Monday Morning Podcast - TAMMP 2-16-24

Episode Date: February 16, 2024

Bill rambles with Joe Bartnick about old casinos, assisted reality, and broadcast gimmicks.  

All right. Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Byrd. It's time for the Thursday afternoon. Just before Friday, Monday morning podcast, and I'm just checking in on you, seeing how your week's going. You know why? Because I care.

All right. Unlike these politicians and these hairy-legged sew-and-sews and the pharmaceutical companies, I care about you, which means I have a tour coming up and I need to sell tickets, but that's not what this is about. I have a guest here today, one of my oldest friends in the business, the Rose Bowl tailgate legend who's out there now

with his own headlining tour, the one and only Joe Bartnick, ladies and gentlemen. What's up, Bill? I will tell you what's up. Last night I watched my Celtics. Dude, I put the game on in the will tell you what's up last night. I watched my Celtics dude I put the game on in the second half. They were up by 50 Wow, that's very nice at one point. They were up by like 54 They ended up winning the game by 50. It was like we put our bench in and

Prichard was leading the way who you know sometime I think sometimes he starts I'm not sure if he does I don't't think he does. But he was just draining threes. Everyone was just having a field day on the Brooklyn Nets there. That was the inverse of my sports experience last night. As Aaron will know, the final nail in the Pittsburgh Penguin Dynasty coffin was nailed last night. If there was any glimmer of hope that even I had kind of shut the door on Done Florida Panthers came in boom boom boom the big cats a this a life booing the power play the penguins were booed Sell that crowd booed the penguins. So where you guys in the standings? We're looking up at everybody except like Columbus on the looking in. You don't experience that much.

I know the feeling of losing to the Panthers. So no gotta tell a Bruinsan about that. I mean, the games in hand are just a bag of shit in my hand. It's just done, the lint. What happened? You know, everybody kind of got old, the bottom six. Our power play is, if our power play was not right, our power play is like like 30th in the league and we have

four Hall of Famers technically that's only too higher than me I know literally it's the bottom and that's why we're 32 teams of 30 32 32 all right yeah I'm ranked 33rd 33rd if you ever saw me play over at the pickwick ball oh my god how about me and this is funny when you sent me the clip of like 1970s hockey they kind of skated like me. Oh, I sent Bartnick this great clip in color of, what was it? It was the Montreal Canadians against the Kansas City scouts who later became the Colorado Rockies,

who later became your New Jersey Devils. The Devils, the Devils, the Devils. I'm like, there's only three teams, two teams that I can think of that have moved four times. Oh, maybe the Raiders too. There's the Sacramento Kings. They were the Rochester Royals, the Cincinnati Royals, the Kansas City Kings, and then the Sacramento Kings.

And then the Oakland A's were the The Philadelphia A's the white elephant and then it was the Kansas City A's Then the Oakland A's and now if this goes through Which I don't know if it's gonna I was just out in Vegas Joe Bartnick and they were gonna They're getting ready to tear down the Tropicana. It's about time No, it's a great place. Two legendary stories out there. All right? One, not so much. We'll start with mine.

It's not that I got replaced as a headliner. The first time I headlined there, I was like 28 years old. You know, I was some up and coming guy and they stuck me out there and it was like a blue-haired crowd and I didn't know how to play to him. And I was doing all my fucking hip New York City stupid shit and they were just staring at me like you know nobody cares so then by like I think I got there on a Tuesday Thursday morning the lady who ran it she's like yeah hey Bill so how do you think it's going? I was like oh god now my girlfriend at the time I flew her out and she thought I was

headlining and then she showed up and I was middling and the other famous story was the feds Didn't like there's too much mob activity owning the place So they decided that they were gonna make it more legit and give it to a corporation You know, that's what the feds did. So the two people that bid on it Wayne Newton had a group of people that bid on it. Wayne Newton had a group of people, investors, with him forfeiting.

And then Johnny Carson had a group. Yes. And then Wayne Newton won. And then Johnny Carson started doing jokes in his monologue, saying Wayne Newton had a little dick. And Wayne was like, Johnny, you insult me a little bit. And Johnny kept doing it. And then Wayne, Wayne Newton jumped on a little fucking

puddle jumper, went over there to Burbank, had a little talk into Johnny. and that was the end of that. I literally just read this, the second to last book I read. Yeah. I forget what it was called. I have no short-term memory. Yeah. That was the second to last book I read was about that.

That's when you could handle it yourself because there was no cell phone cameras. Yeah, and I guess Wayne is a black belt. Dude, he probably grabbed Johnny by what was left of his hair and took one of Ed Shaughnessy's sticks and stuck it under his throat and said, next time you make a dick joke, this is going to be a knife. Yeah. Cut your fucking head off. And then Johnny was like, all right.

And they used to be great friends. Johnny used to be big time in Vegas, according to that book I read. Yeah, a lot of us. They backed away, which he wouldn't know, but you wouldn't know that because I guess no, I wasn't old enough to know that. Well, I think he was he was doing the show five days a week. And then he got his own clothing line. Those Johnny Carson suits. Hey, Gar. Yeah. With the double split in the back and in the mudflap before we get going too far. This guy is one of my favorite comedians

in the business. You got to go see this guy. All you guys out there like, oh, you know, everything's too fucking, this too, this guy is going to be nice and unfiltered if that's what you're looking for. Joe Bartnick, speaking of Philly, Philly, Joe Bartnick will not have the Philly flu on March 10th. He's showing up Sunday at the Punchline Comedy Club in Philly. Then what else you got? You got Zany's Comedy Club in Nashville, March 12th, Chicago, March 13th, and then you got the Punchline Comedy Club, your hometown, your surrogate hometown. Yes, San Francisco. In San Francisco on the 29th.

The 20th. The 20th, sorry, on the 29 29th if you're in upstate New York Prokipsy yes laugh it up hey laugh it up I love for kids that's a great fun crowd I'm in Denver the 21st Herman Tideway March of March I got like five or six big shows of March okay all right and that's the whole purpose you've been here on all I'm hearing is the feedback I'm getting all these emails from fans saying like oh thank you so much for recommending that's the whole purpose of you being here. And all I'm hearing is the feedback. I'm getting all these emails from fans saying, like, oh, thank you so much for recommending this guy.

Oh, that's nice of you to say. Oh, there you go. I'm not saying it, dude. I'm reading it. I'm not making shit up here. You're not a reader. I'm not a big reader. He came in and just tried to give me a book,

and I'm like, no, I don't accept cigars or books anymore. I'm getting that shit out of my life. I've quit both. I've quit books. Well, books aren't healthy for you. You read a bunch of stuff and you learn stuff you don't want to know. I know.

You know, I saw this fucking douche on Instagram yesterday. And he was going like, in this sing-songy voice, he was letting everybody know that even though though you put it in recycle bin, nobody recycles it, and it ends up in the ocean. And then the tires that they do recycle end up on playgrounds, and they're giving your kids cancer. And he's doing it in this sing-songy voice. And I want to be like, dude, this information

is at least 10 years old, if not 20 years old. I was going to say, how's that new TikTok info? I don't know. It was on Instagram. And he goes, and the ba-ba-ba is giving your kids cancer. Like, he had it all figured out. It's like, stop acting like you followed a recycling truck to see where it went.

Somebody told you this shit, and now you went on the internet trying to be Mr. Fucking Know-It-All. And that's what I do. That's still happier, though, than my experiences on Instagram and TikTok. Because I'm in this algorithm of people hanging off of very, very scary places. I'm in this algorithm of people hanging off of very very scary places And I'm deathly afraid of heights and somehow in seeing all this and it's like it just gives me the heebie-jeebies

I you know, it's weird. I can't I can't handle us when those kids walk up there But I want you to start watching it you keep all you do is saying like well They have the video of it So there's no way this kid died those ones where they have like the buildings that are under construction and every time you're like, well, they have the video of it, so there's no way this kid died. Those ones where they have the buildings that are under construction, and every time you're like, all right, all right, they go up and up and up, they have like fucking no followers.

Or they're hoverboarding over stuff. I mean, fear, sorry. Or there's, you can see the ones where they're like truck drivers in the Himalayas. There's like a one lane road on the side of the cliff. Oh no, fuck that. It's like, why are you doing it? Literally though, I'm stuck in this abyss

of all this comes up, all the time. Oh, there's a bunch of people in a bus and they're like hanging onto their babies and shit. And the guy has like, you know, the double wheels on the right. Yeah. Like one of them's off. And every he's like, oh, oh, oh.

And then he gives it a little gas and he fishtails back in. Who has to be on that bus? Like who needs to get, can't you just walk? Obviously it's not an option, you know? Obviously, I mean, the spirit run that bus line. I don't know. Like there has to be a better way to get there.

You know, you know, they got- Hey, Edna, I'm not gonna make your 80th birthday party. Yeah. Cause I would like to be 80 someday I bet they board that bus like Delta Airlines that there's all these fucking pre-borders And everybody sits on the left side of the bus whatever side isn't towards They try to sell it has a view that's a great view yeah You want to be on the scenic side? Yeah, or the safe side?

They sell one side is a safe side like you're not fucking both going over There's a drink cart. Yeah, dad. Do we were out in Vegas? We did the anything better me and me in Verzium. We got to go to that game and like dude. I got me honest with you the the fucking Kansas City Chiefs getting points. I don't think I've ever been more relaxed I just walked up with the stack of money and go just give me the chiefs I knew that they were gonna fucking win. I just it's like they're the chiefs They just they fucking win they won two games on the road Well, they've been there before and they're getting points and I just had I just I but the game didn't go the way

I thought it was gonna go I thought the chiefs I thought they were gonna match touchdowns and then the chiefs were gonna go a little bit out in front and Purdy was gonna have to go to the air and play catch-up and then his inexperience was gonna catch up with them and instead it was their defense dominated made Patrick Holmes look average they just couldn't convert it into points. They kept taking penalties and getting involved in like first and 15 or second and 20. But here's a stat, though. The fucking Chiefs have not been through their three Super Bowl. Either their last three or their three victories have not been called for holds.

And they're showing some brutal fucking holds. And I was kind of getting David Stern vibes when I would watch the NBA going like, this is kind of massaged to, I think, you know, in my heart of hearts, I really think though, they need the stories and they need the stars and stuff. And they just sort of like, you know,

like when reality television at first was just reality television, but then you had to sift through 700 hours of footage. They're like, we're not fucking doing this. So they started doing assisted reality. Oh yeah, absolutely. I wrote on a couple of those assisted reality shows. Yeah.

Oh, you did. Which one? Oh, well, I was in one of them. My wife's so whore. You want to swap? Isn't that a show? You know, well, Eddie Griffin going for broke. I punched that show up.

I remember that show. Eddie Griffin, it was great. I watched it because it was Eddie's show. Yeah, I helped punch up that show. Was that about him doing stand up, or was it a thing about relatives? I mean, this is like a long time ago. He was-

The 2000s. Yeah, it wasn't the 2000s for sure. He had like a bunch of women and a bunch of, the whole life going steady griffin'. And he called me the white devil. But I was nice to his mom, because I'm nice to everybody, so he liked me. But other than that, it was interesting.

His manager at the time was Michael Jackson's manager, who was- You're nice to everybody until you're not. Oh. Hey, Tom Cruise thanked me Michael Jackson's manager who was who was you're nice to everybody until you're not Hey Tom Cruise thank me for coming out to see the movie You still like I still enjoyed that's one of my favorite things ever You know I like top I guess Tom Cruise did a thing the beginning of Top Gun And he thanked everybody for coming out. I think I talked about the last time Yeah, I think he did

He thanked me like he went hey Joe Joe Bartnick. I'm sorry everybody else, but Joe Bartnick I want to thank you. I am that narcissistic that I would think yeah He looked out and play every everybody who goes on stage has a has a Guess at least a dash doesn't everybody who is not a narcissist even nuns are probably narcissists now That's a narcissistic thing to say. Isn't everybody like me? No, what it is, is I have a lot of experience with narcissists, growing up with a lot of them and everything. The saddest thing is the person that they latch onto. That's the person you end up feeling bad for. So all of our wives. Yeah, or the husbands.

I mean, it goes both ways. It's kind of like, and then you have, I think white people as a race behave like narcissists. We're like, oh, that never happened. Ah, that was a long time ago. I'm not gonna hire you, but get a job, you lazy bastard. Like, you choose to live this way. Like, we as a race kind of fucking,

just don't take responsibility for anything or just say it was a lot of. I think everybody doesn't take responsibility for things they don't want to. I think that's a race thing. Once again. Once again. I think everybody's doing that. No, there's adults out there.

There's people out there that actually be like, you know what? You're right. Well, when they get into politics. I'm not getting into politics. So the Japanese, they take responsibility for Barbara? I was including liberals. I feel like liberals are a curse. They're the worst.

They're a curse. They're not a curse. Relax. I'm a middle of the road guy. You're not. But we'll let you say that. Everybody thinks they're middle of the road. You lean.

Everybody's leaning. Like the people on that post. Well, I'm leaning because I'm not crazy Yeah, I mean there it is Yeah, I like the context something the whole world makes sense to everybody in their head And if everybody would just do what I'm doing it would all make sense That's why I can't what that's like the old carlin joke or I think it's Carlin, everyone that drives faster than you's crazy. Everyone that drives slower than you's an asshole.

Right? You ever notice everybody else's stuff is shit and all your shit is stuff? It's all the same thing. That's his joke. Hey, we get your shit out of here so I put my stuff down. That's how human beings are.

That's how we're naturally fucking wired. And I blame God. And I'm just sick of this devil shit that he keeps. He keeps putting it on the fucking devil. It's like, no, dude, we're coming off your assembly line like this. You know what I mean? Do you know how long it got me to actually hear what my wife had to say? I'm just like until this morning.

No, like, yeah, like when she when she comes at me and says what I did it's like she's talking about somebody else. I'm like I didn't do that Like a long time ago. You said Jesus fucking I said it one time She goes you said it like nine time with the summit vent. I went Jesus fucking Christ I thought I said it once you said I said it like nine times and evidently I was embarrassing the hell out of her and I had no I said it like nine times and evidently I was embarrassing the hell out of her and I had no fucking Recollection of it and I walked out of there. I felt like the victim that right there is the human experience Feeling like the victim when you're the aggressor a lot of the times and I would say everybody does that Yeah, probably yeah a hundred percent, but not everybody's gonna be it at the punchline on March 10 But not everybody's gonna be at the punchline on March 10th on Philly. Woo! Right there.

Yeah, no, I mean, you know, I just think that, I think the little narcissism is good for you. Oh, look who it is, everybody. It's old Zip. Brrrrrr, Grrr. You know, our friends at Zip or Grrr are conducted a recent survey and have found that the top hiring challenge employers face for 2024 is a lack of qualified candidates. But if you're an employer and need to hire, here's good news. ZipRecruiter.com has smart tools and features that help you find more qualified candidates fast.

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Fucking line. There's a fine line between being self-assured and being insufferable. You know, there's a fine line between being conservative and joining a hate group. There's a fine line between being a liberal and becoming a fucking fascist. It's all like really just like, it's literally, it's like this and like this,

but everybody. Is it funny how like the most liberal and the most conservative people end up meeting at the bottom? 100%. Dude, some of the fucking reviews from liberals of my specials, it's like they literally immediately judge me

on my fucking, my race, my sexuality. And the fucking straight guy whining about fucking air conditioning. Right blah, blah, blah. And I'm just going like, you're liberal? Like, have you ever, and then it's like totally like, like reverse sexist, the whole fucking thing. And then you read the review and it's like, dude, you had your mind made up of me before you even

watched my special, and then you fast forward so you get topics. And then he talks about this, and he's like, you're not fucking watching this shit. That's the way it is. Or is that my narcissism going like, that's not what this special was. This special was magnificent.

Well, it was a magnificent special. But the truth is somewhere in between. But people want to just focus on what they, there's just a lot of anger. See, I think my narcissism is this kind of when I see haters coming to me. I just think they're jealous of me All right, you know, I don't know like you know, they're doing their thing and they're angry So you have to get back at me like you know, I'm just I take it personal you do no No, you don't you take very little few things personal. No, I I

I don't you take sports more personal than other stuff. Yes, and I've given up on that. I've given up on actually someone on the other side acknowledging, like, take your penguins. You know what I mean? They're never going to acknowledge that they had a bunch of leg breakers on that fucking team. They're going to put them in the ring of honor,

and they're going to put their whipped cream on them and act like those people. I actually feel more comfortable defending off Samuelson. leg breakers on that fucking team. They're gonna put them in the ring of honor and they're gonna put their whipped cream on them and act like those people. I actually feel more comfortable defending off Samuelson. And I do talk in politics. Yeah, I mean, no, but I'm not gonna fucking die on that hill. I know you see nothing wrong with that guy. That guy is like, he's an Eagle Scout.

No, he's no, but every team performed a function. Every team has guys that perform function. Yes, he did. You might not like the way we liberate countries, but some of those guys, they got to do what they got to do. Oh, yeah. Oh, that's a whole other thing. No, I don't get it.

But I'm just saying, like, there's guys have jobs. They got to do their jobs. His job was to disrupt, you know. I hope nobody ever liberates this country. They probably have. I've seen the way it happens. It doesn't seem to liberate. They probably have. I've seen the way it happens. It doesn't seem too liberating. They're coming.

Yeah. Are they? Who's coming? We can vaporize anybody. I think they're already here. The people in charge are doing it. Oh, yeah. Oh, the corporations.

Yes. Yeah, yeah. Good luck with that. Good luck getting people to wake up. That's why I'm a narcissist. I just enjoy my cocktails. I enjoy my hockey. I enjoy my hockey. I enjoy my dogs.

It's not the corporation. It's the ties. The color of the ties is what's doing. That's what everybody. Oh, the ties. I'm like, there's no ties. There's shootouts now. We don't have ties anymore.

What did you think about the game? The Super Bowl, I thought was amazing and it played out exactly the way I thought it would was that I think San Francisco is a better team But I would never bet against Mahomes and I would have bet Mahomes except the fact that the Steelers won the season over after Blowing to losing to the past and somebody else when they were at the two two-win teams within five days And I'm like there's no way I'm gonna recover this over. And they did, I'm like, I'm done betting this season.

Oh, you were betting, what was your bet? The Steelers, over eight and a half. It was the biggest lock ever. Oh, the thing that won more than eight and a half games? Yeah. And then, it's seven and nine, they lost to two, two and 10 teams in five days. Yeah, it's never a lock, dude.

You always have to die like a thousand deaths Yeah, I kind of felt the same thing. I thought that the 49ers are a better team and but the chiefs know how to win 49ers don't know how to win yet And then the chiefs are gonna get the calls they they they are He has been allowed now because of guys like TJ Watt and that the crazy guy I love on the Raiders and the guy in Dallas. The guys just can sack the quarterback at any time. A very athletic 260 pound guy that can run like a 401 can beat a 390 pound obese tackle around the end.

So they have to hold because when quarterbacks get hurt, look what happens, burrows hurt, they're done. Every team needs their quarterback to be healthy. So they have to hold. When quarterbacks get hurt, look what happens. Burrows hurt. They're done. Every team needs their quarterback to be healthy. So they have to protect the guy. That's why holding is basically legal now. Yeah, they're protecting their money. And I think right now, if you look around the league, the Chiefs have the Ocean's 11 cast, and then they added Julia Roberts up in the box with Taylor Swift. You knew that if there was going to be a tough call, which I'm not really making this about calls or anything, but that is an added thing. That Mahomes has an influence the way Brady did,

the way Peyton Manning did, the way all of the stars get fucking calls. I mean, think about it. They let Jordan get beat up, and then he took two years off. The first year, the Spurs beat up LeBron, and they were like, you know what, we're not doing this again. We're letting him do whatever he wants, because he's the moneymaker. Right. Have you seen some of the highlights of the fucking level of double dribbling and fouling? It's fucking, I mean, traveling. Oh, it's, it's, even in college now,

my wife's a big Syracuse person. And I watched like, I watched Syracuse now. It's just like, the guy's just treated like they're the club trotters. Dude, there's one of LeBron on a fast break. He catches the ball, maybe 10 feet past the half court and he runs like four steps and then dunks. Yeah. And it's just like, what the fuck? Oh, it was his rugby what just happened there?

He just grabbed the ball and started running with it I have watched that Jimmy doors take me to a couple clipper games, which is which is nice other than the noise in the arena It's fun. Yeah, the DJs are definitely an issue in LA sports They like they they are there and they're gonna let you know that they're there Even at the Dodgers game. They got it like dog at the baseball game fucking cranked. Oh, well me and Verzi went to the So far the other this season We were just in having it having a tequila there was you know when it's like just a couple like teenage kids shagging punts Mm-hmm. It was like two punters on the field.

There was noise like it was third and 10 in the Super Bowl and the fourth. They're like, ha! Oh yeah. And we're like, there's no one. No one's in the stands. And then you look around, stand, you look around and everybody's like, the stare at the screen.

There was no one in the stands. It was like, it was LA a half hour before the game. So there's nobody here. No, you know what I noticed too? Like how much they pump crowd noise in? I went to, it was Saints versus the Rams. I mean, it's nobody. Yeah. No, you know what I noticed too like how much they pump crowd noise in I went to It was Saints first the Rams. I mean, it's a gorgeous stadium the stadiums look ridiculous You feel like it's you're in that's like a green screen when you look across so I was at the game and like I Just hearing this constant screaming and I'm looking around like nobody's cheering everybody

You actually get drowned out by the DJ and the fake applause and then the Saints did something intercepted a ball ran it back for a touchdown and then they didn't pump any noise in and then you heard the Saints fans and what they it's like oh that's what real cheering sounds like and then the second they got done cheering when they were lining up for the football the kickoff again you start hearing And I'm looking around And everybody's just sitting there like I really feel like those DJs They're supposed to amp up the crowd But what they do is they they take you out of the game because their system is so much louder

It's like I can't yell over that I can't be heard over that. And like, you're, you know, you're just going, second down at eight. And it's just like, all right. Yeah, you get kind of all over the stadium. Like I love when they're yelling what down it is and how many yards there are. Yet there's these fucking giant TVs that have all of the information. And who, I mean, how many Taylor Swifts

are there that don't know football? Like, who do you have to like tell what's going on to? Rayler sees a football game his numbers on the field I mean it's it's right there and then you got the guy flipping the thing over you can see it there You can see that's all right. I remember being in southern when I started putting the yellow lines I like having to look at the marker. Oh the marker. I like to yell. I don't mind the on the The on field graphics. Who's the first person to do that and they got ridiculed on Fox probably was the yeah the NHL Oh, the glowing puck the glowing pocket and had the tail made it was fucking bizarre

Well, now I like now everybody and they all got ridiculed but now like everybody took that technology And I like when they do like the red zone thing I like when they have like the first down star they hey He's five yards from a field goal now like on the Ducks broadcast sometimes when they shoot it shows like like it's like in a golf shot when the turf goes sometimes it'll like show the shot like the speed of the shot. We played when we were out there we played at this place the summit it's a private country club and we're doing the anything better thank you to the people at

the MGM Grand Casino, cause it was a private thing. They're like, oh, we want these guys to have a good time. Cause we were trying to get, we were trying to play the win, but they were keeping it for all their high roller guests. They went on high rollers. So we couldn't get on there. And this guy just hooked us up.

The most gorgeous golf course. I felt like it was in the fucking PGA. I actually played better because it looked so good. The Greens was super fast, but I had a great caddy. And you know what, Joe, I'm coachable. So I just did what he was saying, and I had a good time. I just had a good time. Did he wear the caddy outfit?

He had the whole fucking caddy outfit. Oh, that's great. Oh, yeah, no, we had a good time. And there was a couple of NFL players I saw out there. Oh, really? Yeah yeah yeah I'm not gonna say the names but like dude I got this one quarterback we fucking they're all like six five now and but you look at them they're not built the way they used to be built where they were like all thick and everything I think guys like Tom Brady and even like Peyton Manning.

Peyton Manning played for a long time they were were more like, like more like, I don't know, like Pilates, why are we- Yeah, they do the stretching. They get their inner muscles stronger through core. Yeah, so like they try to become as double jointed as possible so when they get hit, they can take the hit. And I was looking at the quarterback and he looked more like he played basketball.

You know, he didn't look like, he was still big, but he looked like he would play two or three in the NBA. He didn't look like, he was still big, but he looked like he would play two or three in the NBA. You don't look like, I was like, this guy's taking fucking hits. It's amazing those guys, anyone, when you see him in real life, that they take the hits. Because his hits are so violent. You know what I saw a long time ago,

it surprised me how big he was, was Joe Thysman. Oh yeah, he's thick. Yeah, because Joe, he had like the field go kicker, the one bar you know so it didn't make him, actually many was a tough guy that he only had like the one bar right. He was basically playing with like a 1960s football helmet and I saw him at like a mall. I walked by him and he was, he was dude, he was like six two which was bigger back then. It's not everybody's six five. This is like in the 90s when I saw him, but yeah, dude He had like a fucking barrel chest and at that point

I mean he had to be pushing 50 and I was looking at like I would not fuck with that guy that guy would like choke Slam me obviously he would he's a pro football player, but it's just like you just grew up Watching him getting thrown around by Lawrence Taylor and stuff so when you head you're like you're like this guy's like five eight and then you see him and he's like six two you're like this guy gets ragged all this guy would fucking throw me across the parking lot what if they compare to the hogs he's a little guy but compared to the accountant he's a tough guy. What a great the hogs what a great name yeah the, the hogs, the punch. How many offensive lines, offensive lines had, for our younger listeners, the Washington Redskins,

they were like, I think, I wanna say, maybe it was the Cowboys, but they were one of the first ones that had an entire line that was pushing 300 pounds. Right, and they were like, that's when no one went free agency, so they all stuck around for like five years, at least five, six years. They won three. Who was that top guy who was like six, seven? What the, what was his name? Jacobi, right? Jacobi. I was thinking Jay Schrader. That was a quarterback. Remember, remember, like, remember the nose

tackle was Dave Buns. I tell him. I know a lot of old hugs. but it's funny the Redskins actually started in Boston oh That's right. I read that one time yet and actually that guy was the most racist owner ever I mean it started in Boston. There you go But he's so unknown for a baked beans chowder and racism He grew up in West Virginia and champion. It was on like the wrong side of the Civil War. He rooted for the wrong team. Yeah

Wow, and that's why he was he personally held the NFL back racially for like a decade All as far as like but NFL integrated pretty early Before they realized before they said this might not be a good idea or before this guy threw a fit there was blacks in the NFL. In the 20s. Yes. And then they took them out. They took them out. And then they were like well we want to you know we want to have a better product. Yeah well what happened was they drafted a couple and they were like the best players like hey we should all do this. It's like how it's like the SEC got integrated. The SEC was all like we're white and then all of a sudden like they started losing to like USC and like, what were we?

It always comes down to that. Yeah. Of course. It's always about money. It's never about like the right thing. But I will say what the right thing is to go out and see Joe Bartnick on his tour. We were, I feel like there's like Charlie Rose this time.

Wasn't, not too many laughs this show. What do you mean? We were laughing. Okay. I thought it was like a very serious conversation narcissism politics We never get heavy Well, yeah, we haven't seen each other for a while. What would you we usually do? We're usually drunk outside the Rose Bowl trying to name every starting quarterback from 1978. We can

I know my wife is like, you don't care about everything. Bob Breesie, Steve Grogan, Joe Ferguson. We'll do divisions. I'll do AFC East first. Richard Todd and Bert Jones. Oh, I love Bert Jones. Maybe there's a ram for a minute. Okay, then we have Sip.

We have Sip. Brian Sip. We have Sip, Terry, Pasterini, and Kenny, the Candasterini and Kenny the candles Anderson Kenny the candle and then Bill Kenny's always the last straw That's always the one we never get you just gave it to me Bill Kenny on the chief Stabler Dan fouts air Korea Jim Zorn Zornie. Yeah, who am I missing in that division? I think we did all Broncos Craig more Craig Morton Craig Morton. All right now we go now you got to do NFC East NFC East would be all these Pussarchic Who was he playing for the Giants? Oh My god, I wouldn't have got that. I thought my 78 theater drafts Phil Sims. Well, I mean Phil's more like the age

I'll say Pussar Pussar Pussar and then well jaws Jaworsky or Roman Gabriel early 70s Roman Gabriel, then Jaws. I love Jaws. Okay, then we go Douse, obviously, Stobbuck or Danny White, the punner. And then we have, who's the other team there? Cardinals. Cardinals, oh, oh, Jim Hart.

Yeah, Jim Hart, played forever. Jim Hart, okay, then the central. I'm doing the central okay Bob Avelini Mike Mike Phipps was he on the or Lynn Dickey? Who was in Dickey was the Packer Mike Phipps was the Browns sorry Lynn Dickey was on the Mike Evans was on good times. Who was the black landry? Greg Landry was the was the and and Williams. Doug Williams. I'm missing somebody. Oh, the Vikings. Hang on, hang on. Fran Tarkington.

Fran Tarkington. Before Tommy Kramer. Or Tommy Kramer. And the other one is the kid- By the way, we both went to summer school, but we can never forget this shit. And the other thing was the guy that's now the big-time announcer on CBS, we used to play for the Lions.

He does Saturday afternoons with Vern. Oh, Gary Danielson. Gary Danielson was the line. Yep. Okay. And now the West a Pat Hayden and or Vince Farragamo and or Roman Gabriel we accepted for the Rams and then you had the Niners is a John. Hey, well John Hades way before that. Oh, it would be Steve the Berg Or Jim Plunkett or John Brody. Oh Brody. Yes. Yes. All acceptable. Throw him to Gene Washington. Oh yeah. Me and Gene's from Pittsburgh. Me and Gene. They said he's running style running home from school.

He was scared. Oh good. I could see that. And then okay. So we had the other teams on the West. The Falcons. You got the Falcons. Steve Barkowski. Yes. The Polish Cannon. Polish Cannon. Yeah. Barkowski. Yes. The Polish Canon. Polish Canon. Yeah, Barkowski and then you got the Saints. Wait a minute. Oh, Archie. Archie Manning. Archie Manning.

Good call. But remember when the original Black dudes have played for the Bears, he came in for a minute. Virgil Livers. No, he's a receiver. Virgil Livers. That sounds like a made-up name. No, that was a receipt.

He was a running back. I know. Not Jersey Joe Jefferson. No, you're right. You're right. Who was that? Mike Evans was the guy in Good Times. Mike Fifths.

No, was it Mike Fifths? No, it was Evans. It was Evans. What was his name? I don't know. Mike, Greg, I forget. No, I'm sorry. But we did get all 28.

I'm gonna show you. We did get all 28. I'm gonna show you we did get all 28 I got one for you. This is this I like how we can name like 15 guys on the big red machine, but I can't name 10 NFL Major League Baseball players right now. I know all my I am super 70 sports Oh, that's what they did you super 70 sports the other night had. Oh, I didn't have to look it up. Marlon Briscoe, that's the quarterback everybody should know, but doesn't know. Marlon Briscoe played for the Denver Broncos in the AFL for half a season, lit the whole place on fire, because the white quarterback went down, he went in there,

and what you saw was the modern day NFL. You saw a guy running, improvising, doing all that. He became like a threat to run down the field and then he was throwing dimes and they didn't care. They were just super racist so they just drafted another white guy and they're like yeah and they shipped him off to Buffalo where he finished his career as a wide receiver. Was still good enough to do that but I don't know why NFL Films has never done anything about him or given him his props because whenever they talk about The history of black quarterbacks. They usually start with Doug Williams. I want to say Doug Williams was amazing Is it cream sick? I was and the other guy was and the first African-American quarterback to win Super Bowl

Beating the Denver Broncos of all fucking people. Look at that I don't think comes full circle the other great great great quarterback was Randall cutting him Oh, that's some of his highlights are insane. You know the NFL film so they've buried Either they're too violent or something. They don't you don't see any good NFL films I think it's the internet bucket material and also both burned but also sable guys passed away the Sun died I think he died before his dad. Yeah, I'm pretty sure that, but you know, like you never, when they show Dick Bacchus, they never show when he's like losing his mind

on the bench all bloody and he's like shaking like a serial killer. You never see when he's in the, he's sitting in a show like this one time, like what's his favorite movie? And he's like, I like when the head gets cut off and rolls down the stairs. I always got a charge out of that.

Yeah, you never see those highlights anymore. I don't know. It's it's a sanitize Why are these sanitizing pro football? You know what I like though is Indomitasu whenever I watched him play like everybody's all this guy's a dirty player. It's like he's playing in the wrong era Indomitasu was a fucking 1960s and an NFL not AFL no NFL the violent world of Sam Huff type of player He just played like when he stepped on that guy. I loved that. Oh, yeah That was just standard issue in the NFL 70 was I mean if you look at like mean Joe's like 10 most vicious acts They're hilarious just cream and pee and all illegal now all illegal. Well, unfortunately Joe. I have I have a fucking meeting

I got I got to get to I just want to say dude All of these years working with you on the road and watching you going out and just now killing it as a headliner, it's a, you know, to quote LeBron James, it's about damn time. Oh, well, thank you. I mean, and like I've said, maybe on this podcast,

I got to like sit on deck. It's like sitting on deck and watching Joe DiMaggio. How could I not learn something sitting on deck and watching more like watching boob powell? You know what he looks like oh, that's a nice he has a nice full head a he's a Hall of Famer boob powell, right? Yeah, I think I look more like rusty cunts Rusty stop nice pinch header. There you go. We should do a super seven. I should do a super 70s podcast I should get that guy. I love that guy. Super Gengers super ginger super ginger's of 70 sports Bill Walton bill Walton Dave Cowan's Dave Cowan's

Dan Issel John Madden John Madden coach. Yeah, I'll just get rest in peace. We're gonna keep talking to Joe Bartnick everybody I'll just rest in peace. We're gonna keep talking here Joe Bartnick everybody Thanks regular on my podcast I'll help you promote all your dates because I believe in your brother and I'm so happy for you love coming on and thank you You're funny dude. You were funny. Okay. I know I see this. I'm my narcissism. I worry about things. All right I want to be great. This is like a condition. This is like the tonight show my edgy My my my narcissism I get nervous when I did this the first time is like I did it tonight show people call me from all over The world hey, did you see the the love it's interview I did last week? It was great. That's all we do He's still giving me shit. That's what he does He just goes on and on and then he goes and your turn

What's so great about John Lovitz is he's like the nicest guy in person. Oh, you know what's funny about him? For his character, I want to say character, he's like the nicest guy. His brand, bargain brand, John Lovitz. You can get John Lovitz's fucking brand at the dollar store. There will be a return episode.

I was being nice. I'm coming for you. I know that you pulling your punches a little bit on him. I know. He's like beating an old dog. I wouldn't do that to him. That fucking bastard hound face. I can't do that to him. I'm taking free shots. I know you're cutting a wrestling promo. He's gonna come out from the back heat with a chair. See Lovett's. Lovett's looks more like a manager than a wrestler. All right, that's it everybody. Joe Bartnick, go see him in Philly, go see him in Nashville, Chicago, all the working towns.

Denver, San Francisco, Chicago. We've had great towns in Chicago. You work to make your rent there, but that's all, that's all like, all you tech bros who want to be manly. Go down and see this guy here who has an unironic mustache. All right, that's it everybody. Thanks for watching the podcast.

We got some music coming up, picked out by the wonderful Andrew Thameless. We have a bonus half hour episode of the Thursday afternoon just before Friday, Monday morning podcast. Joey B, love you brother. Thank you, love morning podcast. Joey Bain, love you, brother. Thank you. We'll see you. Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Byrd. It's time for the Monday Moting podcast for Monday, February 15, 2016.

Hello. How are you? How was your world going on this Monday? How was your Valentine's Day? Did you get her something special? If you're a smart son of a bitch, you're either not in a relationship or you're not taking her out until tonight or tomorrow or whatever, whenever the prices go back down again. You know, and by the way, if enough people start doing this and the old fucking restaurants

get wise to it and they start making their prices higher Valentine's Day prices a few days before a few days after, then fucking wait a week, wait a month, do it a month earlier. It's the biggest fucking ripoff, probably of the year, other than probably what's going on to Bernie Sanders, but I don't really understand. I guess she has some super delegates, you know,

old fucking Hillary Clinton's got the super, she already has the super delegate, she already has a hundred, she only needs 120, whatever the fuck that is. Jesus Christ, it's like playing bridge, trying to keep up what's going on. I have no idea, all I know is I like that Bernie looks like an old dog trying to eat a meal

when he's talking, the fucking jowl's going, and the weird things that his fingers do. I like it. I could look at that for four years. I got to admit that as much as I don't like all the racist shit Trump is doing, I do love some fucking jerk off yelling at other politicians. So that part has been enjoyable. You're a liar. There weren't any mass weapons of mass destruction and they know it. I mean, he sounds like he's quoting some podcasts. I have no idea. At some point I'm going to start paying attention. There's got to be some even keeled so-and-so out there. I have no fucking clue. I have no clue. And last

week I said that I hated when people in the public eye talk about politics, you know? That's not true. I hate when they fucking tell me why I should vote for somebody. Oh shit, were you the guy from Interview with the Vampire? Oh yeah, who should I elect for leader of the free world? It was like when Tom Cruise was talking about psychology.

It's like, oh yeah, you pretended to be a shotgun warrior and an Ascar champion. Let me, by all means, let me listen to you talk about modern medicine. As long as you're preface it with like, I'm a fucking moron, I don't know what I'm talking about, but I hear you go, you know, but when you really start believing it, that's when you get in trouble. And maybe I believe it.

Maybe this is the way I'm just sort of soft pedaling it to you. I'm playing the moron as I'm fucking feeding you. My little, it's putting a little ringworm in your fucking ear, whatever people say there with the fucking earworm, right? Some song you can't stand gets in your fucking head. You know, it's kind of a weird one is what a song you like gets in your head. And then you don't mind and then you drive everybody nuts around you. Like, uh, um, Steve Gorman from Steve Gorman sports sent me this,

this link to this, uh, this country star that's been struggling for a long, long time and he finally got a big break. I believe he's a distant cousin of Rory Clark, I'm not sure, but his name is Wheeler Walker Jr. And he sent me a clip that I'll send you guys. It's a great fucking song for Valentine's Day if you're not in a relationship for a man or a woman. And the hook has just been stuck in my head. I really wanna sing it to you,

but it's gonna ruin it for you. So go look up Wheeler Walker Jr. Well, I guess the song kinda ruins it. It's called, Fuck You Bitch. And it's really catchy. And it's, I don't know, it's kind of poetic. I really think the chorus really sums up what you feel when somebody breaks your heart.

So, country music, those country music stars, they can do that to you every once in a while. And it's nice to see someone go to the left. You know, those fucking country singers, those poor bastards, for all these fucking years, you know, they've been abusing drugs and, you know, going to Klan meetings and beating the shit

out of their women. But when they get on TV, they gotta do that family values thing. You know, they gotta get, I just wanna thank Jesus and I'm just, I just feel blessed. Y'all just taking me into your heart, you know, hey, you want some potato salad, that stupid phony fucking Southern thing where if you're from up north, the first

time you see it, your heart melts when you hear that twang and you just think that they're the nicest fucking person, nobody can stick the fucking knife in your back. Like a fucking Southerner with that fucking, hey y'all, I'm just fucking the down play at the play dumb, but blah, blah, blah, blah. And next thing you know, you're laying in a fucking pig trough about ready to get fucking eating the life. That's how it goes down. All right, that guy from fucking 50 snatches and 40 smoking barrels.

That's where we got it from. Okay. Not from that cunt. You know, I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about. Anyways, I watched a brand new TV show last night and I was really fucking disappointed. You know, I fucking turned it on. I needed a new show and I thought it was gonna be the one, you know I was like this is gonna be it. It's Valentine's Day night Okay Me and the lovely Nia. We're not going out. I had a fucking one of those tomahawk steaks frozen in the freezer

The fucking Right Defrosted that bitch all day. I watched like 30 YouTube videos. It's had dude, it's had dude. You know, if you're gonna do a Tom Oxx, there's only one way to do it. As far as I'm concerned, I watched like 50 of those fucking things.

And I just sort of like, I took a survey with temperature and time, flipage and all of that stuff. And I went down the middle and I got a little impatient with the big green egg. My temperature is a little higher than I wanted. So came out of the medium rather than a medium rare, but it was still fucking delish. And there was a new series that I tried to get into last night and I put it on and it

looked good. The acting was great, but the dialogue just wasn't there. And I tried to fucking fight it out for the first 20 minutes. And then I just looked over at Nia, and Nia did one of those, yeah, you know, big inhale in the fucking eyes, like, yeah, this is, yeah. And then I was just like, well, let's shut it off.

She's like, no, you know, we gotta at least watch the pilot episode, you know, which is how she ended up marrying me because I believe 20 minutes into our relationship, she was like, yeah, but she fucking stuck it through. Right? She kept panting for gold and she found a little nugget and she stuck with me. I didn't. I was just like, fuck this. I'm out. And, uh,

by 40 minutes into it, I was imitating people in it. And, uh, the whole thing just went down the shitter. So once again, but you know what? You know what I'm finally going to do? I think I'm finally going to start watching game of thrones now that they're fucking five, 10, 15 fucking seasons into it, I've been trying to watch it for the longest time, but Nia's just not into it. She doesn't wanna see a bunch of white people

running around chasing dragons, it's just not what she's into. And I'm not really into dragons either, but if you're gonna cut somebody's fucking head off, like you gotta do a lot to lose me after that point, you know? I don't know, maybe, I don't know, who the fuck knows? Maybe I remember watching the first one

and there was some sort of spooky thing going on and there was some little kid that was supposed to watch him be heading and he looked away and then his, I figure what his dad did, put him on the rack or something. I don't remember. But then, I don I figure what his dad did, put him on the rack or something. I don't remember. Um, but then I don't, I don't know what happened. And that just kept, it kept going and you know, it was like a train that was coming,

right? And you could have ran and caught it, but I, but you don't, you just stand there and you watch it disappear. And in that moment, when that train disappears and you realize you're late for work in that fucking moment, you question everything that you're doing in your life. Why didn't I run for that train? Cause I have this job that I don't like. What am I doing in this relationship?

What happened to me? What happened in the last six years of my fucking life? Right? It's a critical moment there where you have to beat all those thoughts down, bury them, and go back to being the zombie that you are, which brings me to the walk and dead. No, I'm kidding.

Anyways, I wanna thank everyone who came out in Cheyenne, Wyoming. I kept doing a Southern accent the entire time I was out there and I was addressing it, but I don't know what Wyoming people sound like. Cheyenne, Wyoming, and Denver, Colorado. I went out with Dean Delray, and we had the great fucking time.

We played this, the Cheyenne Civic Center. How cool does that sound? Had all this amazing woodwork inside of it that really looked like one of those log cabins that either an oil man or a fucking Hollywood starlet goes and buys. You know, like when people like it, a huge amount of success pretending to be other people, at some point they have to get out of LA.

Then they always end up in like Wyoming or Montana. It's fucking hilarious. And they buy a, what looks like a log cabin sort of, it looks like a log cabin and like a fucking resort all at the same time, you know, and then they go out there and they buy their designer, I'm a fucking cattle rancher, wardrobe, and then they do the fucking interview, right?

With their big stupid cowboy hat on and older wiser so and so steps back to evaluate the last six years of a whirlwind, whatever the fuck it is, right? You know what I mean? And then they pretend that they can live this little fucking life out there before they go nuts after three days and they call up a G5 to pick them up and take them right back, you know, and they end up back down the chateau, right? The chateau, my mo, the Chateau Mamon.

Doing blow in a bungalow. That's what you do. You're finding a little bit of balance. Oh, speaking of fucking before I go back on that shit, speaking of fucking sick ass houses, I was I went on this Paul Newman kick. You know, he's my favorite of all time. You know, a lot of people go Steve McQueen. I like Steve McQueen, but Paul Newman's my guy. He's my fella. I just, I don't know. Once I look into those blue eyes, I just, I melt, just say anything.

I believe it. Are you a pool shark? Are you a lawyer? Do you play hockey? I watched, well, I guess the first thing I watched, I watched The Man With The Golden Arm, which Del Ray was telling me to watch, which was a movie about Frank Sinatra playing a heroin addict who, you know, comes out of jail and he gets clean and he plays the drums and he wants to get a gig playing drums.

And I watched a great fucking movie. There's some brutal, brutal overacting. You got to, I don't know, I would definitely recommend seeing that. So once I finished that, you know, it's like the next thing that was coming up was somebody up there likes me, which I'd always heard of when I was growing up. And then once I saw it was Paul Newman, I was like, all right, I'm going to watch it. And it was him playing Rocky Graziano, the Rocky Graziano story. And I literally forget what I was talking. Oh, that's right.

That's right. So it just got me on this, this, this Paul Newman thing. And you know what's funny is this, this thing, actually Steve McQueen is in that movie for fucking two seconds. And it's right as Graziano's getting out of some fucking juvenile detention home that he fucking escapes. So he's going around the neighborhood, tapping all these guys, all these tough guy friends on the shoulders to be like, Hey, I'm back in the neighborhood and all of them turn around

like who the fuck is this guy? Right? Cause cause they're tough street kids. So fucking, uh, fucking Steve McQueen is shooting pool. They rocky taps him on the shoulder and he fucking turns around with a knife out just whoosh it in two seconds. And then he realizes it's three's like it's rocky. He's like, Hey, Rocky, and he does this stupid fucking thing with his hand that I don't know

who fucking there's certain things in movies that the first guy who plays that guy does. And then it's this weird fucking thing where every other actor after it starts fucking doing it. And you know, nobody ever did it, Who's actually the guy that they're playing, but then it's done enough in fucking movies that the people who are actually a guy, then they start fucking doing it. And that's when it becomes a circle and you don't know who the fuck it is. It's this fucking thing like, uh, it's almost like say you were getting a manicure, right?

And you wanted to dry off your nails and you do just the exact, Hey, Rocky, and he's doing this stupid fucking thing with his hand. I don't know. I'm going a really long way here to tell you what I really want to tell you, but like one of my favorite things is to watch actors during that era playing tough street kids. Like it's just, it's fucking cringe worthy that fucking movie that Marlon Brando did. He's on the motorcycle. What the fuck was that one called? It's not the wild that fucking movie that Marlon Brando did. He's on the motorcycle. What the fuck was that one called? It's not the wild bunch.

That was a cowboy movie rebel without a caught. Now that's James Dean. I can't remember, but just the, the half to sit there and watch that shit. How fucking brutal it is that West side story, which I don't think I've ever seen. I'm just going gonna throw that in there because I need three of them. I don't know, whatever. So I started watching that. So then I finished that one. And then the next one that came on, I can't even remember the name of it. Fuck. Hang on a second. I got IMDB fucking Paul Newman. He just has the bluest eyes. Paul Newman, I am D fucking B. Film

ography. So anyways, I think it was called not Hudson. The long story was this next movie comes on, right? And in the beginning, he's driving in this car and he's clearly in Los Angeles, which was one of my favorite fucking things ever to just see old footage black and white or color of LA and you just get to see like You can usually tell by the Hollywood Hills and sometimes the highways and shit kind of where they are and You'll see like train tracks and shit that they ripped up those fucking cunts or you'll see, you know, you just see how less populated is. All right, here it is Harper Harper's the movie, the very beginning of the movie.

He goes into a house and Lauren Bacall's in there. Lauren Bacall who married Humphrey Bogart, Bogey and Bacall, one of the great couples in Hollywood history. And you know, Humphrey Bogart, some of you that Frank Sinatra stole a lot of his swagger from, they were also the first rat pack, Humphrey Bogart and all his fucking crew. And not only did Sinatra steal a lot of Humphrey Bogart swagger. He actually ended up fucking Lauren Bacall later on after Humphrey Bogart died, which is really fucked up. But anyways, I digress. So at Harper, he pulls into this fucking house that I could not believe. And I actually looked it up and it still exists. Look it up right now. If you're at at work pretend that you're doing That you're doing some sort of

busy work. It's it's on 101 North Beverly Drive 1011 Beverly Drive and This fucking house, I think it's just called the Beverly House. It's in Beverly Hills Probably has one of the sickest fucking pools I've ever seen in my life. It's like a three tiered thing. The first two tiers I believe are just considered a waterfall. And first of all, it has like a half mile driveway that he comes up around and what's hilarious, which looks like the first year they had the Porsche, which at this point

by 1965, when they shot it was just considered a piece of shit. Who would know that years later, some baby boomer would play like fucking 900 grand for it. So he's driving up one of the fenders is like that fucking, what's that paint that they primered and all that shit? So he pulls up in this fucking house. You gotta see the backyard of it. So actually I looked the fucking thing up.

I found out where it was. And the next time I fly a helicopter, I'm going to fucking fly over the house and check it out. It's actually just a little bit north of the Beverly Hills Hotel. But you got to check this fucking thing out. One of the great things about living in Los Angeles, a lot of people, you know, always shit on living in LA. But one of the, I think LA arguably has some of the most amazing homes in the country, just for the simple fact that for whatever reason, I don't know if it's the weather out here or what, they haven't been torn down. So many of them, you know, other places that I've been to, but they have like craftsmen's houses out here. And then they have all the Spanish,

the Mediterranean style ones, they have, they got, it's just incredible houses. So you got to check this one out. This house is actually kind of ugly, you know, when you pull up, they shot the Godfather part two there, but part one there, this is actually the house where the horse's head seen. Spoiler alert, if you're one of the two people who've never seen that fucking movie, they shot that scene in there and JFK and his wife, Jackie, had their honeymoon in this fucking house.

And I just saw it recently, the last time it sold, it sold for $135 million. And all I'm doing looking at it, after buying my old ass house that was made in 1923, all I see is fucking 50,000 square foot of galvanized pipe and cloth wiring that they're gonna have to somehow fucking redo, well well sections of it. You know, there's a little bit of copper pipe here, a little bit of wiring that was done

correctly. But anyways, that's another cool thing about these fucking houses out there is that they've been around so long. And if they're in a desirable area in Hollywood, like the stories of like the people that live there, like how cool, like the people that live there. Like how cool, I mean, that's $135 million house, obviously it'd be a fucking amazing house, but how fucking, you know, amazing would be to have that

house and be like, you didn't see a movie and you're watching Paul Newman walking across your fucking terrace that you now on. I don't know, I think that shit's cool as hell, but you know, why you're at it, you can check out a lot of those and also just look up famous Hollywood homes. Um, I told you there's a house about not even like, I don't know, maybe a 15 minute drive away from me in Los Angeles. 15 minutes

away from me and in Los Angeles, 15 minutes is a big fucking deal. Sometimes just, you know, 15 blocks, it can go one way or another. It can literally go like I'm going to get stabbed to how the fuck can you ever afford to live in? How many people did you steal from to get this fucking, this guy's got a moat around his house. That's, that's the way LA is. It's like really like patchwork. So like a 15 minute drive away from where I live. My neighbor told me there's a house that went up for sale. I think I told the story before. And it's an old ass house. It's pre prohibition. And basically, when prohibition came around, this house had a pool and then it had a cabana. And in the cabana, this guy, he built a bar during prohibition and he had a legal booze

or I don't know if he was making beer in the bathtub, whatever the fuck he was doing, but he used to, he used to have all these famous people come over there and they would just booze it up. And he, anybody who came over there and drank that was famous, he would have him carve their names into the bar. And evidently, according to my neighbor who went and looked at the house, even though he couldn't afford it, he just wanted to see the bar.

He went and looked at it, and it's one of those things, if you buy the house, it's that bar is obviously protected by the historical society as some shit. But you go in there and everyone from like Louis Armstrong to like fucking Humphrey Bogart have to have carved their names into that fucking bar. So whatever, that's some sort of nerdy Los Angeles house shit. But yeah, definitely rather than work today, just go on Google Earth and just look at some of those fucking houses, or just Google

like famous Hollywood homes. Dude, this homes were like, you know, when I was watching that, you know, somebody up there likes me, I should really know the name of the fucking actress. The one who plays Paul Newman's love interest, obviously, is an absolute fucking knockout and I'd never heard of her. So the fact that I never heard of her, I'm like, ah, fuck, I've looked up enough of those old movies, like I got this creepy thing that I always look people up like an older person, like, all right, that person's definitely dead. Let's see how long that they lived for, right?

Or you try to find a cast where like everybody's dead, you know, which is a very difficult thing to do. So anyway, so I started looking up, you know, the people that were, you know, this woman, I hope I say her name, right? It's P I E R. Is it Pierre, Pierre, I don't know. And, and jelly, I have no idea. I looked her up and I was immediately going like, she probably died of pills. Cause back then, like, I don't know, like getting, giving people pills. Like it seems back then, every guy either died of a heart attack in his fifties and sixties or he died of cancer and like 90% of the women died of an accidental like barbiturate overdose because back then

like, you know, the woman came in and she had some emotional issues, you know, the doctors are like, for God's sake, get a hold of yourself. And they would just give her some pills to relax her. It was like in that movie airplane where they were just slapping you and giving you a backhand and shit. So she was just gorgeous, amazing actress. And then of course I looked it up and, you know, she died accidentally.

Some people say suicide, some people say accidentally, at 39 years of age. And then I look it up and sure enough, the place where she fucking overdosed is still there. That's another one of those things. It's a really fucking, you know, it's either cool or creepy. All these fucking houses that people died in. There's another actor in there. This guy is Sal Minio or whatever. I swear to God, who's a dead ringer for Ralph Macchio.

He's in it. And he ended, he got fucking stabbed to death in like the mid-70s. It's fucking unreal, man. Like a lot of people, a lot of stars back in the day, they didn't make it. They didn't fucking ride it out. It seemed like just crazy shit happened to him. And I guess what I'm saying is that a lot of these houses still exist and if you're sort of,

I guess I'm becoming morbid in my older ages. I realize, you know, you know what I mean? You're mortality, you start looking, how long this person live? How do they live? How did they die? Fuck, is that going to happen to me? You know, that type of shit? I don't know.

All right, let's, let's read a little fucking advertising here for the week. Oh, Jesus. Um, oh, by the way, I'm doing my first solo flight through, uh, Bravo airspace. So if you're still on the map, if you're still on the Google Earth math, I love looking at this shit, right? And you go on to, uh, you go on to, um, what do you do? You click it on the fucking globe there. All right. Now, go it on the fucking globe there.

All right. Now go over to the ocean. Okay. Follow Santa Monica Boulevard over to the ocean. All right. Right where it says the 10. Now go down a little bit and you'll see something that kind of looks like a tree, but it's made out of water.

That's Marina del Rey. All right. Now, if you're flying south, that's where Bravo airspace begins along the coastline. And when you're there, you have to be at 150 feet or below, at or below 150. And then you transition the Bravo airspace. If you go a little bit further south, you'll see LAX. All right? And that's to the south of it is 25 right and 25 left. And to the north, there's 25 right, 25 left, those two runways. And

those are where the big boys are taken off. So you fly underneath those guys or ladies, and you stay at or below 150 feet until you get to, and then you gotta zoom in. Uh, the Manhattan Beach Pier, and, uh, which is almost a beam, as they say, the, uh, comedy and magic club down on Hermosa Beach. Um, so you want to be, you want to be right down there 150 fucking goddamn feet. Oh, wait a minute, wouldn't that be Hormosa? Yeah, I'm sorry, Hormosa Beach pier is where the comedy club's at. But the Manhattan Beach Pier, that's where you want to be. You guys from there to Marina Del Rey, you got to be at a below 150 feet. So if you come out here and you're on the beach as a tourist, you see these helicopters flying by really low. They're not buzzing the

beach looking at you or whatever. They are transitioning the Bravo airspace. So I'm going to be doing that. I don't know on what day, but that's my big goal this week with the helicopter thing there. But anyways, let's get back to the podcast here. Where is it? What else did I want to talk about? Oh, how about those Boston Bruins? Now, I know we lost. I know we lost to the Red Wings.

I didn't get to see the game yet. I have it taped. I'm a game behind. I watched the, I'm actually game in two thirds behind. I watched the first quarter of, uh, of us beating the wild and Brad Marchand scored again, his 12th goal in 12 games. And I actually looked up the ticket and I saw that he scored his 13th fucking goal and, uh, in 13 games, the guy's on fire. And I saw his

goal in the, the Minnesota wild game, a short handed goal, just a beautiful pass. And I was fucking awesome, man, he's going to have like, he's on his way, he's going to have like 40 goals this fucking year. And I got to say, just the Bruins and the Celtics this year, both of them, I was just going to be like that. This is, you know, after all the moves they made, you know, I just kind of felt that neither one was going to be that competitive and it was going to be tough to watch him this year. And I am, I think they're both overachieving. It's been fun to watch him. Although for some reason, my fucking recorder stopped taping the Celtics games. I was really getting into it,

watching Isaiah Thomas and Crowder, Jake Crowder and who was the jam band guy? They finally learned his fucking name there. Kelly Olenek, right? I was enjoying watching it. And our young coach there, who I still don't know his fucking name because I always tape the games and they talk to him and I just fast forward through all

of that shit. And then they just show him, I think his name's Stan, Stephen, something with an S, Sean, I don't know. But he looks like a baby, man. The guy's like fucking 15 years younger than me and he's coaching the Celtics. He's doing a great job. And evidently we got a couple of number one draft picks. We're in a great fucking position. I missed the all star weekend stuff. I saw some of the dunking stuff and Kevin Hart did anybody see Kevin Hart? He went up against some other NBA guy. I can tell I don't watch the fucking NBA. He went up against a professional basketball player in a three-point contest. Should I give you a spoiler alert or should I do the clickbait? And the results will surprise you. That gives a fuck. He actually beat the guy. And what I loved about it, besides being a

big fan of his stuff and everything everything was when he went to start shooting his three pointers, they were playing disrespectful music underneath them. They were playing this, um, oh, isn't this like, oh, it's adorable. Or isn't it silly that this little man is going to come out here and try and beat one of our professional athletes. And, uh, they were right through the first two racks and then he fucking closed strong. And I think he might have beat him on the last ball. You got to see it, Matt.

I mean, it's pretty fucking impressive. If I remember correctly, a long time ago, he was telling me that before he was a comedian, he went to a basketball camp that had a young unknown Kobe Bryant and that type of shit. So, but still, man, it was a long fucking time ago. You know, he went to a basketball camp that had a young unknown Kobe Bryant and that type of shit. So, um, but still man, you know, it was a long fucking time ago. Since then he's gone all the way to selling out the Eagles football stadium doing stand

up comedy. You'd think that his basketball game would drop off a little bit that maybe he'd be a little rusty at the Y forget about being able to beat a fucking NBA player in a three point contest. It was pretty, pretty goddamn impressive. Um, so anyway, let me get back. Jesus Christ, Wyoming, Shia, Wyoming. So I go there and, um, you know, this was the last of the 50 that I had to do. So of course I'm reading all up on Wyoming and all that type of stuff. And I see that Yellowstone Park is right in the north, um, northwest corner of it. And I'm like, well, fuck, I got to go up there and go do a gig in the middle

of nowhere at some point. And, uh, maybe I'll do a nice run through Montana, Idaho and all that shit, the Dakotas. Um, you know, I get into all that fucking nerdy shit, right? So we do the gig, we have a great time. I take some pictures with some people afterwards. And when I was on stage, I was saying, Hey, where should we go tonight? If I want to go out and have a pot, right? So of course everybody's yelling out everything at the same time and I can't hear anything.

So I'm like, one at a time, one at a time. And then just in the back, this guy yells out, the green door said to go to the green door. And then the whole crowd just goes, ah, like, you know, don't go there. And I was like, I was like, I didn't even need you guys to say that the green door just sounds like some creepy serial killer place.

So I go, I'm not fucking going there. So then somebody said, but I forget the fuck it was called the Cadillac lounge or something. I took a picture of it. So I, I decide, you know, all right, that's where the fuck will go. We'll go over to this thing. I'm actually looking up the picture right now on my, on my phone here. Come on, come on, where is it? Where is it? There it is. The Cadillac, Cadillac Ranch, sorry.

So we go in there, you know, there's a big American flag lit up on the side. I'm like, all right, here we go. Let's fucking go in there and see what this place is about. And we went in there and I got to tell you, man, it was the most diverse group of fucking people I've ever seen in my life. And I think for the simple fact, there was no other place to go. So there was like a group of bikers,

there was soldiers, there was like ranchers, there was a group of lesbians, and then there was just filler people that you couldn't really tell what the fuck they were. They was older, younger, the whole fucking thing. So we're in there like, wow, man, look at this is fucking, this is nuts. And then it had a real like cowboy kind of feel to it.

Yet there was like a fucking DJ playing like modern music. It was this, it was fucked. So we're in there and Dean for whatever fucking reason is just pointing at shit and people going, look at that fucking guy, look at this shit, look at this fucking bar. And I'm sitting there going, Dean, stop pointing at shit, stop pointing at shit.

You know, and Dean's been sober for like 20 fucking years. So he's got no excuse. He just kept pointing at shit. And then finally, you know, I had a, you know, I was talking to a couple of the people in there talking to this guy that was in the middle of taking a two year welding class, which of course was really interesting to me. I was talking to about that shit.

I was talking to some other people and then at one point somebody said, Hey, you want a whiskey? So like my thing now when I go on the road and I drink, I have beer and and And a whiskey or a Scotch and then that's it I call it a fucking night and it's been working out great for me You know what I mean? So I have a nice little taste but then I don't get hammered and then I'm fine the next morning I could work out and shit right so This guy offers, you know, he comes over. Hey, you know, I got to buy a drink

I said, well, I'm just getting a beer and I said, all right. Well, you know, I was gonna get a whiskey too He goes, what do you want? He goes we got a local Fucking a beer. And I said, all right, well, you know, I was going to get a whiskey too. He goes, what do you want? He goes, we got a local fucking Wyoming whiskey. I was like, all right, when in Cheyenne, let's fucking do it, right? So he gets me this fucking shot and he brings it over and it was almost like see-through. Now, I don't know if they did whiskey and water or what,

but I fucking took a sip of it and I had no bite or anything. I was just looking at him like, dude, what the fuck is this? And he goes, he goes, well, it hasn't been aged at all. I gotta tell you, dude, it was the worst whiskey I've ever had. In my apology to the person who bought me this shot, I couldn't finish it.

I said, Dean, I go, look at this fucking thing. And Dean was just like, yeah, dude, that looks like piss. So, and then at that point I wasn't looking, but Dean was saying that the biker people were mean mugging everybody. And he goes, dude, let's get the fuck out of here. So we get out of there. And oh, as we were driving over there,

I noticed that there was a drive, there was a liquor store with a drive-thru. So I was like, oh God, I gotta get a picture of that. So I get it, I pull over, I get a picture of it. And then I'm just like, dude, I got to do it. I got to go to a drive through liquor store. So I fucking pull up. We actually, I posted video of this and I just wanted to get one beer and the guy goes,

well, I can give you like the 24 out. So I got like a Budweiser. I'll repost the video on the, the Monday morning podcast Twitter page. So I went up I ordered a fucking beer and what was really cool is that had the old fucking memory, the old air hoses when you would pull up at the, the, the gas station and it would ring the bell like ding, ding is your car pulled in. It was so fucking cool. And we were sitting there and then this dude just sort of walked into the place or whatever. And as we drive out, there's an Arby's across the street, which I never fucking eat.

You know, fucking fast food roast roast beef. I mean, I like to think I'm a courageous person, but that's just a little, that's, that gets a little too shady for me, right? I'd rather eat the pink slime so anyways Delray's going like hey man, I guess let's hit the Arby's I'm hungry. So I go alright, so we go into the Arby's right He ordered some shit and then I ordered like some chicken sliders, which I shouldn't have fucking got they were fucking disgusting It was like eating the heel of some chicks fucking boot boot, you know, just the way they were shaped like clogs. They were just fucking gross.

So we go around to the drive-thru. And this is right across from the drive-thru liquor store. And I look across the street and I read the sign and what does it say? It says the green door. So the drive-thru liquor store is part of this shady fucking titty bar called the Green Door that urban legend said that there was a one-legged stripper. And now the younger me would have been like, I got to go in and go see that shit. The older me goes like, oh my God, that's somebody's daughter.

So technically, I kind of did go to the Green Door. I didn't go in there. I just fucking pulled up or whatever. So I'll post some pictures of that shit. Let me see if I actually took them. So and then the next day we got up, right? And we wanted to go to some local place to get breakfast. And we went to this local place.

And I don't know if the regular chef was out of town. But I ordered eggs over easy and I cut into them dude. They were so undercooked like it came out clear. Like the white part of the egg was still clear like you know when those people drink like egg whites, it was like that. And so Dean's eggs were the same way. And I just never sent food back. So I just stirred him in with the fucking hash. I mean, they should have just served the eggs in a glass like fucking Rocky Balboa. And I just suck it down. I noticed a woman diagonally from me. She sent her eggs back to and then in the end, when I went to, uh, I went to pay, she was just like, how was it? And when I said it was great, I kind of stumbled on when it was great. It was great.

And then she goes, and then she immediately looked up, she goes, was everything okay? Was everything okay? So I'm just guessing that the, the normal chef was out of town. So I'm not going to out this place as being a, as being something bad, but it was pretty rough. It was one of the worst breakfasts I've ever had. But when we, when we came back down, we were driving down to Denver. I literally feel like a little kid right now. Like I'm just telling you every moment of this fucking, this tour. But Dean's a big motorcycle guy. He's been riding for 30 years.

So they had this huge fucking Harley-Davidson dealership right on the 25 as we were coming down. So we stopped in and I didn't know, but Harley has a new bike that's just right out of my childhood. It's called the 72 and it's got the big spoke front wheel. It's got the handlebars. It's like fucking Arthur Fonzarelli's bike, which obviously was fucking from the, you know, the fifties or whatever. But I haven't ridden in like a year and a half. And I don't know, man, I think I got to ride that bike. I think I'm going to rent it just one day.

There's a park up around where I'm at, I rented on like a Sunday and just go up there in the morning time and just fucking ride around and bring it back. I'm too much of a pussy to ride all the time. Because, you know, I got too much to fucking lose. And, um, Oh my God, they had one in this black and gold metal flake. It was fucking good. It's just perfect, man. As much as I love the road king, like every wannabe motorcycle rider who watched a couple episodes of, uh, whatever that fucking show was, what was that fucking show there that everybody watched about the bikes?

You know, like every fucking wannabe badass who doesn't have a tattoo and it's not a motorcycle guy, like Delray took a picture of me on the fucking 72, and I just started laughing. I was like, how much am I not a motorcycle guy? Like, do you realize if what a fucking nerd you have to look like to sit on a Harley and still look like a fucking,

to still look like somebody you could bully? I look like every fucking just white dude having a midlife crisis that like, you know, who watched it, what is that fucking show? What is the fucking show that was all about the motorcycles that everybody watched? I never got into it. God damn it, it's the perfect reference for this shit.

But anyways, I might have to rent one coming up. Might go ride a dirt bike and get my fucking, my skills back up to the ridiculously low level that they were. I just go to a local park out here and I just drive this loop around and around and around. It's actually good because there's a lot of downshifting and that shit, a lot of turns you got to look your way through all this shit that I learned in the safety course and everything.

But like, I told you guys, one time when I rode a motorcycle down sunset all the way out to the beach, just like I wanted to, just thinking, this is gonna feel, you know, freedom man, America, right? I was gonna see all this shit, dude. I didn't see shit. I was fucking terrified. There was just too many fucking people and, you know, we went later than I wanted to go.

I rode with Dean and Dean, you know, I'd done spots so he didn't get up to like 10, so we didn't get on the road till like 11. And I wanted to go at like seven in the fucking morning when there was nobody on the road and really just be able to relax a little bit and not have somebody right behind me. And I just remember getting off the bike and I was like shaking and I was just like, I had to have that fucking get out of your ego moment and just be like, Bill, this isn't in you.

You don't have this in your blood. You're not a motorcycle fucking guy. You just not. So don't be that shithead. And I immediately sold the bike or got rid of it. Whatever the fuck I did. I don't even remember. But, um, I don't know. I think every once in a while, if you know, I smoke a couple of cigars a month,

I got that under control. If every once in a while I rent a motorcycle, I know everybody's going to fucking be like, oh, that's actually more dangerous because you're gonna be fucking rusty. All right Taking all the fun out of everything All right, oh also This week I Got back into like drinking juices and shit, and there was this fucking algae shit, which was disgusting when I drank it, but I felt amazing afterwards. And I'm trying to, you know, like Dean said, you know, it's a good addiction to have like

you get addicted to shit. I realized that. And if you're addicted to like working out good stuff, that's obviously a much better thing for you. So I might try to get back into that type of stuff but anyways this this past weekend on Saturday night when I got back I went to a this music music cares event and every year they honor somebody and whoever they're honoring everybody comes out

and just does this person's music. So say they were honoring AC DC, a bunch of famous fucking musicians that are into AC DC would come out and do all their songs and switch them up and do different versions of them. So it was Lionel Richie, right? Oh, what a feeling, right? So I go to this fucking thing and it was unreal. It was like Lenny Kravitz Usher, who I couldn't believe how small he was. He fucking crushed it. John Legend, Stevie Wonder, all right?

All these monsters and then Stevie Wonder. And I knew Dave Grohl was gonna go on it. And I'm like, how the fuck is Dave Grohl gonna follow this? All right, all these monsters and then Stevie Wonder. And I knew Dave Grohl was going to go on and I'm like, how the fuck is Dave Grohl going to follow? Is he going to play drums and sing? Is he going to do the come out with his blue guitar and sing? And he just went up and just sang a song. That was it.

He told this fucking story about, you know, when he broke his leg, remember he fell off the stage where he broke his leg. He was talking about all the outpouring from the fans and all that, and then one day he just got this giant fucking basket of muffins. The biggest basket I guess ever, this fucking giant thing, and there was no note or anything on it. And he's telling this story that the band's sort of just playing, you know, some music underneath it, and he's telling this story. He's got people

laughing, but they're listening and all that shit. And then like two days later, I guess he got a, he got a, a call from his manager who said, yeah, uh, Lionel Richie's Lionel Richie just called up to see if you got the fucking giant basket of muffins. And then he just goes, uh, so I just, you know, I forget how we fucking ended the story. I'm butchering it now. Right as he ends the story, you realize that it was Lionel Richie.

They kick into that his song, You Are. And Dave Grohl just crushed it. In the lead song, you are the something, you are the rain. And he just was up there singing it, fucking crushed it. Went on singing it, fucking crushed it. Went on after Stevie Wonder and crushed it. So I got to do that.

You know, it was funny was, I went down there and you know, I'm not a suit guy, but you had to wear like a shirt and tie, dude. And I swear to God, like, I don't know. Just like me when I was on the motorcycle, when I had on that suit I swear to God like I don't know just like me when I was on the motorcycle when I had on that suit and tie dude I don't know what it was sometimes I look all right but uh the thing about suits is if you if you you gotta buy them like they go out of style really quick and this one was like three four years old I just got in a dry clean

to some show the last time I wore it and I put this fucking thing on and I was talking to Nia. I was like and I just kept going. I look like an asshole, right? Like she's like, no you look fine. I got yeah, I don't think so. I look like an asshole. So the whole fucking night You know anytime I would walk into the bathroom, you know, it was a long fucking night It was like a four-hour fucking thing, you know and Anytime I would go in there and I would wash my hands and I would just sit there and I would look at myself in the mirror. I just kept laughing. It would have fucking jerk off.

I look like, I don't know, it wasn't a good scene. You know, I don't like hating myself. It's not a good place for me to be. I think it's time to retire that suit. All right, let's get into some of the, some of the fucking questions here for the week. Here we go, Judge Scalia, Bill listener from Virginia here,

the death of Judge Scalia brought out some jokes on social media and a lot of people took the angle that they were happy that he died. Now I'm assuming this is somebody on the Supreme Court because I don't pay attention to this ship, but I did see some stuff about this is the first time the Supreme Court won't be conservative. He goes, what you. Thanks for the laughs. My position on making joke about, well, yeah, I think you gotta be, I think you gotta be like a dictator

for people to do shit like that. Yeah, I mean, I wouldn't say don't do it because there's always a joke. I mean, someday when I die, there's going to be a joke. I mean, I'm, I know, you know, if I'm hovering around as a ghost, I'm going to laugh about it with the fuck do I care? I'm a ghost at that point, right? I didn't go to hell. All right, I'm floating around. I could deal with this. But yeah, I don't do that. Well, look, if you just make a joke joke, that's fine. But if you're doing it because you didn't share

like their political views, yeah, I'm not into doing that type of shit. Like, you know, some, some shithead, I'm gonna start doing this like the shithead tweet of the week. Somebody sent me a text today telling me that I needed to distance myself. Bill, just to let you know,

you need to distance yourself from so and so. And then sent me a link. And this is somebody that I've been friends with for 20 fucking years. And then I see this link, and it has to do with being a vegetarian or eating meat. And the name of the video is so and so is an ignorant moron, which right there, I love like that's your

angle, like to get someone to listen to your opinion. Right there. I just look at it like this is just, this is just somebody trying to make a name for themselves, trashing somebody that has made a name for themselves, you know, with some over the top title. First of all, I love is an ignorant moron. Like that's like redundant. You know, he's a stupid, not smart person.

Like I need to distance myself from someone who's been a great friend for 20 years because of their dietary decisions, because they talk about food and nutrition in a way that's a truth that they believe in all this, you know, like, and then, and then what, you're a fucking genius, you know, and it's just, you know, I don't know. I don't know why people do shit like that. So that kind of ties into, you know, I would never obviously, you know, I don't know, I would never tweet at somebody like that you need to distance yourself

From this person because I don't agree with their workout regimen and the same thing would like that like if I wouldn't be happy That somebody died because I didn't like their political views You know what I mean? I always have that in my head. They had somebody's dad Somebody's husband or some shit, you know, whatever He was a gay judge that somebody's boyfriend, right? I don't fucking know. Yeah, I don't do shit like that, but if somebody does, you know, I'm not the comedy fucking police. All right, summer home. Bill, my wife wants to own a home by a lake in New Hampshire. That's fucking awesome. I'm trying to convince her that it's cheaper to just rent a sick house every summer

for a couple of weeks instead of paying 15 grand a year in taxes on top of the mortgage. Help me sort out this business, please, go fuck yourself. Well, what I would say is, you know, you can rent out your house, your summer house, you know, this is what I would do. Okay, I would buy that house on the lake and then I would just rent the whole fucking thing out.

And then whenever I wanted to go, I would rent some other place. You know what I mean? And this is how I'm weird, because I wouldn't wanna go into a place that I owned, knowing that everybody fucked in my bed. I would rather go to a place knowing that a bunch of people fucked in somebody else's bed.

It makes no sense. What you should do is buy it and then rent it out. I mean, buying property is always great. However, if you're having a rough time, like I'm a big believer in though, paying down your first house, you should really pay that thing down and get it under control

before you go and get a summer house. And I do know that in relationships, when it comes to money, there's usually one person understands it and the other person doesn't understand it. And they want everything yesterday and you might be a little more conservative, which is what you sound like.

So I would just sit down and just say, look, first of all, you're in a great position because it doesn't sound like she can just go out and pull the trigger herself. So I just say, listen, I definitely want to do that, but we need to pay down this house a little bit. Or, you know, if we can't afford it, let's buy it and then we'll rent the thing out all the weekends that we're not going to be there. I think that's definitely,

just definitely a smart way to do it. But I would just sit down and write out all the points that you want to make and then draw a smiley face. This is what I do when I'm being a smart person because I know how short a fuse I have. And I write all this shit out, everything that I want to say and all that stuff. And then I draw a smiley face reminding me to not lose my temper, reminding me that other people are entitled to have different opinions

and not to be a cunt. I didn't do that a couple of days ago and ended up having a big stupid fight over the bathroom sink. You know, I'd gone on the road and it started to clog up and I didn't have time to fucking fix it. But you know, we had drain out. So I figured, you know, my wife would fucking handle it

and I come home to brush my teeth and I turn it on and within fucking two seconds, it's already filling up. There's a puddle, it's completely backed up. And, you know, it's already filling up as a puddle. It's completely backed up. And, you know, it's usual shit. Usual shit in a relationship, you say to somebody else, did you notice, no, I didn't notice. And in your head, you're like, how the fuck did you not notice this shit?

But what I learned in that argument is I have to understand that this shit that she's looking at me at, looking at me at about like, how the fuck do you not notice it? It's just cause I'm just not wired like that. And that's why you get married. Hopefully you're a yin and a yang. I finally said it right. I didn't say yin and yang.

I said yin, why I am. I think that's the first time publicly I've ever said it right. Yeah, they're gonna be good at the shit that you're not good at. And actually had a great day with me yesterday. Like I didn't do shit for once and we just hung out all day. And, um, you know, we watched some movies and shit. You made a little bit of food.

And I always forget that that every once in a while, you guys, you got to hang out with each other rather than just being roommates to remind yourselves like, Oh yeah, that's right. We actually really love each other rather than just being roommates to remind yourselves like, oh yeah, that's right. We actually really love each other. I forgot about that shit. And I don't, the amount of times I've had to fucking learn that, you know, she get married, you really start doing the math like, dude, fuck this shit.

I don't need anything. I will literally give her everything. I will literally give her everything. I will fucking just give you fucking everything. And I will walk out with the shirt on my fucking back and I will start all over again. Like I think that that's the way to fucking do it. And just walk down the street after it like Johnny fucking Apple seed.

Cause I really think you just get into having all of this fucking stuff, but if you just let go of all of it, then you don't have it. I think getting divorced could be a really light feeling. This is how far I went over an argument over a clogged up sink before I came to my senses. I was walking down the street with a stick, with a bandana and a peanut butter and jelly sandwich

in it. Now it's just finally like, what am I doing? You know, stop being a fucking idiot. All right, let's get to some advertising here. All right, me undies everybody. Oh, I gotta sing this quietly because we have company over here right now. Boo-doo, boo-boo. All right, trash man, everybody.

Hey, Billy Bubbles, Billy Bubbles in the rain. Um, I went to high school with a guy who picks up my trash. I get along with him and I always wave and sometimes if he's not rushing, I'll have a short conversation with him. Last week I saw my neighbor yell at him. He wasn't a jerk back, but he wasn't a dick either. What?

He wasn't a jerk back, but he wasn't a dick either. What? He wasn't a jerkback, but he wasn't a dick either. Later on that day my neighbor came over and asked me if I'd make a statement about the issue that he harassed her. I saw the whole thing go down. He didn't harass her. She yelled at him for coming a day late during a week when a holiday pushed everything back a day in terms of sanitation pickup. What a cunt. She said that even without my statement, she's going to press charges and file a complaint. I'm going to call the town or police and let them know what's going on.

I'm so livid that she would ruin this guy's life. He's a great dude. Thoughts on how he should handle this. Should I report her for lying? Apps of fucking Lutely. And I would take time off from work to testify that she's a lion whore. Absa fucking Lutely.

Who the fuck yells at a trash man? The service that they're providing, fuck her. Fuck her dude. You know something? I would 100% do it. And I would even fucking tell her that you're gonna do it at some point. Not in the beginning. Because you don't wanna weaken his case. But I would do fucking tell her that you're gonna do it, at some point, not in the beginning,

because you don't wanna weaken his case, but I would do it without a doubt. And when the whole fucking thing goes away, I would let her know that you did that, and I would let her know what a small person you think she is, and that she's disgusting, and to stay away from you, and anybody else that you love, because she's subhuman. There, how was that?

Dilemma, Dilemma, dilemma. Dear Bill, oh, what a fucking whore. You came in day late and then you harassed me. You know what, you know what? I bet she does for a living. She sounds like a blogger. Always playing the fucking victim and always going down and just trying to get somebody

in trouble and trying to fuck over their ability to earn a living. What a fucking twat. All right, dear Bill, would you rather have to live in an air balloon for a month, never having sat down or would you rather live in a submarine, never breathing the surface for a whole month? Both scare the shit out of me for a whole month But I think I choose the submarine seems more natural. Yeah, and there's also a bathroom. I wouldn't want to have to shit on people And P well, I would obviously wait till I was over a rural area Yeah, plus you'd be inside. You'd have a bed. If you were in the submarine, you'd have a blanket,

you know? You get to be down there with all the fellas. Hey. Hey. Ha ha ha ha. No, man. I mean, I think it would be cool to fucking look out the window

and see all the fucking, the sea life and all that shit. I would go fucking nuts down there, but, um, I don't know, fucking up there in an air balloon gets cold or hot. You're really dealing with the fucking elements when you're up there, it starts fucking raining. Um, yeah, I don't know. I would, I would be, uh, I don't know. I would get over that really quickly, but I think being in a sub, you know, you're down

there, you could play cards, you could fucking break each other's balls or whatever. I don't know. Yeah, I definitely, I would think I would much rather do a sub. And if I had to die, either way, I'd rather die in a sub. I'd rather have it just fucking, you know, if you're going to die in a cell, but it's going to be quick, you know, it's just over, right? I don't know. Yeah.

I don't know. Sometimes maybe it might not be quick. They close that door. Yeah. Those are two terrifying things. I got to go with you. Got to go with you on that. Um, all right, dilemma, Billy, boy, uh, if

you had to choose which holiday to get canceled and never celebrate again, would you choose Valentine's Day or President's Day? Who deserves more recognition? Your girl for doing what you do all year without a holiday? That's layers. Yeah, we don't get a holiday. Or maybe I read that wrong. Or presidents who may or may not be horrible people who hurt the country. I cancel president's day because I'd rather keep the one that involved chocolate being around. That's a good reason for it. If I had to get rid of one, I don't think anybody really celebrates president's day.

I don't really consider it a day off. It's kind of like flag day You know what I mean or a buttermilk pancakes day. Isn't there one of those fucking days, too? Jesus you want me to cancel a holiday? I Wouldn't cancel Valentine's Day just because women like it so much believe it or not. I am a cunt, but I'm not that fucking bad So I'd keep that one. Yeah, you know what? Fuck president's day. All those guys are bought and sold anyways. You're seeing it with Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders. You're seeing how the Democrats are just going to pick her because she's going to play ball.

They're all tied into the fucking, the fucking, I don't know what you want to call it. That Bernie Sanders is too fucking radical. He's going to switch shit up too much and then they're not going to work with them. Even if Bernie Sanders gets elected, they're not going to work with them. They're going to show their fucking true colors. They're a bunch of, they're just a bunch of, they're all bought and paid for.

They're all, how the fuck do the Clintons got $3 million to throw their kid a wedding? You know what I mean? Give me a fucking break. Because you went out and you gave speeches to all the people that fucking financed your campaign and then you hooked them up and looked the other fucking way. I swear to God, I swear to God.

Do you wonder how the fucking pharmaceutical companies and the people who fucked up the food supply are able to do it and there's nothing behind it? It's because they fucking paid everybody off. I swear to God. All right, I'm on my, I'm on my, this is why I always vote for that third party guy. And everybody goes, oh, you're throwing away your fucking vote.

How is throwing away my fucking vote, voting for someone who's a decent fucking human being? I swear to God, people, they don't want to try to do what's right, they just want to win. They want to be like, oh, my guy won. Oh, I want my stump again. See that? Every time I sit there and I trash people for fucking, given their public opinion, then look at me. Look at me. I do the exact same thing. I am what's known as a hypocrite, a hypocrite. All right, that's the podcast for this week.

I want to thank everybody that came out shy and Wyoming. Uh, I know it was last second, but, uh, I had a great time at a great time in your, uh, your state capital. Um, yeah, it was just a really, really cool fucking town. And I had a great time in the, uh, Cadillac ranch there. That sounds, I swear to God, like the fucking bunny ranch. It sounds like a fucking whorehouse, but it wasn't. It was cool talking to the people there. And thank you to everybody, you know, that bought me a beer and a shot and all that shit. Thank you everybody in Denver, by the way, which was just a fucking insane show.

That was another special one just because I've done so many fucking gigs in Colorado in the middle of nowhere I always bring up a wrap a whole community college. I'll never forget that nooner where they had me Standing in an area where three hallways met right before class ended That was a fucking nightmare next to a popcorn machine and five people scattered out about 40 chairs empty chairs Anyways, that's the podcast for this week. I'm gonna try to watch some Celtics and get caught up on the Bruins games and keep drinking my juice. All right, go fuck

yourselves. I'll talk to you later on this week. It's a curious thing, it's a curious thing, it's a curious thing Well, back my drawer, slack-roze the sweat, line the bank floor around Like voices from the sun, in a bulletin form and fist Kiss on cheeks, some little kiss, like I still kiss the skin And on degrees it's full of blood, I win, I win, I win Love is curiously. And I fall, fall, fall for the curious thing. Love is curiously.

It's curiously.