Monday Morning Podcast - SNL 50, Organic Food, Shorts in the Winter | Monday Morning Podcast 2-17-25

Episode Date: February 17, 2025

Bill rambles about the SNL 50 concert, organic food, and shorts in the winter. SimpliSafe:  Go to www.SimpliSafe.com/BURR to claim 50% off a new system with a professional monitoring plan and your first month free. Hims:  Hims can help you find the ED option that works for you. Start your free online visit today at www.Hims.com/BURR 

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Monday Morning Podcast for Monday, February 17th, 2025. What's going on? How are ya? How's it going, man? Anyway, I got a late call into work today, so I'm doing my podcast and then I'm gonna get to the gym. Oh, Billy InShape. Oh, Billy InShape, I joined a big the gym. Oh Billy in shape. Oh Billy in shape. I joined a big gay gym. I joined a big gay gym and I'm getting in fucking shape. And you know, every gym is a little gay, but this one is, this one's really gay. And it depends on what hour you go to, the level that it is. But I'll tell you something about gay guys they fucking they like no one makes you feel out of shape like a fucking gay guy

Jesus Christ everybody at my gym either look like they just got done doing the NFL combine or like they're, I don't know, dancing for Alvin Ailey, whatever that dance school is. And then you got me going in there. Well I'm in decent shape, but Jesus Christ, I go into that fucking gym, I look like I'm on my 600 pound life It's definitely a vibe in there, but you know it is what it is. It's it's it's New York City It is it is what it is so I'm gonna get in there Trotter weights around. It so funny man. I do like my fucking 1980s workout and everybody else Now it's just you know so much younger than me. I don't even know like half the shit

that I try to like look and see like You know what the new exercises are I try to like learn but you know everybody at my gym seems to be Ragingly homosexual so I'm afraid to look in their direction that they're going to get the wrong idea. You know, and I don't know how in 2025 to say, no, I'm not gay without it not coming off as homophobic, not to say there's anything wrong with whatever you're doing in the steam room that I can't use, but still pay for. used but still pay for. But anyway, the gym is fucking hilarious. It's a really good gym. It's got all this stuff there, but it's lit like a fucking I stand by it. I give it five rainbows. Anyway plowing ahead here. Oh what a weekend I had. What a weekend I had.

Alright Thursday night I went out I did three spots. Bang, bang, boom. Fucking crushed on all three of them. You know my last time I went up, I just felt like they were just sort of laughing because they knew who I was. So that's what happens. Once people know who you are as a comedian, you can kind of like actually have a bad set but still kind of do alright. Because they're just like, oh you! I know you you are you trying out new jokes oh you will be fucking forgiving and it's like you know you got to do like the math you know and be like no I'm actually bombing right now but they're they're appreciating other things that I've done but they're not appreciating this they

just don't know it so I couldn't get the car out of the fucking mud, I wasn't flowing. And I was like, ah, fuck. And I didn't have time to do another set, so I just kinda had to live with that for a few days. So then I went up Thursday night and I was fucking psyched. And I just, I was flowing. I was old Billy jerkface again.

Old Billy dumb stuff, you know, just up there talking. And I felt great and the crowds were awesome. And I got to work with some comics that, you know, I've seen or haven't seen and all of that shit. So it was a good time. And then Friday night, I went to, I went to the Saturday Night Live 50 years of music, you know, all this wide variety of music and stuff that they've had over the years and all these amazing performers,

which of course I'm going to forget some people. I meant to look up all the fucking names so I wouldn't do this but anyway It was just an incredible night Trying to think of like I'm trying to put this whole weekend together. All right, obviously right out of the gate the post Nirvana Which was post Malone fronting? Nirvana with all surviving members including Pat smear They absolutely fucking destroyed and it was right in front of me. I was like I was like 30 feet away from it and

You know, it's funny as I I played You know, I've played along to smell like team spirit and to actually just watch Dave Gro Play that fucking song. I was like embarrassed. I was like, oh my god Like I knew I sucked but Jesus look at that guy and the thing about him is if you watch his performance This weekend and you go back 30 something years to when he first played that song on SNL, his energy has not dropped off at all. He hasn't lost a fucking step. Remember that guy that played cornerback for the Redskins, Daryl Green? He played all the way until like his 40s and he was still like the fastest guy in the NFL.

It's like that. Still the same. He didn't look like all like, you know, a lot of those guys when you play like that after a while, you know, you get shoulder problems, you get carpal tunnel, your back's fucked up. Dude, that guy, I don't know if he went to the day spa or what, but he just, it just, he looked the exact same fucking Killing it Fucking killing it post Malone sounded great and then I feel like

Their bass player Christ dude that guy's fucking hilarious like I Got I don't know I can't I can't figure out he think there's so many people that pretend They don't give a fuck that guy just does Not give a fuck in a really good way. First of all, he went bald like a shoe salesman He never shaved the whole thing to try to make it look like you know, maybe he knows some jiu-jitsu He didn't he went bald like fucking Bob Newhart as a rock star doesn't give a fuck Gets into politics does all that comes back smashes that show

gets into politics, does all that, comes back, smashes that show, nonchalant, ah, I guess I'll be a fucking rock star again, fucking kills it, the song ends, and he just hands his bass to someone in the crowd and walks off stage during the applause. Dude, Miles Davis would be like, God damn! Speaking of which, Miles Davis, kind of the first punk rocker, you know, he used to turn his back to the fucking crowd and everybody was like, what the fuck? He's like, what do you mean, what the fuck? I'm listening to the band. All right. You don't matter. Right. You sit here and like what I'm doing, I'm talking to these guys, stop interrupting and you get to enjoy this conversation. That was his whole

fucking vibe As a black dude, I don't know if you notice he was a black dude his whole life I don't know why I needed to make that point, but he was doing it in front of like that that those older white generations that expected you to be like As a black performer to feel just you know thrilled to death That you got to perform in front of a bunch of white people. He's like, no, fuck you. You should be thrilled. I'm the one doing the fucking show, you asshole. Reason number 9776 to fucking love Miles Davis. Anyway, who else? Bonnie Raitt. She's just a real deal. She fucking killed. On my stage was the Post Nirvana thing, Mumford and

Son. You can't tell me the lead singer of Mumford and Son and Tim Tebow are not related. Not to start that shit again. What else? Devo was on that stage. Dude dude Cher came out and fucking murdered it wearing the same fucking outfit she wore way back in the day and still looking great unexpected and she went on like second to last in front of Jack White who had the uh you know that's one of

those things like you don't headline that show you just go on last one of those things and it's just a thankless fucking job that you have to go on after all of that incredible like people just crushing it and What was I gonna say and he went out and just fucking destroyed did the Neil Young Rocking in a free world free world and then played with that I did the Neil Young rocking in a free world, and then played with that. Boom, boom, go, go, go, go. Which is the first time I've ever seen him play it live,

even though I've heard it 50 million times at every sporting event I went to. Bad Bunny I saw, who I loved, who for some reason I thought was a DJ. I had no idea. I'm fucking old. Miley Cyrus killed it. The whole fight. I know I'm forgetting people. The whole fucking, um, the whole show. They just murdered. Oh,

speaking of which, I had to give somebody a shout out. You know, I mentioned that I went to, um, I went to Paul McCartney, Josh Adamemeyer's got me the tickets, but he got them from Zach Myers from a band called Shinedown. So thank you to Zach. Whether you know it or not, you got me tickets to a concert that I will never forget. This is like, oh, Billy, make a wish. This has been like my week. Just seeing all of these incredible, incredible performers. So that was Friday night, and that was in Radio City Music Hall, which I had never been

in. And it was gorgeous. I had never been in this absolute art deco style, which is one of my favorites. Um, art deco and brutalist architecture. For some reason, I somehow got into that, um, hardcore into brutalist architecture. I don't know why I just, uh, it's like unsettling. It's, it's, um, you know, sometimes it's like super, just super fucking ugly. Like government center is a good example of Brutalist architecture and I hate that fucking building where I went to school UMass Boston is brutalist

But then there's other things like when done, right? It's It's incredible Well, Jesus bill you just I just described everything I just described everything. I'll tell you people, cooking, when done right, is unbelievable. But if you go somewhere and they don't know how to cook, it's kind of bad. You guys keeping up? Am I going too fast for you?

So anyway, and then last night, I went to the SNL 50 years celebration, and I got to sit in the crowd and I had no pressure and I just got to watch all of these people that I was such a huge huge fan of and as far as like my and like sort of comedy undergrad and college degree. It started with Eddie Murphy and Joe Piscopo and all of those guys. It went into the Dennis Miller, you know, John Lovitz, Phil Hartman, Kevin Nealon, all of those guys. Jan hooks all of them into the Sandler one, with Chris, David Spade, Chris Farley, Chris Rock. And then by then I was doing like stand up.

And so I missed a lot of the Will Ferrell stuff, but I would always just hear about it. And I would do my best, but I was just always working when they were on. So I got to see a lot of people that I couldn't, like I was watching Eddie Murphy doing a sketch. I couldn't believe it. Oh, by the way, Tracy Morgan singing,

Astronaut Jones was one of my favorite parts of the music one. And then there was this woman that came out. Oh god, I'm gonna forget her name. I don't even know what style of music. She had the biggest fucking voice just filling up. I've been meaning to look up her name again and to download her shit. Whatever whatever I'm old Anyway So I went there last night it's literally like Paul Simon opens And he was on the first episode ever it's Paul Simon and then Steve Martin does the monologue I know you guys probably saw this Sandler who just has has a fucking heart of gold, sang this incredible song in the middle, got a standing ovation. I could see

Eddie Murphy do a sketch with Will Ferrell. Oh God, I'm going to forget. Dude, Meryl Streep crushed. I had no idea she was that funny. She was fucking hilarious with Kate McKinnon. They were killing it. The whole thing. And then it ends in little Wayne killed with the roots. And then it closes out with Paul McCartney, who what he played on that show was what he played for the encore the night I saw him.

And oh, you know what was funny was I was sitting in the I saw him and... Oh, you know what was funny was I was sitting in the crowd, you know, and I got to sit next to Eddie Vedder, who got to be one of the nicest, sweetest human beings I've ever met in my life. What a fucking sweetheart of a guy. And I got to tell him that story going like, oh man, when you guys came out, like I fucking, I hated you guys. You knocked all my metal bands off the top ten and he was fucking cracking up. I go, do you know how long it took me to begrudgingly admit how great your band is?

He just, he was just cool about it. He was just like, I'm glad you came around or whatever. And he was actually asking like what metal bands I listen to and shit. We got to talk baseball But oh my god, what a fucking sweetheart of a guy super super nice guy And I got to meet Bonnie right really quickly and That was like my my two big like Rockstar freakouts. I had like Bonnie rate was sitting in front of me and then

Rockstar freakouts. Bonnie Raitt was sitting in front of me and then Eddie Vedder was on the side. It was fucking wild. I couldn't believe I was there. I'll be honest with you, I could not fucking believe I was there. It went by in like two seconds. It really was like a perfect show. Robert De Niro came out and did a fucking sketch in Debbie Downer. Yeah, I've forgotten more of the legendary shit than I can remember.

It was just, it was a perfect, perfect night. Fucking Keith Richards was there. I stood up, I was like, oh my God. Fucking Keith Richards, it was, you had a rolling stone and a beetle there. I mean, it was just, it was unbelievable. It was unfucking believable, head spinning. And then I went to the show with Keith Robinson, who was, you know, all time great ball buster.

So we had a great time just hanging out or whatever and You know, he's a super funny dude, you know, what's great about Keith is because he's so funny Like he can appreciate other people's talent. So it was fun being there at the show with him because we were laughing like You know got to be an audience member again, you know, like how I always was so Thank you to everybody over there for getting me a ticket to that thing. I mean, I don't know how the hell I'm going to top that. So I've done, Oh, Billy, make a wish here. I've done so much shit in the first couple of weeks. Now I feel like I can finally settle down. I went and I got some this is this is not like how fucking lonely I am and

why I'm so excited to go home to my family like this is what I did on my Sunday alone with myself I roasted some garlic and I made my own mayonnaise I'm gonna say that again. I was all by myself. I roasted some garlic and I made my own mayonnaise. And I gotta be honest with you, I am talking to myself at a level that's even frightening to me. I've had so much fucking alone time. I've been, you know, I'm much better post mushrooms

You know mushrooms really helped me out that I make sure you know, I you know, I went to I went to a brunch look at me, I went to brunch and had a good time and I went out to Brooklyn with a friend of mine and we had a great time and You know I was just telling it tell him all like oh like what Brooklyn used to be like I like you fucking didn't come to this part of Brooklyn I cannot believe this and we just like walking down to Williamsburg. I go this looks like hipster Rodeo Drive Like shit is expensive out there

Anyway Yeah, so, you know I was trying to find like, you know, it's fucking hilarious. You go to these, you know, it's fucking bullshit. These health food stores, you go in there and they still have, it just says organic on it. It just says zero sugar. And then that says that they added sugar. And then those fucking cunts, they've infiltrated the FDA so like they're the ones that define what means the people poisoning you define the

definition of organic they define no added sugar and they're lying cunts so I finally reached out to a friend of mine who's a cook And I said how the fuck do you make mayonnaise and she sent me this video of julia child black and white video Making mayonnaise and I was like, oh I can do that's three egg yolks. It's salt mustard seed And uh, and then whatever oil you want to use and that's what I was trying to avoid because all the oils that they were using was this fucking Cancer causing shit, and I'm an old dad, right? So I can't have that stuff so I just made it with some avocado oil

White pepper I put in there Shows it up with a little more salt didn't think it had enough salt and mixed it with some tuna with a little bit of celery in it. Put it on some, uh, you know, just put it on top of a, you know, some, not iceberg lettuce, red leaf lettuce. And I had just raw beets on the side. That's how I'm fucking eating. Like I am not fucking around here. Um, I've had this, this fucking COVID cunt belly. I said to

your dad, I'm gonna get rid of this COVID weight. Someone goes COVID was a long time ago. I and I said I know I had a kid when my wife had a kid. But I was responsible. During COVID. So like I never got it off. So you know, it was a lot of fucking stress or whatever. And then all of a sudden, you know, yeah, then I did a movie and I had to fucking edit the movie and figure out how to do that. I just was sitting around and I just could not get it off. I can't get it off! So I am determined this time. So I am like, Billy, no bread, no sugars, none of that shit. And it's kind of fun when you get off of that stuff

and you can kind of eat what used to be bland and all of a sudden the bland flavors start getting turned up. They start feeling, they start tasting good. And so anyway, so I'm gonna go over to my big gay gym, old Billy Ally. But I know like the times when my gym is like crowded, you can't go there on like Saturday around 10 or 11 in the morning, all the boys are getting their pump

before they fucking, they go out that night. It's like fucking Thunderdome in there You know, I Fucking hate having to like wait and all of that shit You know and I'm doing an old man work. I do two sets two sets light fucking weight You know just doing the reps so everything doesn't sag down to the floor That's all I'm trying to do. You know what I mean? Flat stomach, just trying to be toned. Right? And it's just fucking, you know, it's a madhouse in there.

But like Sundays are good. Cause everybody's like fucking hung over. You know, did Molly, whatever the fuck they do, right? And I can go in there and like, I don't have a problem. So, and then like weekdays, if I get like a late call to rehearsal, I can go in there and I don't have a problem. And then weekdays, if I get a late call to rehearsal, I can go in there and I can knock it out. But it's a fucking great gym.

Really is a great gym. Anyway, plowing ahead. What else did I want to talk about? Oh, Billy Guitar Center. I went in there and I found, I was like do you guys have any left handed guitars? They're like, I wanted to get like an acoustic so they had like this little like $350 fucking acoustic. It was funny they had a $350 guitar or a fucking $4,000 guitar. So I'm like, all right, let me try out both of them. I just want to see

what is the difference. I'm going to be honest with you, let me try out both of them. I just want to see what is the difference I'm gonna be honest with you. I couldn't really tell the difference The $4,000 one versus the $350 one felt like a $500 guitar six seven hundred bucks It didn't feel like this like this is four grand. I Don't feel myself Get I don't feel like I know anything more about music with this ridiculously expensive one so I got the other one it was cool it's got a little plug-in and shit and I got this thing that my buddy sent me Dave Kushner who has a master class of guitar theory shred in the box and all of that stuff

you got to check that out Dave Kushner calm he sent me this thing the Fender tone master and it doesn't have a speaker but it has like headphones and Dave Kushner dot com. He sent me this thing, the Fender Tone Master. And it doesn't have a speaker, but it has like headphones and just plug in there and you it's just with the turn of a dial you get all these different like distortion pedals and shit. And it's fucking great. Having like the time of life. I got this night I got you know, I got a halfway decent flat screen TV here at the corporate apartment. I'm staying up the time of life. I got this night. I got you know, I got a halfway decent flat-screen TV here At the corporate apartment. I'm staying up in it. I have not had that fucking I have not watched TV Like I come home. I you know

After after after my rehearsals I go to my big gay gym, you know, I try to stay positive about how I look right Maybe that's why so many people are homophobic I try to stay positive about how I look. Right? Maybe that's why so many people are homophobic. Are they really like, is it really the sex thing or are they just fucking jealous of how good a shape gay guys are? Hahahaha Oh shit. It's a big old gay gym and I love it. It's hilarious I went in there the other day, you know, like when they fucking you know when somebody has like the pulleys and that they work in

Their chest and they're doing the fuck it and then you cross your arms like an X in front of you And then you come back out again. I saw a guy doing that in a crop top Fucking amazing. Um, anyway I'm so excited to see my family this weekend. I cannot fucking wait. Like I am like freaking the fuck out about that. It's going to be awesome. And oh God, I can fucking wait. Like I am like freaking the fuck out about that. It's going to be awesome. And oh God, I can't wait. I cannot wait.

So, you know, I got these little breaks here. So FaceTime has been like insane. Like I'm getting this insane like, you know, I'm a lunatic. I was saying, you know, I'm one of those dads. I'm fucking like chasing around the house, fucking wrestling. Let's go play soccer, shoot some hoops, let's I was saying, you know, I'm one of those dads, I'm fucking like chasing you around the house, fucking wrestling, let's go play soccer, shoot some hoops, let's play some drums, you know? Let's get in the car, go for a drive, you know? And I was thinking like, oh yeah, you know,

I'm this fucking great, I mean, that is great, but like, most of the reason why I'm doing that is because I can't fucking sit still, you know? As much as the kids like it and everything, and like, but because, you know, I'm not there and I just talked to him on FaceTime, it sort of quieted my brain. And I'm having these epic conversations with my daughter

and even my son now, you know, it's funny, like, you know, girls, I just, you know, can talk better, you know, they just can shoot the breeze. And my son is funny. He just always walks up to the screen, you know, puts his face right in it, so I see like half his forehead and eyeball and a cheek. And he's just like, Dad, when are you coming home? And he just walks away. So, um, but I play a game with him that makes him laugh.

You know, alright, would you rather have pancakes or waffles? And then they pick. And then you're not allowed to say Pepsi. Because I hate Pepsi, but I just play up how much I hate Pepsi. So every once in a while I'll be like, do you like pancakes or waffles? And he'll go, Pepsi. Just to watch me flip out and put my face up near the screen and act like I'm arguing a call.

I go Earl Weaver on him, you know, he seems to love that. So Anyway, I got to be honest with you. I was really nervous about this whole thing about being away from my family and everything and it's actually been really good and my wife has been crushing it and And we have all these built-in like visits and everything so I'll never go more than a couple of weeks without seeing them so it's it's it's gonna be we're gonna pull it off we're gonna pull it off so I'm very excited about that all right and with that let me do some of the some of the reads here for the

week let's see what do I got here? Oh, Simply Safe, everybody. You know, every 26 seconds a burglary takes place in the United States according to FBI data. That means by the time this podcast ends, dozens of homes will have been targeted. They're coming in to eat your dogs, protect you home before it's too late with SimpliSafe's proactive security system. SimpliSafe helps to stop threats before they even have the chance to break in. Traditional security systems only take action after someone has already broken in. That's too late. Simpl. Simply Safe's active guard outdoor protection can

help prevent break-ins before they happen. Fuck, every time I go to scroll this thing goes to the top. AI powered cameras. Why is everybody into AI? Like that's a good thing. Backed by live professional monitoring agents. All monitoring your property well fucking cameras were always AI weren't they they were never alive when there was always a guy on the other side right all right just read the copy bill monitor your property and detect suspicious activity hmm what is that over there if someone's lurking around or acting suspiciously. That's fucking hilarious. How many times did cops question somebody?

You know, you were lurking, you know? I wasn't lurking, I was hanging out. So fine line between lurking and hanging out. Because hanging out can also be loitering. The difference between hanging out and loitering is whether you have a legitimate reason for being there. And the difference between loitering and lurking is you have one of your hands in your pockets and it's moving.

Alright, everything's been defined. If someone's lurking around or acting suspiciously, I think he's gonna put his hand in his pocket, those agents see and talk to them in real time, activate spotlights and even contact the police all before they have the chance to get inside your home. No long-term contracts or cancellation fees, monitoring plans start affordably at around $1 a day.

60-day satisfaction guarantee or your money back. Name best home security system by U.S. News and World Report five years in a row. Visit simplysafe.com slash burr to claim 50% off a new system with a professional monitoring plan and your first month for free. That's simply safe.com slash burr s i m p l i s a f e dot com slash burr. There's no safe. Like simply safe. Okay. Oh, look who it is. Hims looking for a boost in the bedroom. who it is, Hims, looking for a boost in the bedroom? Hims is here to help with personalized erectile dysfunction, treatment options, and it's all online.

When your car breaks down, you take it to a mechanic with no hesitation. You need it, and it's not something most guys can fix themselves. And men should think the exact same way about erectile dysfunction. You can't fix your dick, right? You can't work on your own dick. I don't care how bright the light is on your fucking welding helmet. It's just, you know, you're going to hurt your neck.

But the reality is you might be hesitant to seek help. Thankfully, HIMS you can get access to personalize, or how does it work, treatment without stepping outside your door. You know I like this analogy of a mechanic. You know your parents used to drive a car they'd get a dent and they'd never would they would never fix it they just keep driving it the car would fucking be dead in six years you don't want your dick to die do you? Okay you need to fucking do a resto mod. Why does this fucking copy keep moving around every time I go to like. What is that option that it goes back up to the top?

Must be for stutterers. All right, let me let me start again, see how far I can go. All right. OK, here we are. Hims is changing men's health healthcare by providing you with access to affordable sexual health treatments from the comfort of your couch. Yeah, not only the Illuminati should be able to repair their dicks, the working man should too.

All right? HIMS provides access to a range of doctor-tr trusted erectile dysfunction treatments like chewable hardments in Viagra and Cialis and their generics for up to 95% cheaper. The process is 100% online and there's no need for uncomfortable doctor visits. Just answer a series of questions on their site and a medical provider will determine the right treatment option. If prescribed, your medication ships directly to you for free. No insurance is needed and one low price covers everything from treatments to ongoing care. With hundreds of thousands of trusted subscribers, HIMS can help you find the erectile dysfunction

option that works for you. Start your free online visit today at H I M S dot com slash burr. That's HIMS dot com slash burr for your personalized erectile treatment options. HIMS dot com slash burr. Big inhale. The products mentioned are chewable compound products which are not approved or verified or for the safety or effectiveness by the FDA. Prescriptions require an online consultation with a healthcare provider who will determine if appropriate restrictions apply.

See website for details and important security information subscription required prices varied based on product and subscription plan. All right, now we're into you guys. Now it's finally your turn. All right, how you guys doing this week? Did you let them divide you? Did you go a week without trashing another American? You know, that's my mission. I want to, I gotta bring people, we gotta get, you know, all of us regular thinking people.

Okay, we gotta bring the boiling water down to a nice little simmer here. Alright, fuck all these lunatics on the left. Fuck all these lunatics on the left. Fuck all these lunatics on the far right, right, the far left and far right. OK, have got this here. You need you need to be a calming force. Help out your neighbor. Just bring a good vibe into the coffee shop. Make the person making your coffee smile.

Just you just because we're living in this fucking lunatic time of the last, I don't know, 10 years of psycho left and psycho right doesn't mean it has to affect your vibe. You can still go out and be a cool person. You know what you can do? You have the power to do. You can like every state in your country, especially the ones you've never been to. Don't let someone else make your mind up about what a state is or isn't. I've been to them all. I've had a great time in every single one of them. I've never gone to a state and been like, this state sucks. Unless I went there with a predetermined, when I was younger, attitude like, oh fuck, I'm going out to this place.

This place is going to suck. But once I started going out there being like, no, I'm going to have a good fucking time. I started going to sporting events when I was on the road and I started doing this thing. You know, I finally woke up and be like, there's no way people would live here if it sucked. You know? Or even if it's going through a bad economic downturn, it's not these people's fault and they're people. So they're going to want to have fun somewhere. What do they do to have fun?

And that's when it all fucking turned around. And I was like, oh, all right, you can have fun wherever you are. And everybody's fucking cool. Wouldn't that be better? Can you imagine if Democrats or Republicans just said that? Imagine they just said that. Wouldn't that be better? Can you imagine if Democrats or Republicans just said that? Imagine if they just said that. Wouldn't that be fun? Instead of stirring everybody up every five fucking seconds? Alright. Miss Sandry.

Miss Andry. Dear Bill, in the latest podcast of the Monday morning podcast, you mentioned there was a word for the opposite of misogyny for the opposite of misogyny where women hate men but couldn't recall what it was other than the fact it starts with M. It's misandry. Incidentally, initially I commented on the episode in Spotify just the word misandry. 24 hours later it's still pending, like it's a curse word. Wow. Lesson learned. I'll just email you instead from now on. Thanks for always being there when I need you. You can't even write the word, Ms. Sandry? I'll tell you what's funny. I made fun of the fucking Twitter guy

for fucking seek hiling not once but twice and I never look at my emails I was scrolling through my emails and it said my Twitter account had been flagged for interpro. I don't even tweet anymore They've been flagged for what a fucking baby just like Hitler a fucking baby because that's another thing all of these people that are into fucking Hitler, you know what I mean and like Like like look at this guy like he was some sort of fucking hero The guy's one of the biggest fucking cowards ever all the pain and all the suffering that that guy's caused and the war crimes The the Allies had to commit fire bombing fucking cities to get that motherfucker when it came time For him to pay the price for all the suffering he caused millions

and millions and millions of people did he face the music no he gave himself a nice quick painless fucking death that's your fucking hero fucking coward is what he was. He should have faced the fucking music and he didn't. Anyway, this is the world we live in where you got to remind people that that guy was a bad guy that destroyed millions of people's lives, families, and his own country, his own countrymen paid the price for what he did. He fucking he he, he. This is another thing too. Oh, that guy went straight to hell. It's like, how does he go straight to hell? What does God say about that? He made that guy. Right? I just

don't understand that. Like how he gets absolved of that. God created everything. Yes, including Adolf Hitler He really did create us in his image Like us he is also not perfect He fucking he goes down fucking looking every once in a while. All right Beatles B-sides How about the fact that the Twitter guy is not even from here. He's from South Africa. He comes to this country and wants to turn it into a fucking dictatorship. He doesn't feel that we deserve democracy.

Can you just imagine doing that? Going to another country and just deciding, yeah, you know what? I'm going to change this form of government because I've decided Yeah, he doesn't mind living under a dictatorship as long as he's on the good side of it fucking laminated face cunt Hey, oh now. What are you gonna? Do reflag my account? Reflag my account. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha many good tracks like the one you do Andrew last week's Fixing a Hole an example of McCartney and it's McCartney tune that's kind of quirky yeah that just yeah I I want to say I've heard all of this stuff I I'll listen to that maybe I'll listen that when I go to the gym here, get my fucking, my Beatles fix here, B-sides. It's kind of hard

to fucking work out to the Beatles, though. You know? Trying to bench press. Once there was a way to get back home again. I'd like to go home, have a fucking peanut butter and chili sandwich instead of finishing these last reps. There are so many good things, so many good songs that have strange arrangements and chord progressions that shouldn't work as well as they do but end up being really inspiring. You know what I was doing the other day? Speaking of that, I was fucking around just with like major chords and lifting a finger off or adding one and just getting these different sounds and I ended up figuring out a little of the beginning of Ten Years Gone by Led Zeppelin. It's just an A, fucking around with an A and moving it up a little bit and then

just picking the strings. And I was so fucking excited. that I couldn't figure out the rest and I went on YouTube. And that's why I'm a comedian. There are so many good songs. Okay, one of the things I've been doing lately is going back to all the albums I had on CD in the 90s. Certain albums I would listen to Had on CD in the 90s certain albums I would listen to every track But a few I only stuck to the hit or hits because they didn't play as well for a sixth grader But are enjoyable now isn't that the truth? Thanks, and go fuck yourself. That's one of my favorite things to do is You know Go back and like whatever like song I, like maybe I like one song from an

artist and I think, well they wrote that song during that period, I wonder what that album sounds like. And then you go to Apple and then for whatever fucking reason, every album now has to be like an hour and 15 minutes long with all these bonus tracks and different takes of shit. It's just like I don't need all of this. The artists didn't want all of this put out. They just wanted this. I don't need all of this extra fucking music. So I really try to make sure like you just get the original How the label wanted it because the label was also like we're not putting all this shit out Fucking you know anywhere from 35 to 42 minutes That's a fucking album get in and get out leave them wanting more they want more. They'll go see you in concert when you tour

Anyway, so, what was I gonna say? Oh God, I started a little debate here where I was making fun of people they wear shorts in the winter time, which nobody wore shorts in the winter time when I was growing. That started somewhere in the 2000s.

And I know people ran hot back in the day, so I don't know what was going on. Anyway, hey Billy, hey there Billy Ballsweat, Fatty McBeard here and I wear shorts in the winter. It usually depends on wind chill and if it's sunny or not, but ultimately I hate wearing pants. I'm a fat male man, 210 pounds, I guess is past bad day dad bad bod. Fuck. Dude, I got some form of dyslexia and the letters don't move around but the words do. 210 pounds, I guess is past dad bod limits.

Yeah, just to let you know, what I learned going to the doctor is 30 pounds over your weight is your obese. So I would have to know how tall you are. Had a lady on the route come up to me once in winter and said in a sarcastic tone, guess you run hot. She knelt down and touched my calf and said oh damn you do gross I said well you well yeah I walk about 10 miles a day the hell do you expect weird as shit to just touch a stranger at all let alone someone's legs

yeah hundred percent hundred percent I've been there. Try having a bald head. People just touch it. I do run hot and blast the AC after 75 degrees. Alright, you're doing your part for global warming. Summers are good for short skirts and fireworks, and that's fucking it. Love you, muchacho, and go fuck yourself. for short skirts and fireworks and that's fucking it. Love you muchacho and go fuck yourself. Yeah, all right. All right, I should've, okay, I guess if you're working outside,

you know what I mean? I'm just talking about people who just walk into a bar and they show up wearing shorts. And then we have to all suffer through the, you know, my god you're wearing shorts? That stupid fucking conversation every fucking time. I don't know, I just, like I said, I grew up around narcissists so I'm always like hypersensitive to like, you know, that type of shit. You know, I don't like the Beatles. You don't like the Beatles? How could you not like them? You know like those I

Don't like what everybody likes however. I do like what everybody hates You ever been in a bar with that person, and you just won't just watch it It's an amazing thing to do when you see the circle. The focus never leaves that person. And at first, you're thinking, all right, well, maybe this person, wow, they're interesting. They're wired differently. They have different tastes than the mainstream. This person's thinking outside the box.

But after the 47th, 48th fucking thing in a row, no, I like a little mold on my cottage cheese. What? You start to figure it out like oh no you just like people talking to you. Alright men at work in shorts. Dear B I L L cool jizz. I don't get that one. Men at Work. Be Good, Be Good. Is that B-I-L-L? No. B-I-L-L Cool Jizz. Men at Work. All right, there's Be Good Johnny.

Vegemite Sandwich. How does that one go? I come from a land down under. I don't know what you're trying to do there, but I know it's a good joke. It's over my head here. You want to tell me who the fuck decided it was acceptable for the young men of this country to show up to work wearing women's shorts? I don't know.

It all started with Dress Down Fridays. That was the end of fucking class in this country. The ones that are cut so you can see the bottom of the butt cheek, what? We're in a factory for Christ's sake. 20 years ago, everyone showed up to work wearing work clothes and go home wearing dirty work clothes. By 10 a.m., most of us were covered in grease,

grinding grit, metal chips, or chemicals. Now they show up to work wearing cozy pajama bottoms. Isn't that nervous? Not nervous, isn't that like dangerous to fucking wear loose clothing around machinery? It's funny I said nervous. It was my homophobia coming out. These guys wearing fucking pajama hot pants, making me

a little nervous there. Now they show up wearing, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Cozy pajama bottoms or technical exercising gear and sit around staring at their phones all day recovering from their workout. Why am I forced to not only do your job but also look at your bare thighs while I'm doing it?

Hey Bill, oh Billy back in my day, tell me when it became acceptable for men to get thigh tattoos and display them in public, which is gayer. Which is gayer? The pistol on the front of the thigh or the matching trees inside of ovals on the back of the thigh bones. Fuck all of them with their temperature regulated sperms and go fuck yourself because this generation is fucked Don't even get me started on the cowboy boots Yeah, well you know something All right as far as the dress I feel like that started with dress down Fridays and Then after like kov, so many people are like working from home or working from home then I just think it became even more casual.

And then as far as like all this like wildly like gay ways that straight men dress now and paint their nails and shit. I think that always existed. It just was suppressed. Like back then you couldn't do that. So what you're really seeing now is that like, because when we were growing up, you were either gay or straight. And now you're seeing like, no, there's this whole fucking spectrum. So, um... I don't know. Like I was always of the fact, I was always of the school that you're going to work and

You dress in a way like you shouldn't be going to work with your fucking butt cheeks hanging out regardless man woman or anything you can you know And it works not gonna be getting done if people are doing that okay? You come you come to work especially if you're working in a fucking factory you dress like you're gonna work in a goddamn factory All right, you want to express yourself do it after fuck. We're here to do a god damn job. Right. So that there should be more you know it does it can overcorrection. So would you have to understand is our generation. You know if you think this generation is fucked that's because of our generation and the generations before we created this suppressed environment that when it finally gets let out you know it's like this explosion you know like blood splatter you know an emergency and it goes all over the walls and the ceiling

so it's going to be blown out a little bit before it gets reeled back in. There's always an overcorrection before the correction, so we're in a little overcorrection. You know, I don't think you should be wearing pajamas to work. If that was my job, I'd be like, dude, do you want to take a nap or do you come here to fucking work? You know, and I don't give a fuck what your affliction is in all your issues and what you're traumatized by and all of that. That's for you on your own time. your affliction is, and all your issues, and what you're traumatized by, and all of that. That's for you on your own time. You think I don't have fucking trauma?

You suppress it. For eight hours, you come in here, we get the fucking job done, we all get paid, and then we go home, and then you can fucking do whatever the hell you want to do. I think that's okay, right? I don't mind if you come to work with your nails painted, but you know, put your booty cheeks away. That's a nice compromise, right? You're around heavy machinery for God's sakes. Anyway, father of Tom girl, dear Billy twice times.

I started to write a whole rant about how adults keep fucking with children and don't let them grow up without constantly prodding them with adult issues, but I would agree with that. Or you politicize your kid. I remember going one time, I was voting, right? And I saw some little girl there, four or five years old, and she had a t-shirt on that said the future is feminine.

Like that was her Her thought it's like no you're Your parents are politicizing you can't that kid just fucking you know Run around with like a fucking mighty mouse or tom and jerry show whatever the fucking kids are watching today Paw Patrol I recall you saying on a podcast that your daughters have some of the same opinions about things like wearing a dress as my daughter. I'm choosing to do the only thing to which is just to let my daughter grow up and make her own choices. Yeah, as long as she's my yeah, as long as I'm making choices that aren't going to hurt them if they're deciding that they're going to try to jump down all the stairs, I'm going to stop that if I'm there.

Because it's this other side of like, you know, people talking about like how you don't see kids with broken arms anymore. Like that's a bad thing. It's like, no, I think that's a good thing. It's nothing wrong. Your kid doesn't need to break a bone to learn something. You know, you got to let him touch the hot stove. My wife is playing basketball in college. This is still the same email. And is a striking beauty who's completely feminine. When she was a little girl she hated girly things but no one started asking her ridiculous questions a six year old wouldn't be able to answer like being born in the wrong body and all of

that yeah exactly the kids six years old it's probably just a tomboy if you look at the statistics it's way more likely that they're just a tomboy don't start making fucking decisions for your kid. You know, way before, you know, they really know what's going on. They say the human brain doesn't fully develop till the 25. So I wouldn't be doing anything that would be making a permanent fucking change in somebody's body before they fucking really knew. I mean, that's just common sense.

But somehow during these extreme times that becomes like, oh my God, you're fucking something phobic. I'm like, no, I'm just doing what feels right, if that's okay with my own kid. Is that all right with you? How are you still liberal if you're telling me what to do with my own kid, is that all right with you? How are you still liberal if you're telling me what to do with my kid? So we're just going about our lives raising our daughter to be loving and smart. Yeah, that's great.

Here comes the guidance counselor. Now, my daughter's friend at school was being mean to some girls in her class. The teacher brought my daughter into the guidance counselor, assuming she had something to do with the whole situation. Fair enough. My daughter explained that she had nothing to do with her friend being mean to the whole and the whole thing was settled and all the kids are fine. Cut to a week later my daughter tells me the guidance counselor asked her to the office. She asked a lot of normal follow-up questions according to my daughter

to make sure the kids were getting along. Then my daughter tells me that the guidance counselor asked her at the end of the meeting if she had any questions about, and I quote, her body and how she felt in it. Jesus fucking Christ. My daughter comes home and tells us all of this and bless her soul answered no and proceeded to tell her about how she can almost touch the rim of my kids size hoop on the driveway. Yeah, this is like, you know, you can get that's the thing. It's a six year old. You can put an idea in their head that they didn't have before. Like, they're wired to please adults. You know what I mean?

They run on praise. Now, cut to my wife and I. 35 years old, college-educated, black athlete, contemplating why a 60-year-old white woman with giant beads around her neck is asking my six-year-old daughter about her body. Yeah, that's beyond an overstep. Just like the beginning of this email, I'll spare the rant because I think you know where it's going. You can imagine how we felt and my problem with this. Yeah, and you know what they thought?

They probably just thought you were transphobic. They didn't think that you that they had crossed the fucking line. That is wildly inappropriate in my world. Did my daughter say anything like that? Did my kids say anything like that? Why are you like doing that? You know, what are you going to do next? Do you have any, you know, do you think you have any addiction issues? You know, what are you going to do next? Do you have any, you know, do you think you have any addiction issues? You know, when you eat a sugary cereal, do you feel like you can't stop? No, I was just trying to determine if your kid was going to be an alcoholic. Not comparing that to that, but I'm just saying, you know what I mean? It's just like, what the fuck are you doing? The kids were fighting, you figured out how not to make them fight. That's the end of it. Now you're going to go in and you're

going to do all of this other shit. Maybe the counselor has issues with her body or his body or whatever, and then you're gonna put it on them? Like I have fucking anger issues. I don't put that on my kids. Do you find yourself yelling at people, you know, when you're driving the car, you don't fucking drive yet? Yeah, I agree with you 100%. You gotta let them be kids. And all of that stuff later, you know,

if it comes out and that's the way they are, you accept them for how they are and you let them figure it out. It's okay to let them figure it out. You don't have to try and figure it out for them. Let them fucking figure it out. That's what everybody does. Everybody has to figure out who the fuck they are.

All right? And then all you do is just be cool with somebody figuring it out. But you don't fucking try to help them figure out themselves. You don't even know who the fuck they are. And start leading them down a road they didn't even want to be on. That doesn't make any fucking sense. Anyway, my wife wants to go to the school and have a talk with the guidance counselor. I think we should too.

I don't want to ask anyone in my family because I'm pretty sure my wife's mother would go down there herself and pin that hag against the wall so I'm asking you Billy the wise what should we do we're definitely speaking to the school make sure they don't call her to the guidance counselor ever again she's never allowed to be alone with my daughter. Yeah, I mean, you're setting up healthy boundaries and that's your kid. And if that's how you wanna raise your kid, that's it. They're there to educate your kid,

not to get involved with their sex life or their identity or anything. That's a, I don't know. I think that's wildly inappropriate. You know, I don't want them down there teaching them religious shit. I don't want them down there teaching them politics. I don't need them down there, you know, I don't want them down there teaching them religious shit. I don't want them down there teaching them politics. I don't need them down there, you know,

speaking about sexuality or anything. Two plus two is four. That's what the fuck you're there for. I'll handle all of this other shit. Yeah, I, yeah, I, I. I believe I'm still of the thing, you know, you don't bring up fucking, you know, you go to a party, you don't fucking bring up politics or religion, you're just going to lead to like arguments. You know, I don't know. I'm also 56. So this is my fucking mindset, you know, so I

Imagined how I think there could be some adjustments To go a little more the other way, but like that works fucking both ways. So my my guidance to you No, this is still going. I have a lot of feelings about the racial implications here, which I know Will scare the Meryl Streep right out of this woman. I mean by this assuming a little girl who wears a big t-shirt is only doing so because she's confused and not because she sees how her uncle dresses or the cultural she has no understanding of. Sorry for being long-winded. Thanks for the help All right what I've learned in these situations if you're gonna go down there and talk to this person

Which I think is great because if somebody's crossing a fucking line with your kid that you don't like you 100% as a parent Go down and fucking Take care of that shit What I've learned is you just can't lose your cool You have to stick to the fucking facts. You cannot get emotional. And certainly as a black person talking to somebody white, you know what happens if you lose your fucking temper.

Regardless of how much of a cunt the white person's gonna be, it's gonna go back, oh, the angry black man, the angry black woman, the dadada, it's gonna go into that fucking world. So, you know, as always, as a black person, you're gonna have to go an extra fucking 90 yards to keep your cool, then I would have to, but like, I would just, you just gotta keep it like, you know, I would like to discuss this, I would appreciate it. If the future, you don't discuss things like that, okay?

I don't feel comfortable with that. You know, I, you know what? Maybe start with the praise. You guys did a great job with the whole bullying thing. It was a fantastic job. I don't want my kid involved in that stuff. I don't want that happen to my kid. So kudos there, all right?

However, you know, when you started doing this you know asking if she feels comfortable in her own body that I don't go how do you how do you how do you say that I don't know but I gave you the lead in I gave you I gave you the lead in at least, but like, yeah, so, you know, and if they like push back, you're just going to have to fucking, as always, keep your fucking cool and then just be like, listen, okay, this is my kid. It's not your kid. All right. I'm, I respect your opinion.

I don't agree with it. So I'm not asking you this. I didn't come down to ask you if you'd stop doing this. I'm telling you to stop doing this. Okay? I've come in here. I'm nice, respectable tone. I complimented you when I came in here with your work.

I think you're doing a great job. However, like all human beings, we all make mistakes. And what you did with my daughter was a mistake And I don't want the mistake repeated Okay, there there you go And that's it that's it, all right Yeah, that's it Why is this so hard?

Anyways, alright, that is the podcast. Alright? So that's it. Don't fucking watch the news. Don't listen to these assholes. Don't let them make you water boil. Alright? We gotta simmer this thing down.

This is not good for the country, people. We cannot have states hating on the states. We can't let these fucking selfish billionaires Who have no affiliation to any sort of political party or ideology? They're just selfish greedy Sociopaths that God for whatever reason decided to make for his own fucking entertainment. There's no fucking reason why You have to let them get you all stirred up. All right We're all on the same fucking team. And with that, go fuck yourselves.

I'll talk to you on Thursday.