Monday Morning Podcast - Monopolies, Fighting Animals, Distractions | Monday Morning Podcast 4-20-26

Episode Date: April 20, 2026

Bill rambles about monopolies, fighting animals, and distractions.Hims:  Online access to personalized, affordable care for ED, Hair Loss, Weight Loss, and more at http://www.Hims.com/BURRHelix: Go to http://www.HelixSleep.com/BURR for 20% off site wide Squarespace: Better plants and better growing at http://www.FastGrowingTrees.com and use code BURR at checkout Fast Growing Trees: Better plants and better growing at http://www.FastGrowingTrees.com and use the code BURR at checkout Ship Station: Try it free for 60 days at http://www.ShipStation /com/BURR See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Byr and it's time for the Monday morning podcast for Monday, April 20th, 2006, six, six, six. What's going on? How are you? Oh, Jesus. Jesus, age Christ, what a fucking liver shot that Bruins loss was yesterday. I have to tell you, I didn't flip out at all. I didn't scream at and I was sitting there with my kids and I was just like, expressionless. I don't know what it was. I just kind of felt like when it was two to nothing with like 10 minutes to go, even before that, I had this sinking feeling. I thought it was going to happen in the second period, but I had this sinking feeling. I'm like, they're going to fucking tie this game up and we're going to lose it in overtime. I don't know why. I don't

know why I was thinking that. But in no way, shape, or form that I think they were going to score four fucking goals in the final 10 minutes. Yeah, I just, I was kind of thinking, you know, if we could just with five minutes left, if it's still two to nothing, I think we can win this game. But I just, I knew if they get, if it became two to one, I knew we were going to be on our heels and then they were going to score and they were going to tie it up. But I did not think that they were going to win that in fucking regulation. That took me back to when we thought we forced a game seven against the Blackhawks.

And then they tied it up and then they won it. And then all of a sudden they were skating around with the Stanley Cup and you're like, wait, what the fuck just happened? Is it over? I do take a little, that fucking guy on the Sabres who's like, you know, we weren't scared. This is what we do. Oh, you're fucking, you weren't scared. I saw the looks on your faces.

You were freaking out. So is the crowd. It's Buffalo. You just, they all stop waving their fucking pom-poms for like almost two-fold periods. We went up one-nothing. The pom-poms came down and it was quiet. It was like a fucking funeral in there. And then all of a sudden that guy had that little cunty backhand,

the fucking seven-foot guy. And then they were like, oh, my. Then you guys all came back. So let's let's not fucking, okay, you won the fucking game. But don't insult me by acting like there's anybody confident in Buffalo. in a sports sense, okay? You had Rick James. That was a confident guy,

but he was making, he was making music. There has never been anybody in the history of sports in Buffalo, New York that was ever confident that success was coming. Get the fuck out of here.

All right? And I'm speaking from experience because I grew up in Boston, outside of Boston, during the dark ages. We did have the Celtics. But even then, even then, fucking Len bias dies. And then that fucked all of us.

We still got three, though. Oh, God, what the fuck would have happened? Lakers definitely would have at least one less banner hanging from there. Rafters. Maybe Larry Bird wouldn't have to play so many minutes. His back doesn't get fucked up. Who knows? Who knows?

Oh, my God. Dude, I saw this fucking, the comment section sometimes. on some of these videos. Like the level of funny that the average person is now, I'm telling you, it's like on stand-up comic level. So there was this guy, he was playing pickup basketball. He didn't have a shirt on. He was like rail thin, but not like high metabolism,

thin, more like meth thin. And he had on these acid-washed jeans and with basketball shorts peeking out of the bottom. and basketball shoes on. He didn't take his pants off, and he was just out there schooling people, passing the ball and shooting it. And fucking, I can't remember all the nicknames.

Just my favorite one was somebody called, somebody called him Kevin McInhal. I was just like, Jesus Christ, I couldn't come up. I allegedly do this for a living. I do do it for a living, but Jesus, fucking Christ, that's fucking brilliant.

So whoever wrote that, thank you for that laugh. Anyway, so as much as Buffalo, I can't believe they had pom-poms at a fucking hockey game. It's bad enough. There's no fights anymore.

There's nobody really takes the body. They're just out there skating around. But it is good, though, you know, because I don't like talking that shit where, you know, everybody, oh, it was better back in the old day. And it's just like, all right, but why don't we put your brain out there on the ice? And you take one of those fucking hits as you follow through on a shot.

And Scott Stevens just comes by with a fucking chin high elbow. You know, remember those guys? You know, he plays right on the edge. That's the best thing a Homer announcer would say about a fucking a guy out there head hunting trying to end careers. But what? It was legal back then. yeah, it was legal back then, but most people out of respect wouldn't do it. You know what I mean?

So it's like hooking up with the 16-year-old in most states, but, you know, that's like, you know, so what? It's legal. They apply that to sports. Same guys. Same fucking guys. It's like, yeah, you know, it's fucking legal, but, you know, what are we doing here? What are we doing here? Anyway, um, I don't know. I don't know. I'm still, uh, that was as surprising to me

that we lost it in regulation as me not flipping out was. But whatever. Maybe I didn't flip out because I had an absolutely, uh, incredible, incredible weekend. AFI, the American Film Institute,

which I didn't know what that stood for. I made an ass out of myself. on the fucking red cap it was honoring Eddie Murphy and they asked me to if I wanted to go to the event I was like absolutely it means

it's Eddie Murphy and the day before the event they go do you want to go up and say something and I was like in my head I'm like no I'm going to be too nervous to do anything with Eddie watching. But I knew I just immediately said yes before I chickened out.

And then for like the next, you know, fucking 24 hours, I'm like, you couldn't give me two days notice before this thing. But I kind of had an idea of what I wanted to say. And I don't know. I can't do the teleprompter thing because I just sound like a robot. So I just sort of, I had an idea of what I was going to say. and I just went out there and winged it and sort of made fun of myself from the beginning.

But I got to tell you, my, it went great and I got offstage. You know, it's one of those fucking things. I mean, it was him, all 10 of his kids, in-laws and everything. It was like the Kennedy compound. They were just fucking all there right down the barrel. And yeah, it was fucking. nerve-wracking but once the second i got out there i was fine i was fine and it and but it was one of those things too where you get off stage and you can't remember what you said and so what i always do is i

always asked nea i was like how was that how was that and she goes it was perfect it was perfect and uh oh my god fucking the level of relief and then the next day she showed me she took the video of it and they had um behind you it was weird it was like you and a video of you and then they were cutting to eddie and she they cut to it at one point and i was making them laugh and i borderline got emotional like that's what how big a deal that guy is so i know the the thing is going to be uh airing i think the end of may but um It's one of the coolest things I've ever got to do. And the level of comedian, musician, and all of that that was going up on that stage to be asked to be a part of that was, I don't know, probably the biggest honor I've gotten as far as being a comic and all of that type of stuff.

So thank you to everybody involved with that. and I still like can't believe it happened and it was such a high the next day when she showed me the video and that I almost had like a depression come down afterward it was just you know and then that the after party afterwards I you know I hung out with a couple of comics that I totally love and respect and we were all just saying the same thing or just how like it was it was a amazing night and Eddie went up in the end and he was so goddamn effortlessly funny of course as always but then also was like you could see he was really touched by the whole evening and it was just it was it was unreal it was unreal um so definitely check that out um um

And now today, something fucking burst on my street. So my whole street is cut off so I can't get out of my driveway. And which is awesome. This is like a fucking adult snow day. So, you know, we, I woke up the next day after, yesterday, after the Eddie Murphy thing. And Mia and Nia did like a little. like 36-hour, you know, staycation, just stayed at like a hotel. And we had breakfast out on this little balcony.

And we ended up, she goes, all right, you know, right before we get home, can we stop at this little place, you know, this little bookstore that also sold records? And I was like, all right, because I've been trying to find, not trying to find, I mean, it exists, but I've been trying to get the Beastie Boys, Paul's boutique on vinyl. because I got my fucking hi-fi stereo set up out here, man, in my, uh, my office out here. And, um,

I ended up buying that. What the fuck? I get, I, listen to this shit that I got. I got, um, I got the Beastie Boys, uh,

Paul's boutique. Then ironically enough, one in there, one of the Beastie Boys samples. I got that Root Down album, Jimmy Smith Live. I got that one. I got the hiccups now. And then I found this other one.

It's a double album. The Jimmy Hendricks Experience live at the Los Angeles Forum, April 26, 1969. And then what was the last thing I got? Oh, this is for me and the, I got. I got Darrell Hall and John Oates Rockin' Soul something. I can't see. I still got the price tag on it,

but it's got all their hits on it. And we have a bunch of records, but like it's Neas Collection and mine and they're all kind of mixed together. So I got to alphabetize them or do something. But I don't know. The older I get, like the more like, I just want to go back to doing shit

that I used to do before the world got so fucked up. I don't know about you guys. Do you feel like you're just trying to make your life really like small? It's like a stress response to the level of fucking just out of control corporate greed. How about Live Nation? Finally getting called a fucking monopoly. Jesus Christ. Well, there you go.

I think the smoking gun for that was the emails within the e-mails within the office of them openly laughing at how bad they were fucking their own customers. If that isn't a statement of a monopoly, I don't know what is. Because like I was saying, like back in the day, you know, when capitalism was regulated, you know, they would break up monopolies. So all you had was the quality of your product and how you treated your customers. So if you're fucking your customers and you're just sitting there openly discussing it and laughing and calling them stupid, that is a testament that you are a monopoly because it's like,

you don't, where else you're going to go? We own all the venues, we own all the fuck, we fucking own everything. And just also, the fucking arrogance of that, of fucking them that hard, because who gets blamed for it?

Nobody knows their names. The person's standing on stage. And then, you know, I would get all those fucking emails going like, dude, what the fuck? This amount to part, like they literally think that like, we're involved

in how much they, you get paid for parking. It's like, dude, they're fucking us too. Fucking 20 ways to Sunday. Anyway, so I hope more of that happens in the future because this is not good. The combination of unregulated capitalism and the technology that exists that you now, once you get your foothold in a certain area of business, you close the door behind you. And nobody else can make money in that fucking area of business except for you and you're going to get rid of everybody.

And this is what I love too. This fucking AI technology. How come they're just, they're using AI to replace the working man? You know, if you really want to cut costs, why don't you make an AI CEO? You know, that is fucking empathetic, cares about the middle class,

you know, worries about the future of the planet. Why don't you do that? Doesn't take a fucking, nine-figure bonus every Christmas because he fired 4,000 fucking people. That would be better for everybody, including the rich fucks, because I don't think they're doing, they're not doing the math. It's like if you lay off 4,000 people, they can't buy whatever product you're fucking making.

You know, because they just do what? It's fucking legal, you know? You don't want me to do it. Fucking make a lawsuit. Don't fucking do it. As they're bribing politicians to make it. make new laws to say that they can do this fucked up shit. All right, I'm off my fucking stump here.

So anyway, I have a gig coming up where I'm going to play a little bit of drums. So I have to learn some fun songs. And then one like sort of difficult. What was really difficult for me the last time I played. So it's a Zeppelin song. but I've been playing a lot and really fucking freeing myself up. Like, finally, there's not me and the drums. Like, I feel like we're becoming closer together.

You know what I mean? Like, you just got to be like, I don't know, any sort of, like, however you're performing or whatever you're doing, you just got to be like, you want to be chill. Like, I'll tell you know, before I went out on that, that AFI thing. like I was fucking freaking out and I was like, I just paid attention to my breathing. I was like, all right, diaphragm, diaphragm. Breathing the diaphragm. If you breathe from the diaphragm, even though you know what you're about to do is fucking nerve-wracking,

your body will be like, oh, there's no reason to get into fight or flight. If you're new to stand-up comedy, here's some information that you're, you probably organically know. To be in the fight or flight mode and then to try to go out and make people laugh is not a good place to be in. So anyway, I've been,

I've just been like just forcing myself to make mistakes. I always made mistakes, but I was always trying not to. Now I'm just like, no, completely shit the bed on the drums. Just hear something and try to play it.

You know, I'm not playing at a really fast tempo, but like just try and try to come out on one. And if you don't, guess what? Who gives a fuck? Who gives a fuck? Because I didn't realize that, like, I was making all of these rules in my head. Ah, I can't, I can't do that.

I don't know how to do that. And it's just like, well, yeah, nobody does, Bill. And then they try. And then they keep doing it, you know, unless you're a fucking prodigy. I saw this thing that day. I heard this Buddy Rich story. and they were trying to sell Buddy Rich on a new bass drum pedal

and go, yeah, yeah, you get this new bass drum pedal, it's got all this technology, and it'll make you play even faster. And Buddy Rich goes, he goes faster than who. That's fucking amazing. That is some fucking, that is just like, oh, that's right, I forgot. I'm talking to Buddy Rich. I heard that story.

Did I ever tell you these stories? I heard two really good ones. I heard another one, and there was some trumpet player who won the downbeat trumpet player of the year award. You know, back when jazz was mainstream popular music, and it was literally like winning a Grammy or an Oscar. And I think it was Chad Baker? Was that who? I can't remember the guy. I don't know enough about that type of music.

But anyway, I think he won it. And of course he's sitting there going like Jesus Christ, I won it. They didn't give it to Miles. Were they sick of giving it to Miles? So he ends up running into Miles and he goes, oh man, I'm sorry. Like he's literally apologizing for winning it. He goes, I almost wrote you a letter of apology when I, I don't know why they gave it to me. And I almost wrote you that letter of apology.

And Miles goes, you got about 15 other people you got to write letters to before you write one to me. Oh, wait, I think I told you that. Did I tell you guys that? I can't remember. I'm a fucking old man. I can't remember what the hell I told you anymore. And I'm also flying high off of that gig Saturday night. Thank God.

Oh, my God. You know what was funny? Right before they asked me, I was so excited to go. I was just happy that they asked me. And I said, Nia was going like, you know, she's always checking on me, in on me. because, you know, in the past, before I fucking got on the other side of this shit, I was such a moody, depressed person

at any moment that she was, you know, would sort of try to get the temperature of the water. She'd be like, how you feeling? How are you feeling? How are you feeling? I'm at, this fucking great. This is great. This is like, you know,

anytime I go to these events, I'm usually going on at some point. So I got to, like, be in my head and thinking about what I'm going to do and da-da-da-da-da. This is great. I can just go here. and enjoy all of these brilliant people going up there

talking about Eddie and then I'm going to say yeah I'm just happy to be an audience member I was like super chill and then like fucking on her way over to the hotel hey guess what you're going in back up goaltender Billy okay okay

what was that thing from what was that great Canadian movie protect the short side what the fuck was that one uh hey you hosers those fucking beer drinking guys was it Rick Moranus

in the end he's playing they're playing hockey against those robots and they just come down and they just skate right into him slam into him like just absolutely destroy him and he gets up and he just like nonchalantly goes hey he was he was in the crease

I watched that movie a thousand times What the fuck was it called? I don't know What the fuck you're gonna do You know, you try And then it goes away Anyway Oh everybody

Next week, this time next week I'll be in New York City For the 13th annual Patrice O'Neill Comedy Benefit Tuesday, April 28th At the New York City Center Theater In New York City

We got an incredible lineup We got Adam Ray We got Dave Atel We got Drew Dunn. Another Boston guy. Jordan Jensen, Matt Richards, Zarnagang, and me, Bill Burr, as always, the great Rich Foss will be our MC and we'll have us some special guest drop-ins. Tickets are on sale now and they can be purchased at patricecomedybenefit.comedybenefit. Live. All right, everybody. It's time for the advertising here. advertisements for this week. Look at who it is, everyone. It's Hymns. Arectile dysfunction is way more common than most guys think. Millions of guys deal with it at some point, and that's exactly why Hymns offers a straightforward way to handle it. Hymns connects you

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I know you can grow herbs. I'm really confused about how you grow a spice. I know that's ground up something or other. By the way, I made cramps this morning for my kids. It was a fucking disaster. I don't know if I need to put butter on that little fucking French skillet thing or if it just wasn't hot enough or if I put too much on it wasn't thin enough.

I think it was a little too thick. That's what she said. And I have to figure it out. But you know what? You know, this is what you do. You fail and fail and fail. And that is why I succeed. Michael Jordan.

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I wouldn't mind having a nice garden that I putts around it, you know, chasing away rabbits and shit. You know, the other day, I was fucking, I was riding that Indian motorcycle. and I came around a turn you know I never I never like when I go around a turn I always anticipate that there's someone just stopped you know their cars right there I never go around a blind turn fast and I go around this turn and this fucking baby deer what do you call it a fawn was slowly crossing the road so I was able to slow down in time and I also had my head on a swivel waiting for a waiting for that Fawn's mother to come in like Warren Sapp. Remember that time he hit that guy during that fucking interception? Keep your head on a swim. I never forgot.

Never forget. That Warren Sap hit, I always, like, that was just like to see that happen to a guy that big and see how fucked up that guy got after that hit, I just remember thinking like, okay. Always be looking at the other hand. Instead of being like, oh my God, is that Bambi? Is this fucking, I mean, what is a, what is a full-grown buck or whatever you call a female deer? What are those things weigh?

It's got to be somewhere between four and 600 pounds, 800 pounds. What is Warren Sapp way? A deer is faster than war. It's like three Warren Saps running a two flat 40 coming at me. Jesus Christ I think that's part of the defense of deers is that fons are so fucking adorable

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Sorry about that, everybody. Look, I do my best. You know, what did I just do? Clicking, I'm clicking, there's the screen I want. Okay. Oh, we got the reads here for the week. Not the reads. We have the questions asked by you guys.

And by the way, thank you for all you guys continuing to come out to my shows. I really do appreciate it. No bullshit. You know, it's a tough, goddamn economy. There's a lot of shit out there to choose from, you know? Everything from stand-up comedy to people hammer and nails into the end of their dicks. I mean, these people are, this is all the competition out there. All right.

I'm going to fucking lay down on the couch here for the rest of this podcast because, God damn it, what do I care? What do I care? I had a great fucking weekend. All the stress is gone. All the worry. And as always, I worried, I worried, I worried, and then it went fucking great. All right. Attack by seagulls.

Oh, my God. Now, are seagulls and pigeons really dirty birds? Are they really that dirty? Or is it just they're close enough for us to see how filthy all the birds are? I don't know. I will say the other day I was sitting on my back porch as I do.

I'm in my back porch years and the amount of birds singing in the trees it was like I was in the beginning of a Disney movie was snow white skipping down the fucking trail without a, you know, no bear mace, nothing. She doesn't have to worry about anything. She's a fucking princess, right?

That was like the level that these birds were singing and then all of a sudden they just stopped and uh i looked up in the air and there was these two hawks just circling around and i was like oh i see what happened dad's home dad is home all right attack by seagulls hey billy orange taint very specific um all right greetings from dublin ireland you know a few weeks ago a few weeks ago go on your podcast you were talking about birds and your lack of trust of them i am 26 and have been attacked by seagulls nine times in my life well you must live on the water huh stop eating your corned beef sandwich outside why don't you go inside you're silly cunt is that one's that what you guys call each other

over there i'm not going to bore you with each beating but i'll give you the story of my first Jesus Christ, dude. You should watch that movie, that Alfred Hitchcock movie, The Birds. The first time I was eight years old. Jesus Christ, that must have been fucking traumatic. I was eight. You know what? You might have just been old enough.

If that happened at six, that would have altered who you married. But eight. Eight is when you're starting to get a little protective lining outside of yourself. The first time I was eight during. I don't know how to say this. Sus-Beg. S-U-S-B-E-A-G. Irish for lunchtime.

I was strutting around the playground with a mighty ham and cheese sandwich in my hand when suddenly a massive seagull swooped all in capitals down and tried to take the fucking thing out of my hands. I then began to battle this winged demon. There you go. I love eight-year-old you.

He didn't just fucking quit. Went out of the corner of my eye, two teachers blissfully ignored me and walked straight past. Well, I mean, that's the Irish way. Oh, the Scottish way. I remember one time seeing this Scottish comic on stage in Scotland. I couldn't understand a word he was saying, and everybody was dying laughing. And then me and Nia were laughing because we couldn't understand him. And the only thing I understood was he tagged a joke with, you know, what do you say?

He'd toughen up, you weak hunt. So that's probably what they were thinking. So they walked straight past. Even at eight years of age, I knew the fight was pointless. Was I really going to continue to eat this sandwich if I won? Yeah, but because you had the satisfaction of fucking looking at that bird as you threw it out. The Seagull got away with most of my lunch. I fell to my arse.

And just like that, my battle against the gull species began. Oh yeah, dude, go fuck yourself, Ginger Obolix. Hey, you know, that's a great beginning to a movie. Like one of those revenge karate movies. Like at some point, I have to think that a seagull grabbing your sandwich, you know, I feel like the move is you pull this sandwich, in close to you as your other hand comes in and smashes that thing right in its fucking face. It's sort of like a right hook, depending on what hand you carry your sandwich in.

But like at that point, I think you give it three quick ones. And then you break its fucking neck. And then you pick it up by its feet. And then you shake it over your head. So all the other birds, I don't know. Seagulls don't rattle. They don't give a fuck. They just think, good, one less, more fucking ham and cheese sandwich for me.

Those things try to eat other birds and they like swallow them whole. Pelicans do that. It's, I don't know, man. Nature is, I don't know, I swear to God. Forget about what human beings do to each other. What predators do to pray. And then you go to church on Sunday and they talk about a loving God. and that there's a hell after this if you're an asshole it's like it gets worse than this

like worse than what i see on the news worse than what i see out there the inequality the greed false flag it gets it gets worse than this that that's what you're telling me i watch this this is a fucking horrific story i saw this thing one time where this fucking baboon not even that i think like a spider monkey wasn't even like a bigger monkey would go go up there, these little, it's weird. Even at full size, they look like the size of like a baby deer. I mean, like a giant chihuahua. So when they get like big enough, they have like these horns.

And these monkeys come down and they try to take their babies. And what they do is when they take the baby, they break the fucking their back legs so they can't run away. And then they eat them alive from the. the back end. And they do it from the back so they want, for whatever reason, it tastes better to them if the thing is still alive when they eat it. It was, I had to shut it off. It was one of the most horrific things. Like, God really did a good job with cats as far as like lions, tigers, mountain lions and shit. What I love about those predators is they fucking, they choke you out. And if you talk to, like any of these professional fighters in the UFC, they say out of any, if they're going to lose a fight, they would like to be, you know, choked out or like submitted.

You don't want to get knocked out, obviously for the long term effects on your life and your career. And it's just like that that's what lines do. They just, they take you back. They fucking put you to sleep. Like, I mean, this is a fucked up thing. but if you watch that video of Sig-Free and Roy, that fucking tiger grabs Roy by the neck and he just goes limp, that's it, done, out, over.

And if there weren't people there, he would have had a nice quick death. But of course, humans intervened, and then he had to fucking lay in a hospital bed. I don't know that he ever regained conscious. I mean, obviously it was fucking horrific, but that was way better than, you know, if Sigfrey and Roy, if their fucking act was to have a, you know,

make bears, you know, ride bicycles. And somehow one of them decided to jump off that fucking Apollo 3 speed and ripped off his muzzle, like, and get mauled to death. We all said that Leonardo DiCaprio movie, right? Or Grizzly man, fuck that. Fuck that. Fuck that.

Anyway. So I think to move, I think what you should do to heal your inner child, my Irish friend, is I think that you should be walking around with a ham and cheese sandwich maybe in the same fucking area and like entrapment I mean this wouldn't hold up in court

but let one of those birds come down and then I just think you give him the old right there Fred you let him get a good fucking hold on it maybe don't punch it I think you just go in it you just grab that fucker right by its neck right by its fucking neck and then you do the old two and fro right

fucking body slam to this side body slam to that's like you're waving the checkered flag at the end of a race you fuck that bird up then you chop its head off you take the feathers off and you throw it on the grill i don't even think peter gives a fuck about seagulls all right super size me guy hey old billy sideburn tits um i don't even know what that even means um when you mentioned supersized me and how Trump eats exactly like that guy and still hasn't kicked a bucket in your most recent episode, I had to write in because I recently found out the guy from supersized me was actually an alcoholic who admitted to never being sober for more than a week in 30 years. The doctor in the movie looks at his horrible health results at the end of the

movie and said any alcohol abuse and he totally denies he's been binge drinking and fucking up his liver since he was 13. Oh, wow. The best part is, I can guarantee you, Trump doesn't know about that, which means he's been eating all that processed horse meat on a bun all these years, not caring that he's going to end up like the guy in the movie. Yeah, but if he's not drinking, dude, he's the president. He's got like fucking 20 doctors, the best guys in the world, keeping them alive. But to be fair, I don't think you could supersize old Donnie Trumple-Stiltskin

any more than he already is. The guy looked like half an inflated beach ball got rolled around in turmeric and blasted with a leaf blower. Yeah, I heard he's not looking too good these days. I don't watch any of that nonsense. I don't watch any of that fucking nonsense. It's all fucking nonsense.

that speaker of the house she is worth a hundred million dollars she's as big a criminal as donald trump is she just doesn't have the opportunities that he does they're all pieces of shit and uh if you're picking a team you i don't know if that makes you feel better yeah do do that anyway but yeah it might not have been the mcdonalds that killed him might have been the liver giving up after a 30 year alcohol onslaught i you know what i i i would agree with that. I remember Bill Maher said one time, he talked about, you know, every man at some point has to stop drinking or you're going to end up looking like Ted Kennedy.

That's what he said. And it's the truth. Like, nothing. As far as, I mean, obviously meth and that harder drugs, but like, as far as like, you know, the sort of legal drugs that they're allowed you to do, nothing. fucks you up and ages you like alcohol um you know taking a couple of hits off a joint as opposed to you know having a couple of stiff ones at the end of the night jesus christ bloats your face and all and like none of it's good we all know that none of it is good

but you know how else do you combat the news um anyway that's all good points It's weird. Then they'll go like, oh, having one drink a day is actually fucking good for you. Yeah, dude, that's how it starts. One drink. And then it's just like, I can polish off that bottle in three nights. Dumb viral story. Hey, Bill, you remember months ago that couple got caught cheating on their spouses when the Jumbotron Cam caught them at a cold play concert?

Dumb story. I didn't give a shit about it. Hey, none of that was any of my business. I hated hearing people's takes on it. It's just a distraction. Yeah, and also the amount of people that were also fucking around that were judging them, it's insane. And also then you found out that they were actually both separated. It was just they were getting out of the way because it was bad for the company.

I don't know what the story was, but I don't give a fuck. I don't give a fuck about anybody's personal life. That's your personal life. You know, whatever you do for a living. I don't give a shit about it if it affects my life. That's what I give a fuck about. It's like how we watch ESPN. Just tell me who won and lost the game.

Break down the game, that's fine. I don't need to see anybody's wife and kids and all of that shit. You know, a lot of people blame Patrick Mahomes, but that started with Kurt Warner. It started with him. Well, they just kept cutting to his wife in the fucking crowd for whatever reason. Anyway, this person says it's just a distraction. Anyways, the story went on, but then the bitch that got caught started doing,

I like I said you didn't care, and then you're calling her a bitch. The woman that got caught started doing interviews and is probably writing a book or something. Well, yeah, all of these fucking trolls got her fired. He's got to go make some money. In these interviews, she mentioned that Chris Martin didn't even check in. on her once. Wow. Now I'm not bringing this up to dive into this story some more.

It kind of seems like you're involved in the story, sir or ma'am. Okay, hey lady, I watched a kid get dragged out of rubble because bombs I'm forced to pay for, but I'm not allowed to complain about for optical reasons. Okay, so what you're saying is there's another false flag war out there. Yeah, okay. I really don't want to hear anything about how anybody feels about anything. About another 10 years of living in an open therapy session while the techno-authoritarians take over every part of our life.

Thanks and go fuck yourself. Yeah, I mean, I think your overall point was the amount of attention that that couple at the Coldplay concert takes versus these fucking nerds who are saying clean air, fresh water and soil should be privatized and owned by these corporations. I mean, dude, that is the most insane fucking thing that could come out of somebody's mouth. And CNN Fox News, nothing, nothing, nothing. What do they go after?

Two people fucking around at a cold play concert. Comedians tweeting something or doing a comedy festival or this or a, uh, somebody hoarding an individual hoarding hand sanitizer at the beginning of COVID got absolutely fucking dragged and shame as all these big corporations were price gouging on masks. The fact that they turned our food supply into poison, the Farnas Suba Company, those people are like, you get them sick and we'll fucking, air quote, treat them. They just turn a blind eye to all of that type. Yeah, I don't know.

But I think, you know, I have been seeing out there, there's another few people got plotted, got arrested for plotting to try and kill some of these people at the top. And it's like, it's funny. Then the news sits there and they report it like that is horrific and that these people plotting to assassinate these CEOs is horrific, right? But they don't sit there and they go, like, why? Why are they plotting that?

They don't look into what CEOs are doing because I can tell you that if I was doing their fucking job and doing what they're doing to everybody, like it's only a matter of time before some lunatic's going to come for you. They have to fucking know that. They got to know that. And then also, if you're just selling widgets

and you need that level of security, you should probably be looking at the ramifications of your widget making. and what it's doing to people that you now become a person of interest to lunatics. They're lunatics now, but in the future, if the level of greed, this level of fucking greed, this is what that whole fucking draft is about, that all of a sudden everybody's going to have to serve in the future? Yeah, because the, what, the armies is not big, it's not big enough for their level of greed. and the shit that they want to do.

And when we are literally in the process of making the exact same mistake that Germany made where they were fighting a war on two different fronts and they attacked too many fucking people and then what eventually happens is the world gangs up on you

and kicks your ass. And that is the exact fucking thing that's going to happen to us if these fucking cunts at the top don't slow their role, as the kids say. And who's going to pay for it? the regular person, unless we are so crushingly defeated, that all of these fucking people,

the upper 1%, and you know what, they're not going to face the music, they're going to commit suicide in their fucking, their home theaters or whatever, instead of a bunker. All right, air, water, soil, dear Billy bonkers. The Tesla guy, they'll probably shoot him down in his fucking rocket. A long time Canadian fan living in the UK here. I wanted to address something that came up on April 13th podcast about that quote from the World Economic Forum in Davos. The listener who sent it in probably meant no harm, but the way the quote was framed to

you was misleading. Oh, Jesus, I just went off on it. Let me start by saying, fuck every single tech billionaire and all the circle jerking aspiring Silicon Valley wannabes who look up to them. They are a cancer and a plague on our lives, our livelihood, and humanity as a whole. As you once put it, they should all be buried under the prison. However, the statement that air, water, and soil

should be assets on a balance sheet is not malicious when you look at the theme and context of what the speaker was saying and who she is. It was said by Lindsay Hooper, CEO of the University of Cambridge Institute for Sustainable, sustainability leadership here in the UK. Okay, can I just tell you something? In my country, the nicer the thing is named, the more toxic it is.

Holistic, natural, for the people. That all means that you are going to get cancer from it. So this is a wonderful name. Institute for Sustainable Leadership. That all sounds great. but I'm a little jaded and what I have learned unfortunately that in business

everybody has a side deal everybody cuts the side deal you know who does that the most leaders they talk out of one side of their mouth that they're going to hold these corporations you know or whatever like leaders of unions in my business

have notoriously had side deals with studio executives and been patting their pockets as on one side is simultaneously they're given speeches to working actors that they're going to look out for them. Okay? So anyways, let me hear what they're saying that they're doing. Her whole thing is holding businesses across all sectors accountable for the shit they do to the environment and getting funding for sustainably focused education programs for Cambridge and beyond.

The full point she was making was about assigning a monetary value to air, water, and soil why would you do that? Why would you make those commodities like that? That's a good thing so that the damage companies due to their environment can be quantified and put on their balance sheet as a liability. It has nothing to do with the privatization

of the profiting from those resources. Well, it sounds to me what she's doing is placating that they are going to be privatized and that what corporations plan on doing is putting the responsibility on the regular person and not on them. That's what they're trying to do. So I guess what? They're rolling with that and now we're going to police these guys.

This feels like it's going to be like Greenpeace. Anyway, it has nothing to do with privatizing or profiting from these resources and everything to do with highlighting. They're finite and that we need a tangible way to hold large. corporations accountable for the near irreversible damage they're doing to the planet. No, it is irreversible. We've already gone past it. It might sound pendantic. I'd have to look that word up, but you've always seemed to care about the environment. And as someone who works in sustainable energy and food security and emerging markets, I thought it was important to correct

the narrative on this because this isn't the first time I've heard that clip thrown out around out of context. That is not to say everything is peachy or that the W.E.F. Davos Summit isn't mostly an excuse for Mark Kuckerberg and his troop of tiny dick, Revenge of the Nerds-type assholes to hawk their latest privacy-invading AI solution to the highest bidder.

Yeah, that's the other side of the coin. But if there was one positive thing said at that conference, it came from this lady and the clip bouncing around the internet is way out of context. Yeah, it's probably because everybody else at that thing said really evil shit. So then if she's the only one

there with a good heart, they're trying to make her be the bad guy. Like the people in Ireland where they were talking about the farmers, how they're trying to demonize them as they privatize farming. Anyway, I hope to catch a show of yours one day. Go fuck yourself.

Yeah, well, she was probably the one good voice at that summit. Anyway. Anyway. I don't know. When I look what little I know about history, when shit gets out of control, at this out of control,

the only way it gets righted is by force. And there's many different ways that force comes about, but usually it's violence and it's wars and a lot of people fucking suffer. These people are just completely out of their fucking minds. They are just addicted to money and they are just serving money and not people

and they are justifying all of it and they're fucking, it's like no different than watching an addict who just can't stop using. These people just can't stop acquiring things and buying. They can't have enough. power, they can't have enough money, and they can't make enough people suffer. And then simultaneously, they have an ability to justify all of it in their head by saying, if I don't do it, someone else would.

This is how business is done. They have no fucking conscious whatsoever. And I don't want to get stereotypical here. It's, they're pretty empty. Like, if you guys watch that documentary on Rupert Murdox, it is just like, you're looking at people that have more money than they could ever need and they are fucking miserable and they're all suing each other and they hate each other like can you imagine being a father and when you grow up in the end your job as a father ends with your kids hating you they don't call you on your

birthday and they try and sue you i don't care how much money you have your life you're a failure an abject fucking failure and now you have all those kids with all of those issues and all of that money are now going to go out into the fucking world and do God knows what to innocent people. Oh, Jesus, it's a quagmire. Anyway, well, now that you've corrected me on that, my apologies to her and whatever good fight she's fighting, I hope she fucking wins it. But it's going to take a bunch of regular people like you and me to get behind her. And I don't know, somehow sift through all of this bullshit and somehow, you know, keep your eye on the

ball and stop letting us stop letting them divide us there is no conservative and liberals that's just fucking bins that they stuck us in and then they throw one scrap of meat in between both of us and watch us fight us out as they eat the rest of the fucking oh jesus bill we know we know all right all right that's the podcast go fuck yourselves i'll check in on you on thursday i'm excited to go to atlantic city this weekend i'm excited to go to new york i'm going to be checking out some broadway plays there, you know, being my lovely wife, and we're going to be doing the Patrice O'Neill comedy benefit. One of my favorite things to do every year. All right, that's it. Go fuck yourselves. I'll talk to you later.