Monday Morning Podcast - The Hockey Show, Playoffs, Charities | Monday Morning Podcast 1-12-26

Episode Date: January 12, 2026

Bill rambles about writing the hockey show, playoffs, and charities. Quo:  No missed calls.  No missed customers.  Try QUO for free and get 20% off your first 6 months at http://www.Quo.com/burr   SimpliSafe:  Get 50% off any new system, this month only. It’s a great time to upgrade to security that actually helps stop crime before it starts.  http://www.SimpliSafe.com/BURR 

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr, and it's time for the Monday morning podcast for Monday, January 12, 2006. What's going on? Oh, why are you? How's it going? Oh, Jesus, I am on pins and motherfucking needles. Pins and needles. I am waiting for this Patriots game to start.

Now, here's the thing. I'm going to do like 45 minutes of this podcast, 50 minutes of this podcast. I'm going to do most of the podcast is what I'm trying to say, but I'm saving the last 10 until after the Pat's game. You know, because there's not enough people out there given, you know, their take on a playoff game after it happens. I don't think there's enough. I need at least seven men and two women in suits and blouses

in some sort of winter wear sitting in on the sidelines, letting me know what they think the keys to the game are. What are the keys of the game? Well, I've got to tell you, know, the trenches. You know, whoever wins that battle. I mean, you know, I've said it before. I'll say it again. If a quarterback doesn't have time to throw the ball, then what are we passing for?

And if we're not passing, they know we're running. They're just going to stack the line. Why wouldn't they? They're winning in the trenches. Then they go to the next person. You know, I just think, you know, they're secondary, you know, with the cover two, the cover zero. They cover me. You know, they just, they do it.

better than anybody else in the league. Here's a stat that you're never going to fucking ever see again. Did you guys see this thing? The fucking New York Jets. You put some respect on their name. The goddamn motherfucking New York Jets

had zero interceptions this year. It's never happened. Not when they played 17 games, 16 games in a season, 14 games in a season, 14 games in a season, 12, 10, when fucking crazy leg Johnson was running around with the fucking pig skin.

They probably slaughtered a pig right before the game to make the football. It didn't even happen then. Red Grange, all of these fucking guys. Bulldog Elliot. He always have like fucking an animal name and then like a regular name. Oh, fucking Stork Johnson. Rangatang Bagu. That has never fucking had.

That's fucking impossible. The Jets have to start a fucking something, you know, anything is possible. They should have that inside that locker room and then just have the team. The 25 New York Jets, zero interceptions in 17 regulation games. Okay? That should show you right there. If you put your fucking mind to something, you can make it happen. All right?

We can make things happen if we, if, if we will it to happen. What we have to start doing, though, is will something to happen that is good for this team. Okay? Now, as far as doing shit that's bad for the team, we figured that out. But from here on out,

I want you guys to be reading your affirmations. Anyway, I got two kids, man. I'm trying to keep up with this stuff. I watched, like, the second half of most games. I caught the second half of the Bills, Jackson. Jacksonville game. That was a good game. I feel like Verzi was right. He said experience was going to win that game. Josh Allen and those guys, which is a Patriots fan. I wasn't happy. I don't know what to think about them because we beat

him once and then we were kicking the shit out of them and then they came flying back to beat us. So I don't know if I liked that. And I thought Jacksonville matched up pretty well against them. just sort of ran out of time. And now I got the Eagles game on. 211 to go in the third. 16 to 10 Eagles. I'm 3 and 0 so far. 4-0?

No, 3-0 in the playoffs. Picking games. I picked both games yesterday, and I picked the first game. I had the bills. And on this one, I got the Eagles. This is a weird game. I like the 49.

Look at that fucking unit. You got a lot of that unit. for them. But I feel like the Bills and Eagles, they're kind of dangerous. You know, the Eagles very quietly had a good season because they started off playing like ass. And I thought they was sort of like a B plus team. And I looked at their record in the end. They, you know, they fucking did all right. I can't, I don't know what the hell they had. Last

they saw, all of a sudden they had 11 wins. I was like, what the fuck. I thought they had like eight wins. But that's what happens when you don't really watch or look at the stats. You know, it sneaks up on you. I think the San Francisco 49ers is one of the few places a man can put on a pair of golden pants and not get shit for it. Like, no one even questions it. Like, you've put on gold pants that you go to a party, all the women are going to be like, oh, yeah, look, you really fucking dress.

They comment on it. You put on gold pants and you play for the 49ers. Nobody even brings it up. Anyway. Remember when they were like changing the names of teams and stuff? They were really looking at. I'm surprised 49er never came up. What exactly happened in 1849 with the gold rush?

You probably don't want to read up on it. Like most things in history. You don't want to get the real version or the other side. Here they're fucking shit. Speaking of that, my lovely wife is she's watching some insane show about people in Utah. you know, the usual thing, you know. There's got to be, there's got to be a happy medium between being a Mormon and an atheist.

Because I don't think either way is right. You know what I mean? You can't totally fucking abstain from rubbing one out and just marry the first chick you banged. And then conversely, you know, you can't go to Vegas and fucking, you know, fuck everything that moves and watch porno and do blow.

And it's got to be, it's got to be somewhere in the middle. You know what I mean? Is there a way to do that? Does it have to be all or nothing? Do you have to be like, fuck all religions like I've been? You know what?

I've done both. I've been a part of religion and then I said, fuck all religions. Guess what? Neither one worked. I still, I still have just as many fucking questions.

So anyway, I took my kids to the park today because they're just, they're too big for the backyard now. They're going to break a fucking window. They're just crushing it. My daughter's been working on a swing. My son's just like a natural. And then we started playing catch, which is something I always want to do. And all of a sudden, I don't know it, my daughter has like a cannon for an arm.

We started like, all right, let's start. throw the football around. My daughter's throwing spirals. My son is second throw. Can't even get his arm around, his hand around the ball, threw a spiral the second one. I'm like this. They're going to be all right. That's a big thing in life. You've got to know how to throw something and hit your target. That's a big, it's a big thing. I feel like that comes in handy a lot, even if you don't play sports. Let's just say you're sitting in a chair. You don't want to get up. You got something in your hand. You're You want to throw it out.

There's a fucking trash barrel over there. You know, you got a shot. You got a shot. You got a shot that you don't have to get up. And you take it. You know? And if you miss it, then you get to get up out of your chair and then act like you just, you know, you know, somebody missed a shot and you dunked it. Still a lot more fun than just having to get up.

Because no one ever played catch with you. You know, no one ever wanted to play fucking. What do you call it? Whatever the goddamn game is that you play. Sorry, I was watching this fucking Hyundai commercial. I don't know. The sound down. These guys all show up.

Why do you have to act like you're tough if you ride a motorcycle? Are you allowed to say we when you, when you're, we? Can you do that when you ride a fucking motorcycle? I don't know. Can you imagine it was the opposite? Can you imagine if people like on motorcycles acted like they were in SUVs and people, like a lot of people do, G-wagons?

They're always acting like cunts. Oh, you know something today when I was driving over to the park? I'm in the second lane from the right. I go to get over because my exit came up on me and I go to get over. And as I'm going to get over, this guy comes screaming up on a motorcycle. He was far away. There was plenty of time for him to slow down. But he doesn't.

He comes screaming up, right? To pass on the right. Then he drives by looks at me. He does the whole big, exaggerated, shaking his head. Oh, do you got it all? figured out, you douche, you're passing on the right. You're not supposed to do that. I don't understand what it is about. I've brought this up a million times. People in L.A. don't understand that you don't pass on the right. It's dangerous. You know, they got like

six lanes out here in a lot of areas, so I can figure, forgive it in lanes four, five, and six. Fuck, touchdown! They threw the option. Oh, they're going to bring it back. You fucking motherfuckers. Oh, man. Jesus Christ. There you go. There's turf toe. Right to the fucking ball bag. Wait a second. Touchdown. It is a touchdown.

There you go. I don't care if I lose my bet. You gotta love an exciting play like that. That was fans. What a great fucking throw. Oh, they did the reverse. That's what it was. I think what sold it was the reverse. What do you guys think? you just kind of like hand it off and you're running a sweep

like people kind of smell it because the running back usually gives it away man they sold the hell out of that little razzle dazzle look at him talking shit that's right I should be quarterback that's fucking awesome all right we got a game here

we got a goddamn game anyway yeah these fucking people there was another one I was sitting at a red light you can go right on red and this guy beeps at me, but there was a lady standing on the curb. I don't know if she's going to step off or not. And look at the review mirror.

I'm like, what the fuck? And then this person's shaking their head. And I got to tell you something. You know, I got a little upset. And then I was like, wait, I don't want to do this. I don't want to do this. But it was good. My kids were in the car.

I didn't yell. I didn't curse. I'm doing all right. I got really frustrated today, though. I'm not going to lie to you. A couple times I got really frustrated. I'm like, this feels weird. So then I did a little yoga.

I meditated. I took an Epsons salt bath. I drank myself blind. No, Epson salt bath. I stopped there. That's insane that running backs make catches like that.

When I was growing up, beyond two yards, they would drop the ball. And then along came a guy named Roger Craig. Oh, that guy paid for that pass, huh? He's like, oh, I was almost fucking there, dude. I can't believe it. You threw it better than I did. Sorry, I'm doing this for people who didn't sync up the audio.

Anyway, so we went over to the park. We had a great time. And it's funny, they both have beautiful swings. Very happy. I was a lot happier than Nick Siriani. Jesus Christ, that guy just looks like he has the weight of the world on his shoulders. When his team starts to lose. I mean, you got to love him.

That fucking guy cares. He's not stoic. Nicky, right? It's Italian. He wears it on his, sit down, have something to eat, you know? They emote. I still think the Eagles are going to win this game. 49ers, what a season.

Everybody's heard. I think, what was it? Is Kerry Kittles out? A guy from the Nets, New Jersey Nets, back in the day. Who's out? Somebody sent me a text. somebody sent me a text and said, is it Kittle? Is it Kittal?

I don't fucking know. Anyway, this podcast is all over the goddamn place. But why don't you try tightening it up a little bit? Have you thought about that? Oh, my God. My wife's been watching that gay hockey show. And couldn't wait to watch it either. Who knew straight women loved watching guys bang?

Like, I went to this, this, uh, this podcast. party. And that's all the wives we're talking about. And then they wanted to make the husbands feel uncomfortable going like, are you watching it? Are you watching it? Like, it really just goes to show you how unhappy they are, that they want you to watch something that would maybe traumatize you. They're like, you want, I keep saying that, because Nia's been watching it like every night. So we call it the gay hockey show. Gawky. Now I just call it cocky, you know, half cocky, half hockey. it really isn't. It's mostly cock. Like, I swear to God,

I think they're required to bang for like 20 minutes every show. And as someone who's been in a writer's room, I mean, that's got to be an easy gig. You're set to see, all right, it's mid-season, they got a game, they go to practice, he says that, he says that, and then they fuck for another 12 pages, and now we're up to page 24.

We've got five more pages to write. And they played a game. they win, the coach is happy, and then they blow each other for three pages, and then we're out. Anyway, so she's been, like, she, like, binged it evidently until four in the fucking morning.

I'm surprised I didn't have any weird dreams that night. But what was I going to say? So these women were asked, we were watching it, and I was saying, like, are they required to bang for 20 minutes? Like, just to remind you that it was like, I get it, they're gay, okay? But my question is, is what is going on with the team? There's a staggering lack of information. Are they in the playoffs?

Are they on the bubble? Does the coach have to sell his house? It's surprisingly not about hockey at all, really. Because I was like, all right, this is just going to be like young blood, but a little gayer. Turns out it's more like Red Shoe Diary. except they're wearing skates. Anyway, she can't get enough of it. She can't get enough of it.

So I tapped out, you know, it's like, I get it. There's going to be way more male sex than gay sex than there is going to be hockey. So I did watch that show. I don't know what the fuck it's called. She goes through them so fast. She just like binges them. And I barely get a chance to catch up. Like, she watched some black mirrors.

And I got to watch those. Like, I don't choose. I don't choose what we watch. And I got to be honest with you. Like, I would much rather watch a gay hockey show than true crime. I, like, she's watching something right now about fucking Utah. And this woman, somehow these kids came running out of a house emaciated with, like, tape around their fucking wrists.

It's like, you know, the fact that they're making a show about this means it was brought to the authority's attention, so I'm sure what needed to be done was done. Why do I need to I don't want that on my hard drive? I don't want to be

walking around like I work on the vice squad and seeing all of this horrible fucking abuse. My wife can watch that shit on like a on a Sunday afternoon. It's kind of amazing.

So anyway, she was watching this thing called something L.A. I don't know. I'm just the worst with this shit, but the actors in it were fucking hilarious. And I was loving that, and then she just binged it.

She binged like the last two. There was, whoever played the boss on the show, this woman, red-headed woman, was fucking hilarious. She was so unhinged and crazy, but also, like, grounded

in this sinister way, like running the company, like, unbelievable actor. And then she binged the last two. She's like, yeah, you can watch them. And it's like, I can't figure this shit.

I don't even know the name of the show. You go through them so goddamn quick. I don't know what platform. they're on. I usually, I just come walking in. I'm like, what are you watching? And then I'm usually three episodes in. And then I get into it.

And I watch like half a three and I get up to about six. And then by the time I wake up the next day, two days later, she's watched the last, you know, up to eight or ten. And then I go on to another one. So I watched a couple of black mirrors, whatever that fucking L.A. show is. And then I watched two hockey players bang each other. And then like, I don't know.

She's watching murder. I can't, I don't know. Remember on MySpace when they were saying like, everybody used to say, talk about their musical taste. It's very eclectic. Like, she literally watches anything from an incredible foreign film on Criterion to like true crime to fucking Kardashians. I don't know, I can't keep up with this shit. We get it, Bill.

We get it. Hey, you're the fucking married. guy who doesn't know anything. Well, yeah, I don't. I don't. There, you happy? I'm a fucking stereotype. Does that make you feel better about yourself? Gee, Bill, you're getting a little defensive? No, what it is is I'm stressing about this game tonight. I don't like this game tonight. I feel like if we win this week, there's a chance we could go to the Super Bowl. I don't know why, but we have to get past this game. Probably because it's, you know, Jim Harbaugh, Justin Herbert. I mean, they're a great team. They got a great fucking defense.

I think they're great against the pass. I'm not sure, but we have a really good running game. So the weather's going to play a factor. I think that helps us because we have two killer running backs. We can eat up the clock. And, you know, Drake May's got fucking ice water in his veins. So I like our chances, but I'm not going to lie to you. I'm a little nervous.

49ers just going right down the goddamn field. I'm starting to feel, I don't know, this is weird. I'm starting to feel like, you know, the Eagles will start to lose control of this game. The momentum. Brock Purdy. They just have B-Purdy. In my world, that's Bernard Purdy.

All right. I think it's time to do some reads here for the week. What do we got here? Oh, quo. Q-U-O. Q-Q-Q-O? I don't fucking know. 2026 is the year your business stops acting like a game of telephone

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is like giving your team a GPS instead of a treasure map drawn by a toddler. Everyone stays aligned, responds faster. Debtion, babe. Clearly blew the whistle and he's still running down the field. He's going to go whole way. The coach's teacher. Coaches teach you. Go the whole way. Go the whole way. Go the whole way. Skip, skip, skip, skip. Nod your head. Nod your head. This is our house. Skipping sideways. Skip with him. Skip with him. Quarterback looking his fingers like he's going to

throw another pass. You're not, buddy. You're going to the fucking sidelines. A little hold of the jersey there. Got away with it. I didn't touch the ground. I thought it touched the ground for half a second. That was his leg. This guy's leg is almost the same colors of football. Look at this. Look at a knee right there. You think of... All right. That's a... Oh, Jesus.

I'll tell you right now. You can't turn the ball over in the playoffs. You know, Joey B., Joe Bartnick, Rose Bowl, Tailgate, legend. He sent me a clip off of Twitter that was showing... Gee, speaking of Twitter, what is going on with the Twitter guy? This guy, he's fucking unhinged. Is he like a full-on Nazi, fucking racist lunatic? Why won't ICE deport that guy?

The guy's trying to start a fucking race war. He's out of his mind. I really don't understand how people on the right support the troops and support a guy who supports the Nazis. Do you remember we were fighting the Nazis? The Nazis killed American troops. You couldn't not support the troops anymore than being a Nazi.

Well, you know, that's not exactly. I'm sorry, I've got to get back to the read here. Quo, everybody. You know, are you working with the Tesla guy? Are you working with somebody with no discernible talent who sued his way onto the created by credit of Tesla, even though he didn't do a fucking thing? A little first down action there.

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And now it just came off the track. I don't know what the hell happened. If it's not one thing, it's another. I'll tell you. You know, you own a house and geez Louise, holy heck, that's what I say. That is what I say. Did I tell you guys that?

Look at that fucking duck. What the hell was that? It's one of the worst throws. That looked like I threw it. Oh, you know what? It's windy. That's why. When there's a 40-mile-an-hour headwind,

you get to see what I look like when I try to throw an eight-yard pass. Look at this goddamn thing. Whack, quack, quack, whack, quack. Not only do that look like, these guys are like hugging each other. I still don't understand, you know. I will never understand why

if the quarterback underthrows the ball and the receiver stops and then the deep, D-back runs into the guy, they give him pass interference. You're rewarding him. for a poorly thrown ball. Saquan Barkley, limping around on the sideline.

All right, here's my hot take of the week. When it's all said and done, Tom Brady is going to be considered funnier than Peyton Manning and his brother there, not Archie, Eli. You know, the Mannings have always, like, as far as like quarterbacks,

the funniest quarterbacks in commercials have always been the mannings and all of a sudden Tom Brady out of nowhere has all these comedy chops. You see that Pizza Hut commercial? He's fantastic in it. That's the second one I've seen where he's absolutely fucking crushed it. Okay, I'm not biased at this point. He's not playing anymore.

I'm looking at all of them. They're all fucking great, by the way. And generally speaking, athletes are funny and they tell great stories. How have I learned this? I've done a couple, I've done stand-up at a couple of banquets. and they always bring a comedian on there because they get nervous that the show is going to be dry

because they're handing out awards or whatever the fuck it is and then they don't understand like these guys grow up in locker rooms everybody's breaking balls telling stories they're hilarious and every time I do one of those gigs like the people that are speaking

are usually so funny and their stories are so entertaining for half a second I forget that I have to go on and then all of a sudden, yeah, you're up next. I'm like, Jesus Christ, you didn't need me. You did need me. They were all just as funny as me. They all have better stories than I do. And everybody here loves sports and now you're going to interrupt it. All of these guys have championship rings or won a batting title or whatever the fucking sport is and now I have to go

up here. This was not a good idea. Who do I need to talk to so this doesn't happen again? but I always end up saying yes. All right, plowing ahead here. Dude, if you can tell me the difference between a Kia, a Hyundai, and a fucking Lexus at this point, they all look the same. They all look the same. They all look like a football helmet with wheels on it.

Do you think that there's going to be any sort of desire in the future? You know, in a Meekam auction? Is somebody really going to want to buy like a 2026 you know, ionic five. I'm trying to, like, I still think like an AMG, like I think gas powered engines are going to be like worth something someday as they all just sort of gradually go away. I was so about electric cars,

but now I'm just like, can they make a cool one? They all have to be like, like, I actually think a lot of the gas combustion cars, now is it don't you feel like they're all like disposable they're just shit i don't know that wasn't very uplifting was it all right let's let's do some uh let's do some of the uh the fucking reads here all right little john commercial all right so i've been doing this thing where i uh you know is this business is shrinking into the streaming service owners pockets and everybody half this town is out of fucking business you see in movie stars How about you got to give it up to Tom, too.

The guy's retired. He's still on the diet. Still has the sunken cheekbones. I'm looking at him right now. He looks like he could still fucking play. You'd never know he was 63. Insane. Broken to the league.

Last year of Dick Butkus. A lot of people don't know that. Anyway, so there's a lot of people. Musicians and all of these people are doing like commercials. And, you know, I like to look out for my fellow performers. so I've been coming up with, you know, with some ideas. You know, I was saying how little John could do like a hotel commercial. You'd be in a room, you know, at a fancy hotel, and a lady knocks on the door in four in the afternoon.

And she knocks on the door. He's like, yeah. And then she opens the door. She's like, turned down service. And he's like, turn down for what? Weep-peep, peep, right? And then they just advertise whatever the fuck it is. Tommy Lee, Tacoma.

You yelled that like 50 times in that drum solo for Toyota Tacoma. And then I saw Janice Jackson with my lovely wife, and she was singing Escapade. I was like, right there, Escalade. Cadillac Escalate will have a good time. Come on, you like it. You want to buy one. Leave your Prius behind.

All right. So I think people are starting to weigh in here. All right, here we go. Little John commercial. Hey, Billy Flatbelly. That's right. Getting in shape here. About two days after you mentioned how easy would be to have a Little John commercial, I saw one for Hyundai pretty much exactly how you imagine it. Just goes to show somebody's always already thought of it. Well, what the fuck, dude? Tell me what the commercial is? Little John was in it. He was saying, turned down for what in a Hyundai commercial? Oh, look at that, putting his head down. The little fake throw. Brock Purr? All right. Well, I would like to see it. Whatever.

The guy already had a fucking commercial. Good for him. That's fantastic. I would like to know what it was, though. If you said it's the same. So he says, turn down for what? Does he have the car stereo one? Baseline and celebrity commercial.

Hey, Bill, I'd like to add Fight the Power by the Isley brothers to the contenders for best baseline. Am I familiar with that? Fight the power to me is public enemy. Check it out. I don't think you'll be disappointed. I will check that out. Look at Brock Purdy marching the 49ers. Down the fucking...

That guy did everything. He had the binoculars. He had the bow and arrow. Multiple celebrations. So they're going to go down. They're going to score. I swear there's no fucking defense anymore. Even in these games where it's a nice defensive struggle.

There's something about six minutes left. I don't know what defense they put in. What do they got in? What are they got in the box, everybody? Uh-oh, he's got to throw that one away. Yeah, I got to check that out. That's a... I've got to love a great baseline.

You know, I've got some buddies come over today, jamming now my fucking garage door is off the goddamn track. You know, it's hooked up to a garage door opener. I don't have that skill set. I'm not going to start fucking disconnecting shit, and then it's going to slam shut when I'm in it, and then... How do

Fuck do I get out of it? You know? My wife's psyched. I'm not in the house. I start to starve. You know? I got to drink my own urine until Wednesday. I mean, I'm just going to just accept it.

Oh, McCaffrey. Oh, my God. The guy's just got moves. The guy's just got too many moves. Right down the motherfucking field. All right. All right. Check that thing out.

Okay. Isley Brothers fight the power. I will check it out. All right. As for celebrity commercials, I'm surprised with all the erectile dysfunction. Commercials and premature ejaculations commercials out there nowadays. You know, I really think it's time to take the shame off of premature ejaculation. You know, what is he really guilty of? Loving women too much?

I don't think that's a problem. Anyway, premature ejaculations commercials out there nowadays that they haven't hired Chris Collinsworth to advertise. Oh my God, this is great, to advertise long-lasting boners and no premium jacks by saying plenty of time left. That's fucking amazing. Oh, my God. Dude, that's fucking, that's top shelf comedy right there.

Jesus Christ, that's fantastic. Like, that's fucking fantastic. There's a lot of fat fucks out there that watch sports. They got that belly sitting on their junk. They probably need to take a pill. They're familiar with Chris Collinsworth. He's always plenty of time. I mean, you know, I thought I had some funny ones.

That's the best one yet. And I actually think you could make that commercial. All right, here we go. Also, only OG podcast listeners would get it, but your go-to segue, plowing ahead should be used in a snowplow-slash-snow-removal company's commercial.

Oh, I think we should do that with, we talk about our fucking currency. The bankers should say that after 2008. Plowing ahead, acting like we didn't do anything. Yeah, plowing ahead for the snowplow commercial. Are there really snow removal commercials? I would say maybe for the side of a truck. Chris McAfrey is just gaining

insane chunks of yardage. How many yards does this guy have? I feel like he's gotten 30 yards on this fucking drive alone. I hate to say it, this game is coming down to coaching. Whoever's fucking calling these plays that double reverse

option for the touchdown? They're just fucking running downhill here. Right, first and goal. 405 to go. Caffrey, I mean, Brock Purdy, a little leg kick. Dangerous pass to the full. Is he wearing John Rathman's number?

I mean, what do you got to do to get your number retired in this franchise? Well, you got to be fucking Jerry Rice, Steve Young. Joe Montana. Dwight Clark. Rest his soul. Freddie Solomon. Ronnie Lott. Dwight Hicks.

Jack Reynolds. Fred Dean. O.J. Simpson. Jim Plunkett. All right. I think what Bill Walsh took over this fucking team, he had Jim Plunkett and O.J. Simpson, and everybody thought both of them were washed up incomplete.

Oh, that's the guy threw the touchdown pass. Jennings. All right. Let's try to focus here. All right, big fan. Keep up the great work. Glad to see you getting the old noggin healthy. Meditation has helped me a lot.

So cheers to a great 2026. Yeah, no, I'm going to have a good one. I got a little wound up today. I'm not going to lie to you. I'm a little more wound up, but I did yoga and I did, I meditated, and, but I didn't snap. I didn't lose my fucking temper. I don't curse in front of my kids for the most part now. What do I say?

Oh, sugar cubes. Oh, fudgical. It's just this stupid. And it actually becomes fun to say, Christian McCaffrey. I mean, what more does the man have to fucking do? What more does this guy have to do? You know what? You know what's funny?

If he was married, his wife would be bitching about something after the game, you know, if she was coaching the team. No, no, I'm glad you got the MVP. No, that's great. You know, it's... I mean, I was calling the play. Jesus Christ.

Anyway, all right. California fire relief. Hey, Bill, have you been following the missing $100 million that was raised for fire relief? I mean... What is different? What's the difference between this story and whatever? Do you remember why we went to Iraq?

Do you remember we didn't find it? Do you remember what Saddam lit on fire before we got there? Do you remember that? Do you remember that fucking thing where I used to give a portion of the proceeds of the advertising to something for the troops coming back? And then I found out the family was stealing the fucking money. It's all the same. You have to understand.

there's no business like charity like no like there's people out there that are just sitting around waiting for a tragedy and they just start a fund because regular people have empathy and they see the story anything school shooting terrorist attack fucking you know whatever you want to call it I mean these sports leagues they come up with jerseys for cancer and all of that and then you find out like half a one

fucking cunt hair is going towards that and they're pocketing the rest of it and they start making money off the fact that people are dying from cancer. It's horrible. So with that, with that cynicism, let's dive in here. No one who lost their home received any money from the funds raised, money that could have housed them or helped pay for the cleanup and said it was fleeced by the group that raised the money. They said 75 million went to local food banks and community groups. I've yet to meet anyone here who has received any help. Dude, that is fucking insane. There's just no checks and balances anymore. When I was a kid, God damn it, you called up the Better Business Bureau and shit happened. There was actually

journalism. That money was donated by people who thought they could, they would be helping us directly and they were misled. An entire other aspect of the story is that foreign wealthy individuals have been buying up everything, every since lot imaginable, every single lot imaginable. The state and city have been holding building permits hostage while their rich friends figure out how they can best optimize the city. Yeah, it's filthy. Developers, foreign money, corrupt charities, all of that.

and like one person will go to jail. One person. It's like the Allie North thing. All right, here come the Eagles. What are they going to do? What are they going to do? It's getting late in the game. Jalen Hertz.

What are you got, buddy? What do you got? He's got a Super Bowl ring. This guy knows what he's doing. All right. They say it will be affordable housing, but will be a small segment, while the majority of the building

goes to stacking high-rise apartments. Oh, no. Palisades was a very tight community of people who knew each other's, each other and homes were passed through several generations. Well, that's why the banks are like, finally let's get rid of those fucking people. It's a real disgusting situation,

and I truly wish it would get more attention. Yeah, I mean, why, you know, yeah, instead we're paying attention to, oil-rich countries and acting like, you know, if they really gave a fuck, wouldn't they be taking care of that? Wouldn't they be taking care of all of these troops that end up on Skid Row with PTSD and drug problems? Wouldn't they take care of people in the palisades, Altadena?

Wouldn't they be doing a bunch of stuff? They don't. They don't. All they do is take care of themselves and then they create these false narratives to upset you and to divide us. All right. Yeah, I don't fuck with a lot of charities. What I do, I go, I did a benefit at the Wiltern with Shane Gillis.

Hopefully that money got there. And then the other stuff that I did, I went directly to people. You lost your house. We raised this. Here you go. That's the only way to fucking do it. Do you know when I was out, you know, the public schools and all of that are terrible? out here in L.A. and I thought to myself, well, all right, well, you know what?

Why not help? What's the closest public school to me? I'll just fucking, you know, I'll help that out. We'll do a comedy show. We'll do all that. You know, what do you need? What's the biggest thing you need? We'll do a benefit. We'll bring it over, right? And you literally cannot do it. You can't go to a public school and give them money. It has to go to the head centralized board of school. school, the public schools, and then they decide where it goes. And what ends up happening is they just keep most of it because they don't give a fuck. And then what you did was you just, I don't know, you, I don't know, they just, people are not honest.

So we ended up having to do like, what you can do is, is if they need supplies, you can do that. So we just had to make a list of supplies. and we just went shopping and did that. But we could have done so much more. I just, like, it's in my neighborhood. My taxes go, why can't I just choose that one? It's all about fucking control, corruption and all of that. You know what?

This is getting really, it's getting really negative. Oh, my God. It's going to be a bunch of high-rise apartments. Why would they do that? Why are they so hell-bent on these fucking high-rise apartments? It just has to be like a way to like wash money or something because they keep making these fucking places. No one can afford to live in them.

And most of them, there's nobody in them. They do that in New York. They just make these things, Jesus Christ, they build it up to the fucking stratosphere. They literally go into commercial bra-Bra-Bra airspace. They had to clear it with the FAA. And they can't sell any things. And then they just knock down these. buildings that everybody could afford, and then the local bodega goes out of business because

they knocked down the place where people lived. Now it's a giant high-rise, and it's vacant, and nobody buys a bacon, egg, and cheese, and it all just trickles down. Oh, gee, Bill, you just got it all fucking figured out, don't you? Not all of it. Some of it, though. Some of it. Anyways, all right, this is where I'm going to take a break, and I am going to watch the Patriots game. I think it's going to be a great game. My prediction to the game, I really think it's a coin flip. And I am a happy Patriots fan. I mean, I'll be disappointed, but like I had nobody, nobody had us where we're at right now.

The job that Mike Brable's done, the coaching staff, the job that the players, the GM, the ownership, and everybody. I mean, they absolutely crushed it this year. so we got a great future. Never thought we would be back this quickly. And to see that Drake May is the real deal. And we can build around that is fucking incredible. Jaylen Hertz just fucking orchestrating this drive. Chewing up the clock.

Plenty of time. Going right down the fucking field. All right. I'm going to watch the rest of this game. and then I'm going to do the last 10 minutes about the Patriots. All right. That is all. Through the magic of editing, I will see you in half a second.

Oh my God. Hey, the fucking Pats are back. As much as so many people don't like it. They are back. Wow, what a game. I enjoyed the game. A lot of people thought it was sloppy. But a lot of people also, they just look at like, you know,

they like a Bill's Chiefs playoff game where there's like no defense whatsoever. I thought the Chargers had a great game plan. They're like, you know, what's New England going to do to really fucking kill us? They got two great running backs. They're going to time of possession, chew up the clock, establish to run. We're going to take that away from you.

We're going to take it away from you and make you beat us with the pass. And that was working. 3-0, 3-3, 6-3, 9-3. You know, and all the Madden boys, this game sucks. These fucking people are. going anywhere. One week. One game. Yeah. I mean, you know, it's a little chilly out. A little crosswind,

you know? Now, it was kind of an ugly game, but I did like, you know, the Chiefs, that was like a difficult game. And then their quarterback's playing, he's got one broken hand, you know? So I said to my buddy, this is what I says. I says to the guy, I said, you know what, the first team that scores a touchdown is going to win this goddamn game. And thank God it was us, because that game really could have gone either way. And, you know, they also like, people are going to get on Drake, maybe, you know, fumbling the ball and throwing in an interception. But the way I saw it is the San Diego Chargers defense caused both of those.

They deflected a pass. Bang, bang, boom. Third guy catches it. I will say, like, that fucking going for it, two minutes into the game, fourth down for the San Diego Chargers, why the fuck you wouldn't kick a field goal? I just don't get it. I don't fucking get it. And then we turn around and then we do it.

But we get the first down. I'm like, shows you what I know. And then we get stopped and then we finally just kick the field goal. Yeah, it's like the drive is over. Get out of the relationship. Kick the fucking ball through the uprights. Get the goddamn points.

Get the points and get the fuck out of there. That's what I was saying. And then we get the ball back. You know, then they get the ball back at the end of the games. Plenty time, right? And what do we start doing? Then it's just, it's like third and long. And we're giving them like a 12-yard cushion.

And they're like, they got the first down. Of course they got the first down. We'll give them a fucking 12-yard cushion. And I'm texting my buddy going like, I don't, like, since the 1980s, the winning team plays 55 minutes of football and then they go into this make-a-wish defense.

I start doing that shit. Like, you haven't heard me say that five million fucking times. And then what do they do? then they blitz and sack Herbert. And I just wrote. And then they blitz and they sack the quarterback. I'm going to shut the fuck up now. So obviously, I don't know what the hell I'm talking about.

But I'm happy that we came out of this dream season of turning it around for the Patriots. And in my heart of hearts, I was like, what would be great is if we go into the playoffs and we get a win. Because we're going to build on. I mean, look. The odds of the Patriots winning the Super Bowl. I mean, there's so many teams you got to be. I mean, we still got to win fucking two more games just to get to the Super Bowl. And, you know, I'll tell you right now, it doesn't get any easier.

I don't know. Seattle, the 40. There's so many teams that are out of it. I don't even know who the fuck's good anymore. But I know that, you know, we're a really young team. So I was really hoping that, obviously, we wouldn't lose, get into the playoffs and lose. And then all the Patriots haters could be like, see, I told you.

You know, they had an easy schedule. This was a fucking blah, blah, blah team or whatever. Whatever. You know, they're going to find something anyway. But I was really happy. And Drake May didn't get down on himself. And that 37-yard scamper was a great one. And, you know, we just made the plays that we need to make.

I mean, just basically, I'm going to speak in sports cliches. But I'm really excited that we won. now we're going to play the winner of, dude, Texans are scary. The winners of the Texans and Pittsburgh Steelers. So I see the Texans winning that game. Aaron Rogers is Aaron Rogers, but I just think that for some reason I just feel like the Steelers, they don't have enough. They don't have enough. And everybody sleeps on the Texans.

I don't know why. They're down in Houston, you know? They still feel like an expansion franchise. At least they do to me. Like the Raiders will always be the Oakland. Raiders, right? And the fucking Houston, to me, is always going to be the Oilers. I really wish they brought that name back.

That was such a fucking great name. Do you think the, do you forfeit the name once you move, once the Oilers moved and became the Titans? Yeah, I guess they do. because the New York Jets used to be the New York Titans. Because they had the New York Giants. And they're like, well, we're the Titans. And then the Giants were like, really, dude?

Really? It's bad enough that we already had a football team. And now your stupid fucking AFL League comes here and joins, you know, joins the, you know, the fray. You're going to do like a name. Like, you're totally ripping us off. And then they were just like, okay, we're the Jets. All right, here's some more sports trivia for you. Where were the two places the New York football giants played between Yankee Stadium and the Meadowlands?

And this is really interesting, too. They played in the Meadowlands until 1973. And that's when the original Yankee Stadium – I'm sorry, they played in Yankee Stadium until 1973. Like, you know, that Giants Colts game, the greatest game ever played. You see is played in the old Yankee Stadium. that Ruth built and they were finally going to redo it where it became the Reggie Jackson, Chris Shambliss, Greg Nettles, Ron Guidry, that classic stadium where they won in 77 and 78, 96, 98, 99, 2000. I just can't, I just once I get going, I can't stop. All right.

This is where they played. I didn't know this for two seasons. So, they redid the stadium. So not only did the Yankees had to leave, and I believe they played in Shea Stadium, if you can believe that, they sort of, when the Mets weren't home, the Yankees played their home game. So that was like 162 fucking games

was played on that field. Must have been pretty chewed up. And the Giants had to leave. So the Giants, believe it or not, in 1973 and 74, played NFL games at the Yale Bowl. Now, obviously, you know, if you're not familiar with the Yale Bowl.

That is the original bowl stadium. That's why I went to a game there. The Rose Bowl, all of these, like the Cotton Bowl, all of that style stadium where the pillars were underneath the stadium so there was no

obstructed view. Oh my God. Hang on a second. Can I just hang on, please? I'm doing my podcast. Fucking hilarious. go out to your office and do your podcast and then I come out here and two seconds later there's a knock on the door. But you got to love it. You got to love it. You got to love being a dad. So they played two years in the Yale Bowl, 73, 74, and then in 75, then they went over to Shea. And in the meantime, they were building the Meadowlands. And then from 1976 to 2009, they played in the Meadowlands. I thought that was pretty cool. So anyways, at that, yeah, the original Yale Bowl, um,

I'm sorry, the Yale Bowl is the original bowl stadium. And that gave the name. And then everybody took that design. And then that's why all of those January 1st games were called, you know, going to a bowl game. It was called that because of the design of the stadium. And now you know the rest of the story. There you go. All right.

Congratulations to the New England Patriots. Condolences to the Chargers. They did play a great game. You know, just came up short. Who else? Who else won this weekend? I've yet to watch the highlights of the Bears Packers. I don't know how the, you know, I was watching the scores.

I was out with my kids that day. And congratulations to the Bears. I had a feeling. You know, we did the Anything Better podcast. Dude, by the way, we fucking crushed it. I went four in one. Paul Verzi against the spread went 5 and 0. He's picked every game.

So tonight, I took the Texans. He took the Pittsburgh Steelers. He could possibly go 6-0, which would be a nice comeback for him, as he does every year. All right. So that is it, everybody. I mentioned that I was going to be in Utah in February. It looks like that gig is actually in March.

I'm going to the Utah Mammoth first, Edmonton. Oilers game. I think that's the first time I'll see McDavid, Drysidal, Newgent Hopkins, nurse, that whole fucking team live. So I'm really excited about that. And I'm going to knock out these next two. And I believe my tour, to be talking to my tour guy soon, is going to be starting up. And I can't wait to get out on the road and see you guys. I'm going to be doing the road a little bit differently, playing maybe some smaller places for multiple nights.

You know, because I don't know, there's some cities I like to hang in, rather than just flying in, doing the gig and fucking leaving, and then going to another one, and then going to another one, and then going home. I think I'm going to be more like, let's play someplace, you know, rather than doing one big show, let's do three smaller ones, chill here for a minute in some of my favorite cities. I got some ideas for some really fun tours. I'm at that point in my career where I've kind of been everywhere a zillion times,

but it was always sort of like a thrash in trying to hit as many cities as I could to build up my following and do, you know, all of that grassroots shit. And so, you know, I got a bunch of friends out there. I got a bunch of things that I like to do and like to see and that I learned throughout the years when I was playing clubs. and I would be there Tuesday through Sunday back in the day when they would do that to Friday, three Saturday, right? So then, you know, I land in a place like Chicago. I don't get a chance to really go to where I want to go or Atlanta or, you know.

Milwaukee's one of my fucking favorite places to be. I just like all those places and I want to be able to chill and have my little show at night. and but during the day you know go around and see all these cool places you know who knows baseball maybe they got a day game could be nice you know oh billy old man you know puttsin around town wearing my old man hat you know i'm gonna have a good time right i'm enjoying this whole fucking ride and it's because you guys come out to my show so i really appreciate that and haven't said that go fuck yourselves and i'm

I will talk to you on Thursday. Go, Pats!