Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 9-5-22

Episode Date: September 5, 2022

Bill rambles about the heat, rich people living underground, and fighting the neighbor.

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What's going on, how are you? How you doing? I hope you're doing all right. I'm not doing all right. I'm in a fucking depressed mood. I really am. I just, you know, I think the way you stay out of depression is you just give up hope. And then you just sit back and you just gotta fucking laugh at the whole thing.

But you can't, because there's like kids involved. You know? Bill, what are you talking about? You know what I'm talking about? I'm talking about the fact that it's been over 100 degrees out. And it's going to be that way for like five straight days out here. And like, if you read up on this shit, since the late 1950s, scientists were warning corporations and politicians that these days were coming.

They did fucking nothing about it. They just kept taking the paychecks from the evil cunts. They started making shit. What is this stuff? Well, you design it to break, design obsolescence, whatever the fuck that they did. So you just had to keep throwing your shit out. They put repairmen out of business. You just had to keep buying the new thing.

We just kept throwing the shit in the ocean. And now here we are. Here we are, right? And then what are these fucking news corporations going to do who allegedly love this country and are allegedly trying to steer us into a bluer or redder future, whatever the fuck their politics are? What are they doing? Nothing.

All they're going to do is just do what they do to make money, is scare the herd. Now you're going to see a bunch of fucking articles about water and the scarcity of water and all of that, and they're just going to pit us against each other as they're up there banging hookers, eating crab. I give up. I fucking give up. It was easier to give up when you could just go outside, but like the level of fucking... I mean, I went outside this morning to shut off the lights, you know?

I guess I shouldn't leave those on, huh? It's a waste of shit, right? Maybe I should get a gun instead of leave the lights on. That's probably better for... That's better for global warming. Don't leave your lights on all night. Let the burglar come in, kill the burglar. Now you just ended somebody's carbon footprint.

There we go. Look at that. Look at that. Two minutes, 39 seconds in. We came up with a solution where I can make my little corner of the earth a little better. Anyway. And I know they're out here, they're telling people to use less water. And I know, good and goddamn well, all the richy rich people out here, like that doesn't

apply to us. And they're fucking doing whatever the fuck it is that they want to do, having a water orgy. That'll be the new way to display wealth, you know, in hip hop videos in the future. Drippers will be dumping Fiji water on some stripper's ass. You know, that'll be the new Kristal. Oh well. Well, you know what?

You can only die once. His one. Would you rather fucking dry out like this or freeze to death? I don't know. Anyway, speaking of fucking disasters, and I've been staying away from this one, you know, because my team sucks this year. I got to address it at this point. The New York Yankees are in the midst of one of the most historic, regular season.

If not the most historic collapse that I've ever seen, and I'm a fucking Red Sox fan. I'm not one of these new, new ones that they know a couple of fucking World Series every decade. Right. I'm part of the old school. Like I'm trying to think in 1978, we had a sizable leave was not fucking 17 games. They had a 17 game. That's the kind of lead you have on a last place team.

I'll tell you how bad we suck as much as this shit in the bed was still 13 and a half games back at 66 and 68. I mean, if you told me in September that the Red Sox would only have 66 wins, I would say we would be at least 30 games back on the Yankees instead with 13 and a half. The Tampa Bay Devil Rays, as of Saturday night, won the first two of, I believe, a three or four game series. They went today on Sunday. They're going to be three games back and we have a whole month left.

Tampa is on a tear. They won eight of their last 10, at least on this thing. I don't know what their deal is eight of the eight and two, their last 10 Yankees four and six, Baltimore, seven and three, Toronto, Boston, six and four fucking unbelievable. Cleveland, the Guardians, the security company, their shit in the bed. The twins are only a game back. Red Sox are two games back, AL central wide open. And now all of a sudden out of nowhere, running away with the best record in the American

League. Who would have thought at the Houston Astros? No trash cans, didn't go to Home Depot. Just doing it with good old fashioned iPhones. They're 85 and 48. The Seattle almost called them the Seahawks, the Seattle Mariners 75 and 58. I mean, this is, it's fucking bananas. New York Mets best record in New York City baseball.

Who would have thought 85 and 49, but there are only two games up against the defending World Series champions, the Atlanta Braves don't count them out. And then the St. Louis Cardinals, who arguably have an MVP themselves at first base, whatever his fucking name is. I was looking up his stats hitting like 330. It's got 32 home runs and you're like, Oh, Aaron Judge has 51. All right. Well, he only has five more RBIs than that guy.

You still got to give it to Aaron Judge. And then the best record in baseball at 91 and 49 running away with the division is the Los Angeles Dodgers. I mean, what the fuck happened? I thought I was like, I was like, you know, when the Yankees go play the Angels, I got to go see them. This is like seeing the 98 Yankees. You got to go, how much did you hate him?

You got to go see it. This will be one of the great fucking teams of all time. They are now a 594 winning percentage. They've dropped like a hundred fucking points, percentage points since July. When I went to the All-Star game, the buddy of mine who's a Yankee fan and he was standing tall wearing that Yankee hat. Red Sox have actually been kind of fun to watch right now because they just they're bringing up, just bringing up some young talent, seeing what to do.

Some kid from Worcester came up and hit a fucking monster over the monster over the screen. No souvenir for you. He hit the parking attendant across the street, hit an absolute bomb, and then I saw this other kid, young kid, like 23 years old came out and he pitched like six solid innings like a week ago or something like that. I don't know. I'm never getting out of that edit room.

I don't think it's ever going to end. I was all excited. You know, we're going to lock on this day in September. I'm like, great. I'm like, fantastic. And then it's behind me. All right. I did Fenway.

It's behind me. Now the movie's behind me. They're like, nope. Then we do the color in the sound. I now know why directors have those fucking ZZ top beards, you know, they just fucking get in there. I don't think they have time. It has to be after a while.

You just get it down. It has to be. I would think so. My level of respect for directors, editors, producers and all of that type of shit. This has been a very, very great thing for me to do. I am towards the end, but, you know, I really envisioned myself by mid-September having that old school football fan hat, you know, the hard hat with the two cups of beer and the straw and went right to your mouth, which was a funny idea.

It was always a funny idea. Nobody really did it. You're not going to sit there like, what are you, like a fucking pacifier? There are certain things, especially back then, especially back then that you just certain things you could not do. You could not drink a beer with the straw. I was just thinking if there was like a reality show where it was like whoever gets their ass kicked in a bar first, you know, gets to the next round, a good move would be to go

into a, you know, a bar that's known to have a bunch of tough customers, as they used to say, and go in there and get a beer and start drinking it with the straw. And then just looking at a few guys a little bit too long. If you survived, you would advance to the next round. Anyway, I watched some football yesterday. I watched all of the, I just sat and watched the whole thing. I watched the Georgia Bulldogs versus them Oregon Ducks. And I'll tell you right now, them, them dogs had ducks for fucking dinner, man.

I mean, it wasn't even a game. It wasn't even a game just from the beginning to the end. I didn't see the bands at halftime, but I'm guessing Georgia fucking played a better flute than they did in fucking Oregon. It was just a wire to wire trashing. I mean, it was like, we, it was like a third of the third quarter was left and they were already talking about how the quarterback from Oregon is a gamer and he's going to learn something from this.

It was one of those games. You know, there's a lot of pride in this Oregon, Oregon duck team out here, you know, you know, they, and I'll tell you right now, you know, they, they got, they got a less deckle over here and Harry Miles, yeah, they're great coaches and, you know, they're going to build these kids up. They're going to know what to do. They're going to, they're going to watch the game film and then if I know, if I know less deckle miles, he's going to put this behind him and I'll tell you right now, I would not,

I would not want to be the team that is playing the Oregon ducks next week. They were doing that in the third quarter. You know, they have some pretty green uniforms. I mean, I, you know, there's a lot of positives to take from this. Who else, who else would, would think to put those feathers on the side like wings to, to insinuate and remind folks at home that they, they are in fact the ducks. I mean, if I'm a really, oh, that's the best right now, I'm thinking, why did I make the mighty ducks about a hockey team when I should have made it about these Oregon ducks in the

third quarter? Cause some of the best concessions I've ever eaten was actually in Georgia. So I can't say that. And yeah, Georgia bulldog fans. I mean, Jesus Christ, if you bet that game and you bet the dogs, you, I mean, it's just one of those few games you could just put your fucking feet up. I guess the quarterback at Oregon was at Auburn and then he transferred. That's like a big thing now transferring way more than it used to be kids just switching

around and shit. And now money's going to get involved and all of that. That's just going to be, you know, another thing for global warming. Let's make super conferences and football. Let's have another 60 teams of fucking team planes flying around. That's going to be like another selling point at that, you know, when, when they start paying them is going to be like, well, what kind of team plane do you have? But anyway, I just got a text message.

I have no idea what this means. You get to the hotel, no, no, sorry. That was an old one. So you get to the hotel tomorrow at three 30. It's like, I'm not in a fucking hotel tomorrow. I'm home. Be there and join a little bit of labor day. And then I watched the first half, which was a great half of football of Notre Dame versus

Ohio State, which kind of went the direction I thought it was, but I did not think that that Notre Dame was going to look that good against Ohio State and Ohio State looked great. I liked, I liked it. They had, there was actually some balls in the Notre Dame team. They were fucking putting the hats on people as much as you can without getting called for a fucking, what do you call it, targeting or something like that. But and then Ohio State very impressive weathered the storm as they said, they weathered the storm and then they were, they were 2110, but there was a moment there was like seven

to three. I'm like, look at the fucking Notre Dame. I thought maybe they get like a field goal and then Ohio State was going to do the old right there. Fred, what does what does what does and next thing you know, it's like 28 three at the half, you know, and everybody's running around after every fucking, you know, what the fucking university of Miami started with that turnover chain is just, it's just really gotten out of control.

Like I don't even, I don't even understand what it is. My buddy sent me one. Like if you, they get a turnover, they, the guy goes over and he plays the slots, which I'm surprised the NCA allows that you're encouraging gambling, which we want to get in business with but want you to stay away from like honestly, how long before the DraftKings and all of those guys, they'll get down to that level. By the way, my wife watched a couple of fucking documentaries this week and I've just been so fucking wiped out.

I kind of fell asleep during them and she watched that one. I think I brought it up in the last podcast. She was watching the one of that kid at Notre Dame that got fished. I mean, that whole fucking wild scenario. And then it was funny because the person that was doing it was actually a dude who then transitioned. So then they couldn't really give that person shit without looking like transphobic or something. It's just like, there's a lot of people that transitioned. They never did that just because your transitions doesn't mean you can't also be an asshole.

I mean, that's how it works. There's assholes everywhere. And I just thought that they could have gone a little fucking harder and been like, hey, asshole, just because you were dealing with this is but it doesn't reflect on society that this person wasn't allowed to be who they wanted to be. I think they go that way. I don't know. I guess we're all assholes at the end of the day.

Isn't that what it is? Oh, jeep. That was so fucking deep. It took you 17 minutes to come to that conclusion. Anyway, I'm going to tell you about it. I don't even know. I'm like fucking like just sitting here and air conditioning thinking like I'm just adding to it just being more hot outside.

How do you think this ends? You've seen that shit where they have all that they have like all this underground thing underground with that the the government has like these underground like fucking super bunkers with enough food for like 30 years. I think that that's their. I think that that's their game plan. It's just self preservation because then what's going to happen is you're going to be down there.

But this is the thing though. That's a good sci-fi movie is then they get down there, right? And they survive and then everybody dies up top, right? And then they're down there. What are they going to do after a while? Huh? They're going to fucking they're going to be banging each other, right? Which means they're going to be making kids and then they're only going to have a certain

supply of food because everything above ground is going to be too goddamn hot and dead, right? You can't do anything, right? You just got to stay in there and then their survival is they're going to have to live underground and eventually, you know, oh my God, they're going to start eating each other. And then how does that work? Did the young eat the old? The old's keep making younger ones so they got some to eat. How does it work?

You know what I mean? What are the rules? Is every race invited? Like you know, what part of the menu does does a white baby go on versus or we could try to fuck. Why can't we work together? I don't know. It's like, oh, it's like fucking real housewives.

I don't understand why everybody can't just be like, all right, let's just step back, take a fucking break. You know why? It's of, you know why? Because God makes sociopaths. That's why. And God makes slack jawed mouth, breathing fucking morons that just prevents it from working. That's basically, that's basically what it is.

So I would think, here's the one. What if they just somehow they came up with a test and they just figured out how to get rid of anybody who is an empathetic, you know? I'd say anybody who wasn't racist or homophobic, but everybody has degrees of that. Like there's no fuck. I don't care how open-minded you are. There is a social situation that, that, that you can get put in where you're going to be like, I have to get the fuck out of here.

I'm not comfortable. So I guess I'm saying there's no solution. But it is football season. Anyway, I've been having a great week back here as far as like hanging out with the kids despite the fact it's been so friggin hot. Dude, it was so hot. I had a little Lee, you know, which also adds to global warming is I in, you know, flown a helicopter and fucking forever.

And I was going to forget how to do it, but I had to do it to like fucking eight in the morning that I'm up there like, and I'm spraying low lead fuel into the atmosphere. So what am I doing? Oh, man, we, we've gotten ourselves this, this pod key. This is too deep. This is too deep for me. All right. It's just fucking too much, man.

I have been seeing things on that saying that global warming is a lie. This planet can sustain 18 billion people. It's just like, is that right? And just exactly what does that look like? I mean, that swirl of trash that we've achieved, I'm going to look at it positively that we achieved all the shit that we've thrown out from all the shit that we bought that we didn't need. Oh, it was designed to break.

So we'd have to buy another one is now like two miles deep and like one and a half times the size of Texas. The last time I had the balls to even look at it. That's what seven billion people did. So you want to go, you want to double that plus you want, you want to go one and a half more. I don't know. I don't know about that.

That's why, you know, you, you would have thought mother nature would have come a little harder with COVID. You know, we're still out fucking whatever she can come with. You know, it's kind of like that Ohio State game for as much as Notre Dame showed up and played their a game. They weathered the storm and then they just kept fucking going. They put a couple of dents in the side of their refrigerator, but they, they, they didn't, they didn't tip it over.

Is that a new sports analogy bill? Is that the food network meets, meets the fucking SEC channel? Um, anyway, I'm, I got to take, I got to pause here because I'm still waiting for, uh, my advertising, my adverts for the week. Let me see if these things showed up here. Let me see. Let me see here, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do. Why does it take me so long to get to what the fuck that I need?

I don't know what the fuck I downloaded, but now every time I go to click on something like four other new windows pop up, like, Hey, you want to watch this video on YouTube? It doesn't say, Hey, but like that's the vibe I get from it. It's fucking annoying. So all right, I guess I don't have anything there. Well, there goes that. There goes that discussion. Um, by the way, uh, NFL football starts this Thursday night with the Buffalo Bills.

First to defending Super Bowl champions, the Los Angeles Rams, who by the way, I'm hearing the reason why they keep signing all of these people is because they figured out a way around the cap that if you pay him cash, is that true? It can't be true. They, that can't be what they're doing because I know, I mean, if the Patriots did that, we'd never hear the end of it. Let's see here, Rams pay cash, Ram paid cash, paid Ram cash, he allowed discount, uh, uh, salary cap.

Let's see if this comes up. Was it just a hate and the cash overcap philosophy is well explained by Andrew Brandt on the Pat McAfee show. In the clip below, he explains how the Ram were able to pay Stafford 61 and a half million this season with a calorie cap, salary cap hit of just 13.5 million. What the fuck? What the fuck where is cash gate on ESPN? Why aren't they tearing their fucking hairs out about that and questioning whether that's

a real fucking championship? Who fucking answered me that? Okay, I want to get to the bottom. What in the fuck did the New England Patriots do to Roger Goodell? I want to know what the fuck we did that they're literally weighing our footballs and this fucking cunts 13 and a half, they fucking buried like almost 48 million dollars. Why the Titans can't play the salary cap game the Rams are Wow, so much for fucking parody.

Oh, what a surprise. Another L 18 buys a fucking championship. All right. Why do I care? Why do I care? All right. I shouldn't care. I should not care.

Oh my God. I am going to have so much fucking fun watching this video, learning about this shit and then going on a goddamn sports fucking podcast or shit. I can't wait for the next time somebody brings up that fucking Jim Ursay horseshit. That is unbelievable. We'll give you 61 and a half million dollars and it's only going to be 13 and a half on the fucking cap. Isn't that something?

Shout out to the Pat McAfee show, huh? I don't know why that man isn't standing there. Instead of being in a tank top, he should be dressing like a gum shoe. You probably look like a flasher pervert in the park, but you know, whatever. I'm just saying good for him. The cash over philosophy is that's a philosophy. Oh, is that what it is? It's all right.

Oh, that's why. That's why it is. I'm sorry. That's a philosophy. Everybody else. Everybody else is a gamesmanship philosophy, a little, uh, you know, little tongue-in-cheek thing. We've been a little cheeky.

Fucking unbelievable. Fuck the fucking Rams. Fuck the Rams. Explaining how the Rams can afford so many big contracts. Here we go. Here we go. This is a question many fans are asking after seeing the Rams pay yet another star. It's valid question too, considering the NFL has a salary cap that each team has to stay

under, um, unless they have a philosophy that gets around it. This off season alone, the Rams paid Matthew Stafford, Alan Robinson, Bobby Wagner, Aaron Donald and Cooper Cup. The total value of those contracts is 431 and a half million, a massive amount of money allocated to just five players. And when it comes to guaranteed money, the sum is north of 310 million. That is total guarantees, not guaranteed at signing. So there must be incentives.

So again, how do the Rams keep affording all these contracts? The short answer is, is that they're really good at maneuvering the, oh, is that what they are? Are they really good at maneuvering? Oh my God, these fucking adjectives are going to kill me. Yeah, they're not cheating, they're not getting an unfair advantage, they're not doing some boss hog shit, they're just really good at maneuvering the salary cap and figuring out ways to move money around so that they don't strap themselves financially in a single year.

It's not as if the Rams are paying 431 and a half million to those five players this year alone. They have plenty of time to pay that money out. Thanks to the structure of those contracts, dude, fuck this shit. Fuck this shit. Okay, look, good for them that they figured that out, all right? But I want all the you cunts, all the you cunts that came after my Patriots. I want you to have the same froth coming out of the sides of your fucking mouths with the

goddamn Rams as you did with the Patriots. What is that? Whist your mercy now, huh? What's he buying? Prince's cock ring on fucking eBay? What is he doing now? He doesn't give a fuck about the Rams? That guy was so that, that fucking piece of shit.

Oh, one of the biggest fucking cheats, manipulating, massaging, philosophically maneuvering the fucking system ever and ESPN jumped on that bullshit, jumped on that fucking ambulance chaser and rode that right into the sunset of fucking ratings of fans of loser football teams. I mean, that was a fucking goddamn year long fucking story over a cunt hair with the air taken out of a fucking ball that they found the Colts had done the same to their, their footballs that lasted a fucking year. These guys are completely manipulating the salary cap, building a supers team and going

around league parody and nobody has a fucking thing to say about it. And they're actually complimenting them. The short answer is they're really good at it. Way to go Rams, way, way to figure out a way to give yourself a ridiculously unfair advantage and win a Super Bowl trophy and congratulations to ESPN sitting on your fucking hands on this one. You know, it is Sam Donaldson is as fucking name, whatever his fucking name is their quarterback. He's just was it didn't really just come down to the fact that Tom Brady was beautiful.

You know, I don't know. I don't know. Matthew Stafford. Sam Donaldson. That's a fucking news anchor. It's how mad I am. Matthew Sam Donaldson. Sorry, it's been hot the last few days out here.

Oh God, here come the Photoshop. Sam Donaldson trending on the Rams website. Matthew Stafford. Yeah, he's just a regular looking guy. He looks like he wrote one country hit single. He had a good year in the late nineties or maybe the beginning of George Bush's campaign in 2000 when he went up against fucking Al Gore. My turn.

That fucking guy, the guy who told us about the inconvenient truth as he flew around the private jet. Like how did he not see that coming? The way I should have seen I can't sit there and rave about this when I flew a fucking helicopter for no reason other than I just want to remember how to do it yesterday. I flew great, by the way, but yeah, I flew fucking great and it was a nice, nice time out there. Nice solitude.

Maybe nothing about anything other than, you know, what I had to do up there. It's a good time. I like flying out, uh, going up to five new hall pass and just going out there. It's a lot quieter up by six flags, bang a left, go to Santa Inez. You know, it's always a fun one. Hey, any pilots out there flying to Santa Inez? Where is the junkyard? I always hear over the junkyard.

I know it's west of the airport, but I've Google mapped it. I cannot find the junkyard. Did there used to be a junkyard there and now it's something else, so it's still just called the junkyard. The same way they say, uh, old Mako for Burbank, even though whatever the fuck that was doesn't exist anymore. Um, all right, I am still waiting for my reeds, man. I'm still waiting for the reeds, man.

Oh, by the way, this week, uh, I got a run of dates coming up. And I'm also going to see, uh, I'm going to go revisit my ute in, um, with a, oh, here we go. We got some live reads here. Beautiful. I'm going to go see the, uh, I'm going to go see Joan Jett or as my daughter calls her Joan Jett rocks because I used to say that to her and she'd be like, dad, who's this? And I would say Joan Jett and she'd be like, Joan Jett, I go, yeah, Joan Jett rocks.

Rather than she started saying, dad, can you put on, can you put on Joan Jett rocks? All right, uh, butcher box, everybody, you know, finding quality food isn't always easy. Process food and poor production practices are running rampant. Why is it running rampant? Why don't the politics? Oh, that's right. Cause they're paid by those pricks. Uh, luckily there's butcher box, butcher box takes the guesswork out of finding high-quality

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I'll come back in like two seconds. Alrighty. So just hang in there. All right. And don't go to the NFL reference.com and look up Sam Dahlson. Thank you. All right. And I am back.

Still don't have what I need. I had what I needed. And then I looked at it and then somehow I just, I don't know, magically deleted it. So I'm still waiting for the letters from you guys, ladies and gentlemen to listen to the podcast. Evidently the volume has been too low. I just found that out. So I brought it up a little bit.

I apologize. Um, also people have been asking people have been asking people are talking about bill. Others can, I buy any the Fenway pack merch, um, that will be available this week. The store will go live. We're working on Wednesday. Uh, follow me on the socials. I'll, uh, I'll post it on Instagram and, uh, Twitter before, you know, like the day before is I'll give you plenty of time.

Oh, and the content is here. And before I get into the content, um, you know, they always, all those golfers always talk about how golf's the most difficult game like, Hey man, you just playing against yourself. It's so fucking hard. Everybody has to shut up when you hit the ball and all of that. Um, here's another sport that you have to shut up when they hit the ball, which I actually think is more difficult is I think tennis.

I think I could debate with somebody. I think I could present a solid argument how it is a battle against yourself and you have to hit a ball that's going upwards of 130 miles an hour with spin on it. And like I watched one the other day with that dude who always wins the French open was, uh, just got smoked the first set and then in the second set, he finally broke the other guy and the other guy who was playing with them. No problem kicking his fucking ass. I've seen this a zillion times, a zillion times.

It's like, you know, you know, like in golf, when you hit a bad shot and then your whole fucking day falls apart in tennis, when you're playing somebody that is ranked higher than you are, where you have to go to psychologically to be like, I can play with this fucking person. And then you start kicking their ass and you almost don't believe it. And then all of a sudden, once they break you and then the crowd gets behind the other person because they know that person, you know, and all the whores in the crowd want to fuck them afterwards and get some of his fucking, I want a major tennis money. They start getting behind him.

How deep you have to go. And that is all on you psychologically, just like, uh, just like in golf where like, say if you're playing baseball and you get the yips, somebody hits the ball to you and you fucking throw it into the stands, you know, you still have like the next guy gets up. What are the odds he's going to hit it to you? You can still get out of that fucking inning. You can go the rest of the game and they never hit it to you. And you're sitting there in your head, freaking the fuck out, but nothing ever comes of it

because the ball never goes to you. Tennis isn't like that. It comes at the second you hit it, it comes right back to you unless the other person fucks up. I think it's a harder game personally, more athletic game, all of that type of shit. I just don't, the reason why people don't understand it is because if you walk into a doctor's office and they see you have high cholesterol, high blood pressure and that type of shit and they want you to walk more, they don't say take up tennis.

They tell everybody out there to take up golf. Why do they do that? Because it involves walking and minimal athletic ability to play the sport. I would say out of all the fucking sports that could, you could just actually go out there. I'm not saying you won't be all over the course, but people, I just pick it up, pick it up. And they can just, you can just play at the pace that everybody plays. As long as you're bringing enough fucking golf balls with you, there's no other sport

like that. So, you know, part of this might be because I'm so fair-skinned that, that, you know, I can't play the game, you know, prior to 7pm at night, 8pm on the West Coast. All right. Here's some letters. Not letters. Not letters anymore. An email.

All right. Here's some emails. Uh, Sherbert, which I learned is Sherbert, I don't even know how to say it anymore. I don't even know how to fucking say it anymore. I don't care because I don't order it. Bootleg ice cream. Uh, Bill, I read some comments on the YouTube post of the podcast and asked from friends, asked some friends at work.

We all thought it was Sherbert. Anyone who didn't either manufactured this stuff or had a relative that invented it. Right? He said that invented, had a relative, oh, a relative invented. I was going to say he was dumb as me and actually I'm dumb because I didn't read it right. I have to go again. Who is using Google Chrome? We would like to know.

Fucking business is it of yours? Um, as I answer the question, once again, if you missed it last week, how to pronounce I mean, how to spell it, it's H S H O B E R T, Sherbert, how to pronounce Sherbert. Okay. Here we go. Here we go. Where is it? Sherbert, Sherbert.

It's not Sherbert. Fuck you. I refuse. I don't accept that answer. Sherbert. You want some ice cream or some Sherbert? Sherbert. I think it's Sherbert.

Like show me the money. Show, Sherbert. All right. Morbidly, morbidly obese, greetings from across the pond. I wanted to contact you to thank you. It's because of you that has given me the encouragement to get the help that I've been silently screaming for. There's a bit of backstory, so please bear with me.

Oh, Jesus Christ. And here I am fucking talking about global warming and all that bringing you down. I'm a 37 year old male who is registered as morbidly obese. Four months ago, I hit rock bottom and as I weighed in at 463 pounds during a routine hospital appointment, I never felt so ashamed and angry at myself as I did then. It makes you feel any better. I just gave my old school sizes pre-pandemic and I had a fitting and like not only could I not button the shirt, I couldn't even get the shirt together.

There was like an inch of flesh showing. It's like I put on 20 coats of paint. For the last few years, I've been waiting for an operation called a sleeve gastrectomy. It's where a large part of my stomach is removed, so it's much smaller than it was before. That means you cannot eat as much as you could before surgery and you'll feel full sooner. But COVID put the brakes on that and the subsequent backlog of operations caused as a result. I asked the hospital if there's anything that they could do in the meantime. They offered me a course of daily injections to do at home and appetite suppressant.

I've been on these since the end of April and in that time, I've lost 54 pounds. That's great and it's still coming off. I now eat regular, somewhat healthy meals and go for walks. I'm actually thinking about starting the gym exclamation point. Listen up, he's getting up like Hulk Hogan. He's got that fed in, you know when he went to drop the hand the last time and it just stayed up there and the whole fucking place went nuts. This is great.

God help us all. LOL. Fuck that dude. Get out there. This is awesome. It's because of you ranting on about the obesity crisis in your comedy specials and our podcast which gave me the encouragement to ask for the help I needed. There you know.

I know for a fact I would be dead by the time I reached 40 if I didn't do anything. So thank you. Well, good for you, sir or man. That's awesome. And because you said that, I'm actually going to go for a walk in this fucking 100 degree fucking heat. I've got to do something sitting around in this fucking house driving me crazy. All right, although I do like being home.

It's out to struggle. What you know what I do is I go for the walks when my son has a nap. My wife took a great picture of us yesterday. We both sitting on the couch watching football. I'm watching football on the couch with my son. I mean, it's just, it's just, there's nothing better than that. Nothing. There's no car.

There's no drum kit. There's helicopter. There's no nothing. It's just nothing. And we're sitting there and I didn't realize that we were both sitting there the exact same way. And I had my hand over my, you know, on my son, I was rubbing his head as we were just sitting there staring at the TV watching some college football.

My wife took this great picture of us. It's just the best. Having the kids is the best. You literally make how many you have, you're making friends, people you can hang out with. Actually had a great conversation with my daughter last night. She was like watching TV and I said, Hey, can I ask you something? And she was like smiling because she wanted to watch her show. I said, can I ask you something?

She goes, what? And I go, do you like me? She immediately smiles. She goes, yeah. I go, am I a good dad? She goes, yeah. And I go, are you happy when I come home? And she goes, yeah.

And I go, all right, thanks. You got to check in. Got to check in. You can't be like, you know, do you go like, oh, fuck the asshole's home. All right, medical talk. Dear Bill burgeoning vocabulary burr. I know that's said with a bunch of sarcasm. Oh, man, I learned a new French word.

I was at Oran. So renseignement. Excuse-moi. Je voudrais un petit renseignement, Monsieur. Piece of information is what I'm trying to say. I usually let your discussions of medicine fall by the wayside. Well, you know what? I would say that you that's a very good instinct if you do that because they rare because they're

rarely specific. Well, yeah, I don't have a medical degree. But your fan mail today was too much for me to be able to ignore. Oh, wait a minute, are you suggesting that my ignorance, it's so ignorant that you're not, you know, but it's not specific so you don't feel it's doing any harm. But evidently, you know, it's like some unathletic person. I took enough half court shots and one went in and then somebody responded. And you realize that there was a leak in the dam.

And now you're going to, now you're going to, with your bigger brain, you're going to seal it. I hope. In context, I'm a general surgeon. I'm a general surgery resident at a large academic institution in the Midwest. Wow. A lot of big words in that sentence. All right, so you're a surgery apprentice in a big hospital in Nebraska.

Why couldn't you just say that? First, you're a backup quarterback at a hospital in Nebraska. You can't say that. You can't say I'm a general surgery resident at a large academic institution in the Midwest. Okay. First, there is definitely a lot of doctors. There's definitely a lot doctors can do for obese patients. Although there is medication.

Oh, Jesus. Someone just wrote about injections. And this may help some patients. What we are finding is the neuroformal changes that occur in obesity are overwhelming in many ways, which explains the trouble people have losing weight on their own. Second, you mentioned lap band surgery. Most major centers that treat obesity and offer weight loss surgeries don't perform this procedure anymore because the bands cause trouble like eroding into the stomach.

And he writes gross. Oh, gross. Like I say it. I was supposed to do the bill buried like eroding into the stomach. Gross. Sorry, sir. We, or ma'am, we now do various, or they, we now do various other procedures. Sleeve gastrectomy, Rouen-y, Rouen-y bypass.

Is that some French procedure? R-O-U-X dash E-N dash capital Y. Do deadnose switch to name a few that alter the hormonal system in addition to offering a restrictive component, which means you make the stomach smallest that you feel full sooner. In regards to cancer detection, what was written from another listener isn't wrong, but is horrifyingly incomplete. All right.

This had to do with sugars. And I don't remember what I read. I'm going to go Reagan here and say, I don't, I don't recall. All right. First off, what is being described is called a PET, P-E-T, position emission tomography, CT scan. It had something to do with them shooting sugar into your body and the sugar goes to the cancer, meaning you should stay away from sugar because sugar causes cancer.

That was the lunch pail Louie sort of response that, that I had on this fucking, from a listener who also wasn't a doctor or a resident at an academic institution in a Midwestern location, which can be used to identify certain types of cancer. It's true that a radio label tracer is tagged to a sugar moiety, which is taken up by cancer cells. However, the truth is that every cell in your body uses sugar as its fuel. All food you eat is ultimately processed down to sugar. In fact, when looking at these scans, there is an orange haze produced as a result.

What happens in cancer is that the cells are rapidly growing and thus need more fuel, so they take up tons of this sugar and thus look very bright on the scan. Oh, but most cancers aren't detected this way. Breast cancer is identified on ultrasound or x-ray mammography. Colon cancer is identified with the colonoscopy. Hey, I've been there twice. Nothing identified, but they definitely looked around. I hope you've at least one given I can see your scrotum peeking out from your family.

You get the point. Yeah. I think you're trying to say I'm old. Yes. I've had two. Here's my voice. I've had two. Anyway, parentheses S. Anyway, your comedy is excellent and the podcast get me through

so many chores around the house without wanting to die inside. I love that you're constantly working on yourself and your anger and I am working on mine too for our first child, a girl. Oh, congratulations, who will be here before I know it. Deep dish sucks and go fuck yourself. Dude, you having a girl? That's going to be the greatest thing for you and your anger. Because now you probably, I think if you're an angry person, you were treated like shit

growing up, so you have some sort of self-loathing. So even if you want to do it for yourself, your self-loathing kind of gets in the way of it. When you have a daughter, forget about it. It's over. Now you have something undeniable that you have to do it for. That's why I was asking my daughter those questions. Are you happy when I come home and everything?

By the way, she gave me a huge hug after she said yes. You know what's cool now? She's now at an age. I don't read her books anymore because she can read now. She said last night, she said, Dad, I want you to put me to bed and then she said something like lie down and talk to me and ask me the questions you do. So what I do is at night, I just lay down next to her. Hopefully I don't fall asleep.

Her bed is comfortable, so I just lay down. I feel like that's a good time to check in on her. See how she's doing. See how it's going at school and that type of stuff. The ride that you're signing up for is going to be great. As much as what you're doing with your career is fantastic, you make sure you have enough time for your kids because that's what it's all about. I know everybody knows that, but you still have to say it.

Neighbors. Shitty neighbors. Oh, geez. Hey, Billy, big screen. I'm reaching out to you as someone who has a bit of a neighbor problem and have a landlord problem. So a young couple moved into the apartment complex. Let me read that again.

I'm reaching out to you as someone who's had a bit of a neighbor problem and a landlord problem. Oh, brother, your landlord is not helping you with your neighbor or they're both assholes in their own worlds. Oh, boy. Here we go. So a young couple moved into the apartment complex that my wife and I have lived at for six years and they have a bit of a shit box car collecting problem.

Our lot has enough spots for two cars per room, eight rooms in the complex. So that means there's 16 spots. Don't worry, Bill. I'm coming to you for advice. The least I can do is not make you do math. It's kind of scary how well you guys know me at this point. Anyways, it even says in the least that you can only have two, but the property has undergone new management and the newbies aren't nearly as hands-on with the towing cars for being

run down pieces of shit. They had three and one of them was broken down for three months before I put a note on their asking if they can move it or fix it. To which they replied by putting three sheets of paper with red writing on them on the inside of their windshield. They read, we live here. The car runs. Mind your own business.

Ah, yes, the ignorant part of being ignorant is you have no empathy, which leads to anywhere from being an asshole to joining a hate group. Now I have walked past this car with these sheets of paper on the windshield for over two months and even asked the maintenance guide to help me out citing the lease. He basically told me that because of the toothless nature of the owners, his hands are tied. Now, as I'm writing to you, I found out this evening that these people went out and got a nice car and parked it in the lot also.

I thought of a lot of things, including putting painter's tape on the hood in the shape of a dick with a note on it that says, next time it'll be spray paint, move the fucking car. Oh God, oh God, now you live in that world. But I just can't do it. Yeah, don't do it. I'm going to present and just deal with walking past all these fucking cars every morning with my tail between my legs or do I confront these people and hope for results? I'm not a confrontational person.

Yeah, that's why you were going to like fuck with their car. That's what a non-confrontational person does. Dude, if you're not going to go over there and just beat the shit out of what you shouldn't do because you're either going to lose or you're going to get sued or you could lose and get sued. There's no winning. If you're a fully functioning adult and you actually have done something with your life, fighting is not an option past like high school.

I'm not a confrontational person unless you have to, okay? But due to some events that have happened in my life over the past year, I'm worried that I'll start to see right if they don't agree with my request and say some stuff that I can't take back and we'll make seeing them in the future a bit awkward. Thanks for the help Bill and good job in the movie. I can't wait to see it. The way I see it, you got three options here. You just deal with it, you move or save up money and buy a house.

Those are your options. But if the landlord isn't going to do anything, I can tell you this, when you move out and the next people look at your place and they see 20 junkers or whatever sitting out there, that's going to fuck with their world. I guess you could also lawyer up and deal with that and just say it says here in the lease, I have to deal with this. As long as the cars aren't in your way, there's another thing you could actually talk to them, just say, listen, I'm sorry, I was in a bad mood.

I actually like the car and just talk to them about cars and shit like that and maybe you can just make friends with the person or you can use it as motivation to get the fuck out of there and get something else going where people like that aren't in your life. But then what happens is you end up buying a house. If you buy a house, what I would suggest is do a number of drive-bys. If you look at it during the week or on a weekend, sometimes they strategically show the house when whatever loud annoying thing that might be happening isn't happening in the neighborhood or whatever.

I wouldn't be as bold, I wish I was, to knock on the door of a neighbor and just be like, hey, how do you like the neighborhood? Is there anybody here that's just a person on the other side, a major pain in the ass, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and if all you know, you knock on the door, the pain of the ass. Yeah, I'm sorry you're going through that, dude. That's the fucking worst, but I guess there's another thing. If the car runs, you could steal it.

Everybody has cameras now. That's another reason. Don't get involved. Revenge is one of the darkest of all human emotions. Even when somebody deserves it, I just avoid it. I avoid it. I just like, all right, whatever, I'm just going to keep living my life, keep being successful at what I want to do, whatever the fuck that is, and I'll just leave it alone.

I looked at those goddamn Vistalight drums, and now Ludwig is always popping up, and they really have beautiful drums. I wish they would stop it because I'm going to buy a kit if they don't stop, the exact thing that they want. I mean, look at this one. What the fuck is that? They got a green Vistalight. You can't buy the Amber Vistalight.

I don't like how the Amber one is the only one. Every one of the one has like a 22. The Amber one is 26. Where the fuck are the 24s, you cunts? All right. Now, where do we go here? I'm talking about the bass drums, if you're wondering, shitty neighbors. I work at Fenway and need your opinion.

All right, I hope you're doing well. I've been listening since 2016, but this is my first time writing in. I was at your show at Fenway and was very happy to be part of the entire experience. I actually worked security at Fenway, but took the night off to see the show, patting myself on the back like a hero here. I've been working on seven years on the side. I've been working for seven years on the side. I'm a full-time student, four year, underground, one gap, two years, law school.

Look at you crushing it. And I'm stationed in the area behind home plate when I'm working. Jesus Christ, do you want to just name your name here? Foul balls often end up stuck in the net above the crowd behind home plate and remain there until after the game when a guy retrieves them with the ladder. After the game ends, fumble often throw objects up at the net to knock them onto the field and then asking us to hand it to them. We tell them not to do this because it is a safety hazard to those around them.

And as a result, we say that even if they are successful in knocking it down, we won't give it to them. Yeah, because you can't encourage that. I also try to warn them of this before knocking anything down, but they don't always hear me. As you may predict, even if they do hear it, people often ignore that message. One night following a game after telling people not to knock the ball down from the net. A man about 45 years old proceeds to knock the ball and asked me to hand it to him.

Given that he blatantly ignored the instructions I gave, I pick it up and walk away, which is something we often have to do. I find a little kid and give the ball rather than the 45 year old man. I then move from the spot on the field to walking in the stand, which are mostly empty at this point and clearing out stragglers. As I'm walking, a lady from behind says, and I quote, that was a real asshole thing you did. And I'm going to post it on social media.

I merely thought of you and couldn't help but laugh later on. What do you think, Bill? Is this policy ridiculous? No, because what would happen is that 45 year old guy is going to throw something up there. It's going to come down on somebody's head and either hurt him or hit somebody who's so happy and then the Red Sox are going to get sued, not the person that threw it. Um, anyway, I think you did the right thing. P.S. I heard you talking about pizza places in Massachusetts. I grew up in Walpole and my friends and I always love going to the Pleasant Cafe

in Roslindale. It's not an individual mini bar pizza. It's regular size, but it's absolutely delicious. Another great spot for those mini individual bar pizzas is called Crisp. In the wall in Walpole mass, it's a newer place, but it's ridiculously good. My friends and I have debates about whether it's better than Town Spa. Thanks for all the laughs and keep up the great work. Sincerely, Larry. Oh my God. I'm going to put together a coffee table book of these fucking bar pizza places.

No, I'm not going to do that because then that would ruin it. Everybody would go to the same fucking ones. All right, but I'm adding those to my list. Thank you so much for that information. All right, guys, thank you so much for listening. Um, I think that's it. Go fuck yourselves and I'll check in on you on Thursday. And, uh, I'm going to sit in the air conditioning,

hoping this global warming thing is just a hoax. And I'm going to watch my Tampa Bay Devil race against the Yankees. See what happens. Praying that Aaron Judd hits a home run. Still rooting for that. But as a Red Sox fan, I am, I don't know. I find myself watching a lot of Yankee baseball. Sorry. All right, bye.

I'm going to sit in the air conditioning, hoping that Aaron Judd hits a home run.