Monday Morning Podcast - the Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 11-15-18

Episode Date: November 16, 2018

Bill rambles with Nia about Instagram, thirst traps, and body image.

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How are you? It's Thursday, November 15th, and old Freckles is off the road. Hey! He's dropping pounds right and left. Cause he's not out there eating from a chef. He's Billy. He's losing his Freckles. Sorry.

I'm excited to be home with my wife and kid. And speaking of which, last week, last Monday, can you guys remember back to November 12th? Remember that? Trump was still president. He's still president. Anyways, what was I going to say? I read a question.

Best friend's wife from a lady and felt that Nia needed to chime in. So what did I do? I got in touch with my wife's people to try and see if I could book her on the podcast. And she was nice enough to take time out of her busy, beautiful schedule as being the greatest mother ever. Welcome back to the program. Thank you. Nia Hill.

Thank you so much. Thank you for having me. Oh, well, what was it like to work with Tom Cruise? Oh my God. He is so amazing. He is just so generous. Did he do his own stunts? He did his own stunts.

He does. So he really banged you in that scene, right? Oh my God. It was great. He didn't let the stuntman do it? No, no. He stared me. His commitment.

He stared me in the eyes the entire time. Unreal. Unreal. It's like we're in a real relationship. I'm telling you right now. So I feel very impressed. After he got the Invisalign and he fixed that snaggle tooth, I just felt like it all just went to another level. His commitment to the craft.

Yeah. Excuse me, ma'am. We're trying to do a podcast over here. I got the little one out here too when she has her favorite show on, the one created by Harlan Williams. She's going to say the name of it or she's going to freak out because she's kind of looking at it like, why is there no sound? It's almost the 2020s, not the 1920s there. Why don't you have some old lady playing a piano in the corner? All right, Nia.

I know you have a lot of stuff to do. Yes. We're going to do a little bang bang here. Okay. Going right into it. All right. Great. All right.

Best friend's wife from... Lady. Best friend's wife. All right. Hello, Billy Baldwin. Oh, nice. You get it? You like it?

Yeah, but I win in that. I like that I win. Yeah, that's nice. I'm bald and I win. Right. Do I? I don't think so. All right.

Recently... I'm listening. Hey, honey. Speak into the mic rather than chime in. All right? Yes. Oh, you're talking? Yeah.

Cutie pie. All right. Recently, I've been posting pictures and videos on my Instagram that are not slutty. Dot, dot, dot. Not slutty, but I wouldn't show my parents either. Uh-huh. Period. Now, where would you call it?

If you had to rate that as a movie, where is she? What do you mean? It's a movie. Like PG, PG-13, R. It's not NC-17, but it's not PG-13. No, I mean, it's only R if she's showing Nip and Booty. So then you would say PG-13. PG-13. PG-13.

Yeah. Now, somebody's going, oh, actually, I saw a PG-13 when they saw the Nip book. I am 26 years old, prime of your life. Yep. I've been feeling very confident about myself. Wow. Ba-da-do. Ba-da-do.

Yeah. Ba-da-do. Show it off, girl. Ba-ba-da-do. Okay. I want to bring that back. Ba-ba-do. How come you guys don't dance anymore?

Bring what back? Burlesque. The old stripper song. Yeah. Dita Vontiz, does it? Not in the club. What do you mean in the club? In duck club.

D-8. No, we're black people. Not again. Yeah, in duck club. We never are music. Are you going down? And I've been feeling very confident about myself and my body. I'm single with no boyfriend or even dating.

Anyways, my friends, sorry, since I was 16, has told me that his wife has been uncomfortable with us talking because she's seen my pictures. So they've been friends since camp. So what happens at camp, Nia? Stay is at camp. That's right. She's told him she feels insecure and sees my pictures even before he does. She's following you.

Yes. She's watching you. Private eyes. He has expressed that he may not be my friend anymore because of this. And this is not the first time I've been blocked by male friends because their female counterparts are social media stalking me and claiming I'm trying to get their man. Nobody's stalking you. You're on social media.

If you were hanging these up in your house and you looked and she was staring into your window. No, but you can go and just be really looking through someone's feed and just be like every time they pose looking and not only looking at the picture, see who's liking the picture and the tag, all that kind of stuff. All of that is all out in the open. I know, but you can pay just a little bit more attention to it than a normal just scrolling through.

It's like a little kid playing hide and go seek the first time they hide. They lie down on the floor, face down and cover their eyes. I'm hiding. You're not hiding. You're putting this out for the world to see and judge. I've been told to maybe tone it to tone down my post or not write how I feel because the girls take it personally and take it out on my friends. And these are these my real friends or do their girls have legit reasons to be upset?

Yours truly a huge fan and love to Nia and the baby. Oh, well, first of all, I had to say, I don't know why you're surprised at this reaction because you're out there thirst trapping and these girls don't want their men to get caught in your trap. So even though you may not be trying to break that down for the white audience, what? There's trapping. She's out there. There's trapping means like you post photos that are intentionally like sexy or provocative

because you're trying to get likes. You're trying to get while you pretend that they're not. You just oh, this is just me eating cornflakes with most of my breast. No, I don't think that you're necessarily acting like it's not. But, you know, that there's just like certain photos that are going to get like the reaction as opposed to the like, I, I, I, is this is now. Is there any DT going on here? T's DT's.

Dick T's kids here. Oh, as I imitate a vibrator. I don't know that it's a DT, but it's definitely like showing you what your life could be. Yeah. What you could be throwing around the bedroom for sure. So I don't I mean, it's not surprising that their their girlfriends and wives or whatever are going to be like feeling some type of way if they're liking your pictures. So I don't know.

I don't think that you're doing anything wrong, but I didn't write this. I don't think that they're necessarily wrong either. But here's the thing. I feel like that we're going back to one of my earlier, my earliest appearances on the podcast. But the only thing is she's been friends with this kid since she was 16. So that's fine. But I also noticed in in her letter that she said that like all of her male friends are most of her male friends.

So is this another situation where you've got a girl who's got a lot of male friends? Nothing wrong with that male friends involved male friends. And it's oh, my God, they're stalking me on Instagram. And oh, my God, they're such haters. And like, are these men really my friends? And it's like, listen, you just have to understand like you have to kind of be a grown up about this. Like it's one thing for you, like I said, to post thirst trapping pictures. All your girlfriends are going to be like, yes, oh, my God, you're giving me life.

You're so hot. Look at you. Bam, all that kind of stuff. That's what your girlfriend and like your gay friends are for. What does thirst trapping mean? I just told you what it was earlier. Did you? Yeah. I said, when you're posting a picture that's intentionally provocative or sexy to get likes,

that's like a thirst trap. Oh, in other words, you're not really going to hook up with anybody. No, you just you just saw all these posts in a sexy photo. But you know, thirsty for women, lady, guys are showing up thirsty for attention. Oh, that's what it is. All right. Sorry. Sorry, I'm the white cup on Sanford and Son. Um, I don't know, so I mean, I'm I'm just not surprised that they're there.

What did she do? So she stepped away from these people. No, I mean, step away. How it was a way from the car with your hands up. No, do you have to understand that if you start to move into this space where you're posting sexy photos, your viewership and the way people look at you is going to change. Huge point. If you're OK with that, then keep doing what you're doing.

But if you have a problem with it, then maybe you want to pull back a little bit. But yes, people are going to look at you some type of way. Women are going to look at you differently. Men certainly are going to start to look at you differently. And I didn't like this, certainly. But go ahead. What comes with that territory is that women are going to be like, oh, I saw you liked her photo when she was like, you know, bent over being like, you know. Yeah, I actually could if I could just meet cute or whatever.

I don't know what I could just insert a point here. They're both certainly going to you're not going to insert anything. That's what I know. Hey, welcome to married life. That's a rough one. Both men and women equally are going to look at it differently. Right. OK. So let's not let's not turn this into yet another.

That's what I said. You said women are going to look at you differently. Men are certainly going to get you differently. So you know how they do. Yeah. Well, OK. So what does that mean? Just say what you're saying. Just don't don't. Yeah. Well, OK.

Me just. Yeah, I mean, I stand by what I said. You think that. Well, why can't you say that so we can discuss it other than doing that? Yeah. Well, OK. If Lola wasn't here, I right now I would transcribe what you just said to me. Which is what I can't. There's too many F words in it. All. That was.

That was like if you put a bunch of F words into a shotgun. All right. Well. So I women know what other women are doing. I think you have to expect that, you know, if these women are already uncomfortable with your presence in their man's life, if you start, you know, posting booty shots and all this other kind of stuff. And they see that their dudes liking it. They're going to be like, well, she didn't say that she was bending over

and already that type of stuff. She just said this is some stuff that, you know, it's a little more risky, but I wouldn't show my parents. Right. Exactly. Meaning it's. Yeah, you know, your parents, I can see your knees. Get back in the house. All right. You could have like a priest. But I think you should post whatever.

Actually, you can't in the Catholic church. If you're feeling good about yourself and about your body, you should post all the live long day. Just know that it's not going to be this perfect scenario where you can just post and no one's going to look at you differently. I disagree. Fortunately, unfortunately, that's just the way that it is. I disagree with that. With what?

With that you should go and post all these sexy photos of yourself and put them on social media. Women should not be doing that. Why? Why are you telling women what they should be doing with their bodies? There it is. There it is. Oh, yeah, exactly. There it is. So bright. Yeah. And there it is from you, too.

Tell it like, I don't think women should post it like, who are you? You don't get to decide what people do with their bodies. Please not say that expression. What? You don't get to just. You guys all sound like children. Whatever I want to say, stop trying to police my words. You haven't even heard what my point is. What's your point?

OK, my point is, I don't want to hear it. Nia, you have the way you wish the world was and the way it really is. OK, OK. So to go out there and and and do all of that stuff and be all provocative and get all these people hot and bothered. There are so many frigging cycles. That's the same reason why you don't go out there and as a celebrity, sit there and, you know, tree stomp or whatever hell you call it for for for a candidate.

All you're doing is just going out there and getting that lunatic in the white van with the two seats that wants to make a pipe bomb and stick it in your mailbox. You're doing stuff like that. You're a good looking person. People are going to know you're good looking like the literally social media has been around so long that people aren't even understanding that there's no perspective on it anymore. Half of these so many of these photos that are on Instagram and all that type of

stuff, those were like the kind of photos that were in the beginning of a magazine at a truck stop like 20 years ago. And these are just regular women up. But back then, you didn't know where these women were. You couldn't find them on the Internet. There wasn't CVS taking everybody's information and you can go on and find everybody's address out there and you're going to go out there, thirst trapping or whatever the hell you're calling it, showing your goods.

And you're just you're playing a there's not a person in law enforcement that would not 100 percent agree with what I'm saying. This has nothing to do with the guy telling you to do what you should be doing with your body. It has to do with somebody looking out for your own personal safety. And doing that is no different than these effing morons you see out there riding a bicycle in LA on busy streets, allegedly in this bike lane that's not even painted and they have their headphones on.

You have completely no responsibility for your own personal safety. And then when something happens to you, this is 100 percent looked at that you're a victim. You are a victim, but there's nothing looking at like some preventative measures like why would you go on the Internet and do that? Just post a picture yourself smiling. You're a good looking person and you'll attract the kind of person you want to meet.

You're going to go out there and show your booty crack in your in your in your your your ass cleavage there. I mean, what do you what do you what do you like ask? You even said that if you're going to start showing that everybody is going to look at you differently. Certainly guys. Now, all they're going to think is I really want to F you, right? That's all they're thinking.

That's the best you're going to get. Right. That is the best you're going to get with those photos. And the worst you're going to get is an effing stalker. Right. OK, so that's what I was saying. I wasn't trying to get in your world. I wasn't over here, man spreading.

I'm just saying doing that it's literally like becoming a comedian, posting something on the Internet, and then you're going to get upset when someone just tears the hell out of it and says you absolutely stink. And it's just like, well, you know, you're not a victim here. You're the guy who posted you, the person who decided to get up on stage and people are going to judge you. That's all I'm saying. And I think that women that do that type of stuff, I don't think because

they're so young, I don't think they understand the level of effing lunatic that is out there. I don't even understand it because women get it way worse. So to go out there and sit there. I mean, that's like when you go to the frigging alligator farm and they're dangling those frigging chickens over the thing and all the crocs go in the water. You're out of your mind.

Well, I understand your points, but I still think that people should post what they want to post. It's their life. Just roll the dice that you're in the herd of people showing most of their boobs. I mean, I'm going to get people. Yeah, I do, because I don't think that you should be living your life in fear of what could happen or what might happen. Because if that was the case, I wouldn't leave the house.

Yeah, I'm not talking about going after a dream. I'm talking about keeping your ass crack in your pants. Well, I respectfully disagree. But the thing is, the point, we're going to have a problem when so and so gets to be a certain age. You don't you dare tell her that that's going to be OK? Not this. We'll see that. Oh, wait. No, no.

Now what? Now it's your daughter. Now it's not OK. I recognize the hypocrisy in this, but I would be like, please don't post that type of stuff on there. But I also know that I at a certain point, I'm not going to be able to control what she does. She's not going to be sitting here quietly. Watching cartoons.

What do you mean, tapped out? What does that mean? You know, beyond a certain point. I mean, what what what age is that? What are we talking about here? When she's 18, she's an adult. I'm not going to know she isn't. Think of what you thought you're you're 18.

As far as the law goes, you're not an adult, right? Oh, you're not. OK, Nia. You're a dumb teenager. Yeah, you and I get a divorce and I'm with an 18 year old. What? She's an adult. You're going to be like, she's a child. Oh, my God, I would kill you. I'd kill myself.

But yeah, just because I lost you. No, oh, God, I'll say that. All right. No more romantic little one. Not sweet nothings. I don't even know how to be romantic. Do I know how to be romantic? Um, oh, you know what romance is.

You're not. You're like a generous, like a sweetheart, but like romantic. No, I wouldn't say that you're romantic. But no, I wouldn't argue with you like romantic things. You like like dancing like in the middle of the house. Like you like to do stuff like that. I want to take you to Frankie Valley out here in L.A. March 1st. Yeah. Oh, boy.

Is that a Jersey boy? Can I have a date, mistress? Just just just someone that totally plutonic, just somebody that I bring to all the stuff that I want to go. Oh, you want to find like a 50 year old white woman to take to stuff like that? Why do you gotta bring race into it? Because I mean, they'll go see.

Oh, I mean, come on. Let's be honest. Are you kidding me? Maybe my mom would go. When she go, I take her. You would take my mom. I would go. I love your mom. I'll go in a minute.

You guys would probably have a really nice time. You're just too good to be true. You don't see that dude. He's in his eighties. He still kills it. Right. Yeah. That's the guy from Jersey boys, right? Even though what though, I never laid a hand on you.

My eyes are Georgia. So anyway, back to the question. I'm a million miles away. My Nia's perspective. My Nia's perspective is that is that you're not doing anything wrong by thirst trapping on Instagram. But you should know that that's going to come with a change in how you're perceived.

And yes, there are. Here's the thing. If I had a girlfriend who was hot single and she was feeling really good about herself and she was posting, you know, sexy photos, I would be one of the first ones being like, yes, bitch, get it. Oh my God, amazing.

Get what? Get it. Get your life. Just get everything. What is that? Yes, girl. Show you. But if Bill, if I saw that Bill was liking all of her photos,

I might be like, now wait just a minute. So that's just the reality of it. All right, let's see. I finally got my abs. Like I finally, I didn't have to go on the road for, you know, and just ruin everything that I got. I get my abs back and I start, I start posting shirtless photos

because I feel good about my body. I would be like, yes, bitch, get it. Yes, bitch, get it, right? I would, I would. But yeah, and when I have a problem with women, but women already like are looking for you and trying to like put it out there. I've seen it.

Oh my God. That's, that's one of the funniest things you've ever said. Just know I'm watching. I've never had that attention ever. It's been happening. Perhaps you haven't noticed it, but it happens. No, but it doesn't count when you get to where I'm at now. What do you mean it doesn't count?

It counts when you, nobody. That means you're good looking. And if all of a sudden you start selling tickets and so it's like, hey baby, it's like, hey big boy. Yeah, baby. I was just like, that doesn't mean anything. Look how good she's being. You liked me when I was broke.

I did. I fell in love with you when you were broke. It was a great time. You know, I got you. I was thirst trapping. I was going to say something else. Oh, Nene. All right.

Well, agree to disagree on those photos. I mean, I think, you know, what people, yeah, it's just like you are inviting. Like I would love, there's gotta be something up there. Somebody in law enforcement and stories and all of that, the stuff, these people are like, people are lunatics now. Like people are already nuts, but this like,

this computer with all of this stuff that you can look at, like you couldn't do, you know what I mean? Like down this, like back in the day Nia, if you had like a crush at somebody on work, I mean, you needed your imagination when you went home to conjure up some sort of, now you just go to their Instagram page and just sit there like an absolute voyeur.

It's not even considered voyeurism anymore. And you just sit there, it's weird. The whole thing is weird and you go further down and then their picture's out enough and then you need video. And then the video, like God, you're just some weird thing the way she like cracks an egg when she's just showing you how to make an over easy egg or something

and you get all of this psycho world. And then what happens is you get so into that virtual world that if you ever asked her out and she actually approached you, you then have a performance problem because it's too intimate because you're used to this stuff. This thing Nia is a disease. And you know, I'm not judging anybody

because I felt the ramifications of it. You know what I mean? Trying to lay off the bad stuff on there, if you know what I mean. Yeah, it's just too easy. So I'm just saying, I don't know. You know what I mean Nia, I'm liberal and I'm conservative. I'm conservative when it comes to this.

You are conservative when it comes to this. As far as, you know, last call it a bar, I get a little liberal. And that has a, what do you... What is time, man? Like what is to a, do you realize that it's 12 noon in Japan right now, man? You're a liberal at the bar. Oh Jesus.

Okay. All right, ladies. My eyes adore you. Hi. How you doing, buddy? You were so good. You just chilling out? You watching PJ Masks?

PJ Masks, it's a PJ Masks. I don't know what she said, but she said no. Masks, yeah. Can you say hi, baby? No? No, there's no baby there. Say hi, baby. All right, this is my favorite word she learned all week.

Hey, low. Hey, hey, football. Oh, there's no football. Football. Can you say football? She just kissed the microphone. Can you say football? Football.

Football, I love how it's two separate words. Can you say hockey? Football. Can you say hockey? Hockey? Yes. Is she? What else?

What else did you teach her? Score. Hi. All right, let me, I got to read some advertising. Oh, it's the family podcast. Good girl. Fill my eyes with something and let me read some advertisement.

All right. In other words, hold my hand. All right. Oh no. Paw, paw, paw, puppy dog. No dogs. That's right.

You're watching in-box. What the hell is it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, here we go. Four reads, everybody. Hey, hockey. Hey, Nini. Here we go.

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Not much. No, you look great in a suit. You know I like the whole... Habit-dash? Yeah, I like that whole look. I like the top to bottom, I like a three-piece suit. I like a nice tie, good shoes, nice socks, good trousers. Does that increase my chances later on

of getting some sort of physical contact with you? Consensual, of course. Yes, consensual. God knows in the old days I could just tie you down with my neck tie there, and that would have been fine. But those days are over. That was considered working it out amongst yourselves. Oh my God, they're like in Japan or something like this.

All right. Yeah, no, I definitely like it when you wear a suit. Visit a stylist. What if I wore one in the bedroom tonight, just showed up? That's weird though, because that's not... No, I would like that. If I just showed up in a suit? Yeah.

Really? Yeah, and you were like the businessman. Oh boy. And then they gave you the business? Yes! Okay. The businessman giving me the business. All right.

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Thank you for picking up that dime. Very helpful. All right. That's the podcast. I can't say what I usually say. Although, I did say a lot of things, didn't I? Yeah, and have a great weekend. Enjoy your seas, enjoy the music, and then we'll come another half-hour bonus.

What is it from another half-hour from a Thursday show earlier this year? Oh, a throwback. Yeah, throwback. Thursday. Throwback Thursday. Throwback Thursday. There you go. All right.

Thank you, everyone. 00:38:12,480 --> 00:38:14,160 My ex-girlfriend's sister. Hey, Billy Bergenstocks. I'm 26 and still in love with my high school sweetheart. We've been on and off again for 10 years and have gone through a lot to say the least. Jesus Christ, yes. I just got back from a two-week vacation with her where everything was perfect and

we had the time of our lives. This is the woman I want to start a family with, and it became more and more apparent on this trip. Congratulations. What could go wrong? Here's the thing. I slept with her sister on a drunken blacked-out night three years ago while me and her were not together and were on bad terms.

Oh, boy. Oh, boy. My heart was broken and I had a lot of resentment. I was 23 drunk week. Shut the fuck up, dude. You had a dick. You fucking jerked off to her while you were dating her other...get the fuck out of here. Don't fucking come at me.

I got a dick, too. All right? Don't fuck. And her younger sister came on to me. Oh, my God, you victim. Things were different then and I was a mess. Listen, I'm not saying you weren't fucking heartbroken. You were fucking psyched the next day.

There you go. You know what? You just got to check off a whole family. All you got left to do is bang their mother. That's got to be called something like the grand slam. You know, like when Tiger Woods won four in a row and they were saying he won the grand slam, you won all four majors. It would be if you bang the mother and all the daughters, that would be the grand slam.

The amount of guys laughing right now while the women are pissed. Well, a year or so later, me and my high school sweetie started talking again and started to become close, leading up to where it is now. I had an unbelievable guilt for what I did with their sister. The closer me and this girl got years later. It is the only thing that I haven't been honest with her about and I had to tell her, you fucking idiot. Now you did and you should have talked to your sister and there had been like, look,

what are we going to do here? You know? Is it good? How does it make things better that you told her? That's such a thing. And then like for the rest of their fucking lives, that's going to be a problem between the two of them. Ah, Jesus.

You shouldn't have said shit and just waited till 20 years later when the sister, you know, who never got married gets fucking hammered and yeah, well, I fucked your husband 25 years ago. And at that point, you know, what are you going to do? You'd be like, yeah, it was dude, it was in the fucking 2000s. What do you want from me? Anyways, he goes, well, a year or so later, me and the high school sweetie started talking again, blah, blah, blah, blah.

I had an unbelievable guilt. So I had a test. So the last night of our vacation, oh my God, we were laying in bed and I told her everything. I took a slap. She was crying for hours and it was as ugly as you can imagine. Well, you know what, dude, I commend you. You got it off your fucking chest. He goes, I feel terrible and I'm torn on if it was the right decision to tell her.

My friends are giving me mixed answers and I would like an outside perspective from someone who I respect greatly. Uh, Jesus, well, I appreciate you respect me. Um, I don't know, dude, you know, if it was really bugging you and you felt like you had to tell it, good, good, you told her, you know, now you don't have to worry about that fucking thing coming out of nowhere. He goes, it is still fresh and everything is confusing on what is next. We love each other very much, but obviously I fucked up big time.

Do you think this relationship stands a chance? I really hope it does, but I'm worried I ruined it. She seems to be getting through it better than I thought after her first reaction. She told me she loves me, but I really hurt her and she needs some space because when I'm with her, she needs some space. I hope you don't have a brother because when I'm with her, okay, she told me she loves me, but I really hurt her and she needs some space because when I'm with her, she can't be mad at me.

I'm not a scumbag and this is completely out of character for me to do. I just made a terrible mistake. Thanks. Go fuck yourself. You actually feel this level of guilt. You're a better man than me because I wouldn't have said shit. I just would have just been like, well, I hope this doesn't fucking come out someday. Well we're having pumpkin pie over Thanksgiving and I bet there's a lot of people out there

that live with that secret. My thing is not only the cowardly self-preservation that I would try to have, I'm also thinking like this is, I would have handled that situation. I either wouldn't have said shit or I would just break up with her and just walk away from it because I wouldn't say, hey, by the way, I banged your sister and then for the rest of their life, they have to fucking deal with that when I'm the piece of shit that did it. But I have to commend you that you actually felt that level of guilt and said something

because I don't know. So it sounds to me that you're going to get past it. So the good thing is that now you don't have to worry about that fucking grand piano crashing down on your fucking life someday. So that's the upside. Maybe there's an upside that you told her where she'll have faith in you that like, wow, this guy actually feels guilt about stuff like that so I can't trust him. We were broken up while it happened.

You know, let me see if I can get Nia in here for this one. Hang on a second. All right, the magic of the pause button again. The lovely Nia is here. Hi. Hey, how you doing? All right. Ex-girlfriend's sister.

Oh geez. Yeah. All right. Really quickly, this guy. All right. I'll give you the abridged version. I've been on and off again for 10 years. Just got back from a two week vacation with her.

Everything was perfect. We had the time of our lives. This is the woman I want to start a family with. Here's the thing. I slept with this sister in a drunken blacked out night three years ago while we met. While we, me and her were not together and we're on bad turns. My heart was broken. I had a lot of resentment.

I was 23 drunk week and her younger sister came on to me. I don't know. I tell you, that's a rough one. That's a real rough one. You like how he makes himself the victim? Yeah. She came on to me. Okay.

I said earlier. I said, dude, I have a dick too. Don't fucking lie to me. Yeah, exactly. Stop it. I said you rubbed one out to her before you fucking. Yes. The seeds have been planted for a while that you've been wanting to fuck the sister.

Don't try to act like, oh, I was so heartbroken. You and the sister are both dirty. Okay. What's the deal? He goes, he felt terrible the last night of the vacation. He couldn't deal with the guilt. So he told her. My God.

He goes, I tell, he goes, I took a slap. She was crying for hours and it was as ugly as you can imagine. Yeah. All right. She told me she loves me, but I really hurt her and she needs some space because when I'm with her, she can't be mad at me. I'm not a scumbag and this is completely out of character for me to do. I just made a terrible mistake.

So he's basically saying, do you think the relationship stands a chance? I really hope it does, but I'm worried I ruined it. She seems to be getting through it better than I thought after our first reaction. What do you think? Yeah. No, it's, it's not going to happen. You fucked your sister. It's over.

That's it. You think so? Yeah. Because I mean, maybe, maybe there are some people who are more emotionally evolved than I am, but I couldn't get that. Like that's her sister. Like her sister's not going anywhere. And like, how's it going to be at like Thanksgiving and Christmas and like all that kind of stuff?

Like you're just going to avoid each other or just kind of like, it's weird. I mean, maybe the three of them can have a threesome. No. Just get it all right. Yes. That's exactly what I was thinking. You can't, you can't have a threesome with your sister. That's disgusting.

That's gross. I would never want to see my sister. He just stand there talking to each other and he's behind him. Yeah. Yeah. Hey, remember when we went to the water park? Oh no, stop. Unless the three of them sit down and both this guy and the sister are so repentant and so whatever,

but like you, you'd never be able to trust them. No. You'd never be like, oh yeah, can you guys run out and like, you know, get some extra sugar and more groceries? Try not to. Exactly. Exactly. So, and that's the thing.

She might be okay with him now, but in the end, she's going to choose her sister like that. No matter how her sister betrayed her, that's the sister. So you are disposable. You're just like the dude. That's her family. So if you think that you really have a chance. But I feel like you're done too.

Her and the sister. Yes. Her and the sister will probably get past it. Look, I have to say. But like a long, long, long ways from now and it will probably always still be there, but because their family, family betrays each other all the time. You know? That's the thing.

I think what she did was worse than what he did. The sister? Yeah. Oh, definitely. If we're going to like put them on who was the worst person in the situation, the sister, 100%. So here's what I learned. You never do that.

If you're with the woman, okay. Okay. You guys break up and blah, blah, blah. If her sister comes on to you, like you are effectively ending that relationship forever. Yeah. Yeah. The relationship with her and the relationship. You think he should have told her?

The thing about it is, is that he told her because he felt guilty. So it was to unburden his own conscious because it wasn't real because there's nothing in telling her that would make her feel better. And oh my God, thank you so much for being honest with me. That's the sister. So I don't know. I don't really know how to answer that. There's nothing commendable that he had such guilt that he had to tell her.

Not really because people are burdened with guilt all the time and they like, oh, I had just had to get it off my chest and it's like, great. Congratulations. It's off your chest. Now I feel shitty. So was that really for me or was that for you? Near Renee Hill coming here, bringing the love. Yeah.

I don't, I don't, I'm not with that whole like, well, at least he was honest with you. It's like, for what? For me? No. That was all for him to unburden himself. I never looked at it that way. Wow. Yeah.

Not that I don't think apologies are worthwhile or I don't, it's not like I don't think that you should apologize for something you did wrong, but I just feel like you really need to question. I was really hoping that's what you were saying. Yeah. You really need to question your motivations for confessing something of this level. You know what I mean? It's like, what are you really trying to do?

A lot of times people are just trying to unburden themselves. Well, that's what I was saying. The best thing now is he got it out there. So he doesn't have to worry about that grand piano coming crashing down into his life someday. Like I'm saying, well, they haven't like fucking Thanksgiving dinner. What I want to know is what is going on between the girl and the sister? Cause obviously that's no sister. That's no real.

I don't know. That's what I'm more interested in. Something else. Why that's fucked up is because now you know that the parents know, you know, you think she would have told the parents like, mom, Stephanie fucks my boyfriend. Yeah. And then they got to be like, oh my God, we raised a whore. And I don't think that she's a whore.

I'm not she's not a whore. I'm serious. People make mistakes, but that's really that's issues. No, no, that's, that's beyond that's a power thing. Yeah. It is a total power thing. It is. This was a younger sister.

And I wonder, like who knows, but that's what I'm more intrigued about now is like, what's going to happen with these sisters? You know, that's like, that's some deep shit right there. So I don't know. That's like a power thing on her thing saying like, you know, as much as you're into her, you still can't fucking resist me. What is it? Yeah.

Maybe so. Because who does that? Who goes after me? Let us into the female mind. I can't let you win on that. I'm not a female thing. That's like a dirty as hoe bitch, nasty person. I don't know what that's like.

I would never go after a relative's like significant other. So where do you draw the line? What do you mean? Co-worker. So you're not just so the people know because you really have strong opinions on this. So I want to know. So family, obviously. Yeah.

No, you don't do that. It's about the fee. Yeah. The person that is clearly in a relationship with somebody else and, you know, they've been together. You don't do that. I want to know where you draw the line. Co-worker.

Okay. You guys occasionally have lunch together. With the sister's co-worker? Yeah. And there's something the guy's got like, he does like the paisley tie with the suspenders. You know that. Oh, can't resist that. Yeah.

You guys always go nuts about that. No belt. No belt. Yeah. You don't have suspenders. You don't need a belt. But anyway, what if he has both suspenders and a belt and then you think like, I don't know what it is that you're trying to do.

Well, maybe why would you have both? Wouldn't that, wouldn't that like get that thing that female thing where like you'd feel safe? Like this guy's really going to have like, he's going to have an alarm system and a gun. Yeah. And a sword. And wear two condoms. Yeah.

I don't know. I don't know about that. Yeah. No. I mean, if they're not involved, if they're not like in a real relationship neighbors. Yeah. That's not a neighbor. Would you, would you bang a neighbor?

Would I bang like my sister's neighbor? No, not your sister's number. We're taking family out of it. Oh, okay. I'm saying where, where is the line where it's just like, well, whatever, bitch, you know, isn't that how you guys say you put the hand up, whatever, bitch. What are you talking about? I'm saying, cause you're saying like, that's family.

You can't fucking do that. I was just trying to find a comedic angle here. Oh, I see what you mean. I mean, neighbor, two streets over, your neighbor knew them, invited you over and you went over there. You know what? I have a real life example of this. The guy was, the guy was an architect.

Okay. All right. I got it. I have a real life example of this during, during my prom, I went, my senior prom. I went with somebody else. You're dirty. Yeah. Wait a minute.

I went with somebody who was just a friend. Okay. But my friend, yes, Bismarcky, he was just a friend. But my friend went to the prom with this guy that she had just met and they were set up by another friend. He went to a different school. So they didn't really like know each other, but that was, but the thing is they just met. They was set up by friends.

So I'm totally innocent. So we really, we really connected during prom and like, as you know, that was not what happened. As you know, my prom did not end that great. My parents like came and like took me from this house that I was in because I was dumb enough, wait to tell them the truth. I called my parents because I was supposed to spend the night at a girlfriend's house, but instead we're going to be hanging out at this boy's house. His older sister was there.

There was a whole bunch of us were hanging out. I was having such a great time that I called my parents and I said, Hey, just so you know, I'm staying here. My mom completely flipped out and she and my stepfather came and like extracted me from the home. So that's how my prom ended. Exactly. So it didn't end on any, it was a very traumatic, but great parents ultimately, they did the

right thing. But anyway, he, me and this guy ended up connecting and we ended up like dating afterward. So, you know, Oh, that's different. I thought you were saying like, you know, like we went in the bathroom, went to the front part of the limo and put the window up and no, no, no, no, but it wasn't her boyfriend. They had just met. I think she definitely felt some type of way about it, you know, only because he chose

you over her. Exactly. You guys didn't have any sort of like friendship, friendship. No, she and I were really good friends. Yeah. No, that's not good. Oh, that's a rough one. But it wasn't.

But a lot of rough ones here, a lot of rough ones. And we dated for a while. We dated up until, you know, like I went to college basically, and that was, that was the end of that. So it wasn't like this long term, you know, torrid affair. It wasn't like he was my first love or anything. He was just really cute and a football player and lights Bob Marley, you know, hey, what can I say?

Oh, I'm sorted, sorted, sorted details here. All right. Well, that's the podcast for this week. Cheesney came hard this week, came hard, you really fucking just put that guy. You just said, you know what? That's it. It's a fucking rap. And you know what?

I think you're right. I think you're right. I can say that. Yeah. As I said, in my PGS. Yeah. Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it is the Monday morning podcast for Monday, November 15th, 2010.

And I'm doing this one really, really, really fucking late. I had to fly back from Columbus this weekend, Columbus, Ohio. And before I start the podcast, I want to thank everyone who came out to my shows. I had six phenomenal shows out there. Every damn one of them sold out. People smiling and waving. And I was shaking hands and kissing babies after shows. Everything was great.

So I want to thank everyone who came out seriously, man. That was amazing. The sun, even the Sunday show sold out. So definitely, definitely going to be back, you know, because that's how I do it. If you show up to my shows, then I come back to your town, you know, the fuck you think I'm doing this shit for free people. Really the podcast is free. But even that is anything free.

There's a price to pay for everything. My girl is fucking pissed at me right now because my apartment was so goddamn quiet until I came home and she was praying to God that I'd already done the podcast. And she was asking me, did you, did you already do it? Did you do it? And I said, no, I have to do the podcast. And she was just like, God, she's just so nice and quiet. So what I'm going to do is I'm going to do a more subdued podcast this week.

I'm just fucking with you. I live to irritate people. All right. So I'm going to be doing it. All right. What the fuck am I talking about? I just got off the plane. All right.

Back from Columbus. What the fuck do I want to talk about? I don't fucking know. I'm starting to take pictures of people sleeping in airports, just some of the fucking faces. You know, especially on the planes, when people don't bring those neck braces, you know, those people like their fucking Sue happy people during the day and at night they fly in planes and they have those little neck braces when, when people don't have those, just watching people's heads bobbing all around, you know, that's a good time to be obese because you

got like that built in neck brace, big neck brace of fat, you know, you want to pillow all you do is just lean your head 45 degrees to the right or the left. You're all good. I bet they never have any neck pain, you know, but what do they do every fucking week on the biggest loser sitting there bitch moaning and complaining, oh, it's so fucking hard. Really? You have a body temperature pillow on all four sides of your neck. I know it's round, but in my world you still have sides.

So there you go. Fat people. I know. And I know I tease you a lot because you know what, I'm sick of you. You know, there's enough fucking groups out there that I got to watch what I say, that I got a tippy toe around, okay. I'm not taking, I'm not fucking adding another one. All right.

I've added up to here with the fucking tippy toe and God damn bastards lay off the fudge. Um, I first realized though, I thought of control when I went to fall asleep on the plane and I felt like I was laying on a cloud and I realized it was part of my neck. Jesus, how fucking cranky am I when I get off a goddamn plane? Um, anyways, I was a good boy out in Columbus as far as boozing goes. I did not booze as far as eating goes. I did all right. You know, you know, so fucking funnies, when you go to the goddamn Midwest and you try

to ask people, where can I get something healthy to eat? Like there's no such thing as healthy food in the Midwest. They don't even fucking understand it. You know, all they know how to do is to have some big blockheaded fucking blonde haired kid come out of that goddamn wife's fucking twat, right? They don't even raise them. They just send them out in a fucking cornfields and just, just have the kid, the kid grazes until he's fucking 16, right?

Then they sign him up for Pop Warner fucking football. They can't even find a helmet to fit his big fucking big 10 goddamn butcher block of a fucking head, right? And then what happens? Some piece of shit can't beat them. So what do they do? They fucking crack, one of the crack back block, whatever the fuck they take his fucking knees out, all right?

His dreams over. He's not going to block for Jim Plunkett. It's fucking over. So then what? He gets a job at a fucking hotel desk and there I come walking in, you know, the fucking pussy California boy now going, oh, excuse me, is there a place to get something healthy? And these fucking people, they're their eyes crossed. I said, that's all I say.

You know, I'm really craving a steak. Is there a place to get a steak? And I don't mean like an Applebee steak. You know what I mean? I'm talking cloth napkins. I'm talking, you know, somebody related to a Rockefeller sitting at the bar, sipping on some goddamn old booze talking to a broad 70 years younger than them. That's the kind of fucking place I want to go to, all right?

That's what I want to go to. You know, this fucking goddamn idiot said he sends me to some fucking barbecue shack. I'm walking towards it like, you know, I don't have a car, so I'm walking around the hotel and as I'm walking towards the complex, he told me to go to one of the first red flags I saw was a neon sign. All right, we got any steak eaters out there who listened to this fucking podcast. Yeah. Do you like a quality steak?

Do you like going to a quality place? Exactly. Now, have you ever seen a fucking neon sign? Neon signage. Is Peter Luger's have neon signage? I don't think so. Ah, Smith of Willinsky. No, it's always supposed to look stuffy.

It's supposed to look like there's politicians in there doing fucking dirty backdoor deals for fucking defense contracts. That's what it's supposed to look like. All right, fucking guys in suits. That's what it's supposed to look like and I come walking into this and you know, I don't have enough time before the show, so I just say fuck it and I go over there, right? And I walk into this barbecue joint and if you guys have listened to this podcast before, you realize I fucking hate barbecue.

I don't like it. It doesn't taste good. I think the sauce is just their way of covering up the fact that you're eating a very poor cut of meat, you know, eating the fucking cartilage out of a goddamn oxen or whatever the hell they do, the pig ear sandwich. Is it? Really? Did you get all the cartilage in there?

You fucking moron. No wonder you got to slather it with all that smoked hickory. Whatever the fuck. It's actually doesn't know what you cook it with, whatever, with all the barbecue sauce. So I go in there, you know, and I'm fucking grumbling like the goddamn fucking old man I am. So I open up the menu and I just, you know, something just pops out at me. It's just pulled pork.

They got some, uh, some broccoli and some beans and I say fuck it, you know, this cute girl comes over, right? Like the roundest tits I've seen in a long time was fucking the perfectly fucking round and they weren't fake. And I was just kept looking at him going, how are they so fucking round? And I was like, you know what? She probably has on one of those fucking hocus pocus bras. That's what it is.

She's probably got an A cup, possibly a B cup. And I don't know what the fuck they're doing that padded. But you know, still it was fun to look at. She had one of those bras that I think Doug Henning made and, um, master of illusion Doug Henning. Um, he's a magician, everybody, the big space in between his teeth, like that fucking guy used to play for the giants who's now on television who had a failed sitcom and I could never remember his fucking name.

Yeah, you ever have something like that? You just can't remember the fucking name at the same facial hair as Rosie Greer. The fuck is his name? One of the great defensive ends of all time. Broke the sack record. Remember that when fucking Brett Favre curled up into the fetal position because they were friends. The fuck is his name?

He plays for the goddamn giants. Ah, shit. I keep thinking Richard Seymour. I know that's the guy the Patriots shouldn't have traded. The fuck is his name? Begins with an S. There's an S in there somewhere. That guy could fucking, he could spit a walnut at you between his two front teeth, not even open in his goddamn mouth.

Um, anyway, so I go in there and I fucking order that shit. I'm just looking at this girl with their round tits, right? And she brings the stuff over and they got this little, you know, they got the Kansas City, which is a sweet, that's a sweet, sweeter one. And then you got Carolina's more vinegar base and then we got, we got the fucking Mexican one that's going to make your eyes water and your nose run. And then they had one other one, the pussy one, right? So I go with the Kansas City one and I got to tell you, it was one of the best fucking

meals I've had in a long time. It was, the pork was absolutely delicious. I loved it. The beans were phenomenal. The broccoli, of course, had been steaming since they opened the place because nobody in the Midwest eats vegetables. They're horrible people, man. They all got big heads and block colons, you know, that's why they play that smash mouth

football. They're not going to use a spread offense. They're all fucking clogged up. Just fucking around people. I'm just fucking around. I'm, I'm, I'm going on adrenaline here. All right. I'm going on adrenaline.

It's all I got. It's all I got this week. So actually I, that's the one time when I didn't eat well and we're going to talk about food this week. I'm fucking pan, pan, panorama, panorama, fucking Panera bread, whatever the fuck you call it. Went in there and I got a breakfast sandwich. Hi, sir.

I can help you down here, sir. Yes. Thank you, sir. Come down to this register, sir. Thank you, sir. Hi, sir. Can I help you, sir? One of those places where it's like, did somebody drug you?

You know, did Alec Baldwin of Panera bread come in and scream, fuck you at you? You know, the whole Glenn, Gary, Glenn Ross, and now you're out here with, you know, just trying to be all fucking happy. Stop being, you're not that happy. So anyway, sir, can I help you, sir? Sir, I can help you down here. I can help the next person down here, sir. Can you come down here, sir?

So I go down there. I go, let me get a, let me get a breakfast sandwich. Okay. We have our choice between egg and cheese, egg, cheese and sausage or egg, cheese and bacon. I go, let me get the egg and cheese. What kind of bread? What kind of bread do you got?

What do you got? The hickory smoke. We got the salmon flat. Fuck it. There's no reason to curse, right? So I get the wheat and they just microwaved this shit. I don't know. It was one of the most, it was almost like a joke sandwich, like a prop sandwich, like

the kind of thing that would be sitting on a plate in the background and that old show. What was it? Peewee's Playhouse, Peewee's Funhouse, Peewee's, let's give some kids some acid and invite a pedophile over. Whatever the fuck his show was called. I don't know. See, adrenaline doesn't always work. That was a shit sandwich and the story was even shittier.

But anyways, this is the fucking podcast for this week. I need help from you guys, all right? I went out and I bought some RAM for my computer. My whole do it yourself kick, all right? I know I could have gone down to the Apple store and had one of those fucking nerds. The goddamn body odor walking around with the nerve to have genius written on their shirt with their buddy Holly glasses and that type of shit. And I'm like, how fucking hard can it be to put RAM in a computer?

That sounds pretty intimidating, doesn't it? But you know what? I went on YouTube and evidently it's pretty fucking easy. Take a goddamn nickel out of your pocket, right? You unscrew the fucking battery. For some reason, you turn right to loosen it. You know, lefty, loosey, righty, tidy, you have to go right. Pop out the fucking battery and there's like two screws.

You remove a band and then there's two switches and the things pop out like toast. You take out the old one, you put in the higher one, you slam that fucker back in, you just do the reverse process and you're done. But this is the problem. You need special screwdrivers, all right? You need precision screwdrivers and I went down to fucking Home Depot and they don't have any small enough. So now that I've insulted all the tech nerds out there, where the fuck can I get these

screwdrivers? I have a Mac OS X or is that 10? I have no idea. Version 10.5.8. I need some precision screwdrivers to unscrew fucking three, four bolts. You know? I feel like I'm gonna put a fucking hammy in my laptop. It's a joke.

You guys should go on YouTube. Go on YouTube and check or go on the MMPodcast because we'll have this video.com, MMPodcast.com. We'll have that video up there. Just look up YouTube videos, how to add RAM to your Mac and this guy will show you how to do the whole fucking thing. It's a joke. All right? This is my new kick.

I'm sick of these fucking guys with their dickies come walking into my apartment, charging me all this goddamn money and not one of them seems like they're any smarter than I am. So basically, they just have information, information who are the new number two, who is number one, you are number six. I am not a number. I am a free man. Um, sorry, Iron Maiden flashback.

Um, yeah, I'm sick of these guys coming in here, charging me all this fucking money. I want to learn how to do shit myself. I'm still trying to get the balls up to replace the trim on my doors. I've gotten to the point where I've watched enough YouTube videos where I definitely know how to get the shit off. Like most weekend warriors, oh, I can start the fucking job of bringing it on home. You know, it's going to be hilarious and or great for my act is when I actually try to do this shit and fail.

And then I have to call another guy over to finish it because I wasn't man enough to figure it out myself. And it'll be emasculating, but you know what? I'll learn. I'll stay. I don't give a fuck. I don't have any goddamn pride at this point. I'll, I'll stand right there and figure out, look over his shoulder.

I'll be that annoying guy, huh? All you blue collar guys out there who fix shit. I did that for a minute. I used to finish basements, you know, and the fucking worst job you could ever do is you go into somebody's fucking house, you go in to finish their basement and the fucking cunt would be sitting down there in the basement watching you do the entire project. So anytime you made a bad cut, anytime, you know, all, you know, all the bullshit that's behind the walls.

There's a lot of knee and elbow work and they're sitting there freaking out. What is that? Is that going to be a problem? Like when you go to put the fucking insulation in, you know, whatever, I can't remember the fucking measurements. I was, I was a grunt. I just handed the dude the shit and I remember that like the fucking insulation would go like 80% up the wall and then you just reach over and break off some more insulation and

stuff it in there and the fucking goddamn broads would get so pissed. Well, what about that little space in between? It's not going to matter. Why are you here? Do you think we're going to steal your fucking laundry? Get out of here. The fuck out of here. That was a big thing.

You know what's funny is you just sit there and the fucking shit that would go on between me and the other person I was finishing the basement with, you know, when we realized the person wasn't leaving, the dude would just be like, yeah, hand me the nail gun and you know, you do that shit where, where like the douche is behind you, right? It's basically, he's talking to me. I can see his face and over his shoulder, I see the person who owns the fucking house and he turned to me and he'd be like, hand me that nail gun and you know, his eyes would be wide and his eyebrows would be down.

You know, that look like fuck. Oh shit. Um, so anyways, that's probably what's going to end up happening to me. So this is the Monday morning podcast of the subdued version of the Monday morning podcast for November 15th. And guess what's it? Guess what? Everybody.

So I stutter through this fucking thing. It is November 15th and old Billy boy here has got 30 days and no boozing. No booze. Drop a fucking booze. How do you like that for fucking willpower? It's not that impressive. Is it? Well, fucking means a lot to me.

I was actually on the plane reading Rolling Stone, Eminem is on the cover and he was talking about two and a half years of being sober and I was thinking that's pretty fucking amazing considering the most I've been able to go is 75 days. You know, I granted, I don't feel like I have an addictive personality. I just don't want to have a huge fat head. Although I could use the side of my neck for a pillow when I get on the goddamn plane. So anyways, this is the podcast for this week. Last week I actually began a new segment here on the podcast inadvertently when I, when

I brought up that movie over the edge and when those kids riot in the school and they locked the police and the parents and the teachers because they were having that meeting in the cafeteria. They lock them in the fucking cafeteria and then they start vandalizing the school. The cop runs up and he's tugging on the fucking chain link fence or whatever the fuck they put up and he can't get out and this chick, big chick, like six foot two comes running by with this giant globe. She runs by the camera and then comes running back, looks at the cop and goes, eat it you

stinky pig. What are the most fucking horrific lines I've ever seen in a fucking movie and that ended up inadvertently creating a new segment, best lines in awful movies. And I got one for you. It is called shark attack. I can't tell you what the line is. You have to watch somebody sent this in. I should say it's a shark attack three.

We're going to have all of these, all of the ship. Shit. Sorry. Up on, I'm actually apologizing because I didn't curse. Sorry. I said ship instead of shit. We're going to have all these videos up on the MMPodcast.com. All right.

But for some reason, if you want to look it up yourself, if you're control freak, I understand that. Go ahead. Make your life harder. I don't give a fuck. Go on YouTube and look up shark attack three famous line. And I challenge you to be silent after you fucking hear what this guy says. I think I just said what it's just, it's the most one of the most fucked up lines I've

ever heard in a movie and you know what, that, that's the challenge. Give me a line worse than this fucking line in shark attack three famous line. And also I was kind of surfing, you know, I started surfing bad movies because I got into that part on YouTube and a definitely must rent, a definite rental for me. I'm taking a month off here coming up around Christmas is a silent night, deadly night, part five. I have to watch that fucking movie is another great one. Just go on YouTube and fucking just look at the movie.

Just look at the trailer for that fucking movie. You know, somebody asked me the other days, like, you know, as an actor, when you're in a bad movie, do you think you realize it? You know, and I think on a movie like that, you do. But the scary thing is, is I think on anything else you don't because you're so at the fucking mercy of the music, of the edits and all that type of shit. You just pray to God you got somebody good. That's what I learned in date night when I delivered eight fucking lines.

Listen to me talking like I'm in an inside the actors fucking studio. I had eight lines more than a goddamn extra and here I am talking like I'm a fucking professional. Why do I have the hiccups? Um, so anyways, there you go people. There's 21 minutes where I didn't talk about sports. All right, so be prepared to roll your fucking eyes. All right, let's talk NFL football real quick here. I went one in three this week betting against the spread.

I got my fucking ass handed the fucking ass handed to me. I knew the second yet, you know, gamblers out there, you know, like those certain weeks where you just, you just can't see a winner. Some weeks you get excited. You're like, oh fuck, this is easy, man. They'll definitely cover. They're definitely covered course half of them don't. But I'm not even talking about whether you win or you lose, but you have that excitement

like, yeah, I can fucking see it, right? You know, you're like the black dude who's constantly shaving his head in predator. I see you over there in them trees, right? You're looking at it like that. This week I was more like Tom Cruise and Top Gun. You know, when he loses his edge and he's going, yeah, it's, it's no good. It's no good. You know, turn the fucking plane around you fucking fag.

What are you doing? All right. He's just, ah, it's no good. It's not good. I can't, I can't see anything. That, that's how I was this week. I just, you know, I looked at the bills and lines and I just didn't like it. I did that fucking game.

You know, those two goddamn Jekyll and Hyde teams, who the fuck is going to show up? You know, so I stayed away from that one. I looked at fucking Miami and the Ravens and something was telling me Chad Pennington, Chad Pennington, but I was like against Ray Lewis and fucking Ralph Nader, whatever the fuck the name of this quarterback is, if for some reason I can't remember Eddie Falco, Eddie Falco, what the fuck is his name, Flacco, Joe Flacco. Um, so I said, my gut told me Miami, but I didn't have the balls. I didn't have the balls to pull the trigger.

So I said, fuck that one, all right. So I bet Tampa Bay because they've been working for me and they covered and then I just picked two games. Well, I just couldn't, I couldn't see a fucking winner. I bet that, uh, the Houston Texans against Jacksonville, I was getting a point and a half. I said, uh, goddamn Jekyll and Hyde, Jacksonville, who's going to show up? Texans have been consistent.

Fuck it. They beat the Colts. I'm going with the Texans. All right. Lose that goddamn fucking bet on that Hail Mary pass. All right. But that happens. And then I looked at the Arizona Seattle game and I picked Arizona and I said, no, wait

Seattle, Seattle. I said, yeah, Pete Carroll is not a fucking NFL coach and I picked Arizona as I was saying, no, not Seattle. So I fucking lose that one. And this was the worst one. Pittsburgh plays my fucking New England Patriots and I was so goddamn fucking depressed after that Brown's loss. The Steelers are at home and they're only given fucking four and a half.

They got that great defense. They got Ben Rothless burger, Joe fucking cool, one, two Super Bowls that held a lot of water with me. So I said, fuck it. I'm taking the goddamn Steelers. I bet against my own fucking team and I lost that one. I was doing my Sunday night show at the funny bone in Columbus and I get off stage and I'm going, it's going to be like 17 three or 17 to nine or something Pittsburgh and I get

off stage and it's fucking 10 to nothing Patriots. And I was like, you got to be shitting me, right? You know, that sinking feeling you're like, you got to be kidding me really, really? I lost faith in my own fucking team. I'm not going to be able to enjoy this. Actually I still did enjoy it. It's kind of a win-win for me. Either the Patriots get their fucking asses kicked, right?

But it helps my gambling record or they go out and win. But the thing is, is I didn't bet on the Patriots so I can't brag this week. I can't even bring up the fact that we fucking own the Pittsburgh Steelers. We are seven and two against those motherfuckers. The last nine games, the six time world champion, that the fucking Yankees of the NFL, the Boston Celtics of the NFL, the Montreal Canadians, the ones with the most fucking titles. We have seven and two and for the life of me, I can't figure out why. Remember a month ago when all the Jet fans had their stupid green chest hairs standing

at attention and I was saying that Rothesburg hadn't come back yet and that's the team that's going to kick the shit out of you? Or until you beat that fucking team, that's the team that I believed in. I don't know what the fuck happened. I don't know. So anyways, being in Columbus, I actually got to watch the Browns and the Jets game. You know what? I don't fucking, the Browns, like Cleveland fans, I don't know what the fuck you guys

did to the sports gods. That's another one of those fucking towns. It's just like they just can't lose a game. They have to fuck it up, you know? By the way, can I get any credit on this podcast for that stat that I created? Remember I told you, I said Mark fucking Sanchez leads the league and dropped interceptions and even fantasy football nerds want to start keeping track of that. I've never seen anything like it.

It's like he's got a little remote control in the football that when defenders catch it with both hands, I don't know what he does, like he's got, like he turns it into a knuckleball. That fucking piece of shit, now I'm joking, he's actually a good quarterback. That fucking guy, he threw a pick, he throws a pick. I could have caught the ball. It hit this dude in both fucking hands. But because Sanchez throws it, the dude just goes woley. He took it like it was a hot potato.

Just sort of threw it past himself and then he's like, whoa, no, wait, I think I want to catch it now. And at that point, the wide receiver wisely slapped it to the fucking ground. You know, I don't know, in defense of the Jets, I mean they did miss three fucking field goals, so they should have won it in regulation. But Jesus Christ, they opened the fucking door. That's what's scaring me about the Jets is they fucking lose games and they still win. They got luck, be a lady, two night.

They got that on their side. And you know what, Chet fans? Because I know you have no idea what it's like to win a championship, all right? That's what you need. When you start seeing shit like that, that's the kind of shit that should get you excited and scares the shit out of me. Because if you motherfuckers are actually going to be a halfway decent team and the people are going to drop interceptions, I mean, how do you stop that?

Even when they're trying to lose a fucking game, they're still winning games. But Chet fans, you got to admit, how fucking insane is that running back? I told you that guy, I keep forgetting his name, the guy with the Dodge Ram grill on the front of his fucking helmet. Who the fuck was talking about his arms? Was saying that's why he fumbled the ball. Oh, that motherfucker. They were right in field goal.

Just step out of bounds, protect the fucking ball, whatever. Here's my prediction. I think Cleveland very quickly is going to get over LeBron leaving and they're going to become a football town once again. And I am all for it because I fucking loved the Cleveland Browns in the 80s. I loved those teams. Brian Sype, Bernie Kosar, that fucking orange helmet used to play in municipal stadium and it was always like fucking minus 60 degrees.

Those games were the shit. Those games were the fucking shit. Cardiac kids, right? I don't know. You know what? I actually get excited when a team that's been bad for a long time but actually used to have a winning tradition, like the Browns were the shit in the 50s right through the 60s.

You know, that's something I should have looked up. I should have looked up how many NFL titles that they won. Isn't that fucked up that they don't count those? You know what I mean? Like how the Pittsburgh Steelers are at top of the league with a measly six championships. It's not a measly because they've won it in the last 40-something years but like six championships is all it takes for you to get to the top of the league, you know? It's fucking 27 in baseball, 17 in basketball.

I always forget what the Canadians got. The Canadians got like fucking, they got at least 22. Something like that. Jesus Christ, some fucking French douche is going to correct me on that one. All in capital letters, squiggly lines over different vowels. Yeah, I don't, why don't they, anybody know why? Why don't they count those titles? You know?

Why don't they count like, I mean, wouldn't it be nice if Eagle fans could actually have like 1960 or whatever the fuck they had, at least some sort of championship banner hanging on top of the fucking blimpy subway sandwich dot com stadium, whatever the fuck they play. Why don't they, why don't they count those? Does anybody know? Is this even fucking remotely interesting? Let's get to the obscure sports stat of the week. Somebody sent this shit in.

You know, last week I started this topic by saying how the last time sports teams in St. Louis lost the World Series, lost the Stanley Cup final, lost the Super Bowl and an NBA title way back when they had the St. Louis Hawks before they moved to Atlanta. The last four times they've lost in the finals. Last times they've lost in the finals in all four sports is what I'm trying to say. We're all from teams, all at the hands of teams from Boston. There's your obscure stat from last week, and this is the one from this week, all right? This is the most fucked up thing I've seen in a while, evidently back in 1973, all right?

The glam rock was going on, right? Let's give you a little historical perspective. I think this is right during Watergate. When did Nixon get bounced out, like 74? That's right, because he won in 72, and then the fallout was in 73, and then he was gone. What else happened? We got out of Vietnam. This is a year before we got out of Vietnam, and I don't know, chicks are pretty hot back

then. You know, that whole Mary Tyler Moore look, and I was never into Mary Tyler Moore. She looked better on that show with that skinny drunk who used to fall over the Ottoman. Dick Van Dyke was the other ones, the ones that did the guest stars, and they had the fucking miniskirts, you know, barely hanging over those fucking hairy muffs. Anyways, there's your historical perspective. Two Yankee pitchers in 1973, I never heard of this, traded their wives and kids. They just switched off, families.

This is the story, according to the Daily News, 1973, Fort Lauderdale, Florida, March 5th. Yankee pitcher, they go on by their last names here, because I guess people know who the fuck they were. Keckich, K-E-K-I-C-H, and Maryland disclosed today that they had exchanged families several months ago. Peterson moving in with Susan Keckrich, and her two daughters, and Keckrich moving in with Marilyn Peterson, and her two sons.

The pitchers in separate talks said they decided to reveal the arrangement because too many people knew about it. Evidently, everybody in baseball, I mean, you can't really keep a story like that quiet. I guess all around the fucking spring training, everybody was talking about the shit, so they finally just went public with it. So they thought it was time to clear the air, and the 31-year-old Peterson confided that they hoped that you won't make anything sorted out of this. According to Keckich, I'm sure I'm saying that wrong, unless people know the full details

it could turn out to be a nasty type thing. Don't say this was wife swapping because it wasn't. We didn't swap wives, we swapped lives. Ah, Jesus Christ. Look at this guy fucking sprinkling a bunch of sugar over it. I guess technically he is right. Dude, how fucked up are their children? Keckich, your dad just taps out, yeah, I'm out of here.

I don't want to be with your mom anymore, and you know my best buddy who's always over here drinking beers? Yeah, he's going to be your dad now. He's going to be banging your mom. When you hear that moaning, just know that's not me doing that work, all right kids? And I'm out of here. And I'm going to go fuck his wife and go raise his children, okay? How does that sit with you?

Jesus Christ, you want to talk about, if they had daughters, you want to talk about the easiest chicks to lose your fucking virginity to, then there you go right there. There they are. Line them up fellas. All right, New Jersey where the four have resided for four years requires simply that the parties prove separation for a year in order to file for divorce. It's a no fault rule, meaning no grounds are required. You know what's amazing about this fucking story is how like that you could actually

keep something like this quiet for a couple of months, because if you ever try to do any bullshit like this today, I mean, Jesus Christ, three different 24 hours sports networks and ESPN alone, the versus network, I mean, then you got TMZ would jump, that would just TMZ late night talk shows, they got like 58 of them now. Oh my God, it would be over. Manager Ralph Hauke said it was a situation that he could live with, that it would not rip apart his team, and that it still had its best chance of winning a pennant since 1964.

I always liked Ralph Hauke, fucking kept it positive. Just for the record, they went 80 and 82, two games up under 500. Jesus fucking Christ, Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you top that obscure stat? Does anybody notice that I've been stuttering more and more as this fucking podcast goes along? The sun is gradually going down, I got 36 stuttering fucking minutes in here. Hang on a second, I got to turn the light on so I can read here.

Hold on. Just stay there. Don't freak out. I'm coming back. I'm not leaving you for somebody else's wife and family across the street. Not a fuck. That was like the fallout of the free love, man. Society's rules, man.

What does it mean? You know what's funny is they really, I saw a great documentary on hippies. It was literally called Hippies, and it was awesome because one of the former hippie dudes was really honest where he just said he didn't like what was going on and he rebelled against it, which I totally fucking related to. But he talked about living in those communes, you know, where they were going to start their own fucking churches and their own education and everything and everybody shared everything. And he came to the same conclusion that we all come to is that basically other people

are fucking irritating and you want to get away from them. And that's basically what happened at the commune, at least for this guy. Like he was hanging out and have free love and all this type of shit. And after a while, you're just like, oh my God, I got to get, I got to get the fuck away from these people, you know? So you really got to hand it to the Native Americans, how they were able to live like that and somehow, you know why that is, of course, is because they didn't realize they didn't understand the concept of having an apartment, much less a fucking door.

Um, all right, that was pretty ignorant. That's plow ahead. Oh, by the way, I've really pissed off a lot of potheds evidently on my podcast. They think that I am against smoking weed and then I'm trashing that whole fucking lifestyle. Why don't you guys go take another hit off your fucking blunt and fucking relax. All right. Just because I trash that guy who was a pot smoker, I wasn't saying that weed was a bad

thing. All right. At this point with those vaporizers that they have, it's probably fucking 10 times healthier than sitting around drinking a six pack. I don't have a fucking problem. I wasn't talking about smoking weed. I was, I was, I was making fun of a loser. I was telling that woman that she was dating a fucking loser.

All right. As a man, your job is to go out and fucking provide, you know, and when somebody breaks into your house, not to shit yourself and to grab the nearest blunt object and fucking go brave heart on them. That's what you're supposed to do. You know, me, I would shit myself, lock myself in the bathroom and call 911 of course, but I can provide God damn it. It's what I got to fit fucking pit bull for.

Um, speaking of that, I watched no country for old men again, man. What a fucking awesome movie that is. That is just a absolutely phenomenal fucking movie. It actually made me sad that we were in final descent. That's how good that goddamn movie is. Um, but anyway, so I'll just know that pot heads. I'm not making fun. You know, if I make fun of some guy who's a booze bag, booze bag, fucking losers sitting

around drinking beer all day on the couch. That doesn't mean that I don't think that anybody should drink. All right. So fucking relax. Jesus Christ. I thought you got mellow when you smoke weed. Um, anyways, let's plow ahead. Hey, pot heads, can you guys basically just admit that you want weed to be free just

so you can just sit around smoking it and not have to worry about anybody hassling you. You know, to use a classic hippie word. Why can't you just admit that and stop telling me about, you know, how the fucking Declaration of Independence was written on hemp and all, all these, you know, I mean, Jesus Christ, you can make a potted plant out of a 40 and empty 40 ounce. I'm not going to sit there and act like I don't wish that I want to drink in public. Right. Dude, my brain shut down seven minutes ago.

I don't even know what the fuck I'm talking about. I need to start reading again, overrated, underrated for this week. Um, all right, this guy said underrated banana pancake. Damn, I made a simple pancake with bananas in it and I had some, uh, some great real maple syrup from New Zealand and it was fucking amazing. I couldn't believe how great it tasted. I never was a pancake guy and when I used to go to, I was never a pancake guy when I used to go to diners back in Jersey.

It was delicious, but overrated two banana pancakes. All right. I got greedy. I thought the first one was so good I went back and made a second one. Man was I wrong. I ate it and felt like a gluttonous pig. I should have known, but I at least temporarily, temporarily forgot happiness comes in spurts and too much of anything can be bad.

I hate to relate life to a couple of pancakes, but it's true. I overdid it and ruin the great single pancake experience. I ate one and it was great. I ate a second and I felt like shit. Yeah, there you go, dude, dude, batter pancake batter is, uh, edible cement. That's what it is. All right. I told those stories before for all you struggling comedians out there, you don't want to blow

a bunch of cash on food, go down to Denny's or an I hop and about 9 30 in the morning, get the fucking full stack of pancakes and force. I don't even know if they make them anymore with all this talking about nutrition. I don't even think back in the day, they give you five and you just, I just like man versus food. I just shoved that. She'd be sweating by the time he got to the third one, all that syrup and all that butter and then you'd suck down your water and the OJ and I swear to God, you weren't hungry again

until like 10 o'clock at night. So you got to skip at least one fucking meal. You know, just a tip, just a tip for you. Let's wind this podcast down. Let's go short and sweet this week. Shall we, uh, YouTube videos for this week, uh, I'm going to tell you right now, and I think these are arguably the best fucking YouTube videos, the best cluster of YouTube videos that, um, that you guys have suggested since I've been doing this topic because you

guys about are now actually going outside the realm of YouTube and finding some really obscure shit. So for all of you there listening at home, just go to the MM podcast.com and, uh, we'll have all of these lined up for you to watch. All right. Here we go. First, uh, YouTube video and this one right here is an instant fucking classic. I absolutely love this guy.

Uh, this YouTube video is called man is tased mox cops and still gets away. I want you guys to watch this cause not only is it fucking hilarious, but this guy really shows why it's so important to know what your rights are as a citizen. I'm not saying the cops aren't still going to kick the shit out of you, but just to watch this guy, he's actually stumping the cops on a certain level because they can't answer his questions. They got a pinned on the ground and they still going, sir, you're underneath arrest. You realize you're, you're aware that you're under arrest and he goes, no, he goes, what's

the charge? What is the charge? And they just kept going, sir, you're aware that you're under arrest. He's like, I don't speak the language. I'm not in your kingdom. I'm not a subject of your kingdom. Right. And for the first minute in 20 seconds, this guy's fucking hilarious.

Then he gets all religious. Oh, Jesus. And then it gets, then he looks like a freak. And then he just starts singing this fucking song and they're trying to handcuff him and he is doing the most simple fucking move with his elbow. Really look to see it. The cop keeps going over the wrist, go under the wrist, over the wrist, under the wrist, and he just keeps moving his fucking elbow.

It's literally a two inch move. He's moving it up two inches and down two inches and this fucking cop cannot get the goddamn handcuffs on him. And the whole time he's doing this, he's singing this fucking song. He's like a poet or something like that. Then they tase him and as they're tasing him, he's standing up and he's, he's presenting his case cause his wife is filming it. As he's getting tased, he's standing up going, I'm defending myself.

I am defending myself from this unjust tasing. And then he runs away. It's one of the greatest YouTube fucking videos ever. This guy is, is my fucking hero. I love him. All right. And let's stick with the arrest theme this week. Another one is a funny arrest and this is black dude getting arrested for drinking and

driving and this guy is absolutely fucking hilarious. He is adamant that he was not, he goes, I haven't been drinking, but I wasn't driving. I said I was drinking. I wasn't driving. You got to see this guy. I'm sick of this motherfucking, I don't take no motherfucking tests. And as he was yelling, the lady would be like, sir, and he just go, yo, why am I trying to reenact these?

These are all fucking hilarious and be fair and balanced. We got a drunk black guy. Now we got a drunk fucking white dude, a drunk redneck arrest and this guy isn't drunk. I guess he is drunk, but he's fucking, he's one of the angriest. He says the meanest shit ever. The cops are going to arrest him. I'll just give you a little quick little YouTube trailers. They go to arrest the guy.

They already got him fucking handcuffed and the cops going, listen, now come on, man, we don't want to have, we don't want to have to hurt you. The guy's like, I know, I don't want to have to hurt you either. Break your fucking neck. Oh, fuck it. I can't make him funny. Just go watch him. Oh, silent night, deadly night, part five.

Watch that movie trailer. For those who have a week of stomach, do not watch this reporter shit herself during interview. She has on white pants too, just to warn you. And what is the last one? Oh, the last one for all the drummers out there, I had a bunch of musicians, specifically drummers, send me all these, all these emails this week. I had no idea the amount of musicians and the amount of drummers in particular who listen to my podcast.

You gotta check out Stuart Copeland, Danny, Carrie, all these fucking people actually read something in Rolling Stone about Phil Collins today. And for as much shit music as he made in the 80s, like that guy is a fucking, a fucking beast of a drummer, left-handed drummer still plays those concert toms with the no bottom, no bottom heads. This guy, I'm telling, there's not enough, if anybody's got a great YouTube video that just has him just playing. I don't want to hear him soloing with Chester Thompson, who was another great drummer.

I just want to hear him by himself. That guy is a fucking beast. And the sad thing is he stepped out behind the kit and it was good in the beginning and then the end it was just, you can't hurry love, suit, suit, suitio. Just some of the worst fucking music ever made. Um, and they're actually, actually check out Rolling Stone, he has this whole article with it. He's talking about how, you know, he became the anti-Christ and he's actually confused

as to why that happened. So I kind of felt bad for him as an artist, but it's like, you know, look back on that music, Phil. Do you really think that fucking holds up? She seems to have an invisible touch up. Oh, oh, Jesus. Terrible music. Um, anyways, so checked, so somebody, everybody was sending me these videos of drummers telling

me all this shit that I should check out. And, uh, this was the, this was the drum video that really stood out for me. Um, two things, one, this is a video I already knew about. If you guys are into like drum and bass music, or if you're drummers out there and you wonder where that fucking music came from, this is video that explains, says video, uh, video explains the world's most underrated, most important six second drum loop. And it's, um, it's basically this, this song from a sort of obscure, I guess R and B group called the Winston's and, uh, they had this song called Amen Brother, which was actually

a B side and it had like this, uh, I don't know what it was. It was like, I don't know musically how to say it was like a fucking two bar drum break that these, uh, I don't know if people used to wrap over it or what, they explained the whole fucking thing and basically how DJs took that two bar drum break and isolated every sound of, of, of the recording, every like, I don't know how to musically, like if you could cut it down to like 30 second notes, they just isolated everything, the sound of the ride, cymbal, the sound of the bass drum, everything and the sound of all of it together and just splice the whole fucking thing up and then re-edit it in different,

in a different order and then sped the whole fucking thing up, created all these new drum beats and sped the whole fucking thing up past the point where human beings could actually play drums at that point and, but what's great about fucking human beings is I like to believe is that we're better than fucking machines. So the great drummers of the world figured out how to fucking play that fast. That's a whole nother thing. Guys like Jojo Mayer actually threw fucking these different techniques to playing molar method, push pole and all that.

They figured out how to fucking play at that level, but this video explains basically how all that drum and bass shit kind of came about and, uh, check out Jojo Mayer, it's another drum video we'll have up on the MM podcast. If you're interested in that shit, how, how fucking fast this guy can play and single bass drum players, I got to show you this fucking video. This guy can get three and four bass drum hits in a row, like, like doing like that heel-toe shit. It's fucking unbelievable.

It's fucking unbelievable how this guy can do that. Um, anyways, I know I'm boring a lot of this. This is even more fucking obscure than sports. But anyways, all the drum videos you guys sent me, a lot of them I knew. And one, this is the one that I was the least familiar with because I figure everybody knows Danny Carey and, uh, Tool and all those major bands, but, uh, this is band called Russian Circles, which I had never heard of. Um, and they have a drummer called Harper Lewis and there's a, there's a YouTube video

called Russian, Russian Circles Harper Lewis, uh, live at Wicker Park Fest 07 and it just starts off with, you know, he just, this fucking guy, if I could play drums at this guy's level, this dude's basically, you know, as much as you want to be the guy hitting fucking eight million drums and smashing a gong that's on fire, when it really comes down to it, you want to be able to fucking be this goddamn badass and still be playing for the song. It's like, it's kind of like that David growth thing. He's another big, the drumming that David Grohl did on, uh, Queens of the Stone Age.

It's like, it kind of reminds me of that. It's like, he just, uh, it's fucking unreal, the whole, it's all there. It's all fucking there, the dynamics, the building, the excitement playing, you know, not getting in the way of anybody else he's playing with, he's, he's the fucking shit. Um, and I got to download some of their shit. So if anybody knows what their best album is, Russian Circles, please let me know and I'm downloading that shit this week because, uh, I'm fucking the drummer alone. I got, I got to listen to more of their stuff.

All right. I know I'm babbling on here. I will end with this this week. All right. Uh, a little bit of advice here, listen to this fucking situation. This guy got himself into, um, all right, Bill, my girlfriend is 10 years older than me. Oh, Jesus.

Oh, Jesus. And has been married and divorced twice. Dude, what the fuck? I'm 26. Jesus Christ. College graduate. Has any of this made any sense to any of you? Would anybody else be out there at 26 college fucking graduate, have a girlfriend 10 years

older than you with two kids who's been married and divorced twice? Good God, man. He goes, I consider myself somewhat intelligent. I'm sure you are, but not in this area. Um, by that, I mean you should have no problem understanding this email. Well, yeah, I know. Everybody trashes me. I know.

I know. I'm the worst when it comes to reading this shit. So anyways, here we go. He says four weeks ago, I found text messages to some dude on my girlfriend's phone that although innocent enough, made it clear that whoever she was texting was on more familiar grounds than just some work colleague or a friend. Jesus Christ, dude, is there going to be a happy ending here? I confronted her about it and it predictably led to a lot of finger pointing.

We went back and forth and, uh, for a few days and aired out our grievances, but it seemed agreeable. Now he makes, I guess point number two to two more weeks passed by and lo and behold, I find more text messages from the same fucking guy. At first I tell myself, okay, maybe she can't break things off with this dude so quickly. Jesus Christ, dude, you know, sometimes liberal thought is a, is a great thing. Like let's have a fair fucking trial for somebody before we hang them from the nearest tree. But then this time it's fucking stupid.

This is just liberal thought to the, I mean, how much of a benefit of the doubt can you give somebody, you know? So he goes, so I confront her about it and this leads to another round of finger pointing at which point she tells me to pack my shit and leave. Well, dude, I'm going to tell you right now before I read the rest of it, that's fucking great. You didn't have to do any dirty work. You're out.

You're fucking out. So anyways, he goes, we're separated for a week when she asked me to come back and move in. Dude, this chick is a fucking psycho. Here we go. We talk about our future together. How sorry she is to have done that to me, et cetera, et cetera. For fuck's sakes.

We're even talking about getting married when things finally fucking evened out. I was full of piss and vinegar and felt vindicated, vindicated that I was the one wronged in the whole situation and that she was actually making good by taking responsibility for what she had done. Dude, taking responsibility would have been fucking after, dude, the second you see those weird texts, just get, I'm telling you right now, just get out of the relationship. There isn't, oh, sorry. Sorry about that.

No, that's it. It's over. It's fucking over. But whatever, you're 26. I guess you still haven't learned. I was dumb in my 20s, so here we go. Let's read the rest of this. She was well and good until she didn't come home this Thursday night, November 11th.

She came in Friday morning with no explanation, no apology, no nothing. She asked me to give her some more time, but I decided to cut bait and just get the fuck out of the situation. Hang on a second, everybody. Sorry, had to give him a little applause break there. Of course. Now I'm racked with guilt of leaving the woman I loved and lived with for the past five fucking years.

You got with her when you were 21, dude. She was 31. Wait, let's do the math. She was 31. You were 21. She was already married twice. All right. This chick's a psycho and you know what that means?

She's fucking great in bed. You were 21. She fucking devastated you with fucking her pussy, right? Best blow job you ever had. Isn't that what happened? And next thing you know, you were too fucking, too young and dumb and you fell for her. Jesus Christ. He stayed there for five fucking years.

So anyway, I guess this chick's still calling him, telling him she still wants to get back together. I feel like every time I sack up and do what I think is best for me, she wants me back. And every time when I do what's best for us as a couple, she uses that as an opportunity to fuck with me all over again. Yes. Yes. You're absolutely right.

Listen to your gut. See, he knows the fucking answers. He's listening to his gut. Good fucking man. Is it just that chicks can't handle a guy that is emotionally invested or do I just happen to be dealing with one of those sociopaths that doesn't give a fuck? What she does so long as it suits her in the moment? Yes.

There's plenty of fucking good women. Oh, there's not plenty of good women. There's good women out there, all right? Looks like a good man's hard to find. Finding a good woman is also difficult, all right? But no, you happen to be dealing with an absolute fucking sociopath, all right? She had a fucked up childhood. Something happened to her.

She either got touched or fucking dad took off, I don't know, or she just got the fucking... She got one of those bad brains. You know? I'm going to tell you guys my theory on that. The A brain, the B brain, and the C brain. The A brain is the genius. The B brain is the, uh, dude, he's a good fucking shit, you know? Get C!

And then the C brain is you're a fucking mouth-breathing moron, all right? And when it comes to being a sociopath, that's like just, uh, that's just like getting an option on the car. All brains come with that option. It's all available. Like satellite radio. You know, you get satellite radio and a fucking Bentley. You can also get it in my fucking Prius, all right?

So did that make any fucking sense? You got a sociopath with the fucking... She could even have the A brain. That's the sad thing about having a fucked-up childhood. She could actually be a fucking genius, but she's got that sociopath shit. So tell her to go call fucking Dr. Drew, all right? And you get the fuck out of the relationship. So anyways, he'd say, I'd imagine you'd agree that I did the right thing, uh, but it always

helps to get a little bit of a better perspective on it. Dude, I totally understand. You've been in a five-year relationship. You're emotionally invested in this shit. So you know what the right thing to do is, but your emotions keep fucking with you. All right? So what you got to know is, just look, going through a breakup is painful, all right? It's not going to not be painful, but just because it's painful doesn't mean that it's

not the right thing to do. You are 100 fucking percent doing the right fucking thing. You're 26 years old. You're in the prime of your fucking life. All right? Get out of that situation. Okay? She's 10 years older than you.

By the time you're 29, she's going to be hitting fucking menopause. All right? Or something like that, whatever, sliding into it. I have no fucking idea what she's going to be doing. She's going to be wearing those mom jeans at that point. She's not already, which I don't think she is. She's probably that fucking, you know, that, uh, that anorexic cougar look, you know, where they got a varicose vein in between their fucking.

You can see their breastplate, uh, Jesus Christ, Bill, stay on topic. Yeah. So dude, just get out of that. Hang out with your fucking fellas, you know, hang all your buddies, go out and fucking have some beers, join a gym, get fucking shredded. Go out and start talking shit when you're ready. But don't go back to that, man. You dodged a fucking bullet.

The fact that you were with her for five years and you didn't knock her up and you got out of it and even after five years, you're only 26 years old, you made the best fucking move. You're going to make. All right. And now this is what you need to do. You've been in a relationship for five years. You need to be single for at least a fucking year and a half. And I don't mean just be single and fucking booze, figure out what the fuck you're looking

for. All right. And when you meet a girl, if she doesn't have it, just walk a banger and leave. You know, there's nothing wrong with having a good fucking time, but do not get sucked into another fucking relationship because you're going to, because you're going to have to go through this shit again. You know, we just sitting there and you know it's fucking wrong, but you don't want to go through the fucking pain of it and you keep coming back.

It's a fucking nightmare. It's a fucking nightmare. Good for you, sir. I'm fucking proud of you. You did the right thing. You're sort of fucking wavering because you're going through the emotions. You're only 26. You got with her when you were 21.

It's probably your first major fucking breakup. So it's acceptable that you fucked up and went back that second time, but do not go back again. And if any of your fucking friends are listening to this, don't let them do that shit. All right. Time to a fucking bar stool and start throwing drinks down his throat. That's it. That's the money morning podcast for this week.

Anything else? Where am I going to be this week? Oh, this week I'm going to be at the, uh, the Lisner Theater in Washington, DC. There's only, uh, I believe I'll under a hundred tickets left. I'm doing a bunch of radio. So if you want to come out, please come out. I'll be hanging out afterwards doing a meet and greet. I have my brand new DVD.

Let it go. I'll be signing up, taking pictures and all that type of shit, uh, Saturday night. I got two shows at comics at Fox woods. Both shows are sold out, but for those of you who have tickets, I will be showing up with my DVDs afterwards, shaking hands, signing DVDs, doing all that. Bullshit. And, uh, thanks to everybody who's been coming up to me after shows, telling me how much they've, uh, that they liked the, uh, the podcast and enjoy my latest special really

means a lot to me. And, uh, that's it. You guys all have a great week. Uh, sorry, the podcast was so late this week and that's it. Go fuck yourselves. 02:00:27,380 --> 02:00:36,180 Oh, yeah, that was a spaghetti bolognese with a lot of whipped cream. Download the Maiden Lijzen app and cook me.

Yeah, top. The Lijzen. Me with a cleave.