Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast w/Jim Norton 3-15-17

Episode Date: March 15, 2017

Bill sits down with comic and friend Jim Norton who's Netflix special is now airing on Netflix.

In the mountains, in the kitchen, even in the living, they are really everywhere, the empty batteries. But now we go to the finish, bring them to a Bebath collection point quickly. You will always find one in your neighborhood on Bebath.be Bebath! Together, better for nature and for all of us. Campaign in cooperation with the OVAM. What's a special one? Usually I'm here by myself laying in my fucking underwear running my yap.

But every once in a while, I have a special guest and this person will not let you down. This is one of my great friends in this business. This is one of the funniest bastards I have ever met in my life. He has a new special coming out on Netflix called Mouthful of Shame. That's already funny. On March 14th, please welcome the legendary Jim Norton. Thank you, Bill. It's a nice intro. I want to handle nice things being said about me.

I know. That's why I was going as big as I could go. Because I was feeling you squirming. One of my great friends. One of the best comics I ever saw. Just watching you squirm over there. I can handle personal things. Can you handle how far away we are from one another?

It is odd. My manager is kind of sitting there uncomfortably with his fucking giant cock bolts in the middle. He looks like a retired figure skater. Sorry. Alright, anyways. Personal. We are great friends. But any type of compliments of work, it makes me so...

Do you like watching clips of yourself? I'm going to torture you for this next hour. It drives me nuts, dude. We get to watch a clip of yourself when they bring you back. And then the people in the room are like, Oh, yeah, that was good. It's so fucking embarrassing. If you ever do a talk show and they play either something you've already done or whatever you're promoting,

I literally will... You know, if they cut to it and I actually looked to monitor to see if the crowd's watching it at home, and then I just literally, I'll put my fingers in my ears if I have to. I'll start humming. No. Humiliating. Oh, it's horrific. I can't do it, man.

I can't watch. Because then they feel like they're fake laughing. Like, they don't really like it. They're just playing along to me polite. I feel like they're just kind of being nice to little Jimmy Norton. They're just being polite to me. The only way I can watch myself is if I film myself at a club and I'm just watching it. But the second that I would...

Right. I knew it was going to be uploaded or broadcasted and I know that everybody's going to see it immediately. I'm like, oh, my God. Why did I do that with my hand? Why did this fucking... Everything just immediately... It's horrific. But having said that, I actually made sure of my last special that I sat through it.

I sat through it a couple of times to make sure that at least I had the look of it right now. Did you do that with your new special, Mouthful of Shane, that comes out on March 14th on Netflix? I'm going to hype the shit out of this. Yeah. I did it obsessive. I've probably seen it about 60 times, but just in editing. I don't mind watching it to edit. I go point by point over both shows.

I know exactly what I want from the late show, pull us from the early show. I'm really anal about it. That's good. That's good to have. Yeah. Because I don't trust that like anyone else. Netflix is easier because there's no commercials you have to worry about and they don't give a shit if it's 56 minutes for promos.

It can be an hour and two, hour and three. So I was very comfortable doing that. But like you said, as soon as somebody else is in the room, I want to hang myself. But I can do it alone all day because I know I'm doing it as part of, it's still part of the work. But once it's done, I'm like, I can never watch it again. Oh, I walk out of the room. Second, other people are going to watch it.

Oh, hey, can I see that thing here? Absolutely. And then they sit down and I close the door and walk out. Could you watch it with me? Could you watch it with someone you're really, really close to? If like, it's not like somebody you need to impress? I would have to be standing up. I would be standing up with my fucking hands on top of my head like that.

Like, is it good? Is it good? Is it suck? I'd be doing that the whole time. And she literally gets mad going shut. She knows at this point, Nia knows to be like, you know, she'll just come up and say, hey, I watched your special. It was good.

Or I watched this. It was good and blah, blah, blah. And I go, okay, good. And will you start, like if a part's coming up that you don't like, will you go, I hated the way I did this thing, like right before it happens, because you don't want them to watch it and pretend to like it when you know it's not, it's fucking psychotic. I have that thought, but it comes out like this. I just go, ah!

I just yell. Just a noise. I just yell over. And it just, it will bother her. But I've also learned that, yeah, to just, you're going to think it's way, way worse than it fucking is. But don't you find the comedians who are so comfortable watching themselves? Suck?

There's something wrong with that. Yeah, man. I can't, I can't be right. I could literally watch a fucking marathon of their entire career and be like, oh yeah, I loved that sport coat. I loved when I wore that. The way I rolled those sleeves up, I absolutely loved this one. It was a dog and cat thing.

Oh, you're going to love this. Ugh. You know who I've been looping? I've been on a loop, a tear, watching Robert Klein videos. Because we are having him coming in. And he's one of my idols. And I'm watching like Robert Klein from The Tonight Show in 81, 82, 83. Watching him on 74 on Soul Train or whatever.

He was fucking great, man. Yeah. Robert Klein is a guy that most people don't mention. Like no one talks about Robert Klein anymore as much. Like they'll mention Pryor and Carlin. And Robert Klein is the most underrated guy, I think, to ever perform. Seinfeld always gives him a bunch of props and was talking like how he was. I think that was one of his guys.

He liked Cosby and Robert Klein, I believe. Right. And I forget how he put it, but he was like sort of their age. Like when he was doing those things in the 70s and he was going to colleges, like he was like that age part of that generation. So he was kind of there. Right. So I think like Carlin was more of a 60s guy, even though he blew up in the 70s.

I think people from that generation remember him. But it's weird how some people, despite their contributions, will kind of slip through the cracks like that. Right. I find with most people that are like that, they're not into self-promotion. So if you're not spoon feeding it, like the amount of fucking journalists out there, if you just tell them, you know, like, I'm one of the edgiest guys on the scene.

That's too straight. But if you're like the... I would always like, I don't know, I would equate it to Detroit, that calls itself Hockey Town. Like they gave themselves a fucking nickname. Yeah. Like why are you Hockey Town? Wouldn't it at least be Montreal?

Montreal, Canadians, they have the most fucking, you know, championships. They got the fans will literally drive people out of town. I mean, why? Because you're that. Well, no one thinks... Michael Jackson, the king of pop, not saying he wasn't good, but he kind of gave himself that like... Right.

That nickname. But like a lot of hacks do that. And nobody thinks that somebody would be a big enough asshole to give themselves a nickname. So people just kind of go with it. Like people must have called him the king of pop because nobody could be that fucking narcissistic to give himself the nickname the king of pop.

But he probably did. And the press loves them because they write the story for them. Right. That's why they'll love a Rex Ryan, but hate Bill Belichick. Like Belichick is smart enough to be like, you cunts are going to take any little thing that I say and turn it into bulletin board material. Right.

That's why he stands like, oh, you know, they're good. And I think next week is going to be a tough game and just taking a long way of time. And then they want a guy like Rex Ryan going like, oh, I'm going to win the Super Bowl. Yeah. And then they love him. I didn't come there to kiss the rings.

I'm going to go in there. We're going to shove it right up their ass. And they're just like, before he's done talking, their article is written. Yeah. Me want to go four and 12. Yeah. Yeah.

I love Rex Ryan. I love what a pervert he is. I love that he loves his wife's feet. He's the best. But he loves his wife too. Yeah, he does. His wife keeps him on the rails. I swear to God, if he didn't have that guy,

would have ate himself to death. Yeah. Like all that shit talking he does, you see, like, that's why I love that guy. When I watch him, like, he's his flaws. I'm like, oh my God, this guy, he's a shit show. This guy's a shit show. And he loves his wife to death because she saved him.

You totally see the whole thing. Yeah. He's a disaster. He's a disaster. I was trying to say that in a nice way. Yeah. Yeah. But he is.

But there was something endearing about that. And I just started watching football again. I can't care about it. Why? You were the biggest. When we were coming up, you were a huge Cowboys fan. You were a huge Yankee fan. Yeah.

I just, I stopped, I started going on the road more and more. I just stopped caring as much. And I'm like, I'm putting in so much effort to these guys. And then I meet them and they don't give a shit that I'm alive. I had a couple of bad experiences with athletes. I remember. And I'm done. Yeah.

I was wrong about the Jeter thing. I was a baby. I really act like a little douchebag. I was fucking. He was a dick to not sign my dick. But I way overreacted on the air. I'm embarrassed by that. Well, if you go to the psychology of the way you overreacted,

it wasn't really just your love for the guy. Yes. You were a jilted lover as Patrice used to always say. Jilted lover. That's exactly what it is. I mean, you know, the husband that becomes a stalker is the guy that was obsessed with his wife. Like, you know, that's what I was.

I was obsessed with him and then they didn't love me. One of my biggest meltdowns was Gene Simmons because he hurt my feelings. He blew me off when I wanted a photo and he was kind of a dick about it. And it just ruined me. And I fucking, I killed him on the radio about it. And then I kind of felt bad because he was nice to me the next time I saw him. I met him one time. He was teasing me about losing my hair and shit.

I just so want to be like, dude, do you think anybody's buying that fucking Darth Vader helmet? Yes, you're wearing a walk on your fucking head. That's terrible. He has Chewbacca's hairline. Dude, it is like shoe polish black. I mean, you can't, you talk to the guy and you just can't not even look it. But what I love about him is he would sit here and laugh right along with you and not give a fuck and then just scribble down Chewbacca with hair.

And the next day there'd be a picture of him dressed as Chewbacca with some kiss shit written on it and he would make a million dollars unapologetically go make a million dollars off of it. He really doesn't care. You know one thing I like about Gene though. And this is one thing that Dan rather interviewed him. And he talked about his, he's a patriotic guy. Like nobody loves America more than Gene Simmons because his mother was in a

concentration camp and she came here when he was a kid and he remembers. Why did I think he was Iranian? I'm not the biggest kiss fan. Yeah, yeah, no, you're way off. That's just about as far off. Yeah, he was. He's Brazilian. I thought he was Irish.

Yeah, he's, he's, he was born in his name. His real name is Heim White, I think he was born in Israel. And he said his mother, Zig Hyald, when she came to Ellis Island and he tells that story to Dan rather about how moving it was to have them tell her to put her arm down. So you watch that and it's like, that's the gene he should be showing people. Wait, why did she do that? Cause she was, she didn't know any better. She came to America and she had to pledge allegiance to America to get in.

That's what you did. So she's Zig Hyald and the guy put his, put her arm down. It's like, no, you don't have to do that. So if that made gene an incredible patriot. Those people were so lucky back then that there was no YouTube. Oh boy. Cause that would have ruined her life. It sure would.

She could never run for office, never even open a bakery. The Zig Hyal little girl is now coming of age. She wants to make some pastries. Fuck you, you Hitler loving bitch. Yeah, picture her with the statue behind her. Yeah, you're right. There's no living it down now. Do you have any clips about you?

I could, there's so many things on me that I, that could ruin my life that I, I think that it's almost, there's so many that they can't at this point. Things I've said or, you know, things I've admitted is the things in your life that you're like, fuck, I wish I didn't talk about that way back when I didn't realize that it could want me or do you not care? Yeah. I mean, I just, I mean, it's going to happen. It's inevitably going to happen to everybody.

They're going to go like, oh, you said this in 2006. You'd be like, oh, did I? Yeah. All right. Well, why don't you get in your time machine and have me apologize the 2006 version of me? Yeah. You know what a lot of it is? I would equate it to the Eddie Murphy thing where Eddie Murphy put out Delirious and he

did all that, that material about gay people and everybody laughed and nobody said shit. I'm sure gay people didn't, but mainstream did not. And then when mainstream catches up and starts to learn that, oh, that's really, you know, hurtful and blah, blah, blah, blah, to get to know all of a sudden everybody's just like, you know, they talk about, oh my God, they look the other way, blah, blah, you know, when they talk about that part of the special, they act, it's like, well, where were you during that? Right.

I know you saw it and you sat there and laughed the same way I did. I didn't know that, I didn't know what it was to that level. So I think you can do that with anybody. Well, I think what lets Eddie off the hook, especially with that type of material, is the whole, you know, I was giving her a ride, excuse, for that special young lady. Boy, if that didn't make me love Eddie, nothing will. But like after that, you're like, all right, we get it. We get it.

I don't know. Who knows? Good for him. Who knows? I don't get involved in people's personal lives. I don't get involved in people's personal lives. I don't either. Not in a judgmental way.

I love the fact when things about, let's say, any celebrity come out, they could or could not be true. It makes me like them more. It makes me understand, yeah, this is a public persona. I feel bad for this one major actor in particular, who, male massage therapist said he was doing stuff. And I feel so bad for this guy. He said, what a torture it is to live your life being afraid you're going to get caught.

Well, for being who you are. Yeah. Stupid. Oh my God, that's got to be fucking horrible. It's going to affect how much money you make because of other, yeah, it's all, it's all, you know, some, a lot of that personal life shit, that kind of drove me away from ESPN. Because it used to just be the games and they'd show highlights and just seem like a bunch of people, you know, broadcasting that just love sports.

But when they started to just keep like delving into these people's lives and trying to like do like the controversy shit, I just, I don't know, I just kind of, I got away from it after a while. That's why I love the sports packages. I just hate the games that I want to watch. I blow through the pregame and I never watch any post game analysis or anything. I just watch the fucking game. And that's it.

And that's it. You know, the Knicks recently, Hannibal Burris retreated this thing where they did the first half with, you went to the game and there wasn't a bunch of people running around shooting T-shirts at you every time there was a stop at your play, not a bunch of music playing and all. I would have loved to have gone to that game. Yeah. It is distracting.

And they think we need constant stimulation and constant noise. Like, no, we're at the game. I'm okay just watching the game. I'm okay if it's the third inning and it's a, you know, a two in one and there's one. I don't need. It's fucking manic. Stop it. Basketball is the worst.

Basketball is the worst just because they run out into the court and it could be like a really critical part of the game. 103, 103, time out. There's like time for like one more shot. These fucking assholes. Guy comes out in a gorilla suit and shooting T-shirts at you and shit. And it's just kind of, it becomes like a chucky cheese. You're supposed to be teaching your kid the game here.

Like, this is really important. And there's all these people with that extra excited look on their faces. They're holding the T-shirt up. I always, I sit through all of that hoping that I'm going to, you know, nobody ever sits with me, but I have this. This is my little fucking dream is that I'll sit and everyone else would just stare fucking daggers at them and they won't do it anymore. I don't give a fuck about a bunch of cunts smiling, jumping off at trampolines, dunking

the ball. It's actually embarrassing to white people. Like, look how little we can jump. It's humiliating. We need this here. I saw that at a Suns game. I had a great time at the game, but that bullshit, they're like, here they come, the crazy trampoline fucking guys.

And it's like fucking nine white guys coming out there. We don't need it. We don't need it. Gymnastics. Yeah, and there's nobody blocking them either. And there's mats if they fall. It's like a nerf hoop like taken to the next level. I'm sure someone's going to tweet me.

Actually, that's really hard combining those sports. I hate mascots. I think they're unnecessary and they're stupid and they child up the game. We interviewed the Philly Fanatic in 2001. I liked the Philly Fanatic. Oh, he smells. Those uniforms stink. I just want to remember about being next to the Philly Fanatic.

The stench. I'm sure they all smell like that, but they all smell. The dog days are August, man. You're out there wearing some fur fucking outfit. It's horrendous. And to me, they just do nothing to make me enjoy the game. That's what I kind of always liked about. I hated the Mets because fucking Mr. Mets and that big stupid car.

I love the lack of imagination of that one. It's just a guy with a baseball for a head. Yeah, Mr. and then they name him after the team. It really is stupid. That really comes off as the first idea. What are you going to? How about Mr. Mets? He's got a baseball head.

He's a guy. So we'll call him Mr. We played during Valentine's Day. Maybe we could have Mrs. Mets. I actually love a mascot standing on a street corner holding up a tax thing and doing a stupid dance when I'm sitting in a red light. It makes me laugh my fucking ass off. I don't know what it is. I think they should have them.

Just mascot should be like in traffic. Like every 200 yards is just somebody doing a stupid dance just to entertain you. That's when I need entertainment. Not when I'm fucking at an entertainment thing. I don't need entertainment during the entertainment. In between the moments of entertainment, you don't need extra entertainment. And it's not even entertaining. Mascots are not entertaining.

I never watched a mascot and like, oh, that was kind of funny or cute. It's insulting and it's really, it's not nice. I would say the Philly freak, the San Diego chicken. There's a couple of classic ones where they were actually funny. That's about it. I always feel bad for the... I feel like when they slide, when they run and they take the big slide, the little guy couldn't do it.

No, I like when the Philly freak will walk up and fuck with the umpires and mess with people on the other team and stuff like that. I don't know. That's one of the classic ones. But I forget the Red Sox. They tried to have one a long time ago. It was called the Fenway freak and he lasted like seven games. People were just pelting him with shit.

They hated him. It was like the 70s. This is when you could actually go there and be a fucking alcoholic, scaring children. And then they brought this guy out in a fucking, you know, Muppet outfit and he just got the Philly freak. But now they have... This is so bad.

Is this the green monster one? Yeah, it's called WALL-E. WALL-E, right? Oh, it's like a pun. It's a mascot with a pun name. Yeah, pun for what the park is known for. Yeah, and then they swing sweet Caroline during the seventh inning stretch. Just when I thought you're YMCA horseshit at the Yankees game.

Trust me, it's bad. But at least, you know, as the grounds crew, they kind of look like, all right, they took this boring thing and made it entertaining a little bit. That was kind of interesting. To watch people still spell out YMCA was just... That was always tough to watch. Yeah, I don't need to watch the grounds crew singing

what was probably the gay anthem for the 70s. I don't need to see them fucking singing that every seventh inning. Yeah, that might have been the... Like, they were so gay that the shit that they were doing I think would actually be offensive to gay people. I'm a construction worker and I have a big mustache and I'm the leather guy who would be like, literally now gay groups would be like,

you know, you're perpetuating stereotypes. We go to work in gray suits just like you do or whatever. But that's fucking hilarious. Do you remember Victor Willis? I didn't know they were gay. My father took me to see them when I was a kid. It was them and Sister Sledge was the opening band. That's a legendary disco show right there.

Absolutely. It was either them or Kiss was the first one. And I didn't know they were gay. But I found out, like, I didn't know what the village was, a Greenwich Village thing. I had no idea what any of that meant. I didn't either. I thought it was cool to be like, oh, that's the construction worker guy.

Why is he a construction worker? Yeah, I didn't know. They're musicians. Yeah. Why is he just a bass player? Or the Indian, Felipe Rose. He's still my favorite. I thought he was awesome.

Did you like the dress? I really did. I actually liked the one who looked like somebody who hit on Al Pacino and cruising. Oh, Glenn Hughes. That was the one I liked. I thought he was badass. Yeah. That's why I never saw Rob Halford from a million miles away.

Because I'm part of that last-generation way. If you wore a bunch of leather and had a mustache, you were like some badass. You were badass. Motorcycle. I didn't understand that there was a whole other side to that. I had no idea. But now you look back on old Halford video.

I'll go back on YouTube and watch old Judas Priest from that. What was that concert? They did in like 83 in Philly. There was that live aid or whatever it was. You watch Priest from that. You're like, oh, how did we not know? Oh, it's unbelievable. It's so obvious.

And I love the fact that he came out. Nobody gives a fuck. It's just Halford. He's like a big power top. He's a fucking ramrod. I just love the guy. Nobody gives a shit. I think he grew into that role.

He looked like a bottom early on. I think as he got older, he got a little more comfortable with himself. There's a story that he is a big dick and he put some guy in the hospital. Florenti told me a story. If you put a guy in the hospital, if you put any person in the hospital with your dick, you're a legend. And I heard that there was some hairdresser who for years wanted Halford to fuck him. Provided it's consensual.

Let's put that out there before that clip gets you in trouble. And they're over 18. I mean, I'm talking, you know, the asterisk is that it's an adult in a consensual relationship or consensual encounter. And you willingly allow him to put your dick and you line up in the hospital. That guy's a legend. I'm just picturing the interview afterwards with the fuck another person. At what moment did you realize you were in over your head?

Yeah. When I told him he has to pull it out and I realized there was still four more inches to go. Yeah. There was some moment where he realized this was a bad decision. But I heard he was bugging Halford to fuck him. And he was a hairdresser or whatever he was. Who was? Whoever the guy is that Halford fucked and sent to the hospital.

And Halford finally did it. And the guy wound up. Oh, he hate fucked him. All right. Fine. He's got a dick. Yeah. I hear he's packing like an animal.

So there's nothing but good, good things about Halford. Do you think he did it right before a show? So he's wearing all that fucking awful studded shit? Just the sound of you screaming and his fucking milky thighs rubbing together in leather pants. I'm sorry, everybody. Sorry to paint that visual. He smells good too. I interviewed him before a show one time.

Me and this guy Troy from the show went to the, I guess it was a garden or whatever they were, the mentally. He smells so fucking good. So I bought the same cologne. Sometimes I'll smell cologne that British rock stars have on and I'll buy it. That's very specific. It never, could they smell? Are they gay British rock stars or just British rock stars?

No, Ozzy's not gay. Ozzy's the best smelling guy in music. Ozzy smells better than anybody. Rob Halford smells great. I would never guess that with Ozzy. Ask any. Not saying that. You wouldn't think that he smelled.

You wouldn't associate him with like a really rich guy smell. But Ozzy, you can smell from down the hall and he has it, I think, in his hair or whatever. There's a rich cologne and he fucking, he smells fucking amazing. He smells amazing. Halford also smelled good, but it never smells good on me. I buy it and I just smell like garbage. How do you know? I can smell it on myself and I'm like, it stinks.

I thought you can't really smell yourself. Oh yeah, the cologne you can. I put it on and it's great for a minute and I put my shirt on and I'm like, ugh, you suck. Yeah, but that's self-hatred. No, but I never get compliments on it. No one's ever said, hey, you smell great in that. People are like, you fucking smell. That's the first thing I noticed about it.

The first time I met him was with Jim Florentine in 97. And the first thing that struck me is this guy smells amazing. It's not like they're not getting enough ass. You know what I mean? They got a shell like, Jesus Christ. That's when you got to fucking send your wife into the next room. Yeah, go get some plates or something. Dude, can you hose that shit off for you please so I can still be married at the end of this?

How funny is it that he just, you know, he had that whole thing with Sharon where he got caught having the affair. And he's not, I love the damage control Ozzy does in an interview. He's like, well, I'm a fucking, I'm in a fucking band aren't I? Like that's his reasoning. Like what do you expect? I thought that was the greatest, that's something you say to your friends though. You don't say that in an interview. I'm glad he fucking said that.

I am too for, if it doesn't get him divorced, I'm happy he said it. Look, I fucking, do you mind if fucking people that aren't in his position that can easily sit back, you know? Your fucking life is, you're not in a band. You don't have all these women fucking throwing themselves at you. You're like, what the fuck is he supposed to do? I know. I know. But how do you, you're like a grounded guy.

Like I really mean that. Like I look at you, you're married, you have a baby and like you're- I fucking booze, Jim. That's what I do. I stay in the green room until everybody leaves and I booze. Do you really? Yeah. I admire that.

I sit there and I just tell stories with people. They bring a bottle in and I'm with like four or five other. I did it the last night. I was just in, where the fuck was I? I stand up live in Phoenix and they brought it. They had this bottle for us and for three days we just would, you know, taking a third, a third, a third. And by last night, you know, we're just sitting in there.

I go to cigar bars. I just basically go, but dude, I always used to look like fucking Ralph Mouth too. So it was never really a problem. You know what I mean? I wasn't like a fucking, like Geraldo rest of soul. I mean, that guy was like a fucking great looking, those guys, if you're funny. And he had a, he had like, I also always had like a really, you know, angry fucking energy. So like most women who had even remotely had a decent father or maybe an uncle that they spoke to,

had a nice conversation and once would be running for the hills. And I would get these absolute fucking lunatics that would come up to me. And, you know, so it kind of took care of itself to be honest with you. It is scary when you meet women and like the girls you dated first or for a while, when you realize I represent something to her, like I'm an average looking guy. And there's some girls I've dated who are better, a lot better looking than I deserved. And like, I knew that they were mental things. I'm like, I represent something weird to her.

It's a father issue. Yeah. Mouthful of shame, I would say that, you know. Yeah. It's monster reign. I mean, the names of your, it's very, I think you've carved out quite a niche for yourself. Yeah. You know, I got, I figure I got to be honest because one time a girl tried to blackmail me.

I had a girl try to blackmail me one time. She had no idea who I was and we had hooked up a few times. You know, it was a money thing, not a big experiment. We had texted a lot of dirty fantasies and then she wanted me to send her money. She tried to blackmail me and I'm like, well, I'll send you money to help you with this, but I'm not doing it that. And she goes, well, maybe all your friends would want to see your fantasies played out on Facebook.

And I'm like, you really don't know who you're talking to. And I texted her, I don't give a fuck. Everybody who I know knows what I'm like and what I do. At that moment, I was grateful to be me. Yeah. You got to be good. You know what? When you put it all out there and you know, they can't get you.

There's nothing funny. One of the funny, I wish that was a scene in a movie watching somebody thinking that they can blackmail somebody and they just completely don't give a shit. Do that. I'm not going to say the guy's name, but that happened to a hockey player. He was like in his forties and he. Oh, yes. Yeah.

He hooked up with some like 19 year old. It was legal and everything. And she's just like, I'm going to tweet this out. You know, if you don't blah, blah, blah. And he goes, what? Then I slept with a smoking hot chick half my age. He goes, go ahead and do it. I don't give a fuck.

Yeah. And she did. Sometimes they will. They will at times do it. She said she was gonna. He said he didn't care. She did. He didn't give a fuck and nobody else did.

Oh my God. This guy did something legal. Yeah. She really didn't have like a leg to stay. Yeah. He did what we'd all love to do. Shame on him. Good for him.

But if you're married, if you got kid, you know, there's so many guys that they, like I heard a lot of rappers get like girls will, you know, special ladies, a lot of rappers, you know, are a little on the DL as they say about certain things and they get blackmailed a lot. Like I've heard a lot, a lot of times the girls will go, yeah, I want $30,000. I'm gonna start fucking screaming in the lobby. And there's been times where that stuff has worked. It's a shame.

Jesus. You can't just go ahead, go screaming the lobby, stupid. Well, you know what? If everyone was like me, you could. And you, like I wouldn't, I wouldn't give a shit. I would. Like that's what kills me. Like whenever a controversy like that comes out, like I, like you were talking about the

guy with the massage therapist and all that stuff. I always just think like I cannot fucking wait to go to his next movie just to make this type of shit go away. To support it. Yeah. Because even the worst case scenario is they did something where they just fucked up. They fucked up. Whatever.

You've seen the guy goes on the road. He bangs, you know, fucks around on his wife. I mean, that's between them. Yeah. Does that mean I don't like that song any better? Right. Those fucking people who do that shit. Well, they just go like, oh fuck that guy.

I'm done with this movie. Really? You done with those movies? I'm done with this movies when his movies suck. You know, if he's not out there, you know, those same fucking people will still go to Mass every Sunday, the Catholic church. You know, it wasn't everybody. It's like, is that really what you're thinking?

That's just your fear of dying and not knowing where you go when you die and you don't want to piss off the invisible guy. Right. All right. My buddy, my brother said it the best. He goes, talking about the Catholic church. He goes, dude, if that was any other fucking business, they would be shut down. Fucking shut down.

I'm still odd and I think of this a lot. But the fact that you don't believe in name calling, I've thought of that a lot. Like how negative it is and bad it is. And it's something, and not that I've had a cause to because I'm single at this point. In a relationship with the woman, I've never done the, you're a fucking bitch and blah. I would never have thought. But hearing you say that, it's like, yeah, I guess it really is a damaging thing to do. Can't do it.

I can't because it builds up resentment because people don't forget like, I got this weird thing with my wife because, you know, you're a fucking asshole. I don't care. I know other guys that would be like, you know, like that would actually, it would hurt them in a way that they, as a man, they wouldn't want to admit. I don't give a shit. But like, I saw enough guys growing up doing that you fucking bitch thing and everything like that.

And I just, I saw what that did. I was a little kid and just saw it. I just saw it just, it didn't look, you know, this big deep voice yelling at, you know, it just was not, it just, I don't know. So I just made a vow. It was just one of those things. I was not doing that. But then there was other stupid behavior that I guess I didn't recognize them.

Then I repeated that. But that was the one that I didn't do. So what do you do if she calls your asshole? Do you just talk about what she's doing as a person? I go, oh, real mature. I wish I had the presence of mind. I, what do I do? You know, I definitely say the F word a lot, but I don't, you know, well now that I have

a daughter, so I really, I just, I don't do that. I'm not going to fucking sit there and scream. Yeah. When there's a baby in the room. Does it really change that? Because Sam, my radio partner just had a baby and it's like everybody I know is having kids and I guess it changes the way you do shit, right? Yeah, because there's that whole, I think for the first time in your life, you're actually

aware of your behavior affecting other people. Right. With, you know, with your girlfriend or your wife, it's an adult to adult thing. So you really don't, you're like, oh, this person's an adult. They can drive a car. You know, I can say this stuff. This isn't going to affect them, you know? But it's when you have the kid and everything and it's just like, you know, that this could

actually affect who they marry. Right. You know? Yeah. This, I, that literally, you know, if I do what I'm, you know, if I flip out right now and I consistently do this, this could literally drive my daughter to a trailer park someday. Right. You know?

And, and be one thing if I was just completely oblivious, then I could just sit at a bar and go, nah, she's a fucking loser. You know? She grew up in a house. Now she's in a thing. But I'm aware of the effect of it now and then I would have to sit there and take on that kind of guilt. So plus, I don't know.

I don't, just growing up, there was a lot of just the arrow when I grew up, like every authority person was just so not approachable. And as I said this, and this is what it is, and you shut the fuck up. And it was, that just, you know, that's kind of what stoked the whole fire in me, I think. So I try to, you know, I think you go one of two ways. You either repeat it or you just remember that. So like, I actually got a really good compliment from somebody one time. It's like, you know what?

He goes, Mike, you should got to come by, come by my house. He goes, my kids love you. And I was like, really? He goes, yeah. He goes, you talk to them like they're adults. I wasn't even aware I was doing it. Like I would be talking to like his 10 year old. Right.

What grade are you in? Are you getting homework now? Oh, that sucked. I hated that. Like I wasn't thinking that I was, and they kind of liked it that they would talk to adult like, oh, this is, this is somebody older who they think knows everything. He's saying how he hated it, kind of gave him, made it okay to be like, oh, this sucks. I mean, I hope that didn't make him not do their fucking homework.

Yeah, exactly. But I would just, you know, I would address it rather than being like, no, you need to sit down. You need to learn that this is what life is. It's sitting there doing shit you don't want to do. Like that's so much that you learn that, that you like, you don't think that you can actually go out and achieve shit. Like life becomes like, fuck, when is this over?

Just staring at a, at a clock. And people saying that, I think oftentimes don't even mean it. They just think it's shit an adult is supposed to say, like, you know what I mean? You sit down, you buckle down, you do your work. If I said that to anybody, I would internally be going, shut up. You don't fucking believe that. I cannot wait to tell my daughter. I don't know.

I cannot wait to tell it. Why is this blah, blah, blah? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Why? Be like, well, you know, because I don't read. Why?

I don't know, because it makes me sleepy. I'm just going to fuck. Brutal honesty. I'm just going to own up to it. There's a lot of stuff your dad isn't good at, sweetheart. You want some ice cream? Yeah. Did you want, I'm, I'm, I'm in the middle like, you know, I'm at a point where I'm 48,

no wife, no girlfriend. Like, I, you know, I don't know if I'm, if I'm the best boyfriend candidate, but I'm tired of being single. Like I'm, I'm kind of. Oh, there you go. That's where I got. Sick of it. I got, uh, no, you know what I did was I finally, I just looked at like what I was doing and

then, you know, we have to like, I used to joke about that on stage after like the 90th fucking person that doesn't go well. And there's only so long ago, these chicks are fucking psychos. Yeah. After a while, it's like, what am I doing? Dude, I chase him away in tech. I've had some updated literally for, I lose people in text message. I'm so, I'm so like, I want to either talk dirty or I just, I just want to keep pushing

the envelope. And the next thing you know, they stopped talking to me. So I know I'm doing something wrong. It's not them. They didn't know I'll talk it over. I'm just creeping them out on some level. I don't know why that just reminded me this last night I was watching, uh, what is that fucking show with Andy Cohen, where he does the wrap ups of the, uh, the Real Housewives?

Oh, not his talk shows. Look what happens live. Yes. That show. Oh, that one. So my wife always watches that show. That's one of those crossover shows I have to watch with her so we don't battle over the TV.

Right. It was Jennifer Lopez and, um, oh Jesus Christ, it just went blank on us. Uh, Ray Liotta. Dude, Ray Liotta was fucking hilarious. He just answers. He doesn't give a shit. No, he doesn't. He just answered everything straight up.

Straight up. They were like, what? So for cocaine, like in good fellows, like, what did they use? And he was like, cocaine. They just say that and they would be like, who's the most, they played this thing. You can plead the fifth and he, he never, he never pleaded the fifth. What'd they ask him? They asked him like, uh, oh, who's the worst kisser of anybody?

He said, you've been with this person, this person, this person, and you know, Andy's doing all the things. So who was the worst kisser? Like this was going to be the thing. He goes, uh, well, I don't think I kissed any of them and he goes, well, then who would you guess? And he goes, oh, Sigourney Weaver. Just said it.

They go, who's the worst actor? Most over the actor of the nineties. And he goes, most overrated. He goes, man, I'd probably say Clint Eastwood. And then somebody mumble, blah, blah, blah, blah, of his shoulder turns around and he goes, I don't give a shit. It's just like, I fucking love this guy. He is kind of untouchable at this point.

He is Ray Liotta. He gets, you know, he. No, but it was real. Yeah. It wasn't trying to be dangerous. He literally goes, I don't give a shit. I don't give a shit. I don't give a shit.

I fucking, I'm Ray Liotta. And by the way, I am, I don't give a shit. What a brilliant game that is. Plead the fifth on one of these three questions. Because then what it would do, it was then, it would then passes it over to you and then you got to, you know, and it's all this, this, you know, he did all these squirming questions like it was absolutely like Jennifer Lopez. Okay.

When you, you know, I mean, you've been proposed to five times. Who did you say no to? And she's a nice person, doesn't want to say it. And Ray Liotta was just sitting there going, just plead the fifth. I'll answer something like he just completely didn't give a shit. Oh, is it two of them together? Yeah. Cause they're on that cop show together.

Oh, you know, it's fun. I auditioned for that. I did. Yeah. I think David off got the part and he, I think he's better for that than I am anyway, not just acting ability, but you know, he looks more of the part of a, a kind of a slick, like internal affairs guy. If that's what he's playing.

I didn't know Doug was on that show. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He's got a good part. He brought Ray Liotta into the comedy cellar one night.

But you know, if I'm not going to get it, I'd rather see somebody else. I get it. That's great. It brings in a glimpse of what your life would have been. Yeah. Cool. Hang on Ray Liotta. That would have been fun.

You're next. What should they say about you? Yeah. You know, she's going up. Sorry. It was my bad SD impression. It was a good impression. Like, like, like she announces you before you go on.

No, but I understand what you're saying. Oh, like, as bad as that joke was everybody, uh, Jim Norton special is going to be the opposite of that. Mouthful of shame. I, I, it's so stupid to keep going back to this when people listen to a podcast. It's not like that. Because there's no, there's no, right. There's no commercials coming in for, but I just feel like I have to keep going back

to March 14th in case you forget, because then they got to rewind and try to remember where and when. Right. Of course, we'll probably tweet it out. I did love Netflix too. I've never done anything with them before. I know you've done a bunch of stuff with them, but they're so easy. They're like, all right, just put it together.

I mean, they, Robbie had a couple of minor suggestions. They don't overly manage you. It was like, fucking great. It was so nice to do it. And I'm actually happy with it. Like, you know, you shoot something, you know, this one, I actually feel it's dirtier than I kind of intended. Yeah.

And wait, the next time you go to Australia now that it's on, on Netflix, like you'll sell tickets. I hope so. I'm going to, uh, you, I told you, you inspired me completely. I'm only doing this stuff because you got in my head and I hear Bill Byrne, my fucking head all the time going, what are you waiting for? And I'm like, I got to do it. I really do.

It's like, but you were right. Now watch, I'll stop selling tickets and I'll be like, you watching David off coming in with Ray Liliota. I'll be watching you selling out the fucking, what is that thing in Sydney, the opera house? And I'll be like, I used to do that. I, you know, it's fine. I did one show there.

It was a TV tape. No, it was it was a TV taping and something else. And I enjoyed Sydney Melbourne was good. But Sydney was really good. And I'm like Melbourne a little bit better. You did. Yeah. And then Perth was fun cause I landed there and it was Australia day and

everybody was just fucking getting hammered and shit. So I was like, yeah, this, this country's cool. I didn't go to Perth. I didn't go. Was your first time through it? You know what's great in Perth is the Bond Scott. Oh, Barry there. They got the statue and all that.

Yeah. We did it. We went to the Bond Scott wall in Melbourne. It was like in one of the things someone painted a tribute wall to Bond Scott. You know it's Bond Scott because it says ACDC, but if it didn't, you'd be like, you know, or as they say, ACADACA down there.

I don't know why. Oh, do they really? Yeah. And then what is what is Burger King called down there? I don't remember. Ah, fucking Royale with cheese. Yeah. No, it's something that's no cause somebody down there actually had already

had a Burger King and he sued the corporation. And then what the fuck is it? You're looking it up, Jonathan. Um, did you sell tickets when you first went through the first time? No, yeah. No, I think I did the first time I went out there. It was like an 04 and I did something for Comedy Central and we flew in from from, you know, New York.

So it was like six hours to five and a half to LA and then lay over and then 14 hours and you land. They let you sleep a little bit and then it's like it's already the next day. And then we taped it and then the next day is supposed to go back. It was so fucking nuts. So I was just like, well, fuck that. I'm going to stay here for a few days. Hungry Jacks.

That's right. Hungry Jacks. Okay. That means nothing to anybody listening to this, but I thought it was cool. And I just hung out there and I bought all these ACDC albums on CD that the original like like was TNT. I should know the names of these. Like TNT was the original album that then became High Voltage, but their version had

like dirty deeds on it, which later became his own album. Yeah, an EP over here. So we went, you know, I bought like all these, you know, because I got a big family. So I just bought them for all my brothers and sisters. Oh, that's cool. Yeah. And Joe Brown saw the apostles and just driving on the other side of the road was really fucked up.

And anytime I went to take a turn like the joke was, I would just pretend that I wanted to kill myself and then I would actually make the right decision because everything else, it doesn't even make sense. You're like, what the fuck? This makes no sense. Especially when you're, I mean, you make a right turn and you're sitting, you're sitting on the passenger side and you got to go wide. You're like, what the fuck?

You just picture like a semi, but late at night when I came out, I didn't know where the fuck I was at. I was with this other comic, one of those comics, I was from like Scotland or some shit, an ex-patriot. And I just met him and I never saw him again. But we got on the road with no street lights and drove probably maybe eight, nine hundred feet. And at the same time, we both went like, oh, shit.

Oh, shit. And got over, but there was nobody coming. Right, right, right. We definitely was starting to go up a hill. So yeah, I'm sure people get a car service when you're out there, Jimmy. That's what I'm trying. I, we Ubered when I was there. I mean, Uber's there.

It was great, but I'm also going to Norway. And I think I'm doing something Scandinavian. I've never been to any of these places. I'm doing all of them. That whole run through Oslo, Helsinki, Stockholm, dude, it's the best. But those are just places that, you know, as an American to actually go there. I mean, I think you got to be like, you're either in the Illuminati or you're like a downhill skier or some shit.

Cause other than that, you're not going to go there as far as just not on our radar to go there in their beautiful countries. And the people, the people are great. Do you fly in and out the sea? Can I have sleep apnea? And I fucking, I take dramamine to fly. Like I came this morning from Portland. So I'm like, I'm very loopy and I'm tired and you just do a show that night

and then fly out the next morning. I can't, there was a, um, I'm panicking about that. What I do is I turn it into like a paid vacation. So, um, what I do is I fly over there and I either do the tour and then I meet my wife afterwards or other times I've done it like just cause of our schedules that work out like, all right, let's do the vacation first. Um, and then not only will I be rested. I'll be, you know, talking about acclimated time and that type of thing.

So I've done both, but, uh, you know, there's all, you know, I build, you know, I build a lot of shit around sporting events and stuff. Like, you know what I wanted to go to this year? I don't think it's going to work out though, but I was going to go to that. There's this motorcycle race on the island man, which is an island between, uh, Britain and, uh, Ireland. Hope I'm saying that right. A fucking whales, whatever the fuck you want to call it.

Um, and it's just this fucking motorcycle race. That's just like, I mean, more people have died than years. They've had it. It's just really dude. They go on like fucking 200 miles an hour down these country roads and shit and they go like come blazing through town. I mean, it's like, if you love the beginning of the last Mad Max, this is like the closest you can see to the real version of it.

I mean, dude, these guys are fucking lunatics. Like, you know, they're going so fast and that digs little ass country roads and there's like stone walls and shit and trees. Like you're dead and pedestrians are getting killed once in a while too. I'm surprised that so many people stand so close that my only nervousness about it is how can I get high up enough to see a little bit more of it? Right. Because I'm worried that it's just going to be like, you know, I'm going to stand

like a fly halfway around the world. You see he like then stand there for like another fucking 20 minutes because they go by that fucking fast. And then that's it. Yeah. I went to the Daytona 500 and we were on the infield on like this little building. So I could actually stand and kind of watch him go all the way around. But like if you just stand the first time I went to the Indy 500, I was just you're

just in a corner and it just becomes this drinking game and everybody's bed on like four different cars and you just pray to God there's going to be an accident or some shit in front of you. Right. Just something interesting. Yeah. And it's actually really amazing the first time you see it and you actually hear this tires skid like a real accident.

You're like, oh, yeah, I guess it is a car for some reason. I never thought it would sound like that. But the thing is they're going so fast as they'll hit the wall in front of you and then the debris just they fly down. Oh, you've seen the accident. Yeah. I saw a guy hit a wall in front of me one time, but it's like it's he hits it in front of you and by the time your brain reacts to what that is, is he's already

a quarter mile away. It's not like they hit it and just stop. Do you watch boxing and MMA? Because you're such a sports guy. Do you watch combat sports? Yeah, I keep going in and out of MMA. It's like depends on my road schedule where it's like, you know, I work a lot on Saturday night.

Right. And if a couple of months goes by and I keep missing the fights, I hate it, but it's a big thing that me and my wife do. Like she fucking loves it. Does she like UFC? Dude, she's almost embarrassing. Like she gets up and yells at the TV. Oh, great.

She totally gets into it when Anderson Silver like had the compound fracture of his leg. I was like, oh my God, looking away. And she has this weird thing where maybe she should have gotten the medical field because she was wasn't like she was happy. It happened. She was just more fascinated by what it looked like. And it's just like, good Lord.

Oh, yeah, I was called. That's like the when they break that fucking thing. That's like you ever see like a little kid put on like his dad's rain boot steps on the side and just folds up like I can't. I cannot look at. I was at that fight. That was their second fight. That was nobody knew what happened like until the replay.

You just saw him fall and then the replay played the whole place. Oh, that was a horrible, but he's still kicking. He's still using that leg. He just I heard when you break the bone, though, doesn't come back stronger. Some weird reason they might have strengthened it with metal. I heard it was a pretty clean break. Here we go. We're going into the abyss.

We don't make it stronger. I heard they did metal. Yeah, we don't know, but he's able to fight with it. Let's just give answers. Yeah, we say why it happened. I remember overhearing somebody say that and I never did any background check on them. Have you ever gone to one of the fights?

Yes. Yes, I did. What is that? That's you. Oh, is that the picture of him going by on the stretcher? Jesus Christ. Jim, you look like you're in a fucking band, dude. I gotta tell you, this guy took this weight off what two, three years ago

and you've kept it off. What are you doing? And I just just eating in the gym just that that really is it. But when did you find it? Cause you were you were on those up and down guys. It was awful. Just that moment of clarity. It's obviously just so much fucking self-discussed.

What were you eating and where were you when you when you finally were just like I can't do this anymore? You know, I really don't remember. I do remember is just going to the gym and going I am going to go. I was fucking I was just sick of like when you feel it in your back above your belt, that little bit of fucking fat. It's just soft like a little lamb. I started getting the, uh, the effort noises, putting on socks.

I was just like, Oh God, I'm becoming that guy. So I just like, uh, this last trip I just had, I got off the road two days ago. Now I've just been it's so funny. I literally just two days of not eating Burger King or steak and shake. And I never, I just kind of fell into this. I think it was just because of the lack of sleep I've been getting and just going out on the road and then having to do the shows and the pressure

putting together in the new hour. I just been under a lot of stress and I've just been like last second. Oh, fuck. I'm hungry. Now let's go here. I don't give a shit. Just stuff this in me and fill up the hole and it just was, uh, yeah. So LA is dangerous for me because I go.

This is this is what a fucking fruit. I'm turning into Jonathan. I love that word. It is a great fucking fruit. We eat. I like eating sushi here, but then we go to the yogurt stop on Santa Monica Bowl. I've been going there for years.

I think we're a couple. They think we're a couple. My favorite place in the world is the fucking yogurt stop on Santa Monica. I love where is that? It's on Santa Monica by rage. West Hollywood. Get a microphone. I know you're just talking to Jonathan.

There we go. Jonathan. God put on put on the fucking head. Yeah, you're just speaking to Jonathan. Brandstein everybody. Oh, hello. Yeah, Jonathan. Well, who's very instrumental when we first started doing the Patrice O'Neill benefit.

That's right. Was helping me get in touch with all the guys and everything like that. And, uh, it's an amazing thing that's still going on. It's incredible. Well, yeah, just let you know how much. No, no, no. It's Maureen Tarrant. Maureen Tarrant deals with all the infrastructure and the herd of ADD that

is booking a bunch of comedians. Dude, it's hard. Literally. It's like you got 12 cows just fucking over. I guess what what runs cows don't run. You got 10 bowls. You got 10 fucking things that run. They're going a different direction.

10 things that run all going in different directions. There you go. But February 21st that normally when it is right. Yeah. So we kind of we kind of know it's going to be in February now. Yeah. Now she lets us know in enough investor. That's why we do it Tuesday because sometimes fans go, why the fuck is this

on a Tuesday night? It's because guys are working for free. And this is what that's the day when comedians are are in town. So next year, I already know like one of the guys out here every year. We try to like maybe fly somebody in and we got an idea of possibly who we're going to try to use this next year. But it's been a great thing because I just hate like, you know, like when someone passes away, like we're unfortunately we're at that age, you

know, and where you have that one time benefit. You're like, OK, here's your sack of cash. Good luck for the next 40 years. And it's you know, he was taking care of those people. So it's it's definitely been a great thing. So and the thing about us is here's the beat. I think of this too. This year is that it's the fifth annual one.

I have officially done this four more times than Patrice would have done it for me. Dude, this year I think might have been this year. I thought was the perfect combination of a great mix of people. The ball breaking was on a whole other fucking level. And then when Leslie Jones told that Patrice story. Oh, my God, it was just fucking. Oh, dude, the shit that you said when to Keith Robinson, Keith Robinson.

Keith, unfortunately, suffered a mild stroke. Was it coming up on two years ago? Was it? No, I'd say less than a year. Yeah, year and a year ago. Yeah. And he's, of course, now he's doing like someone's funniest shit of whatever. So Jim, when he outtrod him, he goes, keep going for Keith Robinson, you should have a stroke 15 years ago. The place fucking dies laughing.

And then your other one was like, well, it's funny is even after a stroke, Keith is easier to understand than Rich Vaughn. Yeah, I don't know how you followed it with the rest of your jokes. But people like, yeah, people like the attacks on each other. That's always a crowd favorite. You had one where you said, I think Colin came after you and you said, he's here. He's has to be back at men's warehouse soon because he was wearing a suit that night. And it was just, oh, God, what about Voss's awful

hat this year? Oh, and Pete Davidson kept telling him the truth going. It looks awful. I'm like, Pete, that's not how this game works. You tell him it looks good and you wait till he goes out on stage. Yeah, you don't try to discourage him. You wait till he's on and then you fucking attack him in front of the entire theater. Davidson was another another one. That's the first time we had him and he came out and he was trash and Voss has had. I think they actually make in front of us as the old guys.

I, yeah, I think that but then Voss leveled him. Oh, because Pete, Pete talks about his dad dying on 11 and Voss said the one good thing is that Pete's dad didn't have to see him in that blouse and he said he would have thrown himself in another fire. Oh, yeah, that fucking, oh my God, that terrible sweater he had. That artsy golden girl sweater he was fucking wearing. Yeah, that was really bad. It was really, really shitty. I wanted to make fun of it, but I knew why I didn't like it.

I'm like, you're on a TV show. You're fucking good looking young guy. And if you dress slightly effeminate, it's like you're not getting enough pussy. So I knew that that's why I was going to come out. I was like, I can't come at him. You know, the intention was wrong. Yeah, I knew that I was just an old man getting jealous. You know, now I had DeRosa just showed up in that.

Then I would have, I mean, the sweater by itself should have been burned. It was brutal. It was it was bad. But you know, you know, the reasons for attacking it would have been more. Yeah, it's like one of those fucking guys. Remember those those all those people that Madonna used to fucking Soho in New York City, those young guys, Jellybean Benitez. Those artists. Yeah, he looked like he fucking when he dies, his artwork was going to be worth something.

Yeah, like a young I came in. I never bust yachts. Yeah. The young guy of age. That's all I'm thinking of. Yeah, I don't like any of those guys because it always makes me feel foolish because everybody looks at this shit like it's fucking amazing. And like one of the. I don't know. Like the two ways when I always know that I'm a dope is when I try to read out loud.

That and when I go to a museum, because I mean, you want to just talk about flatlining emotionally and it just means not. Dude, I went when I went to Paris, I went into the Louvre. I could not get out of there fast enough. I was like literally almost shouting at people like, where is it? Where is the fucking? Where's the Mona Lisa? So I can look at it and get the fuck out of you and you get out of there.

And there's all these people just, you know, just creating like a ledge with their other hand and then fucking holding their chin with the other one. And I was just I just sort of I peered over like it was the presidential motorcade driving by. Quick look. That was it. Did it move you? And give a fuck. The only thing that was cool is it's been recreated so many times to be like,

that's the actual one. That's it. Yeah. And dude, I saw the Sistine Chapel. I couldn't be a fucking small. It was I think the guy was dogging it. I mean, it's saying it took him that fucking long. Do you walked in? I literally was like, this is it. And something went shh, shh, like shushed me.

I'll tell you what would be awe inspiring that they recently dug up Christ's tomb in the church and they had to do something. They know where he's buried. They know where the supposed tomb of Christ, they do know. Yes, it's supposed to fucking Al Capone's vault. It probably is the Shroud of Turin. It probably is bullshit, but I mean, it is in Catholicism. They do kind of revere it somewhere in Jerusalem, I guess.

But these guys had to go down and they were doing some kind of maintenance work on it, which they had to be done on the lid over the tomb. But I'm like, that would probably get me like, this is a pretty important place. But the art museums do nothing for me. I did see the Washington Cross in the Delaware painting. It's fucking massive. It's probably the size of this room in the Metropolitan Museum. That was kind of always at the.

Well, I would rather look at that shit than something like abstract. Yeah, me too. That looked like you rolled a baby in paint and just fucking threw it. Yeah, I can't miss. I like I went to the I went to the Van Gogh one, when we were the fuck, whatever country that's in. I went to that and I actually like that one. And it's not because he's a fellow fucking redhead.

It was just I actually like with Netherlands. Yeah, how about I like Norman Rockwell? Are you sure it's not in Denmark? Oh, I hope it was in Copenhagen. I thought it was Amsterdam, but maybe it could be the whole way you dressed. I mean, let's you know, I know, I know that you're right. He has the initials on his shirt. He gives like the air of authority, but half the times,

you know, he's talking about half the times he does this. Is that where you have your initials right there? Yeah, that's very unique. And the tailor is that near your your pancreas? Is that what you put it there? I thought you did it on the cuff link on the cuff. You there's two styles. You can do it the cuff, you can do it here.

You can what is that? And what is that style? I don't know. I've always had it here, though. So I don't know. Yeah, the tailor that I got this made yet. He did it there. He's a true gentleman.

I've never seen it. Yeah, John is a true gentleman. Yeah, the true and I can tell how difficult you are as a client because I know when you're not around his shirt is untucked. Yeah, he's getting a little rock and roll because I'm in town. In case there's chicks to talk to. Get him to the Greek. All right, we're coming up on an hour here.

Jim, I'm you know, I'm such a fucking huge fan of you. And I always tell you this, dude, I owe so much of the tickets that I sell to on the road that you were generous when you got a lot of guys would have got that opening Anthony gig and they would have kept the fucking door closed and you let us all run in. So I want to thank you. Oh, please, dude. You know, as you can see, I'm blowing all my money on Foot Locker T-shirts here.

No, but you do it. You're doing well deservedly like your great comic. And I mean, it's like, you know, you try to top my compliment with a compliment. You son, but it's it is nice to see like mouthful of shame on Netflix, March 14th. I love you to death, Jimmy. All the success in the world to you. I will definitely be tweeting this out. If you want to talk to Jimmy Norton, you can get him on Twitter at Jim Norton,

Instagram at Jim Norton, Facebook, just type in Jim Norton and Jim Norton.com. And you can hear me and Sam in the morning. I have to plug in Sam Roberts. We are now doing the show together Monday through Friday, 8 to 11 on Channel 103. I have satellite radio now and I look at the list of you guys all the time. It's great. It's really finally get caught up. I can't believe how long I did satellite radio before I got it. It's fucking tremendous.

You just got it. I just got it. I never had it in my car and I finally just I finally never bought myself a nice car. I'm one of those frugal fucking douchebags. So I finally just said, I'm buying a nice car. Did you have the little radio? I was just like whatever they said, you want this? I was like, yes, you want that? Yes, treating yourself climate control.

Yes, I just said yes to everything. That's why I get shitty gas miles. You're so fucking heavy with all the options. Thanks for having me, man. I'm sorry I was late too. Oh, you weren't late, Jimmy. I appreciate you were building anticipation. And I'll see you guys next week. Oh, yeah, so was a spaghetti bolognese with liquor veal gehaakt.

Download the Maiden leise app and cook me. Yeah, top the leise. Me with a cleave.