Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast - Weekend Edition: David Koechner

Episode Date: December 21, 2013

Bill sits down with David Koechner from Anchorman 2.

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Why are you doing something so special, Bill? Because it's the holiday season You know? I love you guys And a lot of you are real cunty to me On, on, I didn't realize I was flying back from my big whirlwind tour of shaking my ass over there in Europe

So, and I mentioned on the podcast I was going to have one of my best friends here Favorite people in the goddamn business has a huge comedy movie that actually transcends the genre It's better than any Meryl Streep drama From Anchorman to Please Welcome the one and only Dave Keckner, everyone

Boo! Rezounding boo Bill Burr, what's going on, man? What's going on, man? How am I? I'm psyched I haven't seen the movie Where are me? There you go

That'll bounce around Your heads for a second, folks You got it, you got it either way I'm here with Bill Burr I cannot tell you how happy I am, folks I know you envy me I envy me No, they don't

My podcast listeners Once they heard me read out loud all the magic of anything that I was doing went away What do you mean, read out loud? When I do, when I do the... Oh, the sales They make fun of you?

There's nothing... I think they actually feel bad for me I mean, it's terrible That's not true This is what happened I sucked at reading out loud in school and now I'm reading out loud again and the same thing happens

where you're just trying to get to the end of it so you start going faster and faster like the amount of times that I mispronounce my own name Your own name When I get to billburr.com What do you say? Like, Blilburr

It's embarrassing I just start doing it now like it's a golf thing Okay I just realized how fucking hot it's going to get in this goddamn city We're at the All Things Comedy podcast studios here

for the very first interview and so we're working out a lot of bugs That's all right We've got some echoes I couldn't be happier So we got Emmett brought us some almonds I'm going to join Almond now

They brought over a couple of years Did you hear that Emmett? Yeah I bought a beer Okay For Bill And you also brought your talents Let's make sure we get this out

just in case somebody lives under the rock Anchorman 2 The legend of Ron Burgundy It continues After fans for 10 years we're asking when is it continuing It's continuing right now It was supposed to open today

but they opened it Wednesday two days early Oh, okay That's why we scheduled this because this was going to be the exclusive opening day podcast but only with a great Bill Burr So they paramounted the switch

It's okay They didn't clear it with Billy It's a dirty business It's a dirty business folks They saw it They knew what was going to happen over here in our unheeded echoing studios They didn't want to

compete with you So What do I want to talk about? So Last time I ran into you Yeah I was over in Dublin and I sent you a picture right

for the listeners here I'm in Dublin sleepy and I see a bus go by Can I back us up a little bit? Yeah, you can't interrupt me all you want I'm going to back us up a little bit So

I'm thinking I get a few tickets to the premiere It's in New York City not in Los Angeles which is typical and I'm thinking Bill was able to drop by the set when he came through Atlanta

when we were shooting and you're so amazing and magnanimous and everybody in the cast adores you We don't do this on this podcast Too bad

You're going to take it You're not going to give me shit I'm not going to give you shit I'm going to kick you out of here I'll fucking hype another comedy You do it So anyway I still know what you did

last Sunday coming up Bill has to be here Summer, whatever the fuck it is Bill Burr has to be here So I invited Bill and his wife and he goes Ah

I have a show in Iceland that night which was last Sunday Break of it Yeah, the 15th So that's all I know It's like Oh, Bill will be out of country Unlike you guys

I don't regularly check Bill's blog So I didn't know Anyway, I'm in London So I put all my dates on my blog that I don't write I'm in London We're getting ready to do the premiere and I get this

text message from Bill Burr Yeah, Bill Burr, as I say Bill Burr Yeah, I was coming from the the airport and I saw a bus go by and it said Will and all you guys

on the side of it and you know Anchorman 2, Legend of Rumberg continue So I took the picture and I send it to Dave going, hey man

they're hyping the billboards were everywhere I was like they're hyping the shit out of your movie over here in Dublin I'm like, Dublin

You're in Dublin? Yeah I'm in Dublin You were in Dublin that night or London? I was in Dublin Holy shit I can't even remember where I was

It was fucking perfect and I ended up doing and he goes we got the premiere tonight what times you show him we can go out and drink a couple of fucking loggies But how crazy is that

you can't make the premiere because you're going somewhere else You're in Dublin the same night you're there doing the premiere and you can't do it because you're doing your world tour oh

Northern Europe but we'll call it a little tour it sounds great that's amazing I'll get to the rest of the world so we get so we do our little thing our premiere

our song and dance Bill does his song and dance what theater were we in? I was at the Vicker Street Theater and I absolutely so much of my childhood now makes sense

after that crowd I can't explain it I was just growing up outside of Boston and I think I told you those stories that night I mentioned them last Monday on the podcast

so I'll kind of paraphrase them just not to bore the listeners but like I've been doing this bit about hugging your children saying if you hug them too much they're pussies

if you don't do enough they become psychos so I always weave in and go my mother didn't hug me that much when I was a kid and no one has ever reacted to that and like literally like 15-20%

of the Irish crowd just goes awww like breaking my balls like fuck you you need to hug your pussy but it was hilarious and then in the end I'm talking about how I'm giving out

DVD to everybody who showed up to hopefully you know maybe carpet bomb my special over there smart yeah well I guess I should have just put it on Spotify according to this internet chick but

it's more personal to have it yeah so as I'm telling them I'm giving them a free DVD they're listening and just some guy in the back just goes ow fuck off

what? hilarious wow anything nice it was it was no but they're doing it in a yeah

breaking your balls and I told them I said you guys I've formed from a lot of miserable people but you guys are the most miserable cunts and I didn't even get to the end of the sentence they were already dying laughing

awesome they were just like I can't explain it man like I just felt like these like I get it I get like why I can't take

you are who you are yeah can't take a compliment don't like fucking nice shit if somebody breaks my balls I literally it will run through a wall for them

like the second they go look at you what do you think look at you with your fucking shirt immediately like my heart fills up but if you actually sit there

and pay your compliments what you were trying to do at the beginning of the podcast no I'll smash this plastic chair over here alright alright that won't do much

I would do that too you're a big guy big guy from Missouri yeah but bill burr and I got to share a few pints in some cellar a bar

of wherever we were staying in Dublin with one of the nice joints I guess singing Christmas songs yeah singing loud

and happy yourself yeah here's my favorite part this promotional thing uh-huh maybe the folks have seen any promo but we did all kinds

of different ones and then this particular one there were some winners of some thing there were three groups of 20 and they had gone on a pub crawl and at the end of the pub crawl

was a surprise and it was the four of us it was Will, Steve, Paul and myself no way we're in this bar in Dublin called

I think it's Toomies or Tony's Toomies it's one of the old bars and so we're down there oh boy this is so needed right now this is perfect

we just traveled from New York that day we did a bunch of press did the no this is before the premiere we're getting ready to do a premiere

and the owner of the place comes up to me and he grabs me by the shoulders straight on right right on either side and he goes

you look like you enjoy a pint yeah he goes tell me lad are you Irish I said well actually yeah

he goes I knew it and to me that's one of the greatest things that's ever happened in my life cause he's like you know this is the best

pint again in all of Ireland right it's voted the best pint in Dublin and you know what that means was there a better pint than Dublin and I was like wow

I just went to heaven I know it's so so wait so they see people then they bring them in in groups of 20 we'd say

hi hi hi they all had to gather round us take one picture no wait no cause they've been on a pub pub crawl that's a nightmare for you guys

nah it wasn't so bad cause the security guys over there were amazing on the international tour they were like ok here's what you're doing in out

take a picture boom no more pictures boom you can't do selfies you can't do anything else get out next group

but it was it was amazing so we did I think three pints and a shot of of Jameson this is making me wish

I was back there yeah in the mob in the greatest way yeah it's the greatest energy I've ever felt and I asked Will

and those guys have you ever been through a gauntlet like that they're like no that was the most intense thing we've ever been through it was just love yeah they give it up

over there you gotta go to Scotland's great that whole area man like Great Britain they're like you know what's funny

as I'm mentioning this like they're all gonna get mad if I actually say that people in London were cool half the people in England will probably give me a like

like each one of them has their own vibe the way they're coming at you and all of them kind of reminded me of people that I like grew up with man

such a great like if you go into Europe for the first time like that's such a great place to start before you get oh yeah because I know

Ireland you know some people like I don't know the language and shit so that's a good way to right

to break yourself into before then you start going like radio tours and shit like what is I mean

it sounds awesome you get to go to all these places but I know they like stick you in a room and you just kind of go well

first of all the hotels they put us in were amazing so and on this international thing you don't even touch

your bag oh that's the shit they pull you they roll you up they put you each in an individual car

which going back to cars with one person in it it's like come on I'd rather ride with my buddies but anyway I know

so the eagles I heard the eagles don't go on so we do that they pick you up right outside the plane like we don't even go to the regular

deportation thing or not deportation sorry immigration thing they pick us outside the plane they put us in these cars they take us to the special

little room they scan your retinas they steal your ideas they get your passports and you wait in there if you want one or whatever

then you're like on your way you don't even touch your bags you just go to the hotel so why the fuck do these movie stars bitch about doing these

press junk it's like they're difficult that sounds fucking phenomenal then they're too jaded and they need to be brought down a peg and they need to go out

on tour they're a little drink isn't fizzy enough wow I don't know how people get to that point I don't know how people get to the point

of bitching about convenience so that was amazing we'd go through a place like that it was great but it was like that all over it was

Australia we did and then we did Dublin we did Sydney Dublin and London first class all the way and yeah so you had to sit in one room

oh so you went to wait you went to Sydney first and then you came back to LA back to LA for Thanksgiving then New York I did Bristol did Sydney

fuck it Sydney's great huh did you get a chance to look at the beaches and stuff on the bridge they have you climb I didn't get to do that

you know what that is yeah yeah yeah pretty amazing but they take care of you all the way I mean I feel so bad about it like I need this suit pressed is that okay

if Paramount pays for this suit because it's been the suitcase and so I mean I'd be more of a dick right you gotta be an asshole you gotta add

what is this into your repertoire so then those first class all the way it was amazing that's fucking awesome but anyway

Billy couldn't come to the premiere because he's in Reykjavik Iceland correct that night the 15th last Sunday yeah

crushing it and or eating shit I'm not sure which way it went no it went good did they understand you no thank God they got Bill Burr's humor

it went great I love that it sold out I don't know you had listeners sold out there was enough people that listened to you don't know

huh oh I can't lie I mean I think I think we did pretty good I'm definitely gonna go back but um I've been such a huge fan of yours

as far as like that full on Keckner site and I've hyped it a number of times and one of my favorite characters is the is it Roy Roy you know what I love about it

is it's such a specific guy when I do like a gay guy I do the hacky one that offends them you know like Jesus Christ guys can't we all just be friends

which everybody has done but on yours it's like the dude has like he has an eating addiction that one where he's cheesecake and like the worst one ever ah

so Roy is a 350 pound gay man who has a his boyfriend's name is Roy he has two cats named Siegfried and Roy so it's really confusing and I'm not sure which one's the most the biggest Tomcat in the house it's my Roy

back off ok guys he's passive aggressive he's aggressive aggressive he's mean he's mean but I know why he's mean but he's a sweet cause he's hurt

cause he wants to be loved and he isn't and so he lashes out he's mean it's such a fucking as opposed to my horseshit one dimensional thing this is a fully fleshed out thing

like me and my wife we watched this and we'd fucking laugh our asses off and then recently that deranged like that crooked like bounty hunter one

I actually came across that that other creep one with like the comb over oh Gerald yeah I'm not so familiar on him but that was another one completely

he's a hillbilly completely different he's a grifter, drifter and his best friends are hobos and I mean real hobos the guys that ride the trains his name's Gerald Tibbens hey what's going on Bill Barre

it's cold in here what's that how do you how do you come up with that shit that guy's kind of based on this this roofer drifter that came through my small town when I was 15

working at my uncle's gas station beer joint restaurant and this is when you'd still pump gas and this guy was a roofer make somebody a steak yeah and I would I swear to God here's what a typical day was

in fact they're great usually you take someone's order you go back you get their soda or someone else has to get their beer you start their burger ding ding remember the old days

when you'd go to a gas station you ran over the air hose there'd be an air hose that rang a bell inside that means someone go pump gas ding ding so the burger

you don't flip it yet you got to pump gas get their money give them their change and this is when gas was under a dollar this is 1977 under a dollar so go back in

and then I dip my hands into the dish soap that's in the sink that's it there wasn't even a dishwasher oh my god you dip them in you rinse them a little bit

and then turn that burger throw some cheese on it and go serve the god damn thing as his tank is filling up yeah ding ding he's inside his car with the windows up smoking

with the baby in the back he doesn't know that's actually something I bet if you brought that back do you think as far as like a business model if you brought back an old school gas station

with service with service it's a full service thing and you could actually get a burger would people be willing to do it I know hipsters would and they would pull up and act like they didn't notice

that this isn't what every gas station is like right but just for some reason it's like for me like I was basically came of age in the 80s but I was a kid in the 70s right

so I I'm trying to think the lowest I think I remember 89 cents a gallon wow lowest lowest I remember something like like the mid 70s or something but

I've always wondered like maybe that's just something because I grew up back then I'm like I would love if you could bring back the shit that I remember but you know what when you go to New Jersey

and you gotta wait for when you go to New Jersey you gotta wait for somebody to pump your gas right no I actually love that you do I love it

I love not getting out of the fucking car and I'll pay the extra whatever a gallon but you look at those people and their eyes are bloodshot because they're huffing fumes all day long and I'm like Jesus

it's like a people the toll booth workers I worry about them why don't you wear an oxygen mask what was it like when you were a Missouri guy right yeah growing up out there

were you athlete football wrestler no look at me were you a bully nothing no no you're like 6'2, 6'3 dude when we were in Atlanta

you put our bus driver in a full Nelson you don't remember that you tipped over while tipping over to a fucking couch I know you were in rare form

well I had a few pints and I watched Bill Brown yeah you turned into the Hulk pretty happy pretty stupid and then Paul Rudd put me in for the record

for the record and drugged me out that's right and then Rudd put you in the full Nelson by the way if everybody was listening it was all

fucking around but then I apologized to Bill via text the next day and Bill said that couch had it coming I remember because I was shitfaced too

yeah and you kept tipping it over and we kept picking it up and every time I looked back you had tipped it over again what an idiot no you're not you're hilarious

if you're not tipping over furniture you're singing Christmas songs you're a have yourself a merry little Christmas that's all we need to know we didn't know the end uh-uh

and have yourself a merry little Christmas day was that what you said? I thought we said what do we say? I think we're saying gay gay

we act like we couldn't remember it oh my gosh so we throw a different word in every time speaking of that did you see the well I shouldn't bring that up because everything's all

controversial you have to know I just said duck dynasty guy you know how long was it before anybody was going to figure those guys out you give that guy enough

you know what I don't understand I'm going to talk about Sunday so I don't remember in the bin but just the fact that after these guys who keep quoting that book

why don't you go after the book what's the book the bible oh boy you know why the pockets are too deep yeah so they go after some

they go after some guy shooting pigeons on a boat yeah well that shit was pumped into his head yeah before he grew his first

whisker yeah you become like the Manchurian candidate well has he made has he recanted his statement yet has he come out and said

this is me a culpa and go I'm sorry he'll go to some this is the thing like I don't think it helps homophobia to make a guy lose his job

I think you have to come at somebody in a more understanding way as opposed to just like I don't know how far you go on your podcast but they filmed him getting a B.J.

from a super queen okay and he hit her with his beard so now he's trying to save face I don't know what's going on why would I drag him into that

you're here to hide why not I don't I'm here to talk to Bill Burr what do I care about but I don't care about that guy whatever you know what

you learn your lesson hey time to evolve I think that's the lesson here like the fox report is going Santa Claus is white my thing

what was I saying you know those fox news shows said Santa Claus is white isn't he from the Netherlands well and Jesus is white too yeah

I don't think he ever happened I honestly don't think that guy ever happened which one Santa Claus or Jesus no Jesus Santa Claus is real he's in your heart

he's in your heart look I don't give a shit what color he is he comes down my chimney he comes down he still does gives me a couple Cuban cigars

is that what you think is Cubans yeah good to know listeners I allegedly might have brought some into the country in your luggage

are you I'm not a cigar smoker I can't do it anymore I used to be carry a pigeon when I got to be about 45 I'd always have a cigar at the end of the night

if I'm out with my buddies drinking which was every night but when I was about 45 I had one at the end of the night and I was like uh oh oh they can get you if you get a strong one

and you're huffing that in I've done that and all of a sudden you start puking like you're clutching a frat I can't do it anymore which is good no it is a good thing I don't need to have anymore

I do it well what I liked about it was when you smoke a cigar there's this feeling of accomplishment whether you did anything or not right

so if you had a bad day it's a great choice you know I mean it's sure the health side effects is bad but it's a wonderful thing you don't have to inhale it but you know you just get

mouth cancer not lung cancer I guess oh is that right so what happens you're not inhaling how do you get mouth cancer for just it's just

it's damaging to the cells I'm guessing no it is but it's less percentagens than cigarettes because they fill all that stuff with ammonia and everything else

well can somebody figure out like how many you can have a month cigars and not die can they hit you up on your website yeah somebody

there's a doctor out there who listens to you who will give you advice so any oncologist out there I want to give Bill when you buy him overseas like they don't f*** around

like over here it says you know Surgeon General Warning over there they go smoking causes mouth cancer and they show a picture of his cancerous mouth

and one time I was in recently I was in Toronto and I was buying some cigars and I was at the airport with one another comic I was looking at him and he was like jeez it was like the first time

he saw I'm kind of immune to it at this point right you've seen enough but the first time I saw it I was like oh my god so I go through periods of cigar smoking

obviously when I come back from overseas like I'm going to do some damage over the next month how does your wife feel about it she's cool as hell now did you already talk about your marriage

and when it happened and how it happened because I don't know this no I didn't really I didn't bring it up because I wasn't a good service no I didn't do yeah because I wanted to just

people know the name of my dog they know you know my girlfriend at the time they just knew a lot and I was just kind of it was I just have you not told them that you're married now

I mean when you watch my shows I mean I say I am but I guess I haven't said on the podcast yet I wanted to have something that was kind of like you didn't have a big ceremony no

okay because I would have been hurt we went out to a duck pond we had a couple of homophobic guys in boats Marius with a big American flag headbands on

so anyway if you had a reception what's a reception for your nuptials like a big party a celebration just say no you didn't invite me I think we had an engagement party

I think we had an engagement party wow Emmett how you doing dude you're a fucking movie star you're flying around I didn't know you wanted to come to that like I looked at it like I didn't know you wanted to come to that

like come on I'm in love with Bill Burr ah Jesus here it is I'm gonna get shit you should get shit listen are you registered anywhere am I registered anywhere

yeah you register when you get married you register at places for people to buy you gifts with these questions can you tell who handled everything your wife yeah I know I've done it

yeah he went through it well it's good as long as did you get a Christmas card from us this year dude I've been you won't be getting one I'm taking you out the list

just so you know that's all I'm saying well listen I think that's a little childish is it childish yeah you wanna invite a guy to your something I felt like the second you came in here

you had this chip on your shoulder so why don't we now that we're airing now that we're airing everything out why don't you just get it off your goddamn chest the bag of almonds and have yourself

a merry little Christmas boy there you go very nice um sports affiliation sports are big on this podcast so you're gonna want to know Kenzie Chiefs

use some commie pingo so you watch Kenzie Chiefs Kenzie City Chiefs what do you think I think they're gonna make the Super Bowl how do you think your coach looks in the new red

versus the green wow Reid doesn't look good I mean come on but that doesn't matter I think he's lost a few weight a few pounds I think it's good

I think he could hide when he was in Philly with that forest green yeah you can't hide you can't no you can no you can but the red's not slimming

all I know is the dude is winning he brought in 24 new coaches he's changed the organization they won two games last year and now they've completely turned around what we want 90-0 okay

we're the winningers Dave Kepner are you buying or are you selling oh you're right nice that's good this comedian foreshower

we were talking about that stupid segment that they have on one of those sports channels you buy it or you sell it Kenzie City Chiefs the Chiefs in the playoffs you're sitting there with

your plastic helmet your two mugs of beer you've already beaten half of your children you're ready for game time what are you thinking if you get home field well who is stopping the Chiefs

well Denver's done it twice so they can't do it the third time they can't and what do they always say on ESPN I'll tell you right now it's really difficult to beat a team

three times in one year not going to happen I like it but who are we going to wind up with Patriots do the Patriots I want them done in the playoffs Tom Brady

is having one of his best years and people are sitting there going has he fallen off it's just like everybody's been injured one of our best guys went to prison and we didn't get anything for him

when your guy goes to prison you don't get you don't get draft picks or anything okay and then our best guy at every level on defense has either been out or is out for the season

our best linebacker our best down lineman two of our best down lineman and keep to leave like our guy you just ignore him on that side of the field when he's playing

he's had a hip injury it's been really a difficult year and then somehow if we didn't lose last week we're actually in the driver's seat they have home field throughout the playoffs I mean him and Belichick

it's insane what they've been doing this year but you can fool people in the regular season I'm not going to name names I'm not going to be a dick but there's a lot of people that are absolute monsters in the regular season

you get to the playoffs it's a different everybody has a good defense everybody has a good offense you might get away with it for a week but once you get into that second week

and forget about the third week so we beat some teams that are the greatest teams patting our victories but I know when we go to the playoffs like I don't see us like beating the Ravens I mean I know Ray Lewis

and those guys aren't there anymore but it's just they won on their foot they won on their kicker last week who did the Ravens I missed the last two weeks of football you've been traveling around the world

wow remember that folks Bill's been around the world he's better than you no I haven't I've just been that's his whole deal I'm better than you

hi I'm Bill Burr one thing you should know I'm better than you better than you podcast I like that no I'm actually what I've been telling him last week before you paint me with your broad brush over there

my chief's brush yeah I say how bad I did in high school how much I fucked up in my life if I can get to this you can do it too there you go you're right come on

have you have the fans heard your coaching bit do you still do that one which one is that the coaching you're talking about the Rutgers coach oh you know that was a topical one so I had to kind of stop doing it

oh so good yeah you know a couple of times I'll be on stage and I'll remember it be like that was really fun oh it's so good oh so good and you don't do

Schwarzenegger no I put that out on the last special well I've had this run and you know that thing I did a little bit of the bit on Conan and I riffed some of it that I hadn't done

which was the disgrace channel and all that that was just something I literally thought of that night on the show and I was like that would have had a lot of legs but once I do it on TV

it's like I can't do it but the bit that I've been doing it just interchanges with names at first it was Paula Deen and then it became Riley Cooper you did the Paula Deen and then it was that night too

and then it was somebody else and then yeah when I go on Conan I always have some sort of topical kind of thing that I try to do I'm working my way up to have the courage

to tell a story on those things because you know that I'm just you know I'm getting my feet wet as far as doing panel

you guys are all experienced doing them I've only done them a few times when you do a bit on national television you never do it in your act anymore that's it

yeah no wow I shouldn't say it like if I do a like if I did stand up on where it's you know give us five minutes

okay and I do like a minute and a half condensed version of an eight minute idea then yeah I'll do it again or if I touch on it if I'm doing panel

but I don't go out on panel like I'm going to do bits right it's more like I'm going to be having a conversation and it's sort of a free association

right and then it's like if it comes up great it goes in well how about the hardworking mom's bit that you did on Letterman

did that go on a special that's it but like the Steve Jobs thing is that one so good the Steve Jobs thing that I did on Night of Too Many Stars that isn't

but what I liked about that was they they kept the whole piece of it so what I like about that is you know I'm an old school music guy B-sides and stuff

that's a cool thing where it's just like oh you can't get that you have to go on YouTube you got to go find it and you got to go find it and if people just start finding out my comedy

they see a special I want to see more of this guy like that's if they just keep seeing different things what's gotten you the most attention on YouTube Philadelphia

uh Philly was probably was probably the first thing I know I try to tell people Sherry's berries from a few weeks ago was another one that got a lot a few weeks ago okay but when I tell people

what they should check out Bill Burr on YouTube what should I say I say watch the thing in Philadelphia that's not his thing he doesn't take on the audience but it is so fucking beautiful

that will give you the full essence of what you have to look at you know how it got out of that and all honesty was just knowing sports and I lucked out where it was is this all those teams are there

so I was just outside of Philly and you had teams from D.C. and the Redskins hate the Eagles you had people from Jersey and the Redwings hate the Flyers you had people from New York and the Rangers the Knicks

the fucking Giants how much longer was it 15 minutes how much time did you have it was 12 minutes 12 how much longer I'm doing the full 12 I don't care

that was the best Gale force wins of ignorance blowing in your face you're like I'm doing the full 12 how much more time alright here we go look at you you fat fuck I hope you have a fucking heart attack

I don't know if I would say it was of ignorance I would say it was more of a mirror the reason why I do well in front of those drunk moron crowds is because that's basically what I am that's who I hung around with and I don't mean like moron

like seriously like you're dumb but you know those guys when you go to a sporting event you're being protective of your audience no just the guys who are in your section they are drunk and they're kind of scaring people but they're making their section laugh

those were the guys kind of guys that I hung out with those were the guys when I went to sporting events I liked them so throughout the years like it just becomes a part of you and then you do your act

and then you attract that so when they're yelling at me I mean it just feels like the Boston Garden when they were old days when they would call off sides there's some bullshit penalty against the Bruins

and all of a sudden you feel like Kerry Frazier when you're down there but it's a familiar more of a familiar sound so what do you have? club owners like you because your crowd drinks absolutely

mine does too they go oh you bring a drinking crowd no they love it they like that and then you know it's good too on the late show if you really want to hook up if you want to kiss ass

to the comedy club you tell the club owner hey is it alright if I go a little bit longer just push last call and they love it they'll push it a little bit sell a little bit more yeah you get them that extra round

you have one extra round going all the way around the room do you do 50 minutes or do you have an hour? when? when are you on the show? well at this point it's theaters different than a club and a club do you have a

if I have well I only got one guy in front of me in theaters if I got two guys in front of me I'll do like an hour if I only have one guy in front of me I do like an hour and 15 if I have two

if I only have one show I'll go longer than that so this this hour that I've written you know I kind of was working on a couple of stand-up skills right that I figured out how to do them

and then it would be you figured out how to do something new? yeah what? Jack Lemon dude come on man you got to keep getting better I like this I like this

I like this Jack Lemon is my guy yeah Jack Lemon 1916 he did he did the apartment and I think he was nominated for an Oscar okay

and that was like in the early 60s and in the early 90s when he did Glenn Gary Glenn Ross Jack Lemon in the early 90s blew away Jack Lemon in the early 60s and it was that thing where

despite the fact that he was where he was at he kept going and like I think what what you got to watch out if you create for a living

is when you do you finally fill up a place and to get like okay complacent not even or you just go okay this is my bag of tricks

this is what they want me to do I don't want to divert from this because I might lose this and then your creative life becomes like that movie Groundhog Day yeah so there was

a couple things I've been working on and what they did was they ended up making three-minute bits five-minute bits and six-minute bits nine-minute bit and

I'll say off the air what it is because I don't want people you just said you just figured out some new stand-up thing would you say some skills you said

yeah you just figured out new stand-up skills yeah and what you mean is like you've been able to extend bits or what do you mean skills I'll tell you

well it's like I'll compare it to athletics okay okay let's just say you know you're you can't go to your left

oh so in one summer you just work on going to your left and then everybody in the league is like hey man he can't go to his left so they're working on your right you go to your left

you start scoring more points and it's like fuck he's doing this and then next year what do you do you start clamping down on defense and you just keep working

working working working at that little subtle things and then hopefully if people are watching your specials close enough they're seeing the improvement and I've had people come up to me

a few times and said man I've noticed from this special you went from this to this and from this to this one like my last special was a transitional one there was things

that I was trying to do in that one that I felt like almost landed but didn't quite land and now and then those but I continued working

on those skills this is one after Fillmore yeah this is the the fuck was that one called what was my last one called you people are all the same yeah people okay so

that one was a transitional one alright like why do I do this to let it go was me learning how to do that and then I felt like I got it and let it go

and then this one the last one so I'm hoping not to put pressure on myself you know but this is this is like what keeps me going

and now right in an hour it becomes like this not like this dreaded thing like oh fuck how do I come up with another hour you get excited you're like I'm gonna go left yeah I'm gonna work on

this thing that I suck at so you feel like when you're going down there even though you're struggling I just had to say it I can't imagine what you think you suck at no one else would think that

it's because I've learned over the years how to be struggling and make it look like I'm not I'm not even both shit into like there's there's yeah there's all these fucking tricks

which I would tell the fans but it would ruin them watching like I'm not gonna say what I'm working on to them because then they stop listening and laughing they start watching

like oh that's that thing he's working on is he sweating does he look comfortable so you know this isn't about you I know I know

I can't figure you out anyway to me it's all a dream so I'm just like watching this thing I don't know how how you put it together now when you write do you write every day

no you don't I don't write do you try and write a poem Tony V a long time ago a comic out of Boston I did this movie The Heat With Him he was in The Brotherhood on Showtime for some fucking reason

they left me hanging after the second season it still kills me you should definitely watch it but it's such a buzz kill to get to the end like they set this whole it was based on the

the Bulger White Whitey and now what was his other brother's name there Billy Bulger and it was literally the biggest gangster and the biggest politician

and when you're like Whitey Bulger literally won the lottery he won the fucking lottery and I don't know the departed space but basically those guys

are still so powerful that I heard that when they did this they made this movie they switched from Boston this series I'm sorry they moved it down to Providence

so it was based on that relationship we had one guy was a politician and the other brother was a gangster and I absolutely fucking

loved the show anyways Tony Ethan Embry was in that show yes and Tony V was in it and so he told you Tony was the first guy

first comedian Tony V was the first comedian that I met also another cigar smoker so I love running into him he was the first comedian that I met that did not

write down any material really and it blew my mind and I was just like and I was like so how do you how do you write and he goes well I go up on stage

I just start talking about it and I just asked him like two or three questions that he answered I asked a bunch but two or three that I remembered the other one was

well what do you do when you forget a joke what about this great bit you had and you just forget to do it and he goes

well that just means it's time to stop doing it and through listening to guys like him and then starting off with a guy like Patrice O'Neill Rest of Soul

who's the best comic I ever saw and he he naturally knew that from day one like Patrice used to he used to write in the shower and he used to joke

him and Dan Cook Dan was another one Dan was another guy he said I would think of shit in the shower and they were joking one night to each other saying because when you're

in the shower the water going over your head sounds like an applause break it's all ego so everything no they were joking they were saying it just sounded like

you know like you were killing on stage that's interesting I will tell you the best bit I've ever written was in the shower are you joking I'm not joking at all

I'm not joking at all it came to me in the shower yeah I used to think of shit when I was in New York I used to when I used to walk I used to walk around

the city talking to myself at night after I did shows and that's when I came up with stuff and I used to be that guy I need to write and I would sit down

with my note bookings before fucking laptops and shit right or at least when laptops weighed like 40 pounds and then I would and one day

I just dawned on me like I think of shit when I walk around so I would just start going for walks in New York and go walk around New York at night

I mean it's obviously a dangerous thing but it's also a great thing you just see the city in a different way and you just start you start connecting stuff and then it becomes

this thing where you can't write it down because you're there because you're not right because you're walking around and then when you get down to the comedy club

if you can't fucking remember it then it was worth it you gotta let go of it you gotta just think back when you were in high school and you were making kids laugh you didn't have a fucking routine you came to school every day

and you improv and if something funny happened to you on the weekend you didn't rehearse it you didn't do you didn't go to 20 other fucking

high school cafeterias and try it out and then go out there hey guys I have a wacky weekend you just did it you did it and you acted it out

and you imitated people maybe you stood up and you just did all this shit because you were comfortable so it's really it gets you to that level of comfortableness that you had with your friends

so that's what what you try to work towards where you're as comfortable offstage as you are onstage and then you don't have to necessarily like I'm not gonna lie to you I mean if I come up with

I'll write a line or I'll write a word I usually do a word like for this thing tonight like I'm gonna go fuck around with this thing tonight I kinda know what I'm gonna say where are you going up tonight

I'm gonna go up down the comedy store you go up how many nights a week even when you're on a tour yeah well because it's like going to the gym if you don't I don't want people coming out on tour to see me

and see like three shows where I'm like I'm kinda shaking the rust off that's not fair to them and that's also a major fuckover of yourself because they're not gonna they're not gonna come see you again

and they shouldn't we went on a double date one night with Bill and his now wife and so we went out to dinner and didn't have plans for later and we're like oh we're just gonna go see a movie come with us

it's a Saturday night and Bill's like nah I'm gonna go do a set and I was blown away I was like what you don't have any really that was amazing to me it's just meant to me

it's like wow you're never gonna get there Keckner what nah well you also have you got like how many kids you have like 19 five kids

five kids but we're just going out I guess I see yeah I need to go out well I would think the amount of material that's at home but people don't want to hear

about your kids yeah they do nah they don't I've had guys come up to me go too much kid stuff and I respect that cause

ah some drunk in Atlanta ah there you go you know I gotta tell you where I've gotten in my business in this show business is I've based it all on some drunk guy in Atlanta oh right

like his I hear too fuck him cause I think that too is like I wouldn't want to sit around and just hear about your kids all night when I used to watch cars

Bill Cosby himself alright is it it's like a fucking hour and a half special I put that right up there with Richard Pryor the one he did out on Long Beach

with the red shirt those are the two best specials I've seen as far as like you know just totally free form saying you know using all the

all the language and then working that's to me that is the whole comedy rainbow as far as working totally clean although Bill says Bill Cosby says

asshole one time big deal but like that is basically him talking about his family and I saw that when I was like I think 14, 13 when it first came out

and I loved it I watched it a zillion times okay and I'll tell you this is a great is a great stand-up thing to do I did it accidentally

on an airplane somebody next to me was watching Bill Cosby himself and I couldn't hear the audio watch it with the sound down he's fucking unbelievable like you think he's just

sitting there killing you don't realize all the shit he's doing because when he's taught when you hear that voice and that thing to what he does

I mean that guy and this is like and this was him like 30 years ago right but he's got just a little he can have a whole attitude

and just one eyebrow raise yeah no did you ever see that the Seinfeld documentary yeah this is really getting comedy nerd here but I think but people like

did you ever see the Seinfeld documentary comedian yeah comedian just so you know Bill was clutching the microphone stand he was

like the cover the name of it he was holding the microphone stand he was holding the cover the DVD I am known for not remember

what did I say earlier I know what you did last summer I said I know what you did last Sunday I'm the worst with those I'm terrible so my favorite part in that movie

is when Seinfeld goes to meet Bill Cosby and you see this guy you see Seinfeld first of all he turns into like a little kid like you just see him

hanging on his every word and Cosby does this quick little thing where he talks about I forget something about like drawing the crowd in or going

he just makes this he makes this little movement with his face and either he the lean forward or came back and I was in the movie theater

in my seat and I leaned forward to the screen I was just like this guy is a ninja like he's unbelievable so

getting back to what you said when you're going like you know you're still working on stuff I mean I am like that guy you know I just

got off the ground like that guy is in like he's like fucking out there with those cell phone satellite and I think that there's

so many unbelievably talented people out there and that you get sucked into doing other things like writing scripts and that type of stuff

which I'm not saying is a bad thing but there's just something about stand up comedy that I like that's where all my goals lie so

yeah so I keep working on that and then any acting work I get I just considered as a bonus and for years you've promised me

that you were going to hook me up in all your movies you just you put your arms around me and you said listen I'm doing this little stock car movie called

Talladega Nights we didn't know each other how do you look in a fire scene we did not know each other then and I cried when that movie came out

and you didn't put me in it okay well I tore your old virgin by the way Mckay and Farrell are well aware of you and they love you

didn't put me in just so you know and you take it you fucking take this Mckay said he's passed out there right now so take it

oh he that's because he's too busy editing movies nope he gets it he knows Farrell knows

they know all right listen this is about you my friend let's stop with this what I want to talk about is you so there you go that's not me

well have you have you heard about sherry's berries I'll give them a shout out is that what I'm your new sherry's berries they're chocolate

covered strawberries I had I was trying to read because the copy was I couldn't figure out if it was homoerotic or homophobic

it just kept going one you know you should see the size of our berries so that was like homoerotic and then you get to their phone

number and it was like call 866 fruit with fruit it's like a homophobic name it was just it was fucking it reminded me of that sketch

remember that that Alec Baldwin that sweaty bald it was literally like I thought it was a joke so and plus it was jet lag

or whatever so I think I'm going to see what that when that one comes in I'll see how many I think I sold a lot just by acting

like a fucking idiot sherry's berries so I gave him a free plug there that's good a free plug so what can what can

I'm going to go into press junk what can people look forward to seeing here with with a new anchorman or whatever

no I don't want to get away and here's the deal have you seen it yet I'm trying to coordinate yeah with like five people

where we are the biggest anchorman nerds that's awesome and it's like I want to go with all of them I want to go during the day

yeah so there's not I want to be able to hear every joke and I personally I want to see it a good three times before I buy it

on laser disc DVD and all that when we were doing that when you saw us in Atlanta yeah we had we want to watch that

movie like Mr. Smith goes to Washington yeah that's like our movie was me Jason Law had the dude you hugged

and Paul Verzi my buddy from New York you got to meet him man great guy and a hilarious guy and we would just

we would just pop that thing in and it's just good good joke oh the second they get you know made Frank

Sinatra look like a hobo we would just like you know we might as well get that they able I remember

asked for years I'm like why the fuck are they doing another one you were like I remember you going like the script is written

the script is written and what is it because everybody downloads stuff now like why did it take so long oh no

for a couple reasons first of all because Adam and Will weren't keen on doing sequels okay I understand that and then the movie

wasn't a hit it only made 85 million in the first office yeah yeah which is not huge then you know it hits a hundred

million dollars then you're like okay let's make another hundred million dollars what did it cost to make that one cost 24 million

and then they figure they spent 20 million to market it so that's 46 million alright let's let's bring it to regular people

regular people numbers if somebody put 240 bucks down at the track and then they left with

this again I like this the problem is they put down how much 240 bucks put in 240 bucks then you made 241

that was more like it because you only get half the revenue from the you also spent you put 48 dollars down alright so

44 dollars so it's 24 million dollars to make the movie then grosses yes then 20 million dollars to advertise the movie

so now it's 46 million dollars you spent on this movie now the movie makes 85 million dollars at box office the studio gets

half of that ok so they're still in the red so you still walk with 200 bucks right 200 bucks

well 200 in your world is 20 million no no no they get half of the 85 so they only made 40

42 43 so they're actually how is only making 43 million back because then you broke even

that's all they did $40 million in advertising prints in advertising so the real cost of the movie was 46 million dollars

44 million dollars so it was they didn't get a huge profit so do you really just have to be a crook to somehow get

over the bar well know what happens is how do you make money if you if you make if they make

a hundred million dollars now they've made 25 million dollars and they're happy and they're in a business so I've always said

that what happened later then was DVD sales and cable reruns it became a hugely popular movie and after about about six years ago it became this thing

like wow something's going on with this when you saw the t-shirts and the quoting everywhere in pop culture it went away now who got the money on that

Paramount so it's their property oh so they made all wait so the guys the guys that you're talking about didn't make any money you're saying that's

Paramount didn't okay okay okay so then it was clear like there's something here then people were like anytime I'd go on a press junket or Steve

or Will or Paul they'll be uh-huh uh-huh your movie what about anger men too it became this cult phenomenon which became a pop culture phenomenon

like you couldn't ignore there's a big thirst for this picture and then the studio picked up on it and then whatever was two years ago they weren't planning on

doing it but then they had something fall out of their schedule and so Adam and Will approached them again they said yeah let's do it a little haggling over the budget

and then because they so did you get did the four you ever get on the phone if there's a possible four-way phone call was there any like

no there was no hesitation Giddy can you fucking believe we're doing this that only happened when we all met together in Atlanta

when we were shooting that first the last week of February I'm the worst interviewer this is what I should have got to

what was that people had to wait they gotta get the band back together no before that we got together to shoot that little teaser commercial after

Will had announced it on Coney on Coney again with the flute that was awesome and did that teaser trailer you know coming in

a year and a half Hacker Man 2 but that was so early but we did that so they couldn't pull the plug there's like there's no way

they can go back he announced it there now we're gonna do this teaser so here we go so that was an offensive move you go put on your costume

he was like no we gotta make sure that they're gonna do this let's keep goosing this thing but I'm sure Paramount paid for that so they're new but Will

made the announcement so there's no going back so the first day you were in Atlanta and you're shooting and the first day you go down it's in a scene

involves shooting all for you and you're all the first day that we got together was a day where we recorded some stuff in I've got a picture

here somewhere recorded some stuff at a studio there's a song recorded for the movie that didn't make the movie which is gonna be out on DVD later

I'm such a big fan I've actually downloaded the music already? no I downloaded what was that song off the first one after the flight

after the flight oh yeah yeah brandy yeah from the San Francisco Bay what does the name I saw rolled off of the ships

and here's what they had to say ride captain ride captain yeah upon your mystery ship we played that on the bus man after we finished a gig

the next morning we wake up we start cranking that I don't know I took pictures off this phone I had a picture of us the first day

we got together recorded it was nine years later it was amazing sorry I can't find it but Adam and Judd and Will

Paul Steve and Christina myself and that was like wow here it is again that's nice finally when I was getting at

the first time you dressed up in character and you had the cowboy hat the day that we shot that little T-shirt Steve Carroll does that thing where he doesn't move his arms how they're straight down

that blew me away when you let me come down that day just let people know I was doing a gig in Atlanta right and somehow you knew I was there

and you said hey you want to come down there I knew you were coming to Atlanta to do a show right and you had to be in town that night dude that was on

we went down there the set visit so we go down I'll tell the story so we go down to the anchor branch set and we're sitting there already smiling going

like what the fuck is this going to be like we don't you know we're ready to be like quiet like church mouses like we go down there like just don't get in the way

don't piss anybody off don't step on any cable and we go down there and the first one we go to meet we go up to your trailer and they knock on the door and you knew it was us and Dave

you fucking burst open the door and you start going he's gesturing towards me the whole time it's me and Jason standing there he just goes the man

the meth he's shouting across the parking lot the legend you had all these things and you start walking towards me like you're going to give me

this big bear hug and at the last second as I reach out to hug you you make it you cut a hard right and just give a big bear hug to my buddy Jason you left me

hugging air I had fell for like one of the oldest comedy tricks in the book yeah and then you give Jason this big bear hug like you went to war buried your face

in his neck and he's laughing his ass off and then that was it now we start walking down to the set and then Paul Rudd comes out of the trailer Paul's a big fan of yours

totally dressed as Brian Fantana the whole fucking get up but he's talking like him he's like oh hey man what's going on and I'm fucking

like I was trying to be that and we went down to the set and that's what killed me when I went down there was the scene involved all of you guys and I got to see you guys talking before

and then the second you guys are getting ready all of your body language changed and you became those guys oh yeah like when I I said Steve

I was like you know talking and then all of a sudden his arms just go straight down and we were sitting there like he's fucking brick right he's being brick no you know

and Will was signing off doing something and he did some little like that little pound on the desk like he had done a good job you know just the way

which was unlike any of the other characters that he's done so just as a comedian just watching that skill level as an actor was just

it was and I got to tell you when we left oh and Will was great he's totally stayed in character and trashed Jason I forget what he said

he just said oh yes I've heard wonderful things about you talking to me and he just points at Jason about you just the litany of horrible

just one of this whole thing and so we ended up I'm smiling now we got in the cab and went back and we shot there just like

ear to ear fucking grins the whole town you do that was one of the coolest coolest fucking thing that's ever happened so I'm so beyond psych

that this thing's coming out so how many days did it take you to shoot it? I think there were 55 days on this one and there were 45 in the last one

and is that relatively quick for something like that? no no quick normal normal that's normal it's you know relative to budget you want 60 or something

like that I think it was 55 the first one was 45 days which was a long one for that kind of budget it was all here in town so yeah oh you shot that first one here

well yeah it's here and then like one or two days in San Pedro and then or Pedro depending on where you're from and then I think they just did

some exteriors in San Diego because all the San Diego thinks it was shot there right right right but it wasn't exteriors only right was it Jack Black scene but he punched the dog

no where was that? he was here somewhere some bridge some bridge in LA alright well what else do you have well how long we've been doing here

I've got to make sure I don't want to keep them too long 60 minutes alright look at me feeling an hour perfect what else I'm going to do a stand up tour

in January, February, March go to DavidKekner.com and you can check all the dates I think it starts in Boston K-O-E-C-H-N-E-R N-E-R yeah or follow me on Twitter

at DavidKekner then there'll be some you know follow the links and all that stuff but I think I start in Boston and Philly you at the Wiltern you going out to the Wiltern

I can't remember where okay cool some smaller theaters all my Boston fans out there come on man you've got to come down I'll hit you up definitely

there you go I'll hit you up and that full on Kekner thing is that a is that your own YouTube channel that's my YouTube channel but I just signed a deal to do a thing for

with NBC so I'm going to do a variety show so those characters will make their way onto that stage I do those characters on stage too and Bill Burr we were talking earlier

about stuff percolating some deals someone should make a no no no this is about you this is about you I'm going to talk about Bill Burr so I got a TV show you have something that's coming out

okay so that's different that's different than fucking ideas which is a great movie cheap thrills yeah it's a it's a sinister thriller with dark comedic undertones

I didn't think it was I didn't know it's funny we shot that in 12 days in Los Angeles I think I made like 25 dollars a day to shoot this thing turned into a masterpiece

it's a beautiful little film it's dark and I watched it twice with festival audiences I didn't believe their laughs I had no idea there were laughs in this movie and I thought now

how do you describe this thing I thought it was this thriller right but now it's got it's one of the darkest comedies you'll ever see awesome where can people see that

well it's going to be out in March and it was called cheap thrills cheap thrills so I'm excited about that alright in your back catalogue what's your favorite

movie thing that you did that I did that you did that didn't get the attention you felt it did just to steer some people probably extract this character

and extract which is a Mike judge film this neb-ish neighbor that just tortures Jason Bateman Bateman thank you I kept thinking

right man Jason Bateman and it was so much fun I could do that for 10 years oh cool yeah just this neighbor that's a nudge you're like

oh god is that up on Netflix or anything yeah sure it'll all be up there and there's a thing that happens to him badly in the end

he's the guy he's so annoying now that's got to make you feel like you did your job when you go to the family yeah they hated me absolutely hated him

alright well listen man this is the first interview here at the brand new well all things comedy studios we forgot to talk about jay more oh yeah

you mentioned yeah I'm a huge fan of his we both love jay more he's not been on this podcast he has not and he's complained about it on twitter

so as you can see up on the board right I have jay more somewhere on the bottom around like 72nd out of 75

we're gonna before that there's a line that says guys who probably won't get to yeah jay more I'm just breaking jay's

fucking balls we both love jay I love jay I gotta get him on this podcast but I've been on tour he was breaking my balls on twitter so I'm just fucking with them

alright well I'm gonna break his balls tonight so you've not who does better impressions than jay more well

I've never had an impression for Christopher walk and let everybody else do it dude he does that's amazing he does

Colin Quinn I love his Quinn I could he does Harvey Keitel he's amazing I would I'd love

sitting there and doing Colin Quinn with him because it's so good you love Colin right yeah I love

Colin Quinn fuck yeah obviously but more almond noises huh I gotta get him on

nope I gotta get him on how many guests have you had on that's the thing I'm I think the last guest thing he's got some

but not jay more maybe Dom Irerre I had on I love Dom but not jay more not jay more I have not had him on hey jay can we sing him a little

Christmas before we go yes and have yourself a jay more Christmas time alright very special jay more will not be on this

podcast yes he will be he will I'm sorry jay I'm I've been on I'm on the fucking road you cunt that's it

that's the podcast I don't even need to see go see Anchorman 2 I know you're gonna see it you got that one coming out

cheap thrills cheap thrills he's coming out look for his new show meantime go to Dave Kekner

dot com at Dave Kekner and check out full on Kekner on YouTube have yourself