Monday Morning Podcast - The Soccer, The Scowling, Running From Arrows | Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 7-9-26

Episode Date: July 9, 2026

Bill rambles about the soccer, the scowling and running from arrows.(00:00) - Thursday Afternoon Podcast(31:28) - Thursday Afternoon Throwback 7-9-18 - Bill rambles about World Cup, 'roaring' crowds, and ex-presidents.Thursday Afternoon Interlude: Radiohead - Just (You Do It To YourselfQuo: Try QUO for free PLUS get 20% off your first 6 months when you go to http://www.Quo.com/BURRZipRecruiter: Try ZipRecruiter for free at http://www.ZipRecruiter.com/BURRSquareSpace: Head to http://www.SquareSpace.com for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, use code BURR to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domainSimpliSafe: Right now, you can get 50% off your new system by visiting http://www.SimpliSafe.com/BURRSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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don't love it, you get your money back. What are you going to bitch about? At meundies.com slash burr promo code burr. Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr. And it's time for the Thursday afternoon just before Friday, Monday morning podcast, and I'm just checking it on you. Ooh, what's going on, man? How are you? We're into July. We're into July. Dog days of fucking baseball getting into.

I guess before the All-Star break is not dog days, but we're coming up on it. I got the socks game on in the background. Big Body Bennett, six foot seven on the mound, up five-nine. Nothing, dude, bottom of the fifth, and the beautiful city of Chicago. Used to call it Second City till a guy named Michael Jordan came along. Scotty Pippin, the guy who whistles with his fingers, right? The other guy, what's his fucking name? Phil Jackson, Triangle Offense.

I'm actually going to be there at the Chicago Theater. I was telling you guys, rather than doing like one big show, going to do like three at a cooler place, you know. Everybody wins. You know, I get to do more shows. I don't mind. I get to hang in these great cities. And I fucking, you know, I don't have to pay to rent an arena.

Hey, it ain't cheap, okay, baby. All right. So I'm going to be at the Chicago Theater, man. For my money in the United States, it's the best, um, It's the best marquee in show business. I mean, it's fucking incredible. They used to show it all the time, too, whenever they'd have the NBA on CBS.

They would always show, you know, they'd show the Chicago River, you know, the one that they dye green or whatever, the Sears Tower. And then they would always show the marquee. I always loved that. So, my name I ever played it, I played it with Jim Norton, Jim Brewer, the two Jim, Jim's a Comedy and Dave Attell on the Anti-Social Network Tour. And I remember that show specifically because it was so amazing to be there. And then secondly, that was the night that the Boston Bruins won the Stanley Cup against Vancouver, the game seven.

And I was upstairs. I still remember watching it as they were like, you know, you'd nail biting. And it got down to like three minutes. I still remember I was upstairs in my little green room and I just went, oh my God, they're going to do it. I couldn't believe it.

I couldn't believe that we were going to see them. It's the coolest thing ever to see your team hoist the Stanley Cup like we finally got the thing. So anyway, speaking of dates, all right? I have, we had a show get moved out of Reno. There was just some sort of bullshit about whatever other show I had was too close. Somebody got upset, so we had to move it somewhere else.

So I got moved over to Temecula. July 31st, I'm going to be bringing my new hour in 15 minutes out there, which I'm really loving. I actually thought, like today, have a couple more new ones that I'm going to try this week, which, you know, I'm really excited because I don't have anything going on right now other than my stand. I mean, I'm writing some shit, right?

but I don't have anything going on. I'm just a stand-up comic. I'm on the other side of that acting gig, which I could not have had a better time doing it. But, you know, that shit is like, you know, it's a lot, you know, it's a lot to travel, the work, and all of that. So, you know, when you get on the other side of something big like that, all of a sudden you just feel like, you know,

like a battleship is off your back, you know? So I just feel feeling fucking silly, light and funny. so I'm really looking forward to these shows. So I'm home for the rest of the month, but at the end of the month, I'm doing a run out. I got, whatever, like Palm Desert, and then I'm up in wine country.

Then I think I go over to Tomecula, and then I go to Las Vegas, and I do a show out there. So this is going to be a really fun run. Anyway, with that, oh, World Cup Billy. Oh, fucking Flatfoot Freckles here. I've been watching the soccer. as us yanks call it.

And, you know, proud of the U.S. team that we made it to, what, the round of 32, round of 16, whatever we made it to, you know, obviously did not have a good game. It was just, you know, we just got our asses kicked. But what are you going to do? I do have a question for Belgium. Who came up with the flag first? You are Germany, because there's definitely some McDonald's,

McDonald's, McDonald's shit going on here. It's like, once we have it going this way, once you have it going that way? Like, what is that? Like fraternal twins, countries, you know? I know you're not friends with the Germans as far as like World War II. That was Battle of the Bulge.

They came right through there. As far as I know. Then I'm like, well, wait a minute. It was the Battle of the Bulge, was that the Allied forces coming up from France and Germany came through Belgium and Luxembourg because

you know we all kind of want we all kind of have the same flags yeah I didn't know if it was some some shit like that right I don't know that is one of my things that I sort of low key I'm into is the flags of countries I think

they're all really cool and you know my kids got like these little sticker books and you just see how close I'll tell you Another one real close is Iraq and Egypt. That's another one going this way, going that way. We got little three decorative things.

You've got only one, you know? Speaking of Egypt, that fucking game against Argentina, that was like watching a hockey game, you know? You're up two to nothing in soccer. That's like being up 21-0 in American football. I don't know. Like, I was just like this game is fucking over. And then all of a sudden, Argentina scores two goals

within like two minutes, and it's tied up. And then this guy fucking hits it in with his head. And all of a sudden, Egypt loses three to two. I always get nervous for these teams when they blow leads. Because you hear all of these, these stories. Somebody was trying to tell me Uruguay one time when they lost, they didn't make it to the elimination part of the World Cup, and they canceled their chartered plane,

their team plane, they just canceled it and made the players get their own fucking travel back. That's fucking unbelievable. So, you know, if you're up, These umpires, I will say, are fucking amazing. Red Sox just went, he tagged him in the middle of his back. You'd think he would be safe with his arms. The guy just nailed it. He was out.

That was smooth. That was fucking smooth. Hell of a throw by the Chicago White Sock Catcher. Anyway, yeah, so I was getting nervous, like, it's one thing if it's like a tough game, or you get like if somebody missed. is a penalty. That's the worst when they miss a penalty because that's one of those things where people in the crowd feel like, you know, dude, I could have scored a goal on that one.

It's like missing an extra point back in the day or missing a foul shot. That's actually one that the crowd can get on you because physically that's something that they could actually do. You know, obviously they don't add. the pressure of a whole crowd watching, but, you know, everybody in the stands at a football game at some point has kicked the ball through the uprights or hit like a foul shot or whatever. So I was getting nervous on like those penalty shots,

like when they miss them, especially when they do that run-and-stop thing. And then they kick it like a fucking straight-on, like field goal kicker in the NFL. Like auto, not autogram. Who is the guy? Lou the toe, uh, what the fuck was his? I almost said De Rosa, not the comedian.

Lou the toe groza. That's what it was. Anyway, whatever. I'm all over the map because I'm excited that I have like free time. And, uh, I'm still trying to get tickets to that game on Friday. Jesus fucking Christ, do you want to go to a World Cup game or do you want to buy a fucking lakehouse? I mean, I guess I kind of get it because the whole world wants to go. But Jesus fucking Christ.

It's like three, four grand to sit in the fucking upper deck. Oh, Billy's trying to pull some strings there. I'm getting shut out. You know, I thought I had pulling this town. You know, somebody I know, you know, the company they're with has a box at SoFi Stadium. But FIFA's like, hey, fuck you in your box, you're out of here. And they're like, well, wait a minute. Hey, you're fucking out of here.

So that was my hookup. I was pretty confident that I could get in. but uh we'll see we'll see if it uh works out but if you know if it does if it does i'm gonna be old billy upper deck unless uh i figure something out but uh whatever you can have uh you can have worse problems i was at the fucking gym the last two days beefcake beefcake uh i got this new leg workout that i'm really liking you know i combine the old with the new you know i watched the younger kids there seeing what they're doing all of these exercises i don't know what half of these things are and so i i try to replicate some of them or if i see something on instagram i'll give it a shot

but i'm still like you know billy nautilus free weights you know doing what i can um then uh so i got to do cardio tomorrow i'm just psyched to be back it's a good fucking it's a good thing my kids are on vacation i'm gonna be swimming and playing baseball and just hanging out. I got my son a donut the other day. And it just didn't work out. I couldn't get it in the morning. So I got him on nice fucking play. Anyway, I get him a donut. By the time he, you know, came home with his mom. It was just like too late in the day. So we're like, you know, can't have sugar. You're going to be up all night. And I go, you can have it tomorrow morning. And he goes, all right. And I, he goes, where are you going to put it? And I just laugh. I go, I'm not going to tell you.

going to sneak downstairs and go eat it. And he goes, no, I'm not. I go, yeah, you are. He goes, no, I'm not. I go, all right, say you're not going to go downstairs and eat the donut without smiling. And he couldn't do it. And I said I was going to hide it.

And he goes, I go, because I know you're going to eat it. And he goes, I go, aren't you? And he goes, and he went back and forth. And he finally admitted he said, my mouth controls me. I thought it was so cute and I thought it was so funny. And then in a way, I'm like, wait a minute, is he talking about addiction? It's fucking food in this country.

You already got him addicted to sugar. It's like he doesn't want to do it. He's doing it in any ways. Whatever. But you know, he's a kid. What am I going to say no to a donut? It's going to happen. Anyway, plowing ahead here.

I'm going to be doing some shows. So I stay sharp. I had a really good time. You know, the other night I went out to the Elyesian Theater again. Francisco Ramos put together this great benefit. Try to help out the people of Venezuela. It's just fun. That was just such a great space.

It's down on Riverside. I don't know if you guys ever get down that way. It's a great place to see a show. And they always seem to have, like, really good shows, really good shoes. And other than that, you know, I gotta be honest with you, I kind of got nothing in a good way. Other than I was talking to my agent as far as like a couple more cities I want to go to.

Because I haven't been really able to tour since 2024, like really go out. I had to play last year. And then I wanted to be home with my family. And then I slowly got going this year. And then I had that acting gig. got on the other side of. So I'm really psyched to get out there. And I appreciate all you guys

when you see, you know, what city I'm going to, you let me know what's up with the food and the coffee and all of that. Bullshit. But anyway, old Billy Clean Living. I was trying to lay off the coffee, but I got back here and I got back into my old habits, you know. I got the fucking espresso machine right there and I couldn't lay off. I was trying to do the matcha thing and

I don't know, man. It's kind of hard to lay off a nice fucking latte in the morning and just sit on your back porch. You know? I mean, how do you lay off for that? I just, you know what it is? It's muscle memory or whatever. I just got to go out there with a glass of ice water or some orange juice or something

and just sort of create a new fucking habit. And then I think, uh, then I think, uh, then I, I think I could do it. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't, I don't, you know what, I don't pretend to have the answers. I will tell you this though. I watched a couple of movies since I talked to you last. I watched straight time again with Dustin Hoffman, Harry Dean Stanton, Gary Busey,

and Teresa Russell, who kind of low-key steals the movie, I feel. And she's only like 2021. I think I already talked about this, but I'm going to talk about it again. You've got to see it. It's on the Criterion Channel right now, Criterion Collection.

It is a perfect fucking movie. And I just love how everybody makes mistakes in that movie. Every single person makes mistakes that leads to consequences. It's really a fascinating, fascinating movie. And as far as movies go like that about, like, criminals and reality and that type of stuff from that era, that is definitely, it's in my top five. As far as, it's definitely one of the best movies of the decade, I think. And then I sort of stumbled upon this other one called Electra Glide in Blue.

I believe that's what it was called, starring Robert Blake. Robert Blake, great at acting, bad boyfriend, you know? Not so good as a boyfriend, but I watched set the other night, and it is arguably the best-looking movie I have seen in fucking forever.

Yeah, Electraglide in blue, 1973, Robert Blake plays a motorcycle cop who is sick of riding the motorcycle and wants to become a detective. It's shot in the deserts of Arizona. At least that's where the movie's supposed to take place. I don't know exactly where they shot it. But it is fucking a gorgeous movie.

And it's really subtly, it's as Club So to Kenny, because I told him to watch it, because it has all these old police cars and stuff. He said it's sort of the anti-easy-easy-Ry and I was like, how the fuck did I not notice that? It's pretty heavy-handed that it is. But I also like that it's, you know, as much as it showed the other side of hippies,

it also showed some good hippies, and it showed some bad cops. They also showed some good cops, so whatever is kind of even-handed, I would tell you, but it is a fucking masterpiece of a movie. It is absolutely gorgeous. And the DP on it's the same guy who did Fat City, which I have a guy, Fat City, which I really recommend with Stacey Keech and Jeff Bridges.

And he also was the DP on Cool Hand Luke. Now, if you're a youngster, you haven't seen any of those movies. Watch all those movies. They're fucking amazing. Fucking amazing. By the way, a buddy mine just got a pass to go into the parks. He's big like into camping and shit like that. And Trump put his face on that, you know, which whatever.

That's what he wants to do. Cool beans. I don't give a fuck, but like, is there a reason why he has to, who's he mean mugging? Why does he like, you know, leaning down like a gorilla, fist down on the desk, staring, like, you better behave yourself for I'm going to fucking sue you. I just don't understand what all the scowling is about. I don't understand it. It's like, dude, you're president for the second time.

Like, you made $2 billion. in a year. Like, what is the fucking problem? I'm trying to think of a billionaire the last time they actually looked at. I told you, it's Richard Branson. I think the Tesla guy and Trump, they should get like hot air balloons. I think that that's the, that's what's fucking, because then they can get the total like yurtle, the turtle experience. Because they don't move fast.

You're up above. looking down on everybody, and you just feel like you're up there. You don't even feel like you're moving. I will say, man, that, as far as, like, aviation goes, you, like, the hot air balloon is, like, the smart car to, like, a blimp. It's like a blimp smart car.

Like, you're just looking a thing going on. Like, all you need is some punk-ass kid on the ground with a bow and arrow. Now, I know a bow and arrow isn't like something you see. nowadays with the iPads and all of that shit. But when I was growing up, there was always some fucking asshole latchkey kid down the street that had a bow and arrow.

These fucking big kids down the street, they used to come over, and then we had a field next to our house. We rented this duplex. My family did, and we had like this... Oh, throws it too high, pulls them off the bag. Got to hate that to start it in it. unless it worked, you know, good for your team.

It's already the top of the seventh. These fucking baseball games fly by now. Anyway, there was this fucking lunatic. He used to take, there would be like five of us, kids. And it was a real fucking arrow. It had like a metal tip on it. It was small, but still, it was enough to put your eye out, right? He used to shoot the thing straight up in the air

and you had to be like right above us and you had you couldn't just run you had to know where it was so you would be like running like to see where it was almost like you're in the outfield trying to get under a ball that's caught up in the wind and you try to guess where the fuck it was going I'm so stupid

I never had the presence of mind to just run at him that's what I should have done run to where he was it wasn't going to land we always tried to get away from him and then he would just shoot this fucking thing up in the air reckless reckless fucking kid oh you know what i didn't remember

you know i forgot to bring up was when i was watching the united states versus uh belgium um yeah we don't have any songs we don't have any chance or whatever because oh shit i thought he was out pickoff moved to first sorry a d d today um i thought uh yeah they got them they're going to the replay um All of our sports, there's scoring.

I guess you could argue with baseball. You'd have time to sing a fucking song. I think he's gone. I think he's gone. I think he's gone. Here's the replay. He's jumping to the outside. He's out of there.

He's out of there. Picked off at first. Look at that. They throw high. It's an error. And what do you do? You give it right back to him. Feeling generous.

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dot com slash burr promo code burr um all right and with that that that is the Thursday afternoon just before Friday, Monday morning podcast. Please come and see me, July 31st and Tomecula. I'm going to be out with Dean Del Rey. We're going to have an awesome time.

And this might be my favorite hour that I've ever, I can't say written, that I ever thought of, wrote one word down free subject. And I don't know else to tell you. That's it. Listen to the music that the great Andrew Themis has picked out. And then we have a

bonus episode afterward of the Thursday afternoon just before Friday, Monday morning podcast. Have a great weekend, you cunts. Don't listen to these politicians. Don't fight with your fellow Americans on the goddamn social medias. We're all on the same team. They're dividing us. They're separating us. You got to stop letting him do it.

Don't listen to a trillionaire tell you not to have empathy. Okay? He's not a happy man. He's not a happy man. I'm not excited that he's not a happy man. I wish he could find peace because, for you. For some reason, he doesn't have peace, so then evidently neither can we. All right, that's it.

Go fuck yourselves. I'll talk to you later. Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr, and it's time for the Monday morning podcast for Monday, July 9th, 2018. When I may do some dumb shit like it or a ring. Then all of a sudden he's married. He's like, what did I do? Then he will say, are you?

mad at me she'll just shake her head and say no and then she'll treat you like shit for the next five days what's going on it never ends people never ends um how are you what's going on i'm out here in a heat wave um i'm still getting over this fucking abola that i caught i don't know what i have it you know, it's just lingering. I'm just, I'm all congested, you know. Don't take a towel, put it over your head, and then sit behind your car and have somebody started up, all right? Now make sure you have a lemon in your mouth.

You know, that's what my fucking day has been, like, for the last eight days, everybody has, it's fucking hilarious. All these people who aren't pharmacist, right? All of these people who've never invented anything in their life. And I mean even just some dumb shit. Like you take some wire and you fucking twist it and then you bend it. And it's like, look, for 1995, it's your very own back itcher, right? Back massager.

Yeah. They've all been telling me how to fucking cure this shit. And it's just like, okay, all right. Oh, I'll try that. Oh, what did you say zinc? The man over there in the plaid shirt says zinc. What say you? What say you?

Vitamin D. You say vitamin D. Vitamin C. You know, I feel like I'm on a game show, right? When you're on the prices, right, and everybody's yelling out a price like a different number, and the person's looking with their deer in the headlights, that's what it's like when you have a fucking cold. By the way, me and my laugh, who isn't mad at me, who isn't not not talking to me, but isn't actually really chatty either, you know, do you know how you get them out of that mood?

You have, you can't say it out loud. You can't say, you know what, I don't even give a shit anymore. At this point, I've gone through enough hours of torture here. What you do is you just think, you know what, I don't give a fuck. And they are so smart, they sense the second you do that, and then immediately they want to sit down and talk about it. Because once you don't give a fuck, the game's over. Okay? And they don't want you to settle into not giving a fuck, because then you won't be able to listen to their lecture and nod and go, okay, yes, I will work on that.

You know what? I didn't know that. Oh, do I do that? Is that what I do? Wow. It's so great to have somebody outside myself to let me know what it is that I'm doing. You know what? You're like a moon, like just going around my fucking, the planet of my head observing. Not a moon, honey. Maybe be like an alien aircraft, you know, of higher intelligence. Does that make you feel better? Anyways, it was un- godly fucking hot ungodly fuck it was the hottest it's ever been it was like palm desert out here it was 109 fucking degrees on Friday and I'm not I'm not even talking about in the valley maybe that was the valley I don't know what it was but it was like you were it was like I felt like it was standing inside a dryer and I've used that reference a lot but this time it's like oh yeah I could dry my clothes in this you know by the way those idiots who like man you can fucking fry an egg on the sidewalk

you could probably do that when it's like 80 degrees out you know what I mean it'd be like frying it on low I don't know what it would be like me you know but like on Friday when it was 109 degrees out at around two in the afternoon like your shit would be over medium before you even flipped it and you wouldn't have to season it because of all the rock salt right for those you back east and so the inevitable happens is there's then after human being in their own way have made it, I don't know how many degrees hotter, but we have made it hotter.

I think even scientists that wear red coats or red ties, even they have been like, you know, we're kind of having an effect on the environment. I mean, if gypsy moth caterpillars have to be stopped, you mean, what about human beings? I mean, say what you want about gypsy moth. caterpillars, you know, they don't make, you know, nuclear waste. They've never, you know, invested in plastics, you know, they're pretty green for what it is

that they do, right? And they are a part of nature. So they probably really don't need to be stopped by an outside force like us. We're stopping them for our own fucking survival. And the problem is, is Mother Nature, up until this point, has been bringing a knife to a gunfight with like fucking gypsy moth caterpillars. some bullshit like that. And I think now she's realizing that she needs to go down to the local fucking, what do you call the place? You go down to the place where there's always like a bad keyboard in the fucking

window pawn shop. You go down in the pawn shop. She's going to get herself a fucking a heater, a boner. Boner, a burner. Whatever the fuck you call him. I don't fucking, a boner. She's going to come out with a fucking dick, man. She's going to do a reverse Bruce.

she's going to fuck all of us in the ass with the weather. I think that that's what I was trying to say. I have no idea. But all I know was, you know, it was fucking insane. So the inevitable happens is then there's a power search. There was like nobody on the roads. Like that's how fucking hot it was. Everybody was just staying inside sitting in air conditioning.

Like, and that fucking guy got there. And then we all, after making it hotter, you know, I'm not saying it wouldn't be 104 degrees or whatever. I don't even know if we made it five degrees hard, but whatever. But we sit inside and we don't get to feel, we don't feel the effects of what the fuck we're doing. It's like buying a shirt, you know what I mean? You don't see the fucking eight-year-old that sewed it together. You're like, oh, does this shirt make me look good?

Right? It's like, it's painless. So now we're all sitting there in the AC, and inevitably, we don't have enough power. So now they have to have a blackout. Now, where are they going to do it? Okay? Now, I already gave it away.

Okay, the keyword here is blackout. Black would be the keyword. You know, I don't even know where they did it. But I know they didn't fucking go, well, we have to shut down the grid somewhere. Where should we shut it down? Should we shut it down in Beverly Hills or fucking Bel Air or these people with their fucking infinity pools that fall off into the goddamn ocean with their panoramic views? You can literally see the roundness of the planet. You know?

These people with their MTV critics. stocked fucking refrigerators? The giant cabin footprint? No. No, those people fund our campaigns. Let's fucking, uh, let's fucking go down here to these people who can barely rub two fucking

nickels together and we'll shut down their shit. Um, just an evil fucking world, man. And, uh, and oddly enough, this weekend, as I sat in my air-condition house, you know, not in Beverly. hills, but not in the hood either. You know what I mean? Like, if I was on a chessboard, I wouldn't be a pond, but I wouldn't be in the castle either. You know, I don't think I'd be the horse.

I wouldn't be a bishop. I think I'd be a rook, you know, basic, forward, sideways, you know, white guy, no lateral fucking movement. I went diagonal, I'd fucking trip over myself or try to run a fucking in or an outright route like a fucking horse. I just don't think I'd make it. You know, because the fucking broad can do whatever she wants, right? Got all the goddamn power. What the fucking the king do? Just sitting there backing up. Whoa, whoa.

Hey, guys surround me. She's pissed. She's pissed. Well, she said she's not pissed, but she's not talking to me. She is, but you know what I mean? It's really quick and serviceable conversation. Would you like some dinner? Okay, it's ready.

salmon nice talking to you nothing um anyways they should have like this is such a hacky idea but they should literally I wish they had right now if they had like a fucking like a relationship somebody are some must have done a bit like this

like you have like a a relationship meteorologist you know what I mean that could give you a five day fucking forecast let you know what kind of coat to wear, basically, what kind of, what kind of shit am I going to try to avoid so I don't step into it? You know what I mean? So anyways, I'm in the fucking house, right? And, you know, I got the kid now, and she's getting bigger and eventually she's going to need her own room. All right? And I have all, and I don't even have a lot of shit, but I have a lot of shit. I didn't think I had a lot of

shit. I don't have a lot of furniture, but I have a lot of shit. I don't have a lot of shit. You know, just over the years going on the road, buying a little thing here, buying a little thing there, fan giving you something, the venue giving you something. And all of a sudden, you just got a bunch of shit. And then what happens is, is if enough time goes by, I don't know, I'm sentimental. I start to develop feelings for it and it's hard to get rid of it. Well, um, I don't have a choice now, people. So in the near future, I'm going to, I am going to have a massive, massive fucking giveaway of memorabilia and shit and old drum stuff. And like, you know, I try to give some people my old drum magazines and just nobody wanted them.

All these fucking young kids are like, you know, I stuck it on the phone, bro. You know? I just go to fucking. I can read this on my phone. Like, I don't even know what. Like, you'd think I was handed him like a hammer and a chisel in a rock and be like, you want to draw pictures with this? So I didn't feel too bad because they're made out of paper,

although I'm sure the ink is bad for the environment. But I put like 20 years of all of these fucking magazines that I saved. Like I was going to go back and peruse through two decades of fucking drum magazines. And I kept some of them, you know, the John Theodore's, the fucking Nico McBrain, the fucking Steve Jordan, you know, all the way back, all the drummers that I fucking love, right? Tommy Lee, you know. But then, you know, the latest ones were the easiest ones to get rid of because I'm an old man and I probably didn't know a lot of those players, although I probably should. but um you know i don't know i just wish i could go back in time and not buy anything you know jimmy the gent don't what the fuck did i say don't buy anything you know as much as he was a murderous psychopath he was very environmentally conscious in that part of good fellacy you know um so anyways just

giving you guys a heads up i uh i got it all out in front of me here i got it all laid out and my wife, who's not mad at me, um, is, uh, you know, she was like, well, why don't you get like a storage shit, you know? You like this stuff. And it's like, I'm not fucking doing that. I'm not doing that.

Like, whenever I see those places, I get like, I have a fucking, almost a physical reaction to them when I see a storage facility. And, uh, it's just like I'm not, I did that before. I'm not fucking doing that. Then you have to go back and like check in on your stuff. It's like your stuff went to jail.

And then, you know, you can just fucking, hang on a second. I've got a fucking text this guy back. There's no way for me to continue talking. Call you in a 45 minute. Anyways, this just, then you're doing the George Carlin bit. You just have shit just spread out all over the fucking world. And it's just like, if there's not, like, fuck, shut up. All right.

If there's not room enough for it in your house, like, we have more rooms that could be bedrooms than people here. Okay? It's just me, my wife and my daughter. So there's no fucking reason why there should be no room other than the fact that we just have too much shit. And I'm not throwing it out. I throw out the magazines because they made out of paper. And I know everybody's going to give me shit about the ink. But I'm really trying to fucking think about where this stuff is going to end up.

Okay? And I don't know. So I'm going to try and like, you know, I figure if I could just get some of this shit, if you guys want it, you know, I'll just fucking give the stuff away or whatever. I hope some people aren't going to get mad because some of the stuff is like shit that venues have given me, you know, some sports jerseys with my name on the back of them and stuff, which is fucking cool. or whatever, but like, you know, I'm not going to, I never wore it. And I always appreciated the gesture, but I just took it and I put it in a box. And then I just started piling these fucking things up. And I don't have any more fucking room.

I don't know what to do with them. So my new fucking thing from here on now, 50 fucking years old is Jimmy the Gent. I'm not fucking buying anything. I'm not buying anything, you know. And I'm trying to get my wife on the same fucking. page, but you know, you know, that's not working. You know what I mean? Jesus Christ. Telling her not to go on Amazon is like her telling me not to get shit-faced on a Tuesday. I mean, it's just not happening. By the way, speaking of drinking, I haven't drank. You wouldn't

know it for my voice. I sound like shit, but I haven't drank since the end of June. And I saw it's so fucked up. It's so fucked up. It's just like food. I have the same relationship with food. that I have with booze. That all I do is I just fucking walk away for a few days. What the fuck am I doing? And when I see food walking away, it's like sugar and shit and bad food, and I start eating well. And then all of a sudden, if I look at bad food, it's like, I don't want to fucking eat that.

I don't want to feel that way. And the same thing with booze. Like, you know, when I'm drinking and I see a bottle of booze, I swear to God, it's like, you know, it's backlit at the bar. I mean, it just looks like you're drinking life. It just looks golden, you know? It's so inviting. And then when I just stopped drinking, I just looked at it.

I'm like, oh, Jesus, I don't want to fuck it. I don't want to mess with that shit. Oh, God, what the fuck did I do now? Not what I got to apologize for. I know I'm wrong. That's the worst thing about it. You know what I mean? Jesus, does it ever fucking end?

You know what I mean? This is like when I was a kid. My mother was mad at me and she wouldn't tell me. I got to fucking figure out what I did. I love on all these fucking TV shows where they sit there and they always sit there and they talk about how women twice as many fucking words in a day and how they're great at communicating. It's like, no, they're not. They're not. They're not. They're not

good at communicating. They speak in fucking riddles. Can you tell she's home? I keep whispering. So you speak in fucking riddles. I was talking to a buddy of mine today, younger, right? I was sitting there telling them going like, dude, what you've got to understand about a woman is by the time they're eight, they got the whole

fucking thing planned out. Not all of them, but enough of them. And you're still sitting there playing in a fucking mud pot or jumping off a jungle gym going, hey, mom, look what the fuck I can do? Whatever kids do nowadays, you know, fucking dancing with your fucking toy robot, whatever you guys do. They got it all planned out. That's why, how many times, guys, have you been out on a date with a woman? And she said some shit to you that sounded like a riddle and you're like, what the fuck?

And then you answer the question. And then she goes like, no, you're supposed to say blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blee, blah. Like, I didn't know there was a script. nobody sent me the sides for my part like they have the whole fucking thing the whole fucking thing mapped out and you basically you have three options you either just accept it or die alone or you go out and buy a wife beater and you become that guy but you don't want to do that um is he blaming women for domestic violence? Shut up. Oh, God. I'm just fucking around. You know, I was on Twitter, right? And somebody wrote some

fucking hilarious, smart-ass thing about me. So I clicked on their profile because I was just like, you know what, that is above average shit talk. Is this another comic? Is this an up-and-coming comic? I don't know. That was like almost a comedian level funny. So I went to this person's thread, and I, you know, read their little blurb, couldn't figure what they did. So I scrolled down to try to figure out, are they a comedian, look for a stand-up picture. And one of the things this person had retweeted was from this something, something feminist. It was talking about Donald Trump and was saying, like, Donald Trump just made fun of the victims of Me Too. And the crowd roared with approval, period.

And then again, she wrote, roared with approval, right? And then she had the link. I'm like, oh, my God. Are you kidding? This is what he did today. This guy's fucking crazy. So I click on it. And he made a roundabout reference to Me Too.

You know, he was using Me Too the way some people use millennials, which is not right. I'm not saying it's right to do that. But, you know, I'm not trying to be a cunt here, but I am a comedian. And I've been on stage for 26 years. They did not roar with approval. Okay? He got a chuckle. He got a polite chuckle.

I'm not saying they weren't meatheads there. I'm not saying what he said was fucking right. But the crowd did not roar with approval, period. Roared with approval. And just as a comedian that fucking annoyed me. Because I remember back in the day, you'd see these fucking comics get offstage. Oh, dude, I crushed. I fucking crushed.

I'd say you fucking. You got the job done. That's not killing, you cunt. Stop walking around saying you killed. It didn't, Donald Trump didn't kill. Okay? If that was his fucking audition set for a club and those were the laughs he was getting, they would say, you know what?

He's not ready yet. I'm not saying he's not funny. He was getting some laughs, but he was all right. But I don't think he's ready for a weekend spot yet. Like he was getting like Monday, Tuesday level. Like back, you know, when there was some sort of fucking system in the clubs, when they would actually build talent. They used to have, you know, Monday was like an open mic night at Nix. And then the big deal was your next move.

And Nix comedy stopped in Boston. The next move was the host, Billy Martin, who's now like, you know, one of the made men over there at Bill Marshall. He then had a show Wednesday night at the Kowloon. And that was the first big. fucking move out of the open mics I got a spot at the Kowloon and you'd say that to the other open micers and it burned

through the crowd of open micers dude he burr a spot at the Kowloon and then I remember thinking like the first time I did a spot at the Kowloon I was so fucking nervous because this was the first time I went on in front of a crowd that was not expecting to see an open

micer. They did not go to an open mic show going all right let's see what these pocket people have or I'm here to see a friend of mine. Like, they came out to see a comedy show. And they were like, all right, we're going to give you, we're going to hand you the keys for five minutes. Let's see what the fuck you do, right? So I would say, I would say that that's where Trump was in that speech. He was doing five minutes at the Cowlum.

All right? This has nothing to do about what the fuck he said or whatever. But I did find it interesting, though, but that's how she heard it. She heard them roaring with laughter. Yeah. Like, and when you fucking, he listened to Trump going fake news, fake news. Like, it isn't necessarily, sometimes it's fake, but it's more just people hear shit. And then whatever they're passionate with, it just, it raises the fucking levels.

You know? Like, you know, with me, this, you know, you know, You guys at this point, if you listen long enough, you know the shit that sets me off. All right. And like, the amount of fucking times I lose my shit and I think it's going a certain way. And then I find out not only am I not right, I am 100%. It's a complete 180. It's going the other direction.

Now, I'm not saying that this woman should not have been upset, you know, and also been upset that people chuckled, you know. But they did not roar with laughter. I'm just being a cunty comedian right now. You know, there's just certain things that people say that goes into the terminology of a comedian and it bugs me. Like the thing that I talked about about a year ago or two years ago was this fucking phenomenon where all of a sudden people started saying, I love when the comedian heckled the crowd. It's like, no, no, the comedian doesn't heckle the crowd. A comedian gets heckled.

A heckler goes to a performance and tries to disrupt a performance. A speech, anything. That is a heckler. For a comedian to be heckling a crowd, the crowd would have to be collectively giving some sort of fucking performance that he's interrupting. All right? You could say the comedian snapped.

I love when you fucking just... Lost your shit on that guy. But I'm not heckling the crowd. Like, oh, look at how you sit in your seats. You call that a show? Sorry. Whatever. So, anyways, how many fucking minutes?

That's 24 minutes. God damn. That ain't bad. That ain't bad at all. Hey, let's talk about World Cup soccer. Huh? What's, you know, I usually want to talk about NFL football. I go,

I know the theme song. I don't know what the World Cup thing is. But I've watched enough of it that I know in the end they're going to go to the wrap-up with the fashionable lady. Then there's the old, like,

guy looks, he's like, you know, fell off a stool at a pub. He's probably some old fucking football player, you know? And then there's the excitable, like, sort of fat guy who looks like with the mustache, you know? Am I allowed to say Latino is a white guy? I mean, he is a Latino dude.

He looks like one of the first guys that gets killed in a fucking mob movie. And then the other ones, it seemed like they just had a revolving chair. Like I recognize this black dude with dreads as being like, wasn't he on our fucking team? The USA team. Oh, by the way, I finally figured out how to fucking tell who the fuck is who in a World Cup game if you didn't get there at the beginning. This is how it works in American TV on Fox Sports. They basically right next to the team name, they'll have the smallest little sliver of color.

And that's the color of the uniform. Like I watched Russia versus Croatia. And I'm just sitting there literally waiting for somebody to fucking score so I can figure out who the fuck is who. I'm sitting there, of course, you know, for fucking, I don't know, two, three hours. I'm kidding, man. It was a fucking unbelievable game. But I finally figured out, no, somebody explained it to me on Twitter.

I just started tweeting about it. Going, you know, I don't know who fuck is who here. You know? And I had this weird thing. Like, I didn't know who to root for. Because there was something so fucking funny to me if the Russians won the World Cup. And it just would have been so awesome listening. to people losing their shit over here and getting all wound up again saying that they,

you know, tampered with the election over here, you know, and then everybody just starts yelling at each other again. It's just, I was looking forward to that, you know, just adding to the fucking heat out here. But anyways, it was an incredible game, and I cannot fucking believe. I root for Croatia, you know, although every time they cut to the Russians in the crowd, I was just like, you know, those are some good-looking people. You know, there's really no middle ground with Russian stuff, you know what I mean? Or Eastern Europeans. They're either like look like fucking supermodels or they look like it's still like medieval times.

You know what I mean? I mean, they got some women over there that look like they could easily fucking impress some NFL scouts, you know, in the, you know, the NFL combi. When they're pushing up 225, how many reps they can do. I'm not, you know, of course, they wouldn't get drafted after the 40, but I'm just saying, They, you know, but then they got some other ones. It's like, oh, my God, gorgeous. I'm fucking with you. I'm not saying that, you know, there's not a lot of weirdo-looking Americans.

But that was one of the really cool things looking at that, thinking of all the fucking bullshit that goes on at a political level, you know, with the missiles and all of that shit. And then just to watch all these Russians losing their fucking minds every time Russia would score a goal. So, long story short, not to take any way, the Croatian crowd, thing. Fucking really good looking people, man. Did I mention that I'm going to be doing an Eastern European tour the beginning of next year? You know? And I will be bringing all of your fucking good looking numbers down a half a degree

during the time in your fucking country. Please come up to me in your native tongue and tell me that you can fix my bald problem, balding problem. I say balding, I'm bald. And that you can, you know, I can fix that. I am the greatest in Transylvania. That's why I approach people in the street with my fucking business card. I'm watching this fucking game. And like, I'm doing the typical American thing. Like, I can't put people into this.

Like at this level. What the fuck? I mean, every sing a song? Duh. You know, doing that shit. And all of a sudden, Croatia just scores a goal. And I just, I don't, I couldn't control myself. I was just like, yeah.

I fucking lost my shit, right? And then Russia comes back immediately, I believe. I watched so many games, I forget, they fucking scored. And fucking, the Russian fans are going nuts. And I'm like, oh, these motherfuckers, I think that, you know. And you know me, I'm always conspiracies today. Vladimir, Vladimir Putin. You know, he's got the fucking, he's got the, he's got the invisible hand, you know.

And then Croatia scores. And it's fucking two to one. There's like barely any time left. and I just, I almost made my daughter jump out of the chair in the other room. I yelled so loud when they scored. And I was like, holy fuck, this is going to be unbelievable. That fucking guy number 10. Number 10 is a beast on Croatia, right?

And there's like no time left. And all of a sudden Russia gets like a fucking corner kick. And I was just sitting there. I had my hands over my mouth just going like, oh no, oh no, oh no, come on, come on, come on. And then he fucking kicks it. This beautiful, whatever the fuck you call it. You know, it was like a pass into the slot, you know, in hockey. Like a saucer pass.

Just right over everybody's fucking head. And it just goes right to this one Russian dude who just makes it glances it off his head into the back of the net. And I just go, fuck. And every time I yelled, I surprised myself. I can't believe how fucking into this game I am. So my laugh and my daughter are getting ready to leave. And I'm like, I'm sorry. We can't leave.

I have to see the end of this game. She's like, I get serious? Like, this is yet another thing that you're fucking into? And I'm like, yeah, I go, it's the shootout, whatever the penalty, whatever the fuck they call it. And I sat there like literally like I was like that Tarkhanian guy, like chewing on a fucking towel. I was in the kitchen, you know, because I had to keep, you know, leaving the fucking room. And I had like the fucking towel you dry dishes with. And my wife is going, you're going to throw that in the hamper.

I'm like, all right, I'm fucking gnawn on the thing. And just the level, the level of fucking pressure. And if you miss one of those penalty kicks and your team only loses by one, like you just get shit for the rest of your life. You know? I mean, there was that guy in Columbia. I don't know if he got killed because of that, but I mean, it was pretty fucking suspicious. But it was an incredible game.

And like, it's safe to say that I 100% get it. And I actually love the game now. There, I said it. I love soccer. It's a fucking great game. I finally get it. I fucking get it, you know? And then how great the World Cup is, where it truly is a world championship. And then what's great is if you lose, okay, that other team can talk shit to you for the next three fucking years.

Because it's once every four years, but you're not even guaranteed that you're going to get in. So when you get to that fucking close when you lose, now I get it. Now I get why I'm sitting there watching grown men crying who are in their 50s and 60s because they're sitting there going like it's not going to happen in my lifetime. I'm going to die without ever seeing him holding up an astoundingly small trophy for a true world championship. Do you see how big the fucking Stanley Cup is? That's 30 teams.

31, whatever the fuck they're up to. It's not the whole world. You got the whole... Why the fuck is the trophy so small? It's so funny when they win it and they all try to run around with it and they're all like, you know, trying to hold it up. They're like bumping heads and shit. Like they can't... They should make it bigger.

You know what? That's classic fucking... That's how an American thinks. That's how we think. You know, bigger's better. It is. And you know something as much as you guys... sit there and you shit on us. In the back

of your heads, you're jealous of it. You're jealous how fat we get. You're jealous how big they make the jeans over here. And you're jealous that you could actually be that fat and still get down the fucking street. Because you guys are over there driving around in your fucking cowpaths. You know? Past all your ruins and your

fucking castles and all that shit. Why am I in such a mood right now? All right, I got to turn the light on. The fucking sun went down as I'm talking here. Hang on. I got the whole world. in his hands He's got the whole world He's got the whole world

In his hand He's got the whole world In his hands This got to be one of the first songs you teach a kid, right? It's religious, it's easy All right Let's look at some of the advertising here for this week Shall we?

So congratulations to Croatia I mean, oh Jesus And then there were four England versus Croatia tomorrow. France versus Belgium. I'm sorry, on Tuesday. Well, I guess that will be tomorrow by the time you hear this. France versus Belgium on Wednesday.

I'm working both days, so I'm at the tape the games. And hopefully, you know, somebody on the fucking set will say something. Ah, God damn it. What are you going to do? The fuck you're going to do. Anyways, let's read some of the fucking advertising here. Isn't it so weird that I hate reading out loud so much that I get upset when I have a lot of advertising? It's actually money.

I know, but I have to read. All righty then. All right, hang on a second. Hang on a second. All right, let's get on. Well, we can't get on to the letters. I have to talk about the F1 race that was in Great Britain. Back to back.

I'd have to say these are the two most exciting races I've seen since I've been watching, which has been Monaco, 2016. I've seen almost every race since then. What a fucking race. Lewis Hamilton was trying to, he got the pole position for like the eighth fucking time in a row there. I think he's won like the last six or seven. He always dominates there.

He had a rough showing, didn't even finish. And it did not finish his last one, wherever the fuck they were. I didn't even remember in Austria. And you knew Mercedes was going to come back strong. So the race starts. All right? I believe Lewis Hamilton was in first.

Vettel was in second. Kemi Rakin'in was somewhere in there. And only they go into the first fucking turn. Lewis Hamilton, something you hardly ever see, has a bad start. Vettel blows by him. Hamilton gets his fucking car going. I don't understand. Did he pop the clutch?

I don't get how they have a bad start. I don't understand that Atari fucking steering wheel that they're doing there. I don't get it. There is no clutch anymore. I don't even know. They've got a little paddle thing there. I have no fucking idea. But sometimes they don't hit the right button and they're just going too slow? I don't know.

But they blame the driver, right? So anyway, so they get into the first fucking turn and all of a sudden, Valteri Bautas comes screaming in out of nowhere. Vettles in first place. Lewis Hamilton's all of a sudden in third. I was like, no fucking way. And then out of nowhere, you just see all this smoking shit. And the announcers are going nuts. and Lewis Hamilton got hit by Kimmy Rakinin.

And he fucking spun out. And he went from in like one turn or two turns from being first in the race to being last. And it was just like, what the fuck? And then I believe at that point it was Vettel, Botas, and then Kimmy Rakin. Or maybe Max Verstappen went up there. But, you know, the Red Bull team. was right then. By the way, the United States, the fucking

Haas team, we were, we've qualified fifth and six. We were killing it until we fucking slammed into each other like assholes and took ourselves out of the points. I am. We maybe got one point. I don't think we came in 10th man. It's fucking sucked. But we're doing better, man. We are doing better. And that's the team

that I really want to win. Anybody has to do with American racing. But we're having a great season. If we could just quit fucking up. But whatever. Plowing your head. So,

Lewis Hamilton is not out of the race. He gets his car going again, which is one of my favorite things. When a great driver like him, a Sebastian Vettel, gets knocked all over the back of the race, then you get to watch him go through the field. And he was driving going, my car's messed up.

It's messed up. The rear end, they go, no, you're fine, you're fine. And he just tears through the whole field. Basically, up until the top, five and then but even when he got up top five he was still like 25 seconds behind um that's how superior basically red bull well really Mercedes Ferrari is and then red bull and uh so Mercedes adopted this we're just going to stop once like i don't know if you're not into this shit it's actually like fascinating like pinning and all of that stuff is you can win and

lose it and long story fucking short is by the end of the end of of the race for like the final five laps um because mercedes only pitted one time and uh ferrari's pitted at least twice because i think one time they went in like i never understand how it works with like the with the safety car out there or whatever the fuck they call it um pace car or some shit right but anyways all of a sudden with five laps left it's valteri bodeos is in first place uh Sebastian Fettles right behind him with fresher tires. What's his face? Lewis Hamilton driving like a maniac.

Once again, with not his fresh tires because they only stopped once. So they're all fucking chewed up. And then right on his ass is that fucking psycho Kimmy Reagan in, who I fucking love. Drives like a maniac. Got a 10 second penalty, by the way. Because they said he smashed into Lewis Hamilton. He didn't need to do that. And he was yelling at his fucking pit crew and all that shit.

It was fucking great. So they're all driving like absolutely. fucking maniacs. Once again, I'm screaming at the TV. Yeah, once again, in a sport I never thought I would be into. And unfortunately, for Vettel, like his tires just crapped out, and he just, he didn't have enough grip. I'm sorry, Valteri Boutas, I'm sorry.

His tires just crapped out, and Vettel was able to duck underneath him. And then he gave Wade the Lewis Hamilton, which I thought was really cool. And then Hamilton was trying to stay on his ass. And they just didn't have the fucking tires. And what's his face? Botas ended up, I think he went all the way down at like fifth or six. But the final was Sebastian Vettel for Ferrari,

Lewis Hamilton for Mercedes and then Kimmy Rakin. And on the podium there, so it was two Ferraris and a Mercedes. Sebastian Vettel is now eight points up. And the Ferrari team, I think, is like 20 points up for the year. And they got two more races before the summer. break. It couldn't be any closer. It's going to be fucking great.

Fuck. Anyways, Jesus Christ. By the way, I just hit pause. That coughing went on for like another nine fucking seconds. Let's read some advertising here. So anyway, the next one I believe is, I think it's in Germany. Or is it the Hungarian? I don't know.

It's a little next to. But I got to think a MotoGPs coming up. I hope I didn't fucking, my stupid recorder. isn't fucking not, isn't recording those things because sometimes it gets bumped down in priority. I don't know how the fuck that works. All right. Okay, in regard to Eastern European Tour, dear Bill, you mentioned planning East European Tor.

I just want to make, just wanted to mention to think about visiting one of former Yugoslavian countries in the Boklands if this plan moves forward. I emailed you from Belgrade, Serbia. but anything here like Croatia, Bosnia, or even Slovenia can work for local fans. Check out some stats where you have the most site visits or something, as it would be interesting to see you live somewhere near. Stand up is still relatively rising here, but I am sure it might be interesting for you to visit if you are around here. Dude, I will go there and fucking eat my balls in a second.

What am I ever going to go there? I'll be close enough that you can jump on a train. All right. Your papers, please. However the fuck it works over there, you know. Eastern Europe scares me, man. That's, you're still behind the communist block, like, for most of my life. So, um, then I know, you know, once Russia went out of there, you guys kind of picked up some Hatfield

McCoy shit that you hadn't finished, you know. Got a little crazy there with the fucking genocide stuff, you know. Got a little nuts over there. So, uh, you know. you guys don't fuck around over there is what I'm trying to say it's not like you're going to Canada oh hey how you're doing you know it's not like it's not one of those things um I feel like I'm gonna go over there it's gonna have like that same vibe like Belfast had where it was just like any of you didn't know some shit went down the second you go there you just like whoa

some fucking shit went down here and you just immediately act accordingly like I will not be fucking with anybody here um all the best uh for you and your family uh I will, I'm very, very excited to see that part of the world. And we are putting it together. I would not bring it up if we weren't putting it together. All right. Okay, possible Eastern European tour. Another one.

Hey, Chief. I was just listening to your latest podcast, July 2nd, where you mentioned putting together an Eastern European tour. Look at this. Look at all the fans. This is two people. I knew this tour would be successful. hopefully you'll have the balls to come to Belgrade Serbia so I can see you perform in person.

Well, the second you tell me I need balls to go where the fuck you're from, yeah, go fuck you. I'm not going there. Why don't I need to have balls to go there? Don't even talk about the weather. It's not Siberia, it's Serbia. Because I'm going to go there and take a fucking farm tool to the side of my head. I don't need that shit. What do you got vampires there?

consider it as I'm sure you'll have a blast here. I like how he scares the fuck on him. He's like, hey, man, go to the water park. Also, I don't know when you're planning to do this tour, but I'd recommend sometime between September and November. Hopefully, you'll put some more specific information out on this plan. So, no, I was thinking like January or February. Why, is that a bad time?

What happens in those months? Anyway, love your Oh, during January. Everybody stays inside and they let the inmates run down the street. It's like running of bulls with murder. Anyways, love your schick and wacky antics with the occasion random hijinks. Rock on, you crazy bastard. All right, just the way you're talking, I think I'll be fine if I go over there.

All right, Obama's money. Hi, Bill. Oh, am I going to get the shit kicked out of me on this one? He signed a book deal, you unread douche. Oh, stop it. Stop it. I don't even want to hear this shit. I don't even want to hear this shit.

I don't want to hear this, dude. He's going to go around and he's going to... Dude, he had $70 million worth of fucking tour dates. He also had that. You selectively, um, unreading douchebag. Don't tell me he fucking... He had a fucking $900 million book deal. Obama, $65 million book deal.

All right. Wait a second. Wait a second. And now I'm going to fucking hit you back with my shit. Obama speaking dates. Money tour. Here we go. Come on, man. Big number. Big number. Big number. Michelle Obama tickets for 2018. Barack Obama, $400,000 speaking fees. Reveal what few. There we go. Obama secures 800 grand for two speaking. who do you think he's talking to, huh? You think he's going to a homeless shelter? The reason many of us have been critical, Barack Obama's outrageous 4,000. It robs us of a fantasy that sooner or later the first black president was going to use his considerate powers in or out of office to help the economic ravages of the poor who are disproving black.

You know a white person probably wrote this. I want to know who he's talking to. Huh? Who the fuck has 400 grand to throw at this fucking guy? They're all, I don't know how to talk to you fucking assholes. So am I really supposed to sit here and I'm supposed to think that these fucking guys, like everybody with a blue tie, I just don't buy it. I don't fucking buy it.

All right. Okay, $65 million book deal. Okay, after taxes, sir, after taxes and all the bullshit, that'll probably be about 30 million bucks. And I guarantee fucking T you, he is going to be worth when it's all said and done about 200 million bucks. okay and it's not going to be because he wrote a fucking book all right he's also going to go out and they do these speaking engagements to all these corporations that and they'll pay them 400 grand and these are the same people that got him into office and he went in there and did what the fuck they wanted and this is just them washing their bribe money i mean honestly dude

what changed when he was in office that everybody is so enamored with did we stop torturing people down in Guantamano? Did we fucking end the war over there? Are we finally going like, hey, wait a minute, ISIS doesn't have a plane or a boat? Why are we acting like Germany got back together? No, it's the same fucking thing. It's the same goddamn shit. It's the same guy with a different colored tie. All right? I will fucking read up on this. Hi, Bill. Love your shows and you work it outlet on the world. Our most recent podcast, you talked about the house Obama just bought and wondered where the money came from. Here's a piece that explains it. It doesn't. It doesn't. Sixty-five million dollars you don't turn around and you're only

going to get $30 million of that. Okay? And then you're going to go out and buy an $80 million fucking house. You're going to pay the 30-year note on that, paying interest on that because you just basically got $30 million after taxes. That makes no fucking sense. All right? And also, I would say, I would actually be willing to suggest that I am a fucking paranoid. maniac that the information that you're going to they're not going to tell you can somebody explain to me how did the clinton's become worth hundreds of millions of dollars let me guess they both wrote a book for 100 million dollars each and they what they don't pay taxes and that was it and then other than that they're like jimmy carter driving around the world fucking

you know building houses for the poor i never claimed sir to be 100% fucking read up on this shit. I'm not even 2% red up on it, but neither are you. Okay? This is not a piece that explains it. This is a piece that just shows this guy cashing the fucking $65 million is the gross.

He's got to get about $30 million. That's it, because he's got a kick in for this never-ending war too. All right? So now he's got $30 million. He owes $82 million. Like, what is the fucking payment on that a month? Now he's going to go around and he's going to give all these fucking speeches, okay? And schools do not have the

fucking, you know, I would say Ivy League schools, some of these bigger fucking schools, maybe they have that. But generally speaking, they go around and they talk to these fucking, these corporations who got him into fucking office. Hey, do what the fuck we want you do, but, but, but, you know, every fucking one of them. I don't know. I think the whole fucking thing is weird. It's all weird. It's all weird that he's a public servant and blah, blah, blah, and then the end of the rainbow, you're worth $200 fucking million, and you're living in the same neighborhood as all those corporate cunts who pour shit into the fucking water supply.

Like the fact that that doesn't bother you on any goddamn level, and you're going to just sit there, you got $65 million for a book. I mean, there you go. I'm satisfied with that. I don't think the political system is corrupt at all. I don't think it's a bad thing that now corporations can dump unlimited amount of funds. into presidential candidates. I don't think that that influences their decisions on foreign policy whatsoever.

Hey, you know what, sir? Agree to fucking disagree. All right? Anyways, I mean, read the rest of this. And despite the fact that I don't agree with you, I will say that there are assholes on both sides. However, I, however, believe that there is a lot to be said about how one conducts themselves, which is why I side with Hillary over Trump.

Yeah, I love you people who. like it's how you conduct yourself. As long as you continue murdering innocent people, it's not a problem. But they're so eloquent when they give a speech. Do you know why the president ages the way they do? It's because of the dead bodies. That's why. It's not the economy. It's not the sketches on SNL, which is what always cracks me up when you see like people in Hollywood talking about how they want to run for president. You're basically saying that you're so fucked in their head that you won't that you want to go to bed put your head on the pillow going like did i do the right thing we thought they were the enemy it turned out to be a family there were children there

and you have to fucking go to bed and then the next day fucking smile and give some goddamn speech it is the most fuck that maybe maybe they deserve the money i don't know maybe i'm oversimplifying i am i always oversimplify you know what sir i agree with you you're probably right you know what there you go that's how he got the house he wrote a book hickory dickerby duck uh this chick was suck at my cock yeah clock stuck to andrew dice clay god bless you all right podcast topic hey bill wondering if on an upcoming podcast you can talk about how your views may or may not have changed on being a stay-at-home mom now that you were a parent yourself um no they haven't changed

they haven't changed i think people everybody exaggerates how difficult their fucking job is all right listen being a single parent is difficult i would say that would probably be unbelievably fucking difficult however if you're fucking married you know what i mean it's and you got one kid it's it's not that hard the first three months yeah you're hallucinating you know but you're You get somebody to help you out. A friend, a family member, something to help you out. The whole fucking thing where people try to do it themselves is goddamn, it's fucking insane. It's fucking insane.

That's not, people didn't do that back in the day. They used to say it takes a village to raise a child. Back in the day, you didn't fucking move to the other side of the goddamn forest. You just built a fucking log cabin right next to your parents. That was it. They came over and they helped you out. Fought off a grizzly bear. Okay.

No, my views have not changed. Other than, I can be honest with you. When I watch my kid, I'm fucking psyched. I love it. I have a great goddamn time. We play games. We're screaming and yelling. We're throwing balls all over the living room.

And, you know, I don't know what the problem is. You know? My buddy was bitching about something. Talking about he had to do something difficult. They said, dude, do you realize there's probably some guy from Cuba right now. that, you know, made a boat out of a discarded desk and is using a fucking sport coat as a sale trying to get into this fucking country,

risking the fact that he's going to get caught, sent back, and God knows what the fuck happens to him. Now, what exactly is the problem with your day? What I would say, ma'am, is it's about perspective, which is what that bit was about. I'm not saying it's not a challenging job. I'm not saying it's not an important job. I just said it's not the most difficult job on the planet.

I would say that people who fucking were trying, when the lava was coming down at their house and they didn't have lava insurance, I would say it's a more trying day than when your kid just would not stop crying, you know? If you want to hear a kid not stop crying, went to that fucking lava's at the front door. Help, should I tell my boyfriend, I'm a prostitute, I'm a prostitute. Okay. No, you and I know sometimes these, these emails get a little fucking not believable. Like, what am I supposed to do with this shit here?

Is this actually serious? Help, exclamation point. Should I tell my boyfriend I'm a prostitute? All right, what do I do here, people? Do I ignore this? Do I actually act like this is real? All right, let's wait into, dear Billy Ball Baggins. I'm a 25-year-old semi-single lady living in the Netherlands.

Okay, I've got good qualifications. Master's degree and social. Well, it sounds like it. Outgoing. Yeah, I'm not going to argue. And try to treat other people with kindness and respect. Oh, God bless you. You're the prostitute with the heart of gold. Anime, you really have a master's degree.

I'd really like to build a special relationship in my life, and I'm currently dating a nice guy from Brazil. Oh, boy. But there's a catch for the past three years. and working in the sex industry. I like my job, make good money, and always practice safe sex. Oh, boy, oh boy. Get out of that business, sweetheart.

I don't want to quit, as it would mean, busting my ass to some corporate job, working for the man. Yikes, you can't just be a stripper? You know? No offense to strippers, but Jesus Christ. You know, go out there, shake your ass a little bit, you know? Hose yourself off in the green room and just walk away like it never happened.

for me it's not a big deal to balance my job and a loving relationship as I don't find the work side of things emotionally intimate at all. However, my boyfriend seldom sees it the same way. My boyfriends. I am sure if I should be honest with my new potential boyfriend about my profession. I'm unsure if I should be. Normally, I'm very honest and up front of my boyfriends about my job and normally it kills the relationship. I see. I'm starting to wonder if honesty is really the best policy as the truth always seems to extra pressure and the strain to the relationship. And it hurts me when I get attached to people

and they finish with me. What do you think? I hope you and Nia had a nice time in Paris and go fuck yourself. We had a great time. All right. Okay. If this is true, sweetheart, yeah, if you want to find a loving relationship, I think you need to stop being a prostitute. Okay. You know, I understand, you know, nobody understands not one of ending up in a cubicle more than me, but I mean, it's a fucking dangerous job. You know, it's a very dangerous job. It's a bunch of creeps out there. I know you practice safe sex, but, you know, there's always problems. It's just, you know, I don't know. I don't, you know, something, I'm looking at this as a, you know, with that Puritan American fucking viewpoint.

I don't know if you're free or over there, man. I don't know what the deal is. but let's say I could actually handle the fact the physical aspects of the girl I was dating being a prostitute, which I couldn't. Let's just say I could. I would be so worried every time she went out that someone was going to beat her up or kill her. I mean, you're in the sex industry. It's a fucking horrible industry. You know, I would, I think, you know, at least I would be worried about is how I tell this fucking guy.

I'm in the sex industry. I would be more worried how the fuck do I get out of the sex industry? Because what's going to happen is eventually you're going to be an old prostitute. All right? And I don't know how you're investing your money in Bitcoin or your own whorehouse. I have no idea what you're doing here. But like, you know, then all of a sudden there's this big gap in your resume where you weren't in a cubicle. Now you're trying to get a corporate job.

And you're like, you know, what did you do from? 2010 to 2021. Oh, I had sex for money. Oh, okay. Well, all right. I don't think we have any more questions. I mean, you know, assuming this is all true. I would love it if you got out of that industry.

Just get out of it. You know what I mean? There's easy money in my business too. you know, I could go fucking do it. I can go whore myself out, you know. But you know what? You always leave a piece of yourself there back in that room. I don't know.

You have a tremendous attitude. I mean, you make it sound fun. I love it, man. You know, and I don't get emotionally attached to making good fucking money, you know. And this is when any woman's group would be like, that's because she's so numb from the zabitabit. You know, they start throwing their thoughts into your fucking head. I don't know how you're wired.

It might be fucking true. It might not be true. I don't have any. I don't have any. This is way above my pay grade. I have no idea. But yeah, you should fucking tell somebody that you're, you know, having sex for money. You know, he'd probably want to know that because it is dangerous.

You know, there's STDs and all that shit out there. Yeah, I guess I would, I would, you know, I would tell them. Fuck it. You know, I guess if you get. and continue being a prostitute, your soulmate's going to be the person you don't have to lie to. And you can't accept me for who I am, you know? What I got to do to get rid of this fucking cold? It just came on slow.

I don't know. The doctor wants telling me, if it comes on fast, it goes away fast, it comes on slow, it goes way slow. I guess that's what the fuck's going on here. But anyways, that is the podcast. Good luck to all four teams left of the World Cup. good luck to that prostitute and that Brazilian guy. And God bless the United States of America. And congratulations to Obama for signing a $900 million book deal.

That's how he got that house. That's how he's going to pay for it. All you need is $30 million. We're 82 fucking, if I got a $60 million fucking book deal, and all I was going to get was $30 million bucks, out of it and I was getting $400 grand a night. I still wouldn't go out and buy an $82 million house. I wouldn't fucking do it. An $82 million house is a fucking white elephant. No offense to the Obama's. All right. I mean, when you turn around to sell that thing, I mean, there's like 0.1% of people

that can actually fucking afford it. You've got to hope that they're in the goddamn market. I don't know. Do you think he'll fly drones around it? For old time's sake? well, that was a low blow. See, Bill, this is why people think you voted for Trump. I don't like making fun of Trump. It's too fucking easy. And paying attention to him is too fucking depressing. You know?

Oh, by the way, I got to tell you something. Don't be a brat thing on fucking Instagram, man. I can't get over that clip of that little shit yelling at that bouncer. The bouncer goes, get out of my face, you little shit or whatever. And the kid is. so beside himself. He's, oh my God, oh my God. Do you have any idea what the fuck my dad does? I cannot believe that a man said that to another man. Do you have any idea what the fuck my dad does? It's like, why? I'm not talking to your dad there, son. I'm talking to you. What the fuck do you do?

Other than buy little shirts. But what I love, I've watched that video so many times. He fucking throws that little shit, which is so satisfying to watch. When you listen to his friends, they're just like, oh, dude, you are fucked. You just fucked up, dude. And the kid gets up and like, oh, what? Does he know some taekwondo? What's going down? And he goes, you just fucked up, man.

They all walked away, right? But they were so convinced that this bouncer was fucked. And to the point, I was sitting there like, I was feeling like unsatisfied. Like, dude, I want to know what the fuck your dad does. Do you have an idea what the fuck my dad does? I just love the way he says, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God. He's like, are you seriously challenging me right now? Do you have any idea what the fuck my dad?

What does he do? Does he torture people for the CIA? What the fuck does he do? Oh my God. Somebody's got to animate that. That bounces sitting in the chair. You know, those torturers always have like the fucking. tools out in front of you. There's that little shit. I told you, man.

I told you not to push me in my little polo shirt. All right, that's it. I apologize to Obama and all presidents. Evidently, they just do book deals and just make $400,000 a night giving speeches to banking conglomerates and that type of shit. No, they don't. They go down to homeless shelters, and they all scrape together fucking nickels that they, they beg for that day. I have no fucking idea. And you know what? Neither does the guy who, I love how he looked up one fucking thing. That's why I just, I love doing a podcast. As I get, I get, hey, I'm not that dumb. There's people just as dumb as me. You know who would know Jimmy Door. I could have Jimmy Door in this. I'm going to have fucking Jimmy Door in this podcast. I'm going to save this. I'm going to save this

fucking question. I'm going to read it to Jimmy Door. All right. Oh my God. Oh my God. Do you have any idea what the fuck Jimmy Door reads? Jimmy Dora is going to be my dad on this question so I can win because I want to win. I don't want to be right. I just want to win. That's what it's about, right? All right. Have a great week, you fucking cunct. I'll check it on you on Thursday. Don't get my sympathy. Do you say?

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