Monday Morning Podcast - the Patriots, Rob Reiner, Judgmental Friends | Monday Morning Podcast 12-16-25

Episode Date: December 16, 2025

Bill rambles about the Patriots, the great Rob Reiner, and judgmental friends. Mizzen & Main: Right now, Mizzen & Main is offering our listeners 20% off your first purchase at http://www.mizzenandmain.com promo code BURR20. SimpliSafe:  This is one of the best prices you will ever see for SimpliSafeThis month only, take 50% off any new system at http://www.SimpliSafe.com/BURR  Robinhood:  Now available across the U.S. Download the Robinhood app now to begin.    

Hey guys, it's Kamel Nanjiani. My new stand-up special Night Thoughts premieres December 19th on Hulu. I promise you're going to laugh. I am an immigrant. Are there any other immigrants here? Okay, what you can't do is point at someone else. Don't miss Night Thoughts on December 19th.

Streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney Plus for bundle subscribers. Terms apply. That wasn't my call. If it was my call, terms would not apply, but it's not my call. Terms apply. Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr, and it's time for the Monday morning podcast. For Monday, December 15th, 2025, what's going on? Oh, yeah.

How's it going, man? I hope all, everything's going good with you. Oh, Billy, Billy Freckles. Oh, little Bill, little Billy, the Christmas miracle. Two weeks. Two weeks. I haven't lost my shit. I haven't lost my temper in two weeks.

I'm on the other side of it. I have a journal. I wake up. I do my breathing. I write down what I'm feeling. Leaving the door open. Leaving the door open. I'm going to have access to all the feelings.

So I have options for the first time in my life. Yeah, it's been unreal. Unreal. Fucking mind-boggling. The amount of shit that I have handled in the last couple of weeks that would have made me lose my mind. And I'm not doing it anymore. I'll tell you something that would have made me lose my mind,

watching the Patriots go up 21-0-0 against the Buffalo Bills, only to watch the halftime adjustment shut us down in the second half. What was it, 24, it was 24-7 at the half, and it ended up 35-31 as the bills came roaring back. And I'm still not bothered by it. I still think we have a really, really, like, great. team. I mean, that Henderson kid, good Lord. He's a superstar. Stevenson's been crushing it. Like, we have a really legit running game. We're not fumbling the ball anymore.

I don't know. I just think we jumped on them and then there was just too much time left. They came back. I mean, it was against the Buffalo Bills. What the Bills did yesterday is what they should have been doing all year. So I don't know if they haven't been healthy or whatever. and we already beat them this year, so the odds are beating them twice. We're still like a young team. And, you know, where we were last year versus now, that loss yesterday doesn't bother me.

And I thought that we, you know, we're hanging with the big dogs in the league. Although it took, Jesus, didn't it feel like it took to like the end of November for you to start thinking like maybe this team's good? I don't know. I was starting to think, hey, all right, Seattle. And then they played the Colts, and then they had a really close game. I mean, how did you not root for Philip Rivers?

I mean, that's unbelievable. I know that he played professional football up until 2020, but to not play it for five years and get up off the couch and you got 10 kids and just go out there and start taking hits again and throwing the ball around, that was really impressive, really impressive. So anyway, yeah, a lot of things to like. Our receiving court, Drake May is great. Our coach is great.

Our defense is great. And I like where we're at. I actually think that we are in, you know, two to three years, you know, if they keep making the choices they're making with this crew, that why the hell couldn't we win another one? This is not what I was, I have been thinking. since Tom Brady left. So I am thrilled as a Patriots fan,

as much as that fucking, for whatever reason, happy Boston sports fans is not what, uh, I don't know. I get it though. I get it. You know? It's just, it's,

it's how human beings are. They don't like seeing success unless it's happening to them. Generally speaking, that's how human beings are. So Boston was, doing really well in sports so next thing you know everybody hates you um i was watching this true crime thing with my lovely wife my lovely lovely wife and um it was this about this famous murder that i i hadn't uh i didn't hear i had i forget the names like i should look this up yeah it was mickey and trudy thompson this amazing couple and they were

just, I don't know, they were just meant for each other and they were like killing it on the racetrack and then Mickey got into business and he was killing it and then there was this other guy I'm not even going to say his name because fuck that all right these fucking mass shooters they put their faces and names fuck all of these, fuck these people that do bad shit you should know the victim's name so fuck the guy

that did it anyways he was doing something with like motorcycles and they tried to get in business together and mickey was a good guy the other piece of shit was a piece of shit and he wasn't paying people so micky gets out of business with them and i don't know things go south and then this fucking guy this fucking guy he hires these two guys to go there and fucking you know this perfect couple he hires them to murder the dude's wife in front of him and then kill the husband it was one of the most brutal things I've ever seen

and it took them forever to get the guy it was you know one of those lighthearted things that women like to watch

before bed It's I always wanted to you know SNL did a sketch about that how they watched like true crime

before they go to bed and I want to be like you know like near do you ever watch anything settling before you go to bed does everything have to be like this level of like you know right after the verdict they just

like drift off to sleep and i'm just laying there going like that's one of the worst things i've ever heard of in my life anyway but the world seems to reward people like that no it's just a dark weekend i'll tell you what's fucking wild though is um the narcissism First of all, the mental illness that we have had for the last nine years running this country is really astounding. And I am amazed at people who are so into politics that they just refuse to see it if it's wearing the color tie that they root for. I've seen it on both sides. So I'm not attacking either side. But like, dude, I mean, how you make what happened this weekend, how you politically,

criticize it and then make it like these people died because they weren't fans of you as a leader is one of like that's one of the most narcissistic fucking things ever and this is the thing that makes me really you know I've come back where I'll believe in a higher power if you have that's what you're into but like to believe in one that actually cares like if it's actually a loving entity why would it create narcissists and mouth-breathing morons why would you do that like what would that do for everyone stuck in the middle of that um was i have to be honest with you like that fucking comment for me is enough to be like this person should be removed and whoever's next in line should be stuck in the same way like

you know just before all you fucking lunatics get all your butt hurt get your red panties in a bunch like when the last guy would be like mid-sentence the president of the United and lose his train of thought and you'd see the panic guy he started wearing like sunglasses so you couldn't fucking trying to hide like i just i don't understand it i just don't at what point like what does somebody have to do in the last nine years of this shit that i've watched it what does somebody have to do to like be deemed not mentally stable enough to run a nation evidently haven't gotten there yet we had and i'll tell you if we didn't get there with the last guy we didn't get there with the

fucking last guy we're never going to get there with this guy it is just like i mean that train of thought is just bat shit bat shit fucking crazy um i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't pretend to know how these things fucking work but uh so that was i guess you know that was the weekend that that's what happened and in the middle of all of this um i uh took one of my kiddos to Disneyland and uh i don't think i ever it was my one of my favorite days as a dad i was walking around the park going like wait am i a Disney dad am i actually enjoying this And there was so much stuff that, like, I don't know, now that I'm on the other side of this shit. And I'm just saying that because I know there's a lot of angry people that listen to this podcast.

It's how you gravitated here. You can get out of it. I don't know. It took me for fucking ever. But there was so much shit that normally would have, like, pissed me off. And I was able to just glide through it and just see the absurdity of it and laugh at it as opposed to, like, getting upset. And, you know, I had a blast standing in the lines, fucking, you know, eating the shitty food. Oh, my God.

I ate a fucking, I can tell you what to avoid. That pizza place near fucking Space Mountain, oh, my God. It takes a lot to offend me as a stand-up comedian. But the fact that they were calling that pizza, you know, I got a lot of friends. Okay, I got a lot of friends who were Italian, all right? And for them to be able to, you know, you might want to pay them a visit. It was like, the pizza was like, it was like two people who didn't know how to cook came together. Like the dough was too, like, bread-y and doughy.

And then the top, the sauce and the cheese were like one. It wasn't like the cheese pulled away from the sauce. It was just, it was like, remember when they, to put peanut butter and jelly in the same jar it was like the pizza topping version of that and then somehow they had pepperoni on top of it and i ate that shit dude and i will say the the one positive thing that i can say is i didn't eat anything else for the rest of the day i literally felt like i i ate like i don't know i don't know what like a half a crock it didn't even feel like food but having said that i have not been on space mountain and

40 years. We took like one, we took two family vacations during my childhood, like back to back years. We had never taken one until I was like 14. And we went to like Washington, D.C. Which looking back, that, you know, I still had a good time. See, you know, like the Lincoln Memorial, the White House. I actually stood outside. we went there and wait who was president it was Reagan

Reagan was president and Anwar Sadat was making a speech and this was like months before or a year before he was assassinated and I remember going to the Smithsonian all that and then the next time

we went last second my dad had some business meeting in Florida and the last second he decided to take us down there and then go to Disneyland and go to that alligator farm where you walk into the alligator's mouth, that famous one.

And we went down there and I rode Space Mountain scared the shit out of me. And I mean, that was high-tech roller coaster and it was in the dark. And the only thing I had been to at that point was like a carnival like in the church parking lot so they didn't really, they had no room for like a real roller coaster.

So that was my first one. ridden that thing in like 40 years and um you know i got on it with my kiddo and uh and i had like i know it's crazy i don't like fucking roller coasters like i'm one of those people like i make weird faces and my stomach drops and i just don't fucking like it and now that i have like learned like how to breathe from my diaphragm i actually was like super calm and as we were going down the first big drop just inhaled into my diaphragm and my stomach didn't drop at all and it was actually kind of enjoyable and I was like oh I was doing the fight of flight and the top of my chest like like I would never go and look at my face the picture after because I knew I looked like a

fucking lunatic so you know we did all all of the rides over there space mountain thunder mountain all the mountains um one weird one that was like a virtual reality one that made you feel like you were on a roller coaster but you weren't which was the dumbest thing ever to me because it's like there's actual roller coasters here why don't we go on those if you see if we were like in a part in a state where roller coasters were illegal so you had to do like a virtual one and none of it made sense um but i was uh happy and light the whole day and my kid that like i don't know how many times just randomly was hugging me saying this was the best day ever and uh then we went over to uh that california adventures or whatever the hell it's called

which is basically like walking into the lightning mcqueen movie uh the radiator springs ride was awesome that goofy one was i don't know about that one that one looks like it needed some wd 40 that one looked like uh a death was a death was coming soon on that ride i lost my sunglasses on that one and then the last one was we went on the uh incredic coaster which i kept calling the increda roaster i don't know why in credit coaster and um that was like the like that was a legit like fucking roller coaster with like a 360 loop and all of that type of stuff and my kid did great on it and uh it was just awesome the whole day was awesome and I didn't lose my shit once I was totally calm and later on that night we stayed there

and I got like 40 like random hugs for my kid after like totally chill and I'm like oh my god I did it or I'm doing it is what I should say because I was joking with my wife today where I was saying like me not being angry is like I'm two weeks and And I'm like that person that joins a gym, January 1st, like, I'm fucking doing it every day this year, man. And then by February, you know, I'm fucking back to eating cheeseburgers. But I can't go back. I can't go back. So I'm committed to this, man.

Anyway, but I'm going down. I'm going to go try to do a spot somewhere tonight because I got Cerritos, Cerritos coming up, just east of northeast of Long beach where I learned how to fly um I got a gig coming up down that way which I'm really excited about and I got to make sure that you know I don't suck so and I got all this new material about undoing all of this shit and it's been fun and I've had people coming up to me but hey man thanks for talking about that so that makes me feel good by the way I apologize for the sound here I can't I can't find my fucking microphone I know it's around here somewhere but hopefully by Thursday this week

how'd you guys like that Freddie Spencer interview how crazy was what that guy accomplished I thought I was trying to ask him some different questions my favorite thing when I was asking him like oh what do you dream about like as a guy who races motorcycles at the top level back when you could like you could die at any second and I just loved his answer

I thought it was going to be like you know dreaming a crash and dying and, you know, waking up in cold sweats. And he would dream that, you know, the race was about to start and he couldn't get his racing leathers on. Like the kind of stress dream you would have if you had to do like a presentation in an office. He has the exact same stress streams, except he's going to ride a motorcycle 200 miles an hour. I really enjoyed talking to him and how excited he still was about riding motorcycles and, you know,

potentially teaching me and how much he likes teaching other people like his passion for it um one of my favorite things in the world is to meet people um my age a little bit younger or older that still have like a passion you know and want to help out younger people and they're still into learning and that type of thing i mean that's how you stay alive so it was so awesome i want to thank him and all those people for getting that thing together to uh come on the podcast it was really fucking cool um anyway um having said that oh billy jim rat i have almost lost my whole belly um billy belly no more um but i've been so fucking busy i've been dying to go for a ride or fucking go fly and i haven't been able to do it you know in a good way i've got a little busy with my

fucking work this week but um i got to make some time for that me and uh dean del ray want to ride up to oh hi that's like the next ride we want to do and uh like i said we use we do surface streets we go like back roads and we do it during the week when there's like nobody on the fucking road um and it's been a good time and they got these new vests you can buy that i'm getting that they have like a like a built-in um airbag like the moto gp shit and i'm And there's nothing, too, like with technology. It's like, why isn't that for your whole fuck? Why doesn't it do the legs too?

Like, why is it just the torso? They always do that. Like, you know that they have the technology to do the pants to, but they're just going to be like, no, we'll just have them get the vest first. And then we'll have the pants. But the pants will come with the vest. So then they have to buy it again. And they just sit around fucking doing that shit.

it's like all this information now that they find out like this wireless technology with headphones surprise surprise it's not good for a signal to be beamed from something next to your brain up to outer space and back down to you again and you know that they knew this from fucking day one and they just pay people off it just it kills me that regular people we can't somehow focus on these things. Like, I bet there was more people talking about, like, commenting on what the narcissist, how he somehow, like, this is when you know you're a narcissist.

When somebody get, a couple gets brutally murdered by their own son, you somehow figure out a way to shoehorn yourself into that equation. So people are talking about you. I mean, it's fucking amazing. It's really amazing. Um, I think narcissists are like influencers in the most, the purest form, where I feel like influencers have to strategize how to get themselves into the zeitgeist or whatever they say, where a narcissist is just natural. They, they just know what to say to bring the fucking thing around to themselves.

Um, by the way, anybody who's a fan of, of this guy. If you can somehow justify that fucking statement, this has been one of my favorite things the last nine years, is I just, when I think I'm stating the obvious, like this guy has mental problems, be it the person on the right or the left, I cannot get somebody who votes either way, like staunchly, hardcore to own up. What they usually do is just bring up somebody else. you know will Obama will Biden or will Trump will Bush they just do that it's like no I'm not talking about the guy right in front of us who just said the shit like how does that not concern you um they won't budge they will not budge um anyway my condolence is um

to Rob and Michelle Reiner. Rob Reiner, just an absolute juggernaut of a talent. Whatever side of the camera or writer or whatever he was doing, he just, and for so many decades at just such a high level. And, you know, on All in the Family, which is one of the greatest sitcoms of all time, the Archie Bunker Meathead relationship was just it just was like it was comedy gold and I grew up watching that stuff so and I grew up watching his movies Spinal Tap you know when Harry met Sally all of these things and as much as I loved his directing and his writing and everything I really

missed him as an actor because i just thought he was so naturally funny and that he was one of those guys who didn't have to try he could just literally say the line and uh it's just it's such a friggin tragedy um and then of course you know these mass shootings and stuff and i just don't know why they keep showing the face in the name of the shooter like why do you this is i haven't people way smarter than me figured out that this is why some of these people kids do this shit why would you keep doing it?

It's like you know why they're doing it for the money you know so then they can turn it into like some sort of fucking Netflix series. It's just it's fucking like capital you got to give it up to capitalism like

I don't give a, terrorist attack I don't give a fuck what it is. I don't care how tragic it is. They'll figure out merch at the very least merch where a portion of the proceeds goes to help the victims where does the other portion go anyway

let's get to the let's get to the reads for the week Mizan in Maine everybody how long have you been shopping with them what items did you recently receive what's your favorite item what does it feel like why do you love their clothing

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Hey guys, it's Kamel Anjiani. My new stand-up special Night Thoughts premieres December 19th on Hulu. I promise you're going to laugh. I am an immigrant. I am. Are there any other immigrants here? Okay, what you can't do

is point at someone else. Don't miss night thoughts on December 19th. Streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney Plus for bundle subscribers. Terms apply. That wasn't my call. If it was my call, terms would not apply, but it's not my call. Terms apply. Original idea for natural-born killers. By the way, I watched this movie last week, and I was saying, I hadn't seen it since it came out. And having re-watched it, I realized that it's a romantic comedy with just a high body count. It's actually, I feel like initially this movie was offered to Hugh Grant. He turned it down. And then when they got, you know, Juliet Lewis and Woody Harrelson, they go, all right, let's change the tone of this.

But let's keep the love story because America loves a happy ending. All right, Dear Bill the Buddha Burr, you recently talked about rewatching natural-born killers and how the social commentary on media exploitation of violence is plaguing our society. Why do I always do that? Hang a second, I've got to scroll back down again. I'm not sure if you're aware but Quentin wrote that script as the first half

of his screenplay called the Open Road But his agent convinced him to split it into two The second half became true romance I did not know that He was forced to sell both scripts To fund Reservoir Dogs So he never got to execute his vision of the movie Which was completely different

from what Oliver Stone did. I do remember Quentin Tarantino getting into a physical altercation with somebody connected with true romance. I mean, they're all great movies. I mean, I watch any of those movies.

They got to give a fuck. He was for... Okay, so he never got to execute his vision of the movie, which was completely different from what Oliver Stone did. Natural Born Killers was not supposed to be a satire or social commentary. It was supposed to be a traditional love story, but with the couple expressing their love in a very non-traditional way, i.e. murder. Tarantino was so unhappy with

what Stone did to the script that he actually removed his name as a writing credit. Dude, that's why Tarantino is, he's got balls. No one knew who the fuck he was, and he took his name off a script that Oliver Stone was doing before Reservoir Dogs came out that was that's amazing he just knew

he knew where he was going he knew what he was fucking doing anyway if you watch true amount romance that film stuck closer to what he intended for both films and he is publicly

expressed praise for Tony Scott's direction oh so maybe I had it backwards anyways hope all is well with you and the family you should perform come up to Fairbanks, Alaska, to perform, it was minus 32 degrees outside yesterday.

Ha, ha, ha, all the best, and go fuck yourself. I've only been to Alaska once, and I was there, my God, I was probably 30 years old. I almost haven't been there in 30 years. All right, you know, I just hit pause because I was trying to find that story from way back in the day with Tarantino. I swear to God, I thought he at least got into an argument. he yelled at somebody about them fucking up his script if I remember correctly which I probably don't knowing me anyway

any more like backstories you guys have on like bands or movies or sports I love all of that shit oh by the way me and my lovely wife were out to breakfast this morning my favorite thing in the world to do with my favorite person in the world and um sorry my stomach is growling i'm trying to lose weight remember that george carlin bit when you were like your stomach's growling and it was saying things like we're poor um anyway uh we went to go pay the check and they said the check was picked up by the guys in the band explosions in the sky so i've never met them and they did it like they just did it and left like fucking james bond style beyond cool so

thank you from to the guys in the band from me and my wife that was super fucking nice and i didn't get a chance to thank you like the fucking lone ranger so i got to do it on the podcast um you know fucking classy people there uh all right sold my business and lost my friends oh by the way any backstores you guys have on these these uh that type of stuff um i love hearing uh i don't know i don't know what because i i love all of those things so knowing any sort of more information about like you know what actually happened like who's that guy now you know the rest of the story way back in the day on the uh on the news um we did a parody of that on effes for family what was that guy's name who actually

Phil Henry would do it on the show but like the actual guy he would start talking about a big historical event on the radio and then he would go into the backstory of the whole fucking thing and then he would end it and tie the whole thing together and then like his catchphrase at the end was and now you know the rest of the story and what was great was there was no internet so there was no way to fact check what he was saying so then everyone would sit around and try to figure out like

there was believers and non-believers of this guy thinking that he was either just making this shit up because it was kind of like how the fuck did you find this up like what bar are you hanging out in um anyway sold my business and lost friends

dear Billy Boobhead uh I started a company at the age of 24 with $15,000. I earned this money on my own. Oh, a self-made man or woman. I love it. I love it while living at home and paying student loans.

Smart kid. I didn't go to the best school I was admitted to. I worked part-time jobs during school and after. I worked at a car wash in the summer and I did maintenance work for the city in the winter, too. This is exactly what I did. I worked my way through college.

student loans and all of that shit and then lived at home paid it off and got on with my life uh the company grew slowly and after 18 years i sold the company to spend more time with my family love that i miss birthdays and baseball games because i needed to be present for things to operate the sum of money i received for the sale is significant i'll still be doing consulting and probably get a part-time job somewhere to keep busy but most importantly i'll be able to be able to have a greater presence in my kids' lives. All sounds great, right? 100% it does.

Well, it comes to my attention that several friends of ours thinks that selling my business was a decision made out of greed. Hey, welcome to the world of success, sir, or ma'am. Yeah, they're just fucking cunts. You know, you want to find out if you have friends or not, be successful. Be successful.

And then you'll find out who your friends are. And then what's funny is they'll say you changed. You know, that's the one thing I tell younger comics. I tell them, I go, you know, like, I could have been a manager. I'll see somebody young in their career. And I just, I see it. I'm like, this person is fucking great. And they're going to do great things and sell a bunch of tickets.

And I always tell them, you know, get a great lawyer. And then secondly, know this that when you get there, you're going to lose a few friends. Like a few of your friends are not going to be able to be. around you because they're going to view what you're now doing not as like, well, I'm going to be doing that. They view, well, you're doing it and I'm not. So that means I'm a failure. And then they can't fucking be around you.

And then they project it onto you and say that you're somehow different. So I'm assuming that this is what happened. They're just jealous that you fucking started a business and you sold it and now you can do whatever the fuck you want. Like that's what they want to be able to do. They should be asking you how you did that. Anyway, it comes to my attention that several friends of ours think that selling my business was a decision made out of greed and that I'm going to turn into a capitalist hack. Oh, God, what do you live in Portland, Oregon?

These friends and I have never seen eye to eye on politics, but in this case, I'm not sure politics has anything to do with anything. The main criticism is that the family I sold my business to is likely to lay off a few employees. That is that out of 65 people I've employed over a decade, two or three part-time employees may lose their position. None of this is certain, just speculation. The main reason being that the family that I sold my business, the family, well, he keeps saying family that I sold. He didn't sell it to a business entity. I evidently he settled to a family because twice he's capitalized every letter in family

is not in need of bookkeepers because they currently have their own. They intend to run the business just like I did, and I know this because I vetted their business carefully when deciding to sell to them. I owe none of these friends in explanation despite being able to back up my decision with moral justification.

I'm thinking of just telling them all to fuck off. Keep in mind these friends all work for larger companies and have had paid holidays matched 401Ks and hefty salaries. Yeah, these are garbage people. Not only is my business, none of their business, they're not even correct in their criticism. Hey, guess who knows what that's like?

Guess who knows what the fuck? Yeah, and let me guess. their own narrative and they weren't even fucking there and they don't have access to any of the information and rather than just asking you about their concerns, yeah, gee, what is that like? Dude, this is, I don't give a fuck what business you're in. This is how it goes down. I take umbrage with the idea that capitalizing on my hard work somehow makes me a destructive person. And these friends have jumped from company to company chasing higher salaries and signing bonuses.

One of these friends was laid off due to an AI initiative with, which saw their company pivot from one area of tech to another. None of this ever had me criticizing them. I truly hate to say this, but it's just envy that I had success. Yeah. I mean, I mean, just hearing your side of the story, but this is, in fact, how it went down. That's exactly what it is. person goes on to say i really don't want to associate with these people anymore so don't

some are neighbors and some are parents of my children's friends how would you handle this would you would would would you acknowledge that you heard their shit talking or you just smile and enjoy your new life i would definitely smile and enjoy my new life but i don't think it's bad to acknowledge how you're just smile and enjoy your new life i don't think it's bad to acknowledge how you heard about their shit talking. Now, to acknowledge how you heard

about their shit talking like the way I did it right up into a month like a month ago? Like I had two confrontations one before my sort of awakening

and one after and the one before didn't go as bad as how I usually would do it when I was really angry but it got heated and I said things

to the person because I wanted to hurt him back, you know? And then after my bullshit, I was able to convey that this person did something that hurt me, and I was able to kind of do it in a very matter of fact, but light and silly way

that actually had the other person sort of, you know, at ease, sorry, turn it on the heat here, at ease with it, and the person was able to apologize and I was able to accept it. So having learned that, what I would do with these people is just say, you know, I got to, can I talk to you for a second? It's come to my attention that possibly the fact that I sold my company has rubbed you

the wrong way. Is there any truth to that? That's how you go about it. You don't go, hey, I heard you been fucking. talking shit about me, you fucking piece of shit. By the way, I always thought your wife was ugly. That's not how you go in. That's not how you'd drop in.

I mean, you could do that. But we all know how that's going to end. Yeah, if you keep you cool, you don't drop any F-bombs. And you just, in a matter of fact way, it's been called to my attention that you might have some concerns about the way I sold my company. Is there any truth to that? And let them explain themselves. At that point, you don't have to talk anymore.

and then you can enjoy watching them squirm. And then what you do is you don't cut them out of your life. That's just a lot of energy. And by cutting them out of my, you know, their life, I mean like if they're neighbors of yours, you can still say hello, you can be cordial. But like, hey, they invite you over the game. You're like, yeah, no, I'm good.

I'm good. Thank you, though. I appreciate the invite. And they'll get, they'll figure it out after a while, but just always be nice and always say hello. and you know if they're adults they'll in their head be like you know what

he doesn't want to hang with me anymore because I talk shit and I fuck the relationship up that's what an adult does what most people do who think they're adults will then just create some sort of narrative in their fucking head that you're the dick um

I you know this is a great story story for everybody who's on the podcast to listen to because this is um yeah this is what happens you know if you literally you just go hit a fucking scratch ticket and you'll you'll summon in your life that you thought was cool we'll have something to say about it um and most likely they're projecting that's something else that i learned that i am a projecting motherfucker I had no idea. Like, I literally had no, like any, and I was really sensitive.

And if anybody said anything, I just played out a scenario from my child. Well, if this fucking person did that, I don't even know this person. I would just fucking worst case possible scenario. And I was doing it all the time. And then it was like it happened. And then I was walking around talking to myself, like a crazy person in the street. about what I was going to say when this person did this thing

that they didn't even fucking do. Insane. Insane. So I've been on both sides of this. You know, when I was a young comic, I definitely was envious and jealous of a couple of comedians. And I hated that feeling.

And I thought I didn't like them, but what it was is I didn't like them, that I wasn't confident. And that was, you know, fortunately, that was only like, it was during like the first six to eight years that I did stand up, and it probably didn't come on until like my third year. So it lasted like four years.

And then once I was like, you know what? I don't give a fuck. I'm just going to say what I want to say, and I just sort of focused on what I was doing. All of that shit kind of went away. but um so i don't know anyway i i've congratulations you started a business it was successful you employed people and now you're a dad and you understand that that's the most important job you're ever going to have you're ever going to hold and you're focusing on it and if somebody has a

problem with that um that's their problem and yeah but you should definitely and smile and enjoy your life and but i would say something to those people because if you just stop talking to them then they'll be able to make you out to be the dick now if you don't care that they do that which wouldn't surprise me because of the way they're treating you then do that but if you know you want to I don't know it's kind of fun to approach somebody like that a very calm way to be like it's your fucking problem man All right. Courtroom stranger spectators.

Oh, I talked about this. I was talking about how that before they had this true crime, I still think that they did this. I noticed, you know, the one time I had to go to court, get arraigned, and then plea and do all of that shit, that there was these random people, old people. Like, there was this woman like doing needlepoint. And it was in the summer.

summertime. I remember in the middle of admitting to being guilty for drinking and driving, she caught my eye and I was just sort of looking at her like, she's literally here for the air conditioning and the fucking entertainment of this, you know? Because that was, you know, it was way back in the 80s where it's, you know, air conditioning was still a luxury. Like central air, like you were fucking you had if you just had like money for a window unit and you had it in your master your master bedroom and all your kids could fucking sweat it out like they fucking you know embezzled from a company down the hall um all right courtroom strangers spectators hey billy courtroom balls you were talking about being in court seeing old people you didn't know back in the day watching

your court hearing this person says i've been watching a lot of ancient history content and listening to the history of rome podcast because i'm not smart enough to actually read papers and things like that hey right back at you apparently back in ancient roman times people in the city would go to watch cases for entertainment yeah it's kind of like the first dramas on television like before television this person goes on to say as people tried to sue each other or whatever bullshit that was going on at the time or whatever one person did to the other to piss them off. Okay, those are the cases they were watching. Also, they had a sort of, they had sort of a patron system in the city where if he had more money than somebody else in your neighborhood, you might be making your

rounds around the neighborhood and Johnny from down the street would be like, hey, Billy Rich dude, you got a dollar for a friend and you'd be like, sure, Johnny, you're a pretty cool dude. Then you would walk down the neighborhood and see somebody richer than you and you'd be like, hey, Maximus, you got a 20 you could spare and they'd be like, sure, Billy Broker than me, you're a pretty funny guy. A patron system. That's pretty interesting. So a lot of the same shit that goes on today was the same 2,000 years ago, except for whatever reasons, musicians, actors, comedians were considered the lowest of the lowest scum. Well, I mean, I think a lot of people still think that. I don't know why, but apparently that's how it was, which would include me

as a former musician. Well, they were probably getting the girls, the musicians. I can see why, and actors, too. Comedians still have to work, because for whatever reason, like a musician, they don't want you to keep playing your song, but with comedians, they want you to be, like, funny every eight seconds. Anyway, this person goes on to say, this is a apparently why Nero got such a bad name because he wanted to be a rock star. I don't know who Nero is. I'm not up on my Shakespeare. Love the podcast and go fuck yourself, comedian scum. Thanks for the laughs. All right, I got to look up Nero now. Hang on a second. Okay. I think we're actually

going to learn something. Here's a name for you. Nero Claudius, Caesar, Augustus, Germanicus. Born Lucius Demetius, Ehrben-Evis. Wait, was he Greek and then, I don't know, Roman Emperor. Why does that seem like a Greek Germanicus? Was a Roman emperor and the final emperor of the Julio-Claudean dynasty? Oh, was he the last one? reigning from AD 54 until his death, AD 68.

AD 68. He literally died 1900 years before me. Oh my God, I hated this part of history. Almost as much as ancient medieval history. All right, Nero was born. Okay, okay. By the time Nero turned 11, his mother married Emperor Claudius, who then adopted Nero.

as his heir. Upon Claudius' death in AD 54, Nero ascended to the throne with the backing of blah, blah, blah, blah. In the early years of his reign, Nero was advised and guided

by his mother. Agrippina. His tutor, Seneca, and his patron perfect sextus, Ephrainius, but sought to rule independently and rid of himself

with the restraining influences. Jesus Christ, you got the fucking cliff notes? Early life, military pursuits, pursuits. Nero studied poetry, music, painting, and sculpture. Wow, see, he was an artist. He took over the family business. He both sang and played the Sithara. I don't even know what that is.

Many of, is that one of those little fucking harps? You skip around with your fucking toe going. Many of these disciplines were standard education for the Roman elite. Oh, all right. But Nero's devotion to music exceeded what was socially acceptable for the Roman of his class. Ancient sources were critical of Nero's emphasis on the arts, chariot racing, and athletics. This guy was the man. This other douche described Nero as an actor emperor.

Oh, I remember why, because there was a thing back then where if you were an actor, you were not allowed to run for political office because it was the belief that, you were so good at acting that you could pretend like you were a better person that you were than you were um people didn't realize at that point in time that uh most people have the ability to act like they're a better person than they really are um anyway all right i don't know what else to talk about that is a podcast i'm going to watch a little Monday night football i apologize for it being late today I just got caught up in some family stuff.

But thank you to everybody that bought some tickets down there in Sarita House. I'm going to get my ass on stage every night this week before this gig because I'm honing in some like the first 15 minutes of new shit that I got on the happy side of the album as opposed to the dark side of the moon shit that I got the rest of the act. So there's going to be something for everybody. There's going to be a little bit of hope and there's going to be a lot of darkness. But we'll see. we'll see how this uh we'll see how this whole thing plays out but we'll come to the end of the football season

and i like my patriots chances i think that we could uh you know i don't know maybe we could we could win a playoff game and get to the afc championship who knows anything can happen but like um i don't judge anybody by their record like i know we have a better record than the bills but like you know if they're hitting their stride at the right time i mean they've been knocking on the door like five fucking years it seems and i think uh they got a good as chance as anybody the chiefs are completely out of it oh my god i didn't even don't realize patrick mahones blew out his ACL condolences to him and chiefs fans you know as much as i've fucking bitched about the officiating during some of those games um i obviously never want to see that happen so uh i wish him a speedy

recovery um i mean if any season it was going to happen it might as well be this one where they're knocked out of the playoffs so he has plenty of time to recover and he'll come back good as new tom brady had the same injury and uh he went on to win four more super bowls so chief fans you're going to be all right um all right see how about that that's not bad coming from a patriots fan um all right that is it that is the podcast go fuck yourselves and i will check in on on Thursday. Hey, guys, it's Kamel Anjiani. My new stand-up special Night Thoughts

premieres December 19th on Hulu. I promise you're going to laugh. I am an immigrant. Are there any other immigrants here? Okay, what you can't do is point at someone else. Don't miss Night Thoughts on December 19th. Streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney Plus for bundle subscribers. Terms apply.

That wasn't my call. If it was my call, terms would not apply, but it's not. my call of terms apply.