Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 9-7-20

Episode Date: September 7, 2020

Bill rambles about psychos with power, media manipulation, and life in 'flyover' states'.

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September 7th 2020, what's going on? How are ya? How's it going? Oh, I'm in a good mood. I'm in a good fucking mood, baby. For a bunch of reasons. All right, number one.

The heat wave. Heat wave! The fucking heat wave is over. It's only fucking going to be 90 degrees today. It got up to 116 degrees, 119 degrees out here in the fucking valley. And I was sitting there, you know, all these people like on Instagram, I text, I got like both my air conditioners on. And I want to be like, well, if there's any way you could only have one on.

You know, people who cranked their fucking ACs yesterday, you know, I get, if you look, if you got a window one and it's just, yeah, I get that. But fucking rich cunts, all right. People who got money, who just still said fuck it and kept their entire goddamn place, you know, you know, I kind of got into it with my wife a little bit yesterday. I was just like, look, let's just have the fucking AC on, stay on this floor. And we'll just shut it off, you know, on the bottom floor. What if I have to go down there?

Then fucking turn it on. It's 119 degrees out because of people, you know, partly because of us. Can we, can we just, can we just fucking agree on that? This was the hottest day I've ever experienced in my life this weekend was just like it was. I only, I can't even describe the level of fucking hot that it was. It was just, it was 120 fucking goddamn degrees. But fortunately, California's passed the law, I guess in a couple of years, all the trucks have to be electric.

So I just, my fear is that we're moving way too goddamn slow. It's unbelievable. It's really fucking amazing to me, the fucking decisions that human beings will make with just when money is involved, like, well, I mean, it's, this is going to be great for your children. Yeah. But is it going to cost $40 more? Forget it.

I ain't fucking doing that. I'm not doing that. Like this, this, and there really is no solution to it. I've just, there's just no way to get people out of this fucking mindset. And it's just because I really believe in my heart of hearts that crazy people are attracted to power and nice people don't want power. So then what ends up happening is nice people end up working for slash listening to crazy people.

Okay. I don't think you have to look too far into our leadership right now to literally find an absolute like a legit crazy person, a fucking crazy person. And then you see in people ignoring that the dude is crazy. I'm not talking Mike Pence. I love that guy. That guy looks like fucking race bandit from fucking Johnny quest. That guy looks like he's got his fucking marbles together, but people are so into their ideologies

and their fucking pocketbooks that they will look past anything. I mean, this is like just as far as just, you know, watch being in the public eye a little bit and watching my friends who are in it more than I am watching them handle shit when all of a sudden they get in trouble. I just as a fucking person who's a little bit out there, I have to see how Donald Trump I think he's already handled it like you would think that calling the troops a bunch of suckers and losers that that was especially when your fan base is patriotic and so many of the troops are Republican Republican families and that type of shit.

How the fuck he's going to get himself out of this. I think he's going to do what he always does. He's going to lie. He's going to say it's fake news. And I think the people on the right have just so bought into this guy that they just they're just going to look past it. They're not going to give a fuck. You know, it's like sports fans, except this actually counts.

So I don't know what I would feel a lot better if Trump was out of the picture and it was Mike Pence versus Joe Biden. Then I'd be like, all right, these are two level headed guys. You know, and they are. They just have different political ideologies and you just have to get out of your own fucking bullshit to see that. But jeez Louise, this fucking guy, this other fucking guy, you know, he's just a fucking guy.

He's just a bullshitter. Well, this is that guy talking. It's like he's trying to sell me a fucking car. Then the other guy, if he could quit spooning with children, I think he'd have a fucking chance. Right. I mean, I just thought, what is he doing? I don't know.

It's a it's a it's a crazy goddamn time. But you know, it's also a great time because it's it's September 7th. We are three days away from the NFL starting back up again. You're going to get to see Tom Brady with Gronkowski back in new uniforms down in Tampa Bay. All right. You're going to be able to see the guy that we got once the guy got away to the season starts.

And I don't know what the fuck says Cam Newton with Bill Belichick. One's in the NFC. The other's in the NFC. They are on a collision course and oh, by the way, let's not disrespect the fucking returning the defending Super Bowl champions. Patrick Mahomes and the Kansas City Chiefs. You know, I think that they're going to have a chip on their shoulder being like, well, well, wait a minute.

How come we're not the story with the returning champions and you guys are going to try to sell this Hatfield and McCoy shit without us. So I'm looking for them to come out feeling disrespected. I'm looking for Kelsey to dance even more than he normally does when he gains a yard and a half stomping all around the field. Okay. Not really though. But if I do play fantasy football, I'm definitely drafting that guy.

It's probably too late to start, isn't it? I don't know. I don't know. But maybe if you fucking played it, you'd know something more than more of the goddamn players. Anyway, I'm very excited about that. And I'm also excited because the New York Islanders beat the Philadelphia Flyers. I really enjoyed that.

I have this weird relationship with the Philly sports teams is I like all of their teams. It's just their fans are such cunts that it just like I went one time I went to a Boston Bruins game. I took my mother to the fleet to watch the Bruins against the Flyers and these three fucking Philly fans sat behind us and they were such rude assholes and they knew they were doing it and they knew it was bugging me, which made them do it even more that I just I just take joy. I just take joy in the fact that that those three guys are fucking miserable right now.

And this song goes out to you. Have you ever seen the Flyers win the cup? Have you ever seen the Flyers win the cup? If you have, you must be crying because you know you're close to dying. Have you ever seen the Flyers win the cup? Joe Bartnick taught me that song and I will sing it, I don't know, 45 years in. Yeah. Do you realize what that means?

That means if you were 45 years old the last time the Flyers won it, you're probably fucking dead. Most likely you're dead. I mean, that's that's some fucked up shit. Can you imagine you're a little 12 year old kid? Oh boy, oh boy, they went back to back. Oh, this is going to be amazing. Now I'm 13.

They won it again. This is what my life's going to be. And now you're almost 60 years old and I'll tell you, it could not have happened to a nicer fan base. I do love the Flyers though. I do love those colors and I do love the way that they played all those years beating the fuck out of people. I loved it.

They're fans though. It's just, you just, you just like, you want to feel bad for them, but then you get around and you're like, nah, these people, they kind of deserve it. I mean, the fucking 1983 Philadelphia 76ers is my favorite NBA team of all time. I fucking love that team. And I, like I said, I've been saying it forever. I put them up against the 96 bulls that now that I think that that's the greatest matchup. Come on, Moses, Maury's cheeks, Dr. J, Andrew Tony.

I would, I put Bill Cunningham up against Phil Jackson. I would do it. Just that foregone conclusion that they would just beat anybody. I just, I just, I don't buy it. Moses Malone down low against fucking, what the fuck was the guy's name, not Luke Walton. Who they had? They had, they had, was Luke something or other big goofy white guy. He would have got dunked on the whole goddamn fucking series.

Whatever, shut the fuck up, Bill. Okay. Can you even hit a layup? No, I can't. I just like talking shit. I missed the F1 race yesterday. That was evidently the one that I wanted to see. Let me finish talking fucking hockey here.

So the Islanders, since first time since 1993, the last time the Canadians won a Stanley Cup and the last time a Canadian team won a Stanley Cup, which is why I was rooting for Vancouver because, you know, Canada gave us this great game. Every fucking year they come in, it's like, it's seven teams against 23. It's getting ridiculous. Although it's been a 30 year drought. So why do you fuck should have won it by now? And you know, what's better than seeing Canadian people happy, you know, because then they

can continue with the lie of that country being progressive and open to like, I don't know, whatever they're supposed to be. Like they always make them out like, whenever I go up there, they always tease and like, you guys think like you're like the best white people, you know, when you have the exact same fucking history we do, you know? So anyway, yeah, Philadelphia Flyers, 45 year drought, Vancouver Canucks lose to the Vegas Knights. They've never won it.

They've been in the league since 1970, 50 year drought, Buffalo Sabres, 50 year drought, and then the leaders of them all is the Toronto Maple Leafs, 53 year drought, a special mention to the California Golden Seals that later on became the Cleveland Barons who never won anything and then folded. You know, at least these other teams are still out there. You know, the Kansas City Scouts are still out there via Colorado Rockies and now they're the New Jersey Devils and then they ended up winning something. And I wonder if anybody in Kansas City even realized it.

There's probably a couple of die hard fucking scout fans out there that were happy in 1995. All right, Bill, you've established that you have no life and all you've been doing is watching sports. I missed the Italian Grand Prix Formula One race yesterday. Congratulations to Pierre Gasly. I think I taped it. I have to watch it. You know, if you asked me to say that guy's name, I wouldn't have known it because he's

always in the back of the pack, the middle of the field or whatever just because, you know, Mercedes has all the fucking money and these other teams can't get enough money to compete. It's not Mercedes' fault. It's nobody's fucking fault. I don't know. They got to do like revenue sharing or something like they do in football because if you look at like, if you're a New Orleans fan, right, you watch the Saints every year, you're like,

we got a shot in the Super Bowl. You go to a Pelicans game. It's like, let's go see Zion while he's still here. We all knew Anthony Davis was going to fuck. We just know that like eventually if you have one of the best players in a league and you're in New Orleans or you're in Charlotte or Orlando, eventually they're just going to end up on the Lakers. That's how they do their business over there.

I don't get it, which is why I'm absolutely thrilled with the Miami Heat playing the way that they're playing, even though they finally lost as long as a team, as long as the Lakers don't win it, I've just given into the fucking Pylon team and I've kind of given into the fact that where the Celtics are always going to be on the outside looking in when it comes to that just simply because of what we're offering versus what the Lakers can offer. The Lakers can offer, let's say the Celtics will offer humidity, winter, women average is probably a six and over the top racism, where LA can offer a dry heat 12 months out of the year, except 120 degrees that might be tipping in our favor.

You can bang movie stars and models and over the top racism, we're not going to win that fight LeBron, the Anthony Davis is the Kobe Bryant's, the Shaq's, the Phil Jackson's, they're going to go to LA. They don't want to button up after a game, they want to unbutton their fucking shirt down to their navel and wade into that sea of fucking top shelf pussy. That's what they want to do. We can't offer that in Boston. We can't compete.

Although we're doing a hell of a job, Danny ain't working with what he has to work. We're doing a hell of a job and we bought one championship. Every team gets lucky. We bought it in 2008, took a page out of the Lakers fucking playbook. Can't draft it, buy it. Yeah, I just, one of my favorite things over the last couple of years was listening to Laker fans complaining about Kevin Durant going to fucking the Warriors. It's like, hey, now you know how everybody else feels.

Watching Kobe Shaq and Phil Jackson all going out there. I mean, that was fucking ridiculous. They fucking, he should have stayed in fucking Orlando. Kobe should have stayed with Charlotte. Phil Jackson, I mean, I guess they, I mean, they were just being cunts. They let him go, but I mean, I don't know. I don't know that they said, whole fucking thing was stupid. I'm just sitting there watching it going.

This is not, this is not competition. This is just the best people in the league, all in the same team. And then they're all walking around, you know, miming, putting a ring on the whole fucking thing. I don't know. I don't know. And I can, I can, you know, I have to be honest with you, that 2008 Celtic team, I hated that team.

We were in the last place the year before, then all of a sudden we just have all of these guys. I mean, it was fun when we went up against the fucking stacked Lakers and beat them, arguably get beat them again the next year, except they called 58 fouls on us. I don't know. I like, I like the, you know, I like the way the NFL does it. That's, I like that, you know, NHL does it right. And the MLB, you know, they kind of came around.

It's like, all right, well, if the Red Sox and Yankees can have $200 million roided up free agent teams, then the Astros should be allowed to bang on a trash can. I mean, that just makes sense to me. You got to do something to try and level it out. But there's whole fucking bullshit that, you know, if you're a New Orleans Pelicans fan, you got to sit there and go to every fucking game because you know, Zion's going to leave when his first rookie contract is over. You know, he's going to leave.

What do you think he's going to go? You know, what are the, I would love the Vegas odds. Let me see if I can find Vegas odds of Zion ending up on the Lakers. You know, it just seems like that's where it's, I mean, I'm telling you, the dry heat, the level of pussy, okay, Zion, Williamson, odds of being a Laker, okay, the truth about it. I see it's already a thing in 2019. It was our Stephen A talks, Zion's chances, Lakers, let's see, what are the Lakers odds?

This is all okay. So this almost happened already. Oh, that was the draft. I'm sorry. I don't know shit. Sorry about that. Okay. Free agent.

Let me put in free agent. Come on. This, I'm going to, as many search words as I need to, so I can become right. Okay. And you know what? My internet mercifully conked out. All right. I'll have a fun bet with you guys.

I don't know how to make the bet, but I'm saying that I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that that guy ends up being a Laker. You want to take that bet? Let's see. I just got a text here. Oh, look at this. That's, I actually got a text on some travel for the dates I have coming up. I actually have standup dates coming up.

I'm going to make some money in 2020. Um, yes, I will be at, uh, some farm in fucking Connecticut, and then I'm going to be some other outdoor venue. I believe Kevin Hart was there this weekend in New Jersey. So, uh, I don't know, I'm going to go knock out a bunch of shows. I'm very excited. Um, I've been looking around, I don't know. Some of these, I'm hoping like, cause the East coast seems to know how to do these shows,

which means eventually the Midwest and the West coast, the South, everybody else, Pacific Northwest, they're all going to figure out how to do it. And I'm just going to have to do like what I used to do rather than doing one big show. I'm just going to have to do like, uh, you know, 10, 12 shows. But you know what? I have, I, I haven't worked for five, six months, so I can't wait to do it. I can not, I can't even tell you guys how fucking excited I am to bring my big stupid fucking head back out onto the, onto the stage and, uh, tell some jokes.

I cannot fucking wait. It's, it's, it's the only thing that I really, well, it's not the only thing I want to play drums for my helicopter. But I mean, it's, it's, it's way up there on the list. Now, honestly, I can't wait to get the fuck back out there and, um, start talking shit again, making people laugh. Uh, I gotta be honest with you. I really was something that I was doing before and I will continue to do is that I'm just

going to go be more over the top and more ridiculous, more absurd than I've ever been. Um, because, um, I just, you know, I'm just seeing people that who aren't even good at stand up or having this effect on what people can and can't talk about. And you would think that wouldn't you have to be good at it first? That would be like me as shitty as I am at playing drums, telling people what fills they can and can't play, what time signatures they can play in. It's fucking ridiculous. So, um, I don't know.

And I've been, it's kind of been fun as a comic to push back against that type of shit, you know, and I know as much as some people will drive away during the show, whatever the fuck that's all about. I mean, it just, it is what it is. It's going to be a good time. So anyway, um, let me, uh, let me move on here and do a little bit of advertising here, little advertisements. All right.

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Uh, uh, what do you got, uh, birth family, uh, terminal erection and you sleep on your stomach. Show me terminal erection sleeping on your stomach. Bing. Number two answer. Um, well, uh, stress, uh, no air conditioner. Um, you're in a motel and your door opens right out into the parking lot. It's a car just pulled up and you hear arguing.

Sorry, going back into my road days there. Um, the person you're with snores too loud. You're uncomfortable. Your mattress is, is not hard enough. It's, it's, it's too firm. And there's got to be a zillion reasons. I don't know why we have to keep that question to private. All right.

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Oh my God. I can't wait to watch that. Every fucking down of that game. I cannot wait. I cannot wait. Honey, could you know I can. You know what? This is what you got to do.

You got to talk to your wharf right now and just say, listen, sweetheart, you're the love of my life, but come. All right, seven, eight PM this Thursday, East Coast time. It's like, I don't even know you for the next three hours. And I want you to be okay with that. All right. Go take a late, late, late brunch, you know, or go get dinner, go upstairs, go downstairs, but get the fuck away from me unless you're as excited about this as I am.

And then if that's the case, we can, we can watch together and, and, and bang during halftime. All right. Oh, this is, I guess we're done with the reads. We're going, jeez, we're jumping right into it here. We're jumping right into it. I thought the next advertisement was called the cast system. And I was like, oh, that's, that doesn't sound, that sounds like, that's a weird

name for a company unless they were, uh, this is like Invisalign. Like, you know, that do it at your home in Invisalign. If they had the cast system, like do it yourself, cast, you know, you're tired of breaking your limbs and having to go down to the doctor to let this son of a bitch, uh, highfalutin, uh, superior, elitist guy set your bones back in place. Wouldn't it be great if there's a home system? Well, thankfully there is the cast system. Next time you blow out your, your knee trying to catch a fucking grease pig.

All right. The cast system, everybody. Uh, hey, Billy, no Brahmin. I don't know what that means. I got to look that B R A, right. B B R A H I M. Brahmin. The thing is, uh, that's a fucking soccer player.

Bram Diaz. Uh, brown bags shop for brown bags online at Macy's. What the fuck is a Bram bag? I don't get it. I like when you guys insult me. I just worse when I, she said, Billy, no brainer, no brainer having. I don't know. Uh, Jesus, just read it.

Okay. Hey, Billy, no, Brahmin, uh, I'm not from India, but I do read Jesus Christ, but I do play an Indian on TV. So hear me out on the last Monday morning podcast. You wondered why Indians are still casting it up even after the fall of the British Raj, the simplest answer. Now I'm taking all of this with a, uh, oh, wait a minute. Is that like a Birkenbeg?

Because the purses just showed up. I don't know. Plowing ahead. Uh, the simplest answer is that India's caste system predates British colonialism, colonialism by 3000 years. Oh, really? So the British are off the hook for that and you're not Indian, but I'll take your word for it until somebody Indian writes in.

It's historical roots can be traced back to the second millennium BCE, following the conquest of the northern half of the subcontinent by the so-called Aryans. Yeah, those Aryans as with the swastika symbol of Hindu antiquity and the Charlie Chaplin style narrow mustache of the early 20th century. Yeah, that Nazi symbol, they actually stole that and they made it, they turned it into something bad. And we're all just waiting for the lead singer of YouTube Bono to take it back. You know, he already did it with Helter Skelter.

Long time ago, somebody took this song. Tonight we're going to take it back. When I get me fucking potatoes, you didn't take it back. It's still linked with Charlie Manson. But good on you, you and your ego thinking that that was enough to take it back. Um, nonetheless, way back when there was indeed a group of step nomads, steep nomads, who conquered large swaths of Eastern Europe along with the modern day Iran in Northern India. He was called Persia back then, right?

Think of them as the first Mongols. Nice. Good for them. But how do we know, but how do we know about them apart from the studying their descendant languages? I'll get to that in a second. I love that you thought I was smart enough to ask that question. So ignoring about 30 centuries of history, let's jump to the middle of the 19th, at the height of the British empire and wonder not why did the British impose the caste system, but rather why didn't they abolish it?

Again, the simplest answer is convenience. Ruling a population of 200 million people on the other side of the world is no easy feat. Better to graft the necessary administrations onto the already existing customs that try to replace them than rather than try to place them wholesale, right? Of course, well, yeah, if they're oppressing each other and you want to press them as a group, yeah, just leave what they have in place. Of course, modern scholars have taken the Brits to task for codifying India's caste system and implementing it in their colonial laws and have even argued that the caste system wasn't

nearly as rigid before British rule. They argue this in neutrality titled books like the scandal of empire, Indian and the creation of the imperial Britain. So you're saying that they're incredibly biased books. All right, this guy is really smart and I'm not getting most of these jokes. All right, unfortunately, they're full of shit. Well, according to you, okay, grade A academic horseshit to be precise, which brings us back to the Aryans.

How do we know the established India's caste system? Because their descendants still rule it and we can code for their genes. According to David Reich, a geneticist at Harvard and the leading researchers in the ancient population DNA sequencing, the strongest signals of elevated steep ancestry were in two groups that were of traditionally priestly status who were expected to be custodians of text written in Sanskrit. I hope I'm saying this shit right. The people who are custodians of the Indo European language and culture with the ones

with relatively more steep ancestry and because of the extraordinary strength of the caste system in preserving ancestry in social roles over generations, the ancient substructure in the Ani ancestral North Indians is the ANNI, I guess, is evident in some of today's Brahmins even after thousands of years. Oh, so Brahmins are actually people. I thought they were purses because that's what came up when I did a search or a soccer player. In other words, there's a reason the brilliant

gastroenterologist doctors sit in Hartha, is this just a whole trolling fucking question just to expose how much I can't read, comes from the same country as the untouchable sewer cleaner Sanjay, and it's not because the British forced them to pay attention to their shit. All right, so he's saying basically it was already there and was implemented by the so-called Aryans, yeah, those Aryans as with the swastika symbol on Hindu antiquity, Charlie Chapstan, the early 20th century. Okay, well, that's interesting.

I think I need to read more than that. I mean, I'd have to read that another 10 times to understand most of that, but from what you're saying was it basically already existed and then they just worked with it and now people are giving them shit for not abolishing it while they oppress people and is that what it was? Is that what just happened there? I have no idea what just happened there. All right, Twitter fuckery, all right.

Hey Bill, saw this tweet and it made me think of you. I'm starting to believe we're a country of suckers falling for the oddest crumble society play in the book. Love you, love the podcast. All right, somebody tweeted, having traveled across the US over the last two months, new place every week coast to coast. It's terrifying all in capitals to see how Twitter adjusts its news and spin based on your location.

Even if it knows your personal algorithm affects everything from which comment you see first. Oh wow, to ads, to what's trending. I always knew this information approach was a thing, but to experience that dramatic shift from state to state in such a relatively short amount of time was incredibly eye-opening. Who is reading what and why? Well, that would explain, yeah, the divide. I think, yeah, social media, 24 hour news networks like CNN and Fox News,

they've pitted us all against one another. And I think it's working out everybody. I don't think it's a, I don't think it's been a good thing. We can't even get on the same page with the goddamn virus that's affecting all of us, killing all of our grandparents, you know, potentially. Yeah, I don't know that it's done. I think it's done for monetary reasons though. I don't think it's done to divide.

I just think that, you know, the greed of just going after the dollar and not wanting to piss people off and just giving people what they want to hear or you think that they want to hear. I think that they're doing it because of that. And, but then you combine the fact with when you go on the internet like me right now, like you don't need to have any qualifications whatsoever. And if you deliver something with confidence, people believe that it's true, especially if they want it to be true.

So it's very, very crazy. So what you could do is like, you could be like me and just completely tap out. Well, it's weird. I'm on social media, but I'm not really paying attention. There's a few comics I follow, obviously. But I mean, I pretty much watch stuff. I watch musicians. I watch animals fighting each other, you know, bear versus moose.

I watch all of that shit. I watch a lot of shit on old cars and pickup trucks specifically, motorcycles, racing. And what I hate is if I try and do anything about fitness, then the next time I go into my search, it's all fucking booty models and all of that. And then it looked like, like I've been watching fucking porn, which I haven't been doing since May. And I don't even think about it anymore.

I think I was addicted to porn for the better part of 20 fucking years. Once it became free, you know, it's like when you first move out, you know, and you're like, wait, I can go to the grocery store and buy what I want to buy and you start buying bags of Oreos. I can have as many as I want. You know, that's what like free porn was. It was the fucking porn version of the porn version of that. But I got to tell you, it's a great thing.

It's a great thing. It sucks for like three weeks because you got to fucking reboot your brain. Like did I actually have the ability to use my brain to come up with different scenarios when the computer has been doing this for me? Yeah, like that part of my brain got lazy. So maybe that was an overshare, but I'm just saying you can get off porn. I even got uncomfortable halfway through. I was trying to figure out how to word it.

I don't know what to think about if I want to jerk off because you've been doing it for me. That's what I was basically trying to say. There we go. That was the streamline. All right. Fly over states. My favorites. My favorite.

My favorite. My favorite. Anyway, oh, somebody's going to criticize the Seinfeld Act. Am I going to do that first? Let me do this one first. Seinfeld article. Yo, Billy, nub nub. Star Wars.

Look it up. Mayfeld. Okay. All right. I'll look it up right now. What is a nub nub? That's probably an adorable little creature or some sort of robot. Here we go.

Star Wars. Nub nub. Yub nub is one. This guy wrote nub nub. What does yub nub mean? Freedom. Jesus. All right.

That Seinfeld article was a great cheerleading effort to get New York City to believe it will be what it was. Not saying it won't, but the article he responded to wasn't that harsh. It was realistic. Listen, we all know that people are struggling, but if you're going to go on public record, basically, you're going to say out to the public that I'm leaving, the whole city's going down, the fucking drain.

Here's a real number. 75% of all restaurants in New York will be out of business by spring of next year, even with the booming holiday season, which they won't get. It wouldn't be enough. The mayor of New York said, in response to things being shut down, the rich will have, come on, guys, you've got to proofread these. I guess the rich will have to order takeout. That's ignorant political bullshit.

I have four friends who have already had to shut down, two are owners of two separate restaurants and the other. Yeah, buddy, we all know we're going through difficult times. It was just great for somebody to say, we're going to be back. Well, let me ask you this. These people who are going out, are they never going to own a restaurant again? Are they never going to work again? Okay, we've gone through shit like this in the past.

And all he was saying is that, I mean, God forbid somebody says something positive. And now what you're going to do is just go all negative and just say that you're being a realist. Seinfeld was also being a realist. He wasn't sitting in the middle of this acting like this was the end of the fucking world. And that New York City, as we know it, is done and over. And it's never going to be, you know, you're never going to be able to open another fucking restaurant. All right?

All of this shit that you know and love that's going away, when it was built, there was people bitching going, but you're tearing down this other thing that we knew and loved. And then that becomes the new thing. All right, when the World Trade Centers were first built, people fucking hated them. They hated them. And then they became the identity of the skyline. And then when we lost them, people were beyond sad.

All right? It's just whatever you love took the place of something that somebody else loved. Okay? We're all going through a rough fucking time here. And why do I need to read all of these fucking depressing stats that this, what you're going to do is what the news has been doing. This is all they've been doing. That's why I like what Seinfeld wrote.

All right. He says, that's ignorant political bullshit. I have four friends who've already had to shut down, two are owners of two separate restaurants. And the other two each manage other places all out of work. Three are leaving the city. Aside from banking food is everything when it comes to the city's economy. It's fine to be optimistic,

but saying New York is the greatest city in the world doesn't change how fucking bleak it's been. Well, you missed his message. Trash is literally piling up like it's never, never before. That's bullshit. The garbage men went on strike. It was way worse. Everything is going to continue to go to shit for as long as it takes huge real estate groups to come in and buy up the whole blocks.

You should really look into it more. I understand all of this, sir. I understand all of this, but it was just nice to read something positive. Thank you for bringing me back down into the, you're so fucking real, man. I mean, you're catastrophizing here is what you're doing. You're acting as though, first of all,

you're saying that the trash has never piled up like this before. That's complete bullshit. The city was damn near lights out late seventies, early eighties. It was going bankrupt. You could, there was like people squatting in empty fucking buildings that you could have bought for nothing. And now look at them. They're worth zillions of dollars.

I remember when I first moved to like Harlem, I mean, I first went to New York City and I take the bus and we'd go through Harlem. It still looked like the way New York looked back and now look at it. No one would have ever said that it would have came back like that. All right. It's constantly fucking changing. And I know Jennifer gentrification. People don't like that shit.

I'm not, I'm pro or against it, but like those white people also got pushed out of where they were. Everybody's getting pushed. Everything moves. Everything changes. It doesn't have to be the end of the fucking world. Okay. This is, you know, my big worry is that our money and our whole financial system

is nothing but a Ponzi scheme and that they will look at this virus as escape, as the scapegoat they needed to gracefully walk away and blame COVID and political parties and that type of shit for why the dollar collapsed rather than the fact that they were a bunch of greedy cunts. All right. Anyway, but I just, I don't know. He says, I do agree with you. We don't have any good leaders,

but also can you acknowledge that this isn't just some recession stuff? This is a whole new thing that's happening to the city. It's not a new thing. You missed the point. New York has gone through this. When Seinfeld moved to New York, the city was bankrupt. There was no curb your dog loss. There was dog shit all over the place.

When I first came to New York, dude, you wouldn't even, you wouldn't fucking alphabet city was, you didn't go there day or night. Thompson Square Park was totally taken over by fucking drug addicts, homeless people and all of that type of shit. Like stuff does change. It's not always just going to be for the worse. And, and there's two ways to live in your life. You can just sit there and be like, oh, it used to be better

and now it sucks and it's never going to get better. You can live like that or you can think positively about the future. Whereas I'm sitting out here in the throes of global warming with a hundred, nineteen, hundred, twenty degree fucking weekend here. I was holding on to the fact that California passed the law that all trucks have got to be fucking electric in the next couple of years. And I think, you know, it's going to be a tough transition and I believe that we're going to do it.

I also believe that they're going to come up with some quick testing is going to be more affordable. They're going to come up with some sort of vaccine. You know, if AIDS didn't take us out, this thing isn't going to take us out. We're going to lose a lot of restaurants. There'll be a bunch of new ones that come in. And, you know, as far as corporations and big real estate groups buying shit up, they've been doing that forever.

And but there's still always going to be cool parts of the fucking city. And I believe in people. I believe in this country. And I approve of this message. All right. There you go. So onward and upward. All right. I'm 38. She's 19. Oh, Jesus and pregnant.

Oh, Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ. All right. When you were banging, are we still wearing your high school football jacket that you can't button anymore? All right. Hey, yo, Billy blood nut. Josh here from Sydney, Australia.

One of my favorite fucking countries out there. I love Australia. I haven't been there in forever. I need the advice of the world's greatest copper wire pubes owner. Well, that would be me. I'm a 38 year old man who's been seeing a 19 year old stunner stunner. All right. Well, I don't know what the that would be frowned upon here. You know, I mean, people did it.

I mean, people always made fun of that shit. All right. I don't know. I don't know how it works over there. All right. We met at the gym. I'll never forget the day she walked in the second I saw her. My heart skipped a beat as she put down her book bag.

I'm kidding. My heart skipped a beat and I froze amazing face. Fuck me eyes, tiny waist and a fat ass that hips thrust 200 kilograms. Jesus, this guy is a fucking creep. I've never had a problem speaking with women, to be honest. I fucked roughly 1000 women in my years with a few serious relationships in between. You've had serious relationships while fucking 1000. You must have been fucking those women right through those relationships.

I couldn't even say hello to this girl for three months. The whole time I thought she was 26. I changed gyms for a week and every day all day within that week, I felt like it would be my life's regret if I didn't say hello. I swallowed my fears probably from building her up in my head that three months and went back to the gym and finally said hello. Her response was the same as my energy. She had been waiting for me to say hello that whole time.

The next day we went for dinner and cocktails. I found out she was 19, an influencer with over 200,000 followers, pretty good for an Aussie chick and had been living between Sydney and LA for a couple of years. Needless to say, using the words of the great Dave Chappelle, I beat the pussy up. I got to tip my cap to how unfiltered this guy is. Murphy's law has it that she falls pregnant. I don't think that's Murphy's law, buddy. I think that's the law of nature.

If you don't wear a condom and she's not barren and you fucking bust in her, yeah, that could happen. That's not Murphy's law, dude. Let's not blame the Irish for this one too. All right, we came to the decision not to go through with it. Over the weeks, she went to scans so they can determine dates and when to do the deed. Over that time, she grew attached to the pregnancy by seeing the heartbeat. Yeah, in the pictures, exactly.

And ultimately decided to keep it. Well, good for her. Over the weeks, in that meantime, I struggled with the age difference. Oh, now you struggle with the age. Do you know if it's fucking struggle when you fucking busted a nutter? The major reason being, I have a five-year-old son to one woman and an 18-year-old daughter to another. This guy is a fucking piece of work. They're the same age.

You're older daughter. Yeah, it's the same age. Billy Big Balls, what the fuck do I do? Well, there's nothing you can do because my daughter doesn't know. Well, you got to tell her. I've told my besties and they're all like, bro, you're the king. This is just reading like this isn't real. They didn't go like, bro, you just fucked your life.

But I feel like a dud and a bad father. I'd say you definitely have some sort of issues. You might want to go to therapy if this is true and see why you're banging a thousand women and fucking, you got a five-year-old with this one and 18-year-old that one. Now you're going to have one with this 19-year-old. Yeah, I would definitely say you've got some sort of commitment issues or something. I don't know what, but it's going to cost you.

If you were in my country, dude, you'd be fucking broke. If my daughter was seeing a dude my age, it would be the last day she saw him alive. Okay, so. All right, so are you acknowledging that you were a bit of a dirtbag here? But goddamn, what would a bald, emaciated viking like yourself do? I would raise that kid and I'd start wearing a fucking condom is what I would do. Stay blessed, stay healthy, stay being awesome every day. Listener to something of your work for years now.

Yeah, buddy, listen, dude, you got to get your dick under control. Your dick is fucking your life up. You don't have control over it. And your dick is deciding what you're going to do rather than your brain. Because if you looked at all of that on paper, if you talk to the younger you, now I know you love your kids and everything. Okay, didn't you, you wanted to find, I don't think that you wanted to have a bunch of kids with a bunch of different women.

I mean, that makes it really difficult, but I mean, it is your life. So what I would do is I would man up to what you did. I would tell my daughters about it. I'd go to therapy if you feel if you agree with what I'm saying, I would start wearing a condom. And, you know, I try to get with women my own age or within reason, you know what I mean? I mean, okay, I'll go with the fact you thought she was 26, but when you found out she was 19, not only do you still go, I guess you find on the day, you still bang her, you bust a nut in her.

I mean, those were, you know, what's the nicest way of saying really fucking stupid moves? Yeah, buddy, what are you doing, man? I'm getting stress reading this whole fucking thing. Yeah, so that's what I would do. I mean, you just gotta, you gotta raise this kid is what you gotta do. I would, I don't know where you're now soon to be three kids live. I would pick an apartment right in the middle of all of them, and I would dedicate the next 20 years of my life to making sure that five-year-old and that

your new kid don't have daddy issues so they don't go to a gym and bang some 38-year-old without a fucking condom. All right, good luck to you, brother. All right, fly overstate. Dear Bill, I live in what is often referred to as a flyover state. I appreciate you defending us and calling out people who, who use it. I fucking love it, man. Those states are great.

They're not overly populated and they're fucking beautiful. Dude, you give me a lush green topography with a fucking lake, you know, and no traffic. I'm sold. I'm sold. Anyways, I appreciate you defending us and calling out people who use it. Not so much the phrase, but the dismissive tone it's used by some. The way you talk about something eventually informs how you feel about it if you're not careful. I'm not saying everyone in my place of the world is the most progressive person you ever met.

Hey, dude, I live in LA. LA is not the most progressive place either, including people who think they're really progressive. You can get so progressive, you can get fucking crazy, and you can go so far the other way, you're at a neo-Nazi meeting, which I can do all of that within fucking a half hour of my house. Just as many bigots in large cities from my experience, that is 100% true. They just know, oh, I've missed a sense. I'm not saying every my place is progressive person,

you're the most progressive person you ever meet, but damn, if that's not an ignorant part of the stereotype, just as many bigots in large cities from my experience. That has been my experience, experience of some of my friends or whatever. It's just like some of the wild shit that people have said I've had said while being in the middle of nowhere, Florida, Chicago, I've heard it everywhere. I just want to let you know that in my country, we have,

my county, we have had at least, we've had three cases of COVID in the last three months. Zero deaths since it started and never had crowded hospitals. My mother has worked at the largest hospital in the area for almost 40 years, so it's not just some shit I read on the internet. We live clean and eat organic and all that good stuff without even trying. For what I can tell, people in cities spend lots of money to avoid bad food. Yes, we do. We don't need a whole lot, we don't need a whole foods out here.

People just give you stuff from their gardens because they got so much of it. You could say we're almost like socialists in that manner. Yeah, we got fast food and bad habits too, but it ain't worse than Jack in the box, yak in the box, he said, and whatever else you got to settle on. We got third generation burger stands instead. Love your podcast. Yeah, that's awesome, man. I really am sold on it.

I went on Zello and looked at some places, not like I'm not moving, but I was just looking at it every once in a while if I want to irritate myself. And two of my favorite places, Milwaukee and Chattanooga, Tennessee. And I found this place in Chattanooga, Tennessee, because I always just see what's the most expensive house I could buy out here. And I found one out there for just under three million bucks. It was 19,000 square feet. It had a half court of basketball.

It had an indoor pool that when they took a picture of it, it looked like you were in a dated hotel. The decor needed a little stress it up, but it was fucking ridiculous. The house was huge. You were up on a hill with a view. That house would be a hundred million dollars out here in LA. So there is something to say about being out there, but to be honest with you, I just wouldn't want to be an interracial couple living in the middle of fucking nowhere,

because I just don't need those fucking, the yahoo's out there are pretty fucking scary. So, but having said that, I'm a huge fan of a bunch of these cities that I've gone to. And now I'm actually looking at even smaller places. And I find the smaller I go, the more I liked last year when I went down to, and I went to the, I stayed on that lake and we went to a Clemson game. I mean, I fell in love with that place. The pace of it, the lake, the middle of fucking nowhere, people just leaving you the fuck alone is really just, you know, but you know, there's also amazing aspects to living in a city too.

But like, you know, I kind of like when I was out doing that, that gig in Ohio, I was really just being like, wow, man, I could drive my F 100 around these country roads. Granted, I couldn't do it for a number of months because it's snowing out, but who gives a shit, just start it up and I'll be fine. I could have a motorcycle out here and not feel like I was going to die every 10 fucking feet. You know, I could fly a helicopter out of this cool ass fucking airport. That's not super busy. I mean, it was just a lot fresh air, their fucking dairy farm.

I mean, it was amazing. Now granted, you know, when you just dip in, you don't get like a feel you know, what the school systems and all of that shit's like. But I mean, I just, I don't know, I get why people live out there. All right, Seinfeld article, I already read that one, 38 and pregnant. 38 and pregnant, you know, I got all of that done. All right, what else we got? Psychedelics and scatterbrain.

Oh, Jesus Christ, buddy, I'm afraid to read this. If you tell me that taking psychedelics helps with you not being a scatterbrained and then I end up like fucking Jim, the taxi driver. All right, listen, Bill, I heard you said a few podcasts ago, not wanting to try psychedelics because you already enough scatterbrain. You're already a scatterbrained lunatic. No, I yeah, no, what I was afraid is that with all my crazy fucking thoughts that I have not under the influence of that shit,

I don't need it to be walking around in front of me or whatever happens. He said, I'm also a scatterbrained lunatic and it fucking sucks. Depends on the job you pick. It's great for comedy. The worst is that I'm so self-conscious about it and feel like it's getting in the way of so many things in my life because I always feel mentally different than everybody else. So I decided to try mushrooms.

It fucking changed my life for the best, man. By the way, I was going to ask him that. What the hell did I just want to ask? I'm so scatterbrained. I literally just forgot because I always felt mentally different. But oh, do you find those scatterbrained as you are? But if something captures your interest, like you just all of a sudden get like tunnel vision and become obsessed with it?

Because that's kind of how I am. All right, after listening to Rogan and all the positive things he's had to say about psychedelics, I figure I'd give it a try. Made sure the set and the settings was relaxing and removed any and all distractions around me, swallowed the shrooms and then meditated. The trip was great with a hint of what the fuck. It really felt like cleaning my room but in my brain.

Let me organize all these half open files laying around and all these heavy harsh feelings on different things going on in the media. It just put everything into perspective and let me reorganize all these thoughts that take huge amounts of room in my brain. Once the trip was over a few hours later, my brain was spotless. I then went to bed for the night and had these fucking weird dreams. The next morning I could instantly feel a difference. I could focus, think clearly, finish projects

and add 2,000% more empathy for people around me. The shit going on in the world didn't affect me and I felt 100% back to when everything was going well. I was afraid like you that being scatterbrained in a psycho would maybe not mix well with psychedelics. He said I've had addictive personality also so I was afraid of that. But turns out shrooms are not addictive. It's like a chore and you're exhausted after a trip.

It's really like cleaning your room and I really suggest it especially for your brain type because I fully relate to you. I hope you give it a try and keep you updated. Okay now go fuck yourself and try psychedelics. All right I'm in, I'm tripping this week, I'll let you know how it goes. No, I'm kidding. I just, you know, I got two kids man. I can't be fucking, like when am I gonna,

when is it okay for me to just fucking leave my responsibility for four hours or six hours, whatever the fuck it takes when I'm on the road? No, I don't know dude. I've opened a lot of Pandora boxes in my life that I wish I remained closed. I don't know, I'd have to, it's gonna take more than one fucking email. Although I gotta be honest with you, I don't think I've ever listened to somebody who took psychedelics like mushrooms and ever said anything bad about them.

Anybody have a bad trip? Anybody, let's hear the other side, you know what I mean? I want to hear from Trump people, explain to me why I should still have faith in a guy who says the troops are all suckers and losers. Please tell me that, okay? Explain to me, okay? But only if you're gonna just address the fact that the guy did say it, okay? I mean, oh whatever, I can't say 100%, there is the chance that maybe it is a left-wing

conspiracy, but you do know that he did say to inject household cleaner into you, to try to get rid of the COVID. And then they tried to cover him and say he was being facetious, because what a time to be sarcastic during the middle of a pandemic. Whatever, who gives a fuck? I know that's just gonna create arguments. All right, that's it everybody. Go Island, I'm rooting for the Islanders and I'm rooting for the Vegas Knights.

And then I don't know who I would root for. I would be really happy to see the Islanders win number five, because when I really, when I first started watching hockey, they were the best team out there. And I loved Mike Bossy. I loved that guy, I just loved the way he played. I just, he's one of the great fucking players of all time. And Clark Gillies was the toughest motherfucker ever.

And then I loved Billy Smith, I loved the whole fuck. I just, they were just fun to fucking watch. And so that would be cool. But then the Vegas Knights, it's great for hockey. If a team this early on has this level of success, it solidifies, you know, their fan base. Their fan base has already gone through the heartbreak of losing a game seven in the finals. Didn't they lose that?

Stanley Cup is at the final, the finals, I have no idea. So I think I would root Islanders, but if it's Islanders Vegas, I would be happy for both. Tempe Lightning, I totally respect, and Dallas Stars of course too, but I'm just being honest here. All right, that's it, go fuck yourselves. I'll check in on you on Thursday. Four years of warranty on your certified second-hand car.

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