Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 9-23-24

Episode Date: September 23, 2024

Bill rambles about his new Harley, ex's at weddings, and a girl who gets the 'ick'. Indocino:  Visit www.Indochino.com and use code BURR to get 10% off any purchase of $399 or more. SimpliSafe:  Protect your home with 50% off a new SimpliSafe system, plus a free indoor security camera, when you sign up for Fast Protect Monitoring at www.simplisafe.com/BURR Gametime:  Take the guesswork out of buying concert tickets with Gametime.  Download the Gametime app, create an account, and use code BURR for $20 off your first purchase.

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Monday Morning Podcast for Monday, September 23rd, 2024. What's going on? How are you? Sorry. Oh, Billy Flu Bag, still getting over the flu. Influenza A, not B. I went first class with the flu. Influenza A. And I gotta tell you man, I almost feel like I'm back. By tomorrow I ought to be good. Holy shit. Where did September go? Oh, Billy was just laying in bed just thrashing about. Getting the sweats, getting the chills. Fucking headache. Ten straight goddamn days and now this is just just just the fallout

You know it is is when you get into your golden years like myself. You can't shake off the flu the way you used to You know, I remember when I had the flu when I was a kid. I was still doing blow you know just to Just to test your body just to push the limits of it. No, I never tried cocaine in my life. You know, it's one of my big regrets, never OD. I'm kidding. All right, well, we're going to get through this podcast.

We're just going to hold our hands and we're going to put our heads down and we're going to do what we need to do. Oh, God, here come the sweats again. It's just been Billy clamshell over here. Anyway, I'm definitely going out getting the shots like John Legend. How weird was that commercial? Do you see that in football game where he's like, I'm John Legend. How do I play the piano so well?

I get the fucking COVID booster in the flu shot. It's like, oh, I thought you were like blessed with this musical talent. And then out of nowhere, he pulls the sleeves down on his sport coat. Like the man can't afford a decent sport coat. He has no shirt on underneath it. We're just ordinary people. All right, plowing ahead. First things first, oh Billy, big bike. Billy got a new motorcycle. I got the Harley Road Glide. I said, fuck that. I had too much fun in the damn thing. I'm still just going to tool around in the

airport in it. But you know, Dean Del Ray helped me bring the thing up to the airport the other day. I rode around on it yesterday. It's exhilarating and fucking terrifying. The thing is huge. They're fucking huge. Shout out to Greg Riley at El Patron, Harley Davidson in San Diego for hooking me up, bringing the bike up up covered, breaking the whole thing down.

All I know how to do is start it up. I know where the horn is. I know where the directionals are. And then next I'm going to deal with is the radio and then I'm going to deal with the GPS. I'm going to do it in sections. sections But it is a bad ass mean motherfucking Looking bike and I rode around

Yesterday and yeah, I'm not gonna let you I'm afraid of the bike. It's fucking intimidating It's big but it makes me feel comfortable to say out loud That I am not comfortable yet and I am afraid of this fucking thing. Dean was laughing. He goes, dude, everybody when they first get on this thing is fucking afraid of it. And some people never get over it and they get rid of it. Other people, you just hang in there and then all of a sudden you just get it. So what I want to do is tow that bike over to someplace like an advanced riding class and just learn how to do like that trail breaking so I can ride slow and

be on the throttle and just learn how to do that shit so I can practice that up at the airport so I can master this thing and I can really just like fucking enjoy it and every once in a blue moon on a weekday go up into the canyons and ride with somebody else. But other than that, I won't be doing much because I got the kids and everything and I'm too scared to do it. But thanks again to Greg Riley, El Patron, Harley Davidson in San Diego, first class service down that way. So anyway, oh my God, I haven't been to the fucking gym in like 15 days and I am just like withering away here. So I think by Wednesday I should be all right to get back in there.

But holy shit, that was a that was a riot. But let's talk a little football here, shall we? Shall we talk some football? First of all, congratulations, New York Jets. You guys looked as good as my Patriots looked awful. Hopefully that is. That is the worst game of the year. But my God, we got our asses whipped Thursday night. At least we got it out of the fucking way.

And then the next day I watched Michigan USC and I was just watching that with one eye open going like, oh my God, we got absolutely destroyed by fucking Texas. I know Texas is ranked like one or two or so. Is it Texas, we got absolutely destroyed by fucking Texas. I know Texas is ranked like one or two or so. Is it Texas, Georgia? Is that how it is? Texas, Georgia, Alabama. So I was just thinking USC, you know, cause they got a good team now.

We got some couple of guys on defense and their quarterback solid too. I thought they were just going to fucking kill Michigan. You know, and I'm going to the game in a couple of weeks up in Washington and you know, we bought those tickets and then that Texas game happened and I said, Oh no, you know, cause they lost like their whole offensive line. They fucking lost everybody, you know, their coach, everything. So I was like, Oh God, is this like the rebuild year?

And I'm just going to watch them lose 42 to nothing. But inexplicably, they beat USC, just old school, Big Ten running the fucking ball. And every time it looked like they were going to lose the game, they looked pretty good in the first half. But I just knew USC was going to come back. When they started coming back in the second half, I'm like, well, at least they had a good show in here.

They just would break off a giant fucking run. I got that pick six. They just made the big plays that they needed to make. Their offensive line was just pushing them by the end of the fucking game to the point in the end of the game I knew they were going to score the touchdown. It still got down to fourth and goal and then I got nervous but I was just looking at the positive yardage every time they were moving the ball towards the ending. Made me feel pretty good but their attack is pretty fucking one dimensional.

So we shall see. But it is old school, Big Ten football. I missed the Colorado game. I don't even know what happened. I know that it went into overtime with the the pass to that guy lejante one of my favorite fucking names in sports right now first names lejante you never thought John was a cool name until you put la and Tay at the end of it. La jaunte. How about him coming back to the ball and just making that big time play and then just watching everybody in Colorado going nuts. I don't

know why fucking Deon's getting so much shit. It's just like who the fuck was excited about Colorado football until this guy came out there. He, he's just great for the game. Everywhere that guy goes, it just becomes like this electrifying scene or whatever. And you know, he's in his second season out there. Give the guy a second. Now look, they're playing over here. Um, and then I watched the, uh, I watched the chiefs Falcons game.

Then I watched the Chiefs-Falcons game. I hate on the Chiefs like anybody else, but god damn it, they're a good fucking team. That Rashid Rice, oh my god. That dude is a fucking problem. Then they got that blonde haired white dude running the ball while Pacheco is out. I don't know. Then they got that blonde haired white dude running the ball while Pacheco is out. And I don't know, the only thing I can't stand, you know when they do the huddle up and what's his face? Does the fucking twitchy leg with his fingers?

Patrick Mahone's, he just starts going like, come here, come here, come here with the finger. And for whatever fucking reason, they like zoomed in on his hand at one point. It's like, are you trying to make this guy the most annoying guy who ever fucking played football? But anyway, Falcons have a good goddamn team. And how about Kirk Cousin? Is this guy ever going to get the guy, is he ever going to get his fucking due? You know, now that I've been doing that bet MGM shit, I've always been betting on his teams because

the fucking guy scores points. He just does. And he's got a solid team down there. But this is probably one of the most difficult years to bet on football. I mean, it doesn't make any fucking sense. The Eagles shit the bed last week and the Saints fucking destroy the Cowboys right so you think in the Saints you know they got a good shot against the Eagles and they just fucking lose they score like 10 points. Browns

win you know these weird fucking games. Is Minnesota good? Like I don't know what's going on. Kyler Murray's back. You know, Geno Smith's doing all right. Brock Purdy. I don't know what's going on. And what about the fucking Rams 49ers game? 49ers come out like they gave them the old right there Fred and it comes Matthew fucking Stafford. They come back and they win the fucking game. And all their top receivers are out. I don't know. This has been the hardest year ever to bet on. So I don't know.

If you're getting your ass kicked, I wouldn't be too hard on yourself. Anyway, sorry, dude. I'm just fucking babbling. That's all I'm gonna do this week. I'm coming out of the goddamn flu, as I mentioned. So, I haven't done standup since I did Dean Del Ray's open forum at his special on September 8th. I have not done standup. And I have to do a benefit Wednesday night at the store.

So I have to get my ass back out on stage and I have to get my fucking hour together because my special is probably gonna come out in the first few months of next year. And I maybe have 25 minutes. By now I would already have an hour if I was doing the road, but I've been off the road because I want to spend time with my family because I got the play next year. And I'm trying not to freak out. The last fucking thing I needed was to be on my goddamn back for fucking 12 days with the flu. What a fucking asshole. I should have got the flu shot.

You know, I'm not worried about these fucking booster shots and the side effects to them. All our food is poison. You know, maybe it balances it out. You know, that's what I say. And by the way, is the presidential election still happening? I haven't watched fucking a goddamn thing about it. Is it almost over? Um, I haven't heard anything about Trump.

He hasn't, he hasn't, you know, talk about working on your new hour. That's what I always say to my wife. I go, you see Trump set last night? He always has a couple of bangers in there, a couple of big laughs. Anyway, what else? What else? You know what else? I got nothing else.

I got nothing else. I've been inside for fucking I don't know how many weeks and I've just been watching some series. I watched the first episode of The Penguin with Colin Farrell. You're out of your mind if you don't watch that. He's fucking amazing in it. It's like he's channeling John Gotti and James Gandolfini and the Sopranos. The Penguin is just a fucking straight-up gangster and this is weird

thing where he's completely despicable but I kind of like him and I'm like rooting for him to take power. Yeah just I can't recommend that series enough man. Colin Farrell what a fucking actor You can't hear his Irish accent at all in the thing and then they got him all in this makeup so you don't even recognize the guy. It's quite a performance. It's one of those things like back in the day when, I don't know, before this business changed the way it did, like this is like one of these things where you're like, this guy's going gonna win like an Emmy or a Golden Globe, whatever the fuck you get for these things nowadays.

Now it just seems like everything is just like all like splintered. I am no happy with this business though, is people are still making great, great shit. Like that Severance show that I'm watching on Apple, oh my God, it is so fucking creepy. I told you I was watching that, I was literally rooting for a character's suicide

to be successful. Like that's where I was in an episode. Like yelling at the TV like I was watching a game. Like that's how into the show I was. Underrated, having the flu and just binge watching fucking TV series. You know, aside from just being sick, being bedridden as an adult is pretty fucking awesome. You know, other than the fact that you're sick, but you just have a fucking reason as a dad,

you know, to be in bed all day and nobody can tell you to get up and go get some shit. It's still fucking happened a couple of times. Oh, Oh, Billy flew off the fucking handle too. I was just like, am I even allowed to be sick? Everybody else can fucking lay down when they're fucking sick. Everybody else can lay down when they're... I started doing that, oh Billy, pity party.

You know? And you know, they don't give a fuck. I'll give you a classic example of how much women don't give a fuck. They were talking about how widows do better than widowers. And they were saying, you know, when they asked men, like 60% of men over the age of 60 said their wife was their best friend, and only 30% of women said that their husband was their best friend and then of course they just start gassing up women Well, it's cuz women are more social that Boba that's not what it is It's not what it is. Just cuz they don't give a fuck They don't give a fuck you die. They just fucking move on

That's what it is The cats they don't give a fuck pussy That's what it is. They're cats. They don't give a fuck. Pussy. That's what they are. They're fucking cats. Men are dogs. We're fucking loyal. You know, when you die, we're lost.

You know, it's so fucking funny. Like, you would think that they would be like, they would gas the guys up being like, wow, look how fucking loyal and great they are. And they didn't. They actually championed the women that they could just walk away from some guy gas the guys up being like wow look how fucking loyal and great they are and they didn't they actually championed the women that they could just walk away from some guy that they loved and were married to for 30 years and have no fucking problem where the guys just completely lost because he lost his best friend and then it's like why me he's like huffing he wasn't

like my best friend you know what I mean made these weird noises when he coughed I was sort of over it for the last 15 years I've always joked about that with Nia I go you'd be sad for ten days and then all of my shit would be down at Goodwill and you would be, woo! Be like a fucking C. Alice commercial. Woo! This will be an everlasting love. That's so funny, those fucking dick pill commercials. Like the amount of excitement people have. Like it isn't super fucking awkward. Would you like to have sex? Okay, hang on a second second and then you pop the

pill and then you just sit there do do do do do do. Is it happening yet? I don't know. Like you took a gummy waiting for it to kick in. I don't know I think it was bullshit. I think those mushrooms were garbage. That's not working. Oh wait a second. Wait a second. Gary keeps getting up. He's fucking getting up. Right. This will be, I don't think they're fucking dancing around and then what are you doing? Then it's like a ticking time bomb. You got to use it before it goes on. How long it lasts. And then the weird thing afterwards is then you're done you've satisfied her you satisfied

yourself and you're still sitting there with a fucking woody Good speaking of woody. Let's talk about Toy Story as a parent like I fucking hate those movies I don't know what the fuck it is about they're supposed to be kid movies. Those movies are the creepiest scariest most uncomfortable fucking The first one you got said he said fucking lunatic psycho demon child Torturing and blowing up his fucking Toys my kids hate that one because they don't like Sid. Then the second one, you got the greedy gluttonous fat fuck like that guy who had his face down in, in, in the SpaghettiOs in seven, you know,

stealing Woody at a, uh, at a, uh, a yard sale. And then he gets with the other fucking toys that are stuck behind plastic and they're rooting for the fat fuck because they want to get out of that thing and get sold and go to Japan and all of that shit and his fucking arm falls off. I forget the next one. One of them they went down like some garbage pit fire. And then the fucking last one's like an antique store with these creepy fucking dolls from like the 1920s.

And one of them wants Woody's voice. I don't know. And in the middle of all of it, there's like a fucking carnival. It's like they took every creepy fucking thing from a childhood and they throw it into these goddamn movies. I don't understand. Are you trying to entertain the kids or give them like a fucking complex? I don't know. How dark is that fucking writers room?

Like what happened to those writers when they were kids? Yeah, we had Toy Story 4 on. I finally looked in my eyes and I go, what the fuck is with these movies? Like Lightning McQueen is great. That's a kid's fucking thing. This thing, that goes back to like Disney, where his mom died so in every fucking movie the person's mom had to die. So everybody had to cry. I remember my mother telling me, she went to go see Bambi when it first came out and she cried.

She was unconsolable when Bambi's mother died to the point her mother had to take her out of the movie. And then these cunts walk around and talk about how they have the happiest place on earth. Where they like doing psychological damage to your kids because they didn't like their own childhood. I don't know. That's that fucking thing.

If I'm going down, you're going down too. You know, one of the worst fucking human characteristics. I was speaking of which, last night I watched something else. I watched something on Netflix with my lovely wife, who I fucking missed so much when I was sick, who will move on within three days if I ever passed away, according to statistics. I saw this thing on this bank robber that they called Hollywood that was up in Seattle. It's one of these classic things where they're just having all his friends are talking about him and what a great guy he was and this thing and that thing and all of this. And I didn't see it that way. I was sort of breaking the guy down psychologically. It's like this is a good looking guy. He was on his way to becoming a doctor and then he decided he didn't want to do it.

And then like he built like this tree fort out in the woods And he was always kind of showing off climbing stuff and doing all of this and it was just like oh this guy has like that He needs to be famous He has that sickness. He has that void. So obviously being a comedian. I recognized it I'm like, oh, yeah, guy, this guy's like Dr. Phil, like Dr. Phil was a fucking therapist, doctorate Phil, by the way, he's not a doctor. He has a doctorate, doctorate Phil. Um, sick of people acting like he's a fucking neurosurgeon. Um, he's a therapist, right? And at some point he's doing therapy in a room and it's like, this isn't enough for

me. I want to be famous. I want a TV show. He had the sickness. What's funny though is he gets to act like he's not sick like me because he goes around helping people. So I'm watching this fucking thing and I'm looking at this guy going like, all right, so he's going to be a doctor.

And at first, this gives him the attention that he wants, probably from his friends, like, oh my God, you're going to be a doctor. And then he shows up to the class, and he's in a class with 40, 50 other kids who are all going to be doctors too. So he doesn't feel special. So then he starts fucking cooking like crystal meth and all of this stuff. Like he had to have, like he always had to like, I don't know, like I was just watching the, just watch it and tell me what you think about the guy, like his psychological makeup

that, like, you know, he would watch movies like point break in heat and get like these delusional ideas to actually go out in real life and like rob banks and shit like that, knowing full well that like you're going to get caught in the end or whatever. But it was funny. Everyone was they just sort of made him out to sort of be like this folk hero It's like no this guy was like this guy had a void He was trying to fill by doing all of this crazy stuff so everyone would talk about how fucking amazing he is because of

However the fuck he felt About himself. I don't know. I Thought he was a little a little narcissistic. I didn't know. I thought he was a little narcissistic. I didn't see the whole Robin Hood shit that they were talking about with that. But the story is wild as far as like these guys would rob banks and be like all right that's it I don't want to do another one or whatever and they would just like keep doing it and just to just fucking go in there every time knowing you're looking at 20 years just knowing you're looking at fucking 20 years every time you fucking go what kind

of way is that the little life I don't know I don't even know if I made my fucking point but I was just I'm just saying I'm not buying the way that they were selling me that guy, that he was just sort of this adventurous guy. It's like, no, he was like mentally ill. He was a mentally ill dude, and he got a group of people around him that followed him over the fucking cliff. Jesus, Bill, let us enjoy the fucking thing. All right, let me do a little bit of Reads here, here a little bit of reads. Oh, look who it is in Docino

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This Vietnam War era cock. Evil nerds, fake butter. Hey Bill, I think Gates is worse than Jobs for a lot of reasons. Jobs was a prick bag, but he didn't suddenly start buying farmland, nor did he pal around with Epstein for a decade. So, old Billy Gate bitch has started making lab-grown butter. Bill, we are no having trouble producing butter, nor is there anything wrong

with the current process of making butter. I keep repeating the same phrase over and over when I hear about all the bullshit that goes on. No one asks for this. Yeah, it's like AI. I heard this great quote about AI. AI is for wealthy people with no skill to put skill in their hands

and then take the wealth away from the skilled labor, which is basically it. Like you run a studio, you don't know how to write a script and now you're gonna know how to write a script and now you're going to know how to write a script with ai Like that's what they want to do because their greed is insatiable and I would say the reason why he's making fake butter Is because when they go to those bilderberg group? meetings, they know that they're not going to save the fucking planet

And they look at the planet dying as an opportunity and they're buying up water and all of this stuff And they're just going to make a whole bunch of money off of our suffering But when bill gates dies, they're going to talk about what a philanthropist he was I repeat no one asked for this exactly I appreciate and nobody on cnn or fox news is is is even remotely talking about Why our food supply is now poisoned. Why we're a very few small group of people allowed to take the whole fucking thing over and turn it into poison and poison your own fucking kids to the point and you get call

shit is organic when it's not fucking organic and you have no idea what you're eating. And these politicians and these journalists, none of them fucking do a goddamn thing about it. And these politicians and these journalists, none of them fucking do a goddamn thing about it You know, but vote red vote blue. Yeah, that'll solve it. You fucking dumb cunts. I repeat no one asked for this I appreciate you bringing attention to these things Half of my kids third grade class are fat kids who eat absolute shit all day There's one kid who only eats packaged cheese chips chips, and a granola bar that's loaded with sugar and little chunks of chocolate. Yeah, he's going to have cancer by the time he's 30.

Also these kids' brains are not running properly on this food, which makes their parents think they have attention problems, which leads to shitty doctors to putting them on low doses of medication. I think they're all in bed together. The food industry. You get them sick and then the pharmaceutical, we'll fucking treat them. Low doses is in quotes, because it's a low dose for an adult.

For a kid, that's just a dose. Fuck these nerds, I hope we can restore the food supply. Love to the family, go fuck yourself. Yeah, I don't know how you do it. Like their lobby is so strong. And, you know, they own all the media outlets that people like, watch, you know what I mean? Like, it's like trying to start a streaming server at this point. When you have all these, these ones that are already fucking entrenched in like how you're gonna get eyeballs to come over and listen to what you have to say

especially when you have people out there that actually fucking are telling you what's going on and they immediately are silenced by being called you know socialist communist pedophile anti-semitic like whatever they have to tar and feather them with all right ex-wife is going to buddy's wedding. Hey Billy Baldfuck, long time listener, first time writer. A friend of mine is getting married in a few weeks. We've been cordial with each other for about eight years. It's a friend of yours is getting married in a few weeks.

We've been cordial with each other for about eight years That's a friend. You've only been cordial his soon-to-be Wife is my ex-wife's best friend Our friendship definitely grew quite a bit because of our significant others friendship at the time All right, I'm confused here my ex-wife and I got divorced almost two years ago. We were all in our 20s. The divorce was pretty cut and dry, not really much drama or hard feelings left behind. She ended up getting knocked up a few months after we got divorced.

I found a great new girlfriend. We all moved on. My ex is the maid of honor at this wedding. Jesus Christ, this is like a great beginning of a TV series. Everything's all coming together. Now, I'm just a guest from my buddy. The invited, the invited, the invites were sent out, and my girlfriend wasn't invited.

My girlfriend and my buddies certainly aren't strangers. We've all gone out to dinner and hosted football and done all sorts of shit together. I asked Buddy about why girlfriend wasn't invited and his soon to be wife didn't want my ex to be upset by my girlfriend being there. Well, why would she be upset by that? She went out and got knocked up. She has a kid with another guy, it's over. Long story short, girlfriend isn't allowed to my buddy's wedding because my ex-wife

isn't going to be there. I'm thinking about not going. Yeah, don't go. Don't go, you know what you should do that weekend instead? You should take your new girlfriend away and you guys should have like a fucking, you know, a fun weekend somewhere. Go to wine country, I don't know where the fuck you live.

Go out and just go have a good time. And you know what I say to all of these people? Fuck all of those people. Fuck your ex-wife, fuck that woman your cordial friend's gonna marry and fuck your cordial friend. Fuck all of these people. You don't have to say that.

That's just it. That's just it. And if they ever give you shit, just say, hey listen man, I got the message at your wedding. Alright? I have no ill will towards you guys. Have a nice life. And then that's it. And fucking go hang out

with people that want to hang out with you anyway I think it's pretty fucked up to not allow my girlfriend to go I also understand him not wanting to step on his fiance's toes so who fucking knows no fuck that you do know it is fucked up okay and yeah you don't you don't need to have like empathy for your cordial friend. So this is how this guy is going to be. So he's not even married yet, and his fucking soon to be wife already has his balls in the purse. You're not hanging out with that guy. Fuck that guy. Love from, I'm not going to say the state, hope the wife and kids are great, go fuck yourself.

Yeah, dude, you live in a beautiful state. I would go rent a cabin somewhere. Go down to New York City. Just turn a fucking negative into a positive and get all of those people behind you. Fuck all of that shit. I don't want my... It's going to upset her.

Were you upset when she got knocked up fucking two months later? That's kind of a quick turnaround. I told you, they don't give a fuck. Widows and widowers, look at her. They break up the divorce. Oh, you're trying to put the pieces together. She's out there fucking taking a hot load right in the twat. You don't need that in your life. You don't need that in your life.

You don't need that in your life. I would move on. This could be a fucking great weekend if we don't go to that stupid wedding. What kind of a man wants to go to a wedding? You go to your own wedding. Other than that, it's just like, ah, jeez, here we go. Unless you're like some fuckboy creepo who just wants to go there and try to bang somebody coming in there like a fucking predator.

You know, like that guy who doesn't fight. There's like a big group fight and he just walks around the outside of the perimeter of the fight and just throws sucker punches. That's that guy, except he does it with his dick. Ex-boyfriend wedding guest. Oh, I already read this. Wait, is this the same? Oh, there's another one. Oh, it's wedding season everybody. Jesus. Hey there, Billy Red Tits. Huge fan, really enjoyed your consistency of being one of the funniest people on this planet. Well,

thank you so much. My fiance wants to invite an ex-boyfriend to our small intimate wedding. No. No. They dated for almost a year and from what I know they had a great time together. Small fact, he's a virgin and is waiting until marriage. Alright so he's a fucking school shooter. Get this, no. Fuck this guy.

The guy is almost 40 so I don't believe that she's lying to cover up them sleeping together. I just have a strange feeling about him. Guess what? So do I. I have a strange feeling about him being there, seeing how this will be close family and a few friends. Is that weird or am I overthinking it? Would love to get your advice.

Continue being the badass bald ginger cunt you are. Loyal fan. Thank you. Yeah, no, fuck that guy. Just say, listen, I don't want your weirdo 40 year old virgin school shooter friend. It doesn't make sense. This is just close friends and fucking whatever. Family. This guy's obviously gay. Just tell him to go down to P-Town and go lose his fucking virginity already.

No fucking guys wait until he's 40. No guys with a Horman for a year and he doesn't bang her. He's gay, he's fucking gay, he's gay. And there's nothing we can do about it all right it was just some grease ball shit some real grease ball shit it's my favorite line in guns in guns and roses and fucking good fellas when Tommy gets whacked and then Henry goes yeah it was some real grease ball shit yeah just say listen I don't want your gay ex boyfriend.

And just, just stick with that. Just say, listen, I want to have a happy life with you when we have to be able to communicate and I have to feel like I'm being heard. And I'm telling you right now, I don't want your gay ex 40 year old virgin boyfriend. Okay. I don't want your gay ex 40 year old virgin boyfriend. Okay. Go get him a fucking gym gym membership and a metropolitan area and nature will follow its course. Right?

It'll all fucking happen in the steam room. You know, everybody knows that. No, fuck that. I wouldn't have them there Boyfriend turning into that's such a douchey fucking thing to do I can take something right now Inviting an ex-boyfriend or a girlfriend to a wedding is a fucking at very least petty fucking thing to do Like your wife is going like haha fuck you, fuck you, this guy married me. There's something going on there. There's some sort of unresolved shit and it's not fair. What kind of a guy could have a fucking ex-girlfriend that he used to fucking bend over the goddamn couch at his fucking wedding?

Get the fuck out of here with that shit. Women are so out of line with the fucking ex-boyfriends. And look at the broad in the other one. She went out, took a hot one, right in the old baby maker, gets fucking knocked up, and he still can't bring his new fucking girlfriend there. It's a fucking double standard. No ex-gay 40-year-old virgin fucking guy at your wedding. Fuck that.

That's one of the easiest fucking questions I've ever had. All right? And good luck to that ex-gay 40-year-old. I hope he fucking finds the boyfriend he's been waiting for. Boyfriend turning into a landlord. Ew. Hey, Bill. Lady listener here.

So my boyfriend has recently started to toy around with the idea of investing in property and it's giving me the ick. Why? I generally do not see landlords as a net positive for society. It's a scummy way to make money in my opinion. Well, listen, there's good landlords and there's bad landlords and I think that you looking at this thing in absolutes is a little immature. And also him, by becoming a landlord,

could be the landlord that sets the fucking tone. I've had good landlords and I've had shitty ones and I've had okay ones. So it's giving me the ew, it's giving me the ick. I don't like, early on, I don't like how you're expressing yourself like you're still in junior high. All right? Sorry, I'm coming out of the flu.

I'm a little fucking judgmental here. I've never envisioned being with someone whose goal is to essentially sit on their ass and collect money each month from people who actually work and create value in society. I know I'm being Hyperbolic, so he said I know but you get the point. No, I don't get the point. You don't have any respect What you need to do is sit down and talk to landlord. Oh, oh my god, you just opened a can of worms Hey to educate you it can of worms. Hey, to educate, eww, ick, gag me with a spoon chick here, I want landlords to write in and talk to me about some of your star tenants that you got in there and immediately

stopped paying fucking rent and weren't supposed to have a dog and it chewed up all the fucking molding and the drugs that they did in there and the damage that they did and then they just fucking took off and they were dead beats and you couldn't get anything out. I'm going to tell you something right now. If your argument of being a landlord is a fucking nightmare, it's a fucking nightmare. It's a fucking nightmare. That is not a fucking easy job and the last thing you do is sit on your ass

After a while if you get a bunch of properties and then you get a property manager You can take away some of the day-to-day, but this is how it works, you know When the cats away the mice will play right? So if you have a fucking business the further you are away from that fucking business, the more people are going to steal and not do their fucking job. It's a very difficult job and you are turning tenants into heroes that are just working and landlords are like these fucking bloodsuckers or whatever. That's just not the case. There's bloodsucking landlords, absolutely, but they're not all like that.

Most of them, it's a fucking nightmare. I know some people that have become landlords and they have one story after another about getting a fucking nightmare tenant in there and they can't get them out and the damage that they do and how the law so protects the tenant over the landlord. Anyway, that said, it generally gives me the ick. She's still talking like this. Thinking about my boyfriend being a landlord and over time growing his portfolio. So much for that I have considered breaking up with him over this. Am I being dramatic or is this actually a valid reason to break up with someone? Thanks

Bill and go fuck yourself. No, I think you should 100% break up with this guy 100% break up with this guy because you're gonna destroy this guy's ability to make this dream come true because you are completely you are so judgmental and you are also so out of your fucking mind with your idea of the man and the working man and like just glorifying anybody who's a fucking tenant you have no idea what you're talking about and you're not gonna support him and you're gonna judge him in a very like you know black and white. I don't know, like when I'm reading this, this sounds like the first draft of like a fucking cartoon about a script,

like a Pixar movie about a landlord and a family. And you know, we need to have conflicts so that you know, they have the landlord and he's evil and he's money grubbing and these tenants are just good working people. I hate to say this, there's very few good people in the world. Most people are lying pieces of shit that have given the opportunity will steal from you, will take advantage from you, and will not take advantage, and will not own up to their sense of responsibility.

If I ever told you the fucking stories of just me being in this business and the people that I held near and dear and thought they were friends and the first opportunity they came around, they fucking stole from me. Like I mean, I'm telling you, like you need to live more of a life and you need to get off these, I don't know, these fucking liberal fucking Portland, Oregon websites that you're going on that are just speaking in these giant fucking absolutes and You're also an adult and you need to learn how to express yourself better than saying it gives me the ick and it gives me the EW and

using a green emoji fucking face Yeah, you're not a fully, I'm really going hard on you, but it's the truth because you're not a fully formed adult and this fucking guy, he's basically going to basically start off in a job that is a very difficult fucking job because most tenants are assholes. Like most people rent a car and then they just go out and beat the shit out of the car just because it's not their car. Like that's the kind of respect that they have for other fucking people's property and they think it's funny and they don't have any guilt when they do shit like that.

They're just fucking assholes. That's how most people are. And now you're going to fucking give them a fucking place to live, all right, that you fixed up and all that and then they're going gonna come in there and because it isn't theirs they're not gonna treat it with respect and they're gonna fuck the whole thing up and Then skip out of the last month's rent so you can't at least use their deposit to fix up some of it I mean that's Okay, and I'm not saying I've had bad landlords

I had a fucking a property manager break into my apartment and steal shit out of it while I was on the fucking road And I confronted him about him because what are you gonna do about it? I have the power You know, I've had that experience too, and then I've had I've had great landlords. So You need to break up with your boyfriend and then you need to go grow up All right, that's what it is. Okay It's giving me the X and the use. Oh god All right. This podcast is a little short like my dick Sorry, I just can feel I'm gonna have like a fucking coughing fit here

That is a podcast I should like a fucking coughing fit here. That is a podcast. I should be 100% by Thursday. Thank you guys for riding this out with me. And that's it. Go fuck yourselves. And yeah, no ex-boyfriends, girlfriends at weddings. If you're thinking about getting married, that's something that should be said early

on. No ex-boyfriends, no ex-girlfriends at this wedding. You say it early on before it's a fucking issue. And then secondly, if you're in a relationship with a man or a woman and they have a dream and it gives you the ick or the ew, then you need to break up with that person so that that person can go out and fully realize their fucking dream without you fucking ruining it. That last email really fucking annoyed me. All right, go fuck yourselves.

I'll talk to you on Thursday.