Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 9-24-18

Episode Date: September 25, 2018

Bill rambles about Frankie Valli, delivering papers, and hacking.

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Byrne. It's time for the Monday Morning Podcast from Monday, what is it? September 24th, 2018. What's going on? How are you? I just realized my flies down. Am I at that age now? 50 years old? Let me that guy walking around doesn't even always flies down. Hey, where are my glasses? I still haven't fixed this. All I do is just bitch about this wire rather than going out and getting it fixed. Why would you do that, Bill? All right, I just flew back from Charleston, South Carolina, Fort Adals in Richmond, Fort Adals in North, Norfolk, Virginia. I was down in the fucking south. Had a great time. Had a goddamn great time. I got to say some Richmond, Virginia, the Altria Theater, top five, top

five theaters in America I've ever played at. I don't know what it was, the whole layout of it, that dome above how great the sound was, the crowd was amazing. It was incredible. You know? I know what she's like, oh, what about us in Norfolk? I had a great time there too. Great crowds, the whole fucking time. Great people. They didn't lose their houses because of the hurricane. I haven't been to fucking North Carolina yet. I was so relieved then when I got to Charleston because they said the thing was going to hit them dead center. You know? And I was like, so what am I going to do? Show up. Everybody lost their house. I'm going to come down there being like, oh, what's up with this fucking wire on my pocket?

Like a bitching about that. People just lost their house. I didn't want that. I was so relieved, so relieved that I didn't have to go to disaster. Don't ever send me to a disaster area. I am much better, hundreds if not thousands of miles away, doing a benefit where the money is then sent to that area. You get me in the area. My act does not work when people are knee deep in water in their living room. It just doesn't. Okay? I've tried it. It doesn't work and it's just, you know, it's just not a good thing. But you know, there's other comments for that. It's a great big beautiful fucking world of comedy. Anyways, I flew back today and guess who was sitting next to me on the plane? Frankie Valley. I couldn't believe

it. I was freaking out. This guy, you know, I didn't bug him. He was literally right next to me and his whole vibe was he didn't want to be bugged, so I did not fucking, I didn't say one fucking word to him other than excuse me because I had the window, you know, and the guy's like 84 years old. He's just seen him popping up out of his seat. The end of the flight to grab his bag, you know, probably expecting someone to bug him and incredible shape kept himself and like he fucking weighs the exact same he weighed back when he was singing all those songs. It's very inspiring. Actually, when I looked him up, one of the questions that people asked, you know, like all the top questions, one was how did Frankie

Valley die? You know, that's when you know you crushed it in life. You've been living so long, people just assume that you're dead. I don't know. I was pretty impressed by that. I hope I live that long. When did Bill Burr die? He's still alive. You can go see him down at the fucking Hukilao in Chickpea, Massachusetts. All right, what's your favorite Frankie Valley song? You know what mine is? Mine is that, remember that song you hear? My eyes are Georgia, though I never laid a hand on you. My eyes are Georgia, like it's something and it's something cause you see a fuck of bad eye, Georgia. So close, so close sad yet so far. He sat next to me on the plane. I didn't fucking say shit to him. He just

had, you know, it was enough. It was enough. He was fucking on me. I said, Dolly, did you know I'm a really big fan? Great. Now he has to go wash his hand. So if you see him, you know, fucking leave him on the street. It was his mood today. I'm talking like I know the guy. I did sit next to him for like fucking three hours. I wonder what he'd done if I just started singing his fucking songs. You know, I just put on my fucking headphones. I just started singing his shit songs. He sung like nine million fucking times. Then he has to hear him disgustingly out of tune. Probably would elbowed me. Hey kid, shut up. I did it better or something. You know, something cool, something that a cool old guy would say. Man,

I hope I'm in the shape he's, I hope I live that long and I hope I'm in the shape he's in. He looked fucking great. And for what I can hear, he still sings his ass off. So that was pretty cool. I'll tell you what wasn't cool. I'll tell you what I didn't enjoy was how the New England Patriots got their asses whipped by a bunch of goddamn nerds, nerds. Oh, this happens every September. Every September we start off slow and then everybody has us dead and buried. It's fucking over. Every set in the new tradition in the AFC is in September, the Patriots are done and Kansas City's going to the Super Bowl. How many times have we seen it? Well, Bill, it's only the second year in a row. Well, it feels like five.

Kansas City, it's over. It's a gift. Wrap it up in a fucking bow, right? Fucking unbelievable. Fucking Verzi, man. Verzi jinxed me. He fucking teased the Patriots. I didn't even give him shit. That's the second week in a row that he's lost on the Lions as he calls them the hapless Lions. Fucking unbelievable. Not as unbelievable as this goddamn fucking wire. Oh, did I move my head? Oh, is this a comfortable position? Now go fuck yourself. I was actually doing I did two shows last night. My wife taped the game so I haven't even seen it, but I was watching just the ticker on my phone because I don't know how you guys fucking download the app. And then you got to have your pet. How do you keep all your passwords?

Well, how do you keep how do you keep track of them? You know, unless you just don't give a fucking you just use the same one every goddamn time. I'm not even good at coming up with passwords. Like when I go to type it in that the computer's like weak. That's getting better. And I'm like fucking zebra cunt 98. They're like fair. It's like how the fuck is somebody gonna figure that out? Anyways, balloon her pee 49 week. Like this. Does somebody already have that? I have no idea. But let me ask you this. When was the last fucking time? Here's a goddamn stats for you stats or stat? Here's a fucking stat for you. When was the question I had? When was the last time the Browns, the Lions and the Buffalo Bills all won in the same week? Jesus Christ. I mean, you're

talking the Browns and the Lions have both gone Oh, and 16 in this decade, right? Was it this decade? Oh, the years of flying by 32 fucking losses, You know, they always do that when they talk about the national debt, they try to put it in terms that you can understand I'm going to put 32 losses in terms that you can understand lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost sorry Anyways, um, it's weird. My team is one in two. We actually have a worse record right now than the Cleveland Browns. Haven't said that it's kind of fucking fun. Seeing these teams have sucked so long be good. I wanted any anybody out there call the Buffalo

bills this week. Maybe you bet on about who the fuck who the fuck saw 27 nothing whatever the fuck they were up by 17 nothing against the fucking fight. What are the Vikings doing? The Vikings putting their fans out of their misery early this year. They usually wait to the playoffs playoffs. Um, I watched a bunch of football this weekend. I watched I watched Alabama roll tat. I watched them against the Aggies love the Aggies quarterback man. That guy's a fucking gamer. He kept a minute for like a hat almost to the half. But uh, I swear to God watching that watching the, uh, Alabama Crimson tide, it's like watching the Patriots where the players are so well coached. Like the way they turned

it on at the end of the first half to be like, Hey, let's get another touchdown here and let's well, whatever the hell they were up by like, I think I can't remember maybe seven. Let's go in the locker room up by four. They put their foot on the gas and they went right down the fucking field and they scored. Aggies come out. They shut him down again. They got the ball back and then they kicked the field goal. They tacked on an extra fucking 10 points and it was like, wait a minute, wait, we were down by one score. We down by a touchdown like three minutes ago. We're ready to jog in, you know, feeling good about ourselves and all of a sudden they give me the old fucking right there Fred twice. And then the, uh,

Alabama was getting the ball coming out of like halftime and you're like, they're gonna go down. They're gonna score another touchdowns. Fucking game is over. That's essentially what they did. And the fact that, uh, Nick Saban, I always go to forget his name and I just remember that chant when I went to the LSU game and the whole student section was going, fuck you Saban. So I always have to say that once in my head. I have to picture that memory and then the audio plays, fuck you Saban. I thought, Nick, Nick Saban, Nick Saban. Um, the job that that guy's doing down there, considering, you know, all the players that you lose every year, everybody thinks they're a pro or they're just a senior and they can't

play anymore. And you're just constantly rebuilding the fact that they, that whatever the hell he instills in them, they get it immediately. Um, you know, it was pretty impressive. I miss the LSU game, fucking college football. They, they're games like on, they have like random games on like Tuesdays now, it seems. So on Friday, I think I missed that, but they're three and oh, I think we got Florida next week. I did say we, I'm in, I'm in with fucking LSU. I, I, you know, can't, can't roof Alabama. They're just too goddamn good, right? I'm not looking forward to that Alabama game. That's going to be rough, but who knows? Maybe that fucking Cajun Hulk Hogan can talk them into us. I don't know. I don't know. You know what,

it'd be fun. I gotta, I gotta watch Alabama every week because I never watch him when they lose. How angry does Nick say? I actually worry for his loved ones when that guy's taken a loss like that poor Alabama kicker. He fucking shanked two punts. The fucking look on Nick Saban's face. Oh my God. It was like, he wanted to rip the kid's fucking foot off. Anyways, I hate fucking podcasting when I flew across the con when I fly. I don't know what it is. All my funny just goes out the window. My brain isn't working. Fucking sitting here. Jesus Christ. What the hell was I going to talk about? I absolutely nothing to fucking talk about. How many minutes? I'm 12 minutes in 12 fucking minutes. I got one

for you. You know, somebody come home, right? All I want to do is jump in the shower and just wash the fucking airport off of me. Right? Can't do it because I own an old house and we got a plumber in here for the nine millionth time trying to fix whatever the fuck is wrong with the toilet this time. Can't do it. I swear to God, give you guys some advice. If you have a fucking somebody ever describes a house as having character, I'm telling you, just just head for the hills. All right, if you meet a woman and she says, guys find me intimidating, just run for the hills. There's a couple of fucking red flags out there. Ladies, what would write it? Tell me what what is it so I can help out women here? What's the what's

the red flag with a guy? You don't know him and he says, drink this something creepy. I don't fucking know. Anyways, the Red Sox clinched that was all exciting until the Yankees clinched and it's just like, Oh, so we're both zero and zero. Like what am I getting excited about? Why is everybody popping fucking champagne and all that? The Indians won the series. I think they took two out of three from us. I'm telling you, Terry Francona is laying in the weeds and nobody sees this guy. People, how many times do I have to be right? I'm gonna pat myself on the back right now. I've been killing it lately. I said it wasn't fucking over when

we swept the Yankees. I was right. I said you can't base the Lions first fucking week on what they're going to do or anybody. I was right about that. All right, I was right about two things, but that feels great to me. I feel like I've been right about a lot of shit. You know, this is what happens when you get married. You know what I mean? When you actually write about something, you just you want to tell people. So maybe somebody will give you a fucking out of boy every once in a while. Anyways, I, uh, what else when I want to fucking die? Absolutely literally nothing. Charleston football. Oh yeah, isn't it isn't a fucking sign of global warming? Isn't it amazing how like sports, like they

they don't give a fuck. They'll talk about war. They'll promote a war and all that shit. But for some reason, global warming or climate change, whatever that is, just completely off limits. I have never seen, I never saw a football game called or delayed because of weather. The first like, I don't know, 45 years of my life, 40 years of my life. And now it's like every other fucking week, like the weather is too bad to play football, which you play no matter what the weather is. So either somebody sued the shit out of a stadium because they just got a perm and it started to rain at a football game or we're just getting crazy and crazy or weather, you know, it's going to happen eventually, you know, because

we keep saving all of these people when mother nature tries to wipe them off the planet. We fucking let everybody know something is going to happen. Get out of the fucking way. So she's just going to have to start swinging harder and harder and harder. And this is going to be one of these fucking times. There's going to be a tornado that sets down like right in a stadium. And everybody's just going to go flying like they went through a like a like a wood chipper. You know, something if that fucking guy, what the hell is his name there? I always forget his name. That guy, the guy he had ALS, he was really smart. And he was always predicting negative shit. I wish he was alive. So I could ask him that

that Steve or something like that, Mike, one of the regular names. Hey, Tim, Billy, Kevin, Kevin's a little, that's a little bad for white people. That's a little flavor in your name back in the day. Anyways, I would have asked him that a bit. Hey, dude, you know, not for nothing. What when what year? He was like, he was like one of those fucking, you know, when you go to like Coney Island or something, you got like the bearded lady, and then there's a guy guessing your weight. He was like the guy that guesses your weight before like super smart people. He was always saying all that crazy shit, you know, in 2038, there's going to be no more apples. You know, he's like, he added down the polar ice caps are going to fucking, you know, just fucking

gloom and doom that guy had, you know, you guys think I'm bad, that fucking guy, Jesus Christ. I would have loved to ask them that. Been like, Hey, Ricky, when is the tornado going to fucking set down in a fucking football stadium that we don't even see coming? He could actually probably within the fucking week. Well, actually, wait a minute, what did that guy ever predict that came true? And I got to be honest with you, a lot of his predictions, they were pretty fucking obvious. It's kind of was saying, yeah, we're going to fuck this whole thing up, which is kind of the direction we're going in. But you know, when you're day to day, you got to take like little like happy things that happen, like seeing the lions, the bills and the Browns all win. You know,

Bill's fans are cunts. I've been to two games out there. They're fucking grumpy cunts. You know what I mean? They're like the South. They never got over the loss. You know, I'm fucking with you. They never got over those Super Bowl losses. They're just like, it's, it's fucking with them. It hangs over that city. It's a great city. They're great people, but I'm telling you, they put on a bill shirt. I know the feeling, believe it or not, back in the day, I see it too. Like whenever the Red Sox wear the throwbacks with the Pat Patriot, I might be my older brother, we get sick to our stomach. When you look at it, you're like, Oh my God, I don't mind if they ever, if they wear them with the black cleats, then it kind of looks like the

original days of the AFL. I don't mind that. But if they go out there with white fucking cleats, and they wear that fucking Pat Patriot thing, that's all I think about. All I think about, roughing the passer, fucking the 46 defense, Dan Marino lighten us up. The Buffalo Bills, when they had Jim Kelly kicking the shit out of us. There was a minute there where the Jets were good when they had the New York sack exchange. This can't all be football every week. I got people around the world listening to this shit, and they just don't give a fuck. So I got to, at some point, switch off to something that's going to be a little bit, a little more mainstream. You know, I also watched the, sorry, all I did was watch football. I watched the fucking

Falcons Saints. I don't know what the fuck is going on in the NFC South, but take the over. None of those teams are going to win shit. Did you see those two fucking guys in like their twenties couldn't track, couldn't tackle 39 year old Drew Brees? That was, that was fucking ridiculous. If that was a boxing match, you'd say it was fixed. I'll tell you right now, I don't know what Matt Ryan's diet is, but I want to be on it. That guy, he's got to be like in his thirties. Now he doesn't, his fucking face is all, he looks like an astronaut. You know, those guys always have nice faces because they spent so many years out there in the fucking space and there's like no gravity. That's going to be like the next thing that rich people do. As everybody else gets

poor, they're going to, they're going to just orbit the earth. It's really good for your face. They're just going to be up there just flying around with like no gravity. You know, if you're rich, you get Botox, but if you're super rich, you orbit the planet and you're very young. You know what wanted to do that? Wanted to go to like Mars or something. Didn't Lance Bass want to do that shit? The fucking people are out of their mind. Don't, you know, you don't remember when that teacher went up? Then you remember like how much balls it takes to be a fucking astronaut. You're getting on top of a stick of dynamite. Are you out of your fucking mind? That's like Chuck Yeager's shit. Some fucking guy in a toll booth. Yeah, I'll get in that thing.

Oh, will you? I think it's almost like, yeah, it's like, it's disrespectful to the other fucking people. You know, do they, do they put you in that centrifuge and shit before you go on there to make sure you're not going to be yakking all the way to the fucking moon? Can you imagine that the first, you know, the first one, the first one, okay, that they send up there with a bunch of civilians. There is going to be somebody is going to freak the fuck out. I guarantee you they're going to, they're going to, uh, they're going to have something, some sort of, some guy just runs down the island, just like puts a syringe right into your fucking neck so you don't freak everybody else out when it finally hits you, that you're leaving the planet.

My God. There are so many things that scares the shit out of me. But I gotta admit, when George Clooney just spun off into space in that fucking movie, whatever the hell it was, but he was so nonchalant about it, like I didn't care about his character. He was just like, oh, yeah, look at that. There's the Serengeti. Oh, he's like it this time of year. And he just floated off. They made him too heroic. All right, because I don't give a fuck, you know, how much balls you have as an astronaut. And you do, you have balls the size of my fucking head, which is huge. If you don't know who I am, if you've never taken a gander at it,

I don't give a fuck who you are. You start slipping off into fucking space. I don't care how fucking badass you are. The second you lose your grip on the space station and you start floating off and the other people in there are asleep or some shit and you're just, that's it. You're done. There's no way you just go like, well, you know, I had a nice run. I guess I'm going to set the record for me in space. You know, you're not going to say that. You're just going to be happy like, and that's it. Just fucking gone. That is a fucking lonely ass goddamn death.

Could I be saying more obvious shit? Oh, is it built to slip off into the fucking space by yourself? Now, what happens when you're up there? Because I know like some fucking egghead figured out. Why can't I compliment them? You know, some guy who's way smarter than I am somehow figured out that when you went to space, because you were outside of the atmosphere, the sun's rays would be so goddamn hot. Your saliva would reach the boiling point in your fucking mouth. I remember that Red Bull guy when he jumped. That was a problem. Like if his mask came off within, I don't know how many seconds like his, he would lend, he would go from like hurtling through the atmosphere with boiling water in your mouth. I mean, you might as well get shot right directly up your

asshole with lightning at that point to just make the trifecta of horror. Hey, remember the hole in the ozone layer? How come they never fucking talk about that anymore? Is that thing going to, did they fix it? Oh my god. I actually came up with an idea for a fucking movie that I think you could make a trilogy out of. And it's so ridiculous. I'm actually, rather than just saying it or doing a fucking bit about it, I actually just registered it, registered it at the fucking writer's guilt on the way from the airport popped in there really quick and just fucking knocked it out. It's so coming up with a sci-fi movie right now, for some reason, it's just really easy

because I feel like we're there. Just all this shit that's fucking coming out, all this shit that we're fucking up. 60 years ago, you had to use your imagination, ray guns and fucking pocket doors that opened up with the heat of your fucking body, whatever happened on Star Trek, right? Teleporting and all of that shit. You had to like use your fucking imagination. Now it's just like, you know, we're Skyping with each other. That's like shit they did on Star Trek. So I don't think it's that hard now. Well, actually you got to be ahead of the game, right? You know, I'm going to go out on a limb and I'm going to say this script is going to suck.

I'm probably going to need some help with it. You know how funny it would be if I actually made like a killer fucking trilogy of sci-fi fucking movies. And then every other year when the movie came out, I'd have to go to like fucking Comic Con. That thing that I'd made fun of so many fucking times. I actually went to it this year. I had a great time. People were actually cool. You know, it's just fun. I don't know what it is. Isn't it fun to just make fun of shit that everybody likes? Everybody gets all excited about something and you just get to be a cunt. Tickets are on sale for the All Things Comedy Festival. By the way, we were trending today in all the Hollywood Reporter variety and all that. This company, All Things Comedy,

the name is a small part of. We signed a deal with Comedy Central to do four one hour specials. The first one being Mr. Paul Verzi. Then we're going to do three other killer ones for them next year. We got some stuff in the works. We're slowly becoming a little fucking entity here, you know? All freckles. He's building his own little kiosk out here. That's how I view this business. I view it like a giant fucking mall and I get this little store right in the middle. You know, those ones you walk by, the guy has those little helicopter things that fly, you know, which sells key chains. That's me. I ain't fucking with Lord and Taylor. Anyways, plowing ahead here. Let me read some of the adverts, the adverts.

There was something I wanted to go off on, but I'm not going to fucking throw them. I would just say this, you know, I can't fucking say anything anymore. You just fucking get in trouble. You know, there was a certain somebody on a certain something that was telling people what they should or shouldn't be fucking saying in the same business that this person was in. I was just like, what if, you know, are you advocating censorship? This is such a weird fucking, these are lefties, lefties. Anyways, is there anything worse than mmk when somebody does that? That should be an app, you know, that if you ever say mmk, like sell, I don't know what, just a giant like one of those Hulk hands, but it's like padded, just fucking punches you right in the face.

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Now evidently we go into the we go into the questions here for the week for the week. Moto GP. Hey Bill, I haven't heard you talk about the guy in the Moto Moto race who gripped the other other racers breaks in the middle of the race. How the fuck did he do that? Maybe I had my headphones out while some shit had I worked with felt it necessary to tell me about his weekend. I don't give a shit about but would love to hear your thoughts on the incident. I gotta I gotta check this out. Here we go. Let's search here. Moto Moto Moto fucking GP Moto GP breaks. Oh break grab. There it is. Let's see what we got. You know what I was just singing there. Do you remember Super Fuzz that movie

and then they were in the transition between one scene to another. They had the background singers. They go super super super super super super. All right. Yeah. Did this guy get banned for life? You could fucking kill somebody doing that. The caption literally says the guy's going like he wanted to kill me. All right. Now I have to sit through a fucking ad. Oh and of course here we go. Your ad will play your video will play after this ad. Remember the internet when it didn't have a bunch of ads. You know that was a great fucking time. Now they just they just punish you. I mean it's not as bad as listening to me read ads and you always have the option of fast forwarding through mine. These fucking assholes won't let me do it. Come on. I want to see it.

I want to see it. All right. This is going to take too long unfortunately but this fucking guy grabbed onto was I don't want your fucking channels. Fuck. Leave me alone. You don't noise the fuck out of me when you're on the plane and they shut off your movie to do a goddamn commercial. But who the fuck is going to sign up for a credit card. 60,000 free air miles. That's enough to get you from here to Chile and back. They say all this dumb shit. It's like yeah but you're not going to let me do it. So what's the difference? Right. I'll only be able to use these during like the winter months. You'll let me fly to fucking Alaska when his pitch blackout. All right. Evidently this can't grab this guy's

fucking breaks. What happened? I don't want to blame the victim but what in God's name did this guy do? Moto GP great break grab. I just have to let me just read about it here. Moto GP rider grabs competitors break at 140 miles an hour. This guy should be arrested. How the fuck did he think that no one was going to see this? Does he realize it's televised? Oh my God. What a fucking asshole. That's like right out of WrestleMania. And the ref didn't see it. Holy shit. That guy's an amazing rider. That was his front break too. Well I guess they always use the front break. It's a back break you don't want to use. I don't know shit about motorcycles. All right. Disgrace Moto 2 rider Romano Fanati. Oh the Italian.

Ah Jesus. Do you know what? There's finally no mob shows on TV. They would turn in their fucking reputation around and this guy's he's got to go full soprano on him. The guy deservedly lost his spot on the Marinelli Sniper's team. Oh they kicked him off the team after he attempted one of the more dangerous stunts we'll see in competitive racing. Ah man. He's 22 years old. He's a fucking hothead. He just ruined his career. Oh boy. As Fanati rode beside competitor Stefano Manzi. I wonder if there's any history between these two families. You never know. Kidding. At the San Marino GP the 22 year old reached out and grabbed Manzi's break at 140 miles an hour.

Luckily Manzi didn't fall off his bike and Fanati's was at Fanati's. Antics were completely uncalled for. That's one of the worst sentences. Luckily Manzi didn't fall off his bike. Oh as Fanati's antics were completely uncalled for. Fanati was shown the black flag and disqualified from the race for attempting to harm an opponent. While he was banned for two races and fired from his team, Fanati thought the penalty was unfair. Still he added that he had no plans to race again. What? Wow. The world is, that world is closed to me. I'll not race anymore. He said in an interview he granted to the La Repubblica. It isn't my world. There's too much injustice. I was wrong. That is true. But nobody cares about my pain. I wasn't a real man. I was unable to control my

anger. But Manzi could have killed me too. Well what happened before that? Dude I'm telling you this is why you have to get into racing. It's like the real housewives for men. These fucking guys like how mad they fucking get at each other in the petty shit. That's not really petty. But like Days of Thunder, all of that. When you watch that movie you're like ah this is fucking silly. Like that shit really goes down. I guess it's better in a car because you can fucking slam into people. It's you know for some reason that's not considered attempted murder. Wow. I guess maybe because I have a temper I feel bad for that guy. Or also maybe because I went after a dream and made it come true and that kid did too and he just fucked up his dream.

I actually on some level feel bad for him. Maybe he was just emotional after the fucking race and just said I'm done. I hope it just wasn't because he just couldn't beat the guy. The guy was always getting the best of him. And he pulled like a Bill Lamb beer. Like those players. Well you're better than me so I'm just going to wait till you leave your feet and I'm just going to take your fucking legs out. That's still one of my favorite things of all time. Bill Lamb beer saying we tried to play a mind game. It's like you know like like there was a lot of layers to that. It's like no you're just out there hurting people. All right football and pizza. Oh my god. Oh Jesus Christ. This is one of the best ones ever. Hey yo Billy colorless calves.

There's never been a truer statement. My legs are sweating. They're the color of milk. I'm happy you're enjoying getting in shape. Most people don't get past the first week of eating. Eating well. And it's a shame because all it takes is one good week of clean food and breaking a sweat. Well not if you're like a hundred pounds overweight but I know what you mean. He said I started doing long distance biking in my 20s. You know what's hilarious. I just had my bike fixed up. I bought a bike in 1983 that I still have. I bought a 12 speed with my paper route money. I was 15 years old and I quit my paper route the year before. I think I don't know. I don't think I did. I went from having a paper route to having a part time job. I do

remember that. I had a paper route from third grade to ninth grade and then I had to sign a form or something because I was too young to work. Oh no. Then I started caddying. I was a caddy for a while. Did that feel like a fucking year or something. Then I just started. I always had a job. It was great. I always had money. The worst fucking thing in the world now is that little boys and girls they can't be they can't be paper boys and girls anymore. It was the fucking best. You didn't have to hit your parents up for my I just I had fucking money. Do you understand that. I was making like eight nine ten bucks a week when I was in third grade. I mean I was stuffing it in the walls. I had like no overhead. I mean what the fuck was I going

to spend it on. Football cards. That's what I spent it on. And I had a little bank and I just stuffed it in there and anytime I wanted something if I wanted a like I had a job and I was so young that when I had a job I would buy toys with it. I buy football cards and candy soda and all that shit. I just was fucking great. I mean one time I rode my bike all the way to fucking McDonald's with a buddy of mine. We both lied to our parents. We were riding down a fucking two-lane highway. Nobody reported us because there was no phones. You know we drove all the way down there and went in. It was the coolest fucking thing and our parents had no fucking idea. I was exhausted because it was one town over. I just had this little piece of

shit red coaster bike and then when I got older then I had the Raleigh Beach Rambler. I remember I pointed at the bike because I thought it looked fucking stupid because I had white wall tires on it and I pointed on it and laughed and my dad was like oh I like that. You like that? And I was afraid of him so I just said yeah but this bike I didn't like and then everybody made fun of me. I had these giant Pee Wee Herman fucking tires on it but then one day you know we were riding down the hill and everybody was slamming on the brakes like that's what you did for fun to see it look sort of skid mark you could leave. The tires were so fucking big. Everybody else just went like that went mind skid. It actually sounded like a car. It went everybody thought it

was cool but it had the big fat ass fucking seat on it but I had a paper route and it fucking snowed out and you know rain sleet or snow you had to deliver the paper and mine I delivered the Herald and then I delivered the Boston Globe and I remember the kid down the street he had the coveted route. There used to be this paper called The Patriot Ledger and it was an afternoon paper that makes any fucking sense and it reported on I guess I don't know what the stories that the other papers already reported on how they had advanced over the last I don't know how many hours whatever. So anyways he had it and it was a Monday through Friday fucking route and it was like that thing was with the holy grail of paper routes in my neighborhood and the oldest brother got it and

he passed it on to his next brother. It stayed they had like three boys and they all had the fucking route and the youngest kid was my age so there was no way to ever get the fucking paper route. So we had the globe Herald first then the Boston Globe and that thing was seven days a week 365 and I had from third grade to uh yeah ninth grade and I don't think I haven't missed a day unless I had a ruptured appendix. I missed a couple weeks that time and we took a family trip one time when I was a kid and uh and I remember it sucked you'd come back and these fucking asshole adults would do your route and they just you know I used to put it in the door it was always dry they would put a fucking rubber band around it and elastic whatever the fuck you call it

and they would just drive down the street and fucking throw it you get all these complaints and everyone would get mad at you and all this shit. So anyways I ended I saved up my money and I bought that Univega Nuovo Sport right really nice fucking bike and I don't know my parents never threw it out and I came home one day in my 30s and I saw it I was like I'm gonna fucking take that thing all right because and you just you know represent something to me working hard you know that if you work hard you get stuff right so I fucking got that thing and uh it was all like originals and all that shit and I just it just fucking finally died on me from years of fucking riding and stuff and I decided um or I guess sitting in my parents garage I decided that I was

gonna fix it up and I finally brought it over to somebody it literally cost me almost the same amount of money that the bike cost me in like 1983 when I bought it and uh I want to get back to riding I just have to find where you can ride in LA that's like safe I know out in Santa Monica you can and fucking uh um I don't know maybe some of the parks along the LA River but I always feel like you're gonna meet some fucking serial killer down there you know we're gonna attack by a fucking mountain lion LA is a weird place um so anyways let me get back and I used to ride that thing when I got when I got older when I was 21 I got into the best shape of my fucking life uh 80s shape you know so no squats but what I did for legs was I rode the bike and I used to ride 11 miles

every day Monday through Friday after working in a warehouse that's how young I was I had the energy to do that and on the weekends I would ride 18 miles and I would take one fucking day off needless to say I won't be doing that again I'll fucking take little five mile John's on let one fucking level land all right sorry that was in my entire history with bicycles bikes used to be a big fucking deal by the way I don't think they're big deals to kids anymore it was freedom you just fucking left you'd find other kids you just fucking rode around did shit you know I don't know I started doing long distance biking he said in my 20s I was never in bad shape but I certainly wasn't in as good a shape as I am now having said all that I really

hope that once this year you are able to order yourself a pizza crack open a high life and watch nine hours of football yeah that sounds perfect he said now to the hypothetical uh what would you be what would be your combination of pizza and beer for that occasion uh I'd go with a local joint here in massachusetts originally from Cleveland go browns congratulations on your victory he said an achillian's irish red a beer that no one drinks anymore but is delicious um I gotta be honest with you I am I am a I am white trash when it comes to beer if I could find it you know what I would do the first beer I ever got drunk off of was uh micka lobe light and my pizza spot was in stoton massachusetts the town spa

so I'd have one of their pizzas um I'd have a plain one extra crispy whatever they do you know well done and uh I would have a micka lobe light and I'd have it in one of those giant fucking goblets that they used to have at the end of the miller light commercials um less filling no was it less filling tastes great that's right that's what I would do um New York my pizza spot I haven't lived there a long time the pizza place I used to go to was right right next to danger fields because I always ended in that spot and I would go it was Sutton pizza I think it was called I always thought that they had a nice sauce and the cheese was on it and it complimented the sauce rather than destroying even being able to taste that there was any sort of sauce there uh but I

know there's a bunch of you know I haven't lived there in like fucking 11 years so I have no idea what everybody liked that joe's pizza down the village was a big one um but I don't know I like that that's Sutton pizza man I fucking like that shit all right old podcast question our dear billy been doing it forever uh was listening to a throwback on the thursday podcast great taste in music by the way uh that's Andrew that's his taste in music if you listen to mine it would just be like yeah be a bunch of hair metal and I was wondering if your feelings have changed on downloading music and movies illegally you were ranting on on how terrible it is and I'm too young to remember that controversy I'm 20 but you had me convinced it was certainly illegal

and not cool um I don't know if it was ever illegal what happened was the technology came about that you could do it uh anyways it said something said he had napsed my friend said he had Napster in high school and everyone did maybe he said your older brother you left out that word I guess it's like looking at celeb leaked celebrity nude photos yeah it's wrong but who doesn't want to get a glimpse of that I never look at those fucking things when somebody hacks somebody's phone their text messages or their emails that's none of my fucking business man I really can't believe like what fucking voyors people are I don't give a shit what anybody does you know I don't give a fuck what you said on your phone and I think if you know like if somebody

you have it like oh can you believe this person texted this this is offensive it's like well they didn't text it to you they texted privately to somebody else you're not supposed to be reading that don't read other people's text messages you won't get fucking offended you have no idea what the tone of that was this could be a joke this could be dead serious no fucking idea and even still it's like reading something I love about reading somebody else's mail is fucking illegal but like hacking somebody's phone is fine I have no idea anyways um I guess the only part that I thought you might have changed your mind on is how people around the world have heard you because they got it illegally listening to your podcast helps me sort out my feelings on lots of things

but also your points make me realize that the world has virtually no black or white issues well if you talk about my podcast my podcast is free um but I would say um has it changed yeah I still pay for music um um I go to uh iTunes is where I do it I don't like those streaming services because they fuck over the musicians and I know app iTunes they just fuck them over man it's ridiculous iTunes does it too but like I know like one of them I remember they were talking about me possibly streaming my one of my albums they're like yeah for every thousand plays we'll give you uh we'll give you a half a cent it's like what the fuck yourself they had all this advertising and shit all in the side and

everything so they're getting all this credit making all this fucking money they're not even rolling a penny towards me they're chopping it in half and then sliding it across the fucking table um I will say like you know I don't police a lot of shit too much on YouTube I should probably do that more but um you know I definitely saw the advantages you know when I went to uh when I went over to Europe I gave out my DVDs for free and told people to upload them onto their YouTube pages because I wanted to get into the you know different language areas on YouTube you know because I want to talk about trying to learn to play the rhythm um the verse section of walk this way on the on the guitar and the only guy who did a lesson was a french guy and I clicked on his fucking video

and then all of a sudden all my videos to the right were in french and I was like wow what part of YouTube is this so when I went to Norway and Sweden and all those I was like you know put clips of this up on your page I don't give a fuck you know it's on pirate bay anyways what the fuck do I care I might as well get in on this somehow so I kind of had to roll with it but um you know I it's it's still stealing but I pay for all my movies I pay for uh no that isn't necessary too there'll be a few like I try I try to pay for movies like if I go on like Netflix and it isn't there and I can't find it playing on cable you know and it's something I really want to fucking see I will watch a movie for free I'll admit that I've definitely done that

shit hey here's something I want to speak into that I actually watched a couple of movies when I was on the plane there um I gotta I gotta show you I gotta give a shout out to uh you know what sucks is one of the fucking movies I can't even remember the name of the movie and I really fucking enjoyed it um fuck what the hell was I yeah I literally watched it's oh something was it gringo is that the name of the fucking movie Charlize Theron was in it and she was fucking hilarious and her character was was fucking I love the movie absolutely love the movie let's see gringo Charlize Theron right is that the name of the movie did I get it right yeah gringo check that one out love that movie and then I saw uh oh fuck I gotta answer this hang on

all right I'm back uh so anyways then I watched this other movie called superfly and was fucking blown away like I couldn't get the fucking all the actors names and there was so many great actors there was this kid I hope he says name it it's k a a l a n k r walker call on k lon I hope I say it right k r walk too fucking white to get it right walker his character was so fucking good I don't want to ruin the movie I just thought the last time you saw him should have been more of an event with how good his performance was and then the kid who played super flies right hand man was fucking great uh I don't know how to do this without ruining the fucking movie there's so many it's just it's a really fun fucking movie um I've seen some good ones lately but uh you know I'm writing

this fucking script I've gotten in the whole world of writing scripts now so now I'm actually watching movies I'm trying to find people just remember them oh they were in in gringo that the fucking dude who played the guy's accountant in the beginning was fucking great um everybody that movie was great so check those out man I hope I'm not doing this shit where I saw it on a plane so you're just like this is fucking great it's taken up two and a half hours but these were legit good I think I think they'll hold up even if you're just hanging out at your house you know with your fucking virtual reality glasses and whatever the fucking internet porn you're watching I think you can get through them all right those are my recommendations for

movies uh congratulations to the fucking lions man uh huge huge fucking victory for you guys you turn around I'm liking seeing you know the chiefs and all these these teams being I mean I obviously don't want the Patriots run to ever fucking end and uh I've enjoyed the hell out of it and you know I remember coming up it was all about the cowboys and Steelers and I remember thinking when the fuck's our time and so when we finally had our time I enjoyed the whole thing I hope it's not over um but if it is you know it fucking is and I'll be happy for the rest of my fucking life is what am I gonna do I'm gonna bitch about fucking 10 11 championships straight across the fucking board you know 15 year period it was incredible um but the Red Sox is still coming

you know who knows could keep could keep going on Celtics look fucking good I still believe in the Patriots though but uh it is a lot of fun to see um all these different teams doing well and I'm like beyond excited to see the next Brown's game because I want to see this Baker Mayfield kids um Tee Fee lights it up again it's exciting all right that's it that's the podcast have a great couple of days I'll check in on you on Thursday go fuck yourselves