Monday Morning Podcast - Patriots, Old Photos, Space | Monday Morning Podcast 10-6-25

Episode Date: October 7, 2025

Bill rambles about the Patriots, old photos, and space exploration. Quo:  Go to Quo dot com slash burr to get started with a free trial and get 20% off your first six months at www.Quo.com/BURR ZipRecruiter:  Try Zip Recruiter for free at www.ZipRecruiter.com/BURR Helix:  Go to www.ZipRecruiter.com/BURR 27% Off Sitewide Exclusive my listeners

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr, and it's time for the Monday morning podcast for Monday, August 6, 2025. What's going on? How are you? Oh, Jesus, how's it going in your neck of the woods there? It's not going so good in my neck of the woods. I'll tell you that. The sanctimonious is sanctimonian. Key word on the monion. Oh, Jesus. All right, here's the deal. You guys are asking me. obviously a ton of questions about the absolute controversy, all right? Here's the deal. I would love, I have no problem answering any of them. The problem I have is after I answer them, it all gets clipped. And then once it gets clipped, then the lies start getting

told or they start shaping it and making it this and making it that. So all I'm doing is just throwing another log on the fire and then they can make more money. No, I'm sorry. Well, oh, no, no, no, no, because they care so much. That's right. Sorry, not because they're just making money. Um, you know, but I do have to tell you, this is fascinating because I'd never been in the middle of one of these fucking things. And my whole life, when I watched the news, you know, not every fucking news stories, but there's been a lot of shit where you watch it going like, hey, I don't know, kind of seems like that kind of fucking dick and so to finally be in the middle of it and the level of like straight up lies is just it's wild now I'll be

honest with I've been off the internet for like a fucking month but just the shit people have been sent it's funny you get off the internet and people still send you shit so like these these stories of like there was no women there he just performed to the royals by the time they had done with this shit they're going to say I went over there and did a one-on-one show in a fucking tent, staring at my toes, and then I left for the head fucking guy, whoever the hell it is over there, right? Once again, I performed in an arena over there. In the round, there was 8,000 people at the show, okay?

It was citizens. And then they had diplomats sitting down front in a nerve-wracking way for the performer to make sure that, you know, you didn't talk about the two or the three or the three three things that they said that they negotiated down to not talk about. Once again, as I said before, whoever put together the comedy festival and everything, what it did for freedom of speech over there? Because like before it started, you couldn't talk about all of this stuff. And then they whittled it down to just that. And that is how, you know, if you truly care about stuff like that, you gradually move towards something more positive. All right. I mean, and I have to tell you,

All right, all of this sanctimonious shit out there, I'm going to tell you something right now. I saw, in 33 years of stand-up, I've never seen anybody with bigger balls. And I'm not going to say the name of the comedian, even though you're going to figure it out. But I'm just trying not to get anybody else this fucking shit coming at him. Went on over there, openly gay. And in the middle of the set, two of the diplomats got up to go to the bathroom. and this person said, hey, where are you going? Are you going to, are you going to go on Grindr? I mean, I've seen them all. I've never seen anybody. It's like, I don't have

the balls to say that. And the fact that her own people came at her and all of that, it's just, it's disgusting. It really is. That's what they're going to clip. That's what they're going to clip. Bill says fucking the reaction. action, and I'll tell you what else is amazing and really confusing to me is what we did over there wasn't even on TV. However, what everybody's complaining about was on TV the week before on a different event and nobody said anything. So, you know, and that's the difference between being a billion dollar conglomerate and being an independent contractor. It's kind of like, you know, if you go back to like, I don't want to talk any more about it.

But like I said, like I would love to answer all of this stuff. I'm not afraid of any of these questions. I would love to answer them. You know, it's just that the way that it is being used. And my favorite thing, you know, I did a couple of sets last night. And I didn't run into any of the special ones when I was down there. I'm really looking forward to that when I do because I know exactly. This is how this shit goes down, you know, yada, yada, yada is said over here.

And then when you run into the person face to face, this is what's always said, Hey, man. Hey, man. Hey, man. How's it going, man? Just checking in on you, man. Are you doing okay, man? That fucking bullshit.

That phony ass bullshit. But I'm not going to lie to you. You know, how do I put this? Do you know when you just sort of, no matter what the behavior is, but you just know a person, so you just expect it so it doesn't bug you, that's kind of how it is. So I sort of expect that. And, oh, my God.

Do you know what I did yesterday to fucking calm me down for the amount of bullshit out there? The fucking roast jokes that I wrote yesterday was as an. exercise I had a real good time doing that. Okay, but I will, I will tell the line that the reason that, you know, yeah, yeah, I'm going to shut up now. There, there you go. There's for your fucking news cycle. Now, go twist all of that around. But just remember, there was women at the show. Four hotties down front, faces were not covered. Smoke shows. Down front. Eight. thousand citizens is what I performed in front of. And then I had the teachers looking at me while I did it.

And I also connected in a country that had just been hit by two fucking missiles, three missiles, whatever the fuck it was. So, you know, I'm going to go with the fact that people really, you know, the reason you didn't go, not because you were scared shitless. Because we all were.

So they, and I get it if you were, if you were. So anyway. So that's why I'm not answering your shit. Just hang in there for a minute. And when the bots get everybody mad at something else, I'll answer any in all fucking questions that you want to answer.

And as long as you're able to take an honest look at your own backyard, yeah, you'll see, you'll see. Anyway, all right, plowing ahead. All right, how about the New England Patriots, everybody? Holy shit, we actually got a fucking squad. Mike Vrable. I don't want to pat myself on the back, especially during this difficult time. Oh, the jokes.

The jokes I could do right now. Anyway, I was saying in September, not to pat myself on the back, that I felt by the end of October, Mike Vrable was going to have this team, the direction that it was going in, he was going to have a really competitive team, a 500 team that nobody really wanted to play that was going to give you a motherfucking game.

Well, guess what? He got him there by October 5th. And Stefan Diggs, Jesus Christ, if he can bring that energy every game, if he can just pretend he's going back to play the Buffalo Bills in Buffalo. I mean, that guy was a man-possessed. We still had our fumbling issues.

And I know that that's not going to be a problem for long. What do we? lost count. I think we had like three fumbles or whatever. And we hung in there with the Buffalo Bills. And I got to give a shout out to the Bills. Dude, fucking Josh Allen, man. I love that guy. That guy, he's like, he's an old school, like, big fucking guy can take a hit. But he's got the new school thing where he can like, you know, run and all of that. I guess it's not new school. John Elway was doing it way back in the day. And so was Steve Young and that type of shit but like um i don't know i i and i i kind of think the afc with with patrick mahomes

lamar jackson even though he's hurt um i don't know do we have the better better overall quarterbacks i don't know i have no idea but like um i don't know it was a really really really fun game to watch and um josh allen just made a couple of fucking six throws and then Drake May also that one where he was getting dragged down and Collins Worth was going nuts about it how strong he was and he was able to get it off to Stefan Diggs once again Stefan Diggs had I forget he had like 149 150 yards 10 catches or something like that it was and then the last second field goal that I mean 20 seconds left or whatever in that fucking hostile environment was that was that was

easily the biggest win the Patriots have had since 2018. 2019 was the brutal year when Tom Brady's last year and we didn't have any buddy for him to throw to or whatever and then he went to Tampa Bay and the rest is history. But it's been a long time since I sat down and expected to see like some competitive football from the Patriots. So it's pretty... That's pretty fucking cool, man.

Anyway, I didn't get to see too much of the, too much of football. I don't know what the fuck happened in the Eagles Broncos game. Like I had, I had the Eagles. And then out of a sudden, I don't know where the fucking Broncos come racing back. And I swear to God, it's just like, you guys have to understand. When I was a kid, this shit didn't happen. Okay, it happened like maybe like twice a month.

There'd be some big frantic, at least it felt that way. But now it's just like, it's like the fucking NBA. You know, your team's up by 20 and you just know in three minutes it's going to be a four-point game. They're somehow going to go on a 16-0 run two timeouts later. You know, you're only up by four or you're down by, you know, I don't even know what. So it's kind of become that and I feel like that's what they want. Although I did think that, but they're still more like old. It's like I kind of felt like the Bill's Patriots, you know, that didn't have that weirdness thing where it was kind of nobody really pulled away from anybody at any point.

And I never really thought that we were going to win the game until after the ball went through the fucking uprights. I was just thrilled that we were hanging with them because the Bills are the Beast of the East for the last few years. I didn't get those Bill's uniforms either. It was a little too much like that Raiders uniform that I liked the best, but sorry, I'm drinking a fucking coffee here. But anyway, so in other news, I cleaned out my, my, what should call it there, the room over my garage. I had all in like this fucking memorabilia, all of this crap that I've just kept for

fucking ever. I've just been going through it. I literally still have the empty bank loan stub for the first vehicle I ever bought, an 83 Ford Ranger that I got from Danvers Savings Bank, one Conan Street, Danvers Mass, whatever the hell it is. Who, by the way, I didn't realize Mark Varro is from there. Who knew? Not me. Anyway, I just been going through. all of that stuff and all of this shit that I kept throughout a 33 year career all of these

like those backstage laminants all of this stuff all of these things that people have given me and so I got one bag it's just shit I'm going to auction auction off then I have all of these fucking

oh my God the photos that I had holy shit I'm not going to name the comics right now because I don't know why I just feel like you don't want to be associated with me I'll fucking whatever you know but maybe I can name the dead ones

just like pictures from like the fucking 1990s I had one a couple of random selfies with Greg Giroldo I guess I could say his name rest in peace Greg from this fucking tour we did

was a just for laughs tour and Just for Laughs, you know, had a great run. I can't believe it's over, but they had a great run up in Canada. And when you were on the Canadian Just for Laughs tour, I mean, it was just theaters. Back when theaters were like arenas that comedians would play in theaters. And if you got on that tour, you would be sold out theaters all the way across the country. and um they tried to do it down in uh down in the states and i remember they put together this ridiculous lineup of people it was amazing the the comics that they had on it but the just

for laughs brand didn't mean anything in the states and no one knew who the comics were yet so and they had booked us in like theaters and I still remember playing the egg in Albany which I was so excited to play someday I was like oh man someday maybe I can open for somebody there or you know whatever

because at that point there wasn't a lot of you know like theater acts and I forget what that place held but like 200 people showed up and it was I don't know that place was to be like fucking 2000 seats or whatever and we just went up there and uh it was still fun and it was still cool to be there and it's such like i just love like that era of architecture

because it just reminds me of like you know when we thought we were going to colonize the moon you know um which i still don't understand space exploration like i get like trying to figure out how the fuck we ended up here i get that aspect of it but this whole whole fucking thing where it's like, you know, you're going to like build a fucking city on the moon? It's like, there's no air up there. Like, how are, how do you get, how do you build something that keeps generating an atmosphere that's breathable for a fucking human being is beyond me? And who the hell would want to go live up there? Um, I mean, if they built a city underwater, I wouldn't go into that.

Well, they have, like, an air tube that just sort of led up to the surface. I don't know. People are fucked. But I guess that's how we just keep, like, progressing, right? I mean, if people weren't fucked in the head, like, we never would have to learn how to fly. You got to have, like, a combination of being, like, fucked in the head and also, like, really smart. like Orville in Wilbur Wright Like I can't imagine that

Just them fucking wheeling that shit Past everybody in town Like what fuck you doing God damn Right brothers are out of their fucking goddamn He's gonna break his neck I'll tell you right now He's gonna break his fucking neck

And they used to fly those things You look at those people Like the shit that they tried to do To try to learn how to fly and the people that died and all of that it's just it's insane the people that figured out what the bends were

how they figured that out and they also figured when people were trying to like set the record to going the highest in the atmosphere and people didn't realize that the air gets too thin

like what is it around 12,000 feet 13,000 feet you have to pressurize the cabin and these fucking people are going past that and they would come back down in the hot air balloon

dead and there was still people going, all right, I'm next. Don't you want to know why that guy's dead? He's dead because he's a fucking pussy. All right. And they would get it in. Then they would fucking die.

So, anyway. And I think they figured out the Ben's making the Brooklyn Bridge, or at least they figured that out during that, pulling those people up. And he's getting sick again. He's getting sick again. And another guy's getting sick. And they would fucking yank it really quick

and pull the guy up even faster. That's the one thing I wondered if, If that was done accurately in Mission of Possible, the final mission, we've had enough already, whatever it's called. When Tom Cruise is like thrashing around in the water, when you get the bends, like, I don't know if that happens. I would think you would just become like absolutely like you couldn't even move. You just like bend in half or something.

oh speaking of which i saw this movie uh is it one accident after another is that what it's called the new paul thomas anderson movie um i saw that with my lovely wife this weekend and uh it definitely lived up to the hype man holy shit um dude leona racaprio has this scene where his daughter is going out to a dance and he's being the overprotecta father it's fucking amazing like the level of funny that he is did I already talk came up if I already talked about this what is it Monday no I think I

saw it over the weekend um and the actor the Latino actor across him who was just doing opposite energy like totally like dead pen um was fucking amazing

and uh Sean Penn was incredible just everybody everybody I wish I knew Chase Infinity, that's the name Who plays Leonardo's daughter Like was just a fucking superstar

And I was looking up the whole cast And all of that type of stuff And I was saying to Nia I go look at this I go that's her This is her third acting credit She's already this good So

Back in the day That meant that you became a movie star But I don't know how it works now I think you become a streaming star I don't know What do I know? I've learned, you know what I know. I know fucking nothing with all of this bullshit. Bullshit that is fucking going on. And like I said, I apologize to you guys because I really would love to answer your fucking questions. They're not that difficult

to answer. And it's also a really interesting dialogue about the whole thing, about the whole world, about all of this stuff. But, you know, I just, you know, I just. don't trust it. It's not going to get twisted up again. Bring more heat on me. Bring more heat on other people. And then just, you know, whatever. It's the first time I've ever been in like this situation where I have to like keep my fucking mouth shut. And it's really, it's really fucking annoying to be honest with you. And, uh, but believe me, there is going to be a time and oh, is there going to be a fucking place where I will unload on this bullshit. believe me um all right let me do some of the reads here for the week and then i'm going to wrap

this up because every question i'm getting is about this fucking shit that i can't for whatever fucking reason say what what actually happened over there without it getting twisted into a bunch of crap so anyway let's plow ahead here all right quo q u oh uh you might know it as open phone quo is one of those tools that can really help business owners it's the same business phone system you've heard me talk about before, just with a new name. And here's why it matters. If you're running a business, every miss call is money left on the table. Think about the last time you had a plumbing emergency. If the first plumber didn't answer, did you wait or call the next one on the list? Chances are you moved on. With QUO, Quo, formally open phone, you'll never

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All right. I think mercifully, that's the end of the goddamn reads. As I finished my fucking coffee over here. I'm trying to use the natural milk. But it actually has the cream in it and it starts lumping up and then you can't fucking tell. Sorry, I thought my phone just stopped there, just said low battery, starts lumping up there. All right, that is the podcast, really excited about the New England Patriots. Red Sox had a good season, and the Bruins are having a great preseason for whatever that means.

I'm just excited they're scoring a bunch of goals. Bruins obviously had a brutal season last year and a tough one before that. So I feel like we're due, I believe, in our front office. I think they're going to turn it around. And we're going to have a great season. And I think that is it. I'll be doing some spots around town. And if you run into me, I'll answer your question.

And then some. Oh, and then some. Oh, and then some. Unless, you know, you work for some news outlet. Because then I know what you're going to do with it. You know what? I should save all of these fucking roast jokes. I can't do it because I have a thing that I just won't take down. I won't, I can't burn down another, a fellow comedian.

I can't do it. But I definitely have some roast jokes. Oh. Oh, okay. Oh, my God. I'm thinking about Mike Tyson when he's. He was biting his glove when he was fighting that YouTuber. All right.

All right. That is a podcast, everybody. For those of you listening, thank you for listening. Obviously, we'd be listening. That's it. Have a great couple of days. Go fuck yourselves. And I will check in on you on Thursday.