Monday Morning Podcast - Squats, Driverless Cars, Toothpaste Delivery | Monday Morning Podcast 8-11-25

Episode Date: August 11, 2025

Bill rambles about squats, driverless cars, and toothpaste deliveries. SimpliSafe:  Visit www.SimpliSafe.com/burr to claim 50% off a new system with a professional monitoring plan and get your first month free. Squarespace:  Check out www.Squarespace.com/BURR for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, use code BURR to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr. It's time for the Monday morning podcast for Monday, August 11th, 2025. What's going on? How are you? How's things going out your way? Oh, geez, are they going well there? Um, oh man, I'm all fucking stressed the fuck out. I am so goddamn stressed out. I can't figure out why. I had a nice day. Well, you know, let's be honest. I don't know. what it was like today today was just one of those fucking days you know i had this thing you know the open the door automatic lock thing and uh and it wasn't working and i was like oh you know judging by the shape of this thing this has one of those frisbee type batteries ah we got those we got those out in the goddamn garage we can do that you know we have it so uh Jesus fucking christ this lady just walked by by the way she fucking walks by she's walking her dogs and she's like talking full volume on her phone you know like the level that everybody is addicted

to their phones i'm talking about myself too i kind of got back into reading so i could kind of curb it like if you ever take a peek you averaged eight hours get the fuck out of here eight hours do you do they count listening to music eight hours what am i solving the middle east and i'm not i'm just fucking watching horrors trying to do fucking backbends and they forgot that they haven't done a push-up or any gymnastics in 20 years, and then they land on their fucking faces. It's how they don't break their necks is fucking beyond me. It's unreal.

And then that transitions into fucking dad-baud guys, for whatever reason, trying to do a cartwheel after fucking, you know, eating. mozarella sticks and fucking potato skins and bacon wrap this and that for 20 years. So they got these big keg of beer torsos and then they just got these fucking, you know, the straight arm where you don't see any bicep or tricep. It's like, yeah, that's just a fucking flabby arm, right? And the same thing happens to them. Once their body weight gets on their arms, they just collapse.

under their face. It's kind of fucking brutal. Anyway, so she's walking up the hill running a yap and I'm like, Jesus, fucking Christ, can I record my podcast? I'm literally on my phone. Gonna get upset with her. It's like, dude, you're on your phone too. So then in my head, I knew I

was wrong, so then I had to, like, clarify it and be like, uh, you know, I'd be like, uh, yeah, what did I say? What the fuck did I say? I said, Why the fuck would anybody be, unless you're in show business? Why would you want, like, willingly be on your phone?

That's what I said. Like, I justified what I was doing because I had the burden of being a fucking a shit joke telling comedian, you know? There's a lot of times during the day. Even without you guys, I say, shut the fuck up, Bill. I think that's a healthy quality. Just shut up. And with that, I'm going to do this hour-long podcast by myself.

This is the only voice you're going to hear. Anyway, it used to be so simple. It used to be such a simple thing. Anyway, now it's become all fucking convoluted. Yeah, I did a fucking podcast, right? And, like, you know, you do these podcasts and then people take clips and then they just name, they rename it and they just change what you're saying because they want to get clicks

there was a click on this podcast that I thought I did a good interview and it says Bill trashes all podcasters or takes down all but it's like when the fuck did I didn't do that but that makes people the people are I got to fucking see what that's what it is everybody's click on this

it's a fucking train wreck you got to see it and people click on it I mean, look at me. I'm fucking watching adults who still think they can do backbends and cartwheels. I'm just watching them falling on the top of their head or on their faces. And then the end of the week, my phone's going like, you averaged eight hours a day on your phone. And I'm going, no, I did not.

You know, like a narcissist parent. Oh, I never did that. Oh, it was a joke. I didn't mean it. way well if i did not you love that you get that from a narcissist if i did that if i did that then i'm sorry no if there's no if you did that well i don't recall i don't recall but you know if you're saying you're saying i am saying it i am saying you did well okay okay all right well you know if i did that there's no if you can't um

Anyway, I'll tell you, another fucking type of person that's fucking driving me up the wall is, like, yeah, dude, like, I don't know what happened. I was, I was fucking, Jesus Christ, these kids suddenly are killing each other next door. This is just no fucking place to do a fuck. This is why people have studios. I have to get a fucking studio. I'm having something done to my fucking drum room right now. People that built it, the fucking idiots, they put air conditioning in it. Right? But they don't have an exit vent.

So the second you close the door, it, you know, creates like this fucking vacuum or whatever the fuck's going on. And it just all, it goes to a hot, like somebody's squeezing a hose. So I'm finally getting that repaired. So the next few weeks or whatever the fuck, I'm, you know, how much more shit is back ordered? I'll be in my goddamn truck here doing my podcast as people walk by on their phones. As I'm on my phone, judging them for being on their phone too. much that's how i roll so anyway i'm looking at this fucking thing and i'm thinking uh this this car door opener or whatever the fuck it is and i'm thinking like all right this this is this has got

to be oh god i i can't do this podcast with these fucking kids screaming in the background jesus christ you know they're the the exact same sound uh kids playing playing outside is the exact same sound of an adult woman being murdered it's the exact same sound it's fucking unbelievable but the blood curdling fucking screaming

and you're just sitting there going like you guys are playing right you're still playing everything's good fucking my keys I mean this is the most unprofessional thing you can possibly listening to right now and you're still listening to it but I know it's not for the right reasons

I know you're laughing You're laughing You know what I finally learned about my truck You know these old cars You always want to give it A couple of fucking Punches of gas Before you start it up

My truck for whatever reason You don't want to do that You just want to start it up Start it up dry Oh Jesus All right Now I'm going to go down the fucking Street a little bit

And then what am I going to run to What the fuck is going to be going on down there Everybody's that Sunday night. Everybody's fucking walking around, walking their goddamn dogs. These fucking people with these dogs, they're wolves, all right? It's not a dog. It's not a dog. It's a gay wolf. That's what it is. It stays inside. It's transitioned from a wolf to, uh, uh, what's the generation we're all supposed to be making fun of now? what's the latest generation that everybody's blaming

there's nothing better than when like 40 and 50 year olds are blaming the generation that they raised like how funny is that you know the amount of fucking baby boomers that like trashed millennials they can't fucking do anything well you fucking raised them what are you bitching about you know and now my generation is bitching

I don't what the fuck what I can't keep up with this YZ Generation Y generation Y generation Z and now I think it's Generation Alpha, which I'm going to go right now and just say that's the greatest name for a generation. Generation Alpha, as opposed to like the greatest generation, you know, which I think, you know, like, did Tom Broca coin that phrase? Did they call them something else before that? There's no way when they were born. They just said, this is the greatest generation. They did shit, and then they said that's the greatest generation, right? but it still kind of seems like, you know, like a clip of a review for like a bad Hollywood summertime movie, you know, arguably the greatest end of the world summer blockbuster movie of all time, arguably the greatest generation. I'm going to get through this fucking story, people. Oh, oh, oh, I'm going to get through it. This is a nice street. It's nice and

fucking quiet, a little too quiet. Somebody can't come running out that front door with a gimp outfit on. Oh, Jesus Christ. Anyway, so I'm thinking it's one of those Frisbee-type batteries, right? And, of course, I go to open the fucking thing, and I open it up, and it looks like a AAA battery that's been cut in half. And I'm like, what the fuck is this thing? I don't have that. I don't have that. I have the double A cut in half looking one.

This is a 12-volt. This is a 12-volt battery. And like an asshole, I'm like, eh, I'm going to fish through. all of these fucking batteries because everybody, you know, with the toys everybody just fucking the kids, everybody just digs in and rip shit open. So they're all mixed.

Like the batteries are as organized as the Legos are in my house. Right? And so I'm fishing through just like laughing to myself going, there's no way I'm going to find a 12-volt battery. And what do I find at the bottom? I find

a 12-volt battery. I'm like, you've got to be fucking kidding me. Does it fit does it fit it fits it fucking fits and i put it in and i put the fucking thing in and i press the button and i got no light i'm like well maybe maybe if i screw the thing back together the contact will be tighter and then it's going to i screwed the whole thing back together and then nothing and i was just like of course of course this is worse than not having a 12 volt battery actually having one and going through the excitement of like yeah this is something that never works out.

It actually worked out. This is fucking amazing. Only, you know, only to have it be like, yeah, it is the right battery. It's the battery you need, but like the battery you just took out, it doesn't work. So I'm like, all right, well, I'm just not going to take this loss sitting down. I'm going to the fucking hardware store. So I go to the hardware store And I am a man

On a mission I am buying every fucking squat little fat fucking battery they have I'm getting some extra double A's I'm getting some extra triple A's And guess what? Guess what? I'm keeping these for myself I'm having a little box in the fucking garage Just for my batteries

Where all the batteries are still in In like organized You know alphabetically voltage whatever the fuck you want out like dewey decimal however you want they are going to be where i left them and no duds like you know like who the fuck put that battery back in you took a new one you took out the old one did you throw in the trash no you put it in the fucking fresh battery box and then you took out that other one and then you went away with your Tyrannosaurus rex or whatever

fuck you needed it for you know and who ends up who's the Patsy who's the Lee Harvey Alswald of this old fucking freckled dad comes up gets excited oh wow what a great Sunday afternoon who would have thought if you fucking gun to my head I didn't have a little fucking 12

volt battery and I did I just didn't realize it was a fucking dead one what the hell is that guy's flying up Offly low. Offly low. Fixed wing. Offly goddamn low. I'm doing a podcast, brother.

Oh, thank you, sir. This fucking neighborhood. Everybody's got to talk to you. Everybody's got to talk to you. I'm an asshole. I should have said hello. I'm such a dick. I'm doing a podcast. Why did I just say that? All day today, I said the wrong thing. I should have just said hello. I'm doing a podcast. How in the fuck would he know I was doing a podcast? Who does a podcast in a fucking truck on the side of the road?

Hey, you know what? I gotta remember that guy's face and I'll apologize to him. Probably won't want to talk to me. I'll explain myself. Sorry, I was by myself doing a podcast with no guest talking to myself about why it's so wrong to put a dead 12-volt battery in the bottom of a plastic bin that was bought at the container store. I think we'll understand.

Um, anyway, so I say, fuck this. I go down to the hardware store and I just fucking buy everything. You would have thought a hurricane was coming. I was doing the battery version of when people go down, you know, and they buy out all the fucking food. You know? It's a hurricane. Why are you buying all of this food?

You know, it's just going to get soggy. How long do you think you're soggy fucking roast, beef's going to be good for you. You can eat that shit floating around in the water. If it's really that bad that you have to buy this amount of food and you're just going to have it in a refrigerator that is not waterproof and that water is going to come up. Okay? The first thing that's going to happen is your bread is going to float away. All right? It's going to float away and some poor bird is going to eat it. I love when people fucking feed bread to birds that man-made shit that's died with bleach. You know what I mean?

Bringing them into our world. Big pharmaceutical wants you to do that. Feed human food to the animals and then they'll get sick. And then maybe somebody will take that bird to the vet and we will have the pill that keeps it alive just long enough that it can fly to another piece of bread. and stay sick oh god this is getting dark this is over batteries bill yeah so anyway

I was just having one of those days just not vibing with my fellow man and I took me and my wife took the kids to go see bad guys part two I give it eight and a half out of ten

two big thumbs up a fucking cool movie to take your kids to and I'm all the reason why I'm not you know because there's there's classics out there like Lego Batman that's a 10 for me but this is 8 and a half dude

this is like it's right up there and uh I have the idea already for the third version of bad guys all right spoiler alert all right the first bad guys they were

bad guys. Spoiler alert. Here we go. The second bad guys, I don't want to, somebody's going to get pissed if I fucking do this. The second bad guys is different than the first one,

in a 180 kind of way, right? I had the idea for the third one. The third one is they go legit. How you doing? Hey. What's up, buddy? Cute dog. I'm sorry.

Yeah, yeah. The little ones are always, they always got something to prove. See that? I can crush the small talk. I learned from my past mistakes. I turned it on. That's the best it gets.

That's as deep as the charm is. Oh, the little ones, it's awful. She hung her out. no longer all I had was the weather and then I was done um part three they go legit too legit to quit but you know they sort of alluded that they're they're like working for like almost like the secret service now so now they go legit and they feel like they're not bad guys anymore but then it turns out that they're working for the war machine and the banks and the oil companies

and all these big corporations and then they realized like, wait a minute, they were saying we were bad guys. All we were doing were fucking robbing banks. And then somehow you tie in this thing where people are like assassinating CEOs now. Just stay with me.

Just stay with me. I could still do this as, you just do it with metaphors. You know what I mean? You don't actually say it's a CEO. It's a CEO. Oh, no! Or something.

Sorry, that was the worst dad joke ever. You fucking, you work your way around it, right? So these fucking guy, and now they think that they're fucking legit. They have all these security clearances and all that. And then the world that they go into, where they think, like, wow, like we are so, we're such good people now. We're not bad guys anymore. That's not feeling like that's the right name with football. for the movie. But they get so fucking enamored with their position that they just think they're

almost going to meet like these angelic people. And then what happens is they actually find out how the world is run. I want to say that cross-dressing guy from the FBI said that one time, said that the common man will never figure out what's going on. And if he actually does, the truth of what's really going on is so fucking overwhelming. They won't be able to, able to handle it. Can you imagine like how you have to be wired mentally to operate on that level?

You know, a buddy of mine gave me this series of comic books that I'm reading Last Man or something like that. And it's about like, I don't know, Just one day, all the men on earth die, right? And what's really cool about it is this, it's the most accurate thing that I think would happen if all men died. Because for the longest time, feminism has always preached, you know,

because, you know, men are in control. We're running shit. We're calling the shots, you know, when it really comes down to foreign policy and the food we eat and all this shit, at the end of the day, you know, you want to find who's running, there's some swinging dick at the end of that fucking journey, right? So they've always had

to push their agenda and also pump themselves up because we've been calling them who was for so long dragging around by their hair they've been pushing this theory that if women ran the world that there would be peace and all of this stuff

and if there's no men or anything like that that there would be like this fucking utopia and this series of comic books basically shows what I think would happen which is what would happen is the female version of the psycho men that are running, like that's what would take over.

Like being a sociopath, psycho-fucking narcissist, that's not gender-specific. like there's plenty of women that that would without hesitation commit unspeakable fucking acts to maintain their position of power if they were fucking running things okay Margaret Thatcher there's been examples of this throughout history but what I like about it is it ends up kind of I'm only

like one and a half episodes or whatever additions into this thing but what's amazing about it is the world without men seems the same the way they did it there's like chill cool people there's fucking scared people and then there's extremist psycho groups and they're all you know fighting with each other trying to get power so it's it's kind of like you know all right this is the uh this is the exact same shit and i think literally like that's what would happen that that's my my guess you know what i mean um it's my belief or whatever you know what are your feelings of someone who just wears a tank top whether they work out or not what what are your feelings on that you know if it's comfortable you're not

hurting anybody you know i always wondered about that dick i always felt like you know being a child from the 70s and 80s if you had a tank top on you you had to be fucking you had to be jacked you know that's i mean that was the deal you had to be fucking jacked and then you had to have big puffy pants because you never you didn't do legs you didn't know you know what the squat rack was for in the 80 that was to hang up your fucking fanny pack that's all it was very few people very few people getting

there was always like one or two guys that really fucking did it and were proportioned and when they were coming to the gym everybody was just fucking look you know you felt the shame of the toothpicks you know um I never forget I remember one time

there was somebody I worked with, and this dude was just fucking huge. And I was like, wow, man, I would not want to fuck with that guy. And then we had the company picnic, and he had on like these Larry Bird short shorts because it was the fucking 80s. And I swear to God, like he looked like a fucking roided up chicken, like a pigeon or something. I couldn't fucking believe it. I'm like, that guy, like, he's, remember those guys, you know, chest and buys, back and tries?

he just did that on a loop he just did that on a fucking loop and like his his leg exercises was was getting up and down from the bench after bench pressing but you know in defense of my generation

like weightlifting was really new back then like people didn't know any better you know even if you were doing your legs like there wasn't like this balance attack that people talk about now where you know you can't just keep doing you know the shit that you see you know your back needs to be strong too you're gonna your shoulders are gonna bow forward or it'll be you know get yanked up or whatever i don't know what you're gonna have rotator cuff issues

like i ended up having um anyway so uh yeah so i just had i had just a day today where i just wasn't fucking, I wasn't vibing with people. But you know what? I didn't get mad. I just kind of was like, you know what, I need to meditate. I got to do something. Because this is definitely, it's definitely me. It's definitely something going on with me. Speaking of me, the Red Sox lost the last two. I don't know if they lost three. I got a little busy, so I wasn't able to, I wasn't able to watch the last couple games. but I ended up playing drums Thursday night

I had one of my favorite drumming things I ever did a buddy of mine has this consulting job with this music chain I always get weird about talking about people names and fucking where they work whatever long story short

I'm playing drums in a parking lot in Thousand Oaks, California behind a fucking brewery all right and it's like it was the vibe was just awesome it was uh it just reminded me of when i used to play back in the 80s where it was just a bunch of people getting together playing because they loved to play and it was like but this was like you know moms and dads getting up there fucking rocking out and pulling shit off or making mistakes and laughing and just keep going just it was just fun

And the two drummers that were on before me were fucking great. And the first was a woman, and she played left-handed. I didn't get a chance to talk to because there was so much commotion. And she was so cool, like she fucking was just really, like, just solid. Because there was a lot of, like, I mean, I don't think a lot of these people were, like, bands. I think it was just like a bunch of people got together in jammed. So this was sort of like their first gig. So a lot of shit can go wrong.

And she was just, you know, that fucking. rock for them to stand on and she played left-handed so when her set was done what i thought was so cool was she immediately jumped up and helped the next drummer switch it back around to right-handed and then he played like open-handed so he had his ride symbol on the right-hand side next to the high hat or whatever but she was just like all about it like all about it maybe that's that it has something to do with being like a fucking left-handed drummer on like a jam night you're like all right I'm the pain in the ass

so I'm going to try to be as less of a pain in the ass as possible oh my God you know what that fucking reminds me this is such a weird way to go when I was in

when I was in Boston right way back in the day doing stand-up um there was this comedian in a wheelchair and a lot of the places

didn't have um you know a ramp to get them up on stage so they would do like the intro and then me and like or whatever two three other guys would fucking pick them up you know those old school fucking iron side fucking wheelchairs so i remember one time uh what's his face um patrice is uh let me just walk by listening to a podcast um patrice was there and nobody wanted to say anything nobody wanted to talk about what the fuck is she listening to it she's listening to like propaganda in another language that's crazy speaking to that i saw a billboard out here for tony robbins speaking live

and you see the look on his face he's like dude that guy's the funniest fucking he like screams at people and insults them like trying to like you know you got to get your fucking shit together do you feel better about yourself you fucking asshole it's just a It's like how, like, you just look at that shit, like, that's how it was done. Like, you get so abused as a person that, like, even when you're trying to help people, you, like, abuse them. Anyway, what the fuck was I talking about? Oh, yeah, so we're lifting this dude up and we get him on stage or whatever. And, you know, we're all going back to the goddamn room, you know, the back of the room because it was like a high stage.

Like, Jesus, fucking Christ, I almost threw my back out. You know, it's a fucking wheelchair and an adult. And I remember Patrice, like, bitch and going, you know, about the guy who was in the wheelchair. He goes, and he doesn't even do anything to try to make himself lighter. It's like, what's he's supposed to be doing? But that's how it worked back then. It wasn't that the club didn't have a fucking ramp. and for whatever reason had a stage that didn't need to be that high it wasn't that that wasn't

the problem that was the paralyzed person in the fucking wheelchair didn't make themselves light that's how we looked at shit back then i got a good one for you i got a buddy back east right i called him up and he told me he was working out again and i was like oh yeah oh that's great And I thought he was, you know, trying to get in shape because he'd getting older. And he told me, he goes, nah, he goes, me and my son got into it the other day. And he, like, fucking threw me down on the ground. So he was lifting weights. So his son couldn't beat him up.

And it's just like, well, why don't you work on the relationship? And he goes, no, no, no, I know, I know, I know, I know. We're going to work on it. But, you know, like, I don't, you know. I also don't, you know, it was embarrassing. Like, my wife was that. That's what he said to me. This guy's just fucking walking up the middle of the street.

So anyway, hey, how you doing? How are you? Jesus Christ. He looked like he had the weight of the world on his shoulders. And then when I said hello to him, he just lit up, smiled and waved and didn't say anything. This is funny. Sunday night, it's like,

Old people like going for a walk out here. It's kind of cool. Just going for a walk. I wonder what goes through your head at that age when you go for a walk. You got to be thinking like, is this one it? This is this the last one I got? Dude, I'll tell you what, that would be a great fucking movie.

Just an old guy going for a walk. And he's walking down the street, and everybody's looking at him. whatever and then in his head you get to see the movie of what the fuck he's reliving from way back in the day it's a nice guy um freak me out a little he's a fucking nice guy all right i think i babbled enough well billy the babbler let's fucking do a little reads here all right bill you don't got to swear about it do you red socks lost six to two to the san diego padres Jesus Christ

The fucking National League West Our Make a Wish division Could we send more fucking talent out there Although that Zander Bogarts thing You know I guess that was free agent

See Blas Mooky Wilson We could have signed those guys If we wanted to All right Let's get into the Let's get into the reads here For the week

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There's no safe, like simply safe. Okay, here we go. movie. Oh, you know, I never finished telling the stories of being in that parking lot. So then we, we ended up, me and my buddy went up for the last song of the last group. They were doing all Zeppelin things. So we did Black Dog. And I just had a fucking blast. Everyone was playing great. You know, I made some mistakes. You know, whatever. Just had a, you know, the whole fucking reason why you start playing. music was just to have a good time and meet other cool people and it was just it was an

awesome time. All right, Primus movie. Oh, this is a great one. Dear Billy's cinnamon tits. What does that even mean? Cinnamon is brown. I'm as fucking white as it. That's still funny, though. Cinnamon Tits. Is that like sweet tits? Um, congrats on playing with Primus. That's a dream come true. Yeah, that was unbelievable. That was unful. fucking believable um yeah i i still uh yeah when they started playing i was just like i remember being in the basement my brother had the boom box and he goes dude listen to this shit and he put on uh sailing the seas of cheese and fucking all these years i just can't yeah it was it was beyond it was fucking beyond still have not come down anyway i've been a fan since

high school and have seen them about a dozen times. I saw them earlier this year in Austin and there was an actual mosh pit. It was a bunch of 40-year-olds moshing so it was fairly tame. We all have jobs and families so can't go too hard, but it made me feel like I was in my 20s again. That's awesome. Not sure if you've seen it, but Les Claypool made a spinal tap like mockumentary called Electric Apricot Quest for Festaroo. It follows the fictional jam band Electric Apricot as they record their first album and try to get into the jam band

festival called Festeroo. I have to see this. He's made a few movies that I've watched. That guy is like he's beyond a genius. He's like a genius in like three different, like his comedy, the movies

like the way they're shot, these little films that he makes, and obviously his bass playing and just everything he does. He's like he's an across the board incredible incredible creative force and he's the most humble nice guy you're ever going to meet anyway the songs they wrote from the movie are really good too less plays the drummer named lap dog and it's fucking hilarious it's in my top three favorite movies of all time i'll tell anyone about it that i think it would enjoy it so wouldn't uh would enjoy it so wanted to pass it along to you

You'll definitely get some good laughs. I believe it's on Amazon to stream. All right, I'll check that out. All right. All right, Amazon Guy's Wedding. Oh, it's all Amazon this week. Hey, Billy, same-day delivery. Oh, I did that thing where I made it go up to the top.

And the old meet used to get frustrated and scream and yell. But not now. All right. Keeping it together. Amazon Guy's wedding. Hey, Billy, same-day delivery. I work with some folks who have the same attitude towards Bezos as you. I share it as well to an extent because I grew up working in my uncle's general store.

I hate that corporatism has done to us. But my bigger problem is this. Oh, dude, my fucking thing right now is when I was going to the movies, I must have saw like nine of those driverless fucking cars. And it's just like, the people are so fucking stupid. It's like, don't you see where the herd is going to go? Pretty soon, you won't even have the option of running away from the cops, you know? And everybody will, what would you want to run away from the cops?

Because you need the option. You always have to have the option is if authority gets out of control to be able to fucking organize some sort of fight back. This is what's going to happen. And they're going to start showing people fucking sleeping on the way to work as these fucking cars drive you and just show you how goddamn convenient it is. And you're going to turn in the car that you drive, the one that you could fucking decide where it goes, rather than them. Because I'm telling you right now, you're going to fucking get one of those cars. And in the near future, when they, you know, just, just, they'll have all of these stats, you know, they're already putting out stats like fucking like, you know, Uber.

every two seconds. Somebody gets finger banged in the back of their phone. Well, that's a fucking Uber problem. Why don't you screen who the hell you're giving a fucking license to? They had taxi cabs forever. Nobody had that.

You had the plastic partition. All they could do is yell how they wanted to sexually assault you. They couldn't do it. All right, whatever. I'm just saying, one of these days, you're going to get one of those fucking cars, and you're going to have said the wrong thing

on a podcast or whatever, and you think you're going left, you know? going to your favorite breakfast spot and all of a sudden the thing takes you right to go to some re-education fucking camp they're so dumb they're keeping you dumb and they're pumping you full of sugar and they're getting rid of books and all of this stuff and they don't want you to know about anything and they get you hate states and fucking hate brown people and all of this shit and you just keep getting dumber and dumber and you know why that's why the world makes sense to you That's why it's so easily fixed

Because you don't know anything about it That's why it seems so fucking simple Because they've made They've gone out of their way To make you fucking stupid And you are stupid You're so stupid You don't know you're fucking dumb

That's what it is That's all of those fucking people That yeah What do we need more satellites Flying around the fucking world The amount of people That drive drunk They're gonna do all of that shit

And act like they actually The same people that look the other fucking way and let these people give you poison food to your own fucking baby are going to act like they're worried about your safety behind the wheel. They aren't.

They're worried about your freedom and your ability to run from them when whatever the fuck they have planned with this AI robot shit. All right? You can say I'm fucking crazy. You can say that I'm just a crazy bald ginger in an old fucking pickup truck

doing a podcast by himself on the side of the road. You know, guilty is charged. But I think there's some truth in some of that. Anyway, plowing ahead. plowing ahead moving ahead

anyway first off the people at work who are appall okay my bigger problem is this this is a person

talking about corporations first of all the people at work oh by the way I ran into somebody that works at Phil's coffee

they said that it was common stock and that they're allowed to take it away from their employees but who the fuck does that they're still cunts

and there's no Phil with a Z there's another there's another fucking coffee out there the same fucking thing Ted's coffee Tom's coffee

fuck you where is he how come he doesn't have a last name um first off the people at work who were appalled at the elaborate wedding all use amazon that's true i'm going to watch that movie i repeat they all use amazon one of these bitches actually has our place of work as an address and has had personal items for home sent there so they don't have to stop on the way home to get something like toothpaste same day delivery so for real shut the fuck up if you're going to order toothpaste to the office well i i don't 100% agree with that okay this person you know you can run a place like amazon and and still not be a cunt right can't you do that it always comes back to uh what about this guy you know what i mean like this is like shifting the focus it's like these fucking

billionaires move the herd they move the herd like nobody wants any of these fucking robots you know we're all going to be interacting with them soon I don't know but there's always this person okay it'd be like

complaining about a local crime lord but also buying drugs from his guy on the corner and never calling the cops by the way this is real to me I grew up in a rough neighborhood and I watched people lose their family members to drugs supplied by their old friends from high school and they'd still be friendly with them either out of stupidity

or fear. In the case of Amazon, how can anyone be surprised that he can afford to shut down a block in a legendary city when everyone is on the delivery tit? Yeah, you know, you are right. These people literally help pay for the fucking wedding. I think someone may have complained about this before, but it needs to be said over and over again. To everyone who ever complains about a company, they support regularly, go fuck yourselves. Well, you can't. You can't, You can't come at people like that. You can't say go fuck yourselves because they're just going to tune it out and say fuck you too. But you are right.

You are right. I try as much as I can to not use these fucking things. I'm trying to find, like I need razor blades right now, and I refuse to order them on any site. I just want to go to a fucking store and go in and buy them. And they're just closing them up everywhere. I don't know. I don't know what to tell you. but yeah you should

this person's right the way they're delivering it fuck you go fuck yourself that never works no one's ever going to listen to your opinion I mean I am the king of that I am the king of saying something and then saying go fuck yourself afterwards and hence nobody really

listens to me and that's why I'm on the side of the road sitting here by myself I am sitting in I am lying in the bed that I've created that I've made all right near mid-air collision uh dear billy blade slap a while back you asked for listeners that are pilots to write in with some stories a few years ago um i had i had my closest ever call in an aircraft i was

flying a cross-country flight in the midwest on a beautiful winter day because the weather was so nice and the visibility was fantastic i decided not to file an i f our flight plan. I also did not use flight following as I didn't think I would really need it since there isn't much traffic in my area, the area in the area I would be flying in. About halfway through the flight, I start passing a class delta airport. Well, outside of the class delta airspace, well outside the class delta airspace, what I hadn't considered in my decision is not using flight following was that while I passed this airport, there could be traffic descending to the airport through my altitude. Oh, my God. You can guess what happened. Oh, my God, yes. Jesus Christ.

Pretty soon, my avionics started blaring traffic, traffic, 10 o'clock. I looked outside, didn't see anything. But when I looked at this display, there was a plane headed right towards me. That means it's above or below you, right? And moving fast, it turned out to be a gulf stream, being vectored by air traffic controllers who apparently didn't think we would get this close together. This big bitch ended up coming within a mile of me as we both turned to avoid each other.

Well, as long as you had your transponder on the air traffic controller could see you, Jesus Christ, that's still terrifying. I went back to listening to the ATC recordings and the controller. Never even told the Gulfstream pilots I was there. There you go. Shows you what the fuck I know. The pilot told the controller they were maneuvering to avoid traffic and all the controllers said was Roger.

Yeah, you know, I've only flown in the middle of nowhere a few times and there's definitely not the sense of urgency that you have in the L.A.B. basin. There's people and airports all over the place. So there's all kinds of, you know, people paying attention. Wow. After I was done cleaning up all this shit in my pants, I vowed to never fly without an IFR flight plan or flight following again. Big fan of everything you do. Keep it up, Billy Boy, and go fuck yourself. Yeah, you know, I'm glad you shared that story. I think that anytime you fly, you should use all available safety, you know, that you, that you possibly can. I don't do any of that, like, flying cross-country.

I mean, 20 nautical miles if you land, you can log it as cross-country, but as the layman considers cross-country, like, flying out of a state into another state. Like, I don't do any of that shit. but if I did like you know I've actually flown a helicopter with an instructor up to San Francisco and back and we had flight following and it's great they just basically they follow your flight they let you know what it's coming up what to look out for you know they'll just be you know you won't talk to them for a minute and all of a sudden they'll just let you know you we got traffic you know so-and-so nautical miles away there are at this altitude. They'll tell you to descend. You're good where you're at, ascend or whatever, what to look out for. I mean, it's really incredible. You know, that reminds you a long time ago. One of my instructors told me a story they were flying a helicopter at night and everything was fine. This is back in the day before all of this incredible technology where you can basically, you know, now if you have like a glass cockpit, like this software, you can see all the

airplanes and helicopters in your area, how far away they are. You can put your finger on it'll say the tail number, the arrow points in the direction that they're flying, what their altitude is, it's incredible. But back in the day, you just had your six-pack, basically, of, you know, analog gauges. So you just had your head on a swivel. So at night, you know, shit above you, you can see, but below you with the city lights, like shit blends in. And he told me he was flying like a fucking R-22, which is, you know, the smallest of

all helicopters right um he was flying along and then all of a sudden the whole his whole cockpit lit up like a landing light or whatever or just somebody flying across with the light and he was just like he didn't he didn't know where it was coming from he just was like blinded and then it disappeared oh god i remember him telling me that story and i was just like i'm never flying night um and i never have i've never soloed at night i have no fucking interest in doing that whatsoever i mean that is big big boy shit uh you know you'll fly over just like a you know you'll see city lights and then you just see a dark like whole section and you don't know if it's water if it's grass if it's a hill you have no idea what the fuck it is if it's the

an ocean if you get all this you don't know where the fuck you it's you have no idea what the hell it is um yeah in an engine failure trying to you're just looking at street lights fucking trying to land and fuck all that fuck all of that uh i fly during the day when it's nice out uh all right dad not being dad hey billy big fan uh just to chime in on the last monday morning podcast letters to billy section uh specifically the person who found out their My dad wasn't their dad. Oh, yeah, yeah. This guy did a 23 in me

and found out his mom had an affair, and she begged him not to tell the dad. And I was just like, I mean, I don't know what to tell you. The person said, so in short, I'm in the same boat. My mother was cheating on the old man and had me back in the 80s. Oh, my God, dude. Jesus Christ.

The woman's just got to be hoping. he just looks like me. The person mentioned the dad had a history of depression and not to tell him. Well, my old man tried to kill himself multiple times with alcohol when I was coming up. And I was told he only really started drinking when I was born. Oh, no. Thing is, he knew. My mother knew he knew, and we both lowish. My mother knew. Oh, God, the coyotes are killing somebody's dog. Oh, my God.

I can't hear that in the hills every once in a while. Just high-pitched fucking... All right. Sorry about that dark thought. The thing is, he knew, my mother knew, he knew, and both lowish-level hated me on account of it. your own mother hated you too well tell her not to fucking laying her back

with a leg spread taking a hot one what the fuck I suppose what I'm driving at is the dad's mental issues could easily be a result of knowing he's not the father and this elephant in the room and the person a walking reminder of his wife being a hooa my heart goes out to him

if it was me I tell the old old man, but what do I know? All the best from Ireland. Jesus. Does anything in Ireland, anything happy happen in Ireland? Jesus Christ. That was the fucking whore version of Angela's ashes.

Angela's asses. Angela's ass bent over the fucking pub. Jesus, fucking Christ. um anyway yeah wow okay well i think we did it okay we talked about self-driving cars we talked about robots we talked about women running the world we talked about men knowing that their wife is a whore i think we did it i think uh i think we got it all done all right um that is the podcast everybody we found out where to buy your toothpaste or where not to buy it i think i think we're doing it everybody go fuck yourselves and i'll check in on you on thursday