Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 9-2-24

Episode Date: September 2, 2024

Bill rambles about sleep needs, the first two weeks of college, and job site lingo. Liquid Death:  Go to www.liquiddeath.com/BURR to check out all their healthy, infinitely recyclable beverages and find your closest retailer. 

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Monday Morning Podcast for Monday, September 2nd, Labor Day. Now guys, remember, this is the last day you can wear white. So Jesus Christ, get out there and show off your buns and your fucking Daisy Dukes. Um, you know, with global warming, is that going to apply? Are they going to keep moving, moving Labor Day back? Sorry, climate change. I like when they call it climate change.

It makes me feel like it's a lot less of a problem. The climate's changing. I mean, don't we all change throughout life? I mean, I think back just like two years ago when I look at some of the things that I thought, and I was like, who is that person? I mean, can't Mother Nature also change? Um... ... If I see one more fucking person say that Los Angeles is the third world country, it's

like, it's not what it looks like out here. And then also my favorite fucking thing is I love when people get mad at people that are living under a bridge and they think the problem like get them out of here, have them go live under another bridge. It's like, or you could go to Malibu where all those fucking tech nerds live and took away all the fucking jobs and consolidated everything and kept all the marbles for themselves.

You could look at them and say, maybe what they're doing trickles down. Remember trickle down economics. It works both fucking ways. Weren't they supposed to be creating a whole bunch of jobs rather than taking a bunch away and then people end up under fucking bridges support the troops when they're in uniform when they're under bridges afterward tell them to get the fuck out of your neighborhood America it's Labor Day everybody what are you doing on Labor Day?

Sitting around eating a fucking piece of barbecue chicken, add to those fucking love handles. What do you do? You go for a walk afterward, drink a little fucking seltzer. I'm going to drop this 30. Drop this 30. You drop that 30 on a fucking mattress. That's what you're going to do. Oh, I'm in a fucking mood, dude.

I'm telling you like I, I've, my goal for this month is I'm not going to beep at one person on a bicycle because not because I'm trying to become a more accommodating person, it's because I'm starting to think that that's what they want. They just want the attention. They want people beeping and they want a funeral procession behind them they will not use a bike lane will not use it nope we built you a bike lane on this street fuck you

if i use a bike lane and i'm perfectly safe i don't get any attention i need to go out into the road i was doing doing a gig with Dean Del Rey over at Flapper's and we're going to get on the highway and these three fucking idiots, it's like nighttime and they're wearing dark clothes on bicycles. Of course, you have to dress like your Lance Armstrong, you know, and have your stupid slippers

clicked into the pedals. Cause, oh, you're riding so fast. What happens if my foot flies off the fucking thing? It's so, it's so dumb. It's so, it's the bike version of those douchebags that go to football games and they wear a football jersey and a helmet and they put fucking that black shit under their eyes. You know, I'm, I know, I know I'm just a fucking grumpy old man. When I was a fucking kid, you did all of those activities and you wore the same outfit. I don't give a fuck if you were going to a funeral, riding a bicycle or going to a football

game. You wore the same fucking clothes. All right. You had a dirty pair of canvas sneakers that you could actually throw in the washing machine like Chuck Taylors. You had, you dressed like Malcolm Young. That's basically how you dressed. Whether you were riding a fucking bicycle, flying a kite, playing frisbee, unloading

trucks, doing landscaping, going to a football game. It just, you know. And now everything you do has like an outfit. You went to the, that's how you went to the gym. Oh, and it wasn't that bad. The gym, you just had gray sweatpants. And for some reason you had a towel around your neck that you tucked into your sweat shirt. But now everything it has like, everything has a outfit. So anyway, so a riding we're driving over to flappers and Like these these people are riding full speed on their bicycles and We're coming to a point they're in the right lane and then the right lane is making a right

To turn on to the highway So what you're supposed to do is the bike rider is you you move over a lane and you get you know You're splitting the lane That's good on the left in the right that's going straight and this guy stays there And then he gets the exit he turns around and he sticks his fucking arm out. Oh My god the fucking ego on this guy Sticks his arm out and then what does he do everybody? What does he do shakes his head? It's like you're riding during rush hour the Sun is down you're wearing dark clothes and

you've decided to ride your bike where there's an on ramp to a fucking highway and you're shaking your head. Ah, these fucking people. So at this point, I just feel like they, I want some people that ride bikes, bicycles to fucking explain. Like is, do you get off on it? Is that what you do? Like fucking acting like you're the dad, start directing traffic.

Right. From your little, your little split bicycle seat so you don't fucking hurt your taint. It really has nothing to do with people. And I just had an overbearing situation when I was fucking growing up. So when somebody fucking tells me to, you know, you're going to fucking with no authority in my life whatsoever and you're going to tell me to fucking, you know, you're going to stick your arm out and tell me to fucking slow down and then shake your head at me and

then fucking 200 yards later I'm going to watch you blow a fucking red light or stop sign. I mean that right there, that right there in a nutshell is a metaphor to the adults that I grew up around. Oh, that's, that's the source. That is the source of the goddamn anger. Um, anyway, uh, all right, we survived the first week of college football. One of the dumbest weekends in sports. They'll have one game, one or two games that are actually like competitive. They finally figured that out. But you know, hey, what are you doing tomorrow?

Are you watching Ohio State versus Akron? Ohio State's plus 70. Nermania's 70. You know, like some stations do like alternative halftime programming to try to steal a little bit of the people watching the Super Bowl. I think that they should do that the first week of college football. Like you can watch like the same time they're showing Ohio state playing Akron, you know, or like fucking Alabama going up against Western Kentucky. I think on another channel, they should just have adults slapping ice cream cones out of toddler's hands and then laughing at them when they cry.

But anyway, it is, it is football season. I'm getting very excited about the football season. And I got to hand it to the NFL, you know, not the way they treat their players, of course. I got to hand it to the NFL, like the way they make their sketch, the first Monday night game, the way they make their sketch, the first Monday night game, the New York Jets are playing. I mean, just like I'm in show business, all right, Billy showbiz over here. I mean, you got to create some excitement, especially when you have my level of low level of talent. You know, there's got to be, there's got to be some sort of fucking shiny thing to look at. And the brilliance of putting the jets on Monday

night football Aaron Rodgers big comeback to just get that story going again is fantastic. They got Patrick Mahomes all by himself. You know, he's like Beyonce. Is that Lena? Is Beyonce even Beyonce? She's like 40. I don don't, whoever the D the young diva is now. And then like, then then they got fucking, uh, Aaron Rogers on Monday night, like Madonna, right? Both of them can still pull a crowd and they got there. They have their own, they're not going to play on Sunday with everybody else. They're playing, they're playing by themselves, right? And all the football fans get to be like, yes, yes, queen. Yes. Right.

That's what I learned when, um, I've learned, cause my wife, she likes the divas. So whenever she watches the concert footage, like that's, that's the crowd. The crowds all yelling, yes, yes yes yes queen we're here for it it's fucking hilarious um i don't understand why they can't just put on eyeliner and throw up devil horns like a real man anyway um i miss the moto Moto GP as always. My, my kids are back in school. So you know the deal.

They, they, it's like two days and they come back and everybody has like scurvy, you know, they all just come out all the kids just from a summer of being away from each other and fucking touching everything and then rubbing their face in their eye. Two days, your kid comes back and they have like, you know, some, some sort of fucking disease. They thought they, you know, he's got like a West Nile sort of head cold, but don't worry. There'll be like three days. So anyway, my son has a cold and he like, he gets all frustrated and he doesn't know what to do. So, um,

he just kept coming into the room, me and my wife's room. And I know the deal. Okay. If my wife, like my wife's room and I know the deal. Okay, if my wife like My wife's not like me. Okay, she's in touch with her feelings. She's a fully formed Human being she doesn't get mad at people trying to ride a bicycle down the street the way I do every other fucking podcast She's content to let them go, follow behind them or maybe safely pass on the left when, when, when the time is right. She's content to do that. Not me. Um, but she needs her sleep. Okay. I, on the other hand, am a fucking lunatic and like, I gotta do a thousand things a day just to keep the voices in my head at bay. That's what it is. Okay.

I've done therapy. I've taken mushrooms. It's just like, this is who I am. So my job is to not pass whatever the fuck I am onto my kids. And then it's over. Okay. That is really, I realized my job in life being a comedian is just my job, but my job in life is to end whatever the fuck I am in my family tree. You know, I want that for future generations. I want them to be able to drive down the street behind somebody on a bicycle and not have an absolute temper tantrum. Like, I mean, I, I, I have to sit down and be like, okay, this is somebody's

friend. Okay. Bill, just fucking will just chill the fuck up. So anyway, so my wife, but she, you know, she can sleep through the night. So, um, I can't believe it. I can't tell you this. Oh, Jesus. I used. Okay.

I'm not as fucked up as the people, the generation before me and my family tree. I can at least sleep six hours, but there was other people in my family that could maybe sleep four and then they were just up all night talking to themselves. Like, I don't know. It was a different time. So anyway, so the deal is if my wife, if she doesn't sleep through the night, then she becomes me, but in grumpy. She's just grumpy. Okay. And then the whole balance of the house is off because I'm a cunt and now she's grumpy.

And then, then now we got a problem, right? So I'm an incurable cunt. So it doesn't make a difference how many hours sleep I get. I'm still going to be a cunt in the morning, but my wife is a sweetheart if she gets eight hours sleep. So my son keeps coming in. So I just take the bullet. I go, come on, buddy. I take him down the hall and he's funny. He went from a crib to an adult size bed because me and they have our old

school bed in there from like back when we had an apartment. And he went right to that. He didn't want the kid bed, nothing. He wanted the big bed. So he sleeps in like this queen size bed. So every once in a while when he has a tough night like that, I just go in there.

And I stay in there with him because he's going to keep waking up. But if I'm there, he won't go in and wake my wife up. So we're in there and he's just starting to learn how to blow his nose and everything so he gets really frustrated and stuff and he's whining he's crying and he's fucking kicking me and shit and then uh I don't know what happened at like three in the morning he wakes me up and he asks if he can play with his airport he loves this this airport club soda. Kenny, his uncle there got it for him. He loves this thing. Three in the morning. He's over there like the worst roommate ever.

And he's making the monorail going up and down the tracks and he's talking and all of this stuff. And he was like, I'm just, you know, and at that point I took his pillow and I of this stuff and he was like I'm just you know and at that point I took his pillow and I got my pillow and I'm making like the head sandwich you know you got it over your ears oh and there's also like the noise machine is on and he has a nightlight so this is what I'm dealing with trying to get some sleep and he's playing with this fucking airport and just when I was about ready to be like, dude, can you, can you just, just, can you just come to bed and just, can you fucking do me a favor and chill? Um,

he was over there and he was started singing highway to hell by himself. You know, he's a highway to hell. That's why he sings it. Oh, he goes, Jay bike. He's always singing AC DC. And yes, he is going as Angus Young for Halloween, man. He's just, he has studied that band so much now. He actually, his whole costume, he has to have a hat on. He has studied that band so much now. He actually, his whole costume, he has to have a hat on. He has this travel electric guitar that he has. He can do the Angus, you know, Chuck Berry thing that Angus did.

I think Chuck Berry was the first guy to do it, right? His little duck walk thing. He can do that. And then now he puts his backpack from school on. Like remember early ACDC Angus had the backpack too. And that's what he does. And he studies these, these videos of theirs and he just does all the anger stuff. It's insane. And then I got my daughter, uh, you know, I got the little drum kit now. So we, I just play drum beats and she tries to play him with it. It's, it's, it's unbelievable. It's like my favorite thing in the world. So like, you know, the classic Bonham. Ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba fast and I played it like her eyes got really big and now she's like she's like motivated to go out there today go I'm doing my part here okay doing my part to

make sure my kids play outside actually play an instrument you know I don't want these auto-tuned iPad kids all right they're playing fucking baseball. Alright, they're shutting off their feelings. Old school now. Yeah, my son broke his bat, his little Fisher Price bat. Because he slams it on the ground before he's going to hit. I don't know who he saw doing that. And it finally snapped. It was actually fucking funny as hell.

He heard it snap and he held it up and it was like kind of crooked. He goes, dad. And as I looked at him, the top of it just slowly bent over and it bent in half and it looked like nunchucks, but there was a little piece of plastic that still was holding the top to the handle. He started crying. It looked like nunchucks, but there was a little piece of plastic that still is holding the top to the handle He started crying So that's one of those things, you know, you feel bad for your kid, but it's also funny as hell so I'm trying to like not laugh and

Then my daughter has like an aluminum bat. So he used a big boy bat And he immediately stopped crying. He got half this smile on his face and he gets to the big boy bat and I throw him one and he fucking just, I mean this thing, even at Fenway, I think it would have made it to second base. He fucking crushed this thing. Line drive. I still haven't been able to find it. It went somewhere into the shrubs. You know, those Whipple balls, they don't make any noise. Plus my ears are shot. So anyway, that's what I've been up to.

I know this, you know, you guys, I don't know what you're doing. You paying attention to the presidential election. Let people that pay attention to that shit. It's like don't you know who you're voting for? This is a complete fucking waste. Well, I guess that's not true. I mean, I watch a Patriots game. I know who I'm voting for rooting for, but I don't know who's going to win.

Maybe that's why they watch it. Hey, Bill, maybe some people are into some shit that you're not into, like riding a bike and paying attention to politics. Maybe you could live and let live. You know, do you ever think about that? Huh, Bill? I was just channeling Steve Buscemi in The Wedding Singer. Then when he gives the drunk toast, I love when he goes, isn't that right? And he goes, dad. Like the level of shit behind that dad was my favorite thing. That one, that one hit hard in my family. Everybody loved that joke. Dad. Um, anyway, I don't have the reads and I don't have any of the, uh, the who's's are there. Oh did you guys see I didn't see the

MotoGP you know because I was up all night with my son but I'm gonna watch that later but uh I saw that at that uh accident there with Alex Marquez and Pekka Binyai right. I watched that like 10 times and I'm trying to figure out whose fault that was. I don't think Alex had anywhere to go. Like where the fuck was he supposed to go? He was literally as far over as he could be. That got scary, man. The bike kind of went over Peko there for a second.

So I don't know. What am I just going to babble until these fucking emails show up? I don't think I'm going to do that. I always have to do this in two parts. Then I have to edit it. I have to like, you guys, you just have like no idea, you know, how hard it is to host a podcast. Listen, I know there's 1.4 billion podcasts of the 7 billion people on the planet.

Speaking of that, has anybody been seeing this thing where they're showing you how big Africa is and they're showing all the countries that can fit in it? Like the United States of America, China. China is... Donald Trump says it. He is out of his fucking mind he's out of his fucking mind You know my favorite thing by my wife said she goes I hate how funny he is he's like really fucking entertaining It's but it's just I hate how funny he is. He's like really fucking entertaining. It's, but it's just, I don't know.

He goes to China. Um, Puerto Rico, like, why does he do that? Why does he do that? I want him to say Ireland. I just want him to say all the countries and I want him to do like a really bad fucking accent whatever the fuck he's doing down in Puerto Rico. He's like throwing his head back and shit. I've been joking on stage. That's why the sniper missed him because he has those weird herky jerky things that he does like right as the do is pulling its trigger he went

where do we go fucking bullet with I'm just making myself laugh here I'm sorry um anyways it's football season it's the best time of year for baseball to get ready for October baseball it's you know it's all I got. And this weekend, god damn it, weekend coming up, I'm going to be I think just south of Nashville in this unbelievable venue. They carved out the side of a mountain out of a mountain like fucking Ron Burgundy. And Dean Del Rey is doing his first stand up special. We're going to basically be co-headlining. The first show is sold out. There are limited tickets for the second show.

I got an Instagram and tweet and fucking Friendster about that to get the last thing. It's going to be perfect. You're going to see Dean totally polished and me working out my new 45 minutes, which I did at Flappers. I'll tell you, that's when you know you're a long-winded jackass. I already got 45 minutes of shit. And when I say shit, people, I mean, I should be going on stage with a mop and a bucket. But my act is really silly right now. And I mean, I'm doing a Shaq impression. It's real but my act is really silly right now and I

Mean I'm doing a shack impression like this. This is this is where you start Okay, when when okay when you're when you're putting together a new act like I don't give a fuck It's like anything is fair game like when I have an act there's something I'll be like, ah, you know, that's too easy. That's too hacky. Oh, my act right now. I should be wearing a sport coat with the sleeves pulled up with a Dawn Johnson t-shirt underneath it, you know, from Miami vice. And then I should have like a mullet, you know, much fun. That would be, if that would be great. If, if that would be like my signal to you guys, like, you know, the, like the Chicago white, white socks, when they have a win,

they still put that W up back in the days before everyone had a radio even. So people would know whether they want to lost. Um, that would be my nod to you guys that I'm working on new material is if I just, I got one dude you know what's the best ever is the bald guy with the mullet aka the Ben Franklin the wild Bill Cody you know I think the reason why people went after wild or Buffalo Bill Cody whatever his fucking name was why they challenged that guy in a gunfight as I think when you saw him with his hat off you're like I can beat this guy, right?

Then all of a sudden he puts his hat on you start getting Stevie Ray Vaughn vibes. You're like, oh fuck Am I gonna die and then that's it? See, you know, they got a fucking pine box All right grappling Not gunfight. Who do you think wins Ben Franklin or Wild Bill Cody? Buffalo Bill, whatever his fucking name is. Alright, I think we've exhausted what I can talk about here, waiting for the reads and the advertisement to show up.

That's what I feel. When you start doing, you know, start promoting UFC matches between people who lived in different centuries a Hundred years before the UFC was even around. I think that's that's probably a sign that you have a problem So with that I'm going to you know, actually, you know what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna check my email You guys ever wondered what it sounded like to hear a podcast host checking his email. I Got it on airplane All right. Well, there you go go that was a complete failure. Alright I'll be back in a second. Alright I'm back. I am back. One correction the the Cubs the Cubs put the flag up not the White Sox. I was thinking W for win so I I started thinking white socks, you know, doesn't take a lot to confuse me.

Well, a lot has happened though, since the split second that I edited these two things together, I was recording yesterday, Sunday. And now it's Monday. Now it's labor. Now it's officially Labor Day. So what happened? I watched the MotoGP race. Congratulations to Marc Marquez. Had no idea he wanted his first win in three or four years. He went through all of these surgeries, all these ups and downs.

He left Honda, went over to Ducati. No one would ever thought he would do that. It was like back in the day before I even watched them when Valentino Rossi went from with, uh, where did he, I think he went from fucking Honda to Yamaha and they're like, there's no way he's going to win on a Yamaha. And then he fucking did. Um, anyway, and then I saw that, you know, in real time, I saw the accident between Alex Marquez and Pekka and I don't, um, I don't know enough about racing to know like who was in the right. I just like, was Alex supposed to slow down? Could he slow down? I mean, he had nowhere to go.

Um, that was a scary one. This fucking bike was like on top of Pekka sliding. Um, but fortunately everybody's all right and I got to check out the standings. But, um, as I've said for, for years now, Um, but fortunately everybody's all right and I got to check out the standings. But as I've said for years now, that is the best fucking racing, um, at any level as far as passing anything. Although I'm not going to lie to you, this race was boring because, um, what happened early in the race, who's that new kid?

I forget his name. Of course, another Spaniard who's fucking killing it He got into it with the guy in third place and Mark Mark has all three of them were like right with each other because the second and third place guys got into it with each other It just gave Mark that gap and then that was it. And, um, here's a question I have for people that race, I don't get how some people wear out their tires and other people don't. Like they're going the same speed. Like what is the subtle thing that they're doing that doesn't chew up their tires? Cause yesterday I was listening to the race, uh to the race and one of the announcers said something really interesting where he was talking about the tires and how as they get worn out, the bike

performs differently. Obviously you don't have as much grip and there's better, there's guys that are just better at adjusting to that. And is it like the younger riders, they don't know how to do that. And you know, bike usually slides out from underneath them is what ends up happening. Or they just drop all over. They were in like second place and then all of a sudden in like three laps, they're in like eighth and they're in 15th. I was just interested to know if it's, there's obviously I would think a way to not chew

up the tire as fast as everybody else. But I'm also wondering is another part of the story that you're talking about, I mean, interested to know if it's there's obviously I would think a way to not chew up the tire as fast as everybody else but I'm also wondering is another part of this skill set as as it does wear down inevitably you know going that fast breaking that hard in all of those turns like are some guys just better at adjusting to okay this is these are the new inputs Adjusting to okay. This is these are the new inputs because the bikes gonna do this now It's just fascinating that fascinates the hell out of me And then when I see the cops on their baggers and that they're riding through the cones and in the beginning They're like at a dead stop and they can still you know, people can do that on like a bicycle They can do it on like a fucking motorcycle. It's incredible

Incredible skills, so I got to see that. And then secondly, last night, oh, get ready for this one. I went to the Hollywood bowl and I saw Christopher Cross open for Toto. Okay, and I'm not gonna lie to you, right? I'm going to this concert and I'm thinking like, all right, this is gonna be like a funny crowd,

you know, the soft rock or whatever crowd. Everybody calls it yacht rock, but it was like, it's called soft rock. And I always felt like that yacht rock moniker that got put on it made basically people, the layman person that listens to music disrespect the music and not really listen to the level of musicianship Because so much of that stuff, you know studio musicians played on and that's what the band Toto is. It's a it's a It's just everybody in the band is an absolute fucking beast and It's like everybody is the Eddie Van Halen of their fucking instrument. It's just, I can't even like, I don't even know where to begin. And I was already a Toto fan, but seeing them fucking live,

I got to start with Christopher cross who absolutely fucking killed it and had the coolest, like most peaceful vibe. And he was playing like all his hits and then he ends with, you know, Ride Like the Wind. Oh my God, place was going fucking nuts. I mean that's one of the great driving songs of all time. And I'm not gonna lie to you. I took one mushroom This low-level body high thing and it kicked in Right as Toto came on and it was like it was perfect. Like I felt like my vibe

Somehow ascended to the level that they were performing at and granted. I was a little fucking high but dude, I Don't even know where to begin with Toto, how fucking shockingly good they are. I knew they were good. I always heard they were good. I always heard, oh my God. All right, where do you, okay, first of all, their fucking lead singer, Joseph Williams. This guy was singing full voice

as high a register as you could. I was joking with Nia going, this guy is singing over the hills all the way down to fucking LAX. He was fucking murdering. They started out with, hold the line. Love isn't always on. Then he would be like, love isn't always. Like full voice though, not falsetto fucking cracky horse shit like I just did.

And also in key. He was fucking killing and then Steve Lukather on guitar I'm gonna tell you this dude. I've seen in my concert going Stevie Ray Vaughn Eddie Van Halen Steve Vai and this guy This guy is 100% at all of their levels. He played, he played a Jimi Hendrix song with this Jeff, this Strati guy.

I think he said from Jeff Beck, I was fucking talking. I was a little high, right? But I think that's what he said. And it was insane. Like those studio guys, it's not like they come out with their guitar and they're like, this is my sound. They're more like, okay, what sound does this song need? What style should this be in? Like their vocabulary is fucking bananas, right? So they had this guy, I didn't get the name of the drummer for Christopher Cross's band either, but he was playing this Gretsch kit, that

purple sparkle, and he was just playing those big, spacious fucking 70s, early 80s fills before that awful drum sound of the 80s came in that I fucking, I still hate to this day, but it was still the tail end of that great dry. All of that shit like on all of those Carly Simon albums that all those those and some of that Elton John stuff, just that that those spacious fills he was doing that shit. And then at one point they have him take a solo and it was like. Like the relaxed ease with which this guy was just absolutely killing it. That just the level of musicianship was just fucking jaw dropping.

So anyway, another guy in the band, it was funny, like I don't know how to say these guys names, this guy Greg Fillengains, this guy, he's a fucking legend, right? He plays on a bunch of shit. And I was like, I had to go back and look up the names because what was funny is they were introducing all the members and they would do the intro in like a regular voice, but then when they would say The name of the musician they would go into their rock star voice You couldn't understand it so the beginning the intro is all clear like ladies and gentlemen on the drums You know, this guy's been laying it down since 77

You know, you know the metronome was intimidated by this guy on the drums the one and only hollywood bowl give it up for mr what is it what i don't know what his name is i can't even guess the first letter of his first fucking name um so anyway the guy on keys So anyway, the guy on keys is Was like I guess he came up because they were telling their story He was Steve was telling the story how he goes. When did we meet and they were like we like 19 This is how good these guys they were in like the LA studio they were getting calls at 19 fucking prodigies, right and They were saying like yeah, we played on thousands of albums, you know, here's one you might recognize, right? And they were saying like, yeah, we played on

thousands of albums. Here's one you might recognize, right? So Steve and Greg the keyboardist, they go in and they just start playing. Michael Jackson beat it and it sounds just like the album and they only play it for like eight seconds. There is one you might recognize the fucking places like holy shit. There is one you might recognize but fucking place is like holy shit and then they just stop immediately. They're like yeah that one was fun. Yeah I don't know. This is how good this concert was. if Toto is coming to your city and you don't go see them You are a fucking asshole. That's how good they are

It was a perfect Perfect night Anytime those guys tour I'm gonna go see them. I just jaw was on the ground the amount of times, you know Me and the lovely Nia went with this these great friends of ours another you know, me and the lovely Nia went with these great friends of ours, another couple who are musicians, and the amount of times we would just look at each other like, oh my God, what the fuck? It was just, it was unbelievable.

And it was the Hollywood Bowl, you know, the sun hadn't, you know, the sun set during the show. It was just, it was amazing. And the crowd was fucking cool as shit. Just a fucking, like, you know, I was one of the younger people there, put it that way. But then there was a few like really young people that, or whatever, their parents brought them, or grandparents at this point, Jesus Christ, were fucking old. And it was cool to see them. But generally speaking, it was the 1010 wins crowd, which was fun. It was just a fucking awesome night. So definitely go out and see them.

And also, there's something about Christopher Cross's vibe. What a peaceful fucking cool dude. Um It was oh, it was great and then his whole band was just Dressed to the nines killer backup singers and uh It was just awesome. All right, i'm done. I'm done gushing about it, but definitely go check them out if you can all right with that, let's do the um Let's do um Let's do the, let's do,

let's do some of the reads here for the week. Oh, I only have one. Oh, Liquid Death, everybody. I was drinking a bunch of those last night. What is Liquid Death? Well, it may look like a beer or some crazy energy drink, but it's not. Liquid Death is actually a healthy beverage brand that makes mountain spring water,

low sugar flavored sparkling waters, low sugared iced teas and Electro like drinks drink mix Okay, but why would a healthy beverage ever be called liquid? Because liquid death will brutally murder your thirst And they're infinitely recyclable cans are helping to bring death to single-use plastic bottles. Oh Dude, I got the fucking hiccups. Don't don't do this to me now liquid death Also, I could use a liquid death right now liquid death also donates a portion of the profits From every can sold to help kill plastic pollution. That's always a big loophole a portion of it

Crack open a can. Oh, even if they don't, what I like is the can is biodegradable. It's not like one of those plastic water bottles that I'm noticing more and more companies are doing that, so at least we're trying to do something here. Crap go-crap, crap crack crack open a can, not crap, crack open a can on the air and take a chug tell your audience what your favorite flavor my favorite flavor is water talk about death day I'm not talking about this shit it's fucking fantastic all right it's it's it's in my life I drink it when I done a when I do my stand-up shows I drink it at home I got it up at the fucking hey I fucking drink it but more do I got to do if I can make a

face and look at the can and then wipe my brow with it anyway your favorite cake you can get free shipping of liquid deaths Mountain Water flavored sparkling and iced tea in eight packs with Amazon Prime or grab a can or a case at your local 7-eleven, Target, Walmart, Whole Foods, or Instacart. Go to liquiddeath.com slash Burr to check out all their healthy, infinitely recyclable beverages and find your closest retailer. That's liquiddeath.com slash Burr. Liquiddeath.com slash Burr.

All right, here we go. Now let's get into the stuff that you know, maybe, maybe, maybe fucking you guys wanted to talk about. Maybe you guys wanted to write in, stop listening to my opinions on things. Oh, here's another hot take I have that Lamborghini SUV. The Lamborghini SUV, that is the European answer to the Ford Raptor. It's like refined douchery. You know, douchery with a fucking European, who gets a fucking Lamborghini SUV? That's just a, that is just beyond, a fucking waste of a lamp by a Lamborghini is a fucking sports car.

That's like that fucking Mustang. They turned it to a fucking truck. I just, what are you doing? And then my beef with the Ford Raptor is not the truck. The truck is, it's the kind of person that drives it. You know, like bro, it has like a fucking, you know, Baja suspension on it. You could fucking race this fight. Yeah, but you're not.

You're not. You're just going to be. And then they always try to like draw, like drive up on you. Like you're in a Mad Max movie. It's like, I get it. You have a loud truck. I want you to open the hood and name seven parts on that engine. That's what I want you to do.

He fucking jerk off. G Wagon is another one. Let's talk about like cars that attract douches. Ford Raptor, Mercedes-Benz G-Wagon, Lamborghini SUV. Those are my just off the top of my head, Those are my just off the top of my head. Top three. Okay. And, um, and then I'm very forgiving of anybody with, um, with, with it, with a Japanese car with the fucking lawnmower, high performance exhaust to get you like four more horsepower, you know, it sounds something it's farting going on the street that when it goes down I'm very

forgiving of that because it's usually kids and it's like well they you know they don't have the money yet but they're into cars so I'm actually it makes me happy when I see them you know put whatever the fuck they're putting on the car they don't have money yet they're in their 20s and obviously they're living a legal lifestyle so they're not on the car. They don't have money yet. They're in their 20s. And obviously they're living a legal lifestyle, so they're not dirtbags, or they would have a fucking, you know, an exhaust system that doesn't sound like, you know, a fucking lawnmower, whatever it is. I don't understand, like, what it is about that sound that would make you get excited. I actually think that the engine, the regular engine sound sound sounds better than that fucking thing, but whatever

So you give me your or maybe just one Like your your top three Or you just the number one car you hate or something that you just find that douchebags That douchebags drive. All right You guys are all saying well bill what kind of car do you drive? Because just you alone, just the fact that you drive one of those is enough to tip the scales in the douchebaggery. And you know what? I so funny. I could be in an argument with somebody if they called me a red-headed skunk in the middle of it I would just I

would throw I would have to stop and laugh. You were talking about flying around and was wondering why they use the word Niner instead of nine over the radio. It comes from the Cold War. In NATO, West Germany was the first country that the Warsaw Pact, parentheses the bad guys, well at least, you know, our version, we call them the bad guys. I'm sure they think we're NATO's bad guys. Everybody's a bad guy at that level. Okay. West Germany was the first country that the Warsaw Pact were going to roll over. During all the training in the 40s and 50s, it became apparent that when the West Germans were talking to US soldiers that some of the language is getting messed up. Oh yeah.

Nine in German means none. I thought it meant no. How many tanks are coming over the hill? Nine damn tanks. Oh, no tanks, thanks. Yeah, it means no. Nine. Okay.

Oh, that's fascinating. Two other things, they pronounce three as tree. That is because diphthongs like the TH sounds are hard to hear on the radio. Is that what a diphthong is? Also, they say Quebec as K-beck. two reasons that is how Canadians say it and they are part of NATO. Also, the Q sound is a diphthong and they do not like diphthongs. What is a diphthong?

Is that fucking two consonants coming together making a sound. I think they would have a fucking problem with a lot of the language. What are the Germans manage vowels and they don't want consonants to fucking come in and take some of the shine away? That's interesting. Sincerely, you're a ceaseless listener. That's why, you know what, the amount of people that fly, I bet don't even know that. Because I remember asking my instructor, he said, nine or he said could sound like another number. I said, what does it sound like? And he just went, five. And I remember thinking in my head like, that doesn't make sense. But when somebody's teaching you how to use a machine that you could get killed in, It doesn't make sense.

But when somebody is teaching you how to use a machine that you could get killed in, you just go, all right, I'm not going to fucking question what they're saying. I'm just going to repeat it. All right. Neighbor with camera. Hey, funny guy, Bill. OK, so somebody just give you the back story. Somebody had written in and said it sounded like they were they they shared a duplex. And they had a common area.

Usually those duplex, they split a house in half. And sometimes you'll have a side by side door. So his neighbor had put a ring camera up there. And what this guy didn't like was that the neighbor could now not only see anybody that was coming to their own door, they could also see who was going in and out of his apartment, which he felt was a little bit of an invasion of his privacy,

and maybe the guy should have said something or not done it altogether. That is the backstory. A neighbor with camera. Hey funny guy, Billy. I had a neighbor that was pointing cameras into my backyard, and I was going crazy trying to figure out what to do. Putting up a giant fucking fence wasn't something I wanted to do and damaging the camera is dumb for obvious reasons. So here was my solutions. I put up infrared

lights painted toward his camera. He got upset about it but wasn't able to have anything done by it, done about it. My only regret is pissing the guy off more because he was insane but I hated having my backyard being filmed by that jackass yeah they're like voyeurs here's a couple of things that I think have been that the internet has like elevated I think I talked about this last podcast like there was perverts ped pedophiles, sex offenders, rapists, all of that shit when I was growing up. And I know now there's way more information about it because back in the day they used

to just call a fucking pedophile pervert. They used to call him a dirty old man. Stay away from him. He's a dirty old man. That was the extent of the warnings. Um, but I feel that, uh, the internet is, is drawing that out of a lot of people where it gets, it's getting like elevated to a level it wouldn't, it'd be like my drinking. Like I always had control of my drinking because I never had it in the house. But once I brought it into the house,

I wasn't a full on alcoholic, meaning I needed to join a program and like, I could stop but trying to, like there was so many nights I didn't want to drink and I still did. I had, I was somewhere on like the spectrum of addiction. I do a bit about that in my my new special where I went to a couple AA meetings and it just, I knew that I wasn't the same as them but I knew I had some of their problems so I had to go like a different route

and I was able to figure it out. So I really think like this whole technology with like cameras and shit like I think there's a lot of people that like Just like you see the interest people have on one like two celebrities Breakup or get divorced and how invested they get into that fucking bullshit I think now it's like that's like kind of like Shifting to like your neighbor And Just the the ability to have these cameras that nobody can see and you're watching then like what are they doing? You know with all of this fucking technology, I'll be honest with you. I don't think the average person should have

this fucking technology. I'll be honest with you. I don't think the average person should have access to that type of stuff. Like look, you want to keep your property safe, that's fine, but setting up cameras and they're on your property where you can like spy on your neighbor and you can sit there watching them is that there should be laws to protect people. I know there won't be because the government doesn't care because they work for fucking corporations and they want as much information about you as you possibly can. But like, that's really cool, though. The infrared lights pointed towards his cameras. Now, how was the guy?

Does an infrared light have a spread like a like a shotgun? Because like, doesn't he just have to move where his cameras are pointed and then that kind of, it becomes like a chess game and then you got to move yours or does it not work like that? That is amazing. So how would this guy do it with the two side by side doors? He would have to have the infrared thing pointed

basically back at his own house. He would have to have the infrared thing pointed basically back at his own house You know, it'd be great is if He got some egghead to have the infrared light pointed at the ring camera And it only turned on anytime the person was coming to and from the other door. That would be really difficult. That's wild. That's such a fucking weird time that we're in and that we're headed towards. All right. College advice. Hey Bill, thanks so much for the podcast. I love listening every week. I am a lady and a freshman in college this year at the University of Arkansas. I am so fucking jealous. I so wish I studied

in high school and went to like a big-time SEC Big Ten, some Pac-10, some fucking school. Like you're gonna go to that school, you're gonna get to go see Alabama, all these big teams are going to come. I don't know where your program is at right now. But still, you're in the SEC, you're going to get to see all of those teams. And then you're going to get to stay connected with your friends forever. Once a year, like, you know, so many of my buddies that went to big time school, still once a year. They all go to a game together. It's just a great thing, you know, God damn it. That that's a big regret of mine.

So enjoy your time there. I did a stand-up gig there one time. I opened for Lavelle Crawford at University of Arkansas and I also had an emergency landing in Arkansas. Did I ever tell you about that? One of the scarier ones I had. We took off from, I believe, Nashville. Was it Atlanta?

I can't remember. And we get up to cruising altitude and I start smelling this burning smell. And I see the stewardesses fucking picking up trays and shit that they had just given people and whatever and then they the captain gets and we start descending and I'm going out fuck and the captain gets on and says, you know, why are we landing? I go, it's probably that burning smell, right? So we ended up, fortunately landing the whole time. My stomach is in knots because I'm like, this smells like there's a fire on board. And if there's in any way, shape or form near the hydraulics or something, they're not going to be able to control the plane. I think I, I, I know just're not going to be able to control the plane, I think.

I know just enough about aviation to be extra fucking nervous, but not enough to know what's actually going on. So I was not comfortable until, honestly, until we got off the plane, even when we had come to a stop and exited the off to taxiway, I'm still thinking if all of a sudden this fucking thing catches on fire and 300 people who don't want to burn to death are all heading towards three exits, this is not going to be good. Yeah, so we got off the plane and people were relieved initially and then they were fucking

livid because it took like 16 hours to get like another or whatever 12 hours or something. And the whole time I'm just sitting there going like how are these people fucking mad right now? The guy literally just saved our fucking life but you know that that gratitude wears off real quick with human most human beings so thank you to that pilot and that whole crew for just immediately knowing what to do. Anyway while I have only been going to school here for a few weeks, I'm really starting to question whether this is the right path for me.

I'm called Jesus after I just said how fucking great it is. I'm sorry. I'm contemplating either transferring schools or dropping out altogether for a reason, for a few reasons. One, I always wanted to go to a small private college but instead at a big state university due to financial reasons. Two, my boyfriend and I don't go to the same college and are about two and a half hours away from each other, and it's been hard being away from him. You know, I was gonna guess your freshman year, September, you gotta give it more than two weeks. Alright, I'll tell you a quick story. I had a buddy of mine.

He sent his daughter off to college. And he said two weeks into September, me and my wife were like, man, I don't think she's going to make it. You know, she was calling up crying, homesick and all that. And he said, by the time October came around, we had to tell her, listen, can you just check in once a week? Like she found her friend group and she fell in. You know, I would say if you're at the University of Arkansas that you studied real hard

or whatever and you got into the school, fuck all these elitists who are acting like they could get into that. I couldn't get into that school. This is my deal. If your football program is on television, I am impressed with whatever you did as a student. That's all it takes with me. She said, while we are still young, we have built a relationship wise beyond our years and our commitment to making it through the college years and are committed to it. So my missing him is a real consideration of my decision. Three, and this is the most important reason, my dream has always been to become an author and I spend all my free time writing and coming up with ideas for books. My parents and I have discussed my dream and they fully support me but have encouraged me to go to college so that at least I have a degree and can get a decent job in case becoming an author takes a little while. Okay, given all this information,

my three options are to either stick it out here at the University of Arkansas, transfer to a smaller college that I am interested in, and that would be closer to my boyfriend, or drop out of college entirely and get a temporary job while I pursue writing. I am leaning towards transferring because it would not only help with my homesickness and loneliness, but being closer to my boyfriend but going to a smaller college might be a better fit and make the college experience more enjoyable. Though I am not totally sure. Alright well like out

of everything you just said that I am not totally sure is totally normal. You've only been there for two weeks. All right. Let me finish reading this little last paragraph. Luckily, my parents and boyfriends will support me in whichever choice I make. So it really, you got great parents. So it really just comes down to me to make my decision, to make a decision. Should I stay here and hope that things get better, transfer or drop out? I know that you are a big advocate of following your dreams, but also went through the rigor

of getting a college degree. So any advice you could provide would be much appreciated. Thanks so much and I hope you have a great day. Sincerely, a confused college kid. Alright. Fortunately, this whole decision you've got to make, nothing here is fatal. Because your talent to write exists no matter where you are. matter where you are. Okay. And, uh, something artists I find have a hard time with is, is self-esteem and a belief in their talent as they develop it because it is such a crazy thing to go after. It seems anyway, there's really no path

with a lot of the arts. And when you finally get somebody that likes what you do when you get a gig, you're just so fucking happy. The 10 and any money they give you, you're just fucking thrilled that that the wheels have turned on your dream here to, Oh my God, am I actually going to do this? That, um, my own personal thing, it was a while before I could look at myself like, no, I'm actually a professional comedian and I'm doing a job here that should be financially compensated because, you know, in the beginning, I was just like fucking driving from the suburbs of Boston to Maine for free,

just for stage time. And I would be totally psyched like that. I got in with that Booker and I still remember the first time somebody gave me $5 for gas, you know, and I was just, I couldn't believe it. And then I started making a little bit of money and all of that. And it wasn't for a long time that I even valued it. So whether you stay at the University of Arkansas or not, is not going to affect, you know, your talent for writing.

But in defense of University of Arkansas, I would give it more than two weeks before you make up your mind. Transferring to another college, I mean, you can do that after a year. So what I would do right now to really give Arc and the University of Arkansas a chance is to try to embrace it because you might end up leaving, but there's no reason you shouldn't be having a good time while you're there.

All right? So try to fall into what's going on there and have an open mind about it. Just, you know, maybe have a goal of like, listen, whether I stay here or not, I'm going to have a good time. And then by all means, keep doing what you're doing, keep writing and all of that. And then I would say, you know, I don't know, I'm being a little judgmental about a relationship

at 18. Like I wouldn't put your relationship as a reason. Like I'm such a major, like on that whole list of things that high up, I know you love this guy and everything, but it's like, this is a this is a time in life where you gotta kind of like think, I mean in a jerk way, but like you gotta think about yourself here, like what am I trying to achieve? Okay, and whatever is the best thing for that, your writing thing is what should take priority and then if this guy is the guy for you he's gonna understand that and support what you want to do so this is kind of a good test so that's what I would do I would throw myself into the University of Arkansas as far as like I'm gonna enjoy it forever how long I'm

here and then you can chill knowing that your parents and boyfriend don't have a problem if you want to transfer out of there. So if you end up transferring out of there you might as well have a good time. So go to some fucking football games, go to some parties, you know, you're gonna meet up, guarantee you meet some characters there that that'll be great for your stories. And it's also kind of a good attitude to have in life because a lot of times in life, especially when you're going after a dream, you're gonna be in places maybe you don't wanna be. Believe me, I've done stand up in some unbelievable places, but

I've done some stand up in some not so unbelievable places. And at first I used to give into that. I used to give into, I'm going to Jacksonville, Florida. My God, Jacksonville sucks. I have all these comics telling me it sucks. And I went there with Paul Verzi, one of the most positive people ever. And we went there and decided, no,

like there's no way people live here and don't have a good time. Like, what are they doing? Next thing you know, we're eating alligator. We're going to a gun range shooting guns with fucking silencers, and we went to a Jacksonville Jaguars game, and guess what? We had a fucking great time in Jacksonville, and I met great people and I had a great time.

So it's just like, you know, it's very easy to kind of like, you know, if it's not New York City, Chicago, LA, fuck this. It's stupid. That's stupid. It's a fucking, it's a dumb way to go through life. It's way more interesting to go to places where people don't necessarily want to go and figure out what's really going on here. Why do people live here? So I'm kind of getting off the beaten path here, but that's my advice to you, okay? You're gonna be a writer no matter what. You're at the University of Arkansas, you did the work to get in there, enjoy it while you're there. Who knows? You might

fall in love with it and stay there, you might not, but there's no reason to be fucking miserable until you leave, okay? And you're lucky enough to have really supportive parents and a supportive boyfriend, so I think you're in a great situation. That's just my two cents, and good luck with your writing. Okay, is this the last one? I got two more. Construction slang, man.

Construction slang. What's up? What's up balloon head Bill? God damn it. I'm getting fucking killed this week. I've been entertained and also disappointed by people writing in with their corporate jargon. Entertained by your responses but disappointed at how soft and corporate this country has gotten. I consider myself very lucky to work as a project manager at a small size. This is, you see what this person did? They like, hey I'm cool, I can laugh at myself. People love doing this here. I'm judging this person early. I gotta stop doing this. Very lucky to work as a project manager

at a small size construction company, and we are pretty much the opposite of corporate America. Just a bunch of hard-nosed dudes working hard, doing solid work, and also fucking around and having fun as we can. Okay, I thought you were going the other direction. I just wanted to share some of our construction slang, which is on the other side of the spectrum for what most people are writing in. Here goes,

see that? I judged this guy early and I thought he was gonna say like, I don't have a problem with this corporate slang. All right, here's some of the slang. Here we go, your world, we're just living in it. The guy that's just doing things his own way and not thinking about the job or the crew. Yeah, the selfish cunt. Looks good from my house. I remember that one. Means good enough for who it's for. Yeah, and it's also looks good from my house means you're not looking at it up close.

You're across the street. And from where I'm standing, it looks pretty, looks like you're fucking bang on with that measurement. When the client slash customer is a piece of shit. Oh, wow. Let me just shut up here and just read the whole thing. Looks good for my house slash good enough for who it's for. That means when the client slash customer is a piece of shit,

see, just do the job quick. Maybe it looks like shit, but nobody's gonna see it once it's buried or covered. Tits on. When something is right on the money. Superintendent, that road better be graded tits on. I don't want to have to come back and repave. Going right down Broadway.

When the job is going well, no problems. That guy couldn't fight himself out of a wet paper bag. Pretty self-explanatory, weak, pussy type guy. Those guys could fuck up a three-car funeral. That's what my dad said. My dad used to say, that guy could fuck up a free lunch. That's one of my favorite. Could fuck up a, I used to hear it, you could fuck up a two car funeral. And I always thought a two car funeral is basically you have the funeral car with the

body and then all the person, you have one carload of people and their job, they have one job, follow the funeral car. Now obviously the longer the procession, people can get lost at lights and shit like that. They don't make the light or whatever. Um... So, this, uh, those guys could fuck up a three-car funeral. They could somehow do something wrong at a very easy job. Hence would be in the back of the funeral procession. Oh, I always, I always took it as they would get lost on the way over to the cemetery.

Because they didn't make the light, even though it was only a two-car funeral, three-car funeral, whatever. He's over there just punching holes in the donuts. Means he's just over there fucking around, not doing shit. Yeah, you don't need to punch a hole in a donut, it's already there. All right. You'll have that on these big jobs. Means when something gets fucked up or goes wrong, but you just gotta brush it off and deal with it.

I use this one all the time, just for everyday life stuff too. You'll have that on these big jobs. Oh is that why the bridge ends up collapsing years later? I hope you got to chuck a lot of some of those and maybe use one here or there. I just know that there's at least some pockets of this country that haven't fallen completely down the tubes yet. Thanks again for all the laughs you angry ginger cunt. Go fuck yourself. Just to let you guys know I travel all around the country in the world. Yeah nothing has really changed. Nothing has changed. Just in the

corporate world with the corporate lawyers and everything scaring the shit out of people but like people can are continually posting shit from 20, 30, 40 years ago on Instagram going like yeah you know back when when you could laugh, you can't do that anymore. And I want to be like, you just did. You just did. And everybody's laughing talking about like how you can't do this anymore as we just did. I guess, you know, they don't write jokes like that anymore in shows, but like, stop fucking saying that, okay?

You can still joke. Everybody's... Gallus humor will never go away. Last one. All right right, corporate health benefits. Hey Billy, bitch bag. I have been a bitch bag lately. I've just been, I don't know, but last night, you know, little mushrooms, little Toto and Christopher Cross and I am fucking, I'm right as rain. There's a fucking expression for you. This this person says I work for several large corporations and

thought I'd share something I think is even worse than the these cringy and deceptive lingo many large companies have health benefit portals where you not only manage your insurance but also complete quote healthy actions such as survey about your lifestyle, tobacco cessation pledge or goal setting. I mean this is all English and I already have no idea what I'm talking about. While they are clearly just a calculated benefit to the company hoping to reduce sick days and insurance payouts, they are usually optional and come with some kind of benefit such as adding money to your HSA balance. I don't know what that is. My current employer however has taken this to the next level.

Oh so they're acting like they want you to live healthier. Yeah, live healthier so you can continue to work here under your worth. Um... Not only... Okay, to the next level. Not only do the healthy actions... Not only do the healthy actions only give you a raffle ticket for a prize drawing, but they mandate

biometric screenings through a blood draw. Dude, these guys are setting you up to get replaced biometric screenings through a blood draw. Dude, these guys are setting you up to get replaced by fucking robots. You're working for somebody that is drawing your blood? They don't technically call it mandatory, but they fine you $1,000 if you don't complete one. Yeah, you guys need to have

a class action suit and stop that. That'll be good for you and every other person out there. At the very least they'll then have to fucking spend a bunch of money on legislation making it mandatory. This person says this way they know exactly where you stand with risk factors. They even, yeah, and then they can also sell your fucking information. It's all a fucking revenue stream. This is one that I heard this week. Yeah, this becomes a new revenue stream that we can participate in. Participate.

This way they know exactly where you stand with risk factors. They even had the balls to attach a flyer, tell you all the great things you can find out about yourself from a biometric screening. Yeah, you can also do that on your own if you wanted to and have some other cunts. See, because they know some other cunts are doing it and they're losing out on that revenue stream and they're not, they can't, then they can't participate in it. They even had the balls to participate like you're in gym class and you just want to get picked. Ugh, they're so gross. This way they know exactly where you stand with the risk factors.

They even had the balls to attach a flyer telling you all the great things you can find out about yourself through biometric screening. Maybe it's a good thing to have it done, but to hang a thousand dollar fine over your head for not completing one is one of the grossest things I've ever heard. This coupled with my company only offering high deductible health insurance plan has me really questioning how long I'll stick around. Anyways, love the podcast and appreciate all the laughs you give over things that would normally just piss me off. Regards. Yeah, and I'll tell you this right now. You're not going to see anybody fucking talking about this shit in the new election they somehow blow past all of this I don't know maybe RFK I have no idea now that he's I think he did he sign on with Trump is he gonna get a position over there I have no idea what's going on anyway let's that's it is the podcast, ladies and gentlemen.

Ladies and gentlemen, RFK who is not allowed to speak. Talking about shit that matters as far as you know, that's my two cents. I don't know a lot about politics, but if somebody's actually taking on, you know, it fucking makes sense to me. All right, that is the podcast everybody. That's it, go fuck yourselves and I will check in on you on Thursday, the first night of,

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