Monday Morning Podcast - Scott Ian | Thursday Afternoon Podcast 9-24-26
Episode Date: September 24, 2026Bill rambles with Scott Ian about Anthrax's new album, forming the band, and Scott's experience playing a zombie.Cursum Perficio is available now on cd, vinyl, and streamimg.(00:00) - Thursda...y Afternoon Podcast(54:39) - Thursday Afternoon Throwback 9-24-18 - Bill rambles about Frankie Valli, delivering papers, and hacking.Thursday Afternoon Interlude: Anthrax - Everyone's Got A PlanFreshBooks: Get 90% off - under $3 a month for four months - at http://www.FreshBooks.com/podcast SimpliSafe: Right now, you can get 50% off a new SimpliSafe system at http://www.SimpliSafe.com/BURR FastGrowingTrees: Listeners get 20% off their purchase at www.tress.com code BURR Helix: Go to http://www/helixsleep.com/burr for 27% Off Site-wide See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Hey, what's going on?
It's Bill Burr.
It's time for the Thursday afternoon.
Just before Friday, Monday morning,
podcast.
I'm checking in on you this week.
And I am on video.
Every once in a while, I do one on video.
And as I always say,
if I do an interview,
if I do a Thursday podcast on video,
that means I have a very special guest.
And this is one of the big ones I've had
from one of the legendary Big Four Speed Metal bands
with a brand new album out.
from Anthrax, please welcome.
Scott Ian.
How are you?
I like the idea.
I did say like this should have been applause.
Thank you.
You have a new album out,
which you were nice enough to give me a link to.
And I want to tell you, I was like,
okay, I'm flying in New Orleans.
I am going to listen to this on the plane.
And then I was like,
I just listen to the first track.
And the next thing, you know,
I just blew through the whole first side.
Oh, cool.
Which I was already,
I texted you like five minutes later.
Yeah.
Like the long goodbye.
Yeah.
One of my favorite
The pull-offs in the middle.
Oh.
Yeah.
When guitar players do pull-offs as part of the rhythm.
Right.
You know, that's like that Glenn Tipton, KK.
Down.
I grew up on the double lead things.
And anyway, let's, let me, the name of the album is Curseum Perfcio.
Fesio.
I got it.
We tried our hardest to confuse our fans as much as we could.
Let's come up with a title that nobody can.
You know, we did ask a right.
guy that we know told us, he said, my friend's a professor of Latin at Columbia. And so I could
ask him the proper pronunciation. I said, would you please? And then the story comes back. The guy said,
well, we don't really know, obviously. He said, perficio would be the more ancient pronunciation.
And then based on this guy's knowledge, perficcio would have been a more modern type of pronunciation.
He said, but you could say it however you want, because nobody knows.
All right.
Well, what is, what is it mean?
It means your journey is over.
Your journey is complete.
Okay.
All right.
We're not being coy.
Okay.
So, while I noticed, the lyrics were pretty heavy, and, you know, I was so busy.
I always, I listened to an album like 200 times before I ever listened to the lyrics.
And this is a nod to the lyrics because they kept popping out, like, what did that?
What are you just?
Right.
What is this about?
always lock into, you know, I listen to Charlie and I think, how the hell do you do that?
Right.
How do you still do that?
Right.
How was he so awesome?
And then I listen to your guitars and I go, I wish I could do that.
Is that pull off?
I do that like the first 200 times.
And like the amount of songs that like now I'm just listening to and I'm going like, is
what the fuck that is about?
But as far as this album coming out, I was wondering like how you, and this is somebody,
you know, I'm 58, not a kid anymore.
Right.
What I love and respect about you guys is you guys have the same fire that you had, you know, and, you know, that's a very rare thing where it's like, you know, it's like a rocket.
A lot of people that like this and then the parachute comes out and then they kind of play the hits and do like the casino.
Like this album like in a great way, like punches you in the face, lets you know you guys still.
have a lot to say
and you're going to say it right now.
I just, the immediacy of it
was what immediately,
was what captured me and I'm like,
these guys are literally,
you know, what is this?
The fifth decade, 40 years in.
45 years in, yeah.
Killing it.
You know, I think,
you guys, what I love to do,
I'm going to keep compliment to you.
Thank you.
I'll sit here all right.
You guys are not sad to watch.
Right.
I'm not going to name any groups,
but sometimes when you go see some groups remind you that you're going to die and that mortality
and then other people remind I always say this they remind you to keep living.
Yes.
And keep learning.
I agree.
And yeah.
And as I've gotten to know you over the years, you have a whole bunch of interests way beyond being a guitarist and one of the top bands of all time.
So.
Yeah.
How do you do that?
How do I do that?
Well, I will say with the album, I think so much of what you're hearing, look, with or without a pandemic, I think we would have made a great record.
And this is my take on it.
You might get different answers from other guys in the band on what it was for them going into this record.
But there was a solid 18 months where nobody had answers to any questions.
and our jobs were basically
were gone.
Venues, everything was closed.
Nobody could gather in places.
There are no shows anymore.
And nobody had an answer.
What about when they would let you outside
and then they'd go out no, no, no, no.
And then you had to go back inside.
We would have, there were many, many Zoom calls
with the band and management and record labels
and just trying to, does anyone know anything?
Well, I talked to so-and-so at Live Nation.
They don't know anything.
You know, nobody knew anything.
Right.
And so a year and a half of that is pretty scary to figure out, like, at some point, am I done?
Did we play our last show already?
And we didn't even know.
And then, of course.
Then the worst part, too, was then everybody starts coming up with their conspiracy theories.
And none of them are like, hey, man, we haven't had a pandemic in a while.
So we were a little caught off guard and nobody really knows what to do.
Yeah.
And countries don't get along with each other.
Citizens of your own country don't get along.
How can we all get on the same page?
There was none of that.
They were like, this is a fucking reset.
All the money's going away.
The oceans are right.
I had to like, you know, I think all of us in general, this is something that I've been talking to people about is I think most of us are going, dude, the internet, right?
I mean, it's fucking, what people are crazy.
But nobody kind of seems to understand that it affected all of us.
Yes.
And early on, too, like if you listen to my podcast, I'm like,
Like 2010, dude, I was in this Federal Reserve shit.
I was to the point like, I was borderline like people were walking away from me.
And I had to be like, I need to get out of these chat rooms.
And I'm not saying everything that they said was wrong.
But it's just like it's, remember what was that Mel Gibson movie where he was the cab driver and he knew all the.
Yeah, it was called conspiracy.
And he had all these conspiracies.
And it turns out like one of them, he's right.
Right.
And the problem is, is this all this other shit.
and you know
the people like who aren't
not regular citizens they're not in show business
they know how to edit they know how to score
I mean back in the day you just listened to some drunk
asshole in a bar he didn't have music underneath it
bringing it to a crescendo of his point
you're like this is fucking this making a lot of sense
yeah the guy in the park yelling at you
you know you're like oh that guy he's fucking crazy
and it's the same guy but you're right yeah now they have production
yeah it's amazing
Dude, I'm telling you, like, non-comedians, how fucking funny they are,
somebody called me today on my podcast, because I've been doing some acting.
Right.
They called me Good Bill Cunting.
Wow, that's a good one.
Dude, I burst it out loud.
I was like, that's fucking, that's like.
That's pretty genius.
That's great.
Yeah.
Like, welcome.
Yeah, sit at the table, man.
That's fucking fantastic.
That guy could probably get like some kind of deal at one of the students.
just based on that.
Yeah, well, that brings me to, like, talking about music and how, like, I just, the guitar
just always mystified me.
I just didn't get why it never lined up, like, the G's here, and then it's here,
and then it's back down there.
And, like, I just never got it.
His drums, like, snare, rack, take.
I got it.
So, like, how the fuck did you learn how to play that good before the internet?
You're talking to the wrong guy.
I don't know theory.
So I have a basic understanding of the neck and positioning and being able, like you were saying,
being able to play a G chord here or here or here or here or here.
I don't even get that many.
I think I know maybe four ways to play it.
Do you start getting nervous as you get closer?
So your hands start getting closer?
No, but I've spent a lot of my life trying to be.
I'm really good at what I do in the context of my band.
I have this, there's a certain style of picking with the down picking where you're, you know, you're, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that kind of chugging, or the up and down, which they call tremolo picking now. I used to call it alternate picking, like a machine gun.
And I got really good at that very, at a very young age, you know, because it's the kind of music we wanted to hear and the songs we wanted to write, and I had to adapt my playing style, which in the 70s was very much, I was a, I was a,
rock guy. Malcolm Young, you know, like that. He was my idol. I learned how to play chords and I
play along the ACDC records or Sabbath records. I never got past that point. Arrowsmith records.
And but I got really good at what I had to do to be in my band to be able to write songs that we
wanted anthrax to sound like and play songs that needed to sound a certain way. And I say it's very
caveman. I've been in that cave for 45 years now. Every once in a while I poke my head out.
when I do something else, like I got to tour with Mr. Bungle
and make a record with Mr. Bungle, Mike Patton's thing, for like five, six years.
And we were doing stuff where they would say, yeah, it's a B-9,
and then it's an A minor with this, and it's a this, and it's a this,
and I'm like, you just need this.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Like, I don't know.
Adult cords are way.
They go, that's over my pay grade.
So they, and because these guys in Mr. Bungle, they're all like master jazz.
as like the bass player Trevor and the guitar player, Trey,
they're mastered like jazz.
They write charts.
Like they're just,
their musical knowledge is insane.
Right.
So they would just show me the chords.
So I would always say,
this is so cool.
I learned four adult chords today.
And I still don't know the names of them,
but I know what they sound like,
and I know how to make my hand move into that position now.
So, all right.
So then, like, I know you've talked about this a million times,
but I never got to talk to your boss.
So just forgive me if I'm geeky now.
No problem.
So, like, how the fuck, before you guys came, like, your style of music, I guess there was
motorhead and some stuff sort of foreshadowing what was going to happen.
But how do you, like, if you listen to what guitar playing was and what rock was, everything,
and, you know, and what was selling and all of that.
And then where you guys came from was just so out of left field.
And then there was like, but there was all of these bands that then came out, like, test,
and all these guys, then they all came after that wave.
Yeah, the second wave.
Yeah, of you guys.
And it was like, like, there was no internet.
Like, how did that just sort of all happen in those different cities that there was all
of these guys who didn't know each other going, oh, that's fucking cool.
Yeah, you know, it really, you had Motorhead, of course, you had Maiden, you had the Ramones.
I mean, there was, there were a lot of bands that were playing more up-temper-time.
tempo, you know, more aggressively than the 70s rock and hard rock.
And even like Judas Priest, who I don't know that anyone was calling it heavy metal yet
in like 78, 79, but like some of the stuff they were doing at that point.
Sad wings of destiny.
Yeah, I mean, a lot of it, it's a lot of it.
It's very got all of those albums.
It's very gothic, Prague, heavy rock, all of that stuff combined, you know, the two guitar players,
you know, but it didn't sound like what Thin Lizzie sounded like with two guitar players.
much darker sounding than that.
It was scary when I, and like the album cover
was like, I was looking at it like, this is like
this is really, and then
of course they ended up having to go to trial.
Right. But guys like
we, you know, we were in all these bands
and sometimes
I think, Chris, I can't tell you really where.
We just knew like what we wanted to sound like.
My go-to line
always has been as if Iron Maiden
and Motorhead had a baby.
That was really where we were at.
on our first album.
When I listened to it,
I could tell you every riff
and like where it came from.
I listened to Rhyman
the Ancient Mariner three times this week.
There you go.
It just doesn't go away.
But when we were really young,
I mean, Anthrax started in July of 81
and most of what we were doing at the time,
we had a couple of original songs.
But we're mostly just playing covers
of all the bands we loved.
And when we would go play shows in the early days,
you know, we'd rent for 100 bucks
some church in flushing would let us play in their basement
and we would sell tickets.
And I mean, it was just super DIY.
And most of the set was cover songs,
but obscure Judas Priest and like obscure maiden and motorhead.
People just thought it was our songs.
They had no idea what these songs even were.
Oh, that's cool.
And, you know, maybe our drummer at the time
had problems with tempo.
So everything was always too fast.
And I think that has something to do.
do with. So when we were like covering the bands we loved, we were always playing the songs way too
fast. That wasn't Charlie, was it? No, no. Oh, somebody is. And even, and even like Motorhead,
who was already playing way up tempo, we were playing that stuff too fast. And we just got used to
playing fast like that. And it was fun to play fast like that. Like, oh, we play maiden, but we play
faster, you know, like. Right. And that just translated into our own songs. You never turned around
the drummer and gave them the look. You never? No, we just did it. We would cover Ramones and play it too
fast, you know, like, it just, it's just what we did.
I wonder if that was his anxiety of playing, or he was so excited, but like, he was a good drummer.
He just played really fast, and that didn't really bother any of us.
You know, we understood we were going too fast, but it just felt good.
You know, we're talking, and I'm like 17 at this point.
No, but this is just so funny because, like, you have a drummer in your band, he's playing
too fast, nobody complains, which I've never heard of in any band.
Right.
You guys go, all right, I guess we got to play.
play it that fast and then you accidentally help create this whole new direction in hard rock music.
It just felt good. It really did feel good. We understood it was wrong, but sometimes you have those
happy mistakes and we just loved playing fast. It just felt good. And that's what we just moved
forward with. Once Charlie joined, Charlie joined the band in 83 and he was able to play double kick,
double bass drums at tempos that nobody else could.
Like there was only a few guys on the planet at that point.
There was a song out at that time, 82, 83 by that band Except called Fast as a Shark.
And that was the standard.
The bar had been set with double kick in that song.
And when we auditioned Charlie and we were just jamming a bunch of stuff.
And he goes, you're not going to make me play fast as a shark, are you?
And we're like, can you?
And he's like, well, yeah.
And then we go in the fastest of shark,
and he's playing the double kick faster.
Oh, my God.
Than what the guy in Accept was doing.
And me and our original bass player, Danny looked at each other like,
this is the fucking guy.
Like, oh my God, he's faster than the dude in Accept.
Dude, I'm seeing the movie right now.
Like, that seems like the scene.
So how many people did you audition before you found Charlie?
We knew he was the guy.
The guy we had at the time was leaving to join.
a band called Cities, and then he went on to be in that band White Lion, this kid Greg.
But we met Charlie through mutual friends.
Everyone knew each other.
The guy who was playing everything too fast ended up in White Lion.
No, that wasn't.
The guy was playing everything too fast.
He was gone early, early.
No, no.
He was early on.
Those first few dudes, except for me and Danny, the bass player, the guys that were there,
like those first couple months, we decided to call it anthrax.
they didn't last very long.
We were looking for more serious people.
But Charlie was a mutual friend.
We all kind of knew each other because you'd see the same faces at every metal show.
You know, you'd go to any metal band, any show.
You'd see the same people all the time.
I remember seeing Charlie at shows.
He remembered seeing me, but we didn't know each other.
And then through a mutual friend, our friend Tommy, he's like, I know this kid in the Bronx.
He's amazing, you know, and that's how we got him.
That's amazing.
You know, my favorite one of my friends.
my favorite crowd shots of rock fans is that Iron Maiden live at the Hammersmith,
when Clive Burr is still in the band, rest of the soul, when they cut to the crowd,
it was before teasing up your hair, it was before the spandex. Everybody just had jeans,
jean jackets. And I always joke too, like, people didn't know how to grow out their hair if they
had wavy hair. They didn't layer it, so it would just sort of go out. And then, like, Robert
Plant looks hilarious to me in the song Romance.
the same.
Right.
With, like, how his hair is just so like, I mean, I'm a bald guy too, making fun of his
hair.
Like, the way it, like, comes out and everything, it's just like, you just were like,
I'm not cutting my hair and you just kind of like, however it grew out.
And I also think that that's why whenever Hollywood does like all like those 70s things,
they never get it right because the people know how to do it now.
It's like, it's not messy enough.
Like people like had like sort of wavy, a lot of them, unless you had like the Tom Petty's
kind of hair. Right, just straight. Yeah, it just fucking went. Yeah, the big Darth Vader helmet or the
Jufro or that's like every kid I knew. Yeah, that was, yeah, that takes me back to the first time,
like when I first started going to shows, like the first time I ever saw anybody do Coke was,
was, was in, this guy was doing it off a mirror, which you do, in his car. I was, what the fuck
with it? I was either at the Worcester Center or the, the Providence.
Civic Center, one of those, because I lived in the middle of those.
And I remember we pulled out, the guy had done a line, and he got out of the car, he's going
and he was like, all fucking jacked, and he was right up against the window.
And I was kind of like, you know, I had a haircut, you know, regular haircut, a little red
hair like, hey, how's it going?
But that was sort of right when it started to tip, because he never saw that at ACDC, but that was
right when I was starting to see.
the fans were starting to dress
like these guys on MTV
and that's when they started
happening, you know, the heavy metal parking lot
type of thing.
But the shows I went to,
my favorite ones were sort of the ones
like pre-86, 87.
I didn't go to too many,
but like everybody kind of looked like
all my friends' older brothers
who like dealt weed and shit.
Yeah, the burnouts.
Yeah, exactly.
All right, so that whole amazing story,
which by the way,
should have been in a movie,
like that whole, like we're playing too fast,
but we like this.
Right.
Okay, it seems like you still like it.
Oh, yeah.
That's my thing.
Yeah.
That, I think...
Until, until, like, when I have pain in my elbows
and, you know, you have to go see the Lakers team doctor
to find out what's wrong with you
and you have degradation in your tendons
from repetitive stress,
from doing the same thing for 45 fucking years,
playing riffs that you were writing and playing when you were 20,
years old and you're still doing it when you're, you know, 56.
And yeah, riffs that weren't meant to be played by people our age yet.
We still do it.
So what did he have to do for the...
He, I had MRIs done on both arms.
I had been having pain for a couple of years.
And so he did MRIs.
And he just said, it's nothing I would cut you for.
But like six months...
Don't ever do that.
Six months of PT.
And then I started working out with a trainer.
I'll drop his name, Patrick Murphy.
And Patrick was my lifesaver.
He really understood physiology, and he's strengthening everything else in here,
and I haven't had pain in six years.
Yeah, I find most of the stuff.
I know somebody that, like, they had, like, what do they call carpal tunnel?
Charlie had that.
He actually had to have surgery.
Yeah, and they, like, cut out.
He showed me, like, they cut out this big, long, white slab of shit.
And it's just like, if you, if you, if you,
get like a true masseuse which is like a healer right they know how to like exactly work that stuff
out before it becomes kind of like chronic yeah um but we still love playing fast we love it yeah
well this album man i so you you were talking about coming out of covid and yeah i never finished that
my how long have you been writing how long my thing on this record for me is when we got to
walk in a room together again after a year and a half
almost two years of us emailing demos to each other and emailing ideas and working on stuff
separately in our houses and then sending stuff around.
But it doesn't, for us, it's got to be Charlie and me and Frankie.
It's got to be the three of us in the room.
And that's when the arrangements, you know, that's when we could build the skeletons of these
songs.
So how does that, how does, I'm like fascinated with the magic of, because I could never in a million
years obviously do that like so you guys get in there so say like you know that whatever that one is it
the long goodbye long goodbye with the pull off thing like that seems like somebody came in with either
came with that first or you had the other stuff which inspired that like who like Charlie a lot of
people don't know this Charlie writes he plays a guitar player and he's an amazing guitar player
is an amazing riff writer and has been writing most of the riffs since like 1986
and uh because i know i remember reading about on our second album going into the second record we had
fired the singer on our first album and this is before we got joey in the band and uh no one who still
sounds unbelievable yeah amazing he takes care of his voice he does yeah yeah the singer on the first
album wrote all all the lyrics so going into the second album who's going to write the lyrics now
and I kind of just said, I'll try, you know.
It's kind of like Peter Sellers and being there, like, you know, he could walk on water
because no one told him he couldn't.
That's how I felt about it.
I can write lyrics.
Why not?
And so I kind of, that's where my focus went.
And I've been writing the lyrics ever since then.
And I think that's my brain went somewhere else.
And, man, we're so lucky Charlie became the riff machine that he became.
Dude, like so much of your band is like,
inverted. Yeah. There's other bands like Massadon. Braun writes so much of the music too.
A lot of people don't know that. Maybe that's what it is. A music fan, I didn't, like I would just assume
the guitar player is right in the wrist. Oh yeah, of course. The singers. But wait, Neil, Neil Peart.
Neil Peart. Neal Peart. Our whole life, I was saying Neil Peart. Right. Neil Peart.
Everybody was. Yeah. So now I find out they, yeah, you find out he was writing all the lyrics.
Yep. But so that song specifically, Charlie had a pretty fully
realized demo of that song of the music of all the parts. It was probably longer than what's on
the record. And then the three of us get in the room. He sends us ideas and we learn it. And then
when we, the three of us get in the room is really when it becomes, you know, I start playing it.
I adapt the parts. It sounds more, it sounds like me on guitar, not Charlie on guitar.
Sounds like Frankie on bass. And then we all have our input on the arrangements and what we think.
It's like in my world, the first draft of a script.
And you can't be in love with any joke.
You just got to be like, you got to serve the story.
But these, same thing.
It's got to serve the song, whatever's best for the song.
And specifically on that song, and a lot of songs on this record, the demos were,
I could go back and pull up the demos.
And there's, they were there.
They were like 80%, you know, probably.
You know, I would listen to it.
him and go, I would maybe cut this and I would get, maybe this part could be longer or let's get to
this part quicker or things like that. That's kind of my gig in the arranging, like, process.
And I'm a good editor. And, but that's, that's Charlie, man. He's just, he's a fucking riff machine.
So were you, like, you're just super excited when you get there. Oh, my God, that's a banger. This is
going to kill this. Yeah. I remember calling him at one point when we were writing. I said, you know what I'm
not hearing on the record yet.
Like we had maybe four or five things,
just music, no vocals yet.
And I said, we don't have like a four-minute,
just a four-minute fucking ripper.
Like, just something, like, you know.
And I said, we need something like that.
Let's focus on.
And then so Frankie and Charlie both sent me all these ideas.
And then I kind of took both their ideas.
And then I put it together,
and I made this arrangement.
And that became, it's for the kids,
which is just the, you know, tear your head off.
And then Charlie sent ideas for what became NYC 93,
another just four minute, just tear your head off.
Like, let's just keep it short and sweet.
And I was very happy after we had those two songs.
I'm like, okay, I'm good with this now.
We're ready to go record.
Yeah, yeah, no, you got to, yeah,
I'm kind of that way right now with that point,
with the script idea that I have.
Like, I'm trying to get somebody to do it.
Right.
And there's that nervousness.
Is it good enough yet?
Is it good enough?
Because you only get that one chance that first time they listen or listen, they read it.
And we're almost to that point.
But I also, something that, you know, I've gotten to know you over the years through
Dean Del Rey doing that ACDC thing.
Yeah.
And what I had no idea, like this whole interest that you have in movies, you already gave
a reference to a movie that was deeper than the moment,
a deeper, further into movies than I know
because I was a sports guy,
so I'm trying to get caught up
with all of these classic movies
I should have watched
and classic books I should have read.
I was just a friggin' sports meathead.
But like your whole into like,
I don't know the names of the shows,
all of those ones where they have the crazy makeup,
the one but the dragons.
Oh, Game of Thrones?
Game of Thrones, yeah.
I used to call it the Dragon Show.
The Dragon Show.
The Dragon Show.
I'm not I'm like I I am like stupid into sports and then I I've lately gotten into like for some reason art
my wife's taken to enough museums but I am have you been to the Lucas Museum yet I can't wait to go
to that what is that George Lucas is it's that giant spaceship looking thing down next to the
Coliseum okay this is what I'm talking about yeah you like sci-fi you like all of that stuff and
you were sending me pictures you've actually what was the show you oh my yeah I had a show
I was extra on walking dead and I got to be a white walker on Game of Thrones.
Dude, he has like that makeup where they stick straws in your nose and you have to sit there for eight hours losing your mind and he's like, I loved every second of it.
Except for when they, I had my life cast done a couple of times.
I was actually the first time I got it done and they put all it, they slather all that shit on you.
And yeah, you got the hose for the nose and.
Oh, dude, that would freak me up.
and all that.
And it actually feels good.
It gets really warm and you can't really hear anything.
And I started to fall asleep.
It was so kind of like being in a cocoon.
But then when they take it off, right?
And it's all coming off and everything's fine.
And then I've got a pretty hairy chest.
And it's all the way down to hear that shit.
And the guy pulls it.
And I'm like, oh!
Because it ripped like hair.
And they stopped.
They stopped.
Yeah.
And I had like, and I'm like,
Is that supposed to hurt like that?
And they're like, no, no, no, no.
And I hear like everyone's kind of talking quietly.
And it turned out whoever's job it was to put, I forget the name of the stuff,
but they were supposed to put the stuff on my hair.
Put no butter in the skeleton.
Yeah.
So it would come off and not tear all my hair out.
And they're like, oh my God.
We're so sorry.
And I was like, you're fucking kidding me.
It was literally 40-year-old virgin.
It was that.
And then I said, just fucking do it.
And I'm sorry.
still, I'm still, I've got this red here now be there like, I'm red here the rest of my life.
It's just like they burnt my fucking, they burned and destroyed this skin here.
Have you ever seen those videos when they do that?
And the worst one isn't when they rip it off is when they start to rip it and it gets stuck.
Yeah, that's what happened that first one.
Oh my God, I was bleeding.
And then so then the next time I had to have it done.
All right.
See, that's how much he loved.
He went back again.
He went back, but not different people.
And then I told them what happened, and they were like, they couldn't fucking believe it.
Like, they were like, oh, my God, that's horrible.
And I made sure, I said, just tell me when you're putting the stuff on.
So I know that this is the stuff and like it's being done correctly.
And yeah, they put all this greasy shit on and the stuff came off like, no problem.
The thing on the Walking Dead and Game of Thrones.
Game of Thrones.
I always said Lord of the Rings.
That's my next goal at Amazon Lord of the Rings series.
I want to be an orc.
What?
I fucking love this about yourself.
Did your character get killed, get to do anything cool?
Yeah, on Walking Dead, I had a really good scene.
My friend Greg Nicotero, he's one of the top makeup guys.
His company, K&B's, their company.
His company did all the effects on Walking Dead all these years.
And he directed a whole shit ton of episodes.
And that's how I got to do it.
And I got to take my little YouTube show, Blood and Guts, where we would hang out with effects guys.
And we would learn the craft.
And then usually I would get killed in some amazing way every episode.
So we got to bring the show down to Georgia and film with Walking Dead because Greg made that happen.
And so I got made up like a walker.
And I got to, I was basically high.
I was under a pile of garbage.
and then in the scene it was the main character Rick Andrew Lincoln who played him
Rick and his son Carl and there's walkers coming at them and they're fighting them off
and they're backing up backing up and then as soon as my direction was as soon as Andrew's
leg is close enough you're going to reach out you're going to come shoot now from under this pile
of garbage and you're going to grab his legs and then and you don't let go do you make him
pull his leg out of your hand, like, don't let go make him really have to rip his leg away.
They wanted to really feel real. I'm like, okay, okay, cool. So first take, I could see in front of me,
like I could see all the walkers are coming towards them and they're backing up and they're
fighting them off and all this. And then as soon as his leg was, I grabbed him around his calf
and I'm fucking squeezing as hard as I can. And, you know, I'm making the zombie face and all
listen to him and he like
one time, two times, and
then yanked his leg out
of my hand and tore a fingernail off.
So now, and I'm in full
zombie, I'm fucking crying
like underneath, like literally
crying underneath there just like.
Dude, you're suffering for this.
But it made it even a better as
because I was in actual pain.
And I always assume zombies are so
pissed off because they must be in pain
zombies. I don't know if other people think about that. I think they're physically in pain
walking around. Your skin has to hurt, right? Or at least we're going to get way too deep into
this. No, this is fascinating because you're actually approaching it like an actor. You're building
a backstory. But then I think, but all their nerves must be dead, but they're not dead because
they're moving. You know, so you just have to go with which zombie lore you're going to go with.
and I go with the fact that I feel like zombies are actually walking around just in agony the whole time.
And the only thing that makes them better is biting humans and eating them somehow.
That's their salve.
Sav.
Yeah, salve.
Yeah.
But anyway, so we shoot the scene and the only part of the scene that I was nervous about was for the effect when I get killed because Greg told me I'm going to give you a real hero death.
like so I had to get my head I'm going to get a steel pole like a piece of a crowbar is going to get
Carl the sun is right through my head right so for the VFX I had a they showed me they're like so
when you after he pulls away I need you like this ah and you need to get your head like right
about here and he's like got his hands in front of me and I'm like nervous now like I've never
done this before it's not like there was a mark there it's just you're in the air and I got to get
my head kind of like over here and now I'm worried oh man the whole crew's gonna hate me Greg's got
his friend here playing a zombie like he's wasted a lot of the production like wasting all our time
you know and then we do the scene again and I get my head where I think it's supposed to be and
Carl comes down with the rubber you know rubber crowbar and I hear cut and I hear someone go woo
like that and one of the ADs comes over
and says, did you hear the guy yell?
I said, yeah, did I fuck up?
He goes, no, that's the VFX guy.
You fucking nailed it, dude.
Your head was right in the square on his screen.
Oh, that's perfect.
Where he needed it to be.
I was like, oh, cool.
And he goes, that's it, you're done.
I'm like, what do you mean?
We don't get to do it again.
Like, I just wanted to keep going.
Yeah, yeah.
And he goes, no, you nailed it.
You're done.
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I was like, oh, okay.
Dude, I can remember the first time.
I got a woo and that like made my day for like three days.
I was just like, okay, I'm not going to get fired.
Yeah.
Every once in a while because, oh, man, I remember what time I had a scene.
I think it was the first time I was ever shooting a gun in something.
and my character was supposed to, you know, break the window pane and then shoot down.
And it was fucking...
Was it in Breaking Bad?
No.
This was a movie called Stand Up Guy.
So it's Al Pacino down there.
I ended up getting shot by Alpich's Scarface.
That's fucking amazing.
Yeah.
So I go to do it and I whacked the window pain and I had my finger on the trigger.
So I shot one of my shots because I was supposed to...
Whatever...
And many shots I was supposed to take.
I already blew one of them going in.
and they had to reload the gun
and re-fucking do the window
and everybody was saying it was okay
as they took like 11 minutes
to do all of this fucking thing
and I'm looking down and like
you know it's fucking Alpertino
like the way he shoots a gun dude
because he was looking up
because after my character got killed
I got to come down and watch him
or maybe I was watching the beginning
when they were doing like the master
dude it's like he was throwing punches
he'd go boom boom
and dude he had that look on his
face. And he was like 70
at the time. I was like, dude, this guy looks like a
fucking gangster.
Acting. I know, but like that was like
you know, that was really early on
and I'd only done a couple of those
breaking bad things which, you know, I'll always
owe my whole career, acting career to Vince
Gilligan because he was the first guy
that sort of pulled me out of the redhead parts.
Right. You know, like there was, everybody
gets put in a drawer in Hollywood
and I was in the Richie Cunningham, howdy
duty drawer. So like...
Well, I need a white beard
weird beard draw.
Now it's been like
that has kind of been decimated
where like you know when we were growing up
it was just good looking people.
Right. And if you were ugly you were a bad guy
and you were getting killed or losing
a bar fight falling on one of those tables
or something but like
you know I don't think that
that breaking bed ever got the credit it deserved
for the amount of comedians.
Bob Odenkirk. Of course.
You know?
Lavel Crawford myself
Of course I'm going to space all those other guys
I'm trying to think that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But there was so many people that they gave a shot.
Joe de Rosa did Better Call Saul.
Like they really let, you know,
because I always said that, you know,
like I always thought that Breaking Bad was like Goodfellas
where it was like my favorite drama
and my favorite dark comedy at the same time.
There was a point in my life they go,
if somebody said you're wearing a Goodfellow's shirt.
Oh, that's amazing.
It's young Henry when he throws the Molotov cocktail and blows up all the cars.
Oh, and he jumps in the air and they freeze it.
I thought that that was a guy with like an orchestra.
That's what that...
Yeah, it's young Henry from that scene.
Do you know what I learned like the 90 millionth time I watched that movie,
the foreshadowing of Joe Pesci and that...
How am I funny when he goes, you know, I don't know about you, Henry.
You might fold under questioning.
Right.
He's sort of like foreshadowed him.
shadows in a joking way that that's kind of a red flag.
Yeah.
That you might break if these guys interrogate you.
And his stories also, he's telling stories of not breaking.
Right.
Get knocked out by the cops and then they wake up.
You know, coming around and coming around.
I think that all goes with the inherent distrust.
Not that I know because I've never been in the mafia.
But everything I've read in all the movies I've seen,
that the
truly the made guys
the Sicilians
they would
they put up with the Irish
and they put up
with the Jewish
and whoever
but I don't think
they ever really trusted him ever
and that has to do
with all of that
in much of us
well it used to be
you
oh they said in that movie
like
and I had a buddy of mine
to still
to this day
you've got to talk around it
like he had the genetics
right
so the guys in neighborhood
used to always try
to come around
but he knew enough
you know
he was like
You know, those guys, he goes, they're not smart, man.
They're not smart.
They end up deader in jail.
But then I talked to another guy who was going like, no, the real smart guys, the real smart mobsters went legit.
And they got on the legal side of stealing.
Because if you look at, like, banking is loan sharking.
It's just legal, so you don't have to break anybody's legs.
Yeah, of course.
The cops just come and they kick you out and they take your house.
They take all your shit.
Yeah, and then you're fine.
But like, it's a better racket.
Yeah, yeah.
And you also, you don't have to hide your money in the walls.
Right.
Like if you want, if you, if you're on the legal side of stealing, the corporate world, you can go out and buy a big flashy car and drive down the street with like a fucking top hat on.
Well, I have to say, getting to know you over the years, the first time I met you, I think was the ACDC thing.
And you were quiet and I was super intimidated.
So I immediately went in turn and I was like, he doesn't want to play with this jerk off drummer.
And I knew that you were like really into Malcolm Young.
And I was only quiet because I was a fan of yours.
Oh, you were?
Yes.
A fan of your stand.
Communication.
I thought that you were going like
I just get all like oh god
it's fucking Bill Burr like
I don't say anything stupid
That blows my mind
That blows my mind
Because my younger brother was the one
Who brought in anthrax into the house
And he was going
You gotta listen to these guys
You gotta listen to these guys
And I was like a Bonham guy
And you guys were like too fast
But he brought me around
Like all the way back
To where you had like not shaved into your chest hair
That got ripped off
Yeah exactly
Like way back then, and the thing that, you know, Charlie was just impossible, like how fast he was.
Everything.
It's even how fast his right hand was.
I was just like, it was all intimidating.
Even like they're symbols of those, those, what was it?
Pisty, rude things.
It just looked like, like, oh, my God, these guys are like crazy.
But, like, what I love was a lot of that music, you know, you still got to have a singer.
And you always had this singer.
And you had that sound, and that was kind of what.
They were the ones that brought me all away.
Because I would have stayed, I'm not going to stay the bands, but dude, I was going down a, I was watching, you know, the top 10 every night.
I wasn't watching what I should have been watching.
I was watching the top 10 MTV.
You remember at its height when it was all hair bands?
Yeah, I was buying all of those cassette tapes.
And they, my younger, it's usually your older brother.
My younger brother one was the one that dragged me.
over to your guy's side,
mega death,
all of that,
and then into,
oh my God,
Vinnie Paul,
Pantera,
all of that type of stuff.
And I'm still to this day,
like, I find, like,
you know, I'm a drum nerd.
I find there's a kinship between,
you know,
I think Vinnie Paul and Alex Van Halen
where they are two crazy,
crazily inventive groove drummers
that.
still have not got their due
because both their brother
was such like
you know like
I still to this day
that was fucking one of the last songs
on
Van Halen
1984 I mean it's just
it's fucking unhinged
Is it House of Pain?
Da da da da da da da da da da da da
He's playing
Yeah
Jesus
What songs is it?
And he's going
Yeah.
And then all of a sudden it's almost like a Zeppelin sort of gallop.
House of Pain.
House of Pain.
Yeah, I knew I had it, right?
Yeah, and I always like, you know, I, like, my deep cuts on that with, like, top Jimmy.
I just loved, like, Alex's drums in that album fucking rules.
It's fucking amazing.
It's my, I sometimes, I'll always say, like, it's, you know, fair warning or women and children, but the album I play the most is 1984.
It's a masterpiece.
Yeah.
It's a masterpiece.
But after Hoth for teacher and, ah, wait, and all that stuff, I would always, you know, two kids, I get busy and I never got to that.
So somehow I just got to that.
And I was like, what the fuck is this?
I remember this, but I didn't have like sort of the musical knowledge to appreciate what they were all.
Top Jimmy is like that.
It's top five Van Halen songs for me.
I think, I know we're talking about Alex.
I'm so glad you said that.
Everybody's like, really?
Eddie's playing on that.
He's playing with that clean tone.
and, you know, kind of out of his box that you used to hear.
I guess it was about a guy.
There was some sort of loungy kind of singer in Hollywood that David Lee Roth loved.
Okay.
Yeah, I never knew what it was about.
His name was Jimmy something.
I don't know if he went by Top Jimmy.
Like, it's on the Internet.
You can find it.
So this was sort of his ode and their ode to that.
And then what I liked, it was sort of foreshadowing sort of Dave's musical taste.
in the direction that he went
with his solo stuff,
which was, that was like
what was so surprising to me
as a fan of that band
was that was hiding
with all of these three guys
just a jiggleot
and all this stuff.
And then you go back
after seeing it,
you listen to it.
It's like,
dude, it was like right there,
like that whole breakdown
bapada shubidua.
Like, what the fuck is that?
Why would you do that in the middle of that?
And as a kid that was into such
harder stuff,
I mean,
Van Halen's my favorite bands of all time.
and I never had a problem with any of that stuff.
Babbata Shubiwai.
I didn't either.
I should have hated it on paper.
I should have hated it.
It made no sense that they all of a sudden in the middle of the air.
I'm the one.
Yeah.
I'm the one.
What a fucking ripper that is.
The fucking riffs and that's a holy fuck.
Yeah, that whole thing is incredible.
Well, speaking of that.
The greatest.
Yes.
This is the old, the segue.
Not the segue, yeah, bringing it back around.
Dude, this album is a banger.
You're 45 years in.
You guys are still.
absolutely crushing it. This is available now on all platforms. You can buy a hard copy. So if you
ever lose your phone or whatever, the cloud goes away, you still own it. I think they're carrying
this at Target. Like I didn't even know Target carried albums anymore. Target actually has our album.
I know, especially with this. It was pretty cool. I know with a lot. There's no PMRC code on.
You got to get that to get the album sales going. We got a lady getting cut in half. There's
blood. What do we got to do to get some free press? Nobody cares anymore. There's so much swearing on
this record.
They don't care anymore.
I didn't even notice.
No?
I didn't notice.
No, I just, I was, like I told you, I listened to the music.
I'm pretty sure there's, we definitely swear on the record.
Okay.
Well, I curse a lot, so I mean, sometimes you just need it as a, you know, it's like a good
exclamation point sometimes.
It is.
But if it's overly used.
No, you're not too much.
In stand-up, it can become like PEDs.
Like you sort of roided up.
Yeah, yeah.
Not really saying anything.
Yeah, no, it's cheap.
Just watch all of my special.
and you understand what I'm talking about.
All right, Scott Ian, everybody,
Anthrax's new album.
Go out and get it.
Get yourself a hard copy.
What the hell is that one down the street that's actually still Target?
What about the one that had to move?
Amoeba.
Great. Amoeba is my favorite record store.
Yeah.
And as much as they move, they're still...
It's great.
Yeah, it's still there.
It's still happening.
All right, that's it.
Thank you guys for listening, and I'll see you on Monday.
Hey, what's going on?
It's Bill Burr.
It's time for the Monday morning podcast for Monday.
What is it?
September 24th.
2018 what's going on how are you just realized my flies down am i at that age now 50 years old i mean
that guy walking around doesn't even know his flies down hey wear my glasses um i still haven't fixed
this all i do is just bitch about this wire rather than going out and getting it fixed why would
you do that bill all right i just flew back from charleston south carolina
Fort Addoz in Richmond
Fort Addoz in North York.
Norfolk.
Virginia.
I was down in the fucking South.
Had a great time.
Had a goddamn great time.
I got to tell you something.
Richmond, Virginia, the Altria
Theater.
Top five.
Top five
theaters in America I've ever played at.
I don't know.
I don't know what.
it what the whole layout of it
that dome above
how great the sound was the crowd
was amazing it was incredible
you know I know what she's
oh what about us in Norfolk I had great time there too
great crowds the whole fucking time
great people
they didn't lose their houses because of the hurricane
haven't been to fucking North Carolina yet
you know I was so relieved
then when I got to Charleston because they said the thing was
going to hit him dead center
you know and
I was like, so what am I going to do? Show up. Everybody lost their house. I'm going to come down there being like,
oh, what's up with this fucking wire on my part? You're like, bitching about that. People just lost
their house. I didn't want that. I was so relieved. So relieved that I didn't have to go to disaster.
Don't ever send me to a disaster area. I am much better hundreds, if not thousands of miles away,
doing a benefit where the money is then sent to that area. You get me in the area. My act.
My act does not work when people are knee-deep in water in their living room.
It just doesn't.
Okay?
I've tried it.
It doesn't work.
And it's just, you know, it's just not a good thing.
But, you know, there's other comments for that.
It's a great big, beautiful fucking world of comedy.
Anyways, I flew back today.
And guess who was sitting next to me on the plane?
Frankie Valley.
I couldn't believe it.
I was freaking out.
This guy, I didn't bug him.
He was literally right next to me.
And his whole vibe was he didn't want to be bugged.
So I did not fucking, I didn't say one fucking word to him other than excuse me because I had the window.
You know?
And the guy's like 84 years old.
You should have seen him popping up out of his seat.
The end of the flight to grab his bag, you know.
Probably expecting someone to bug him.
And incredible shape.
kept himself in like he fucking weighs the exact same he weighed back when he was singing all those
songs it's very inspiring um actually when i looked him up one of the questions that people asked
what you know all like all the top questions one was how did frankie valley die you know
that's when you know you crushed it in life you've been living so long people just assume that
you're dead i don't know i was pretty impressed by that i hope i love
live that long. When did Bill Burr die? He's still alive. You can go see him down at the fucking
hookie low in Chickapie, Massachusetts. All right, what's your favorite Frankie Valley song?
You know what mine is? Mine is that, remember that song you hear. My eyes adored you,
though I never laid a hand on you. My eyes adored you. Like it's something and it's something
He couldn't see if I got bad I adore you.
So close.
So close and yet so far.
He sat next to me on the plane.
I didn't fucking say shit to him.
He just had, you know.
It was enough.
It was enough.
He was fucking normal.
I'm a really big fan.
Great.
Now he has to go wash his hand.
So if you see him, you know,
fucking Liam.
No, I'm a straight.
It was his mood today.
I'm talking like I know the guy.
I did sit next to him for like fucking three hours.
I wonder if I'd have done if I just started singing his fucking stuff.
If I just put on my fucking headphones, I just started singing his shit.
Songs he sung like 9 million fucking times.
Then he has to hear him disgustingly out of tune.
He probably would elbowed me.
Hey, kid, shut up.
I did it better or something.
You know, something cool, something that a cool old guy would say.
man i hope i'm in the shape he's i hope i live that long and i hope i'm in the shape he's in he looked
fucking great and uh for what i can hear he still sings his ass off so that was pretty cool i'll tell
you what wasn't cool i'll tell you what i didn't enjoy was how the new england patriots got their
asses whipped by a bunch of goddamn nerds oh this happens every september
Every September, we start off slow, and then everybody has us dead and buried.
It's fucking over.
Every set in the new tradition in the AFC is in September.
The Patriots are done, and Kansas City is going to the Super Bowl.
How many times have we seen it?
Well, Bill, it's only the second year in a row.
Well, it feels like five.
Kansas City, it's over.
It's a gift.
Wrap it up in a fucking boat.
Right?
Fucking unbelievable.
Fucking Verzi, man.
Verzi jinxed me
He fucking teased the Patriots
I didn't even give him shit
That's a second week in a row
That he's lost on the lions
As he calls him the hapless lions
Fucking unbelievable
Not as unbelievable as this goddamn
fucking wire
Oh did I move my head
Oh is this a comfortable position
Now now go fuck yourself
Um
I was actually doing
I did two shows last night
My wife taped the game
So I haven't even seen it
but I was watching just the ticker on my phone
because I don't know how you guys
you fucking download the app
and then you gotta have your...
How do you keep all your passwords?
How do you keep track of them?
You know?
Unless you just don't give a fuck
and you just use the same one
every goddamn time.
I'm not even good at coming up with passwords.
Like when I go to type it in
that the computer's like weak.
Eh, that's getting better.
And I'm like fucking zebra-cut.
98. They're like fair.
It's like, how to fuck is somebody
going to figure that out?
Anyways.
Balloon herpy
49.
Week.
Like, does somebody already have that?
I have no idea.
But let me ask you this. When was the last
fucking time? Here's a goddamn stats for you.
Stats or stat? Here's a fucking stat
for you. When was the question
I have? When was the last time?
The Browns, the line.
and the Buffalo Bills all won in the same week.
Jesus Christ.
I mean, you're talking the Browns and the Lions have both gone 0 and 16 in this decade, right?
Was it this decade?
I don't know.
The years are flying by 32 fucking losses.
You know, they always do that when they talk about the national debt and they try to put it in terms that you can understand.
I'm going to put 32 losses in terms that you can understand.
Lost, lost, lost, lost, lost.
Lost, lost, lost, lost, lost.
I'm not fucking do.
Times three, plus two.
Lost, lost.
A lot of fucking losses.
Somebody's going to use that as a ring film.
Lost.
Law, sorry.
Anyways.
It's weird.
My team is one and two.
We actually have a worse record right now
than the Cleveland Browns.
Haven't said that.
It's kind of fucking fun.
Seeing these teams that have sucked so long.
Be good.
I want, does anybody out there call a Buffalo
bills this week?
Maybe you bet on it, but who the fuck?
Who the fuck saw?
27-0-0.
Whatever the fuck they were up by, 17-0.
Against the fucking, what are the Vikings doing?
Are the Vikings putting their fans out of their misery early this year?
They usually wait to the playoffs.
Playoffs.
I watched a bunch of football this weekend.
I watched Alabama.
Roll tat.
I watched them against the Aggies.
Love the Aggies quarterback, man.
guy's a fucking gamer. He kept
a minute for like a hat, almost to the half.
But I swear to God, watching the
Alabama Crimson Tide, it's like
watching the Patriots where the players are so
well coached. Like, the way they
turned it on at the end of the first half to be like,
hey, let's get another touchdown here. And let's, well, whatever the hell.
They were up by like, I think, I can't remember, maybe seven.
Let's go in the locker room up by four.
They put their foot on the gas and they went right down the fucking field and they scored
Aggies come out.
They shut them down again.
They got the ball back and then they kicked the field goal.
They tacked on an extra fucking 10 points and it was like, wait a minute.
Wait, we were down by one score.
We were down by a touchdown like three minutes ago.
We're ready to jog in, you know, feeling good about ourselves.
And all of a sudden they're getting the old fucking right there, Fred, twice.
And then the Alabama was getting the ball coming out of like halftime.
And you're like, they're going to go down.
score another touchdowns, fucking game is over.
That's essentially what they did.
And the fact that Nick Sabin, I always go to forget his name, and I just remember that chant
when I went to the LSU game.
And the whole student section was going, fuck you, Saban.
So I always have to say that once in my head.
I have to picture that memory, and then the audio plays, fuck you, Sabin.
Oh, Nick, Nick Saban.
Nick Sabin.
the job that that guy's doing down there, considering, you know, all the players that you lose
every year, everybody thinks they're a pro or they're just a senior and they can't play
anymore and you're just constantly rebuilding.
The fact that they, that whatever the hell he instills in them, they get it immediately.
You know, it was pretty impressive.
I miss the LSU game.
Fucking college football.
They're games on, they have like random games on like Tuesdays now, it seems.
It's on Friday, I think.
I missed that, but they're three and O.
I think we got Florida next week.
I did say we.
I'm in.
I'm in with fucking LSU.
I, you know, can't roof for Alabama.
They're just too goddamn good, right?
I'm not looking forward to that Alabama game.
That's going to be rough.
But who knows?
Maybe that fucking Cajun Hulk Hogan can talk them into us.
I don't know.
You know what, that'd be funny.
I got to watch Alabama every week.
Because I never watch them when they lose.
How angry does Nick say?
I actually worry for his loved ones when that guy's taking a loss.
Like that poor Alabama kicker.
He fucking shanked two punts.
The fucking look on Nick Sabin's face.
Oh, my God.
It was like he wanted to rip the kid's fucking foot off.
Anyways, I hate fucking podcasting when I flew across the country when I fly.
I don't know what it is.
All my funny just goes out the window.
My brain isn't working.
I'm fucking sitting here.
Jesus Christ.
How is I going to talk about?
I absolutely nothing to fucking talk about.
How many minutes in?
I'm 12 minutes in.
12 fucking minutes.
I got one for you.
You know somebody I come home, right?
All I want to do is jump in the shower and just wash the fucking airport off of me.
Right?
Can't do it because I own an old house and we got a plumber in here for the nine millionth time
trying to fix whatever the fuck is wrong with the toilet this time.
Can't do it.
I swear to God.
Give you guys some advice.
If you ever fucking,
somebody ever describes a house as having character,
I'm telling you,
just head for the hills.
All right?
If you meet a woman and she says,
guys find me intimidating,
just run for the hills.
There's a couple of fucking red flags out there.
Ladies,
write in.
Tell me, what is it?
so I can help out women here.
What's the,
what's the red flag
with a guy?
You don't know him and he says,
drink this?
Something creepy.
I don't fucking know.
Anyways, the red socks clinched.
That was all exciting
until the Yankees clinched
and it's just like,
oh, so we're both zero and zero.
Like, what am I getting excited about?
Why is everybody popping fucking champagne
and all that?
The Indians won the series.
I think they took two out of three from us.
I'm telling you, Terry Frank Conan is laying in the weeds and nobody sees this guy.
People, how many times do I have to be right?
I'm going to pat myself on the back right now.
I have been killing it lately.
I said it wasn't fucking over when we slept the Yankees.
I was right.
I said, you can't base the Lions first fucking week on what they're going to do or anybody.
I was right about that.
All right.
I was right about two things, but that feels great to me.
I feel like I better write about a lot of shit.
You know?
This is what happens when you get married.
You know what I mean?
When you actually write about something, you just, you want to tell people.
So maybe somebody will give you a fucking add a boy every once in a while.
Anyways, I, uh, what else do I want to fucking talk?
I got absolutely literally nothing.
Charleston football.
Oh, yeah, isn't a fucking sign of global warming?
Isn't amazing how like sports, like, they,
They don't give a fuck.
They'll talk about war.
They'll promote a war and all that shit.
But for some reason, global warming or climate change, whatever, it's just completely off
limits.
I have never seen, I never saw a football game called or delayed because of weather.
The first like, I don't know, 45 years of my life, 40 years of my life.
And now it's like every other fucking week, like the weather is too bad to play football.
which you play no matter what the weather is.
So either somebody sued the shit out of a stadium because they just got a perm and it started to rain at a football game.
Or we're just getting crazier and crazier weather.
You know it's going to happen eventually.
You know?
Because we keep saving all of these people when Mother Nature tries to wipe them off the planet.
We fucking let everybody know something is going to happen.
Get out of the fucking way.
So she's just going to have to start swinging harder and harder and harder.
And this is going to be one of these fucking times.
There's going to be a tornado that sets down like right in a stadium.
And everybody's just going to go flying like they went through a wood chipper.
You know something?
If that fucking guy, what the hell is his name there?
I always forget his name.
That guy, the guy he had ALS.
He was really smart.
And he was always predicting negative shit.
I wish he was alive, so I could ask him that.
Was that Steve or something like that?
Mike? He had one of those regular names.
Hey, Tim. Billy.
Kevin.
Kevin's a little, that's a little, for white people.
That's a little flavor in your name back in the day anyways.
I would have asked him that.
Hey, dude, you know, not for nothing.
When, what year?
He was like one of those fucking, you know, when you go to like,
like Coney Island or something.
You got like the bearded lady
and then there's a guy guessing your weight.
He was like the guy that guesses your weight
but for like super smart people.
He was always saying all that crazy shit, you know?
In 2038, there's going to be
no more apples.
You know, he's like, he added down.
He polar ice caps are going to fucking,
you know, just fucking
gloom and doom that guy had.
You know, you guys think I'm bad.
That fucking guy. Jesus Christ.
I would have loved to ask him at.
been like, hey, Ricky, when is a tornado going to fucking set down in a fucking football
stadium that we don't even see coming?
He could actually probably within the fucking week.
Well, actually, wait a minute.
What did that guy ever predict that came true?
And I got to be honest with a lot of his predictions, they were pretty fucking obvious.
It's kind of was saying, yeah, we're going to fuck this whole thing up, which is kind of the direction we're going in.
But you know, in your day-to-day, you got to take little, like, happy things that happen.
Like seeing the lions, the Bills, and the Browns all win.
You know?
Bill's fans are cunts.
I've been to two games out there.
They're fucking grumpy cunts.
You know what I mean?
They're like the South.
They never got over the loss.
You know?
I'm fucking with you.
They never got over those Super Bowl.
bowl losses.
They're just like,
it's fucking with them.
It hangs over that city.
It's a great city.
They're great people, but I'm telling you,
they put on a bill shirt.
I know the feeling, believe it or not,
back in the day.
I see it too.
Like whenever the Red Sox wear the throwbacks
with the Pat Patriot,
mind me and my older brother, we get sick to our stomach.
When you look at it, you're like, oh my God.
I don't mind if they ever,
If they wear them with the black cleats, then it kind of looks like the original days of the
AFL.
I don't mind that.
But if they go out there with white fucking cleats and they wear that fucking Pat Patriot thing,
that's all I think about.
All I think about, roughing the passer, fucking the 46th defense.
Dan Marino lighten us up.
The Buffalo Bills when they had Jim Kelly kicking the shit out of us.
There was a minute there where the jets were good.
when they had the New York Sack Exchange.
This can't all be football every week.
I got people around the world listening to this shit,
and they just don't give a fuck.
So I got to at some point switch off to something that's going to be a little bit,
a little more mainstream.
You know?
Oh, I also watched the, sorry, all I did was watch football.
I watched the fucking Falcon Saints.
I don't know what the fuck is going on in the NFC South,
but take the over.
None of those teams are going to win shit.
Did you see those two fucking guys in like their 20s?
Couldn't tackle 39-year-old Drew Breeze?
That was fucking ridiculous.
If that was a boxing match, you'd say it was fixed.
I'll tell you right now.
I don't know what Matt Ryan's diet is, but I want to be on it.
That guy, he's got to be like in his 30s now.
He doesn't have his fucking faces all.
looks like an astronaut.
You know, those guys always have nice faces because they spent so many years out there in the
fucking space and there's like no gravity.
That's going to be like the next thing that rich people do.
As everybody else gets poorer, they're going to, they're going to just orbit the earth.
It's really good for your faith.
They're just going to be up there, just flying around with like no gravity, you know?
If you're rich, you get Botox.
You're super rich.
You orbit the planet and you're very young.
You know what wanted to do that?
Wanted to go to like Mars or something?
Didn't Lance Bass want to do that shit?
The fucking people are out of their mind.
Don't, you know?
You don't remember when that teacher went up?
Then you remember like how much balls it takes to be a fucking astronaut.
You're getting on top of a stick of dynamite.
Are you out of your fucking mind?
That's like Chuck Yeager's shit.
Some fucking guy.
in a toll booth. Yeah, I'll get in that thing. Oh, will you? I think it's almost like, yeah,
it's disrespectful to the other fucking people. You know, do they put you in that centrifuge and
shit before you go on there to make sure you're not going to be yacking all the way to the
fucking moon? Can you imagine that? The first, you know the first one, the first one,
okay, that they send up there with a bunch of civilians. There is going to be somebody is going
to freak the fuck out. And I guarantee you, they're going to, they're going to, uh,
they're going to have something
some sort of
some guy just runs down the island
just like puts a syringe
right into your fucking neck
so you don't freak everybody else out
when it finally hits you
that you're leaving the planet
God
there are so many things
that scares the shit out of me
but I got to admit
when George Clooney just spun off
into space
in that fucking movie
whatever the hell it was
but he was so nonchalant about it
like I didn't care about his character
he's just like
oh yeah
Look at that.
There's a Serengetty.
Oh, he's like it this time of year.
And he just sort of fucking floated off.
They made him too heroic.
All right?
Because I don't give a fuck, you know, how much balls you have as an astronaut.
And you do.
You have balls the size of my fucking head, which is huge if you don't know who I am.
You've never taken a gander at it.
I don't give a fuck who you are.
You start slipping off into fucking space.
I don't care how fucking badass you are.
The second you lose your grip on the space station and you start floating off and the other people in there are asleep or some shit and you're just, that's it.
You're done.
There's no way you just go like, well, you know, I had a nice run.
I guess I'm going to set the record for being in space.
You're not going to say that.
You're just going to be up and be like,
and that's it.
just fucking gone that is a fucking lonely ass goddamn death
could i be saying more obvious shit oh is it bill
to slip off into the fucking space by yourself now what happens
when you're up there because i know like some fucking egghead figured out
why can't i compliment them you know some guy who's way smarter than i am
somehow figured out that when you went to space
because you were outside of the atmosphere,
the sun's rays would be so goddamn hot,
your saliva would reach the boiling point in your fucking mouth.
I remember that Red Bull guy when he jumped.
That was a problem.
Like if his mask came off within,
I don't know how many seconds,
like his,
he would go from like
hurtling through the atmosphere
with boiling water in your mouth.
I mean, you might as well get
shot right directly up your asshole with lightning at that point to just make the trifector
of horror.
Hey, remember the hole in the ozone layer?
How come they never fucking talk about that anymore?
Is that thing going to, do they fix it?
Oh, my God.
I actually came up with an idea for a fucking movie that I think you could make a trilogy
out of.
And it's so ridiculous.
I'm actually, rather than just saying it or doing a fucking bit about it,
I actually just registered it, registered it at the fucking Writers Guild on the way from the airport.
Popped in there really quick and just fucking knocked it out.
It's so, like, coming up with this sci-fi movie right now, for some reason, it's just really easy.
Because I feel like we're there.
You know?
Just all the shit that's fucking coming out.
this shit that we're fucking up.
You know, 60 years ago, you had to use your imagination.
You know, ray guns and fucking pocket doors that opened up with the heat of your
fucking body, whatever happened on Star Trek, right?
Teleporting and all of that shit.
You had to, like, use your fucking imagination.
Now it's just like, you know, we're Skyping with each other.
I mean, it's like shit they did on Star Trek.
So I don't think it's that hard now.
Well, actually, you've got to be ahead of the game, right?
You know, I'm going to go out on a limb
I'm going to say this script's going to suck.
I'm probably going to need some help with it.
You know how funny it would be if I actually made like a killer
fucking trilogy of sci-fi fucking movies?
And then every other year when the movie came out,
I'd have to go to like fucking Comic-Con,
that thing that I've made fun of so many fucking times.
I actually went to it this year.
I had a great time.
People were actually cool.
You know, it's just fun.
I don't know what it is.
Isn't it fun?
It just makes fun of shit that everybody likes?
everybody gets all excited about something and you just get to be a cunt um tickets are on sale for uh the all
things comedy festival by the way we were trending today in all the uh the hollywood reporter
variety and all that uh this company all things comedy that i am a small part of uh we signed
a deal with comedy central to do four one hour specials the first one being mr paul verzi
Then we're going to do three other killer ones for them next year.
We got some stuff in the works.
We're slowly becoming a little fucking entity here.
You know?
All freckles.
He's building his own little kiosk out here.
That's how I view this business.
I view it like a giant fucking mall.
And I got this little store right in the middle.
You know those ones you walk by?
The guy has those little helicopter things that fly.
You know, which sells key chains.
That's me.
I ain't fucking with Lord and Taylor.
Anyways, plowing ahead here.
Let me read some of the advert of smit.
The adverts.
It was something I wanted to go off on, but I'm not going to fucking, I'm not going to
fucking throw them.
I would just say this, you know.
I can't fucking say.
You can't fucking say anything anymore.
You just fucking get in trouble.
You know, there was a certain somebody on a certain something that was telling people what
they should or shouldn't be fucking saying.
in the same business that this person was in.
I was just like, what if, you know, are you advocating censorship?
This is such a weird fucking, these are lefties, lefties.
Anyways, is there anything worse than mm-K when somebody does that?
This should be an app, you know, that if you ever say,
mm-K, like, out of nowhere, just a giant, like, one of those,
Hulk hands, but it's like padded, just fucking punches you right in the face.
You should never say that to another human being.
Mm-K.
Bam!
All right.
That's it for fucking that.
Now, evidently, we go into the, uh, we go into the questions here for the week.
For the week.
Moto GP.
Hey, Bill, I haven't heard you talk about the guy in the MotoG, uh, Moto race who gripped the other guy
other racers brakes in the middle of the race.
How the fuck did he do that?
Maybe I had my headphones out while some shit had I work with felt it necessary to tell me
about his weekend.
I don't give a shit about, but would love to hear your thoughts on the incident.
I got to check this out.
Here we go.
Let's search here.
Moto, Moto, Moto fucking GP, Moto, MotoGP breaks.
Oh, break grab.
There it is.
Let's see what we got.
You know what I was just singing there?
Do you remember Super Fuzz that movie?
And then they were in the transition between one scene to another.
They had the background singers.
They go, Super, Super, Super, Super.
All right.
Yeah, did this guy get banned for life?
You could fucking kill somebody doing that.
The caption literally says the guy's going like he wanted to kill me.
All right, now I have to sit through a fucking ad.
Oh, and of course, here we go.
Your ad will play.
Your video will play after this ad.
Remember the internet when it didn't have a bunch of ads?
You know, that was a great fucking time.
Now they just punish you.
I mean, it's not as bad as listening to me read ads.
And you always have the option of fast-forny through mine.
These fucking assholes won't let me do it.
Come on, I want to see it.
I want to see it.
All right, this is going to take too long, unfortunately.
But this fucking guy grabbed onto his...
I don't want your fucking channels.
Fuck, leave me alone.
You don't noise the fuck out of me when you're on the plane and they shut off your movie to do a goddamn commercial.
Who the fuck is going to sign up for a credit card?
60,000 free air miles.
That's enough to get you from here to chilly and back.
They say all this dumb shit.
It's like, yeah, but you're not going to let me do it.
So what's the difference?
Right?
I'll only be able to use these during like the winter.
her months, you'll let me fly to fucking Alaska when his pitch blackout. All right,
evidently this cunt grabbed this guy's fucking brakes. What happened? I don't want to blame the
victim, but what in God's name did this guy do? Moto GP break grab. I just have to,
let me just read about it here. Moto GP rider grabs competitors break at 140 miles an hour.
This guy should be arrested. How the fuck did he think that no one was going to
see this. Does he realize it's televised? Oh my God. What a fucking asshole. That's like right out of
WrestleMania. And the ref didn't see it. Holy shit. That guy's an amazing rider. That was his front
break, too. Well, I guess they always used the front break. It's a back break you don't want to
use. I don't know shit about motorcycles. All right. Disgraced motor, two rider Romano Fanati. Oh,
the Italian. Ah, Jesus. You know what? There's final.
finally no mob shows on TV.
They were turning their fucking reputation around,
and this guy's got to go full soprano on him.
The guy deservedly lost his spot on the Marinelli sniper's team.
Oh, they kicked him off the team.
After he attempted one of the more dangerous stunts we'll see in competitive racing.
Ah, man, he's 22 years old.
He's a fucking hot head.
He just ruined his career.
Oh, boy.
As Finetti rode beside competitor Stefano Manzi,
I wonder if there's any history between these two families.
You never know.
I'm kidding.
At the San Marino GP, the 22-year-old reached out and grabbed Manzi's break at 140 miles an hour.
Luckily, Manzi didn't fall off his bike and Fanetti's...
Was it Fanati's?
Antics were completely uncalled for.
That's one of the worst sentences.
Luckily, Manzi didn't fall off his bike.
Oh, as...
Fanati's antics were completely uncalled for.
before Fanetti was shown the black flag and disqualified from the race for attempting to harm an
opponent. While he was banned for two races and fired from his team, Fanati thought the penalty was
unfair. Still, he added that he had no plans to race again. What? Wow. The world is,
that world is closed to me. I'll not race anymore. He said in an interview. He granted to the La
republica it isn't my world there's there's too much injustice i was wrong that is true but nobody cares
about my pain i wasn't a real man i was unable to control my anger but manzi could have killed me too
well what happened before that dude i'm telling this is why you have to get into racing i it's
it's like the real housewives for men these fucking guys like how mad they fucking get at each other
in the petty shit that's not really petty
But like days of thunder, all of that, when you watch that movie, you're like,
oh, this is fucking silly.
Like, that shit really goes down.
I guess it's better in a car because you can fucking slam into people.
It's, you know, for some reason, that's not considered attempted murder.
Wow.
I guess maybe because I have a temper, I feel bad for that guy.
Or also maybe because I went after a dream and made it come true.
And that kid did too and he just fucked up his dream.
I actually on some level feel bad.
bad for him.
Maybe he was just emotional after the fucking race and just said, I'm done, you know.
I hope it just wasn't because he just couldn't beat the guy.
The guy was always getting the best of him.
You know, and he pulled like a Bill Lambert.
You know, like those players, well, you're better than me, so I'm just going to wait
until you leave your feet and I'm just going to take your fucking legs out.
That's still one of my favorite things of all time.
Bill Lambeer is saying, we tried to play a mile.
game. It's like, you know, like there was a lot of layers to that. It's like, no, you're just
out there hurting people. All right. Football and pizza. Oh, my God. Oh, Jesus Christ.
This is one of the best ones ever. Hey, yo, Billy, colorless calves. There's never been a
truer statement. My legs, I swear, they're the color of milk. I'm happy you're enjoying getting
in shape.
people don't get past the first week of eating, eating well. And it's a shame because all it takes
is one good week of clean food and breaking a sweat. Well, not if you're like 100 pounds overweight,
but I know what you mean. He said, I started doing long distance biking in my 20s. You know what's
hilarious? I just had my bike fixed up. I bought a bike in 1983 that I still have. I bought a 12-speed
with my paper route money. I was 15 years old. I was 15 years old.
and I quit my paper route the year before, I think.
I don't think, no, I don't think I did.
I went from having a paper route to having a part-time job.
I do remember that.
I had a paper route from third grade to ninth grade.
And then I had to sign a form or something because I was too young to work.
Oh, no, then I started caddying.
I was a caddy for a while.
Did that for like a fucking year or something.
Then I just started, I always had a job.
It was great.
always had money. The worst fucking thing in the world now is that little boys and girls,
they can't be paper boys and girls anymore. It was the fucking best. You didn't have to hit your
parents up for my just, I had fucking money. Do you understand that? I was making like eight,
nine, ten bucks a week when I was in third grade. I mean, I was stuffing it in the walls. I had like
no overhead. I mean, what the fuck was I going to spend it on?
football cards.
That's what I spent it on.
And I had a little bank.
And I just stuffed it in there.
And anytime I wanted something, if I wanted a, I used to, like, I had a job.
And I was so young that when I had a job, I would buy toys with it.
I'd buy football cards and candy.
Soda and all that shit.
I just, it was fucking great.
I remember one time I rode my bike all the way to fucking McDonald's with a buddy of mine.
We both lied to our parents.
We were riding down a fucking two-lane highway.
Nobody reported us because there was no phones, you know?
We drove all the way down there and went in.
It was the coolest fucking thing.
And our parents had no fucking idea.
I was exhausted because it was one town over.
I just had this little piece of shit red coaster bike.
And then when I got older, I had the Raleigh Beach Rambler.
I remember I pointed at the bike because I thought it looked fucking stupid because I had
white wall tires on it.
And I pointed on it and laughed.
And my dad was like, oh, I like that.
You like that?
And I was afraid of them.
So I just said, yeah, bought this bike I didn't like.
And then everybody made fun of me.
You had these giant Pee-Wee Herman fucking tires on it.
But then one day, you know, we were riding down the hill and everyone was slamming on
the brakes. Like, that's what you did for fun to see. It looks sort of skid mark you could leave.
The tires was so fucking big. Everybody else just went like that. When mine skid, it actually
sounded like a car. It went, and everybody thought it was cool. But it had the big, fat-ass fucking
seat on it. But I had a paper route and it fucking snowed out. And, you know, rain, sleet or snow,
you had to deliver the paper. And mine, I delivered the herald. And I delivered the herald.
And then I delivered the Boston Globe.
And I remember the kid down the street.
He had the coveted route.
There used to be this paper called the Patriot Ledger.
And it was an afternoon paper that makes any fucking sense.
And it reported on, I guess, I don't know what,
the stories that the other papers already reported on how they had advanced over the last,
I don't know how many hours, whatever.
So anyways, he had it.
And it was a Monday through Friday.
a fucking root.
And it was like that thing was
the holy grail of paper roots
in my neighborhood.
And the oldest brother got it
and he passed it onto his next brother.
It stayed.
They had like three boys and they all had the
fucking root. And the youngest kid
was my age. So there was no way to ever get the
fucking paper route.
So we had the globe.
Harold first, then the Boston Globe.
And that thing was seven days a week,
365.
And I had from third grade to, uh, yeah, ninth grade.
And I, I don't think I haven't missed a day unless I had a ruptured appendix.
I missed a couple weeks that time.
And we took a family trip one time when I was a kid.
And, uh, and I remember it sucked.
You'd come back.
These fucking asshole adults would do your route and they just, you know, I used to put it in the door.
It was always dry.
They would put a fucking rubber band around.
on elastic, whatever the fuck you call it.
And they would just drive down the street and fucking throw it.
You'd get all these complaints and everyone would get mad at you and all this shit.
So anyways, I saved up my money and I bought that Univaga, Nuevo Sport, right?
Really nice fucking bike.
And I don't know.
My parents never threw it out.
And I came home one day in my 30s and I saw it.
I was like, I'm going to fucking take that thing.
All right?
Because, and you just, you know, represent something.
something to me working hard, you know, that if you work hard, you get stuff, right? So I fucking
got that thing and it was all like originals and all that shit. And it just, it just fucking
finally died on me from years of fucking riding and stuff. And I decided, or I guess sitting
in my parents' garage, I decided that I was going to fix it up and I finally brought it
over to somebody. It literally cost me almost the same amount of money that the bike cost me in like
1983 when I bought it. And I want to get back to riding. I just have to find where you can
ride in L.A. that's like safe. I know out in Santa Monica you can and fucking, I don't know, maybe
some of the parks along the L.A. River, but I always feel like you're going to meet some fucking
serial killer down there, you know, or get attacked by a fucking mountain lion. L.A. is a weird
place. So anyways, let me get back. And I used to ride that thing. When I got, when I got older,
when I was 21, I got into the best shape of my fucking life, 80 shape, you know, so no squats.
What I did for legs was I rode the bike, and I used to ride 11 miles every day, Monday through Friday, after working in a warehouse.
That's how young I was.
I had the energy to do that.
And on the weekends, I would ride 18 miles and I would take one fucking day off.
Needless to say, I won't be doing that again.
I'll fucking take a little five-mile junts on fucking level land.
All right, sorry, that was in my entire history with bicycles.
Bikes used to be a big fucking deal, by the way.
I don't think they're big deals to kids anymore.
It was freedom.
You just fucking left.
you'd find other kids he just fucking rode around
did shit you know
I don't know I started doing long distance biking
he said in my 20s I was never in bad shape
but I certainly wasn't in as good as shape as I am now
having said all that I really hope that once this year
you are able to order yourself a pizza crack open
a high life and watch nine hours of football
yeah that sounds perfect he said now to the hypothetical
what would you be
what would be your combination of pizza and beer for that occasion
I go with a local joint here in Massachusetts, originally from Cleveland.
Go Browns.
Congratulations on your victory.
He said, and Achillian's Irish Red, a beer that no one drinks anymore, but is delicious.
I got to be honest with you.
I am white trash when it comes to beer.
If I could find it, you know what I would do?
The first beer I ever got drunk off of was Mickelope Light.
And my pizza spot was in Stoughton, Massachusetts, the town spa.
So I'd have one of their pizzas.
I'd have a plain one.
Extra crispy, whatever they do, you know, well done.
And I would have a mechalob light.
And I'd have it in one of those giant fucking goblets that they used to have at the end of the Miller-like commercials.
Less filling, no, what was it?
Less filling.
It tastes great.
That's right.
That's what I would do.
New York, my pizza spot, I haven't lived there a long time.
The pizza place I used to go to was right next to Dangerfields because I always ended
in that spot and I would go, it was Sutton Pizza.
I think it was called.
I always thought that they had a nice sauce and the cheese was on it and it complimented
the sauce rather than destroying even being able to taste that there was any sort of sauce
there.
But I know there's a bunch of, you know, I haven't lived there in like fucking 11 years,
so I have no idea.
Everybody liked that Joe's pizza.
Down the village was a big one.
But I don't know.
I like that sudden pizza, man.
I fucking like that shit.
All right.
Old podcast question.
Dear Billy, Ben, doing it forever.
I was listening to a throwback on the Thursday podcast.
Great taste in music, by the way.
That's Andrew.
That's his taste of music.
If you listen to mine, it would just be like, yeah,
be a bunch of hair metal.
And I was wondering if your feelings have changed on downloading music,
and movies illegally.
You were ranting on how terrible it is,
and I'm too young to remember that controversy.
I'm 20, but you had me convinced it was certainly illegal and not cool.
I don't know if it was ever illegal.
What happened was the technology came about that you could do it.
Anyways, it said something said he had napsed.
My friend said he had Napster in high school and everyone did.
Maybe you said your older brother.
you left out that word.
I guess it's like looking at
elite celebrity nude photos.
Yeah, it's wrong,
but who doesn't want to get a glimpse of that?
I never look at those fucking things.
When somebody hacks somebody's phone,
their text messages or their emails,
that's none of my fucking business, man.
I really can't believe
like what fucking voyeurs people are.
I don't give a shit what anybody does.
You know, I don't give a fuck what you said on your phone.
And I think if, you know,
like if somebody ever, like,
Oh, can you believe this person texted this? This is offensive. It's like, well, they didn't text it to you.
They texted privately to somebody else. You're not supposed to be reading that. Don't read other people's text messages. You won't get fucking offended.
You have no idea. You have no idea. And even still, it's like reading somebody. I love about reading somebody else's mail is fucking illegal, but like hacking somebody's phone is fine. I have no idea. Anyways, I guess the only part that I thought you might have changed your mind on.
It's how people around the world have heard you because they got it illegally.
Listening to your podcast helps me sort out my feelings on lots of things,
but also your points make me realize that the world has virtually no black or white issues.
Well, if you're talking about my podcast, my podcast is free.
But I would say, as it changed, yeah, I still pay for music.
I go to iTunes is where I do it.
I don't like those streaming services because they fuck over the musicians.
And I know iTunes, they just fuck them over, man.
It's ridiculous.
iTunes does it too.
But I know like one of them.
I remember they were talking about me possibly streaming one of my albums.
They're like, yeah, for every thousand plays we'll give you a half a cent.
It's like, well, go fuck yourself.
They had all this advertising and shit all in the side and everything.
So they're getting all this credit and making all this fucking money.
They're not even rolling a paper.
penny towards me. They're chopping it in half and then sliding it across the fucking table.
I will say like, you know, I don't police a lot of shit too much on YouTube. I should probably
do that more. But, you know, I definitely saw the advantages. You know, when I went to, when I went
over to Europe, I gave out my DVDs for free and told people to upload them onto their YouTube
pages because I wanted to get into the, you know, different language areas.
is on YouTube.
You know?
Because the one time I was trying to learn to play how the rhythm,
the verse section of Walk This Way on the guitar.
And the only guy did a lesson was a French guy.
And I clicked on his fucking video.
And then all of a sudden, all my videos to the right were in French.
And I was like, wow, what part of YouTube is this?
So when I went to Norway and Sweden and all those,
I was like, you know, put clips of this up on your page.
I don't give a fuck.
You know, it's on Pirate Bay anyways.
What the fuck do I care?
I might as well get in on this somehow.
So I kind of had to roll with it.
But, you know, it's still stealing.
But I pay for all my movies.
I pay for, uh, no, that isn't necessary to.
There'll be a few.
Like, I try.
I try to pay for movies.
Like, if I go on like Netflix and it isn't there and I can't find it playing on cable,
you know, and it's something I really want to fucking see,
I will watch a movie for free.
I'll admit that.
I've definitely done that shit.
Hey, here's something.
Speaking of that,
I actually watched a couple of movies
when I was on the plane there.
I got to show you.
I got a shout out to,
you know what sucks?
It's one of the fucking movies.
I can't even remember
the name of the movie.
And I really fucking enjoyed it.
What the hell was?
I literally watched it.
Oh, something, was it Gringo?
Is that the name of the fucking movie?
Charlie's that.
Theron was in it, and she was fucking hilarious.
And her character was fucking...
I love the movie.
Absolutely loved the movie.
Let's see.
Gringo, Charlize.
Theron, right?
Is that the name of the movie?
Did I get it right?
Yeah, Gringo.
Check that one out.
Love that movie.
And then I saw...
Oh, fuck, I got to answer this.
Hang on.
All right, I'm back.
So anyways, then I watched this other movie
called Superfly and was fucking blown away.
I couldn't get to fucking all the actors' names.
There was so many great actors.
There was this kid, I hope he say his name.
It's K-A-A-L-A-N.
K-R. Walker.
K-L-A-L-A-N.
I hope I say it right.
K-R.
I'm too fucking white to get it right.
Walker.
His character was so fucking good.
I don't want to ruin the movie.
I just thought the last time you saw him
should have been more of an event.
with how good his performance was.
And then the kid who played Superfly's right-hand man was fucking great.
I don't know how to do this without ruining the fucking movie.
There's so many, it's just a really fun fucking movie.
I've seen some good ones lately, but, you know,
I'm writing this fucking script.
I've gotten to the whole world of writing scripts now.
So now I'm actually watching movies.
I'm trying to find people.
Just remember them.
Oh, and Gringo.
The fucking dude who played the guy's accountant in the beginning was fucking great.
Everybody in that movie was great.
So check those out.
I hope I'm not doing this shit where I saw it on a plane.
So you're just like, this is fucking great.
It's taking up two and a half hours.
But these were legit good fire.
I think they'll hold up even if you're just hanging out at your house,
you know, with your fucking virtual reality glasses and whatever the fucking internet porn you're watching.
I think you can get through them.
All right?
Those are my recommendations for movies.
Congratulations to the fucking lions, man.
Huge, huge fucking victory for you guys.
You turn around.
I'm like seeing, you know, the chiefs and all these teams being.
I mean, I obviously don't want the Patriots run to ever fucking end.
And I've enjoyed the hell out of it.
And, you know, I remember coming up, it was all about the Cowboys and Steelers.
And I remember thinking, when the fuck's our time?
And so when we finally had our time, I enjoyed the whole thing.
I hope it's not over.
But if it is, you know, it fucking is.
And I'll be happy for the rest of my fucking life as well.
I mean, what am I going to do?
I'm going to bitch about fucking 10-11 championship straight across the fucking board.
In a 15-year period, it was incredible.
But the Red Sox is still coming.
You know, who knows?
Could keep going on.
Celtics look fucking good.
I still believe in the Patriots, though.
But it is a lot of fun to see all these different teams doing well.
And I'm like beyond excited to see the next.
Brown's game because I want to see this Baker Mayfield kids see if he lights it up again.
It's exciting.
All right.
That's it.
That's the podcast.
Have a great couple of days.
I'll check on Thursday.
Go fuck yourself.
