Monday Morning Podcast - Super Bowl, The Bay Area, Birds | Monday Morning Podcast 2-9-26

Episode Date: February 9, 2026

Bill rambles about the Super Bowl, the Bay Area, and birds. Coast:  No contracts, no commitments, just a smarter, simpler way to keep your operations tight and your crews moving.  Coast Pay is offering our listeners free gas for a day when you get started at http://www.coastpay.com/BURR

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr, and it's time for the Monday morning podcast. But Monday, February 10th, 2000, 26. What's going on? Hawaii! How's it going? Oh, Billy lost his voice here. Fucking doing all that.

I was up there for the Super Bowl weekend in the Bay Area, the Bay Area. Didn't go to the game, as always, but I went up there and, you know, I played the game. I shmoosed. I did what I have to do. that's like showbiz Comic-Con, I guess. I got a bunch of funny stories. Some of them I've got to kind of talk around. But anyway, let's get to what you want me to talk about.

Let's talk about the game. I mean, that was just total domination. We just were not ready for prime time. And they played mistake-free football through the whole playoffs. I mean, they didn't turn the ball over once, which nobody's ever done. and that left side of our offensive line. They weren't even going around them. They were just pushing our linemen into the quarterback.

One time a guy was getting blocked by like our center. He literally reached around the guy and pulled Drake down. I think Drake's taken way too much shit. It's like, how are you supposed to get into any sort of a rhythm if you have one and a half seconds to get rid of the ball and you keep going three and out? I felt like in the third quarter, it finally got to him where he wasn't in a rhythm. And it was all of a sudden like, you know, it was death by a thousand field goals.

You know, in those three and outs, we kept giving them a short field. And then they would go down the field. And every field goal was like a chip shot. I don't think there was a 40-yard field goal, the whole damn game. I don't know all the names here. That number zero was a nightmare for us. Our defense played great. I can't believe they didn't get tired sooner.

You knew the touchdown eventually was going to come. I thought our defense played great, but I'll be honest with you, man. I thought if they went eight and nine, nine and eight this year, I would have been happy. So I think the Patriots organization, we'd like way overachieve this year to get there. And we just ran into a team that was like just, they were just on another level. and that Kenneth Walker the third, I mean, that was an undeniable MVP performance. I mean, that guy, Jesus Christ, I don't think anybody got him, got him down the first hit. And there were some big guys, too, hitting him.

So he was a force of nature. Dude, even their punter was killing it. And they kept pinning us down there, and then we'd go three and out, and then they'd get the ball in there 40. and oh, it was just, I don't know, but we had a great time. We had a great time that weekend. And then the bad bunny thing, I don't know, that's one of the greatest halftime shows I've ever seen. And it's one of my favorite things about traveling is, you know, when I go to a country and I don't know the language is trying to figure out, you know, through body language and what I'm seeing and all of that.

And like the level of creativity, production and all of that, people are still. like breaking down what was, you know, going on in, uh, that whole halftime show. It reminded me of that movie sinners where you could probably go see that movie 20 times and still miss half the stuff that they've, the amount of layers of like creativity, uh, was incredible. I mean, if you're into that type of thing, if you, you know, realize that the world is made up of all different kinds of people and there's culture and language and all of that, and you see the beauty in it. You know, there was really something there to enjoy. Anyway, I don't know what else to say about the game. I thought I was going to do like a 10-minute

thing, but it was just so thorough. I actually appreciate the ass kicking because it, like, there was, they just sort of ripped the Band-Aid off. It was just once we came out in the second half and you know we get the ball back and it was just immediately more of the same i was like oh god and you just knew that eventually the touchdown was going to come um Gonzalez could only save us so many times and like uh also I don't know maybe we should have gone hurry up something something like I that was my only thing if we went like tempo because they were just kicking our ass and then congratulating each other and just walking back to that defensive huddle it's like Can we just like maybe do something for some sort of urgency?

Because these guys, this is just like a walk in the park for them. So anyway, but I kind of loved the game, though, before it got out of hand, like a nice defensive battle. There was no flags. I know that the refs let a few things go that happened to the Pats. But I thought they kind of did that on both sides. I kind of liked the no calls to be on. mind that stupid fight on the sideline, you know, it's a Super Bowl. People want to win.

People get frustrated. Fucking open hand. Who gives a shit? Like, it's football. I, I, I, none of that bug me. And if they threw those flags, it was not going to matter. They were, they were clearly, uh, the better team. And, um, I will say the, the end of the game celebration, uh, there was a lot of people in Seattle just sort of would, they had zombie eyes. It was kind of weird, like culty. Then the owners coming out and calling the fans the 12. It was just, that was just, that was cringy. They're just forever doing stuff like that. It's like you were the guys who told us the large and the small beer were two different sizes and they were the same. Stop acting like you're our friends. I'm happy for the fans, but don't buy into that 12 thing that they're doing. Like you,

you hold their feet to the fire. Those are the same. Which if you ever fucking went over to somebody's out and they did that shit to you. Would you ever go back? Would you ever trust them again? Come on. Anyway, but we went up there. I got a little production company, you know, that we're making some stuff. We're going to be doing a movie later on this year. So we're going up there, schmoozing with all these people, trying to find money for projects because our business is shrinking, as they say. And I went to a couple of really cool things. The Sports Illustrated magazine party was in the Cow Palace, a place I've always wanted to go to. Dean Del Rey always telling me about it. And you go in there and they have not, this is where like Van Halen, I always hear Van Halen playing

there at the Cow Palace and all of those bands from that era would go up there. And they haven't changed the thing at all. It's incredible. I went in there. It like when I looked up at the stands, It reminded me of like the odd in Buffalo where the sabres used to play or Boston Garden with like those yellow seats and the metal railings and this old school like Pepsi scoreboard. It was so fucking cool. And we went back there the next day. Guy Fieri had like this fucking massive, massive, massive, massive. I don't think people realize how famous that guy is. massive. Like the Cow Palace was too small for what he was doing. It was like they were in the parking lot. They had this giant stage and dry ice and all of these like Hall of Fame football players and they had all of this food and everything. And I got to meet him and gave him a

cigar. He's a cigar smoker. And he couldn't have been nicer. He was just really like he was a really, really nice guy. It was a great thing, you know, when you meet somebody like that. He was a sweetheart, right? So then I'm like walking out of there. I probably shouldn't tell this story. This guy comes up to me. He goes, hey, Bill Burr. Hey, I go, yeah, I don't want to go. Can I talk for a second? I go, yeah. He goes, would you be interested in being a, he just said all these letters, like a DTTF thing, you know, for my company, da, da, da, da, da. You know, and I'm trying to these people so I can get money for my project. So, you know, I'm playing the game. I'm like, I don't know what that is. He goes, to be like a spokesperson for a product. And I go,

what's your product? I'm standing in a parking lot outside of the cow palace. And this guy, I go, what's your product? He goes, it's a vaccine. And then he immediately goes, now you know one of these weirdos that doesn't like vaccines, are you? And I'm just, and I go, that's how you start in your sales pitch. You're immediately just going to like, I'm an idiot if I don't. I mean, vaccines is a big subject. I mean, I love that I never got polio. Are we talking about that?

What are we talking about? Now, all of a sudden, there's like 600 different vaccines. It kind of seems like the prostate check where first you got to do it around 50, 48, 45, 40, and they just keep moving it down so you get checked more, which is a good thing. But it becomes a moneymaker. You know, I mean, that's capitalism. Who thought sticking your finger in somebody's fucking ass, whatever the hell they do? Is the thing to exploit.

So I say that to him and he just, I don't know. And he's just talking to me and I just said, dude, I'm not selling the vaccine as somebody who dies their hair. Right. He goes, I don't dye my hair. And I laughed and I walked away as he was like touching the top of his head. So I don't know. I was, if that guy's listen, I was just teasing. I'm bald, man.

Where the fuck do I get off saying that? It just struck, I didn't know how to get out of the conversation. It just felt creepy. Can you be a spokesperson for vaccines? It's like, why are you doing this in a parking lot, man? This all feels like it's already shady. Anyway, so I had a fucking great time at that. And we went to a couple of the Draft King's things.

We went to a couple of these things. And it was funny. Like, we would do a lap and we would schmooze. and then we would just, me and my buddies would just go to the corner, we would end up running into somebody that we knew, and we would just sit around, I don't know, I don't even know what the fuck we did. We just were laughing our asses off like the whole weekend.

Oh, also, I got to, uh, I did a guest spot on Dave Chappelle's show at the, uh, the new place where the, uh, Golden State Warriors play. I went in there. Um, that was, you know, obviously one of the, uh, obviously one of the highlights where I went in, you know, the vibe backstage was just like super positive, super chill. And then, you know, I'm not going to name any names, but, you know, you go into the green room at a Chappelle event. It's just like, Jesus, it was like my head was spinning, looking at all those. I'm still a fan, right?

And then we went out and did the show and he's got like a great crowd. I got to see Don L. Rawlings, Ashy Larry. And, you know, we used to do the Rich Bitch Tour way back with the late great Charlie Murphy, rest his soul. So it was great to see him. Had to fucking follow him, which is no easy task. But the crowd was great. And the night before that, to prepare it in between parties, I went over to the punchline, which is still one of my favorite comedy clubs of all time.

And Molly Schminky came down. and I went up and I, you know, I'm trying all this new stupid material. Stupid in a good way. A fun lighter way or whatever. And it was, it just worked. It was awesome. And then, you know, we went to Little Italy, just had a bunch of great food. We went to this cigar bar, which, by the way, old Billy's on the fucking one.

I'm back on the 100-day sabbatical. I smoked three cigars watching that Super Bowl. Just like, Jesus Christ. I got to have something enjoyable. although, you know, one of my buddies, we went over to his brother's house and he has like this fucking just amazing backyard like set up and he smoked some ribs and he had this and he had some Mexican food to Italian cookies. I mean, it was pretty insane. So we had a great time doing that and it was just, I don't know, I don't know what it was.

It was just everything was fucking hilarious. I went to a 7-Eleven because I had to buy a lighter. and I was walking out. He's guy, hey, you're that comedian guy, right? Hey, man, what's going on? And he goes, can I get a picture? I go, yeah. And he goes, he goes, he goes, take a picture with me.

He goes, hey, he goes, I love you, man. He goes, he goes, I'm from Libya. And then he goes, like, that's from, that's in Africa. I thought he's like, you know, making fun of me. And I go, yeah, I know. It's next to Albania. I know where it is. Like, I thought he was like, going like, duh, you're fucking stupid American.

But then when he went to. say goodbye, I realized he had a speech impediment. And I almost, I almost, I almost imitate him because I thought he was making fun of me because I'm such a defensive walled-off idiot. I'm so glad I didn't do that. Jesus Christ. I don't know. Too many things.

Too many funny things happened this weekend. Overall, it was, it was a great time, despite that absolutely. fucking beatdown in the Super Bowl. But I don't know. I still enjoyed, I don't know, I love a great defense. You know what I mean?

You know what it kind of reminded me of? It reminded me of not saying, this is kind of disrespectful to the Redskins. They're the commanders now. They were called the Redskins back in the day. When the Redskins were trying to go back to back and they played the Raiders that second year when Mike Hayes shut down,

Art Monk and Charlie Brown and all of those guys. They were like the first guys that were, they started wearing the scuba diver gloves to catch the ball. And Lester Hayes had to stick them all over them. You know, shit was crazy back then. And, uh, but I remember like they were supposed to come out and they were going to dominate. I remember NFL films had done this whole thing where they showed how, uh, those guys were just shut them down the whole game and were just on top of them.

Uh, Mike Haynes, the former Patriots. that's back when we guys like that would come to our organization and we would for whatever reason let them go which was so stupid but um anyways it was it was uh just a thorough beat down and hats off to seattle it's got to feel good because i you know at least it was i know wasn't this wasn't tom and belichick but um this is what's amazing about the patriots you know that's the there's how many times they've been to the super bowl that's the fourth team we've played for the second time. Played the Rams twice,

two and O against them, 0 and 2 against the Giants, one and one against the Eagles, and one and one against the Seattle Seahawks. That's pretty fucking cool. We're 6 and 6. Oh, Billy, win some, lose some.

So I still stand by, not going to the soup. I get if you want to go one time, I still stand by it. But I got to admit, They did something different. I felt like this year, the music acts, it kind of worked and everything. Like Green Day, how great did Green Day sound? They sounded just like their albums way back in the day.

All right, you know what's funny? I just hit pause to look up the names of everybody that performed. Like, the level of just garbage on the Internet, just trying to get that answer. The list of musicians that played at the Super Bowl. And then everything's just bad bunny this, bad. bunny that and then like all these people butt hurt you know all of these people walk around and call people snowflakes can't handle that somebody sang his music it's just what about my language it's just i mean how is that different from people back in the day what about my pronouns you

guys are all the same people. You're fucking adults. All right. Jesus. I just don't fucking get it. I mean, I get whining, but don't walk around acting like you're the one who doesn't, you know, these people whine and I don't. It's just such a, there's only one person to blame. It's God. God makes all of these stupid fucking people. He makes all of these psychos that manipulate the stupid people. and it's just it's really incredible like the level of stupid i will say you know driving through san francisco the amount of times i read the word human and i mean those fucking tech bros up there this whole fucking thing that people think nerds are harmless these people are they're out of their fucking minds they are out of their fucking minds what they're doing up there and this and all

of their stupid inventions you know what they're going to do they're just going to put out propaganda to make you and me don't like each other and then we're going to kill ourselves in the fucking street while those stupid robots take over. Because these fucking nerds don't know how to have a conversation with somebody, don't ought to talk to a woman. Like all of this shit out there that you can get for singing your songs or doing a stand-up comedy festival, these fucking people are making robots to eliminate and nobody wants it. And they're doing it anyways.

and we're all just going to have to accept it. And there's nothing. Nothing from CNN, nothing from Fox. All they're doing is just me with AI technology. This is a smart refrigerator. It has a fucking camera in it. There's spying on you. And they're going to phase out cash.

They're going to phase out cars. We're all going to have our little Waymos. And the satellites are going to control that this is, since the beginning of fucking time, one guy has been trying to run all of it. And now they're creating the technology. This is like that movie, weird science, except it's not about pussy. It's about controlling the world.

All right, there you go. That's what I feel is going on. And if you go into San Francisco, which is so fucking funny, because this is where all the hippies used to be, the summer of love, man, and fucking, you know, hairy bushes. Let's all just walk around naked and free love, man. Free love. You fucking creeps. Now it's gone all the way the other side.

I remember Frank Zappa, too, was like in real time was talking about how, like, dude, don't go to San Francisco if you think it's all lovey-dubby. Like, I think that existed for a couple of weeks, and then it got really dark and really sinister, and there was a lot of drugs and people would take it advantage. And fucking Frank Zappa warned everybody in like 1969 or 70 about that shit. And now, like, we're going the other way. We need some Frank Zappa type of person. Well, nobody listened to Frank either.

Now it's gone the other way with like this technology. Like just call every... This is a fucking smart chest of drawers. It's not alive. It's not intelligent. Anyway. So having said that, we went to the mission. We got a burrito there.

I forgot to mention we went to like this cigar bar. and it was just little, just tiny bar. And I went in there. It was just a bunch of cigar smokers or whatever. Like, you know, everybody there looked like they were like 40 or 50 years of age. I met some Montreal Canadian fans in there. So we had a good time going back and forth, busting each other's chops. And, yeah, that's kind of like what it was.

It was just a fantastic time. Yeah, we were staying up in Berkeley. California. I love it up there. And we stayed at the Claremont Hotel. And they had this restaurant run by this guy, Chef Joseph, the Limewood Bar and Restaurant. And they had these prime rib sliders that were just incredible. So shout out to Chef Joseph. He was cool as hell.

Neas in that world. So she set us up there. And what was cool was that we kind of got in there late. And it was like the end of the night. So we were eating everything. And Chef Joseph came out and sat down and had an espresso with all of us as the lights were coming on. And we were the last ones in there. I felt like I was in the bear. It was really cool.

So Berkeley's all like fucking liberal man. And so it's a fun vibe up there. And everybody was like cool. And then I saw like this one guy walking down the street. And he had like a fucking, you know, the man. the fucking loose, what do you call, the giant fucking pants, but they don't make it halfway down your calves. He had the whole uniform on, and on top of all of that.

He had a sweatshirt that said, I love Berkeley. I'll never would have guessed that. Thanks for the fucking heads up. But we had a good time. We walked down from the hotel. We had good coffee out there and shit. We walked over to the stadium, as I always do. walked over the campus there to check out.

I've got to see a game up there. It's all like all the Hall of Fame names of all the players that have played there and stuff. They wouldn't let us go on the field. Sometimes there's still some old school colleges that let you do that. But we did get to see like some of their Hall of Fame stuff, Aaron Rogers, Marshawn Lynch and all these amazing kind of low-key. You had no idea. I just grown up in the East Coast like they still didn't give enough coverage

I feel like out that way when I was coming up. So anyway, all right. So that's it. You know, Patriots, obviously we got to, we got to, you know, we had two rookies on the left side. So I'm not saying we got to get new players. We just got to get better at that.

And also we got to, I don't know, we have a few other things we got to do. But overall, I mean, like I said, I thought, you know, if we went eight, nine, nine. We were fucking terrible last year. So it's pretty amazing. Anyway, now looking back, I didn't realize Seattle hadn't turned the ball over ever.

The whole, I still would have bet the Patriots. Still would have bet with my heart. But the fact that we turned the ball over as much as we did the first two games, that should have probably given me a little inkling. I just got nervous with the spread four and a half. I was believing. I'm like, this is going to be close. Oh, how wrong I was.

And what's his face? Garrett there for the Dallas Cowboys. Ex-coach was the only guy who called a blowout for Seattle. Pre-game. Everybody else had a close saying Seattle by three or Patriots by three. And he was just like, yeah, no, he didn't say it. But his score was like, yeah, Seattle's going to dominate him. So as much as I hate to admit it, he was right. So anyway, let me do some of the, I got one quick read here for the week.

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slash burr. Go to costpay.com slash burr. Coast pay. Oh shit. Coast pay.com slash burr to get free gas for a whole day. Terms apply. That's coastplay pay. Fuck. Coespay.com slash burr. C-O-A-S-T-P-P-P-E. b-a-y-a-com slash burr b-U-R-R-R-D-R-D. Coast Visa Commercial Credit Card is issued by Celtic Bank. All-card accounts subject to credit card approval. All right. Okay, now we're getting into your part of the show. Now, you listen to me, run my goddamn yap the whole time.

Dude, I still haven't had breakfast yet. Dude, I'm fucking starving. Put on a few pounds when I was up there. Not going to lie to you. stress eating watching us not move the ball eating one Italian cookie after another smoking like a chimney it was like that guy in airplane

looks like I picked the wrong week to stop eating Italian cookies okay songs for products okay uh I've been doing this thing where I was coming up with I was coming up with commercials for like uh you know

because the business is shrinking. So everybody's doing like commercials. And, you know, I saw Janet Jackson kill it last month with, oh, the end of December, actually, out here in L.A. Oh, the Inland Empire. And she sings that song Escapade. And I was saying right there, you just have a go sing for Cadillac. Escalade will have a good leave your priest behind. Whatever.

That's what I've been doing. Songs for products. Oh, Songs to Proxims. product. No more tears by Ozzy Osbourne for Johnson and Johnson baby shampoo. Yet it is a song about a fucking serial killer. Yeah, but if you just take that one part out, you know, nobody knows what it's about. I didn't know that that was a song about a serial killer. I had no idea. I just sort of sang along to the chorus. I'll have to, you know what? I'll have to go back could look that one up. You know? You have to start vetting songs. You have to know all the lyrics

and you have to know what they're about. All right. Top five shittiest birds. You know, that's one of my favorite expressions, shitbird. Top five shittiest birds. All right. I was doing this last week. Well, I don't know why the birds are catching strays as the kids say. Hey, Billy Birdballs. First of all, how do you leave out the hummingbird in your top five birds? I know. I know. It's the only bird that can fly backwards. What, you don't like a bird that can moonwalk?

Yeah, and I fly helicopters. I should totally, I want to say that that was the inspiration for a helicopter. Okay, anyway, top five shittiest birds. Number five. Number five. These are the shit birds. You can do your top five favorites, top five favorite birds or top five shit, the bottom five shit birds. All right.

Number five, an emu. Just when you thought an ostrich was the ugliest bird out there, the emu comes along. Can't fly. Looks like a worm from men in black from the neck up. Dumb bird. Is it dumb? That's scary. Something that big.

that stupid, you know what I mean? Just described a lot of people. There's nothing scarier than a big drunk guy. Dumb drunk guy. You're like, oh, God, what the fuck is he going to do with a childlike brain? All right. Number four, the Blue Jay. Really?

They're the bullies of the bird world. Just fucking assholes. Anytime they see another bird eating or being in its space, they chase it off because they can. They also overpay their players like the Yankees and the Dodgers but are in Canada. so they don't get any bad press. Well, now I got to watch. I got to find out what a Blue Jay's natural enemy is. Somebody's got to make a Blue Jay Instant Karma video.

You show it like bullying chickadees and shit like that at the bird feeder. Oh, my God, dude, that's another thing. I was just being a fucking idiot when I was up there in the Super Bowl. You know those things? You know those things on the side of the road where you can just donate a book? And just free books. Like you finish a book. They're on the side of the road.

They're just like these wooden things that stand. And me and my buddy were just doing the Boston accent the whole weekend, just being idiots. And I was like, oh, dude, look at that thing. It's like a fucking nerd bird feeder. All right, woodpeckers. Woodpeck is, dude. Just an annoying bird. Woody the woodpecker made a whole generation give them a pass for being a noisy-ass bird.

I got to tell you, I hated Woody Woodpecker. He hated his laugh. He was a fucking asshole. and I don't know. I just didn't like the sound of the thing's voice. And I used to sit there watching it. Like, why am I watching this? I don't like this.

But it was a cartoon. And I was a kid. And we only had like five, six channels. Everything else was just people in suits talking. Adults, so I didn't want to watch that. So I would suffer through it. I hated it. Used to come on TV 38.

They used to flip-flop. They would show Mickey Mouse, which I didn't mind. Not Mickey Mouse. Mighty Mouse. Or they would show Woody Woodpecker. fucking hated when it switched over to Woody Whitpecker. He was just a cunt. It was just a cunt.

He never, like, lost. All right, pigeons. Oh, come on, man. That's low-hanging fruit. Everybody hates pigeons. They look dumb, but they know what's going on. You ever look one in the eye? They fucking know what's going on,

but they choose to live in filth anyway. Why do they only live in cities? How come... Where did pigeons live before there was cities? I like pigeons. They're smart enough to live in a city. You know? And then if they want to, they want to have a little getaway.

They can just fly across the river, hang in the country. But, you know, they like group thought. I can't go with pigeons. Penguins. The male, you don't like penguins? Match of the penguins. The male penguins gives women penguins big rocks if they want to stay together forever. Well, this is a metaphor for a ring.

if they know how to do that, they should pay taxes. They also gang rape and eat their young sometimes, so maybe they shouldn't pay taxes. Shout out to the Epstein files. Thanks and go fuck yourself. It's so funny that everybody wanted that list to come out, and now the list has come out, and everybody's outraged about it,

but nothing's going to happen to anybody who is or isn't on it. I don't know what people think. thought was going to happen when that list came out. You know what people do? Once again, if they're on the, if they're right wing, they only talk about the left wing people that were on it. And if you're left wing, you only talk about the right wing people on it. It's just like literally everything is politicized. All right, 80s TV mustaches. Oh, here we go.

Here we go. You know, when I was at that guy Fieri thing, not to keep dropping his name, I met somebody there that I swear to God, he, he, he, He had like this southern drawl. He looked like Bert Reynolds, jet black hair and like the beard and everything, but he was older. He probably died it. But you could just tell the guy was crushing it back in the day. Probably still is. And I was looking at this guy going like, back in the day, if I was like running a TV network,

and if I saw that guy, be like, that's it. All this guy needs is the right car and some sort of private investigator career. And we have a hit show. That's all you needed. You needed a cool guy and a cool car. you know it all worked Rockford Files

Vegas Matt Houston what was the Fred Dreyer's show sometimes they would pair him with a beautiful woman I used to watch that show all the time I thought she was so hot what the fuck was that show

anyway plowing ahead all right coast oh no that's the fucking thing I read and for some reason I couldn't I couldn't read it right. I went back up to the, what you call it there? The advertising.

Oh my God, is that all I had for this week? And I'm only 35 minutes in. Guys, I'm going to tell you, just like the Patriots, I'm going to come up short this week. Oh, God. You know what I got to do, and I'm not going to do it. I need to go. I'm going to go to the gym today. I got to get, I was doing great. And then that Super Bowl weekend threw me off. You know what? I would do well. When I would go to the parties, I'd stay away from all that stupid food. But then I'd get back to the hotel and I'd be hungry. One night, I went with the fruit plate. But then the next night, I just said, fuck it. And I got a burger. And it was fantastic with the fries.

But then the second I was done with it, I was just like, what did I do that for? You know? I don't know. I also took a couple of dry saunas. Just old guy's shit. It was funny. We were staying at that hotel and like, it's funny. Non-white people just, you know, they're like white people.

They don't understand there's all different levels of us, or a lot of them don't. Or maybe they just think there's rednecks, you know, country white people and then city white people. There's all different levels. So I was in the locker room. And in that locker room at that place I was staying at was that level of white dude, the older white dude. first of all, they just walk around with just their junk out. They don't give a fuck. And they would like stopping.

This guy like totally naked, just junk out. He's got a towel and it's hanging down, but it's hiding his leg, not his fucking unit, right? And standing there, staring at the TV like I watched ESPN back in the day, right? And he's looking at the stock ticker and the stock market shit. And I was just like, wow, I am in a room. now with the people where that that shit means something to them. Like the way we sit there watching like the scores going by or whatever, like they're sitting there and see, I don't know how well, I don't even,

I can't even name a stock. I have no idea. But anyway, let's talk about the Cow Palace. First of all, a million, I never really knew where it was. I always thought it was somewhere between, like, I thought it was outside of San Francisco. go on your way to like San Jose or something. Kind of like the Worcester Centrum, how that's like an hour ride outside of Boston or whatever.

And now that I've been there and I know where it is, we took off today from Oakland. And I, I kidding me. It sticks out like a sore thumb. It's an absolutely incredible, incredible venue. And I got to see a show there. I know I'm trying to reach back in time to go to some fucking,

show from like 40 years ago that it's already over or whatever. But I just remember hearing so many stories about it. And it completely, 100% did not look like how I thought it was going to look. Cow Pals. I just had like that, this rodeo vibe. Like, I really thought it was going to be, yeah, like, look like, you know, most of the times they have rodeos. Like, I played this really cool place one time in, uh, Boise, Idaho that also had

rodeos there. So like backstage, they had like these, like right outside the, the, where the crowd was sitting on the lower level, they had what looked like just like these wooden hallways. And that's where they brought all the livestock. The bulls are going to ride or whatever they're going to go out there and go rope or whatever. So it was a really fun venue.

So I thought it was going to look like that. I didn't think it was going to look like some old hockey venue. And I'm sure a lot of you have been like pulling your hair out, listening to me because you want me to bring this up or let me know. I believe the San Jose Sharks played there for their first couple of years in the NHL, which, you know, that was like way back the beginning on my stand-up career, but like had I been on the road, that would definitely would have been a place that I would have visited to definitely hit a game. Speaking of which coming up, I know I keep saying I'm going to, I don't know when we're going to announce these dates, but I do have a date coming up where I'm going to see the Utah mammoth.

And I have a date coming up where I'm going to see, I'm pairing it. I'm also going to see the Carolina hurricanes. And those are the last two teams that I need to see. So now what do I do to keep the road exciting? I think I'm going to go to one MotoGP race a year, like overseas. I'll do like an overseas thing. I mean, I don't know. I'm running out of shit to do.

I'm not a museum guy. I clearly don't read. You know what I mean? I just got to keep, just keep it simple. So I've never been to Spain. I mean, it just seems amazing. But then there's that other track, the fastest track with the fastest straightaway is the one in Italy. I don't know.

I'm going to figure out something, but that should be starting up any week now. That and F1. So I'm really excited about that. Also, is the Olympic break right now in the NHL. So I got to get caught up. I haven't seen that Florida Panthers game yet with the Bruins. But anyway, let me just wrap this up. Once again, saying congratulations to the Seattle.

Seahawks. I mean, you guys were just, that was, I mean, if I had historically put that into Super Bowls, that to me is that Reds, the Raiders, I want to say it was the 1983 Raiders, yeah, 83 Raiders, the 85 Bears. I wouldn't even say 2007 Giants for as much as they made Tom Brady move off his spot and kept us uncomfortably won. It was like, that was like a, the last second game. I mean, as far as just like the domination. I know I'm forgetting, as far as

great defenses, I know I'm forgetting something. I mean, would you throw those cowboys that second time the Cowboys beat the bills? I don't know, but Leon Lett held the ball out and got slapped away. Oh, the Pittsburgh

Steelers, maybe the Steelers versus the Vikings, some of those dominant ones that they I mean, like, it's a handful. It's a handful of, like, defensive, dominating games I've seen like that. Maybe the Ravens got to have one of those, don't they? I don't know. I think it hurts if your opponent is like, like, I feel like when the Ravens won their first one and they played the Giants.

Like, I feel like the Giants were kind of like the Patriots were, like, they got to the Super Bowl, but they, that year they weren't ready for prime time. You kind of have to dominate somebody that everybody thinks is going to be close. Well, I guess they said the Patriots are going to be. I don't know. Whatever. All I'm saying, they were fucking amazing. So now here's the Billy Rain Man segment of the program.

That was the 60th Super Bowl. Let me see if I can just in my head do a map and go around and count them all. All right. Seattle has two. And we go down to the Bay Area. San Francisco has five. That's seven. I'm not going to add these up in my head.

You guys can add it up. See if it comes out this fucking 60. All right. Seattle's got two. San Francisco has five. The Raiders have three. The Rams have two. L.A. Chargers.

San Diego Chargers. L.A. Chargers. Going back in their history. Have zero. They do have an AFL title. Arizona Cardinals, St. Louis Cardinals, Chicago Cardinals have zero. zero. No Super Bowls.

We go to Denver. Denver has three. Back to back with L.A. and Peyton Manning. We go to Texas. The Texans don't have any. Cowboys have five. The Chiefs have four, I believe. Three with old tippy toes there. Patrick Mahomes. And then one with Len Dawson. 64 toss power trap. Oh, wait a second.

I fucked up. That's where I was fucking up. The L.A. Rams, St. Louis Rams. Oh, that's right. So they have three total. Two is the L.A. Rams. One is the St. Louis Rams. And they were the Cleveland Rams, the L.A. Rams, the Anaheim Rams, the St. Louis Rams, and then the fucking L.A. Rams.

Why do I know all of this shit? Why do I need to know this shit? How does it help me in life? Distraction. Bread and circus. Minnesota Vikings. We all know the answer to that. They got nothing.

The Buffalo Bills of the fucking NFC. They've lost the Super Bowl. I want to say four times. Wait a second. Wait a minute. Okay. They lost two. Let's see.

They lost to the dolphins. They lost to. I used to be able to do this shit. I got to brush up on this. They lost to the Steelers and they lost to the radius. And then they also... Oh, no, they lost to the dirty birds. That was in the NFC.

Jesus, have they not been back since Super Bowl 11? Get the fuck out of here. Whatever. Let's continue on. The Green Bay Packers have four. Two with Bart Starr, Brett Favre, Aaron Rogers. The Bears won. Jim McMahon.

Indianapolis Colts won. Peyton Manning. Oh, I should have been doing the quarterbacks. Cincinnati Bengals, the Cleveland Browns, and the Detroit Lions, the triangle death of no Super Bowls. Shout out to 1957,

I think it's the last time the Lions won an NFL title of 55. The Cleveland Browns won an NFL title. Well, they're the Ravens now. You see, this is where it gets difficult. They haven't won. The new version hasn't won since they came back in the late 90s. Whatever. Then we start going down south.

Tennessee Titans, aka the Houston Oilers, have zero. The Norland Saints have won with Drew Brees. The Atlanta Falcons have zero. The Tampa Bay. Bay Buccaneers have two. The Miami Dolphins have two. Jacksonville Jaguars zero. Carolina Panthers, zero. I didn't have to be that harsh with the Panthers. Zero. I don't have to go zero. Washington Redskins have three. The Ravens have two. Pittsburgh Steelers have six. The Philadelphia Eagles have two.

New York Jets, poor bastards. They got one, though. They do have one. The Giants have four. The Bills, zero, and the Patriots six. There you go. Did that come out to 60? I don't know why I do this shit.

All right, everybody. I'm mercifully end this goddamn podcast. I apologize for it being a little late. But whatever. as much as my team got their ass kicked, I still had a fucking great time. And I loved all the music. I loved all the music.

Well, it was in English, Spanish, it was sung by somebody straight, somebody gay, somebody in the middle. I don't give a fuck. Just be cool. Stop letting these fucking people stir you up and make you a fucking hateful person. everybody just be cool. Let these fucking nerds with their weird science fucking cars and all of this shit.

When they try to get you stirred, just don't, I don't know. They're going to win. They're going to win because there's no rules on monopolies now. And they're going to be able to manipulate the markets. And, you know, two people loan all of our media. We've killed journalism in this fucking country. I mean, it's going to get worse before it gets better. But it's, it's going to get worse before it gets better. going to get better. All right? And it starts with you. All right? Just like Michael Jackson used to say. And you know, Michael Jackson was kind of everything. You know, he was sort of a hybrid. He was like, he was like an LS swap, except racially. Like, I don't know where he was. I don't know how all that thing worked out. But, you know, everybody's doing what they're doing. I saw a few things like that. Oh my God. I came out of this one party.

Jesus Christ. I can't tell that fucking story. It's just somebody who had stayed at the party too long and was still wearing leather pants and still thought that they were attractive. And he'd just sitting there. Oh, my God. Taking a picture with them. And he's just fucking, can you just go home?

Just go home and put on some sweat. It's okay. You had your time. You had your fucking. That's how we felt at the door. draft kinks thing i will tell you that me and my buddies are all like you know i'm older they're like in their 40s and i'm my 50s and we went into that party and uh i immediately felt just like a chaperone we stayed there for like six minutes and we were just laughing at how fucking old we are it's it's a

and just how what my life has become like i haven't realized i have not interacted with people in their 20s i can't even remember because somewhere in my 40s like college gigs doing stand-up kind of like dried up. And then, you know, I started a family with my lovely wife. And without you even knowing it, all of a sudden, all your friends become like married couples with kids the same age. And you're just in the bubble. And like my whole life has just been going on like either dates with my wife or double dates with other married people and then like kid parties. Standing around trying not to get hit in the balls as somebody's whacking a pinata. Like that's that's what it becomes.

And you just get through the day and you fucking, you fall asleep at like 8.30. It's hilarious. But I'm really thankful for this experience because I almost missed my window to be a dad. And it's been the greatest thing that's really ever happened to me. And I'm psyched to be home. So thank you to everybody that I ran into in the Bay Area. I got, I had so much fun. Oh my God.

I forgot today in the airport. This guy, I swear to God, it sounded like a sketch. his accent. He was some guy from Virginia. We went through like TSA and I'm waiting for my bag to come through. And this guy, I swear to God, his accent, Virginia guy. He's just like, hey, man, he's like, he's this old guy. He's like, ain't you that, that comedy person that I see on the internet?

I see you all the time. He had a big long intro, a big long intro where he described me. The comedy guy I see on the internet and all those video things, and dot it, the guy was fucking, he was a gem. And he goes, I can't believe it. I came out to California. I saw a celebrity.

I feel so lucky. He was just like the nicest fucking, dude, me and my buddy were just fucking, just like, not laughing at him, we were just laughing at how fucking nice he was. He was looking at the nicest people I've ever met in my life. Like, I was just shaking, like,

you ever meet somebody, they just make you, like, you make your face hurt. your smile so hard. He was the nicest fucking guy ever. And I wish I could remember word for word. He had no idea what my name was. But the way he, that internet guy in the video, and he had like two more ways of describing me, my buddy just bursted on laughing. And it was a really slow, like southern drawl. So it took him like 30 seconds to say the whole thing. It reminded me a long time ago. I was on a plane. And it was some of the worst turbulence I'd ever

been in and we were landing in like Nebraska and there was this older guy next to me and it was the first time he ever flew on a plane and this fucking pilot dude we came in crabbing in like fucking sideways and at the last second he straightened it out and dude the hardest I've ever hit a runway you heard all the luggage move under the fucking plane

it was just bam bam bam bam and then we fucking you know came to like a stop and I looked over over to him and I just went like you know after we stopped and we were taxed I was like Jesus Christ that was a rough flight and he goes he goes oh is it over and I go yeah I go what did you think that sound was and he goes oh I thought we hit something like we were driving down the goddamn street um anyway so that's it that's billy's super bowl weekend podcast

is over. Thanks to everybody that plays professional football. And thank you to the NFL too for letting everybody do their thing on Sunday, either on the field or musically or whatever. It was a great fucking time. I had a great time, even though I got my sports balls kicked into my fucking throat. Whatever. What are you going to do? Let's go Bruins. Let's go Celtics. I'm excited for baseball is around the corner. I'm going to watch some Olympic hockey, the downhill skiing. What else do I? I fucking watch all that shit.

I don't care. All right. That's it. Curling. You got to love curling. Curling. It's just one of the great just sit there drinking sports

you could ever watch. All right, I'm going to shut the fuck up. I'll talk to you guys later. Go fuck yourselves. I'll check in on you on Thursday.