Monday Morning Podcast - MotoGP, NBA, Aviation 'Experts' | Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 6-26-25

Episode Date: June 26, 2025

Bill rambles about MotoGP, the NBA, and aviation 'experts'. 00:00 - Thursday Afternoon Podcast31:01 - Thursday Afternoon Throwback 6-26-17 - Bill rambles about photosynthesis police, the Big Papi roast, and minding your p's and q's. Thursday Afternoon Interlude:  Ramsey Lewis - Uhuru SimpliSafe:  Visit www.SimpliSafe.com/BURR to claim 50% off a new system with a professional monitoring plan and get your first month free.  Cornbread Hemp:  Right now, our listeners can save 30% off their first order and enjoy free shipping on orders over $75 at www.CornbreadHemp.com/BURR with code BURR at checkout.

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burn. It's time for the Thursday afternoon, just before Friday, Monday morning podcast. And I'm just checking in, checking in on you, yeah. Hey, sorry, this podcast is gonna be a little quiet. I got the kiddos in the other room. Um...up a little early today.

You know, I'm gonna try to enjoy my last three days on Glenn Gary, Glenn Ross. I can't believe it's coming to an end. Unreal, unreal. I'm gonna miss everybody I work with, but it is time. It's time for all freckles to get back to doing his standup stuff, which I will be doing. I have a gig in London, and then I have a gig in Abu Dhabi.

And then when I say Abu, you say Dhabi, Abu. And then I have a gig in Milan, Italy. And then I don't have Jack Squat after that. I will be doing a, getting ready to go back out on tour show in LA. That will be announced soon if it hasn't already. I'm just not sure. I don't know how these things work.

For some reason you can't say what it is that you're doing. Everybody gets all fucking weirded out because you have to, everybody has to announce it at the same time so we get in the zeitgeist, however it works, whatever, it's promotion. So anyway, all right, this is that time of year where if you're not into motorsports, like MotoGP, which I don't know, everybody's freaking out.

MotoGP just got signed or just got purchased by Liberty something or other group. I don't know what it was. It's an American corporation. So all these MotoGP fans were all fucking upset. Oh, it goes to fucking sport. There's gonna be like five races in the United States of America. Well, what the fuck is wrong with that? I live here.

I like this sport. I don't think that that's good. I mean, listen, these people, whatever, they own formula one, right? Does formula one suck now? I have no idea um I don't know. I think there's just a general dislike Of uh americans right now and uh, god knows we've earned it It's not us. It's not, you know, I like to think it's not me. I don't dictate the foreign policy and I also don't fucking, I don't know, who knows?

It's probably just me. Anyway, so yeah, so I guess there'll be more races in America, but here's the thing. Every American sport is trying on some level to go global. You know, NFL, Europe, like they all want to be like the World Cup. That type of money. They want that kind of money. And the only American sport, or at least organization that that's been able to do it is the UFC. Or maybe boxing, I guess. You know, back in the day, Mahomet Ali would fight

all around the world and everything would sell out. So I guess the fight game has always been able to do that. And I remember Rogan saying one time that even if you're not into fighting, if you were driving down the street and if you saw two people fighting, you would stop to watch it. You'd slow down to watch it, you know what I mean? Where I don't think if you saw some people playing like pick up hoop, you really weren't into it.

If you're not into it, you're not going to watch. But there's something compelling about two people beating the fuck out of each other so it translates around the fucking world so as does I guess motorsports I don't know they've always made fun of our tracks in America no matter what track we have it's always not as good as theirs. It's always so, oh, our shit is so fucking vulgar and American and blah, blah, blah. They're such cunts, you know what I mean? It's like we're a different country.

We have a different landscape. We have a lot of land. There's going to be a lot more straightaways. And I remember they said that fucking, that Vegas f1 was gonna suck and I went there and had the most lead changes of any race that year So I don't know what they're whining about This all goes back to like top gear in England when those fucking old cunts Anytime there's any sort of American car on it English people if you can believe it, shit on the design

of a fucking car. England has never been able to make a fucking car that can get over 40,000 fucking miles without overheating. Everything that they make made when it comes to vehicles has sucked has been unreliable Every single brand what do they got? What do they got over there? They got Jaguar They got fucking Rolls Royce is Bentley their thing all of them all of them super high priced Super high fucking maintenance and then they go around and fucking shit on our cars You know what I mean? Not saying our cars are fucking great, but like they got a lot of nerve You know, what are you gonna do next say we're ugly? Jesus Christ anyway

So I'm a couple races behind with MotoGP. I plan on getting caught up this week. I've just been doing a lot of shit here now that my wife and kids are in town. Just having the best time with them. My kids are so goddamn funny. We've just been trying to enjoy New York. It's been hot as hell here. Once again, another major political issue for some reason they don't talk about and they just create debates like, are we contributing to it? I

don't, the scientists I paid for it's just like, what is their fucking endgame? I Don't understand these people but I'm telling you that shit. I was talking about the other day where if you look up that personality the dark triad I'm telling you that is the personality trait that thrives in corporate America in the industrial military complex, in politics, like at some point, you know, we sit there and go, where are all the decent whatever, where's a CEO with empathy, where's a decent, you know, honest politician? They get weeded out.

By the time you get past a certain level in business, politics, military, anything, I just feel like it just gets to the point where you're like, if you're a decent person, you're like, wait a minute, what, like, what are we doing here? We're going to do what? I don't want to be involved in that. That's that's not right. And all the decent people fall off to the side. And then all the reptile people who don't give a fuck

And the only way they feel feelings is to amass more money and power carry on That's just That's just my theory, I don't know so Anyway Plowing ahead here, I saw this thing on the NBA draft which really interests me. So, of course we all know the NBA is fucking fixed.

We all know that that Luka Doncic, whatever his fucking name is, was not making the NBA enough money in Dallas. So Dallas agrees to trade him to where their media capital, their fucking sweet 16 fucking princess who god forbid they suck for a couple of years. Just ship all your free agents to fucking the Los Angeles Lakers, right? So they ship him out there. He looked terrible in the uniform, not gonna lie to you. It's just the whole thing. I don't know if it's working or whatever, but they do that and they traded him for nothing.

For nothing. And then what happens? The NBA lottery comes along and who wins it? Can you believe it? It's the Dallas Mavericks. Wow. What a fucking chain of events. I'll tell you, a lot of coincidence there nothing to see though

so anyway They're gonna get the number one draft pick in the NBA draft, right Unless they traded away. So the projected number one player is a white dude named Cooper flag Out of Duke, right? Extra white if you white you're white, but you go to Duke. Yeah, you become extra white, right? So he's gonna looks it's projected to be the number one First player picked in the 2025 NBA draft,

and which made me think, what was the last time a white guy went number one overall in the NBA draft? Now I did a quick search, so I might be wrong on this, but as far as my search, it was a man named Kent Benson in 1977. Forty-eight years, it's been 48 years since Whitey, that white guy, went number one.

We're coming back, man. It's going to be like the 60s again. Dude, 1977, like, 1977, the Knicks hadn't won in only four years. Like, they could still walk around talking shit, like, legitimately. That's how long ago it was. So, Kent Benson was drafted number one by the Milwaukee Bucks.

And ironically enough, two minutes into his first game as a professional, Benson elbowed former Milwaukee Bucks Los Angeles Lakers center Kareem Abdul-Jabbar in the abdomen. And you know, Kareem, he didn't fuck around. Kareem gave Benson a concussion with the retaliatory punch Kareem was out for like a month so they didn't bother suspending him. It's a different time and Benson was out for like a game The concussion I shake it off and he came back And says Benson never lived up to the potential of a number one NBA draft pick twice

in his career. He was traded for a future Hall of Fame player. So with that, 48 years goes by and here comes Cooper Flag. My buddy Paul Verzi told me that he did some sort of something, an Olympic thing, against the pros. And he was, I guess, destroying everybody, or was very impressive. And what I said, my response to Paul, let me get to the text, I said the Olympics is not the NBA until he goes up against Draymond Green, Dillon Brooks and leg breakers like that and survives. I said I think they're going to beat him up like that white girl in the WNBA. No, I'm kidding. I'm rooting for him.

So anyway, like the big story is not that a white guy is going number one. The big story is that the Dallas Mavericks get the number one pick. Does the NBA even try to hide how manipulated that fucking league is? It's really ridiculous. I mean, it was always ridiculous and pretty obvious

what the hell they were doing with their business plan and them just fucking blowing the fucking Los Angeles Lakers, blowing them. Like the level of free agents. I remember that guy, that fucking, the fuck's his name there? David Stern, when they asked him, what's your dream NBA finals?

And he got like wistful. He was like, oh, the Lakers versus the Lakers. You know, everybody talks about that Donahue series, the Sacramento one and the Lakers. No one talks about the, when the Celtics beat the Lakers in 2008 and then we came back in 2009 and they had them beat again. And they just called like 9,000 fouls on us

and let the Lakers win it from the foul line. And I remember Kobe Bryant, rest his soul at the end of the game, he goes, I don't know how we won that game. Yeah, you do. Yeah, you do This this should be an official's Jersey with 2009 written on it hanging at the fucking Staples Center They were setting up the rubber game they rebooted the whole thing was bullshit we were in last place and then they gave us Ray Allen and fucking

What's his face from the Timberwolves Kevin Garnett for nothing Just to get us, you know juices back up again and then they got they rebooted the Lakers I think this was all a business plan. They rebooted the Celtics Lakers We had back-to-back and then you know, we were gonna win two in a row. They're like well, we can't have that They got to go like fucking one-and-one and then we'll let them play the next year, but then what happened? LeBron goes to fucking Miami With Chris Bosch and then that whole fucking thing gets going and that story was bigger and then they just abandoned it And then that was the end of us and the Lakers, you know

Until LeBron goes to LA and the Lakers, you know, until LeBron goes to LA. It's like everybody has to end up in LA. Like I remember a long time ago, like a big thing as a comedian was like hosting the MTV Music Awards or like, you know, I don't know, the Oscars. I'm trying to think. There was something you had to like, like do Do the Tonight Show like you have to do it I feel like as like a fucking NBA player at some point you have to go to the Lakers and pile on and try to Win a championship like most superstars end up doing that

Anyways, it's a strange league. So yeah. Anyway getting back to the motorcycle shit. I'm like I'm two races behind but I plan on getting caught up and Yeah, and I also plan on enjoying these last four shows We had two yesterday and I'm really proud of everybody that I'm working with because everybody is still on a very high level, killing it with this play. And I didn't anticipate how difficult the last week would be to maintain your focus

because you're counting down shows, which is always dangerous. But I don't know, I always just find the fear of bombing and doing a bad job, no matter how much I'm sitting there going, oh, God, I don't feel funny tonight, or I don't want to go out here. Like, this is like stand up thoughts I have in stand up. that fear of going out there and just feeling people being like, all right, well, you know, you went out there and you said the things you were supposed to say. You get paid for that?

Just the fear of somebody having that reaction is enough to get me going every night. And, you know, we go out, we sign the playbills every night and somebody, this older woman said to me, it's one of the best compliments the cast has gotten, saying she's seen every version of this play. And she said, the way you guys are doing this, it's a whole brand new play. And I understand the play now better than I ever did.

And when she said that, I was like, I gotta memorize that because I have to tell this to everybody in the cast. So anyways, it's been hot as bulls Uh, the last three days I think today it's supposed to finally, uh Supposed to finally, um Let up a little bit, I don't know and the place was staying the fucking ac is uh I don't know. It was kind of running half, you know staying in this hotel and someone was bitching going like,

you know, it was like 100 degrees, 90 degrees out or whatever and they'd fucking AC and the hotel bus breaks and they're all, of all the fucking days for it to fucking break. It's like, it always breaks on the hottest day because everybody cranks the fucking AC at like 60 degrees and it gets overwhelmed, you know? Just be thankful you don't have to be the poor bastard

that has to go up on the roof today and fucking put some freon in there or fix the compressor, whatever it is. Going up there, you know, burning your goddamn knee through your pants on that rooftop. I don't know. Oh, Billy Perspective. It's what I've been trying to do lately.

You know what I mean? Trying to be in a very non-empathetic time. You know, I saw all of this shit about Trump's ex-wives and stuff and they were all immigrants and the way that they came here None of them came here the right way and all of that shit It's just like it's just a funny issue there did you see he dropped he drops the f-bomb It's like what has happened to this country. He drops the F-bomb and like it's, it's nothing. Nothing. When I was growing up, if you can believe it, I grew up in the crack

eighties, it was not a good time. You know, a lot of people, my people thought it was a good time, but for most people it wasn't, um, if you drop the F-bomb as a president back in the day, it's like, you know, you disgraced the office. I did think it was funny that he kind of had like that temper tantrum and saying, they've been fighting a long time and Iran and Israel don't know what the fuck they're doing.

I mean if a narcissist isn't in your life they're wildly entertaining. It's like oh yeah you think you know more about the Middle East than they do? They just fucking live there. Anyway, I think what happened was he told them to knock it off and then they told him to mind his own business and then he had a temper tantrum out on the lawn before he took the fucking presidential helicopter to land on top of a McDonald's. I Still maintain The only time I ever saw like a glimpse into what he he should have been or like the passion that he has for life Is was when he got behind the counter at McDonald's? I mean, I've just never seen I never seen him just that excited little he wins a fucking presidential election

He has a fucking scowl on his face. like he just got outbidded at a fucking, what was that, storage wars, that's how he just looks like, you know, somebody outbid him on one of those fucking bins or something. It's like dude, you just won the election. He just stands there. Upset. Listen, he just stands there. Pfft. Ha ha ha ha ha. Upset. I think it's a power move.

Narcissists like doing that. They like acting like they're upset. And, you know, I'm telling you, if you want a crash course on it, I have to go back to that Ocean Gate thing again, that documentary on Netflix about the fucking submersible and that fucking guy and you watch Him he's surrounded by experts and he will not listen to them because he is the expert He's beyond an expert. He is a god and he does this shit

The if you say stuff that he doesn't like he stops talking to you You know and what's funny is a fully developed, emotionally functioning human being doesn't know how to react unless they've interacted with the narcissist. So then they start thinking, what? Oh my God, am I doing something wrong? I got to get back in this guy's favor. It's like, no, dude, you need to stay the course. Okay. No, dude, you need to stay the course. Okay, the submersible is not safe

and he should not be testing it out with human beings inside. And then he ends up freezing them all out and getting rid of them. I don't need a third party inspection. Ha ha ha. Unbelievable. I knew somebody, right?

Because I've gotten them all out of my life, because I had a lot in my life, because growing up with it, then you gravitate towards it. So I knew this guy, right? He had a pilot's license, and he had not flown in like 30 fucking years. And he just, you know, he had like, I don't even know how many hours he had. It sounded like he flew a little bit and then he got married and his wife said stop.

So he probably maybe had, depending on the money he had to fly, how expensive it was back then. We'll say he had 200 hours. All right, all he had was his, you know, private pile. He didn't have a commercial, he didn't have instrument, didn't have any of that shit. you know, private pilot. He didn't have a commercial, he didn't have instrument, didn't have any of that shit.

So I remember talking to him, there was some sort of commercial airliner incident where they lost an engine or something, and he was talking all of this shit. And I just sort of clocked it, and I realized like, oh, this guy is a full on, just the way he was the arrogance of what he was talking about and how he knew exactly what was happening.

That's always like a big red flag, like whenever there's some sort of aviation accident, that person who just automatically tells you he knows exactly what happened or she knows, right? This is what this person was doing So then I was just having fun with them and I was going like oh, yeah Do you think of some reason if that Engine failure happened

You know and something happened to the pilots and they were incapacitated Do you think that you could land that plane and dude it was like a 720 one of those fucking giant planes, right? The big Southwest plane and he just goes oh yeah oh yeah oh yeah I get it on the ground I get it on the ground it's like yeah anybody in the back would get it on the ground it's how you get it on the ground gravity is gonna get it on the ground you don't need to handle's how you get it on the ground. Gravity is going to get it on the ground, you don't need to handle that. Can you get it on the ground? The fact that he just flew Cessnas and thought that he could just fucking land a jumbo jet

30 years later without flying. And I'm telling you, if he took a lie detector test, he wouldn't be lying. He truly believed that he could do it. That he was going to land a 747 that was missing an engine or whatever the fuck was going on with this thing. I forget the exact incident. He had no, he didn't know like what the topography was, where they were landing, what the nearest airport was, how to work the radios or whatever you would need to do he wasn't rated to fly anything beyond a little Cessna

Yeah, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I get it on the ground It's my favorite thing Get it on the ground. Oh, I'm sure you would buddy. I'm sure you would in a million fucking pieces Anyway, let's do some reads here for the week All right, simply safe. You know that moment at night when you're Locking up turning off the lights and you just want to feel completely safe before heading to bed That's what simply safe gives me I've been using it for a while now, and it's honestly changed how I think about home security.

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Fortunately, I didn't put a lot of shit in there. I'm gonna knock that out tonight, and then I don't have to worry about anything come Saturday, so one show tonight, one Friday, and then two on Saturday, and that's all she wrote. I'm just gonna keep thanking everybody involved for giving me the opportunity to do this.

And, uh, it's been a hell of an experience. I will never forget it. And, uh, you know, I was talking to a couple cast members yesterday just being like, dude, how cool is this? We got to do Glenn, we're part of it now. We got to do it. Not only got to be on Broadway, we got to be in Glenn Gary, Glenn Ross,

one of the great American plays. And when they talk about it now and they make a list of the cast and everything, our names are gonna be there. It's really cool. And I don't know, I'm just thankful for everyone that gave me the opportunity, everybody I worked with, and of course everyone that showed up.

We've had amazing crowds right on through, even this week too with the heat wave, that usually takes a lot out of a crowd, but they were still fucking great. So thank you to everyone that has come out. And that's it. Other than that, I'm just trying to continue on on my way here.

Not listening to all of this shit on the news, making me hate people. I'm not gonna hate Iranian people or Iraqi people, Israeli people, Palestinian people, Mexican, Chinese, I'm no, no. I don't like billionaires that pay politicians and judges and CEOs. I don't like those people. Those are the people I don't like. Regardless of race or sex, those lizard people, keep your eye on the ball people. Don't let them make you hate your fellow man.

That's it. That's my message. All right. Have a great weekend, you cunts, and I'll check in on you on Monday. Alright. Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Monday Morning Podcast for Monday, June 26th, 2017. What's going on? How are you doing? How are you doing this fucking Monday morning? Is global warming making your office hot? woman making your office hot. Climate change. Let's give it a nicer name. So what are we going to use? Was it euphemism?

Photosynthesis? Jesus Christ, the photosynthesis fucking police. There's nothing people enjoy more on the internet other than jerking off to people sold into the sex industry. Sex, what are they called? Human trafficking is fucking correcting somebody. Jesus fucking Christ, the amount of gold I give you, I've got for fucking bid. A pasty fucking dope like me makes a mistake every once every fucking five minutes on a

podcast. All of you fucking cunts cannot wait to go on the internet and just read me the riot act like like you're up for some sort of fucking award in the science industry. You know, whatever the fuck they call it. The science circuit. That's what they always call, radio guys say that. Yeah, you're working the circuit.

You ain't doing the road. I didn't realize there was a circuit. Everybody fucking coming at me, photosynthesis. I think you meant pollination. Laughing my ass off. You know, Jesus fucking Christ. Let me look it up right now. Pollination. Pollination. Why has there ever been a ball player named that? Pollination is the process by which pollen is transferred to the female reproductive organs of a plant, thereby enabling fertilization to take place. Like all living organisms, seed plants have a single major goal to pass their genetic

information on to the... All right, well how the fuck does it get there? Oh, it's pollination. Oh, I said photosynthesis. All right, so that's what I thought photosynthesis was. Okay, here we go. Photosynthesis. That doesn't have a good ring. Pollination.

Photosynthesis. That's how you have to bring them up. Now batting. Number 22. Photosynthesis. That's more like the MMA. Fighting out of the red corner. Fighting out of the red corner.

Fighting out of the red corner. Fighting out of the red corner. Fighting out of the red corner. Fighting out of the red corner. Fighting out of the red corner. Fighting out of the red corner. To... synthesis. That's more like the MMA. Fighting out of the red corner. I guess he would just read the definition. Fighting out of the red corner. The process by which green plants and some other organisms use sunlight

to synthesize their foods is the rating. From carbon dioxide and water, the process by which green plants and some other organisms use sunlight to synthesize foods from carbon dioxide and water. What does synthesize mean? See, this is what happens. Are they using autotune? Synthesize. Synthesis.

Synthesis. Oh, come on, you fucking cunt. Plural synthesis, the formation of a chemical compound through the combination of a simple compound of elements. See, most of you guys that knew that I used the wrong word, you couldn't fucking tell me what all this shit meant. You know, unless you own a lab coat, right?

Photosynthesis, the process by which green plants and some other organism use sunlight to synthesize foods from carbon dioxide and water. Like digest them, turn them into something edible. So there's some cunt right now like, oh yeah, yeah, okay, fuck it. Shut up. And right there, you fucking beaker's some cunt right now like, oh yeah, yeah, okay, fuck it. Shut up. All right there, you fucking beaker-readin' cunt.

Fuck you and your black-framed glasses, all right? Least I own my work, unlike you in the science industry. Who owns your shit and what do they use it for? You're out there trying to feed plants using sunlight, right? And all of a sudden they come up with a new way to send our magic mics. That's what I'm starting to call our missiles. Magic mics. That's what we have in this country.

We got the top of the line fucking missiles, you know, like the Mercedes and the Ferraris and F1. Top of the line. We got the magic mics. We shoot them into a city. They only kill the bad people. Right? We got the magic mics. We shoot them into a city. They only kill the bad people. Right?

And all these terrorist groups, they like to fucking the, who's the guys in the orange cars this year? Their fucking cars blow up every goddamn fucking race. One of their goddamn drivers goes, you know what? Fuck you guys. I'm taking a race off. I'm going to go drive the Indy 500. He left Formula One to drive a fucking Indy five,

an Indy car race in America. The McLaren Hondas, they're like the terrorist group, you know what I mean? You don't know what the fuck's gonna happen. But we got the Magic Mike's. Magic Mike's photosynthesis. Pollination, whatever, you guys got me. I'm the fucking, what's that guy, Yachty? The guy Yachty who said blow me like a cello or whatever.

I don't think I've ever related to a rapper more in that moment. You know, as white as I am, that's what it took. You know, not talking about this or talking about that. It's the fact that that poor bastard thought a cello was a wind instrument. I was like, you know what, this sounds like the kind of person that I went to summer

school with. And you know what? I bet he has other talents other than being able to memorize. All you fucking cunts out there, were they able to memorize what photosynthesis was versus pollination? Can I ask you a question seriously? In all seriousness, where did it get you, huh?

Other than getting to be some cunt at a cocktail party, you know, what are you, a socialite? You can talk photosynthesis and fashion. You know, by the way, thank you for correcting me. I don't know how it's going to affect my life, but there was just something about the joy that people took in correcting me that I took umbrage with. Did I use that correctly? Or is that the wrong you word? You know what I like about Twitter is I don't even have to read anymore. I'll just say shit that I think is right and you guys can correct me.

I'll learn things. You guys can feel better about yourselves. You know, I think it's a little fucking, what do they call it? Little surf and turf, little scratch my back, scratch your back. I don't know what. You see Beyonce's sister, she's got a gig at the fucking Hollywood Bowl.

That's pretty, what a fucking talented family. You know what I mean? That's how talented that family is. Like she can't even get anybody to look at her at the Thanksgiving table because her fucking older sister sold out the Rose Bowl you know I mean She's like the fuck up of the family because she only sold out the Hollywood Bowl Honey honey honey quiet down quiet down

Your sister is talking about what it was like to be singing bootylicious as the stealth bomber flew over the stage, okay? Was that wrong to do that? Speaking of pollination, will this get the beehive after me? You know it's funny about all of those fucking groups. They're so up the ass of the artists. I swear to God, she would fucking, she wouldn't take her goddamn shoes off to run across the street and make a fucking emergency call on one of those old telephones back in the day. Let's just say there wasn't cell phones.

If she saw one of you guys sitting on the side of the road, she wouldn't give a shit about you. What's another one? Who's another one's got a big following? You know, it's the beehive. Doesn't Mariah Carey have one? You know what I mean? I don't know what it is.

It's just, I don't know what. There's something about acting like a complete asshole and treating people like shit that just women can't get enough, a certain type of woman, they can't get enough of it. What is it, why, you know something, I always wondered if more women were like Ronda Rousey or the current champion that I don't know the name of,

my apologies, if more of them took like MMA and could actually beat the fuck out of you, would they just not walk around being mean to each other as much? You know I think that's the only reason why guys aren't as mean as women are because personally speaking anyways Because I know that 90% of guys can beat the shit out of me right at the very least land a couple to my you know And I fucking bruised like the Irishman I am You know stop the fight. you know, two punches in. I don't need that shit.

So I try to basically mind my P's and Q's. What does that stand for, huh, you fucking brainiacs? What does that stand for? Let me find out. And I have to fact check everything so I don't get fucking people up my ass again. Minding your P's and Q's. Minding your P's and Q's. P and Q origin.

Or is it, yeah, it's P's and Q's, not P and Q. Mind your P's and Q's, you fucking cunt. How do you not say that without your fucking cunt? What does mind your P's and Q's, not P and Q. Mind your P's and Qs, you fucking cunt. How do you not say that without your fucking cunt? What does Mind Your P's and Q's come from? This is going to be a very special educational podcast. It's just going to be me. All right. OK, if you've ever been told to mind your P's and Q's,

it might have struck you as a rather odd thing to do. That's a nice way of saying it was annoying. I think any time somebody said, hey, mind your P's and Q's, my immediate thought was, who the fuck is this guy? Telling me to mind these things. I almost did some 80s comedy. Telling me to mind these things. I don't know what they are.

The concept seems reasonable enough. Behaving well, not giving offense, but quite what the letters P and Q have to do with this is a little more mysterious. Why not B and D? Oh Jesus, here's something, why not B and D? Or M and M? Can you just fucking get a whole entry? All right. There's a whole fucking, this guy's just, you know what's so funny about these fucking

assholes who write for a living? They just can't get to it. They feel if they don't take up a whole fucking page. Or Bill, maybe there's people out there that enjoy reading. Maybe it's that. Okay. You know what? I'll take the ride.

Why not B&D? Or M and M? M and N. Or any other combination. Sadly, as is often is the case with the more intriguing terms in the English language, there is no definitive answer to the, oh, well, what the fuck?

No one knows what it means. This last meaning, we're like directing to da, da, da, da, da. Mean queen and not queen what the best possible manners mind you're dancing I don't know the Oxford dictionary doesn't even know the answer you know it's funny they don't even have the fucking answer, yet they still couldn't keep their mouths shut, could they? I bet somebody else has one. Somebody at this point, see internet, somebody's going to take a guess.

All right, what does it mean? Ever been told to mind your P's and Q's? Yes, yes, that's why I'm here. Unless you're working a mechanical printing press at the time, chances are you are fairly subtly being told to mind your manners. What exactly are your P's and Q's? The short answer is no one really knows! Why isn't that... Why isn't that right there? Mind your P's and Q's. What does it mean? And then boom, nobody knows. What kind of a fucking ass... you ever been told to mind your P's and Q's what does it mean and then boom nobody knows? What what kind of a fucking ass you ever been told to mind your P's and Q's well unless you work in a very press

Fucking two paragraphs this you know what it is because this is delving into the world of people that that like to know shit So even when they don't know shit they still have to fucking Write three paragraphs on it. Alright, fuck all of this. Fuck all of this. I was just frustrating. Um, anyways, and I am actually, you know, before I looked up those things, before I remembered that you guys corrected me, you know, maybe you guys weren't being assholes, maybe you're just trying to help me out.

You know, so next time I'm hanging around a socialite, you know? Socialite as far as I can tell is just a well-read gold-digging whore. You know? Like how did you get there? You got to be married to somebody rich. If you just walk, if you're just pleasant to be around, you don't really have a fucking job.

I mean somebody's got to be bringing home the bacon, right? Bringing home the bacon. where did that come from? You know, I mean, unless you're a farmer, I don't know, unless you're working, unless you're a butcher, 20 fucking parrots later. Point is, nobody really knows. Anyways, I'm actually relieved, believe it or not, because I did the big poppy roast on, what was it, Thursday night, and thank Christ it went about as great as it could

have gone. I'm not a big fan of doing roasts. You know what the last roast I did was? I did the Patrice O'Neill roast like 15 years ago or something whenever the hell that was that was the last time because I never understood doing one unless you were friends with the person right but I always like is I always see guys like Lenny Clark and Dennis Leary you know they're always hanging out at Red Sox games getting up in the broadcast booth and I'm like I would

love to fucking do some shit like that. I need to do more Boston hometown shit. So this thing came up and I'm like, ugh, why did it have to be a roast? And Nia chimed in, she's like, you should do it. So I said, yes, I'll do it. And then I had no time to fucking write, because I was dealing with a bunch of other shit. And all of a sudden it was a few days away. And I dealt with that race, that roast, the way this country dealt with Y2K.

You know, where we waited until the last second, then we were like, oh my God, what are we going to do? Like we treated it like a fucking giant term paper. That's what I did. And it was a race to Thursday, what I was trying to say. A race to the finish line. A race against time. And I actually figured out how my brain works when it comes to those fucking things.

It's the same way it works for standup. But for some reason, you think like a roast, I have to sit down and write jokes. That's not what I needed to do. I needed to put my daughter, is that my daughter in there? I had to put my daughter in the stroller and walk around the block. And then I had to, I smoked a cigar

by myself on the back porch, and I just kept thinking it Shit, and I would just videotape myself saying it and then I had all these videos and I forget if I told you this guys you guys is on Sorry on Thursday, but I just watched the videos and I just spliced together every good one Just transcribed them and then I had the block of everybody, right? I had Poppy, Gronk, Pedroia, Josh Wolf, Lenny Clack, Sarah Tiana, Anthony Mackie.

I had everybody that was on the fucking thing. And I just would put them underneath each name. And then I just then made a new document and I just took the best of the best, slid them over. Then I put them in the best possible order. Then I went in order of person. And then I smoothed it out. And it all worked, thank fucking Christ.

The only way to make fun of David Ortiz was just to make fun of how he looked and the fact that he was a DH. That's all I had. And I made fun of the Dominican Republic a little bit. And that was it. That was it. So I don't know if this video, I know Gronk fucking killed, Pedroia killed. He told this fucking hilarious story about Poppy not knowing his first name was Dustin.

Somebody said to him, like, Poppy was in the batter's box. Not the batter's box, he was on the on deck circle. And Pedroia stepped out of the batter's box. The umpire called time out of something. And the catcher just said hello to D. He said, hey, what's up, the umpire called time out of something and the catcher just said hello to Dee said hey what's up Dustin and when Dustin walked over to Poppy to talk to him Poppy said he goes what the fuck did that guy just say to you? The fuck did that guy just call you? He said he said what's up Dustin and Poppy was

like what the fuck does that mean? He goes that's my first it's my first name. Papi was like, really? Yeah, he didn't even know. He thought his name was Peewee. So Pedroia's like, dude, it's my first name. They introduced me every time I go up to bat. I've been going up to bat like 10,000 times. I bat in front of you. Every time I come to the plate they say now batting number 15

Dustin Pedroia And it just it never clicked with them There's another guy. I would have gone to summer school with Pedroia got it like I think Pedroia got it the worst He was hilarious. He just kept sitting there like dude what the fuck Every you know it was just I think he got you know speaking of 11,000 It was like 11,000 short jokes for him, so there there is clips of it up on the internet. It wasn't the greatest Organized thing was the first time they did it and they didn't know how to do a roast and you can't have people filming at it because a

Roast is so over-the-top, and that's how people get in trouble And they you know they take shit out of context and blah blah blah blah blah. It's completely fucking over the top. So, uh... You know, I don't know why. I don't know why they let people film. I don't know why things happen. Why do things happen like that? But anyways, I had to go on Dead Last and everybody fucking killed. Lenny went up first, killed. Adam Ray went up dressed as a Yankee fan named

Tony and just told everybody in the crowd to suck his dick and kept trashing Big Poppy and then bragging about the Yankees 27 championships and the crowd loved it. While they were booing him, they were also loving it. He was fucking hilarious. Anthony Mackie killed killed Sarah Tiana fucking destroyed probably had my favorite joke in the night and then fucking Gronk went up killed then Pedroia and then I had to go up last and it's one of those things as you sit there you know you're kind of losing angles as you go so I tried to do I tried to just go like a unique way so with Gronk I knew everybody was gonna say he was stupid so I was like all right I'm gonna say he's smart I'm gonna go that

way with it by the way by the way he actually was commenting on how he hates going to concerts and how everybody sits there fucking looking at the concert through their phone. You know what I mean? How fucking stupid that is. I love how everybody thinks that that guy's dumb. You know, like you can make it to the NFL, memorize the playbook and all of that. All that fucking shit you gotta learn and then go out on the field against the top athletes

on the planet and make split-second decisions and reactions To how they're reacting to you and people feel that you can actually get there and just be this big dumb guy I knew he wasn't gonna be done when I met him and he wasn't so that was a That made the shit that I was gonna say about him even better I mean I did one dumb joke about him being dumb, but I to get through it. I had to do like fucking 10-12 minutes. So anyways it uh it went great and my favorite part about it was Poppy yelled fuck you at me at least three or four times And I just kept going fuck you too man. It's a roast you wanted to get roasted here we go and man, it's a roast. You wanted to get roasted. Here we go. And he was such a fucking great guy. The guy really is a rock star, man. His whole vibe is a fucking rock star. So when

I finished, he got up off the chair and came over and gave me a big fucking hug and, and thanked me for doing it. Just, just really like one of the great fucking people I've ever gotten to do something like that for. So what was funny is I had just as much, I think I had more jokes about Lenny Clark than I did about Poppy just because I knew him, which is why I always feel like if you're going to do a roast, you should know the person. And what's hilarious is Lenny has been clean and sober for like a quarter of a century and all of my jokes were about him just being a fucking you know complete maniac. I talked to him basically like he wasn't sober like he hadn't been sober and he

was you know the best guy about great sport about it. So anyways long story short I got through it I told you once I got through that gig my whole rest of my year, fucking nothing. Easy, easy, easy, easy peasy. Everything's in my wheelhouse. It's the weirdest fucking year for me. All the crazy shit I had to do this month, Oh, this year was all in this month. All of this stuff of just, I haven't thought, I haven't sat worried thinking how the fuck is this gonna go this many times in one month since back when I first started out doing stand up, which basically every show I was going up thinking like, fuck, commit to your shit.

Get that first laugh, ride the wave, don't go over, say goodnight, get the fuck out of there, you know? So that's it, and I'm ready to go to the summit. The next night we all went to the game, got to see the retirement ceremony, and it was great, man. Jim Rice was there, Karyastremski,

Veritek, Pedro Martinez, Pedroia came out and I got to see the whole thing, man. They took the, you know, uncovered it, got to see when they were first put 34 up there. And I got to admit though, part of it was sad it was like fuck it's over it's over now he's part of the history of the Boston Red Sox and I don't know though I like you know all those ceremonies man they always just remind you that you're gonna fucking die like oh now he's too old to play baseball he's too old to fucking play and I'm like 15 years fucking older than he is, or 10 years

older than him. You know? Seeing Carl Yastremski coming out with all white hair. I should have known that was coming. That guy played until he was like fucking 40. Oh my God, I'm nine years older than when that guy retired maybe played like 43 I don't fucking know this is getting depressing how do I get out of this how the fuck do I get out of this oh I know let's talk f1 and fucking

moto GPPP alright so race number fucking eight or nine of the F1 season in Azerbaijan. Is that how you say it? Azerbaijan? By Jan whatever just east of Georgia and I don't mean fucking Georgia United States the country Georgia and I guess it's in Asia it's not Eastern Europe I was getting it's always weird Georgia and all the way over there You don't know where the fuck they're at one of the coolest cities On the f1 circuit using that word circuit just a beautiful city I would love to go there, but I definitely looked up like is that like one of those places. I shouldn't go Should I have like a Canadian?

fucking flag on my backpack should I Speaking an Irish broke when I go there? Seemed like it was pretty safe. I don't know. I don't fucking know. I had a great time. What crazy goddamn fucking race. Congratulations to Daniel Ricardo, who I think might be the best driver in F1 considering he doesn't have the best engine and he's always on the fucking podium and he drinks champagne out of his fucking shoe

so you know God bless you and I don't know about this Lewis Hamilton guy I was a fan I think he's a fucking great driver but I don't know they said he didn't hit the brakes so you guys don't watch they were under caution the fucking safety car was out there you You know, guys always complain that the safety car drives too fucking slow, you know, which cools off their tires, then they don't have any grip, and then they slam into the fucking wall. Or into each other, right? So anyways, Hamilton was complaining that the fucking guy was driving too slow, and then for whatever reason, he hits the brakes really hard,

and Sebastian Vettel rear-ended him, and he was like, what the fuck? And then he, Vettel pulls up alongside of him and slammed his cars and like, you know, tire to tire. And he got a 10-second penalty for that. And I don't know. I kind of view it, and they said Hamilton didn't slam on the brakes, but I kind of viewed this as one of the, the ball don't lie.

You know, they say that in basketball when there's some piece of shit foul, bullshit foul guy flops. You go up there and you missed the foul shots. They always say the ball don't lie. Well, only after that thing, they said Hamilton slam on the brakes. Hamilton didn't slam on the brakes and Vettel was guilty of slamming into him. And they only gave him a 10 second penalty. I guess they said there should have been more.

So he basically has to drive into the fucking pits and sit there for 10 seconds as everybody keeps going and then drives back out again. But Hamilton, after that, that fucking thing that goes around his neck or whatever outside the car, that thing came loose. So he had to fucking pull in anyways, which fucked him over and Vettel still beat him.

So I looked at that like the ball don't lie and Hamilton fuck I didn't like how he fucking said he says to his team saying both of us should slow down he should slow down so to help me pass Fetel go fuck yourself what about last year when the team called you up to slow down for fucking Nico Rosberg and you're like nah I'm good you were out there down for fucking Nico Rosberg and you're like, nah, I'm good. You were out there driving for yourself. You know what that guy reminds me of? He reminds me of a couple of comedians. I'm not going to fucking mention their names when I was on there on my way up with them and they were these fucking people. They were happy if you

got something as long as they had more and they would literally stab your mother in the eye if they could get an inch forward. That's what I got out of that fucking shit. He should slow down. Go fuck, you got a fucking Mercedes Benz engine. That isn't enough for you. I still like Lewis Hamilton but that was kind of girly. That was kind of girly I thought. You know what I mean? I might be out of my fucking mind here. I don't like that shit. Here's what I don't like about F1 is basically the fucking Mercedes and the Ferraris Okay, if you don't root for either one of those other teams every other team It's like they're out there driving around in a fucking z28

Okay, and Ferrari and Mercedes. They're driving around in a Corvette co6 Seeing that Lance stroll he was like 10 seconds ahead of Seeing that Lance stroll, he was like 10 seconds ahead of, Botes. What happened to him in the early part of the race? Oh, the early part of the race, everybody fucking hit each other in the beginning. So he had to go and he was immediately a lap down. He's a lap down, he does this stroke array shit,

like a fucking movie, just flies through the entire fucking field. I mean, Daniel Ricardo did the same thing, but he's in the Red Bull thing they got like an inferior engine like they won't give him one of those Mercedes they won't sell the guy a Mercedes or a Ferrari engine because he knows he'd be too much of a

problem that's why I think he's the best driver out there because he's driving around basically a fucking Z28 and he's always up on the podium so anyways for Cindy and my fucking team, I don't know what's going on with them, they got this whole Ricky Bobby Ricky Bubbitt shit going on, slamming into each other. What the fuck is wrong with them? Esteban Ocon and Sergio Perez, they basically took each other out of the race. They would have been on the podium, podium one possibly two cars and for half a fucking second what is it T have the Haas team the fucking American team Magnuson was like in third place all right two of the Williams it was the craziest fucking race like the front of the race was Daniel Ricardo like both Williams martini martini racing whatever the fuck you say it and

Magnuson then of course they all just get run down. They all get fucking run down Both us was like 10 seconds behind stroll with like 10 laps to go and he fucking caught him Right at the finish line to get second place so That's it. I can no longer root for fucking Ferrari and I can't root for Mercedes because I feel like I'm rooting for the Yankees or the Red Sox.

The only reason why I root for the Red Sox is because I'm from Boston. What am I supposed to do? But like, you know, they both blow $200 million, but not this year, the Yankees have it. But I'm just saying, generally speaking throughout history, right? So I can't like pile on,

pull a Kevin Durant or a LeBron down in Miami or the big three in Boston two out of three anyways I can't fucking do that so my team my teams I like I like the force India India team and I like the the Williams racing team that's the coolest looking car I think I like that their colors. You know, red, white and blue. I guess they used to dominate though. I gotta read up more on this sport. I don't get how you used to fucking dominate than everybody. You just suck. You know? I don't get it. It's not like other sports where you got athletes getting old and dying. Not dying, retiring, I should say. I mean, if you know how to make a fucking engine

work at that level, shouldn't you just know how to do it? I know the driver does count for something, but gee, I don't fucking know what I'm saying. I don't know shit about this stuff. I just know it's fun to watch. I guess Red Bull went like three in a row, like I don't know, five, six years ago, and then all of a sudden, what engine were they using then?

Well, look it up, Bill. I'm afraid to. I'm afraid to look it up and it'll be like fucking Ps and Qs and no one will have an answer. So I watched that today. And then I also watched the MotoGP race, which was fucking insane.

Both races were great. The MotoGP race was even fucking better. Like as crazy as that race was. They have a problem with that Azerbaijan race where because it goes through a city, they don't have those cranes to lift the cars out of the way and there's fucking debris all over the track. They actually had a red flag and everybody just pulled in and just stopped as all these guys were running around the track picking up shit from other cars that is smashed into each other as crazy as that race was the MotoGP race was was the shit Valentino Rossi he's like 38 fucking years old he ended up winning the thing just imagine all the bullshit that was

happened f1 with them bumping into each other. They're doing it on motorcycles going like 150 200 fucking miles an hour You know the guy I like the best on that I mean I was root for Valentino Rossi just because he's old and I relate and I want him to keep winning So it doesn't make me feel like you know when he retires about there's another guy I like that. Yo Han Yo Han Zarko That guy's a fucking lunatic. And I also like the color of the bike, the black and the yellow, whatever it got. I like him. I like, and then I also like the Ducati team. I like that. How do you say his last name? Dovi, Dova,

C-O-C, C-O-C. So I can't say it. I can't say it. Someone's gotta say it. I gotta watch another 15 races to be able to pronounce that. D-O-V-I-Z-I-O-S-O. Zioso. Do-do-vee-do-vee-zioso. Dove-zioso? Is that how you say it? German-Irish. Like, we usually have two syllable, one syllable fucking last names. I can't, that's too many fucking hills. Dovizioso. Andrea Dovizioso! Grazie, prego. Just an incredible fucking race.

Mark Marquez was in there too. And then that fucking lunatic, the British guy. Cal Crutchlow, I don't know where the fuck he came from. That guy rides like a lunatic. The way he rode in, Johann Zarco, I like them. They're out of their fucking minds. So I'm all in on both of those races. It's so fucking easy to watch.

20-something laps and then the one today with the cars was like what, like 50 fucking laps, 51? It's a good goddamn time. And then after that I take my daughter out you know a lot of people when they want to get their babies to fall asleep a lot of dads what they do is they put them in the car and they drive around it's hilarious because the movement makes them go to sleep but then you get to a red light and they wake up and they start crying again that's why I am a big proponent of the stroller. All right? Because you can keep that fucking thing, even if you have a red light, you can keep it,

you know, if you're walking. And also, it's a great way to prevent the dreaded dad bod. Okay? All you fucking guys out there, you throw them in the car and then you drive around, you know? Then they fall asleep and then what do you do? You hit the drive-through. Because you're tired. You know then they fall asleep, and then what do you do? You hit the drive-thru

Cuz you're tired You know Arby's we have the meats and then you get that fucking sandwich that also has a pig on it the pork The spare ribs or whatever the fuck they put on there the ribs the hoof the hoof Yeah, I've been just walking her around My neighborhood and she falls asleep, and then I just keep just walking her around my neighborhood and she falls asleep and then I just keep walking throughout her whole nap. I went to the fucking butcher, went to the supermarket, knocked out some errands as she's

asleep. You just keep it fucking moving the whole time. You throw the groceries on the bottom of the stroller and that's it. There's a little dad tip for you. If you got a better one, I don't know what to tell you. I do the elliptical while she's still sleeping in the morning, and then I take her for a trip around the neighborhood. You gotta do it. You can't do the car thing, man.

You gotta go out and walk. Put on your track shoes. Right? Track shoes, your dad's socks, your fucking jean shorts, whatever the fuck you got going on. Your true religion jeans. your fucking jean shorts whatever the fuck you got going on your true religion jeans I love that I never gave into that fed those were the Z Cavaricci's of fucking last decade giant stitching with the fucking you want to get lucky boy fucking horseshoe on the back. There was always something funny about a horseshoe on the ass pockets that always to me was more gay pride parade than fucking, hey, look at those fucking chicks over there.

But they fuck, they loved them. They loved them. And speaking of fucking the gay pride parade, you know what's slowly making a comeback and I love it because I never had a problem with it is rollerblading. Rollerblading is slowly making a comeback. I loved it. I used to go down the beach with my short shorts on skating backwards. Little boy shorts, true religion boy shorts. I did it. We sure we all did.

Ah, there's the Photoshop for the week. But you know what? There's no fucking true religion boy shorts. So good luck with you on that one, fucko. No, I liked it. I used to play fucking in New York and out in Santa Monica, down at Venice Beach, I used to play roller hockey.

And Jesus Christ, catching an edge never hurt more than when you were in a fucking parking lot. You had to go elbow pads. You had to do it. Elbow and knee pad. You just had to fucking do it. You know out there dressed like RoboCop because when you went down you were you were fucked. The only thing that sucked is the hockey gloves. You didn't have that thing and I actually broke my wrist. Oh, broke a bone in my wrist. I used to, here's, oh my God, way back.

Way, way, way back. Way back in the fucking day. I used to play two-one-two roller blade hockey on the top of parking garages in West Hollywood. I used to play with three other comics. It was me and Dane Cook, and it was versus, we were all Boston Comics, versus Rick DeLeah and Rest His Soul Pete Comet. And I remember we used to, I remember playing the day of the Super Bowl, just laughing at how insane the fucking weather was, that it was 80 degrees out.

We went out there, had a great fucking game, super, super highly competitive fucking game. And we used to play at the top of the parking garage, because for whatever reason, on like the Sundays or whatever, they would just never, there wouldn't be enough people and no one wanted to park on the roof because the car would get all fucking hot on the inside. And we would play up there. And sometimes someone would park up there. But no one would ever rat us out. And only a couple of times did the ball ever go over the edge that I remember.

But we always had like an extra one. But we used to do that all the time. And it was a great time. And I never understood why the whole fucking fad went away there was one homophobic joke one homophobic joke killed me what's the hardest thing about rollerblading telling your parents telling telling your parents that you're gay that one little joke the whole fucking thing the whole thing went away I never understood it I got to the point I was the one that

the guy who took his break off. That was like a big thing when you lived in New York. You had to be cool, you had to take your break off and learn how to stop the other way. Like yeah, why would I want to be able to stop quick when I'm skating out in traffic with cabs and shit? I can't believe I never died. I had a couple of really close calls. So fucking stupid.

I would never do that again. I just chalked that up to being young. Like I still lived in New York and I was close to Central Park, Park? Park. And I was going to go rollerblading. I would, at this my age, I would walk to the park carrying my fucking rollerblades.

I have no shame about it. I know a lot of people are embarrassed that they rollerblades. I have no shame about it. I know a lot of people are embarrassed that they rollerbladed. I have no fucking shame. No shame. If I lived closer to a boardwalk, I would own a pair, and I would go out there. It's so much more fun than doing the fucking elliptical.

It's better exercise. You put on your wireless headphones, right? You tie your t-shirt off at the waist and you know, you go out there and you have a good time. Maybe you have some tassels on. I don't know why. I am, I think it's hilarious that everybody got all fucking weird about it. As you can tell, I haven't read any advertising. I haven't done any fucking questions because I'm recording it early, and I still haven't got my materials

for the week. Let's hit refresh see if they came in. Let's see nothing Nothing nothing no advertising no nothing all right. I'll keep talking here. I'll keep talking. I'll read the ads and then I'll do the fucking I'll do the fucking What do you call it? I'll do the questions. All right All right, no dad bod I already talked about that Oh Billy no fun Billy no fun Billy no fun didn't drink until Friday night

Took my nephew to the game and after I dropped him off I went back into the city and I had two home pours and a fucking cigar. But then I didn't drink last night and today I had one Coors Light just because they made the old stubby bottles again and I just had to have one and it was fucking delicious. But I don't count that, I just had one, I didn't get fucked up. Anyways, so I've been doing that shit, got the drinking back under control and I'm gonna find out this week by the way,

if there's gonna be a season three of Effors for Family. So I'm a little nervous to find out. So if you haven't watched it yet, it would really help us if you guys would watch this week to give a nice little boost. You know, I know there's a ton of good shit out there. I know Bloodline came back. I know some of you guys are working your way through Fargo or Better Call Saul. But if you could just give us just, you know, watch one episode, something, anything will help. Because we're going to find out this week. So anyways, I went to the Red Sox Friday night.

Saturday I came home and the Angels game was on against the Red Sox because I get the Angels' feet out here. And now I'm back into watching baseball. I'm watching racing. And I actually watched the end of the BC Eagles versus the Edmonton Eskimos. I watched a CFL game. I got to tell you, it was highly entertaining of the BC Eagles versus the Edmonton Eskimos. I watched a CFL game. I gotta tell

you it was highly entertaining because the BC Eagles fucking defense sucks. One of those high scoring games or whatever they tied it up and then you know what they tied it up with like no time left. The Edmonton Eskimos go out and the first fucking play they gave up, I don't know, a nice 80 yard meter, whatever the fuck they call it, kilometer, whatever they call it up there, uh, pass, and then they lost the game. Kicked a field goal and it was over. And I know a lot of people shit on the CFL. It's on TSN. It's good shit, you know? I look at it this way.

This is college players that weren't good enough to make it, you know, into the NFL. But any one of those CFL teams could beat the best fucking college team out there because it's made of college all-stars. Like the NFL, it's college all-stars. The NFL is just the best of the best college all-stars. The CFL is all the college all-stars that could not make it to the NFL, it's college all-stars. The NFL is just the best of the best college all-stars. The CFL is all the college all-stars that could not make it to the NFL. So it's still competitive football. They got that giant field.

I actually enjoyed it. I don't know. I always watch like the Edmonton Eskimos just because like way back in the day, it always seemed like Doug Flutie and Warren Moon or some shit were always on those teams. But you know, I don't know, BC Eagles came back, so I was like, I gotta watch these guys, I'm gonna root for these guys, and they fucked the game up. All right, I don't know what else to talk about. I'm running out of shit.

Congratulations to the lady in Australia who breastfed in parliament. I don't know why that was a big deal, but evidently it's a big deal. I don't know what... I have to be honest with you, my whole fucking life I've never heard one guy ever say that he had an issue with breastfeeding in public. I don't know what the fucking problem is. I think it's more for like guys that don't have kids yet. And it like grosses them out, because they're're like I want to be sticking my face in there Now there's a baby there and that weirds me out and it makes my chubby go away. I

Don't know what the deal is. I also don't think I but I'd be honest with you I don't think you should be breastfeeding while you're fucking you know working for your district You know can we have your 100% focus here? for your district, you know? Can we have your 100% focus here? You know, I don't know. But I guess guys can go up there and adjust their balls as they're talking about laws. I don't know.

I don't know why. I don't know what the big deal is about it. I've seen it my whole fucking life, but I also don't know why it's treated like somebody just landed on Mars and came back, you know? Anything women do now is just like, it was so brave, it was so groundbreaking, you know? They try to act like, you know, they were in Braveheart. It's like you fed a baby.

Because it was hungry? Um, I'm running out of shit to talk about. Royal Blood has a new album out, everybody. I didn't download their first one, I just downloaded their hit, and I played my drums to it a thousand times, and I still suck at it. You know that, something to do,

ba ba da boo, gotta fucking work it out. Wham bam bam bam bam bam bam. Bam. Boom boom boom boom. Something to do, ba ba da boo, something to do,

ba boo. However the fucking song goes. I don't even know the words. Wham. Ba da da boo. I was do the boo however the fucking song goes. I don't even know the words Well, what it about what it a boo Royal blood has a new album out and it got good reviews. So I'm gonna download that shit cuz I Have a fucking I got a little rehearsal space. I was over there today. I was over there today. I got my fucking life down It's perfect wake up in the morning. I work out I was over there today. I got my fucking life down. It's perfect wake up in the morning I work out right while the kids sleeping my wife sleeping then I run over I play drums for a fucking hour

I come back like a champ. I make everybody breakfast You know I get my bullshit done and then in the afternoon. I take my fucking precious little baby girl for a walk That's it That's it, but you know know what my wife will still find something to complain to me about something I'll ask something I'll be something I'm doing wrong I just feel like I would like it better if you I feel like for me alright this is the last thing that I got to hit pause until

this fucking shit comes in The questions here come on man send the fucking questions refresh button hit the refresh button bill hit the refresh button Nothing Wait a minute, I'm an asshole I Was in the wrong account What an asshole? What an ad this is the kind of guy who doesn't know the difference between photosynthesis and pollination.

Fighting! Out of the blue corner, here we go. Oh, and lo and behold, there it is. Here we go, oh, it's time for some advertising. I was just gonna give you guys a fun baseball fact. Remind me when I come back. You can't, but I'll, you know. All right. Oh, but do do. Thank frigging God. I'm done with that shit. I hate doing a lot of reads

during the summer. All right, here we go. Let's read some of the content. Some of the content. Oh, hey, I got it. I got to promote a Paul Verzi show. Paul Verzi with the hilarious Mike Faverman are co-headlining a comedy show to help raise awareness to fight. That's film, intervening, getting high team. Jesus Christ, that's a fucking mouthful. It's a non-profit that helps young adolescents tell inspiring stories through film and video creations

that help curb the opiate epidemic. Founded by oxymoron writers, oxymoron's writer slash director, Johnny Hickey. You ever see that movie? That's a good one. Check that one out. They're doing the show at the Kowloon on route one in Saugus this Thursday, July 29th, seven to 10 p.m., free buffet with ticket purchase of $40. All right? Go to the Kowloon Route 1 Saga, some of the best fucking Chinese food you're ever gonna have. Paul Verzi, Mike Faverman are gonna fucking kill it.

7 and 10 p.m. What? 7-10 p.m.? Are there two shows, one show? 7 to 10? I don't know what it is. Look it up. All right? Kowloon Route 1 it up. All right, Kalu and brute one sagas

All right, three drink rule. Hey bill bowl bag tits. I Have three drinks tonight and went home. I feel great about myself from a fellow adult little shade there in the end I Don't know dude three drinks should become a bloated fat fuck He had three drinks and he drove home, what kind of drinks? Um, alright. Here's one for you buddy, I drank probably over 300 days last year.

I don't feel good about myself. Um, and me needing to shut it down in no way should make you feel self-conscious about what you're doing to the point you have to be cunty to me and say you feel great about yourself. Alright, that's it. So good for you. Keep having three drinks tonight and feeling good about yourself. When you don't feel good about yourself, shut it down. You know what I'll do? I'll support you. Cancer Charity Sham. Oh, here we go. Here we go. Here's another one.

Here's another one. In a rare joint action with attorneys general for each of the 50 states, the Federal Trade Commission says four cancer charities run by extended members of the same family conned donors out of $187 million from 2008 through 2012 and spent almost nothing to help actual cancer patients. And what happens to these people? Are they going to go to jail? Children's Cancer Fund. All right. Let's see.

In a rare, but each of the charities charged were the subject of extensive reporting by CNN in 2013. Because I remember this story. And in each instance, none of the four charities would comment. We were ordered out of the building at the Cancer Fund of America in Knoxville, Tennessee, home of the Tennessee volunteers. And were the object of an obscene gesture by the CEO of the Breast Cancer Society. That's usually a good sign that it's bullshit.

If you're raising money for cancer, to help kids stricken with cancer, and you're the CEO and you give the finger of media, which is going to help promote, yeah, that's probably a good sign. The Cancer Fund of America is run by James Reynolds Sr., his son James Reynolds Jr. This is all alleged, by the the way before these scumbags allegedly Start to sue me for reading this is the CEO of the breast cancer society another charity the child's cancer fund of America is run by Rose Perkins the ex-wife of the elder James Reynolds

He he's also the CEO of the fourth charity cancer support support survive services Wow Wow, well if they're doing dirt, I hope they get caught and they go to fucking jail support services. Oh wow. Wow, well if they're doing dirt, I hope they get caught and they go to fucking jail. Jesus Christ man, that is like some sociopath shit. Jesus Christ. Oh my god, you're going out buying like a fucking, buy yourself a Raptor. Like a fucking, what could you, here's something for you, what could you buy yourself with cancer, shit that was supposed to go to help kids, what could you buy yourself?

Oh my god, that is, I, that is just, that is just, that's on another fucking level. I think even bankers would be like, really dude, Jesus Christ. How about a little fucking, little bit of tact, something? All right, transgender habits. Hey Billy Muffintop, oh that's so true.

I listened to NPI a few months ago maybe even a few years ago. Oh Jesus. This is already losing credibility. I can't remember if it was last month or 2010. I heard a segment you might be interested in. I believe it was This American Life. But they asked a transgendered man, I don't know what they mean, a woman becoming a man. I get it, I think. If there was any interesting changing. Well, he talked about after his transition, he was now more into science. Was way more interested in sex and wasn't able to access his emotions as much anymore.

Oh, so those are basically guy things? That's kind of interesting. I would think way more interested in sex because you're finally the sex you want to be. Science, that's really interesting. And weren't able to access your emotions more? I don't know. I have no idea. That's, well, there you go.

So maybe I wasn't wrong, thinking that somebody's habits changed. Female privilege. Hey man. I love your podcast. Hope your family's doing great. Thank you. Thank you very much. Wasn't that nice of you? My family is doing great. My daughter is awesome.

And my wife, I have a whole new level of love for watching her be a mom. Aww. Have a read at this article when you get a chance. Okay. Female nurse found guilty of dangerous driving causing death to be sentenced. Do I want to read this? There aren't any kids involved in this. Is this gone? We already saw a potential scam.

Okay, BC nurse found guilty of dangerous driving causing death sentenced to 90 days in jail. The families of two young people are angry over a dangerous driving sentence giving the woman who killed them. The BC nurse found guilty of dangerous driving, causing death to two people who have been sentenced to 90 days in jail. Andalina Hesimovic was driving at high speeds through pit meadows in October 2010. She ran a red light, jumped a concrete median, and slammed into a car carrying Becky Dyer 19 and Johnny D. Olivera 21. The couple who were on their way home from a concert were killed instantly.

Along with the 90-day sentence, Hesse-Movick also received two years probation, 120 hours of community service, and three years driving probation. She will serve her sentence intermittently between Tuesdays and Thursdays around her work schedule. Oh my God, what a joke. Dyer's mother Debbie said, this sentence is not showing the public that our justice system actually is a justice system. It's actually a legal system. It's not going to deter other drivers from doing the same. Oh my god. D'Oliveira's mom Audrey echoed the same sentiment. Six years is a long time. She's put everybody through and she's only getting a little bit here, a little bit there. They echoed the same sentiment. Six years is a long time.

She's put everybody through and she's only getting a little bit here, a little bit there. It's wrong. Yeah, that's terrible. That's fucking terrible. That's fucking horrible. You know, at some point when you're driving that fast, you do, I mean, I think those laws are all going to change. I know they have with drunk driving I think because she wasn't drunk and jails are all filled up at least in this country like I don't

understand that but I mean your life should be tremendously effective if you were if you were driving that fucking fast and then killed two innocent people I Think the whole well, she's never committed a crime. She's a nurse. She's a productive member of society I think a lot of that goes out the fucking window Well, she did something tremendously stupid and now two people are dead forever So at the very least you can do 90 straight days in jail What do you say there? And yeah, I guess you'll have to figure out what you're going to find. You're going to find another job after that. What kind of cool job does she have?

I have to be on jail. I've been in jail on Tuesday and Thursdays because I killed two people on Tuesday. I go to jail for the woman I killed on Thursday. I go to jail for the guy I killed. So like, can I work like Monday? Not Wednesdays, because I'll be like so tired from being in jail from Monday. Um... Can I work like Monday, Friday, Saturday, and a half day Sunday?

Uh, that's, yeah, that's disgusting. Fucking disgusting. Alright, my girlfriend is becoming a feminist. Hey there, daddy bald freckle. First of all, English isn't my mother tongue. So sorry if I fucked up a bit. Alright, I was wondering why that... I could just see you googling, daddy bald freckle and just mashing them. That's what I would have done. Alright, and I'm 33 years old and I 18 in an 18 month relationship with a terrific girl after four rather unsuccessful

Relationship I finally had the feeling she could be the one She has her flaws like every person but hey So do I but when it comes down to the important features like honesty moral values similar lifestyles and interests She really is my match and to top it all all off, in bed, it never gets boring. Dude, this is your second language? This is great. She's more on the submissive side. Maybe you're just fucking with me and you really wrote a bad insult. She's more on the submissive side if you understand wink and some things sometimes get wild. Gross!

Gross! I now have no sympathy for you. But in a very nice way, he tries to say. After our sexy time session, gross, we lay next to each other, comp, ah, ah! Completely out of breath, feeling like nothing can touch us. Sounds cheesy, but it's really beautiful. Why did you go into all that detail?

Oh my God, that was disgusting. Did I ever tell you guys how much I can't stand watching people kiss in public on film or anything? It's the grossest fucking thing ever. Ugh. Keep your intimacies to yourself. Now we have a long distance relationship. We are far away but we still see each other

quite often. Five times per year, but then usually weeks at a time. Dude, what the fuck just happened? What just happened? Was there a jump in time here? Was there some time travel going on here? She lives in Europe and has been hanging out with these feminist activist girls, and she's bringing up the topic of sexism, et cetera, more and more lately. Now I was raised by a proud mother. Oh, Jesus, is there any other kind? Proud, strong woman, and could not imagine dating a girl that has values of women out of the 1950s.

I like confident, proud women. This is where he always sets himself up to be a good guy. They can hold their own. But even though I am not a chauvinist by any means, I think the modern feminist movement, similar to vegans, annoys the living hell out of me. I get that there is sexism in this world, but I don't see the huge problem in it,

especially since the Western societies have made such progress in this field in the past decades. Yeah, I mean, I don't know, you keep talking yourself back into the hole there. Yeah, like a total psycho 100% feminist maniac. Yeah, you don't want to be around that. It's literally like being around a conspiracy theorist after a while, as far as they're never going to shut the fuck up about that topic. It's going to conspiracy theorist after a while as far as they're never gonna shut the fuck up about that topic It's gonna drive you nuts after a while Do you realize that every day 40% of women they're gonna be throwing stats at you like someone who plays fantasy football

Anyway, he says today my girlfriend sent me a link to an article about how pornography objectifies and discriminates Women then she wrote I've been thinking a lot lately and I'll have to change some things in the future, especially in our sex life. Yeah, dude, this relationship is over. Now I tend to agree with, now I tend to agree with this Otto, but nevertheless, I furiously replied, hey, if you're going to turn into one these non-stop nagging feminists, please tell me now so I can even move the fuck further away from you and your victim-seeking miserable friends. Yeah, dude. You're kind of an asshole.

You're kind of an asshole. Slash a bit of a control freak, I think. I don't know. But then you're cool with her moving away. I don't know. I can't read you. He goes, then things escalated quickly. freak, I think. I don't know. But then you're cool with her moving away. I don't know. I can't read you. He goes, then things escalated quickly. Yeah, you think. We got into a big fight and haven't communicated since. Yeah, dude, it's a wrap. It was already a wrap.

It was already a wrap. You know, if you, just imagine if you got into something. Okay? And then you came home and whatever your new fucking way of thinking was, you told your wife that, or girlfriend that she needed to adjust some things in the bedroom. Try that one on for size. Yeah, what it is is she's grown in a different direction and she needs to be, you know, I

don't know, she's with a different type of guy, not you. Now Bill, this is a girl, this girl is great and smart and TBH, I don't know what that means. I am all for women's rights and see sexism on a daily basis and totally understand some of the... Stop fucking making yourself out to be the hero. I'm not one of these guys, but I'm not one of these guys, so leave me the fuck alone with this stuff. And if this stuff will interfere with our sex life and change the woman that I have learned to love, I don't know where this will leave us. What do you think of this? Am I being too Non empathetic here. It's been I don't think you're an empathetic person I would say that yeah, this is a wrap. This is not the kind of woman you're looking for

and This is a major change in her Alright, I mean, I don't know what goes on between the two of you, but if she's gonna be like, hey watch this and we need to change some stuff in the bedroom, like the relationship as you know it is over and it's long distance, I mean, yeah it's a fucking wrap. I would walk away. Alright fucked up at Pet Shop. Last one here, fucked up at the pet shop.

East and boys, west and girls, east and girls, west and girls. Pet Shop Boys, that's right. All right, fucked up at Pet Shop. How's it going, old Billy Bordeaux bullocks? Love the podcast. Congrats on the great, thank you very much. All the great work on F is for family baggies to having laughed at anything so hard and long time. Oh Billy, I fucked up recently but no one knows I've done anything wrong. I work at a pet shop, we sell rabbits and mice, things like that, and my job is to feed

them and clean their cages. I already don't like where this is going. Not the most exciting thing in the world, but I love animals and they look so sad a lot of the time, so I try to make their lives a little better by looking after them the best I can. That's what I would do if I were to the pet store. Long story short, I'm fairly new, so the first day I was taught how to tell the male rabbits from the female rabbits. Turns out you have to feel for the testicles, which wasn how to tell the male rabbits from the female rabbits. Turns out you have to feel for the testicles, which wasn't that hard as

a lot of the rabbits had really big balls like holy shit. And I was pretty confident that I could do it in the future. God, these are weird this week. Fast forward to Monday, turns out I cannot do it. We got a whole load of new lion head rabbits in with massive fur Making it almost impossible to locate the balls Well, just flick them between the legs if the rabbit turns around like what the fuck was that for it? She has a pussy If you fucking flick it between the legs in the thing collapses

You know and lays there for 30 seconds while his other friends laugh at him That is a male and the ones laughing laughing, well, women laugh at that shit too. Anyways, at that stage, it was just me and one of the student part-time workers who probably had just learned to locate his own balls, let alone someone else's. Why is this a big deal? Well, I can tell you, I think you can figure out we can, why we can't put the males in with the females. Bill, I seriously don't know what the fuck happened, but I went home that evening having no idea if I was going to arrive back into work with double

the number of rabbits. I know that's not how gestation works, but fuck it. What would you do if you were in my situation? I just started working here and I really like it, but I have no idea how to explain how I fucked this up so badly. Thanks, well what happened? We got a whole new load of new lion head rabbits in with massive fur making it almost impossible. So what is the problem here? You're worried that you're gonna put them in

with the wrong ones and they're, ah, fuck! Oh my God, I just dropped my fucking laptop on my foot. Ah, Jesus Christ. Um, I don't know what the problem is, sir. What I would do is I would come clean before you have 7,000 rabbits, and they gotta feed them to the snakes. That's what I would do. Alright?

How hard is it to find fucking balls? I'd put on a glove, then I'd go like underneath them. You know? I don't know, I don't know, you're out of my, I'm out of my element. I don't know what to tell you. I don't know how to find rabbit balls. I would definitely come clean and say that you think you fucking messed up because the fact that you're running from this problem, like that guy in Fargo, ah, jeez, I'm going to get you the numbers. Like you're doing that right now. All right. And I'm afraid you're going to end up blaming the fucking college student. All right. So I would just come clean, say that you fucked up. I don't think they're going to fire you over it, you know what I mean? That's what I would do. And I would learn how to find rabbit balls, I would get into another line of business.

Alright? Okay! There you go, that's the podcast for this week. I'll check in on you on Thursday. If you'd like to contribute to this podcast, just go to Netflix and watch F is for Family this week. If you don't want to do that, okay, that's it. Go fuck yourselves and I will talk to you on Thursday. Music