Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast: Joe Perry Edition

Episode Date: November 13, 2014

Bill rambles with Joe Perry about his new book, home invasion and authentic suits of armor.

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr, and it is time for a special edition of the Monday Morning Podcast. You know, every once in a while, old freckles here, goes out and gets himself a guest. And today is no different, which is why we have a special podcast for this weekend. I can't think of, this is probably the biggest, it's got to be the biggest guest I've had, an absolute legend. And usually when people say this shit, they can't, you know, people, you can't follow it. But believe it or not, I have from Arrowsmith, legendary lead guitarist Joe Perry on the Monday Morning Podcast. How are you, buddy? I'm really good. Thanks. I don't know about the biggest part. I mean, most people say,

you look bigger in, I mean, you look smaller in person, but that don't matter. I mean, you know, it's all, it's all about the camera angle and all that stuff. But thanks. I appreciate that, that intro. And do you get that a lot to be here today? Oh, sorry. Do you get that a lot? People say that to me like, I don't know why they think I was tall. I'm average height. I'm just under five, 10. And then they always come walking up. They're like, I thought you'd be a lot bigger. It's just, it's the way that the camera, because usually a camera, again, technically, I mean, the camera's kind of down at eye level because I want to get you straight on. And, or sometimes they'll shoot you from a little

below. So it's really hard to tell to get any kind of perspective, you know what I mean? Unless you know how tall the person is, you're standing next to that kind of thing. I get it with you. It's like you're playing like, you know, the LA Coliseum and you're on like a 40 foot stage. I mean, I'm standing in some chuckle hut. It's just like, I'm maybe six inches taller than I am when I'm not on stage. So I don't know. It's always like, sometimes I just think people just say shit to say shit. Like, do you, how do you deal with, like, you know what, like amazes me about, before, before we get going here, the reason why Joe Perry's here, he's got a new unbelievable book, Joe Perry, Joe Perry, My Life in and out of

Aerosmith, that's available now. And if I'm not mistaken, it already went number one, correct? Well, I think it was numbered. It was on the, it's in the top 10, wasn't a top 10 New York Times best soloist. It was in the top 10 for two weeks. And this is why your career has lasted for so long, because you're this honest. Most people would have just been like, yeah, man. Yeah. Number one all over the place. But it's, it's like anybody that, that, you know, sees it. But the thing is, it's, it, all they say is top, top seller. And they print that on the top. And that's kind of like the stamp that says that at least more than one person has read it. And the other thing is, is I'm not here

just because of the book. I'm here because you're, you're a bud from way back. And I've been looking forward to doing a podcast with you anyway, for a while. So it's, it gives me a chance to yak about the book, but I also get a chance to have some laughs for a change, you know, good deal. And I promise I'm going to try to steer away from the usual, you know, so what's Steven like? What's a, how do you pick out your leather pants or whatever? Although I might ask you that one, because I don't think you can ask me anything you want. And, and I guarantee the, the, the answers will be totally different than they've been from, from before, because a lot of it, it's not so much the questions. It's how they're asked and who's asking them.

Okay. All right. I like that. Well, let me, here's one for you is what blows my mind nowadays with the whole Twitter thing and Facebook and the whole interactive thing was back in the day. There was no way for me to ever write you something that you would ever, I guess, fan mail or something like that, just the level of like interaction that people can have. In fact, like when I, when I bought your first albums, it was like maybe 80 81 or something like that. So this was just before MTV. Right. I didn't even know who was who, because I turn over the album. Sure. Well, I guess I got greatest hits first and they didn't have a picture of you guys, but when I got like toys in the attic or something, remember, I turned it over and I was trying to

figure out which one's Steve, which one's Joe, you know, who's Tommy and all that type of stuff. How have you felt like having lived the old way, but like pre, even like pre MTV, where people didn't, you know, for them, let's say hardcore fans, they had no idea what you look like. So you could be a little more anonymous. If you walk down the street to like this whole thing now where people can be like, nice book asshole, why'd you pick this picture? You know, he's sitting there eating toast in your fucking kitchen. How does that annoy the shit? I hate the fucking heckles when I'm at home. Well, it's interesting because you got one thing is you got to keep in mind that it's a very small percentage of the people that are out there. So you know,

a lot of times you can get like sucked into the whole Twitter thing or Facebook or all that's all the different different outlets that they are. And you can go, God, I can't believe that people think that or how could they say that? And it's like, you got to remember that it's like, maybe one of 1% that are actually like, you know, looking at it, but well, how long in the great scheme of things, you know, but it's kind of like, it's a good thing and a bad thing. It gives people a voice and it's kind of like the look we've said before, the, it's like the town square and you're hanging out in the town square and anybody can say what they want. Some people want to stand in a soapbox so they can be heard.

And very often they get carried away in a white, in a white jacket, but so I wanted to take it for you to get to this Zen place, because it's something that I kind of bad, like most times I'm like, ah, whatever. Hey, you know, whatever. The last eight were good. What are they all going to be good? But like just every once in a while, somebody just writes something so mean that I get like an urge to like, I just wish there was an app where you could find out where they lived and just drive over and you know, it's funny, I drive over and then lose a fight to them. But you know, in my fantasy, I win. Yeah. Well, sometimes you have to do that to let off some steam, but not actually do it, but just kind of go through the middle process.

But the point is that you read some of that stuff and it can be so mean spirited because they know that they're anonymous and it's like kind of a drag. But I don't know, lately it's been pretty positive. Okay, you know, it's been kind of even and you know, you just kind of pay attention to the different ones. I mean, some people will only listen to like one particular thing or they'll kind of, you know, drop into different phases and things like that. So I don't know, it's just just another outlet. But but sometimes we do use it for input when we're talking about a setlist, you know, on the road, we're thinking about, you know, what should we put in there? Sometimes somebody will tweet a song, we'll go, I think we remember how to play that one. We'll

throw it in the set. Can I put out a request? Of course. One that I've always wanted to see play live. It's off your first album, Moving Out. Well, let me write that down because that's one song that we do play once in a while. Do you play that live? We played it, I think the second or last show of the tour. And we went right into Walking the Dog right after. So it was kind of like, you know, I think your first album is so underrated because that if I remember correctly, you basically, you guys, even after you sold that album, you hadn't gone national yet. And it was kind of like, no, you kind of got like New Hampshire, Vermont, Maine, Massachusetts, or New England, and maybe just into Connecticut, New York.

Yeah, exactly. And it was just, it was really like, it was an uphill fight, Ma. You know, I mean, it was, you know, people think, you know, and looking from the outside, you know, they're looking at the at the trade magazines, and then all of a sudden, there's a band on the charts. And it seems like they're overnight. But, you know, you forget, I mean, it goes, it's been, it's been the same ever since the Beatles. I mean, the Beatles spent years and years in those clubs in Hamburg, sleeping in the bathroom, working hard, busting their ass. And the same thing with, with us, I mean, we worked the clubs and kind of spread out and would, you know, we'd go through, through Ohio and play, you know, all the towns in Ohio, and then making our way to Detroit.

And Detroit, of course, their favorite band was Jay Giles. So they were willing to give another band from Boston a listen and give us a second chance, you know. And when we went out there, they really took us to heart. And then coming back to Boston, the first album was, had come kind of gone. But the record company gave us another chance. And we did the second record, and then they were re-released stream on, and it started to get played on the radio. That was back when DJs could actually play what they wanted. I know, right? It's crazy now. You know, you could actually go up there and talk to them, play them something. But if it was any good, they would play it. You know, it was pretty cool. That's amazing. You know what, I was just back

back east doing Dennis and Cam's comics come home. And believe it or not, it was the 20th, the 20th anniversary of that show. And I remember one of the times I did it, you came out and played with the band, which was awesome. And I'll tell you, one thing that strikes me is every time I go back to Boston, because I moved away in 95, it becomes less and less like what I left. And I'm going to be, oh, I'm going to get a greasy slice of pizza here, and then it's gone. And I'm just, I'm finding it all these areas that used to be scary are getting like nicer and nicer. And I remember what always kills me was when they talk about when you guys were struggling, they were like, yeah, we were all struggling. We were all living in this beat up apartment on Commonwealth

Avenue, which is like Park Avenue now in downtown Boston. And I was wondering, do you miss like when you go back, go through Boston, I don't know how often you get to go back there. Do you do you like the direction it went with the whole big dig and turn it south into like a bunch of condos and crap? Certainly the big dig was a was an event in everyone's life who lives in Boston. But I mean, it was there's no doubt. Why did they just make one fucking lane? They turned everything it was like, it was a complete waste of time. Other than aesthetically, I'm fucking, you know, I was driving to the airport is I went to the airport, you know, I tried to take the Ted Williams

title. So I get off, I have a seven a.m. flight, it's like quarter to five in the morning. And so I get off the Ted Williams exit, and then I get to the fork in the row, we make a left to do it, and there's all these fucking cones set up. So then I have to go buy that and the Carolina Tunnel, flipping the fuck out, cursing Boston up and down for the fucking state worker meathead. And I don't even think that they did it by accident. I literally think that they do it on purpose. And then you fucking go through all of the bullshit. And once again, it's one lane to get to the airport. So it was like, what was the purpose of all of that? You know, it's like, go figure. I mean, this this, it's all about progress under the name of progress. I mean,

that's what this whole country's built on and and growth and all that. And I mean, I think that the things have to change there. I don't want I don't want to get into that right now. But but the bottom line is, are you going to run for office? I just I haven't been been home that much or been out here, you know, from the time we were working on the the the last aerospace record and then going on the road and then coming back and finishing the record and then going on the road again and then working on the book all through that. I've been spending all my time here and I know you sound like you caught a cold a little bit. And well, the allergies here, it's like, it's really wet, you know, back here that he's got, it's beautiful. I mean, he's got like

fountains everywhere. And it's just beautiful. But but the allergies getcha. And I was just reading an article in one of the like the Huffington Post and one of those one of those things and they were saying how that that people's people's allergies are not allergies, but their their whole nasal thing was was like starting to like react to the a lot of the differences because they travel so much and and there are so many different things that affect people. Right. So they're they're they're not if you're wondering why your nose is different. It's why because your nose is working overtime. It's got nothing to do with anything from south of the border, you know, or anything like that. It's just strictly your body reacting to to the to the different stuff

in the year, whether it's pollen. I mean, I know in Massachusetts, there's that time of the year where all the the pine pollen comes down and it covers your car green and all that you get sick then too. Or get like, it's it's got it's got to drive your nuts. It's terrible. It's it's like how do you handle that if you have like a show, if you're doing a Joe Perry thing, Joe Perry project where you have to sing. Well, I have to use a little bit of that spray, you know, that, you know, that you get at the drugstore and it works as long as you don't use too much of it, you know, but it works and it's and then you get through it. That never works for me. Somebody gave me that the other day. I'm doing a cartoon. Oh, we got to get like we have music and stuff in between

your projects. Yeah, we're kind of doing this thing. It takes place in like the 70s. I can't give too much of a way. It's not coming out for like another year. But you know, what we're we're doing some stuff period stuff from the 70s. Like you remember when plant and page used to do that call and response thing on the guitar, maybe like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. So we kind of got some people listening to music like that. And I was as I was driving over here today, I was like, Jesus Christ, you know, I mean, I should have got you in on the fucking thing. We're having somebody try to put together like a song for us or whatever. But I'd love to have you come in, maybe even do a voice or something like that at some point. That's one of the good things about about all this

technology is you don't have to be in the same room at the same time. You know, I mean, certainly there's an advantage to that. But you know, if you can't be there physically, you can certainly, you know, send the files and you can work on it and talk on the phone. I mean, I just did a an over an overdub one, one of Johnny winter's songs. God rest his soul. And, you know, he called me up and said, Do you want to play on the record? He said, Yeah, great. And they sent me the files and I played on it and like right from your house. Yeah. Well, here there's a studio right next door. So we went in. Well, as you noticed, I'm not too good with technology. I got to tell my listeners the embarrassing beginning to my podcast. I was in a rush to get over here, freaking

out Joe Perry from Aerosmith and I show up. I got two microphones. I got everything, but I only have one mic cord and Rockstar Joe Perry goes, I'll go next door and get one. Like he's getting he has all cool neighbors. So like he's like, I'd go over and get a cup of sugar. He goes over and gets a microphone cord. Well, you know, I would stand to reason I hang around with kind of musical people. But also that we stay at the hotel, the sunset marquee, I don't know where you stand, but they have a studio downstairs. And that's the only hotel I know of in the world where you can call room service and get a microphone at two in the morning. Is that right? If you're like, I mean, I've done a lot of writing. In fact, there's a picture of me in the in the room

working on one of the songs for the record in, you know, and we just set up with the with the computer and some, some outboard gears, some microphones and we sit in there and and I actually wrote the song there and some of the tracks actually made it on the record. But you know, we're just sitting in the living room, you know, and it's and I needed a mic cord and I called down and they had it there and it was do you find that that new technology makes you more creative? Or is it like, you know, sometimes there's people out here where even if they like right, they're sitting there going like, well, I got to at least have an office where I go to sit down and write because if I don't, I'm sitting here, the TV's here, the kitchen's here, I'm not going to create,

do you find the new technology where wherever you go, there's a studio makes you procrastinate more or do you work more? It's definitely a lot more a lot. It takes a lot more get up and go to do it because there are so many more distractions. There's no doubt about it. Everything from, you know, 1000 channels on TV to to whatever you're into. I mean, football, 24 hours a day. I mean, whatever, there's so many things that, you know, that's an advantage because you can you can choose. But on the other hand, it's like to be able to record in your own house can be like the worst thing and the best thing. I mean, you can always say, well, I can put it off till tomorrow right because you don't, you know, you haven't booked time in a studio where they're going to

charge you $1,500 a day, whereas you've already put a deposit down on a studio. And so you have to go. So there's kind of like, there's that end of it. And then there's also, but it really has to come from from inside and you have to really want to do it. And I mean, you know, you're, I mean, you're a creative guy. You see things. Joe, I wouldn't go that far in a different way than most of us. I wouldn't go that far. And you see you see the humor and stuff and, you know, stuff that would never occur the rest of us. But that's why you make us laugh. And the thing is, it's that's, that's an art.

And let me ask you this. You said that, that sunset marquee is the only hotel that you know that you can order a microphone. What's the craziest thing you ever ordered? Room service. You're on the road. You're in the middle of nowhere. What is so much the craziest thing? It was the quantity. We talking grams here. What did you order? Well, enough for say 30 people. What is Don Perignon by the case? I was, I can understand at the Beverly Hills Hotel in the seventies. And it was kind of like the party central because they have bungalows out

back, you know, like, jeez, it's the seventies and everything can be cured as far as STDs go and all that. I mean, do you ever missed it? Like I look at some of the seventies, right? Yeah. And I just really wish, I mean, of course it's all been romanticized in books and movies and all that shit. But do you like aside, everybody likes being younger. Do you miss those days? Like thinking about like just how a lot freer and crazier you could be without worrying about somebody with the cell phone camera. I'm talking about single Joe Perry. I got this drinking and drugging thing under control. Like you just, you're just having a good time. You're playing with your band, you're selling records and all that. Is a part of you that you ever just, you ever, like when

you're driving down sunset and just looking at spots going like, dude, I fucking bought a kilo of Coke there and had one of the best hot dogs I've ever had in my life hanging with John Bonham or something. Do you like, do memories like that still come? Yeah. I mean, there's no doubt. I mean, especially here in LA and there are a couple of places that are still, you know, the same buildings. Some of them have changed the names, but I mean, this is the whiskey at Go Go and there's Book Soup, which has been there forever, which is one of the greatest bookstores going next to City Lights up in Frisco and there's one in Paris that's really good. But, but you know, there are these certain places that are still there and, you know, the rainbow and the Roxy and

who are some of the people you remember seeing in the rain, just because fans are like, like me, who are like nerds. It's like, do you just want to, you just want to go to the same place that they stood in? Chances are if, if they, if, if they were playing in town, you could almost guaranteed to be, to see whoever was playing. And then the rest of the time, you know, a lot of people would just, if they were in the middle of a tour, they had a couple days off, they would definitely come to LA to hang out because it's such a great scene here for, you know, back then. And you could literally like run into anybody there. What's the craziest thing you ever saw go down at like the rainbow room or the whiskey or whatever, like the most? Well, I only had out

there a few times because you don't have to name any names. Am I trying to get you in trouble with anybody? But I just, it was just a couple of times I've been there. You know, I mean, I would actually probably a lot more than I remember, but it's probably a lot more than I, than I would forget. Maybe you're the central person in the story. You just don't remember the story. One time I saw Joe Perry, but, you know, it was basically a kind of a meeting place for everybody that would come down from the hills, you know, run into whoever and then the tables would empty out and as people would take off and it was that kind of a place. But I haven't been up there, you know, since Jesus in forever. So I can guarantee you, I don't think they've changed anything when you

walk in there, all of the covers on the seat and everything just look like they've been there since the beginning of time. I would bet, I would bet. And the whiskey is pretty much the same as I remember when we played there our first time here in LA and then we played there not too long ago and it was pretty much the same. It was a great vibe. You know, it's kind of like the paradise. I don't even know. Has they changed the paradise at all in Boston? Yeah. Dude, the paradise has been going for I think almost 20 years. Well, I guess they've changed. It's probably like a club still or is it? No, you know, probably one of those fucking Panera bread things and you're just thinking yeah, you too and the police started here or some of their first gigs I guess in the United States

were here. You know, I just realized as I'm sitting in here, you probably, I don't can't imagine the I think the amount of times you've sat in a room where there was just a suit of armor over in the corner. Yeah, like some Scooby Doo shit. This seems like some real like rock star stuff like you got to have. You just got to have a suit of armor near you, right? That helps your creative process. It came with the place. Oh, it did. You know, oddly enough, I did have one in my house in in the 70s. I had I had a suit of armor at the door and where do you where do you buy that? Well, you have to buy a castle while you it's not a real one. Obviously, I mean, it's not not like like one that I mean, you can tell it's it's just it's like a mock up of one that still looks

really cool. And how do you know it's not real? Because there's no because marks on it. If you look at this, it where the screws hold it that hold it together, they kind of like didn't cut off the ends. So if you were to put it on, you'd kind of look like you just got attacked by about about 100 mosquitoes or wasps or whatever, because all those little those nails would be sticking in you. Oh, okay, you took the helmet off and see like, like the rivets sticking out. So it's really not made to. Oh, I just looked at it. I didn't see any scuff marks on it. I just figured that was like the king's son, you know, who never had to go to battle, but parade down the street. Well, it's a good observation, because it's probably true. But I mean, it's probably copied

off of off of a real one. But there are places you can get things like that. You see an odd one you know, odd piece in the quarter or some, some, you know, home and garden place or whatever and, you know, I guess that's where they come from, you know, but I saw you guys at Jones Beach in like 2006, awesome, awesome show as always. And Motley Crew was opening for you guys on that tour and they're recently they're there. I think this is going to be their final tour and all that. Do you remember the, because I'm a huge, you know, being a drummer geek, I'm a huge fan of Tommy Lee. He was just like, you know, just the show that that guy puts on while also playing a beat is just amazing. I've always loved him. And I was wondering, do you remember the first time you guys,

did you tour with them during their there when they were just young guys coming up? Actually, I saw them at one of their first gigs at the Santa Monica Civic Center when I was with the project. I was out here doing some gigs. And just for the fans, was this the first time Stephen left during that period? Was this like early? No, no, this was during this is when I left in 1979. And I had the I was out here with the project. At some point, I'm not exactly sure when, but the bottom line is, is I got to see them play, you know, at the at the Santa Monica Civic Center, which is, I don't know, three to 5,000 seats. And the buzz was out on them. So the place was pretty packed. And is that what got you there? You just you just heard a good buzz about them.

You're like, I'm going to go check these guys out. Yeah. And they said, well, somebody said these these are the, the, this is the new hot band on the strip and should check them out. And so I went down and I'm not sure if I, if I met them then, but there were, we had a couple of friends in common. And I remember meeting Nicky six and, and just kind of like, you know, being kind of friends with them, you know, from just kind of watching that career. And then, then we were in Vancouver doing, I think it was the second record, not, not a not private vacation, but I think it was the next one pump, I think. And, and there are two studios in that, in that place, Little Mountain up there in Vancouver, and they were in the other studio. And so we ran into each other

a lot. Oh, wow. So they were probably doing Dr. Feelgood right around that. That was 8990, right? That's right. They were with, let's see, Mr. Rock, the, the producer was a producer in their record, I think, and Bobby Rock, right? Yeah, that was it. And he was, and they were, they were, they sounded great. And they, it was, you know, we ran into them pretty much daily. And they, and of course, some of the guys, you know, would, they would tag after the session, they would tag along and go down to the, to the clubs, you know, Vancouver, reputably, is probably has the best, from what I've heard, has some of the best strip clubs. You gave them a ride, right? You're like, yeah, I'm the headliner, I'll give you youngsters a ride down there. They, they knew everybody by

the first name by the time you left. Was that hard to be around guys like that? Because I know by then you'd long since cleaned up and everything. Had you had your fund basically at that point? Not at all. I mean, it was not, not an issue. I mean, they were, they were, and they, you know what? They, you know, they would party like late at night after they were done. But when they, when they came into the studio in the afternoon, they were all business, just like, you know, that's what I figure. Is that a myth as far as people like, it's not like they walked in with a bottle of Jack Daniels and said, yeah, who, let's go. It's like, you know, they had work to do. And, you know, that's, it shows because that was a great record. Hey, did you ever call anybody out for doing the

iced tea in the, in the Jack Daniels bottle? You know, a couple, I've heard of a couple bands, they would put iced tea in the Jack Daniels bottle and then they'd go out in front of the crowd and act like they were crazy and they'd just be chugging iced tea. I heard about that, but I've never, you never busted anybody doing that. I never ran into anybody that did it, but I heard stories about bands doing that. But, you know, of course, they don't rate very high on my respect list. That'd be like a prop act with the committee. You're gonna drink it, you might as well drink it, you know what I mean? And what's the, what's the problem if you don't? So. Well, I don't care how, the big giveaways, I don't give, I don't care how much you drink. Nobody can chug hard alcohol. You

just can't do it. You can fit, like I've seen guys take big gulps, but once you start throwing the thing back, like Joe Green in that famous commercial when he's drinking Coca-Cola and even he had a couple times and a couple takes, he had to stop and belch or whatever. There's no way you could do with hard alcohol, but before, before we go any further, I wanted to ask you, you got a really cool tattoo on your forearm there of like an old school gun. What's, what's, what's the story behind that? Smith & Wesson Breaktop Schofield, I guess it was designed back in the 1800s. Oh yeah? And it's, I just like the shape of it. It's one of my favorite, favorite designs. It's an old revolver and. You know, it's a place in New Orleans. I didn't, I had an acting gig down there and

somewhere in the French Quarter, they had all these old guns and rifles. You ever been in there? I've, I've dropped way too much money in that place. Yeah, I wanted to buy my dad this, this, it was a rifle from like the, from 1812, right? It was insane and they even had the bayonet and everything and my dad likes that type of shit. But the thing was for me to get it from Louisiana all the way up, like first of all, I couldn't get it shipped because Massachusetts has some sort of laws. Right. So then I'd have to, would have had to buy it and then drive it up there. And as, as I was crossing state borders, I just kept thinking about Tommy Chong, when he set the bongs out and shit and all of a sudden he had the feds at his door and

you know, who the fuck's going to drive from New Orleans all the way to Massachusetts and drive 55? It's not going to be me. I'm going to drive 80 at some point and be like, I'm fine. It's, it's tough to, I think that the. Big musket hanging out the back. You know, again, without getting into, into the politics of things, I mean, I just think that the, the things should be a little more, things should be a little more standardized as far as firearms go. I think they should be, I mean, people should be given at least, you know, put through more schooling before they're given a permit and, and it should be more standardized from state to state because there are some states where it's, it's easier to get firearms and there are other states where it's really hard and it's,

it is insane. Hard to, it's hard to, to keep track of it. Yeah. And it's insane how in some states you can basically just go in and buy it and not have to prove any sort of capability. I mean, it'd be like given like somebody doesn't know how to drive keys to a car. It's like, they're going to kill somebody. But honestly, I don't have a problem with guns. I think they're cool as long as the right person owns it, which is the big of course, flying the ointment. But what is some of your, you liked the gun you just mentioned there? What is some of your your go-to guns like, right? And some of the modern stuff, what do you like? Well, I'm not really a, I mean, I have a few modern, modern firearms. I collect all kinds

of weapons. I've even got a, an old Greek sword that's made out of bronze. It's all like, it's green and it's, it's actually quite small. So somebody broke into your house. Those guys were very small. You know, I mean, they were, people were smaller than, you know, and, and so everything is like seems a little smaller. But anyway, if somebody broke into your house, you can't tell me if they're coming up the stairs, right? And the only weapon you see is that old Greek sword. Parties got to be like, God, that cost me a fortune. Well, do I really want to run this guy through with it? What they're going to be doing is focusing on that while I walk up behind them with my shotgun. Oh, you're a shotgun inside guy. Well, I do have, you know, I mean, they're

reliable. They're, and what about, what about like, understand as a, you, if you're in that situation, there's a level of panic that comes with it. And I've never been in that situation, fortunately. And I hope it stays that way. But, you know, I'm not, I've never been in the army. I've never been trained. And, you know, so I kind of look at things like the easiest thing that would be to have, you know, around for, for, if somebody got that far, you know, would be something that would be very easy to use and shotgun comes into that heading. So, but again, it's like, it's an efficiency thing. I've always, you know, because I've actually, you know, I tore through the south that I always tell them they're out of their minds to have a shotgun in their house.

I got a whole bit coming out on my next special about it where I always think all you need is like a 22. Because it's easy to, my big thing is you can, you're, when you're in the dark, if you shoot, you can still hear. It doesn't, you've already lost your sight. It's not going to take away your hearing too. And people always laugh at a 22, but it's like, dude, if I had it loaded 22, and I pointed it at you, you're diving, you're running away. And if I started shooting you with it, you wouldn't be laughing going, this is a 22. I could shoot you with a BB gun. You can be like, I'm going to get the fuck out of here. People, people, you know, and also it's kind of hard to tell, you know, what it is you have in your head. The whole thing is so much, so much psychology

that goes along with it. And I've studied a lot of that because again, you know, if you're going to have, it's a great responsibility to own firearms. And I've done a lot of, of, of, of studying, I've worked with people, I haven't actually gone to any, any of the places where you can go to train, but I've talked to a lot of instructors and so on. And, and from when I gathered, handguns are probably the least effective. And even in the hands of trained, trained people, people miss. I think that Hemingway said that of all, of all the weapons out there, the weapon that misses the most is a handgun because there's so much moving and so much going on. And I would think just the sound alone, I'm hearing a gun. I'm not going to be sitting

there if I'm breaking your house, counting shots like they do in the movie. And that'll be at the bottom going, Joe, I know you're out of bullets. Yeah, come out with the, I mean, I'm not going to fight the second somebody starts shooting at me. I'm thinking, I'm going to go rob another house. I would just think people would do that. But I don't know. You know what? I did see you on that show. Was it Son of a Gun? Yeah, sons of guns, sons of guns, man. That must have been fun as hell. For people who don't know, I don't even know if it's still on. There's so many frigging channels and shows, but these guys just, it was like a hot rod show, except it was guns. And these guys would just make these insane weapons. And then people got to come on the show. You know, they'd weld

like M 60s to like the top of a Prius or something like that, right? Right. What did you get to shoot on that? Like some anti aircraft guns? They had a couple of hot rodded, so to speak, you know, like M 16s and things like that. So we shot those. But the main thing was I had this, this old kid that was actually from the 1800s. And I really didn't know much about it. And they kind of cleaned it up a little bit and got into the serial number. And it was actually a military issue. And it was actually a naval gun. And when two ships are at sea and they want to transport like a cargo or a person or something back and forth, they need to send the line from one ship to the other. So they use this cannon,

which is it's only about three feet long. And they shoot this, this lead dart over to the other boat. And it takes a rope with it. Then they put, they attach a bigger rope to it, then a bigger rope and a bigger rope. And then finally they have this pulley thing so they can transport stuff back and forth. So that's what that's what it was for. How many people think accidentally got killed on the other ship? You know, when they even know that they knew that they were shooting it over, it was just such not an exact science. You didn't really take wind, you know, you kind of wet your finger back then, right? I have a feeling that people would probably keep their heads up watching where the thing was going. I mean, I'm sure you go to a baseball game, somebody gets dinged in the

head all the time. They're just fucking sitting there. And these guys are like trying to hit 100, 90, 100 mile an hour pitches. And there's always somebody just sitting there eating and talking. And they get they always get hit in the chest. Thank God, like a few people actually got hit in the head. But I got to ask you this something about cannons that I realized as I was talking to you. My only knowledge of cannons is what I've seen in cartoons. I'm not even trying to be funny here. And there's there's they try to make it look like, you know, the thing that they stick in there is like a little bomb. And then they shoot it and explodes. But it's really just a giant like ball made out of metal. And that gets launched through gunpowder, right? So this is giant metal

ball. Well, that pokes a hole in your ship and sinks it. Well, some of them are from what I understand because I've read quite a few historic novels. And that part of that part of history fascinates me, you know, the tall ships and all that. And apparently, some of the some of the things that would put in there would actually be filled with gunpowder with a with a fuse. So when it would when it would get shot off, it would, you know, it was very inaccurate. And, you know, once in a while, it would work. But it would, it would, you know, it would land on the ship and hopefully explode, but whatever. Well, that goes back to the dart. I'm saying it's very inaccurate. They'd shoot and they probably somebody caught it in the leg, right? And then they got a sawed off.

They just give him some wisdom, right? I'll tell you, medicine was not anything near what we think, you know, think of medicine, you know, up till up to the end of the night of the 18th century. It was like just basically that, you know, if you got a hang nail, foot comes and is coming off or, you know, it was really bad. Do that thing just to stitch you up. They just stick your leg in a fire. Yeah, quick, easy, cheap, you know, isn't it amazing like the amount of pain that you can actually take? You know, I saw this thing as far as like horrific ways, horrific ways to die. They had this thing, okay, you did something, they decided that you were going to die and they had this giant, like it was like a fucking brass cow or some sort of animal. It made out of some

sort of metal, right? And they would stick you in the fucking thing. How they ever got you in, because I would have just killed myself. They stick you in the fucking thing, they close it up, and then they light a fire underneath it. And they would just basically cook you. I've always thought about that laying in there as it's getting hot, bouncing all around like someone who fucking fell off a motorcycle trying not to have the heat on you for too long. Right. It's just the fucking agony and how these people could just sit there and who's that guy used to, they'd put you on a, what the fuck do they call the impaler? Oh yeah, Vlad, the Dracula they called him. I love how you said that like you knew him. Oh yeah, Vlad. Well, I mean, I've read that stuff,

you know, I've all read it. We've seen it in movies and, you know, he's the Vlad, the impaler, and they're, you know, what it means to me is the way that people have invented to fuck other people up over the years. It just blows my mind. What's the worst one you ever heard? Oh God, well, that was pretty close. I mean, that really like that. And I can't imagine being, I mean, I love horses, but I can't imagine being tied to four of them. You know what I mean? And then having somebody yell, okay, pull a little harder, not, not even like, you know, get up, you know, get up and go and like making it short, but like actually just kind of like Oh, they would, they slowly had him walk apart. I mean, that kind of thing. That sounds like a

pretty rotten way to go. Those people listening at home would don't, you basically, they would tie, you know, your wrist to one horse, you know, your wrist to another, your ankle to one and they would walk in four different directions and then they'd slowly fucking dislocate your joints and then eventually just pull you apart. And that's, yeah, one thing I do want to say, one thing I do want to say going back to what we were talking about before, which was about, you know, home and home defense and all that. But one of the things that I've learned from talking to umpteen people about this, and that is that a dog, any size dog is probably the most effective thing you could have in your house for safety. And just because the main thing is, is

getting some enough time to either deal with what, to deal with what you have to deal with, make, make the 911 call, you know, jump out the window if that's what has to happen, pull out whatever your, your last ditch weapon of choice is. But the main thing is buying some time and a dog will basically send the guy off to somebody else's house and then it's their problem. I got it, I got a dog, my dog will do that like every once in a while. I'll be sleeping and I get so terrified. I'm just sleeping all of a sudden dog just starts going. Yeah. Oh, and I sit there going like what, and I sit, I'm such a coward and immediately like, and then I'm thinking like, I should have got a gun, I should have bought a gun, you know, I wish I had a bat here or something.

Well, that's a good thing. Yeah, I have a knife. This cop told me a knife is stupid because you got to get in closely, at least to have a bat. Yeah. But the dog and again, a dog, a small dog, any dog that's, you know, becomes part of the family, he's going to protect the pack and he's going to let somebody know. And that really, they, on all the lists I've ever seen, they've put, they're like in the top three things you could have. It could be the best thing. Anyway, I just wanted to mention that. I got to wind down here because I got another frinket thing I got to run to. Once again, sorry that I didn't have an extra mic cord. That's okay. That's pretty professional. Hey, I didn't imagine you went over there twice because the other thing,

the first one you brought didn't fit my stupid mixer. Yeah, it actually goes to an old microphone that like an old style one that needs power. So it had two more extra prongs and it didn't work. You're being too kind. The reality is, is I showed up unprepared, but I got, let me ask you, can I ask you some music geek questions here? Sure. Okay. Whatever you want, man. All right. The best live band other than your own band, best live band you ever saw? Well, I have to say, my theory is, is that a rock and roll show, if we're talking about rock and roll, is the interaction between the fans and the band. And a lot of times you might be in a club and it might not even be a big band, but they've got good songs and they're getting the

audience off and the audience has given them love and the band has given it back and you get that feeling like, wow, this is magic. And right then they might be the best band. Right. You know, that night they're the best band and you walk away and you feel great and it was like an incredible show. So that's kind of like what we strive for as a band. Is that what you're trying to do that, trying to get that magic going. And that's the thing you can't, you can line everything up, make sure the guitars are in tune, make sure everything's working. But it's really about, you know, hooking up with the audience and having that interaction and having that excitement. And I have to say that one of the shows that I've seen recently was actually The Stones.

I mean, and it sounds like, you know, yeah, of course, Pick the Stones, but it was, I've seen them on nights when they just weren't that good. You know, I've seen them when they were really good back in the 60s. But this particular night, we were on the road in Germany and they played a place in Berlin and they sounded incredible. And it was like, it was one of those nights where they were everything just locked together. And you could see, you know, 50 years of experience, you could hear everything. It was a perfect venue. It only held about 5000 people. And I was blown away. I mean, I figured it would be like, you know, well, it would be like, wow, they're really good for 70. No, they were as good as any band I'd ever seen. And they were as good as

any of the great shows I saw in the day. And they knocked me out, man, I have to say, you know. Who, anybody, any young players out there, it's crazy now trying to figure out who the guys are, because there's no centralized area for music anymore. But are there any young players out there that you watch them play and they inspire you like, man, I got to go home and practice, or I want to try to take my, you know, just as a comedian to try to relate it, like, you know, I love new comics. And I love seeing somebody, there's nothing I love more than seeing a young comic that I know is going to be great. And, and you're seeing they got the hunger, they got the drive, they got the talent, and you know that they're going to, you just know, you know, they're

going to do it. I always, that always gives me like a jolt of energy, because I remember what that was like being their age and stuff and like how it, you know, just sort of trying to recapture like, you know, because sometimes you can get into the grind of it. I was wondering if there was any, like bands that are out right now that make you like, fuck, man, I, you know, maybe you're not near your guitar. And you just like, fuck, I wish I had my guitar on my hand right now. I want to just, just start making music. I don't know. I hear some good, some good music. I was in the studio the other day and there was a band that was being recorded and, you know, the vocal wasn't on it yet, but the music sounded like it had like some real potential. It's a really hard question,

because it's like there are a lot of technically great players and there's a few like really great players that are really young. They have, there's so much on the internet. I mean, you can, I mean, back when I was growing up, I had to find, I had to struggle to find somebody who even played guitar, much less, you know, get a, get a lesson, you know. You know, I fucked up my foot, I fucked up my foot trying to figure out John Bonham's bass drum technique, because I was trying to do with my, like my big toe and I was like arching my foot and I got like, what do you call it, that plantar fissureitis. And now it's like, you can go, because all I had was like a record player and speakers and you're sticking your, you slow it down and now like, you know, you just go on

YouTube and somebody just shows you, it's like a slide step. You just kind of move your whole foot and it's like, you know, your leg goes up once, but you get two hits and it's just, and then I'm watching like some fucking kid, like eight years old playing all that stuff. And I'm just like, it's, they can get like a year's worth of drum lessons or guitar lessons in one night on YouTube. It's incredible. That's exactly it. And you know, I mean, that it's all spelled out. And that's why I think there are a lot of, a lot of good guitar players out there that are technically good. They can play, play all the stuff, but still, it still comes down to writing a good song, writing something that, that, you know, is a little bit original and, you know, and, and it's

entertaining and it still comes down to that. You could be a, you could be a wizard on guitar, but unless you're a guitar freak, you know, as far as like, you know, entertaining your average rock fan, you still got to write, write a good song, you know what I mean? And it's, and no matter, you know, whether it's like, you know, you got 6,000 computers and you got, you know, it's running through tape machines and all, you know, like you got all the best equipment, unless you got a good song, you still got nothing. So that will never change. Let me ask you, because I gotta, I gotta wrap up here. As far as your book that's out, first of all, where, where can fans get it? I know it's on Amazon. If there's any local bookstores left.

There's a few. Actually, there's a lot more than I expected. I mean, I went through probably six or seven cities and most of them, we went to, I think we only, we did a couple of bars in noble, but we did mostly more mom and pop kind of places. But what I found out was most of them do their business online. And so there's, there's some competition for Amazon, you know, it keeps everybody kind of honest. There's nobody's got a monopoly, you know, so, but basically the best thing to do is, is either order from your local bookstore, support the, you know, mom and pop kind of places or, you know, get it from, from Amazon. And right now, hopefully it should still be on the shelves. And I know I signed a bunch of them. So there's still, there's still an

opportunity to get some that have been signed, you know, but people buy the book. Is there a favorite story or one that comes to mind if you got a quick one that you want to tell here at the end? Is it basically, is it stories about you on the road with these guys? Is it, is it the whole thing like Joe? It's, it's, it's an autobiography from the time I put both feet on the ground. You know what I mean? It's from 19, from, it's, it's 64 years, man, of life. And part of that is Aerosmith, you know. Yeah. I've been a fan of you for so long that I know some of the story. I already remember, like you told some cool story in some other interview where you, um, how you ended up getting into guitar. You were a young kid and there was these older

guys sitting on the front porch playing guitar and you're like, oh, it just sounded really cool, just so that I could capture your attention. Um, I personally, I cannot wait to read it. And I am like fascinated with that whole period of music that you came up in. And I also like that whole thing where you guys, you know, had to stick your ear to a speaker or try and slow it down. And because I find a lot of times when I'm, you know, I mess around with guitar too. And I try to watch somebody play it, then turn my back to the video. Cause, right. Cause then people, like the person will literally break it down, show you that where they put their fingers and stuff and people will still ask for tabs. And I'm just looking at like, don't you ever want to have the freedom

to like, basically, I've always figured becoming literate in music means you could listen to it and figure it out where if you always had to have tabs and everything was almost like you couldn't even read, you know what I mean? Right. Somebody had to hold your hand. And, uh, like, I think there's a lot of people out there that can really play all this shit. But if you just played it on a record, can you sit down? Maybe you don't need to do it anymore because there's someone who will break it down for you. But, uh, but anyways, dude, I'm such a huge fan of you and your band and all the stuff that you guys have done. I never even thanked you for all the great music. I mean, it's basically a soundtrack of my youth. I love all your stuff. And I'm so psyched

for this book. I cannot wait to read it. Once again, it's called Joe Perry, my life in and out of Aerosmith. So psyched. I finally got you here on the podcast. Yeah. Good luck with the allergies. Thanks for showing all your stories about guns and all this other stuff. I hope I asked you some different questions. You did. It was great. And we'll have to do this again because I was, like I said, I was looking forward to it. I've been looking forward to it before the book. Or, you know, I mean, uh, you know, I mean, the main reason was because we're from Boston. Yeah, it's great to hear the accent. I know. I can't get rid of it. I read it too, by the way. Do it again. We'll talk about Boston some more. You know, definitely, definitely. All right. Joe Perry,

his new book, my life in and out of Aerosmith is available all over the internet. And if you got a mom and pop store down the street and you want to help them out bookstore down there, please go down and pick it up. Joe Perry, thank you so much for listening to the Monday morning podcast. Hope to see you soon. Okay. It's an honor. Thank you. All right, brother.