Monday Morning Podcast - Patrice Benefit, Privacy, Cold Plunge | Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 5-1-26

Episode Date: May 1, 2026

Bill rambles about the Patrice Benefit, the end of privacy, and taking a cold plunge.(00:00) - Thursday Afternoon Podcast(28:38) - Thursday Afternoon Throwback - 4-30-18 Bill rambles about Talladega, First Class, and coyotes.Thursday Afternoon Interlude: Ahmad Jamal - Poinciana (Live at The Pershing Lounge)Hims: Get personalized, affordable care for ED, Weight Loss, and more at http://www.Hims.com/BURRTruewerk: Get 15% off your first order at http://www.Truewerk.com/BURRFast Growing Trees: Listeners to our show get 20% off their first purchase at http://www.FastGrowingTrees.com when using the code BURR at checkoutSimpliSafe: Get 50% off your new system by visiting http://www.SimpliSafe.com/BURR See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Bird. It's time for the Thursday afternoon just before Friday, Monday morning podcast. And I'm just checking it on you. Oh, I'm just here. I'm sorry because my podcast is too too late. Because I'm going to rest in New York. I was in New York and I didn't do my podcast.

I am sorry. I've been practicing my French and doing all of that shit on the flight back out here to L.A. It's great to be back out here in Los Angeles. You know, I was at this coffee shop, and I was talking to this lady, kept running to this same woman at this coffee shop because I kept going to the same thing.

To the point, she literally left her kid for me to watch while she went in to go get her coffee. And we were talking about beautiful cities with bad skid rose. And it was L.A., Seattle, and Vancouver, you know, with horrific skid rose. But I will say, still beautiful cities. Still beautiful cities. Anyway, I got to talk about New York. First and foremost, everyone who came out to the Patrice O'Neill, the 13th annual Patrice O'Neill,

comedy benefit show. I got to thank all the comedians who absolutely killed it. Matt Richards, well, Rich Voss, for the 13th time, hosted it 13 years in a row. Matt Richards came out,

started it off, killed it. Jordan Jensen, Drew Dun, Modi, Zarnagg, oh my God, she murdered Adam Ray. Tim Dillon popped in. Tim Dillon coming in like a fucking wrestler running on.

of the locker room to save the day. Dave Attell. I wish I could tell you some of his jokes. You've got to see him. His new shit is all of his stuff. Everybody killed it. And yours truly got to do a little bit of time. Also, thank you so much to Maureen Taryn, as always, for absolutely crushing it, putting

it together. Thank you to the New York City Center and the Stand Comedy Club. they always host the after party. They don't charge us anything. They give us a bunch of food and everything. Those guys are awesome. And that is it. That is it.

We did the benefit. And a lot of people were saying it was the best one. Great mix of comics. And everybody was out there killing it. And I was psyched. As all the comics came off, they were all talking about how great the crowd was. So if you were there, hats off to you.

and a special shout out to my buddy, Doug Signey, who's always bringing 50 or 60 people to the benefit. It's just such a great thing, nothing but positive stuff. All right, and with that, how about you, Nick fans, getting a nice, easy victory to close it out. Let's see if my Celtics can win. I never watched the Celtics. I can't see it.

I watch them during the playoffs. Setting up Celtics versus Knicks. The rematch. I'm nervous about that, man. Jason got hurt last year and then he came back. I don't know. I'm old. It just seems that's really fast to come back.

I just hope he doesn't get hurt again. And the Boston Bruins, how about that? Posternak in overtime. I was working that night. Oh, no, no. I went to go see a Broadway play that night in New York. So I missed that game. I'm going to see tonight's game, obviously.

Do a die for. for the Bruins. I kind of felt like we were going to win that game in Buffalo because we got so embarrassed in game four. And then also, when does Buffalo ever treat their hometown fans to a big victory at home? They just never do it. That's why I kind of knew, like, when the Knicks looked like they were in trouble

with the Atlanta Hawks? I'm like, when does an Atlanta sports team treat their fans nice? I think New York has this. So, but now that we're back in Boston, And Lindy Ruff, I mean, he's one of the greatest coaches ever. I just worry that I kind of felt after game two, they had figured us out. So it took us two games to kind of respond to whatever the hell it was that they're doing. I'm not educated enough on hockey, despite the fact that I watch almost every game.

I still can't watch it at the level a coach does, obviously. I don't know what we did other than just not wanting to be embarrassed. whatever we did in game five. Obviously, we got to keep doing it. Game six. There you go, Bill. What other obvious shit do you have to say? Also, I went to go see, what was it, on Thursday night?

All right, I accidentally hit pause. I saw Death of a Salesman with my lovely wife Wednesday night. I saw the second show. And I got to be honest. Everybody fucking killed it. I got to be honest with you. Just like, seeing that play. And knowing that all those actors have to do that play twice in one day is, I mean, it was exhausting just to watch.

Got to give a shout out to the actors here. Nathan Lane, obviously, the star of the show, who was the one who got me my part in Glenn Gary, Glenn Ross. So I am indebted to him forever. Lori Metcalf, who absolutely killed it. Christopher Abbott, I hope I say this guy's name right. Alir's. He played happy. He fucking killed it. And then a shout out to Michael Benjamin Washington, who I met a long, long, long, long, long, long, long time ago when he was doing Mamma Mia. I said Christopher Abbott.

Oh, I thought you said the other guy. No, no, no. I said both of them. Nia's over here making sure I say everybody's name. Oh my God, that play. Jesus Christ. I mean, it starts off sad and it just steers into the sadness just to have to emotionally go there like they do seven, eight times a week. I don't know how the hell they did it. Do it.

I was joking with Nia that if you haven't seen this play, it's kind of like white good times. If you remember good times, they were always coming up with an idea on how to get out of the projects. and then they were always like right there and at the last second something would happen. This is the white version of that. But anyway, it was great to see that,

the beautiful Winter Garden Theater. And it always seems whenever I go to a play, it's always there. Which is cool because I do love that place, but I also want to check out, it always seems like whenever I go to see a play, it's always either in that one, like I saw George Clooney and good night and good luck.

Saw Mamma Mia way back in the day there. And then I saw this one, death of a salesman. If it's not there, it's always in that, was it circle in the square? I always seem to go to those two. Although I did see Bobby Connovali in art at a different one down the street. Anyway, always try to do that. So with that, Yeah, I did just spend a few days here in New York after the benefit, which was fun.

And I'll tell you what was hilarious. It was walking down the street. And these couples were taking pictures in front of this building because they like the guy who owns it. And they're taking – they had a look on their face like they were standing in front of Niagara Falls. Which I really got like a kick out of that Where I was just like I don't like the guy that lives in that building But you like that guy

So I don't know Whatever he's doing is working for you So it's not all bad I guess I mean swooning Swooning in front of the In front of that building It was almost like sports fans You know like when our team like wins a championship

And like somehow you feel like you accomplish something or you were like a part of it. And the ownership always says, yeah, you're a part. You're not a part of it. You watch and you live and die by it and you buy all the shit. But you don't get a ring. Years later, when they talk about the greatest teams of all time, they talk about the team.

They don't say, what about old Billy Burr? Sitting up there in Section 309. Speaking of which, my Red Sox have been winning. now that they got rid of the whole coaching staff, which, I don't know, I was kind of hoping they weren't because I didn't, I don't know. I don't run a team. What the fuck do I know? But I just don't feel like there's Alex Kores and Jason Veritex just sitting around waiting

for a phone call. I don't know. That just seemed like some scapegoat shit. And like I said, I don't run the team. I don't know why we didn't get some bats. And then I also don't know why we always seem to go after our stars, you know, even if we don't trade them. There's always like trade rumors. Like, oh, you know, there's rumors out there that they might move Jason Duran or whatever.

Jared Duran. It's just like, why would you, why would you move that guy? We just got rid of Devers. Like, what are we going to get rid of everybody? Is that the goal? Are we going to be like the pirates of the fucking American League? Is that what's going on over there? Anyway, so I did my yuge.

I did my yush. I fucking, when I was in New York, I did my little run through Central Park. Nia took me uptown, took me to all her spots that she used to go to in Harlem. And then we walked through Central Park. It was like an amazing day. And, uh, I don't know. I don't know. It's definitely fun. Sometimes I really miss living in New York, but then I have to admit, once I spend, like, I don't know how many days there, I start to remember why I felt I was too old to still live here. I will say, shout out to Mayor Bloomberg, whatever he wanted to do to this city to make it impossible to fucking drive a car in it. Like, he did it. You know, he put chairs in the middle of the fucking street. They put bike lanes. and push the cars out into traffic.

It is just not what it used to be. After the benefit, you know, we jumped in a car to go drive down to the stand. You know, we're in the 50s, and then the stand is, I don't know what, it's down there off of Union Square. It took us like a half hour to get down there. And they don't time the lights anymore. Used to be able to surf the lights. I know I always say this, but like, I for the life of me do not understand.

They're doing this in L.A., too. They just keep getting rid of lanes to drive a car. And then they put all of the traffic out where you used to be able to drive. That's where you park now. And then they put a bike lane on the inside, which is a great idea, I guess, to make it more of a city you can ride a bike on. But like, there's nobody in the bike lane. And then all these fucking assholes on bikes, you know where they ride their bikes? they ride their bikes on streets with no bike lane.

And then they ride side by side shooting the shit with each other, saying share the road when they don't share the road. They don't ride single file. They want to shoot the shit. And I don't know. I know I brought this up a million times. I just don't understand why you just can't get on a bicycle and ride it. Like why you have to always dress like you're in the middle of some sort of bike race.

You know, you're not in a bike race. It's not making you ride. any easier. It's like going to the gym. Everybody has to go there dressed like a fucking X-Men. You can go to the gym wearing the exact same stupid shit you wore watching TV or riding your bike. This whole fucking thing where everything has an outfit. Like, you know, I also find like if you make like, if you, if you buy an old motorcycle for some reason, like say if you buy a motorcycle from the 1940s, you also have to dress like it's the 1940s. you know you got to have your pant leg like rolled up and have these depression error boots on

why can't you just jade on there with like a pair of jordan's what are you going to drive down the street wearing goggles and a scarf we get it you like old shit although i do i'm kind of getting into vintage motorcycles um i think they're fucking cool as hell i will say i think a collection of old motorcycles is way better than a collection of old cars just as far as like space. You know what I mean? Like those guys that get like, I don't know, these giant collections, I like looking at them, but like after a while, you're just looking at these cool cars and they're just buried

behind like fucking 10 other cars and it's just like, that's one of the coolest cars ever and it's going to take you a half hour to get to it. You're never driving that car, you know? For the regular person, you know what that was like? Do you remember when Mitchell and Ness, everybody was buying all those fucking cool old football jerseys? You know, after a while, once you bought like, I don't know, 10, 15 of them, there was going to be those ones. They were just going to be buried in the back of your closet. The older I get, the more I realize that just observing shit is, and just having the memory of it,

and then just walking away and not buying anything, and then coming home, and you just don't own. shit and you can actually like lay on the floor and stretch out your back, you know, because you didn't buy the Mickey Mouse ear fucking version of wherever the hell you went. Anyway, I watched this guy. I think I posted it. This guy went on this fucking rant about how we're all slaves and how our whole existence that you have to go and earn a living. You have to earn the right to be here. We're just always working for some rich motherfucker. Yeah, I agree with that.

But what if you kind of work for yourself? You know? I don't know. I feel like I'm about as free as they let you be. Going around telling shit jokes or whatever. You know? And because of that, I can buy a box of Cheerios, which are made out of God knows what.

I don't know. I kind of have this feeling like there's going to be a big pushback. I don't know. There's a lot of dumb people out there. Not dumb. I don't want to talk down to them. I would just say unexamined. They just go, oh, is this the next thing? Is this the next phone? Is this what I got to do? I always hope like collectively, like say if this shit that people are saying by 2027, all the new cars are going to have. have AI surveillance and they're just going to be watching you when listening to your conversations. I really hope people just say like, you know what, I think my privacy is worth more than having the next car. Maybe I'll buy an old car. Then they would probably come up with some sort of legislation that the old cars also have to have that surveillance for air quote safety

purposes. And the reality is they just want to fucking spy on you. All right, Bill, you're spiraling. Am I, though? Am I? Am I? I don't know. Possibly I don't know. I will say to go down and watch a Broadway play and see a bunch of humans, I can't believe I got to use that word. Doing what I saw that cast do was pretty friggin' amazing. And I just don't see watching a bunch of robots do it. I don't get any of that shit. Oh, that stupid sphere out in Vegas. Like, are you really into the band that you need that much other shit going on? They should only put shitty bands in the sphere So they can start selling tickets again

Like some band that you absolutely hated Like I fucking can't stand their music But if I can be traveling through the fucking Entire universe while they're playing Come on, Eileen, I'll fucking go see that shit I don't know That's probably a stupid idea Let me

Let me do the ad reads for this week What the fuck am I here? it's not this one it's not this one there it is there it is all right look at every look who it is everybody look who it is oh you know what before i do this i i i got to tell you this place we were staying at had a cold plunge and i was like all right i'm going to do this i'm going to see um if this does in fact help the inflammation or whatever so i got in this thing it was 40 degrees. It's the coldest water I've ever been in. And usually when you get in those things, it sucks for about 20 seconds. And then as long as you don't move, it's just, you just get used

to it. It's like you're just kind of semi-frozen. But if you move around, it bothers you. But if you just sort of sit there, you're fine. And you just got to get in. You just got to yeah. And then sit down. and then a couple of, you know, breaths, and then you're good. This shit, it was, like, painful. Like, you know, I tried to do, like, five minutes. I think I tapped out after three. It was just kind of like, maybe like four,

because the guy came back in to check on me, and I'd gotten out and had time to dry off, and then he came out. So I think I made it to just about four minutes. but it just felt like fucking needles all over my body. And I had like goosebumps the entire time, which I've never been in anything cold enough that I had goosebumps the whole time.

So then I got out of it and I went into the dry sauna. And like when I got out, it just felt like someone took, I had just got up off like a bed of nails. And I'm like, this is supposed to make me feel good. and I went into the locker room and they had a dry sauna and I went into that and just sort of sat down in there. And it was funny. It didn't even feel hot. I was so cold.

And after I warmed up, though, I will say I did feel pretty amazing. I don't know. I don't know if it does anything for you. I have no idea. I have no idea. I don't have the medical background to fact check. if what people are saying is actually true. I don't know.

I have no fucking idea. I don't know if it's just you feel amazing just because you're out of the cold water. It's like getting out of a bad relationship. You break up with her. You're just going to feel better because you're not getting fucking, you know, mind-fucked every day. So you feel better that you're out of that.

relationship, but you still haven't found love. You just relieved. You're out of that relationship. So I don't, I'll tell you this, I did it. And I felt amazing, but I don't know if I felt amazing because of the effects of the cold water or just the fact that I was fucking out of the water. And I was just happy that it was over. So anyway, let me do the reads here. Okay, all right. What do we got here? Oh, look who it is, everybody. You know what's going to happen now? A bunch of non-doctors are going to write in and tell me why it's good or why it's fucking bad. Or claim that they're fucking knee, they were but ready to get their fucking leg removed and now they don't because they're in it.

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Everybody who came out to Atlantic City, everybody, 13th year in a row at the Patrice O'Neill Comedy Benefit. I don't know. Thank you. Everybody put together that death of a salesman play. Oh, I didn't even talk about that. Also, the way that they, you know, that's one of those plays that does, like, flashbacks and stuff,

which is easy to do if you're reading. But, like, how are they going to be? to do this live. I thought that was really cool the way they did that. And also not confusing. You know, I'm not the brightest guy. But anyways, that is the podcast. Go fuck yourselves. Have a great weekend. Your cons. And I'll check in on your. No, I'll talk to you on Monday. Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Byrne. It's time for the Monday morning podcast for Monday. Fuck in. April 30th, 2018. What's going on? How are you? I'm still sick

I just every time I start to get healthy I travel again so I actually had to reschedule a gig something I've never I don't can't remember the last time I did that so I just need to fucking stay home and I'm just having coughing

fits I'm having an absolute fucking fit at night like my throat sounds like this I still got the sniffles and maybe I got Ebola, you know. But I'm kind of all right. I cough a little bit during the day. But the second I lay down at night,

all of a sudden my throat gets all dry and I just have this cough and fit. Now, I'm saying this to you guys, because all of you now, without medical degrees, are now leaping to your feet, and you know exactly what's wrong with me and what the cure is. And that's my favorite thing about being sick. I like to not go to doctors. I like to talk to people who have talked to doctors.

I went on WebMD, and then they fucking diagnose me. So I just think I need to shut it down for a couple of fucking days and not do anything is what I need to do. But I'm here for you here. I'm doing the fucking podcast. I want to thank everybody that came out in Hotlanda to the show at the Fox Theater. I know I sounded like shit, but I think I had a good show. And then the next day, like an asshole, rather than just being like, Bill, you're sick, you know, don't do the playing fun event and just go home and sleep it off. I couldn't lay off, man.

I went to the Talladega super fucking speedway, and I went to that NASCAR race out there, man, and just had a great, great time. legendary, legendary track. That's where they always have the big one. The big one's coming. You don't know when it's coming. All you know, all you really know is that it's coming. The big one is just they can drive so goddamn fast there that eventually, you know, and they're right on each other's bumpers.

Eventually, all it takes is somebody to do a little shimmy, a little shimmy sham, shimmy, shimmy shake, whatever the fuck it is, shake and bake. Choking all my own spit, right? Do a little Ricky Bobby shit. little Brewster Baker, little stroke of race. I'm trying to think of all the Star Car movies I saw. Sorry, breathing too many fumes. And then they just have like a giant fucking crash there.

So you know the deal. You know, as Tony Stewart said, we come there for the accidents. I don't want to see anybody die, but I want to see shit fly through the fucking air. So we were in this suite. Then we watched like the first couple legs of the race. And then I was just like, dude, I want to go outside. And I want to fucking, you know, I want to hear the cars and all that shit. So we went the upper deck, which is the shit, because you can see the whole goddamn track.

And then we were like, let's go down low because there was more seats. And we went down there. And it's that whole thing. It's like 40 fucking cars go by at like, you know, 180, 190, 200 miles an hour. And all you're thinking is if they got, if they have the big one, right? Not right in front of me. because by the time everything, you know, settles, it's going to be fucking two miles down,

I mean, a quarter mile down the fucking track. It's like if it happens right before me, there is a chance I could take a lug nut to the side of my head and I'll be fucking dead, you know. But it is amazing. I got to tell you, and the people down there were fucking great. I've always been a fan of fucking Alabama. It's a beautiful goddamn state.

But I will tell you this, not to get negative and shit, just in general. There is a level of fucking poverty that you just cannot fucking, but like some of the people, some of it just, I remember a long time ago, Patrice O'Neill told me this thing. It was fucking hilarious. He said, you know something, Bill? He goes, black people, we are good at being broke. And I go, we're talking about it.

He goes, look at us. He goes, we are the cleanest motherfuckers on the earth. You wouldn't know that we're broke, even if we are broke. But I'll tell you something about white people. When a white person is broke, you fucking know it. And that's what I was thinking about, as I always do, I always think of shit that he said. And I just was looking at these fucking people, man. Not all of them, but just there's been a few, when I've been traveling, there's been a few times where I've seen little kids and I've had the urge to rescue them.

You know, by the time you're looking at the adults, you like, it's too late for them, you know. I've seen that in inner cities. I saw it in India. And I saw it in Alabama, Talladega. Not everybody. I'm not saying everybody. But there was definitely some fucking people. I was like, that kid, if you get him out of this environment, he's got fucking hope.

Jesus Christ. You know something? When you hear that shit white privilege and stuff, you can say that to me. But I always, like, after going to that race, I was wondering what those people think. You know, because the bust. I definitely skip their stuff. And I'm not talking down on these people because I fucking ate out people up north and people on the coasts and everything. They got this fucking attitude like, you know, if you're white and you're broke, it's because you're dumb.

And that's just ignorant because you haven't fucking traveled. But haven't said that, there was a disturbing amount of Confederate flags that I saw. But like, I don't know. I don't know. I don't get that aspect of it. But the other shit, I'm just talking about feet coming out of the side of your fucking sneakers. I don't know. It was interesting.

It definitely as a fellow American, I was like, you know, we really should be doing something about this. Can we try to help these fucking people out? Now, I know Trump said he was going to do it. He was going to make it great again. And I can tell you right now, I didn't see a lot of greatness there. Oh, shit. Why do I talk about things? Why do I see things and then talk about things?

You know what? Because that's what I do. I didn't talk to, you know, I actually talked to a lot of people when I was there. I had a, you know, a good time. But there was definitely a few people that just had to take pictures of, you know. But I'm not going to post them just because, you know, I don't want to further any sort of fucking stereotypes and the people that NASCAR treated me great. But there's definitely, I saw this fucking guy. He had on overall shorts is the only way to

describe it. And Larry Bird short shorts. And the whole thing was the American flag and cowboy boots with no shirt underneath it, shaved head and sunglasses. You know, he looked like Rob Halford on the 4th of July. is the only way to describe it. And he was standing next to a guy and just fucking bare feet looking like he walked out of a coal mine. And it was fucking just some old school shit

and people just smoking like chimneys like a lot of people smoking down there. And it reminded me when I was a kid like the level that people were smoking. But having said that, There was also a bunch of other people that looked fine, I'm just saying. But there was definitely some people who were just like, God damn, that guy is fucking broke. You know?

How are you Hawat and you're that broke? What they're saying out there is that's not supposed to happen. You're supposed to just fucking wake up, you know? And all the doors are supposed to swing open for you. with your Hawat privilege. Well, that happened for me, people. It did not happen for those people. You know what I think?

A lot of it goes back to, I think it goes back to the Civil War. When you lose a fucking war, like that, they're the repercussions of that. You deal with that for a long fucking time. And, you know, I knew some people that relocated from the north, down to the south, back in the 80s, some friends of mine, their parents moved or whatever. And I just remember them calling me up, and they were going, Dude, I'm learning shit in school right now that I learned fucking two years ago up north.

This is fucking ridiculous. There's no fucking reason for that. There is no reason for that. So, I don't know. Did I mention the race was fucking awesome? I was just a little taken aback by shit like that, you know? You don't like to see that. You don't like to see that anyway, right?

I don't like seeing people struggling, you know, not having the answers. walking around in jean shorts but anyways great fucking food at the track Jesus Christ it was delicious food I had this barbecued fucking something or other with the coleslaw on it

and everything was absolutely delicious and uh and I love the track legendary track and then I love the fucking the bleachers it was just no frills no bullshit you know

look like an old football stadium when it's just like we're just building fucking seats that's it no fucking sushi stands and under that crap um it's definitely a good time i hope that didn't come off like uh some elitist yankee thing um anyways plowing ahead now now we're going to get into my elitist attitude for the week now this is something that everybody's going to be like first world problem and all that i have i have a fucking problem with delta airlines all right These fucking assholes, for whatever reason, they board first class and their premium select, whatever they call them, their fucking medallion members at the same fucking time.

You know, all these widget salesmen that fly every fucking weekend. It's like, I spent 20 years in the back of the fucking plane with the stress of the back of the plane. Like, fuck, I need to line up an hour before the flight so I get on early and night. So there's going to be a place for my fucking bag. And is this a DC-9? Am I? Is the engine right outside my window and a part's going to fly off into my fucking head? Am I next to the bathroom?

I'm going to smell the piss and shit of the fucking working class. I spent 20 years in the back of that fucking plane. And they kept us back there. And we didn't get on until first class got on. And we were not allowed past that fucking curtain. That was their fucking bathroom. I did every goddamn hell gig. I had shit thrown at me.

I got booed. I got fucked out of money. And I moved up the rows. I got up to the exit row. I got all the way up there. Now I can finally afford to sit up front. Right? And I don't give a fuck that they're like anybody with a limp or a yeast infection,

anybody active military, even if you're, You never saw action. Even if all you do is count their grenades rather than fucking throw them. You can get on first. I don't give a, you got a stroller and a kid. You're old and in a wheelchair. I don't have a fucking problem with that. These fucking assholes, they take all their frequent flyers.

And then these fucking cunts, all right? They line up like a half hour before. So I'm like, where's the first class line? They go, it's right here. I look back. I'm like 40th and fucking line. And now I got the anxiety. again. That's not, that is not first class. First class is you walk on without a fucking

care in the world. That's what I paid for. I walk on without a care in the world and you pretend that I'm better than the people behind me. That is what I'm paying for. And that is not the experience you get on Delta Airlines. All of these fucking people just fucking, why can't you just board first class and two seconds later have those fucking premium cunts? They line up like a half hour before. Now I got to stand up. I don't even use frequent flyers. I pay full price for the fucking ticket because I can't figure out how to do the fucking,

I don't even want to figure it. I don't figure out, you know, how many fucking miles I have with you, assholes. What is the ticket price? Here you go. The way a guy shops. I'm not waiting for the sale. I need pants. Those are pants.

What are they? Here this is. Give them to me. So I fucking get on the plane. And I get on the plane and all the first class fucking bins are taken. I see one that's like fucking two rows behind me. And I feel that that fucking anxiety, that fucking anxiety that gave me the drive to get up to the front of the fucking plane.

And then I'm sitting there, right? I finally fucking sit out on all of this shit, right? And I know you guys are like, Bill, quit your fucking whining. Fuck you is what I say. I'll say it again. Fuck you. all right don't call it fucking first class and don't charge me for first i want a first class experience you know so many people sit in the back of the plane let's say you went on wheel of fortune and you

solved a fucking puzzle all right and they said that they were going to give you first class accommodations in lufflin nevada all right well if you came walking into the hotel and you didn't get to go to vip checking you're still just stand in line with all these flip flop wearing fucking over-eating jackasses it's that that the first class experience. You know what I mean? They treated me like a $3 whore. You get a $3 horror. You're expecting a certain little attitude. But when you get a $1,200 to $2,000 fucking call girl, she's supposed to pretend you're interesting and your stories are fascinating, that you're paying for the experience. I'm just letting you know that

experience does not exist on Delta Airlines. You're going to get on the fucking plane with the first class seat that you fucking paid for with 40 other fucking people in front of you with their neck braces and their fucking and got all this accoutrements they need because those poor bastards are still sitting in the back of the plane well i paid good money i paid good goddamn money for the fantasy that i am above those people and i did not get that and i hope mr and mrs delta airlines hear this fucking thing and i hope i hope i hope they try to to come at me with some sort of voucher, some sort of gift certificate for a brownie Sunday the next time I go back to the Atlanta Jackson fucking airport.

This is the thing. All this fucking waving in my arms, they're not going to fucking change it. They're not going to change it. And I'm still going to fly their fucking airline when I have to. Because I don't have any law. I'm basically an American Airlines guy. You know, an American Airlines, when you fly first class, you get on with the first class people. You sit down, you're fucking fine.

And you know what you are? You're an inspiration. You're an inspiration to the rest of those passions. There's passengers that walk past you on American Airlines. They're looking at you going, look at that sickly bald looking red-headed guy. If I work hard enough someday, I'll be him. Getting on the plane without a care in the fucking world. You fly Delta Airlines.

You're getting on with those same fucking people, you know? Those people that are so fat, they got the crease in the back, like a toddler. You know, toddlers have those cute rolls of fat. You know what I mean? There's a certain level of fat that you get to. You should literally have your arms up, you know, the way a little baby walks. Why am I attacking fat people? You know what I just, I've traveled. I didn't even know how many fucking miles I traveled. But let's put it this way. When I saw that George Clooney movie where he was trying to get a million miles, I wasn't impressed. All right. What that man was doing was pedestrian. Oh, and then you met the woman you found out

later she was married. Welcome to the fucking road, buddy. Am I supposed to feel bad for you with your full head of beautiful salt and pepper fucking hair? Hang on a second. Huh? Your villa in Indian fucking Italy. Am I stalking him? All right, I want his life. Anyways, I just don't like that Delta has put me in the position to expose myself for the elitist cunt that I am. All right? I'm not saying, that I'm better than the people in the back of the plane. What I'm saying is I got paid to be treated better than them. And I don't want to be lumped in with all these fucking contest winners,

all these fucking widget salesmen that fly your goddamn airline every fucking weekend. So then now they're, they bored. What the fuck did they pay for that ticket? $300. You're getting on with me? How dare you put me in that position, Mrs. and Mrs. Delta Airlines.

They should I should have got a fucking discount on my time. I just wish there was a fucking phone number that you could call and actually talk to a person. And I could just be like the biggest asshole ever. When I get on your airline, I do not even want to see people beyond the other cellar that occurred. During the fucking flight, like people were just waltzing right up, just using the fucking bat. Everybody gets a fucking ribbon now. Everybody's in first place. The fuck out of here.

Get out of here with your economy. economy seeding shit. You take those in the back, buddy. You take that in the back. I don't want to listen to your fucking synobun farts up here. Okay? This is first class. We have silverware.

No, I don't give a shit if you used the bat. I don't give a fuck about any of it. The only thing I fucking want is what I'm paying for is you go first class and I just mosey onto the fucking plane and stick my bag right above my chair. And I sit in a chair that's actually fit to be used by a human being. That's all I'm fucking paid for. I don't give a fuck about your meals and all of that other bullshit and that you call me Mr. Burren S.

In fact, you can take my fucking hoodie and go hang it up. I don't give a fuck about all of that. I'm paying for no anxiety. Like, is the bin going to be there? All of that is supposed to be God. You know, it's like winning the lottery. That's what flying first class is. You fly first class. You don't want the flight.

class you don't want the flight to end that's how great first class is supposed to be delta has somehow lost they they they forgot what the fuck it was you know what i mean you know what i blame all of this on oh you know what i blame all of this shit on fucking dress casual Fridays casual Fridays fucking ended it it fucking ended it in this goddamn country i'm old enough to remember when all of a sudden casual Fridays. This is how old I am. I remember when that shit came out and somebody, I was working

in the warehouse and somebody from the carpeted area just started working there. You know what I mean? This is the 80s. This is like the Michael J. Fox era. So you know what I mean? You got yourself a skinny tie in a fucking cubicle. You bought a Ford probe.

You know? Whatever the fuck they used to call those fucking cars. You got like a Subaru. You know? and this fucking little Michael J. Fox guy goes, what's, what's casual Fridays? And I made the joke, I go, oh, that's when everybody dresses like us,

basically like you're unloading a truck. And I remember my boss got upset by that. Try to have some big fucking meeting about it. And Mr. Burr said that that's when everybody drives, dresses like us. And that's stuck with me. And I feel like we should have more pride out here in the warehouse and fucking blah, blah.

And he just, you had a bunch of fucking hung up. over musicians and class clowns working out there and we're just staring at this guy going, dude, we're showing up like we always show up, okay? If you think we're going to fucking show up like it's in 1950s and we work in an ice cream parlor to go unload trucks, that's not happening. So that failed. But, yeah, everything has just become like everybody's just fucking down to earth now, sort of as the middle class shrinks.

I don't understand it. Okay? Do you know back in the day when you flew first, this is a. how far we fucking come. When you flew first class on Pan Am and you flew into JFK International Airport, back before every airport said they were international. You know what I mean? That's like every fucking podcast out there claims they have like a million fucking downloads

or they're number one in something. You know what I mean? Every fucking airport now says they're international. Well, you know, you connect from our airport to an actual international. international airport. Next thing you know, you're in Europe. So I think we're international. That's like the second assist in hockey. The fuck out of here. Second assist. You knew that fucking guy was going to pass it to the other guy? You get a point too. Um, fuck, my train of thought. What was my point? Oh, back in the day, the MetLife building in New York, right above Grand Central Station.

You used to be the Pan Am building. Well, back in the day, when you flew first class, Pan Am, you landed at JFK. You got off that fucking plane from up top where there was a guy playing a goddamn piano. Okay? You're up there. The summer wind came blowing in.

Won't you sock my dick, right? This is another thing. Two people go, what happened to all the good-looking stewardesses and all that? Because there's no money. They deregulated the whole fucking thing. And then every fucking jerk off with flip-flops could use the first-class bathroom.

And then all those good looking women are like, well, there's nobody to gold dig on this thing. I'm fucking out of here. That's what happened. Okay? You take the money. The money goes out the window. So does all the beautiful women. It's like a vacuum.

They get sucked right to fuck out. Now everybody on the flight looks like fucking Alice from the Brady bunch. Oh, God. Dricking this fucking cold and flu herbal shot. Oh, God. It's got to be the dandelions or some shit. Oh, my God. That's bitter.

I swear to go and to finish this fucking story. When you flew first class on Pan Am to to JFK International Airport, when you got off that fucking plane,

you didn't go into the airport with those animals. Those people on the outside of the curtain. You didn't. You got off that fucking thing and they walked you over to a fucking helicopter.

Okay? And you're like, Ron Burgundy. You know, with a scarf around your neck and you have glass of scotch you fucking walked over to that thing you got on that they flew you from brooklyn right up and over all the traffic landed you on top of the pan and building and you know what was up there there was a bar beautiful women rich people and all this shit you got off into that world and you had another scotch you talk to some women or

whatever right well you made a fucking business connection and then when you were ready to go, somebody took your bags, you went down in the elevator right into a fucking cab over to your goddamn hotel. And probably somebody put a little fucking eight ball in your breastcoat pocket. We've gone from that

to what I experienced in Atlanta on Mr. and Mrs. Delta Airlines. Okay? I missed it. I missed my window of when first class was first class. Sometimes you just got to admit that you missed it. Like I feel bad for millennials.

Like when I look at all this shit that they're going through and all these climate change and all this crap, that they got to have to fucking deal with the ramifications of. I look back, you know, as I'm dealing with turning 50, I'm like, you know what? It's kind of cool that I got to live through the 70s, 80s, and 90s. You know? And I think now when I look at people in their 60s, 70s and 80s,

and I'm thinking like, you know what? That guy right there? That guy probably got his dick sucked on a helicopter ride from JFK over to the top of the Pan Am building. That guy knows what first class is. All right. I don't want to hear it. I don't want to hear it from the people in the back of the plane. What a spoiled brat I am.

I don't give a fuck. I am so beyond you that I won't even read your emails. I can tell by the font that you. sit in the back of the plane where you belong. No, I'm kidding. I'm just saying, you know what I mean? What the fuck? Can I just get on the fucking plane?

All I'm asking for, I don't need a helicopter ride. I don't need a fucking hand job. Can I just get on the fucking plane in a relaxed manner and just put my bag up there? This is what the fuck I paid for. Okay? And then you can come to me and be like, do you want the eggs or the oatmeal? Can I get the eggs? I'm sorry, we're all out of eggs.

That happens in first class. What do you mean you're out of eggs? It's first class. Sorry, my voice is crack. It's first fucking class. You should still have them. Hang on a second. Let me take another shot of fucking dandelion root.

Oh, I'm starting to like that. It reminds me when I did landscape for fucking one summer. All right. All right. Let's talk hockey. Playoffs? Playoffs? You kidding me?

Playoffs. God damn it. That was fucking delicious. Get some free advertising. Dr. Schultz's cold. and flew herbal shot. The aftertaste is terrible, but whatever remains on your tongue is incredible. I like it.

Remember that Chevy Chase when he did that giant line of blow? I like it. Nothing summed up the 70s and the 80s like that, quick little joke. All right. Hockey playoffs, the Bruins jumped all over Tampa Bay. in game one. To go up one, nothing. Once again, our top line was absolutely killing it.

Tuka Ross was playing fucking great. Nebraska or whatever. I already know half the guy's fucking names. When I'm in the other room and somebody scores, a lot of the time I have to poke my head in to see who it is because we change so many players this season. And with the kid, I probably watch five full games. And anyways.

and then game two Tampa was just a better team they just came out like they were ready to play and we just I don't know every time we had the puck it was like it was on edge and so whatever

it's one to one but we did what we had to do we won one down there and now we're coming back and I hope we get a more competent officiating crew because those guys were just it was like they were off and whatever they made some fucking bad calls

but that happened sometimes the calls go away sometimes they don't you don't whine about it you pick up and move on. But, you know, when the fucking net is off the goddamn moorings, whatever the fuck they call it, and the goalie's like, dude, dude, hey, buddy, buddy, ref, hey, over here for like a half a fucking minute. They just don't see it.

Like, that was not ready for prime time officiating. You know, I just hope it, I just don't want it to come down to that because I think Tampa's a great team. And I want to see Tampa beat us. or the Bruins beat them. I just, you know, that is a pet peeve of mine that, you know, you start calling ticky-tack shit and you start like, you know, dictating the tone of the game. And then all of a sudden you stop calling ticky-tack shit. It's just weird, you know what I mean?

And then you're letting shit go and then all of a sudden you're calling stuff. I mean, that's the type of shit, you know, back in the day when I used to watch the NBA, it was like, what the fuck? You know, the shit is fixed. Speaking of the NBA, I was working Saturday night and missed everything about that Celtics game 7 against Milwaukee. I have not even seen a highlight. I am very happy that we won. I heard we kind of won it, you know, wire to wire. And then last night, the weirdest thing ever, like this Boston Celtics had a fucking playoff game while the Bruins had a playoff game.

and we beat the formidable Philadelphia 76ers. When is that next game, man? I can't remember. Last time I think we played each other in the playoffs, I have to go back to like 82, 81, 82, 83. Way back in the day. All right, game two is when? Thursday.

Well, I hope that's not going to overlap with the Bruins. The fuck am I supposed to do. I want to see this, the overachieving Celtics with all the goddamn injuries. This is tremendous. And my picks in the NBA finals before it started, and you can check with the great and always lovely, Dom Irera.

That's what I've always loved about his act. It's not the top-shelf joke writing. It's the elegance of his performance. He asked me, what I thought, and I picked Toronto in the East in Golden State, because I figured Golden State of Cleveland, one of them is going to make it back. And I don't know.

I'm just impressed with Toronto. They just got a lot of weapons and shit and blah, blah, blah, blah. And like, LeBron has played like the equivalent of 60 years with all the fucking playoffs that that guy's been involved in. So anyways, those are my goddamn picks. And as far as hockey goes, I don't know. It's hard to go against the penguins getting back there again.

But I think the most interesting series right now is obviously the Predators in Winnipeg Jets. I would not want to have to play either one of them. And I'm psyched. One of them is going to knock the other one off. All right. There's my limited fucking view of what the fuck's going on. All right. Punk suggestions.

The fuck did you call me? All right. I was listening to your podcast and you asked someone for suggestions on hardcore punk music. I thought I'd try and email you from here. I would start with bands like Minor Threat. I've heard of them. Fugazi, I've heard of them. The X never heard of them.

Bad brains, of course. I've heard of them. He wrote, of course. Negative approach, parentheses, pretty aggressive. Death from Detroit. These are a few good starters. I hope this message reaches you and you enjoy. All right, I'll check those out.

I'm still trying to get into fish, everybody. They haven't quite grabbed me. All right. Bullshit. Guy needing AR-15 to defend against coyotes. Oh my God. He's in the middle of fucking nowhere. He's making you cheese. Hey, sir, Billiam Cunt.

I'm calling bullshit on the guy who wrote in claiming he needs an AR-15 to protect his goats from coyotes. All right. All right. Okay. Well, I hope you're a gun owner and a fucking rancher. I grew up in a rural town in New Mexico. All right. I wasn't a parmesan cheese rancher.

but we had two sheep dogs and a den of coyotes living directly behind our house. To this day, every night you could hear the coyotes howling. The guy doesn't need a machine gun. He needs more than one dog. Oh shit, shots fired! Seems like common sense, honestly. There are breeds of dogs that have been bred for centuries to protect sheep from wolves. Well, that is true, and they didn't have machine guns back then.

Well, how does, like, uh, one sheep, or two sheep dogs fend off a herd of coyotes. You know what that sounds like? That sounds like the sheep dogs are playing basketball and the coyotes are doing some hand one shit. They need to have a fucking team game and they got to feed that big man under the fucking rack and quit putting up threes with nobody underneath.

All right, wait a second. There are breeds of dogs that have been bred for centuries to protect sheep from wolves. Coyotes are pussies compared to wolves. A few times when I was a kid, I was less than 15 feet from an adult coyote and it just ran away. Coyotes are also a lot smaller than wolves. Claiming coyotes hunt in packs of 7 to 12 seems like an exaggeration. I don't like that word seems.

That seems to me like you don't know, but it just sounds like bullshit to you. Anyways, the most badass thing I've ever seen a dog do was when my neighbor's psycho dog chased away a coyote that came near his turf. My neighbor had this crazy ugly mutt named Butch. Butch was the kind of dog where if the football or baseball went over the fence into Butch's yard, the ball was gone. One day when I was a teenager and I was walking up the road and there was a coyote walking near me, I wasn't scared because the coyote was just minding his own business. Any fucking wild animals have a different look on their face. They're killers.

You know, it's like hookers. You know, there's a different look. When a hooker looks at you, it's real. All right. They're not fucking just trying to get a drink out of you. Then I see Butch jump over this five-foot wall and land in a dead sprint. Quote, oh, Jesus, this is going to be good, I thought. He beeline straight for the coyote and without any hesitation or fear.

Hit the coyote like Walter Payton on cocaine. It definitely would have been on SportsCenter's top 10 or some YouTube video. hardest hits in the NFL. I love that you went with Walter Payton. He was one of the most aggressive offensive players. Larry Zonko is the first offensive player to get an unnecessary roughness call. He was on his way out of bounds and someone went to hit him and he just gave the guy a four-arm shiver to the face.

Then Butch and the coyote got into a scrappy ghetto street fight and eventually the coyote ran away. This all happened within 10 yards of where I was standing. Well, that was just walking. and it sounds like the coyote fucking threw some hands too, though. Dogs are badass. They can recognize threats to step up with no fear. They also used to be wolves.

They're like wolf light, right? I'm not saying it's a good light beer. It's more like bush light. Shirley, this guy can find some large dogs who have instincts to protect some goats rather than resort to a military machine gun. Shooting coyotes for sport is douchey. My uncle has an...

Anatolyan shepherd. Okay. And it was apparently bred for guarding lifestyle. Massive dog. Have a good summer and go fuck yourself. Well, what's the overhead? What's the overhead on the dog? Jesus, fucking Christ.

Look at that goddamn thing. The males weigh from 50 to 65 kilograms, which is 110 to 143 pounds. Females are 40 to 55 kilograms. that's 88 to 121 pounds. They're like 32 inches, 29 to 32 inches high, 28 to 31 inches high. Jesus Christ. That's a big ass goddamn dog. Let's look at the coyotes, the tail of the tape here.

Coyote stats. This is going to take me to the Phoenix Coyotes. Coyote. Animal. Wikipedia. Let's see what you got here. Actual coyote or a man. No, coyote attacks on humans.

Attacks generally identify the animal in question as simply coyote. What, Eastern coyote? Eastern coyote. All right, here we go. Let's see what they, they don't even have their stats. I don't like that. That's like when a movie goes to the theaters without being reviewed. The Eastern coyotes is a wild North American canine of mixed coyote, wolf, and dog parentage.

Parenthage that is present in New England, New York, New Jersey, Pennsylvania. you. Ah, yeah, all those fucking places. So they're basically like stray dogs that then got fucked by wolves. Is that what happened? That didn't get killed? All right. Okay, I don't care anymore. All right. Well, you know, some people, he got a 150 pound fucking dog. I mean, what do you got to feed that thing every day? How much of bullets? I mean, I don't know if it's like a, I don't know. Hey, the guy who wrote in with the parmesan cheese farm and fed of cheese. Let me know. What do you think about?

what this guy's saying. I mean, as far as I'm concerned, what the fuck he just says? You got Swiss cheese on your farm now, buddy. You got a bunch of holes in your argument. Please write back. All right. Cops use DNA to,

I can't say this word, genealology website, genealology. Genealology. All right, let's look this up. G-E-A-L-O-G-Y pronunciation. I love this.

This is just for dumb fucking people. How to pronounce genealogy. Is that it? Here we go. Genealogy. Genealogy. How do you say? Genealogy.

One more time. Hey. I love how they say it like five times. Genealogy. Genealogy. Genealogy. Genealogy. Like, like,

Why didn't you just pick a man or a woman? You know, like, I can't hear it. Oh, now that that lady said it. Now I know how to say it. Oh, what, if a woman's listening? Well, I can't understand it unless a woman says it. Genealogy. Cops use DNA to genealogy website to website.

What? That does, okay. Hey, oh, Billy Bald Cunt. I just read the police caught the Golden State killer using DNA obtained from genealogy. Genealogy. Genealogy website. One of those DNA slash genealogy. Genealogy.

Geology. Websites that's going to make our robot replacements. The DNA website responded by saying, while the database was created for genealogical research, it is important that GED match, well, people who didn't fucking graduate in high school, participants understand the possible. the possible use of their DNA, including identification of relatives that may have committed crimes or were victims of crimes. I know you're no legal analysts, but I wanted to get your thoughts on this. By the way, loved you on crashing. Also, come to a show in Maine for Foxx. Yeah, I'm due to go up there. Have a nice day and go fuck yourself. I don't think you can get mad at the fact that they caught a serial killer,

if they got the right guy. And you know what it was, it actually wasn't that guy from what I heard. It was a relative. And it was close enough. And then they just narrowed it down into that gene pool. And they judged that guy by his age. They staked out his fucking house. And then they got like a soda can out of his garbage and got his fucking DNA.

And they nailed them. Yeah, it's one of those things where this could be a great thing. And you could get rid of. It's all how it's applied. And human beings do not have a great track record of doing the right thing. We are all susceptible to the seven deadly sins. We are horribly flawed organisms. And then when you combine racism, sexism, homophobia, greed, ego, and all of that shit.

Yeah, like I don't know what could happen, but I mean, I mean, I'm all for this, this fucking guy. And he's like 71. I still feel like he kind of got away with it. But, you know, just for the victims that are still alive or family members knowing that they got this guy and he's going to fucking rot in jail for the rest of his fucking piece of shit life, I think is a good thing. Oh my God, it just came up with an idea for a movie. A serial killer kills all his relatives before. they go on to fucking a genealogy website. Genealogy website. Geology website. It's a comedy.

You know, they're going to find out that he's the fucking jet ski killer or some shit. I don't know. And then he's got to be like, you know, and he never goes to social events within the family. He's always been a loner. All of a sudden he starts showing up to all the Christmas parties and he's asking questions. And at every party, somebody dies. So he's got like 10 family members. And, you know, the first one he kills at Thanksgiving, maybe Halloween, then Thanksgiving, then Christmas. Then there's like a fucking graduation. I don't know.

He just flag day. He takes out his fucking uncle. And then the local cops, you know, they've never seen anything like that. They're in a quiet town to use that trope. and all of a sudden there's his family members. They're all dying, you know, and then everybody feels bad for the fucking loner because he's losing all his family members.

And then finally one day, the fucking, you know, upstart, you know. You got the fucking old sheriff, you know, he's he and everything, God, and I'm too old for this shit. And then you got the upstart. I don't fucking, you finish the fucking movie. You finish the fucking movie. I don't have time for that shit.

All right, black Republicans, everybody. Dear Mr. Burr, I very much, enjoyed your show at the Fox Atlanta. I went with my wife, parents, and in-laws. Thank you for your laughs and perspectives. Well, thank you. Would you mind sharing your thoughts on Kanye's recent comments and the backlash from Hollywood

and Democratic elites? Why do they always say elites? There's Republican elites, too. I myself am a black Republican who changed parties after the first Clinton administration for a great many reasons. it's a bit unnerving hearing people cringe over the idea of a black Republican, and it is disrespectful to marginalize my opinions in articulations because of my affiliations. It's very telling that people who defended Kanye and championed him when he attacked George Bush are now casting him aside because he does not agree with their group think.

Thank you for your service. And go fuck yourself. Yeah, I mean, there's this whole thing with liberals that they feel like all racists are Republicans, and then they also aren't aware of their own fucking racist thoughts, prejudice thoughts and fucked up. If you really pay attention to your thoughts, the information your brain is going to give you during the course of a fucking day. You're going to think sexist shit, homophobic shit, racist. You're just going to think shit that if you set it out last, I've always said that. If everybody's thoughts were made public, could anybody go to work on Monday?

Would you have a fucking job? And you wouldn't. So on the other side, the fact that Trump didn't tweet once during Black History Month said nothing as far as I'm aware of on the 50th anniversary of Martin Luther King. The fact that he fucking could kind of see both sides with neo-Nazis and people who didn't like neo-Nazis said, you know, both sides are violent. I understand that level of backlash. I don't understand people that just feel that their party is just completely unflot. I don't understand that. Having said that, I think Kanye just has an album coming out and MTV doesn't exist anymore. and that people at his level, they create controversies as a way to get free promotion. That's what I think. I don't take it seriously.

Nor do I give a shit what his political affiliation is. I don't care. And I don't care that you're good for you. You're a problem. I get it. You know, a lot of people become Republican when they make money. and then they realize how much money you have to fucking give away in fucking taxes if you actually have the audacity to become successful.

And then all of a sudden you have to fucking, you know, you have to pay for everybody else, which I'm all for helping people out. But my thing is, if you're sitting around not doing shit, you know, I told you that a long time ago, you know, this person in my life kept hitting me up for money and I finally had to say the guy, just be like, listen to, if you're in a hole and you're reaching up, I will pull you out of it. But if you're face down in it, digging it deeper every fucking day, I mean, what am I supposed to do? I'm throwing money into that.

You know, you want to keep doing fucking drugs and I'm also supposed to give you money. Get your fucking life together and help yourself out and I'll help you out, you know. So I see, you know, I see all sides of the shit, you know, and sometimes I land, you know, it's funny out here in Hollywood, people think, you know, someone was telling me. that people think he voted for Trump, which I didn't. I kind of see like, I don't know. It's really a situation to situation decision. You know what I mean?

Sometimes you punt. Sometimes you go for it on fourth down. You know, it depends on where you are in the field. You have to look at it that way. You can't just 100% we're going for it every fucking time. We're kicking it away every fucking time. So I, you know, I'm old school where I respect the, I'm just happy, sir, that you're voting, that you're politically active and you're fucking paying attention.

That's a lot more than I can say for myself. So God bless you. But as far as Kanye, all of a sudden becoming Republican, I don't buy it because I'm in show business. And that looks like a big fucking, that looks like wrestling when all of a sudden, the Hulk became the bad guy, and then eventually he's going to be shaking the blonde hair, wearing the fucking orange and yellow panties again, you know. All right, girlfriend wants to have sex before marriage, trunks, I should say. Dear Mr. Burr, I'm 16 years old, still going through high school.

I have a little problem with my relationship I'm having with this girl I met. But here's a little backstory about a year ago. One of my friends got a girl pregnant. And let's just say during that time, my friend went through some hard time knowing he was going to be a father to the point he tried to kill himself but failed. Yeah, Jesus Christ, this guy can't get anything right. He can't put a condom on right. He can't fucking off himself. Two days after his attempt, he found out that the baby didn't make it ending up in a miscarriage.

Wow. after seeing what my friend went through, I decided I was going to wait till at least 18 to have sex because I don't want to be like my idiot friend. Well, dude, you don't want to become a dad at 18 either. Wear a fucking condom. All right. But here's the story about, here's the story about me and the girl.

I'm at work and we've been dating for about six months now. And I know what you're going to hear me say next. like I really like her and all that bullshit, but get to the point. All right. Anyways, the screen goes black. Anyway, she wants to have sex even though I told her I'm planning to wait. After I told her that, she gave me that look.

Three days later, she tried to pressure me into it. I kept saying no. Well, you're learning one of the great fucking secrets about women is whatever the fuck you want them to do, you want to do the exact opposite. You know what I mean? And then they will fucking, it's unbelievable. It's like a fucking cat. Gallagher used to do that fucking bit.

You know, you call a cat. It just fucking doesn't come at you. You blow it off and it's fucking walking towards you. Anyways. Then she went so far as to cry and sob about me not wanting to have sex with her. Also, I like the idea of casual sex, but I want to experience love sex. also I think this girl lied to me to try to get down my pants what do you think a lie to you about what bur balls uh and stick your dick up your asshole aka go fuck yourself um

you kind of all over the map here and you also left out a lot of sentences she lied to you like i don't know i just do what the fuck you want to do if what happened to your friend had such a psychological effect on you that you don't have sex. Don't have sex with this person. That's it. And women cry and sob all the fucking time to try to get their fucking way. It's bullshit, okay? Unless you slugged them in the arm, I don't know what the fuck they're crying about.

You know what I mean? You're crying? Crying. I could see if you're upset, if you're depressed, but you're crying. Here's the thing. Don't do this. But this is what I do, because I've said that to what. women like you're crying over this how old are you watch how quickly the tears stop and they

immediately switch to fucking anger you know what I mean the their ability how fast they can stop crying and then fucking start yelling at you like I going back to whenever I cried when I was a kid I mean I couldn't just stop that you know I'd be like fuck you and I would still be crying they immediately just stopped fucking crying bam so um here's a deal dude you're actually what you're doing to this woman is you're actually you know like when you play a video game one of those fighting video games and you don't know what you're doing you just push a bunch of buttons and all of a sudden you your guy does something special but you don't know how the fuck you did it that's what you're doing with this you know this is completely role reversed she's crying like because you're not going to fuck her like you're in a boy band like you through acting the complete opposite way as of Every other guy has so mind fucked her that she's acting. You're getting treated like you're fucking Justin Bieber or some shit. Yeah, she's making this all about herself.

She feels fucking rejected because this is the thing. Women know the power that they have over us. And the fact that you, at the height of how you're, at the height of where you should not be able to walk away from it or walking away from it is fucking with her. and her level of, I don't know, power, you know, I would think. This is also, I'm really fucking stupid and don't know shit about women, but sometimes I do. You know, remember that Mel Gibson movie where he was a conspiracy theorist and he threw out all these crazy ones, but every once in a while he was right.

That's how I am with women. Every once in a while I'm fucking right. So what I will tell you this, though, what I do know is you should do what the fuck you want to do. All right. And, yeah, I believe Hootie and the Blowfish said it best when they said, let her cry. Remember that song? Let her cry. And when the sun comes out tomorrow, let it rain. Whatever the fuck he said. How smart was Darius Rucker when he got out of that fucking band? That was like when the fucking roadrunner just steps off the rock before it fucking crashes to the ground and somehow he doesn't take the impact, you know? Now he does the country thing, right?

Anyways, that's the podcast, everybody. I have some work to do today, and then I am just shutting this fucking down. I'm not going to fucking do anything for like three, four days. I have to get past this goddamn cough. I'm coming up on two weeks with this, and I don't want to, you know, I've never had pneumonia, and I don't want to fucking get it. You know, because then every time you get, that's like every time, once you get frostbite, You know, every time you open the refrigerator, you fucking toes start tingling.

I don't want to deal with that for the rest of my life. All right, that's the podcast. I'll check in on you on Thursday. I apologize that it was late, but, you know, I was, you know, I'm fighting this fucking thing off. I'm fighting a good fight here, everybody. All right. I'll, uh, check in on you on Thursday. Go fuck yourself.