Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 9-18-17

Episode Date: September 18, 2017

Bill rambles about no booze, making an ass of himself at a party and the Stub Hub Cent-AHH!

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How's it going, everybody? How are you? Starting a new week, getting out there, putting your pants on one leg at a time. Joe Sixpack going to work. I got to keep it down. This is the new, this is the new more subdued quieter podcast now that I have a baby daughter. I'm recording this Sunday night and that's all you need to fucking know. My fucking, are you hearing that? Am I hearing some sort of weird noise there? I don't know what I did.

My fucking mixer is acting weird. What happens if I push this button? Anything? Anything? Oh, there you go. Just goes into one speaker and then the other. One head phone and then the other. How are you? Did you enjoy your football Sunday? Did you enjoy your sports weekend? Did you follow politics? Did you watch college football? Did you stare at the wall drinking booze, ignoring your loved ones? Well, if you did, I'm jealous.

Oh, Billy, no booze. Billy. What? Where? Oh, tell me, where'd your booze go? Billy boy, Billy boy, tell me, where did your booze go? Charming Billy. I'm sitting over there and every night I fucking stare, but I can't have a fucking drop because I got acting work. Yes, I can't have a fucking drop because I got acting work. See, I'm slowly losing my mind.

What if I just had one? Billy boy, Billy boy. What if you just had one? Charming Billy. Well, then I drink the whole bottle and I fucking puke on the couch and I'd be a fat fuck on camera and HD. I'm down to 176 and change. I haven't even been working out because I was playing catch and fucked up my fucking calf. That's how old I am. So I've just been eating like an angel. You know, after every bite I count and I chew fucking 27 times on each side of my mouth

and then I take the napkin and I wipe off like a fucking angel. If there is a God, Allah, whatever the fucking peanut butter sandwiches you're into. And then Allah peanut butter sandwiches. I wonder if fucking the counts getting any death threats from extreme Muslims. Well, maybe he was Muslim. I don't know. They never really said God knows Sesame Street was liberal enough. They probably would have thrown that in back then, right? And then Bob would be fucking singing that song.

What is it? Who are the people in your neighborhood? In your neighborhood. In your neighborhood. Oh, who are the people in your neighborhood? The people that you meet each day. Oh, a fucking puppet vampire that happens to be Muslim is in your neighborhood. It was too long. That's what it was. It's too fucking long. I haven't had, haven't had a drop of booze in fucking 32 days. 32 fucking goddamn days.

I'll tell you right now, I'm not even going to lie to you. This was the longest month in a day of the year without a doubt. It's fun in the morning. It's not in the evening. Like right now I just want to get fucking blasted. You know, I don't know. Can't do it though. Can't do it. Gradually coming down. Got to get down to $1.72. My fighting weight, as Bob Pogo says on efforts for family season two.

Why are you watching? Are you liking? Are you giving it a thumbs up? Whatever the fucking scoring system is over there at Netflix. You know, I don't know what they use it now. I think they said they were going to go with thumbs up, thumbs down, and I think they stuck with the star system. I have no idea. I don't pretend to know. My whole fucking weekend has just been about keeping my fucking leg raised. I went to this fucking party on Thursday night with my lovely wife

and the fucking host of it was giving a big speech and I was stone sober and I had to go over and sit in the corner. It was outside and this guy's lawn with like a tent, right? And I'm sitting, I go off in the corner to sit down stone sober with a fucking, I had like club soda and lime. The hardest thing for me to order because I can never remember what you say. I can just for some, I can never remember club soda because I never order it. And half the time I go up to the bartender to be like, what can I get you?

I'm like, what's that thing people drink when they don't drink? And then they go club soda. I go, yes, with a lime. I'm not even trying to be funny. Like a third of the time, that's how I have to order it because I can't remember what it is because I never order it. So I'm on my second club soda and lime in this guy who's hosting the party. Fabulous host. He's fucking thanking all these people. I had to go outside the tent because I see a stone wall where I can sit down

because my fucking ankle is filling up with fluid. And it's becoming twice the size of my other ankle. But you know, I went to the, you know, I just went into some walk-in clinic and the guy looked at it going, I'll tell you what, I'll tell you what, I can tell you what you did right now. I can tell you from across the fucking room without even doing an x-ray, you know? Walk-in clinic type shit, you know? So I go to sit down.

The guy's in the middle of this great speech. Everybody's fucking listening. And I don't know how, but I set my glass down and I reached back to get something. I knocked it off and it made that, and it was like a fucking wine glass. So it sounded like a booze glass in the middle of his speech and like half the tent fucking looks over at me. I spilt it on my leg. I did all of this stone sober. So my half comes walking out. She's laughing at me going, what did you do?

And I was all embarrassed going, I was going, Nia, stop making a scene. Like I felt bad enough as it was. And then she got mad at me cause I got like, I got, you know, I got emotional with her. So she didn't, didn't talk to me for like two fucking days because of that. But two fucking days, she started talking to me. You know what I mean? Like if she ever spilt a drink on herself and half a tent of people looked over at her

and I walked over and said like, what did you do? You know, man, she beat me. But that's how it works in the male-female dynamic. All right. You're either wrong or you were too mean when you were right. That's basically how it was. That's what it was. I think I was guilty of being too mean.

So anyways, I, um, I watched a little bit of the Patriots today. I saw the first quarter. I taped the game. I'm going to watch the rest of it. Patriots looked a little bit better today. Obviously it's early in the season. You know, this is what they always do. They hype up shit because people are when beating teams or losing to teams and all this shit

that you're not going to see in January, who gives a fuck, right? It's just getting going. And, um, I actually went to, uh, I went to the StubHub Senate today and I saw the new Los Angeles Chargers their first game against the Miami Dolphins. Um, I went down there. I got to tell you that might be the best stadium I've seen a football game in at the NFL level, simply because there was only 25,000 people there. I can't believe the Patriots are playing the Chargers on the road.

If I could see Tom Brady in a 25,000 seat stadium, that'd be fucking incredible. That's like old, that's like what the old NFL used to look like. Back before, you know, we outfucked all of those other stadiums back before Lady Gaga and fucking Whitney Houston. Everybody brought all these other people into the game. All these people who are just like, Oh my God, what else happens after the concert? You know, they started watching football. So they had to build 50, 60, 70, 80, 100,000 fucking seat stadiums, 25,000 seat seats.

I got to see two wildly veterans, two gunslingers, Phillip Rivers, Phillip Rivers, against, uh, what's his face? They had, uh, Jake Cutler is a J or Jake, Jake Cutler. That's right. Jake Cutler, right? Am I going to say his name, right? Jake Cutlett. He's a fucking religious freak with 90 kids.

The other guys like set him up, set him up. Let's have another drink. Right. Jay Cutler. There you go. That's right. Jay Cutler. So, um, fucking San Diego had the goddamn game one.

Wait, this is showing me a bodybuilder. Is it Jake? This is the age I'm at now. I don't know anybody's fucking name anymore. Jake Cutler. There we go. Where are we? No, it is Jake Cutler.

Alright, whatever. This fucking guy, right? He leads his team down the field. They go ahead by three points and then San Diego comes down the field. Phillip Rivers, he doesn't give a shit. He thinks he's worried about a fucking two minute offense. This guy's got nine miles to feed. Can you imagine having nine kids just, you just come home to a standing ovation.

Everybody's freaking. You have a crowd. You have a fucking crowd of kids. How amazing is that? Until they all become teenagers and then there's a 10 to 15 year period where they hated you, you know. You never made sure that I also got staked down. You only sat down the other end of the table. I wanted to sit closer to you.

I think he's going to deal with all of that shit, right? Um, it was a great game. Fantastic fucking stadium. Um, it had greatness. Not a bad seat in the house. I'm telling you, before they moved to some giant monstrosity of a fucking stadium that this Sharon with the Rams, I believe, and it's going to fucking, you know, bankrupt the city. Um, before they fucking do that, if you get a chance, definitely go to the stuff up center.

It's fucking phenomenal. You know, it's funny. I was sitting. I was watching the game and I see this guy flying over in this helicopter, the Robinson 44 during a fucking game. He's, he looks like he's not even 500 feet off the fucking graph flies right over the fucking stadium. And I, with my limited knowledge of aviation, realized that when there's a big event like that, it's an automatic, uh, temporary no fly zone an hour before and an hour after the game. I believe that what is, if not two hours before and after, right?

This fucking jerk off flies right over the fucking stadium. I'm sitting there with my buddy going, uh, that didn't look like a copper. You can't, I don't think you can fucking do that. I'm just a novice, but I do not think you could do that. This fucking jerk off comes by again. He's on his side showing all the passengers down in it. And then like two seconds later, like a police helicopter comes flying over. I don't know if he got in trouble or what, but, uh, I don't know.

I know some pilots listen to this shit. Like I said, I don't ever pretend to know anything about that stuff. As far as, uh, my limited knowledge, you are not allowed to do that. God forbid something happens and then you fucking land on 25,000 people watching fucking Jay Cutler. Right. With keg booze coming out of his pores, going up against the other guy from Ash Wednesday. Right. Um, uh, these Kansas city chiefs for real.

Uh, so I, I fucking got a taxi on the way down. Um, and then on the way back, I called the car service and I'm fucking telling this guy. I'm like, meet me at 184 and Avalon. All right. There's a Kentucky fried chicken right next to a donut place. Can you fucking meet me there? Right. So the guy's like, yes, I got done.

All right. Great. Great. So we get down there. Right. The game ends. I walk out there for 15. He's supposed to pick me up at 430.

I call the guy up. He's like a fucking city block away. Everything's going good. Then all of a sudden the cops are everything. They're like, they're like Uber and Lyft 192 walk down, walk down to 192. Right. And I'm sitting there going, well, I'm not Uber or Lyft car service. I'm like, these guys are going to fuck with me.

So I try and call this guy. I call the guy up and I keep telling the guy he's going, okay, I'm a block away. I'm a block away. And I'm going, yes. Yeah. I forget it. KFC. I'm going, no, no, no, no, no.

No KFC now. No KFC. There's a donut shop right next door. I'm going to walk over. See if you can turn in there and he goes, okay, KFC. I'm going, no, no. Listen, I'm walking over. I'm walking over.

All right. Forget it. You can't walk into the donut place. I'm going to go down to 192 and Avalon. He goes, okay. Fucking lot. KFC. He just kept saying that like a prank show.

And I'm literally getting angry. Yelling. No. 192 and Avalon into my phone. And like people with kids are turning around looking at me. So I'm trying to put more of a happier tone in my voice and it's just not working. And he just kept going, okay, KFC parking lot. I come, no, 192 and Avalon.

And then I finally go, dude, just repeat it. Repeat it. He goes, yes, yes. I go repeat what I said. He goes, 192 Avalon. I go, fine. Fine. And then like he's calls me back.

Okay, I'm pulling into the donut shop and I'm going, I finally had to fucking take a picture of 192 and Avalon and send it to the fucking guy. They showed up, right? And he was the greatest guy ever. Greatest guy ever. And I was like, all right, you know what, maybe I got a little emotional. Okay, there's 25,000 people walking up and down the goddamn street here. I don't know what to do here.

Maybe, you know, I don't know what, but I will tell you that when I was at the game, when I was at the game, these people in front of me, I've never seen this before. We're drinking, what's that Mexican beer that begins with an M? It begins with an M. It's fucking gold, right? It looks like, it looks like a trophy. Looks delicious, especially after 32 days of not boozing. So these people in front of me are drinking this shit out of a can and they had this shit

on top. I'm like, what the fuck is that? Is that crushed red pepper flakes? What is it? This guy next to me goes chili powder. They put chili powder around the top because I don't like it. I'm like, is that like white people putting a lime in a fucking Corona? He goes, yeah, it's something like that.

He goes, you know, I don't really like it. I was like, well, I got to try that. I mean, not right now, but eventually I'm going to try that. It looked like the shit that you put on, you know, that are the warning tracks of these new baseball stadiums that's sort of sanded, sort of rubber. That's what it looked like from fucking far away. So that guy proceeds to get absolutely plastered and after three fucking quarters, he comes back up and yells to the crowd that they stopped serving beer at the start of the fourth quarter

and he's yelling about how dumb it is. And that's one of those moments where it's good that I also wasn't drunk because I would have been like, yeah, buddy, you're the reason you're the fucking reason they do that because you can't hold your alcohol. Look at you. You're a fucking mess. So I actually went to this game and this is like a record for me. I didn't have any booze and I didn't eat any of the shit food.

I had like two handfuls of fucking peanuts and drank like three waters. That's it. Because I can't be a fat fucking this thing, you know, so I fucking go downstairs to take a piss, right? And there's this fucking guy just yelling at the police and there's like two cops there and then there's three and then there's five and I'm walking by. I go down, I take a piss and I come back and there is like half the police force is standing there and there's this white dude screaming at all of these cops screaming, you got to

do some go up there and do something. Another white guy yelling dude. It was like total white guy moment yelling at fucking 20 cops. He's not getting the shit kicked out of him. And they actually listened to it went up. They kicked two guys out. And the other guys were like really fucking like, all right, they just sort of left. I don't know what they did.

I don't know what the fuck they did. It was the weirdest thing was the two guys screaming looking like the ones that we're going to get fucking arrested. But we're demanding that these cops go up and do something and then they finally fucking did and they threw these guys out. It's a really bizarre day, but once again, a phenomenal fucking sports experience if you go there. So I apologize.

A lot of this shit is going to be all sports stuff. That's kind of what I did this weekend. I kind of hung out with my daughter and I just watched a bunch of sports and did anybody put on the NFL network and watch Dan Marino of football life. It was fucking amazing, but like you can't do the Dan Marino story in fucking 30 minutes. That should have been an hour and a half long at least. And as much as he, I feel like he finally got his fucking do as you're watching Troy Aikman, Peyton Manning, Brett Farve, all of them saying this was the guy.

This was the fucking guy. Then finally putting to bed this whole thing that, you know, that because he didn't win a Super Bowl, like that's some sort of like black mark up against the guy's fucking name. The guy, he was so ahead of his time. He was such an unbelievable fucking quarterback. It took 25 years, a quarter of a century and a massive change in the rules of passing and how you could defend against the past for people to start fucking with what this guy did from 1983 on.

He was unbelievable. You know what kills me is his dad taught him how to throw ball, come the arm comes up, ball comes out. And I can't even tell you how many times as a Patriots fan, we played him twice a fucking year. I thought Andre Tipp had had him. His arm with the football would still be at his waist and Andre was bringing his fucking arm down to get him and somehow his arm would come up and it'd be out 40 yard fucking laser.

Oh my God, he used to kill us. He used to kill for all you young Dolphin fans out there that fucking hate Tom Brady, you know, because he's been beaten your ass two games a year for like almost his whole career just about. That's payback for Dan Marino. I'm telling you, Dan Marino today in his prime would easily throw for over 6000 yards easily. And if you could actually win without having a running game, which you can nowadays the way the fucking game has changed, he would have at least one Super Bowl ring.

Okay, I'm telling you, one of my favorites of fucking all time and I'm glad they finally did the football life. And I think it was at least an hour too short. All right, there you go. I've said my piece that's coming from a Patriots fan too. And when he played, I fucking hated him because he killed us. I didn't really hate him, but you know what I mean? I wasn't pleased with him.

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It's fucking three more. Oh, look who's here. Oh, but do me on these me on these yelling at a bunch of cops to do me on these me on these. They won't arrest me even though I'm a wop, but I'm white enough. They don't give a shit. They're throwing everybody else out because I am white. Yeah. My balls feel good in my privilege underwear.

Don't forget about the taint. Sorry. And I apologize to all Italian Americans offended by that with the without papers. Do you know what? I learned a an Irish wop I'd never heard of, which was Nina. So Italians that was without papers and India, India. And fucking Irish Nina was no Irish need apply. I didn't know that I had no fucking idea.

This is back in like the gangs in New York. And if you're actually offended by that, you better be 100% Italian. All right. Okay. Don't come at me with your 15% being 100% offended. Okay. I'll send you some fucking pro flowers. All right.

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Is your favorite performances by non stars in movies? Were you and your friends still quoted? It's an unknown fucking actor and you may never even saw him again. Never even seen the person again. So me, I'm going to kick it off. I don't even know this actor's names. Let me look this up. He was in reservoir dogs cop buddy actor.

Let's see if I can find the name of this guy. I don't know what this fucking guy's name is. I got to give him a shout out. You know, I'm going to hit pause because I want to give this guy a shout out. Okay, unknown unheralded actor as far as I know. Rich Turner in reservoir dogs. It's one of my favorite fucking just one scene actors. I don't know.

I don't watch a ton of movies, but I fucking love this guy. He plays the cop in the bathroom when what's his face? Tim Roth is sitting there with all the drugs and he comes out and there's the dog's dog sniffing the drug sniffing dog sniffing drug sniffing dog. See, he was in Pulp Fiction too. Meaning also, yeah, he wasn't in a lot of movies, but he plays my the way he he's being the cop and he's telling that story. Just the way he like the line. I said, buddy, I'm going to shoot you in the face if you don't put your fucking hands on that dashboard. That's just the way it's written and the way he did it.

He goes, I said, buddy, I am going to shoot you in the face. You don't put your fucking hands on that dashboard. Just the way he said it. I don't know why that sounds exactly like a fucking cop to me. So that was like something just me and my friends, we would be fucking hammered. Striking out with chicks and you just be walking out to your car. And one of you invariably would just go, buddy, I am going to shoot you in the face and everyone just start laughing. You don't put your fucking hands in that dashboard.

Who are your favorites? Who are your favorites? They just had that one thing. Your fucking friends, you're still quoted. Man, I just knew a bunch of those. There's obviously a zillion guys. There's a zillion lines and fucking Pulp in good fellows. By the way, rest in peace, Frank Vincent, the first big guy to go from good fellas, man.

I mean, what an absolute legend. What an absolute legend. He was as amazing as an actor as his hair was. What a head of hair that guy had. Good Lord. Jesus Christ, what a head of hair that guy had. His whole frigging life. That's what you say when you're bald.

You fucking see that on people. Look at that guy. I don't know if I ever had that hair. Some people, you know, some people, they just fucking, I don't know what jeans that guy has. That guy, he must have had a Roman emperor or something in his fucking family tree. Incredible actor. And so goddamn funny. Comedic timing was incredible.

I even love that commercially did. I think his only line was, oh, that guy was like stocking up the freezer and he was disrespected. I mean, his body just kept going. Oh, definitely going to miss him. And that was definitely somebody on my bucket list. You know, I get in a movie, I have like fucking two, three lines, but that was definitely a bucket list to ever be able to do a scene with him. And what was so cool, Michael Rappaport. Quite possibly the funniest guy in social media right now with his fucking videos are so goddamn funny.

He actually posted a picture on his Twitter account. You should check it out. I think it's I am at I am Rappaport and it's him working with Frank Vincent in the early 90s. It was like really early on and he got a picture of him shining Frank Vincent's shoes. And he said, at one time, Frank Vincent, maybe go home and get my shine box. And what I love was a lot of people now can look back and on it as a classic and everybody's quoted it a zillion times, but Rappaport already knew. Go home and get your fucking shine box. He was on that shit early fucking early 90s. They've barely done editing it.

He already knew that that was an instant fucking classic. I got to get him back on the podcast again. He has so many amazing stories. Anyways, let's get better. Let me finish this far. I had to break up the podcast read. I mean, the advertising read. Why do I always say the wrong thing first before I correct it?

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Okay. Formula one. Did you think I was going to talk about formula one? What did you think I was going to talk about? How Mississippi state fucking trounced my LSU Tigers. You know, another one of my favorite teams, SMU giving away 56 pounds per player on the fucking offensive and defensive line against TCU. Come on, frogs. How SMU was whipping that fucking horn toned ass for fucking the first half before they wore him down.

They just leaned on him. Do you think I was going to congratulate the Cleveland Indians on an unprecedented 22 in a row? Is that what you thought I was going to do? You think I was going to do all of that? And I wasn't going to talk about that formula one race down in fucking Singapore. That race made me sick. It's one of my favorite races of the year. It's at night.

It's in Singapore. It's one of the most beautiful, amazing slash kind of freak me out cities I've ever been to in my life slash countries. It really is one of the most beautiful, like amazing fucking city where you just feel like your overbearing parents are home all the time. It was fucking rain. It was night. It was raining out. Okay. The Ferraris were running great.

Daniel Ricardo was running great. Mercedes wasn't doing that well. You know, I don't know if Hamilton had a fucking, I thought it was all tied up. Maybe he was up by three points. I can't remember. But Ferrari needed to show up on this fucking day. All right. And if you watched when they were doing the time trials on Saturday and you sell what it was like trying to drive behind somebody doing 150, 60, 70, 80 fucking miles an hour with that fucking roost of tail of water coming up.

I mean, it was going to be an unbelievable fucking race. God knows whoever's in fucking first place. And then first turn is going to win the goddamn race. All right. So Sebastian Vettel, the Ferraris, they get first and third. All right. With Daniel Ricardo on the Red Bull is in second fucking place. I believe that's the way it was, right?

Fucking Mercedes are back and forth and fifth. So the goddamn race starts. All Ferrari has to do. All he's got to do is just make it to the first turn in first fucking place unscathed. He's going to win this fucking race. Okay. In the first case scenario, Hamilton gets fucking second place. That's only 18 points.

Vettel is going to get 25. He'll pick up fucking, you know, whatever. What is that seven points? The fucking race starts. Kimmy Reagan and he acted like fucking Greg Brady when, when, when the pressure was on to beat him. Got to beat Marsha. Got to get close to the quarter of an inch. He fucking stomps on the gas, tries to go around.

Oh, I'm sorry. It was Max Verstappen, not Daniel Ricardo, tries to go around the guy. They're fucking tires get all fucking in a block there and they fucking go up and over. He fucking fucks up his car, slams the fucking Red Bull car into his fucking teammate. The other Ferrari. Vettel makes it to the first turn unscathed. Meanwhile, fucking not unscathed, but he makes it there, but his car's fucked up. It got hit in the back.

Meanwhile, fucking lose fucking Hamilton. He drives right around the shit. Raise. He's sneaking by. Fuckhead comes back in with this fucked up car. Greg Brady, right? Smashes in to the fucking Red Bull guy again. And who does he hit?

He hits the fucking Alfonso in the fucking orange car, trying to do the exact same thing as Lewis Hamilton. But Lewis Hamilton is the Derek G to fucking star child. Just blessed 3000 hit. You hit a fucking grand slam. One of these guys and fucking Vettel drives like, you know, two more turns and the whole front of his car comes off. Both Ferraris out of the fucking race. They were in first and third place or first and fourth. I can't remember.

They had them. They had them and they let them off the hook. They were both out of the race before it even fucking started. And all I could think is what my dad used to always say when somebody would do something like that. Yeah, Christ, this guy, that guy, Christ, that guy, he could fuck up a free lunch. That's the first expression that popped in my head. I think I tweeted it. I was so fucking pissed.

Ferrari could fuck up a free lunch. I mean, that was a free lunch. No one could drive fast that day. Mercedes weren't running well the whole fucking weekend. So what do you do? You take out yourself and your fucking teammate. You clear out the whole fucking front row for fucking Lewis Hamilton, who just drives along unscathed. That guy, Lewis Hamilton is a blessed man.

That's one of those deals. He's one of those guys makes you believe in a higher power. Like there's just somebody that just fucking loves it. I mean, I'm taking away all the preparation the man does, but you know, he cuts around the outside. No problem. Alfonso goes through the same thing. His fucking day's over. Unbelievable. And then the rest of the race, they're riding around the fucking rain.

And Hamilton fucking wins. No problem. Unfucking believable. I wanted to see a race. I knew that Hamilton was going to try to fucking, he wasn't going to be happy sitting in, you know, all the way back there, right? Who would be, right? I want to see what the fuck he was going to do with his car not doing that well in all of that rain. Would he actually crash?

I mean, you know, he's going to push it to the fucking limit. All of that was out the second it started. Like, remember that year that Jets were supposed to be good and like fucking 99. And like the first game, Vinny Tester Verde goes back and blows out his Achilles and then Kishon was crying after the game. That was the original. That's my quarterback. That was the original. That's what it was like.

I still watched the fucking race. It was still fucking. It was still exciting, but Jesus Christ. Anyways, and then I also, I watched the boxing. That's all I did this weekend is I just fucking watched. I'm writing an episode of F is for family. So I just stayed in the whole fucking weekend when it wasn't writing. I was just watching sports and I'm not a big boxing guy just because I've gotten fucked over so many times in the pay-per-views.

So forgive me if I fuck up the pronunciation. Is it Golovkin versus Canelo? And that took me back. That's what pay-per-view boxing used to be. I'm not saying you didn't get fucked every once in a while back then, but it was just, dude, it was fucking forehead to forehead. It was a war, feeling each other around, respecting each other and all that shit. And then the usual bullshit happened. How that fucking lady sought 118 to 110.

I mean, Jesus, I don't know shit about boxing. And I was like, what the fuck? And I loved how Roy Jones in the fucking end goes like, he goes, I love that it was a draw, you know, because that means we get to see this again. And next time there's definitely going to be a decision. And I felt like he was like, they were like, Roy, don't bring this up. This is the Illuminati script of boxing. Please don't bring this shit up. This whole fucking thing is that it was going to be a draw.

If we had any way to make this thing be a fucking draw so we could do it again. But it was great. It was a great fucking fight. I thought Golovkin clearly won the fight. I just thought he was backing up the whole fucking time. And I know Canelo had some big shots towards the end, but Golovkin just fucking walked. He ate them all up. He ate them up.

And he would back off for a second. You just come back and then he would fucking give him, you know, if he took two, he'd come back and give him two. I just thought, you know, I don't know. I agreed with that fucking guy who screams all the time. What the hell right now? I got to fight nine rounds and fucking move. That guy's always screaming. They have him in the crowd so he can't hear himself.

Does he not have headsets on? I love that he yells every fucking time. I don't know. I thoroughly enjoyed it. The decision obviously stunk, but I did not feel that I got fucked on my money. I feel like the fighters got fucked. And I retweeted this rant that Teddy Atlas went on. And it was, you know, somebody has to say, I just don't understand how it's still that corrupt.

It's just they've never like, it was weird, like Vegas was totally corrupt and totally mobbed up. And then they cleaned it up by putting those corporations in there who then fucked you on everything, including the steak. Why can't they clean up boxing? Can they get the mob out of there so that the corporations can come over on the legal side of stealing and fuck people more than they ever have? Maybe they have. I have no idea. I don't understand it. But, uh, Teddy Atlas said, I'm not, I'm going to butcher it how he said it.

He said those guys went in the ring and came out less of who they were, meaning that they, you do permanent damage to yourself. I mean, when they were breaking down the, uh, they were breaking down the power shots and all of that type of shit. It's like I was watching Rogan's recap of it with Jim Norton and, uh, Rogan read some stats where this guy, he took, okay, you know, he's the blue his head. He took 118 punches to the fucking head. I haven't taken 118 punches to the head in my life. My brother brother used to beat the shit out of me all the time, but we knew you kept it to the body. That's why your father wouldn't see it when you came home. Um, so, but other than that, I mean, it was, it was great.

It was everything that I knew that Mayweather and, um, McGregor wasn't going to be. And that's why I didn't rent it. And that's why I spent my money on that. I still got fucked. Um, but, uh, is Tommy Morrison still alive? Okay. I have to hit pause on this because I got to watch this shit. He's a relative of fucking John Wayne in case you didn't know. Um, sorry, he's a boxer back in the day. Uh, all right, I got to read some of the, uh, the shit here for this week. I can't see anything here doing this in my fucking living room.

We bought these things when we, uh, yet another thing I had a fix on this house. They had these fucking awful lights on the wall. So we bought these sconces, these really fancy fucking things. And the thing, the fancy thing in front of the light is so goddamn thick that it always seems like it's on a dimmer. They probably should have just bought a higher one bulb. I don't know. This has got to be one of those moments where you're like, why the fuck am I listening to this guy? He's talking about the fucking light bulbs in his living room. I'm sorry. All right. DNA testing at Raven's game.

You know, boy, dear Bill, I love the podcast. Love you stand up. I love afters for family. Thank you. I have to start promoting that at my stand up shows too, because I feel like a lot of people still don't know the shows on. Um, so if you get a chance, if you give the show, tell your friends about it and everything just so we can continue doing the show would be awesome. Um, he said, I wanted to hear your opinion on this very weird giveaway at Sunday's Raven's game. I'm a season ticket holder for the Ravens and it's not unusual to get a little freebies when you enter stadium,

commemorative coins, beer, koozie, flags, et cetera. Uh, Sunday is the home opener and some company is giving away free DNA tests. So I guess this happened yesterday. Free DNA test. What are you trying to do? Figure out if you're a fucking human being. Um, and it's not even some ancestry.com type shit that could give you some semi useful information. You're not getting any useful information from ancestry.com. They're doing what this company is doing. I don't know what they're doing, but they're not trying to help you out.

Do you really need to know how much Scottish blood you have in you? Do you really need? So what? You can do what? Go out and go feel justified buying a fucking kilt. You're not Scottish. You're a mutt. Um, the article I linked says, uh, they're testing for four genes. The test offers insight into your mind, body, and health is what they claim. It seems like this company just wants a bunch of data and they figured that an NFL game is a great way to get 70,000 mouth-breathing fucking morons. Um, that, that part was me. 70,000 people, 70,000 people's DNA all at once. Uh, the company has also partnered with the 49ers. So testing might come to San Francisco soon.

What are your thoughts? Keep up the good work and go fuck yourself. Uh, I think I know exactly what this is. Um, in the future, people's DNA is going to be, uh, it's just starting to become a revenue source. The way your phone number and all of this other shit that they get from you at CVS and all these fucking places, it was another revenue stream where you were buying shaving cream tampons, whatever the fuck you were doing. And then they would get personal information from you that then they could then sell to other fucking companies. Um, I think it is now that they've exhausted all of that, they've now moving on to fingerprints, face recognition, and DNA. And they're going to share this with everybody. And, uh, I know the robots are coming.

I don't know how to, I don't know where this all lands. I know that there's talks in the future that human beings could be meshed with robots. Um, if I had to guess, they're probably going to get to the point where with your DNA, they can grow another you and say, well, that's not really you. The real you is going to the Ravens game. So we're going to do all kinds of Nazi doctors, Nazi doctor-esque type experiments on this with the fucking robot before we release this to the public. That's where I think it's going. All right. And, you know, I don't want my twin adult brother coming into this world at 51 years of age, because I figured another two years they'll probably start doing it. Um, and getting a fucking, you know, bionic arm put on as he's screaming and fucking paying because God knows they're not going to use fucking anesthetic.

Because that, that fucking DNA version, you will be the property of a corporation and will have no rights to fucking anesthetic. Why don't I write sci-fi? You know, I did the whole fucking thing about how you had to take a test. And if you flunk the test on the population control, you just walk into the ocean and now there's a movie coming out about that. I don't know. Maybe I'm just not original. Maybe I should start writing these fucking things. That sounds like a cool fucking movie, right? You have to go save yourself. You know, Holly would do some fucking creepy happy ending where you're just staring there at yourself, touching each other's face and everybody's fucking crying. Um, I don't know. You throw Will Smith in there. Somehow it's a winner. All right. Whiny fan complaining. All right. Howdy, Bill.

I'm a four year podcast listener and I saw you live in San Antonio early this year. I think you're a layers guy and obviously it's your podcast and I should go fuck myself, but I think your Trump positions are kind of unfair. Um, oh God, not another political fucking person. He did call himself off of being. I think your Trump positions are kind of unfair. Well, then you think my Hillary ones are fair. All right, God bless you. Um, I know you're just a comedian. I know you have a lot of fans in the quote, real America. Oh, there's the left talking down to the right. Okay. And so you have to tow a line.

This is the classic. I really hope the person wrote this is listening, sir. You're and you are inventing all of this in your head because you're upset about something politically. Okay. Are you mad at what I'm talking about about Trump? Is that what this is? You feel I have to tow some sort of fucking what liberal line because I'm out here in Hollywood. Um, but Trump is to my mind, obviously a dangerous guy. I won't go through my whole list of grievance grievances, but he thinks climate change is a Chinese hoax, uh, supports white supremacists. And just this week through the lives of 800,000,

God make sure you didn't use any comments. Eight million people who are brought here as children into disarray. I know every president has skeletons, but even a liberal like me. Oh, is the Hillary person can see this guy is nothing like W W or George H. Uh, dude, when did I say I liked this guy? I never did. I never said that I liked the guy. I just said people freaking out about him and losing their fucking shit.

I should have been more specific, like fucking white people acting like the needle in your life was going to change that fucking far. All right. By the way, um, you know, if you really want to see a bunch of skeleton, both of these people, I mean, this election was essentially two AM at a bar. I mean, you had to go home with somebody, right? Probably shouldn't have. Listen, this fucking guy thinks climate change is a hoax. Fine. All right, Hillary was all for bailing out these fucking banks in 2008, which is exactly what the fuck happened.

And all these people who stayed in Florida, writing out the fucking storm and everybody's making fun of them and saying how dumb they are for staying there. They're probably upside down in their house. And unlike the bankers, don't have another house that they can go to. Yeah, evacuate the area and do what? Go with half of the Florida and sit in a fucking waffle house in Georgia and then what? I don't have enough gas money to get back. I love the complete lack of sympathy for people that can completely fucked in 2008,

which Hillary was totally all about. She was also all about fucking, you know, ignoring the wishes of the people on the left who voted more for fucking Bernie Sanders, according to this trial and colluded with the Democratic Party to ignore those votes and box Bernie Sanders out. And she just took the nomination. And now all of a sudden she's got the fucking balls to sit here and talk about the electoral college. Okay, she's not a good person either. And I'm not saying W is I told you I was done.

I say W I mean, sorry, Donald Trump. I said I was done with Donald Trump when he said that both sides contributed to the violence that he couldn't even get himself to say, that those Nazis might be a little out of their fucking minds, the neo-Nazis. I told you I was done with the guy. Okay, but you hate the guy so much, you're hearing what you want to hear. All right, maybe I don't trash Trump enough on this podcast, but I don't feel that I need to. Everybody, at least in my profession, has a bit on how fucking stupid the guy is. Really dry mouth talking about this shit.

So I don't. And for you to sit there, you fucking cunt after four years of listening to my podcast acting like I tow some sort of line. Did you ever listen to my fucking advertising? I lose advertisers all the fucking time. Okay, if I was towing some sort of line, I would read those things like I was on fucking Lawrence Welk hyping Gerritol. I don't. Okay. I tow a line as far as I say what the fuck I think is funny.

That's the line that I am towing here, sir. Sorry, the guy that you wanted to fucking win didn't fucking win. I know. I know Trump's out of his fucking mind and I don't need you wagging your fucking finger at me and give me a goddamn fucking lecture. Is if I don't understand that this guy's fucked up. Okay. So why don't you look at your own up your own fucking skirt. It'd be a little more even handed all you fucking guys.

I mean, I guess you got to wind about Trump because he's actually the fucking president of Jesus Christ. The fucking pass. I don't know what the fuck it is that Hillary gets is unbelievable. P.S. Hillary sucks. That's all I get on this side. You know, he said, look, man, I just think that despite what you're saying about being community, you do have a platform. Fuck you, buddy. Fuck you.

You're not putting that on me. All right. I can tell you this right now, dude, if you get your political information from a fucking stand up comedian who can't even read out loud. You use this thing to decide who the leader of the quote free world is going to be. I can't help you. What am I supposed to do? You know what I would say to you, send your fucking DNA into the Ravens. Anyways, you do have a platform and why I'd never dare to tell you what to say.

I hope you will consider what happens when you play down the danger of his behaviors. Let me ask you this, sir. What exactly would be happening now if the other fucking bought and paid for fucking twat went in there? What do you think would happen? What do you think would happen? Do you honestly, while she admits that global warming is real, what do you think would happen? Do you think she's going to do anything? Most, the most she could be in there for is eight fuck.

They just wait them out. Al Gore in 1992 said that there has to be a car that gets at least 100 miles a gallon by the fucking year 2000, something like that. And he just kept delaying the project and delaying it and delaying it and delaying it and delaying it. And then they were out of office and it just fucking went away. There you go. So I don't know what to tell you. I have to tell you, buddy, I always vote outside of the Democratic and the Republican Party. Okay, unless I find somebody within them, like a Bernie Sanders, who I feel will actually hopefully make more people within those bought and paid for fucking groups.

I don't know, take a stand for fucking regular people. I mean, that's what I do. Okay. I don't like Trump. The guy makes me sick to my stomach. I think he's, I absolutely think the guy's fucking racist. But I also think Hillary is the fucking devil. And in a lot of ways, we sidestepped a bunch of other shit.

Okay, we walked into a bunch of the shit with Trump, but you definitely sidestepped a bunch of, come on, man. Everybody, anybody with any remote sense of intelligence knows that, you know, that was the fucking blue bonnet bull. All right, that wasn't the fucking, that wasn't Alabama versus fucking Clemson or shit. That was, you know, that was the holiday bull election. All right, actual money based, but I'm, you know, I don't know, I don't know why you needed to send me that dude. You honestly think that I want to see fucking kids get sent out of this country? I don't. I don't.

Okay. So stop turning me into the fucking, you know what it is? Do you know why this country's fucked up? There's a guy who can't read out loud that does a podcast twice a week. And I'm telling you that is, if we could just get him to politically say what we feel, I think we could turn this country around. We're taking college. We're taking college. I said, buddy, actual money based on gold.

Hey, Billy, gold bullocks. That'd be great. I have some gold bullocks in that fucking diamond encrusted pouch. I was listening to Rogan's podcast recently and he had a guy called Peter shift on and he was talking about gold money.com. This is basically a private gold reserve where you can buy gold, which is held in a secure vault. Oh, is it? Listen, you give us our money and we'll have, we'll hold your gold. Great.

So they keep my cash and the gold. Do I got to send them a donkey toe and using a prepaid mastercard, you can pay for goods and services with your money backed by gold or platinum. If you'd rather buy that. I would do that immediately or when the dollar crashes. Effectively, what the banks used to do before they sold the foundations of our currency here is here in the UK, Gordon Brown sold all the diamonds that back sterling when the bank shit the bed. I don't know what any of that means here in the UK, Gordon Brown, who's Gordon Brown or is that a bank? Like fucking JP Morgan sold all the diamonds that back sterling when the bank shit the bed. Oh, okay.

So you got your money back. Is that what you're saying? I just this minute signed up. This sounds like a commercial and I'll be putting some money into it, although not all my money as it's always best to diversify when you stash your savings. I think it is much better than Bitcoin as it's actually based on something of value. I love you. Go fuck yourself. Sir, why don't you just take your money and go buy a gold coin?

Why don't you just do that? Why don't you take your paper and go buy some gold and leave with the gold rather than giving your money to this fucking person you're not going to meet and he tells you that he has. How do you know there's gold there? He's basically doing what they're doing with Fort Knox where they say there's all this gold in there and then there's rumors that it's fucking empty. I like the direction you're going in, but I think you went out of the frying pan into the fire with that one. Grant, I don't want to shit on whatever that guy's doing because I got your a bridge version of it. But that reminded me of that movie Blow where Johnny Depp's character gives him $2 million in cash and they give him a book that says $2 million on it. Then he goes to jail.

He never gets his fucking money. All right. My girlfriend's daughter is causing us to break up. Is that a bad thing? Jesus Christ. I mean, you're already dating somebody that already has a kid. So that's going to be already 100 times harder to make that fucking work. And then the kid doesn't even like you.

So I mean, maybe she's doing you a solid here. Hey, Bill. Okay, here we go. So my girl and I of seven years both worked for the same company and I was offered a better position in Florida and she was also offered a position as well. Now here's where the daughter comes in and fucks up the flow. Yeah. Cause she fucking probably wants to stay at her school. Her daughter's 14 is just starting high school and refusing to move and her mother is going along with not forcing her to move and is going to pass her is going to pass on her position.

We agreed. I will not move down and get things in order until she wait. We agreed. I will move down and get things in order until she gets there in four years. Now for the past few weeks, we've been getting into more fights and a reasoning for the fight is sit down for this one bill. She says it's easier for me to leave when she's mad. She's fighting you because it's easier for you to leave when she's mad. I think that's the dumbest fucking reason I've ever heard.

Also, she keeps saying I'm going to go down and find myself some black ass and end up cheating on her while I'm there. Would love to get your take on this situation and get your insight on what I should do. Thanks and pick up a fucking drink you pussy fuck. I would say. I'd say there's a staggering lack of trust. I think the key here is to not get into an argument with her is to just sit down and try and discuss it with her and just say, listen. We agreed that this is what I was going to do. And now what it is is, you know, I think this is what happened.

What she did was she did what was best for her daughter and she put herself with you in second, but she still sounds like cares about you. And the fact that you're down there, she's worried that you're going to leave and she misses you. I think that that's what's happening. So I would just ask her, is this some like misdirected anger where you're actually just saying that you miss me and you love me? Is that what you're saying? We could work through this. And then if you're really not going to fuck around with her and you're really going to see it through, then you ought to be able to just say, listen, I'll do whatever it takes. I'm going to be there in four years.

If you're not lying, I think you ought to be able to work your way through it. And I think this has less to do with the daughter than it has to do with the fact that she just misses you. And she's afraid that you're going to find somebody else down there, evidently, wherever you moved, where there's a bunch of black ass down there. That's what I would guess. So you guys need to get on the same page and you need to have an honest moment with yourself before you fucking slowly tear the Band-Aid off. Either get the fuck out of it or totally commit to her. I mean, seven years at this point, why don't you drop in a fucking ring on her? That ought to shut her up for a good couple of weekends.

It won't shut her up permanently. I can tell you that right now. Oh, I can tell you some stories. Oh, can I tell you so? Oh, sit right back and hear a tale, a tale of a married guy who jumps through all the fucking hoops and still gets the evil lie. All right, my wife, my wife is who? Dear Billy Buttertits, fuck you. I'm losing weight.

My wife, my wife decided to have an affair four months ago. Oh, boy. Before I knew what was going on, she told me she didn't know if she wanted to be married to me anymore and that it was because I was too controlling. And by controlling, she means I told her as a stay-at-home mom, I had expectations. I expected her to keep the house clean and take care of our children as we agreed when she quit her job. Yeah, I mean, which is a totally fair ask, you know, but nowadays in this world of hyper fucking feminism, not all feminists are bad, but the fucking, the God is great fucking crazy ones there. Yeah, they would say that that was sexist.

You know, why don't you work all fucking day and then come home and also have the house clean? You know what I mean? Look, if you got a bunch of kids, it can only be so fucking clean. But the least you could do is order a pizza, right? Anyways, I would come home to her friends being at the house and her drinking all afternoon. Well, Jesus Christ, she's not even making an effort. This is what happens when you draft in the first round, buddy. You know, you get those second rounders.

They got something to fucking prove, you know, that's what happens when you marry a 10. I'm assuming she's good looking if you're putting up with this shit. I came home from work after being gone 15 hours and have to say something about how I felt that the house was a wreck. And there was no dinner in sight. It never seemed to matter. Back in January, we moved to Denver from Atlanta thinking everything would be better. And she met this 25 year old guy who she proceeded to sneak around behind my back with and bring our children around. No way.

I'm 38. She's 35. We have two children and we've been married for almost 12 years. Yeah, dude. Yeah, this is a wrap. Yeah. And now she wants a divorce and plans to move this kid into our home with our children. Oh my God, dude. This is the worst person ever.

I am beside myself with the thought of the divorce and this punk kid living with my children. Oh my God. I know it won't last, but the fact is I don't want my children to be around this piece of shit, not alone living in my house. She thinks this is perfectly okay to put the kids and I through this. I do love her and would do anything to save our marriage, but the truth is she is delusional at this point. And I guess I am too. What do I do to stop this?

I know this is not my fault because I busted my ass to build the life she always dreamed of, only for her to think she can kick me out of it. Any advice and or the lovely knee you could give would be greatly appreciated. Thanks and go fuck yourself. Yeah, man. I mean, this is the things. This is what can happen to a guy. But you're not allowed to talk about this on television, are you?

Never, never, never. You can talk about guys being overbearing, domestic violence, all those things that should be brought to light, but they will not talk about this. You watch Dr. Phil talk about this. You watch him blame the guy. So she's saying the reason that she sucked his cock was because you weren't paying enough attention to her. You need to try to pay attention more to her while she's sucking his dick. What do I do to stop this?

I don't know. At this point, I would be thinking about my kids and how I could make this as. Look, dude, this is what the fuck she wants to do. This is what the fuck she wants to do. How you make this as easy a fucking transition. You're fucking divorce. I can tell you this. I know you called her a whore here.

Don't ever say that to your kids because at the end of the day, it's still their mother and you got a fucking. You know, you got to look the other way. I don't know, dude, this is this is outside my fucking realm. I can tell you this, dude, you fucking 38 years old, you sound like a great fucking guy. I would just whatever you got to do for your kids, I would do that. Her is a fucking lost cause. All right, and I would. Yeah, I would do that and I would start P 90 X and go out and get yourself a fucking beautiful, good hearted fucking woman.

I would maybe even if you have time, I would go to therapy and figure out how the fuck you ended up. Unless she's just a total psycho like so you don't go out and fucking marry that again. Figure that out. But the fuck I'm trying to marry you off already. Jesus Christ, you just getting out of something. I'll do this. My head spinning over this one because I'm putting myself in your shoes. I don't know what the fuck I would do.

Oh man, that's a rough one. Some other fucking guy going in. Telling you kids to pipe down. I mean, Jesus fucking Christ. Yeah, I would, I would. I would talk to somebody about this way beyond my fucking educational level. That's what I would do. I hope you get through this thing and what a fucking mistake she's making.

I can tell you that, but she, the way you described it, granted, I only get your side of it. She does not sound like the private person that even when she does fuck it up, she'll admit it. She'll probably still put it on you and but you know what? It'll all come out in the wash and your kids are going to know that you're a fucking good guy. So, well, geez, can we, can we, can we end on that? I don't know. I don't think so. Hang on a second.

Nia. Okay, my fault. I thought she could come on. She can't. She's got to do mommy duty. I got to have it back on more, man. Miss having her on here. Anyways, that's the, that's the podcast for this week.

How about those dolphins one and all top of the AFC East? You know, Patriots one and one in second place. It's still early Kansas city looking fucking tough. What else Cowboys defense is in shambles. Brett Ernst called me or text me all fucking concerned about that, but it's still early. It's still fucking early. We'll see what's going on. My beautiful daughter's crying downstairs.

So I'm going to go handle that shit and literally and figuratively God knows. That's it. I'll check in on you on Thursday. Enjoy the Monday night football game tonight. And once again, congratulations to the Cleveland Indians 22 in a row. I've, you know, obviously never saw that ever. That's fucking incredible. That's almost, I thought it's almost one in a month's worth of games.

Yeah, Bill, there's 30 days in a month and they almost play every day. Yeah. Thank you, Bill. All right, go fuck yourselves. We'll talk to you on Thursday. All those in the promo, there's a hippie cop in my louche. Van alles neem ik twee en hoe men nou en met de erg. Van ons hier zal ik pasen.

Ramadam oe berk. You need Van Pasen en Ramadan met het verrassend en divers assortiment van Albert Heijn. En kijk zeker ook naar de tweede aflevering op de wereld in het klein.be. Dat is het lekkere van Albert Heijn.