Monday Morning Podcast - the Patriots, Old School MTV, Drug Names | Monday Morning Podcast 1-26-26

Episode Date: January 26, 2026

Bill rambles about the Patriots, old school MTV, and drug names. Momentous:  Right now, Momentous is offering our listeners up to 35% off your first order with promo code BURR at http://www.livemomentous.com Truewerk:  Don't let cheap gear slow you down this winter. Upgrade your day with workwear built like it matters. Get 15% off your first order at http://www.Truewerk.com code BURR. HIms:  Get simple, online access to personalized, affordable care for ED, Weight Loss, and more at http://www.Hims.com/BURR 

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Some exclusions to instant rewards apply. This is not investment advice in trading crypto involves risk. Check Gemini's website for more details on rates and fees. Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr, and it's time for the Monday morning podcast. For Monday, January 26, 2006, what's going on? Oh, why? Oh, I got up a little higher this morning.

morning. Why did I get up a little higher? Why am I so happy? Why am I so excited? You may not have asked. Because New England just had the biggest sports victory they have had since the Boston Celtics won an NBA championship a couple years ago. Your Boston Bruins beat the I'm kidding. Bruins also beat the Canadians on SAA. I've only seen a couple of highlights. How about that fucking dish from pasta, knocking it out of the air,

back door to fucking Morgan Geeky, pulling all the defense to the right. He goes back left. He does it. Every fucking game, they don't know if he's going to do a little snapshot, a backhander, or a fucking an apple across the fucking creastode.

I will tell you this. David Posternak, his game is, It's like Bergeron and crazy combined. What do you want? You want 30, 40 goals? He can do that, and he can dish out like 100-something assists every year.

Some of the – I mean, if there's a better pastor in the league, I want to know who it is because that guy's amazing. I remember a few games ago against Chicago when L'OWRae, our defenseman, had two goals. It was the end of the game. Pasta could have easily got this empty net goal. What does he do? He's fucking looking for Lurie to give him the hat trick. Didn't work out, but still, that's the kind of shit you want in your locker room.

Okay, that's the attitude. Not the attitude you're bringing to social media, trashing everything that you see, trying to get a laugh, trying to get a like. Huh? How did I turn it around on you? I don't know. Projection? Being defensive?

I really don't know. Oh, Billy, good mood. I had a moment with my garage door opener, which, by the way, by the way, somebody had to come over and fix it again and said, I don't know why they took away the overhead thing. I wouldn't have stalled this wall unit. So now the thing's already going, beep, beep, and the light doesn't work. And I know what that means. It means they have two more openings and it's not going to open. And I got the Bon Scott fucking tribute with Dean Del Rey coming up and I got to rehearse these songs that I'm afraid to go.

afraid to go in my own drum room. Huh? There's a first world problem for you. So I'm just going to call the dude back and just say, what is the most powerful fucking overhead goddamn garage door opener? Excuse my language, that you can install. Is there any way you could find it in your heart to come over and do it as soon as possible? That's what I was like.

Meanwhile, I'm just sort of air drumming. I mean, Phil Rudd, dude, Phil Rudd is a vibe. and it's exciting when you first play drums because you think it's the most simple beat there is. And then when you really get into the science of rhythm and all of that stuff, like what this guy is doing with, you know, the most simple beat ever that makes 80,000 people lose their fucking minds, it's really incredible. And it's also like he has so much subtle shit in there that everybody seems to miss. including myself.

Like one of the songs I'm playing, I don't want to, no spoiler alert here. I'll talk about it. The gig's on February 3rd. I'll tell you the, the, um, songs that I'm playing, and each one of them has these things.

I've listened to these songs 10,000 times each. But then all of a sudden, I, you know, I really got to sit down and sit in with the band and really deconstruct the song. The amount of extra shit, subtle shit that I never even fucking noticed

because I was listening, to Bon or Malcolm or Angus or Cliff or even like half listening to Phil. I thought I was listening to Phil. There's so much cool shit. So much cool shit. It is funny too when you go to, I've done these songs like on the comedy jam and stuff. And I've had people come up afterward being like, yeah, you added that thing. I'm like, no, dude, it's in the song.

It's in the song. Listen to it. And like it is. And then they'll come back and be like, holy shit it is. Or it's something you thought was there and it isn't there. Like, this is some drum nerd shit. Like, if you want blood, if you want blood, and it's bon-bon-da-p-pom.

And then you think he's going to go, put-that. If you want blood, that, boga-that-b-b-that. There's no put-that. It's bop-pot-that, b-da. Wait, oh, that, don't. Put-that-pon-dat. There's no, you want so bad. to be like, and four.

You want the end, and he doesn't do it. I don't know why. But it's not there. You think it's there. It isn't there. And then trying to make that happen because it's so fucking weird and not slow down the song.

And then you play it with somebody else going, hey man, you're missing that thing. I'm like, it's not there. It is there. No, it isn't. Listen to it. They're like, what the fuck? It isn't there.

What are we going to say? Phil Rudd is wrong? Because he's not. Anyway, had a great morning with my kids. Dude, they literally get up and fucking get ready as fast as they can so they can go out in the back.

Yad La Paloos and fucking play baseball. So today, you know, my daughter, somebody gave her these sunglasses at school, the Randy Macho Man, Savage glasses. So she likes going up there, you know, up to bat wearing him. So then my son finds his little sunglasses, and then they're both outside. And he's sitting down with his sunglasses on pretending he's coaching my daughter. It's amazing as I'm in there making a breakfast.

And of course, running out, taking pictures. my son comes home and he goes, Dad, can you throw me some hits? That's what he goes. And I got to be like, I'm throwing you hits, buddy. I'm fucking striking you out. I'm brushing you back off the plate. I throw lefty to them. Get my left hand game.

So I got the righty and the lefty going on here. And I went out. It was my daughter's birthday the other day, so I got her gift certificate to this fucking great baseball store, old school place. I got to give him a shout out. Thanks to everybody at Bagger Sports up in Santa Clarita. Just selection, the people there. Like, this guy was, like, you know, helping my daughter find a bat

and was, like, helping her work on her swing. I mean, they were fantastic. And I'm going to break in the glove today, which it already has, like, a nice shape to it. I mean, all the sports equipment since I was a kid, like the level that it has changed. I mean, granted, it's been 40, 50 years. is amazing.

So I'm going to break in her glove today. And, you know, at the end of the day, the greatest way to break in a glove is just go out and play catch, which means I get to play catch with my daughter, which is fantastic. Anyway, let's talk about something else that's fantastic. Your New England Patriots won their 12th AFC championship game to go to their 12th Super Bowl.

I think our record right now is 6.5. five in Super Bowls. We lost to the Bears. We lost to the Packers. I went to that game. We beat the Rams. I was at that game. Then we beat the Panthers. Then we beat the Eagles. We lost to the Giants. We lost to the Giants. We beat the Seahawks. We beat Atlanta. We lost to the Eagles. We beat the Rams. Yeah, that should be 11. And now we're playing the formidable Seattle Seahawks. Oh, get ready for that fucking, for them to play that stupid Beast Moat clip 9,000 times

and act like some sort of vengeance needs to happen when it's like no one from those games is still there. Maybe our offensive coordinator. Maybe him. I hate that, like, the fucking story, like, take the 2000. seven giants. It's not that they won on the fucking road the

whole way there. It's that the Patriots lost. It's like, no. That was one of the great fucking defenses of all time. They never got their props. And then somehow Eli gets all the credit. Like, Eli beat Tom Brady. Did he? Eli? Is that what he did? I thought it was the fucking front four

of the Giants. You know? I don't know. They're both super close games or whatever. But I never felt like, you know, the Giants got like their pro. They did like the helmet catch or whatever, which was obviously an insane fucking play. But like, it really was the front four of the Giants in 2007, not letting Tom Brady be comfortable moving him off his spot. It was an incredible game plan and they fucking dominated our offensive line. That was the

fucking story. But it's got to be like, oh, Tom and Giselle aren't as fucking have. They always do that shit. So that's Seattle Seahawks game. In defense of Pete Carroll, the play that he called, think about it. Everybody knows it's going to Marshawn Lynch. He calls a play that the entire year has either been a touchdown or an incomplete pass. But what happened? He was going up against Bill Belichick. Bill Belichick was going to call timeout. He looked across the field. He saw confusion. He doesn't call time out. They panic. They put that play in. And they went up against the only fucking team in the NFL that was coached. And Malcolm Butler recognized the play, jumped in in one of the biggest fucking moments in NFL history saved a game for the Patriots and won that game. Malcolm Butler is what, that's the name everybody should be saying. Not Marshawn Lynch, not Beast Mode, none of that shit. But that's not how they do it. They always find some stupid fucking obvious.

It was like that shit last week when the Patriots played the Texan. All they talk about is how CJ Stroud threw fucking foreign exceptions. It's like, dude, two of them were tipped. One of them hit his receiver right in the fucking hands. They always, I don't know, it's like this ball watching shit. And they just look at a stat. So anyway, I had a buddy of mine was talking about the Patriots game. Yes, and they go, you know, this is how spoiled NFL fans that.

He goes, that was an ugly game. It's like, yeah, dude, it's called defense. I know that you don't recognize that because, like, no one fucking plays defense anymore. All right? The first half was two powerhouse defenses shutting down the offense. And all they could talk about was this stupid

fucking backup from the Broncos. By the way, the Patriots, our quarterback's 23 years old. Their backup is older. I don't know how old he is, but he's older than our guy. Stop acting like he was going up against some fucking grizzled vet. This is our first time with this kid to this thing.

So, I mean, I don't know. When I saw the spread was only four and a half because everybody was like, oh, my God, Bo Nix is out. Oh, fuck, not Bo Nix. Jesus Christ. I mean, they're acting like that guy's a franchise. He's becoming Bo Nix. He's still in the middle of his story.

Now, I get it that that's the starting quarterback or everything. But let's, let's fucking, you know, don't act like Patrick Mahomes just went down. No offense to the Broncos being out in the AFC West. I'm sure you're sick of hearing about that guy. So when I saw the spread at four and a half, I was like, Vegas knows something. Vegas knows something that I don't know. And I know enough that when I see a spread like that I feel like should be like seven or eight and it's only four and a half. Okay?

One of my strengths is I know that I, how little I know. And if they have it at four and a half, there's no fucking way I'm going up against a casino that hired a bunch of fucking mathlete nerds that have laptops. Oh, Billy Summer School is going to go up against that. I'm like, all right, I see what you say in Vegas, and I'm going to go with it. Patriots win Broncos cover. So I took the fucking Broncos getting four and a half. Final score, 10 to 7. Patriots win the game, Broncos cover.

Dude, you just, sometimes Vegas, like, tips their cap. Now, I'm not saying, like, during the regular season, the other fucking, whatever, ever, 16 games that week, 15 games, whatever the hell it is with the buy. Somebody's two played teams have a buy. So 15 games, you know, I'm not going to sit there and act like I just go with Vegas. It's when the spread doesn't make sense. When the spread is fucking seems like it's three points closer than it should be, they're trying to get you on the hook.

They know something. Dude, they factor in the fucking weather, which by the way, congratulations to Tony evidently that's the first snowstorm that guy's ever seen he was literally beside himself i never never seen anything like this we talk about fucking buffalo plays in a game like this their last three games every year it used to be from november on before global warming you know but evidently that's a fucking hoax um by the way dude like what is what does ice have to do before americans tell them to fucking tone it down they're literally out there committing murder you know calling unarmed mothers

like fucking domestic terrorist or some shit like that and then I love all these people now walking down like gee I didn't know Trump was going to do this it's like

what about his first four years what did he have a mushroom trip during Sleepy Joe's tenure okay I really just get it if we can just step outside of politics this guy is not a Republican and you are who you hang out with

this guy loves dictators he's going this root, all right? And I can tell you this, in a very quick amount of time, if nobody stands up to this guy, me literally saying this, I'll have ice at my door and I'll be on my way to alligator Alcatraz. That's what he's doing this. You know, you don't show your whole hand as a dictator. It's little cuts, little cuts. Right now, it's non-white people. So most, you know, majority of people are white, so they don't see themselves in those vans. And then what he's going to do is he's going to divide white people once he's done with the non-white people.

He's going to divide it down to, you know, the enemy of the state, you know, this guy's a commie or whatever. And then it's like, well, I'm not a commie. I'm going to be okay. And you watch, you keep letting this fucking guy go. Eventually, he's going to go after you right-wing people and your guns. But not, not you guys will be the final. That's the thing about all of these fucking neo-Nazis is they don't understand how far Hitler was going to go.

They don't understand it. Everybody thinks that they, you know, my people, Caucasians, everybody thinks that they were white enough. Dude, that guy was enamored with like fucking, not even Nordic people. I think it was just Scandinavia. Scandinavia exists within the Nordic country. So he was only down with like Sweden, Norway, Denmark.

and Icelandic people. I didn't even think Germans, somehow he was trying to say Germany fit in with that. But like all of those Slavic people, all those Eastern Europe people, Greeks, Italians, all these wonderful fucking people, he was going to get rid of all of them too. That guy, he went, Colonel Kurtz, like he left the fucking program. It's unreal. You know, I don't know. I am convinced that the cure for racism is you need to travel.

but you have to have an open mind. Okay? And just fucking see the beauty of all people, what everybody's contributing. And then, you know, and then as you travel too, what you will find is that it just seems in every country,

there's some fucking lunatic in charge dividing everybody. Trying to turn it politically into a sports bar. Us and them, us and them, us and them. It is the oldest, tropeist, tired fucking thing that they do. But fucking morons. I don't know what. They just, they just, I don't know.

I'm trying not to be divisive with my words. People who maybe need to have a different approach as to a way that they view the world. I have no idea. Anyway, I mean, I don't know. I don't know how the fuck you act surprised at what this guy's doing after. You already saw him. You already saw him for four years. The guy loses an election.

He throws a temper tantrum, and he riles up the dumbest people in the country to have a fucking an impromptu military coup, and they go to the wrong fucking building. I mean, it's just, you know, and people died. And then this guy comes in, the first thing he does is he pardons all of them. I mean, it's just insane. It's fucking insane. So, I don't know. I haven't said that.

I have no problem with the Republican Party. I have no problem with conservative thought. This guy is not a Republican. This guy is, he's on his own fucking thing here. And hopefully Democrats get some balls, Republicans get some balls, and they tell the guy to fucking chill the fuck out because he is just, I don't get it.

It's just got, this guy is in love with chaos. He's got everybody all fucking riled up. It's just like, what exactly is the problem? I don't get it. You're a billionaire. What is the fucking problem? how is this country not working for you? All right, I'm going to shut up now.

Let's move on here. All right. The Seattle Seahawks, everybody. The Seattle Seahawks, after, you know, that guy talked shit on the sideline, I mean, how crazy was that moment? And he gets an unsportsman like, the ref was really telling him to walk away.

He still goes over. He still has to talk your shit. gets a penalty, gives them a first down, and then on the very next play, they throw a touchdown pass. Just like, why would you do that? Why would you do that? Like, what's happening during the Patriots fucking Broncos game, too?

The amount of people making plays, and then they got to be like, oh, fucking stomp around. It's like, dude, it's second down. The amount of we just won the Super Bowl celebrations that happen. on like second and third down in the first, second, third round of the playoffs. I just don't fucking get it.

I just, I just, that's that new let's fucking go. I play with passion. It's like, all right, you know, I came up when you fucking maintain control of your emotions until you actually won the fucking game. And you didn't do a bunch of shit talk until rile up the other fucking team or give them another opportunity, which is, you know, I mean, I don't know how many times you can see that. it's right up there with holding the ball out celebrating before you're across the goal line.

Like, how many times can that happen before you realize the odds of you now spiking it before you're in the end zone, somebody knocking it out of your hands, fumbling it out of the end zone for a touchback? How many fucking times can you see that? Like, if I was an NFL player, I would not celebrate until I ran out the back of the end zone and high-five the fan. Then I would do my little dance or whatever the fuck I was going to do. But I don't know.

I have no idea. But the Seahawks, congratulations to them. They're looking like world beaters. And how about this fucking Sam Darnold? I mean, the guy's an incredible quarterback, and he can run, flush him out of the pocket. He throws just as well when he's on the run. I mean, the Patriots really have their work cut out for him. I do feel it's anybody's game.

It's weird. I know Seattle has a great defense, but they were letting up a ton of fucking points. the other day. But I just think that it's going to be a, I think it's going to be a really close game. And it's going to come down to it. It's anybody's game. And they'll somehow try to drag

that shit in from way back in the day. Like everybody's retired. They're going to somehow do that. So anyway, who knew? I feel like the Patriots have been playing with house money since we got into the into the playoffs.

But now I don't think, I don't have low self-esteem. Look, okay, they're young, the blah, blah, blah. It's like, we just went up against three of the toughest defenses anybody's ever faced to get to the NFL. But it is a weird year. Like, no bills, no Ravens, no chiefs. As far as like the AFC, no lions

out west, no 49ers. I mean, 49ers got bounced out the previous week. It's just a weird fucking week. I mean, weird year. So we shall see what happens. We shall see what happens. But I'll tell you what came back in spades was people's hatred of the New England Patriots. Jesus fucking Christ. When are they going to let it go? You know what I mean? I just don't fucking get it. It's like, what are we doing? We're trying to win. I'm sorry it's been working out for us. I'm as shocked as anybody that we're back. I was just looking at it like, you know, all right, that was our moment.

Like, you know, if you're lucky, if you're lucky, you get like, you get to see your team win a championship at this point with 32 teams. If it happens once or twice in your lifetime, I mean, that's pretty amazing. So I thought, you know, with the embarrassment of riches that we had for two decades, I thought, all right, well, you know, Tom's gone, Belichick is gone, it's over. And now we're going to go into the, you know, maybe if I live to be a 90 years old or something, I'll see it come back again. It takes a long time.

I had no idea we would come back this quick. So once again, fucking Robert Kraft, he knows who to fucking hire. He just got, I don't know, and then we just picked all the right players and they all delivered. It's really insane. I went on a nice motorist, a little brought on my motorcycle the other day through the canyons. As I tell you, I do it during the week when all those fast and furious kids are working or something, you know, I don't need people coming across the double line on me.

So anyway, after I rode, I came back and rode great, just feeling. one with the bike. Love that fucking bike. And I went down and I was like, you know what? I think it's time to get to wash my gear here. So brought it back to the house, the pants, and the shirt. And like, you know, I felt the padding. I didn't look at it. Like, dude, I am playing, like, the padding in my shirt and pants, I might as well, it looked like the shit I used to wear when I played Pop Warner football

in the late 70s. It was just sort of like a poor excuse for plastic with some nerve shit on the inside that goes up again. So I got to get some better gear immediately. So if anybody out there rides and can recommend the best gear out there, like, you know, and I will sacrifice a little bit of comfort to wear the right shit, I'm very thankful that I wash that shit before anything happened. And I realized what I was wearing. But I'll be honest with you, like, I don't ride in traffic, and I also don't ride that fast. I'm twisting and turning through the canyon. So, I mean, you know, there's some straightaway as I get up to 50, 60 miles an hour, but, you know, I feel like if I'm going to wipe out,

it's going to be the turns. And I'm only doing, like, you know, I'm in like second gear, whatever that is. I don't sound like to look at my spenometer a lot of times. Second, maybe third gear or whatever. And I actually dragged one of the sideboards the other day. I leaned over so much, you know, getting comfortable with the bike or whatever. So that made me feel good. It scared me for half a second or third. I'm like, all right. That's as far as this bike wants to go over. Okay. But it's been It just clears my head I fucking love it

And like I said, I go during the week It literally, I have like three miles That I'm riding with traffic And then I'm just in the canyons for like a half hour And then I come back out again And It's just An amazing time

Oh speaking of which I went down to the The Peterson Museum I want to thank everybody at Indian motorcycle. We went down there and they have this new reissue of their vintage Indian motorcycle. It is the coolest fucking bike. It's literally a RestoMod. On top, it looks like one of their bikes from, I'm not the best Indian historian, but I would say something like back in the 50s, but underneath is 2026 technology. It is the sickest, coolest looking bike. If you like the old

vintage stuff, but don't want to deal with the headache of owning something that old. I mean, they 100% did it right. And I went there with Dean Del Rey, and they had one bike. I took a picture of it. I don't know what it was, but I sat on it. It was the most comfortable seat I've ever been on. And it's one of those deals where when you get to be my age, you know, or if you discovered riding motorcycles late in life like I did, that seat speaks to you.

to be honest with you. It was really, really just fantastic. The whole setup and where the handlebars were. As far as like me, I'm just under 5'10. So I'm literally Doug Flutty Height, 5-9, 3 quarters, right? And it just, everything just felt perfect. So we were talking to them. And, you know, I'm trying to set up a tour

where maybe, you know, I work one day, off one day, work one day, off one day, and we ride, you know, somewhere, I don't know, Montana or Tennessee, you know, Appalachians or like just wide open spaces. One or the other, I just really want to, Dean knows all the places to go. So we're trying to set something like that up, which I think will really be cool. Oh, and also I got to say shout out to Nemish Patel, who I got to know over the last year when I was in New York doing the play, just really original, really funny. and really cool dude. Big fan of his.

He was playing the Wiltern. Sold it out, by the way. Really happy for him. And he asked me if I would come down and, you know, do a surprise guest spot. And it was one of my favorite sets I've had in a long time. Just killer vibe.

He's a great comedian. He's a smart guy. So his crowd is amazing. And, you know, went out there and just had the best time performing in front of his crowd and then hanging out with him and some of his operas, Mookie Thompson. This dude does not look like a Mookiee at all. He's a white dude like me, but like he was funny as hell.

He went on right before me, sort of tag team and everything. And it's one of my favorite venues. so it's always an honor to perform there. So thank you to Nemesh once again. And then also, I always get so excited when I go on that stage because I saw one of my favorite groups. I saw Velvet Revolver there with Scott Weiland, obviously. And I think it was one of their last shows before that band,

unfortunately, split up. Dave Kushner, who I didn't even know at that time. And a few years later, I would get to know. because he did all the music, composed all the music on, F's for Family has become one of my great friends. He's just one of the best guys ever. Like, total down to earth, amazing father, amazing husband, just solid guy.

And, you know, it's just so weird. I was just standing in the crowd. I had no idea who he was. And then he becomes this huge part of my life creatively and as a friend. And then also I got to see, you know, slash Duff, Matt Sorum, and Scott Weiland. So I'm seeing this mashup of STP and Guns and Roses. And then Dave Kushner, one of the most great bands that you never heard of,

the Electric Lovehogs. How great is that? So whenever I go on that stage, I also saw, I've sent some killer shows there. I saw them crooked vultures with Josh Hami. Dave Grohl on drums, John Paul Jones on bass, and I forget their hired gun. Guy was a killer guitar, I played Rhythm Matar. I wish I had his name.

I've just seen some really great show. I saw, Jesus Christ, I didn't realize how many shows I saw over there. I saw My Sugar there, which was one of the coolest shows ever, because where I was standing was a who's who of fucking drummers that I was a fan of. and they were all down there, you know, watching Tomas Hockey, you know, killing it and everything. That was a fucking amazing show.

And then I saw a bunch of shows down there. Well, Nia went to, came with me. She developed a revolveld, them crooked vultures. And I remember after the first song, Dave Grohl did some crazy fucking songender on drums. And she knew him as like, you know, the lead singer of the foo fighters. And

she was really young when Nirvana came out. So she looked at me, she's like, that guy on drums fucking unbelievable. And I was like, that's Dave Grohl. Foo Fighters guy. She goes, holy shit, he plays drums too. Anyway.

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We're into your questions for the week. Oh, Jesus. Where are you in life that you're talking to somebody? somebody this dumb. All right. Old school MTV. Ah, that was a sad day. MTV, no longer with us. But let's be honest, it died a long time ago. Well, the second they stopped, somewhere after Carson Daily, Total Request Live, which was really amazing. It was sort of like American bandstand for millennials, which, I don't know, it was such a great thing. You know, my wife used to work at MTV. And one of the coolest things I ever did was I hooked up my nephew and my niece at Total Request Live through my lovely wife.

And, you know, they were like, I don't know, 12, 13 years old. They were fucking beside themselves. I mean, for their generation, that was like sitting at, you got tickets to the Ed Sullivan show and the Beatles were coming out. And that was sort of the end of it. And then Napster came out and all music air quote became free and it just imploded the business. It was never a good business, you know, let's be honest. You know, it's just one of the worst, the way musicians are treated and get fucked over it is just ridiculous. But like, I don't know, somewhere in the 2000s, we all just sort of left one collective sort of conscious type of thing as far as like bands, rappers and all of.

of this stuff and it's just got all splintered. So I guess the writing was on the wall. But anyway, this person says, Hey, Billy Nostalgia Nuts. I came across the website where someone has basically recreated MTV from when it was still good and streamed it online for free. What? What?

Over 50,000 music videos and the only ads are the old ones like blockbusters and stuff like that, I'm sending this to Nia right now. I figured you'd like it. and hopefully word gets out because the person slash people that put this together deserve the recognition for making something so awesome. All right. The website is want my mTV. Dot V-E-R-C-E-L dot A-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-L-H-T-M-M-L.

I hope you like it and, as always, go fuck yourself. Dude, that's amazing. You know, my wife late at night, she, uh, late at night, oh my God, late at night, basically 8.45. We get the kids to bed. And she, my wife is just cool as hell, man.

She knows all the cool stuff. So, like, she somehow knew about these YouTube channels where these DJs play this music and stuff. And I've discovered more good goddamn music. Here's the latest person that I didn't know existed, who literally has, the voice of an angel. Cleo's soul?

Is that how I say it? C-L-E-O, which is my old dog's name. Oh, Cleo! I still do that every once in a while. Where I drive by the vet, we used to take her to get her checkups. I always drive by, and I just yell that out, I like, Cleo-de-o-o.

Like, my idea, heaven, you know, you meet your dog, too. If the dog isn't there, that's purgatory, you know? Anyway, Cleo's Soul, S-O-L, and the album I downloaded was Rose in the Dark. And the first song that I heard is when I'm in your arms. But this is one of these albums that you can just, you know, start with the first one and hit play. There's no filler on the album. She has an absolutely incredible voice.

And I wouldn't know anything about her if it wasn't for these DJs that my wife is watching. So I'm going to hit her with that. MTV thing. You know, maybe we can one night go old school. Old school Billy G.J. Which, by the way, you know, what the fuck is that Sky Rizzy? That is that, that's the actual name of a fucking medication, Sky Rizzy? Like, how are pharmaceutical companies like, it's just like, that sounds like this street

nickname once you get fucking addicted to it. Now, dude, he's on the Rizzi. He's on the Rizzy. Yo, you got any of that Sky Rizzy? Or it just sounds like a bad DJ. Sky Rizzy on the one and two. Sky Rizzy. Who the fuck is putting that in their body?

That's what you're calling it? The guys who made it, that's the name you came up with. Sky Rizzy. Jesus fucking Christ. All right. Freezing. Hey, Bill, I just wanted to extend a thank you for the laughs. I got a horseshit job.

My boss is a dick. This sounds like a country song. Did your girl leave you, too? This already sounds like some shit country song. Yeah, there you go. But bear with me. He goes, I work for this horrible construction company as a mechanic in New England. Wait a minute.

You're a mechanic on a construction site? So what do you do? You make sure the equipment's still working? My boss put me on nights with no pay raise. Well, he didn't do that. The fucking people above him told him to do it. and two days notice. I work exclusively outside half in the dark

from 1.30 p.m. to 11 p.m. Even in the winter, which it is now, as I type this, yeah, now winter. I was doing wiring, which requires fine motor skills with your fingers in single-digit temperature and half-numb hands. There is frost on my eyelashes from the tears I refuse to let out

because men don't do that. Oh my God. The only single thing that is keeping me sane and out of jail for doing things I won't list here to my boss

is your podcast that has me dying, laughing and forget him about the shit show I'm stuck in. Dude, you gotta, you gotta, we are just going backwards

in this country. Like, there used to be unions and stuff, and like, I love, anytime, here's a red flag. Any fucking time somebody gets branded

a communist, leftist, that means they are arguing for some sort of fair pay or livable wage or conditions for workers. And once again, the cunts at the top divide us. Oh, he's a commie pink. Oh, fuck the Russians. It's like, no, he's outside

getting frostbite with no fucking pay raise. There's nothing to do with Russia. Anyway. whether it's a new Monday morning podcast or a repeat of a Rogan experience, I don't know what it is, but I walk around with that same ball of frustration that you usually seem to have. And in these shitty nine and a half hours, I'm here. I get to laugh and forget about the miserable situation. I'm in for a little bit.

Dude, that's literally why comedians do what they... Well, I mean, it's usually because we're fucked up and we need to hear you go. Listen, we get... as much out of you guys laughing at what we're saying as you guys get out of us laughing. That's why it's one of the great jobs, you know, and if you do it right, it's a very harmless job. But all of us comedians have been guilty at one point or another of making somebody cry in the audience. Anyway, not here for advice or anything. I've got a new job lined up. Good for you. I'm happy for you, buddy.

That just made me feel a lot better. I started that search as soon as night shift without a raise happened. Exactly. Fuck these people. I'm just sending a huge thank you for making these last few days at this hellhole not suck so much. Well, dude, I'll tell you right now, whatever the fuck it is you're doing out in the cold,

like your next job is going to be a joke. And the only way I can compare that is as a comedian. and after you do enough hellrooms, it's just like nothing hurt you. Humiliation bounces off you. It's like, you know when you just wax a car and you put water on it and it beads up and it rolls off the car?

Yeah, that's what happens to you as a comedian. It's called being completely emotionally walled off. And then it takes you another 30 years to work through your childhood shit. At least it did for me. Which once again, once again, I am like cured of my anger. Every day I have these little things that I do.

I write my journal, I do that stuff. One of the things I like to do is when I get into a frustrated moment is to, in an absolutely rated G way, communicate my upsetment. Like, you know, in the morning when I bring the kids to school, you know, there's this one intersection where there's no light and I have to try to get across it and it's frustrating. And I used to be like, you know, Jesus, fucking Christ. And then the kids would be like, Dad, watch him. I used to do that. Now I just come down and I just go, boy, oh boy, sure are a lot of cars out here today.

Well, I'll tell you right now, this is enough to make a fella really frustrated. I just sort of mock how I used to be. And it makes my wife smile. It makes her laugh. and it makes everybody chilled and I'm not going to flip out the way I used to because I had no idea how much tension you know, I was when I was fucking

you know, being like that. So I don't know. I cannot say enough about any sort of breathwork class and just letting your guard down and allow yourself to feel feelings and take all this shame and embarrassment out of actually being sad, crying and all of that and just open that fucking door and get it out

because if you don't, you end up hurting people that had nothing to do with the reason why that door is closed. All right, that's it. I'm off my fucking stump here. Okay. What do we got here? All right. You never had anger issues.

No, Jesus Christ, this person is trying to walk me back into it. You just have high standards for the world and refuse to lose hope. And that's why you get mad when something fucked up happens. No, no. that's a way of being in denial. I 100% have anger issues. Okay?

I've yet, you know how many fucking remote controls I've yelled at? Like, I yell at things that aren't alive. Garage door openers, you know, you name it. You name it. I fucking yelled at the shit. Okay? And it freaks people out around me. No, that, I used to,

subscribe to this hero origin story of why I'm angry. People might have told you that they think you're a dick, but I doubt they could have proved by logic and rational facts that you were wrong. If everyone had your high standards, the world would be a better place. At least that's what I think. Thanks for all the laughter, Mr. Burrow. You're one of my favorite comedians, by the way. I mean, I think that's a great way to excuse that behavior.

Listen, I understand going around and being a courteous person and then when other people aren't courteous, it upsets you. But it shouldn't make you angry. And you shouldn't go into some sort of Tourette meltdown, screaming and yelling thing. And, you know, there's a lot of angry fucking lunatics out there that don't have any standards whatsoever. So, I mean, those are sort of, I appreciate what you're doing here. for me and actually in a roundabout way, possibly you. But like, that's that's not how the math works on this shit. There's a lot of other ways to handle stuff in those moments, which I'm finally learning.

All right. Let's get to the last one here really quickly. And then I got to get run in here. You know what? I actually have to go right now. I got to go right now because I got a fuck. I'll read it real quick. All right.

getting evicted. Hey, Bill, I'm writing you today for some advice. I'm being evicted. Jesus, all right. That's brutal. Sorry to hear that. My landlord is actually great, but when we moved in,

we told him we wanted to stay here for five to seven years to be able to save up enough to buy this place. He just informed us that we have until May 1st to move out. After three years being here, we've never bothered him with anything. And when there was a problem with the furnace last year,

his new girlfriend was there and said, wow, that sounds expensive. I'm very handy and I know how to fix. Okay, that's what she said. And he said, I'm very handy and I know how to fix things. So I said, fuck it and fix the problem for $80, whatever. I don't care about the money. But just last week, he informed me that he wants to move into the place we're renting from him.

Yeah, it's because everybody's getting squeezed from the assholes at the top that are pointing at everybody at the bottom. It's the usual bullshit. Sorry you're going through this, dude. My girlfriend is devastated and wants to get out right away because it doesn't feel like home anymore. All right, well, that's an emotional response. You need to do what's right. We've accumulated a bunch of shit.

Anywhere we are to move to now will be very small and not be able to fit four vehicles in two boats. Well, Jesus Christ, sell fucking three vehicles in both boats. You get your down payment. It's not what you think. We both have two cars because they're paid off and we don't want any payments. All right. When one breaks, we can drive the other.

So now we have a downside. We have to downsize a bunch and find a place to live. That's not a bad thing, dude. Downsizing a lot of times you got more shit than you need. There's two of you. You have four cars and two boats. My girlfriend wants to buy a place, but in Canada, a dog house costs $300,000. I have debt from being stupid and not knowing how to do.

my taxes and I owe 70 grand and back taxes. This is because my parents were drug addicted and didn't teach me anything and my first job out of high school was as self-employed as a drywaller and my employer failed to inform me to save money to pay taxes at the end of the year. Also, my coworkers were losers and didn't do the same thing. So 18-year-old me was looking at them like role models. Fuck my life. No, don't fuck your life. You can fix this. Now this is happening. I feel like a failure to my girlfriend and I've let her down. She still loves me and always wanted to buy a place on her own. But when everyone asks why I can't go in on a mortgage with her, it makes me feel like I failed. I've gotten a really good job this past year and I'm working towards being

debt-free, but this won't be for five years. Please send help. Go fuck yourself. And as always, you're doing that. What? Go fuck yourself. And also while you're doing that, Fuck myself while you're at it, your Canadian friend. All right, dude, you can't owe $70,000 and back taxes and own two cars and a couple of boats. Get rid of that shit, dude, because that's, I don't know how your country works, but that's what they want in my country. They want you to be forever chasing it while also buying into this dream that owning all of this stuff is going to make you happy. sit down, have a conversation with your girlfriend, tell her you feel like you failed her,

tell her you love her, and that you're going to turn stuff around and that you need to downsize your life and that there's, you know, you want to talk about logic. There's no logic in owing that amount of money and back taxes and having that many vehicles. All right?

And just tell her, I'm going to get my shit together. We just got to tough it out and then be a man of your word and do it and get your house. house. And who gives a fuck? For $300, if you got to buy a dog house, live in the fucking doghouse. And just work your way up. That's what you got to do when you don't come from money. And it builds character and all of that. And you can do it. Like, dude, if I can get to where I'm at, you can do it to. I'm a summer school kid. I had to pay my way through college.

I just, you know, I've always fucking worked. And I wasn't stupid with my money because fortunately, you know, I had somebody in my life that, that he told me. me early on. He was killing it in sales. And I went to the mall with him. And I'm like, how come you're not buying anything? And he said to me, I'll never forget this. He was just a, he was only early 20s. And I looked up to this kid. He said to me, he goes, true wealth is going into a mall, being able to buy anything, and then you don't. I don't know if I quite understand it, but I understood it enough to be like, oh, I get it. And he basically broke it down. He said, the average person, if they get a $2 an hour raise,

we'll spend $3 more an hour, and they'll always be chasing it. So you're chasing it right now, and I got in the same situation you were in. I had all kinds of fucking credit card debt and all of that. And then when I decided I was going to be a comedian, I was like, I have to end this shit because I don't know what's going to happen.

So when I could have quit my day job, I didn't. And I could have moved out. I didn't. And I just kept paying off my credit. credit cards, I paid off all of my student loans, and then I saved up a bunch of money so then I could then move to New York City because I didn't know what the fuck was going to happen. Sorry, setting my alarm here. And I'm talking to you guys as I'm walking out the door here.

I fucking, that's what I did. And ever since then, I've always tried to make sure that I never got myself in that situation again. So if I got out of it, you can get out of it, all right? Your life's going to work out. Just believe it. All right. Go fuck yourselves. I'll talk to you on Thursday.

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