Monday Morning Podcast - Styles, Car Shopping, Checking Out | Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 7-3-25

Episode Date: July 3, 2025

Bill rambles about terrible styles, car shopping, and checking out. (00:00) - Thursday Afternoon Podcast (29:47) - Thursday Afternoon Throwback 7-3-25 - Bill rambles about patience, helicopters, and being a booze bag. Thursday Afternoon Interlude - Elvis Presley - Change of Habit Squarespace: Check out squarespace.com/burr for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, use OFFER CODE: (BURR) to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Thursday afternoon just before Friday, Monday morning podcast and I'm just checking in. Checking in on you. Wow. Um, how are you? How's it going? Oh, look at that sad Charlie Brown looking tree. Um, I like those trees. I'm one of those people, you know, you know, you ever see like you ever see Christmas? What's the deal with Christmas everybody? You know when you go down to get a fucking tree? You know when you bought yourself a Ford F-250 6.7 turbo diesel regular cab eight foot fucking bed and you don't even hammer one nail the whole year

But once a year you get a fucking Christmas tree and you have a reason to use your truck You know when you go down there? You see the Christmas trees, right? Bunch of fucking shrubs. You got the full ones, right? The fatties. Not questioning anything. Just fucking eating loaded nachos.

Loaded. Fucking cheese whiz all over the top. You know? Oh shit. Oh god, here we go. Gonna sneeze. Is it gonna happen? Look at the sky. There we go. That's what you just gotta make it happen at some point. You gotta rip the bandaid off.

You just can't sit there with your face all twisted up People think that you're having a stroke Anyway, fuck I'm gonna sneeze again. Hang on look in that. Yeah, the sky Sorry, excuse me Sneeze is coming threes. We all know this So anyway, you go down there to get your fucking tree, and there's all those full fatties. The loaded nacho people, right?

Wearing workout clothes, not working out, just wearing them because they're comfortable. Just waddling up the fucking street. Right? Same shape as a fucking Christmas tree. Pointy head and all. shape as a fucking Christmas tree. Pointy head and all. Just stick a fucking star on them and some sort of fucking salt and sugar infused pretzel. Some unholy matrimony of German and Mexican food, you know, of like a chimichurri in the

shape of a fucking onse pretzel. Right? in the shape of a fucking onze pretzel, right? Finisch, nizel, sissunim, in sarte, seppwater. Um, that's one of the other things too, like, I think that's another sign of the apocalypse, like all this, you know, you know, if Asian infused this, and Greek infused that, and fucking all of this shit,

it's just like, dude, we've done it. We're done. Okay? There's nothing more for us to discover. You know, we're mashing up music that was already made. We're out of ideas. It's like my wife's fucking car. You don't need any of this stupid shit.

They're just creating new shit that you don't even fucking need. Like back in the day, you know, you could see where, you know, as you pulled into a parking spot, you could see the fucking lines. You can't see it anymore. So now we got to have the camera. I talked about this before. This has been discussed. Um, anyway, look at this guy walking his dog down the street. Do you think guys really love dogs or they love the fact that the dog gives them an excuse to get out of

the fucking house? You know, it's harder for a woman to lose weight while you never take the dog for a walk. Why is that? Because you win every argument. So there's no reason to go walk something off. I got to walk off losing even when I know I'm right. That's how we stay in shape. Winning, being right, yet still losing the argument and then having to take a walk. That burns calories. The anger alone, you know?

Your furnace is going. Um, my wife's watching that fucking show. I don't know, I can't remember the name. She just keeps watching this fucking show. Interracial Island is what I keep calling it. Whore Island, Underage Island. I don't know what it is, but like they just have a bunch of 20 somethings and they're all sleeping in the same room

and walking around half naked and bondage themes and shit. It's just, I keep saying you're you're a fucking creep like why are you watching this shit she's not just you know Bill you're like the only person who's not watching this that's not true that is not true I'm gonna say that isn't true well you don't know what you're talking about and what happens what happens she watches the show I go for a walk I go for a walk. I go for a walk. Yeah, there's this lady walking up a steep hill. She's got the giant visor on,

and hands on her hips, staring at the ground. Every once in a while, she looks up. That's gotta be one of the most insane visors I've ever seen in my life. You know, like in all those platoon Vietnam movies, when they have Vietnamese people in the rice patties with those giant fucking hats. Like that's how big the visor is.

Oh, now she's going, oh no, she's doing the sideways. She's doing the sideways crossover with the legs. Look at her, getting ready for the NFL combine. Anyway, the fuck is my point? Oh yeah, getting back to the Christmas trees. Getting back to the Christmas trees. I like those sad Charlie Brown looking ones. I don't know what it is about them.

They just, they're clean looking. And I feel like you don't need as many ornaments. You know, you know what it's like? It's the difference between three or four cool tattoos on your arm or getting a sleeve. Like I think a sleeve, unless you murdered somebody or you're in like a biker gang, you know, you shouldn't be allowed to get one.

You should not be, or you're a rock star. You shouldn't be allowed to get a fucking sleeve tattoo unless you're like an interesting person. Can they make a documentary about your life that would be a hit? Like people would be talking about it. Or are you just somebody who's dressed, you know, a certain way, you know those guys, where they have like,

I love this sleeve tattoo with like the fade haircut and the giant bushy beard, like you're gonna do that? haircut and a giant bushy beard like you're gonna do that? And then you can't even see what the fuck it is. What is it? I don't know what any of that is. And then you start looking at it and then, bond scott, that's the way, if you're gonna get a bunch of tattoos on your arm,

I say you go bond scott, as opposed to getting the sleeve unless you've murdered someone You're in a motorcycle gang or you're a rock star. That's it Or if you're a hot chick right and you're good at pool In the arm that rocks back and forth like a pendulum, before she kicks your ass and runs the table. That person should have a sleeve tattoo. You know?

Not someone that makes artisan cupcakes in a newly gentrified neighborhood. Oh, look at Bill. Bill making rules for society. Artisan cupcakes in a newly gentrified neighborhood Um, oh look at Bill, Bill making rules for society. Who the fuck do you think you are? um You know what's the funniest one to me is when the guy goes totally bald and then he gets like a giant like insect tattooed on the top of his head And it's just like that's got to be the only thing worse than a toupee. Like, why did you do that?

We all know you're a bald dad. You're on the other side of it. I don't give a shit that you got a fucking daddy long legs on you. God damn, a black widow. On your fucking head. Man, there's a lot of people with hats in this neighborhood. The sun isn't even out. Um, oh, he's got a Scottish terrier.

Oh my God. How bad is this guy's breath? There's just something about a Scottish terrier that you can just smell the stuffiness of somebody's house. You know? That chessboard that's been set up for years and no one's played it. You know? Because his last partner fucking, you know, passed away or some shit.

And now you're just sitting there with all these artifacts of a social life that no longer exists. So what there's only one thing left to do. You got to get a Scottish Terrier, walk them around your neighborhood with the fucking Hannibal Lecter hat on. It's going to be strange for the dog. It's going to be weird to be a dog and just know your owner. You're going to outlive your owner.

Do you think dogs say the same thing? You know where they say parents, you should never outlive your kids. Do you think dogs think that about their owners? Am I doing 80s stand up right now? I think I am. What's the deal? Alright anyway, I am the most relaxed I've been in, I think, like, a fucking year. Being back out here in LA, and, uh, I came out here, dude, I was wound tight.

And I could feel myself. I was coming at my wife, you know? I was, I was, I was gibbering and jabbering and poking and prodding, just fucking being a douche. Uh, but I was able to stop myself, and I told her, I said, I am like, I swear to God, I could chew my way through a fucking chain-link fence right now. I am just wound up. This is why I never did cocaine. My natural, my resting heart rate is gacked. I go from gacked and then I slip down to morose. I never

get into relaxation like I push through relaxations and I just keep going down and down like that guy in the submersible right until I get down to the Titanic and it all fucking implodes, but I've learned now That when I come back From a long gig and this is the longest gig I ever had I just need to do three days of nothing All right three days and nothing and Doing nothing is really hard for me because all the demons you know start rolling around in my brain but I just made myself do it I just fucking I was

like I'm not doing shit you know I watched that Gene Hackman movie Night Life which I'm still trying to process movie Movie was a little, I don't know, I definitely recommend it. But it's like, there's a couple of like, what, wait, what happened? What the fuck just happened? But Gene Hackman, of course, is great. Everybody's great in the movie.

Definitely those, there's a couple of edits where you like, there's like major chunks were cut out of this fucking movie. Anyway. That's where you like, there's like major chunks were cut out of this fucking movie. Anyway, so I watched that. And then I felt myself getting so fucking wound up. I'm just doing this for the other psychos out here so you don't drive your wife nuts. Then I just, I worked out a little bit, then I chilled, you know?

And I just said, all right, this is going to be hard, but after three days, you're going to be fine. And here's the third day, you know, the end of it yesterday is whenever I'm trying to chill or meditate, I always listen to the second side of the Jane's Addiction album, Ritual De La Habitual, however you say it, as a gringo. I just put on Three Days, you know, which is sort of this trippy song, but then it gets like really loud and then it comes down and then it gets loud again, you know, it's kind of like where the fuck I am. And then it goes into that next song whatever that next song is just

beautiful guitar and some of my favorite drumming of that entire decade is on that track three days and then comes out of that and done that it done done done done but don't do it and we looked at at the corner. Oh yeah, hey yeah, where did you go? I don't know. That song. We went laughing through the garbage. That whole fucking shit. That brings me down.

And now I'm like totally chill and like I don't ever want to work again. No, I'm like totally chill and like I don't ever want to work again No, I'm kidding. I went out to flappers last night with Dean Del Rey. I tried a bunch of new shit It went great I had a great time and there was this one woman every once in a while There's just someone you just fucking line up with she was off to my left and she was dying laughing at everything that I said. And I was just sort of, after a while, I just was sort of listening to her, just trying to wind her up, like get her going. Because I was just, oh wow, she laughed at that too.

All right, I'm gonna go a little further. You know, when you start to lose other parts of the crowd, you know, I started fixating just on that. You know what I mean? Like a fucking, you ever have a crazy pit bull and it looks at something and its ears come up? You know, you gotta get a little tug of the leash or all of a sudden you're gonna have an incident.

I was doing the standup version of that on, on stage last night at Flappers, but I was psyched. I had a good set and all that. And then I had like this epic dad day. I had a good set and all that. And then I had like this epic dad day. I took my kids to, this is the place, Travel Town on the backside of Griffith Park that has all these old trains and shit.

Took them there, then we went to In-N-Out Burger. Then I went over, they hung with their nana for a couple hours. Then I took my daughter out to a Pokemon fucking comic book store and she lost her mind. She lost her mind. And I kind of went into the comic book store and I was like, I gotta get back into reading comics

because I love the drawings in them. And please tell me, I know it's probably all done on computers but like it's still fucking sick so I need like a good series you know I've kind of got back into reading where I started reading plays one of the actors on Glenn Gary Howard overshown gave me you know some plays to read and I've kind of been doing that, staying off Instagram, which is also kind of settling my fucking mind down. And by the way, I watched the first episode of this show, Duster.

And that's someone when I was on the play, Michael McKeon told me to watch, not to drop names all over the place. He told me, he goes, you gotta see the opening credits. Opening credits on Duster, the best opening credits I've seen in fucking forever. Like, I just had an ear to ear grin. I don't wanna ruin it for you. It's like a car show.

So that's why he recommended it, cuz he knows that I love 70s cars. And I got to get the names of everybody down because I'm going to watch the whole series. But the woman that stars in it, she also created it. And it's fucking. I watched like the first episode and I'm just like, I'm in, I'm totally in. It's on HBO Max. This is not a paid advertisement. I'm just telling you, it's a fucking great show. If you're into that, if you're're into that all of that vanishing point Antihero shit like you know it has that vibe Infused with a bunch of other shit, but I don't want to ruin it all right, so just I've ruined enough things in life. So anyway, I'm back out here.

Do you know, oh my God, do you know what Nia said? One of the funniest fucking things ever, as far as making my jaw drop on the ground, and I realized she was just fucking with me. She goes, you need to get a car. I said I am, I'm going to go buy an old Cadillac. She goes, you need to get a car. I said, I am, I'm gonna go buy an old Cadillac. She goes, we need a family car. Why are you gonna buy an old Cadillac?

She goes, you already got that jalopy in the garage. She called my 68F100 a jalopy. And she stared at me for three seconds while my jaw was on the ground and then she bursted out laughing I realized she was just fucking with me So I know what I'm gonna get I was thinking an old Cadillac or whatever. I just can't make up my mind. There's so many cars that I love

I love the 67 El Dorado and then this Cadillac that I never liked and now I love it is the 6970 Cadillac. Two door coupe, I fucking love that car. I don't know what happened. Fucking love that car. But then, then there's also like a part of me that just wants something fast, but not like a muscle car. You know what I mean?

I'm thinking like, I don't know what, but I'm gonna get something mid 2000s or previous or before that I'll let you know what I end up getting but uh, this is the new me I'm gonna own all the cars just never at the same time I'm gonna get a car It's gonna be fucking cool and I'm gonna drive it for a year or two and then I'm gonna get something else in the end Of my life I can lay in my deathbed and said, I fucking drove them all, you know? But I never had to be that guy that had to go fucking, you know,

move 15 cars around in his driveway. Cause I've done that. You become a valet in your own fucking house. And then you're like, oh, I gotta go fucking, I gotta go rent a garage. And then you got a bunch of chargers and then you got some mechanic, right? For some reason, you know, he barely speaks English, you know what I mean?

Because I guess there's no American fucking mechanics anymore. By the way, you know, but then you get a chance to learn a second language. I would get a French. I tell you, I'm also starting to lean towards Spanish, but I'm not. I'm sticking with this French shit, even though lately I've been getting my fucking ass kicked on these apps. The more I watch MotoGP, and I listen to Marc Marquez, and I listen to these Italian guys speaking and stuff, it's just like all of those languages, Italian, French, and Spanish, it's just like I'm telling you I think the end of my life I'm gonna I'm gonna end up there one of those places gonna be that guy.

Just some fucking weirdo who wears the same smock every day coming to town. Some beat up Birkenstocks. Bill Birkenstocks. No, my wife would never let me get that fucked up looking. Look at that guy, that fucking actor in Cannonball Run, one eye going one way and the other going the other. The guy from Once Upon a Time in the West. Um, anyway, but, uh, I don't know, last night, you know, I went out, I did a spot and I immediately came home and the hug I got from both of my kids

made me feel so great, like that. I said to my wife, I was like, you know what, I'm a great dad. The fact that I was away that long and they still feel this way about me, you know? I mean, we FaceTimed all the time and shit, but like, I was worried that they were gonna grow away from me or whatever.

I still can't believe I did that fucking gig, how long that was. That was insane. But I'll definitely do Broadway again, but next time I'm bringing my family with me. That's how we're doing. We figured we're going to do it that way. So anywho, let me do the reads here for the week, for this Thursday, I should say. You know what's funny is I was all about getting a fucking breakfast burrito the second I got out here and I haven't gotten one yet. I gotta get one.

I gotta get a breakfast burrito. All right, now. Where the fuck is... Where the fuck is the fucking copy? Jesus Christ. You know, Bill. Okay, all right, here we go. I got it right here.

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of a website or domain. That's squarespace.com slash BRRR for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code BRRR to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. All right, back to the podcast. So yeah, I'm trying to figure out what kind of car I'm gonna get. I'm either gonna get an old lead sled American car, or I'm gonna get some sort of German

stick shift car, like a BMW or something. One of those old M3s, M5s, one of those fucking cars. Like four-door stick shift or something like that. I don't know but I'm excited and I live in the perfect city out here to drive something old so why the fuck not? You know what I mean? What am I gonna do? The old me would just sit here and bitch-mode and complain about these new bing-bong cars with the fucking iPad dashboards instead of doing something about it. I just I've decided I'm tapping out. I'm driving old cars. I'm reading books and I'm watching movies

from the 70s. I don't like what's happening right now in the world and I don't know how to do anything about it other than try to just be nice to people but I can't solve these fucking problems. They're all bigger than me. So I'm tapping out of this time. I'm living in a different era without, you know, getting a sleeve tattoo and buying clothes from the fucking 1800s or whatever it is these kids are doing. Anyway, so I might even watch a fucking baseball game today and keep score.

That's how old school I'm going. You know? Shut down, not talk to anybody. Sit in a sunroom. There's some old school shit. Sit in a sunroom with a little square TV, black and white TV, watching a ball game. Smoke in a pipe, and your wife comes out, right, brings you a sandwich, kisses you on top of your head. You know, you give her that half a hug with your arm, you know, grab a fucking ass cheek,

give her a little goose, right? That's how it used to go down. That's how it used to go down. That's how it used to go down. It doesn't go down like that anymore. Everybody's fucking, I don't know. I don't know what they're doing, staring at their fucking phones. I'll tell you, you know, ladies, you know your screen time is out of control when you don't have time to make your man a sandwich. Come on, ladies, what do you say for America? July 4th, why don't you make your man a sandwich this

weekend? He's earned it. He puts up with you. He lets you win arguments even when you're wrong. The next time your husband has to go for a walk because you're just so acting like a fucking child, when he goes out the door and he makes a right, you just do like, I don't know, five Mississippi. You go out the door, you make a left. Walk around the block, think about what a great guy he is, and you'll meet him halfway on the other side. Surprise him and just say like, alright, you were right. I'm sorry. And give him a kiss. Just, just, just to shake things up. Come on, ladies, do you ever get tired of winning? Do you have the decency to feel guilty?

Ever? Um, all right. Anyways, I'm gonna go get a breakfast burrito and then I'm going to the gym. I'm going to the gym. And I gotta lose this last little bit of fucking belly weight. My last little bit of belly weight. I'm fucking on it, dude. I'm on it. I come back from the show last night,

it had water and I had a handful of raw almonds and I cried myself to sleep. But I woke up the next morning and my stomach was a little flatter. I'm not gonna be Billy Balloon Tits. It's not happening. I'm not gonna be that guy that sits down with his shirt off next to the pool

and you just look down, you know? And my whole torso looks like a, I look like a shaved Shar-Pay. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha become that guy who has to fuck with his shirt on. You know, she has to climb on top of you. It ain't happening. Raw almonds. They need to gym on your forearms, doing the plank. Doing the plank. Keep yourself in fucking shape.

Um, alright. Well, that is the podcast. I'm gonna go, uh, I bought my son a Spider-Man comic book and I'm gonna go read that to him right now. I am so thrilled to be not working right now. I know I'm doing standup, but like standup is like, it's not work, it's just fun. Like I had so much fun.

And I gotta give a shout out to PJ Landers and all the stage time that he gave me at the Comedy Village, one of my favorite comedy clubs in the country. Forget about New York City. It's just, it's what a comedy club, you know, used to be, you know, little fucking stage right in New York City. It's just, you know, comedy fans go in there. It's on 44th between eighth and ninth.

It just reminds me of what comedy clubs used to be before they started becoming also like restaurants and places to play paintball or whatever the fuck they're doing now, podcast studios. It's just a fucking comedy club You go in there and you do stand-up comedy and people listen to it. The staff is great PJs great You should definitely check it out Don Giovanni's is right next door great pizza It's fantastic

and That's it. That's all I got to say. All right, that's the podcast. Have a great weekend You can't and I'll talk to you on Monday. Send the habit, let your temper fly. When you talk with people who don't see eye to eye. And if you don't believe that there's a new world ahead. What you need, what you need, what you need is a change of habit, a change of habit. Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burrows. It's time for the Monday Morning Podcast for Monday, July 3rd 2017 a day before July 4th over there

When you guys doing it, Jesus Christ, when you guys doing it you're partying tonight. You got to go tonight, right? You got to go tonight and tomorrow you eat like a fat fuck. But tonight is tonight, tonight, tonight. Tonight's tonight if you want to go out and get fucking hammered. You know? Tomorrow's for the kids, you know? Today you scare your children, tomorrow you wake up with them. That's how it works when July 4th is on a Tuesday. You know? Your wife will give you dirty looks but you know by the weekend as long as you're mulching up the fucking yard she'll be happy. What do you want from me? I'll be celebrating the birth of the nation there. Not the movie you fucking racist.

That's kind of... Well you made me curse. You know, you get involved in those stupid things. Anyways, oh man. Oh, Billy No Fun was Billy Bad Boy this week. I completely just fucking, I just, I don't know what happened. I went off the rails. I went off the rails. I was flying out. I was doing the Capitol Theater in Port Chester, which is one of the most amazing venues.

I don't know what it is about it. It's just one of those places. It's got the fucking magic in it, you know? And, uh, it's been around forever. And according to the people that ran it, um, uh, he was saying that Janis Joplin played there and in a bar nearby or something, she wrote that song Mercedes Benz, tried it out for the first time at that venue, then went out to LA,

recorded it, and then overdosed. That was it. And I was like, that's great. Well, you know what? I'm not going to be trying any new material this weekend. Bill Burr tried out a new dick joke, recorded it onto his iPhone, went back into the city, had two slices of pizza at three in the morning, followed by four shots of fucking whiskey, and then went to bed and died on a futon. Yes, he was alone. Oh my God, I just, I don't happen. I was flying out there. I think I was alone. Oh my God. I just, I don't happen. I was flying out there.

I think I was stressed. I don't know what it was. And then the guy, you know, asked me if I wanted a drink. You know, I wasn't on a plane. It was just this guy came up to me. He said, excuse me, can I buy you a drink? I was like, well, certainly you can. No, I was on a plane and the steward, the male stewardess came up to me and said, do

you want anything to drink? Right? And the devil in me went, ooh. And I went, um, quivering voice, uh, maybe later. So you know, I'd been eating great. I had salads and all that shit and I thought, ah, you know, I'll just have one. I'll just have one. I'll just have one. He comes over with some Jack on the Rocks, you know, nice fucking pour, right?

Gave me the old mile high pour, if you know what I mean. He fucking gave me like, gave me like three fingers to fucking booze. So that's with a little bit of pepper and some cheese and I fucking drank the thing and I was like alright that's it I gotta get waters after this because that's the big thing after I have the first one I just switch the waters and then I get my bearings again of like oh yeah okay cool okay cool we had a buzz now we're coming back we're coming back this is a good thing but if I go to that second drink forget it and he just fucking what did he say do you want and I think he just brought me the next one and then I was just like well I'm not gonna be rude

and then I drank that one and then then we landed. And that just set me off on the wrong the wrong fucking way. The wrong fucking road. Then I got to the city and then I got two slices of fucking pizza not even from a place that I liked. Place that I wanted closed because they have great pizza and they already made their money so like well we don't need to be open all night go fuck yourself see ya. So then I walked down the street to these other guys, you know, the one that all the drunks are stumbling into. And I got not one, but two slices of pizza. Went back, fucking shoved them down my throat

the whole time going, you know, this is way better than anything that I'd get in LA, but this is not a good example of how the East Coast became legendary with their pizza making. No disrespect to Chicago, by the way. Okay? I'm not saying you guys don't make, you make a different type of lasagna pizza out there

and most New Yorkers, people from Boston, Philly, we go out there and we don't know where to go and we just get some average slop and we're like, this fucking pizza stinks. Right? The same way you guys, I know so many fucking people from Chicago. Dude, I went to New York, yeah, your pizza wasn't good. Did you even look to see where to go? You dope. New York has a great reputation for making great pizza. That's why there's so many shitty ones. You know what I mean? Because everybody's living off of that fucking reputation.

There's like a half dozen, probably, maybe eight, in the fucking all the boroughs. How many boroughs are there? Queens, Bronx, Brooklyn, Staten Island, five fucking boroughs. There's probably, probably eight. Okay? Brooklyn's got a couple, New York has a couple, and everybody else has like fucking one, maybe two. I don't know enough about it, but I'm just telling you, there's only a few.

However, in New York City, you can buy pizza every fucking 10 feet down the road. Same way in Chicago. Some fucking cunt is out there waiting for someone like me to walk down the street with my fucking Chicago, the Windy City windbreaker that I just bought at the airport. Hey, I'll ched you an authentic fucking Chicago deep dish pizza, and then they're gonna bring me in there. So can we end the fucking pizza debate? Everybody, you know, has their own way to do it. Up in Boston, they had the little bar style pizzas, which are fucking amazing.

Up in Boston they had the little bar style pizzas which are fucking amazing and every New York cunt that goes, oh I went up there, they fucking taste like fucking Maguris over there down the fucking street there. You know, those fucking morons. When you travel, okay, you gotta fucking hang with local people and they'll tell you where to go. To fucking walk into a place and think that everything there sucks and people there just accept it is probably one of the dumbest ways to travel. However, that's how most people do it. Or you go there and you try to get what you can get down the street from where you live

and then when you can't, you say this place sucks. And I just, I can't, you know, fuck it. I was in the Bahamas, I couldn't get a good fucking cabal. Anyways, I don't know why I'm making everybody Italian, but I'm enjoying it. I am enjoying it. So, so I ate this shitty fucking pizza and I was taught to finish my food as a kid, so I'm fucking even just gnawed my way through the crust. I mean, I could've whittled something

like a piece of wood with this crust. Tough like fucking shoe leather over there. That was the first night. And then I did well during the day, you know? I did really well, but then just at night, the next night, I ended up staying up. We went to a fucking, oh, right down the street from the Portchester Capitol Theater. It was this great Italian restaurant. And it was partly owned by Mario

Batali. Who's the best? All these fucking restaurants are awesome, right? So I go down there, and I know I should order the fish, but I can't get good Italian out here, so I order some pasta. I get the fuck, and go fuck yourself, Molinese. So I get that. And then we say we don't want dessert, they still brought some stuff over, because they're Italian. I mean, just, you know, if you say I don't want any, they're still going to bring you over a half order. That's how it fucking works. So they brought over the all these cannolis and all of this shit. And then didn't drink too much that night, but definitely, you know, not drinking that much to me was like, you know, five or six over a fucking nine hour period. Stayed out till like four in the fucking morning, smoked a cigar, fucking stupid. Ioked a cigar.

Fucking stupid. I had all this shit to do the next day, right? I fucking get out of the fucking Uber, right? I get out of the Uber. And I know I told you guys I don't Uber. I had somebody call it for me. Because I couldn't get a cab. And I get out of the, and the second I get out of it, I walk up to the door and I go,

well, wait, where's my phone? Where's my phone? And I left it in the fucking Uber. And then I didn't have, I had no way to call. And I was like, you got to be fucking kidding me. Cause I had my bag of shit with me. So I grabbed my bag and I got this thing. But once I grabbed something, I never looked for anything else.

And also, you know, I had like fucking four or five drinks so I left my fucking phone there so I was just like alright I did a mental check everything's backed up everything's on the computer who gives a fuck I'll just buy a phone tomorrow fucking moron right so I get up the next day I go over to the fucking Verizon store and they go okay what's your Apple ID I'm like I don't know you got my phone number here's my license and they go, okay, what's your Apple ID? I'm like, I don't know. You got my phone number, here's my license. And they're like, oh, that's not good enough. You need your Apple ID. I go, well, I don't have it.

He goes, can you guess? I said, oh yeah, I can fucking stand here all day. I don't know what it is. And he basically tells me that he can't get, he can't get into my account without my Apple ID. I go, you're telling me if the FBI came in here right now? That's what you'd say? And he was like, absolutely.

And I was like, dude, I don't know what it is. Are you telling, so you're telling me I can never get a phone again? This feels like a Tom Cruise movie. Did you just shut off the microchip in me? Can I get a phone, please? I had business to do. The guy says, no, I haven't been meditating. My temper starts going up and up and up and up and up.

I didn't curse at him. I started, you know. He goes, well, you're going to have to go to our main store. And that's going to take like fucking two to three hours. So I was like, you've got to be fucking kidding me. So I walk out into the streets in New York. And I said, I fucking hate technology. But I said, I really quietly and technology really quietly.

But fuck, I said at the top of my lungs, fucking. I said I really quietly and technology really quietly, but fuck I said to talk my lungs fucking That's when I fucking hate technology this lady fucking whipped her head around. I was like, oh my god I'm like, I like I'm literally the guy walking in the street in New York making people nervous right now So I walk up to try to find where this fucking place is I don't know what he said It's on like fucking 50 something in sixth Avenue I'm looking for the thing and I'm wait, wait, wait, is it on sixth Avenue on 57th? I have no idea. This took me back to the nineties when I was in New York, when you didn't have a map, but you just fucking walked around head on a swivel, right? Finally

find the place. And I walked in there and I got an absolute angel at the store, old school customer service, completely fucking hooked me up. And she was like in her mid twenties and halfway through I just finally was just saying like, you know, I forget what I said. I said something. You basically it's the effect that, you know, you don't get customer service like this anymore. Your parents raised you right. She said, thank you.

I go, did you come from a big family? And she was like, I was like, she said something like, I'm like one of seven. I was like, I knew it. I knew it. I knew it. I don't know what it is. Kids who come from like fucking with a bunch of kids, families with a bunch of kids, they, they, they,

I don't know, they learned, I don't know what it is. I don't know what you learned, but you're, you're, I don't know. Everything isn't about you and you keeping all the fucking toys. So she totally hooked me up. And then then I was able to call my buddy who called the Uber called the Uber guy. And then the Uber guy still had my phone.

He brought it back to me the next night. You know, I gave him a nice tip for doing that. And now I got two phones. I guess I can bring the other phone back. But I just don't want to go back into a store. I'm not rolling the dice again that I'm going to get a good customer service person. I know I'm not. So I'll just fucking eat it.

It was my own fucking fault. If I didn't go out till fucking four in the morning like an asshole, none of that shit would have happened. I apologize to the lady that I made her fucking probably fucked up her neck when I screamed fucking when I was out in the street and but you know I don't apologize to the guy at the bank I owed taxes right I owe taxes up in fucking Canada so my accountant goes you have to go to the bank I'm gonna send you an email with all the fucking account information. They can wire it up there, bing, bang, boom, done.

So I say, fine. So I go up, I download the thing, I bring my laptop, I fucking get this David Blaine looking dude at the bank to help me out. So we walk into his cubicle area. We sit down. I have all the information on the computer screen. He starts going, read me the VIN number.

I know it's not that, but you know what I mean. And I'm like, what number? He's like, that number there, read that to me. So I read it to him. He goes, all right, read me the next number. I go, which number? He goes, read me that number. And then I just find, look at him, I go,

I go, what do I work here? He's like, excuse me? I go, I feel like I work here right now. I'm like, look, just turn it around. Here's all the information, type it in. He goes, what's gonna go quicker? Or something like that. And then he just kind of got quiet, right?

I'm just fucking sitting there. And then after a couple minutes, he just kind of goes like, you know, I don't understand like why you got upset there. I go, well, I'm not upset. I'm just calling you out on the fact you start treating me like your secretary. I don't work here. Because I'm not treating you like a sector guy. Yeah, you why you got me like reading off numbers and stuff. He goes, I'm just doing that because it'll be faster. And I go, well, I disagree. What the fuck am I you? You understand you work at the bank? You're at the bank, you work at the bank, you get paid to work at the fucking bank. I'm the customer. This is what I need you to do. Do the fucking

transaction. Jesus fucking Christ. He's fucking god. I'm gonna say it. These kids today, everything about them is interactive. Hey man, like, hey, you know, fucking reach out through the fucking interweb, man. Fuck off and do your job. But I didn't say any of that. I just said I disagree. That's the best I could do. But I just couldn't believe he was like, but he kills me as he's walking around saying that I'm a dick, which I am. I admit to that, but I'm fucking right. I got to sit there and read off fucking numbers to you. He goes, can you read this? He didn't even say please. He starts talking to me like I'm like I was like did I just get hired as your assistant

you fucking cunt. I didn't even know what he was talking about all of those numbers. I'm not a fucking banker. Every time he told me to read off a number he had to explain what the number is like how is that how is that quicker? Oh Jesus. So I meditated for the first time in about six weeks. I'm just trying. Yeah, I know.

I know. I know. I just, I'm back. We're back in the writer's room. I got all of that shit to do. I'm building my new fucking act, right? My daughter is finally sleeping through the night. You know, she still wakes up once or twice, but it's just a quick little one. Maybe needs a diaper change

or something like that. And I'm just feeling like it's just, it's building up again. You know? So for me now to like stop drinking, you know, to add that, that extra stress of like, you know, you know, to not have the fucking thing to take the edge off at the end of the goddamn day, like that it just starts building up. So to the guy at the bank, maybe I could have explained it a little nicer. Maybe I couldn't just flipped out here, but you know, know this. That's what I wanted to say in the bank, but I didn't.

Okay. I just fucking kept my cool. But like you work at the bank, I don't I need you to do this transaction I have money in your bank back in the day you guys used to give like 10% 8% on fucking money in the bank you now give like point zero zero zero one percent Okay, so now you don't give me any money on it You've loaned ten times out on what I fucking have there you guys invent money You're literally counterfeiters and now I have to go in there.

You guys nuke the fucking economy every eight fucking years, building housing bubbles or whatever, and you don't go to jail for it, and you leave Americans upside down in their houses and you don't give a fuck. And then on top of that, I got to go in and read the fucking numbers off to you? Fuck off!

I know this is childish for me to be sitting here alone losing my mind but I cannot lie to you and not tell you how fucking good this feels to get this out of me you know part of my meditation today is I'm actually doing this series on patience. Swear to God. And the guy said, oh God, what the fuck did he say? It almost made me mad when I was like, I wanted to debate with the guy, but I can't because it's just a recording. He basically said that when you lose your patience, it's because you have expectations of other people. Okay? And then when you react to that, it's like your fault for reacting to it. You're

wrong to have these expectations of people. And I'm thinking in my head like, like that doesn't make any, like I'm, at this point I'm wrong that I expect people to put in an effort at their job the way that I do. And the way that I did. And I'm not patting myself on the back, but when I fucking, I always, any job I had, I fucking killed it. Unless I just literally didn't have the talent, like construction, I just, I mean, I could bring you the shit. I just didn't have that gift.

Or I tried to sell health insurance. I just wasn't good at it. And you know what I did? I had the decency with both of those jobs to quit within a week and a half. I didn't fucking sit there and torture people and just suck at my job as they came walking in, or worse, try to make them do part of my job. So I'm listening to this guy and

he's talking in a very soothing voice like this some sort of British accent. When we walk in there we have it's Headspace. Hello again. Welcome to headspace. When we have expectations of other people, it gives us a tendency to, he tries to like laugh, lose our patience. Don't get all fucking jolly because you know what it is he's doing that because he knows there's an angry cunt like me laying on the ground going,, okay, so now you're, you're defending this guy at the bank. You weren't even fucking there. You know? So now basically what you're saying is in order for me to have patience, I have to basically treat people the way I treat my daughter,

which is I understand that she's a baby and doesn't know anything yet, you know? So I have to have 100% patience with her, which I do, but that's because she's a baby. So now I'm supposed to walk in and sit across from a 27 year old guy in his, you're going to like the way you look. I guarantee it fucking suit. And as he tells me to do, how could I have done that better? I guess what I should have said is, sir, I don't mean any disrespect, but I'm not going

to read those numbers to you. I feel that you work at the bank and I am the customer. And I feel that that crosses a boundary that I'm not comfortable with. Well, I guess I could have said that, right? And when he exhaled, I probably should, like when he exhaled, like I, it was like someone fucking twisted a knife in my back. I wanted to fucking snipe. Did you just fucking exhale? Yeah. Cause once again, I guess I had expectations that this guy, you know, I had the ability to fucking look at a paper with all the answers to the test on it while typing at the same

time. I mean, I can do that. I could do that for half a page and I only make a couple of mistakes and I taught myself how to do it. What the fuck? How much more easier does life have to be? And then I was also thinking when I left, I was like, you know something?

My wife would have just read the numbers off to him. She would have read the numbers off to him and then afterwards I would have said, like, why did you just do that? You did your job. She goes, well, you know, you're right. You're right. You know, I probably shouldn't have done that. But you know, it got it done quick.

You know, I just didn't want to have the argument. Blah, blah, blah. She continues on. You know what? And she's a way, way happier person on paper, I think. On paper. think on paper? I know that the you know something the thing about women is the the the big red flag is the level of shopping that they do and the amount of shit that they buy like that's I don't know there's there's a there's a fucking

unhappiness there there's something psychotic going on with just the amount the sheer amount of clothes and Shit that they buy and just stuff that they fucking buy I Don't see tranquility in it. I Feel like that's like eating fucking, you know, he sees candies just They just love having that UPS driver showing up and oh It's a little package for me. I actually judge how well my relationship's going by how often the fucking UPS driver

comes to the door. If he's coming a lot, then I need to take her out to dinner or something. If he's coming every once in a while, then it's just her doing the woman thing of basically, you know, fucking kicking our retirement right in the seats. All right. I didn't need to go. I'm okay. Whatever.

I apologize to everybody. I apologize to that first guy at the fucking Verizon store. I apologize for the way I conveyed what I was trying to say to the David Blaine looking through it at the bank. You know, I don't know, maybe it's a new world. Maybe I'm just a fucking old guy. Maybe that's why I don't fucking know. I don't know. I still think I'm right.

But I'm going to learn in the future not to have expectations of people and just sit there as the sands of my life slip away waiting for somebody to do their fucking job that they got paid to do Anyways anybody what's a moto GP fucking motorcycle race yesterday another great one back-to-back fucking great races congratulations to my Marquez oh My god, did you hear his fucking interview afterwards? That was fucking hilarious. First of all, it's amazing all these guys can speak English, but he searches for the

English word while going the, uh, he did two fucking ones so fucking long. They go, Mark, congratulations, great 50 blah, blah, blah, blah. I didn't feel like that today. He's like, it was that. Minding me of Taylor Negron's great rest in peace is great joke. When he said, you don't want to cop it. You want an egg. Remember the area rug joke? Anyways, what a fucking race. And I got to look at the standings here.

I think that that put Marc Marquez, he's on top. He's on top of the leaderboard. The leader Ford board, sorry. Marc Marquez fucking, oh come on. Don't have expectations. Don't have expectations of the internet that it's actually going to work. Why would it work? Why would it work when you would need it to work?

Just laugh. Make a note of it. Make a note of a difficult time in your life. Put it on the clothesline and send it on down and stay. Just remember, you're not reacting, you're observing. It's like you're sitting on a park bench watching traffic go by, except the trafficker. Are your thoughts, oh, look, the requested URL cannot be retrieved. I'm going to have no reaction to this. I'm just going to sit here and let my

podcast slowly sink into the abyss of something completely not even remotely funny. All right, here we go. Where the fuck are we? By the way, you know, this fucking website stinks. You think if these guys are fucking putting their lives on the line, it'd be a little easier to navigate. Wait a minute, is that me having fucking expectations again? All right. Mark Máquez is in the lead, 129 points. Is this what the points that they got from yesterday?

Oh, this looks like from what they got yesterday. Congratulations to that kid Maverick Vilnaz. Is that the guy though? I thought he was German. I don't think I have the wrong guy. This might be the wrong list. It says GP World Standing. There was some guy that came in second place. It was the first time he's ever been on a podium this year. Hold on a second. This is so fucking irritating. Where is it? Oh they haven't done that one yet. How about this one? There's Deutschland. There we go. See, I had the wrong one. I had the wrong one. No, where the fuck is he? I thought there was some German guy that came in second yesterday.

It says Danny Pedrosa from Spain came in. So whoever the fuck the guy was that came in second, congratulations. And I actually learned something when I was watching the race as far as just how amazing, like you guys come flying down the straightaway, they're in that tuck and I love when they all, they fucking pop up and they stick their goddamn leg out, right? I always feel like they're gonna fall off the bike at that point and then it's all when you break how you take the turn and This kid who was in second place? Came into the I think it was turn one and he just came in too hot which caused them to go wide and Mark Marquez did it perfectly and he just went right underneath them and

But I guess the guy said something to the fact that he heated up his tires when you brake that hard or something and then you don't get as good a grip. And that was basically, what do they say, something he, um, not create space or something, but he broke away from him, he broke him or something. I don't know, I'm still learning the terminology. But they're fucking amazing. You guys gotta get into this. MotoGP, because this thing is literally, it's 28 fucking laps. And you're watching people on motorcycles driving 200 miles an hour.

Or 320 kilometers, which I've learned. Every 50 miles an hour is about 80 kilometers. So I always have to do the fucking math. But it's easy because they're basically doing, well like, I don't know, like 240 to 320 kilometers, except when they're in the turns, obviously. So they basically go on about 150 miles an hour, 140, all the way up to like 200. The Italian one's the crazy one with the straightaway where they actually get up over 200 miles an hour. I mean, I just...

And their ability to fall, how they fall, they even fall off the bikes gracefully unless they high- side them. And then the technology of the suit, where there's like an airbag in the suit that immediately detects that you've fallen off your bike and inflates, it protects your vitals. And then the leather is just such high quality or whatever they got. They just slide down the track and they get up. Dude, they fucking wipe out at 200 miles an hour and they get up like they fell off a tire swing at a cookout.

That's fucking unreal. So congratulations to Marc Marquez. I'm a big Ducati fan, so I root for the Italians. I like that guy. And you know what's great is that guy from Britain, though, who's actually in a Honda, that Cal Crutchlow, he fucking rides like that guy. And you know what's great? It's that guy from Britain though, who's actually in a Honda. Cal Crutchlow, he fucking rides like a maniac. I also like Johan Zarco. He's from France, he rides a Yamaha.

But, uh, David Sioso I like. I just love Ducatis. I think they're a fucking work of art. But if you ever wondered how much those bikes cost, I think they were worth like two million dollars. Those bikes. Something like that. Million, two million dollars those bikes something like that million two million bucks There I love when they're going down the straightaway and they're fucking given so much throttle that the front tire comes up a little bit

You got to understand at that point you're going 200 miles an hour You don't have the in that split second. You don't have the ability to steer When your tire is off to ground the fucking balls That those guys have I stopped riding a bike because I couldn't ride, you know, but actually, you know something, probably riding the streets of LA in your fucking dad jeans with your leather jacket on. That's way, that is way more dangerous. I don't have a fucking airbag. If I ever get a motorcycle again, I want to buy one of those Moto GP fucking suits. But the thing about it is, is even if you fall off, even if the fucking, the thing like

inflates and all that shit, the difference is, is that the track, you don't have to worry about somebody coming in from the left or the right driving a bus or an SUV and running you over and crushing you. That's basically it. because I have to say, I would love in a perfect world, in a perfect world, I would love, I would love to have a Ducati. I've never ridden one, but everybody I know that ever rode one said, you never ride anything else. I mean, it's a little like, I'm a, like I said, I'm a big fan of fucking machines. And, uh, there's, there's one on, there's one out here in LA on La Cienega, there's one right up the streets from this

vegetarian place when I'm not being a fucking moron and eating shitty pizza and drinking booze and smoking cigars like an asshole. If I'm eating right, every time I go there, I always got to pop in there. And then the guy's like. Can I help you? I just want to be like, nah, I'm just a scared married guy with too much to lose. Just, I'm going to say that next time I come in there. Going in there so many times, the guy probably knows me. All right, let me read some of these,

let me read some of these advertisements here. Alright, did I talk about everything I wanted to talk about? Oh, can I talk helicopters for a second? So I got back into flying those fuckers. I fly once a week, I have a great time. And last week I flew great, you know? I just, you know, I didn't really have to look down. At my altitude, I was just able to maintain it, pulling 19 inches on the fucking, uh, fucking inches gauge there, whatever the fuck you call it. Um, so I'm getting ready to solo again and, um,

you know, it's, it's the fucking hobby costs a goddamn fortune. So I was sitting there thinking like, you know, buy a helicopter with a fucking, I a goddamn fortune. So I was sitting there thinking like, you know Buy a helicopter with a fucking I could just you know, I could get really good at this because I love it. So Oh my daughter's crying She must have just woke up anyways So the one I'm not gonna say the name of the one that I've flown, even though I've said it before. Okay, there's certain things with the design of that thing. It's a two-bladed main rotor system.

It's over-slung and semi-articulated, all this fucking ground school shit. But basically, because of that, if you were for whatever stupid fucking reason, if you slam the stick forward and got yourself into a low G situation, which is basically you'd feel like you were light in the seat. Like there's a chance that you risk mass bumping, you risk shearing off the tail, you risk fucking with the mass bumping, the main rotor literally spinning off. You watch it, hey, there's that thing that's producing lift, right? And then you just crash to the ground or if you get into a low-g situation literally the fucking thing could just start rolling to the right because the rear tail rotor is now compensating for the fucking main rotor

that the helicopter is not loaded underneath anymore so when you go to the right rather you think oh my god go to the left with the stick you're actually supposed to go gentle, gentle. As you're fucking rolling over like, holy shit, am I going to be upside down in a second? Rather than go back to the left, you're supposed to fucking override that intuitive move and you're supposed to go gentle apsychlic so you don't sheer your fucking goddamn tail off and you know, people with very little hours all the way up to people with a ton of fucking hours have died in those fucking things and the company that makes them rather

than fixing that fucking problem has just basically told people what to do when that problem arises and if you don't do it correctly and you fucking die they blame you. You know? So it's a lot like being in a relationship with a woman. In that it's always going to be your fault. It's not what they did, it's how you reacted to it. So, you know, in order to get a fully articulated main rotor system, where you can fucking basically, as my instructor said, fly like an asshole, which is stab the thing forward. You know, I don't think on any of them, you really should be doing any sort of quick fucking movements.

I don't think quick movements in any aviation is never fucking good unless you're getting shot at and you're in a fucking F 16. But any sort of mass bumping, low G, none of that, that's all taken off the table. But the problem is to buy one of those, they're like well over a million dollars. So that kind of bugged me. So I just kept doing my research and I found this French helicopter. I'm going to say it wrong. It's G-U-I-N-B-A-L, Guyambebal Cabri G2. And it's a little more expensive than the one that I fly. It has a fully articulated main rotor system.

And then all these other features. I forget what you call it when the tail rotor is completely enclosed. You know, one of the major causes of death is people walking into the fucking rear tail rotor. You, they just, I don't know, they just don't see it. So this is why you have a passenger. You have to tell them to stay in the fucking thing until they shut it off because I don't,

I still don't know how you walk into a fan that's making that much noise, but they do it. Um, they solve that. They got like these, I don't know, these rubber fucking bushings and all this shit that, you know, like if you land, you're not going to turn your fucking spine. If you have a hard landing, you're not going to turn your spine into goddamn, uh, you know, gunpowder. Um, I really wish I had the article here.

All of this shit that they had, it's basically they looked at what I flew and they addressed everything. And then for an extra half a bag of cash, you can fly this thing and not have to deal with any of these fucking safety issues. And I looked it up and basically the only problem with it is because it's so safe now, people are flying like assholes and they've had three of them crash.

And one of the guys that crashed, and I don't want to laugh because I don't know if they died or not, but it's still a carbureted engine, right? So you can deal, you always have to pull your carburetor because you don't want it to fucking, if it freezes up on you, the engine shuts off and you don't have you know, you always have to pull your carburetor heat because you don't want the fucking That freezes up on you the engine shuts off and you know, you don't have to know a lot about aviation that that's not a good thing So what this fucking guy did was to show somebody that this you can fucking stab the stick forward he stabbed it forward and started like nose diving down and Because of the way the fuel line was it caused not enough fuel to be going through the carburetor and he fucking stalled. Why do people do that? If I ever

got one of those things I would still fly it the way I fly the fucking thing that I fly now and I would just feel lucky that you know God forbid if I was ever flying and I hit some turbulence that caused, you know, the helicopter to fucking nose over or something like that, I don't have to worry about me rolling to the right and having to remember to slowly go aft cyclic to fucking reload the thing. I mean, that actually affects like where I fly out here, the time of year, like I won't go out into like the fucking desert or something like that during the summer

Because I don't need all that fucking turbulent air throwing me around knowing at any second. I could start rolling to the right I just don't want to deal with that shit, so I find this fucking thing Now the only downside that I found there's always a downside right? is That this thing because it's European the main rotor actually spins the other way Which I didn't think would be that big a deal But what it actually does is is all my muscle memory is for a main rotor that goes counterclockwise This spins clockwise so all the times when I think left pedal, it's now right pedal, but I talked to my instructor He said it's about three hours, and you start getting it down, and then you're fine

But then you know three hours. I mean three hours. I get to flying a helicopter I have a great fucking time and then I just keep flying the same one Every time then I get it down then I have this really safe thing that I can fly around It's got a little compartment. You can put stuff in it's a little fucking two-seater. Check it out. G ui m b a l Cabri see a-G-2. I think that the shit, there's always concerns with any fucking new helicopter, whatever, but I just feel like it addressed all the safety issues that fucking, you know, anytime I solo, I'm just thinking about that, which is good because I had, you know, the guys

who trained me were great. So I'm always thinking about that shit and but you know you read up on it a lot and it becomes like this fucking terrifying thing that I really don't feel like I don't feel like dealing with so I don't know I just you know you want to really wish I just wish fucking schools around here start buying those things so I can rent those instead because I mean, it's still too much money. It's too much fucking money. But I'm just saying, you know, in a fantasy world, I would have one of those and I'd ride a Ducati to it with an airbag suit on and there'd be no

bus to run me over if I ever fucking laid it down. But we all know that that's not the case. So, you know, maybe I'll just get a poster and put it on the wall in my garage. That's what, that's what being a married guy is in your garage. You have a poster of all this shit you'd buy if you didn't have the responsibilities. Um, Oh God, that's that, that actually made me a little sad. All right. F I know this is some people up in Oregon that sell them. I believe they finally, uh, they got, I guess, raided over here, whatever the terminology is, but I fucking

love them and it's a great looking helicopter too. I fucking love them, man. I'm hoping more, so I'm just giving them free advertising, hoping more people start to use them. Alright, F1, hey there, Billy Boy. Mercedes has 1500 people working on two cars simultaneously, 1,498 of which probably went to prestigious colleges and graduate schools, none of which get to race these cars. The two employees that race these inverted rocket ship cars hated school as kids.

At least Lewis Hamilton admitted to it your thoughts oh what that the Tom Brady gets all the fucking credit well yeah absolutely this is this is like white hidden figures the end of the day the person that gets in the fucking rocket you know be it the it the monkey, the dog, or a fucking human being who gets in the thing and actually fucking rides it. You know, one of those 14 out of 98 people, if Lewis Hamilton had a fatal fucking accident, they have the luxury of walking around away from it, feeling bad that it happened, whereas Lewis would be dead. So

that's why he gets to bang Rihanna. I mean I don't know what to tell you. I thought you were gonna explain why the Mercedes team and the Ferrari team are so much you know better than everybody else. But the more I read about F1, it seems like people go through phases. Like I said, Red Bull won three years in a row. McLaren used to be the shit. Martini Williams had their run. So I don't know, maybe this is just the era of the Mercedes. Ferrari's been doing shit for a long time, obviously.

God, that's the biggest understatement ever. I'll never forget the look on that guy's face when I said, when I said good race after Montreal, when they came in like eighth or no, he came in like fourth, just watching the guy go from, that'll go from the back all the way up to almost a podium is what I was trying to say. And this guy fucking looked at me. I thought it was a dead man. Anyways, he goes, lots of luck at count Basie Theater. Hope you kill it. Will not be in attendance, dude. You guessed it. School. Ciao. All right. Father and son circumnavigating globe in a helicopter. Well, how the fuck do you do that? You'd have to go up to Alaska, cross over to Russia? Oh, I got to see this.

Hey, Bill, I thought you might find this interesting. Canadian father and son are circumnavigating the globe in a helicopter. Here's a link to the article. Oh, that's another thing about that helicopter is it can fly up to like five hours. Where the one I fly, I mean two and a half hours and then you put it on the ground. So, I don't know, it's fucking amazing. Oh, now look at this, I got a copy and pastes. Let's stay patient. Let's just note this thought here.

You're sitting on the bus, watching the train. Not on the bus, I'm sitting on a bench waiting for a bus watching the traffic going by oh come on you fucking cunt is it that difficult all right take off a helicopter father and son team begin global Odyssey to look at their fucking helicopter holy shit Wow yeah these guys are the real Holy shit! Wow. Yeah, these guys are the real deal though. Do they get sponsors? Look at their fucking flight suits. Bob and Steve Dengler embark on a 39,000 kilometer trip around the world to celebrate Canadian history and support charities.

That's kind of annoying, flying through your country and they're celebrating Canada. Go fuck yourself, celebrate the world or fly around us. For a year and a half, my father, Bob, and I have been planning and organizing a journey we call C-150 Global Odyssey. It's the first Canadian circumnavigation of the globe by helicopter and the world's first ever father-son aerial circumnavigation. I don't give a shit about all of this than your plan oh here we go here we go

oh you know what I guess they're cool with Russia they're cool with Russia so they're bad I don't know where they're gonna get a start the start finish but looks to be somewhere in the Toronto area all right so they're gonna zigzag across oh they're going the other way they're gonna zig over over to the fucking Maritimes up to fucking Greenland Jesus that's fucking scary right there over that fucking ice cold water then Greenland to fucking Iceland how long is that flight Iceland over to fucking Ireland down into paris across Europe across fucking no I'm sorry England

that's England there okay And they go across to Eastern Europe, then right through Moscow to Russia, right back over to fucking... Right across over to Alaska, and then they come back down to Vancouver, up to fucking Yellowknife for whatever fucking reason. I guess they're celebrating Canada. You have to go over those fucking rocky mountains, too. That's scary. We start in Vaughan and our first stop is the Canadian Aviation and Space Museum in Ottawa where a grand send-off is planned. From there we fly east along Saint Lawrence to Newfoundland. I guess I could have read this instead of trying to guess with their map. North along the quays of Labrador to Iqbaluit, east then through Greenland and Iceland. The Faroe Islands to the UK, then through Europe and into Russia.

A full third of our trip is through Russia. Exclamation point, they're excited because they're Canadian. They get along with people. We return to North America via Alaska and then zigzag in Canada to visit as many places as possible. We finish up back in Vaughan, taking 35 to 40 days in total. We'll be flying some of the most far-flung and beautiful places in Canada and drinking deeply from its diverse beauty. Oh, I thought they'd be boozing. I was like, these guys are nuts.

Urban skylines, Arctic seas, winds... Ah, you motherfuckers. God bless these two. What a great fucking thing to do. More importantly, what kind of helicopter is that? That's a fully articulated rotor system. No fucking... Rolling over the right as your dad's sliding into you.

Holy shit. That's fucking amazing. I want to keep up on them. When do they say they're doing it? Starting July 1st, they're already off on their way. Can I follow it? They're like dad and son Amelia Earhart, except they're gonna make it, right? All right, well good for them. A lot of helicopter talk this week. All right. Here we go. Weird new co-worker. Hey Billy, hold your nuts. I might have gone over the line at work and want to know your or Nia's input would be on this. Okay, long story short, I essentially quit my job today because a coworker was taking

pictures of me. Before you jump to any conclusions, hear me out and you might agree with me in the end. I don't like that somebody's taking it. It sounds like you didn't want your picture taken. This Monday, we got a new employee that basically acts like she's in a reality show. The first day, I thought she might be joking around by doing the classic, go from one person to the next, and whisper, turning around, talk about the other employees in the room.

Okay, go from one person to the next, and whisper, turn around, talk about the other employees in the room because she's already talking shit about everybody. But then I realized she's just crazy. She has taken pictures and videos of all the men at work and shared them with her Snapchat or Instagram or whatever crap it is she uses to communicate with other people that are on her level. It sounds like she's trying to get a reality show herself and become famous or something. The first time she did this she was standing a

few feet away from me and did a 180 jump spin that would have made Dennis Rodman proud and with her phone took a picture and said that one was for Instagram. It startled the hell out of me and I plainly said don't take pictures of me. Over the days she continued to take pictures of the rest of the guy without consent of course and I got to see a couple of them. One was of my boss's ass with the text over it that said, Dad booty though. Oh God, this is yeah, this is somebody who just spends too much time on the internet. I don't know why you quit your job. You should just go into, don't you guys just go to HR? So the only thing that finally got me was when I was restocking the shelves

and realized after walking across the store that I felt I was being watched. I looked up and saw her grinning while holding her phone and I asked her if she had taken a video of me. She said she was taking a video of the rain outside and I happened to walk across the path. Obviously bullshit. I called her bluff and asked her to show me the video from the beginning and it's clear that it starts and ends with me, 20 seconds of me wheeling merchandise around. You can barely see a window on the back where you can't even tell it's raining. She's standing 60 feet away from the fucking window. All right.

Now before you say, ah, maybe she likes you. Dude, I'm on your side, and wants to see you. Let me be clear, no one is touching themselves to a video of a guy with a dad bod wheeling around merchandise. It's not that, and she knows I'm happy in my relationship with my long-time girlfriend, regardless. I complained to my boss, who after two days,

finally talked to her about it, and then she told me She said I walked in front of a rain video she was making I said If it was the other way around and it was a guy taking videos of women I'm sure that would have been grounds for dismissal. Absolutely I also forgot to mention that she went through my boss's text when he wasn't looking to see which women were talking to him It pissed me off that he was more than willing to believe that she was suddenly a part-time meteorologist than just believing me that it was the 40th video of that kind she was taking of us. So I kind of snapped and told him not to bother insulting our intelligence by trying to believe

his excuse. And I said, if she tells him the picture of his ass, wait, and I said, if she tells him the picture of his ass she took was intended to be a picture of morning fog until he got in the way to just keep it to himself and I quit. Ah, dude, you snapped. You snapped. You know why? Sorry, dude, I got the volume up too high.

You know why you snapped? Because like me, you had expectations and you lost your patience and that caused you to lose your fucking mind. And you know what? You're 100% in the right. At least I'm hearing your side of the story here. So what do you think? Did I go too far?

Should I have given her time to adjust? I'm sure you deal with unwanted pictures of you every day, but I'm not famous and haven't done anything to deserve this Yeah, I mean exactly that's it. I mean you're not jumping around like a monkey on stage I Feel like I'm being followed by the worst PI and I can't Help it it gives me anxiety as far as I know she's already has pictures of me with the eyes cut out at home. The way I see it, I'm not wasting time waiting until a coworker grows up to learn the difference between right and wrong.

She happens to be 19, but I'm talking about mental maturity because I've worked alongside teenagers before who know perfectly well what the appropriate way to behave at work is. And this job pays lousy enough that it's no big loss as far as I'm concerned. Thanks. And I hope you and Nia and the little one have a good 4th of July. You guys are A-plus family as far as I'm concerned.

Thank you very much. I agree with you 100%. The only thing is she's 19. So I think they just need to talk to her. I wish she didn't quit your job. But it sounds like you're not really worried. So I don't think it was your dream job. I wish she didn't quit your job, but it sounds like you're not really worried. So I don't think it was your dream job. I mean, maybe her behavior opened the door for something. You got to turn it into a positive. And you also have to learn, like I'm trying to learn with my behavior and Verizon in the fucking bank this week.

You know what it was? You asked her nicely. She ignored what you asked her not to do. You went to the person of authority and he swept it under the rug and then that was enough to make you fucking snap. I completely understand that. I think your behavior is completely normal. I'm surprised you didn't tell your boss to go fuck himself. And, but at the end of the day, you know,

you don't have a job now, so, and you're actually a good guy. I mean, what did the guy say when you quit? He was all right with that? I think kids grow up today and they, because they so overshare on all of these things, their boundaries with privacy is pretty much non-existent. I mean, there was like a famous woman took video of an older woman naked in the locker room going, oh my God, look at her old ass.

She got into like, and like she had no idea that like, I said, why would you do that to somebody? That's somebody's mom or their grandmother, but I don't know. People are, uh, it's bad. And I, I gotta be honest with you. It's bad enough when someone comes up to you and just takes a picture you don't want, but when people walk up with the video already on, um, yeah, I, yeah, I don't like that. And even with what I do, because, you know, they're usually an extremely selfish person

and the whole moment is about them. And you know, that whole, oh man, YOLO, look at my life right now, shaking my head, whatever the fucking dumb shit that they're doing. It really is funny though, when you watch these fucking kids on like Instagram and everything, everybody's acting like they have like a hit show and that they're like these celebrities themselves. Like always taking like, you know, snapchat, it's fucking pictures of like the food they're eating, the car that they're in, the fucking view that they have.

Everybody's like acting like, uh, I don't know, that they're flying. Everybody's trying to act like they're flying around a fucking private jet. I don't know, that they're flying, everybody's trying to act like they're flying around in a fucking private jet. I don't understand it. But I'm also, I'm realizing that I'm fucking old, so... I don't know. I don't know, I think... I think you reacted in a normal fucking way. I wish you didn't quit your job though, because I think you're 100% right. In the future, I would just go to HR, and when you're, I would go to your boss, and when he doesn't, I would make a formal complaint. And that would stop it, and... are and when you're, or when you go to your boss and when he doesn't, I would make a formal complaint

and that would stop it. And, um, but I know, I would know at that point that I would hate that 19 year old so much that would be hard to even be around her. Like I have a big, I have a big issue with forgiving people. Like once you're in, in the cunt column, it's, you know, it's kind of a life sentence. So there you go. Yeah, move on with your life and just kind of learn from that shit. But good for you for speaking up. But don't do anything else. Don't go back to the fucking business like a lunatic and fucking key somebody's car or anything.

Just fucking walk away from it. All right. Girlfriend's opportunity. Hey, Billy Redwings. So my girlfriend is really doing well at work. She's been offered a job in Switzerland. She would rather move in with me and stay in the United States. I feel that she's missing out on a great career opportunity and should go. I love her, but I'm not in love with her yet. She's also considering leaving her job too. I like our relationship, but I'm more practical. You should take advantage

of things that's come across in your life. What are your thoughts? My thoughts are you don't have the balls to break up with her. And she's committing to you in a way that you're not prepared for, and you need to break up with her and tell her to go to Switzerland and not quit her fucking job. That was an easy one. I love her, but I'm not in love with her yet,

and you're going to fuck, she's going to quit her job and move in with you because she's head over fucking heels. Oh, boy, dude. Yeah. Tell her to go to Switzerland and fuck some blue-eyed fucking specimen. Blue-eyed blonde-haired specimen and forget about you. All right girlfriend wants me to change my name. Dear Bill, I'm a huge longtime fan of yours from the younger generation. F1's, F1's for family is, oh F is for family.

God, I can't even read my name on my own fucking, that's an I. F is for family is fucking awesome. Can't wait for season three to come out to see what happens next. Well, thank you. I was hoping you could give me your two cents on this situation. I've been in a relationship with a wonderful young lady for over two years now. We met at a community college in my state and hit it off really quickly. She's smart, outgoing, beautiful, community college. Easy. Hey, hey, hey. I don't know about the smart thing there. All right. No, I'm kidding. A lot of smart people

go to community college. They do. They just fucking scatterbrained. A lot of dopes go there too. She's smart, outgoing, beautiful, has a great sense of humor. She's tall, slim, black girl, while I am a greasy-haired Italian white guy, and we get along great. The problem first started with my dad. He's a total racist, and since we can't afford to put me in a real university, I have to live with him. I've tried to get him to change his ways, but it's like you said in your act. Old men like him come from a different era, so there's probably zero chance they'll ever change his mind.

Yeah, you can't change somebody's mind. They have to want to. I told my girlfriend how frustrating it is with him, and she understands that even though my dad hates her and doesn't want us to be together, that I'm nothing like him, at least where it counts. Even though I can't stand my dad's attitude, I know that he only wants the best for me. So I try to be a good boyfriend and a good son while keeping my father and girlfriend separate from each other. We also spend time out at her or out at her place,

and she only comes over to my place when my father is on a business retreat. Jesus Christ, this is complex. It's really inconvenient, but we've been making it work for over two years in spite of the tribulation and we're still going strong. It seems like I got everything figured out. All right. Jesus, this is a fucking long one. Seems like I got everything figured out, Bill, but here's where things get tricky. Since I'm his firstborn son, my dad named him after himself. Since... Same first name, middle name, and last name. My girlfriend hates that the guy she's been in a serious relationship with for a long time has the same name as a cantankerous, old, racist, dago.

I like how you're being racist about yourself. Greasy, Italian, dago. Anyways, who hates her sexy, black ass for no justifiable reason Jesus Christ it sounds like bad fucking dialogue in a porno she wants me to legally change my name completely first middle and last so that there is no connection to my father whatsoever when I asked her what name she thinks I should have through this is like I don't believe this you got to be shitting me she said I could change my last name to the same as her,

her name, last name, parentheses, what the fuck. I told her that if it would make her happy, I would be willing to change my name, but if I did that, my dad would feel betrayed. He would hate her even more for stealing away, stealing only son away from him, and the rest of the family think I'm a total, trying to disassociate myself from them, which is totally not the case.

She got upset with me and has given me regular reminders since then that she's serious about wanting me to go through with this. This isn't the first time I've considered changing my name even before I started dating this woman. It's a very Italian sounding name. So what? You're very Italian that people always made fun of me for throughout school so I've come to dislike it myself. Yeah dude you got a lot of self-loathing going on here. Italians are the shit. Who makes better food than you? Huh? Japanese. No, you guys make like the best food on the fucking planet.

The Ferrari, the Ducati. You fucking women, the Mediterranean lifestyle. What are you walking away from here? So Bill, what the fuck should I do here? How can I make things right with my girlfriend as well as my dad without accepting one party or the other? She stopped introducing me to people using my name and she only refers to me as my boyfriend. I've been able to circumvent hostility between my dad and my girlfriend before, but I'm totally

lost with this one. Any advice would be very much appreciated. Thanks and go fuck yourself. Sincerely." That's funny, and he fucking leaves his name off. Here's the deal, too. First of all, this isn't about your dad and this isn't about your girlfriend. This is about you.

You date who the fuck you want to date, and your name is your fucking name. And your heritage is your fucking heritage. All right? What if her parents didn't like you because you were white and you said okay you're named after your mom, I can't stand your mom, change your fucking name and I'm going to pick the name and it's not going to sound like, you know, I guess black people don't have their fucking ethnic names anymore do they? Thank you white people.

But you know what I mean. Yeah, fuck that dude. You can't do that shit. You can't do that shit. Fuck that. your name is your name and you're Italian and you should be fucking proud of it okay and you're not your dad and she needs to fucking accept that you're not changing your fucking name and she has a problem she can fucking walk away she can fucking walk all right you know what you really need to do you need to get out of your fucking house and you need to

fucking build your own life okay and you need you need to be with somebody like this is fucking nuts like I gotta tell you dude like that if you thought about you if that came from you that's one thing but the fact that she fucking wants you to do that that's fucking insane don't do it you know you're you're given into everybody else and you're not, you're not staying true to yourself. You've got to figure out what the fuck you want and you have to be yourself. Jesus fucking Christ, man. Your dad is who the fuck he is.

Your girlfriend is who she is and you're who you are. Okay. And you should be proud of who the fuck you are. Work on the stuff you need to work on and be proud of your heritage. I don't fucking get that at all. You know, I know a number of people like Italians, they always say, ah, this Italian sounded name. Who fucking gives a shit? I don't understand. Like, I don't know. I wouldn't do that. I miss all the fucking ethnic names. Everybody's like homogenized their fucking names. I think it's interesting when you meet somebody that's like that.

So I think you need to pump the brakes here, sir. All right? Because now it's getting fucking crazy. And yeah, don't do that to your dad don't change your fucking name Who gives a shit? He's an old crabby fucking racist. This is the deal dude. He's gonna die Someday all right, and you're gonna continue on so you what you haven't done yet is you haven't created your own life You're still living at home with this guy, so you have to fucking move out Alright, the name he gave you is the name that he fucking gave you. Don't change it because of his stupid fucking thoughts. Okay, embrace who the fuck you are. And if this woman you can't fucking

deal with it, tell her to walk. Tell her to fucking walk. You're young, there's plenty of fish in the fucking sea. You know, you're Jesus Christ, you're gonna fucking bend over that far. You're bending over backwards flip you like fish in the fucking sea. You know, Jesus Christ, you're going to fucking bend over that far? You're bending over backwards, flipping, you're like your fucking gymnast, you know, when they do those things, hands, foot, hand, foot, hand, foot, all the way across the fucking, diagonally across the goddamn mat. Fuck that. Fuck all of that, you know?

I liked your girlfriend at first, by the end of this fucking thing I didn't like her. Okay, because she's waging war with your dad through you. And you're innocent. Alright, you're the guy taking her out for fucking ice cream, why do you got to do all this shit? Yeah, what the, I mean, Jesus Christ, that would have, her telling you to change your fucking name would be you telling her to go get it Can you get like a weave like a blonde weave or some shit like that? What the fuck you gotta be who the fuck you are God bless you you Italian son of a bitch Stay true to your heritage stay true to your fucking name Continue not to be racist and fucking just

Be yourself Change your fucking name oh Jesus Christ anyways all right that's the podcast for this week I'll check in on you on Thursday have a happy safe 4th of July and if you're not in this country enjoy your fucking Tuesday. So if you're in the habit of putting people down Just because they're different from the wrong side of town Well don't count all the metals on their pinning, not on you What you need, what you need

What you need is a change of habit you you you