Monday Morning Podcast - Old ESPN, Food, Canada | Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 11-13-25

Episode Date: November 13, 2025

Bill rambles about old ESPN, food, and Canada. (00:00) - Thursday Afternoon Podcast (30:56) - Thursday Afternoon Throwback 11-13-17 - Bill rambles about F1 robberies, Brad Paisley, and the Cellar Table. (01:39:28) - Anything Better Podcast - NFL Week 11 Preview with Paul Virzi. The unthinkable happened.  Paul went 0-4 and Bill went 3-1.  Bill is (correction) 19-20-1.  Paul is 11-28-1.   TRUEWERK:  Upgrade your day with workwear built like it matters. Get 15% off your first order at www.TRUEWERK.com with code BURR. Ridge Wallet:  For a limited time, Ridge is having their huge Black Friday Sale. Head to www.Ridge.com to get up to 47% off your order.

Arc Raiders, everybody. Thank you to Embark Studios, bringing us their new game, Arc Raiders. A multiplayer extraction adventure video game set in a lethal future earth. Explore an immersive post-apocalyptic world scarred by conflict and reclaimed by nature. A living surface where weather, enemies, and shifting conditions heighten the constant threat of Arc. Communities are forced below ground to survive. Jesus, this is amazing. Scavage, survive, thrive in a new extraction adventure. Arc Raiders, available now on PlayStation 5, Xbox Series X, S, and PC, rated T for T.

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr, and it's time for the Thursday afternoon just before Friday, Monday morning podcast, and I'm just checking in. Checking in on you. Ooh, what's going on? Hawaii. Oh boy, it's Thursday, everybody. It's time for Thursday afternoon football. No, Thursday night football. So, old freckles has a fucking gambling theory that has been working and this week I have to use it against my own New England Patriots. Division rivalry,

Thursday night game. The underdog is getting more than five and a half points. You're You take the fucking underdog, right? So this week it's the Patriots first, the fucking hapless jets, coming off their second victory of the year against the Cleveland Browns. The second iteration of the Cleveland Browns, the first iteration, of course, being the Baltimore Ravens. Hey, who gets to claim that NFL title that they won in like 1965? I mean, that belongs to the franchise, right?

So isn't that the Baltimore Ravens? so they've won two Super Bowls and an NFL title well they won a bunch with Otto Graham in the 1950s but the last one that they won was 1965 so it's weird so like the city it's kind of like the Laker bullshit right like the fucking I don't know it doesn't make any sense the franchise has those Minneapolis Lakers championships but the people from L.A. claim them which is bullshit But you know what I mean?

And when Laker fans go, oh, you know, it was a fucking long time ago, bro. I just go, oh, yeah, well, what if the Lakers moved to Vegas next year? And then they won the championship. And what would you do if everyone in the city of Las Vegas was going? We got 17. Suck it, bitches. It's a complicated thing that moving around.

So anyways, I think we have. the better coach, but I really just feel like with only three, four days to prepare, it helps the lesser team, and it helps the lesser coach. It brings down the better team of the better coach. So, so, so, so I'm going to, I'm going to do it. I don't give a fight. And I don't give a shit about losing this, but if it's fucking, you know, my team's going to win. Sorry, I'm half asleep.

I got an acting gig today. out here in Los Angeles. A lot of stuff, you know, starting to shoot here in Los Angeles, you know. I've been seeing the trucks around makes me feel good. So I got a couple days on this thing. And so I had to get up early. I've been working my fucking ass off. So, and I can't believe, like, the Phantom Lynn syndrome I've been having about baseball being over.

You know, I watched a lot of Red Sox games this year. But, like, when the players. off started. Sorry, I'm Yonnik here. It's too early. I fucking didn't watch any of the Red Sox Yankees. I didn't watch one second of it. The same way I didn't watch any of the Celtics

versus the fucking Dallas Mavericks in the NBA finals. I just don't want my kids to see me that way. I got to start watching out of my car. You know, you can get you like your fucking windows tint I should get like soundproof windows and just be what the fuck there's a fucking strike like I just don't want my kids to see that um I've really like gone out of my way to hide all of that fucking craziness from my upbringing it's been working out they are two happy go lucky kids

that express themselves you know they're loud the kids that I walking around on fucking eggshells like every kid from my generation being fucking scared shitless of your dad um a lot of pent up pent up fucking rage back in the day so anyway how about the Boston Bruins they keep one and two I've been so busy I just keep checking the box scores that's what I miss about getting the fucking paper dude you know blowing by all that smart shit in the front section and just going right to the sports page um i remember like the early days of ESPN and all of that they still didn't show like a ton of games i mean they like ESPN if you can believe it like after they did sports center they had like fucking workout shows from

moms it was a lot of this like aerobic shit and like you know they was sort of trying to fill up 24 hours of the channel. So there was still that, that, I still remember that period where you would be looking up box scores from like the late games out west and see like Dave Semenko fought, you know, whoever. And there was no fucking highlights of it, really. Now you just go on your goddamn phone.

I will say I don't bring my phone down when I'm acting. When I'm pretending, when I'm an adult and I'm pretending to be somebody who I'm not, I never bring my phone down to set. And that's how you said, down to set, not down to the set. For some reason, you say set.

He's on set. He's going down to, he didn't bring it to set. At first I thought it was, when I first heard it, I thought they were saying Seth. Like who's Seth sounds like a producer? But anyway, I do still make sure I get in my duo lingo for the day.

I'm up to like 413 or 414 days in a row. And it's so funny, they try to get you to like compete with other people learning languages. you know, to get to these different levels. It's so dumb. You've moved up to the diamond level. Oh, boy, what do I get? You know, I don't get it. So, of course, I was buying into it,

and I'm just like, they're not making this fun. It was much more fun to just learn the language. And then somewhere along the line, they added this competition fucking thing. It's like the fucking food network. The food network is just a bunch of, They used to teach you how to cook, how to blanchet, how to fucking, like, MOLTO Mario was the best fucking show they ever had with Mario Battali.

I still have some of his cookware. Yeah, it's called the Me Too Molta. The Me Too Mario. I got a crock pot of his fucking piece. soup green. The big fucking M on top. That was like the best show. He would have a couple of friends over.

I don't know what he did after the show. But he would have a couple of friends over and then he would just make him a meal. And he would talk about the part of Italy where it came from, you know, the different regions around that area, the way they make a similar dish and claim that whatever dish he's making is not the proper way to make it and all that and you get into the whole like oh this is why italians are so great you know and making food like they they the level that they give a shit about it's weird i guess they were competing over there or just saying that you know you don't know how to do it the way we do it i don't know those fucking shows give me they just give me

anxiety there's never enough time there's never the right ingredients they always have like these fucking bizarre ingredients and then they just, did I tell you guys, when I was over in Italy this year, we were staying really close to the border of Switzerland. And I wasn't even thinking like about Switzerland. And just at one point I just sort of looked at the map to really see where I was in northern Italy. So I say to my laugh, I say, you know, Switzerland's right there. We'd never been there. Just to check it off, just to say we've been to Switzerland, let's just, you know, looks like it's a

20 minute drive. Let's just go go to Switzerland. She goes, all right, we'll have dinner one night. So we go to have dinner one night. We go to this, this fancy, fucking shmancy restaurants, which I fucking, I don't like fancy, I like good food.

All right? I'm not going to say, like, I like to eat some gavage. But like, you know, those fancy restaurants, they fucking bring the thing out. And there's like a 20 minutes, it's not 20 minutes, but there's a long, like, speech that somebody has to give and they have to tell you about all of the food. So I guess they think if you went to the restaurant, you're really into food. And yeah, I'm just like, you know, dude, I'm like really hungry and I want to eat what you have

and I trust that it's good. I don't need to know. I'm going to forget everything that you say the second you're done because all I'm doing is looking at it going like, I want to fucking eat that. Can you just please stop talking about it? It's getting cold.

Stop describing what the fuck I'm going to hear. It's funny if McDonald's did that. Okay, this is a pig slime burger. Pink slime is you know it's the stuff off the slaughterhouse floor that we used to hose off the floor for decades and then one day some absolute lunatic that had the title of CEO is like why do we keep wasting that is there a way to feed that to fellow not only fellow human beings but our fellow countrymen and we were like hey man you know if you want to take this fucking scum off the

floor and feed it to men, women, and children. I mean, if that's what I got to do to keep my health insurance, I'll fucking do it. So that's what's in this burger. Enjoy. The French fries were fried in pigeon oil. Don't ask. There's a lot of pigeons. You know, a lot of them die. They got oil in them. What are we going to waste it? Anyway. Yeah, so the Bruins keep fucking winning. I want to know what's going on. Every time I put it on, I see either pasta's scoring or he's doing one of his it looks like it's going to be a rista

and all of a sudden it's a pass to the other side and somebody does a one timer. Morgan Geeky. Fucking top shelf dude. Leading the league and goals. Fucking incredible. But anyway, I forgot to say, you know, last week when I

mentioned I was I had a gig up there in Vancouver. This is how amazing that city of Vancouver is, okay? Because I know I was telling you, I was staying downtown where all the junkies are. On like Hastings, hasty Hastings, that area, right?

And, but we shot on this college campus that I want to say was south of the city. And we pull up to where like all the trailers are. and it's right on the water and in the trees across them are fucking bald eagles

and they were flying occasionally one would fly out of the tree go into the water and come out with the fish and then just go back to the tree and eat it this is in a city um i'll tell you this unlike my leader right now the guy giving ginger's a bad name I actually like Canada and I think it says a lot about you if you have a problem with Canada I really don't understand how you could have a problem

with Canada okay well I mean I but as a white person I don't understand how you could oh there's always there's always a loophole. As a white person, I don't understand how you could have a problem,

how you could have a problem with Canada. I had such a fucking good time up there. The people are friendly. And the cities are beautiful. Montreal, Ottawa, the major ones. Toronto. Yeah, Winnipeg's a little, you know,

I don't know. Calgary's decent. then you got edmonton it's way the fuck up there um that's all i can say about edmonton it's way the fuck up there um i haven't spent too much time i've done gigs there but i'm always like coming through and then i leave i did go to a hockey game at northland's coliseam a long time ago and then vancouver is gorgeous but anyway i've been continuing on with my i almost said grocery with my Christmas shopping, my fucking Christmas shopping, dude. My goal, as mentioned numerous times,

is I want to get it all done by the end of November and have it like just wrap each one of these fucking things so I can just enjoy December. I don't know why I didn't do this back in the day when I was drinking. Well, probably because I was drinking. but you know if you really want to get after it you know let's just let's talk about the positive sides of alcohol if you really want to just fucking get after it this year you had all of these fucking holiday parties coming up you know but if you're so stressed like oh god i got to go get

up in the morning i go to the mall or whatever the fuck people do i got to go on the internet and see if the shit isn't air quote sold out that fucking bullshit that you go on a website and they say it's sold out. What do you mean sold out? I'm going directly to the manufacturer. You got a whole fucking factory of them. You're just saying this is sold out because the other shit isn't moving. So now you think I'm going to come in here. You know, like when you go to those fancy restaurants, hey, can I get the fucking breakfast sandwich? Oh, we sold out. What do you mean you're fucking sold out? It's eggs and bread, you asshole. You're running a fucking restaurant. It's 9.30 in the morning. How the fuck did you already run out of eggs and bread?

I don't rest. Get some fucking chickens, you cunt. I don't, I don't, whatever. Sold out. Hey, look at this nice watch. Hey, can I buy that? No, it's not for sale. Everybody's doing that, uh, that Birkenbag shit.

Now, Birkenbag is one of the dumbest fucking things. In fashion. Okay? And they're not even good looking bags. And for some reason, people just want them because they don't make them. Then it becomes exclusive. It's like the ultimate, look what I got. Like, you know what a fucking Birken bag is?

It's the new iPhone for whores. You know those tech nerds? Like it's, they got to get the new phone. I'm not going to name this person, but I knew somebody. I still know somebody that was so into technology. They had to get the iPhone every time the first day it came out. They had to get it. And then they had to take it out when they were at the comedy club, you know,

and just be scrolling on it, just to be scrolling on it for someone to be like, He's at the iPhone 9? Oh my God, right? This dude one time, he wanted the new phone so bad. He was busy, had like an audition. He made his wife go down there and stand in line to get a fucking phone. I was like, dude, why don't you just wait a week? In a week, there's not going to be a line.

You can just walk in there like a goddamn person. He's like, I don't know, dude, I got to have it. It's just, it's my fucking thing. Technology's just my thing. And I was like, all right, you know what? Fair enough. Fair enough. I don't know.

Like, what more do you need the phone to do? Like, how much clearer does the camera and the video have to be? It's already clearer than real life. You can already alter, you know, make it look like it's on film, make it look like it's on Polaroid you know Photoshop shit create something that didn't even happen

what the fuck else do you need to do? I don't know anyway so I got to knock out a couple more things and I got the major shit you know you always got to have like the big thing like I don't have the big thing yet for my wife and she's not helping me

I'm like, what do you want, what do you want for Christmas? She's like, uh, you know, I don't, I don't know, which is great. That should make me happy, you know, what are the odds of that? You have a woman in your life and she doesn't feel like she needs anything? I mean, that's, that's pretty amazing. But you got like the pressure of the holiday. So it's like, you got to, you got to tell me something. Well, I don't, I don't need anything.

Well, fucking just say you do, and I'll go buy it and I'll give it to you. Anyway, let me do some of the reads here. Reads. Um, all right. Oh, true work, everybody. T-R-U-E-W-R-K, and that's fucking it. True work. Fall weather changes fast.

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Something. Does anybody remember that? You know, when they talk about, like, 80s fashion, do they remember that for a while, like, ski jackets? You had to have a ski jacket. Instead of a winter jacket, you had a ski jacket, like you were going skiing. It was actually a fashion thing for a while. Man, that was a weird time. It was really a weird.

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After your purchase, they will ask you where you heard about them. please support our show and tell them our show sent you fucking black Friday it's coming up again it's coming up again where you get to see where the economy is by how many people how bad the economy is by how many people get trampled to death

oh god Can you imagine that? What the fuck? Like, you're not allowed to yell fire in a crowded movie theater, but for some reason you can say there's one PlayStation in this store that we're going to sell to you for eight bucks. And then have a bunch of people that are struggling financially line up outside.

Most addicted to salt and sugar. They're all, they're fucking, obese. It's just, it's one of the saddest things ever. You know, you'd think one year, just one year. One of these CEO cunts would just stand down there and be like, you know what? What are you looking for, sweetheart? Here, just take it. I'm writing myself a fucking nine-figure bonus, and I didn't do shit this year other than lay off a bunch of people. You know all these people standing in line now? Ready to talk.

trample one another. We're at a risk their own fucking lives for a goddamn PlayStation. Because the kid wants it and I'm leveraging their unconditional love for their kid while laying them off

creating this fucking the tragedy that's about to happen. I don't know. I don't understand these fucking I don't understand people. They just look at people as like these things to manipulate and just fucking make money of these.

I'm telling you. Trump has the right idea with these fucking vans. He's just putting the wrong people in him. He should be just going around getting all the fucking CEOs. That's what he should be doing. Oh, the sociopaths. You know, there's nothing wrong with rounding up people. as long as you're doing the right ones.

You know, and fortunately, I know who those people are. That's why nobody should have a fleet of vans and a crew of people that are willing to do anything that you say. Because everybody in their heart of hearts has a list of people that if they had access to a security service and vans, everybody has a list of people that they would put in the vans and everybody thinks that they're right.

Why don't you guys send me in your list? Like what groups of people? And it just has to be groups of... I don't want to do any racist shit or anything like that, all right? Let's keep this fun instead of the reality of what's going on out there. Like your list of people

that you would put in the van. You know, if I was running out of, alligator alcatraz this is who i would put in there um let's try to avoid the obvious like what i was just saying fucking heartless CEOs and the politicians they own um you know it'd be funny as a as a comedian if you had like too many bad sets and too short a period time you give the van just pulls up and just takes you you can't you can't do this anymore All right.

Those people are never going to get that 20 minutes back. You did it six times in the last six. Well, you're allowed to bomb once a week. Be funny. And then, like, you know the van's coming. Like, you've got to have a good set. So the fucking pressure would be starting to eat at you. You start getting, like, the flop sweat.

I don't know. A fucking weird time we're living in. All right. Anyway, that is the podcast. Oh, Billy Freckles is rooting for his Patriots, but I'm taking the Jets. They're fucking laying 13 and a half. It's Thursday night football.

This theory has been working for me, and I'm sticking with it. All right? Have a great weekend, your cunts. Be nice to each other. Don't give into this fucking, all of this craziness on the internet around the world and all of that.

shit you can still be a good fucking shit day don't cost nothing all right i'll talk to you what's going on it's bill burr and it's time for the monday morning podcast for monday november 13th 2017 what's going on how are yeah what's going on i am in new york city Bump, b'u-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-do-d-do. Oh, that's actually Hollywood. What the fuck am I thinking? That's not a New York song, right? Ba-ba-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da.

That's Hollywood, right? That's a New York song. Start spreading the nose. Right? I don't fucking know. I'm all over the map here. I'm winding down this trip. I just wrapped up my acting gig on front runner.

I want to thank everybody that allowed me to be on that movie. I had such a great time. I met so many great people on that shoot. And the last night of the shoot, I actually got to do a scene with the star of the movie, Hugh Jackman. And I can't even tell you how great that experience was. He might be one of the nicest guys I've ever met in my life. uh totally cool big guy too he's like six four or something big guy totally cool nice as fucking dude ever then you start doing the scene right and if his character in the scene was getting

mad and like frustrated with us dude and he went into that wolverine thing a little bit i was just like jesus christ i would not fuck with this guy just an amazing amazing actor and I was the coolest thing like on the last night we had like two things to shoot like one quick thing in a car and then the whole rest of the thing was

us you know like me and two other actress and Hugh Jackman and it was just like it was uh yeah we shot that the whole night and it was one of those things where you're like I wouldn't really care if we continued shooting this scene tomorrow I'm having so much fun you know I found out I actually

I like to run when I act and this scene involved me running into running before I delivered the my lines or whatever and I found that I really liked that and I was just like wow

no wonder I always like William Shatner and T.J. Hooker I know I've talked about this before but if you ever watch T.J. Hooker I don't think in the history of television they ever made an actor run farther than they made William Shatner who was well into his 50s by then

they would just have like this the master shot of the scene and I don't want to get all Hollywood here on you but the master is just when you go to shoot the scene is you're just it's a wide shot and you're capturing every character in it or you're establishing the place the setting I have no fucking I think that's what it is

right they would just they would just be standing on the other side of a wharf a runway like William Shat he chased after planes and they would just start and he would come running around the corner and he would always be like 70 yards away and they'd be playing this fucking music with the bongos in the background and you would watch him just full speed running a man in his 50s all right and this is like the 80s so no guys stretched unless you were on like you know you had to be like in the Olympics and even then if you watch like the old NFL films the way that they would

stretch you know what I mean they weren't doing like any just sort of you know doing a forward bend none of that yoga shit it was like touch your toes touch your hips touch your shoulders do a jumping jack come back down or whatever the fuck they would do one two three four that type of stuff um running in cop shoes full speed for a good 80 yards there's actually a great youtube video that i think i posted before of we of of tj hooker running um so anyways i had the I had the best time and did the perfect amount of time on the movie because right when it ended I came right here to New York

and then I'm going to go back in the rest of my year other than like two road gigs, I am done and I'm going to get to spend this ridiculous amount of quality time with my wife and daughter and I can't wait. I'm totally getting into the Christmas spirit this year not to the point of sacrificing Thanksgiving. You know?

I might even put up a couple of little, like cut out turkeys in my house. I head out Thanksgiving just gets passed over, you know what I mean? Gets passed over like a, I don't know, like a person that should have got the job but didn't, right? But I'm totally getting into it, and I'm still sober. It was 84 days on Thursday, so 85, 86, 87, 88, Eric Lindrosse, 88, Lynn Swan, right? Isn't he, 88? 88 days, not boozing, and I think I'm going to go for the 100. I don't know, you know.

I think I'll be, let's see, I'll be 91 on Thursday, a week from Thursday, it'll be 98. And then it'll be Thanksgiving and what? I'm not going to have a little brandy in my eggnog there. I'm big with the brandy on the eggnog, you know. That's what I would have added to the great Opie and Anthony Bitt, the eggnod. O'B. Anthony and little Jimmy, right? Do you think those guys are loving it back together, do like a reunion tour? They should have like a one-off, you know, like a tour.

You know, like the police got back together? They should do that with great radio shows where everybody eventually, you know, just got sick of each other and went the other way. But the fans are still sitting there like, come on, man. Just do one more tour, man. They should all get together, you know. I think it'll have. If Guns and Roses can get back together,

right I don't fucking know anyways plowing ahead of you I'm totally going to get into the holidays and I don't know I don't know about the drinking thing I think I'm done for a while

like I said I want to go sting in my 50s I'm turning 50 in June and I want to make sure I don't know that's a critical fucking decade right

that's that one you know people like fucking die in their 50s so I got a you just

that's when people just start dying I mean people I've got I've already lost like I've lost

count how many fucking friends I actually I have a list on my phone so I don't forget

all the comics that I've known that have died um by the way all men all men

out of the 25, they're all men. So all these women out there, like, you don't understand how difficult it is to be a woman. It's like, lady, I got 25 dead friends. They're all guys. Okay? I don't know what the fuck is going on with us. But whatever you guys are, there's something that you guys, something in your life is easier.

I know in this age of feminism where it just has to be, everything is so fucking much harder for a woman. There is one easy thing. One easier thing for a woman. and it really is the most important thing, and that is staying alive. Where the fuck is my phone? I got them all, like I got, and I'm probably going to forget a few people.

All right? Let's see here. These are all the fucking people that I knew that are gone here. All right. It all started with Mitch Hedberg in like March, I think, at 2005. Mitch Hedberg, Freddie Soto, Mitch Malaney, Robert Schimel, Bernie Mac, Dave Fitzgerald, Kevin Knox, Bob Seidbell, Bob Lazarith, Rich Seisler, Otto from Otto and George, Greg Gerardo, Patrice O'Neill, Todd Lynn, Sam Brown, Charlie Murphy, Scott Kennedy, John Pernett, Richard Jenny, Mike DeStefano, Ralphie May, and Pete Cumman.

those are all the people that I knew really well or worked with as a comedian that have all died since 2005 except for Dave Fitzgerald. He died earlier. He died in like 2001. He was a Boston comic. And I probably forgot a few people. You know, club owners,

Manny Dorman, Lucian Holt. And then I have like, let's see, high school kids that I went to school with one, two, three, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. All guys. Fucking unbelievable. You just don't understand sometimes what it's like to be. I know.

I absolutely. I'm sure it's fucking much more difficult in a lot of ways. But I'll tell you, the most important way, staying alive. Let's not forget that. Anyways, so I did. the new West Side Comedy Club and it was just the perfect layout

and I also love too it's right around the corner from the Beacon Theater so I've gotten to play there a couple of times but what I also love is if I was a young comedian starting out it's really like this motivational thing

where you walk out and then you walk around the corner and there's the Beacon Theater and you can kind of be thinking you know someday maybe I'll be able to play that place that's the type of shit that used to get me motivated when I was starting out. Although I don't know about playing theaters. I think it was just seeing Caroline's Comedy Club because when I was starting out,

like nobody played theaters. It was like Cosby played theaters, George Carlin. Like you had to be like a legend. Joan Rivers. Those people played like theaters. And, you know, for most, comedians when I started I think it was

the dream was to just sell out clubs the dream was to sell out clubs and to get a sitcom built around your act that was the dream and then somewhere along the line it switched and a lot of people talk about you know

social media and blah blah and all that I think the biggest thing that is created one of the big things that people forget as far as like how all of these comedians now are big enough of a draw to play theaters. I think one of the best things that happened for comedians that nobody brings up is Napster in online file sharing, air quote, sharing of music, which was really stealing music, that completely destroyed the music business and their ability to make stars. You remember Virgin Records?

Remember you would go in there? They had that little CD listening thing and they had like the top 10 or the top 20 CDs and there'd always be like a new band in there. It's like they were feeding, you know, bringing new people in. And once Napster came out

and then there was the lime wire and all of that shit and then iTunes and all of that, what happened was, oh, am I going to use this turn? There was an arrest of development of new, like when you look at like the amount of bands that broke through in like the last 10 years that was suddenly able to sell

out arenas it's like a handful of bands or people like lady gaga bruno mars was at 21 pilots there's very few that got that big um at least not as much as uh as they used to i feel i might be completely wrong on this but if i'm if i'm not mistaken there was like like the m tv music award had like the five, the same five artists for a long time were with a few new ones, but like, like Jay Z, Kanye and like, I don't know, I'm not so good with all the youngest people stuff, but they stuck around forever at those music awards because there was not these new people coming in. Usually for somebody to stick around at a music award for over 10 years, I feel like there was only a couple of bands that could do it,

but they had to keep those people from 10 years previous because they all got knocked out. And then, I'm going to get to a point here. So everything became a quick little bullshit. I don't want to pay for it online. And I think, and everybody went online, you either wanted to fucking watch someone do something incredible on a skateboard, some X-game shit,

or you wanted to watch people fail and you wanted to laugh. And I feel like stand-up comedy fit into that. Set up punch. Set up punch. It was quick. They made you laugh. You fucking moved on. And then I think comedians slid into all of these theater gigs where all of these bands would have been playing.

I'm not talking arenas. I just mean like theaters. I might be wrong on that one. But I think if you look at the graph, as the music business imploded, comedy went through the fucking roof. Then also with technology, how comics could just keep putting out these specials. And then Netflix was another big thing. But everybody talks about that, but nobody seems, I don't know, I think the music business completely imploding also helped out stand-up. It created a void.

I don't know. You like that? You like me discussing the ins and outs of ticket sales in stand-up comedy. So anyway, so I was working at the West Side Comedy Club. You got to go there. Some old friends of mine opened the place up. That's why I did it. I had the best time.

And what was really cool was mostly, you know, podcast listeners. So I could say whatever the fuck I thought, essentially, in these times, you know what I mean? Everything that's going on. You know, I heard like those fucking people were going down to the comedy seller and then writing down what other comics were saying about Louis C.K. And all of that type of stuff was just, it's just so fucking, it's such a crazy time right now. and uh you know i don't know i love louis k and that was really obviously just a fucking hard thing to see happened to somebody and he was definitely 100% wrong i'll just say this he was 100% wrong he did own up to it and i think he will definitely be back um i will say that and i also knew

a couple of the women that he did this shit too and i just feel bad for everybody it's just fucking terrible. And I don't know. I don't know. I don't know what else you say about it. I feel like I'm in a divorce where you know both the mom and the dad. You got to pick a fucking side here. You know, I don't know.

All I think that's just this new thing, though, is like the level of witch hunt that happened when the Louie thing came out, like the amount of fucking people that they went after was just fucking, it was like six degrees of Louis dick, you know, To the point that even the fucking Huffington Post was even trying to like, you know, list people, the clients of the same manager that he had and stuff, who, by the way, is one of the great people I've ever met in life. I stand by my fucking manager, and I'm never firing the guy. I've been with this guy since 2006.

Dave Becky's one of the great people that I've met in this business. I love that guy. I still have him over my house for fucking dinner. Watching everybody just, oh, I think I remember this happening 15 fucking years ago. watching everybody trying to burn down this guy's life it's just fucking

ridiculous people this is America you remember due process like the whole thing is just like it's fucking insane I wouldn't be surprised if they're going after

Louis CK's mailman saying if you deliver his mail you're part of the problem you know and it doesn't seem to be like there's any sort of like you know in the judicial system where there's

like if you steal a bike, you get this sentence, if you rob a bank, you get this, if you kill somebody, if you kill a whole bunch of people, all the way up to the death penalty, yeah, this kind of seems like it's become, it doesn't make a difference if it's sexual misconduct all the way to sexual assault slash rape, you know, you're getting the exact same, like, level of punishment um so that's only my question okay out of all of this because he was definitely wrong obviously i mean he's all obvious shit that i'm saying but uh does the punishment match the crime because you know sexual misconduct me you talk of sexual misconduct like i i don't i would i don't know how many podcasts i would have to do to tell you all the stories of sexual

misconduct with just women as a stand-up comedian who used to go out after his show shows selling his posters and all and taking pictures with you just the fucking women okay and i'll tell you it was never any of the young ones it was always these middle-aged fucking women couple glasses of red wine oh god and they come at you with their va va-va boom energy and you'd be like oh no here we go you know that's my advice young male comics out there. Young female comics, there's plenty of information out there for you now about watching out for creepy guys. But I don't think there's anything out there for young male comics. I will tell you this, okay, if you're going to go out and meet a crowd afterwards, when middle-aged

women, you can tell they've had too much wine beyond the fact that they're sort of teetering on their high-heel shoes with their old feet sticking out of them, just look for the gray teeth all right and a little bit too much makeup and then you know they got the girls out a little bit just fucking watch yourself okay because that's the that's the old cheerleader who is not aging well and is freaking out that guys don't you know find her attractive anymore and I'm telling you they're going to come up to you like you know cover your junk that's all I'm going to say dude i had a woman lick my neck one time and i'll tell you worse than the touch of her tongue her old ass disgusting wine breath tongue on my fucking neck worse than that was i felt her breath right

before the eagle landed i will oh oh oh and forget about gay guys jesus christ i can do another half podcast on that one we're just talking about sexual misconduct I always wanted to rub your chest the fuck did you just do I remember what time and this is the thing about a guy when it happens to a guy is just funny just for the simple fact that

you know generally speaking you can overpower whoever the fuck is coming at you I'm not a little boy so I get why nobody gives a shit when this happens to a guy I get it I remember I was dating this absolutely lovely woman, beautiful woman, she danced on Broadway. She was such a sweetheart.

I loved her to death and I completely fucked it up because I was an angry young man. So I'm sorry to her, right? So she was dancing in this thing called Broadway Bears, which was like they used to do this thing to raise money. It was like a burlese show. So it wasn't like this creepy titty bar thing. It was just, you know, If you ever go to a burlesh show, which my wife took me to one to see that Dita Vantis, I was just like, are you fucking kidding me?

She's going to take me down here to go to go see, basically go to a rated PG-13 strip club. I have the coolest wife ever. And then I got down there and I think I was the only straight guy there. And it was like mostly gay guys, right? And that's what this Broadway Bears thing was. and it wasn't like the creepy hooters vibe. So it's actually better if there's a bunch of gay dudes there because I always did that whole,

like hooters, strip clubs, titty bars and all that shit. It's just like, that's something that's like fascinating when you're like in your 20s, I think. And then somewhere, you know, if you're progressing, if you're maturing, at some point it just becomes gross or at the very least, like this is fucking stupid. You know? I want to go out and get laid.

I'm going to sit here looking at naked women who aren't going to fuck me. You know, this is stupid, while losing a ton of money, paying for watered down drinks. What? No, I don't want to eat in here. You're in the sex industry. Get away from me. I want to order some food, right?

So I go down to this Broadway Bears thing, right? And, you know, there's all these fucking hilarious. There's all these smoking hot women doing their dances and stuff. And then there's all these shredded dudes. So all the gay guys are going nuts about the dudes. And I'm looking at all these women going like, oh, my God, right? Fucking dancer legs. They were incredible, right?

Oh, by the way, they also were really talented. Right? So the fucking show ends. And I'm waiting for my girlfriend at the time to come out. And this fucking out of nowhere, this guy came up and just smacked me on the ass. And it wasn't like, it was like if you were playing football, it was good game. But at that place it wasn't. This guy wanted to fucking hook up me.

Dude, he hit me so hard. Like I almost fucking got whiplash. and I fucking turned around and I can't say what I said to the guy but I made it clear to him that I wasn't gay and I'll never forget he just like put his hands up

and was like backing away and I remember when he put his hands up the dude had these fucking guns and I was just like you know I don't know what this guy's thinking right now but if he wanted to do something I don't know if there's anything I could do about it I'll never forget his

his big hairy gay arms just coming out Oh, I'm sorry. I just fucking. No, he didn't even talk like that. I'm doing like the hacky gay voice. He had just like a regular dude voice. And, um,

oh, dude, I got a zillion of those. Fucking zillion of those fucking stories. If we're talking sexual misconduct here. And, um, and you know what's funny is the reason I stopped going out after my shows wasn't all of those fucking witches of Eastwick drunk bitches coming up me doing god knows what right just crossing all kinds of fucking lines like you're literally like you're a cartoon character what made me finally stop was that time the guy went to take the camera out to take the picture of his girlfriend a wife and a loaded nine millimeter fell on the fucking

ground and it was right on the ground and i i should have kicked it away you know all the episodes of staskey and hutch i watched i didn't i just froze i pointed at the gun and i went dude what the fuck and i let him bend down and pick it up and i just stood there i've never felt more white in my life you know what i mean just classic cul-de-sac like uh hey frank i believe you dropped your pistol thanks bill blows my fucking brains out oh you hear that that's my alarm i got up a little early so anyways people uh i think it's a great thing that all of this stuff is coming out because there's no way that women should have to be

tolerating this. They've tolerated it way too long, but can we stop short here of like then trying to literally destroy everybody around the fucking person over social media and no

burden of proof whatsoever? These are like real people that you're going after, okay? You know? These people that are around these people, that have done horrible things they have wives they have kids they have families they have mortgages you know and just to just fucking just willy-nilly oh somebody just said this on twitter it has to be true and just pile on and blow on the ashes and try to turn it into a fucking

inferno um is is is also not right okay and uh i feel really bad for my manager and what the hell he's going through right now. I really do. And I'm not going to be one of these fucking people. And I hate how this this whole fucking day. And it don't say anything, man. It's not worth it. Don't say anything.

So I'm just going to leave this guy who's been a friend to me for fucking 11 years. Guided me through my career. My career went through the fucking stratosphere with this guy. I'm just going to leave him twisting in the window. Fuck yourself. Dave Becky's a great guy. Anyways, plowing ahead. What do we got here?

Let's read a little bit of, no, hey, you know what I missed? I missed the Formula One race, and it sounded like it was amazing. I don't know how Lewis Hamilton ended up starting in last place, but he worked his way all the way up to first, which I have never seen. Somebody must have crashed because, I don't know,

the way Max Verstappen was running during the last race, when somebody gets out in front, you know, and they're driving through the clean air there. What a little thing I know about aerodynamics and racing, no one can never catch them. So they must have had a brilliant strategy, like slash somebody else. That was plus and slash plash. Somebody's car must have broken down or there must have been an accident or something. I have no idea. But can somebody, I know you guys have sent me this link before.

Can somebody try and find or send me the link to where I can rewatch the races? The replay of them, because Brazil's a great one. Did you see fucking the Mercedes-Benz team got robbed at gunpoint? Lewis Hamilton wasn't there, but his quote was basically, this happens every time we come down here. How bad is that for tourism in Brazil? You know what I mean? every time we come down here the Illuminati sport

gets fucking robbed can we do something about security you know thank God like you know if I was like the president of Brazil I actually wouldn't be too nervous because Brazil has arguably the most beautiful women in the world

down there you know what I mean and that will keep people coming despite the fact that even the Mercedes-Benz Formula 1 team gets robbed at gunpoint and they weren't there on vacation they came down there with the entire sport and somebody still finally got through I guess when you got a pistol you don't really need a laminate do you can we see your credentials yeah yeah right here buddy okay Lewis Hamilton's over there and I believe he still has his diamond earring it have at it

all right let's read uh let's read some uh some advertising here for this week all right what are we up to here. All right, 35 minutes. All right. So one of the other, two reasons why I'm here in New York, okay? Three reasons. I did the West Side Comedy Club. Bam. On Saturday night, I did Michael J. Fox's charity. The Fox Foundation. I did a benefit for them. One of the coolest gigs I've ever got to do in my life. I show up, right? First of all, it's Michael J. Fox, right? I mean, that guy's comedic timing. You know, like when they say somebody has, like, perfect pitch when they go to sing or whatever, I always felt like, you know, grew up watching him on family ties and, of course, all the back-to-the-future movies. And his timing was just, like, was impeccable, right? And it makes it look really easy. But just as a fan of comedy and everything, I always love the guy.

So I realized I was going to get to meet him and I show up to the gig, and I'm always nervous. whenever I have to do a benefit because it's a, you know, it's a benefit. People are going to be in this, you know, they're going to be in a certain mindset where it's just like, you know, wow, I'm really lucky that, you know, I'm healthy. I have my family, blah, blah, blah, blah, and these other people are going through this really difficult thing. There's a sense of like guilt that you feel. Just all of that type.

It just puts the crowd in a certain mood where then all of a sudden they go from laughing to everything that you say is just like, oh, oh, boo, you know. Those are the sounds I usually hear at benefits. So I was, I'm always a little apprehensive. And in my head, I'm sitting there going like, all right, how can I navigate this situation? Because there's what I want to talk about and then there's what I should talk about just to get through this, right? So I show up. And one of the first people I saw was Eugene Merman, who hadn't seen in a while.

And I was so relieved to see another comedian. I was just like, oh, thank God. So we both were just sort of laughing, talking about how, all right, it's a benefit. How is this what's going to happen? How is this one going to go down? Hopefully this is going to be good. And as I was talking to him, I heard this amazing band playing in the background. I was like, it sounded so good.

I'm like, is that live? That's unreal. But we were back in the green room. I was like, I got to check them out. Right as I went to go out, this, like, guy comes walking by, he goes, Hey, Bill Burr, how are you doing? He's like, yeah, you know, I've seen your stuff, man, you're funny. I said, oh, thanks a lot.

I appreciate it. I go, look at you. You're dressed all sharp. I'm like, are you going up tonight? He goes, yeah. I go, what do you do? You're comedian? He goes, nah, he goes, I play a little guitar.

You know, I love musicians. I'm like, holy shit, man. You're playing a band that's fucking great, right? Turned out that guy was Brad Paisley. I'm old. I don't know who the kids are, right? I have no fucking idea. he went on in the end and was one of the greatest entertainers I've seen in a long fucking time.

He goes, ah, I play a little guitar, right? Shreds, absolutely shreds on guitar, amazing voice. I said to him after, because I felt like an asshole that I didn't know where he was, but I'm also, I'm old, you know what I'm 50 next year, right? I love, and I'm loving turning 50. Now, this is when you start to have excuses. Ah, I'm 50. I don't know things.

I said to him, I say, you know, I love about you country. guys all you guys can play you know i'm not into all the country music but they they can fucking play and they can sing and it reminds me of hair metal as much as people trashed me for listening to that those guys could play and they could sing they could they could do it live we'll do it live fuck it right so anyways i'm hearing all this band so i uh i go i gotta go check these guys out right after like the third song i heard so i go to walk out there to see the band playing and I looked at it and I'm looking at the drummer this is giant like you know banquet room and I'm just looking at the drummer and I just fucking staring at him for like five seconds in disbelief and I look at the woman next to me who was working for the foundation I was like is that Steve Jordan she goes yeah he's like really good I'm like really good he's one of the greatest fucking drummers of all time this is like a bucket list for me to ever see this guy I play live, I couldn't believe it.

My jaw was on the ground. Like, you've got to understand. Like, I've been listening to Steve Jordan since, like, I guess when I first started watching Letterman. And I didn't even realize at that point that he played on those Blues Brothers albums. Then I discovered those. I even bought the second Blues Brothers album made in America and then nobody bought. I have all of that shit.

All of his Keith Richards expensive Wino shit. I watched him with the Letterman band. I go on YouTube. There's a Fusion album that. he put out what the fuck was the name of that band that you can't I can't find the album anywhere where he's really young playing on on that one way busier than he plays on a lot of other stuff right through all the John Mayer stuff and I was always thinking okay when

John Mayer comes to town with his trio I'm definitely going to go see that and I'll finally get to see Steve Jordan playing live you know switching out the snares and all of that. That whole, it's his whole thing that he does. It's just so incredible. But every time John Mayer would come to L.A., I would always be on the road, and I'd always miss it. So I actually got to see him play. And so anyways, I'm sitting there at the banquet thing. And I meet Michael J. Fox, and he's just like the nicest guy ever, him and his wife, just a couple of sweethearts, you know. I mean, just one of those amazing couples, too, you know. Both good-looking people and then they form when they get together they form an even more amazing person you know

and um i'm sitting there and like i'm literally nervous like i'm a brand new comic whenever i get to whenever i do benefits i get like that nervous because like i've had some that have not gone well i've done some christmas parties the reason why i don't do christmas parties i don't do private gigs you know which are basically rich people or rich companies or something get together and they will literally hire anyone from like fucking

you two all the way down to some no-name comic like I was back when I used to do those fucking things and you would go up there and nobody would know that there was a show and the last one I did like they had me go up it was in like a restaurant these people had rented

out the restaurant and everybody was eating and talking and I went up there and I was no one was listening and I got defensive so my already angry material back then was coming off even angrier and people just literally stopped eating or just sort of staring down at their plates and um I tried every trick that I knew in the book to turn it around and I couldn't do it and I just fucking bombed I ruined their dinner I ruined at least that part of it and I just walked out of there with my agent at the time.

And God bless him. He had to listen to me, walk 12 blocks with him with absolutely, absolute Tourette's just going like, I am never fucking doing one of those fucking things again. Who the fuck brings somebody up when everybody's fucking eating? Like, I did that. I was going K.C. K.C. And I'm supposed to go in and talk about a fucking dog dying, right? I went into that mode.

you know but by the end after 12 blocks by the end of it we were both laughing and I was just like should we giving them money back you know

that was like fuck I feel bad this is the real reason why I was flipping out you know I was embarrassed and then I also felt like I stole money

because I just wasn't the I wasn't the guy for that gig it should have been like somebody like who was happy with themselves

all right So anyways, let's get on with the... No, no, I'll finish telling the story. So anyways, fortunately, the great Dennis Leary was hosting this event, and he went up and immediately turned it into a comedy show. You know, he was up there doing what he does, and he dropped a couple of F-bombs, and then with every joke he told,

I got more and more and more and more relaxed. And I was like, ah, thank God. And then I went up on stage, and I just, I just fucking went off and told all these I just I don't know I did all those stories telling all those fucking stories of all this shit

that women have done to me and at first people didn't want to laugh and then they just started laugh because you know sexual misconduct like I said to a guy and I'm agreeing with this it's kind of funny it's not right but it is

it's funny and at first they were like what the fuck and then they just sort of went with it and then all the rest of my shit just flowed and uh ended up having one of my favorite sets i've had in such a long time and then in the end i got to watch uh this new great musician that i didn't wasn't aware of brad paisley playing with steve jordan's band and um and then in the end they brought michael j fox out and they all played johnny be good i mean it was just it was i was just standing there like going how to fuck

is this my life was amazing um and i just ended up having it just turned out it was also the new york comedy festival so all these guys were in town i got to run into brant brian reagan who just played carnegie hall hanging out with him i just had like the best i had the best fucking night and uh and the great new york run here continues where tomorrow i'm going to be on inside the nfl i don't know what i'm going to be talking about god knows i haven't watched nearly as much NFL football as i would have liked this year i just got so busy with the cartoon and my little acting gig there. Oh, Bill, what do you think you're an actor now?

Every once in a while I am. All right, my screen went dark here. Let's type in the fucking password, the password. All right, let's read some of your questions here. All right, not enough women or gays at the cellar table. Oh, boy, here we go. Oh, Red Dick Billy. All the controversy and stand-up comedy.

He goes, I was hoping to get your take on an article I came across on Facebook called Tear Down the Boys Club that protected Louis C.K. That's that witch hunt thing that I'm saying. Like we had fucking meetings every week. All right, what are we going to do here? Say, you know?

And how everybody else, the second that, evidently, everybody else on the other side, the second that Gawker article came out, you know, immediately took a criminal justice course and just became some gumshoe and went out and bought a giant magnifying glass and walked around looking for clues

all right it's written by a gay comic who figures basically going after louis wasn't enough so he is trying to go after his peers also yeah the witch hunt uh the author cries about a certain table at the comedy seller where elite comics like chris rock and jerry seinfeld sit um like when the table came about by the way jerry seinfeld was still doing seinfeld you know what i mean I don't know if they actually had a place called the table. When I first started going to the comedy cellar, there wasn't a table. Comics just went upstairs and they sat all over the place. And I am convinced that the reason why the table was started was because of Patrice. Because Patrice was so loud and so funny and he was just all over the upstairs.

They were trying to somehow contain him. He was like Jordan, you know, you're not. going to stop them let's just see if we can contain them so i think they just tried to get us all and sit it seated in one area so they could at least be like okay sit down and fold your fucking hands and listen to the teacher right um that's how i remember anyway so he goes he also has never even tried to perform at the cellar himself it's kind of like a fourth grader crying to the teacher because the cool kids won't hang out with him the article implies that by not Speaking up about it, the seller comics were somehow protecting Louis, even though they were just rumors until recently.

Also, the owner of the seller, where are we? Fucking scream a duck. Also, the owner of the cellar had some great things to say in the comments. Here's a link to the article and go, fuck yourself. Yeah, I read it. And, you know, to be honest with you, considering this guy is also a fellow comedian, I feel bad that that was his perception. I feel Phil Biat, that that was his perception of what the table was because, you know, the table was like, I didn't even know how to explain it. Like, that was something like the level of pounding that you had to take.

You had to go there and just basically get ripped to shreds. And then what everybody at the table wanted to do, and it wasn't even, it wasn't doing. it to just be mean it was just i don't it was just this comedian thing so you'd sit down and like you already would you'd sit down with like whatever you were hung up about with yourself and they would give another 40 things about you physically that you didn't even notice that you should also be self-conscious about however in the end all they wanted you to do was come back at them and trash them back and if you did you were in regardless all right and there was some epic fucking

back and forths at that table you know people definitely got mad sometimes but uh the table wasn't like what a lot of people who didn't go to it think it was like

this big bullying thing it was also this amazing thing where like uh I listened to Jewish people and Arab comics going at it talking about the Middle East I'd listen to Patrice

and uh you know Mani Dorman, their debates, Colin Quinn was there. And if I remember correctly, tough crowd came out of those conversations at the table. And if you watched tough crowd,

it would be these comedians talking about these deep issues while trashing each other. And I always felt the table was inclusive as long as you were willing, you had to fucking walk the gauntlet. You just had to fucking do. And you had to survive it. and then if you did you actually became a better comedian because once you got in at the table

then there was this thing you couldn't not sit at the table you'd come in and be hey bill come they wanted you to sit at the table because they wanted you to trash you and then they also wanted you to trash them back but you know i wasn't even part of the elite crew i wasn't funny enough i just wasn't like the the the the as far as this is just my my perception of it was the table was patrice norton voss keith robinson colin quinn and later on kevin hart kevin hart right and even he was sort of like uh just like a rookie but he also made it so fast and he didn't have time to fucking stay there so um those were that that was like the mount rushmore of the table and when you showed up

and they were all there and somebody had something on you like that time I for 24 hours said I would do stand up on a bus on the weight of a World Series game to get a World Series ticket and I never even ended up doing the gig

I took a headlining set pounding that is still legendary they told the fucking story on Opie and Anthony I believe Kevin Hart and them all told the story man I got fucking destroyed

destroyed so this guy like suggesting that it was all like everybody was like there was this team of people it wasn't it was fucking cannibalistic all right everything that they said in open anthie was 100% true

except for the fact that I did the gig because I didn't do the gig I actually gave the gig to somebody else and I with the vow of silence I said I will never tell anybody that you did this gig because I don't want you to go through what I just went through I think the guy who did the gig

actually might have said that he was the one who did the gig all these years later but i still i'm not saying shit who it was so anyways once you got in at the table then you would go downstairs to go do your set and one night they'd everybody at the table be like you know what we're watching your set tonight and you'd be like ah fuck and you would go downstairs you'd go on stage and the crowd couldn't see all these fucking asshole comics i remember they'd all be backlit standing in the hallway patrice's big dumb stupid head and you'd have to go up there and like just commit to your jokes as they were all

standing there making faces of disgust heckling making noises I'm one time I told the joke and it went good and as I was telling the joke I had the nerve to actually try to say something in a joke and Patrice would just go just do that fucking noise and then they would all crack up laughing then the crowd

would laugh like what the fuck and get a sense of like other comics are laughing at this guy should we be laughing at him and not respect him as a human being, and then you would just start bombing. And never forget, I remember Kevin Hart went down stairs, and he went up as a 20-year-old comic and survived it, and was barely affected. I mean, I know, and then looking at all the stuff that he's doing now, like, you really saw what he was made of.

It was a great thing. The seller table is not what this person perceived it to be, and I feel bad that that person because having a fat gay guy comic there would have been great there would have been a whole other angle it was actually a really inclusive thing it's just a lot of people weren't tough enough to get through it and that's the truth and it took me like i said like a half dozen attempts because i was not a mentally strong person back then and um but if you see what came out of it calling queen's tough crowd that was one of the most inclusive shows of all time as far as like he gave almost like two and a half generations of stand-up comics, a TV credit.

A lot of them, their first TV credit. So I don't know. And I'm not always someone's going to sit down and watch Tough Crown. Be like, oh, it was mainly white males, blah, blah, blah, blah, and all that fucking shit. So I don't know. There's no way to win this type of stuff. But I can tell you that I don't agree with this person's perception of it. But I don't have any anger towards that person for writing that, if that's what they think it was.

But it's a little melodramatic. like burn the table down like this these meetings going on and we're all sitting there trying to hold back his his career or whatever I mean I don't I don't fucking all I remember as far as like trans comics I just remember there was I don't know what the proper term was but there was a guy who dressed like a woman who went on stage and went by the name she went by the name Sharon Needles and she used to go up at the Boston Comedy Club and she was fucking hilarious. And the last time I looked her up, I believe she was still doing shows. I think she just got out of the stand-up scene. But nobody, I don't know, there's no comics

going, oh, what the fuck is this fucking person doing here? Like, all comedy is, is if you're funny, other comics are going to laugh and you get their respect and you're in. You know, everybody has a different fucking road, but everybody's just sitting there going I don't know what they're It's everybody's looking out their own head And it becomes their experience Is fact and truth And anybody else's experience

Is bullshit or something like that So all I'm doing here Is I'm telling my side That's how I perceived it And I just remember for the longest time Like we would I remember one night We fucking

We're outside the comedy seller We trashed each other It was so fucking long, and it was so goddamn funny, it was so late in the night that this woman in an apartment above the comedy cellar poured water down onto us to get us to shut the fuck up. And going back, you know, like a lot of moments like that in life, I wish I could have realized how amazing that was during that time. Because as far as I was concerned, the table, this table that this guy wants to burn down, that died. The table died when Manny died because, you know, he was the creator of it. And he was one of the great conversationalists that I ever met. And he was so goddamn funny.

And what I loved about him is he wasn't a malicious guy. as much as I got I used to fucking argue with that guy you know what I mean I was just I was a young angry man and I used to argue with that guy and and he was always the next day it was always over and I actually kind of learned from him I learned from him and Bobby Kelly how to squash an argument where like how you'd be like the next day just you know because I didn't grow up in a family like that it was just basically you didn't talk about it and then you didn't talk for three days and then fucking four days later you say hey you see the Celtics game let's say yeah yeah is good good and then everything was lingering those two people i learned how to have a functional

end to an argument so um yeah i don't know what that shit's about but it's unfortunate that that person feels that way about it but you know everybody's entitled to their opinion all right uh patrice a billy ray no fun um after hearing you along with so many other comics university laud patrice i finally watched elephant in the room special uh within minutes he had me in stitches it's so easy to see why he was so revered within the comedy community. I know you hold him both as a comedian as a person in an incredibly high regard. I would love to hear some of your insight into him. I recently heard that he was permanently banned from performing at the stand in New York.

What was that about? No, he was never banned from the stand. The stand came out or opened right around when Patrice got sick. He wasn't banned from there. Anyways, really big fan of the show and we'd love to see you come to Australia again soon. Yeah, no, Patrice. Patrice was getting banned from comedy clubs all the time.

All the time, but he was so fucking good, they had to let him back in. It reminds me of when I read this Miles Davis book, and he was talking about Charlie Parker, and when he would party too much and pawn his horn and these clubs would kick him out, They'd eventually have to fucking bring him back in because he was the best. And Patrice was the best.

And, you know, as much as he would drive him nuts, you wanted him around. You wanted them around. It's just like the comedy dropped by 40%, even with all the other comics still going there. If he wasn't there and just the fun. And then they also knew that if they banned him, that none of the comics were going to hang out at their clubs, we were all going to go to where he was. Yeah, so then they would let him back into the club. And then they created the table.

That's how I remember it. That's how I thought that they let's. We'll have them all these fucking lunatics. Just have them sit in the back at the goddamn table. So then we were sitting down and it just, you know, it was just a bunch of dogs in a fucking pit. And then that's how the trashin. The trashing was already happening.

I remember one night You know After I took the pound in for fucking the bus gig that I never even did I remember when Bobby first shaved his head He came in And I always respected him for this He came in he had like a hat on And he sat down right at the fuck

And the fat gay guy comic here Listen to this story He didn't shy away from the table He fucking walked right in sat down, took his hat off, and looked at everybody, like, all right, give it to me. Let's hear it. And fucking everybody just, it was like a deaf jam bit. He took his hat off and everybody just, oh, ha, every, what the fuck?

He took this fucking pounding. And everyone was getting him and he was just sitting there, taking it, laughing and all that type of stuff. And I actually thought he looked good with the shaved head, right? And what's his face? Oh, who said it? I think it was Esty. he finally got him with one I think she said

you look like David Wells I think that that's what she said and everybody fucking died laughing and Bobby literally just stood up and just walked out and I remember thinking like you could I didn't know you could do that

I didn't know you could walk out I saw Keith Robinson do that one time too we were trash in his clothes so fucking bad it was and he was trying to fight back and he was just feeling that wave was going to crash over him he just fucking ran out the door got in his car and drove home to jersey we would we kept texting him and calling him

going you can't do that you can't do that he's like oh yeah well i just did stupid fucking hung up on us laughed and hung up on us um oh my god i remember that fucking time patrice you know somehow we found out he he was home on a saturday night he he just took like a night off and uh jim norton fucking came in and said you know where patrice is right now he's at home on a saturday night and they all called him up and on speaker phone patrice just picks up he's like hello and jim's like what the fuck are you doing home on a saturday night you don't have any gigs and patrice just fucking roared laughing and we all over speakerphone trashed him he was at home getting trashed at the table.

And I just remember him he loved every fucking second of it. The table is one of the great things ever, so, you know, don't listen to that guy. All right, I lied to my girlfriend. All right, I lied to my girlfriend. Hey, Bill, I really could use some advice right now. I'm an 18-year-old male,

and I've been with this girl for seven months now. I really care about her, and she makes me truly happy. About a year ago, I used to smoke weed and do some drugs, other drugs, a lot. I used to smoke about three or four times a week, but I quit a little under a year ago. My girlfriend is really against drug use and has told me that she would leave me if I ever did it again.

Well, a couple months ago, me and my girl were kind of on a break, not because we don't want to be with each other, but because of some other shit going on in our lives. All right, that's pretty vague. While we were on this break, I smoked some weed with a buddy of mine. I really regret doing so because I know how this is, this. means a lot to her. She has later asked me when was the last time I did any drugs

and I just lied and told her the last time was when I told her I quit. I can't stop thinking about this and I feel really bad about lying to her but I am afraid she's going to leave me or stop trusting me if I tell her now since I had already lied about it several times in the past.

All right. What do you do here? Just do what you want to do. all right if you can't live with it i would tell her if not i mean you fucking smoke you took a hit off a joint out if you're not going to if you're really committed and you're not going to do it again is it really worth putting you and her through this it's kind of hard for me to give you advice here because i don't know what you broke up for you mean you did it while you were broken up it's not like you went out and you bang some other woman you just went out and you just

took a hit and you didn't fucking do it again um and you know that's it but at the end of the day you know something if you come clean and she still breaks up with you over that then you know what fuck her she if she can't accept you it's not like you went out and you started using heroin and you stole all the money out of her fucking purse she can't handle one hit of a joint and then you feel bad about it and you can't even lie to her about it without feeling terrible and that you have to tell her but you tell her that the reason why you didn't tell her is because you care about her and you didn't want to lose her if she still leaves you after that then you know she was going to find something right

Okay, gym girl You know something I don't know if I have time to read all of these I gotta I gotta fucking get out of here here I'll do okay This is the worst thing ever I'm gonna try to read this quickly

I already read bad when I'm reading At a normal pace here Hey Billy Q ball A couple months back I started going to another gym A town over for a change of scenery After a couple weeks I run into this tall athletic girl She didn't talk to anyone and had that I'm not trying to talk to anyone

going on because of this me and virtually because of what because of this and me virtually never cold approaching a girl before i left her alone over the next few weeks i noticed she would be in my area a lot and when moving between exercises we would cross paths a lot uh sounds like you're doing that fucking whatever that workout is cross fit where you got to run down the street you know look at us everybody we're working out hey look at us you know leaving your gym and running around a fucking 7-Eleven parking lot and coming back. We get it. You're working out. Jesus Christ. All right.

Over the next few weeks, I noticed she would be in my area a lot. And when, all right, I already said that. Okay. We cross path. All right. So, I said, fuck it and started talking to her. We had a couple of good convos, and I eventually

got her number. Look at you. You're in the game. We didn't text much, which is fine, because I've learned that texting should be mainly for planning meetups. I still tried a couple of text convos for some rapport since I'd only seen her one to three times a week, sometimes just in passing. Now, the issue is, every time I've messaged her, she randomly stops messaging. Probably because you're bugging her at that point.

No matter how good the conversation was going, or she's busy. I didn't see her for a week before I left for vacation for another two weeks and no contact. It's been a week since I've been back and I haven't seen her in the gym. was marginally interested Was she marginally interested Or did I not come on strong enough Should I text her again Or just move on and wait till I see her again

Well if you're still into her just text us Just say hey I haven't seen yet the gym And where's the harm in that You know In this day and age You know Make sure there's a lawyer there when you do it Because who knows

With the What the next fucking thing is going to be um yeah i would just i would text her and just say hey you know i'm back you know would you like to go out sometime it gives a fuck fuck her and her cold fucking vibe just say what you want to do anything she wants to do it go do it if she doesn't move on that's it easy one all right but i wouldn't question yourself you know fuck all that don't be in your head um don't be like john fabro in swingers you know that's what i always think just never get in

to that fucking mode. Just, you know, it's normal to be nervous both men and women when you're dating or whatever. Men and men, women and women, everybody included. Whenever you get into that, I would say, don't ever send a text when you're in that mode. I would sit down, relax, and just think, what do I want? I want to go on a date with this person. Well, that's what you ask them. I would love to take you out sometime.

I haven't seen you a minute. I'd love to take you out sometime. right that's it what's she going to say how dare you fucking ask me out she's either going to say yes or no okay and if she says no who gives a fuck you don't have any regret you asked but if you don't ask then you got to be like oh what happened all right for some gone wrong this is the last one and i'm done i recently visited my friend at his big time college for his school's school rivalry weekend I'm going big time

that's what they said when I went to Notre Dame versus USC and they were like big time college football speaking of Notre Dame got a big time ass kicking against Miami holy shit the convicts kicking the shit out of the fucking

I like how they still called the Catholics and not the pedophiles you know what I mean? I mean not everybody at the University of Miami you know has gone to jail or been arrested okay but if you're going to call him convicts, then I mean, God damn it,

we got to go pedophile with Notre Dame, right? It was a great time, and his school was one, his school won, and at the last second, and at the last second. So the atmosphere was crazy. Later that night, I attended a party at the fraternity he is a member of. Anyways, we meet these two girls and decide to tell him we were actually real, real life brothers, and we somehow tricked slash convinced these girls, into having a foursome.

How do you tell them that you're related and that they want to do it? Tricked is a very dangerous word to use right now, buddy. All right, we all go into this room. What do you mean, Trick? What do you do? Did you do the old quarter? Hey, I'll make a quarter to disappear.

Hey, where's the quarter? Is it behind your ear? Here's my dick. We all go into his room and start hooking. up, and since he had a large bed, we had girls on it, and were banging them side-by-side doggy style. After what seemed like a while, but was probably six minutes, I unfortunately released my champagne of victory. So now it's my buddy and both the girls in the bed, and I'm just in the corner of the room. I really wanted to get back in there, but I knew it would take a little

bit of time to get back up, so I decided to look for something to use to start jerking off. Oh, god i found out what turned out to be my buddy's contact solution and applied it and started tugging after a few minutes of limp dick tugging i started to feel movement and thought i'd be back in the game soon you're like an injured player that went out for a play at that moment my buddy and the two chicks who he was nailing turn around and face me and catch me jerking off from their perspective they think i'm jerking off to them oh no when in reality i'm jerking it so i can bang the second girl one girl sort of freaks out I love that she freaks out after fucking thinking that

she's having a fucking for some with two brothers one girl sort of freaks out and my buddy screams what the hell are you doing at that point I didn't know what to say so I ran out of the room naked and just stood outside the door until they finished eventually the girls left and my buddy's let my buddy let me back into the room where he proceeded to ask why I was jerking off to him Oh, no. He goes, I tried to plead my case and give a rational explanation, but he's continuing to be persistent that I was jerking off to him. And now he's being extremely distant from me and has told all of our friends who have constantly been berating me for jerking off while my buddy banged two chicks. Do you have any advice on how I can somehow spin this story? I mean, at the end of the day, I did get laid too. all right here's what's hilarious about all that that the woman gets offended like what are you doing

it's like what are you doing you're having like a fucking foursome with two people that you think are related uh and secondly i don't know how guys do that i don't know how you could bang a woman with your buddy next to you also banging you know what i mean like how do you block out the sound of your friend like uh yeah right next to you i mean do you look at each other at any point And like, how do you not start fucking laughing? I don't, I've never understood that. Yeah, you probably should have gone into the bathroom. You probably shouldn't have been looking at them.

I mean, dude, what you have here is a fucking hilarious story. And I, you know, in the spirit of the table, all right? When your friends are giving you shit, I would just laugh. You just have to learn to laugh at yourself And just be like, I swear to God I was trying to get back in the fucking game Just tell the story The way you just told it to me

And think that it's fucking hilarious That this dude thinks you were jerking off to him I would just laugh it off Which is how you get out of most shit You know That's how Donald Trump became president He just That's probably a bad guy to bring up

who's out there grabbing Pussies They'd be like He said all this shit about women No I didn't I said it about Rosie O'Donnell Nah well You said it about other women too And he's like

Yeah you're probably right It ends it It's when you keep fighting it I would just fucking laugh it off I know it's tough at your age But listen dude If you have it in you To fucking fuck a woman

Right next to your friend If you have the focus to do that I think he can get through this But dude you got one hell of a goddamn story. That's a great story. So anyways, all right, that's it. I've got to get on with my day here. Thanks to everybody who's listened

to the podcast. Thanks to the Fox Foundation, the Westside Comedy Club. Please go out to the comedy club. And thanks to everybody on Frontrunner that let me have a quick little part in that thing. I had such a great time. Oh, and by the way, guess what's out? Daddy's Home Part 2. I was in part 1.

Part 2, I heard his even better. Joe Bartnick, Rose Bowl Tailgate legend told me he went to go see that. He said, dude, I fucking laughed out loud like 25 times. Comedians don't laugh out loud ever. It's one of the, one of the fucking I don't know.

It's one of the prices you pay as a comedian. You stop laughing. You just start going, oh, that was funny. But you never laugh. You never laugh again. So definitely go check that out. And who knows? Who knows? Maybe you'll see a familiar face in there. All right.

fuck yourselves. I'll check in on you on Thursday. What's up, everybody, and welcome back to the Anything Better podcast show, NFL edition for week number 11. Guys, I mean, anyway, let's just get into the show here. I'm Paul Verzi. That's Bill Burr. We have Jake the Snake, our injury report guy, as always. And of course, Andrew Themis, the Greek freak out there in Beverly Hills.

dude another week of i mean bill first of bill burr everybody i mean he gives credit where credits do i give credit where credits do six weeks in a row this man i think has gone his worst in the last six weeks was two and two once uh now he is above 500 another three and one uh week where yours truly another one and three week because miami dolphins decided to save their coach his job. I mean, what the fuck happened, dude? What happened? I mean, dude, a chimpanzee could throw

darts at a board and pick better than me right now. Dude, the only reason why I took the dolphins because everybody said the bills. And I just said something about the dolphins. They're good for one of those a year. One of those a year, they used to beat the Patriots. Every time we go down there, even during the Belichick Brady years, I said this last week. So that's the reason why I took them. I didn't know anything.

I just, I was just guessing, Paul. Dude, I feel like the Giants coach table that just got fired where every week I'm going, got to get better. I just got to get better. I got to figure this out. Look, you know, all we can do is learn from what we have been doing

right and, you know, just try to get better. Is there anything funnier than a coach on the hot seat knowing his job is on the line, just looking at reporters, just going like, yeah, got to get better, go look at tape, we're going to look at film, we're going to look at film In his mind, he's like, I'm not going to be looking at film that much long.

Little things become big things at the end of the game. We just do the little things that redos their job. But, you know, I did see some good things today. I saw some good things. The Giants fired their coach, of course, everybody knows. And look, I got to be honest with you. You want to say a dude I called it. I'm in a group text with a couple buddies and they all go,

dude, you caught. I watched the game. The Giants had another double-digit lead in the fourth quarter with under five minutes. And I literally looked at my buddy and I go, if they lose this game, he is not going to see tomorrow as the Giants head coach because it's too many times. And sure enough, it was just like another blown lead late in the fourth. And but you know when I knew he was done, Bill? You know what I knew he was done when he got fined the 100,000 for like going in the tent? The desperation of him going in the tent when Jackson Dart was there.

He's going to, is he ready? Is he coming out? Is he? And he like poked his head in. and they go like dude you can't do that like he was so desperate for his job that he's like it's fourth down the head coach can't go in the concussion tent oh he can't no like he went like he was like panicking because it was coming up on fourth down and dude he ran over there poked his head in he looked so desperate and nuts that it was just like all right you know what is nuts

remember how weird the tent was that they went in there and no one could see like what the fuck are they doing in there now it's just normal yeah that is weird like what are they they doing in there? Well, when I think with a concussion, you know, the nerdy guy in the suit goes in and they look at, you know, they just, I guess, look and see, but, um. They don't want the crowd to know that the guy got a concussion and now the crowd knows about the CTE and the awful yeah, uh, quality of life. These players, most of them end up with that the owners only gave him 700 bucks each for their service. Yeah. Yeah. Dude, think about the nine. You know what, Paul, it's a metaphor, the concussion, the concussion tent.

There's one in every business. Yeah. Yeah. That'd be funny. That'd be funny if there was just a literal tent. A corporate guy loses a ton of money on the stock market. He's like, how do they bring him in the fucking tent to doctor? Get him in a minute, he gets busted for insider trading.

And then the piece of shit that paid him sticking his head in, is he ready? Could he come back out? is he still suspended? Is he taking the fall? He didn't say my name, did he? A tent falls over his cubicle. Yeah, you hit on his chick in a bar, you just get shot down too many times

and they just fucking put tent over. Dude, I don't know what's going on with you. How do you open with the line like that? You know, it's okay if you're gay. Like, I don't know what's going on here, but like I've never seen, like, this is shooting fish in a barrel. These women are desperate. His buddy that needed a wingman

because he thought he was going to get a late to poke in his head in the tent. Is he all right? Is he coming out? How many women do you see? How many women do you see over there in the quarter? Three? Three? I don't know.

Come on. I want to get another drink. Let me get another drink. You're either drinking kamikazis or you're hitting on women. You can't do both. It's guaranteed. That's great. All right, guys, before we get into our week 11 picks,

before we get into our week 11 picks, we got a shout out. our sponsor. It's BetMGM, guys. You know who it is. BetMGM, the best book, the best lines out there. And if you want to join BetMGM and be a part of the Anything Better podcast here with our picks, all you got to do is get your device here and you download

the BetMGM app and you use our code. Our code is Burr. B-U-R-R. It's very simple. All you got to do is put as little as $10 in the account and make your first bet. If you lose that bet, you will get $1,500 in bonus bets after that first wager is done, which

is a great deal. Have fun with us. They have great bets for you guys to do. And then we have the first touchdown promotion, which is you pick any NFL player of any NFL game to get a touchdown and in the first touchdown. I'm sorry, the first touchdown of that game. If they do, you win your money. If they don't, but in fact get the second touchdown in that NFL game, you will get your cash back. It's that simple, guys. Have a good time. Bet responsibly. And what could I say? I'm going on week 11 here and I'm losing. So, um, go with Bill right now because Bill is above 500 and uh before that guys before we do this pick we got to bring in our you know who we love to bring in his name is jake the snake he is our

update guy he is our injury guy oh there he we on his blog he writes every week about the previous week it's my favorite text message i get of the week he's he does his homework he gives us a little report we missed you last week he's a playboy at night but during the day when he watches the games this man sees things that other people miss what do you got jake it's uh real quick it's funny because you guys talking about the the tent for the for the picking up uh chicks at the bar there's all kinds of videos of like people doing something similar whether they're like they'll have a they'll call to the bullpen or they'll like have a headset on and they'll like call and they'll be like what kind of play is that no get them out of there get them out of there so that doesn't

I do miss that. Being single, striking out with chicks was fucking, once you found the humor and it, dude, it was fucking hilarious. All right, so what are you got? People coming back, people going away, what's going on? Yeah, so as most I'll provide some updates with the quarterbacks. CJ's shrouded this last week with the concussion.

It looks like he'll be back for this week's game against the Titans. We talked about the Giants a little, or you guys were talking about the Giants a little bit. Jackson Dart is probably going to be out this week against the Packers. This is the fourth time he's been evaluated for percussion this year, so they really want to probably take it easy on him. I sent it to the chat, but Jamis Winston is going to start this week over Russell Wilson. They seem to be really done with him over there. Tyler Murray is going to be out for a while. They placed him on IR, so that's going to be at least four weeks with a foot injury. But Jacoby Brissette, the old Patriots backup's looking good.

out there. He's going to keep starting for the Cardinals. Brock Bertie, though, is expected to come back. He has a turf toe injury. So this is going to be the first week. He'll be back. So that's exciting for Niners fans. And then we got a positive Joe Burrow update. He won't be back this week, but he's finally practicing, and he'll be back by Thanksgiving. I thought he was going to come back this week. That's awesome, though. Yeah, so we got some guys back. And then, yeah, we can kind of keep going as you guys make your picks for sure if you have any questions but yeah it was kind of big ones you know what

espn has adam schifter and anything better has jake the fucking snake okay that's as good of a report as you're going to get uh bill it is week 11 it is an odd week which means you my friend are on the clock well you know paul i'm an odd guy um well you know i've been fucking running my yap about my thursday night theory about a division rival Thursday night game. If the dog is getting more than five and a half points, take the dog. And wouldn't you know it this week, my New England Patriots are favored by 13 Paul against the same division, New York Jets, who got their first, their second win last week against the Browns. It's the only game I lost last week. And I got to stick with it. I got to dance with what brung me the last couple of weeks. I'm going to

take the Jets getting 13 points on Thursday night. I just think, you know, simple game plans, Paul. Simple Grable's a better coach, but only four days to prepare. I just think, yeah, 13's a ton of fucking points. And I'm going to take the Jets. Well, you took my... No, getting 13, sorry. You took my first pick, and I love the pick, because I was going to take it.

Look, I don't I don't know what tickets tear up the tickets So he gets he took a much better horse He took the fucking horse Um Dude look I don't know what's gotten into the dolphins The dolphins are they're bad but they I mean how do they beat the bills coming off the bills by week right? I got a theory I got a theory please

because what happens is when they know the coach is gone that's sort of a foregone conclusion then all of a sudden the players start worrying that they're gone so after they quit from the coach on the coach then there's this like well I don't want to get I don't want to get axed too

I don't want to be part when somebody comes in and cleans the house so once they get rid of their coach then they start fucking playing again well look although he's still there so that was a stupid thing I should just shut up as usual sorry go ahead The Dolphins beat the bills.

They have a low line and their home. Jade and Daniels is out. What's that? They're in Spain, but yeah. Oh, they're in Spain. Okay. Why would you do that to Spain? Why would you send these two fucking awful teams?

Are they trying to go global or are we trying to start another war? When this game got announced. You got the lions playing the Eagles. Send that. to Spain if you want to fucking get people. You don't send them the fucking Cowboys Raiders game or the command is Dolphins. They should put the blue tent over Spain.

You're like, no, no, no. We got another, get another team in here. Get two other teams in here. We need to go over and be like, this isn't what it usually looks like. I'm going to take the Miami Dolphins to try to save this guy's job. I don't know if it's saveable, but you know what?

The commanders are just, just in bad shape. The Dolphins got to be feeling good in the facility this week after beating the bills, and it's under a field goal. I think both teams are bad, but I think now the Dolphins have the better quarterback in this matchup. It's still Tua, right? It's still Tua. Yeah, still two. I'm going to, I know this is just nuts, but I like the line under three, and I think both teams are bad, but I'm going to go with the team that's, I guess, feeling a little better than the other one this week. So I got the Miami Dolphins. All right. Seahawks won big last week that coming down to Los Angeles to play the Rams.

I just think the Rams always seem to have their number down there. I'm taking the Rams minus three. Going with the favorite, Paulie, you know, a little red, little black on the roulette wheel. What do I care? I'm over here wearing a fucking cheap suit. I mean, who are you? wearing a fucking mom matching sweat pant fucking outfit here that'll be one of my picks too Jesus Paul

you are fucking in between your ears you didn't say one fucking you're just fucking looking down on your paper look like you're taking your SATs and you know you're not going to college but you got to fill in a few more before the lady goes all right that's it Paul it's it it's over because you know what my

Bill you remember that remember that video we saw the guy watching horses Go on. Come on. Come on. He goes, she lost. She won. She lost. That's right. Now, I like this guy. And he goes, come on. The worst, the darkest part of that thing is not him shirtless with his jeans and his muffin top. It's when he's just staring. As the race he's going, it's just going, this is so bad. This is so stupid. I should. I mean, it's really like, it's heartbreaking, that addiction. At least on drugs, you're like, you don't even fucking remember what you do it. But like, as a gambler, just wide awake, no anesthetic, just fucking losing your paycheck. But gamble on these games, everybody.

Sorry. Well, here's the deal. What is my message here? Yeah, message is, Andrew, you know where to cut that, right? I'm going to take the 40. No, you got to give the people the truth. You know what you're doing is stupid, so fucking don't get real stupid. Well, we always tell them that.

Yeah. Have fun. Have fun. That's all you have to do, Paul. Gamble responsibly, drink responsibly. Do smack responsibly. Well, everything. Eat responsibly.

Have two cookies. Don't have the sleeve. Well, they put it on you. They put it on you after they fuck you. okay take away all your benefits and you come home and you got a whole fucking liquor cabinet and you've been treated like shit all day then it's on you

to fucking drink responsibly so then you can beat you then it's still your fucking fault maybe if there's less cunts in the world there'd be less pain and people wouldn't have to fucking medicate with this shit all right let's let's keep going here Paul so Paul what do you like next I'm going to take the 49ers

minus two and a half. You motherfucker! I love that game. You took my Jets. Fair enough. I'm going to take the 49ers because Brock Purdy's coming back and I think they're going to be juiced up that he's back.

And Kyler Murray is out for the Cardinals. Yeah, I just think the 49ers are going to, they're getting their captain back. I think that the line being under three. Again, another line under three. So I'm going to take them. All right. I like that pick, dude. And that kind of fucked me here because I was real, I was seeing things. I was seeing things. Dude, what the fuck are the Panthers? What are they? What are they? Does anybody know? No. They're five and five. And they had, they're like, yeah, that's, that's like dating a stripper. I know enough to stay out of the fucking NFC South. If I've learned anything, although I don't, yeah. I still in my mind, the 49ers are in the NFC South, but they I used to be in the West and with the falcons.

So that still fucks me up. I had this poster, Paul, on my wall when there was only 28 teams in the NFL. Paul, if you don't stop looking at your fucking paper. I don't know. If you don't have the answers. By fucking November 13th. I turn it around. All you can do is get better.

Phil, I'm looking at film. I'm looking at film. I don't know man there's not a lot of meat on the bone after you took that fucking 49ers game Paul great pick um I'm gonna take the giants I'm kidding uh I am going to take do fuck the Ravens I don't give a shit what they did last week those fucking assholes I always lose when I bet them I oh my God I'm gonna take old twinkle toes out there in Kansas City minus four playing the Broncos this is their time of here. Travis is going to stomp around. The mire cat's going to start showing up to the games going, oh my God,

Travis. And they're just going to fucking gear up that whole media machine. Flags are in the pockets, Paul. In the pockets. Holden defense. I didn't see anything. As he runs by with the ball sticking it out.

Hey, talk about Who's the bucks? Who are the Tampa Bay Buccaneers now? What happened to them? You know what, Paul? You and Baker Mayfield have the exact same beard. And I think there's a little synergy going on there. Which is?

Paul, you're a fucking winner. Okay? I like it. Baker Mayfield is a fucking winner. You heard that guy's fucking story? He played for Texas Tech. He wins five games. they still don't make him his is still make them the starter him and his mom drive up to norman

oklahoma they can't get on the team he just enrolls as a fucking student he walks on walks on and wins the heisman trophy he's played for the brown crazy that's crazy play for rams that's okay he played for the bucket of this guy he's played for perennial fucking losers and the man wins yeah And now he's going in there With Buffalo And all they got is chicken wings, Paul That's all they got

They got chicken wings And they got lake effects snow And they have an AFL title When JFK was still alive How do you like that? Here's my Jake the Snake report All right Well, from my next pick

Paul, what are you more excited about? Going to Tampa or going to Buffalo? I mean, I love the people of Buffalo, but Tampa. But Tampa. Come on. It's got the great weather. That's where Scientology starts. You can get yourself a cigar down in Ybor City.

Great comedy. You can go down there and feel like you're in good shape. You go out there, look at those people in Buffalo. They're not breaking tables. They're trying to kill themselves. You'll still feel like we're in good shape there. I actually tell you, I do love Buffalo, and they have one of the best fucking minor league baseball stadiums.

You ever seen that thing? You ever take a walk, Paul? Hey, Paul, take a fucking walk next time here. I'm going to, I'm going to take. Oh, you are fading away. Why? Oh. I'm going, well, when this podcast is over.

Yeah, when this podcast is, it's an Opel one, it's a good one, but I didn't, I didn't set it right. I'm going to a best by get a new one. because I got to get a microphone court anyway. I like, I'm going to best way. I'm going to go head to head with Bill. I'm going to take the Denver Broncos getting four at home against the Chiefs. The Chiefs are not, the Chiefs are good, but we'll, we'll see.

I like the four points in Denver at home. That line was four and a half before it moved to four. So maybe something, maybe something. You know what's crazy, guys? The Chiefs are not in the playoffs as of today. so they have this is a pretty big game that is November that is November it's a show it's a fucking show they're not going to they got to have the prong king and queen there they got to do it they got to do it listen I will give it to the

NFL they listened to the fans they knew we were sick of the fucking preferential treatment they called off the dogs in the Super Bowl and they waited for the ravens in the bills they waited five weeks for one of them to step up and start dating a pop star and winning games and nobody did it. So they got a ride with the Chiefs. I think the hankies go away. The hate starts up again and it's just, I don't know. It's a good game.

Bill's got one more pick, right? Yes. Yeah, I do. Who does the Bengals have his quarterback? Still Joe Flacco. yeah i'll take joe flack own five and a half points division rivalry against the steelers i do love aaron rogers though they're at home whatever these these games i don't know they're always close black and blue division no to your point i don't get why the steelers are just big favorites they got

they got smacked on uh on the sunday-night football so it's kind of a interesting line and that line just dropped a point this morning or last night too that was uh bangles we're getting six and a half. Wow. I don't like that. That was probably a stupid pick, but you know what, Paul? I'm a summer school kid. I do stupid things.

Hey, Andrew, why does the Texans line and the Titans line have six and six and a half? Why is it different? That is a typo. So what's the line? I'm going to. Hey, Paul, guess what? Everybody missed that but you. Everybody missed that but you, Paul.

You're seeing it. That's your first little fucking bloops thing. single. Get him out of the slump. Come on, Paul. Just get a runner on. Just get a runner on. Paul, just try to make contact.

That line, that line moved half the point, too. That's why it was a half a line down. So what is it? What kind of fucking assholes are betting this early in the week, unless you're going with fucking. It's a great point. The look at lines on Monday. I mean, there's preseason odds.

Yeah. Yeah, they have. lines on these two. Maybe that's the move because the lines are bigger earlier in the week. Maybe you want to get in there. You want to be the guy that moves the line? I don't know. Dude, what's going on with the Chicago Bears being six and three, too? That's nuts. That is a big game, but it's a way Minnesota needs it. Dude, I'm going to take, I'm going to take Baker Mayfield and the Buccaneers getting five and a half points. Okay. Baker. Baker Verzi. I see the bills winning this game by three.

So I'm going to take the points. And I got two favorites. I got two dogs. Let's see what happens. I hate this week. That's why I'm staring at it. Like I'm trying to crack a code. But that's it. That's where I'm at. Also, all right, and then the Monday night special. Paul, I just can't get above 500.

I've never been able to do it. You're right there? You're at that now. Every time I had kids, I just, every time I come up for air, the book just fucking pushes my goddamn skull back under. The Baluga Whale. We have our, we have our games here. All right, I got to get rolling here, man. So let's, let's, I got to go to work.

So let's fucking knock this out here. All right. Look at the games. We've got the Cowboys and Raiders in a Monday night game. Oh, that Lion's Eagles Sunday night. They're not doing two Monday night games. No. Monday night versus the Monday night.

It was the best of times. It was the worst of times. You got to sing her song, Bill. Oh, fuck. Let the Monday night special win some money for you. Let the Monday not special win some fucking money for you. Paulie. Oh, my God.

What do you like? Good guys versus the bad guys. Yeah. Let's go with the bad guys. Do you know one of my favorite Monday, night games growing up. Lala Al Zado and the Raiders were coming in and you know the Cowboys

were called America's team back then and they were all clean cut and all of this stuff. They had the beautiful cheerleaders and all that. The Raiders came in looking like a motorcycle gang and they just took that on that whole identity. Like they wanted to go in there and just fuck up something nice like Lail Al Zado because his dad

didn't hug him and they came in and they kicked the Cowboys ass. It was fucking great. I love those Raiders teams back then. Also Laila Zado, he was the shit. All right, Cowboys Raiders, Paul. Cowboys laying three and a half as the favorites going in there. Sneaky Pete, better coach. Yep. Cowboys not good this year. I'll take the Raiders. I'll take Pete Carroll. Take in the points. Dude, but the Cowboys just got such a better quarterback.

Yeah. Meaning, I don't know who the Raiders quarterback is. Geno Smith. Who is it? Mark Wilson. Chino Smith. Gino Smith. You know, he's a turnovers. You know, Gino, he's a generous guy. You know, sneaky, you know, sneaky Pete on a, under the lights, though.

You know, sneaky Pete knows he's on TV. I think, I like you guys listening to take the Raiders to cover. I think that's, I'm the day. Yeah, I like the Raiders to cover because I, because I think people are like thinking the Cowboys are going to going. I don't know. How do you keep your team under wraps, Paul? Paul, you're the new coach of the Giants. You're playing the fucking Vegas Raiders. How do you keep, how do you make

them make curfew? I know. I know. You can't fuck with Vegas when it comes to horse, right? Like, what are the horriest cities, Paul? You know, if you had to rank them. I have Vegas,

Miami. I thought of Miami, too. Yeah, Vegas. My. They're not horrors. Are they just fucking beautiful women that you want to bang? Yeah. That don't even see you. Really old face.

All right. Let's get out of here. All right. Let's take the Cowboys. No, let's take the Raiders. Let's take the Raiders. We'll take the Raiders. Then we'll take Zach to throw one.

And C.D. Lamb to catch one. Oh, my God. C.D. Lamb is back. C.D. I actually like that. Yeah, we have to take Lambda Catch one. Back again. You can take the Raiders running back, Jan Tea, to score one as well.

He's great. All right, let's do that, and we'll do Lambda throw one, and we'll take the points. No, Lambda Catch one. Yeah, I'll have to catch one. Lamb to catch one, running back of the Raiders to get one, and then we'll take the points three and a half. I like that. Just out of curiosity, what is the line for Lambda throw one on the option? Oh, dude.

That's got to be like, hey, that's big money. Dude, that's one of those bets. You hit that bet. You make the news. Watch, we don't take that and he does it to win the game. That's when I quit the show. That's when I go, guys, guys. That's when you, Paul, you get quiet.

I say what to fucking throw shit. Paul gets quiet. When Paul loses, he gets quiet. How funny if you had happened and you just saw Stacy here for next week's show. She's like, what's up, everybody? Paul is resting. Paul is resting. He wants to know. He wants all you guys to know that you. He loves you guys.

Paul's in the tent. You see what I did there? I put a fucking bow on it. That's our show, everybody. Check me out at Levity Live on Thanksgiving Eve. I'll be at the Edmont Town Hall December 12th in Newtown, Connecticut. For more dates, go to Paul Versey. Stay out of the tent this week. Hey, I'm going to be at the whiskey. The whiskey of go-go on sunset.

I'm doing stand-up there. I always wanted to perform them. I'm doing it Monday night. Oh, nice. Yeah, it's going to be. Old Freckles is going to shake the rust off, taking off these acting clothes, getting back out doing what I'm supposed to be doing.

Paul, I'm just picturing that concussion tent on just your half of the bed is fucking hilarious. Stacey's shaking the tent in the morning. Paul? you want some breakfast no good I'm going to go get some breakfast I got to get my fucking shit

we'll see you next week take care all right see you guys thanks for watching