Monday Morning Podcast - Ms. Pat | Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 11-20-25

Episode Date: November 20, 2025

Bill rambles with Ms. Pat about inner city Smokey The Bear, acreage, and her new show 'Ms. Pat Settles It'. (00:00) - Thursday Afternoon Podcast (55:23) - Thursday Afternoon Throwback 11-20-17 - Bill rambles about filming nature, Malcom Young, and social media. (02:06:24) - Anything Better Podcast - NFL Week 12 Preview with Paul Virzi. Paul had a week that says he's on his way to being ready to being back.  Bill's best game was a push, losing the other three.   They talks about teams partying in Vegas and the half a point.

Give it up for Chicago. Sebastian Manuscalco's new stand-up special, It Ain't Right, is now streaming on Hulu. 30 years ago, Jeff Bezos? Complete nerd. Bezos now ripped the shreds on his super yacht, and the boxes keep coming. Watch Sebastian Manuscalco, it ain't right. Now streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney Plus for bundle subscribers. Terms apply.

Okay. Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Byrd. It's time for the Thursday afternoon just before Friday, Monday morning podcast. And I'm just checking in on your week. See, how's it going? Obviously, you see that I'm filming, which means I have a special guest, which means I'm not talking to myself like a lunatic. My special guest is one of the funniest and most authentic people I have met in this business. This person is who she is, everywhere she goes. It's why I'm such a huge fan. We've been trying to. to do this for a while. Please welcome from BET and what channel is the judge show on? I don't know. BETT, the queen of BETT, Ms. Pat. Miss Pat settles it. I got to ask, the thing I've always wanted to know about those judge shows on TV. Like that's the settlement is, they sign shit like whatever you say.

Yes. That is real. Now, what if they just won't shut up, right? is there like contempt a court on like do you have like a Hollywood jail you can actually stick do you have that authority no I don't have that authority but I do have the authority say shut the hell up several times oh and the good part about my courtroom I think people know what they're walking into so I really don't have that you know you know I really don't have nobody like just getting out of control because I come away from around now and have a real

conversation with you like let's talk I don't need you in that way you seem like such a fair person. I am a fair person. Yeah. So I wouldn't be like if I was in your courtroom, if you came at me, I'd be like, all right, it must be something I'm doing. You know, a lot of people look at me as like an auntie, their mama, their sister. And so when they walk in their courtroom, they automatically feel like I'm a family member. And I'm that older person in the family. So they're going to listen. And so I've never had nobody's just act of food. Right. But I think when I, I, I, anyway, how I'm wired is if somebody is just being who they are, then I can relax, because I don't have to, like, okay, they said that, what do they really mean?

And do all the math recently had an experience like that, where it's just like, you know, there's what you're saying, you know. I remember this guy, I can't, I don't name names, but this person always pretends like they're friendly with me and they got a big smile on their face, but his wife is like staring daggers at me. So it's like, all right, this is what you're saying in public. That's what you're saying. get out my face you know you don't like me you guys need to get you guys got to get on the same like

face page to like sell what he's saying it's it's it's super awkward so i just always go like all right man yeah hey thanks appreciate he haven't taught his wife how to act in the business um i don't think she's in the business oh she's in real life well that's why she got that yeah if she was in sales maybe she could do it do it also but um anyway so um anyway so Miss Pat settles it. I got to ask, how do you have time? You have the Miss Pat show, Miss Pat settles it, and Miss Pat on tour. Always.

Always on tour. Always somewhere doing some comedy, yes. Don't you like when people say that? Like, when are you going back out on the road? Or like, when does your tour end? It's like, never? Never. You know, in this business, I've learned, the comedy is the one thing you own.

You know, they're going to eventually cancel the Miss Pat show. it's in the fifth season and then miss pat sellers and who knows with where tv is going today but one thing you know we as comics we can always count on we can tour you know we're not like actors and actress who got to wait on somebody to call us and give us a job we can literally go to a bar and sell five-dollar tickets and make us some gas money right and also what the hard part about acting is after you like as a comedian once you prove you're funny you're funny yes with an actor it's like they prove that they can act and then it's like but can you do this and it's like i can act like they i feel like actors have it harder because they have to they there's no like i did this

so now you can have faith that i am a good actor all they do is like okay so you played a cop that's what you can do we're just going to keep sending you cops up so then you have to fight this this this what they call that stereotypical yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah you get uh not stereotypical not stereotypical typecasting yeah yeah the typecast and now all you do is play a cop and talking about my career um copper of fireman what did you play oh me oh man god i played so many cops and firemen and shit like that's the face you got bill yeah i know yeah i know but i'm not a cop or a fireman well i know but you don't look like a principal either well what because of why because tv told you what what a principal looks like uh that's like germany well what

All of that World War II shit, everybody who has never been to Germany, thinks it's all like Hitler's dream, like blonde hair and blue-eyed. That's not, that's who we saw crossed the way. That's the Swedish people. And even then, that's just in Stockholm. You go outside of Stockholm, Sweden.

That's where they keep their brunettes. Okay, next time I'm there, I look for them. But you got to, you got to have, I mean, I think when people are cast for certain things, they got to be able to play the role and then they got to look like they belong in their role too. Yes. Listen, I'm not saying that. You wouldn't hire me to be a dance teacher.

Why not? Because immediately that's an amazing backstory. I can't dance for one thing. I give you another example. You had too many kids. You fucking lost your dancer body. There's a whole way. The whole way I could go with that.

So I give you another example. Everybody think I can sing because I'm fed and I'm black. I'm horrible. So nobody ever put, say, you're a comedian. They automatically, like, you sing gospel. Fuck, no. I don't sing at all. But everybody thinks I'm a fat black singer.

Everybody thinks my backstory is Goodwill hunting. Did you grow up in Southie? Were you good at math? Did you say, did you like apples? No, none of that. None of that. I grew up in the suburbs. It was nothing like that.

Yeah. Yeah. So I mean, so I can see you playing a firefighter, a police officer. I can see that. You're, like, working against me right now, if any, like, cast and directors watching this. Well, you Bill Burr, you don't need no damn castings director. You'd be surprised. Huh?

You would be surprised. Yeah. Look, look, I'm not young. I mean, it took me a long time. It took a few people. You know what it took me? It was me going bald. That's what helped me, because then I shaved my head and I ended up looking like the asshole that I really am.

So I got to play an asshole. But before that, like, they had been. Your hair was holding you. you may they well they just would I would walk in like occasionally I've told this story a million times but back in the day when there was black and white head shots and it was the 90s and you put moose in your hair my it could it looked dark so it looked brown and a few times I got brought in for the lead and there was an unwritten rule that the redheaded male is not a lead in a movie and I would come in there and I would see see faces drop and you know that shit

where you prepare like three or four scenes and they'd be like you know we're just going to do the first scene. Oh, oh. And like, nobody's looking at you as you do it. And I, and I knew why. But I also knew on the back of my head. I'm like, I just need one person to give me a chance to play an asshole. So actually, you know something? It was breaking bad. It was Vince Gilling and gave me a chance. And I still had hair. So, but I also got to stand next to Lavelle. So. Neville Crawford. Yeah, yeah. So I think I look maybe tough by proxy. Tough or either smaller? well definitely smaller

yeah so tell me about this the the judge show and as far as like how long is it take you when you I always wonder on stuff like that like do you just like knock that out

when you go when you do like your taping of a season whatever it's called nowadays for the the miss pat settles it so the way it works is we I want to say, Ms. Pat, that's that.

That's what I thought they should have called it, like the verdict and it's over. Miss Pat settles it. How long does it take you to shoot that thing? Two weeks. How many episodes? We film about 70 episodes. No. Yes, two weeks.

It's crazy. Yeah. Okay. And I don't know. Five days a week? Yeah, five days a week. About 10, 12, 13 hours a day. What day do you start going crazy?

It's what time I start. going crazy probably about four o'clock i've had enough of it after lunch after you don't fed me it's time to go you become a hangman judge you know just then it's all ad lit for me so none of that stuff is written so i have to come off of my top of my head to keep the show interesting they make sure it's funny and then you do i do have a jury on the side but it's all really on me being able to pay attention to everything and make the crap funny so it's like doing crowd work funny thing, though. Jury on the side. I don't know what that meant for a second. I got a jury on the

side. Yeah, they're one for shit, but they're funny. Oh, they are, all right. I have Carlos Miller, D-Ray Davis. Oh, D-Rae's on that show? D-Rae's on it too, yeah. Okay. And it's pretty funny. It's pretty funny. All right. Well, I got little kids, so I can't watch

stuff like that. Well, we're not cursing on that one. I know, but they just, they're not going to get into adults arguing over, you put your fence on my property, and I didn't appreciate that. Like, they're going to get, they watch like Jurassic Park and stuff like that. Yeah, I'm kind of in like that world right now.

How old are they? Eight and five. I started late. I'm the reverse. I started. Oh. Yeah, really late. Is that okay? There was like two O's. Oh. Oh. I mean, it's legal. I'm just, oh.

You got some shelter babies because my kids watch any damn thing. well you know what i kind of go with their vibe like my son will watch like cojack with me and stuff like that and he doesn't care but my yeah i'm old but my daughter is not into that stuff she she doesn't like violence she's like a good person you know and me and my son are like you took him all the way back to cojack it's a great show bill burr you sit here sounding like my damn husband you might know my husband be watching like old world series game with Beiru settlement, just dumb crap.

It's not dumb crap. It's better. It's black and white TV. Everybody at that stadium is dead. Everybody on that show is dead. Cojack, yeah. Yeah, Cojack, dead. Cracker just passed away.

It was a Crocker. Bobby Crocker. I was like Cracker. I don't remember a Cracker. I remember being on that, but I don't remember about my name. No, I like going because I like the cars. The dialogue is funny.

and uh it's so old I'm so old I can't say How old are you? 57. I'm 53 right

but I don't watch that I don't watch nothing I don't watch nothing past the 90s 90s 30 years ago what's another 20 years I'm going back to the 70s the end of the 90s

jeez I don't even know if I watch anything in the 90s wait a minute wait a minute what is the oldest you won't watch like an old like Fresh Prince, Martin. Was that in your wheelhouse? What were you watching? It was in everybody wheelhouses.

I don't watch a lot of Martin. My assistant love it. I had a friend that love it. You know, I can't tell you I watched a whole bunch of Martin. I did watch some... I'll tell you. I didn't watch a whole bunch of friends. What?

I couldn't relate to it. Why not? What do you mean? Why not? Because they fucking... Them your people. Huh? Him your people.

Come on. You know better than that. You know better than to lump everybody all into one fucking thing. You think I would sit there and have something to say to the fucking whatever they were talking about? I'll tell you, you know what my favorite? You're a white man that didn't get drinking coffee in a cafe? I didn't start drinking coffee like two years ago. Oh, shit.

What other ideas of white people do you have? oh wait how big do you think my apartment was when i was in new york did you think i had a step down living room and i left the door unlock and my friends would just come walking in we had those those types of issues i don't know bill burr i don't know i think you do i feel like you're pulling back right now i'm i'm interested i mean you white i thought you had the good life i'm sorry oh yeah you said sir burbs that right there was a big thing for me because I said what I said sherbert suburbs oh suburbs oh I forgot your wife have a college degree so you don't talk slang no you have you have a southern accent can you please say

suburbs again suburbs okay all right now I got it you know that might feel before uh southern rap became mainstream I remember this this uh one of those those deaf jam poets he came up to new york city with a hardcore southern accent and they were just laughing he had this poem he was doing and he'd be like blah blah blah da da da da but da because you're scurred and he goes scurred in the crowd and he kept coming back to it and he had no idea while he was bombing because you're scurred and in his head people just go because you're scared and just laughing at him I felt bad I do have a southern accent I'm from Atlanta all right well okay yeah so I didn't And yeah, there's different kinds of people.

It is. Yeah, yeah, there's different kinds. So not all white people are looking at friends like, yeah. For a lot of white people, maybe that was something to aspire to, to have an apartment where you could actually buy like full-sized furniture. Like any apartment that you see on TV in New York where you actually have room to have a table on... Well, they were supposed to be in New York? I think so, yeah.

Oh, I didn't watch Friends. I didn't either. I didn't either. I mean, I thought the women were... beautiful but i mean i wasn't enough to make me sit there and and watch their shenanigans every week i watched um what was the show that they stole it from i watched living singer i don't know what that was now wait how are you going to sit there and look at me and be like i know you watched friends if that's your idea of me why would i know what living single is living single with

Queen Latif on it. Yeah, I watched sports. I didn't watch, I didn't watch the Golden Girl. I didn't realize the Golden Girls was a good show. Oh, that was such a good thing. I watched the Golden Girl. Okay, until I had a baby, right? And I'm a whole, and I couldn't get up because my daughter had fell asleep.

And then this Golden Girl's Marathon came on. I was like, oh, my God, this is the, you know, the remote was over there. And it's like, I can't move because the second she wakes up, I'm in trouble. And I just was watching it, and it was great. It was fucking hilarious. Yeah, all right. It was hilarious. Oh, you found some common ground here.

Yes, I love the Golden Girl. And they talked about real stuff. All right. I liked Martin. I like Martin. I didn't watch Fresh Prince. I wasn't into that. I liked French Prince.

I watched it. I didn't watch that. Golden Girls, it took me a while. A lot of shit, I get to it late. And I go, oh, this is good. Like radio. I know you haven't watched my shit then. What?

The Miss Pats show. I did watch your shit because you're supposed to come on this show for years now, and it's never, it's never worked out. And when I watched it, I was like, this woman is a star, and I was just so struck with, like, how mean this stuff you were saying simultaneously with the amount of love that was underneath it. And I absolutely loved the show. See that? Well, I'm sorry. And I was like, she's an amazing actor, and she has this authenticity. to her and she could do stuff

way beyond this like dramatic shit that a lot of times they don't let comedians do that's what I thought and then I went back to watching sports but I watched like four or five episodes and what it reminded me of is the great sitcoms of the 70s that I grew

up on where they actually had real characters rather than somewhere along the line people started speaking and set up and punch rather than in character so what I loved about your show was that it was deeply rooted in character and as much as you were trashing your kids. I wasn't trash in it. You could see

you, okay, tough love. Black mama. Huh? Okay. I'm going to go around that. And you're looking at me like, not my damn wife. Inner city black mother. I am an inner city black mother. I am an inner city black mother okay mm-hmm what is that okay all right say set the fuck down oh oh wow what might be saying no we need to time out no okay no not in I'm just telling you the two different so you know I know no but that that's that's

once again that whole thing that like oh you were in this I remember like my friends because they all came from divorce. We're sitting there going like, oh, yeah, look at Bill's family because we all rode around in a station wagon and had paper boots. They're like, oh, yeah, they probably sit down for breakfast

and they have two pieces of toast with that square piece of butter and the half of grapefruit and all that type of shit. And I was thinking, like, dude, if you knew what the fuck was going on in my house, I wish my dad left.

Really? Yeah. Oh, you know, I saw you a car too. Yeah, it was, it was, yeah, that is the, that is super light. Super light. And that's not even, that's more me than my dad.

that that was and that was another thing that was an amalgam there's you know it's 10 writers in the room so that was an amalgam of everybody's dad i mean i didn't want to put all the stuff out there i also wanted to have a funny show it was good i did watch that okay so i didn't want to yeah look it was before therapy people people did the best they could this look yeah there was like people drank my parents weren't drinkers but they were like people had kids so they didn't have to get up off the couch to make a drink. That is the most really shit ever. Yeah. All of my friends like were like could pass, could pass the bartender test by the time they were like, hey, they could make whatever you wanted, like a screwdriver, Cape Carter, a Manhattan. You know, how do you like it? Do you

like it dirty? You know, it was insane. I used to sit there and I was funny. It was I used to look at them and think their parents were cool. And it wasn't until I got older that I said, no, my parents not doing that. It was cool. It was cool. Because I was just starting to get drunk with my you know underage drinking and stuff so you know with my teenage brain seeing parents behaving like teenagers to me oh they're cool like that's how i'm gonna be when i'm an adult and then you realize that that's that's not the way to be my mother used to make us um light her cigarettes on the stove i don't know why she never had a lighter or no damn matches and she was like she would give us a cigarette i think we probably probably six or seven or seven

they eat and we would have to go out now and if we didn't pull it she will whip our ass because if we didn't pull it it will burn the cigarette down the side and I when I remember being in school and then it was this thing called Smokey the Bear and Smokey the Bear would tell you don't do drugs and don't smoke cigarettes everything kills you and if you know if somebody touch you you know smoke a bear taught you all the right things and so you're in a different Smokey the bear than I did he just told us not to pollute and don't light the forest on fire No, this was who told what I was in my neighborhood. You had inner city Smoky the Bear, and this is all your load of Glock.

Yeah, keep your thumbs out your ass, tell the truth. I'm smoking the bear. We were just like, we're not sending all those mascots down there. Have Smoky the Bear come down there and just say all this shit? We don't have time for this. Smoking the bear was like, no alcohol, no, keep the thumbs out your hands. I had Mickey Mouse come to my school. to watch out for sexual predators and then i had smoking no we had smoking the bear just did everything

so he said don't smoke but my mama will make us like her cigarettes and i remember burning her cigarette up the side because smoking the bear said don't smoke and she was like why you burn my damn cigarette up i said don't smoke she slapped the shit out of me and said who the fucking smoking the bear and i'm like the man at the school who said don't smoke She didn't like me to like her cigarette Because I wouldn't pull it But my sister pulled it And she's been smoking since elementary school

Oh your sister smokes? Yeah, crack, everything now And I still went back to my mama Having her pulling that cigarette I refused to pull it You just burned it up? I burnt that bitch up so many times And I took that slap like a man

I took that slap like Jesus You know turn the other cheek And let them slap you again But I wasn't you just trying to get out Of having to do that Or was it actually because you didn't want her to smoke? Well, no, she smoked Winston too, so that was very strong. And for a seven-year-old kid to be puffing on a Winston, you might have had me puffing on.

Oh, so you didn't just light the end. You had to get it going. Yeah, I had to get it going because it was on the fire on the stove. You know, you just light it. It's going to burn it up. If you don't pull it, it won't catch. Oh, I think you meant pull it out of the fire. Oh, no.

My parents didn't smoke. Oh, no, pull it. Like, I had to put it in my mouth and pull the cigarette to get it going. I ain't like cigarettes And my mama watched a lot of So soap popper So I could never understand Why she didn't smoke Virginia Slims

Like the lady on the sitcom Because they look warm Like very female My mama did everything Like she was a lesbian Oh because of the size Of her cigarette? The thick-ass cigarette

She never told a purse I've never seen my mama with a purse She told her wallet And she kept everything In that man's wallet Her birth certificate Her panting liner Her prescription

of everything by the time she stick that bitch on her back pocket it was this thick my mama had no ass but one side were always sticking out a wallet butt cheek on one side she carried a wallet all right i used to think that she was a lesbian but she wasn't i can see that though she carried on like that i would watch friends and be like oh yeah i get this I just love Chandler. Yeah, I don't want to talk about it. I felt like it was sort of like all of those sex in the city, all of that stuff. Like I've never been into that.

What have you been into? I watched a lot of sports and then I just... Oh, you're talking about the damn sports? Huh? What are you talking about? That's all I did. You asked me what I did. Is that what you do now to?

Well, I've finally gotten, now that my kids are up and running. Now they're getting into sports. So I can watch it now Like my son likes hockey And my daughter likes baseball and stuff So they're coming around But like you know early on It's a lot of like bluey

And these other cartoons and stuff And it's you know And then you're just like All right once they go to bed I'll sit down and I'll watch this game that I tape But you just exhausted from raising them So you just fall asleep So I kind of have like a five year period

Why I didn't watch much of anything But I watch a lot of movies And I watch sports I don't like a lot of the new TV shows it's just there they just the way they

they compel you to just watch keep watching and binging it's like I don't know it's like to eat like Doritos so you start eating them you can't stop I just want to be up at 3 in the morning

going I'm just going to watch one more episode of this shit I'm just not That's good TV isn't it what to continue to watch you know episode after episode and yeah well it's just like

booze is good until it like fucks up your life and i i just look at all of that stuff the internet and tv and all of that shit like that you really have to like you know you have to drink responsibly you have to like watch responsibly you just can't just put on a streaming network and just lose nine hours of your fucking life um i know like i got to get caught up i got to get through this i don't have to do any of this shit i always tell people i'm like just tell me what happens tell me what happens and literally save me 30 years of my 30 hours of my life you you literally at that edge where it's just male midlife crisis you like I'm having a midlife crisis because I don't like to stream television shows I'm gonna go on a limb

and say you just misdiagnosed me if you were my doctor and you said that shit to me I wouldn't even argue with you I would just sit there with my eyebrows up like in my head being like I'm firing her oh this is my last appointment you just at that point in your life like most people who's overfit the you know forget the bullshit I just get to the point like I hate long conversations I hate a long text I don't like to read

literally I do not like to read I don't want to read all of that especially no text message because you could have called and told me this shit and it was way easy to me squinting my eyes and opening it or voice text that's like a book on tape it's like a text on tape I don't want to text at all just pick up the phone so I'm at that point

of my life so I understand you don't want to binge and you know I don't watch a lot of TV either right now but those are the things that I don't like you know I'm not holding my gas anymore because I'm 50 some years old and I don't have those type of organs that can hold gas back so you know all right so we'll do like a half hour all right here's something that fascinates me one of many things about you is and I didn't know about this until Pam told me. Oh, Lord. Yeah, because I was just like, I'm not going to ask her the same 12

fucking questions that she gets asked. So this whole thing that you're like into real estate and buying properties. I don't owning them or flipping them. I don't know what you're doing. But like, that was really interesting to me to see an artist usually we're dumb with our money, but to see somebody actually like, you know, creating like a revenue stream outside of the considering how this business is shrinking which isn't it's like as big as it's ever been what has shrank is the amount of people actually getting paid uh to be in it so the fact

that you're like all right so i got you know when you're talking earlier about you got your stand up and nobody can touch that and that's your thing to then create this other like to me that as much as okay you got to deal with tenants and that type of stuff it seems like a really smart liberating it's putting you in a really great position of power in this business that if somebody comes to you with something you don't want to do, you're

not in a situation to be like I don't want to do this but I have to do it because I got to keep my sag cuts. I like I'm a DIYer so I was doing this before my career ever took off. My husband used to

before he worked at General Motors he used to build houses and I will watch I was on Section 8 at the time, and I watched a lot of HGTV, and I would dream of having houses like those on HGTV. And so when I bought my very first property, I just tore it apart. Now, HGTV give you the energy to tear it apart. I just say, how did you have the guts to do that? I would be so scared to do that.

Because they pump you up. Oh, you can do it, you can do it. But nobody tells you, you got to know how to put that crap back together. Yeah. But my husband was, my husband was, my husband was, building houses at the time so he knew a little bit and between that and you two we made some mistakes and over the years we just kept he's building houses what do you mean he only knew a little bit it sounds like he would know what to do him so he didn't do all the inside he just framed them up

so he didn't have any plumbing or elect no he don't have any he don't have any of that is but he knew what a load-bearing wall was yes yes that's the big thing you just removed one for me today but um give it up for chicago sebastian maniscalco's new stand-up special it ain't right is now streaming on hulu 30 years ago jeff bezos complete nerd bezos now ripped the shreds on his super yacht and the boxes keep coming watch sebastian matico it ain't right now streaming on hulu and hulu on disney plus for bundle subscribers terms apply that's awesome i think that that's fantastic yeah so i just started I only own three properties. It seemed like a lot to pay them.

What's so fascinating. That's great, but it's like that's money that's just always going to come in so you're never going to be broke. Yes, and I paid the properties off. So I built my house two years ago. We was living in Indiana, and I told my husband to retire. I was like, I think I can, I think I got this. Just come on back to Atlanta.

So we get back to Atlanta, and he told me where he wanted to live at. And I bought a house for $480,000. on seven acres and I knocked it down seven acres yes and I built 15,000 square feet house and I just saved my money and I I didn't have a GC I got an architect I don't know a general contractor so they they're the person that you give all the money to and then they take a percentage of your money and they bill your house and they make sure every day they keeps the problems out of how long did it take you to like design it and then from designing it and then And it took me about six months with architect because what I did is I'm not a designer interior out.

I just rolled around neighborhoods and I just told I told the architect I said I want my I want my front portion to look like this. I want this look like this. I want that to look like this. And I just went on TikTok and stole everybody's designs. But you didn't have any like specific thing like I want a home movie theater. I do have one. Okay, you got one. I put all of that in there. I knew I wanted that because I had that in my other house. So I just, like when you walk in my house, I didn't want to walk in directly to steps. So I told to architect. Oh, this split entry? No, it's just over to the side and have back steps for the kids to come in when they come from school.

And I knew what I want the rallying to look like, the bedrooms that look like. I knew how many bathrooms. It was crazy because as I was building, I put one too many bathrooms there. And I didn't realize. I was like, what the hell is this? And my mother's like, it's a bathroom. I said, this is supposed to be a closet. but it was already plumbed up.

Oh, God. So it turned into an extra breakfast, so I ended up with 13 baths. Well, let me ask you, that's what I never understand is on these giant houses, the amount of bathrooms versus bedrooms. There's always like three times as many bathrooms. Like, these people have weak bladders? Like, it'll be like seven bedroom, 43 bathrooms. It's just like, I think I have. Can you not make it to one of the seven, it seemed like it would be like seven bedrooms, like eight bathrooms.

You'd have one downstairs off the living room in the kitchen or whatever, but why do they always have, it's like a third more? I don't know. I think they run out of ideas. They do. To do with all of that space. I have 11 bedrooms and 13 baths, but I built a little podcast house next door for one of my kids.

So I have a two bedroom house connected to the big house. And my daughter stays over there. And I go there and I do my podcast. Do you have like llamas and stuff running the property? You have animals or any of that stuff? I have a dog, three dogs. Okay. Yeah, they have a house.

Yeah, I built them a house too. So they have an 800 square foot house. All right. Let's back up when you were saying how I couldn't relate to friends in their giant apartments. And you just told me you built an 800 square foot house for your dogs? Yeah. They got air conditioning cable and AC in a wash machine, a shower. They're King Corso.

They bigger than you. yeah but you took all their motivation away to have to bark and defend you it's like they they made it no they bark they do bark they really do bark but they all spoil they all that's amazing yes so i think that's what fascinated found do you want to like uh continue to grow this is the thing to get money they call it your portfolio yes and your real estate portfolio you are you increasing or decreasing your presence in the real estate market that's how they talk oh i don't know about that but uh i'm i'm gonna increase my daughter one of my daughters right on my show and so uh she's very good with her money because she went to a much better school than my

medicaid kids did so uh she invest and i just went to it one day i was like hey let's let's let me show you how to make more money you just sitting here living for free in the other little house you know let's buy some houses together and she was like and I was I didn't think she was going to do it but she did it and so she was like well how much you need I was like just give me 70 5,000 and I was like she's never going to give me 70 5,000 and I looked up and she turned for I said this bitch got some money oh so she's been doing it that's amazing so we bought we just bought our first property together and um she let me do all the remalling and I just told I said you got to think about it like this it's money when you need it is there and the house is it's a

The houses that we're buying is paid off. So I'm just buying, like, you know, some raggedy crap. Because I'm a DIY, and that's what I do. And I just fix them up. That's great. My wife watches this show, this couple. I don't know where they're from, but they're always flipping houses. It's a huge show.

And they do the exact same shit to every house. They come in and they just go, all right, we're going to open it up. We're going to get some windows, put in some hardwood floors. And, like, I just say that every time, like, right, is they look at it i say it and then they end up doing it so um they've had a couple of cool ones like they uh there was like this like i don't know what it was it's almost i don't know it's a shotgun shack what do you call it's like one of those like we call them railroad apartments in new york but it's one of those things we just you walk in here's the living room and then you walk into the kitchen

yeah that's the kind of house my granddad ahead yeah so somebody there was only a few of them left so now they're kind of historic because that style of house doesn't exist anymore well they're bringing them Back in the new model homes. Them shotgun houses? Mm-hmm. I know. I feel like that has to do with the, how wealth is spread out at this point.

That we're sort of reverting back. Now they're like lowering the age where kids can work. You know, they're trying to get it down to like 14 and 13. I mean, this is a shit that people like died like fighting cops and strike busters to prevent. They're literally going back to that. They try.

What kills me is it's fucking nerds. I always thought like it would be like some, you know. You remember about Jack Nicholson look when he was playing Jimmy Hoffa with that square jaw and that buzz cut? Like if it was somebody like that doing it, you know, with the Joseph Stalin haircut, you're kind of like, all right, I get this. But to have some fucking Star Wars fan, yeah, take all the music and then this guy's taking all of this.

You don't do social media? No. I got off that at the beginning of September. It works for me. I can't stress over, you know, somebody's opinion about me. And I had to learn that, too, because when I first started, they would say mean stuff about me. Oh, you fat and you're this and all kind of shit. And so I, but I talk back.

You say something to me online? I'm going to talk back. And I was like, yeah, I'm fat, but I make, you clocking in at McDonald's, your poor bitch. And I'm going out here making your whole salary one weekend. And stop letting your daddy fuck you. so I was fine back so you say something to me they don't they don't really say anything to me

anymore because I will fire back I'm not Beyonce I'm behind this phone when you send a message it pop up and I can read it all right and I talk about it and I go straight to their page and find their slow kids

and their mom in the head dead in the wheelchair and they in bred it family But you just told me you say Fuck it and you give it to God And now you're doing a deep dive Into complete strangers Going after their whole families

Yeah sometimes What does their slow kids have to say They don't even know how to type it I gotta talk about them Get that slub off your baby bottom lip Who you had that baby by a llama A duck Baby look like a cash bag kid

Bitch That's when I have time If I don't have time, I just, you know, I say, fuck it. I give it a gun. But if I'm just laying in the bed a couple days and they had no bath and my wig is off, you're going to get it like a hard day. I'm going to give it to you. My whole family's going to get it.

Yeah, I sent the message to my sister. I said, make sure I spelled everything right. She sent it back. And I'll tear their ass up for about an hour. She'd be like, stop it, stop it. I said, I ain't going to stop. You said something to me. You said something.

Don't say nothing to me. I said I would meet you at Starbucks and beat these shit. out of you. You got to be careful with that. What? There's crazy people out there. Come on with my house. Come on over my house. You don't mean that. Yes, I do. No, you don't. No, you don't. You have this beautiful

15,000 square foot house. And I got three dogs that eat white and black people, Asian, Mexican, anybody who jumped the fence. And I got a couple bullets. Now, I can't shoot you because I'm a convicted felon, but I live with a lot of non-convicted felon. As a convicted felon, even in the South, you're not allowed to have a gun.

Not right now. Not until I get the other felonies off my record. Today I get them all off. I'm just going to be shooting in there. Pa, ba, pop, bow,

bow, bow. I'm going to get on the back of my cane Corso back, and I'm just going to start shooting in the air. Wait a minute. How many do you have left? I don't want to get involved in them,

but how many do you have left? I got about, what, three felons ago? Three? Oh, that must have been a long list. She just said just like three. It was like four pages.

In the single digits. It was... The holidays are here. The judges are feeling a little more forgiving. Believe it or not, it was a lot. Well, you know, well, you became a wonderful person. I don't know who you were before. I was already a wonderful person.

When I was committing those crimes, I was trying to survive. The two kids at 15, eighth grade education. I was trying to get some money. I wasn't trying to kill nobody. I was just trying to steal a little bit, sell a little crack, you know, made a few mistakes. You know, I was just true. I wasn't a dope deal that did the drive-bys. Now, I put the gas

in the car for the drive-bide, but I didn't personally go on the drive, unless it was on my baby daddy. I drove by, shout up his baby mama, but just a regular person, no. Wait a minute, some more your past is coming up. Oh, yeah. I did not beat up the teacher. He lied.

You defended yourself. You defended your owner. No, I was so, I used to, I used to do vending at the dome at this hot dog space of the dome and i would take um georgia dome yeah i still understand why they tore that place down there was nothing wrong with it put that whole city in debt with the mercedes bends whatever the fuck they call it and the factors can't win in shit they tore down fulton county stadium build a brand new stadium my people don't want to go in town because of the traffic and then they they built another one out there and there's still just as much traffic It's just as much traffic

I had a show out there When there was a Braves playoff game Like they have a little like Theater near the ballpark And I was sitting there I could see the venue For like an hour and 15 minutes I don't think it was because of white people

They didn't want to come That's the only people that went there Because I used to work at the Brains Stadium The problem was they wanted a new stadium And the city said no They just got one That 14 County State had around a long time No no

Then they built them a new one No no And then they got another one No, they don't. They only built, it's from 14-Count. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, Atlanta, I forgot. I forgot, 14-County, God, damn. How do you know all this?

Because that's what I did when I was on the road. Yeah, so I didn't work at 14-County. I worked at the other one. Okay. And so they wanted that one tore down and a new one. And he said, no, so they was like, forget you. We're moving the Braves to Cobb County. But what I'm saying is they tore down Fulton County, which I understand.

That was the cookie cutter, you know, football and baseball. Those things were ugly and they didn't put any thought into them. So then they made them this beautiful stadium. And then it was like nine years later they said we want another one. We want to get out of here. Yeah. That's what I'm saying. And then they left it and then they gave it to like Georgia Tech or some shit.

And they draw like 800 fans sitting in this thing that you could play a major league baseball game in. Yes. Yeah, it's bizarre. And you as a convicted felon can't have a gun in that state? but they can do that when does the Miss Pat and that's that show

when does that Miss Pat settles it It's come on every Tuesday night Oh so it's still on So are you here to promote a new season Is what I'm asking? It's just started Oh so it is just starting

Okay that's great All right Every Tuesday night I'm gonna check I think you're a sweetheart I think you want to be a bird Despite all of your You know

Gassing people up for drive-bys And whatever the fuck it was you were doing we all up a pass no and i think you're a phenomenally talented artist and i think if they give you a shot to do something dramatic in a movie i think you would absolutely fucking kill it because you were so grounded in such a real person and really interesting thank you i am a real person i one thing i said about when i went to uh hallocane hollow i can't let anybody change me because i can only be miss patt well there you go my thing that i said myself was like no matter what happens. I'm coming out the other side

looking like a person. I'm not doing this shit or this shit. I'm not doing that. I'm not getting hair stapled and I'm just going to be like, I guess I'm a character actor. I guess I'm going to look like... You know what's the craziest thing?

You know white women need lips because white people have thin lips. But now black women are getting Negro lips. I don't get it. It's so... First of all, they can only make one pair of fake lips everybody has the exact same lips

and you can tell them from a little behind on the side you automatically go those are those are those yeah they make I'm trying to do it I can't do it but it's the exact same why don't they a little more

a little it's not like fake titties where they could any cup size you want they have like you remember like the old haircut like which haircut do you want they go which lips do you want they got one pair of lips and everybody gets them and do you know those lips go down and they have to get them pumped back up they go down like every three to four weeks and they have to get them pumped back up it's it's uh it's insane people and nobody wanted them until they went online and and that's the thing i think what it is is regular

people get trashed like entertain like entertainer you just have to take it that it comes okay if you're gonna get up on stage and run your yap and a mouth into a microphone sorry run your mouth into a microphone someone's going to you know you're going to get heck old people are going to say mean shit to you that comes with the gig but now the people in the crowd they have their own little instagram TikTok page and um you know people just like that's like a sport like and the people who are the meanest like have no accounts like they just go in to like trash people so i i think it's giving like like dude i i know somebody in new york he's he's a superintendent of a building

and he got a hair system yeah a hair system he got he got like his shit he was going bald and he came back can you imagine you know Billy Ocean is yeah I know who Billy Ocean is you know the lips on him you know Billy Ocean lips

well I never I never looked at him like that can you imagine they tease him about his lips and today they bind his lips and today they bind his lips. Oh, what do you have? Mr. Potato head lips? Yeah.

That's a good ass. I never thought of like that. Yeah. You can't even see the nose. Mr. Potato head lips. That's what they buy. But they go down. That's so crazy.

No, all of that stuff does. It's like asses. I used to hate having a big butt. I have a big butt. And, you know, big butts wasn't always in style. But my daddy decided. family everybody got an ass when i met my dad i was like oh okay i see why i was shaped like this and nobody wanted to have a big butt now everybody want a big butt

and it's sir mix a lot's problem is what he brought it into the white community with that rap video and then i was yeah you see basically was talking about flat-ass white women right and he didn't it wasn't into that he liked this and then that was the first thing the first thing it just what's the song remind me isn't it i i like big. Oh, I like big bus. Yes. Yeah. That was my people's first, like, what the fuck is this?

That's what made white women go and say, we ain't got no ass. I think that that was the beginning. Oh, I never thought of them. And then also during that time, that was when, like, hip hop started overtaking, like, pop music. And then it became

the mainstream. And then there was all of this money. And then all of those women, were in those videos and then the same way it was reversed you know where black people were watching all these white people looking at that it was like the fake ass is the white people's conk

basically you know like fake ass is white people cock yeah conk like straightening your hair oh conk yeah so now they're like I guess I have to have a fucking ass so I can look like the people on TV it's gone it's gone the other way Anyway, we're getting off track here.

So I don't know what else to talk about. Let's talk about your live dates coming up. And then we can wrap this up before you start getting gassy. I'm glad you remember. I don't have my dates on me. Just go to Miss Pack. This is how you know she's funny. If she was a hack, she would know all of her dates, all of the fucking information.

Truly talented people cannot promote their fucking tours to save. their life. I don't fucking know. If I didn't have this young lady in my life, I wouldn't know where to hell to be a hand for the time. I'll be going to the airport and my wife will call me up be like, do you know what airline you're flying? I'm like, I don't. I don't know. I just deal with like, I get picked up at this time and then I get in the vehicle. Yes. And then I handle some phone calls and then when I start getting close to the airport, that's where my brain goes. Okay, what airline are we flying? You don't fly the same airline? No, I just fly

When I want to I never got into that Miles thing Oh my God, you're leaving so much money on the table Yeah, but you know something I don't become like They keep moving the yardstick That's what I don't like And they got all of those fucking idiots

Well, by now you're at the yardstick It's not for you to worry about the yardstick I'm a million mile So you've been doing this shit way longer than me So I know you would have been there by now I only fly Delta I try to. I'm not on there to like play their fucking miles game.

Well, I'm a coupon type person. If it's a credit card, it's got to be some type of coupon or something, I'm going to get out of it. I'm a miles person. I'm a points person. Every hotel I stand by like, make sure you use, make sure I get my points. And they'd be looking at me like, you want points? Yeah, bitch, I want all my points. Every time I swipe my American Express card, I'm concerned about points.

Home Depot, give me points. Lowe's give me points. I mean, that's a different. You know, I'm a woman, so I watches everything. Everything's about points and coupons for me. I would literally have somebody, one of my kids, hey, clip that coupon and go by this. Today, you got them to the day.

It's like you called a coupon. Coupon. Coupon. Coupon. Coupon. What did I say it? Cue. Coupon.

Coupon. Coupon. C-O-U-P. C-O-U-P. Oh, am I fucking losing my. mind him I know what you're saying I just think it's it's cute the way you say coupon coupon okay oh the way do we don't know who's saying it wrong this is becoming like good fellas no the way you say it it's just funny the way the way

the way you say oh oh nobody ever told me I was saying in wrong but okay let me no I was just quoting goodfellas which I knew halfway into it I'm like she's not gonna get this reference I'm not now you now you quote living single or whatever you talked to I can tell you this, the whole cast of living singles would walk by me and I would have no idea.

Queen Latifah would know, but only because of MTV. UNITY, that's a unity. I remember that with the big priest hat. That was not a priest hat. That was a fucking chocked. I know, it's not a priest's hat.

That was an African and whatever. I know. All right, so I'm in a... Well, if you're a white person wearing a hat like that, you're the Pope. You really are the Pope. but not with the dashiki on the front yeah okay then uh you african fair enough uh philadelphia what is this

he's growing up so i did i was like i looked like i already been all these days my next date is i thought you had on slip on clogs i see clogs never had that thing on the back did they no these are slip on guiche um i'm in miami flor no i just did you have a coupon when you got those it was a gift it was a gift yeah uh charlop north carolina i'm at the comedy zone december 5th and 6 okay Right after my mama and daddy birthday. December 12 through the 13th, San Antonio Comedy Club. I'm coming out of way, laugh out loud. New Jersey, the theater, Victoria's Theater.

Make sure you get your tickets. What's the date of that? New Jersey, December 19th. December 19th. There we go. All right. Yeah. Give him one more.

I'm going to give you two more. The most important one, New Year's, Alabama, I'll be there at the Star Dome. But guess what? I love that place. oh really i do too yeah february 13th and 14th i will be in um baltimore at the baltimore center stage do you ever used to work that improv we had to walk like nine miles down that hall it was like buried into the bottles of this fucking building it was the worst location i'd ever i don't think they still have it they had like something like right down on the water and you would like walk

i think i think i did that with uh when i used to open for Arnaz J and D. Ray Davis. Arnaz J. I was talking about him the other day. That's one of the funniest dudes ever. Yes. When I first started out doing comedy, I remember seeing him on TV being like like that.

That is killing. Yes. Yeah, he would murder. Yes. On all of those comic views, all of that stuff. I opened for him for about eight years. Him and D. Ray around the same time. Oh, okay. So I have to give a shout out of D. D. Ray taught me how to headline. Yes.

Debrey, I used to do that, Mo Better Mondays. Yes. I haven't done that in forever. It's still there. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I haven't done that. It's a grumpy crowd sometimes.

You know, I think those people were. Because it was Monday. It was just Monday. It wasn't people just sitting there like, I got to do this four more times. Then you'd be going on a stage. Hey, how are you? I'm a comedian. I don't have to do shit tomorrow.

They don't want to laugh. They just, I'm here to see the celebrities. I don't ever stop through, but I love D-ray. I love D-ray, too. No, and Monday nights is good, but I'm just saying every once in a while, The crowd would remind you that it is, in fact, Monday night. It's not a weekend. But they dress up like it's a weekend.

Yes. Yes. Yeah. They came to show some skin. Yeah. It's not how I roll. Oh, February 13th and 14th, I'd be at Baltimore Center Stage, and I'm shooting my second special there. That's amazing.

Thank you. Where are they going to put it on? I'm paying for it myself so we don't know yet oh okay yeah all right well let me know if you want to come back and promote it I would be happy to promote it well I'll be more than happy to come back too Bill

it took us five years to get together I know well you're busy your tour never ends my tour never ends yes and when you I tried to catch you last time you was in Atlanta but I was leaving the day you got there is you always on the road all right and I would do a date with you at some point if you wanted to like do like a road gig

or something like that oh most definitely hell yeah let's bring a crowd together and freak people out you'd be surprised how diversity minds is oh no i've got no that's like no i think you're you're an old you're an old school star you're an old school star all right before we just have off-camera conversations i'm going to try to bring this back into like a professional thing and uh just and uh wrap it up here um i'm so psyched we finally got to hang i'm so psyched and i'm so happy for you and all of your success i think like I kind of said all the compliments earlier, but I'll say him again, I think you're

phenomenal, you're a star, and beyond all of your comedy and your real estate portfolio and all of that, I'm dying to see when somebody gives you a shot in some movie where you've got to do some drama stuff, because I really think you would kill it. I really think that you would kill it.

Thank you, and if that don't come, I would love a DIY show. Oh, okay. Okay, I got a production company? I would put that, I would that together in a second do it your damn self i want to i i you know because tv is so fake all right that is the thursday podcast miss pat everybody um check her out on the road and play and if you're in the baltimore area please check her out when she's going to be doing her stand-up special on the 13th and 14th

of february go to miss pat comedy dot com oh valentine's day yeah what a great date night all right that's it thank you for watching we'll see you on monday Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr, and it's time for the Monday morning podcast for Monday, November 20th, 2017. Right off the bat, the first thing you should notice is my hushed fucking tone. Not a hushed tone, a hushed fucking tone. My daughter is sleeping down.

This is like 5.30 in the fucking morning. And this is the only time I'm going to have to do this podcast. if I wanted to kind of come out on time today. So that is what I'm doing. I was with my daughter all day yesterday. It was awesome. Nia went out with some friends, and then she went out to fucking dinner.

And I just sat there. We watched the Patriots Raiders. I had taped the Celtics' Hocs game. I watched a little bit of the Dallas Philly game, because on inside the NFL, I said Dallas was going to watch. win. And my only reasoning was division rivalries. You know what I mean? It's like, look how bad the Buffalo Bills got fucking raped yesterday by the San Diego Chargers for whatever fucking reason.

They're going to give us a tough game. They're at least going to cover the spread one goddamn time for the simple fact that we see him twice a year going back to like 1960 back in the AFL, you know. So, um, I was wrong. I'm big enough to say that I was wrong. Carson Wentz, I guess six foot five, unbelievably mobile. Uh, yeah, eagles put a thump on him. I'm a big enough man to say I was wrong. I'm a big enough man to let you know that I'm sitting here drinking tea all alone. Um, so yeah, I just did that. It was just, uh, hanging out with my daughter. dude, she's amazing. She really is amazing. She's like all over the place. She can say mama now and she can say da-da, but she doesn't know what they mean, you know, and she doesn't know when

the word ends. So you like, say mama, she just goes, mama, mama, ma-ma, mama. Say da-da-da. She'll go like mama, come on, say da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. And then point in myself, she'll just smile at me like, what the fuck is with you? And she just crawls away. She can stand. She can let go with stuff, still stand for a good, like, I don't know. I think her record's like eight or nine seconds. And you always think that they're going to, like, fall back and hit their head.

It drives you nuts. But some reason, they just sit right down in their butt. I don't know. I still don't trust the whole, I still don't trust the whole thing. and I did the classic dad moment somebody bought us a toy that I think is a little advanced for my kid

and it was basically you know like the walkers that old people have this is like the same kind of thing except it's you know it has a smiling cow's face on it and sing songs on the front but essentially it's an old person walker so

my daughter was pushing it around like on her knees first And then she started standing up. What I did was I put my iPhone slightly in front of it, you know, because they love any sort of computer screen. And she started taking steps with it or anything. But there's like no break on it. It's like really fucking dangerous.

So I always have to be hovering over. So the one time I go to film her doing it and no, I'm not going to show you this footage. She fucking starts to walk and I'm filming her. And all of a sudden she, like, leaned back, and the whole thing, like, tipped over on it. She fell down, hit her head. She was on the rug, though, the cappeted area. But if I were to show you that video, you'd see the second she was in danger, I fucking threw the camera down. I tried to catch her, as opposed to most of these fucking parents out there.

I swear to God, it's like they're trying to put them in bad positions. And then the kid falls down, and you hear the parents laughing. They don't even try to help them because they're all giddy thinking, like, this is going to get me. a bunch of hits. Like, I haven't seen this one. There's some kid, I guess, somebody was telling me, like, hanging from something and falls into a fucking

fish tank, breaks the fish tank or something. That's water. That's glass. That's dead fish. That's the kind of shit used to get you sent to bed. The second your parents saw it, they'd be like, dude, what the fuck are you doing? Okay, they didn't say, dude, but everything else they said. Now the parents just sit there and they,

you know, it's like watch one of those nature shows. Like anytime they show a snake eating, somehow it always finds a fucking mouse. Do you know how long you'd have to sit there following that goddamn snake around with an entire camera crew? The thing keeps turning around, looking at you, trying to strike you. You're freaking it out, right? Bless you and your camera crew are making all that goddamn noise, you're going to scare all the mice away. But somehow, they always seem to capture the moment. the snake fights the other snake

you know it kills a rabbit it kills a fucking bird I want to know why all of these fucking people out there right all of these animal lovers they're talking about the Japanese beating all those dolphins to death in the cove

they're talking about don't leave your dog you know in a car with the windows up all of that shit what about these mice okay on these these fucking nature shows i think i've told this before i watched one one time they're following this snake through the we'll say air quote woods okay the snake is completely oblivious of the goddamn camera crew they must be just tippy towing around right craft services just off in the

distance you know so they got one camera team is following this mouse the other team is following like this rattlesnake or something so the mouse goes down into the hole and then the snakes goes down in the hole and then next thing you know i'm in the hole too the camera is in like the giant living room part the open area the great room the room over the garage if you will of this hole okay the game room the man cave right and uh the cameras are already in there. The fucking mouse is standing there like, what the fuck?

You know, like Joe Pesci and Goodfell's like, ah, no, the second it sees the camera, and then the snake comes in and kills the thing. I want to know, Peter, they're so busy, you know, wrapping themselves around some fucking half-dead Armadillo laymen in the streets. Where the fuck are they on this issue?

How in God's name could that camera crew possibly in all the fucking holes in the woods? of all the fucking mice and the other mice in the woods I don't know right of all the fucking rodents in the goddamn woods how the hell did they know that this fucking mouse

was going to go down that fucking hole and that snake that they were following was going to follow that mouse down into that hole into that part of the hole there's only one way people it was a setup okay set up the same way they set up

those sharks look like a bunch of lunatics when they hang that fucking steamship round hanging off the goddamn boat steamship round everybody i told you i'd working in just basically half the hind quarters of a cow they got that hanging off the side of the boat right the great white shark shows up it's got that arsenio thing where you know when it smiles it shows way too much gums making it not a sympathetic character which is why i think when they brought arsinio back it didn't last that long i think personally. I don't think it was because of the talent of the man, you know, go back and watch coming to America, go and blow for blow with Eddie Murphy, you know? Same thing with these great

white sharks. Majestic, beautiful, doing their fucking job. God forbid you got crooked teeth in America, I'm telling you. The mice have crooked teeth? They got pointy teeth, right? Are they meat eaters? what the fuck does a mouse eat it's got to be it's got to suck when you figure out that in the pecking order of nature you're just sort of this

like a slider you like this appetizer like there's you know all of that shah christ they're fucking like rabbits it's like rabbits have to produce the way they do or a bunch of other species die and I imagine some egghead but the lab coat would say that eventually human beings would die.

Unless we ate a plant-based diet, fruits and vegetables, grains, and nuts. I'll get into this shit later on. You know, I watched this video saying that, you know, meat and butter and shit and eggs and dairy wasn't that bad. So you know what happens the second you fucking say that, you know, this food isn't bad. a bunch of people other non-experts come out of the fucking woodwork

and start telling you about the videos that they just watched and the shit that they think is right you know it's literally like these fucking food people and nutrition people I'm done with them you know what they're like they're like religious people

where they think God loves them best their story about God Buddha Muhammad Jesus you know Jesus right I don't want to start a race war here not a race war or a religious war here but you got to admit Jesus is the coolest

out of all of them you know hey man like you guys want to see me walk on water I mean he's just doing all these tricks right he's like a fucking lounge act in Vegas he's pulling all the fucking bread and the fish out

you know in fairness to Muhammad I have not read one word about them. I've never read the Koran. I never even read the Bible. You know, in the afterlife, I just hope I die in a group accident. You know what I mean? So that way we're all just kind of sitting there and I can kind of skate with the smart

kids, you know, when the teacher would come in. Did anybody read the short story last night? Do you all read it? And everybody was kind of like, yeah, yeah, yeah, like try not to make eye contact. Then the dude would start asking questions. You're like, oh, fuck. Come on, man. You start looking at the smart kid.

Like, dude, put your fucking hand up and ask, God damn, answer these fucking questions. This is my afterlife thing's going to be about, you know? I actually don't think it's going to be that bad. Because I am a big believer that either you're just dead, like that poor fucking mouse or the Arsenio Hall reboot of the talk show. It's just dead. Oh, fuck, that I just wake my dad.

daughter up. I can hear her downstairs, but she always wakes up this time anyways. It's amazing when you're a parent. The second your kid stirs in the crib, you fucking wake up. I'm still not getting eight hours of sleep. Probably what I'm talking about this fucking mouse right now. 5.47 in the morning, Pacific Coast time. Yeah, I think either you're dead or you just kind of show up.

and God's just like, yeah, sorry about that. You know, it's just a big experiment. I just, you know, I wanted to create a bunch of things that destroy each other. I mean, that's what happens. If you do watch those nature shows, the level of fucking murder that goes on out in nature. Just all the time. Does anybody die of old age, like die in natural death in nature? I think like elephants do.

But even then, they're trying to walk back to that place that they remember. I don't know, they're always hyping up elephants about everything that they fucking remember. It's like, I get it. I get it. I get it. There's 30,000 fucking muscles in their goddamn nose. I'm just fucking with you. You got to love elephants. You know? Rhinos and hippos are the cunts of elephants. You know what I mean?

I feel like an elephant, you kind of got a shot as long as their kid's not around. Like an elephant just kind of looks over it, yeah, and it's just like, I'm man, you know, keep your distance. Everything's fucking cool. And rhinos and like hippopotamuses, those fucking things are, uh, did I say rhinos and elephants are the cunts of the elephants? Did I say that earlier? Did I say rhinos and hippos?

I don't even know. It's fucking early. Rhinos and hippos are the cunts of elephants. You know what I mean? Little short motherfuckers. They didn't get the long nose, right? Just one of those guys coming out playing pickup hockey or pickup hoop and just taking it way too seriously.

And you just instinctively try to stay away from them before they blow your fucking knee out. You ever watch one of those animal videos when the hippo is like chasing out? after the boat going under the water, coming out of the water, coming out of the water, coming out of the water. It's like, how the fuck is it producing that speed? It's a tub of shit.

It's got a giant fucking head. It's not aerodynamic whatsoever. And it's got those little short legs. I think it's doing the butterfly. It's definitely not doggie paddling. When it gets going, it's got to be doing the butterfly. it's got to be front legs forward you know and then both legs at the same time

and then thrust and back like a hippo's like that fat kid at the pool who always goes into the pool with his shirt on right the fat kid and the fucking redhead like me I don't know why I never thought to do that I would just take the fucking sunburn it's gonna turn into color later is it Bill that or skin cancer

anyways how about those new england patriots number one offense and the lowest rated defense I don't know about you guys but i think that spells success in january i'd have to look at the numbers and see how um just see how they've been doing over the last if

the last few weeks if they've been letting up less points you know like god knows we got the shit kicked out of us not even it was just the final quarter and a half we got the shit kicked out of us by the kansas city chiefs okay and everyone was going like holy shit brady is old here comes kansas city and uh now look what happened kansas city just lost to the fucking um new york giants the lowly new york giants whoever thought you would say that um all right patriot schedule results. Yeah, 2014. That's what I want to

fucking see. 2017. Dude, what God's name is going on? What hell's scores of these? All right, here we go. What the hell's going on with Kansas City? Like, how many fucking times can you do this to your fan base? How many times can you get these fucking people excited only to turn around and just shit the bed?

I don't understand it. All right. Preseason, preseason, preseason. All right, we gave up 42 points to the Jets. Then we gave up 20 points to the Saints. 33 to the Texans. 33 to the Panthers. 14 to the Buccaneers.

17 to the Jets. Seven to the Falcons. 13 to the Chargers. All right, we're doing all right here. 16 to the Broncos, but they stink. And eight to the Raiders. All right, I think we're all right then. I thought I overheard that stat yesterday that we were last in team defense.

It's nice to actually see us get pressure on the quarterback. I felt bad for Derek Carter, though. Jesus Christ. I don't know if the Raiders have been dropping as many passes as Tony Romo was suggested, but how great is Tony Romo in the broadcast booth? The guy knows the game, and he's not afraid to shit on people. I love it. I feel like he's doing everything that people think Chris Collinsworth is doing.

And Chris Collinsworth, I thought, was always fair. I'll tell you right now, the Patriots are just not getting it done on defense. Like, I always felt, as much as it was annoying to hear, like, I know Chris. I'm watching the game. He can't get mad because the guy's right. On the other hand, Tony Romo just takes shots at guys. It's fucking hilarious. Like when they was sitting there saying how Tom Brady is,

the only player to ever throw a touchdown pass in three different countries, being the United States of America, England, and now Mexico. So Tony Romo goes, yeah, you know what that means? He's a great quarterback, and he's really old. You know what I loved about that? It was funny. Listen to somebody make fun of Tom Brady and then it was also funny knowing that you could just hear Tony Romo bitching to his girlfriend about how much attention

fucking Tom Brady was getting you know what I mean as he was trying to be a Dallas Cowboy quarterback which God knows you know there's no fucking I don't know what he whatever whatever no good deed goes unpunished when you're a quarterback for that team

forget the fact that Tony Romo had like 11 quarterback coaches and like 10 seasons or whatever for how long he was there you know i bet he was just going like oh you know every fucking thing i do in this fucking one horse goddamn town that thinks that this giant city just gets scrutinized oh but tom brady oh he's so fucking good looking hey i'm just as good looking as that guy right you know he's thinking all of that shit um so it's fun listening to shit on people i thought it was funny when he made fun of Dionne Sanders.

And then Dionne Sanders, who was so above the conversation, took the time to shit on him back. I enjoy all of that. Anyways, hey, by the way, how great were the Mexican fans, by the way? You know, I know a lot of Americans flew down there. Well, I guess we're all Americans, right? We're all part of North America. All people from the United States of the Americas flew down for those games. but, and the Raiders are the perfect team down there.

If I wasn't mistaken, I thought I heard the Patriots getting booed down there, which made me feel great. Nice to know we get respect down there, too. And I don't know. I thought it was a great game. I am a little concerned, though, considering we lost Andrews at center, and then we, not Nick Cannon, Marcus Cannon, is out. And then the backup to Marcus Cannon also has gone down.

So I don't know who the fuck we play next week, But I tell you right now, these patriots, their offensive line, better get healthy, or that's going to spell nothing but trouble come January. Hang on, is my daughter still? Jesus Christ, I think I'm waking her up. She's still downstairs making noise. I got to talk even quieter. I'm sorry, I'll turn up the volume.

I'll turn everything up. There we go. Why don't you use the volume bill to your fucking. advantage. All right, I'm going to whisper. For the rest of this, I swear to God, the first whispered podcast ever. I'm not going to do that to you. All right, I would never do that to you. All right, let's talk about some more bullshit. I watch my first Bruins game in a half of two Celtics games for the first time this year. First of all, who are these 2017, 2018 Boston Celtics? I barely recognize anybody's face. But all I can tell you this is,

We're fucking young as shit. Okay? We got Jason Tatum. This kid's like fucking 20 years old. We got Brown, who I think they were saying, is 20 years old. That's in our starting five. We got Al Hawford. He's like the Zadano Chara of the team.

We got Marcus Smart. He's still on the team. And I don't know who the fuck else. We got some other guy on there. And all I know is we beat the gold. State fucking warriors. And they barely scored any points against us. I figure what the final score was, but both teams were like in the fucking 80s.

Anyways, all I know, if it was under 100, we made the Warriors play our game. We slowed it down. Okay? And God knows if you can beat the Golden State Warriors in November, what's going to happen come January. I'll tell you right now, the Celtics won one game against the Warriors. Does this mean they're going to sweep them in a seven-game series? They're going to start doing that shit.

I obviously think the Warriors are still too strong. I think we have a better head coach in Brad Stevens. But I also think we still have to get past LeBron James and the Cavaliers. First, I just said I forget who the other guy was. It's the guy from the fucking trade there with the plastic mask. Kyrie Irving. I'm very excited to watch them. I watched my first Bruins game in this year,

and I watched the stinkeroo against the fucking Anaheim Mighty Ducks. I think we beat the Kingsden next night. And I missed the game against the San Jose Sharks, but I think Brad Marchand is coming back. But we're pretty banged up right now. Whatever. It's good to be banged up this time of year rather than the end of the year, because that's when you play for the trophy.

Sorry, I'm listening. I think she went back to sleep. All right, cool. Jesus Christ, how much quieter can you fucking talk? His damn kids, I swear to God. They're spoiled brats. They're spoiled brats. Dude, what the fuck is going on with the Kansas City Chiefs?

I don't get these guys. I just don't get it. Now the saints are coming on. But when the saints come marching in, They got fucking Drew Brees, and they have a running game. I actually fucking looked up yesterday. My daughter fell asleep on my chest, right? And it's just like, all right, rookie move.

Rookie move. I should have had a fall asleep on the bed, and then I could have got up and got on with my life for fucking 50 to 90 minutes. So she's sleeping on my chest, and I'm just like, well, how do I make this time productive? and I realized on inside the NFL how little I know about the players in the league. I mean, I was already working too hard on FIS for family. Now I got the kid, I barely know anybody, so I started looking up the starting quarterbacks of every team trying to see how many I could name. All right, so here we go.

I swear to God I don't have them in front of me. I'm going to try to remember as many as I can, okay, Tom Brady, the greatest. of all time, up there in New England playing in Foxborough. And you got Tyrod Taylor and Buffalo. I don't give a fuck who his backup is. I'm not going to waste my time. Memorizing a backup's fucking name.

All right? Until they do something. Until they win the fucking job. The Jets have Josh McCown, Eli Manning, the Patriot Killer. The Eagles got who

Carson Wentz. And then the alias, Joe Flacco. The name you give to the cops. What's your name? Joe. Joe what? Joe Fleco. Oh, then who the fuck do the Redskins have? You like that.

You like that. Whatever his fucking name is. There's like 20 carsons, I feel. He's another guy with a C name. It's not cunt. Cam Newton. then Jacksonville has

Blake Bortles James and Winston in Tampa Bay and then Jay Cutler Maddie Ice in Atlanta Drew Breeze at the Saints

Marcus Maryweather is it fucking the Titans I couldn't name any of these I just fucking try it I'm trying to test my fucking brain here. All right. Then you go to the Bengals. You got the fucking the redhead there. All right. The giant ginger. Andy Dalton

with the fucking hipster haircut. Mocking my hairline. And then the browns. One of the great names of all sports. Deshawn Kaiser. I love that name. Is he a black guy? Is he a black guy? Is Is he fucking celebrating Hitler's birthday? You don't know. I don't know. Kaiser just sounds like a fucking German officer to me. I don't know why.

All right. And what do you got? You got that guy out there from the Lions. What the fuck's his name? Tommy Hilfiger. I don't know why that name just popped in my head. Come on, man.

I've got one of the best guy. Eric Hipple. What fuck do they have? I just went blank on his name. Andrew Luck. is with Indianapolis. I know they got that dude from NC State

backing him up. Aaron Rogers. I know he's hurt. My ribs still feel why he's hurt. I don't know who the Vikings have. The Bears have some guy Mitchell fucking

Trubisky or some fucking thing. Alex Smith, Zach Prescott, the fucking Texans, who the fuck do they got? I know there's some fantasy football people just rattle and what. They got that kid from Clemson who got hurt.

And then Denver, I always forget that guy's name. Some regular name and his last name is like fucking oscillation or some shit. I don't know who the fucking Cardinals have. The L.A. Rams have... The fuck is his name. Jared Goff Philip Rivers Derek Carr

and then this one killed me CJ Beat Hard Jackoff Murder your meat Whatever his fucking last name is And then you got Russell Wilson

See that's not bad That wasn't bad Now ask me to name all the receivers I can't name anybody That's what I knew I realized when I was inside the NFL Then I'm going to bore you guys to death trying to fucking get caught back up.

You know what fuck me over is when I stop collecting football cards? I'd love to get back into it, but they won't just let you buy a whole set. At least they wouldn't the last time I tried to collect like 10 years ago. I think I'm going to have to give in and start playing fantasy football. I'm just not going to know anybody. All right, I need to just promote some things here. I'm doing a benefit tonight at the Laugh Factory in Long Beach. If you want to come down and watch me do a headlining set

and a wonderful comedy club and watch all of the money go to go to the victims of the hurricane out there in Puerto Rico. Please come down. There's some tickets left, all right? That club has not been doing the greatest job

promoting this fucking show. All right, so please come down. I'll do a meet and greet afterwards. I'll shake your hand. I'll sign your fucking tits, whatever the hell you want me to do. But I'll ask you first before I sign your tits before I get in trouble.

Oh, also, Jesus Christ. Oh, All Things Comedy. We got our new website up, redesigned it, and all that type of stuff. I couldn't find the TV shows that we've made yet. Those things should be coming up soon too. So please check that out. All ThingsComody.com. And now for some sad news.

Not even sad, just an amazing life. Malcolm Young of ACDC passed away. And all the football I watched just. see in the NFL. I was a little perturbed. I was a little annoyed that there wasn't any sort of tribute to Malcolm Young, considering

he's arguably the greatest rock and roll, rhythm guitarist of all time. He's written so many classic riffs. All of those ACDC albums and there's like four or five that are just absolute masterpieces.

They're all All great, but he has five fucking masterpieces, all right? As much as I love Pink Floyd, as much as I love Led Zeppelin, I mean, they're right there with them. Masterpiece. Highway to hell, masterpiece, back in black, masterpiece. Let the Be Rock, masterpiece. Power Age, masterpiece.

Flick of the switch, masterpiece. And if you don't fucking think they are, it's because you're not, you don't know, you don't the fuck you're talking about I even like for those about to rock everybody was all fucking like this isn't as good as back in black I shut the fuck up anyways I would have thought the NFL

would have done something for how many years had they been playing hell's bells and thunderstruck and all that getting their stadiums all amped up and how many years did his band you know then come back on tour and sell out those same football stadiums How much money has the NFL?

You know, that's a great partnership to have made off of that band. And during the off season, when they try to have soccer in their stadiums and the fucking place is half full, who comes in to save the day fucking Malcolm Young with his band, ACDC, and some of the greatest riffs of all fucking time. You know, I was lucky enough to see him. How many times did I see him? I think I saw him three times.

I saw him in 86 on the Who Made Who Tour On the Heat Secret tour I saw his nephew who's now in the band Then I saw them Oh I think I only saw him twice Then I saw him on Black Ice I've seen ACDC three times And I saw him on the Black Ice tour That was the last time I saw him

And he's just the coolest, greatest Yeah Rock and Roll rhythm guitarist of all time Just the way they build a song I was listening to Live Wire You know Only he could just make those chords sound so fucking evil And the way he builds him

It still gives me chills TNT I don't know There's just too many overdose The way that song builds I know everybody knows the classics gone shooting the whole second side of powerage down payment blues all of that stuff

it's just absolute giant I don't know I thought did Google do a tribute to him I mean that's the level of guy that passed away here but anyways thanks to him and his genius and that unbelievable that was my band growing up I was actually laughing listen to all that music

I wasn't really even like sad that he was gone because I think he lived like such an amazing life and I was just thinking of all the fucking classes that I flunked in high school and how depressed I was how stupid I thought I was and then I would just go out and I would fucking get in my piece of shit truck

and I would turn it on and pop in that cassette and then I would just go into fantasy world that I was in their band and knew how to play guitar and then I would instantly be in a good mood again. And I used to always sing on multiple choice tests that I knew I was flunking. And I was just guessing. And I was running out of time that Bon Scott lyric. I don't even remember what song is from that.

Take a chance. Why you still got the choice rock and roll damnation. That song would be playing in a loop as I was guessing. I forget what I got on my SATs. I got like a 300-something combined. And I'm going to tell you, I tried. I took a prep course. I did everything.

And I just fucking shit the bed on it. And I'd love to tell you people that that had a major effect on my life, but it didn't. Anyways, let's read some. So, rest in peace, Malcolm Young. there's never going to be another one like you. That's it. I always thought Malcolm Young and Phil Rudd were the two coolest guys in the band. That was it right there, those two fucking guys.

Malcolm and Phil Rudd sitting there with the cigarette dangling out of his mouth, just fucking crushing it. I think even Billy Joel said, you know, that's the greatest live band he's ever seen. Speaking of which, does anybody here? the Howard Stern interview with Billy Joel. Jesus, fucking amazing. What a talent. There's a guy I have to go see live. I can't believe I've never seen that guy live.

I was such a douche in the 80s. If you didn't have a guitar, I just thought you were the biggest pussy ever. I fucking watch this guy playing his piano. Do your parents pay for the fucking your recital? Meanwhile, he's his total badass. I never understood. This is such a bad thing to say, but I never realized. How talented and what a badass Billy Joel was.

I honestly didn't really even pay attention to the guy and still he started getting hammered, driving his car into the fucking fronts of people's houses. You know? I remember when he was singing like Uptown Girl and all that type of shit. Well, that was it Uptown Girl? What was that song or one of those songs?

Where he was singing like, you know, he was in love with this good. girl across the tracks like he was this badass guy and she's just like dude you're this little jewish guy playing fucking piano that's about as safe as it get you're you're a model citizen that's what i thought i didn't realize and he starts getting hammered driving his car into people's houses and they're just trying to sit down and eat dinner and i was like oh you know what i guess he is from the other side of the tracks got a love of booze hon all right speaking of which I'm 95 miserable days in.

And I was hanging out with these two alcoholics this fucking weekend who are now clean. And they're both sitting there going, yeah, you know, I don't miss it. I don't miss it. I was just like, oh, yeah, I do. I do. All right, that's it. Okay, let's get into the questions here for this week. I really apologize for the fucking whispering, but what do you want for me?

All right, Malcolm, everybody. Bill, if you read this, please refer to me as Steve. Okay, Steve reads. I don't know why. I'll never understand why my friends gave me such a hard time for attending the ACDC show in Madison, Wisconsin in 2001. Being a high school sophomore, ACDC with a shit as far as I was concerned, but at the same time, I didn't give a shit about top 40 and let my classmates know they had shit taste. ACDC never let up. The most hardworking band of the last 30 years, they'd let down their fans.

I just queued up if you want blood. Oh, what a fucking song that is. The drums are insane in that perfect fucking drumbeat. Everything is just the shit. He said there's nothing better. Oh, unless you're talking about the live album. It's another amazing thing. When I actually went to Glasgow, Scotland,

I looked up to theater because I wanted to go in there where they recorded that and the thing doesn't exist anymore. Anyways, wanted to keep this short. Hope you're well, you freckled cunt. All right. I don't know what, you didn't really ask a question, but I share your opinions on ACDC, and I've already talked about that shit. All right.

All right. Front flipping robot. I actually saw that. Hey there, Billy 2000. Did you see the video of the extremely agile robot that was going around last week? Yeah, it was kind of look like a white dude doing flips, okay? Man, Bill, this thing is legit. It's the first robot machine that I've ever seen where I thought,

I cannot disarm this. Oh, yeah, it's a total robocop. Even with the extreme flames or large amount of water, I think it could kill me first. You're right about all this robot shit. No one is going to be scared enough to stop this. Also, if we didn't make robots that could fight, wouldn't we just be sending our guys into...

Wait, also, if we didn't make robots that could fight, wouldn't we just be sending our guys into fight Russian or China? Chinese robots. Now you just went the exact opposite way. Yeah, this is how human beings, we, out of fear and just the seduction of power, we just keep making these fucking things. It would be great if somehow we could all just get on the same page. You know?

So we wouldn't do this type of shit to each other. because this is, yeah, it's not going to fucking end. Well, it really isn't, but we're never going to get on the same page. So, you know what I do? I just sort of give in to the fact that we're doomed to destroy ourselves, all right? And I have to think a robot death has to be a quick death. I would like to think that the Illuminati, who is making these things, to replace all of us, because they totally fit the bill for everything the Illuminati wants,

which is basically slaves. Do what we say, do whatever we say, whenever we say it. And what have we said for years? Like assholes. We were like, what are we fucking robots? And what do the Illuminati do? Robots. And they went out and they made the fucking things.

I just want to talk to all the nerds out there and everybody who thinks these nerds are harmless. These are fucking, fucking egghead nerds who are so fucking smart that they are going to destroy us because they are listening to the fucking sociopaths of society, the people who are in power. And they go out and they make these fucking things for them. You stupid nerd fucking cunts. I mean, what do you do? If you're held captive by a robot, you just have to wait to the thing.

powers down and just hope you can find a screwdriver and just start unscrewing shit and just fucking ripping out wires. But you know what they're going to do? They're going to make these robots, like the ones that are designed to kill all of us. They're going to make them out of like the same material as that door on the cockpit of a plane that nobody can get into. That's what it's going to be. Unless you have the codes, man.

Yeah, that's all scary shit. and back when I was just a fucking guy who was married and I didn't have a kid, it wasn't as scary because I was already thinking like, you know what, I've had a great fucking life. I really have done all kinds of stuff. I got to make a dream come true, becoming a comedian. Everything else has been gravy. I got a great wife. This is the kind of shit that I think that when I see robots.

I'm like, you know, I've had a great life. And that thing comes in and just grabs me by my throat and just crushes my fucking windpipe. That's what I'm going to be thinking. I'm going to be thinking this robot, as much as it's killing me right now, is never going to know joy. It's just going to know inputs. Anyways, that's what I'm going to say to the robot. Yeah, at least I know what happiness feels like. The robot gets all mad.

Shut the fuck up. But if it could feel anger, then it could feel joy. All right. Sorry. Okay, MMP advice. A lady requests your advice on men. Okay. Hi, Bill. How are you? I love you work, especially your specials and your MN podcast advice. I learn a lot from your advice about the male point of view. That's really fucking, I feel like there's a lot of layers to that compliment. And I would be grateful for your insight. All right. I don't know why you're listening to me.

Okay, here we go. I have no fucking background whatsoever other than failing a lot. All right, no professional background. I am a happily married woman with a toddler baby girl. Oh, isn't that the best? And I'm currently pregnant with another girl. He hit the lottery twice. I am writing you, I'm writing to you because by listening to you, it seems that in general,

you feel that women have the upper hand in life. However, I disagree. Well, yeah, the grass is always greener, sweetheart. That is one thing that I do ask feminists. I say to them, is there any scenario? Is there even one scenario where you can think that, hey, you know, as far as men and women go, in this scenario, it's good to be a woman. They can't do that because their whole business model falls to the fucking ground. Every fucking scenario.

It's so much harder for us. Is it? Everything out there is harder for a woman, then why do you outlive us? If your life is really that much more difficult than mine, why do you outlive a man on average by like eight to fucking ten years? Let me guess, because the man is doing something wrong. Blame the victim, ladies, the exact thing you don't want it done to yourself. Do you ever think that maybe you have something to do with it?

Here's a classic one. You know, when my wife leaves the house, you know what I think? I think, cool, I got the house to myself, right? When I leave the house, you know what my wife thinks? What can I now text him and tell him to go out and go get me? What can I add? He's out there having fun. Let me add a fucking errand to it.

Hey, can you go to Trader Joe's? Could you just go to Trader Joe's really quickly this Saturday before Thanksgiving and weighed into that fucking Black Friday food fucking mosh pit. Sorry, that was my yesterday. Anyways, I disagree. I think men have the upper hand in general, especially when it comes to job, prospects, salary, and sexual aggressions. Oh, Jesus Christ, here we go again.

What does sexual aggressions mean? I don't even know what the fuck that means. I would agree with job prospects and salary, but I think the biggest fucking problem women have is you guys don't go out and start enough businesses. You keep coming, working for men. We've been fucking you over since day one. At what point are you going to become self-sufficient?

And I feel like I'm not just fucking going, I'm not like being like, do as I say, not as I do. That's what I did in this business. I am self-sufficient in this business If this business took everything away from me I can still be a stand-up comedian and do my podcast I'm completely self-employed Those two things make me the most amount of money

And I can easily live off either of those I got a TV show I have a cartoon called F is for Family But I was never dumb enough to be like Well I got a TV show now And quit stand-up comedy like I saw so many comedians do because eventually your show

goes off the air and those fucking residual checks dwindled down to like I get residual checks routinely for like under $3. So I'm trying to say this to empower you but quit your fucking whining.

There's all these studies out there that clearly show that women are smarter than men. So if you're smarter than that, then you can build better mouse trap. So get together with some of your smart lady friends and start a fucking business. But for the love of God, quit your fucking whining. Everybody out there is eating a giant shit sandwich. Now granted, there might be less shit in my sandwich than yours, but make no mistake, it's still a shit sandwich. All right? But there's nothing stopping you from picking out the bread. Because when you do start your own business,

you're going to work more than you ever worked. That whole thing where it's like, I will start my business and then I will delegate and it will run on its own and I'll sit on a fucking yacht. Yeah, and they will rob you blind. Anyways, sexual aggressions. All right, but I think you guys make up more than make up for sexual aggressions, whatever the fuck that means. Is that sexual assault?

Are we talking about we're the ones who have to have an opening line? I think you guys more than make it up with divorce court aggressions. Okay? And your whole fucking thing where, you know, I wish that women could just beat the shit out of guys instead of just taking every fucking. Because an ass kicking. It's like, you know, a week of Epson salt, you go to the dentist. You can put it behind you.

All right. But when a woman kicks your ass and just, you know, they just take everything, everything, the house, the kids, your guitar collection, your car, whatever the fuck you collect that you love, they're going to make you sell that. Not even because they need the fucking money, just because they know it's going to put another fucking hole in your heart. All right. So there you go. So here we go. So here we go. I'm going to fucking play my little violin.

in as I listen to the rest of this. I agree with George Carlin, my hero, when he said 99% of all the truly horrifying shit going on in this world was initiated, established, perpetrated, enabled, or continued by men. Yeah, absolutely. But that's only because women haven't been given an opportunity to show how fucking out of their minds they are. I've got to be honest with you.

I don't understand why to compliment a woman you have to trash men. Anyways, and he says, and in the course of life, compared with men, women have far more to put up with. They bear greater burdens, extra spoonfuls of shit. Oh, boy. I don't 100% agree with that. So I also agree with Louis C.K. that men are the number one threat to women. Men are the number one cause of injury and mayhem to women, and men are the worst thing that ever happens to women. Yeah, but you can say that right back about women to men.

no one can fucking destroy a man's life like a woman. Look at all of these fucking powerful men who ascend the fucking mountain top and what brings them down. Marrying the wrong fucking woman will fuck your life over worse than cancer. Anyways, I do not I do not know any woman

who has not been in some way physically and emotionally assaulted and minimalized by men. I don't know any guy out there who's dated a fucking woman and hasn't had his heart fucking stepped on. See, what you're doing here, sweetheart, is you're just looking out your own head. Okay? There's the yin and the yang, okay?

I don't know, I've never seen a happier woman out there than when she actually meets a great man and vice versa. There's a positive way to look at this. And in this age where they just constantly trashing men and where you can just hashtag white male trash, which is you're combining racism and sexism, and you're being called a fucking hero about it. I don't get it, unless you're just going to fight fire with fire.

I don't know. So anyways, I would like to teach my daughters to defend themselves from physical aggression and belittling comments from men. Now this I agree with, yeah, it's called fucking MMA. Get your kid involved in mixed martial arts, get your kid involved in sports. Big believer in that. However, I do not want to make them biased against men as I want to raise confident, polite women who view men as they're equal, but know when to defend themselves when necessary.

Well, I got to be honest with you, if you look at the millennial generation, they've turned Manhattan into bed bath and beyond, the vibe. I mean, older generations literally turned it into a giant bedbath and beyond. But, like, I mean, I never thought I'd say this, but I feel like the stand-up scene is better in L.A. than it is in New York, just as far as the groan factor. I get way more groans in New York City. It's unreal.

Anyways, you had a dollar recently, and I would love to know your opinion on what you will say to your daughter about defending themselves without making them psychotic or biased against men. Because of the news, the Me Too movement, the wage gap in my own personal experiences, unfortunately, I find myself more and more enraged with the opposite sex. Yeah, that's because you're just being inundated with these fucking images. It's also why you probably think everybody in the Middle East is a fucking terrorist because that's all they're showing. You know? Social media is a massive failure. And there's all these studies coming out now that show that it actually, you know, it makes you angry. It makes you depressed.

It's not a good thing. Anyways, and I certainly do not want to pass that on to my daughter under any circumstances. I have talked to my husband a little bit about this, but I do not want to tell him the extent of my disappointment in the male species because I plan to stay with them for the rest of my life. I would love to know your opinion, and especially your defense of men, so that I have a different point of view and a more balanced opinion of men that I can pass on to my daughter when I grow up.

Thank you very much. P.S. I am from Spain, and I apologize for any grammatical or spelling errors as my English is not my native language. Well, first of all, like, the way that you wrote all of this and just sitting there, you didn't say one good fucking thing that men do. And even trashing men to the level that you do, you're still playing the victim here. And I have to sit here and do some tap dance for you to try to figure out why your fucking life is actually also great because of men. go fuck yourself

it's not my job to not make you a sexist cunt all right I get it you hate men what am I going to do evidently you don't like central air conditioning hate all modes of transportation modern medicine

fucking some of the greatest music ever produced I mean we have done some good things out there Jesus Christ, a couple of flashes and a few thousand fucking wars and all of a sudden all your good deeds are just gone. I don't know what to tell you. All I can tell you is I feel bad for your daughter and I feel really bad for your husband that you basically don't like men. I got to be honest, as much as I trash women, I realize that most of my shit is fear-based

because I grew up with a bunch of men that feared women and then I also got into this business where most of us get divorced and I watched so much shit go down that is really fucked up and everybody just looks the other way But having said that, the older I get, the more I realize how wrong I was about women. All right, having said that now, I'm not walking down the street, not having my guard up either.

You know, I have a big believer is you should let, if you're a nice person, if you're a good person, you have to let people earn the fact that you're a nice person. You just don't give that away. because when you're a really nice person who's open-minded, you become a psycho-magnet. And some of the worst people ever are really going to come into your life because they need someone as nice and is forgiving because everybody else is not going to put up with their bullshit. But a lot of shit that I've said about women has been 100% in the wrong. And I understand that. So, I don't know, you kind of sound like where I was at about 10 years ago with the opposite sex.

And you're also kind of making yourself out to be a hero. I don't know. I don't know. When I see guys on stage trashing men like that, I always just think they're just trying to get laid. You know what I mean? This whole fucking thing, oh, man, down. there's men done that yeah they have we also done a lot of great things too we also have done a lot of great fucking things too okay and at the end of the day to always be talking about women as victims

and in these victim positions is not empowering to women all right to just sit around and just say all of my problems are because of a male dominated society like where is that going to get and then your solution is to just bitch about men and then hashtag white male trash. As white male trash here, I can tell you we're not having any meetings concerned about any of that shit. You're just fucking talking to other women that believe the same way you do, okay? In life, if you want to get out of your situation, you have to fucking take control of it.

If you don't like working for men, start your own thing. all right i don't like working for other people that's why i do this and this is why i do stand up and will continue to do that so you always have to have that ability to be like well that's the deal you're offering me yeah i don't want it go fuck yourself and you walk away so um what would you do for your daughter i would first of all i would not give her probably 90% of your negative opinions on men because she'll become a man hater

but it's your kid if that's what you want and I would I don't know if I was running shit I would secretly teach every woman out there mix martial arts and and then that Israeli

fucking martial arts shit where you disarm people that have weapons you know a thing where they got a gun in your face and you do that little flat moving all of a sudden you're holding the gun pointing it at them. Yeah, that type of shit. I would also tell your daughter to never go back to a hotel room with a guy, ever, ever, ever. Guys do not want to talk to you. If guys want to talk, they go hang out with the fellas, okay?

They're trying to fuck you. That's it. And we, hey, let's go back to hotel room, just talk. That's just part of him trying to get you back there. I don't know. I feel bad for your husband. That's all I can tell you, because I just inserted myself into that thing.

It's like, oh, my God. You know, you didn't say one positive thing about men. And you just wrote a giant fucking, there wasn't one positive thing in there. And the worst thing about where we're at right now is human beings is you would be complimented on that and you would be called strong. And that's the direction that we're headed in.

you know and you know what i don't dictate it so i don't know i guess mixed martial arts and i teach her how to run a business and along the way you know if you don't know how to do that i would learn that too so you don't have to work for men uh for the record men treat other men like shit too by the way and that whole feminist fucking idea that uh if a guy's a dick that he gets respect like uh is the stupidest thing ever. No one likes a dick. No one wants to work for a dick. And everybody secretly hopes the guy crashes on the fucking way home. Hey, you know what I loved about my boss? He treated me like shit. And I don't know why. I just really respected him. Nobody likes being treated like

shit. That is something a woman made up because it fit their fucking argument and everybody ran with it. Yeah, if you're acting like an asshole, you're an asshole. All right, Joe Rogan is going to get you killed the fuck is this all right um bill burrow on the podcast 11 16 17 you said i still can't wrap my head around the fact that i can eat this much meat oh god here we go here's another fucking nutritionist with no fucking background whatsoever is now going to tell me everything that i watch is now bullshit right is that where this is going okay because you can't bill I know you love your buddy, Joe Rogan. However, your buddy, the self-proclaimed conspiracy theorist, so am I,

is dead wrong about nutrition. All that meat and animal saturated facts will line your arteries with disease-laden plaque. Do not eat this stuff in abundance. Minimize it. Forget the notion of moderation, too. That's all horseshit. This is right here. I'm telling you, they're like religious nuts.

all of it is horseshit explain the french then and their rich diet and their lack of fucking heart disease over there listen there's elements of truth and everything and the second you're going to sit there and tell me that your diet is the diet it's all horseshit the bulk of your calories should be from beans peas and legumes vegetables fruits nuts and seeds and whole grains crush waters and eat your salads as per usual of course but add walnuts pumpkin seeds blueberries mushrooms potatoes potatoes potatoes and greens to your daily routine as well as countless other

whole foods of your choice minimalize all oils processed foods who doesn't know about processed foods meats dairy and eggs i don't care where the fuck they come from like rogan's elk from the mountains of gods or wherever the fuck he hunts um go to nune nutrition facts.org. Now, did you vet nutritionfacts.org? Do you know where this came from? For all published nutritional science in all the esteemed peer review worldwide medical journals and science papers. Yeah, buddy, they have blood money behind them. Okay? I'm not saying it's all bullshit, but there is an element of bullshit in there. The food industry fucking lines those people's pockets. He said, forget the nonsense from the media advertising and these pseudoscience pushing

fruitcakes like Rogan. I know he means well, but he's wrong. Look at the works of Dr. Joel Furman, Dr. Michael Greger, Dr. John McDougal, Dr. Dean Ornish, Dr. Codwell. I can't read this guy's name. Elliston and others. Just looking out for you, buddy. Hey, tell you what, thanks for looking out for me. I'm going to do what the fuck I've been doing anyways because I have low blood pressure. You know, I'm doing fine, and I'm keeping the weight off, all right? I'm not going to just sit there eating two handfuls of fucking bacon.

All right? But, you know, and I'm also not going to just eat a plant-based diet. I'm not doing that. I'm going to continue to do what the fuck I'm doing because it's working for me. And with all due respect, sir, and no point, Did you say you were any sort of nutritionist? You just read a bunch of shit that made sense to you, all right? And then you also went to, like, you went to, like, the mainstream fucking thing.

And that mainstream thing has a bunch of money behind it, okay? From people in the food fucking industry that want to sell the food that they grow. So that place is also naturally perverted or corrupt. I'm not saying it's all bullshit but there is an element of bullshit would you not agree in that there's elements of bullshit in every fucking thing including this goddamn podcast

so don't listen to me either all right here's the last one here accidentally killed girlfriend's cat don't know what to do uh Billy Chode

that's something I never found funny that word chode there's like a certain portion of like part of the country that thinks that's a funny fucking word, which I believe is like a short, fat dick. Got myself into a little bit of a moral dilemma. I'd appreciate some advice.

My girlfriend of seven months has an outdoor cat who was really smart and could always find her way back home. Anyways, you can probably see where this is going. Where I can see where it's going in the title. He said, you accidentally killed your girlfriend's cat. I'm driving to her place. than a block away, not really watching the road. And I hit the fucking thing.

Died on impact practically in two pieces. Hey, that's all we can all pray for, huh? A quick death. I hit the fucking thing, all right? But my girl had this cat for some four years and has a serious emotional attachment. I'm not trying to be the asshole who killed her cat. So I had a couple of sturdy plastic bags in my car, a towel. and a water bottle.

Sounds like it just came from the gym in a 7-Eleven. And without getting into the gritty details, within 10 minutes, look like nothing ever happened. I chucked it into a dumpster a few blocks away. Oh, God. Get a car wash to be extra cautious and drive back to her place.

So it's been two weeks, and I haven't told her. She's freaking. Posted at least 30. missing cat photos all around the neighborhood and anywhere even remotely nearby, fucking crying and all of that shit. It's messing with my conscience and our sex life. There's, there you go, you go, you're selfish bastard. I feel like if she knows it's a dead zo, she'll be able to move on, but also with me covering it up for so long, I'd be in a good bit of trouble,

to say the least. Help me out here on what I should. should do um yeah dude uh the the s coming clean that ship sailed that ship sailed right after you cleaned up the crime scene and threw it in a fucking dumpster here's what you do you don't say a fucking word you don't say a fucking word it's over dude it's over there's no do you let her cry for two fucking weeks and you knew that it's over. And then also you have to, you got to ask yourself, am I going to marry this person? All right?

Here's the deal. If you're going to marry this person, don't ever fucking tell her. All right? If you don't want to marry this person, you've got to do a two for one here. All right? You have to break up with her and then also tell her that you killed her cat, but not in that order. you tell her that you killed her cat all right

and then hopefully she'll break up with you oh wait do you open with killing her cat oh dude this no I don't know if this is around the holidays I think you got to do it look if you want to stay with her if you love her

are you going to marry this woman If you're going to marry this woman, don't tell her you killed a cat. If you're not going to marry a woman, then, you know, I don't know. I know there's a lot of people also horrified by this fucking story, but, like, I mean, the cat was dead. What are you supposed to do here? I mean, he should have told her, but, I mean, as far as, like, throwing a thing in the dumpster, I mean, if I die and somebody throws me in a dumpster, I don't give a shit. My biggest concern is how bad I'm going to smell up that parking one.

Other than that, I'm dead. Don't need some fancy fucking box. You know? I don't understand that when people die and they put them in these beautiful fucking caskets. It's like it's a piece of fruit that went bad, you know, and you're putting it on display. Throw it in the fucking trash. All right, that's disgusting. Okay, that's the end of the podcast here.

Happy Thanksgiving, everybody. Do your cardio. Eat your salads. Go nuts on Thanksgiving, but hit it again right on Friday. All right. Get after it. I wish I could actually meet that woman from Spain and we could sit down and I'd talk about all my fucking women hating shit and she could talk about all our guy hating shit. Maybe we could fucking find a middle ground before we both fuck up our daughters. No, I would never say anything negative about women to my daughter.

I would. All right, that's it. Go fuck yourselves. Happy Turkey Day and I'll check in on you on Thanksgiving. Look at that. Not even taking a day off. All right. I'll see you.

up everybody and welcome back to the anything better podcast for NFL week number 12 uh dude it's over every time it starts i don't even know what's going on but uh i'm your host paulmer that's your host i'll say that i love out a lot of things yeah we are here i'm in new york bills over there we got jake the snake on the injury report coming in soon and of course we can't forget the greek freak Andrew Thelmless. Before the show started, we were talking about headcases. Let me ask you this question to start the show, Bill. Name a head case, because you know I love him. You know I love him. I got the Randy Moss is one of my favorite, the Alan Iris. I don't think Randy Moss was a head case. No, he had his moments, but name a head. I don't think he was. I think he was misunderstood.

Yeah. I want to call him a headcase. He's one of my all-time favorites. All right. But name a head case that won. In any sport. Well, baseball doesn't count because there's so many of them. Maybe football, too. But name like a football player or a basketball player headcase that won because it's rare. It's rare. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, especially not, not in basketball.

Not in basketball. There's been plenty of fucking, I got to send this to this guy. He's asking me about this fucking coffee shop. it's a very important thing to me but paul sorry there is so many fucking headcases that have won fucking NBA championship ron or test the first one i think is ron artest meta world peace he won one right he won a couple of yeah but him i feel like he was like is he a head case or is he on his own fucking he's in his own

matrix because i love that guy and at the end of the day he delivered and he didn't take away from the team a head case to me i'm going to speak in code here goes you've got to choose between this guy and that guy you got to get this coach out of here i need more free agent help like okay now i just described like five people off the top of your head and the fucking NBA who have rings that that's how they operated all right i think we have different uh definitions of head case i'm thinking of like the state of the coach you got to get these guys the fuck out of my way yeah i guess that's a head case too i guess there's two of them. I'm talking about the trouble

guy off the field. I'm talking about... Oh, off the field. I'm talking about the guys that were like... You're talking about sending a dick pick and taking public funds to finance the volleyball. You're talking about like that. I thought you meant in the locker of Paul. I'm sorry.

No, I'm talking about two different things. Paul, you're fading away again. You're blurring out on me. I don't know that fucking camera dude. I swear it. What do you want for Christmas? A new fucking anything better camera. Right when he said I look crisp, too. Yeah, I'm talking about the guy that, like, dude, why is he at a nightclub the night before? Because he's good.

I'm talking about the good player that does dumb shit. Have any of them won? What about the guy who had the Glock in his sweatpants and somehow pulled the trigger and shot himself in the leg? Guy, I have a name name. Didn't he win one with you guys? No, that's common. He talks about it all the time. That's plaquesical birth.

But he did that, I guess, after they won. But yeah, you know what? That's a great call because that's why Pittsburgh got rid of him. Pittsburgh got rid of him because they said he was a head case. Listen, but is that a head case or is it just someone

who didn't take a gun safety course? I don't want to do that to Placcio. I love that guy. I love, dude, Plaxco was huge for us and he really helped Eli too. 100%. Yeah, dude, so did your defensive line.

It's kind of funny all these years later Eli gets the credit for beating Belichick and the Patriots. It's like, hey, it was their defensive front four was uh it was taking tom off his spot he wasn't at least in oh seven dude i thought that whole your whole front floor man were we're just they would he would you were in his kitchen the whole fucking day it's funny you said that because ocuh minora said that he looked at tape and he saw a tick that brady had and he like talked to

the defensive team and that was the time brady got sacked five times which he never did before it listen it definitely was the defensive line why we won i didn't make mistakes but your defensive line was like super-sized linebackers. They weren't fat guys trying to bull rush. These guys were fucking Adonisers, and they manhandled our fucking offensive line. Yep, yep. All right. Well, before we start, we got a shout out our sponsors.

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You pick any NFL player in any NFL game to get the first touchdown of the game, and you win. If that person does not get the first touchdown in that game, but in fact, it's the second you get your cash back. So there you go. Have a lot of fun. Bet responsibly. we are going into week number 12. Paul, you got that down, dude. You were like an auctioneer speed on that one.

Oh, dude, you know what I mean? This is what I do. I'm back. Paul is back. Tell the people what you did last week, Paul. Tell them what you did. I went, listen, I went three and one, and I'm still in double-digit losses. So I didn't do much.

I need more. And once again, once again, I get burned by the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. But time out. Time out. I want to give a shout out the fact that you didn't fucking do this after one week of winning. Like, you see, like, I love when people do, well, they shush a crowd and they're down by 14 because they just fucking, they scored a touchdown.

It's like, dude, you're losing. Dude. The Patriots played the Falcons. And their wide receiver, what the fuck's his name? He's fantastic. Drake London. Oh, that kid could play. Yeah, dude, you get like three touchdowns.

Every time he did this. And every time they were losing and then they lost the game, it's like, it's like, like we're winning. I'm allowed to cheer, man. I don't have anything all week. This is the one thing I got. Don't take it away from me. The celebration should be when the game is clearly over and determined by that play. Period. Period. Period. Walk off home run. All bets are off. All of that shit, dude. All of that shit is just, it's so normal now. But I remember when people started doing it, it was always like, yeah, it's just,

like self-congratulatory shit. Paul, can you imagine killing on stage and you get an applause break and you just go like this? Dude, but I will say this. A walk off home. No, no, better off. No, no. Bomming for fucking 10 minutes. And then finally getting a fucking laugh

and then shushing, shushing, shushing your hecklers. Dude, I got to say, though, a walk off. Walk-off home run in the World Series. For me, you do anything. Hey, my pants would be off by the time I got the home play. A walk-off home run to win a World Series, the guy could do Joe Carter to Toronto Blue Day. The way Joe Carter did it was great.

Yeah, jumping up and down like a little kid. But that thing flipping the bat and then saying every curse word as you look down at the dugger. Fucking that's your fucking fucking motherfucker! It's the stupid as shit. Even if you're a good baseball player, seven times out of ten you're going back to the dugout failing. At that point he'd be, you fucking suck, you fucking motherfucker.

Why don't you do that? That's the only thing about Kevin Garnett that drove me nuts. Kevin Garnett would hit like a mid-range and just be back it up and go, it's like, all right, dude. It's like, come on. I love Kevin, but he did do that. And it got worse towards the end of his career. I think he knew.

I think he knew he had lost his steps. And now he was just trying to. He was trying to make up for that half a step you lose as you get older by, like, fucking, you know, with the attitude. Oh, that's great. Well, listen. You know, it's fucking lay up. What the fuck was that shit? It's like, hey, man, you know, it's fucking seven to four, first quarter.

All right. We got week 12 here. Okay, we got week 12 here. It's an even number, which means I believe it's my first pick this week. Well, Paul, what the first thing I noticed is it's week 12 and most of the spreads are greater than 12. Jake, oh my God, it's just a person I want to talk to. Jake, why am I looking at 10.5, 13 and a half, 13 and a half? Even like, there's a bunch of six and a half big spreads this week. Are people hurt? Yes, probably, depending on which game we're looking at. The Browns Raiders game is the one I'll bring up first because Shador Sanders is going to make his debut. And I'm very excited because we both went to Boulder. So I'm excited to see him out there, get his first start. um the bangles you guys both had a big rivalry when you were there

absolutely i already was a little intimidated by your swagger man i don't want to start anything but it's nice that you guys are friends again yeah exactly yeah diana's you know had to intervene but but yeah no uh very sorry i just came out there um and then i don't know if i sent the video to you guys but um jimar chase and jalen ramsi got into a fight um on the field And then the NFL looked into it and realized Jamar Chase spat on Jalen Ramsey. So he's suspended for the Patriots game. But there was an odd choice. To spit on someone?

Somebody. That has never entered my head to ever do. I had a friend spit on me. And after he spit on me, we just both started swinging. It was not. It's the most basically it's over. It's the most disrespectful. It's nuts.

You would think like llamas. and camels were getting the more fistfights the way that they, the amount of people they spit on. You ever see that shit? You come up to me,

I mean, even if you got to hit at the fucking thing. You got to start, you have to start swinging. Dude, a camel screaming is one of the most terrifying.

The camel, you see that video with the camera goes, eh, eh, dude, it's horrifying. Yeah,

I remember, I can't do the obvious joke with that. Okay. I was just saying, I remember Shane Sharp was saying, like, you spit on the ground, but not a person. So you're saying the person's, like, worse, you know, worse, worth less than the ground. So I don't know. That always stuck with me.

Bitten on the ground. I mean, that's sort of a classic. That's almost, that, that lives in the world of slapping someone with a white glove. You spit on somebody? Italians and Greeks would do this thing where they would go, you know, remember even Karen said it in Goodfellas. She would spit on a floor. I never understand. It's almost like a fuck you, you know, but like, you know.

Oh, on our own floor. Yeah, it's crazy. Yeah. Hey, Paul, what do you think? What do you think when someone's in a conversation with you and they accidentally spit on you and they try to play it off like they did? You should be able to slap them, right? No. Accident is different than I'm intentionally spending on you.

Wait, so wait, is chase out? No, but you know, they see it. Then they see you fucking go like this and they still don't do anything. You get him one of those. Oh, dude. somebody does that and you just go, I don't like when somebody gets it on my hand. And then I don't know if I like the person, I don't tell them. I just kind of secretly wipe it if I like him.

If I don't like him, I go, whoa. Dude, there was a comedian. I work with a long time ago. So you ever talk to somebody? I don't know if he still does the bit, though. The guy doesn't write enough. So maybe I don't want to do it. I saw the bit 30 years ago.

Hey, Paul, some people don't write, you know? Hey. So, yeah, Chase is, yeah, he's suspended for the game, so he won't play. But there was a report yesterday saying Joe Burrow practiced fully. So it's possible that he returns this week instead of for Thanksgiving. I wonder why the Patriots Bengals was six and a half. I'm like, Joe Burroughs coming back. We're in Cincinnati and that's six and a half.

Okay. Yeah, so it's 50-50 now. You know, we'll know more later in the week. But that's the news right now. Who the Bengals have? Tyrod Taylor? No, he's back in. The guy, Blacko, Flacco is still out there.

Oh, Flacco. Yeah, yeah. Tyra Taylor is one of the best names in the NFL. Yeah, he's actually starting this week for the Jets. They benched Justin Field, so it's funny you brought that up. That poor bastard can't get a break. Yeah, and then the Texans aren't going to start CJ Stroud tonight against the bills. Got to be another Davis Mills start for them.

Oh, okay, that changes things. And what about Aaron Rogers? Is Aaron Rogers not playing for the Steelers? Broken wrist? Yeah, he's probably not playing, but they're saying he's trying to play. I can't imagine he's going to play on a fractured wrist, though. I mean, throwing hand or the other hand? It's the other hand.

So, you know, that's kind of like what they're saying. They're like, oh, he's trying to play through it with whatever. Well, they don't really hit quarterbacks anymore. No, but he got hit quarterback with a fucking sling at this point. Just have your hand here. Yeah, he's going to catch it like this, the snap. Scambling for a first down? Is Daniel Jones playing?

For the Colts? Yes, he is. And then the Packers have an injury, too. They're running back Josh Jacobs, might not play. So that's a pretty big one. He's a really great player for them. And Jackson Dart is back. Jackson Dart is back for the Giants against the Lions.

That's what it sounds like, yeah. he's back practicing at least you know concussions are tricky you know and they're a lot more strict now thankfully no one more strict now about is it true the lions aren't dressing their puncher this week i don't know i never you guys hear oh you guys hear about this one's being head cases the cowboys uh they they benched their two receivers for the first drive of that raider game i guess they're out in Vegas partying is like what came out later they said they saw one of them throwing up in a casino i think it was lamb actually even though you would expect it to be pickings.

But, yeah. I don't know. I thought that was an interesting story. I mean, what do they think? It's like such a crazy, like, I remember when I was a kid, they said Las Vegas would never have a sports team because they don't want to have people around that. And now look at us. We're doing a sports gambling podcast.

And now they have, they have a football team, a hockey team. They're getting a baseball team. And they're going to get a basketball team, too. Oh, my God. The NBA is going to do that. Jesus. That's the easiest game to fucking fix. Whoa.

Yeah. Paul, this is the end of times. Dude, I'll tell you what. This is Jesus right now waiting to come back. When fucking the Vegas, whoever has their first fucking, now that, now, yeah, okay, all right. Why? He's going to, you know, in tag team wrestling when the guy's getting beaten, the other one's going like this? So, dude, if I'm, I'm trying to roll.

Dude, this lovely lady asked me if I want to go to a hot tub, I'm going to say, no, she's a fan. I'm going to say, no, she's a fan. I mean, I was, I was, I was, dude. Doing it for the franchise. Doing it for the fans. We have a hot tub in the facility for our muscles. What am I going to do? Did we not talk about being a little more friendly with the fans to help the NFL product?

That's right. Fans are most important part of it. I didn't have to bring those three women back to show them my fucking rings. They wanted to see them. We watched four episodes of the office. That's what we were doing in there. Oh, God. That'd be hilarious.

All right. Well, I'm offended. I'm offended that you think I would do something like that. Come on. I'm a man of God. What are we doing? I'm a man of God. I was trying to get her on the straight and narrow.

Oh. Yeah, exactly. Jesus says, that's why I have all these chains, the cross chains. Oh, dude. And the way she was committed to her job, I got something out of that. I got something out of that for Sunday. Dude, she was dedicated, prepared. What do you want me to do?

Hey, they all bought in. They brought into the system. They weren't overt. The casino looks the other way. We are in a recession right now, and I'm a big believer in spreading your money around if you have it. Dude, the sushi restaurant just put in a fountain. The guy, the owner asked me to come by.

going to do? Ask my wife, I love a fountain. I love a fountain. I was so upset we weren't staying at the Monte Carlo. I could watch that music with those founts and a couple of hookers all night long. All right. Well, Jake the Snake, you just changed me with the, I was going to take the Texans tonight. But you know what? I do not like no C.J. Stroud. So I'm going to end that line. just changed, which means there's a lot of movement there. So I'm going to do something here. I didn't think I was going to do and this is a team I didn't think I was going to ever

take, but you know what? The Chicago Bears, the Chicago Bears keep proven to me every week, every week that they win. The Chicago Bears are what, 7 and 3? 7 and 3. First of the NFC. Chicago Bears keep showing up in the end of the game to get it done.

it's less than three. They are at home, and Aaron Rogers has a broken wrist. I think it's irresponsible of the Pittsburgh Steelers to put him in that game, even though it's his opposite hand, which means the second guy's coming in, and I love the home team minus two and a half. So I am taking the Chicago Bears. Andrew, what's my record? How the fuck was I 19 and 19? I lost three games, and now I have 23 losses. So you were, yeah, you were 16 and 19. we thought you were 19 and 19. Oh, this is the final total right here.

There's no fucking way to beat these cunts. So, I don't give a fuck how many good weeks you have in a row. Every time you get your nose above the fucking water, these cunts come back. Bill, how do we have to be able to end up. Oh, Andrew, too.

Yeah, Jake, you, me, and Bill are all tied. You guys are only three and a half games back. 19, 23, and two. That's pretty funny. Because Jake was up. Yeah, I went to a four. and a half back, Paul. And there's week 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18.

Paul, you could do this. I have it. Andrew. You got to go three and one. The rest of you, do you do this, Paul. This is what you do. Paul, this is what the fuck you do. I thought I was 13 and a half back.

This says 14 and a half back. But you know what? I'll go back and look too. But I think it's off by a game. You know what I do, Paul? I slowly fade away during the holidays. We'll see. no i don't say that you got this bill no no i got busy i had acting work i didn't even

watch any fucking games i i can't pick any i nobody likes me um all right sorry i'm catastrophized but yeah oh and four last week i got to bounce back too yeah but jake you know when you're a playboy and you don't get in until five in the morning you miss those early games forget about the one dude what did spain do that they deserve that fucking game last week. Jesus Christ. Can we send them a good product? Are they trying to go global?

They are. They are. That was the last international game of the year, thankfully, for us. Paul, it's getting late in the season. It's getting late, early, as the great late, Yogi Bearers says. It's getting late early. Getting late early. I'm going to take the Eagles minus three going into the Cowboys.

I don't know they just haven't fucking they're going to shake off the Super Bowl win Paul are they finally going to do that is everybody healthy like when are they going to start being what they could be yeah why not this week

yeah and it's only a three points spread I'm only laying three points and all those other fucking games scare the shit out of me 10 and a half 13 and a half 13 and half 13 and a half is nuts I had that last week

I had 13 I was late I had 13 points and I pushed I know Well I think what's it called I think that with the Eagles going to A.J. Brown now and Sequin is starting to really get back to kind of business

I like that pick especially at three Speaking of three Speaking of three I am giving Trevor Lawrence Nice segue. I'm giving Trevor Lawrence and the Jacksonville Jaguars one more shot at the plate. I'm letting them get in the batters box one more time. Okay.

They are playing the Cardinals who just got smoked. I know my homecoming theory with the line, but I got to see the Jacksonville Jaguars one more time to see. I think they're the better team with the better quarterback. I'm going to take Jacksonville to win by three in Arizona. the line was two and a half hour ago, the line was two and a half, which pisses me off. But I'm going to take them to win by a field goal. You know, Paul, I got to tell you, I am terrified of the NFC South, and you have you fucking put on your bathing suit, and you've grabbed your nose, and you've just jumped, the Buccaneers,

the Jaguar, you go on right in. I don't know what it is about the NFC South. The games never come on. I don't even know what's going. If they got rid of those four teams, it would take me about five weeks to realize it even happen. I commend your courage. All right. Speaking of courage, I don't know why. I just think Joe Burroughs are really experienced quarterback. I think six and a half points is a lot of points to get at home. The Patriots are winning. They're not necessarily, you know, dominating mid-range

teams. You know, I know we beat the Jets by 13, but like I just like that half. If it was six, I would have stayed away. Six and a half at home. I think the Patriots win. I don't think they win by a touchdown. I'm taking smoking Joe Burrow. A tale of two Joe's this year out there in Cincinnati. I'm taking the Bengals. And Paul, you know what? If they win next week when Joe Burrow comes back, they might be my AFC Jaguars. Okay. I like it. I like it. I like the pick. I'm going to do something wild here. I'm going to take a dog. I'm going to take a dog, and I'm going to take the Carolina Panthers on Monday night football on the road getting seven. I just think that they, I think they're coming off of a, are they coming off a buy or not yet? No, they won. They beat Atlanta. No, wasn't Atlanta?

Well, they won last week. I think it was Atlanta. They, they're kind of turned a corner. The Panthers have turned a corner, and I know Brock Purdy is back, but I think seven points is a lot. I could see a little backdoor touchdown there at the end to get close. Keep it clean, huh? Hey. I'm going to take the Panthers getting seven on the road on Monday night football.

Bryce, oh, he's under the lights, right? He's under the lights, primetime game. You know, to your point, Paul, the Fangers are six and five. So if they win this game, they have a chance. They could potentially win the division because they're only half came back with Tampa. Jake, would you say this is a statement game? The statement game for both teams, yeah, because Niners are seven-four. So, I mean, we'll see.

I just picture a topless woman walking past Jake going like this to his head rough. I just keep going right now. How you doing? Nothing would surprise. Kisses him on the cheeks. Hey, thanks for last night. I know that was just sex, but it was worth it. See you next time in town.

I'll see you the next time of the town, honey. Go ahead, Bill. It's up. You're up. Oh, Jesus Christ. I'm going to take the Vikings getting six and a half going into Green Bay. I like six and a half in a division rivalry. They live right next to each other. They're not afraid to be outside in the cold, even though they play indoors in Minnesota, Paul. Right.

It's going to happen. They got Sam Darnold. Sam, gosh, Darnold. Sam, dude, that's a – no, they don't. Who are you talking about? They have J.J. McArthur thing. Yeah, that was last one. Wait.

J.J. McCart, I thought he was a coach. No, you're thinking of a quarterback. Dude, I'm so out of the look. You know what, whatever. I like the color purple. You think that's why Prince? He was from Minnesota, too. Was that his way of saying he was a Vikings fan?

I think the Vikings, like Prince, are going to go crazy like it's 1999. Lambo Phileo. There's some catchphrases for you. I'll take the Vikings, not knowing who their quarterback is. All right. Well, I don't like the half a point.

I've been bitten on the half a point. We've all been bitten by the half a point. But I'm going to do something because I truly believe right now that the Kansas City Chiefs, I really believe this is it. They're five and five. They keep losing games. The look on Mahomes' face after the last loss

was the first time I saw. Now they're going, hey, is he going to go to the Jets if they don't win? and is he going to fucking rebuild that? You start hearing things like that. I'm like, it's way too early for that. I don't like to have a point, but the chiefs are coming off of a bad loss at home. They're going against Daniel Jones and the Colts.

But I'm going to take the chiefs to have a bounce back, as Bill says, a statement game to save their season now because I think that if this is the time. So there you go. I agree with all that. That half a point is scary. I swear to God, if it's 22, 19. dude I know this guy he's in his 80s

it's been playing you know been in Vegas for a long time and I can't say it on the air but what he said about the half a point it's a fucking great joke it's wild but like I can't do it on the internet when we next time we hang

yeah I'll let you know and if you're a fan of my shit and you come out to go see me and there's an opportunity I will tell you the joke it is a joke but it is not a joke that you can do on a sports podcast. You know, with somebody as wholesome as BetMGM, you know?

They're just, you know, I know they're involved in sports gambling, but I feel their heart is in the right place. Absolutely. Like if Julia Roberts playing a hooker was running a sports gambling site, I feel like it would be bet MGM. I'm expecting a card from them for complimenting them like that. How was the Whiskey a Go-Go show, by the way? Oh, I had a great time.

You know, they tried to say that was the first stand-up show there ever. I can't believe that that would be true. The amount of comedians and musicians, Sam Kinnison, Steve Martin, Woodrow, Allen. I mean, somebody must have gone down. He took out his, probably electrified his clarinet, came down there, open for the runaways. All right, that was just for me. Okay.

Oh, Billy Punch drunk this week. Paul, my God, Jesus Christ. I should have brought my glasses to look at all these fucking spreads. I got nothing, Paul. Paul, I don't have anything. I would literally throw a dart at this right now. For some reason, like an asshole, Paul, I'm gravitating towards that Raiders Browns game. Oh, my God.

Oh, yeah. Shadour Sanders, first start. I believe. You got Pete Carroll. Why does it have to be four? Why can it be three? the holidays I can't you know

can't you just have a holiday line just one game dude I got I see a degenerate I see a degenerate talking to his bookie before like legalize and he's like come on come on dude it's come on Joey it's it's Christmas

can just give me half a point come on how long we've been working together Joey give me half a point I'll give me the fucking you can make the Vig a little more take a little more juice On the back end, just give me the three. Joey, look at your car. We both know I'm making the payments.

Me. Joey, I know your mother. I know your mother. Come on, Joey, give me four. And then he does, and he goes, and he goes, hey, you know, I took a shot. I tried. I tried.

My mother always told me. It never hurts to ask. Hey, Bill, Bill. Oh, yeah. Come on, you said. Oh, he turned. That is the darkest video on the internet. at when he's standing on this is so stupid this is so stupid i i i have to know what he had riding

on that game oh my i'm so happy his horse won but i'm also sad for him because i know he's going to come back the next day and do it again because he won talk about this classic clip of this guy watching the ponies all right fuck it just to keep the show going i'm going to take the raiders minus four sneaky pete i think he stays in that night doesn't go down of the Vegas strip, like fucking some of those guys on the Cowboys. I think he focuses on it. He's got an ego. I think he's going to be extra chewing that gum this week.

He's putting on a crisper pair of khakis this week. New balance. Fuck that. I'm taking the Browns plus four. Fuck that. I'm not going. I'm not doing it. Oh.

No, no, no. I want to root for that kid. Fuck it. I do, too. somebody just made a friend of why would you root against him because he's Dion's son I get the whole Rolex and the Rolls Royce around school I get that and I get that you know but dude you don't root against a kid Paul the guy likes to dress nice and here's the deal he likes to have a nice car he likes the women that like that stuff who is the hurting the egos

of fat sports writers yeah wearing Hawaiian shirts never never came close to top shelf pussy. That's why they don't like them. Hey, Bill, let me ask you a question. If me, your friend who you've known, Paul Versey, for a long time, if I was able to drive a Rolls-Royce and have a fucking Rolex on college campus, would I do it?

Oh, 100%. I'd be walking. You would pull up shirtless wearing a fur. Especially at Boulder. You'd still be a great guy. I would be a great guy. You would still be a nice guy. I'd like, my dad's a coach. What do I'm going to do? Can I I'll have a drink.

Hey, I'll introduce you to the boosters. I don't know what to tell you. Am I supposed to say no to this? I'd go up to the fat fuck writer who talks shit. I go to come to my, come to my dorm. I'm having a little party. Some people I want to introduce you to next write-up be incredible. You know, I had this guy wrong.

This guy's a nice guy. Now, he would burn you. He'd burn you. He would take all the fucking accoutrements in your fucking party, and then he would write a fucking hit piece. I'm like, I got you blown. You fat fuck. nobody I did that

I talked to her all right sorry this is a clean show I spread the ball around the field how am I the bad guy you got the balls to write that about me

when I had you I hooked you up with her you fat fuck you're gonna show up in a Camry and you get your dick sucked by that and this is the article I get Oh, God, it's great.

Fucking Band-Aid-Colars fucking Camry. Oh, that's so funny. I let you take the Rose Royce around campus. I let you ride the rolls around campus. We're good together. All right. There you guys go. Those are our picks for week number 12.

And right now, it is time for Bill to see. thing because we are on a little cold street, guys, with the Monday night special. We've hit a drought. We've had a little lake effect snow on our Monday night picks. Let's be honest. We came out of the gate. We came out of the gate. Hey, ma'am. We were flipping the bat. We were yelling people in the dugout.

We were pointing, shushing. Oh, yeah, the whole thing. We got to get one here. We got to get one here. So let it rid of the dirty bird. It is time for the Monday night. Okay, I'll do it. All right, everybody. Okay, it's time to let the Monday night special win some money for you. Let the Monday not special win some fucking money for you.

Come on, Paul. What do we got this week? We've got the Panthers and the 49ers. What say you? We got the Panthers, 49ers. It is a touchdown spread, seven points. Hey, Andrew, can we get the underover on this game? I'm going to say 46.

my guess it seems I would say 44 Andrew you there so specific I feel like one of those got to be right yeah

you don't have to be nice tell us what it is I know you know it I don't know the models like that no it's 49 and a half 49 and a half yeah 49 and a half

they expect the high-scoring game all right what then Paul which scoring game, Paul, you know. I mean, one team's not going to score 49 points, Paul. I pick the Panthers, but I like the, I like San Fran and the money line. Okay.

Let's go ahead of hedge. I like, I like San Fran in the money line. I just think the seven points is a lot. So, um, you can take, uh, well, I'm a lot. We know a guy, we know a guy that said, I'm a lot. I'm a lot. You shouldn't be. Probably me.

I mean, you can take McCaffrey. Jake, you compared to this guy, it's not even, I couldn't even do a comparison. That's how opposite it is. Oh, wow. It's probably the most contrast opposite thing I've ever seen. You couldn't even, I couldn't even give you an example. Jack, Jake, you're a nice, humble guy who's really good at what he does. I appreciate that.

Never forgot where you came from. No. Guy takes it. He's got all this money. He won't even buy a picture to fucking put it on his wall. That's how fucking humble this guy is. The first time Paul and I really hung out together, this person was around. And Paul goes, I really liked how you pushback.

I was like, we're going to get along just fine, Paul. Oh, he figured he's a fucking baby. He's like, oh, literally 10 seconds. So Paul goes, oh, you're Greek and Italian? I go, yeah, I'm half Greek, half Italian. half Italian. You don't meet a half Italian everywhere. Literally six seconds has been spent on this topic. And yeah, yeah, we get it. We get it. Paul and I look at each other. Like, no, no, we just, we just finished the sentence. We didn't even get into it. I didn't even get

to. The only person I knew who didn't have a weak bladder, but still needed adult diapers. I didn't know where you're going. That's hilarious. I think we, I think the 49ers at home money line right or i mean unless you guys want to go the other way to take take the panthers with the points whatever you want no i like the money line because i don't want i don't want to be rooting against your bet so i like the money line i think the 49ers eke this out oh paul i kind of like the way you're looking at this game paul mcalfrey got touchdowns probably i think you know what it is i think this is going to be a game where the panthers score and they need one score and have to do an onside kick and don't get it one of those deals but i do like the niners with the

money line so we can i and i like the panthers with the points however you want to fucking do it paul i just got to the panthers are a tough fucking team dude the panthers are six and five getting seven you want to take them i think you're on to something paul yeah the panthers you know they want to walk around paul hey they need a little walking around money all right All right, fuck it. Let's just fucking put up balls on the table the week before Thanksgiving. We're going to roll with the cats. We're going to go on a fucking cat's right.

All right. So we got, all right, so that's the first leg of our bet is we are going to take the Carolina Panthers on Monday night football getting seven. What's phase two? Throw us a bone here, Jake. A couple of people you can take to get a touchdown. I mean, McCaffrey is definitely the most popular choice, even though he's on the Niners. and then Bryce Young and the Panthers running back, RICO Doddle, is very good, too. So those are kind of the three that I would look at.

Here's a question I have, Paul. Do you think it hurts us? Like every fucking week, we pick a team and then we start betting all the offensive shit the other team's going to do. I mean, you know, let's go Bryce Young to throw one of the Panthers. Let's do that. Yeah, I like that a lot. And then I think we, you guys want to go, you want to do, we haven't done this in a while. You want to go under the 49 points or you want to go over?

or you don't want to touch it. I have no feeling on that. I have a strong feeling that the Panthers could win this game. Definitely cover. I like all of that stuff. That over under shit is... It's poison. Yeah.

I would stay away from that. Jake, by the way, I want to let the people know, Bill. We've never done that. So you people that don't know, Jake the snake gives us a report every week. This isn't just... He's not just here to show off his good looks, okay? and, you know, take the time off of his fucking crazy date. No, he does the work.

He puts the work, and he gives us an amazing report. He breaks everything down. It's all written out. He sends a document. Dude, I didn't write that much. Hey, I didn't write that much in all the high school, all right? So, Jake, are the Panthers got a good defense or no? It's a good question.

It's been, like, kind of up and down, you know? Like, I think the Niners will be able to move the ball on them. that that would be my prediction but they're much improved from last year that they can get they can get stops but like yeah it's tough to say and then probably middle of the road would be fair characterization there um for sure Andrew are we able to do anything fun are we able to do like a like is betmgm going to let us do like a force always have fun what do we can we do like can we do a kicker to kick over a 50 yarder yeah oh yeah those are in the probably The odds are probably available.

Why not? Let's have fun. We're taking the fucking Panthers. All right. Let's do that. And it doesn't matter what kicker. So here's what we want to do. Either kicker.

Either kicker kicks a 50 or more. So 5-0 counts or more. And then we'll take the Panthers with the points. And we'll take Bryce Young of the Panthers to throw one. I think that's a fun one. I think Paul Verzi has found his fucking, he's got it back. If I win this week, I'm going to come in here a little, little, more arrogant.

I'm not going to say you're going to wear a button down, but you're not necessarily going to button all the buttons. I'm going to here. You're going to show a little chest. This is why you know how Paul has been doing is. How much chest there is showing? Or how many chains are out? The next three weeks, I was just shirtless.

Jake goes, how many chains are out? Paul, I am not seeing your fucking, your gold, man. I haven't seen that this season. I know. I know. You know what? I went three and one last week. Let's take it out. That was a nice one. You're like the athlete at the end of his career has one more good game. And for a brief moment, you saw flashes of his youth to end a fantastic career. All right, Paul.

There you have it, guys. We got our picks. We got our Monday night special is the Carolina Panthers getting seven. Bryce Young to throw a touchdown and any of the NFL, any of the kickers in the game. game kicking a 50 or longer field goal will be the Monday night special so you guys can root for a field goal which will be great and there you go download the app to your device put as little as $10 in for your first bet if the bet doesn't hit you'll get $1,500 in bonus bets and you could do the touchdown promo which is you pick any NFL player in any game to get the first touchdown and you win if they don't but get the second touchdown you get your cash back there you go good luck this week well I'm going to tell you real quickly betting either field goal kicker to kick over

or 50 yachters. It's like one of the most exciting bets of the year for me. I'm like, I'm going to watch this game. This is just such a funny level to watch the game on. Well, when we were younger, I almost said when we were kids,

but when we were younger, a 46 yarder, you'd be like, oh, dude, this isn't. Now it's like, dude. It was no shame in missing a 48 yarder unless we did it on the bills for the Super Bowl. None.

Yep. Now they're like, dude, it's 54. As long this year is 59. You're like, what? Oh, yeah. Dude, I remember Adam Venetary kicked a 57-yarder. My buddy called me up. Yeah.

North of 55, north of 55 was fucking, that was the field go version of your boys catch there in the back of the end zone. Yeah. Yeah, like people didn't. Maybe it's not that far. That was the 63-yard, but like to kick a 57-yard, it's like, fuck, man. Dude, I remember in the late 90s, The guy on the Denver Broncos tied the record with 63, and they ran out on the field like they won the Super Bowl.

Now the guy in the Cowboys kicked a 70-yarder. It's like, it's nuts. But I like this bet. This is going to be fun to watch, and this will make everybody on our thing, because if Bryce Young throws one, now it makes everybody in it. So there you guys go. That's the show. We'll see you next week.

Jake, Bill, and Andrew are three and a half back, and I believe I'm 13 and a half back, not but I'm going to go back we're going to see either way hey I got my work cut out from me but let's get it let's get it to let me just get it to single digits in the next two weeks and we'll see what happens Paul they're letting you hang around they're making a big mistake don't do it plenty of time left Paul plenty of time left all right guys that's our show we'll see you guys next week all right bye bye