Monday Morning Podcast - Questions, Answers, NFL | The Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 9-4-25

Episode Date: September 4, 2025

Bill rambles about dodging questions, finding answers, and the NFL. (00:00) - Thursday Afternoon Podcast (32:03) - Thursday Afternoon Throwback - 9-4-17 - Bill rambles about Europe's little counties, Force India, and no boozin' there. (01:32:20) - Anything Better Podcast - The boys are back!  Bill and Paul return to make their picks and break down the games of the week.  They also discuss where to be homeless, temptations in Rio, and the Quarterback's happy wife. Fast Growing Trees:  This Fall, they have the best deals for your yard, up to half off on select plants and other deals. And listeners to our show get 15% off their first purchase when using the code BURR at checkout.

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Byrd. It's time for the Thursday afternoon just before Friday, Monday morning podcast, and I'm just checking in on you. Woo, whoa, whoa, whoa. How's it going, man? Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Woo! It's the first night of NFL football, baby. da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da. Loveless fucking marriage. Hey. Oh, all the sad men get to sit down tonight and just be like, you know what? You know what? As much as it's always my fault, as much as I am the sum of all the bad things I do,

that's how the pie chart works versus all of this good shit that I'm doing, as much as I'm dealing with that metric system in her fucking head. I got NFL motherfucking football. I do have that. I do have that. And all this shit they fucking put us through. You know, you'd think they would just let us have that. But they don't.

They huff and puff, walk by the room. Is it almost over? Did you ever think you'd take that much shit in your life from something that couldn't kick the shit out of you physically? You know, I love watching the UFC, and one of the most amazing things that I've discovered from these amazing fucking, the best fighters in the fucking world, just as far as like, what do you want to do? You want to stand up, you want to go to the ground, you want to submit, you want to throw kicks, whatever the fuck you want to do. The UFC, right? Anytime I've ever, you know, heard fighters talk, they talk about how a fight is like 90% mental. And I'm thinking like, how do you fucking be 90% mental?

And then I got married and I said, oh, I know what they're talking about. I get it now. UFC champion? I understand because I lose 90% of the debates in my house. And I'll tell you right now, that's why you got to marry a dumb broad. You know, yes, the conversations are going to be painful. All right, but at least you can get some wins. You know, you can keep maybe, maybe you can be 500 and keep your coaching job.

Anyway, I don't even know who's playing tonight. I know it's the Eagles. Your Philadelphia Eagles are defending Super Bowl champions. I know they're playing tonight. I have no idea who they're playing. How about that division? You got the defending Super Bowl champions. in the Philadelphia Eagles,

you got the Washington commanders after 30 fucking years. I mean, like they, the last time they won a Super Bowl, nobody knew who Bill Clinton was. Or Hillary, unless you was in Arkansas. I'll tell you right now, I like that, you know, Billy, you know,

he's a liberal. I don't like him, but I'll tell you something about him. I like the cut of his jib. I like the way he cares. Heirs himself. You know what I'm saying? Anyway. They must have amazing arguments.

The two of them, Bill and Hillary. They must be fucking amazing. Because they're almost like reversed. Like he acts like a chick. He deflects everything. Well, you know, I think if you look at, If you look at the whole picture, Bill, what are you talking about? We're not talking about the whole picture.

We're talking about this incident right here. Oh, and he just walks away. I love you, Hillary, but, you know, you just sometimes. A lot of times, the most amazing thing, like rather than look at that guy, you know, for like he's the typical piece of garbage that becomes president if you could just get past that and just look at the humor of that guy

the amount of things that he gets out of when he gets asked a direct question he does this fucking thing where he just laughs and then he walks away as he starts to answer it and then he just trails off on purpose in his sentence

and acts as though him walking three feet away like he disappeared behind a mountain. You'd be like, hey, Bill, you remember that time you used that intern's vagina as a humidor and he'd just be like, oh, well, you know, a lot of times people smoke. And you're like, how did he just, do I need to get my hearing checked? I can, I can still touch him. He literally walked two steps over to another reporter, but his voice, it was like it, it, it, it, went buying a car like what just happened there amazing you know what i mean you have to respect it

it's it's like when whoever your sports rival is and as much as you don't like that team or whatever if you're a true fan there are people on the team where you just like god damn it i i love the way that guy plays the game you know that derrick cheater thing where red socks fans were just like, God damn it. You know, he's great for the game. The way he carries himself. You know, he never yells at the umpire. All he does is he sticks his finger in the earhole,

acts as though he's starting to take off his helmet, never makes eye contact, and he's just kind of like, that was a strike? That's what the strike is? That's the strike zone. Okay, okay. So next time I come up here, that's going to be a strike, all right. But the umpire knows what he's saying. The umpire knows what he's saying. He told that umpire that he fucking missed it

without even saying it. I don't think I ever saw that guy get ejected. I mean, I didn't watch every game of his career, but, like, I saw some, you know, some questionable calls, and he never lost his temper. And I sat there as an angry little leprechaun fascinated by that. Like, how do you do that? I wouldn't have been that way. Let's just pretend for a second. I could hit a baseball, anything over 60 miles an hour.

hour. You ever go to the batting cages and just humble yourself? Like, you know, when you're sitting in the stands, the ballpark does not look as big as it is. And every once in a while, you take a fucking tour of a major league ballpark and you stand on the field and just feel like, you know, it's like train spotting. When the dude falls into the floor when he's on heroin, like I feel like. And I also, the, the, I feel like the more wide open it is. No, they all, they're all like intimidating. There was like a thing I used to do when I was on the road.

I would take tours of these ballparks. And if there was an upper deck, you just, you felt like swallowed up. But if I would go to like, like the tigers and you'd stand on the field, the expanse of it. You're like, I literally think you could take, you could fucking, a 747 could get enough speed by the time it got to that wall and take off and clear this stadium. Anyway, I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about. What else? I rode my motorcycle for the first time in fucking forever. I just build these things up in my head

I got on the thing after doing the play and it said the tire pressure was down so then I had to order one of those tire pressure fucking pump things and then I'm looking through the manual and I'm thinking like I'm not going to be able to figure this out I'm going to fuck this up I'm just going to do something wrong

I'm going to fuck it up and then I'm going to wipe out on the bike and then I won't be able to do my shows and then I'm going to lose all my money and I'm going to have to move back in with my parents. I literally do that over like having to inflate a tire six pounds of pressure. And that is really like that's what the public school system does to people. You have about a grade and a half when I was coming up in the public school system.

You had a grade and a half to do well on tests to have a good feeling about yourself. And if it didn't happen, like that, that was just it. That was it. You were done. You had it in your head like, oh, okay, I see where I fit in. Those are the smart kids. You know, those are the kind of smart kids and these are the morons. All right.

I got it. I'm a moron. I got it. I have the ant. Call on me. I got it. Matt, ma'am. Yes, Billy?

What's the answer? I'm a fucking moron. That's correct. Thank you. Star on your forehead. right and then you're an adult and you know it's just just sit down read the man it could not have been easier 36 pounds of pressure in the front tire and guess what the information was on page 39 so guess what scatterbrain does he inflates it to 39 this is the truest thing i'm ever

going to fucking say about myself even when i'm right i become wrong It's unreal. I took out the manual. I figured out how to use the fucking thing. I took the air compressor. And then I took out the manual for the fucking motorcycle. I looked up the tires in the table of contents. I went to the fucking page.

I put it on and I set it to the page number rather than the fucking PSI or whatever the fuck it is. And I fucked it up. I fucked it up. I'm in an argument with somebody. I'm 100% right. I lose my temper. I say some shit way off fucking base and then I become wrong. That has been something.

That is a reoccurring thing. And, you know, people always say like uplifting things while you work on it and you're going to turn it around and blah, blah, blah, blah. And I just realized the other day like, you know what, I'm 57. This ship is going in this direction and I don't have time to slow it down to turn it. the fucking thing around and get back to land. So let's sail off the edge of the fucking earth. Let's see what happens. But we got NFL football tonight.

You know, it'd be fantastic. Like, you know, like, they do, like, throwback uniforms. Why don't they just, you know, do the whole thing? Like, what if they just, they just go, like, once a year, they just roll the dice. Okay. And they pick a year. And then you have to come out not only, you got to come out with those uniforms and those rules. And that's what it is. So what if they just rolled 1992? And then they come out and they got the giant fucking shoulder pads leading with your head. No concussion protocol. No female referees. No female announcers. Just a bunch of fucking lunatic guys slamming their heads into it. Just for one,

game just for one game no ladies in the locker room like you just go back you go back to that or maybe they get like 1938 and they come out with like leather helmets you know and the field go kicker has to kick straight you know can't come in soccer style you come in with your fucking hands at nine and three o'clock out to the side right in those fucking black high tops Tom Dempsey style. Anyway, I will tell you this. I just wanted to get used to the bike again, you know? So after overinflating it and then figuring out the safe way to then let out the air pressure,

I didn't fucking let it out. I read about it and then I didn't do it. I said, I'm fucking riding it anyways. What's the next to three pounds of fucking pressure? So I get on the thing. I let it run for like five minutes. to heat up the oil in the pan. Something nobody, people just don't do that anymore.

A lot of people used to, they didn't do it as much, but back in the day when you had a carbureated engine, it wasn't fuel injected, so you couldn't just start the fucker up and just take off down the street, you know? Depending on what time of year it was, you really had to let the car warm up. And that was good, it's good for the engine.

and I kind of learned that I watched, you know, because I was guilty of that too. I would just press the button when I still had my jag and I would just press it, put it reverse, fucking drive down to the improv or whatever. And then I saw this mechanic

you know, and they were talking about like, oh, so funny, they were talking about what's, what are the what's the, what is the car that it just needs like the most repairs? And Jaguar kept coming up. Jeep. shit like that, Dodge. And there's no excuse for it. The technology is out there. The answers are

out there if you care. You know, Toyota's just been setting the, this is not an advertisement. It's fucking annoying to me. It's fucking annoying to me that, you know, like Dodge doesn't even make cars anymore. It's like, well, maybe if you made some that fucking lasted, you're cunt, you know? And there was two things that I learned. One, was they always say change your oil every 3,000 miles and what I'm getting now is like you should do it every 1,500

whoever you buy the car off of tells you to do it every 3,000 miles because they know that that's going to wear out your engine so you'll have to buy another one even Toyota tells you that but they make cars so fucking good even if you do it every 3,000 fucking miles, they still will go forever. But I saw this little old lady, and she had bought some car

in like the early 60s, and she drove it every single day, had some ridiculous amount of miles on it. And she also said, she goes, I change, she goes, I baby it. She goes, I change the oil every 1,500 miles. Amazing, right? So, and the other thing is I saw this mechanic was talking about how, you know, and he had like a car from this era. They say, how long do you let it warm up and he always says you know i always give it like five to six minutes you know get the oil you know so it's not all like uh you know it's colder so it's not going to have the viscosity you want it like all heated up so it glides through the engine right the pistons glide on it instead of it being all fucking goopied i just it just never dawned on me i didn't even understand

why back in the day when i was a kid and i had my my first car why i was letting it warm up so it wouldn't stall. I never like, you know, there was no internet. So unless you had a dad that was mechanically inclined or a friend or something or took power mechanics class that we had in high school, like I didn't even know why I was doing it. I was just doing it so I wouldn't stall at a red light and have people behind me beeping at me. Um, so that's something that I do. And it also puts me in like a nice mindset, but when I go to drive. But I will tell you this, I bought a, um, I bought a daily driver in early 2000, six-speed V8, sort of, you know, AMG type of a fucking car.

And I will tell you this, that is the most fun fucking car I have driven in a long time. I actually, I did the Rich Eisen Show yesterday, and I drove over there, and I took the fucking, I was having so much fun. I missed my exit on the highway. And I just laughed and I didn't care. And then I took the next exit

and I wasn't even sure where I was at that point. You know, L.A. is a fucking huge place and I was just like, you know, I don't give a fuck. I'm just going to drive in the general direction of where I live because this car is so much goddamn fun to drive. So anyway, I got that going for me. Red Sox got fucking smoked last night. I missed the game.

But I will tell you this, I love that fucking team. What a crazy game they had the other night. And I was like, you know, I was like playing with my kids. And every time I came back, it was like we were up 5 to 1. Then we were down like 7 to 5. Then it was 7 to 7. And then all of a sudden we were up like 11. to nine or something like it was fucking insane um you know that's a fun game to watch if you don't

understand baseball there's a ton of offense and all of that but if you actually understand baseball and you're trying to win the wild card like that's not a good statement for either pitching staff you know i hate when fucking sports fans are like that like um like when the patriots played the Eagles in the Super Bowl or that Kansas City Chief Buffalo Bill playoff game where it's just like 53 to 52 and you know like that that Eagles Patriots Super Bowl um I loved it for the fans because the Eagles had never won it and seeing like Eagles fans like lose the Eagles you know I know that they show a lot of bad videos about Eagles fans but like I you know I meet a lot of Eagles. They're not fucking, you know, spitting on people in, a lot of them aren't like that.

You know, a lot of them are. But, you know, this half of them aren't. So I was happy for them, whatever. But that fucking game, like, nobody punted in that game until, like, the fucking fourth quarter. It was just like, I was joking with my buddy when I was watching the game going, you know, I have no idea who's going to win this game, but nobody on defense on either one of these teams should get a fucking ring. Like, what am I watching? And it was the same thing with that, that crazy fucking game, the Chiefs and the Bill's played. It was insane. It was like a video game. And even the announcers, and it was like former players. What of the greatest, one of the greatest games I've ever. It was like, it was

like the old NBA All-Star games where nobody's playing defense and they're just fucking, you know, dunk in and hurling. It was stupid. 168, 166, three minutes to go in the third quarter. Like, what the fuck am I watching? Yeah, it was kind of. I don't like the baseball version of that. But every once in a while, you do have a game like that. But I don't know. I fucking love the Red Sox. I really do.

And I love the direction. I just feel like the whole fucking team is this side of 25. And they're going to be like just fun to watch. You know, it's been since 2018. You know, we made a lot of moves. They didn't fucking work out. It happens, you know. Believe me.

Red Sox fan. What am I going to whine about seven years after the bullshit before 86 to seven? I'll take whatever. But I just never in a million years that I think sending Devers away was a good move. I thought this is more the same. This is another Moogie Betz, Zander Bogart's type of situation. Why won't we pay our guys? What the fuck are we doing? And turns out, you know, I was 100% wrong. What a surprise. What a surprise. The 57-year-old bald comedian doesn't know how to run a professional baseball team. I got to be honest with you, that actually surprised me. You know, it was a really sort of come-to-Jesus moment. Do they do that in other fucking religions? You know, people who

are Muslim, do they say it's a come-to- Muhammad moment? You know? Who's the Jewish Muhammad? Abraham. Fucking pulled that one out. I'm smart too. Not like everybody says. Anyway, I did stand up the other night at this place, the lodge, where I saw Jack White do a show. It's such a great venue. The crowd was amazing. I worked with Dean Del Rey.

And Ambria Allen, who's someone that I just sort of discovered on Instagram. And it was just one of those fucking nights. Everybody killed. Everybody had a great set. The crowd was awesome. And it was one of those nights. Like when you're doing stand-up, some nights you feel like you're doing an hour and you feel like you have 20 minutes of material.

And then other nights you feel like, wow, man, I literally could have done another half hour. That was kind of like last night. So I'm getting geared up for these shows, you know, over in the Middle East. You know, I'm representing United States stand-up here. So I got to, you know, I got to bring the fucking heat over there. I'm doing Saudi Arabia and Bahrain. If you ever fucking told me that I was going to go to some of these places and do stand-up, you know, Greece.

I think I went to Estonia. time um it's incredible i don't know it's just it's it's fucking wild so i got to make sure that i go over there and i'm bringing the lumba um i feel like these like these shows are like when the nfl goes to europe because they're trying to expand people's love of professional football it kind of feels good like back in the day i used to read about like the NBA and they would when the NBA started they had no teams in the South and they used to do these they would do these friendlies you know they would barnstorm through the South to try to sell the NBA product um and I feel like that's what like stand up I mean obviously these

streaming services because they're worldwide I probably do way more but um I don't know I like doing gigs like where you're just sitting there going like how in the fuck am i going to make these people laugh i had one of those last night i went up and i did a gig in silver lake you know and they're just like i don't know they're just like judgy wudgeys and um you know it's one thing you know if i go up you know i remember i you know when i went to helsinki i had like you know for the first 15 minutes i was having a really tough set but it made sense. I'm in Finland. It's going to take a second to figure this shit out. But, you know, when I'm still in Los Angeles and I'm performing mostly to fellow Caucasians and they're

staring at me like they're in Helsinki. Like, that's, that's like, it's a, it's a bigger mind fuck than being in another, and like, you know, you're in another country. You're expecting, like, you know, this probably isn't going to go as well as it does in Rhode Island. but if you're in the fucking city you're living you're just like what the food is going on here but I will say I had so much fun while having I had a really tough set last night but I had such a great time trying to figure out what it was going to be to crack them open And I finally compared him to a Canadian crowd, like pretending to care too much.

And that was what finally kind of broke them open. And then I think part of it was also me because there was a lot of people coming up after saying, oh, man, that was, you know, that was great. I really liked it and everything. And I was just like, oh, you know, I had a long day of Zoom calls and bullshit. Maybe I was a little grumpy.

Maybe that was a little on me, right? How's that for fucking maturity? Supposed to me back of the day, be, oh, the fucking crowd sucked. And that's exactly what I would say, too. That's exactly how I would say it. All right, let me do... But anyway, I just want to thank The Lodge once again.

And there was no fucking way I'm not coming back to do another show there. It just was... It was... Just that venue. And if you ever get a chance to see a band there, take a chance. on a band there, a band that you like.

I'm going to tell you they're going to have one of their best shows because when you get in a venue like that that just has the fucking vibe is the only way to describe it. It's like the kind of venue. You know, the place that I'm doing out in Riverside. I went down there and Lamb of God was there and I went down there.

And I went down there. And like the second I went into the venue, I already knew what the show was going to be. I'm like, this is just going to be absolute carnage. Like this place, you know, it's an older venue. And it's, I don't know what it is. It's just like all of those gigs, I just feel like they did something. The place is seasoned. And you just get out there, you just like, oh, this is going to be fucking great.

You know, some nights you just know. So I'm looking forward to that one. I'm doing a bunch of shows out here. year. I'm doing Ohio again. San Luis Lubisbu, Thousand Oaks. And I'm getting ready for those two overseas gigs that I have. You know, hey, I'm a fucking professional, all right? All right. Let's do some breeds here. All right. Fast growing trees. Fall is planting season, everybody. Did you know that many plants and trees actually do better when planted this time of year? But you have to know where to start.

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Thanks for fucking listening. Have a great weekend. Enjoy the football. Take your wife out for ice cream afterward. Tell her she's a goddess. Let her know it's still about her, even though you spent three hours screaming. something that really has no effect on your life, but you love it.

All right. Let's have a great weekend, you can't. Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr, and it's time for the Monday morning podcast for Monday, September 4th, 2017. How's it going? How are you? Happy fucking Labor Day. Happy Labor Day.

Happy Labor Day. You don't have to go to fucking Labor Day. Fucking work, unless you're the guy that owns the fucking business. Then you never get to sleep, do you? You should have stuck with your first wife. But you threw her out. And now you got a fucking 20-something fucking cut. And she wants to spend all your money.

All right. Sorry. Anyways. How do you know something you worked hard all year? God damn it, it's nice that you got a fucking Monday off. Isn't it? Don't you wish it was the way it is in Europe? I don't know how they do it over there.

You know, they all got fucking health insurance. They get like 53 weeks off a year. Then, like, the whole fucking continent shuts down in August. Everybody just says, fuck it, we're not working. And somehow, it keeps going. Is it because their countries are so small? Oh, look at the little country. Is that what it is?

And over here is so fucking big, you know, just to mow your yard takes half the goddamn summer over here. all of us fat fucks walling around a giant pieces of property riding a four wheelers shooting a guns you fucking live over there in Europe man you got you got nothing you got a flat

you know you and five other guys fucking addicted to heroin when some baby drowns in a toilet whatever that fucking movie was you know you got nothing or maybe you got a house and it's got like the fucking

it's got that roof that looks like a bail a hay that someone braided in. It looks like a weave, but with like hay. I don't know what it is over there, but all I know is they still have castles. Some of them still have kings and queens, and they get, they get like August off. It's just off. You know, when they get free health care. They pay a bunch of fucking taxes, but I got to be honest, you pay a bunch of taxes here, too.

I think it's just because we're bigger. Got the wide open fucking roads. I'm going to go with that. I'm going to go with that. And I'm never going to read up about it. And that's what I'm going to say, if that topic's ever brought up. Like, hey, how come they get all this vacation time? And if a woman has a kid over there, she doesn't have to be back to work on Monday.

How come that is? Because they're little tiny countries. You know, they have little tiny hospitals, you know, little tiny teeth that they don't brush. You know, it's Europe. What are you going to do? That's why their cars go better into corners. They have little tiny streets. and they've got to zigzag around some shit.

You know, that's basically what it is. It's not like America. Some woman gives birth on Friday. Hey, Gene, make sure you're fucking here on Monday. Pump that kid out. Do whatever it is you got to do. Have you gotten a stick a weed wacker up or a fucking reverse blower up there

and suck the kid out and be back to work? We'll give you Monday off. Then you've got to be here on Tuesday. That's how it works here in America. Everybody wonders why we're so fat. It has nothing to do with our poison food. were just stressed you know

if you guys didn't have a whole month of August off over there in Europe I'd love to see if you guys actually had to fucking work over there and worry about you know I need a new pancreas how am I going to afford that right which is easily the cost of at least

three flat screen TVs that's the going rate for a pancreas if I remember correctly all right if you were dealing with that stress I'd like to see how many fucking donuts you'd be eaten you know speaking of which Billy no fun

Billy no fun is on his 18th day of not boozing 18 days not boozing I barely even remember what it tastes like at this point you know I'm dropping weight this is the time of night when it sucks you know

in the morning it's great I wake up my stomach's flatter than it was the day before I feel good but it's like night. I mean, it's Sunday night. I don't have to go to work on Monday. I have tomorrow off like all of you guys. Well, you're listening to it today, you know? You can't tell me, you know. I mean, as a fucking human being, I have to go out and get fucking hammered, right?

I mean, if I don't, I mean, if I was running the CIA, I'd be like, is this guy in ISIS? Is he some sort of religious fanatic? Oh, Billy Red Cakes. Oh, Billy Red Velvet. I'm staying away from the sugar. I'm being an angel. I'm being an angel because I might have some acting work in October. So I got to make sure I'm down to my fighting weight.

My fighting weight, a buck 72. That's what I need to be at whenever I shoot something. You know, all these fucking actresses out here talk about how it's so hard for them as if a guy can go on and be a bloated fat fuck and not get shit for it. okay that's not how it works they can get to you through social media they go right at you and they tell you that you're a bloated fat fuck what happened to you you got old where'd your hair go all of that shit you know what i mean but you know you know what it is about people they look out their own fucking heads all right they look at the world in a two-dimensional way they look

out their heads they observe something and then they put it their head and they process it with their previous experience and then to them that is the truth that is what's going on in the world they look at it from their fucking angle they don't realize it that it's 360 degrees which is why south park is the greatest fucking show of all time as far as i'm concerned because no matter what problem they attack they hit it from all sides the red side the blue side from the north to south east the west you know what i'm saying you like that that was that was the longest fucking compliment ever oh josh adam mayors From the goddamn comedy jam.

Josh Adam Myers, Bill Burr, I'm taping my Monday morning podcast. You're one of our first callers. How are you? Good, good. I'm just curious if I could get your opinion on the Kyrie Irving, Isaiah Donald's trade. I wasn't aware that that happened. Was that a big news story in the world of sports? A little bit, yeah.

A few people know about it. You know, as a fucking lover of the Celtics, as a Celtics lover, I hated the fucking trade because I loved Isaiah. He was like a mini big poppy. on his way. He was going to have a street named afferum. But it's a business now. And this all goes back, I think, to the Miami Heat, all those pile-on teams, back to the Kobe Shack Lakers. Whenever it stopped being Bird, Bird Celtics, Magic Lakers, Isaiah fucking, the Pistons, Jordan with the Bulls, and everybody just jumped around. Now it's over. I thought you were going to

ask about the cigar. I am. That's what I was saying. I was like, do you want to give you some time so you can finish this up and then come on. No, I don't give a shit. Just ring the doorbell and I'll stop it and I'll finish it later. All right, cool. Let's see a little bit. Oh, hey, don't ring the doorbell.

My daughter's sleeping. Just text me. All right, done. All right, see you. Anyways, the most roundabout compliment ever for South Park. I had no idea I was going to say that. So I am, as of this morning, I have 179 pounds in six ounces.

179.6. So I'm trying to lose three a week. So next week on Friday, I need to be. I need to be 177 All right I just had to hit pause I'm in the fucking doghouse

I just woke up my daughter Oh my God My wife is fucking pissed at me Yeah boy Yeah boy your brother All right This is the Monday morning podcast And I'm gonna be fucking whispering

For the rest of this goddamn thing Um What hell was I talking about Yeah so next week I want to be 177 pounds by Friday and then 174 the next week And then I'll be 171

And then if I get this acting gig I'll be where I need to be So I was going to take a month off from boozing But if I get this acting gig Then I'm just not going to booze Like right on through to the end of the fucking shoot And then when that's over Okay

I'm going to get like one of those kegorators And I'm going to fill it up with fucking whiskey and I'm going to be underneath it and it's going to be glorious. I don't know. I don't know what my fucking problem is. I should go to a meeting and just see what that's like. I went to a meeting a long time ago

and I got arrested for drinking and driving. And one of the requirements was you had to go to an AA meeting, two of them or something like that. All I remember, I was just like, these guys are fucking drunks. I mean, I drink. I don't fucking drink. These guys had, like, lunacy stories. Talking about, like, fucking bleeding out their ass and going right to the liquor store

the next day, you know what I mean? Like, not eating food for them, like, just crazy, crazy, crazy fucking stories. So I just was sitting there going, all right, I'm. I'm just a drunk These people Got a fucking problem I'm telling you right now If you ever just want to see

You know Some of the most fucked up people on the planet Just go to an AA meeting These fucking people man You know Their fingers are like stuck together From like cigarette smoke You know what I mean

They got like They just am I can't I'm just being an asshole I have no idea what a fucking AA meeting's like And it's like You get like a little trinket if you do it for a while, you know? Got six days, you know?

Just, uh, fucking, you know, you know, addictive people. They're fucking, they can never stop talking about themselves, right? So they just got to go up there. Oh, my God, I'm going to get so much shit for this. I don't give a fuck. I think it's about time somebody fucking put AA in its place, right? Once you grow up and white knuckle it like the rest of us,

you got to go join a fucking groove. Everybody sits down and fucking. makes an Afghan together. You know, it's funny that I actually would love to be part of a group. I went golfing this past week, you know. And I went with a buddy of mine and he was like a member of a country club. I'm like, this is fucking cool. It's really cool, you know.

A bunch of guys fucking talk shit, having a great time. All that shit that everybody fucking gives you a rough time for. you know they always make fun of guys hanging out now if they all hang out together like they they has to be like mocked for some fucking reason it's fun you just sit around breaking each other's balls that's all it was i went there and it was everybody was fucking cool and everybody was just busting chops the whole fucking time and then you go out and golf and everybody's just giving each other shit and you're laughing and you're smoking cigars and you're gambling and shit it's it's fun

For whatever fucking reason, I don't know. If you do that now, I don't know, for some reason, that's attacked. You know, I don't know what, I don't know what it is. I don't know what the fuck it is you're supposed to be doing, but I can tell you, I did enjoy it. And speaking of enjoying shit, I know I'm all over the map. I got caught up with the last, you know, today's Formula One race and the previous one, like a week ago or two weeks ago, I missed it. And I have to tell you, I loved the Force India team before I watched the previous race. And now I will fucking love that team forever.

I will love that fucking team forever. At the very least, Esteban, O'Conn, and Sergio Perez. Everybody else was fucking was racing to not lose. You know, didn't want to fuck up. These fucking guys went in there You know what I mean? You ever watch a hockey fight And the guys are so good at it

They barely even punch each other The best ones is where you just You grab my shoulder I grab your shoulder We just fucking beat the shit out of each other You know, that's what these guys did They went old time hockey with like racing They're on the same team

They slammed into each other twice They don't even give a fuck That it's a teammate This was like some sort of blood sport that they were doing. Everybody else is out there like, oh my God, that's my teammate. I need to.

I'm literally making fun of the other teams for actually doing this smart thing. I love that they did it. I loved last year when Hamilton and fucking Nikki Minaj, whatever his fucking name was. I can't even remember this fucking name. What the hell is the guy's name?

Nikki, I want it. Now I'm taking my toys and going home. I'm getting married now. Rossburg. Right? Nico Rosberg, that's what it was. When they slammed into each other, they did that a couple of times. I like that.

And I love how these fucking drivers, there's all of this shit where they don't like each other. You know, like Sebastian Vettel doesn't like Lewis Hamilton. Kemi Rekernan doesn't like Valtteri Botas. It's literally his fucking days of thunder. It's tremendous. And this past week's race was great yesterday as far as watching Lance Strahl getting 18 years old He's lined up in the front row

Next to Lewis Hamilton Who's just the fucking greatest driver He just is He is I know Mercedes has the best fucking cars right now But you know give me a fucking break It's not like Ferrari's any sort of a slouch Right I don't know

You could argue that Daniel Ricardo's just as good He's just not riding driving a car is good Maybe that's what the fuck it is I don't know what it is But I really enjoyed yesterday's race And the previous one how do you not love Force India out there with the pink cars

the fuchsia cars slamming into each other it looked like me and my brother at a fucking carnival you'd be like those two guys are related like you wouldn't know if we got into bumper cars I didn't give a fuck about anybody else out there

other than slamming into my own fucking family member what was the point of hitting somebody else I couldn't laugh at him in the car right home. I'd never see him again. So anyways, I guess they go to Singapore next. One of these years, I'm going to line up a stand-up date with that race over there.

I'm going to try to go to a couple a year because I'm a fucking lunatic. So I went to Montreal this year, and I'm also going to the race in Austin, Texas, provided there's not another, you know, fucking hurricane like that one that hit Houston. Jesus Christ. Anyways I want to tweet out something you guys There was actually something where you could send like fucking diapers and that type of stuff

I just can't imagine everybody that as babies and everything you got to take care of That seemed like a really cool thing to do The very least At least you can fucking do So anyways I'm behind with my MotoGP racing I got to get caught up on that But I have to be

I have to be honest So this race in Italy was one of my favorite races just because of what was going on in, like, position four, five, and six fucking lunatic racing. And I just wish they could somehow do something to the cars that that happened in the first and second position. Because once again, Lewis Hamilton, you know, he gets to the first corner first. He comes out in first place and then that's it. He's in the front of the race for the rest of the fucking race. And then that's just it. It's over.

He's driving in clean air. his car's too fucking fast. Now you've got to hope that the car breaks down or he fucks up, which isn't going to happen. But I did enjoy all that other stuff. But congratulations to Lewis Hamilton for winning another one. He now is ahead of Sebastian Vettel. And I believe the Mercedes team as a team is ahead of everybody else too. So they're fucking crushing it.

And I think it's going to be all downhill from here. So I'm hoping the fucking Ferrari team because they're the closest ones can step it up. And I like both those guys. I like Kimmy, Kimmy raking it. They always seems fucking pissed off, getting penalties and shit. I relate to the angry guys. That's why I like, force India. They're going to fucking slam into each other.

It's tremendous. It's tremendous, you know. It's childish. It's stupid. I love when that guy, that former race car fucking champion, I don't know what his name is. The commentator, he just goes, oh, dear, boys, boys, what are you doing? It gets all, like, fucking parental with him. I wanted to see

I watched the qualifying too I love when it rains out dude oh I forgot the greatest quote I've heard since I started watching Formula racing after the fucking force India cars hit for the second time

I think it was that Ocon guy he says over his radio he goes to his fucking crew chief or whatever he goes what the fuck seriously what the fuck like flipping and meanwhile he's going like 180 miles an hour hour. He sounds like me when I drive to work. And he's doing like, you know, 180, 200 miles an

hour. And they fucking flip each other off. They never flip each. It's, you know, the European and shit. They give the, hey, blah, blah, blah with the fucking hand. Somebody's got to flip somebody off. You know what I mean? Or if they're right on their ass, slam on the brakes like you do on the highway. Stop fucking tailgating. I wasn't tailgating. I was drafting. All right, enough of this shit. I know a lot of you guys don't even watch this shit. But, um, all right let's plow ahead here I

I was did a casino I already forget the name of it I was in a casino right outside of San Diego and I did it two years ago and I flew down in an R44

and today or yesterday I flew in a I don't even know what the fuck it was to be honest with you let me see if I can look up the name of this helicopter this helicopter was turbine engine which is a jet engine and uh it was fucking um the whole thing was hydraulic a fuck who gives a fuck what helicopter was so basically i trained on the r22 the r22 is like driving a car that has drum brakes no power steering you know what i mean and you have to like fucking control

the wipers yourself you know like the 1920s like laurel and hardy you've got to like move it side to side, which is also why I love that thing, because you're really flying. If you're holding a hover, you're fucking doing it. Then you move up to the R44, and this is kind of weird, where it's like the collective and the cyclic are both hydraulic. Okay, that's your power and then how you steer, the shit you hold with your hands, basically. And then you, but for whatever reason, your foot pedals are not hydraulic. They're just manual.

your own pressure so you're dealing with like really finessing it barely having to touch it up top and then your drum breaks down the bottom it's just it's a very odd feeling and i fly out of burbank and there's always a fucking tailwind when you're going in to set it down it's so fucking annoying like right behind you full blast i don't know where it comes from um every time in fact i saw this student that was learning over there what he would do was he when he would go to set it down he would just face the wind and set it down

and then go inside and get the wheels and then put him on the thing and then just turn the helicopter around and as much as it was funny I was like that's a great fucking idea

I would rather do that you know because you'll land next to other helicopters I don't want to fuck anybody else's shit up so anyways this thing was like a was like a six-seater

and I got a picture you know Dean Del Rey go look him up on Twitter he tweeted out a picture I'll fucking I'll retweet it and it's like the word it's I'm staying in front of the coolest helicopter I ever flew and I'm talking when some whoever took the picture

so I look like a fucking I mean I look like an asshole anyways who's kidding no but it was I would say the most amazing machine I've ever gotten the chance to operate and it was like it was like a sports car

in the air with like the tightest most responsive fucking suspension you could possibly think of without the rough ride because you're not on the ground, you're just going through the air, didn't feel any turbulence whatsoever. And I just know when you take off in the R-22 and you push the stick forward, right? I mean, I don't know how long it is. It's a good eight, nine seconds until you want to get up to 53 knots. That's the optimal, you know, speed to get.

get out to get the most rate of climb and it takes you good i feels like forever eight nine seconds this fucking thing it was like maybe two and a half seconds and it was up to speed you just pulled the stick back and you fucking shot up in the air i've never been it was really intimidating but once i just sort of i watched my instructor i have two times do the start and start up and shut down of it it's like it's not that bad it's just intimidating at first and then you get once you know where to look which is basically your manifold pressure your altitude and how fast you're going

then I'll see your trim once you know where those are all the other shit it's just like well you know a fucking horn's going to go off if there's a problem anywhere else right anyways it was fun as shit and went down and we did the gig and I think I'm going to start doing that

like I'm doing a podcast festival for the All Things Comedy Network in the end of October And if I don't get this acting gig and I'm in L.A., I'm going to fly out in a helicopter. I got a Vegas gig. I'm going to do that one in the helicopter, too. And that way I can keep my hours up, stay current, and while going out, making money. So I'm renting the helicopter, but I'm earning money, right?

And in a way, I get to fly private without having to blow all this money on a fucking stupid-ass jet, which is stupid, right? those fucking private jets is fucking stupid as hell you get in them you can't even stand up it's the dumbest thing ever you're way better you can spend one 90th the money on a first class fucking ticket and you are in a you're on like a fucking cruise ship you can stand you can stand up when you take a piss you don't have to bend over at the fucking neck you know i know they make bigger jets but those things are like you know you're going to fly from boston to rhode island it's going to cost you

like a fucking $300,000. I don't know how people, I don't know how anybody flies private, to be honest with you. I have no fucking idea. Just go to a mom and pop airport, get on JetBlue or Virgin. That's the way to do it.

Use some miles. Bump yourself up to a bigger seat. You're going to get a pilot who's psyched. He's making a ton of fucking money. You get on those little ones. Those people are not making shit. Right? I don't know.

That's been my experience. They're trying to get a gig flying one of the bigger ones So they can actually make money Instead of flying some little fucking six-seater You know what it is? I'm out of my fucking element I don't know anything about that shit I just have heard about how much it fucking costs

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in which the New England Patriots, the five-time Super Bowl defending champions, the often criticized for absolutely no fucking reason, you know, all the time. I had another guy bring up fucking deflakeate. I always tell him. It's like they did not get convicted of deflating balls, you fucking moron. That was laughed out of court for the 90 millionth time. And then the suspension was canceled. Remember that? He was supposed to be suspended and they took it to court and it was laughed out of court and the judge said, why did you waste my fucking time with this? That's what happened. And then, you know, the United States of America, you cannot get tried twice for the same offense that's a habeas hearsake something or other right you can't be you can't be

fucking double jeopardy you can't fucking do that so the NFL found a loophole they just went back to court and said uh is the NFL a corporation and the judge was like yes and then they said does a corporation have the right to suspend its employee and the judge said yes and they said fine we're corporation tom Brady is our employee and he is suspended and that's what they did that's why he got suspended not because they proved anything you fucking dopes and by the way the guy who caught the the the alleged by the way underinflated fucking ball by the way the colts also allegedly had two under inflated balls but who gives a fuck they're not winning all the championships right the guy who caught the ball tested positive for steroids this past season ah nobody gives a

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Oh, but do you go. All right, booze lineup. Oh, beautiful. I was hoping people were going to send these in. All right. I talked last week on, you know, I got back into baseball and that Yankees, Red Sox things heating up again. We better meet in the playoffs.

It has to happen. It's been too fucking long. I ended up fucking Yankees took three out of four, so I broke even. All this shit talking. All of this fucking shit talking. And it just, we ended up just being even. But I was talking about, you know, just watching baseball, I did my booze lineup of like whiskeys, scotches and bourbons.

All right. I don't just do scotches. Okay. This isn't like the fucking, this isn't MLB when Babe Ruth played. All right? This is, anybody can show up as long as you're brown. No, tequila's also welcome. So this would be my lineup.

I always change the lineup. I would say this week, Johnny Walker Blue is leading off. You've got to start with some strong shit, right? Pappy Van Winkle is in second. And then I would put Angels Envy at third. McCallum, Rare Casque is battened cleanup. All right?

Then I'd have Yippie Kaye, Fifth. And once you get to the middle of order, this is just when I just want to get. fucked up, right? Those other ones. Angels Envy is also a good one just to get fucked up on. You know, it's not that expensive either. Then you get to the middle of the order, but it's like, I'm staying at home and I'm getting drunk by myself or I'm getting drunk with a friend of mine that it appreciates good whiskey bourbon or whatever. When I get in the middle, then it's like yippy Kaye, Patron Silver. Maybe I put Grand Patron where I put Angels Envy. That's why I get that.

Okay, Grand Patron hit fucking the third spot. Then I got Yippie Kaye. That's, I got fucking angels envy and then Johnny Walker black Okay Those are the next three So then you got eight and nine And that's when you know You just have fucking

Just people coming over And they just want to get shit faced Then you just got to go Maker's Mark Or fucking Jack Daniels You know And then if you just have a complete fucking shithead You just give them red label

Fucking Johnny Walker All right So here's this person booze lineup. He goes, I love your idea about doing a booze alcohol battling lineup. Here's my submission. Leading off Kentucky Tavern. I've never heard of this. This is what I love. It's going to give me new shit to try. Dependable, a little rough around the edges, but you know this guy's going to get on base at a 400 clip, even if he has to lean into one every now and then. I love that this person broke it all down. Then give me your scouting reports, too, when you send

these in. Batting second. Hornitos. What the fuck is that? Hornitos can be streaky at times, but still has a little bit of a pop if you mix it with grapefruit soda. Dude, and your second guy, you're already mixing it with something? All right. Oh, shit. Hang on a second. Speaking of that. Josh just asked me if I had the soda.

No, I don't. I got to do a voice text here. Get the Fanta orange with the mech. Mexican sugar. There you go. All right. That's right. When I'm fucking not boozing, I actually drink Fanta orange soda.

It's kind of nice because it's really sweet. And then you got the smoke. You know, it's not redundant. Remember big night when that lady got the pasta and then she also ordered mashed potatoes and the guy wouldn't do it because it was too starches? You know, why would you have a cigar and then drink something really peaty? It's like fucking redundant. You want a sweet kind of alcohol.

I'm not actually I do okay so batting third this guy has bullet this is your franchise player he makes everyone around him a little better plus he's going to give you a team friendly long-term contract that won't have you paying luxury taxes dude this guy's great you know he took a funny idea now he's taking it to an even funnier level all I did was just I got to break down each player now all right batting cleanup knob creek he goes can you tell him a bourbon drinker I can never keep him straight. He goes, bottom line is, if there's any ducks left on the pond, this guy is there to deliver

the knockout punch. I got to tell you, the way he's describing this lineup, he's definitely making the playoffs, if not fucking winning the pennant. Batting fifth, Smearnoff vodka. Okay, definitely nothing to write home about, but when surrounded

with the right personnel, there's always potential for magic. You know what? My vodka is, my go-to vodka, I like Belvedere. Oh, Belvedere, come here. boy i like that better than gray goose gray goose is just like that's like soft rock like easy listening you know what i mean i like belvedere it's got a little more of a fucking bite to it but i don't know much about vodka either uh batting six johnny walker black now you might be now might be a good time to mention i'm in my early 30s because this guy is a september call up

you're not quite ready to add him to your 40 man roster just yet but he's for a couple but he's up for a cup of coffee because you know he's going to be an important part of your future. Yeah, maybe he can get on base and steal second. All right, batting seventh. Oh, Jesus. Dude, this is unforgivable if you're in your 30s. This is unforgivable, and I respect you that you can still drink this. Jaeger Meister. Wow. Wow. You often find yourself wondering why this guy is even still around and yet you feel you can remember you wait and yet you can

you feel like you can remember a time when he was actually pretty good yeah he's like the fucking one of those guys we had just like you know like Vince Carter still play that's not fair to Vince Carter because Vince Carter was one of the greatest

fucking you know I think the best dunker of all fucking time certainly the highest jumper I apologize I shouldn't have Vince Carter was the first guy I thought of He's like a, you ever when, like, Giambi was playing on the Colorado Rockies? It's like one of those deals. All right. Captain Morgan batting eighth, definitely a role player.

That's like a catcher. This guy could be a superstar, but he's got a bit of a sweet tooth and always shows up to spring training, 20 pounds overweight. Oh, he's the panda. Still, you know he's good for a sack fly in a key situation. Yeah, one of these guys just has to, you're out there for defense. you know he's not hitting for average all right batting ninth wild turkey american honey and he writes oh jesus uh you ask him to lay down a bun and you just know he's going to hit into an inning ending double play every damn time uh by the way if it's if it's a close one i'm putting in buffalo

trace in place of yager as a defensive substitution dude this guy's brilliant uh so that's my lineup thanks for the idea i enjoyed putting this together even if you don't read it no dude i love that it all down. All right. Here's another guy's lineup. All right. His whiskey lineup. Bullet, Eagle Rare, batting third,

McCallin, 12. Batting fourth. Angels, envy, cask strength. I never had that. D.H. I might fuck up some of the names of these. Balvenny?

12-year single malt. Glenn Levitt, French Oak. I can't deal with the florals. I don't like the florals. I don't like the florals. I like more of the P. thing. Like Glenn Levits, I never been able to quite handle those.

But I respect them. They're definitely in the Hall of Fame of booze. Oh, fuck. He's going to stop by a taco. Oh, Jesus Christ. What is he talking about? No, fuck. He's going to stop by a taco truck to get the fucking booze. No, no, no, no, no. The soda I mean.

Hang on. Let me hit pause and straighten this up. all right i'm back so anyways uh glenn levitt french oak sixth number seven willie pot still reserve never heard of that one number eight jefferson's ocean aged at sea jesus sounds like low tide shit to me number nine hudson bay starting pitcher is blanton's oh i've got to do a starting pitcher middle reliever uh giving you a reliable couple innings makers is 46. Closer is Elijah Craig barrel proof. Dude, I love everybody going with the starting pitchers. Then you got to have your middle relief. I actually had middle relief. Oh, my God. Dude, this is, this is endless. And then, you know, so you're going to get some real big time

booze hounds that nine, you know, positions in the batting lineup are not going to be enough. They're going to have to go, they're going to have to, like, I don't know, do like a football team, 11 offensive players. This isn't fair to, people over in Europe. Go ahead. Give me your fucking lineups and use all the fucking soccer terminology. Maybe I'll learn something. All right, here's another, last booze lineup here. Dear Billy, no fun, no fuss, no must, no brainer. In answer to your request for our batting lineups of booze, I'm not much of a drinker anymore, so I'll go the other way and do my recreational drug lineup. I love it. I love it. You guys are taking this idea and running with it. This is tremendous. All right, number one, weed.

Number two, black hash, preferably from Nepal. Number three, magic mushrooms. Batting cleanup, LSD. Preferably purple, owesley. Never tried it, but according to Ken Casey, it was the best. Number five, ecstasy, pure and uncut. Number six, ketamine. I don't want this.

Number seven, cocaine, pure and uncut. Cocaine, pure and uncut, should be fucking... That sounds like a speedster, man. get him on base, he fucking steals second. And you have LSD, fucking bring him home with a single to write. I don't know. Running on a full count. You're not going to catch that guy.

He might score from first. All right. Number eight, peyote. Number nine, mescaline, pure and uncut. Hey, Bill, on Thursday, you were talking about the sound of drums in the 70s. I watched this recently and thought it would be informative to you. Overhead mic with a compressor on it. You guys have to watch this.

If you're into any type of music, I actually watch this thing. And it's, do you know that sound of Phil Collins' drums, the famous drum film from In the Air Tonight? That, go, go, gong, gong, gong, gdon, don, don't. And it was, you got to watch this video. How they came up with that drum sound was an accident. And then everybody used it, and it literally became the sound of the 80s. And now it's back.

I guess Taylor Swift used it in some song called 1989 and all that. But if you're into that nerdy audio stuff, like I find, this is how great my fucking drum teacher, Dave Eilich, is. I was tuning up my drums. You know, I got some back east. And it's this old Slingerlin kit. And it's a 13, a 12, wait, no, a 9, 13, 14, and an 18.

It was 13, 14, Tom's, and then an 18 inch floor and a 24-inch kick. And I ended up adding another, I found from the same era a 16 inch floor tom and then I added another bass drum. So I got 224s, all right? This was my first attempt to try to get away from just aping and doing a bad job of everything John Bonham did. I was getting into Primus and my brothers, they were playing like speed metal and shit. And they were always trying to get me into Metallica and Slayer and all them. And I just was too much of a fucking idiot to realize how great that music was. I was, and I could have seen all those bands on their first tours, and I didn't do it.

So anyways, I went home and I was tuning up to bass drum, and I just couldn't get a good fucking sound. And it was this weird, like, vibrating fucking sound or whatever. And I text my teacher, I said, yeah, I'm getting this weird, like a buzz or a rattle, and he said, is there a hole in the front head? I was like this guy is a fucking genius fucking genius because what happened is there wasn't a hole in the front head

but where they were something fell on it and punctured just the littlest of hole I said it was a tiny hole that would be enough to fuck it up because I couldn't get that boom sound and so now I'm like obsessing about it I gotta get back east again I want to try tuning them up again

and I've now become obsessed with like different heads and I used to be so afraid to try and tune my drums I'd have somebody else do it and then I just wouldn't touch them and I'd play them until they sucked again and then I hope I could find somebody else

rather than just biting the bullet and being like, just take out your drum key and start fucking with it and ask people who know how to do it to teach you how to do it and keep fucking doing it you asshole but you know part of being an asshole is you don't do shit like that

all right the apocalypse Hey there, Dillie. Hey there, Billy Death Belly. Hey there, Billy Death Bell. The internet keeps talking about the end of times as if things today are far worse than they've ever been. I'm only 31 years old, but I seem to remember plenty of bad weather and shitty presidents. There's this need to make everything sound worse than it is these days because everyone loves to be the bearer of bad news and they get a thrill off the excitement that shit may be going south real quick. I saw a quote by John Mayer on Twitter.

Someone asked him what annoys him and he says, Spacious argument. It's everywhere. I can't stand it. Is that it? Did I say that right? The fetization of defense attorney logic gone mainstream. Ugh.

Well, he's obviously a smarter person to me because I don't know what anything that means. Spacious argument. It's everywhere. I can't stand it. the fetization of defense attorney logic gone mainstream. That right there is why he's a brilliant guitarist, because I don't know what the fuck he just did, but I don't know that anybody's ever put words together like that.

I don't know what that means. I totally agree. Everyone thinks they're dropping the mic, and they're just pandering and reaching for low-hanging few. Now, that I agree with. Yes. P.S. Keep the 90s music coming. That Fiona Apple song that Andrew used last week reminded me of the summer.

I started jerking off. Save the pet store manager from last week. I don't know what that means. Yeah, Andrew picks the music. I wish I could claim that I was as cool as to know all the shit that he does. He knows a bunch about music. Yeah, there is a lot of that. There's a lot of gloom and doom and all that type of shit.

But, you know, it's not all, it is, I, you know, the Great Barrier Reef and all that type of shit. shit is pretty terrifying. All of that shit is pretty fucking terrifying. And I mean, I can't even focus on it. If you actually get past all the dopes on social media talking about things and you actually listen to scientists talking about, like, whatever their predictions are, I know that there's, I don't know, this sounds like a, you know, I think it's going to be, uh, I don't know, it should be interesting. We'll say, I hope they're wrong. you know who the fuck knows i don't know all right the dnc everybody dear mr burr i'm appalled and disgusted

that you had the audacity to speak poorly of debby schultz waserman a lifelong servant of her country and the only party uh that has moved this country forward i usually enjoy your brand of humor there's no way this person's serious i have see i have see parts of your comedy specials and overheard a handful of episodes of your podcast while in the proxy of my brother-in-law. You, sir, have a responsibility to tell the truth and not just your uninformed opinions on politics. The deceit that you distribute is going to aid in the dismantling of this country. Oh, God. Oh, God.

Give me a fucking break. You just happened to be walking by and you heard that. Well, you know, the whole part of this podcast is that I am uninformed. And I sent a link that you could watch on YouTube and listen to that lawyer discussing the things that she did or didn't do. So I don't know what your fucking problem is. I talk about politics the way I talk about sports as someone who never did it at a professional level. I met Schultz-Warserman a few years back and I asked her what we could do every day to change the nation for the better. and she eloquently said do not let them tell you how to feel oh god i'm not reading the rest of this

this is fucking sincerely a proud democrat who will not be discouraged you know what you sound like you sound like someone you know when someone comes up to me and says the patriots are cheaters and then i say who's your team and then i talk about the shit that they've done and then they downplay that yeah you are i got to be honest with you as uninformed as I am, people like you, I can't even talk to because you're so lost in your blue ties that you can't see, that it's just, you know what, it's like, everybody out here in Hollywood loves to sit there and trash Fox News and talk about how they're all these bullies and all that.

And I'm going to tell you, I'm not going to name any fucking names, but the amount of performers, comedians, actresses, and all this type of shit, like, they're, level of zero tolerance, like they're literally what they're fighting, they're bullies. They tell people how they're supposed to think, the way they're supposed to think, and they feel that they are 100% right. They feel that their view of the world is the way that the world should be, and anyone who doesn't think that needs to be attacked, needs to be dragged on stage and humiliated, needs to have their ability to earn a living attacked. It's no difference than when you watched what Fox News did to the Dixie Chicks.

It's the exact same fucking thing, the exact same level of righteousness, patting themselves on the back about how fucking smart they are and how informed they are. You know, meanwhile, as they fly around in fucking private jets, give me a fucking break. Give me a fucking break, okay? You know, the Patriots cheat, your team cheats, the Republicans are pieces of shit, the Democrats are pieces of shit. right there you go there you go so anything other than that you're looking at shit through fucking rose colored glasses and um i think it's i think that that is uh i don't know what to think

i just i can't have a conversation with that you know what i mean it's like if i listen to a red sucks back when derrick jeter was playing and they just say that he sucks and he's fucking overrated and blah blah and i would just sit there and be like he isn't he's fucking one one of the greatest players of all time I'd love if he was on my team you know I hate the Yankees but I'm not going to hate on greatness Marianne Rivera is the greatest

fucking closer of all time I still fucking hate the Yankees but I don't hate him to a level that I can't see I can't see that you know what I mean I just don't I just don't I just don't understand it I don't understand it like you want to talk about

SpyGate? Yeah the Patriots were guilty of cheating deflategate was bullshit SpyGate was true. However, they were only guilty of doing it for one game. And I only clarify that because everybody thinks, well, they should take away all their titles because that's what they were doing. No, that was the first game. It was illegal. And they kept fucking doing it.

All right? And they were 100% guilty. And they deserved to be fucking fine because they were cheating then. Yes, they were that one time. All the other stuff was bullshit, though. However, if they were, because I remember when Deflakey came out, I was like, if they did this shit again, I'm done with this fucking team. That's what I said. And then I watched the whole fucking thing unfold.

And it was like, oh, this was just bullshit. So there you go. Does that sound even-handed? You guys probably think I'm too much of a Patriots fan. But, I mean, I did it. SpyGate was cheating, and they were guilty. They did it one game. Rayman Jeannie fucking ratted him out.

Then that was it. They were fucking guilty. What are you going to do? Does that make them worse than anybody else? No, Bill Walsh fucking cheated. So there you go. there's your Democrats and your Republicans. Say the Patriots are Democrats.

I'm a Patriots fan, so I am a Democrat, okay? But I can see that Spygate was fucking cheating and they were guilty of it. And I could also see that Bill Walsh fucking did the same thing when he pretended his fucking headsets went out. It's not that fucking hard. I don't understand what your point is that, oh my God, this person was just a fucking amazing person. And I said, what should we do?

He said, don't let them capitals tell you how to feel. That is such like, that has got to be the most vague. I'm on my way to my town car, fucking horseshit response ever. Hey, Bill, what's your secret to being a successful stand-up comedian? Just get out there and keep doing it, man. all right girlfriend won't take racist last name all right dear billsbury dough boy hey fuck you man I'm under 180 okay go easy

go easy you know all right dear billsbury dough boy my girlfriend of three years has made it very clear that if we if I were to propose to her that she would not take my last name the reason being is that she feels my last name is race racist. The name is Coons, spelled C-O-O-O-N-S. I told her that I have never encountered a problem having this last name and she has nothing to worry about. Thoughts? Yeah, here's my thoughts. I think

you're making this up. And if you're not, that woman is too dumb to marry and reproduce with. All right. If you call a black person a coon, that is racist. If your last name is Coons, it isn't you know look I can see if your last name was the N word then yeah I mean maybe you want to you know yeah I mean if it's I don't know yeah I mean if that's your fucking last name and that's a believable last name isn't it you know what I mean I don't know anyways my roommate is you know I like I'm trying to think I'm trying to think of a fucking racial group I can do here without getting in trouble because I want to really do a fucking,

I guess I have to go against my own, my own fucking racist. What would I do? There's no good ones. There's no good ones with white people because it doesn't have an effect on us. Ah, shit. You know what I mean?

I don't know. Maybe in the future some other group takes over and then we'll have that. We'll have our, you know, you can't call me Cracker. I love crackers. I love putting cheese on them. My roommate is a fucking weirdo. Dear Cunty McCunfuck, first of all, a big fan of the fucking podcast.

The last fucking Netflix special was phenomenal, so thanks, okay. I think this is one of these people that thinks because I swear that now they have to swear. You don't have to bring yourself down to my level, sir. Anyways, I just fucking moved into college as a freshman. My roommate is a hot motherfucker. I mean, I'm gay, so right away I was into him. But I kept to myself since I had no way of knowing he was gay too. I thought you guys had gay d'ar.

You couldn't sense it. So last week on Friday, after a fucking drunken night out, we returned to our room. Oh, Jesus, here we go. And the fucking guy offhandedly tells me he's gay once the conversation started getting more personal. Then I told him, I'm also gay. And this guy says fag. I don't think this is real. After which we proceeded to fuck, which was fucking amazing.

By the way, I find the term, I find. the fag term endearing so fuck all the political correctness hysteria by gays and non-gays alike all right i'm just going to read this okay anyways this is when the shit started to hit the fan no pun intended sorry dude you lobbed it over the fucking net um once i came he expressed disappointment at the volume of my come does anyone believe this is true the fucker literally said that's it what are you sick or something i felt fucking inadequate since his was considerably bigger than mine. Oh, Jesus Christ.

So then the next morning, he says he wants to fuck again. I go along with it. Like he's so hot, I'm not going to refuse. Halfway through, this motherfucker says, you know, for a tall guy, you're sure of a small dick. And he writes, like, what the fuck? Yeah, well, dude, you came back for more abuse here. So I'm all for two, right?

Inadequate dick size. Check. Lack of Herculian cumshot. is insulting the people he fucks part of his style. Like, I can't figure out why he still wants to fuck me after two colossal fucking insults. So what the fuck do I do next? We'll stop fucking the guy. Fuck knows.

But the next day, we're chugging beers in our room. You know, other than the gay sex, this sounds amazing. Sorry, I'm looking this as a straight guy. Um, where the fuck am I? Okay, we're chugging beers in a room and he suggests something beyond weird. Oh, God. He basically tells me, he wants me to pee in his mouth. You know, even if this is fake, this is tremendously creative.

You've got to give this up. Okay, since it turns him on, since it turns him on, I'm eight beers deep and I'm a lightweight, so I'm like, fuck it. Dude, I swear to God, if this is true and you're pissing this guy's mouth and he's like, oh, that's it. That's it. This motherfucker has a stream Like a goddamn fire hose And nearly broke my jaw in the process What?

I don't believe that. Jesus Christ So I'm completely weirded out by this colossal cunt Dude, you let him piss in your mouth His only Saving grace is that he happens to be the hardest guy I ever met So Bill, what the fuck do I do? Do I change room, kick this cunt to the curb And sleep and never sleep with again?

or do I stick in there so that I can stick it in there. Thanks and go fuck yourself, you muggy bitch. I don't know. It sounds like you feel bad afterwards. If I was with a woman and she was doing this shit to me and she was really hot, yeah, I'd probably keep going back, but I would just get myself mentally prepared.

You know what you might do? Just telling me as a weird asshole. You got to get in his head. tell him his ass is too hairy he needs to braid the hair on his ass or so i don't know what the fuck the i mean i don't you're outside you know this is still basically human interaction so you're talking about feelings here so if you want to get childish say something mean to him and uh i don't know you know what's weird is josh just showed up now i have to smoke a cigar have to read that shit um yeah dude don't fucking go back don't go back for more right or if you're

going to go back for more um sorry i'm texting here hang on all right uh yeah you don't need to put up with that shit everything's like a pun in this um the weird thing is that you live with the guy it's never good to fuck your roommate you know it's that's that's never going to be a good thing but i don't know how it works with gay guys because you're both guys right So I would think you'd be able to just be like, yeah, we're just fucking, right? Then we'll watch a game and fucking drink some beers and I'll fucking piss in your mouth, evidently. I guess that's how it goes down. I don't know what the fuck happens here.

So I would just, if he sincerely is making you feel bad, then I would try to find a better guy. But consider you live with them, obviously, it's not like you can just blow the guy off. So at some point he's going to be like, hey, man, you want to fuck? You got to be like, no, I don't. I'd be like, why not? I'd be like, because you're a dick. You say mean shit to me, and I don't like it. All right?

So why don't you go in there and go rub one out and piss in your own fucking mouth, you're fucking douche? Or you just move out. All right. That's the podcast, everybody. God bless each and every one of you. Go fuck yourselves, and I'll check it on you on Thursday. What's up, everybody, and welcome back.

to the Anything Better podcast show, NFL edition. And I am so thrilled to be back here. With me, your host, Paul Verzi, over here. And Bill Burr over there. And we're very excited to bring back. Of course, we have Andrew Themless, the Greek Freak, the Beverly Hills kid. And making his year two, he made the, he made the 53-man roster. A fan favorite.

A fan favorite, Paul. Jake the Snake is back. He's got more detail injury reports this year. So we are back in full swing. Bill, how the hell are you? We're back at week one. We gave Jake the Snake the keys to the car. Okay, this is his team to win a lose win.

I'm beyond sight, dude. I am beyond sights for the game tonight. Well, Bill, I have to say something to you, dude. And I don't know. I was only able to give you credit. If it's not nice, I don't want to. hear it. I'm in too good a move. It's very nice. And I wasn't able to do this publicly on the show. I had to call you after the fact. But dude, your Super Bowl prediction and what you said would

happen, how it would happen, happen. Okay. And listen, you know me. I'm a guy that likes to credit what credits do. Okay. I like to give credit what you do. You said the Philadelphia Eagles were going to kick the shit out of him. You said how they were going to do it. If you listened back to that episode. You nailed it. If the refs let them play. And what I want to do is thank all the NFL fans that were talking on social media saying this shit is massaged.

It's fixed. So they were like, it's getting too loud. Call off the dogs. It'll still be a game. It wasn't a game. No. The Kansas City Chiefs, you know, they shouldn't have been there. Dude.

They should not have been there. Any more than that. then I should have fault. It's a bit of an insaturation. It was a beat down. Paul, you're looking a little blurry. You're looking a little blurry. Am I?

In the handway. Am I crazy? There it is. Okay. All right. But we got a lot of good picks. We got a lot of good games. You've got a new coach with the Pats.

The Giants have a new quarterback. We got a lot of different stuff, but we have to do this. Jake to say. Where Daniel Jones go? Daniel Jones went where? Daniel Jones is on the Indianapolis Colts. They took on all that money. The Indianapolis Colts.

And guess what? He just got names. the starter. QB1. Oh, dude, Jim Hurst, they passed during the off season. So, you know, rest his soul. Rest his soul. We didn't always see eye to eye, but it'll be interesting to see if they carry on his tradition.

I mean, you know, they won a lot over there, Paul. How they did it, we're not going to bring up. Hey, nobody needs to answer questions. Jake the Snake, before we do our week one picks, what do we got? what's interesting what are storylines and who is hurt here he is everybody hey oh the fresh look at that patrick mahomes is not the only guy with a new haircut this year that's right had to freshen up for you guys that's right jake the snake got a guaranteed contract on the show and look at him he's already spending his money he's already spending his money i love it

looking shop got himself a new ride the whole deal uh i can see jake you know It would be great, Jake yelling at the barber. I'm going on the air tomorrow. I said faded higher. Does this little camera ready? Does this little camera ready? That's awesome. You call that a fade?

I'm going on anything better week one tomorrow. All right. Go ahead. What do we got, Jake? Well, the big storyline is Micah Parsons got traded to the Packers, and they play the Lions. So that's going to be a huge game on Sunday. They're saying he has a back injury, so we'll see if he actually gets out there.

But either way, that's going to be a great game. Then we got the Bills and Ravens on Sunday Night Football. Huge rematch of last year's playoff game to probably the best quarterbacks in football going at it. So that'll be fun. And then Chief Chargers are going to be out there in Brazil, which I'm nervous about. Because last year, if you remember, the Packers quarterback. Wait, the NFL is going to Brazil now? Yeah, it's tomorrow.

Terrible. I mean, there you go. there you go i mean you know she's going to leave the country oh pa oh he got to do a show down there i'll tell you there's a lot of talent down there okay dude you ain't kidding it's go to rio yeah the players are ecstatic to go there oh my god like the amount of trouble oh yeah can you imagine like you you play in brazil and you're like what is my life I'm living my dream, playing in Brazil. And then the next week, you're playing like Jacksonville.

Like Minnesota. Oh, dude. You just see NFL players yawning. They were out all night. Nobody's going to care about the game. Are you kidding me, dude? Oh, that's hilarious. The smartest things I ever did, Paul.

Back in the day, my friends would go down there and I never went. That's the smartest thing I ever did. You go down there, Paul, you don't come, but you physically, you come back. You don't come back. you know, you can't come back and then like the level of shit that you're going to be taken from an American woman and then these goddesses are down. I mean, you know, I'm just, I mean, Paul,

I'm not saying they don't give you shit down there, but if you're going to take some shit, Paul. That's the best, you know, it's like being homeless. If you're going to do it, San Diego, Sam, man. Oh, yeah. You don't do it in Cleveland. No. If you're going to live under a bridge, Paul.

I mean, where is Paul Versey limit? Probably South Beach. South Beach. It was South Beach, you know, you know. Paul Versey, the happiest homeless guy. You're loving me. Like, you don't even need a house. I swear to God, dude.

I go to the beach. You don't rain a lot, but it doesn't rain for a long time down here. And as long as it doesn't go sideways, you know, if I'm under the bridge, I mean, I'm good. I got a dog The NFL is going I think they need to calm it down a little bit I mean what's next dude I'm seeing the Raiders in Columbia next year

I'm telling you if they're going to try they're trying to go global like you know how soccer is global in the UFC I'm telling you they don't understand that that's apples and oranges I remember Rogan said

a long time ago. If you're driving down the street, even if you don't watch MMA, if you saw two people fighting, you're going to stop and watch it. Like, fighting has global appeal, and so do soccer. I mean,

it would be, can you imagine if like Australian rules football came over here, or they tried to bring like the seven nation fucking rugby league over here and who's going to win the championship or the wooden spoon? I mean, that's what we're trying to do. I'm not shitting on those leagues, but it's You grew up with those, you watched them with your dad, and it's just, they're there.

So I don't know. But I mean, if they're going to try to go global, you might as well go to some. I thought your voice just cracked when you said dad. I thought you went. Why you was doing the thing, dad? All right. Well, here's the best part, Bill. You get to go first because it's an odd year, and you go first on the odd year.

So, what's that? And I'm an odd fella. You're an odd fella. and you get the honors to open the year. And you know what happens. Yeah, there's just something about me. You can't quite put your finger on it. All right.

Well, I'm going to go right out of the gate. And I'm going to take my New England Patriots minus two and a half playing the Oakland Raiders. Sorry, Los Angeles Raiders. So, Oakland, the Las Vegas Raiders. All right. The Raiders are like that dude, you know, that got married like the four-time and you're like, am I really going to this wedding? I'm just not going

I wish you well but I can't make this one where do they move next I know I know wait where do you go after that they got the triangle of fucking death there Oakland L.A. Oakland Vegas I tell you where they're going to go they're going to be the Brazil Raiders

that's my that would be a hell of a promotion If I was the owner, I would literally have a pirate ship, sail into the harbor. That's how I would do it. I'm, this is Paul, I am, I am fucking swinging in the fucking wind here. I have no idea what I'm doing. The Rio Raiders, yeah, I was thinking that too. Andrew said the Rio Raiders.

Dude, I got to tell you, it's got a nice ring. Got a nice ring to it. You're telling me the Giants are playing the Rio Raiders. You're not trying to sell that to your wife? Babe, we're going to Brazil. Going down there for the game. For you. For you.

They got frozen yogurt down there. I got to go with, you know, I'm hearing good things. I don't like people who like watch preseason football and, you know, with a fucking 200-man roster and somehow they know something. Well, this is what I do know is Mike Brable can coach for this league. He did great in Tennessee. He was a former Patriot. You know, the old player coach thing here. I think people are going to get on board.

I hated that they seemed like they hired Mayo to fire him. You know, it's just like, I thought he deserved more. But whatever, you got to shake it off. Here we go. So we're playing the Raiders who are always in flux, Paul. And I don't think we have a convincing win. I think we win. I think we cover.

And I don't know what it means. I'm not going to put that level of weight on it. But I, you know, this is, for those you're watching, if you haven't been new to the show, This is 100% of Verzi bet. This is me betting with my heart. But you got to like the two and a half at home. The Raiders are a little hapless right now. Hey, Paul, I don't have to do anything.

Don't put fucking words to my mom. You need to. No, I like, no, two and a half I like. I got it. I'll tell you who I like to. Does that field go kicker on the University of Miami hitting that 47 yarder that would have been good from like 57 yards in the fucking orange ball, whatever they call it now,

Robbie Stadium, wherever the hell they play against the Raiders, against the fucking Notre Dame fighting Irish. That was a big kick. He went up there like it was nothing. Yeah, dude. And what about that kid who kicked a 70 yarder in preseason college or whatever?

During a game? It banged a 70 yarder, dude. It was nuts. Yeah, can we find out who that was? If you're consistent from 70 yards, all you have to get is to your 40. Oh, I'll bless there be another 8. You'd have to get to, like, your 48. Yeah, Jake, I'm sorry, it was the Jaguars kicker.

Jaguars kicker in preseason. Kicked a 70 yard. Yeah. What is the record? And it had some left. 65 in a real game. I mean, was there to me, Paul, were they still tackling in that game? Could he still have gotten hit?

And like, for some reason that doesn't count. All right. All right, I'm going to do something stupid, but I'm going to do it. Tonight, I'm going to. tonight okay i'm going you got eagles cowboys tonight the eagles are minus eight and a half and you know what i think they're going to win a game by 10 i see this game being like a 21 to 10 game i think that dallas morale is down with micha parsons going to green bay and uh i thought cowboys but you know what now super bowl champs sayquan's going to be excited the link is going to be

going on it's i can't believe i'm saying this it's sickening actually sickening but i'm going to take them to win by 10. It hurts me to say this. Oh, I mean, is there any worse spread than eight and a half? No. I'd rather have 10 because then it's usually a great team against a shit team, but eight and a half division rivalry. I'll tell you, Paul, you got balls.

I don't get too mad at that. All right, here's an easy one. Chiefs minus three, playing the Chargers. I just feel like, I feel like, I feel like, the Chiefs, it was an embarrassment. They want to come back and show that, like, you know, they have that they're not on the other side of it, that Andy Reid's got another one in them.

I also feel like the NFL needs this storyline. I don't know if Paula Abdul's going to be at the game or not, but, like, I just, you know, I feel like it's going to be a close game. I like the Chiefs minus three. Paul, I'm not going to lie to you. I really feel good about this. I feel like I'm 2 and 0 right now.

I feel like some of my hair's growing back. I just, there's a lot of good feelings over here. I'm going to take the Chiefs, so I think that that's a great pick. And listen, Travis Kelsey and Taylor Swift, they got engaged. God bless him. So, you know, you don't have to worry about Travis having his face buried in some fucking Brazilian chick-ass. Hey, he's a scene.

Hey, Paul, now, you know, it's a long week. He's off the market. It's a long. But I agree. I think the chiefs... Can you do an impression of Travis Kelsey's face when he gets engaged and then sees the NFL schedule that you could go to Brazil?

He calls his brother, dude. I could have waited like three weeks, dude. I should have waited. I should have waited. I thought we'd still go to Germany. Or England? Dude, let's be honest. The last time the Chiefs played a football game that was meaningful,

they got fucking smoked in a Super Bowl, I think it's going to be bad for the Chargers. Sorry, Jake. Hey, Jake the Snake doesn't like this pick, but great pick by you. Well, that's why we had to get, we had to get Jake the big contract. The Chargers was sniffing around them. They wanted to get them up in the booth.

Yeah, we had to put the franchise tag on Jake the Snake. All right. Bill, you took your team, and you know what? I'm going to take my team. The New York Giants just got probably one of the best defensive linemen in all of the draft, and I love what they're doing on defense. Russell Wilson brings a little stability, but I also like our backup quarterback, and we have probably one of the best wide receivers in the game.

Commanders minus six, I'm going to take the Giants getting six points. My Giants, my new defense look Giants going in there. I'm not saying we definitely win the game, but I could see it being a field goal game. I'm going to take the Giants getting six. I mean, who do the Steelers have at quarterback? You know who they got. They got your boy Aaron Rogers.

Oh, is that where he went? Jesus. Yeah. Oh, so they made a trade there? He just signed with them like two weeks ago. He waited. Oh, you know Aaron Rogers enjoyed the summer before he made his decision, but that's what he did.

Oh. Oh, Paul, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a ballsy pick. You got two, you know, you got two grizzled vets on a center. All right. Let's move on here. I like that Bill's Ravens game. I think it's going to be a great game. Oh, Sunday night.

Plus one, minus one. Let's just be honest, Paul. It's a pick. It is. So, I love Lamar Jackson, but there's just something about that Ravens team. Like, they just always, I don't know, they just, oh, God. I think I'm going to take the bills just because they're at home. And other than that, I have no idea.

Like that, that's literally a, whatever. I mean, I just think that's a flip the coin. I'll take the point. I'll take one point if I can get it. I mean, Paul, who am I? You know, I'm just a guy here waiting to get a breakfast burrito. You said, ooh, you're getting a breakfast burrito from that place you took me to? the place I took you to Paul

the old lady's not there anymore and they switched it up and it's it's average my two breakfast burrito place Paul they're average now it's you know you see what happens all of a sudden when those Uber E guys starts showing up and there's some of that robot

AI shit going on the food just goes like this this fucking fascination that everybody has with technology and robots there's nothing better than a person that cares how old is she that cares is always going to be better than a fucking robot always that's why i like over medium eggs you said it best you got to care just for 30 extra seconds you got to just a little care that's it yeah eggs are better if you cannot make an

over medium egg for someone you don't have love for your heart has to be in it and this fucking bullshit where they're acting like these robots feel feelings they don't it's an algorithm yeah not dude they can make them as cute as they want those stupid fucking box things driving down the fucking street. Have you ever seen them go in and actually deliver anything? They're not. That's just a promotional tool. Do you get, oh, oh, look.

Oh, look at it. Yeah. What's in there, Paul? Huh? Somebody's insulin? How long is it going to take for them to fucking deliver it? All right. Is the old lady all right?

Huh? Is the old lady all right? Who? The breakfast burrito lady. I mean, dude, I don't know if she's all right. She's not there anymore, but I can tell you right now, If she passed on, if she passed on, God was saying, hang on, hang on, hang on, hang on, hang on.

Come on in. Come here, come here, you know. We got to, you, this, she did it right. Oh, okay. Put in the line. All right. TSA pre-checked right into heaven. All right.

I got my fourth and final pick here, dude. And I'm going to be honest with you. I don't love. it but I like it and I'm going to take I'm going to take for the first time in three years I think the Cincinnati Bengals don't lose week one and I like them minus five and a half I like that I think the Browns are in a disarray

and one of the Browns aren't in disarray I mean come on the Browns have been I'm not going to lie to you think the Browns are the Browns I'm going to take Joe Burrow Browns haven't been in a ray since Jim Brown rest his soul they've been disarray ever since that's not true cardiac kids you know those elway browns game that's if they could have just won one of those games that i think that that rivalry would have had more attention put on it i mean those were just fucking paul that was football municipal

stadium and in mild high stadium those were just ugly you had to love football to sit in those fucking stadiums that was the real deal i love both of those stadiums oh okay good no actually Andrew said we both have one more pick. By the way, did I ever tell the story about what I heard about the drive with John Elway when John Elway went to Cleveland to speak about the drive with the dog pound thrown eggs? Did I tell you that story?

If I didn't tell you the story, I'm going to tell you real quick. Bo Diaz was the cop at hilarities. Hilarities, shout out to Nick Kostas, great room. He always had police there. Bo Diaz, the catcher from the Indians. No, no. No, Bo Diaz was the cop. Was that hilarities?

But is that the same Bo Diaz that played in MLB? No, no. This is cop Bo Diaz. What was his partner's name, Roy Smalley? Different guy, different guy. Different guy. So I'm talking to the club owner, Dave Winfield. He tells me this story.

I've said it on other podcasts, so I'm going to make it quick because I need to say it on anything better. He said that John Elway came to a, like a, you know, one of those conference, you know, like a speaking thing in Cleveland. and Elway stands up and he goes, all right, guys. And he's in Cleveland and Elway goes, I'm going to tell you guys about the drive. Everyone starts booing and Bo is the cop in there. Everyone starts booing, boo. And he goes, hold on, hold on.

Let me just tell you the story. And he goes, before that drive started, an egg from the dog pound. They had the fans, the dog pound. He said, an egg came, hit the face mask of my old lineman, and yoke is all over his face. And he said, the whole drive, this is the greatest story ever. he said the whole drive he's going like this in the drive

he's going and he won't wipe he won't wipe it so Elway goes Elway goes dude why don't you wipe your eyes and he's going I'm not giving the fuck those fucks a satisfaction to see that they got me and he and John Elway said it made them

loose and laughing the entire drive and kept them loose the whole thing because they said every time they would get into the huddle he'd be like this and he wouldn't he wouldn't do it he would He's going like, and he said Elway and them laughed the whole way down the drive because he's going, I'm not giving those fuck to satisfaction. How great is that?

It's what makes men fucking hilarious. That's it. All we need is some silly shit. That's fucking amazing. That's so goddamn funny. You know what's funny is I actually, the first person I thought I was at was my late, great friend, Wayne Prevety. He would have done the exact same. same thing and he used rest his soul and he used he played high school football and he his move he was on

the defensive line his move was he would grab the other guy's jersey like this and he would just start slamming his head into him like repeatedly and just beat the guy down like just take his heart early in the game like like just established that he was out of his fucking mind that is 100% something Wayne Previdy would have done. That's awesome. Who's your fourth pick? All right, Paul.

And I'm just going to fucking close my eyes and throw a dart here. I don't know why. I don't know why. This game just, I just love their coach. And the more he looks like he's like Sean Penn playing Kleinfeld and like all of a sudden going bad

and dealing Coke is the Miami Dolphins. They're plus one. against the Colts minus one at home. I just think, you know, Daniel Jones there, now they find out he's out there. You know, it's a new system. He's getting comfortable with the team there home. The Dolphins, you know, I feel like, you know,

they've played some really good teams. They've beaten them over the years. I mean, they've got to be getting to the point. Like, when the fuck are we going to do something with two? I just feel like, you know, it's the first game of the year. I love that pick. They're going to come out and, you know, I think it's going to take Daniel Jones some time.

with the Colts. They got a new owner. They got a whole bunch of new shits going on out there in Indianapolis. And I think the dolphins are, they were a little salty over the last couple of years. You know, the bills this, the bills said, hey, fuck you, we're in this division, too. I think they can win by more than one. Dude, I love the Sean Penn-Kleinfeld thing. What a great character, by the way.

What a great scumbag lawyer character that was. That's my favorite. When Patino looks, you know, when he says, you know, I'm your lawyer, and then Pacino goes, lawyer you ain't a lawyer Kleinfeld you are gangster I love that good impression that was great

that was a great movie dude Clinfeld is my friend dude how great right out of the gate John Liguizamo the first movie I ever saw him he's doing a fucking scene with Al Pacino

and right out of the gate it's just like It's like the Jordan thing when Jordan gets in the NBA. Everybody talks about I took offense to that or whatever. I took that personally. My favorite line in the last dance was when he said when he got to the NBA, I felt like I needed to establish myself. Yeah.

Oh, God. And in the curse of Chicago, the two gold chains. And he's just in there just looking like Spider-Man. Dude, the two gold change. I feel like John Ligizamo did that. Okay. I am in a scene with Al Pacino. I'm the new kid on the block.

I need to establish. Benny Blanco from the Bronx, Paul. Benny Blanco from the Bronx. Come on. And Louis Guzman going, you know, I got to look out for the future. When he,

you know, he crossed him. He crossed him. He set him up at the train station. And he goes, I got to look out for the future. Because he wouldn't kill Benny. He showed that he actually had,

you know, it was considered soft. killed them. Colito, what are you doing? Come on, man. Finish him. I got to see that again. Yeah, it's a great movie. I'm watching Ghost Dog right now with Forrest Whitaker. Oh, that's good, right?

It's a strange movie. It's like, when Forrest Whitaker's in it, you're like, this movie's going to win an Oscar. And then when the other people are in, it's like some other, some of the other people, it's like, the tone of the movie is a little fucking off. Changed. He is amazing. He's a great actor. Dude, you just made me think of Jordan with two chains when he had the two chains in the dunk contest.

I mean, can I tell a quick story? I got to tell a quick story about my son. So my son is, he's in the big boy school now. He's not in pre-K anymore. So he goes to the big school, and he's all nervous about going to school and all of that stuff, you know. So he was a little emotional the first couple of days. So the teachers knew it.

He didn't like the big school. He wanted to go back to his little school. So when he showed up, they were doing that, you know, that high-pitchy thing talking to him. So he's walking in with his, you know, backpack on. And they're out going, hey, buddy, how you doing? Oh, good to see. Are you excited? Huh?

You're happy to be here? And they're trying to do that. They're going, you're happy to be here. And he doesn't even look at him. He just walks behind and he just goes. Game the thumbs down. Dude, I told my wife. Right by him.

Didn't fucking say a word. Dude, I had to look away. I told my wife. one of his friends from the little school he was just like hey and then he just hung out with him dude my wife so I told my wife that story she burst it out she burst it out I mean that

the thumbs down it's almost mature it's almost mature and it wasn't it wasn't like malicious dude it's like blah blah blah blah how you doing this is like just walked in dude I was by the time I got back to the car I was crying I couldn't even get it out

and Nia just started laughing going what what i and i was going i stunned you're not completely what our son just do and we laughed all through all through breakfast how could you not um all right you know what before i do my fourth and final pick we got to talk about the bet mgm app and the first betm offer that they're given okay guys there's a great first bet offer for bet mgm all you have to do is download the betmgm sportsbook app okay to your device you sign up and deposit 10 dollars okay into the account place your first wager and receive up to $1,500 back in, if your bet loses. Now, it's not $1,500 cash, but it's $1,500 you could play with.

So read the fine print for the guidelines, but you will be able to play with $1,500. If that bet loses, your bonus bets will be available once your initial wager is settled, guys, please bet responsibly, have fun. And listen, go with our picks. I got people coming to my comedy shows. I had a wife. I had a wife come to my comedy show. She walked up with her husband, and she just goes,

hey, we're here because you did really good by us in the football season. Oh, my God. Did she give you a tribute? And I was, give you a little envelope of cash? And all, you've been crushing it for so many years. You've got to have a receiving table. Also, we got to do the first touchdown. Guys, you guys know how this works.

You place any player. You pick any player to score touchdown of any game. and if your player doesn't, but scores the second, you get the entire stake back in cash, no opt-in required. So you pick your player to get the first touchdown, and if they do, you win, and if they don't, you get your cash back, if they get the second one, in fact.

Guys, for my fourth and final pick, here we go. My fourth and final pick, you know, I didn't want to do it. I didn't want to do it. But you got to. Dude, this Lions Packers line is really messing with me, dude. It's really weird. It's a, and you always told me this from when we first met, the same division, division rivals, minus two and a half.

Packers, Lions, the Packers are home. They just got a big defensive. All this hype about the Packers. They got this guy. You got this guy. Like the Lions didn't win the division last year, acting like, you know. I'm going to do something stupid. Oh, Paul, he's going in.

I'm taking the Broncos. I'm going Broncos minus eight and a half. Bronp, what the fuck just happened? I know. I know. I got two teams. The whole movie just changed. I got two.

Here's the deal. You want to know why? I hate to say this, and I'm sorry to any fans in Tennessee. The Titans stink and Denver's coming. And it's going to be a bloodbath in Denver. I think this is a 17 point win. Listen, Paul, it wouldn't be anything better if you didn't,

if you didn't call one game this week, a bloodbath. He's calling it early. Oh, Bill, they're asking us, Jake the Snake asked, did you guys see the Cowboys Doc on Netflix? No, Jake, I have not, but I heard that it actually really is like, somebody said, not to go big, but this is what somebody said,

it's the best doc they've seen since Last Dance. Not as good as Last Dance, not as good as Last Dance, but the Jimmy Johnson part. how Jimmy Johnson's like, you can't practice. Okay, I got a funny one for you. Yeah. My wife, you know, she'd been picking like a lot of the stuff lately that we were watching.

So she goes, all right, she goes, you know, that's why we're watching Ghost Dog now because I wanted to watch it, right? So she goes, all right, this is a, you know, this is your night, blah, blah, blah, blah, let's pick something. So we were like scrolling through and she goes, oh, look at, they got a thing behind the scenes, Cowboys thing. You want to watch this? And I go, yeah, yeah, let's watch it. And she just watched the trailer and Jimmy Johnson screaming at his players and stuff. She goes, watch. She goes, that guys are really, that guy's really me.

Just laughing on it. I'll watch it. I'll watch that. I watch that. I watch that on my own. Yeah. Oh, no. Oh, what happened?

We lost Billy. Oh, right in the middle of the Jerry Jones thing. Oh, brutal. He'll be back. He'll be back. Have you been watching it, though? So, yeah, I watched it. I mean, what's funny is, like, it's kind of about Jerry,

but Jerry Jones is, like, the least interesting part of the documentary. Like, the most interesting part is like Michael Irvin, Jimmy Johnson, Emmett Smith, Troy, you know, those guys. And then I think another thing I want to bring up that was, like, really cool, is, like, the footage of the games is, like, it looks like they're playing them today. Like, if you show, if I show, if you showed those games, somebody, you're like, was that last week? It's, like, the footage of the game is, like, unbelievable.

And you see how hard they're hitting. in that era of football. Incredible. And the urban stories are hilarious. And there's Billy's back. Bill's back. So I was saying, like, me making her watch that, then it would be like,

I got to watch Real Housewives with her. I mean, I don't mind the Real Housewives of Jersey. I can sit through some of those. The guys in the show are fun. There's a scene in the documentary. They remind me of you, Bill. And Emmett Smith was going through a holdout or whatever. and I guess Barry Switzer was kind of tired of them asking about it constantly

and he turns to their reporting and goes, do you guys have any, do you guys have any shit better to ask today or something like that? It was like, I don't know what answer it if he was the coach. So anyway, it's a great one. Barry Switzer, Barry Switzer was a character, man. Yeah. He was fucking funny, dude. Yeah.

Well, you know what it was? There was the same formula. They took a big time college coach. that play that like well one of the guys jimmy put miami on the map but they caught up to whatever oklahoma had been doing as far as like hey you want a new car you want this you whatever like back in the day all of that all of that fun shit now it's all above board and everybody knows what the money was i mean i don't know i think it was just more fun with the boosters and everything but i think it was like two like similar programs like it's kind of amazing he i think he tried because

He had such, Jerry Jones had such good luck with Jimmy Johnson that he went back to the well. Like, I'm going to get like a really well-respected, legendary, like, very Switzerland was a legend at Oklahoma. Yeah. So he tried to do that twice. It was interesting to me that when he came on, that he didn't pick a former NFL coach. Like, we just picked up Brable, you know, you know we can do it. Yeah, yeah. Like, he just picked these college guys.

You know, and a lot of times those college guys come up. And it doesn't go so well. And, like, you know, it's a completely different deal, you know, as opposed to like, you know, with the booster money, as opposed to guys already being millionaires, having to coach himself. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, I like how Jimmy, I saw coming, like, a trailer where Jimmy Johnson was like, yeah, we can't practice the way we practiced anymore. You can't do what we did in practice anymore. And I wanted to watch it. But, Bill, am I going to watch it?

No. And you want to know why I'm not going to watch it? because I'm too immature right now as a Giants fan to watch my rivals movie. I can't do it. You know, I'll grow up, but I can't do it. I didn't watch any of that fucking Lakers' Celtic shit. No. I don't want to live through that again.

I don't want to watch like how they downplay. They don't even bring up Lend by is dying. Like that's what fucked us. It wasn't the Lakers. Yeah. I'll give them 85, but it was just like we had a number one draft pick. And that would have been the 87, 88, if we have. of like Len bias it's just it was the worst thing and what's funny is like you know a lot of

laker fans don't give a shit it's just like well just imagine those games imagine imagine i'm not even saying we would have won i'm just saying that but magic kareem cooper and all of those guys would have had to deal with that problem too which would have been they would have had to take their greatness and go to an even another level and then larry like dude larry are like when he that kid got drafted rest of so Larry immediately called him up and challenged him to a game of one-on-one. He was so amped up for it. And it's just one of the, there's a couple of things during that era,

that great things almost happened and then did Patriots beating the Miami Dolphins in the Orange Bowl. So then you get Bill's, you get the Patriots versus the Bears versus the Dolphins versus the Bears. And the Dolphins were the only team that beat the Bears that year. And it would have been like a chance for the Bears to avenge it. I brought that up a million times. Wait, Bill, how come you probably? know this more than me. Why are the Dallas Cowboys in the New York Giants

NFC East Division? I never understood why a Texas team would be in the NFC East. I don't know the answer to that. Oh, yeah. I was talking about some friends too, but and the NFC West used to have like the Saints and the Falcons. It was very bizarre. They switched it like

relatively recently. But yeah, I guess I think that's probably that had to do with those teams that I think that had to do with because they were both expansion. franchises. But the Dallas Cowboys were, you know, that's an NFL team. I mean, they were expansion. I guess there goes that theory. I was just thinking like, you know, sometimes like when leagues would merge, they'd be sort of these weird things. Like, I mean, I don't understand

why Seattle went from the AFC to the NFC or the Milwaukee Brewers all of a sudden went to the National League. I don't understand why they make the moves, but... Yeah, happen with the aftros, too. Dude, one year, the Arizona Cardinals in the 90s were in the New York Giants Division. The Arizona Cardinals were in the NFC East for a little...

I don't understand why they do that, but I think you're right, Bill. I'll tell you why that is, because they used to be the St. Louis Cardinals. And even then, it didn't make sense that they were in the East, but they would go, like, you know, it's like the tigers used to be in the AL East.

Detroit before when they had like two divisions they had like a real weird way that they set that up but I will tell you I will I will look that up because that's the kind of like sports nerd shit that I love yeah no that's that's that's that's why I asked you because I have no idea there's no rhyme or reason but we still have guess what we what time it is right now right oh let the Monday night special win some money for you move that's a Monday night special It's good to hear that. That means AB is in full effect. What are we got, Andrew?

What is Monday night football looking like here? Oh, there we go. Oh, let's talk about division rivals. The Vikings and Bears in Chicago, one and a half. It's a pick-em. It's basically a pick-em. Basically a pick-em. All right.

What are we doing with quarterbacks here? Who do we got? We have. The Michigan quarterback, J.J.J. McArthurthee, the Michigan quarterback. Jay-J. McCartney. He's playing his first game ever as a Viking because he was their pick

and then he was hurt last year. So it's J.J. McCarthy. We don't know anything about him, but they have the best wide receiver in football in Justin Jefferson or top two or three. And who's the quarterback for the Bears? Caleb Williams from USC in Oklahoma. Caleb Williams from USC.

Second year, had a decent year last year. Took him first overall. We can't take a rookie He never played in an NFL game quarterback before, can we? It's the Bears, dude. It is the Bears. I mean, at this point, if you're an NFL quarterback prospect and you get drafted by the Bears or the Browns,

it's like you're on a conveyor belt to a fucking garbage bin. Like, they don't know how to, they don't know how to develop them. I'm not saying it's they even pick the wrong they have picked some you know questionable people but like I don't know what it is it's like you know people like there's certain people if you give them a plant they can't keep it alive that's what like the bears and browns are when it comes to quarterbacks I don't know what it is they can't protect them they don't give them anybody to throw there's nobody to it's you just fucking you're on an island you're man with the country wait a minute though Vikings did just get Adam Thielen back

who is the number one receiver for the Panthers, and now he's on the other side of Justin Jefferson. All right, so let's do just... I'll say, Paul, not knowing shit about this game. I automatically go, the back kid's going to win that. All right. Let's take Justin Jefferson to catch one touchdown. That's a definite.

Okay. That's not as I suggest. That's a definite. Or my name is Paul T. Fersi. What's that? Andre Swift, any relation to Taylor? what do we got here players to score three touchdowns that's not going to happen you can combine that with the Vikings money line if you both like the Vikings

you want to do Vikings money line yeah okay bill liked the Vikings from the gate let's do it Justin Jefferson to catch one Vikings to win the game outright and then we need one you like a total or how do you feel i don't like underovers they bite us they but they're bitten us too much what's the line on that guy coming back to the game to catch in the stands to jump out of the stands and catch a field goal that goes through the uprights oh my god how funny was that dude was that a viking game no that was a that was a giant's game the giant's game oh wow dude i just remember my roommate from boston start crying laughing and i just saw a dude with a mullet fly out of the fucking upper deck

and catch it. Dude, that's like the most that's the most fucking fucked up thing. Dude, that was unbelievable. The only other thing that I saw was as crazy as that was this guy like reached to get a ball in like the upper deck

and one of those old school cookie cutter things and he flipped over and started the fall. We've shown that clip. The guy was like 80s jacked. And he, He was able with one hand, and his friends pulled him back up. But, dude, when I tell you, he was at one point, his feet were at 12 o'clock, his head was at six.

He was hanging off the upper, he's going over the upper deck. Oh, my God. Oh, yeah, dude. He was like, you know, like when a dog just gets like fucking, you know, hyper-focused on something, he just saw that ball and he forgot about gravity, his own well-being, the whole thing. Dude, it sounds like an action movie. it was yeah um all right jake you know we got jake's take what do you want to what do you want to do me and bill took ours what do you want to do i was going to suggest Justin jefferson there um what are some kind of little props um any what are his over under for like a passing touchdown maybe just take him to throw a passing touchdown something yeah you want to ease into ease into week one with just with uh yeah him to throw one Justin Jefferson to catch one and we think the money line and the money line.

Give our people something simple week one. Yeah, I just woke up. You know what I mean? Have a light breakfast. Yeah, you know, go for a little charge. You got 18 weeks there, Paul. You got 18 weeks. Go get some eggs.

Relax. What are we doing here? It's only week one. Just, you know, by the way, football tonight makes me very, very happy. The fact that I can sit down tonight, I don't have to work. But of Ken, my luck, I got to watch the Eagles of Cowboys. I can't win, though. I can't wait. Put the Raiders on, the Rio Raiders. That's who I want to see tonight.

What are you thinking about Russell Wilson? I think that if the Giants aren't 500 at week six, it's going to go to Jackson Dart, our rookie. I think that's what I think. But I think he's going to keep it stable. I think we'll be all right. I don't understand that guy's career. The second he leaves Seattle, all of a sudden he hasn't been Russell Wilson. And I just don't believe that what happened in Seattle, was all their defense, all coaching. His deep ball was one of the best deep balls in the league.

I don't know what's going on up here. If he's got the yips, I don't know what it is. But like, I don't know. I just feel like he's going to do well with you guys because you're more defensive-minded. He doesn't have to put up all of these crazy numbers or whatever. Well, he said him and his wife are happy now. He said him and me and my wife are happy now,

where are we want to be. He did throw a moon ball, dude. a bomb in preseason and it looked like old Russell Wilson and they said he's happy and stuff. We'll see what happens. But look, the Giants haven't had a guy like that, you know, since Eli's prime and he and he's better than Eli. Oh, you know, as much as I hate to say that. But yeah, well, he was always your guy. You always love that. The power of the wife. Unbelievable. I think here's the funniest part about that. I think you're shaking your head because you were going to go, I've always loved Russell. You just go,

a wife. Sounds fucking believable. It's taken down. 60,000 people fucking watching you. Paying for parking and all of that fucking shit. And you're in the huddle going like, how do you say that to me? All right.

What are we doing? It's like pre-playing the argument in his fucking head. It's the only thing that could take down an empire. They just can stop everything. You know, can you imagine the house that they live in it? Can you just be cool? for 18 fucking weeks. We make the playoffs.

I'm sorry. It's going to go a little long. You know what they are? You know what they are? I'm going to tell you what they are. Here we go. Here's what they are. What are they?

They're a phone call on the 12th hole of golf when you're having a great time and you're smoking a cigar and you're with your buddy and the coolers back there and you're even shooting well. And if you make par or bogey on the next hole, you're right where you want to be.

And then the phone call comes what time you're coming home. And just the face. changes. If you go from this to hold on a second, hold on a second. And it, fucking double bogey, over.

Wheels come on. I'm three putting. I'm three putting. And then you're upset when you come home and then she plays the victim. I let you go out and play golf with your friends. No, you didn't. You let me play 12 holes.

I was two puttin max before that tag. To putt and Max. Send her a text during fucking brunch. Ask her what she's doing. Oh, dude, there you go. There you go. Nothing. Just having something.

When you're going to be home? Not, I'll let you know. We don't need to end like this. We don't need to end like this. Paul, you know? It was in the air. I felt it. I felt there was something hanging there, Paul.

You know, Russell Wilson's wife is happy, so I think he might play better. That's how nuts it is. I can't believe you guys Here's the deal Here's the deal And no offense to Sierra his wife But you know when he was in Denver She's like

It's nothing to do out here Pick Pick I'm the biggest Russell Wilson fan ever But you marry a woman named Sierra She hasn't been told Noah a lot He's forced people

If that's not a daddy's girl's name Forget about it I'm a hundred percent wrong But I'm seeing the 16 party with a brand new car with a bow on it that's when I hear the name Sierra that's so yeah or Sierra there's a there's a chance that her dad's in a white militia in fucking Idaho when you start getting those uh you know upper Midwest yeah uh out on the prairie names for kids and let's be honest when your wife is Sierra who was a pop star

a Sierra is not happy in Denver or or Pittsburgh a Sierra is not happy in Denver a Sierra needs L.A. or New York, can we be honest? Sierra was going, you know, when I used to play Mile High Stadium when I was singing my fucking songs, okay, we did a runner. The show was over. We got on the bus and we left.

And then he's forcing balls in because he doesn't care. Now I think he'll be all right. There you go. Now she's in New York, Paul. You got Fifth Avenue. Oh, yeah. You got fifth app. She's going to, I think, you know. No, she showed up to Giants camp with their sunglasses,

went up, hug the coaches, laughing with the players. Russ looked relaxed. There you go. She's happy. He's happy. All of a sudden, Russell could throw the deep ball again. Four touchdowns up tomorrow. It was Sunday.

All right, everybody. There you have. If he gets another trade, he has him, like, like, like when a mobster, like, testifies with the lawyer right next. What are some of the teams, be willing to go for? He's like, hang out seconds. He did.

Uh, Miami. Uh, Vegas. Yeah, Vegas. It's like in Goodfellas when he went into the, just nowhere cold, okay? He's got asthma.

Well, if he's got asthma, remember? Who would have to Tom Brady? He went to Tampa and that was the end of it. I ain't going to fucking Tampa. Fuck am I going to do it on there. Go to a titty bar and go to a wind dixie? Uh.

Oh, man, that's great. Well, what a great first episode this way. This is the best podcast. This is the best. And this is why we're going to beat everybody. All right, let these people some fucking honey again this year, Paul. There you go, guys. Our Monday night special is Justin Jefferson to catch one.

Caleb Williams to throw one and the Minnesota Vikings money line. You have my picks. You have Bill's picks. Enjoy week one, guys. The errands in New York and she's happy. The air is in New York. So let's go. Giants, those six points are looking.

good. Guys, don't forget the first touchdown thing. You pick any player to get a first touchdown and you win. And if that player doesn't get a first touchdown, but in fact gets the second touchdown, you get your cash back. And if you put in, you download our app, the BetMGM app, and you use our code, our code Burr, it's always been Burr, very easy, B-U-R-R.

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And we will see you guys next week. Thank you.