about traveling and all these people not speaking a language

that I speak that I understand is you get really good at reading body language. And which of course Nia could do right out of the gate. She just fucking... I remember we one time we went to France, we were ordering in French and I ordered a steak and I was so proud of myself. I said, hello to the guy, I said what I wanted to drink and I ordered a steak all in French and then he said something to me and I didn't know what it meant. You know, and the way it was having fun with us because he appreciated that we were trying to learn the language, right?

And I didn't know what he said after I ordered the steak and the year, of course, immediately goes, did you ask him how he wants it cooked? And he was like, ah, we met dad. I'm like, of course, that's what the fuck he asked me. But I'm so busy like fucking trying to like, in like a one-dimensional way, understand this guy, which is listen to what he's saying and trying to pick out some words, you know, Nia, who's like a total like vibes person, who by the way has the greatest vibe of anybody I've ever met.

She like, she, she can like try to understand on three levels at the same time. She was listening to what he was saying, was thinking, well, what usually comes next, and then was also watching his body language. And, yeah, it's actually fucking annoying how good she is at it. Hahaha. Hahaha. Um, all right. I got to get some breakfast here. Uh, I am going to see if I can, I'm for some reason I'm not getting the questions or anything like that.

This might be a short podcast this week, a little Monday morning podcast, Slider, which by the way, um, if you haven't checked it out yet, we put out the Bill Burr live at the Trubador, part three, Trubador. And I'm really, really proud of it. We did a great job. Andrew Themulus, the Greek freak did a great job. Did like a three camera shoot or something like that. And people have been saying, it's as funny

as any of my stand-up specials. It's totally for free. It is a podcast. I know what kind of looks like I'm doing stand-up. I was just doing what I'm doing right now, but I was just walking around and there was a crowd to feed off of. And it kind of came off like I was doing stand-up, but I was just walking around and there was a crowd to feed off of and It kind of came off like I was doing stand up, but it is a podcast. That's, you know

Not me doing stand up. It's just a podcast, but it kind of comes off like that, which I'm very happy with And a lot of people are trashing the crowd. The crowd is not mic'd, right? There's no way I could do an hour and 50 something minutes in front of a crowd that wasn't giving it up. And then also people's idea of like LA crowds, yeah, you gotta go out to LA. It's just, if you go into Hollywood, it's gonna be super liberal.

But once I say this all the time, once you get out of it, it isn't. It's like this, it gets pretty hard quarter the right, pretty god damn fast. So, oh, by the way, oh, I forgot this. One night I was hanging out. It was me, Kenny, and Bianca, and we were hanging out, and we were at the hotel. And there was a bunch of Americans there.

They were at a wedding, and they had a Greek themed wedding, so they were all walking around, looking like fucking, you know, amperers and shit or whatever, like they were wearing the white, fucking onesie with the leaves, you know, the go around the, your head, you know. And Bianco was like rolling her eyes, going, oh my god, why the fuck would you do that? Blah, blah, blah, blah. And I'm going, that's not like cultural appropriation. I mean, they're all like, it's white people, it's great people. Like, what are we doing here? But, blah, blah. And I wasn't hearing what she was saying. She was saying it's white people, it's great people. Like what are we doing here? But bop bop bop. And I wasn't hearing what she was saying. She was saying it's like going to like fucking,

like they turn in a wedding to like Disneyland or whatever. And I was defending these fucking people. And then they started, and then, because we'd seen them in the hotel, right? But then, like when we were late at night, when the wedding was happening, where we were like hanging out, you know, was having a coffee,

they were having a glass of wine or something. People started walking in and out. Oh my God, I've never been so wrong for so fucking long. Just, I can't even explain it, man. This one woman walked by and she talked was talking to her friends She goes, what can I say? I'm a good time Oh, what can I say we're a good time and then I saw her husband at some point and he had done the Greek theme thing But he wore a Hawaiian shirt instead just to let him know that you know

thing, but he wore a Hawaiian shirt instead just to let him know that, you know, that, you know, we still know how to party. We might be older, but we still know how to party. Oh, it was really bad. It was fucking bad. And I died on that hill, man. I defended that party for the better part of a fucking hour. And then the last three hours we were hanging out because people were getting drunker and louder. And they just kept walking by it

and it was just one fucking shit show after another and I don't know it's just it was it was a fun night. I'm sure everybody there had like a good time. I Don't even remember the point I was trying to make a good time. I don't even remember the point I was trying to make about it. I'm like, they can do that if they want to do it. Whatever, they're having fun. And then after I was like, nah, nah. It was like an episode of the office. And everyone was Steve Carell, just completely like fucking clueless man.

It was really funny, but yeah, I met so many cool people. I met these people from Arizona. Oh, I didn't tell you this. Oh, this is the best. I was hanging out right, smoking a cigar after I told you guys, I quit him for the umpteenth town, but I am, when I get back to the States, I'll have Jesus bill. I'm going to put him down for a while.

So I was hanging out and I was watching the World Cup of basketball and I think it was Germany versus Slovakia. I think I'm not sure. And I saw a couple of NBA players, current NBA players playing in it. Germany won, it was a fucking great game. And we're in there. And there's this guy where English is his second language.

As he's talking, I guess the team he wanted to win wasn't winning and he was bitching about, the guy makes a hundred million euros. I just, instead of saying dollars, so that was already cool to and he was bitching about, the guy makes a hundred million euros. Instead of saying dollars, so that was already cool listening to him bitching about how many fucking euros somebody was making. But at one point, it was funny, he was by himself and there was like a four top next to him. For all of them, they all spoke a different language, but English was the common language,

and the broken English that was coming up was fucking hilarious. That guy was bitching about how many euros people were making. I swear to God, somebody asked him what he did for a living, and he goes, me, I work in a computer. I work in a computer. He almost had it. I work in a computer he almost had it i work in computers he almost had it but he said i work in a computer and i've been fucking i was laughing about that for like a fucking hour

uh... the most miserable possibly the most miserable job you could have on the planet would be to work in a computer i work in a computer and he, I work in a computer. And he was saying, because you could tell he was proud of his job. I don't know, maybe he was one of those things he had to be there. But that, that in the German guy, the guy in Berlin, who are my two favorite interactions, where, you know, where's the bathroom? Oh, it's that disease.

And you see the mobile staircase? You go down and you're already there. You go down the stairs and then you are already there. That is, I don't know what it is, but it's so fucking silly that you're already there. that you're already there. I'm gonna fucking be doing that. With Nia, and it's gonna make her laugh because she loves silly jokes, but then I love making her laugh, so I'll keep fucking doing it, and then it's gonna start to annoy her,

and she's gonna be like, all right, you need to stop doing that, and then that'll be the next level of the comedy because now I know that it's fucking annoying her. And those are the things that I miss. So anyway, oh, we got to fly in, and oh, Billy fucking jumper seat. I got to sit up front and watch these guys do a landing.

They had the Garmin 5000. And I was just watching them. I was psyched. I knew exactly what was going on as far as like their instrument plan. I still remember that and flying to the fixes and then all of a sudden they divert was we get near the airport. And I'm like, okay, there's got to be somebody bigger and faster coming in. So now they want the, they want us behind them.

They're vectoring us around. We get back to the, you know, whatever the fuck you call it, the flight path to land. And I was just seeing like, it was fun to be up there to see the speed that they have to land at. It was a little jet that we landed in. And I was really, it was like, it was right around like 125 knots they landed at.

And then I was really impressed with how quickly they could stop it. It's not like those big fuckers, you know, like a fat guy running down the hill. That's what's like trying to stop a fucking jumbo jet, the smaller ones. It's really, they can pretty, like, I don't know. I was impressed. I thought we'd have to use like three quarters of the runway. The guy barely used the third of it and just fucking banged the left.

We were like right off of it. But just being able to like read those screens and all of that stuff. And then like when they were taken off, I was sitting up there too. And just like there, there, how fast that fucking thing can climb. They were saying on a cold day, it could do as well as upwards of 7,000 feet per minute.

I mean, it's just fucking, me and a little helicopter, I'm psyched if I can get like 600 feet per minute. It's fucking guys. Just... You know what? Anybody out there listening to fly one of them fighter jets, one of them they have fighter jets? I would love to know what your climb rate is.

Because I've seen that I've gone just, you know, bend to a comedian. We always do shows for troops and stuff, and then they give us these amazing tours and stuff. I've been to, I think I went to one in Arizona, Arizona coming up again, and I watched this guy take off in a fighter jet, and he's taken it off, and it looks normal, and they just pulls back on the stick and just goes straight up and just disappeared. I mean, it looked like he was flying like 7,000 feet a second like that chuck-y-egger stuff. So if anybody out there flies for the military,

what is the climb rate of one of those fighter jets? It's so unbelievable that they have dog fights in those things. And literally, I believe those jets can do things that the human body can't even take, which is crazy to me. Because I've heard stories of guys doing stuff, like, you know, they try to hold, they do that breathing thing where they try to hold their, you know, self really tight so that in the suit squeezes, so the blood doesn't go to their extremities, like, you know, goes down to their feet and they just pass out. There's been stories of fighters, a fighter pilots in dog fights passing out from the G's and then waking up a few seconds later and they shook the guys so they don't die.

And then they're like oh fuck I'm fine, I'm playing, somebody's trying to kill me. Like how do you get back into that? Like coming up off the couch, you ever just fall asleep, you're like watching TV, and then you start to come around and you forget what date is or where you're at, especially if you do the road. Like am I home right now or am I in fucking Des Moines, you know? And then it's like that feeling,

but you wake back up in a dog fight. You're in an airplane and somebody's trying to shoot you out of the fucking sky is incredible. Anyway, I will be telling you guys about my show, first standup show that they've ever done at the theater, at the Acropolis, at Athens Greece. I cannot fucking believe, to be honest with you, I've been really downplaying this, not fucking believe to be honest with you, I've been really downplaying this, that I'm going to get to do this.

Yeah, it's just another one of those things that I didn't, you know, this was never on the radar of something that I would think was possible. So thank you before the show, beforehand here to everybody in Greece that is coming out to this show. It's going to be fucking amazing. I can already feel it. I know, yeah, it's going to be a magical night. All right, that's it. That is the podcast. I gave you 54 minutes here. All right, cut me some slack with the last six minutes. I will talk to you guys later. Actually, you know what, at some point Andrew's going to send me the read so it'll get up to an hour. So there you go, there's your fucking podcast. It wasn't a

slider. All right, it was a main course there. That's it. Go fuck yourselves and I got to sign up for the NFL on YouTube now that I've made fun of them for the Nine millionth time. All right. I'll check in on your on Thursday