Monday Morning Podcast - Nimesh Patel | Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 10-1-26

Episode Date: October 1, 2026

Bill rambles with Nimesh Patel about his new special 'BUY THE DIP', Asian cities, and Indian food.(00:00) - Thursday Afternoon Podcast(01:04:14) - Thursday Afternoon Throwback 10-1-26 - Bill rambles about the Forum, helicopter stunts, and going with your gut.Thursday Afternoon Interlude: Pearl Jam - Amongst The WavesTruewerk: Get 15% off your first order at http://www.Truewerk.com/BURR with code BURRQuo: Try QUO for free PLUS get 20% off your first 6 months when you go to http://www.Quo.com/BURR See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr, and it's time for the Thursday afternoon just before Friday, Monday morning podcast. I'm here just checking in on you, seeing how your week's going. God knows your leaders aren't going to do that. I mean, I'm not going to do anything for you, just like your leaders, but at least I'll check in on you, see how it's going out there. 90 bucks a gallon or whatever. Obviously, this is film, which means I have a very special guest. And this week is a comedian that I've gotten to know over the last few years. He's on his way up. He's crushing it. He's going to pass all of us. He's got a new special out called Buy the Dip on Netflix. Please welcome. Nemish Patel, everyone.

Thank you. Nemish Patel. Now, Patel. Yes, sir. The last name I had to say eight shows a week, Glenn Gary, Glenn Ross, and one of the nights

I was there, I can still remember lines. I go, you get these names. You know, you got these names. They keep coming up. And this guy in the upper down. I swear to God. He goes, Patel!

He, like, laughed. And all I'm thinking is like, oh my God, this is somebody. He's just going to start, like, trolling me. Like, I don't know what. Somebody came in to just fuck the show up, which I was kind of anticipating it. It never happened. And then afterward, when you came out and you signed the playbills, we went out there. And he was just this guy that was, like, overly psyched.

And his last name was Patel. We love ourselves. Yeah, and he had no idea. because it was weird. It felt like a heckle, but there was joy in it. And it was like, is this guy like hammered or whatever? But anyway, I've gotten to know you over the last few years. New York-based.

Yes, sir. Amazing, original. Thank you. And a person. Yeah. I'm trying to exist. Yeah, no, but you're not like, you're not out of your mind. You sit, you have a conversation.

You're actually like present. Yeah, I'm working on the present part. Oh, you are? It's hard to like with all this, the phones and the kids and all that stuff trying to like not think about everything else is going on. I know. And the last thing I needed was another thing to be addicted to, which I feel I am a late bloomer to addiction. Or maybe I never like examined what I was doing. But I used to be, you know, I think when I became an adult and whatever I had issues with, I had the money to have it in my house.

Yeah. Like, I never thought to have booze in my house. Well, my parents never had it, but, like, I was getting ripped on the weekends, but Monday through Friday, you know, I was working, so I wouldn't have it. But then when I became an adult, like, I'm not going to say who, but somebody in New York, a comedian, stayed at my place, and they bought a bottle of booze. And we hung in and we were watching a movie or something. But I forget, well, we did spots when we came back

and I was hanging at his place. And I go, hey, man, you want to get a drink? And he goes, yeah, let's get a drink. And I'm getting ready to go out. He goes, I got stuff here. And then we sat there and I got the wrong information out of that. I go, oh, this is amazing. I'm not going to get shut off.

I don't have to worry about driving or any of that. So I thought it was like this great, responsible thing to do. And then I brought it into my house. And then my boozing, when I was, and off the rail. So now it's these, I got rid of all of that shit. Now it's these goddamn phones. It's like everybody communicates through them. We're self-employed. I got to be on it. I think like with me and addiction in general, like I knew early on that I had an addicted to personality. Oh, you did? Yeah, yeah. Like I could see myself wanting something when I didn't need it and like,

or being in a certain mood like, I should drink right now or I want to drink right now. And that to me immediately delayed, I shouldn't be drinking because that could... How old were you when you figured that out? Probably like 25, but like early in my drinking. But I didn't stop. I didn't let it didn't prevent me. Isn't that a fun part when you get to that area like, I shouldn't be doing this. Let's go do it.

Let's fucking do it anyway. But like when I hit 31 or 32, like when COVID happened, that was the real like the climax of it for lack of a better term. I was like, I was, I rode home drunk on a bike in New York and my wife like flipped out. And rightfully so. Rightfully so, yeah. Because she's like, what the fuck are you doing? Like, you're drunk, you're on a bike, your helmet is in the basket on the bike.

You're fucking stupid. You can't have a player's coach as a wife. Yeah, yeah. You need the old school John Gruden to get in your face, grab the face mask. Like, what the hell's going on? Yeah, I slept on. So it was like the whole classic, like you're an idiot. We're going to like break up.

if you keep this kind of behavior. This is like the last straw on the camel's back. How did you handle that information? Were you stubborn or were able to take this? In that moment I was very annoyed, like, because I was drunk. I was like, but the next morning I was like, this is. Yeah, the confidence goes up under the influence. What are you talking about?

Yeah, I'm fucking fine. And then I fell asleep on the sofa, and the next morning, she like calmly told me I was an idiot and I was like, you're right. This is, that could have been very bad. Dude, that would actually be a funny sketch is, a married couple is going out to buy a sofa and the wife's just sitting on it and the guy's like, all right, get up. And then he like takes off his sport coat and lays down and uses his sport coat as like a blanket.

Oh, this is good. Yeah, no, it's not quite, you know, a little more, I need like a little more cushion of these pillows. Do they come with the couch or are those extra? Let me remove them and see what it's like if I use it like as a twin mattress for a few days. Yeah. Yeah, no, it was. So did you, was, that was the final thing?

Like, all right, I got a, I got a. That definitely made me stop drinking as much as I was. Because during COVID, it was peak. Like, we were just drinking all day. And I would drink like, you know, six, seven, high noon, and then in the sun just be blacked out. And that happened too often. Why do I, why does that still sound amazing to me?

Because I was just like, booze is. Day drinking. Booze is great. I love booze, but. Now looking back on the pandemic, the pandemic was scary because you didn't know, is it ever going to when is it going to end one you know am i going to run out of money like everybody yeah but like if you could go if i could go in a time machine you know and go back into the the pandemic knowing the

definitive beginning and ending uh-huh like i would be jacked yeah and i would invest so much of whatever little money i was making it would just be in like all these companies that see i would never think to do that I would just be like I'm gonna fucking you know enjoy this time off like because there was the anxiety and and the stress of it. You felt it? I was I had no job. I was collecting unemployment like the only thing that was keeping me going was everyone was on YouTube and so I had like one or two months of like banner YouTube income like you know five 10 grand and I was like what the fuck this you can make this much on YouTube. Yeah. And I guess they were like their own algorithm was like ramping people up to like put more stuff on because they obviously

sensed that more people were watching more than ever and that was keeping me afloat because otherwise it was like what the fuck what are we doing i know but youtube is this like if your video gets flagged yeah you don't get the advertising and then i go to them i go okay so you you return the money to the advertiser and they're like no yeah of course it's like oh so you guys just keep it then so then you keep the advertising off of people watching my video. So what is to stop you from having a boiler room full of people flagging some of the top video? It's so, I'm not saying they're doing that. I'm just saying that they could.

They could, yeah. And all of a sudden, I think that, I'm not going to name names, but I think that was, there was a comic that was, you know, 20 times bigger than me, they were doing that to him. And then he was starting to pull his stuff off. and then they unflagged all of his stuff. Oh, interesting. So they could, I don't know how the math worked on that, but it was like one of those kinds of things

to maybe try to keep him, to get him to stay. Isn't it funny, we all have to be like economics and math majors now to figure out what's the best business move for our videos and our channels? I think it's a good thing because this stuff was always going on. All of this boss hogs, like the level of serious. stealing, lying and just stealing that happens on the legal side of stealing, which is the corporate world.

Because corporations are no different than the fucking mafia. They just aren't. It's all the same scams and they're just as ruthless. But they're always like, well, you know, they don't come and break your legs. They don't gun people down the street. It's like they don't have to. The law is on their side. They just kill you slowly.

Yeah. Well, they just come and they'll repossess your car or your house or, you know, take your business, take your money. and my favorite thing is if you go to sue them, it's like you have to find the money that they didn't give you to take them to court and they're defending you with your own money to pay their lawyers that they stole from you.

So it doesn't even cost them any money. I got a buddy mine in a completely different business and like he had, dude, he had phone calls, he had recordings, he had them all dead to rights, but they had the money to keep getting an extension, getting an extension, getting an extension, And he living in New York, you know, blah, blah, blah. You go under quick and they just, they bled him dry.

And it's just like, dude, I'm telling you, like, it's a good thing that your generation is learning this stuff, I think. But still, how that law works, it defends criminals. And they got all the money to fight you off in court. So it's a. They have in their budgets legal expense. They know this is the cost of doing business. And it bothers me that the art or whatever you want to call this has to sacrifice because it has to be sacrificed a bit because of it.

Well, you have to know if they're putting out a product and they go, all right, the lawsuit for this giving people terminal diseases and the loss and the settlement versus what we're going to make. And I don't understand too. When they make a settlement, it always always. That comes down to $83 per person, and it's just like... The law firm makes the money, you know? The class action... You're talking about class action law? Yeah.

Yeah, the law firm takes half of it, and then the rest gets distributed amongst the plaintiffs. I saw this CEO. They were talking about, like, it was a $1.7 billion settlement because they fucked people over so bad, and of course, because I was doom scrolling, I don't even remember what they did. And this guy's interviewing this woman,

and she's laughing during the interview. Oh, it's the Facebook settlement. Yeah. The head of Facebook's, it was like $20 billion that they settled. Oh, 20. They've been sued for $1.7 trillion or something. Did you hear her response when he listed everything that did? She goes, I reject the premise of your question.

Like, they sit there in a room to come up with the right, you know, that's funny. I got a movie coming out, and that, like, what my character is doing in the movie is they're doing a mock sort of going in front of. of Congress and, you know, coaching this reptile that runs the place on how to respond to these things. How to come off is warm. Yeah, it's all coached. And caring. My thing is like, like, how do people do that? So she goes, I reject the premise. And she's laughing. And it's just like, dude, social media with cyberbullying has actually caused teenage kids to kill themselves. And they knew it. They knew it. And you're sitting here laughing. And then you have like this sort of, and it's a perfect response. I reject the premise of.

your question. Can you imagine if you said that to your wife? I'm going to do it for the laugh. I reject the premise of your question. And also be sort of giggling as you say it. Because they know that there's no, they've won. I don't think they make a couch for the next quarter of your marriage after that happened. So how long have you been doing stand-up? Because we worked at the world turn, right? No, we did, Patrice's Benefit show like a year or two ago. But then I thought I worked with you out here in LA. Yeah, that was earlier this.

That was your show. Yeah, it was my show earlier this year in January. That was like me running the set for the special. Thank you for doing that, by the way. That was a crazy show. And you have a killer crowd, dude. Yeah, they were fun. No, but they're fun, they're silly and they're smart.

It was when I went to... Thank you. Yeah, they're awesome. When I went over there, I did a set in India. I only did it one time. It was such a pain in the ass like, I had to send my passport to some embassy or some shit in like San Francisco to get something that said, you know, I could work over there, which I understood

and had to get a piece of paper. But then when I got there, I had to go to someplace to get a piece of paper that said I could leave. Terrifying. And I'm like, yeah, what is that? And the promoters all like, oh, yeah, don't worry, don't worry. You're going to be fine. he goes, I'm going to go in there with you. I'll walk you through it. So he goes, I've done this with other comedians, whatever. So I get there. And it's fucking amazing. I can't believe you there.

And then we go to the place, the governmental building. And, you know, the guys with like the machine guns and shit. And they tell the promoter he can't go in there. So I go in there by myself. And, dude, I was in there for most of the day. And I was sitting there. I was hanging out with this chick from Afghanistan. I was trying to figure out she could get out. she obviously spoke English so and then when I finally got the piece of paper I've told the story a million times the funniest thing over there was like okay so I got the paper so tonight because I'm leaving tonight after the show when I get to the airport that means I can leave and the people over there they don't shrug their shoulders they do like that thing of course the bobble head thing yeah yeah so she just she goes like

it's so it's so classic when it's so funny when a stereotype is fully confirmed because that's like the thing that we grew up, like that was one of the things that we would be called, like bobbleheads. And then when that happened. I never heard them. Yeah, yeah. When you go over there, it's like. No, but what I loved when I went over there was that the sense of humor, they like were

ball breakers. Oh, really? Big time. And it was really the vibe. They were silly. And then I did this bit. I just sort of thought of it when I was opening for you and the way that people laugh. the greatest jaywalkers and drivers i've ever seen it would be like 40 people going this way

and 40 cars and they no one would slow down and nobody hit anybody was it not the day i remember they got an applause break yeah was that not the most though i've only been india once i went 2013 and uh it was the most terrifying i'm nervous in cars as it is right and then to be in Mumbai and like it's a driver i don't know because it's like my uncle hire a tour guy who's going to be driving us everywhere. We've got like 600 pounds of luggage like tied to the roof because my sister, my mom, my dad, and I. Right.

And the guy's going like 60. And then down to 12, back to 60, you know, and it's just nonstop. And they're just people. And they're just going about cows, dogs, walking around their whole families. So first and only time I've ever seen a stray cow. Right next to a five-star restaurant. I mean, it was, it was chaos. but the people were amazing.

Yeah. The people and the food is unreal and recently. No, there was definitely, it was like, it was everything. It was beautiful. It was an environmental disaster. You feel so alive and so different than when you're in this. You could taste the air. I mean, it was fucking unreal.

But I will say just as somebody, you know, I've gone to as many countries and we'll continue to go to whatever fucking country I feel like going to so I can. for my own opinion about it. When, you know, those, they're basically mopeds, but they're enclosed. Yeah, yeah, Rickshaws. Yeah, and watching those guys, they got them pinned next to a car and then a truck. It felt like it was kind of little Mad Max. And I was like, it was like one of those things, like the first time I went to London, England,

and I was in the black cab, and he hit the brakes really quickly. And there was a guy in a bicycle. He's, oh, you fucking cut. The first time I heard somebody say cut me and knee and look at each other like, hey, we're really, they really do say it. So to go over there and see those things, what they call them Rickshaws? Yeah, I always thought to Rickshaws you had to pull it. I think maybe they're auto Rickshaws.

I think maybe they're auto Rickshaws. To see that and just be in that whole, like that whole part of the world was, you know, I'm a car guy, truck guy, motorcycle guy, so I'm fascinated with whatever cars are over. like, what does your El Camino look like? It was amazing. The amount of history that I learned so quickly. Where were you? Mumbai.

I was in Mumbai. And one of the first things that struck me was seeing guys wearing shirts, real men don't rape. And I was like, okay. They go, that doesn't happen here. That happens in others. I was just like, wow, to the point you got to have a T-shirt. All right. But the food was insane.

The sense of humor was amazing. But then the whole thing with Pakistan and that whole. there was some sort of terrorist attack or something that came on. At the Mumbai Tower, that was a long time ago. But yeah, that was a devastating part of Mumbai's history for sure. And also what those attacks always do is in order to keep you safe, takes away a level of freedom. That's why they had like them. Because I was sitting there going like, what's with the machine guns and stuff?

I didn't think you guys had that much beef or whatever. You know, I don't really see you guys in the news, but we also pay attention to Europe over here. So I learned like a little bit about that. And yeah, I mean, I was literally there. Like I landed. I spent the day. I think I was there for a day and a half. So I didn't.

I was there like just long enough. But I would 100% go back. I want to go back. Do you want a 2025, 2025, 2024? No. This was before the pandemic. It was before I had kids. That's what kind of fucked up.

Like I used to go to Australia every couple of. two, three years. And then what if that just kept expanding, like I go to Sydney and in Melbourne. And then all of a sudden I was going out to Perth, I added New Zealand. And then the next time I came back, I did all of those. I added Singapore, Hong Kong in Mumbai. That seems awesome. Yeah. And what I loved about once I got into Asia was it like it was like you went to a different planet where everything we have over here, they have over there, but it's replaced. Like I remember when I landed in Hong Kong like they had all these

major airlines that I never heard of any of like I flew in Singapore air and then when we landed I still remember this there was a this white airplane and on the tail their logo was like a dragon it was the shit and I was like what airline is that they had their own pop stars

and then like TV shows were similar so then you start going like wait did we take this from them did they take that from us or whatever but it was but yeah it was like you went to another planet and as far as which other was your favorite one and this is 2018 you went they were all okay so when you go to Singapore uh-huh Singapore is fucking weird Singapore is fucking weird

it's fucking weird it's super clean yep and it's everybody's following the rules but like there's like my wife said like if hand sanitizer was a was a country like because I remember they had this this brothel. They called it four floors of horse. No. I swear to God. And the promoter from my show, and I did my show, that was my least favorite show because it was a bunch of expats.

So it was a bunch of white guys from here or like Europe. They were like bankers and shit. It's like, dude, I could have done like a fucking gig at a golf club, a private gig, and this would be the crowd. But the woman who was booking it offered me and my wife to take. take us there because it was like socially acceptable. And I was looking at the go, wow, this kind of like, is that like progressive that they've sort of legalized it so they all get tested?

But I mean, we weren't going to do anything. Right. And then she just goes, Bill, there's no women from Singapore are there. It's like racist. They have women that they consider less than from these other countries. And it sort of took on this dark, she, you know, she always sees. She peeks around the corner. I walk around like, oh, whoa.

The streets are clean, you know. Right. So, but that was interesting in that I learned. when you were there that if you got a car, whatever car you got, it costs three times as much. Yeah, VAT and all that. And then you also had to get rid of it. So if you wanted a Ferrari, instead of 300 grand,

it would cost you a million, and then you had to get rid of it. So there's deals to be made with those guys when they have to unload their cars. That's kind of like, and I learned a little bit of the history where it was like once they, they were very sort of into themselves,

but once they pulled away when they had their revolution, it became their own country. Then they became totally exposed because they couldn't protect themselves because they was so small. And then the West with all the banks came in. It's an evil game. I have yet to read,

Lee Kren Kour, or something like, I forget his name, but I'll butcher it, but he's like known in the UN circles as like the greatest development guy of all time from taking Singapore pre-revolution to what it is now, which is like the financial, one of the financial epicenters of that entire region. Right.

It might have like the most billionaires per capita in that entire Asian region because of the finance and all that stuff that goes on over there. Yeah, I recently watched that English TV series The Fugitive. Never saw it. It's amazing. And it's kind of predicting these flock cameras and everything. So it starts off. There's no spoiler here.

It's the opening credits. This spy goes in and he's walking. It's almost like get smart. He's walking through all of these different places that he's secretly getting into. And he's walking with determination. He hands in his resume. Not his resume.

His resignation. Saying that he's retiring. And then he rushes back to his apartment and he's packing a bag and everything. And then all of a sudden this smoke, it's very early 60s. This dry ice comes through the lock and he literally looks up like this.

And then he passes out on a couch. And he's on this island, which is very like this Truman Show thing. And everybody's acting like they're happy, but there's cameras everywhere. And the thing is, they won't let him leave until they find out why he's retiring because he knows like all these secrets. I mean, and it's done really well. And now that I've watched that series, like going back to Singapore, it had that vibe where it was safe. It was shiny. There was like a lot less crime.

but the price of it was there was like no vibe. No fun whatsoever. Yeah. Have you been to Dubai? Yeah. I've never been to either one. Okay. So Dubai, the vibe there is dad's home.

Okay. So if you had a very volatile dad, and you know how mom would be sort of more chill and like, hey, your father's coming up the driveway. It had, you know, when his picture is all over, you know, and he doesn't have a pleased look on his face. He's kind of like, you know, stone-faced. The leader.

Yeah, it's like Trump. Like, I don't understand why he's on our passport scowling. Trump's on our passport? Well, I don't know, whatever the fuck he's on. The newer ones, I think he was, it's that classic one where it looks like his mugshot or is the one he wants on the Kennedy Center. He has like this scowl on his face. Like, let's go, motherfucker. And it's just like, hey, man, I thought we were all on the same teams here.

Right. So yeah, been there. So anyway, that trip, then I went to Hong Kong, and that was just like, it was like clusters of Manhattans all stuck together. It was so the sheer amount of fucking people there. Yeah. Any place that's dense that I've been to, I always feel more alive in, but that might just be because I'm more alert,

because I'm just like always worried about stuff happening. I never felt more alive than being in India. And granted, I was there for like 12 days, but every place, there was no chill place in India. And I'm sure there are plenty of chill places, but being there, just being, like, on alert at all times. And that was, like, half of it was like, I'm going to get scammed no matter what happens.

Like, everyone's trying out to scam you or rob you or do something, like, pick your pocket or, like, beg for money. Right. And then the next, like, it was the first five days, and, like, the next five days, I'm like, this is just what it is. This is just what it is. You sort of kind of have to like settle in it.

But it's kind of weird that yoga came from there. And like you kind of need like some serenity to get connected to fucking chill. Uh-huh. And that was my, I said to the promoter. I tried to ask them nicely. Yeah, yeah. But it, that was the question like, how do you look at some of this level of poverty? Dude, it was like heartbreaking.

That was, that was rough for me too, yeah. Yeah, like especially with the kids and stuff. And that, that's how I got that bit. Which one? Well, it was like I was over there seeing that thing. And then I came back to the United States. And one of the first things I saw in the news was an actress complaining that they told her to lose 10 pounds so she could star in a movie. And I'm just thinking like, you know, if that's your biggest fucking problem.

Yeah, yeah. I remember being. And also the audacity of wanting to be in a movie and just showing up with like your dad bod. Right. It's like, you know, how the movie business works is if you're either the fat fuck or you have to be in shape. You can't just show up with the booze weight. You got to, like, you know. You have to look at, there is some work involved in being.

Well, there's, first of all, somebody put up millions of dollars. Uh-huh. So how about that? Somebody's going to, like, if this thing doesn't work, you, you as an actor, go on to the next movie. You know, somebody here just lost a zillion dollars. Like, that's your job. But it just, like, you know, the weight of, the way I would have done the bit now is I would have included myself and, you know, we're so. spoiled are so lucky to be here.

Yeah. But instead, I did like to, I learned something and now I'm going to project it on you. Like, you know, that thing that I just learned didn't know a week ago? I'm not going to throw on you. You should know that. Yeah, that was my old way of doing it. People in India are starving. I mean, when I went, the, the Ambani family had just built there.

Did you see the 600-foot tower in Mumbai in the middle of Mumbai? No, I was in a governmental building trying to get a paper to say I could leave. You didn't get to see anything. So there's a... Ambani family is the richest family in the world or one of them, maybe like $200, $300,000 or something. At least publicly. I always feel there's another layer behind that that laughs at their wealth.

I'm sure Putin has like a trillion bucks or something. No, like you don't even know their name. Oh, yeah, yeah, I'm sure. Like the people that let Putin, or however you say his fucking name... Yeah. Exist. Those guys. Yeah.

The most... One of the richest publicly rich families is the Embani family, and they built a 600-foot tower in India in the middle of Mumbai as a residence for themselves in Mumbai. And it's like in the center of the city. And like you go, we went to see it, you know, just because you see it from the street. And you go and it's like from here, like that's their gate. And then this is all just poor people, just sleeping in the streets.

And I'm like, I don't know how you could be. So, disconnected. Yeah, or have rationalized humanity so much to the point where you're like, yeah, I live in this big ass tower and there are poor people on the street. And that's just the way the world is.

I don't know how you rationalize that as a person where you could easily just make it a 500-foot tower and like house these people that are living five people on the street, like sleeping with a sheet over their entire family. And that just like broke my head. Like I was like, I would also think, you know, one of the things about being in power

you want to stay in power. So it's probably not good business, you know, to flaunt that level of, I would just be like, have you ever seen the end of Scarface when those hundred people go over the fucking wall? And just shoot everybody up there. Yeah, like that is, it kind of, I feel like if you're going to be a dictator, like you kind of are signing up for like, dude, I'm going to have a mountain of cocaine, a bunch of hot chicks, a fucking speed, until the feds or those hundred people at the end of Scarface come over my wall. It's sort of the life that they've chosen. But it's astonishing to me. Like, so I've made fun of Ambani's publicly, you know, like on Instagram, but that's what I mean by that.

Would that prevent you from getting a gig over there? A lot has prevent me from saying a lot of things. Like, you can't talk about Narendamodi. You can't talk about Hindus. There? Yeah. Okay. Or even here, if you want your stuff here to be over there.

You know, it's like there's a cost of doing business in India. Right. and it's gotten worse now from what I understand. But that also, in the last, like, since 9-11, that exists here. Like, we act like we have this democracy, but there's shit that you can say and instantly. Like, if you say the shit, like CNN or Fox News or both are going to pick it up and they're going to fucking crucify you

because they're not going to go after, you know, pharmaceutical companies fall flag. They're not going after any of those guys. Like, I keep saying they go after that guy that, that had all the hand sanitizer in his garage. You remember that guy? He hoarded hand sanitizer before the pandemic. He bet on it, right? And then it came in, and then he was price gouging on it.

And oh, my God, they tard. How could you do that at a time like this? Meanwhile, inhalers are like $600 when they should be like $20. Yeah, like leukemia pills and stuff like that are like super fucking, CEOs are making like 600 times what the guy in the dock is working. And like, they don't do that because those guys, you know, pay. They buy the ads. Yeah, they buy the ads.

So that's why comedians, golfers, actors, athletes, individuals, the guy with the garage full of hand sanitizer. And because the media has all been bought up here, they tell these people who to get mad at. And then they just steer you like right now. The reason why you can't afford to, you can't afford a house or health insurance and all of that is because an illegal immigrant who's making $3 a month. Right. It's not because BlackRock bought all the houses. Yeah, it's not that. and then bought two of them back at like a million dollars to increase the value of all of them so that they can become the country's landlord.

Right. Like they're not going to talk about those guys. But like if you do your stand-up act or play golf or a hoard hand sanitizer, like they'll be like, yeah. I was going to ask you, the reason I asked you why, when did you go to India was because. Oh yeah, I don't want to have a problem with that. Well, it's because now the politics have changed so much, even from then, from when you, you went pre-pandemic, that it feel it's prohibitive to say a lot of things, even on, you know, a big platform like Netflix, if you want it to appear in India.

You know, I say in my special, I say like if you want anything you to do to appear in India on their platform, you can't make fun of Hindus and you can't make fun of Narendra Modi. Right. Because over there, they will have. a reaction to the people will have such a reaction to it that it might cause problems in general for whatever platform you're on so rather than risk that they're like just don't do it right which is crazy you know imagine imagine being told here if you want to go global if it's going to be some censorship I mean there's censorship in like I feel like I understand that's cost of doing

business but it just it just I'm not agreeing with it yeah no I don't agree with it either I just I hate that I have to accept that that is what the cost of doing business is now where it's just like yeah some places you just can't say shit well what it is is you have to like if you're going to play that game you got to incrementally sort of move the thing where and then they end up coming around i mean i feel eventually they end up like coming around it's it's a weird it's a really weird time where like i've been to like you know some crazy places And the information I get out of it is a lot of times those crazy places are moving more in the direction of how we are here. And the alarming thing is I feel we're moving even faster towards them.

And I think the more, you need the middle class here. And if they eliminate that, like, you know. It's going to be a bunch of rich people who are okay with their like closed off world and a bunch of poor people being like we can't do anything anymore. Yeah, and then it becomes, then you can't say anything, and then they just keep, and they just keep take, take, take, take. It's really fucking wild to me. It's really fucking wild to me that, like, I'm supposed to be believe in a God that loves us,

that he makes these people, they're like reptiles. You know what I mean? Like, as much shit, as much shit is like, you know, comics get, you know, and all of these athletes and all of them, like, we're constantly doing benefits, constantly. If there's like a fucking problem anywhere and it doesn't matter where it is, we always show up.

We try, yeah. Yeah, because we all basically, if you make it in this business, it's you hit the lottery. Yeah. Like you, you know, you started out with like, I don't know how many thousand other fucking people

and if you, like the level of luck, you know, right? Yes. To get anywhere in this fucking business is crazy. So you don't forget that and it's just like,

you know, if you sleep on a futon, you know, until you're almost 40, you know you remember what it's like you know i was a big spaghetti guy i had spaghetti with the prego every fucking night i'd get halal chicken and rice off a truck for like eight bucks oh that's yeah that's my meal when i was like i was afraid to take a cab there was a long time like i just i refused and every time i would do it and it was funny because like it was a much

dirtier version of new york city like when i would take like a cab home i used to live with bobby Kelly. And like on the weekends, we would treat ourselves at the end of the night. I remember this is when New York was New York and you ran all around doing spots and you tried to like lock them all in and it was like this stress all night. And you would take cabs but you were blowing gig money to get there. But at the end of the night you would take the subway and every once in while, me and him would split a cab ride home. And we felt like kings and we'd be in this shitty fucking, the fucking filthy cab. You need to have the windows down. You'd have the windows down. You we'd have dry sweat on your face from the summertime from running around.

And some of my most favorite memories. And this is when they timed the lights to. And the cab drivers would drive like fucking 70. And they could go from like the village up to like, like, you know, 59th Street on one row of that. And I remember we were cruising up. And we finally hit a fucking red light. And we look over and there was a cab with the back windows down. And you couldn't see anybody in it.

And then all of a sudden this guy just, just sits up in like a suit like with no sport coat with like the tie like a stockbroker like kid and he just fucking they were hammered he yacked out the side of his window and we started laughing and as we were going we were like neck and neck and then all of a sudden another guy appeared and he puked out the other side and uh that i got to be honest when i went over to Mumbai it reminded me of the new york when i first went there where it's just like dude this is like great great Well, it's governed, but it's fucking loose. Like there's there is like pockets of this city that the government doesn't even know what's going on.

So that to me was like that goes back to like the New York that I miss, the CBGB sort of like, you know, like when you, the Beastie Boys had this great autobiography and they were talking about how all these artists just commandeered. All that whole Tribeca area, meatpacking district and all that was just. abandoned buildings and shit. And they started this whole music scene down there that was this amalgam of like the hip hop that started in the Bronx, the Queens or whatever. And then some of that house music and all of that shit was going on.

And it was like... I'll read it. What's it called? It's just an autobiography. Yeah, it was the art... After MCA passed away, I think it came out. Ever since the pandemic, I can't remember when anything came out.

But it was the whole history of them, you know, starting out as a punk band. having a female member there was like four or five of them it was yeah the whole the whole story yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah but but one of the things other than learning about the band is you you hear about like what new york used to be well where they were hanging out now is like you know 20 zillion dollar lofts or like a louvitton store on the corner yeah yeah yeah all that yeah yeah yeah i got it in all of those new stores that look every every new store to me looks like a fucking Apple store.

There's sort of this soulless and then beige columns. Bage and white and then they curate a vibe like they'll buy something vintage. Kind of like that record player and the typewriter like the same thing but I don't know what that's about. They'll do shit like that and then like a globe

like that's very curated. This is like some Ron Burgundy looking shit like they have like it's almost like this is what a podcast too is supposed to look like. Yeah and then like a cup of coffee is like $8 $0.65. Then you have a 20% tip and I was like, I think that cost me $10. Soho. It used to be like you could just get a cup of coffee for like $0.2 on the corner from the blue cups, the Greek

blue cups. And now it's every one of those corners is a mu or like a mango or like a famous stores. Yeah. And they're kind of squeezing them out. But we got we got to bring this thing to something positive. Yeah, let's do it. The positive thing though is your generation is, is there's all these great comics coming up. And, you know, if you haven't seen Nemesh's stuff yet, it's like, like I said, it's super smart. Thank you. It's original. And it's, like, you're getting uncomfortable with the compliments.

And it's global. And I do think one of the good things about, like, you know, three streaming services taking over our whole business is at least they are global, which hopefully will expand people's worldview. I'm still holding out hope that regular people, you know, we're going to get on the same page. Oh, in terms of politically? Well, stop looking at what they're telling you to look at and look at like, you know, I mean, you know, if any time you see, you know, a world leader, when they're going like this, I think it's a good practice to do that. Look at the other thing.

Well, look, go in like the opposite. direction because I have found doing as much travel which I still can't believe that I've been able to do through this business once again the lucky side of it is that like people are cool most people are pretty chill and most people are cool with not a lot

and that is just like can I fucking afford a house you mean that's all I ever ever all I wanted I wanted growing up is I wanted a house of course a fucking pretty wife some kids and and then all the, be able to... More cars. Well, yeah, cool carb.

And then I so want to be able to, if I wanted to go to a sporting event, be able to do it. That was as big as the dream ever was. I wasn't like, you know, I'm going to get into this industry and I'm shutting the door behind me. Right.

And I will own the whole fucking industry. And then, you know, then I'll expand beyond my business. And then, you know, like you see these things now, like the same person that, you know, owns this whole industry is now swallowed up like a completely different one. What are you mean talking about?

Elon is the perfect example of, like, the highest example of that. It went from Tesla, and now he's opening up data centers and chips everywhere. Like, I mean, sorry to bring it back to something negative. Yeah. It is the... Well, that's a hurt kid. He had a brutal fucking childhood, and you kind of break one way or the other. Elon?

Yeah. Did he? I... He grew up a rich kid, the son of a mining... I would take my childhood over his childhood if I heard the treatment his dad did to him. Uh-huh. I would definitely take that. Just because, you know, you have all the toys doesn't mean, you know,

somebody may be taking hugging to the next level. I don't know if it's true. I try to have empathy with that stuff, but I find if you grow up abusive and isolated, that if you either go one way or the other, you either become empathetic to a fault that you end up in the trunk of somebody's car or you end up being wildly abusive. and if you combine that with being really good at business, you can do a lot of damage. Yeah, I mean, whatever happened to him has been a blight on humanity.

I think Elon is to one of the, a lot of people are going to be mad at this particular statement because people fucking love Elon, but. Who does? A lot, a lot of people think Elon is like Edison to the 10th power in terms of what he's done. No, he isn't. comes in and he buys something that already works.

Like somebody figured out PayPal, he buys that. He, didn't he sue to be on the board of creators of Tesla? I'm not sure that. Sued his own company? I don't know. The origin story of Elon, I'm not really fully versed on how he became the business aspect of it, but from like the engineering part, people are like, he can identify a problem and immediately go to first principles.

And that is his, like, biggest strength. Like he identified that the United States. I bet he can't. Yeah. But that, but like. He definitely knows how to do something. But people love that about him and people appreciate that more than all the other evil stuff that he's done. And they still weigh him.

But those are business people. Right. And what business, I think, wrongly, they, they respect the more ruthless, the more cutthroat, the more heartless you are. To them, that's in our world of like, oh my God, that's a. perfect joke or like I wish I had the the like you know for me it was always like not caring in a good way not not to a point of being you know self-involved not caring to the point like I'm not worried I just say what you want to say and trust what I'm thinking to to lead my act down that road rather than being like well this seems to be oh crowd work I got to post crowd work that seems to

be working you know so I think that like in there in the business world is like, dude, this guy will come in and fire 4,000 people on Christmas Day. He doesn't give his shit. Right. That's like a good thing to be. Yeah. This guy will pour it in the water supply. Yeah, that's what it takes.

And then say, I don't, I reject the premise of your question. Do people need water? Yeah, I reject the premise of your question. Yeah, water should be privately owned. Right. I was doing a bit about it, but it was never really went anywhere. but it was just like imagine if he just if Elon or any person in that realm just did the opposite of what they're doing but for like a net positive of society versus the net positive of shareholders like wouldn't in that in the long term just benefit everybody and therefore elevate their own business dude they just well the thing about it is is the problems that business creates they just look as they just everything's an opportunity like he's a You know, the way all this carbon we're putting into the atmosphere is melting the polar ice caps.

The oceans are going to come up and all they think is, we got to buy real estate. Yeah, we're going to build boats. We're in higher ground. Yeah. We're going to own all the high ground. And then publicly we're going to tell the people living on the shores, they have nothing to worry about. I like this guy. Yeah, yeah.

This guy has that. You know, you can't coach that. This guy has that it factor. Evil. All right. True work, everybody. the T1 work pant has become a warm weather staple on job sites for a reason. Lightweight, breathable, and built for four-way stretch.

It moves with you through long days while standing up to the demands of the job. With nine purpose-built utility pockets and abrasion-resistant quick drying finishes, it delivers the comfort utility and performance trade professionals. Count on when the temperatures rise. The T1 work pan is purpose built for warm or indoor conditions, combining lightweight, comfortable breathability and unrestricted mobility while delivering the strength and resilience professionals expect on the job site. The proprietary T1 fabric was engineered specifically for hot weather work, lightweight, abrasion

restraint, quick drying and built with four-way stretch. It delivers performance. Traditional workwear fabrics simply can't match. Unlike traditional canvas and denim, the T-1 combines lightweight performance, stretch, breathability, and moisture management to help professionals stay comfortable and productive throughout the workday. Despite the lightweight feel, the T-1 is engineered to withstand the abrasion movement and daily abuse of professional job site work, delivering long-lasting performance.

Season after season, get 15% off your first order at TrueWork. T-R-U-E-R-K.com with Code Burr. B-U-R-R. That's TrueWork.com, Code Burr. True work, built like it matters, because it does. Go to truework.com slash burr. T-R-U-E-W-E-R-K-D-K dot com slash burr, lowercase B-U-R-R-R and use code Burr to get 15% off your first order. True work, built like it matters.

Ah, look who it is, everybody. It's quote. October Halloween optional. I don't know what this means. Halloween's supposed to be scary, man. But you know what's actually terrifying? Your business ghosting its own customers. That can't be good.

Nobody picks up, nobody calls back. And just like that, they vanish. Gone into the void, into a competitor's inbox. At some point, you're just like, let's fucking quo. That's why today's episode is brought to you by quote, QUO, spelled QUO, the business phone system built so you never miss a call. All your calls, texts and voicemails live in one place, so anyone on your team can pick up a conversation.

See the full history and respond fast. Quo is the number one rated business phone system on G2, trusted by over 90,000 businesses who rely on it to stay reachable and look professional every day. Set up at a minute on any device, keep your existing number and add teammates as you grow. No IT, no hassle man. Quo's optional, built-in AI agent,

handles after-hour calls, answers questions, and even books appointments so you never miss a lead, even when your team is offline. Quo integrates with tools your team already uses like HubSpot, Zapier, Claude, and more. Helping you save time, stay organized, and spend less time chasing information between systems. Money is online, always say hello with Quo.

Try Quo for free, plus get 20% off your first six months when you go to QUO.com slash burr. That's QUO.com slash burr. Simply safe. When your home is under threat, you need more than a recording of a break-in. You need it to be prevented. Simply Safe stops break-ins before they start. When a burglar steps onto your property, AI-powered cameras alert live US-based agents who take action to deter them and call for police dispatch. Today's savvy burglars have done the math. They know that if they trigger your alarm, they still have time to grab what they want and go. SimplySafe is different. When an intruder sets foot on your property, AI-powered.

Cameras, deter them, and a live U.S.-based agent takes action before a window ever breaks. Unlike traditional security systems that only alert you after a break in is already underway, SimplySafe is designed to help prevent the crime before it starts. SimplySafe agents a theft the threat. Intervene, speak through the camera to scare off intruders and call 911 dispatch.

That's all great. Right now, you can get 50% off a new SimplySafe system. Go to Simplysafe.com slash burrow. That's simplysafe.com for 50%. 50% off. And when you order, please write in Monday morning podcast and the How Did You Hear About a survey to let them know we sent you. Don't forget, there's no safe. Like simply safe. Well, look who it is, everybody. It's zip. Listeners, here's a riddle. What are gearheads, news junkies, biohackers, comedy nerds,

and true crime obsessed wine moms all have in common. They've heard a hell of a lot. of ZipRecruiter ads. Let's face it, ZipRecruiter is everywhere. Why are they everywhere? Because great candidates for all your different roles are everywhere. Just like you, these people listen to business shows, sports shows, and yes, even this show.

And even when these candidates hear all these ads, it increases the chances of them going to Ziprasis, yes, and responding to your job posts. So ultimately, you meet them sooner. Of course, you can't meet them unless you go. go to zip.org.com slash burr to try it for free. Then once you post your job, powerful matching technology finds top talent quickly. And ZipRecruiter has a new feature that shows you the most interested qualified candidates first, so you meet them faster. No wonder,

four to five. Employers who post on Zip get a quality candidate within the first day. But you've got to go to ZipRecruiter.com slash burr to post your job for free. Once again, that's ziprecruiter.com slash burr. Oh, and if you forget where to go, don't worry, you'll hear another zip recruit up ad soon enough. And you know what? We were going to leave. I don't know where Andrew's going to put this in. We started to leave because we finished the podcast and I brought up Indian food. And the name goes, this is my favorite thing to talk about. Recently, I was in New York and I was doing some gigs. And I had met you before and you took me to this killer Indian restaurant.

The Makkah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. And my wife, you know, loves food, and she knows all the cool places. But I knew that you would know a place and it would make me look cool. So we tried to get in. We couldn't get in.

And then we called you, and you're like, I'm trying, my guy isn't there. And I'm literally going like, dude, it's not a problem. It's not a problem. It's not a problem. You're like, no, this is literally my favorite thing to do.

I love getting people into Indian restaurants. It makes me happy. So you got us in. Uh-huh. Ambassador's Club. I don't remember the names of all of this stuff, but I will say when it comes to the cuisine I've had around the world,

Indian food is... It's the best. It's like... There's certain foods that I could eat it like three days in a row. But Indian food is like so complex. You almost have to like think about what you just had. Like even like the dessert. I remember it was like chocolate with...

Was it fennel seeds or? I think they have a, I know they have a chocolate fennel seed one. They have a, like a, I don't know what goes into jalebi, but they have like a really crisp, like it's like almost like a wafer. I can't, it's like a sticky wafer with ice cream. I'm going back. Like, and it was all of this stuff. I'm like, this goes with that.

And then you eat, not only would you eat it, it would be delicious. It was a flavor I had never tasted before. And, you know, they were bringing us stuff. that, you know, we had ordered and then also not ordered they were doing that thing. Yeah, of course. Like try this too, you know, trying to, you know,

hope you post about it or whatever. And like, of course, somebody's fucking calling me now. Hold on. What is this? Is this about the guy, this is about this fucking restaurant thing? Hold on, I got to take this real quick. Hello? Hello?

I'm in the middle of the podcast. Can I, I can get in at the pizzeria? Fuck. All right, cool. All right. I'll think of something else. You want to just call me after? Yep. Okay.

Bye. We should leave that in. We should fucking leave that in because any time I try to do, hey, give me a fucking reservation, it never works out. The fucking place is closed. I'm sorry.

I should have you called. I'll probably open the restaurant. But anyway, like, the... This is what kills me. I just do a bit about it too. Is England came over there, freaked out about the spices,

and they never learned how to use them. No. Evidently, because their food is fucking horrific. But, like, this food that we had, like, that's the... I couldn't eat it two nights in a row, but it would be overwhelming. It's too rich. Because, no, because I'm, yeah, I come from, like, salt and pepper, was spices. On some potatoes.

You call it a day. No, I mean, what they... Was some butter? The thing with Indian food. Do I get credit for putting butter on it, too? Butter is, I mean, there's a lot of butter in what you ate, for sure. Okay. The butter is universally, like, the solve for most people's problems.

but Indian food, the reason New York is having like an Indian food moment because in the last like three or four years, this group called Unapologetic Foods Group, like they started with the mock of the spot, I brought you to. Why does it have to be so hostile? What's it? Unapologetic.

Because a lot of, up until that point, a lot of Indian food, and I'm not sure if this is the origin of the reason why they call it that, but Indian food up until a point was catering towards the general palate. Chicken, tiki, Yeah, chicken dike masala. You know, you got your butter, garlic gnarly, garlic gna, all that stuff. Which is, when it's done well, it's fantastic.

That is the Indian version of going to an Italian restaurant. Let me get a chicken palm. Yeah, exactly. That's what that is, you know. And when it's done well, it's done beautifully. It's really good. But before this food group came in, there was probably one or two restaurants that were doing something different.

But they kind of expanded people's minds about what Indian food could be. And you realize that India... They were bringing the real show. shit. Yeah. We're not going to dumb ourselves down to your Western palate. No, and the chef, Chintin is like a Gujarati guy, which is what I am, but he's from Mumbai and he's got like, India has like 20 different regions of all sorts of food. You go south, you'll get stuff you'll never going to get up north. And some of the best percussionists in the world. Yeah, sure, but like they they just are. They use the, you know, the stuff what they have, like shrimp and fish is really popular

in the south. Up north, it's like you'll get chicken and you might even. get some beef but the flavor profiles required to make all that stuff taste amazing there's a billion spices and they know how to use all of them we had a we had a chef come to my apartment to teach us how to make like some a few dishes and like I never appreciated how much my mom put into and my dad put into cooking food because it's all like smell there's no like exact method to it you kind of have to okay this smell is turned over now this other spices available now we got to put this other spice in. Like the complexity is required

and the knowledge required of like how to cook is on another level when it comes to. Yeah, and every stove is different. So just because you make it this way at your house if you went to somebody else's house so you really got to use your nose. Yeah, it's incredible. And that, like, these restaurants have turned it into

and our ambassadors club is high level. People like, I don't know, over here, I don't know what it is. It's like our music. We gave ourselves one time signature. Music is in four. That is it. that's all people we're not going to try to expand like so many like these bands that i see that when

i was growing up they try to have like a comeback album and and you know it just sounds like more of the same and it's just like well why don't you move out of the box of common time just play something in seven just the chorus or something just so it's something different and like and you've seen like bands do it and be successful sound garden is a great example and most of you're people like listening you know they're just fans of music they're not like a nerd so that they would know something was in three five seven or nine or something like that um i think that in a lot of ways like the cuisine i would say that like if i could compare your guys food it's it's it's it's like next level music jazz yeah or like just or sort of like you know it's all all time signatures

a row, but your music is like that too. Yeah, yeah, I can't talk with any sort of conviction or not conviction, knowledge base of Indian music because it's infinite, you know, some of the oldest music and some of the newest music is coming out of India right now. But our food, like,

it's funny to me, it's taken so long, and I still don't think most white America appreciates Indian food. No, we don't. We think because our whole thing growing up was Mexican and Indian food. it's hot so we weren't used to it's like oh dude you're gonna be shitting your brains out

but that's like what everybody thought so it kind of as always it was like this is different fuck this you gotta make fun of it yeah and then meanwhile we were eating like chicken ala king and chip beef on toast out of a can so um which i think you know if you look at uh i don't we're to get back into world politics. If you look at the histories of different continents and what they valued and what they gravitated towards, it's just some people, I think, stepped in the right direction. You know, I think food, music is a great direction to go into. But, you know, building empires, I think you start just, you know, plowing or paving over. It's big. It's It's busy to be like cooking delicious food when you're like murdering the people.

It's like you need basic, you need meat and potatoes to have the energy to go out and conquer. You can't be. If you need to keep a lie out there to get people to look at this, the left hand rather than what the white hand is doing, right hand is doing. Yeah, like you kind of lose out on like, you know, it's really sad when, and I'm not just saying white people, the only ones that do that. But like ignorant people, it's like you're operating. at like maybe 15% of your capacity as a person and your ability really to enjoy. Everything life has the offer.

Yes. And food is so much life. And you just turn it off because I'm ignorant of this. I don't like it. It scares me. They would never say that though. Right. No, that's the thing, you know, through like travel,

like it expands your mind. But then also you realize beyond the ignorance of like racism and stuff, nationalism and all of that stuff, anchoring yourself to one political point. party and one ideology is that there's a sadness to it because it's just like yeah dude you're not getting these days back you're getting older you're getting older and you're going to like you know I listen to one genre of music I listen to one band I eat one kind of food you know I'm into one race of people is is just it's like okay well you know you can do that's what's all I want to know

for the rest of my life yeah it's just like what I you know I don't know um but I'm you know, as much as I'm a fan of your stand-up, like this whole new world of you introducing me to educate me, because I am very intimidated by Indian cuisine. It's overwhelming because I don't know where to start. So you go in there and like, so when I went in there, I sat down. That's the first thing I said to Nia. I go, I am not ordering chicken tiki masala. So I went in and I, I. I ordered, you know, I looked at the ingredients, so I ordered something that I thought was an easier step for me.

And then I can't remember what the word, but there was a few things. Did you get the chicken chops? I don't know what I did, but I went outside. Like, I finally went to, like, a taco stand and had the nerve to order cow tongue. Where I was just like, I'm not eating that shit. I'm just not eating it. It was fucking delicious. You went, there was a cow tongue on the menu at the Indian spot?

No, no, no, now going Mexican. Oh, okay, okay. So I never, so I finally, somebody told me one. After the Indian food. The taco stand where there's Mexican people working there and eating it. That's the thing. That was that place why I told you when I went to Calgary. I took a chance on this Indian restaurant and I walked in and I had Indian people running it.

And then there was Indian people eating it or at least what appeared to me. All those Venezuelans up in Calgary. It might have been. It might have been. I'm not saying that I could tell. But like, and it ended up being, you know, ended up being great. So there's a good place. out in Venice?

Oh yeah, it's called Budmash, B-A-D-M-A-A-S-H. And now why do you feel that like, you know, because that's like a big thing with like L.A. You can't get good pizza. Like pizza's gotten better. You can't get a good Italian. Italian's gotten better. But then out here, like the burgers,

Mexican, Thai food, like they're hitting home runs. Why do you feel like with Indian food, is it just where your people settled when they came over here? I don't know much about the Indian history of Los Angeles. I imagine in like Irvine and Newport there's probably a lot of good Indian restaurants but for whatever reason

in L.A., the closer places like no amazing places that popped up. I just think it's a matter of time. It might also be like a lot of restaurant culture here or restaurant economics just don't make sense for restaurants to open up and to open up an Indian spot when you don't have

a lot of Indian people in a densely located, easily accessible place. Well, I went to this place that actually sold was a combination it sold all the stuff to cook Indian food and then it had like a like a lunch cow like a deli counter and i got the food and it was fucking horrific and i was just like this doesn't make it oh it was really bad uh-huh i like how you have to apologize for all your people yeah i've i've had bad indian food and uh i'm always i was like yeah no that can ruin your day that would ruin my day if i had bad anything a bad burger will ruin you but you can

a palate of a bad burger, you know? And it's just like, all right, because burgers have a, burgers have a ceiling, you know? You'd be surprised. Some people would like, like the, there's one place that people swear by. And I don't care what, how you order it. It's a bloody mess.

And people just love this place. And it's just like, I'm just sitting there going, dude, your fucking grill is too high. I'm not a big burger guy. How thick the patty is. Is not, like they used to teach, I used to work on a grill. would be like you just touch your fingers this is rare this was like medium medium well and this was

you know well done that's just a basic thing but if you if your patty's this thick and you're cooking you got to go low and slow and this guy is just like it would funny like it's like I would order it medium and there'd almost be a little bit of crust on it and I would pick the burger up and like they would be like blood spatter oh coming out I'm just like and especially after now they just got that fucking beef from Argentina with the chlorine in it. The RFK Trump beef. Yeah, like, weren't they going to make it great again? It's gray beef.

It's straight out of the simpsons. It's gray beef. But yeah, yeah. Yeah, if China's going, yeah, no. I think that, you know, when they got a billion people to feed and we're like, hey, man, the price is right. Bring it our way. Yeah, yeah.

All right. Well, I'll be eating some Indian food here during the next couple of months. Please let me know. While I wait out these bad burgers. Yeah, don't eat the burgers. Switch to Indian food, Bloodmarsh, check it out. Okay. All right, cool.

All right, Andrew, figure out a place to drop that in. Well, anyway, your stand-up special is out now on Netflix. It's called By the Dip. Nemesh Patel. You've got to see this kid live. He's fucking amazing. Thank you. Thank you for taking time out of your schedule to come to Thursday afternoon.

Just before Friday. Monday morning podcast. Nemesh Fetal, everybody. Thank you. We'll have a great weekend. It used to be a house of cars, has turned into a reservoir. Save the swim tonight, darling.

Hey, what's going on? It's time for the Monday morning podcast for Monday, October 1st, 2018. What's going on? How are you? What are you doing? Are you going to go sober? October?

Come on, man. it rhymes. Everybody's doing it. I think Rogan and those guys are doing it again. I would do it. But I'm doing Boston this weekend and there's no fucking way. It's just certain cities you can't stay sobering, all right? And that's one of them. So how about take it easy October?

Settle down there. Fucking October. Anyways, I just got back from Denver. I'll tell you, what a weekend I had. By the way, the fucking cab driver almost killed me coming home for the fucking airport. She was a sweetheart, right? Talking about kids. She's a grandmother and all that.

Oh, wow, it's got to be amazing and blah, blah, blah. She goes to make a left on to my street. And as she turns her left hands, turns a signal on, for whatever reason, she just starts drifting. And she's coasting up to where she's going to stop to make a left. She starts drifting like over like the white dotted line there. into the right lane. So now people can't go in the left lane and she's also in the right lane.

And I'm literally like moving away from the door. Like what the fuck? And people are slowing down, beeping at her. So she just cuts the wheel hard. Rather than pulling up a little bit and getting in the lane, she cut the wheel hard. It's her fucking ass,

her right ass cheek of her. Prius was sitting in that fucking lane and I'm like, oh my God, we're going to get killed. So there's all these cars coming and people are beeping at her and I could feel her getting stressed. So I just calmly just said,

And yeah, you know, there's a lot of traffic this time of day. You know, there's always a lot of traffic. You know, what are you going to do? Just nice and fucking chill. Like, I'm not getting impatient, right? But she still gotten patient. And she saw a gap. And she shoots through it.

And I see this fucking guy on a motorcycle that's a little ahead of the pack of the cars. And, you know, it's two lanes on the other side of the road. He's on the right lane. And she pulls out. And I just go, guy in a motorcycle, got on a motorcycle. I thought the guy was going to fucking T-bone right into me. And she gets across the street and she laughs at me. She goes, I saw him.

I saw him. It's like you fucking saw him and you still went. I'm telling you that she needed glasses because every time she would pull up to a red light, she would stop like 20 car lengths behind and then slowly like creep up. So I don't know what her fucking deal was. She's like, I saw him. I saw him. Yeah, I saw him too.

You didn't see the fucking look on his face. Look like Eli Manning two weeks ago. You know, his face was all mushed up. He had that, you know, like he saw that chick in the ring. Yeah, that's one of those things where I was just like, I know what that feels like. She scared the fucking shit out of that guy. Because he had like a bunch of cars behind him too and he had fucking slam on.

not slam, but he had to like, it was definitely, all right, let's be honest. You almost die every time we get on a motorcycle is pretty much what happens. So I would say on a scale of one to ten, that was, it was a good six. It was a six. But a six on a motorcycle is a fucking, you know, that's like a nine in a car. It's probably even worse. It's even worse because, like, you know, you got airbags and shit. It's, yeah.

Anyways, I saw him. I saw him. Fucking laughing at me like I'm a fucking little girl in the back seat. I'm like, hey, you know, I don't know where you're from with that Transylvanian fucking accent, but I don't know how you do it over there. We ain't got batweens over here, baby. So anyways, what was it? Friday night. I actually did a sold-out show at the Fabulous Forum. in Los Angeles.

The same place where, you know, Larry Bird, Magic Johnson had their great battles with Kevin McHale fucking clothesline, fucking Kurt Rambus, all of that shit. I saw the great Mario Lemieux play there. I saw Wayne Gretzky play there. I remember seeing the 1999 Lakers there with like fucking Shaq and Kobe with Del Harris coaching and I believe Dennis Rodman was on that team. And then I saw the footh fighters. I saw the Queens of the Stone Age.

I saw a bunch of shows there. And then all of a sudden, I'm fucking there, man. It was unbelievable. So I want to thank everybody who came out to the show. Not going to lie. It might have been the best show in my career. I thank fucking Christ because I had a bunch of friends there and that was not the one where you wanted to walk off stage.

like, I hit the warning track. And every, no, it was good. It was an impressive pop-up to make an out to end the inning bill. But we went down there during the day. Me and Dean and all these guys went down there and, you know, did the deal. You know, I set up the drums and all that. We played. Dean was posting clips and shit.

Dean's never sung any better. And it was just, it was fucking, it was awesome. But I almost fucked up because we played from 2.30 to like 6 o'clock. 2.30 to fucking 6 o'clock. And like I was gassed around 5. And then another buddy of our showed up right at 5. So we played for like another hour. And the forum people were so cool because they wanted us done by like 530. We just kept pushing it a little bit. And I got off the stage and I was fucking wiped out. And I was like, oh no, did I just fucking use up all my energy for the show? But fortunately, You know, the butterflies get going and everything. And it was so fucking cool. They got, they gave you this little gift bag. I'll tell you this, for when you guys,

you guys work there eventually, right? One of you guys listening? When you fucking sell it out? They got a little, it says, what did I say? The forum backstage. It was this really super fucking high quality, like tote bag.

Something that I would never take. But it had, it had, like, it was embroidered and had, like, the forum logo on it. Then inside it had a bunch of t-shirts and, and, uh, fucking hoodies and stuff that all said that, uh, backstage thing on it. So it's kind of a fucking obnoxious thing to wear if you have it. I guess you'd have to know. You'd be like, oh, that guy must have fucking performed at the forum. But it was, it was fucking, it was so cool. So anyway, so I'm waiting to go up.

And I got to, Dean. fucking Joe Bartnick destroyed. And they went up there. Like they were going up at like the fucking the store or the laugh factory. Not an ounce of nerd. Dean's always just fucking got his arms up. Like this is going to be fucking awesome. So he went up there.

Crushed it. Comes off stage. He's got like goosebumps and shit. Fucking, you know, Christmas morning grin on his face. And then Bartnick goes up there. It just fucking levels the place. And I don't know. I kind of fed off that.

I'm like, well, these guys aren't even fucking nervous. So I went out there. And the sound is incredible in that place because now it's strictly a music venue. So they fixed all the sound and, you know, shit wasn't bouncing around all over the place. And the crowd, you know, you could bring them up. You could bring them down to a whisper and then get them going again. And I did like 90 minutes. Literally didn't want to get up to stage.

But I was so fucking focused on having a good show. show because you mean every time I land at LAX I look at that building and also the new football stadium they're making but I always look at the LA Forum and I always just think of the Showtime Lakers and the Boston Celtics and the Pistons when they played them in the fine just think of all of that like legendary 80s NBA hoop and if I fucking had a bad set there every time I landed I'd have to be like oh and I bombed there So, I was on stage about 40 minutes before I finally stopped and took in the fact that I was there. I was so, like, you know, focused on just having a good show.

And I fucking, I'm not glad to you. I got all of that one. I walked out of there, no fucking regrets. So I really want to thank everybody. I know I've already said that, but I really want to thank everybody that showed up. That was like the fucking night of my life. And, you know, I had this great afternoon. after party. There was all these friends, people from EFIS for Family, um, comedians and, uh, people.

I took acting class with my, my wife went out of the way and, you know, invited all these friends and families. And, um, it was fucking killer, right? And, but typical me, I'm sitting there. I'm having a good time and all that shit. And then it's just like, I have like a 9.44 a.m. flight the next day to go to fucking Denver, right? To work with fucking the pride of Trent, New Jersey, Verzzi, right? So I kind of learned something, right? Because I went the next day, I went to Denver and it was this beautiful opera house, right? Just fucking beautiful. But it had these really high, high, high ceilings and the balconies were way in the back. And I think that's so those, you know, people sing opera that are ridiculous. So they can just blast it out. And it just fills up

the whole arena. Like that's something I, you know, when I was in Italy, I wanted to go to one of those and just see what the big deal was, you know. See if it made me cry if I had to bring a handkerchief. That's the funny shit ever. Those old Italian guys go in there fucking crying. So it was designed for that. And then I came in there with my fucking dick and shit show.

And, uh, I couldn't really hear myself in the first show. And I was kind of shouting. And I had gone on Twitter and I was reading all these, all this fucking, you know, hysteria that's on Twitter right now with this, this, uh, Kavanaugh and, uh,

Ford thing going on. And it's, it's, it's just, everybody is just yelling at each other. And just everybody's making these fucking, I'm doing it right now, saying everybody,

but there's a lot of people are just making these fucking huge, huge, huge statements on both sides. All of them just inflammatory. For the most part. And, um, I was, you know,

the, it's just fucking insane. So many people were making the case about themselves under the guise of supporting the defendant, you know?

And then there was all these other fucking idiots on the other side like, you fuck that bitch shit, fucking dead, beat, meathead shit.

And, um, I mean, I'm a comedian. I got to know what's going on. So I was just sort of reading that. And it just sort of affected my attitude

when I went on stage, I think I just came out too fucking hard and sounded too angry and I had to kind of adjust on the second show. And then I couldn't really hear myself. But we got it fixed for the next show. And then Sunday night, it was great.

But I kind of learned something where it's like when you do a show as big as that, you don't want to do it again for like five days. You know? And then go to a really fucking small place and kind of bomb a little bit and just sort of shake off the mess. memory of what you just did and then you can just go back to be a normal again because I was like,

I was all over the map the first show. Like I was still thinking about the forum the night before going, oh wait, I did the joke this because it was, you know, it was fucking, it was incredible experience. The only I can equate it to was when I drank a Guinness in Ireland. And I remember drinking it going, this fucking doesn't taste any different than America. And Then I came back to America and I fucking drank a Guinness and I almost spit it out. So then what I had to do was I had to go fucking drink like Bush Light, you know, and work my way back up to American Guinness where it tasted good again. You know what I mean?

I think when you have like a big fucking night, it's probably not a good idea to have a 9.44 a. m. flight the next fucking day and then have to go, you know, I don't know. I don't know. I was like, it was kind of beat. myself up going. But at the end of the show, they fucking stood up and they had a good time. And I was like, oh, that was one of those ones. Why I couldn't hear the fucking laughter. So I want to thank everybody in Denver came out. Just fucking crazy insane great crowds tonight.

This is just me kissing everybody's fucking ass. Thank you for, you know. And Denver's a place that I've always loved going. But I didn't really get to get out too much, you know, because I felt like I was going to get sick. And for once in my fucking life, I actually was like, you know what? I'm just going to stay in the fucking hotel room and just rest up, which is basically what I did. So I didn't even get, you know, I always walk around. I always go out. They have like these train track things, you know. And there's all these like fucking white kids you see out there.

It's like, is that kid homeless or is he playing hacky sack? What the fuck? Like, you know, a lot of that fucking weed vibe, you know. And they got all this great fucking food. And I missed all of it. But I did go to Churchill's last night and had a nice fucking cigar. So anyways, sorry, man. I know this is like a big fucking hallmark goddamn podcast.

But whatever. It's not every day you do the form. I don't know if I'll ever fucking get to do that again. Hopefully I will. If I don't, I did it. I couldn't have done it any fucking better. Dude, they painted my name on the fucking wall. You know, you look around.

It says like ACDC, James Brown, all of this. fucking shit. There's my stupid name. I mean, I'm sure they're going to park the forklift in front of it. But whatever. For one night. For one night. Anyways, let's talk Formula One racing.

I keep forgetting because my fucking DVR got fucked up. I saw, I watched the highlights. Lewis Hamilton won over there. I believe it was in Russia, right? And it's a question I have for all you fucking race fans out there. Can somebody explain to me? like Botas is winning the fucking race you know

and then like you know because Lewis Hamilton you know wants to fuck he's in second and Vettel is in third and Hamilton has a lead but if he if he gets in first then he'll have a 50 point fucking lead and Rosberg is his teammate so the team

asked Rosberg to get out of the way so Lewis can pass him and then his job is just basically then to be a to basically race against Sebastian Vettel to keep the Ferrari team distant. I mean, he basically, you know, for all extensive purposes, he pretty much wrapped up the fucking thing unless he crashes or something. Vettel comes in first, but even then he would only cut his lead in half. And like, Hamilton always makes the fucking podium.

So I get the whole teammate thing. But I remember when fucking him and Nico Rosberg were going at it two years ago. and the team asked Lewis to fucking move to the side. He's like, no, I'm good. I'm good. And I'm sitting there like going, all right, is that because the way he's made up? He's a champion.

That's what makes him a champion? Should Botas been like, nah, no, I'm fucking good. I'm good. Was Lewis in a position? Because he's such a star to say, no, I'm good to the fucking team. And Botas isn't yet. But, dude, the guy was like,

fucking I mean these guys this is what they do they fucking race it goes against everything in their fucking nature to do then the end of the race

Lewis was just like yeah Val Terry he was he was a gentleman out there today and blah blah I wanted somebody be like

hey Lewis would you have done that for him I don't think you would have um anyways Max Verstappen got driver of the day

he had like fucking three penalties he started way in the back and just within five laps was up to like fifth or six

sixth place. It was like watching fucking stroke a race. You know when you watch a movie, it's like nobody can pass people. It doesn't happen like that in a race. If you started 19th, take you the whole fucking race to get up to the front. This guy in five laps. Gave everybody the old right there, Fred. So I got my DVR set for that, and I'm back in with the Moto GP. And I'm very excited to

be watching that shit. I just got all these run of dates right up until the Chicago theater. And then, oh, Billy Boy's year is done. my fucking year is done I got a couple of fucking whatever I got to promote FIS for family season three

whenever we get the date and we'll be doing that towards the end of the year so I will be kind of it never ends it's basically what I'm saying I'll be flying around fucking promoting the show but I won't be doing like show so my my year ends with the Chicago

theater right after MSG Master Square Garden then that's it hopefully I'll be watching the Patriots in fucking first place in the EFC East Huge, huge fucking win. Do you realize if we lost yesterday,

we'd be three games behind the dolphins, essentially making plans to try to get the wild card? That looked like the Patriots team that I've been spoiled to watch every week. We got a short week, though, and I don't think Edelman's back on Thursday. So we'll see. We shall see.

And I was so pulling for the fucking Cleveland Browns to get two wins in a row. But I like the Raiders too, so it was kind of cool. but I just wanted to see, you know, I don't know. I've already just, I've already mentally dealt with the fact that Brady's not going to be here in a couple of years. And all these young kids that I see are coming up are going to be the next ones. And so I don't want to hate on them.

So I'm just fucking rooting for him. Even though I know we're going to go right in the fucking shit up. The second, Tommy fucking leaves the goddamn facility. Oh, by the way, did I fucking call the NFC South or did I call it? I fucking told you. There's no defense in that entire division. Look what happened when they played the fucking bears who had a defense. What the fuck was the score?

It was like 48 to fucking seven. Let's see here. NFL scores. What are we got here? What are we got here? Of course. You got every goddamn score except that one? Who do you guys like tonight?

The Chiefs of the Broncos? I would take the Broncos and the points. It's because the division rivalry games are always close. and everyone's going to be all about the, oh my God, my home or whatever the fucker's name is. This guy's a juggernaut. He's due to have a bad game.

Right? He's a rookie. It'll happen. Buccaneer, I mean the buccaneers, the fucking Broncos, they play the Chiefs twice a year. They're not afraid of these fucking assholes. I would take them on the points.

Vaughn Miller will be a fucking pain in that guy's side. That's what I would do. What Verzi, what Verzi's going to go. to the game. He's going to bury. He's going to bury the fucking chiefs. Who knows? We'll see who's right. Oh, the score was 48 to 10 bears. And I was also right about the Yankees. After we swept him, oh, yeah, it's fucking over. The Yankees are still a year away. Red Sox are looking like they're going to win the World Series. Look what happens. Son Chris Sale can't get fucking healthy.

Price can't beat the fucking Yankees. The Yankees win four, the next fucking six. And they're one win today. They win today. I think they play the Red Sox. And there you go. It's like when you watch Friday the 13th, they'd always fucking knock Jason down and they'd hack them one fucking time. And then Igi always get back up. You got to finish him off.

It ain't over till it's over. So we shall see. But I'm telling you, my call is, I think the Indians and the Astros. Terry Francona scares the shit out of me. And when I saw the Astros win the first two games against the Red Sox, and they had a chance. They came, like, they were winning, and then we, I think we rallied, and we were ahead.

And then all of a sudden, right at the end of the game, they had a chance of sweeping us and winning that last game. They were all up on the top step of the dugout, the whole fucking dugout. We're all standing up there. Like, let's sweep their fucking asses. And I think, I think of, I think of they, I think of they're feeling a little disrespectful out there. So we shall see.

Have I said one funny fucking thing, this entire thing? I just been, like, giving out information. Speaking of which more information, all things comedy, ATC.com, we are releasing our first stand-up special on our website. And it's the great Ted Alexander, who's really a comics comic. He just has some, he's just, he just, he just has some of the best fucking jokes. And he's one of these guys that is just so overdue and deserving of a special. So you can watch it. What date?

What is the date they're fucking putting this thing out? Hopefully I got it. Okay, this Thursday. You can stream it at atcc specials.com. Now this is huge for our website here that you guys, you know, watch it and get people. Maybe you can retweet it and get people to watch the special. Ted is fucking hilarious. It's a great special.

Like I said, Thursday, ATC specials. Please check that out. All right, let me do a little fucking, some advertising reads here, shall we? Shall we? All right. Oh, look who's here. Oh, zip.

I can't even like, this person basically was a stunning, beautiful, blonde, white woman. And she was talking about how difficult it was to look the way she does. she compared herself to like a mermaid. Like that's what she looked like. So then she did all this other stuff, you know,

so she wouldn't be so pretty and get all this fucking attention. And I'm not saying like, you know, I'm not talking about creepy guy behavior. I'm just people looking at her or whatever. She's fucking stunning. You know what I mean? And it's just like, well, look, if you're never going to wait in a line in life,

I mean, there's like a price to pay, you know? Does that make any fucking sense? I mean, I get this fucking thing where it's just like, there's so many fucking problems in the world right now. When someone like that, and I'm not talking about me too shit, I'm just saying this person is just fucking not even talking about like me too shit. It's just somehow making all of this me too shit about just as an excuse to talk about how fucking beautiful she is basically and how difficult it is. You know, it's like you fucking should travel a little bit.

Get outside this country. You know, go find the people that actually are making our clothing and see what their life is. And then tell me how fucking difficult your fucking life is. You know? And if we're going to focus on anything in this country, why don't, how about this next? Okay, other than cleaning up all the fucking pollution. What about, you know, you bite to an apple and there's a seed. If you plant it in the ground, it won't fucking grow anymore because some company made sure it wouldn't.

You know? Somebody neutered the fucking goddamn food. It's unbelievable. Not a fucking peep, you know, not a fucking peep about it. Stamps.com, everybody. When I walk down the street, it's a beautiful person,

not having to stand in line, getting free drinks. It's really hard. Oh, yeah? Well, why don't you fucking put your arms behind your back? Put on some red bottom shoes and do a face plant into the fucking sidewalk.

Okay? I'm sure you won't have any more fucking difficulty with everybody's jaw dropping when, well, maybe they'll, depend on. I don't know how bad you fuck yourself up. Stamps.com, everybody.

The U.S. Postal Service is an important tool for any business. Stamps.com is the easiest way to access all the amazing services of the post office. Stamps.com never closes. Hey, guys, this should be a new fucking segment. Okay? Oh, does this step on the toes of humble bragging, though? I don't want to do that, especially because the guy who created that unfortunately passed away. And I don't want to be doing somebody else's bit who can't even call me out on it, all right?

But if you guys can just send me like, I just want to read the craziest tweet, from most self-involved to angriest, craziest, both liberal and conservative, because everybody's just fucking, like, freaking out. Somebody wrote, the Me Too movement is getting out of hand. Now it only takes 20 accusers to slightly inconvenience a wealthy man. man with unchecked power. That's what I like how everybody like fudges the numbers.

It's like, no, that's not what happened. That's not what, no, there's been just one person says something, and then somebody loses their fucking career, and then it's investigated, and then a month later finds out that it was bullshit, and then nobody, everybody who is trash in the person,

nobody issues a fucking apology to the person, and then the person who's innocent has to then fucking try to figure out how to get, you know, they have to strategize as an innocent person how to get back into the fucking business. You know, but I don't, I don't want everything just to be trash and me too. Like, because like, I'll be honest with you, okay?

I usually don't say away before. I like that Ford woman, I believe her. I do, you know? And this is what the big thing for me was, the fact that she's been telling this story, she's told to a therapist, she's been, she came forward before against this fucking guy. I mean, if this is really. just to take this guy down. This is got to be the,

she's like the Terminator. Of like, you know, and he's just, and him, I can't understand if he's just guilty or like, he's a guy right there

going to grab the brass ring and it's going to, his fucking shorts are getting yanked down. And I can't tell if he's just fucking wigging out. Because I haven't watched any of it, but I just read some details. So I'm really like,

I'm not going to sit down and fucking give myself jury duty. Why the fuck would I do that? You know, I'll fucking, you know, I'll watch the highlights. You know, I saw Matt Damon crushing it doing that. My favorite thing was it came out. They said, Mr. Cavanour. Mr. Cavanor, he just goes, what?

Anyways, yeah, he's just like all over the fucking map. And it reminds me of the Kennedy Nixon debate. And I know that's really a hacky fucking thing. and I'm not saying she's coming off like Kennedy. I'm just saying he's coming off like Nixon. When Nixon didn't know how to sit, he had sweat on his forehead. And it's like he's a judge.

Like this guy's not supposed to be a performer. So I don't know. It's just one of those things. If the guy's guilty, I hope they say he's guilty. And if he's innocent, I hope they say he's fucking innocent. So he doesn't get screwed over.

Because that's what everybody should want here. You know, you shouldn't just want a guy to go free because you're a guy, and you shouldn't just want a guy to get his life burned down because, you know, you're a woman. You should, you know, it's kind of, you know, it's weird. It's like people are starting to root for this shit the way they root for their sports team, where if they have one of their players does a piece of shit moved,

ah, it's not that bad, but then somebody else's, ah, this guy's, they're a piece of shit. We're not, you know. But anyways, just so there's some sort of fucking humor in it, because it really fucked with my attitude for the first 10 minutes of my set Saturday night and that's not fair to the people you know that pain to see a show so someday yeah like yesterday I just started seeing the humor in it I just started reading them to Verzi and I would and I would just go I just go hey Paul like dead serious and then I would read the tweet like I was saying it oh wait doesn't Jimmy Fallon do that do I have one original fucking idea somebody does that oh no you had somebody has people read their

their fucking hate mail. All right. Well, now you know why my act is the level that it's at, because I don't have a fucking original idea. When are they going to decide with this fucking guy, by the way? You know? And how the fuck are you doing an investigation in a goddamn week? Trying to make sure everybody's stories match up

over something from fucking 30 years ago? I don't know, man. I think you'd just go with your gut. as far as if you're just sitting at home. But like the fact that like what's at stake that that's what they're going to base it on, I think. Like, hey, he fucking seemed crazy. She seemed believable or she seemed coach.

And he seems like a passionate family man, you know. I guess that, no, that doesn't happen when you sit on a jury. They actually fucking, they have to prove it beyond a sarrow. I mean, it's fucking nuts. But then when you get into corporations and shit, which you saw with Tom Brady, it's just like, no, if we say you're suspended, you're fucking suspended. Go fuck yourself. Or civil court? Like that shit where OJ gets acquitted.

He's not guilty in a court of law, but he's guilty in a civil court. So it's like, you're not going to jail, but we're taking everything your own. You know? Which is crazy to me. Because now you've got a murderer walking around pissed off that you just. took his bed. Either put him in jail and take all his shit or let him go back to his house. But fuck, if you think the guy murdered somebody, don't take all his shit.

Now he's going to the fucking store. He's mad again. He saw what happened the first time he got mad. Fuck. All right. All righty. All right. Let's get into the reads here for this week.

Remembering passwords. All right. This is something I have a problem. with. You know something? I actually had one of the few patient moments in my life, and I tried to, because I don't know my I cloud password. So I finally just, after a year of just keep Xing that window, 90 times every time I turn on my fucking computer, I finally went on the internet and just Googled how to reset it, which I did. And I was so excited, because the window finally went away. And then I shut off my computer. And then, you know, we turn it back on and want you to re, put in the

fucking password, which I did, and now it's not accepting it. I'm right back to square one. I remember the first time I typed it in, it didn't work, and I did it again,

and it didn't work. And as I was hitting send or whatever, or log in the third time, I literally said my brain, Bill, don't snap. Just relax. You'll figure it out. And then it didn't go in.

I went, oh, what the fuck! How many fucking time you got to fuck it? It's every time. Every fucking time. Anyway. You know what's actually helping my temper is watching everybody losing theirs on the internet? I'm just sitting there going like, wow, that's what I sound like.

Jesus Christ, my wife's living with this. I think I'm going to buy her some shoes. Some matching earplugs. Hey, Bill, I was just listening to the latest podcast. Check out Dashlane for passwords. It's easy to use and you can sync it across your computer, phones, etc. It auto-populates your username. and passwords, hope it helps.

That is definitely somebody young who wrote that in. Dude, why would I, the purpose of the password is that nobody else knows it. That's like when they life luck. Life luck is the funniest fucking thing in the world to me. Yeah, give us all your personal fucking information. Now, not only do I have to trust you, okay? you at this company have now created a Fort Knox of, well, I guess Fort Knox never gets broken into. You've created a basic, a giant fucking sack of cash in the walls that everybody's now going to try to get to.

Why fucking waste my time trying to fucking hack an account here, a hack an account here, what I can just hack life lock and get everybody's fucking shit. I appreciate you trying to help me out, but I'm going to just continue on. you know, I don't know. If they're going to hack in, they're going to hack in, but I can just never fucking remember my fucking passwords. And I don't want to like have somebody else do it for me. My brain's already turning the mush enough as it is.

So, but, you know, people, if you want to check out Dashlane, D-A-S-H-L-A-N-E for passwords, you are more than welcome. You can get out there and try that out for yourself. All right. Number two. Hi, I heard you were struggling with managing passwords. This is another one. I've been using a password manager called dash. Is this like a read? Dash lane for a while. It's really great and creates really good passwords for you for each website and automatically logs you in there.

It has a plug in for various browsers and also an app for Mac OS. Love it. Take care. Yeah, there's certain things I just don't outsource. That would be one of them. Here's something I have to check, though. Stem cell therapy for hair loss. Because I got to tell you something. I got buddies who have done this for their knees and their fucking shoulders. All right? And our hands or something like that and they say they feel like a kid again.

Now, if there is literally, if this gets to the fucking point, if this fucking shit works, I might go over to Eastern Europe. I'm sorry to God, and I'm going to come back with a full head of hair. How fucking weird would that be? That would just be fucking bizarre. Dude, look at this shit. This is why I shaved my head.

Look at this shit show. So many of these things that they're showing as like solutions. The people still look terrible. All right. Let me see. Okay, stem cell therapy for hair cell. For hair loss, hang on a second. Reviews.

Let's see here. Let's see what they say. Now, you know, the people that do it, they're just flooding it right now. This is like trying to find out, like, what's actually healthy. They're trying to learn about, about, oh, hymns. They fucking, see, they come up. Stem cell hair loss injections. Do they work?

I would almost do this just for the goof. You know how funny it would be if I just came back with a lion's mane, fucking red hair. You know? Each of us deserves a truly personal. This is a fucking, this is stupid. Like, this is the thing. You cannot get past.

Like, how far, how many pages do I have to go where I can actually, where I can actually fucking just find an actual honest review? All right. Oh, W Magazine. Okay, thanks to stem cell therapy. Thinning hair may be a thing of the past. You know? Like back in the day when you got like a fucking boil on your face, you just had to have it for the rest of your life.

Then you started, you had the walking stick, and you got fucking osteoporosis, and you had to go live under a bridge. Now not all of that shit's gone, right? And now I think that hair loss might go the same way. All right. Call me a creature or a habit or just plain boring, but I've been wearing my hair long, blah. Who gives a fuck? What is this? Yeah, these are all just businesses.

Can I ask you young people a question? How do you find the answers on the internet? I don't want a answer. I want the answer. A hairy question. Stem cell to cure baldness in 2017. All right. This is what I'm going to do.

Because I think there's a lot of people doing this right now. I'm going to wait to somebody just fucking who looks like me to just walk in one day. You know, looking like a fucking, all of a sudden, just looking like a rock star. when that fucking goes down. I got to be, how do you lay off? I never liked all that other shit because they're like yanking shit

from the back and sticking it on top and then it's just like, you know, does it work? Does it not work? But they just go just, you know, you just sit down. And they go, bang, bang, bang, bang, boom on top of your fucking head, right?

Well, you're just watching, I don't know, an episode of fucking SWAT or something. Then you just leave. You come back, you look like you're in the fucking. fucking Bee Gees. Oh, wait a minute. Most of them were bald, right? Oh, yeah. They're all bald, right? We're all dead. One of them has hair plugs. All right. They like the Kennedys of falsetto, right? There's like a million of them, and they all could just fucking get up there, right?

All right, millennial water crisis. Dear Bean Town, Billy, in your recent Conan interview, and this past Thursday, you talked about not understanding why millennials freak out over the water bottle flipping thing, even with all the great technology we have. Yes. Why do you guys freak out? It's actually not millennials. It's the generation after, which I keep fucking forget. 18 years old generation name. Is it? What is it? Alpha? What is it? Generation Z? You motherfucker. Generations. Which generation are you? I literally looked this up and I already told you guys the fucking answer. I already forget. Yeah, Generation Alpha. No, 2013 to 2025. Sorry. No, 1995. Okay, Generation Z. All right. Generation Z. That's what they are. They can't get enough of that

fucking water bottle trick. Yeah, why is that? He says, or she says. I thought I'd explain my perspective on it as a millennial, and I think, okay, now you're a millennial. All right. And I think you'd appreciate the humor in it. All right, as long as you're 23 to 38, you're a millennial. You bringing up the great technology we have is part of the joke. Oh, it's a joke. I'm 26. Bam, he nailed it. And for my entire life, advertising, sporting events, technology, everything has been getting

increasingly sold to us as the next big thing or the best thing ever or a once-in-a-lifetime experience. It's all just the same shit rehashed over and over with brighter colors and bigger letters. This year's iPhone is barely better than the last, but, fuck it. They'll charge a grand more and people will believe it's better. I like this person. Fucking critical thinking. It's a fucking lost art here. As I'm dropping F bombs all over the place. So freaking out over a water bottle being flipped is funny. It's the most simple thing. There's no fanfare, no tickets being sold, nothing to advertise. It's just someone flipping a water bottle. So let's freak the fuck out if it lands

upright. That'll be funny. That's how I see it at least. That was really informing. Thank you. you love the podcast. Thanks for the hours of freedom of entertainment. They mean a lot to me. Go fuck yourself. All right. Thank you. Well, there we go. I finally got an answer on the internet. Okay. Helicopter scene, or I got the answer, I like to think. Helicopter scene from the Terminator 2. Hey, oh, Billy 50-year-old. I'm a big fan of the podcast. Eff is for Family. And I especially like that you're a fan of Moto GP. I can't get enough of it, even though I missed the last couple of fucking races because this is a long story.

We had issues with our TVs. Also, thanks for introducing me to Tales from the Tour Bus with Mike Judge. Oh, my God, you got to watch that show. It's fucking incredible. I'm not really looking for any advice this time. Just saw this short video with director's commentary. Link below about the skilled helicopter pilot in Terminator 2 and thought you might like it. Anyways, thanks and have a great weekend.

I'll definitely post the link for that. It's that scene in Terminator 2 where the skinny guy the next level Terminator guy he's in a building and then there's like a helicopter hovering next to it and he basically turns to like sort of this sort of like a plasma TV sort of type of liquid

and he just sort of pushes his face into the fucking helicopter and then he's sitting next to the guy and he tells the guy to jump out and then he starts chasing him down the street and I think it was it was it James Cameron who did that movie he was talking

about being in the helicopter and how they went from like a thousand feet down to four feet off the fucking ground in like two seconds and having that feeling of weightlessness. I was literally like stunt flying in helicopters scares the fucking shit. My palms get sweaty when I watch it. I don't know why because with like I just, just something about the main rotor. I just feel like you're going to hit something with that and then you're going to be fucked. but if someone does it in a plane, it doesn't freak me out as much. Like the plane seems like it's more designed to do that.

You know, even though if you clip something with your wing, you're fucked. But there's just something about it. Hey, here's a question for you guys in aviation, right? I'm just a fucking weekend warrior, right? Who got zero hours this past month. I got so busy. I was watching that Tom Cruise movie. That was a great movie where he played this drug smuggler.

It's a long story. But the three of them were flying in planes and the DEA was chasing. The DEA had like a fucking jet and they just had like a twin engine. So they were able to fly much slower. And so the DEA kept catching up and then would pass them and then loop around, catch up to him and then pass them. Because, you know, he couldn't fly slower. He'd fall out of the fucking sky. So eventually the DEA runs out of gas.

It was going to run out of fuel. So they have to turn and go back. So they just basically waited them out. So the joke is, then the three planes are supposed to peel off to the right to go to the drop where they're going to drop the drugs. Two of them peel off. The other one does it. And they figure it out it's because the guy fell asleep. He had it on autopilot, I guess. So Tom Cruise is trying to fucking wake the guy up. All right? He can't wake him up. So he comes up with his plane and he just ever so slightly just hits his wing, the guy's sleeping wing with his wing. right there's no fucking way you can do that correct you know i know i've seen these guys refuel and

you know you kind of bump into that thing but it's made out of like rubber right i know i'm sounding like a fucking moron but i was looking at that going that's not possible wait is it possible is that a true story that the drug smuggler told i mean i've seen guys in fucking helicopters not check their surrounding areas make it turn and the main rotor blade fucking uh doesn't nice trim job as some trees. And this is what always blows my mind. These fucking assholes don't immediately set it down and checked if they did any damage to the blade.

They just fucking pull power and they take off like they're the fucking, like they're a landscaper with the most goddamn overhead ever. I was just like, why didn't he just yell into the fucking headphones? I mean, he did, but I don't know. Anyways, that's just a question I have. I know. Halfway through that, I just, in my head was like, there's no fucking way you can do that, though.

Why would you risk that? You know? Gal at work had dream about me. Oh, here we go. Jesus Christ, we got a red shoe diary here. Now, listen, if you have a dream about a woman at work, don't fucking tell her you did. I don't think you could do that anymore.

Roy, I had a fucking dream about you. I was laying there, Roy. You came in and you had your girls out, Roy. All right. Hey, Billy Dozer. Bill Dozer. I get, hey, Bill Dozer, I get. I have a story you may find humorous slash scary.

It concerns a lady. I work with. So I've been talking to this chick for a few days, and I know she digs me. Lots of touching, closeness, yada, yada, bullshit. I like her, but now I'm now concerned. This morning, she told me she had a dream about us dating for five years. In addition to this, she claimed, I failed to propose to her during those five years.

Oh, yeah, dude, this is an open and shut case. Yeah, fucking. God bless this woman for being honest, dude. I, yeah. Walk away, slowly, briskly. Anything, you can do anything you want because you're not in a relationship. Just anyways. He goes, now, am I wrong for thinking this was completely crazy?

It sounded sort of made up, which made it ten times worse. Exactly. I like the girl But with this statement I kind of feel like She wants to keep me In a body bag or some shit If there's one fucking thing

That I learn in my adult life It is go with your gut Go with your gut You know something I fucking like three weeks ago I was talking to this guy And who's on the road He's a tour manager

For all the You know Other fucking people Right and he told me one of his clients was at this particular club and this particular club

I always had a feeling the club owner was stealing from me it was just something about his vibe you know I just could feel it I just I was like this person either doesn't like me or they're fucking stealing from me I just was weird and a couple weeks ago

I was talking this person and that club owner's name came up he said oh yeah he goes I caught that guy putting another extra row of fucking chairs in there, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I was like, I fucking knew it. I knew it. And my gut was literally saying, and for the longest time, I didn't listen to it. If your gut is saying, this person wants to put you in a body bag or some shit, yeah, that's,

that's the feeling you're going to go into a relationship with. Anyways, I privately consulted some folks we work with about her dream. Probably a bad idea. Absolutely a bad idea. Absolutely a bad idea. If this is a spy movie, like those people are now running for their lives after you get whacked, because they know they also have the information. Anyways, and they seem to think she's simply an awkward girl.

They think I should give her a shot. This sounds like you talk to women. Because they're inserting, because of what happens, they insert themselves into the fucking situation. And, you know, that's just how it is. Now, if you ask the fucking guy, you know, I don't know what we do. We cock block is what the fuck we do.

It's funny. women in courage. Go ahead, go, go, date her, date her, you know. We fucking cock block. It's bad. Anyways, what do you think, Bill, Billy Buttplug? Am I being too harsh or is she doing her best Freddie Krueger impression? Thanks. You go with your gut, dude. You know what I mean? That's going to be the wife of your kids. You're going to have to say that to your kids one day? What was it like when you first met your mother? Well, she was, I met our mother. Well, it was cool, but then I got the vibe that she wanted to keep me in a body bag of some shit. You guys want to get ice cream?

You know, fuck that, dude. Fuck that. I would go with you. You got plenty of fish in the sea. Walk away. Dated for five years and you didn't propose to me. She's already putting pressure on you. I don't know if somebody's putting pressure on her or she's putting pressure on herself,

but like that's her fucking problem. That's not your problem. You want that in your life? Space flight. I want to fly like an ego in outer space. There's no fucking air. Look at my fucking face. Hey, Bill, if you could download your consciousness into a computer slash robot in order to travel into space, would you?

What the fuck? I don't even know what that means. Download my consciousness into a computer slash robot in order to travel into space. space, would you? No. I'm, how could I do that? Can you do that now? You can do that and it can't cure a hair loss? Dude, that's the biggest fucking scam ever. I mean, the point of moving your consciousness is to live longer and not have the survival requirements we normally have, like oxygen, food. Oh, and having to take shits. You might just need some electricity, which seems easier to produce than oxygen and food in a long-ass space ride. I don't know. My girlfriend broke up with me like a month ago

and I'm drunk. Just spitball in here. Wait a minute. I got to see if this is like some shit they're working on right now. This is how dumb I am. This is how behind the time I am in technology. like I'm actually seeing can you wait can you download your consciousness into a fucking computer what do I look up here what fucking list am I going to get put on if I fucking look this up downloading

consciousness mind uploading what enough okay and as a picture it says cyborg whole brain emulation or WBE mind upload or brain upload sometimes called mind copy

or mind transfer is the hypothetical, futuristic process of scanning the mental state, including long-term memory and self of a particular brain substrate and copy it to a computer. Do you realize? Do you realize that you could, at first, okay, let's just say they could do that.

Like they could do that right now. The dumbest thing to do is to be part of that first wave And do it. Don't fucking do it because you don't know what's going to happen. And then also, very quickly, they're going to be like, well, are there some things that I could like maybe just delete some memories? Like if you had some chick, you could never get over. You could just delete that out of your brain, you know? Or something really fucking humiliating happened to you that caused you to become like introverted. Maybe you could get rid of that. Maybe you could become a better person. Or is it the painful things that make us stronger, that make us who we are. When we return, we'll be bringing

Dr. Joyce Brothers in here. I never understood all those doctors. Like Dr. Joyce Brothers, is like every day she's on the Hollywood squares. It's like, what point were you practicing medicine? You know, celebrity. That's the last thing I'm going to look up here. History of celebrity can't fucking spell the word celebrity psychologists

who's the first one list of psychologists timelines of psychology history of psychology that should have Tom Cruz on it because he knows he knows the whole history of psychology right

dude he called it he called that guy glib and years later you found out that glib son of a bitch had a fucking goddamn problem didn't he uh the breadth of diversity of psychology can be seen by looking at some of the...

What the fuck? Just give me the list. BF. Skidda. Gene Piaget. Sigmund Freud. These people have to be the most boring-looking people I've ever seen in my life. Albert Bandura, Leon Fisting. I always felt like Dr. Phil looked like a corrupt cop, doesn't he? Because he's got a fucking pistol in his shoe.

Then after he accidentally kills you, he fucking puts it in your hand. Eric Erickson. Sounds like a fake name. He's got the white hair like Albert Einstein, the mustache. That was like the smart look back in the day. Celebrity. Therapist. Nah.

This is my last. My last attempt here. What the fuck was Dr. Joyce Brothers? Television Vice Show Pioneer. She was a pioneer. Oh, she died. 85. Now I feel like an asshole.

I wasn't really shitting on her. I liked her. You know? Summer vacation after you did your paper. You came home. She was on a fucking game. Oh, she was on in the afternoon. Joyce Brothers passes away peacefully at her home in New York City on Monday.

Joyce Brothers, the mother of pop psychology. Oh, pop psychology. That's what I want to look up. Pop. That kind of just means you don't even have to be good at it, right? You just have to be like, it's like psychology. They're like psychologists with personalities. So she was the first one.

Pop psychology personalities. How can I get to what the fuck I want here? History of personality psychology. I use the word personalities. Now I'm into this. Ten famous psychologists in their fucking achievement. Can somebody fucking help me out here? Can somebody teach me how to use the internet?

I give up. No, I don't give up. I'm just going to take a break for the rest of the day. I'm going to play with my kiddo. and I'm going to fucking Boston this week, baby. I got Springfield on Thursday. I got the TD Bank North fucking garden. All right, on Friday.

And then I'm fucking in Connecticut, where I think where the fucking Hatford Whalers used to play. This is ridiculous. How did this happen? How did somebody who flunked everything in high school? I got to get these gigs out of the fucking way before somebody figures it out. Thank you to everybody who bought all these goddamn tickets.

I'm going to eat perfect and fucking work out and being the best most rested shape I can to give you your fucking money's worth because this is a really humbling experience. Like I said, I don't know if I'll ever get to do it again, so I'm going to get all of it. And I will. I'm going to post some videos of

I'm going to be fucking jamming with some friends of mine that I used to fucking play with way back in the day when I was living outside of Boston. We'd be at the fucking garden playing fucking ACDC. When we were in the forum, it was so, you know, you get together. Hey, do you know this song? Do you know that song? The one that we all fucking came together on was Van Halen ain't talking about love.

I played that. The Alex Van Halen parts in the fucking L.A. forum. I got to tell you, dude, it was fucking the sickest fucking. I can't even explain it. You just sitting on the drum chair going, this is where fucking John Bonham looked out. This is nuts. This is fucking nuts. This is where I saw John Theodore, like a fucking year ago, crushing it on the drums.

We've got the fucking red acrylic Ludwig said. Unbelievable. So anyways, that's the podcast. I will check in on you on Thursday. Go fuck yourselves. Go, Pat's. And I'm calling it right now. Take the Broncos with the points.

All right now. So the decision you need to make is, okay, Bill just said what he's going to do. All right? This is like crap. Do I bet on the pass? or the don't pass line. All right, it's up to you. So don't fucking whine to me if you lose your money.

That's what I'm betting. I'm betting the fuck. I'm taking the Broncos with the points. I don't even know the spread. I can't even name the Broncos quarterback. I just know they got Von Miller. And I like that. Okay.

All right. Bye.