Monday Morning Podcast - North Carolina, Jokes, Bankruptcy | Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 4-10-26

Episode Date: April 10, 2026

Bill rambles about North Carolina, remember jokes, and a bankrupt country.(00:00 - Thursday Afternoon Podcast(44:09) - Thursday Afternoon Throwback 4-9-18 - Bill rambles about Rough N Rowdy, Billy 'no Vice', and lunatic Sheela.Thursday Afternoon Interlude: Flea - A PleaseNORMAL: From the creator of JOHN WICK and NOBODY comes the new movie NORMAL: a double-barreled shotgun blast of pure mayhem. Starring Bob Odenkirk, Henry Winkler, and Lena Headey. See it only in theaters starting April 17.Fast Growing Trees: Listeners get 20% off their first purchase when using the code BURR at checkout at http://www.FastGrowingTrees.com SimpliSafe: Right now, you can get 50% off your new system by visiting http://www.SimpliSafe.com/BURR ZipRecruiter: Try for free at http://www.ZipRecruiter.com/BURR Squarespace: Check out http://squarespace.com/BURR for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, use code BURR to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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I'm not going to yell this week. It's Friday morning. It's about 6. It's about 6 a.m. 604 if you want to get technical. I'm fucking tired, dude, you know? You know what I'm saying? It's just like, fuck in.

I got back from North Carolina. North Carolina, come on to raise up. Jesus Christ. I went to the first. fucking Bruins Hurricanes game. And anytime the Carolina Hurricanes did something, they would play that old rap song. North Carolina, come on and raise up. I cannot.

I cannot get it out of my head. And I'm starting to lose my fucking mind because I went to that game Tuesday night and it's Friday fucking morning. It's Friday fucking morning. I'm in California. I am not in North Carolina. so there's no reason to be singing. Evidently, that's their state song.

Oh, Billy Freckles went to Carolina Hurricanes' Bruins game. We lost six to five three-on-three overtime, which you got to hand it to these fucking, just coaches of any league. If there's any sort of new rule or whatever, they just figure it out. They figure it out,

and they come up with the fucking sister, and then all of a sudden, the league has to change it again. Three-on-three hockey was fucking amazing in overtime. It was fucking so goddamn exciting. I don't know what happened in the last six months. Now all of a sudden, if you lose the draw, you never get the puck back.

Like, they deliberately take it back outside the zone. They cycle it around from like the red line in. It's fucking amazing to watch as far as like, just how they figured that out. We never touched the puck, and then they came in. Anyway, we were up 1-0, I think, and then we tied it 1-1, then it was 2-1 after the first period.

Then they scored three in a row. So what did that make it? They were up like 5 to 3 at some point. Something like that. They were just scored them in goddamn, bunches. So we pull our goalie Swamen

and the other guy can remember is Kiprasolo there's been too many Kiprasovs Kucha whatever fucking you know

I can't ever remember right so they bring that guy and that guy just becomes lights out we fucking tie it up five to five and all of a sudden

their their fan shut up some lady when they went up five to fuck a two, he looks at me. She was smiling, she goes, I'm sorry. I just go, no, you're not. And I smiled. I thought it would make her laugh, but she kind of turned around abruptly. Southern people are fucking weird.

You know what I mean? They're like super nice, but also not really offended by slavery, you know? I can't figure. You just never know where you stand by them. Or with them, I should say. So anyway, and I'm sitting there watching the hurricanes going like, this is a solid fucking hockey team. Their power play is amazing.

Their penalty kill is even better. Right at the beginning of the game, one of my buddies that I went to the game with was going, I was talking about one guy on the fucking hurricanes going, dude, that guy has four short-handed goals. There's teams that don't have that. And I found out they had the most short-headed goals. And I also found out they have the most point. points in the NHL. So me being impressed with them was pretty silly. I don't pay I don't look at the

standings. I just watch my team. That's all I do. So um what's his face? Pasta had some fucking he had two amazing assists to, uh, geeky, Morgan geeky. And I was thinking, all right, you know, but you know, we have to like, we were playing catch up the whole goddamn game. And anyways, then the overtime comes. We lose the draw. We never get. the puck back, just did not get it back. And that was it. They scored about a minute and a half in. We lose six to five. Still got a point. We still have like 94 points. It's all right, man. You can't complain about that compared to where the hell we were last year missing the goddamn playoffs. So anyway, then you also have to love that like, you know, that kids,

on, whatever those fucking name is on the Montreal Canadiens just scored his 50th goal. America, America. You got to love that. All the best players in the NHL right now are from the fucking United States. All the top players. And even a fucking stupid Tim Horton's eating donut motherfucker Canadian, you can't argue that. Let's go around the league, all right? We'll go.

We'll go fucking play. player and I'll fucking match you and now on my list will keep going and yours is going to stop. All right. You guys got Connor McDavid. Just kidding. I just wanted to get some fucking Canadian people upset. Oh, what's he talking about? That's still my favorite thing I heard all year.

Oh, it pasta knocks. Like, how did that go in? Is that what Parsnach's saying? How did that go in? I love a Homer fucking announcer. And I cannot stand when fans get upset by that. I fucking love it. It's the funniest shit ever.

They're telling you something that is, that isn't. Or they're trying to spin it in a positive way when you know they're full of shit. You know that guy lost their fight. And they go, you know, they just, what did they say the other night, that Flyers, one, Tanner Geno, clearly beat the other guy. And the guy tried to say it was a fucking draw or whatever. Said, oh, they both got gas there at the end. Oh, did they?

Jano had like four fucking right hands in a row to the guy's face. And then they were both gassed. I fucking love that shit. It's funny in sports. It's not funny in politics. That's why I don't watch the news and everything. Because they'll fucking tell you, you know, they'll tell you that a country is threatening you is a threat to us when you clearly

know it isn't just to get some fucking pedophile story off the front page. They'll do stuff like that's not funny. But watching a guy get punched in the face four fucking times and then the refs break it up and somebody be like, ah, they were both gas there at the end. Oh, heck of a toe saved by Montemblow. Um, anyway. Anyway, so that game that I went to, that was it. That was the last professional sports franchise in all four sports I needed to go to. And it was astoundingly anti-climatic. It was awesome.

I want to thank the people at the Hurricanes organization for getting us some great seats and everything, treating us awesome. And it was crazy. I didn't realize that that arena, I thought it was up the street from NC State. It's kind of like, well, maybe the campus it is. But it's right there on NC State's campus, right across the way from their football stadium,

which I remember all these years before, like, fucking, in like August or September of 1987, I went to NC State, North Carolina, Carolina, UNC football game there. And it's kind of a weird situation. Like I was living in Massachusetts and I thought I was going to go to like, I think I can't remember where, Northeastern or something. I can't even remember.

I can't even remember. And then all of a sudden I was in, you know, some family shit. All of a sudden I was in North Carolina and classes had started like a week ago. I'm like, what? What am I doing? and anyway, I went down to that, I went to that game. And that was still when, in the end zone, I was sitting on the grass. They didn't even have seats.

I got a grass seat. Like, I was at Great Woods or some shit. So all those memories came back, Hillsborough Street. There was a fucking restaurant down there called Daryl's, some little chain or whatever. And what I also didn't realize was that there was a comedy club right down the way, Good Nights Comedy Club, which people always called Charlie Good Nights. I guess the restaurant was Charlie's and the comedy club was Good Nights. I don't know. I don't fucking know, but I don't know. I thought I was going to graduate there.

And it turns out I ended up being a fucking comedian. So who knew? Who to hell knew? So we ended up going there. We had two shows in Durham. had a great mix of people come out to the crowd, which is fucking great. I finally realized that the way I've been getting promoted, you know, this country is just like fucking white comic, white email blasts. So like, then I would be walking around town and I would run into somebody who wasn't white. And they would be like, oh my God, I'm a big fan. Are you doing a show around here?

I'd be like, yeah, I did one last night. I had no idea. So now I'm trying to do a broader scope of an email blast. So everybody knows. Everybody knows that I'm coming. So that's what it was like. I did two shows, which I hadn't done in a long time,

and I could not have had a better fucking time. The first show was very like getting ready to do a special. The act was tight. Wire to wire. Sorry. Oh, God. I got to stop doing these early. I know I'm making you guys yawn.

I'm sorry. I just going to make breakfast for the kids and take my school and do all that shit here in about 10 minutes. Not 10 minutes. I got more time on that. Don't say that, Bill. Don't fucking freak me out. Yeah, so the first show was like really fucking tight or whatever.

Like, I was psyched, you know. I didn't have to glance at the piece of paper and nothing like that to try to remember the order. and the next show was just fucking bananas the second show the 1030 um i came out and because of the faces i saw in the front row a nice mix of people it caused me to think of a joke that i was doing like 50 minutes into my act and i just was like i'm a fucking this one feels right i'm gonna do this one and then see what happens and the whole fucking my whole act got like inverted and then the way i went to joke to joke changed and

said a bunch of shit I'd never said before. Granted, I wasn't taping it, but I don't give a fuck. Remember a long time ago I used to be into that taping your sets. I'm not saying don't do that. If you're a younger comic, you should definitely do that. But I used to like,

you sort of hoard every funny thing you said when you first start out. And then after a while, you just kind of like, ah, whatever. I can't remember. I'll fucking think of something else. it's almost like you've got to be a little arrogant if that makes sense. I kind of learned that from watching like musicians

who every night they would play the same song, but they never played it the same way. And they weren't recording it being like, okay, I got to play it that. Right over that little improvised thing I did. Now that has to become a part of the song. And I have to, you know, and then I can be back between my ears again

as opposed to just sort of letting it fucking fly. So the way that they would do that, I was just like, I should be more like that. When I was in high school, if I said something funny during lunch, I didn't think like, okay, I got to write that down. I got to make sure I say that again. Say that again at tomorrow's lunch. And it's like, well, no, it's the same fucking crowd, so I couldn't.

I didn't worry about it, but no one was paying to see me eat fucking lunch. Oh, you know something? That's when the innocent goes. That's when the innocence goes away. when you get fucking older. Anyway, so also I had another bonus. It was a friend of mine

when I went to high school came out. That's why I never really need to go to high school reunion. So when I go out and do my shows, invariably, like, it feels like every third show there's somebody I went to high school with, hit me up, come out, we get caught up. It's pretty cool.

and then also I went to dames chickens and waffles um my favorite waffle in the country and i got a side of you know i'm in the south i got to do it right i got a side of cheesy grits that had a little bit of heat to him and that might have been the first time i went there uh the waffle blew me away the second time this time i had a waffle with the chicken cutlet and the chicken cutlet with the sauce that i got and then the fucking cheesy grits oh my God. I remember the cheesy grits I was thinking like these, you know, when you have something that is just perfect and you eat it, it's amazing. But then it sort of haunts you for a couple of weeks, if not a couple of months. You're just walking around thinking about it. Like that fucking song

that won't get out of my head. North Carolina, that won't get out of my fucking head. Yeah, if you're in the Raleigh-Durham area, you got to check out fucking Dame's chicken and waffles, man. Two fucking thumbs up. And everybody there was really, really cool, very nice, including the owner. So I, of course, was telling my lovely wife, you know, she does her at the table show. I'm like, you know, if you're ever in North Carolina, that's definitely one you got to go to. So anyway, so obviously the whole area has changed. I lived in Carrie a long time ago. And over 30 years ago. Fuck. 38 years ago,

39 years ago. Fucking hell. Oh, fucking Billy was 19 years old. Yeah, so I was talking to some of people down there said, yeah, I used to live in Carrie, and they used to call it, Carrie stood for concentrated area of relocated Yankees.

And they're like, they're like, oh yeah, people still say that, people still say that. And I met somebody else. I want to say one of, my buddy's friends, or Dean Del Rey, who has all like new stuff, man. He's fucking killing it, man. It's awesome. I love working with comedians that keep writing.

You know what I mean? It inspires you. So anyway, one of their friends came and they said, like, like, oh, do they give you shit for being a Yankee down here? I remember they did that when I was living down here. She goes, no, she goes, my neighbors were like yeah we don't care about you as long as you're not from new york i was like yeah you know i love new yorkers but they're they're a little tough to stomach

once they get outside of new york all they do is they just everywhere they go they just say it sucks because it's not new york and you're just kind of like well then why don't you just go back to new york because i will tell you we drove all over the fucking place we went to uh you know, NC State to do the show, and then we drove over to Chapel Hill, because I had a later flight, because I wanted to take a direct flight, back to L.A.

And that fucking part of the country is absolutely gorgeous. But I will say, the same thing that's happening to L.A. happened out there with these fucking developers. They just keep knocking down places where people went and did something, and then they just, put up just the ugliest stupid fucking building

with a bunch of apartments nobody can afford. I'm telling you, there's something going on there where, you know, this country has been bankrupt since the last time we went in and claimed that there was some country in the Middle East that was a threat. And we never found any of the shit that we said that was there and we're still there.

We're fucking bankrupt. We've been bankrupt. We've been bankrupt since fucking before Obama came in, we were hopelessly fucking bankrupt. And we're still, it's fucking, I just try not to think about it. But I swear to God, if any one of us was running our lives the way these politicians are running this country,

yeah, we would be homeless. We'd be in debtor's prison. But anyways, they just fucking, the area that I saw, okay, some of the most beautiful old buildings I've ever seen, and then just the ugliest. They don't even make sense.

Like we went to this one place for coffee. And, oh my God, it was a good cup of coffee too. Oh, that was the other day. We went to this place for coffee and we come out

and I look at this apartment building. It was next to this car shop that was building all of these fucking killer cars. Like they had a four. four-door Oldsmobile over there that was almost like the Chevy Biscayne versus the fucking Impala or whatever. Or was the Chevy? Yeah. It was sort of like, you know, you want the son wanted the dad to go out or the parents to go out and go by like the 442 Osmobile Cutlass Supreme or whatever.

And instead they bought the sensible, you know. not as powerful, probably V8, four-door sedan. Fucking car was gorgeous, and it reminded me of one of my favorite cars I've ever seen is the one that Dirty Harry drives in the first one. He has like a midnight blue Ford custom. He can't even find him anymore because all the hot rod guys only wanted the two-door cars. So now I think maybe some of those four-door cars. I don't know.

I get really frustrated with car magazines. I'll get back. Let me get back to what I do. So we walk out of the coffee shop, we see that place with all the class. classic cars, so we go over there. And right next to it was this fucking apartment building. Like, I can't even tell you the colors.

It was like, like a dark blue and then a light gray and then every window was framed with bright orange. It was just like, what is? Was that just left over materials? The cheapest fucking paint you could find, it's horrendous.

Absolutely soulless. Then I love how they have like balconies and every unit looks the exact fucking same. Like the hotel we were staying at right near the airport had like warehouses and everything and they were just, they just built like the same warehouse 10 times in a row, no windows. That's a research triangle up there. That's pharmaceutical companies. They're up there making synthetic heroin and robots you can fuck. Right? That's what they got going on there. The nerds. Weird science. That's what they're doing and nobody's stopping them. You know what I mean? But if you're

fucking comedian and you say the wrong thing or do a festival where they don't want you to do it. You've fucking, you got 90 days of shit. Which you can make synthetic heroin and fucking killed like half a million of your own fucking countrymen. Nobody even knows your name. Making your way in the world today takes everything you got. Making synthetic heroin a fucking day long. Don't tell me that.

you're not, then you fucking kill a bunch of people. Sometimes you want to go when nobody knows your name. Do do, do, do. Because all the bodies look the same. Boo, boo, boo, boo. You want to make some fucking robots. You can stick your dick in. Nobody cares because you don't have any windows in your warehouse.

Do do, do, do, do. Sorry. Anyway Kind of with a little nuts there So we go into this That car shop And They were just all over the map

In a great way They had this old like Chrysler Imperial They had this killer Porsche Then they had like a Thunderbird Like a 1950s Thunderbird Then they had like a Dodge Viper I mean they just fucking

and had cheap willies. I mean, they just had everything, like a little bit of everything. And every fucking car was amazing. We just kind of like talked cars with them for a while or whatever. And I was mentioning, I goes, you know, I'm sliding into 60. In my 60s, I want to fucking have a 67 Cadillac El Dorado. And they were like, we'll find you one.

So the only thing I don't like about the car is that it's front wheel. drive. I'm kind of not into that. And they're like, we can change that? I was like, all right, I like these guys. These guys are fucking cool. So anyway, I was the day before, I was at this, this coffee shop. And this just struck me. It's so goddamn funny. Where they had this. Oh, and I also got to thank the venue. D-pack, Chopra. I played the D-Pack, and they gave me this fucking really, really cool cigar box

where they had etched in the state of North Carolina on top of it. It was really nice, man. It was really, really nice. So, oh, and then I also, what am I talking about?

I also went to an amazing cigar bar when I was out there. the Tinder box or something like that That one I what the fuck was in here with that one And I ran it you know it's great I'm all over the map here people I did a gig right the day before

I went to North Carolina North Carolina I did a gig at USC On the college campus It was basically you know It was a benefit but there was college students there And it was my first essentially college gig I hadn't done a college gig in like 20 years

I was going like oh man like these kids They're gonna think I'm a cornball blah blah I went out and I got this really great round of applause. So these young kids still give a shit, know who I am, made me feel good. And then when I went to that cigar lounge the next day in North Carolina, there was a guy like my age or a little bit older. He's like, oh, my God, Bill Burr, I fucking love you, man. Go do, do, do-do.

So we're like, all right, man, we got some tickets for the second show. You want to go? He's like, fuck, yeah. So I was like, all right, it's a good. That's a nice wide birth of people, whatever. So anyway, we go to this coffee shop, quarter note, right? Lovely people working there, delicious coffee and everything. But I do take umbrage.

Is that the right way to say it? They have a sign in their wall. It says, the chorus of a day always sounds flat without its quarter note. And I immediately thought of Ron Burgundy. I was like, that doesn't make sense. The chorus of a day always sounds flat without its quarter note. A quarter note is not a note per se. It's a measure of music.

Like, I don't know any music theory, but like when you play a G chord, there's different notes. Like, G is in it. It starts and ends with G, and then there's different notes in it that give you the G note. A quarter note is just like,

It's just, you're just counting. So it wouldn't make it sound flat. And that just reeked of like corporate trying to sound like they have a soul when they're really soulless. And then they just alligator-armed the creative budget on that one. That's like people who just have a casual knowledge, I think, of you. or whatever. Not like I have a greater knowledge, but I do know that a quarter note is just to measure.

You wouldn't, that has nothing to do if something sounds flat. Something would sound flat because if you were singing, you didn't quite get there. Or if you were playing an instrument and it was flat, it sounds flat because you played the wrong note. It has nothing to do if you played a quarter or an eighth or whatever. So.

It sounds good, though, doesn't it? The chorus of a day always sounds flat without its quarter note. You're like, yes, I do need this cup of coffee. Like, I guess that's what I was supposed to do. It was good coffee, though. I will say that. Speaking of quarter notes and speaking of music, this was a sad one.

James Gadsden, one of my favorite drummers of all time, passed away last week. that guy's contribution to music, the amount of people that he influenced is just immeasurable. He played with Bill Withers. He just always had a smile on his face, just absolutely, absolutely killed it.

And I'm trying to think of some of my favorite tracks. Jackson 5, dancing, dancing that quick. Bo, b'p, boom, b'b, that song. kissing my love. His one-handed 16th notes. I've always been telling you, the Gadsden 16th, and all of those guys that came up,

Jeff Piccaro, rest of soul, all of those guys in the amazing studio system. Not studio system, sorry, studio scene that was out here in L.A. in like the 70s and 80s, and 80s or whatever, but they were, all those drummers were influenced by him. And,

just one of the most killer grooves of anybody ever. And, oh, man, it just sucks. But anyways, he was also close to 90. So he had an amazing run. And his music will live on. But, like, if you are a drummer and you're not familiar with James Gadsden, I'm almost like jealous because when you discover that guy, you just like, like, how can somebody be this good?

So, I don't know. It's fucking sad. But he did have a great run. So now I think everyone from that band is gone. I think the guitar player, the bass player, Bill Withers died the last, I can't even remember anymore. James, I think, was the last one.

And I remember reading an article, and this is really fucking sad. Was, he had a snare drum that Miles Davis gave him. And somebody stole it from him. And he thought it was a friend or something like that. I could just remember watching him talking about how emotionally got about it. I'm like, man, somebody should just give that fucking drum back to that guy. Anyway, I got to read some fucking advertisements here.

Oh, also, I got to let you guys know. The Patrice O'Neill, Comedy Benefit, is coming up on Tuesday. I want to say April 28th. Oh, my God, it's coming right back up again. Yeah, Tuesday, April 28th. There's still some tickets left. Every year this happens, about 10 days out, that we get a flood of people

in the last 100 or so tickets get sold. So if you want to go, you got a small window here. We have a great lineup, as always, and we have Rich Voss, who really is, as much as he shits on everybody, is really one of the nicest people in comedy. He really is, at the end of the day, he wouldn't be making a face right now

but he's a fucking sweetheart of a guy and he has hosted every single one of them and I also put it together with the amazingly talented Maureen Tarrant she's the engine behind the whole thing so definitely come down

it's for a great cause we take care of Patrice's mom okay all right we got some advertising here normal everybody from the creator of Wick and Nobody comes the new movie Normal,

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another sweetheart of a guy. He came out to he came out to Glenn Gary and I had met him when he was on Barry with Bill Hayter

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Bill Burk. He just went in. It was like, oh, my God, this guy. He's just a fucking sweetheart. He's the nicest fucking guy ever. And he was right. I did. I called up Emerson and I went over there and I had a great time. I got to go back though. Anyway, see it only in theaters starting April 17th.

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when you're ready to launch, use offer code Burr to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. There we go. All right. Well, that's the podcast. Holy shit.

I did 44 fucking minutes. That's the podcast to everybody. Enjoy the music, picked out by the amazingly talented Andrew Themless. And then we have a bonus episode of the Thursday afternoon just before Friday, Monday morning podcast. After that, have a great weekend, you cunts.

And I'll talk to you on Monday. Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr. It's time for the Monday morning podcast for Monday, April 9, 2018. How the fuck are you doing? Huh? Oh, that's good. That's good.

I just got back from Cincinnati, or as they call it, the nattie. the night before I was in Pittsburgh or as they call it the burg. About a year ago this time, I was in Cleveland or as they call it the land. I've always wanted to do a gig in Akron or as they call it the Ron. What is with that part of the fucking country? What is St. Louis? They call it the Lewis, the Louis. Hey, welcome.

to the Louis. Hey, welcome to the walkie. Welcome to the Inoota, not the state, Minnesota, any, anyota. Welcome to the Appalus. Welcome to the Paul. Now, it only works with the Berg, the Natty, the land. And I'll Bill Burr, the douche. And when we return, we're going to be discussing the upturn in the stock market. You know, it's funny. I didn't give him shit about that at all. I didn't even think about that. The whole time I was there. I was too fucking tired. I flew in Thursday night so I could get up early the next day and go do WDVE with Randy and Bill.

And I went in there. Ian Baggs sitting there like the fucking headliner he is. And there's Joe Bartnick. And we had a great time. And I evidently I said bullshit twice. And I said fuck once. I knew when I said fuck because everyone went, oh. and I'm such a foul-mouthed freckled jerk off.

I didn't even realize I did it. I felt bad. Whatever, I had a good time. So I want to thank Randy and Bill for having me in all these years. That's why I sell tickets in Pittsburgh. Pittsburgh was a very difficult ticket to sell for a long fucking time. You know? I used to work that goddamn cavernous improv.

It's not a comedy club, it's not a theater. It's just a giant. They should have a fucking DJ in there. One of those big rooms with no chairs, right? And the guys just start spinning. Everybody's on fucking drugs. Whatever does they do. Actually, you know, I've seen some of those DJs lately.

I've seen some of those YouTube videos. And they have little Casio keyboards, you know, to add to their beats. Do you think it's harder to play drums with just your little fingers than actually play drums. You know what I'm getting sick of? I'm getting sick of the one man band guy, you know, when they got that little fucking thing where they do a drumbeat first, then they add the bass, and then they yell some shit,

and then they fucking do something else. How many people are going to do that fucking act? All right? It's like, I get it. You have no friends. you know it's like the baseball kid for a musician the whole point of making music is to go do it with other fucking people look if you're doing it at a high fucking level i don't i don't mind but there's there's a lot of people on on youtube who just going pooh get pooh put put yeah

and then they hit the thing and then they're just standing there and they can still hear his voice going bo get pooh yeah i know somebody's going to turn this into a song so i'm not going make the rest of the fucking noises. All right? You probably just used to like the part of the podcast. Or maybe that laughter. Put that over the top. Right?

And then add your own stuff. And then you have a fucking, there you go. Make a podcast theme. Or whatever the fuck I was just doing. Every time everybody flips the fuck out. Like, holy shit. I can't believe they just did that. It's like me.

musicians have been doing that for years, haven't they? I remember Stephen Tyler way back in the day when they had them making a pump. He was on every fucking instrument in there. I guess because we never saw it. I don't know what I'm talking about. This is one. I never, I try not to do podcasts on days that I flew on an airplane because I feel like for me. They're never funny.

They're always fucking scatterbrained. Oh man, we got me and Bartnick drove from fucking, uh, from Pittsburgh over to Cincinnati. I thought it was like a three-hour drive. I always forget like that fucking the cone head part of West Virginia is in between that part of Pennsylvania and Ohio. And I'll tell you, man, for the fucking life of me,

I do not understand the poverty of that state. Pennsylvania's doing fine. Ohio's doing fine. And you just drive through that little fucking triangle on the 70. I was joking on stage. You're driving by on the highway and you look off. You see people like waving asking for help. You know what I mean?

Like fucking Willem Defoe in platoon. Such a gorgeous state. I don't get it. I don't know. I think one day that that place is going to turn around the way downtown Cincinnati did. I remember 10 years ago I did that funny bone that just across the fucking river, the Ohio River in Cincinnati. I was in Kentucky. And I stayed. They're like, you want to stay out in the Kentucky area? I'm like,

no, no, I want to stay in downtown Cincinnati. You want to be downtown where shit is happening. And I was there 10 years ago. And it was one of these fucking towns, man. Everybody comes into work at 8 and at 5. Everybody leaves and you're alone. There's nobody there. There's homeless people. There's people who need medical, mental assistance, you know, crazy people. And all the stores is fucking closed up. You got to get your last meal by 3 o'clock. Are you fucked?

And I had been there. I feel, it feels like forever. And I immediately went into downtown areas. It's fucking amazing. It's actually a whole article. The second I got there, I was like, this is not the Cincinnati. that I remember from that fucking gig

and that I carried with me the next two times, even though it was slowly getting better, I had such a bad experience the first time. They actually people writing fucking articles on it. Where the hell is it, Bill? There you go. Cincinnati streetcar. They got a fucking streetcar.

Okay? By the time the first passengers boarded Cincinnati's streetcar in September, its advocates had already been on a wild 15-year ride that included surviving two ballot initiatives to derail the project. Whatever, I'm not reading all this boring shit. They got all this fucking cool stuff to do down there. And evidently, I was talking this guy in the plane. They revitalized a bunch of bad areas, but they didn't kick the people out.

Now, this was according to a white male in first class. So who knows? Who knows what happens? Because that's what I'd like to see done. You know? Have that done. And for poor white people, too. I never understand where it's just like, oh, we're making this area better.

It's like, what about the people that were there? They would have made it better if they had any fucking money. I don't understand why areas like that. At this point, you know, we're doing all these startups and all of this shit. We ought to do it for our own fucking countrymen, shouldn't we? And every place is nice. Everywhere you go is a nice little fucking cupcake area or whatever. I don't know.

Do you think then everything would be the same? Because you already have that fucking problem. you know there has to be a way to go into different neighborhoods of people and fucking help out broke ass people

yet they still they don't lose their vibe you know the music the food the people the whole fucking thing because once like I don't know what's once

what's the fucking people they well what's white people come in then it just becomes white you know I really don't even know what I'm talking about right now. I just don't understand West Virginia. It's fucking gorgeous.

I don't know why people don't want to. It's being a miner, the only fucking job. Is that why? You know, it's either people there mining. Isn't that fucking honey boo-boo from there? Fucking dirt floor cabin she grew up in? It's one of the saddest things I ever. I tried to watch that show one fucking time.

And they were going down the grocery store and they were having an auction on food that was at the grocery store that they no longer could legally sell. And they weren't even buying shit that at least used to be healthy, like perishable shit, like fruits and vegetables, which God knows what the fuck they sprayed it with. Right? They were fucking bidden on like double stuff Oreo cookies.

It's like they've already expired and they're not good for you. And she's sitting there looking like haystack Calhoun. I mean, what the fuck do you, when out, here's a question. what do you do with that? You know what I mean? That's just like, I mean, it's just a shit show and it already fucking procreated. So now you got half of that and somebody else.

Maybe they'll be half as stupid. Maybe some smart person got drunk and fucked her. That's the best thing you can hope for and knock down her stupid by 50% right? Because certain people you see, they're broken. You're just like, all right, well, maybe if they had some opportunity. Then there's other people. It's just like, nah, you know,

even if she was born rich, I just don't, then once the parents died, I think, I don't see that fortune surviving. Let's look up, honey fucking boo-boo. Oh, Honey-boo-boo was the mom. No, that was the kid. Honey-boo-boo-boo mother. Come on, Internet.

Mama June. Mama June of here comes Honey-Bubu. Famous for raising Padget, prisoners. Blah, blah, blah. Where the fuck is she from? Amazing weight loss. Jesus Christ, you know when people are really fat and they lose all that weight, then they're going to figure out what they're going to do with the skin.

Then they need to do a startup to get rid of the skin, right? I mean, Jesus Christ, she'd need an extra startup just for this shit underneath her chin. She has that unfortunate thing where, like, you know, it's like your chin is flush with your chest. And she's way too young to have that level of a double chin. And that's what happens, people, when you go down to the grocery store because you're so fucking broke and you have to bid on already expired double stuff Oreo cookies. Her neck is full of the cream. That's what it is.

That's disgusting, isn't it? But you know what? In this day and age, I imagine she's a hero. All right, let's see her loss. She lost a bunch of weight. Good for her. Good for her. Now she's going to live longer.

You know what they should have done with the facelift? should also fucking, they should have fixed her. I know this is harsh people, but there's too many fucking people. There's too much traffic. You can't have dumb people like making more fucking people that are going to be out there on the road. You know, and their DNA is full of fucking expired Oreo cookie double stuff. You just can't fucking do it. And this is the thing that liberals cannot handle and conservatives go too far with.

there has to be a feel-good solution. I would just say, listen, if you're dumb and you don't have kids, the government will give you Oreo cookies that have not expired. How about that? We'll start with that as a as an taxpayers will pay for that. That'll come off the top. Right? I don't know how to solve this.

I don't even know what the fuck I'm talking about. I can't tell you this. Guess what the fuck I'm doing on April 13th. I'm going to be in South Carolina at the Rough and Rowdy event. I cannot fucking wait for this. I think I got the suit that I'm going to wear. I'm very excited. And I'm going to be there.

It's going to be $15.99, if you order now. 1999, the day of the event. I'm going to be commenting the entire night, God willing. I'm going to be there with El Prez, Dave Portnoy, and the Big Cat, Dan Katz and guess who's fighting on the card the one man thrill right all right he's not wrestling he's fighting he's not wrestling he's fighting he's not wrestling he's fighting and he's going to show why he's an absolute savage and I can't fucking wait I'm very excited for this event I hope I add to it and bring some more

humor to it and check it out 16 bucks the fuck do you care what do you do with you 16 bucks go down there and bid on some cookies um So anyways, I had a great flight back from Cincinnati. Congratulations, by the way. Very excited for Cincinnati. After watching Pittsburgh, their whole downtown area start to get going again. All right. Cleveland's made a huge comeback.

Cincinnati has made a comeback. It's fucking tremendous. I hope this keeps happening because I've been on the road since the 90s and those places were really sad. And I remember in 2004, when Nick Costas opened hilarities, I remember looking across the street and talking to one of the comics there saying, And if I had money, I'd buy that fucking building right across the street. And it was just like this beautiful building that was just empty. Just fucking empty. And hilarities were the only lights on on that block.

And I would finish my show and the cop would walk me to my hotel around the corner to make sure I didn't get jumped or anything, right? So, and there we are now. Like that whole street now is lit up like the fucking. Bow Winkle show. And, man, if I was where I am now, back then, I would have invested in all those. And I wanted to invest in Detroit. Now, that's fucking coming back, too.

But I still might do that. You know, I think that's a great thing to do. Buy a fucking, in an up-and-coming city that needs money in there, you buy something there, and you don't kick the people out. And you give them a nice safe place. You know, they're paying rent. The fucking, these fucking assholes, they redo these things. And then they kick everybody out.

Then they try and flip it. You know, this fucking heartless cunts that'll go into some beautiful building and just got the place and come back with like Home Depot bullshit. And then kick everybody out and try to get fucking, you know, 20 and 30 somethings in there. I don't know. I'm against it personally. But then again, I never try to do it. Who knows? Who knows?

Maybe someday I'll become a slum lord. I don't know what the fuck I'm going to do. All right. Anyways, plowing ahead here. So my flight back, I overslept. But fortunately, the airport was right down the street. And cruise through security and all that shit got there in plenty of time. And I get on the plane and Delta Airlines. I always thought I'd different airline.

I'm not fucking loyal to any of them because I never used the fucking miles. All right. I have no interest in getting on the phone, trying to figure out when I can use them. You know, I don't give a fuck. Keep the fucking Miles. What am I, George Clooney in that fucking movie? Up, up and away. Up and away with my salt and pepper, perfect fucking hair.

You know I love most about that movie? I'm going to ruin it here. It's when he finally finds love and he comes and he finds out that woman's married. And she looks at him like, get the fuck out of here. And he has to get the fuck out of here. That was one of the realest things I've seen in a movie in a while. That's how it usually works out, you know? Something happens.

So anyways, the, why would I say that? Why would I put that sort of negativity out there? Oh, because I'm a cunt. That's right. So I get on the plane, and I made sure I told my half to take the F-1 race from Bahrain. And I get on the plane, lo and behold, I have ESPN2, I'm like, holy shit, the fucking race is coming on at 10 past 11, right? So I sit there and I'm watching fucking ESPN, which is hilarious now.

You know what I mean? Every sports talk show now, it seems like a woman has to be like running it and then the guys are sitting there like she's the teacher now. Just like the overcorrection. You know what I mean? So now like a guy can't run a show? I don't fucking get it, right? So I'm watching this shit and they show this woman from the women's hockey team. throwing out the first pitch. Instead of throwing out the first pitch, she uses a hockey stick.

And she takes a fucking wrister and sends it to the catcher. And the guy comes out of his crouch and he catches it. It was a fucking ball, by the way. So there's a woman and a man commentating on this fucking shit. And she goes, see that? You see that? You know, most, you know, a lot of the dudes can't even get it over. You know, that's why I've been telling you, women are just better. They're just better at things. The guy's like, I'm not even, I'm not even going to say anything. She goes, that's right. You got a wife and a daughter. It was just like, what in the, what the fuck was that? Just imagine that conversation and you flip the sex. The guy's saying it to her. Hey, you see that? Most of broads can't get it over the plate.

Guys are just better at shit, right? I'm not even going to say anything. That's right. You got a husband and almost. Slapped the shit out of you, you dumb bitch. All right. Dumb bitch, I put a little bit too much mustard on it. But that's basically what the fuck they said.

And then she came back again and she said it again, which is hilarious. And you see that a lot now. And at first it bothered me. Then I'm just like, this is actually just, it's not coming from a place of strength. It's coming from this really insecure place. Like, right? See, we can do stuff. Nobody said you can't.

I guess they did back in the day. But nobody now was saying that. I just like, hey, know, every guy has to have his tail between his leg. I wish I was commentated with it. I'd be like, that's astoundingly ignorant and reverse sexist. What are you talking about? I could fucking do what she just did if he gave me three tries. It's a fucking wrist shot with a baseball.

You got to teed up on a mound. I don't even play hockey. I think you give me five attempts. I think I could fucking do that. But you know what's funny? Is if I went and I failed, that woman would feel justified because of standing. up comedian, couldn't get a baseball 90 feet or 45 feet, whatever the fuck it is, with a hockey stick. That would be considered a victory, I guess. I don't know. So then I'm still watching, right?

And then they have this really weird commercial. You got to see this one. I actually wrote it down on my phone so I wouldn't forget. Where am I? You get in the notes. Women are just better. They're just better. I was fucking around with that this weekend where they just sit there. They're going, you know, the future is female. Like all guys are just going to step aside. After we built everything up, we're just going to give you the airplanes. Go fuck yourself. Earn them.

I'm fucking with you, ladies. But you know what something? Here's how you divide and conquer. The cool ones know what I'm saying. All right. There's a commercial out right now that you have to see for Nugentic that has the big hurt in it. and I swear to God, he's standing there because he lost all this weight.

And this woman standing there with this guy who I assume they're kind of together, right? She goes, he says something. Oh, wow, is that the big hurt? She says, wow, he looks. That's the big hurt. And she said she should call him like the big handsome or something. She compliments on the way he looks. And then the guy rather than being like, the fuck are you looking at another man for

and commenting it in front of me. Fucking disrespect me like that in this grocery store. You know, is there something I need to know? Instead of saying that, he just goes, yeah, or he kind of agreed with her, right? Then they get over there. And there's this really weird conversation where they're talking about this stuff that helps you lose weight and suddenly makes you fuck better. I swear to God, the way the dialogue went, I don't, you know, I couldn't write it down fast enough. I thought in the end the dude was going to ask Big Hurd to fuck his wife.

Listen, I don't know. It might, maybe it's me. Maybe it's me. Maybe all of this is playful and I just have too diseased a fucking mind. And that's how I'm seeing this shit. So don't take it seriously. All right. Speaking of diseased mind.

April, I am going to be no vice. Billy no vice. No drinking. No smoking cigars. No online porn. Meditating, yoga, working out, eating right, drinking water. All of that fucking little house in the prairie shit. shit, okay? And I am, when you hear this, I'll be nine days in. All right. Oh, Billy No Vice. Hashtag

Billy Nice Nice. Oh, Billy Boredom. What else? Oh, William without fucking, I'm almost halfway through the month. Um, no, I think I'm going to try to go to my birthday, right? I'm going to go to my birthday, you know, get myself, you know, in the shape I want to be in. So turning 50, you know, turning 50 wasn't bugging me. Now of a sudden, now that it's like two months away, as of today, no, as of Tuesday, it's two months away, it's starting to fucking hit me. Even though I know I'm not going to feel any different. It's just that you can kind of lie to yourself through your 40s that, you know,

no, no, you know, I look good for my age and blah. You turn 50. You're fucking old. You're fucking. You're even old to people that are old. Like somebody's 70. would love to be 50, but they're not looking at you like, like, you know, they're not picking. They'll take 50.

You know what I mean? But if, you know, if they, nobody's picking that age. If they rub a genie lamp and a genie comes out, what age do you want to be? Nobody's saying 50, even if you're fucking 120. Who's going to? Nobody's saying 40 or 30. I don't know. Anyways.

So, uh, it's been going good. It's been going good. I like not drinking, I guess. I do, but I don't know. You go to Pittsburgh. Pittsburgh's just a town. You're just like, fuck, man. I'm getting drunk.

How do you not? This is just, it's too amazing. We went to that Pramante brothers, however the fuck you say it. You know, we went to the place, the Italian market. Bartnick's favorite one where he gets the Gabba Wool, right? I got all of that and I was eating that all fucking weekend stuffed olives

I ate like a fucking lunatic but I didn't eat at night so it wasn't that bad but I definitely did not eat healthy over the last couple of fucking days but anyways but I didn't booze I didn't smoke in both towns had cigar bars and I had to walk by them and on the plane ride home I was watching

top 10 tight ends of all time and they got to Mike Ditka and he was talking all this shit and then he just took, you know, a fucking, you know, a couple of poles off this fat cigar. I was just like, ah, fuck. Fuck. But I'm going to get, I'm going to make, I don't know. I don't know. You know what it is?

It's like every day I wake up and I don't miss not doing heroin because I never did it. And that's the thing, like they say, once you open the Pandora's box. Oh, fuck. speaking of that shit. You know that, you know that ACDC song, Sin City? And when they do the breakdown, boom, boom, boom,

whatever the fuck. I can't remember the baseline of that. But boom, boom, and the kick drums on two, which is weird. And then Bonn Scott goes, ladders and snakes. Ladders give.

Snakes take, right? And I was always like, what is he saying that? Ladders? ladders and snakes, liars? Sounds like he's saying ladders, like something you climb up. I never knew what the fuck it meant.

Did I tell you guys this the idea? I can't remember. And Mike Devon told me, he goes, no, it's a, he said that's in Australia. That's like shoots and ladders. But the original was called ladders and snakes. And then I looked it up. It's actually from India, if I'm right.

And it has to do with, vices and virtues, and it's called snakes and ladders. So as you play, it's sort of the same board game as shoots and ladders, right? So, you know, if you get on a snake, that's a vice, and you slide down. If you land on a snake, I should say, and you slide down. But if you go on a ladder, that's a virtue, and virtues bring you up. So I'm basically, you know, after years of sliding down into vice, I'm now going to try to go up a couple floors on the ladder, I guess.

I don't fucking know. I don't know what I'm doing. All I know is every once in a while I got a shut down. But every time I have to shut it down, like the window is shorter. I used to go hard for 10 months and then shut it down for a month. Now it's like I go hard for two, three months and then I shut it down for like four or five. I don't know. Can you hear it just all the comedy just left of this fucking podcast?

It's just not fun. It's not fucking. I don't give a fuck. people are you know i fucking love being sober i love being sober you know i'm sitting next to this fucking guy that one of these guys that says yes and that's the worst when you're sober okay get you something to drink i'm like yeah i'll have a water and he goes i'll have a bloody mary i'm like ah fuck i'd love a bloody mary he finishes his bloody mary but she goes would you like another one he's like yeah how about you sir nah i'm fine with my water

I was just clocking this guy, right? I flew out another guy. It was just like that. He had a jack and coke. Then he got the fucking meal. You know, then got another jack and coke. And then the lady said, hey, you want some ice cream? Right?

And he's like, yeah, but can I wait? She goes, yeah. Then later he had the ice cream. He said, yes, the entire fucking flight is I sat down. Just have a water. Anyways, plowing ahead. By the way, that's what you can look forward to. You work your ass off.

sit at the front of the plane. They bring you ice cream like you're a fucking two-year-old. But here's the thing that. Here's the thing. All right. You die sooner because you're up there eating and drinking like a fucking asshole. All right. At least if you're in the back. You know what I mean? You're back there starving, but you're going to live longer. All right? And the worst thing is to ride up front and be sober and watching somebody acting like they're in the fucking Roman Empire and you're sitting there drinking fucking waters or eating a set. And eating a set. Sad salad. Anyways, let me do the

Let me do the fucking the reads for the week here. What do we got here? Do I have any advertising left in this? Oh, alright. That right there. That was textbook fucking advertising reading.

Oh, did I? So anyway, so I watched the fucking F1 race. Congratulations to Max Verstappen. Congratulations to the Ferrari team. I don't know what the fuck's going on in the pits. I hope that guy from Ferrari is all right. You knew he broke his leg.

What's his face? What the fuck's his name? Kimmy something or the... Kimmy Riggettony. The other guy in the fucking Ferrari team. I thought I thought I fucking knew his name. Anyways, he comes in for a pit stop. And they've been having all these problems.

Like the Ha-ha-ha team. Both their cars last, the previous race in Australia. Sorry, I'm typing this in here. They fucking went to go change the tires and they didn't get them on properly. And they left and the cars were unsafe and they both got knocked out. Oh, Kimmy Rakin. He came in for a pit stop. They didn't put the right rear one on right or they didn't get it on in time or they thought it was done.

I don't know what. The guy with the jack lets the fucking car down. I don't know who fucked up. There's like 40 people that run up to the car and they're all dressed exactly the same. And when he went to drive out, the guy's fucking, that giant back rear tire went right over this guy's fucking foot and leg. And, you know, and he's sort of peeling out too. So Jesus Christ. So that knocked their car out of the race.

Lewis Hamilton had a great race. Started in ninth, got all the way up to third, got to the podium. What's his face? Max Verstappen accidentally crashed into him or whatever. And Louis Hamilton, once again, fucking whining him. about it. Said Max is a dickhead. It was a dickhead move. He wasn't showing him

any respect out there. It's like Lewis, he's doing what you did when you came up. What's he supposed to do? Oh my God, that's Lewis Hamilton. I'm not going to try to beat him through this fucking turn. I didn't have a problem what he did, and neither did the judges. So what's

the problem? He had this whole fucking thing where he was saying he was disrespectful, it was a dickhead move and all of that. Hey, I don't know. I That guy is, I totally respect him. He's a fucking amazing driver. But I swear to God, if he doesn't win, he fucking, he's always bitching about something.

He reminds me of Peyton Manning early in his career. We had protection issues. You know, always fucking finger-pointing. Oh, you know, my radio wasn't working. It was very difficult to try to figure out when I was supposed to drive or not. Have you done enough of these? There's somebody in front of you. Go get him.

Bill, it's a little more sophisticated than that. He was on the mediums, and the other guy was on the super soft. Anyways, it was a great race. I'm just fucking with the Lewis Hamilton fans, fucking relaxed. I'm just fucking around. I know he's your Beyonce, and I'm going to have to deal with the, the Lewis hive coming at me. I don't know.

I make fun of Lewis Hamilton because he is the best. The guy's the best. Mercedes last year was the fucking best, the last couple years. They've been the goddamn best. and I'm new to the sports. So what am I going to do? Am I going to jump on the bandwagon? I can't.

I'm actually, I'm rooting. I root for Haas. The American team. Kevin Magnuson came in fifth place. That's 10 points, motherfuckers. Fortunately, our other driver, Romaine, like the lettuce. Grosgen, however you say his name, he came in 13th. It was a great fucking race, and I hate to say this.

ESPN2, their coverage of that race was fucking phenomenal. It was phenomenal. I got to kind of knock a little fuck. I got to knock fuck sports a little bit because they just used to just follow the leader. Whoever was leading, they were just up there. And then all the racing was going on in the back. And fourth, fifth, sixth, seventh, eighth. Like the level that ESPN2 was covering the race.

And showing that all that passing and like, you know, when anybody gets like, it was a good driver gets like some sort of penalty, a gearbox penalty or whatever. And they move back. You don't get to watch him come through the field in these past years. The way ESPN, you know, was following Lewis Hamilton coming up. It was fucking great. I love the race. Now, granted, I don't know shit about racing.

And I watched it on, you know, the back of somebody's fucking chair on a flight. I could barely tell how many laps were left. So I imagine I missed a lot of the drama. But I went back and I looked at that. It's just like Max Verstappen, you can see he's going to be one of those guys. he's probably going to win a championship. He's really young. He's a great driver and he's got balls.

It takes a lot of balls to go into a turn with Lewis Hamilton. Be like, fuck this guy. I think I have position. Good for him. Unfortunately, you know, it fucked up his car. I don't know. I think Lewis is a little scared. You know what he reminds me of?

It was like when you see that interview when Milton Burrell is trying to get Richard Pryor to fucking, you know, stand down. Because Richard Pryor has the nerve to fucking laugh at him and then Milton Burrell does that. He goes, I'll give you some advice. And he goes, pick your spots, baby. And then Richard goes, all right, sweetheart. Yeah, fuck you. Would you invent comedy? You didn't. Go fuck yourself. I'm funny too. That's how I filled Max Verstappen. Yeah, he's a fucking race car driver. Supposed to fucking get out of the way? That's not,

he's not racing anymore. I was just driving around. I could fucking do that. Poor Red Bull team. Jesus Christ. Fucking Daniel Ricardo, aka Ricky Reeking. And he fucking, his car just died for Stapton after he tried to pass Louis Hamilton when his tire went out and his differential got all fucked up. But whatever, that's opening the doors for the American racing team. Ha ha.

We were doing great in Australia until we couldn't put tires on. It was fucking hilarious watching our pick crew coming out. They were so goddamn nervous. They came out with like laces out energy. But it was a great race. And next week, everybody, the Moto GP race, I think is next week. It is. Is it?

No, wait, is it in two weeks? There better not have been one today. If there was one today, I fucking recorded it. Hang on a second. Hang on a second. I was trying to go to that one. And after I do Nashville, I was trying to go down to Austin to go to the race. I just, I got a kid, man.

I can't fucking do that. If I was in Austin, I would do it, but I'm not going to fly out of my way and not hang out with my kid. What am I a fucking degenerate? Huh? Yes. I'm not that big a degenerate, though. All right, MotoGP. Come on.

Load. Load. This is how bad my internet is. I have to cheer it on. Come on, you can do it. I took like Lamas classes with my fucking internet. Come on, do it. Push.

You look so beautiful. It's still loading. This is fucking, I pay like a, I got to get somebody. I got to get like a tech nerd. it over here, you know. But before they do, they got to wear a helmet with a chin strap so their jaw doesn't hit the floor when they see how much I'm fucking paying a month

for cable. You know, said they'd help me out with that. I've got to take them up on it. Red Band told me to help me out with that shit. Because he told me a story, he said he went home to his parents' house and saw how much they were paying and then called up their provider

and, you know, tore him a new asshole with his algorithm It's still fucking loading. All right, I give up. I give up, whatever. Let's read some fucking question here's for this week. By the way, you know, I gave up arguing with my wife for Lent and I'm continuing it.

And I'm going to tell you right now, I am getting some wins. I'm getting some wins, you know? Because look, I'm still losing a lot. All right. But, you know, I'm looking at like a seven and nine season, I think. That's what I'm projected. But, you know, I was like, fucking 0 and 16, like the Browns last year. Because I'm finding, like, what's good about not losing your temper is when you're right,

and if you can somehow keep your wife on topic, you're actually going to win. You know? Who knows? Who knows? I already know she's already fucking adjusting her game to my new fucking style. Why want this fucking thing load? What is the fucking problem? How much money do I have to fucking pay?

Wait a second. Let me just bring my energy back down. bringing it back down again. It's not that big a deal. There we go. Come on. Load. Load. There it is. Oh, there was one today.

There was one in Argentina. I got to watch it. I got to watch before somebody tells me the fucking results. I'll talk about this one on Thursday. Nice. Then I also have to watch the UFC. Even though I already know the results there, I got to watch this shit. The big fice.

Rose Namah Yunus. Verse, Yoana, Yoana, Yonana, Yandreitrik. I say right? Yoanna, Nandreitik. You know, I know how to say that? Because I listen to this fucking Russian guy. Is this it? Yeah, I listened to this guy for like an hour.

It was Rose Namajunis verse. Yoanna Jendjerk. Did you guys get that? It was. Once again, The fight was Rose Namayunus versus Yoanna Jandreichik. Yoanna na Jandreitik.

Yoannana. At some point in her life, she has to meet fucking Axel Rose so he can sing her name, right? Yoanna, na, na, na, nanaychik. Sorry. Boogie woman is coming for you. I don't know what she was trying to say, like the boogey man. She probably read up on the boogie man.

I mean, it's a second language. It's pretty good that she could come up with that. But that was oddly terrifying when she was saying that. Boogie Woman is coming for you. I was like, I don't. This brought me back to when I was single. It's like, man, I, I remember I dated Boogie Woman a couple of times. You know one of those women you break up with you don't even go back for your stuff?

Just like, fuck this. You can have it, man. I'm fucking out of here. God damn witch. All right. Des Moines, Iowa. Billory Swank. Hey, Billory Swank.

Just checking in on you and giving you some. some ammo when you go back to your, uh, advertisers. Uh, of all the podcasts that I listen to on a regular basis, your ad reads are the only ones that I will not skip through. Uh, yeah, exactly. That's why I fuck around through them. So I got to keep it entertaining because there's nothing stopping you from fast forward and through it. You don't understand that? Stamps.com. You know, didn't nature's box? They didn't get it in those other fucking cuntz blue apron. All right. Of all the pug here. Also, how many corn fed asses do I need to get into seats to get you to make a stop in Des Moines, Iowa? I've been up there. I was up there in the last year. I did a gig at Iowa State. I don't know if that's Des Moines. I'll get out of that. I don't give a fuck. I'll go out there.

Hippie music blind spot. Always something I learned with drumming. is the same beat and like shout music. Basically, it's just the bands they're playing with how they phrase the music on top is different. Punk, thrash, and shout music. There's a lot of fucking similarities. And that's one to grow on. Hippy music Blindspot. Dear Billy Curve bald.

I love your podcast and I'm coming to see you in Denver. Thank you. I love to hear you talk about music and drummers in particular. All right, I got somebody new that I'm following on Instagram. She just came up in my feed and she blew me away. What is it? Oh, fuck. The pocket queen.

And I thought it was funny because I don't know if she's a Guns and Roses fan or if it's just a coincidence. But, you know, Rocket Queen, Guns and Roses fan. And then the Pocket Queen. and she's just an amazing, amazing drummer who's having the time of her life when she plays. I think it's the underscore pocket drummer, but I started following her. And I don't know. She's just a fucking amazing drummer. So anyways, plowing ahead here.

Where is it here? I love to hear you talk about music and drummers in particular. Have you ever taken a listen to John Fishman, the drummer and fish. I know a bunch of hairy hippies. I get it. You know, it's not that. It's that their songs are 17 minutes long. It's just such a fucking commitment. I will say because of Fish, I learned about the Little Feet album waiting for Columbus. So I do want that live album. I do want to thank them for that. Anyways, people always put them in the hippie music category, but they aren't the fucking

mamas and the popas. I don't mind the mamas and the popas. My mom is. My love them. So when I listen to them, reminds me of driving around, you know, in the car when I was a kid with my mom. They've put on more sold out shows and consecutively, my computer just died. They put out more shows consecutively at MSG than anyone ever. Wow. Even more than Billy Joel, huh? And at any rate, love efforts of family and go fuck yourself. All right, well, give me a fucking album that I can, you know, that's a good jump off that I can get into their shit. I saw them live. I saw them live. in the early 90s at the old Boston Garden. They headlined the spin doctors were there off their first album.

Little Miss can't be wrong. All of that shit. It was like a fucking, uh, a grunge thing. I don't know what the fuck it was. It was like overnight. All of a sudden, it had just changed. It was 1992 when I saw him. Let me see if I can look that up.

See if I can find that the whole lineup. I want to say WBCN was a part of it. Let's see here. Fish, Spin Doctors, Boston Garden, 1992. Yeah, no way. Yeah, October 30th.

And the reason why I went there was because the sketch comedy group, Alan the Monkeys, had won the BCN. Comedy Riot. Al Del Benny, Dane Cook, Bobby Kelly were in it, and they performed there too. And I got to watch them perform at Boston Garden. Let me see if they got the lineup. This was a semi-holloween theme, Devil's Night.

One set show at the WBCN New Music Concert, Rock a Boston event. It was Fish. First show at the Boston Garden. Oh, no way. I saw that show. This is how old I am. actually have to describe the Boston Garden. A historic basketball and ice hockey arena built in the 20s with a capacity of about 15,000. In addition to fish and the spin doctors, the levelers,

materially issue, Michael Penn, and a comedy troupe that include Dane Cook, Alan the Monkeys, performed between, it was called Alan the Monkeys. The comedy troupe comedians were, okay, we won't, we won't get into the rest of that. Anyways, plowing ahead. Yeah, I saw them. I guess October 30th. That's right. That's right.

I just started doing comedy right around them was right when I met Patrice. So there you go. So I've actually seen them. So there's a lot of like psycho fish fans that would be like, oh my God, you saw him for the first time at the Boston Garden. I saw one of their legendary shows and had no idea who they were. I just remember they had these little workout trampolines, personal trampolines that they were jumping up and down on the whole time. And the crowd was jumping with them. And I thought they were cool, but I never really got into it.

All right, race documentary. Hi, Bill. I was listening to your podcast where you talked about your new interests in MotoGP. Yeah, it's fucking, I'm obsessed with it. You should check out this documentary about the annual Isle of Man T.T race. I was trying to go to that the last two years, and I can't get anybody to go with me. It's not MotoGP, but it has similar bikes, I think. Yeah, it's a, yeah, it's a road race around the island.

island and more people have died than years they've had it. So, I mean, it's incredibly dangerous. I'd like to go see it, see people driving that fast, but I don't want to watch somebody die either or die myself with shit flying into the crowd. It's road racing instead of track, so there's no tire walls to crash into, et cetera. It's insanely dangerous. Usually a couple riders are killed each year. And this documentary follows one of the riders for one of the years. I have only, I only have a passing interest in racing, but this illustrates the danger of the sport really well. In case the link doesn't work, the doc is called TT3D, closer to the edge. Love the podcast.

You crack me up. I might even buy some of your shit. You're pedaling. I'm really not ped. I don't sell anything on my website. All right. So I didn't need the little snide fucking comment. Oh, L, maybe you just talk about the shit that I'm advertising.

In that case, fucking have it. All right. evil woman. Evil woman. Dear Billy Halebop. I don't get that. Oh, my fucking daughter's up here. I got to finish this thing.

All right, I was watching the documentary called Wild, Wild Country with my girlfriend. It's about a group of followers of a guru from India who set up shop in a remote town in Oregon. Everybody's watching this right now. I won't get into the higher question of what is a cult and what is a religion. Oh, I'll tell you the exact thing. A cult is a new religion. A religion is a former cult that took over. That's the only difference.

While watching my girlfriend, while watching my girlfriend didn't seem as angry with a particular person as I was. The first in command under the guru was a woman named Sheila. I don't want to spoil the doctor for your listener, but she did some evil shit in the name of her cause. Oh, yeah. Yes, she did. She was a fucking lunatic.

Like most guys who were in power. She acted accordingly. See? And that's the thing right there where they sit there and they act like if women ran the world, there would be no war. It's not, it doesn't have to do with sex. Most people, when given power, do not handle it well. They either hurt other people, they hurt themselves. They sabotage it because they,

They can't deal with the fucking pressure. Well, they just become a cunt like me. She's a very compelling person to hear and speak. And I understand how some of her might find her charismatic. I liked her to a point. I liked that she was just like standing up to everybody. But then, you know, she went too far. She kind of went like, you know, I'll fucking kill everybody.

Instead of just the people she was upset with. She didn't try to hurt them. she tried to fuck over everybody. But when you get to the part four, this six-part series, you started hearing about the town's water supplies being poisoned under her authority. He goes, um, this is disgusting, isn't it? No, that's fucking terrorism. But this is, you know, what, 25 years before 20-something years, before 20 years maybe,

before 9-11. So she was just considered a, you know, bitchy, I think. my girlfriend started giving me a hard time for calling this Sheila a cunt saying I worship guys like Tony Soprano and Walter White. Yeah, he goes, yeah, I do. I worship fictional characters that they were, but I never defended waste management, racketeering and lying to my family about being a meth chemist. It ended with her telling me that I'm biased towards the achievements of men.

I can't deal with this lack of rationale. I'm considering breaking it off with her thoughts. Um, keep your calm and just say, listen, the difference between me liking, you know, anti-heroes in a movie versus you liking an anti-hero that actually existed and really poisoned the town, you just say, listen, if Tony soprano Walter Wright were real people, I wouldn't be a fan of them. But, you know, you like the sopranos. the characters, you like the acting, the writing, the way it's shot, you know, breaking bad and all that's, that's, that's all that is. If you're considering breaking it off with her over this, then I would say, you know, I think you should. I mean, if this is enough to make you break it off, you might as well, you know, just, you know, I wouldn't drink your tap water for a couple of

months. Apparently I'm controlling, is the name of this. Um, yeah, I'm going to say just by that title. I'm going to say that you are. Apparently, I'm controlling. Like, people who always get called out on their shit. You know, it's like that bearded cunt on the flyers every time he fucking takes out somebody's knee. And every time, it's like so blatant what the fuck he just did.

It's like totally away from the pocket. Complete penalty. And he always puts his hand. And I was like, what the fuck did I do? Dear Billy Bunghole, I recently started dating this lady. And everything was going well. So I decided to invite her to a Marinus game for opening weekend. You know, had I known you were going to say the name of the baseball team, I would have switched it just to...

In case, I don't know, somehow somebody figures this out. Anyways, I knew she was a baseball fan and would be excited to go. I invited her, and she said that sounded really fun. So I was really excited as well. I told her I would take care of the tickets because I knew finding tickets for opening weekend, would be hard, so she agreed, and said she would pay for food and drinks. Well, look at this. Everything's going great so far.

It's like a classic horror movie. You know, they get to the fucking Crystal Lake. Everybody's having a good time. It's all enjoyable to the first time they go, a couple of days later, she started having car troubles and was worried she couldn't make it to the game because she wanted to fix her car by Monday, and the game was on Sunday. I live in the city and don't have a car, but offered to run.

rent a car to pick her up or we could ride the bus together since we would be drinking and the bus draws people off right outside the stadium. She didn't answer my text for a couple days and told me less than, told me less than 24 hours that she wasn't going to make it. I sent her text back saying that I was upset about it and that if we had just had a regular day date scheduled, I wouldn't mind, but the tickets weren't cheap, front row, lower level, outfield. And I don't get to go to many ball games. that it's important to me. She didn't reply until the next day and said she wants to stop seeing me because the text seemed controlling.

But I was honestly just trying to tell her how I felt about being ditched. I'm usually a pushover. And this was the first time I sent texts like this before. So do you think that I was being controlling? I would appreciate some advice. Thank you and go fuck yourself. P.S. Bring back the Sonics.

Oh, you're going to get a hockey team instead. Sonics on ice. Call them a safe. Seattle's soliloquies. No, but I understand both. She has to get to go to work on fucking Monday. She wants to make sure her car's all right. I get that.

But to say that you're controlling and she wants to stop seeing you, I would say she dated a psycho before and is a little gun shy. Or she wasn't that into you anyways, to quote Greg Barron, you know? I hope you just went to the game with the buddy yours and got fucking hammered. Yeah. I don't know. I would just write back just say, you know, I guess we had a miscommunication. But I have to admit, if, you know, one little spat like that makes you think about breaking up with me.

I kind of feel like you're not that into me anyway. So before one of us really gets hurt, why don't we just, let's just end his friends and really try to end his friends. That is a skill I wish I had. And to end, the way you end is friends with somebody. This is for men and women is you just, you have to be 100% honest with them. You know? And if you haven't been honest with somebody and you're in a relationship right now, if you're really honest with them now, they're still probably going to hate you.

But you still have to do it. Because what you're doing now is you're setting up healthy relationships in the future. All right. So then you could just got it all out there. They knew from day one. From day one, when you meet a woman, you do what, what's going on between us? Nothing. I'm just, you know, I'm not looking to be in a relationship right now.

I'm just having fun. That's it. So what? You just want to have sex with me? Yes. Yeah, I do. What? You're gorgeous.

I'm attracted to you. You know, I'll practice safe sex. If you want to get fucked, I'm the man for the job. You don't have to be that honest. All right, anyways. Black girlfriend's family. Hey, Billy Burt Pubes. You guys are killing me today.

I'm a 25-year-old guy, and I've been with my girlfriend about eight months. 25-year-old guy, I've been with my girlfriend for about 18 months. Sorry. Things are great between us, and she's awesome. We're both single parents of four-year-olds are both in school and both. and both work decent jobs. All right, I have to ask you this before we go any further. At night, do you dress up like a black woman?

I'm just, you know, this is too many coincidences. Is this like some fucking psycho shit where you're Norman and you're your mother? No, all right, I'll continue. She's a great mother, a very sweet, encouraging, beautiful woman who keeps herself in great shape and is working on her doctor in nursing. The total package. The only problem is her family. She's a black woman, and I'm the first white guy she's been with.

My daughter is mixed, and I'm used to dating interracially, and my parents and brothers love her. But with her family, her brothers and dad just don't like me. They barely speak to me, even though we have a lot of the same interests in sports, music, etc. This sounds like a fucking ice cube movie. Her mother, grandmother, and sister love me, and we get along great. but I plan on marrying her and would like a good relationship with their brothers and her dad. They have no reason to dislike me as I treat my girlfriend very well and have never acted like an asshole around that. Well, yeah, you're getting judged probably by other white people and the shit that they've done.

The only thing we can think of is they don't like me because I'm white because she said her ex and them were cool and even hoop together off. Oh, wait a way. Okay, so her ex, oh, they like the other boyfriend better. Her brother said to me a few weeks ago when I tried to talk him and invite him to play ball, he said, we got nothing to speak on. You're never going to be family. It came out of nowhere. Before they were just cold to me, I've come across people being prejudiced to me while hooping and in my area I grew up, but it's just weird because they actually know me and know how much I care about their sister. Any advice from you or the lovely Nia

on how to approach the situation or if you've ever run into this problem. I'm saving up to buy her ring and would like to rectify this before committing the rest of my life to her. Thanks for all the laughs over the years and go fuck yourself. That's a fucking major issue.

That's a major issue. Relationships are hard enough. Forget about when one whole society, of the family doesn't like you. I would just use humor. That's how I'd get through it. I'd go over a hospital. Hey, everybody, it's the white guy.

Nobody likes. Hey, you guys want me to stand outside while you talk to your daughter or sister? I don't know. Or I'd act extra white. I'd go over there dressed like with a Donald Trump extra long red tie. I'd just start having fun

with it. You know? Hey, do you guys see that of that fucking great speech by Trump? I don't know. See, I'm a dick. I would probably start doing that. But I got to be honest, that's going to wear on things. I think I would pump the brakes on the ring until you work that out. And I think you guys maybe you need help beyond some dick joke fucking comedian. Yeah. because that sounds like that's going in a direction where you're going to have to, she's going to have to make a choice, either be with you or have a relationship with their family. I don't know.

But that's, that's above my pay grade. So my advice to you is I would talk to her about it. And, you know, I would tell us, listen, you know, I'm ready to commit to you for the rest of my life. but like I don't know if I can, I don't want to commit to that because this is the thing. You don't marry her. You marry her family. And if her family fucking hate you, dude,

you're going to be miserable. All right. And having been with somebody for as long as I have, you know, there's ups and downs and shit, even without that. Unfortunately, Nia's family is fucking awesome. So I lucked out there.

And even then, we've still had difficult times, mostly because I'm a fucking idiot. But, yeah, so I would try to work that out. All right. Yeah, what the fuck are you in a rush for? You know, you already have a kid. Okay?

And I don't know. I would just pay listen to it. I'm not going over your head. They don't fucking don't want me around there. You know, I don't give a shit. I'm tired of going over there being like, hey, well, you want to fucking hang out? And they go, yeah, get the fuck out of you.

So it's just like, all right, I get it. I get it. But there's no reason to be stubborn. you know about it it's weird because your heart's involved but anybody with a brain would be like well dude that's going to be a fucking miserable marriage you know oh jesus christ and then what they're going to show up at the fucking at the wedding just fucking mean mugging you the whole time i'll tell you this if you marry a fucking a lope that's the way to do it you know i would go i would go that right i don't know dude see see what does he that you know i don't know dude see what

Now you've got to do all of this shit. Now you've got to do all of this. It's already going to be hard enough. You know? It's already going to be hard enough. You're getting married. It's already going to be hard enough. And now you're going to add that.

Fuck that shit. I don't know. But you love her. So I don't know what to tell you. Get help. All right. I'm talking in circles. All right, that's it.

I'm going to watch that UFC and that MotoGPL fucking, you know, be old news. I don't give a fuck. I'll make it funny. I'll talk about on Thursday. Have a great couple of days. And I'll check in on you in a few days. Who's your neighbor? Who's your friend?

Civil war, civil war. Politics. Well, he said, boo! And she said, hurrah! Now we're human. I'm feeling hate all around. There's no solution. It's never been a solution.

Come on. Are you with me? Somebody. Live for love. Live for peace. Live for love. Live for love. Just wants to be loved.

One wants to love. You see the God and everyone. Everyone lives. Everyone leaves out no one. And everything besides love is cowardice. You want to be brave, you want to be tough. Peace and love is the toughest, hardest thing you can do. Which is where the courage is.

Which is where the courage is. Shine your light. Shine it true.