Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 9-26-22

Episode Date: September 27, 2022

Bill rambles about golfing, water slides, and things you want but can't have. Zip Recruiter:  Try for free at ZipRecruiter.com/BURR Indochino:  Get $50 off any purchase of $399 or more, use promo code BURR at Indochino.com

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Information and information at bmw.be for the Monday Morning Podcast for Monday. September 26, 2022. 22222. What's going on? How are ya? I gotta record this on my phone. I gotta record this on my phone.

Because once again, the goddamn fucking computer isn't working. It doesn't recognize, the garage band does not recognize the external device. I love how it says that. When it puts that on the screen and I read that, I go, that's obviously not for me. Right, what am I supposed to do with that? What am I, a fucking scientist? The external device? What could that be?

The keyboard, the mouse, the microphone, the fucking, the interface? What do you mean you don't recognize it? Are you having cognitive issues? Do you, would you care to expand on that little fucking window that keeps popping up? So now I gotta, you know, whatever, whatever. Who gives a fuck, you know, who gives a fuck? This is just, this is what life has become. Life has become, you know, trying to make sure your device is fast enough to run with

everybody else's device and then just throwing it out, even though it still works, because nobody wants it anymore, because it's not fast enough. What the fuck do you think all these laptops end up? Where do they all end up? Have they just got them stacked up somewhere? And all of these fucking phones, I guess the latest iPhone just came out. It just never ceases to amaze me listening to people talking about the latest cell phone and all the things that it can do.

Dude, they have this new thing on it, right? If you just touch a letter, like the letter, like touches your finger back. It's like creepy at first, but that was a bad example. What the fuck, I don't know what they're doing. I don't know what these fucking nerds want next. I can't tell you, I forgot my phone when I was out in Phoenix. I left it in the hotel room and I went out for a couple of hours and because I didn't have a phone and everybody else had a phone, that's when I suddenly realized like how much

I'm on my phone. This is really not new information, but underrated, leaving the house without your phone. It is kind of nuts. You remember that? Anybody else old like me? When you left the house back in the day, no one knew where you were. I am driving to work. That was it.

Just like this black hole. You got to the house, so you got the office, like no one could be in touch with you. That's it. You had your own little fucking world. You had your own little time. If you got out of the house, you decided to get a cup of coffee, you sat down, you just had it. You just sat there sipping it.

You weren't staring at a device. You were looking around. You see another attractive woman over there. She's looking at you. You look back. Right? She gives you half a smile, so you bring your eyebrows up a little bit and then she nods. The next thing you know, you're sitting with her and then you begin an affair and you ruin

your marriage. Do you think there's less? It's weird. You should be like less affair. If there wasn't social media, I think there would be less like fights, just less human interaction, less opportunities for us to hurt ourselves, maybe. I don't know. I'm not talking about.

I had a fucking guys weekend, man. I went out to Phoenix, Arizona with the one and only Paul Verzi and some wonderful people from all things comedy. We did a live gig on the Great Lawn outside of where the Phoenix, Arizona Cardinals, the Arizona Cardinals play and we did a live Anything Better where we did our picks for the week and my God, we had a fucking great time. We just had a great time. We did that and then we hung out a little bit, but we were going golfing in the morning.

We had like a 730 tee time or 715, something like that. So I made the smart move. I smoked a little cigar and then I was just like, all right, I'm going to bed and went to bed and we got up the next day and we played golf and, I don't know, I actually kind of enjoyed it. I did. I do have like, like after six holes, I just can't, you know, I always start saying like, is this the eighth hole?

Like, no, no, it's only the seventh. I just, I just start like wanting to get out of it, not to get out of there. I just, um, I'm over it. Like playing 18 holes of golf is just, I mean, that is, that is a fucking commitment, but I do enjoy playing and I do enjoy watching people going through that care about the game, going through the shit that they go through when they're playing it. It's kind of funny because they're always just like the first couple of holes, everybody's, you know, they're trying, they want you to, because they love the game so much, they want

you to play. So like, dude, look at this. The grass is beautiful, man. This is what it's all about. I'm going to be smoking sticks by the fourth hole, you know, fucking look at those, you know, beautiful mountains. You know, we were in Arizona. They were all a hundred percent right.

Then by like the second and third hole, that's when you start hearing the first, ah, fuck. Got the fucking stupid cunt and people start losing it. It's almost like a relationship. You know, the first two holes, it's, oh, you're so beautiful. I don't know what my life was without you. You know, and then by holes like four, five, six, it's like, hey, can you do me a favor and not leave your shoes over there? I'm not yelling.

I'm not yelling. I'm not yelling. I'm just, I'm just saying, you know, and then by like the ninth hole, you know, you're a couple of kids in, and it's just like, can you just have my fucking back one fucking time? I'll go to your mothers. Go to your mothers. I'm sure you guys have a grand old time talking about me.

That's what it's like golfing with people and, ah, there was actually a minimal amount of that, but there was definitely like people get like, they get so fucking mad and it's funny to me because I have such a temper and I lose my shit over absolutely nothing. But there's just something about the game of golf that is just so inherently silly. You know, like I love when somebody's on the green and they're like, they're like lining, they're trying to read the green. I mean, does it ever go in all of this fucking shit down and then they walk to the other side of the hole and then they're doing that and everybody's just standing around just

going, oh my God, just hit the fucking thing. We all know you're getting a bogey. It's not going in. And then they hit it and it doesn't go anywhere. And then they just got to sort of stand there and look at it like, like, like the earth doesn't make sense, but the way they were looking at the earth did, right? I also love like the little fucking, that little thing where they, you know, the, I could call it the litter box.

You know what they do when they like, before they go to do a putt, they get all like hunched over and then they do like, they lift up the right foot, set it down, left foot, set it down, they peep, peep, peep, peep, peep, peep, peep, peep, like they were in a fucking like a kitty cat, a little kitty cat move, right? And it's just so fucking funny to watch some guy doing that, you know, with some big gold, gaudy, like gold bracelet hanging off his fucking ridiculously tanned arms. You know, those old, old guy, hairy arms. It's almost like this, like a, like a buffer, you know, is what the, there's so much hair

and there's like, there's only a little bit of black left. So like that white thing and they do a little pit, pet, pit, pet, pit, pet, pit, pet. And then right as they hit it, they know it's not going in and then they just do that gesture with the putter like, oh, come on. So I've decided that I will play golf when people ask me, but I'm never buying clubs and I'm never keeping score and I'm just going to go out there. What I'm really out there for is to joke around with my friends and make people laugh and then just sit there and learn about myself while I watch other people losing their shit.

And I just go like, you know what? I do that when I'm in traffic or I do that when, you know, my fucking old ass truck starts leaking again in the garage. I need to learn to control. I don't know why. I don't know what it is about golf. Like golf is supposed to make you fucking nuts and I am a fucking lunatic over absolutely nothing when I walk around, but I go out on the golf course and I can't even tell you

how much I just don't, I just don't give a shit. You know, like the only thing that really got my blood going was these fucking cunts behind us. I guess they thought we were playing slow in this guy as we were driving off. He tried to hit his second shot under the green and he had to yell four and I didn't really give a fuck, but the guy I was with was like, dude, what the fuck? He shouldn't be doing that. And that was the first.

That's the first time I sort of like woke up because it was like an actual opponent as opposed to sitting there like being in the same mindset you have when you're like folding your laundry, you know, you know that melancholy is something about the laundromat that just is just depressing, you know, having to wash your clothes with other people and then seeing their lives and their fucking clothes, you know, sometimes you just see a dad or a mom and you look at the kid and you just feel like the kid doesn't have a fucking chance in hell. That's what made you.

Oh my God. You poor little bastard. All right. That's depressing. So after we went golfing, we had a fucking, we had a great time and my friends were all like really good golfers and they all shot well and I shot like a hundred and fucking ninety on nine holes, but you know, I had a good time. I just like smashing the fucking ball, you know, not like going up there and trying to

kill it. I just like hitting it further than it was supposed to because I just have like that baseball mindset like that's a home run. It went over the green. You goddamn right. Fuckin Mark McGuire. Um, anyway, um, we came back in this resort that we were staying at had like seven pools. Right.

You know, it was funny. One of them was the adult pool. So I went to go over there the first day. I was like, all right, I'm going to go over to the adult pool and oh my God. It was a fucking shit show. It was just a bunch of out of shape tattooed white people just standing there. My people, my peeps just standing there like it looked like the fucking like white trash like Sarin Getty, you know, when the water starts shrinking up and all the animals like

friend and foe all have to fucking sort of drink next to each other. Just nobody was swimming. One was just standing there and they had like this miss spray that they were spraying on them, you know, like fucking zoo animals and they would just stand in there. And I was fucking dying laugh and just like thinking like the amount of second marriages that were about ready to kick off in that fucking pool and how there was probably more fucking urine in that pool than in like the kid pool. So we went over to the other side where the families were at and that pool was the complete

opposite vibe. It was fucking great and they had these this giant like water slide and I'll tell you something underrated going down a water slide where there's no line and it's also totally enclosed so you can't go flying out the side if you're a tub of shit and you held your arms in the centrifugal force, you know, sends you and your wedged bathing suit over the side, hoping that your fat back can cushion the landing. We went down that thing like three, four times. I mean, I was literally running up the stairs to do it again, like a little fucking kid.

I was like, that was fucking awesome. Just like this is once again some shit that I would never do. So I went golfing had a fucking great time. I really, I really enjoyed it. And I got to tell you, man, like golf is a fucking great game if you don't give a fuck and you don't keep score, if you care and you keep score, it's so fucking, it's kind of like everything. You know what I mean?

You know, it's weird. I don't know if that would work in your relationship. Like if you just stopped caring, you obviously still love the person, but if you just like stop giving a fuck and you just found it all funny, you found it funny that, you know, whatever the issue is in your relationship, the person doesn't take out the trash. They don't do the fucking laundry. They, you know, they didn't buy the kind of fucking cereal you like. And you just start to find the fucking humor in it.

I wish the way I go out on the golf course, I wish I could just walk around in life like that instead of, you know, like giving a fuck all the time. So anyway, I don't know. I think I'm a golfer now, ladies and gentlemen, but like I said, I'm never buying clubs and I'm never keeping score. You know, I like playing with like rented clubs. It's like, I don't want them. You know, I don't need this shit.

Here, take it. You know, and then this is something else. I have to like look at my phone and my fucking laptop. I got to buy new ones every couple of years. Oh, these, these are the ones. So anyway, then we went back, we went down. No, I know we got breakfast after we went golf and we just laugh and just having the best time.

Then we sat down and we watched the bill's dolphins and I took the dolphins. Versey took the bills and the football guards were nice to me and the dolphin. I said a feeling, you know, the dolphins like dolphins are like an enigma, you know, they never make the playoffs. It seems they didn't want to fucking Super Bowl since Richard Nixon was in office, but they like, you know, they play really well against, I don't know, I don't know about the rest of the league, but like against teams that are supposed to be good in the AFC East, they, they, they always split the very least they're going to split.

So, um, yeah, I took the dolphins. I was having a great time and I was like, Teaser, you know, they never make the playoffs. And I was like teasing Versey because he took the bills and the bills marched right down and then, you know, just like jokingly, you know, when the dolphins tied it up, I just walked over and I was hitting them with my napkin, making the sign of the cross and all that, just all that dumb, stupid guy shit, just having a blast. And then after that, we then went down the water slide and then we all got in the car and we went over to the, uh, Arizona Cardinals game against the Rams and, uh, incredible

seats. They fucked us up. So thank you to them. And, um, but I'll tell you what I realized is I am actually, I think I'm too old to go to live sporting events, um, because I felt like I was at like a Judas Priest concert. It was so fucking loud and it used to be like the crowd yelled down at the field and now they literally have like speakers pointed at you. Like you're the problem.

Like you're the quarterback trying to give signals that they don't want to hear. And like, I got to tell you something, man, like I couldn't even hear the crowd. The sound system was so fucking loud. I had to put earplugs in and nobody else around me had like earplugs in. So I was just going like, maybe I'm just too fucking old for this. Uh, that's how far this guy, whoever the fuck he was, just screaming into a mic that's on 10 and he'd be like, they'd be like, come on, everybody, you know, make some noise. And then they just would play that queen and no matter how loud you yelled, you weren't

louder than the PA. The PA was so much more fucking louder, um, than, uh, than the fans were. And I was actually making me think, you know, I know this is sort of the Billy old man podcast here, but like how it used to be was the fans knew when to get excited, when to get it going. Or there was someone in your section could feel the crowd dying and he would get you going and they were like these class clowns in every like section that would get it going. And you know, back in the day when I first started doing the road, what was cool about that was every city had their own style and every city had their own like humor, like

music, like music, but you know, there was a sound that came out of this city, a sound that came out of that city. Comedy was like the same thing and they had the things that they yelled, the crowd would all yell and you'd have to think like, what the fuck? Why are they yelling that? I mean, the biggest one that everybody knows is like, you know, pot vans sucks. You're like, why the range of fans yelling pot fan, pot fan, Dennis pot fan, that guy fucking retired, you know, all these years ago, you had to figure out what they were

yelling and why and you players would touch the puck or something. They'd start booing and you'd have to ask somebody next to you, like, why do you guys hate that guy? And they'd be, oh yeah, fucking six years ago, we cross checked our best player, you know, across the face and you only got a two minute minor and all that shit like that. And now like the level of like, I don't know, I actually think like those, that loud DJ system works the exact, it has the opposite effect where rather than making the crowd get louder, I feel it makes them quieter.

You know what I mean? Like, what you mean? I'm not going to sit there and try to scream louder than a fucking jet landing at an airport. I'm just, you know, I don't know. Anyway, so I like stayed there for the half by the second quarter. I was standing outside, you know, the area so I could get on the other side of a wall from that, that fucking Angus and Malcolm Young sound system like the sound system at the Arizona Cardinal game is fucking no joke.

It was too much for me in my old years, you know, I got tinnitus man, I can't fucking sit there and get bombarded like that. So I ended up going out and I was like watching the game on like a TV and at that point it was just ridiculous. I was just like, well, why don't I just go find a cigar bar and I found a cigar bar and I left it like half time, you know, because I was going to the airport because I had to get on with my wife and kids. And we went to this, this great cigar bar.

Oh, what the fuck was the name of it? They had all these t-shirts. I'm going to give them a shout out on the next podcast because I'll have it, I'll find it right now. Anyway, we go there and they hook us up. They put us in the VIP room and I sat there and I watched the game with this guy who was a rat. All right, I accidentally hit fucking stop when I was trying to find, I was searching

for the name of that cigar bar. It's called Fine Ash, F-I-N-E-A-S-H, Fine Ash Cigars was fucking phenomenal. They treated us like kings, we're in like this VIP section and I don't know if I already said this or if this is some shit I said when I accidentally hit stop, but I went in there and there was a retired dairy farmer from Wisconsin in there and we watched the game like, you know, 35, 40 decibels and I got to talk to him about farming and all of that as I watched Green Bay Tampa, I watched Seattle and the Falcons and I watched something else and I was like, all right, I think this is the way, this is the way for me, you know,

I'm just an old fuck, but I want to thank everybody for hooking me up with the tickets, everybody in Arizona. Fuck am I doing? You guys want to hear what my picks were last week? I picked the dolphins, minus four and a half. I picked the Cincinnati Bengals. I picked those guys because I was like, you know, what are the fucking odds? You know, the Jets going to win two games in a row and Joe Burrow, who almost made it

to the Super Bowl, was going to lose three in a row, took that one. I had the Bears minus three, that was a push and then I took Seattle minus one against the Falcons and I didn't know Marcus Mariota was playing, not saying I would have picked the Falcons. I probably would have just stayed away from that game. But anyway, two 0-1-1 after going 0-1-4 the week before and 2-2, so I'm still behind the eight ball. I got to get caught up.

You know, me and Verzi try to beat the book every year at Bet MGM, so we're starting a little slow, but I think we're going to get them. More information we have, I think we're going to get them. Lo and behold, your Miami Dolphins are undefeated, 3-0 atop the AFC East. Who would have thunk it? Who would have thunk that shit? That's fucking fantastic. I love it.

We got a dog fight here, huh? You know those bills out in Buffalo, they're right now, they didn't like that sauce on those wings, whatever people say. So anyway, I don't have any of my advertising or any of my questions, so I think I'm going to have to fucking hit stop again. I just picked up my truck. My truck just got serviced, you know, the fucking leaky bastard. And I got whatever, the gaskets on either side of the transmission are leaking, so I'm

leaking a little bit of oil in my fucking garage. It drives me nuts, so now I got to talk to this guy. He's like, you're bringing the truck over, you're taking the transmission out. I'm like, well, if I take the transmission out, what am I going to bring it over in? And also, I don't have the tools to fucking do that. But then these other guys are like, well, we can take it out for you if you bring the truck over, and it's just this whole fucking, this whole goddamn thing. On days like that, I think about selling my truck, going like, do I really want to just

try and sit here and like, my only goal with my truck one day is I just want it to be leak-free. You know? Like, why the fuck is it always leaking? I had the whole engine redone, then I had power steering problems, and then I had a radiator problem, and now I have these fucking gaskets, and I swear to God, it's like, by the time I get to the back of the truck, the differential will be the next thing that fucking leaks. The time I get back to the truck, I'm going to be at the front of the truck again because

something else. I guess that's just how it is. I guess that's just how it is. So anyway, I'm going to record the next half of this podcast at the end of the day. Tomorrow we lock on the film, as far as all the editing and that, and all I have left to do is color it and put the right music in it. I am so fucking excited for you guys to see this thing. It's been a long time coming, and a ton of work, and fortunately, I have been working

with some people that are fucking geniuses. The editor that we have on this thing, he made a couple of moves on a few scenes that I was just like, I mean, how do you even think to do that? And it just worked fucking magic, so I'm really, really, really, really, I'm probably more excited about this movie than anything I've ever done, including stand-up specials. I think just because I always did stand up and this is just doing like a movie and something is something that's different. And I think I might have pulled it off.

Little freckles, fooling them again, fooling them again. So yeah, so my days will be a little more free. I'll have time to take out my lovely wife, maybe go to the movies, maybe get a coffee, walk around holding her hand, tell her I love her, doing that shit, that little stuff that keeps it going, supposed to making you distant, the next thing you know, you're out doing your laundry, feeling melancholy. Why is doing your laundry so fucking depressing? In order to do this, it's the stress.

I just remember the stress of getting to the laundromat. I forbid you had to do it on a weekend and just sitting there. And then you finally get a machine and you're washing it and you're trying to time it because the washers get done so much quicker than the dryers. You're trying to figure stuff out. You see some other chick posting up and you're like, she's going to win this. She's a woman. If it's a guy, you can be like, you'll beat the fuck out of you.

You can't do that with women. And then that feeling of rage when you would come back like two minutes after your wash cycle stopped and someone had taken your fucking clothes out, oh my God, the fucking rage I would have over that, that people would do shit like that. I mean, I get it. If you leave for a while, but like sometimes I would come back like a minute or two and they would already be out and just somebody, you know, I just wash my clothes and now you're fucking assholes.

I tell you not to touch my hair and then you hit it. Oh, who touched my 501 blues? But I remember the relief when you would actually get it in the dryer and your clothes were drying and you were like, oh my God, in 50 minutes this is going to be over. You know, the dryer is the one where you got to watch for the thieves, you know, people stealing shit and fucking breaking in and all of that crap. Anyways, I'm just babbling here. God damn it, man.

I'll tell you what's underrated. A guy's weekend and what's absolutely priceless is a wife that wants you to go do that shit. My wife loves that I go out and go do that, you know? She goes off and does like her sideways weekends with her girlfriends, you know? Go up and fucking drink and wine or whatever they do, you know? Am I like even doing a podcast anymore? I'm just fucking like, I got so much shit I have to do today, like my brain is fucking all over the place.

I'm going to stop this thing here. I don't know why I always tell you guys this, I should just edit this part out. Stop this here and then I got to do my whole day. When I come home tonight, I'm going to record the last half hour with your questions and the advertising and all that bullshit and that's it. But I felt, you know, recharged going on that weekend, very, very fucking underrated and underrated going down a water slide at 54 years of age is, it was fucking amazing. I was literally grinning ear to ear running back up the steps like I was fucking eight.

All right, I'll talk to you guys in a few. Well, maybe not. Maybe I'll just plow on through because the reeds came through. By the way, guys, I will tell you, if you're young and your ears don't ring nonstop, I cannot recommend highly enough that you start wearing earplugs because everything from sporting events, to nightclubs, to movies, to those stupid fucking things you guys are sticking in your ears, those little straw things that are coming out, those things are really doing massive amounts of damage to your hearing.

And I know I sound like an old man, but like, I was young once and my ears didn't ring and now they do. And I'm telling you, you don't want this shit. It fucking sucks. So I always make sure I have earplugs with me, pop them in, just in case someone's screaming first down. I mean, dude, literally it was going through my chest and my chair was shaking. It's like, what are we doing here?

This is fucking bananas. Anyway, okay, Bill, you made the point. All right, I got to blow through this stuff. Okay, here we go. Zip, record up. Do you know there are currently over 2.4 million podcasts in the world, including the one you're listening to right now? That's fucking insane.

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It used to be hard to find a perfect suit, but I can find the perfect suit for me. Promo code BRBURR, do you love those old songs? Like that was like a hit song, you didn't have to sing back in the day about how you fuck a bitch. Is that what kids do nowadays? Yo, I'ma tell y'all how I fuck a bitch. It's so stupid. Oh, you know, like I said, when I grew up, the guys wore it, dressed like women, wore

makeup, and sang about the devil. It was just as fucking stupid. It really was. It was just as fucking stupid. But you know, the way we did our stupid things, you know, there was some fucking metaphors. I mean, you endow, no, I'm kidding. No, but back in the day, like to make like a hit song, you know, you sing the Mississippi M-I-S-S-I-S-I-P-P-I, it used to be so hard to spell it, it used to make me cry.

Like that was like a hit, people like knew that song. Or yes, we have no bananas. We have no bananas today. We string beans and this shit and some other stuff and this stuff. Sorry, that's the adult explicit version. That's like just some fucking guy was walking down the street. No, that's not true. Those were bad songs because when you really listen to some of the great songs they'll

written back then, they're still timeless. Like one of my favorite ones was Louis Armstrong saying this song, I guess I'll get the better and get the papers and go home. And it just, I know, I probably talked about this before on the podcast, but nothing I've ever heard ever summed up the emptiness. Like after you're done crying, after you're out of a relationship, but then you're trying to like put your life back together, like what did I used to fucking do before I was even with that person?

And this song is just like a guy right in that moment. I mean, like I get the lyrics for you. I can remember, I was like, I guess I'll get the papers and go home. Like I've been doing ever since we've been apart. I get some something, something from reading about someone else's lonely heart. I wonder if you get the papers too, and if you feel as melancholy as I do. So until you're in my heart again, never do me wrong, I guess I'll get the papers and go home.

I guess I'll get the papers and go home. I don't think I've ever listened to that song without just fucking laughing. Wait, I guess, I'll do a better version here. I guess I'll get the papers and go home. Here it is. Why don't I just have him sing, though? Yes, I guess I'll get the papers and go home like I've been doing ever since we've been apart.

I get some constellation when I read of someone else's lonely heart. I wonder if you get the papers too, and if you feel as melancholy as I do, baby. Till you're in my arms again, never more to roam. Oh, we fucked around on him. I guess, oh, maybe not roam around with the papers. I guess I'll get the papers and go home. That's all it is. And then he just sings it again.

That's all he had. What the fuck was even my point in doing that? Sorry, that's like three awful minutes that you're never going to get back. All right, fuck rickshaws. All right, well, there was a guy last week, I think it was an ex-pat living in Hong Kong or something, or somebody fucking with me, was saying he could make more money pulling a rickshaw than he could trying to get a job in the field that he has his degree in from college there, from the college there.

So it says, fuck rickshaws. Hey, Billy Freckle-Tank, was listening to the podcast from this week and became filled with rage as soon as you started reading the written in about the dude with the double major who wanted to be a rickshaw driver. He then says, fuck those guys. Exclamation point. All right, I thought you were mad at me. He said, I was in New York this past summer with my wife and my daughter.

Oh, maybe these are the pedal guys. And they just call them rickshaws. The guys that ride the bike, he said, we were going to a play, 1.2 miles away. A bunch of those rickshaws were tooling around playing music, so I figured that'd be a fun trip for my daughter. Obviously, I knew I'd be paying a premium for the air quote experience. But going a mile away, I didn't think twice about it. I almost shit my pants when we got there and the guy said 140 without the tip.

Wow. Then the thieving cunt pointed to a sign that was hidden by a canopy on the stupid rickshaw where it states that there's a $15 per minute rate or whatever it was. If I had known that, I would have been whipping his ass like the jockey riding sea biscuit. Of course, maybe all those guys and gals are a union made up of double major graduates that are saddled with student loans that need to be paid back. Love the podcast. Go fuck yourself.

I didn't know it cost that much money. Did it have to do with the fact that you also had like four people? So it's a lot more weight, 140 bucks, Jesus Christ. There should have been some champagne there, huh? All right, I understand that. I can go with that, sir. Things I can't have because of my spouse on the September 19th, Monday morning podcast. Oh, we were talking about, yeah, if you weren't married, what would you buy?

You asked what we want, but our partners won't let us have. I didn't quite say it like that. It's like, you know, this shit I could buy, but I want my kids, you know, to be okay. I want to be able to leave my kids something. All right, here's something this person wants to have, but he says his spouse or she says her spouse won't let her. Mine is a tattoo. As a kid watching sports, I thought the players with them look cool as hell and wanted to

have them on myself. They are a true passion of mine. And I have read countless anthropology books, art theory books, and watched documentaries out the ass. I don't just want them because they look cool. All right, well, that's how you started it, but now that you're like, you're really into it. Well, you know what's great about that?

You probably put some thought into it and we maybe have a cool looking fucking tattoo rather than just drawing all over your body, this dumb ass shit. But then again, the average person isn't that bright. So if you're not that smart, you're not going to come up with a cool idea, right? That's why I never got a tattoo. I'm too fucking stupid. I would be like, well, I got freckles. Why don't you color them in and make like a cheetah?

And it's holding like a Budweiser can and it just says, you know, I do, you want that on your shoulder? Yes, I do. If I could become a professional, a professor in tattoo anthropology and tattoo art theory, I would. That would actually be fascinating if you actually became that and you had no tattoos. You'd be like a sports writer saying what's wrong with the team and you can't even throw a fucking ball.

Oh, by the way, I was convinced I saw Bob Ryan at the airport. He had a hat on with a mask and I'm going, dude, that's Bob Ryan. That's Bob Ryan. But he's like, I don't think that's him. We Googled him and all of this shit and finally just walked up to him. I was like, are you Bob Ryan? And he was like this old guy and he got like all freaked out and like, sorry, sorry, I thought you were a sports writer.

Anyway, anyway, this guy continues on. Now I know they are a permanent, now I know that they're permanent and so I am not going to just get some random flash work from an apprentice in their kitchen for the fuck of it. I'm going to go to a professional artist who I have done thorough research on, who I trust and with portfolios I love. I also won't mess up my career as I do cancer research and can cover them up with my lab coat.

The only reason I haven't gotten them is my fiance is 100% against it. She doesn't like change. So I get that me saying I want to permanently decorate my body is hard for her to take. We have been together for 10 years since we were 14. So I didn't have the opportunity to get them before we started dating. She claims she would dislike them on me and says I would look bad, which is just her fear of changing, of change talking, I think. Because we have friends and families that are tattoo artists and she likes their work.

She actually likes tattoos, Bill, just not when it comes to me. Now I don't care, that's kind of wild. Now I don't care if other people think I look bad, they are for me and no one else. So fuck whatever anyone else thinks, whatever everyone else thinks. What I care about her and her opinion, she is the love of my life and she means more to me than any possession or tattoo, which is why I am marrying her. The other problem is that they will cost thousands. We want to have kids soon and it's not like we are rolling in tons of extra money for

me to use following my own selfish dreams. What do you think, Bill? Should I give up on my dream? Any advice from you or the lovely Nia would be appreciated? Go Eagles. Big win yesterday beating the fuck out of the commanders and go fuck yourself. Um, this is a hard one for me to answer because I don't have any tattoos and I really like tattoos, I really like the cool ones and I also like the ones that are just a piece.

I don't like sleeves, generally speaking, because I don't know, they just, it's just a bunch of shit now where it used to be, I don't know. I know this is the old guy fucking thing, as I open a liquid death to everybody here in the podcast, advertising there, um, you know, if a guy had a fucking sleeve, he was a lunatic. Like I remember when I watched Motley Crue and they slowly got more and more tattoos, when I saw like Nicky, I think he got his sleeve first, I was like, oh fuck, what did he do?

Because that was considered absolutely an insane fucking thing to do. Right through like the 80s into the 90s, if you had an entire fucking sleeve, you'd basically left society, okay, and if you weren't like dealing drugs or a hit man or you had your own fucking shop or you could fabricate shit, you weren't going to get a job anywhere. Maybe counseling like addicts, you could get something like that. But now it's just like, you know, I've been on the road, I've seen a couple like really, really attractive women that just have a sleeve and I actually, you know, a few that I've seen, they do look cool, but like a lot of them just look like a whole bunch of nothing,

like it doesn't look like anything, it's just like, maybe that's the point. I don't know, but I am a fan of like the Bond Scott style tattoos, where you got one on your bicep, you got one on your forearm, bicep and forearm, and maybe the top of your forearm too, like Axl Rose did, like I kind of felt like you sort of used your skin to frame the tattoo so it like stands out, whereas like, you know, at that fucking resort we were at, this guy came walking up and he was like, like the guy from Blink 182, Travis Barker, from his neck down to his waist, it was just all tattooed, like he had on a tattoo shirt, and I couldn't tell what any of it was.

And then there's also like, then you can't really like look at him and stare at him, it is a piece of art, but then if you look at him too long, you're like, fuck you looking at him, it's just like, I'm just trying to figure out this, you know, beautiful mind shit that you have all over your body, I don't know, I wouldn't give up on the dream, like maybe she would come around to it, like here's what I would do, what if you figured out what you wanted, and then you had somebody sketch it, and it looks really beautiful, and then you came home, you said, listen, I'm not going to get it, but if I were, this is it, what do you think of this, it's pretty cool, right?

And who knows, this is the thing too, your fiance doesn't like change, whether she likes it or not, shit changes, and she's going to change and everything fucking changes, you can have kids and they're going to change, you know, I don't think it's over, I think, you know, you just keep, you just keep, I know, there's no person in the world worth giving up your dreams for, it just isn't, if you're with the right person, you should be able to follow your dreams, right? That sounds like some stupid shit that somebody would say on fucking Instagram, and then people like this, 100, oh my God, yes, I was just saying that the other day, but it is true,

but you also have to make some sacrifices, so I don't think you're going to get a tattoo at some point, just maybe not right now, all right, and maybe like that there's a way for you to talk to her, like over the years, and just be like, you know, something I really want to do, I've always wanted to do it, I'm excited, I'm really into it, and here's what I want to get, I mean, look, this is going to look great, and you know, there's stuff you want to do, and I think you should go do it, so why can't I do what the fuck I want to do? Well, your dream is over, all right, and that's it, congratulations on getting married and

starting a family, it's the greatest thing I ever did, so I hope you have the same experience. All right, man toys, hey Billy Hi-hat, longtime fan here, you recently asked guys, guys, to send in their thing that they would buy if they didn't have a family and had the money, it's simple, a 2022 F350 Platinum SuperCrew 4x4, I refuse to say Ford by 4, single rear wheel setup and a 6.7 liter power stroke diesel engine, it would be all blacked out with a level, not a lift, what's a level, I don't know what that is, tell me, I got to look that up, 18 inch matte black rims and a 35 inch ridge grapplers, I don't even know what that is, would have all the high end package bells and whistles, max tow package, fifth

wheel prep too, you might be thinking, well this fucker must have some pretty damn big things if he needs a truck that size, nope, just a 20 foot boat and my current F150, that my current F150 tows without breaking a sweat, but that's not what it's really about now is it, keep doing what you're doing, you funny orange cunt, much love to you and your family, go fuck yourself, yeah, I mean, I bought an F250, you know, it's not here yet, I just like trucks and I feel like if you like trucks, there's nothing wrong with if you don't put anything in the back, if you just like trucks, there's a bunch of people that like sports cars and buy fucking really fast cars, they never take them to the track and they don't

race them, so like what are you doing, what are you doing, you're fucking driving down the street behind a fucking Camry, ladies, lady listener, oh lady, lady, listener, job advice assumptions, hi Bill, my husband and I just saw you perform live, we love the show, thank you, your interactions with the crowd are so funny and it really shows your skills, I know you dismiss praise, so you can ignore this if you prefer, but the sentiment still stands, thank you, my husband and I have been married for one year, together for four, we have a somewhat significant age gap, I am 27, he is 38, that's not so bad, but it has never been an issue between us or our families, my husband is very respectful and loving to

me and we are both equally ambitious in our careers and recreational pursuits, my husband is an officer in the Air Force, I work in cancer research, well look at you guys, that's a fucking great combo and we both compete in power lifting, I am currently also currently finishing a master's degree, you guys are goal oriented people, is that the right, how you say goal oriented, anyway, the issue, when I attend my husband's work events such as casual get togethers or formal parties, the other wives automatically assume I don't have a job, the first few times I brushed it off as silly assumptions, but it has been a continuing trend, once at a work dinner with his colleagues, a few women began advising

me on how to apply for work, I tried to change the subject several times, why don't you just say I have a job, but they kept turning it back to job sites where I could search or companies that are known to hire military spouses, after several minutes I interject that I am in fact employed as a scientist, but I will keep their suggestions in mind, they looked embarrassed and stopped, oh my god, you don't need me, that is the absolute perfect response, I am employed as a scientist, but I will keep your suggestions in mind, holy shit, oh my god, game set match, checkmate, whatever the other fucking expression, that is a wrap, they looked embarrassed and stopped, I had arrived at the dinner from work so I

was in my business casual outfit, I thought that would be sufficient enough to show that I had just arrived from work because who wears button up shirts at home, this phenomenon has been confusing to me, I have been working since I was 16 and I have worked quite hard to get into my profession, my husband is supportive and proud of my work, in my work environment I am respected by physicians and scientists, so I am confused why this keeps happening, I am unsure if this is an assumption based on my age, my husband's job or something else, yeah I think it would be a little bit of all of that, do either you or Nia have any advice or funny things to say or ways to turn the issue around, I can't come up with anything

funnier or more of just putting a fucking period on it, I am employed as a scientist but I will keep your suggestions in mind, oh my god, it is perfect, there is literally no fat on that, you are doing the exact right thing, yeah I bet if they are old they might think that they might be jealous, it doesn't sound like they are being cunty, but there might be something like oh she is young, he just fucking works and she stays home and does nothing, then my thing is if that is what they think about you then why would they tell you to go out and get a job, you know, I think your husband just works with weird people, but you know, I don't know, I tell you this though, I can't come up with anything

better that you said, so I would just say that, I mean if you want to say something else, you could just maybe push the issue more, just out of curiosity, you could just say you know what is so weird, I am employed as a scientist, I am literally, maybe walk around the apple bees, I am literally a fucking scientist, but every time I come to one of these work events the women always assume that I am not employed, maybe you could just say that, can I just ask you a question, what is it about me, the way I look and the way I am dressed that makes you think I don't have a job, no, no, no, no, no, I am not trying to make it weird, I just need to know because don't feel bad, you are not the first person who

has done this, why, why do you think I don't have a job, because I do have a job, not only do I have a job, I am a scientist, which means I am probably, you can't say smarter than you, you can't say that then you are a dick, right, but you could do that, maybe you could just ask them, because you have the perfect response if you just want to shut somebody down from asking you, you know, oh, he is walking out the door here, he has got shit to do, why, you know, you have the perfect response to shut them down, but if you want to find out why it keeps happening, which I hope you are just doing because you are curious, I wouldn't do it because okay, that is why they think that, so I am going to change this

about myself, fuck that, you are a scientist and you are a power lifter, right, you got fucking, would you say 2 degrees, I mean you are killing it, yeah anyway, you have the perfect response, if you are actually curious you could just ask them why they say that, but at the end of the day, like who gives a fuck, maybe find it funny, maybe you could just play along, oh is that where I could find a job, oh my god, you are, what a blessing, you know, I have this, because I have this bullshit job that I am doing currently right now where I am a scientist, alright, I got to get out of here, I have shit to do, thank you guys for listening, thank you to everybody at the Cardinals organization and BedMGM for

giving us an incredible weekend, we are going to be doing more live events with the anything better podcast in some sports cities, so I will keep you guys posted, alright, have a great couple of days, you fucks.