Monday Morning Podcast - Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 1-11-24

Episode Date: January 11, 2024

Bill rambles about the great Bill Belechick, drumming at the Bon Scott tribute, and tough gigs. The 11th Annual Patrice O'Neal Comedy Benefit Tuesday, March 26th New York City Center131 West 55th St.  Tickets can be purchased online at nycitycenter.org/Patrice2024 00:00 - Thursday Afternoon Podcast 32:55 - Thursday Throwback 1-11-24 - Bill rambles about lasagna, heights, and vasectomies. 01:31:04 - Super Wild Card Weekend NFL Preview & Picks

All right, everybody. In Seth MacFarlane's new Peacock original event series, Ted, your favorite foul mouth, Teddy Bear, takes it back to 1993. You know, back when you didn't have an endless supply of pornography in your pocket, but you did have an attention span longer than two minutes. Back when you had a bite pot

from a weird guy in the corner, you still do, but he has a store now. This prequel series to the Ted movies is a coming of age story about the high school days of Ted and his best buddy, John, back when they they would do and well, high school shit. Let's just say you don't want to miss out on the teen ex cupades of Ted and a 16 year old John. As you probably know, McFarlane is the mind behind family guy, the or bill, the Ted movies

and more. So the show is going to be funny as hell. Stream Ted, the new event series only on peacock. Hey, everybody, it's Bill Burr and guess what? It's that time of year when you can say it's the Patrisso Neil benefit announcement. The 11th annual Patrisso Neil comedy benefit is going to be Tuesday, March 26th at the New York City Center, 131 west

55th Street between 6th and 7th Avenue in New York City Center, 131 West 55th Street between 6th and 7th Avenue in New York City. Dores open at 7 p.m. show starts at 7.30 p.m. Hey Bill, what's the lineup this year? We have SNL head right, Michael J. We got Tim Dylan. We got Marcelo Hernandez, Bonnie McFallon, Sean Patton, Robert Powell III, Cipher Sounds, Rich Foss, and yours truly, truly. Plus, we have a very special guest. We have a very, no, it says we might have a special guest. No, we have a special guest. We have somebody to come out there, kick you

right and dig. This is a serious thing. For Maureen Tarrant, who puts this thing together every single year. For 11 years, she absolutely crushes it, crushes it on the social media. We sell out every year because of her. She is the best. So I just want to take time, you know, it's a new year to say, thank you to Maureen Tarrant. Tickets go on sale today at 12 p.m. Eastern time. All tickets are 75 big ones, 75 bucks. And I think that's

it. Take us can be purchased online at New York NY City Center dot org slash Patrice 2024 or by calling the box office at 212 581 1212. That number again is two one two five eight one one two one two This is one of my favorite things You know, Patrice was just the best and we get to keep his name alive. We get to help out his mom and It's also like a nice stand-up reunion because I don't get to see a lot of these guys these men and women Okay, that's it. I'll see you on in March. What did I say the 24th? Well, the hell's it goddamn copy here the 26th. Sorry All right, thank you Hey, what's going on? It's Bill burn is time for the Thursday afternoon just before Friday Monday morning podcast and I'm just checking in, checking in on you. How's it going? How are you? Oh,

boy, here we go. It's another one. It's another another year. Yeah. January 11th, it's real people. It's happening again. You're starting a new semester. You've gone back to work. You're back to eating donuts. Do you know what I cannot fucking get off? My mind is, you know, during the holidays, oh Billy, no, no, that's what I was. Oh, no, no, no, I don't want that.

I don't want this, I don't want that. All right? Oh, Billy Beach bought in the fucking wintertime. That's when I do it. I don't do it during the summertime. When you look good, I do it during the wintertime when you wear in a big puffy coat. Nobody even knows.

Nobody even knows you're in shape. And then when it counts, when it fucking matters, that's when I start eating barbecue. And I come, become Billy fat tits by May. And just people just, you know, they just have this idea of me that's, it's just not true. Okay. I am Billy fat tits in the summer. In the winter, I'm in shape. Um, I was kind of on my academic career went. Like, I fucking did great in all the grades that college doesn't pay attention to.

I did great. Fucking first through fifth grade, sixth grade, seventh, you know, started taking on water, eighth maintained, and then ninth grade, right through fucking high school. I just I just shit the bed and then here I sit talking to myself on a podcast. Anyway, you know it drives me up the fucking wall and I don't it this is not like something I haven't heard in a long time, is when another adult that I don't work with, not work with, that I don't work for, tells me

to hang tight. I don't know what it is about that expression, probably because my dad used to say, hang tight. Hey, hang tight. Hey, fuck you. It's just, I just think that to this day, hang tight. Okay, Sarge, what did I join the fucking, I joined your army? Could you hang on a second? Could you just do me a favor? Could you just hang on, I'm saying, I like that, hang tight.

Like I'm sitting there waiting for my fucking orders. Ugh, I don't know why. It really has nothing to do with the people that say it, because I love the people that are telling me to hang tight. But if they knew, like, you know, I'm like a fucking rescue dog. Like, there's, you know, you get a rescue dog. You have no idea, right?

You put your foot up on a fucking couch and all of a sudden it just loses its shit. Everybody's got that. Everybody, I'm, this is what I'm doing, because I'm out of fucking couch and all of a sudden just loses it shit. Everybody's got that. Everybody, I'm, this is what I'm doing because I'm out of my fucking mind. I'm gonna say everybody does it too, so I feel more normal.

Maybe I, maybe you guys don't. Is it, what thing does somebody say to you that just fucking sets you off? Hang tight is, you know, I don't know, but it's for me, that's, it's kind of like a hit song like pop music You know every couple of weeks is a new number one. So right now top of the charts for me is Hang tight Honorable mentions

Go into your settings Could you okay could you just go into your settings? Could you go into your settings. Okay, could you just go into your settings? Could you go into your settings? All right, hang tight. I'm going to go into your settings. Not a fan. Not a fan at all. Anyway, I don't know what to start with.

I mean, I got to start with the biggest fucking story in my world right now. Nick Saban is retiring. The great Nick Saban, seven, count him, seven, N-C-A-A titles. Without a doubt, one of the greatest to ever do it, you could argue the greatest. I mean, he's in the conversation.

Does he have more than bear? Bryant combined, I don't know. I didn't look any this shit up, but I had so much fun rooting against him. Always respected him, but Jesus Christ, that I have fun rooting against Alabama. It was so much fucking fun. And I feel like when I watched, when I rooted against Nick Sabin, you know, watching LSU and everything, I, you know, I knew what football fans felt like rooting against Bill Belichick is just just like you just felt like your team had to play a perfect game. Mistake free football. One fucking mistake and it was just

over, over. And next thing you know, you get choked out, you fucking tap game and you're like, what just happened? Unreal. And I feel privileged as a sports fan that I attended his last game. We shall see. I don't know. I saw some places saying rumors say that he's retiring. And then everybody else told me that he's retiring. Got all these text messages. So it must have become official at some point during the day.

I'm the process of writing another script here with a buddy of mine, Ben Tishler, who I did old dads with. So we're writing another one having a good time doing that. So I was kind of in the bubble today and all of a sudden, my phone just blew up, unbelievable. And sneaky Pete Carroll. I don't know if it was Amy, Amy Cable, I imagine it was.

I don't think that he was on the hot seat or anything. He just decided to take his talents to South Beach or whatever he's doing. Maybe he's retiring. I have no idea, but the guy's like 72, 73 years old and like he's like the fucking Mick Jagger of head coaches. I mean, he is like in ridiculous, ridiculous shape. So I feel like he's gonna land somewhere else

and anybody's gonna be lucky to have that guy. Cause that guy's a winner, definitely a winner. Wow, so who gets the job? Who gets the job at Alabama? And also, you know, there's the complete lack of warning that was even coming, must be a shocker. And Tuscalooska, I know the feeling,

I remember when they were all of a sudden Tom Brady signs with the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, I will never forget that day. I was like, wow, it is over. It is officially over. Which you knew was gonna happen. You just didn't know it was gonna be that abrupt. Which is why if you're fortunate enough

to have somebody like that coach in a plane for you or whatever to try to enjoy every second of the ride because one day it's fucking over. Anyway last night or yesterday I just had like a fucking an amazing day. I'm hung out with my family, took the kids to school. I don't, did a little helicopter ride. Realized how much I love Los Angeles and how it's one of the most misunderstood cities. There's so much cool shit to do out here. So much incredible food, so many amazing people. But, you know, Hollywood, you know, these fucking people in the award shows ruined it over the years trying to ram the fucking

politics down people's throats. And now everybody hates it, you know. I'm telling you, don't don't listen to that shit. It's fucking it's an incredible city And then I went to the What are they calling it now the avalan used to be called the That was it called the paramount. I think it was called the paramount Basically the place where I did my first stand-up gig ever. Louis Anderson, Resta's soul. Louis Anderson's comedy showcase, and I went out, and I did my little five, six, seven minutes set.

They shot it during the day. It was from front of a touristy crowd, and people would not have in good sets. I went out there. I remember I had bought some new shoes that I thought were nice. I was not gonna, Doc Martins were really in and I really loved Doc Martins, but I knew I just wasn't a Doc Marting guy. Doc Martins were the choice of shoe

for the future alternative comics, the writers, the smart men you know, men and women that did stand up, you know, that, you know, wrote the perfect jokes. And I was, you know, I was a screamer. I was an energy guy. So I was like, I don't fit in that quad. So as much as I liked them, I bought, I forget what the fuck they were something, Hugo or something, not Hugo boss. I forget what they

were. They're probably the funk. I don't know. I remember I bought those and it was a big deal making that decision because I didn't have any fucking money and they were like 90 bucks. And I bought them. That was my big thing and I went out and I did the show. And like I said, people have in tough sets and I went up there and I fortunately was doing material about my family. So it really, the first joke landed. I remember that. It landed with the touristy crowd. And I was working totally clean and I was talking about my family and I looked like I was 12 years old so they liked me and I had a good set. And I remember the great Louis Anderson, I couldn't believe I was going to meet him. He came walking out because he had one of my favorite stand-up specials of the 80s. The one where he wore the red coat, sport coat.

And he was talking about his fish, Shay Louis. Give me a jelly donut, Louis. And I also loved his pacing and his storytelling. He was just, that guy was a fucking master. So I did my set. It went well, and he came walking out. I still remember he's going, keep it going for Billy Bear right and uh and then he leans in and he looked at me with a dead series took on his face and he goes you're going to be a big star and I was just like wow

it's going to happen man I knew it I knew for five years I was going to make it you know fucking smash cut ten years later I'm in a comedy condo looking at the oven going you know just turn it on stick your head in there. Or you got to do the third show tonight at whatever the fuck I was at. Anyway, and that's also the place where Andrew Dice Clay did his first hour-long special. I think it was called the Dice Man Comet. And then they also had all of these, there was some TV show that they filmed there way back in the, I used to know the history, but there was all these black and white photos in there, people like Dean Martin and Ethel Merman and all these people, Louis Armstrong, all of those people from the golden age, Dean Martin

and all of that stuff. So last night I went down there and Dean Del Rey once again put together this killer show for his Bond Scott tribute show, which the last time we did it, it was literally the day before they shut down everything for the pandemic. And he was finally gonna bring it back next year. And unfortunately, his rock and roll mom passed away. He said some really nice things about her and all the rock and roll moms.

Like his mom, this how cool Dean's mom was. She took him to see AC DC on the highway to Hell tour or the Power Age tour, I forget what. She also took him to go see, he saw him, oh no wait. Yeah, yeah, he saw him outside of San Francisco in Oakland, I think. And saw Judas Priest and Randy Rhodes and all these people, it was amazing.

So anyways, the show starts. It's such a great show. You got, if you're in anywhere near LA, you gotta come. It's kind of the perfect blend of standup and ACDC. I mean, what's wrong with that combination? Nothing in my world.

So, I did stand up. First guy up was Jim Florentine, who flew in to check, you know, just to watch the show, which is awesome. And Dean was like, you wanna go up? He was like, yeah, and he was fucking hilarious, as always, but like, literally the funniest I've seen Jim, and he's always killed me.

And, you know, I was up there listening and my wife was laughing her ass off, which she grew up around comedians. So she's like a comedian. If she's laughing, like someone's killing. So he killed and then Dean went up and killed and I went up and I tried some of my new stuff and that works. I was already on a high. It was funny.

I kind of felt like that was the pressure part of the show was over because no one expects me to be good on drums, but I'm a comedian, so I have to be good. And you're not really thinking about it, like during rehearsals and stuff when you're playing with the band and everything, then all of a sudden at night, all these fucking people show up. And you're like, oh my God, here we go, right?

And so anyway, I'm fucking, I do my set and we go to, we go to, oh God, dammit, who's texting me? All right, let the text go. So anyway, then there's a 15 minute break, and know, and then we're going to, Dean's like, we're going to do the show, right? And he had all these fucking sick ass pictures of Bond Scott and like banners. And then he had like Malcolm Young up there too.

I mean, it was just fucking insane. And like that was my band when I was growing up. It's still my band. I absolutely fucking loved him. Phil Rudd's like one of my favorite drummers of all time and It's just was just a not one of those things if you told the fucking 15-year-old me that I'd be doing this show I would be losing my mind. So anyway The show was I hope I remember everybody

Dean was singing on rhythm guitar was Billy Row from Buck cherry Scott, from Anthrax. Josh Z was doing the anger stuff, absolutely murdered. And then Steve Gorman was the drummer from the bagman and Black Crow's, Dave Lombardo, suicidal tendencies, and of course Slayer, Josh Freese from everybody and the Foo fighter. So it's like, you know, three of my favorite drummers. Scottie and wife Pearl sang on a couple as she sang dirty deeds and back up on like night prowler and everything.

And then my dumbass, oh, and Larry Lilland from primus came on for, I think, a whole lot of Rosie. So I couldn't see the set list, right? So Steve Goma goes up there, and the guy is just like fucking, is solid, is just killing, fucking killing. And he's a mountain of a man,

just a fucking big dude, six four, and he's just smashing up there and just driving the band. I love watching that guy play. Just drives the band and everybody's fucking locked in. And then I was like, wait, I gotta fucking go up and I gotta play two songs. So I played, what's next to the moon and walk all over you?

And I was hoping we were gonna do walk all over you first because I could kind of warm up because it's sort of medium tempo. And then, but walk all over you was like fucking, you know, it's a fast song for me anyway. So of course, you know, I'm doing what E-Litch tells me to do. It's like, you don't get a fucking sit there warming up on a pad, you know how to play,

like do some jump and jack, skip rope. So I felt stupid doing jumping jacks. I just kept walking up and down the stairs, you know, my heart rate's going or whatever. You want to be a little like, you want to come out there and feel like you're already playing three songs. So I was doing that shit. People looking at me asking what the fuck I'm doing and people kept talking to me and I kept going like, I got to do this so I don't go out there and fuck this up.

And then I had friends that were there. We're gonna watch me play. And then all of a sudden I was like, wait a minute, this is the pressure part of the show. I know how to be a comedian. So we went up there, I go out there and then of course, we do walk all over you first. And then we did what's next to the moon.

And I got to tell you, Matt, I know I messed up here or there, but it was the best I've ever played. And I've always hit, like, not as hard as I thought. I always feel like I'm killing it. And then I watch myself. And I look like I'm playing like I'm asking questions Like I'm I doing it right he did okay, and that one last night You know usually when I watch video of myself playing drums like I just cringe like oh god shut it off shut it off

But the only way you like when I first started being a comedian I thought I was like up there looking like a pro and taking all these pauses and I would just be fucking like looking like a pinball going back and forth, flop sweat, all of this stuff. I was like, oh my god, I look like an asshole. And I actually watched the video and I looked all right. And I got some nice compliments and everything. So the first one went off without a hitch. then you know, I'm counting off what's next to the moon and it's just got that weird, you know, one, two, three, four, one, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang,

bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang symbol. It's just really just fucking weird stuff. And then it also sort of rides out on the album. So, you know, we decided at the end of the song, I think Josh Z came up that we would just come back to that. And that one fucking went off without a hitch. And I was kind of like,

I think that went pretty good. And as I was getting off stage, Josh Freese hugged me and everything, and you know, Dave Lombard, all these fucking heroes of mine, they said, that was really, that was fucking solid, which that was like the greatest compliment I could have ever got. And I got off stage and then after that, then I got to right after I had finished, like I couldn't even like really take it in, how psyched I was, that it went so well and then like, cause I wanted to watch Josh and Josh went up and played,

what do you play, played dirty deeds? He fucking, of course crushed it. And then Dave Lombardo went up and he played, I wanna say the Jack and fucking, of course, crushed it. And then Dave Lombardo went up and he played, I want to say, the jack and whole out of Rosie, which was amazing because it was like something so slow and then something so up tempo. And of course, he effortlessly handled both. And then Steve Gorman took like, who played the first five songs and took like a six-song break, went up and played on the last one night prowler. And oh dude, it

was great. We went out there and you know Gibson was nice enough to donate an SG I think through the the Bond Scott family or whatever. Like it's kind of like they pay attention to it. Like Dean like knows them and everything. And you know, we gave away some stuff to people in the crowd. And the fucking crowd was amazing. And I was kind of nervous one. Of course I was nervous. I went up there, I was thinking like, you know, walk all over you. And what's next to the moon?

Like I was like, these are really like AC DC nerd, deep cut like fucking songs. And I couldn't believe the energy of the crowd on walk all over you. It's just like, we just kind of went into it. It just felt like it was flying. And before I knew it, it was over. And then we did the second one.

And it was just a complete blur. And I don't know, man. It was just one of the, it was fucking, I still can't believe it happened and I practiced my ASA for it and like to the point like at 3 o'clock in the morning last night I woke up and the song Walk All Over You was like running through my head and my feet started moving like I was practicing it, I was like, wait, dude, it's over. You already did it. You can relax.

So anyway, thank you to everybody who came out. Thank you to Dean for putting it together. And I just, I don't know. I can't even tell you what a fucking thrill that was to play with musicians of that caliber. Wait, did I, let me make you, did I say everybody? Oh, Mikey Nez on bass, Jesus Christ, I knew I forgot somebody from Alice in Chains

and he was just like the nicest fucking guy ever. It was just, it was fucking amazing. I know, and it's probably boring you guys, but like, you know, when you actually get to do your hobby on a semi pro level like that, it was pretty fucking, it's pretty great. So, and then on top of that, like this new shit that I was doing, I was riffing,

I was fucking with the crowd. I had such a good time with them. Like I was looking, like before I went out on stage, Dean was like, we got Dave LaBardo here. He goes, any slayer fans out there, and I just see this guy like, yeah, you know, does this thing. And I look at the guy,

it just really made me feel how old we all know that I'm looking at the guy. He, like a slayer fan to me is just long, brown or black hair hair like mid back. And it's just hanging there like animal from fucking the muppets, right? And this guy had like a fucking, you know, like whiteness beard.

He looked like, you know, yeah, get off of my lawn, you know, like he was at that age and I'm like, look at it, the guy going like, that guy was at slayer concerts in the 80s. So I went out there and I was looking at the crowd and it was like this fucking awesome motley, gah, like my generation, all of us,

you know, fucking doing the best we can to keep the weight off and you just see all the years of partying and all of that shit. And I said like, this looks like a support group for people who survived the 80s. And I kind of just started riffing on that. And it was just, I just totally connected with them because they would literally me. And then there was like younger people there who just love older music, which is what I was like. So I just kind of went out there because I was looking at the crowd going like, wow, man,

this looks like a quarantine crowd. This doesn't look like what my crowd looks like. But I went out there and I realized the reason why I love quarantine and that metal show, and I love him on like Aussie's bone yard is because, he's much, he steers harder into that than I do, but I like Like him Jim Brewer Doug Jameson like when I listen to those guys Talking about growing up. It's like the how the level of similarity and overlap So I didn't realize like it like that crowd is my crowd

Or not my proud of whatever I just totally vibied with them. I had such a fucking great time and they laughed at everything I did except I did this. I talked about lady dye, dying and they all groaned on it, which I got such a kick out of. I was going like, oh yeah, the guys' strip stuff is fine. I knew it. I knew what I was like being sarcastic, saying I knew that when, you know, that it was dangerous in front of

a slayer crowd to bring up Princess Diana dying. And I don't know, just because how great their energy was, I tried out all this new shit. I'm just, I'm beyond, I'm chomping at the bit to get back out on the road, which is a fucking amazing feeling at 55 because there are days when I wasn't feeling that. So this break has been the perfect thing for me. And I'm gonna fucking murder when I get out there. And that same energy I got from the crowd when I was doing my jokes. I felt it during

that first song and you know I got to live that dream that didn't come true. You know I started off playing drums in jamming with people and I thought that that's what I was going to do and but I knew that I didn't have I don't know. Or maybe I just knew that by the time I figured it out I would be 55 fucking years old and like that window would have closed. So just to be able to pretend doing it for two songs with fucking people I grew up watching was awesome. So with that, and with that, we are now, college football season is over.

Congratulations to the Michigan Wolverines and all their die hard fans. I am a fan, but I'm not gonna sit here and act like I was sitting there watching every game during the Appalachian State years. I talked about that on the Rich Eisen show because he's like die hard. And I've been watching Michigan for a long time But during those those years where it just wasn't happening. I'm not gonna lie to you

I couldn't fucking watch so for all the the true die-hards that were there when they fucking sucked and lost to Ohio State which felt like 70 years in a row Congratulations Amazing game. Fun game to watch. It still drives me nuts when they go for it on fourth down. And I got to be honest with you, like, I was like, why are they going for it on fourth down? Why are they going for the kill shot in the second quarter?

They got the momentum, just kick it down, cough in corner. And you know, instead they go for it, they don't get it. And then they just concede a feel goal. And I think it's stupid to go for it on fourth down in the second quarter, and then Washington goes for it on fourth down in the second quarter and scores a touchdown. So rather than it being 17 to six,

all of a sudden it's 17 to 10. So it shows you what the fuck I know. I don't know if I'm probably wrong. I just an old guy going like, they're not doing it the way they did it when I was a kid. You know, I think I'm just doing that shit. So I'm really trying hard to fucking, you know, not bitch about the same fucking shit. So I'm kind of over that. But I really liked the Washington Huskies and the Accordabac and their wide receiver, that kid Roma,

however you say his last name man, he just looks like, you know, I mean, he was wide open a lot. It's just Michigan was getting so much pressure on that quarterback and then came up with two big interceptions. You know, Jesus Christ, fucking unreal. So anyway, that's all I got. I don't have any advertising people. So I don't know what I'm going to be hanging out with my kids

this weekend. You know, I'm going to take them up. I don't know. I don't know where we're going to go. We're thinking of going away this weekend. I don't know what um, you know, I got my ass in shape finally. I'm in doing three days on one day off at the fucking gym. I'm feeling strong again. My shoulders are all right, but I'm also kind of like, you know, not as strong as I used to be because I'm fucking old. So I just got to watch out for that shit. Um, now my fucking knees talking to me. It never ends. So, uh So anyway, with that, oh, when shout out to Joe Koy, fellow stand-up comedian, you know, Jesus Christ, everybody

jumping all over that guy, like I'll tell you right now, I would not want to do that fucking gig only getting 10 days. And, uh, you know, that's, um, that is a, uh, that's a tough gig. So I only worked with that guy. I think one time on the road and I thought he was ridiculously talented. And he fucking murdered and he also closed. I want to know, he went on second to last. And I'm he was ridiculously talented and he fucking murdered and he also closed I want to know he went on second to last and I'm not gonna say who the person after Really had to work and it was a big comic so That guy yeah, I think a lot of people got a bad person Wrong perception of that guy man, you know

Jesus Christ. That looked like a fucking corporate gig, you know? Oh, no, it was fucking. It's like, we've all had that gig. It just wasn't on TV. So, yeah, whatever. Fucking shake it off. Move on. Fuck them. That's it. All right. That's the podcast for the for this Thursday. Then we have a bonus episode of the Thursday afternoon just before Friday,

Monday, Morning Podcast. Have a great weekend. You're cunts. And let's enjoy some NFL playoffs playoffs. All right. I'll see you. Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Monday morning podcast for Monday January 11th, 2016. What's going on? How are you? How's it going? I'm in a great fucking mood. I don't know why you know what I haven't boozed and like fucking I Don't know what it's been. I don't nine, ten days or something like that. I did have a sip of wine last night, but I don't really consider that booze. You know the way I go after it, all of these. Um, my wife, so you know something, what is funny when I stop drinking, my wife always tries to get me back to drinking. Not to get drunk or anything.

She just is like, you're so fucking, you know, I drive her so fucking nuts that I just think sometimes, you know, if she wasn't such a good person, I think she would try and like drug me every night, like around supper, right? Make a little dinner. Be like, how is that, honey? Oh, look at you. You look sleepy. And like, I have no idea. Like, she just put some shit in my food. Not to like kill me, just to sort of sedate me. But anyways, but I haven't drank in like 10 days or something. Well, that really made my head go somewhere like, wow, that's kind of fucked up. She does that. But yeah, I haven't drank in like 10 days. I'm feeling good, and that's what happens is that I slowly, you know, I start to eat better.

I'm starting my day off with the old, from the old country thing, you know, little fucking water at room temperature, which should make you a gag if you're any kind of a fucking human being, but you get used to it with some lemon and then a little cayenne pepper in it. And then I take, I let that settle in me and then I get a couple scoops of Greek yogurt, the all natural stuff. That actually kind of tastes like sour cream. And the first time I ate it, I was like, this is the worst shit I've ever tasted because I was used to the crack baby yogurt that I've been eating my whole life that has like fucking 40 bags of sugar in it

You know when you eat yogurt, you're like yeah I mean the amount of sugar that's in fucking regular yogurt your money you should fucking snort it. I mean it's literally like I mean I'm not gladdy. I still fucking love it, but the Greek shit took me a minute and now I'm actually I'm not glad I still fucking love it, but the Greek shit took me a minute and now I'm actually I I like it man if I drink this shit and just have a couple scoops of that it kind of fills me up and That's kind of the big thing is becoming old fuck like me. It's just just somehow getting the hunger to go away Without doing damage to yourself You know and then walking around and burning a few calories before you go to the next one

You know and I know this bunch, you know, hopefully some younger listeners listening to this judging me. Oh, this is this old fart talking about fucking lemon water, cayenne pepper and fucking Greek yogurt. Well, you know something, if you're lucky enough, you'll live long enough. We don't fuck up something or something bad doesn't happen to you, you know, to get to my age. And you know, it's good to start

healthy habits. Now, I fuck shut up, what are you the fucking first lady? You know what I'm doing right? I'm doing shit that like a first lady does right now. I'm actually, let's get in shape kids. How about you go outside for 10 minutes a day and you just do some jumping checks. Can you fucking believe it? They got to tell kids to go out and play. You know, that's how fucking insane video games have got. I mean, if I made video games and I actually saw Michelle Obama on TV begging kids to try to not have their first cardiac incident by the time they were in the third grade I mean I would tear up and just be like I did it You know I am so fucking great at my job. I've made children stop playing outside

You know, do you think there's like it the Alec Baldwin of the video game industry, you know, from Glen Gary Glen Ross coming in just screaming at him? You know, my kids, I cause to have a heart attack. Seven, fuck you. Right? Just screaming at him. Trying to get him to... We haven't done our fucking jobs till every kid has a fucking pacemaker by the seventh grade.

I don't know. Anyways, yeah, so I'm trying to get back in shape. So I've been stoned so much. So yesterday I got my my first massage in like, I don't know, like two years. Whenever I get a massage afterwards I always think like I got to start doing this man. This is great for an old fart like me. You know, and then you come home, you crush the waters, you get all the toxins out of you or whatever yoga shit they tell you to do. But I know what this always happens. I'm like, I'm fucking do this. You know what? Once, once a month, I'm gonna go down there, you know? Fucking, you haven't worked out my fucking back,

my whole, I don't know what's, like I have a little curvature of the spine and the lady's like, where are the problem areas, right? And of course your brain always goes my dick, but you know, it's a legal place. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha It seemed to be having a problem in the central pelvic area on the frontal lobe. I'm like, I never even noticed it either. I was like, my right shoulder, my right forearm, and my right foot. And I was just like, wow, how fucked up is my right side?

And then I realized all of them, all of those injuries I got from playing drums. You know, my right forearm from fucking holding the stick wrong. I don't know what I'm doing with my shoulders. Probably after I fuck up another field looking at the base prayer and shrugging like, I'm sorry. I mean, I tried to get back on one, right? And then my foot, I fucked that up years ago trying to get my base drum as fast as John Bonnum's. You know, which I never even remotely achieved. I just have the lifetime pain. You know, every time I take a step, I'm always reminded of

what a wonderful drummer John Bonnum is. So anyways, I did that with the lovely Nia. That's always a good thing to do. You know, you go in there with your wife, then you don't feel like a dirt bag. Because anytime I go to get a massage, I always feel like a dirt bag. There's just no way not to feel like a fucking complete piece of shit when you walk in there. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I want you to work out the kinks this. We thought you don't wanna be. Oh, wait a minute, what am I talking about?

I got a massage and fucking Milwaukee. No, I didn't. No, I didn't. That was a steam. That was a steam. That's right. Oh, that's right. That's right. I guess I haven't. I'm like two fucking years. And they always do the same thing when they put my hands on my back, they just wow wow do you have a lot of stress has it been a while it's like I yeah you your back feels like gravel so anyways we did that and then we came home and we made Mario Batalli's lasagna, bolaneses and it was fucking delicious homemade pasta homemade pasta things and all that I got to get my homemade pasta game up I try to make the spinach pasta and the pasta was definitely green, but you could still see the chunks of Spinach in there

You know what I mean? So what does that mean that I not need the dough enough? Was because it was frozen spinach like it said to be you know like the the recipe said to be am I saying that right like the recipe said said to be what the fuck does that mean like the recipe said it should be I think that's what I was trying to say but um you know and I dried it out and maybe I just didn't dice it up enough. I have no idea, but I'm actually psyched that the consistency though, I can get that down. I might have needed it to need it a little bit more.

I don't know. Is there any higher qualified people out there that could help me out on how to make the right spinach pasta? Cause I watched some videos and I still fuck the thing up. But anyways, so we did all of that and meanwhile I was watching like the Playoff games. Playoffs! And um, fucking great games this weekend. Hard breakers, but just fucking just great games. Also that creeping sadness that I always have when the playoffs are here hear that it's just like did another regular season go by that fucking fast

god damn it it's gonna be over another month it's gonna be fucking over this time next month is good this I'm not even gonna say because it's gonna be too fucking depressing however I have gotten totally into the Celtics and NBA hoop with my brewing so I mean I got a game almost every night sometimes too. But anyways, so let's go throw them. Let's go throw them as every fucking douche who doesn't like sports is going to roll their eyes. Just fast forward like fucking 40 minutes and you'll be safe.

The first one I saw, I think I want, I taped all of them. So I watched them at weird times. I watched the second half of the original Texans, the Kansas City Chiefs, just absolutely dominating, the new Texans. And I actually tweeted that out on Twitter. And I actually got a ton of shit for it. People are like, oh, what are you trying to show off your sports knowledge?

It's like, no, I like sharing it. I love when people do stuff like that. I'm a sports nerd. Okay. I'm not acting like I played at a professional level. I just love that shit. So I'm going to take you through it. For those of you who didn't know that the chiefs are originally called detectives. They actually played in Dallas, Texas. When the AFL first started and when the AFL first came out the NFL the established league publicly laughed at them and Said these guys are crazy. No, this will never work. Ha ha ha whatever. I you know Are you nervous now or not nervous at all? We're just gonna do you know

The American people know where the quality football is at right? That's what they said publicly. And then behind the scenes, as much as they may or may have not believed that, they then hedge their bets. And they wanted to try to sabotage the AFL as much as they could before it even got started. So the AFL, how many fucking teams did they have? They had the Boston Patriots, the Buffalo Bills, the New York Titans, the Dallas Texans, the Minnesota Vikings, and I'll get back to that before you say that I'm wrong on that. They had the Minnesota Vikings. I just know this by heart. Denver Bron Broncos Oakland Raiders

San Diego Chargers I'm sorry the Los Angeles Chargers and dolphins weren't in it, Bengals weren't in it the fuck else is left bears, lions yeah something like that I probably forgot a team or two and so the owner with the most money was Lamar Lundy.

I believe that was his name. I didn't look the shit up again. I read this whole book on it. Lamar Lundy, and he was the wealthiest of all owners. So basically, this guy could hold out the longest in this new crazy venture. All right, so how they attacked the fucking AFL, they did it on two different levels. The Dallas Texans were owned by Lamar Lundy,

the most wealthiest of all the owners. So what the NFL did was they awarded Dallas a team, which became the Dallas Cowboys. So for a season or two, I forget. I didn't look it up as I said. You could either go see the Dallas Cowboys or the Dallas Texans. Now the Dallas Cowboys, as much as they were an expansion franchise, you could go down and watch them get the shit kicked out of them. You know, by Johnny United's Jim Brown or you know, Frank Gifford or all these guys, you know or all these legends, the fucking Green Bay Packers would come

to town. You get to see Vince Lombardi in the early days of the Packer sweep. You can see all this professional level talent. Or you can go across town and go see the Dallas Texans, a bunch of nobody's playing, a bunch of nobody's because they want to establish it. So obviously, that's a no no brainer as a sports fan. You're going to go see the NFL team and go see all these stars that you've been watching on TV. So that completely fucked them and they had to move to Kansas City and they became the

chiefs. They kept their colors though, but they were originally called the Texans, but they gave up the name. And then the Minnesota Vikings, which I did not know, I didn't know any of this shit till I read the book the Minnesota Vikings were originally going to be an AFL team So what the NFL did was not only award Dallas a team they also Went to the owners of the Minnesota Vikings and said hey, do you want to just join the NFL and not be part of the AFL? Come on, we're an established league and of course course they said, hey, fuck you guys and your new venture. We're gonna fuck a fuck the whole going against the NFL. We're gonna join them. So that's what they did. They opened a franchise across town from the wealthiest owner and then they stole one of their teams. That was their two moves as they publicly laughed at the AFL. So there you go. There's a little fucking little little history from all freckles. But I haven't said that, you know, maybe they got him back, but I guess they'd have to beat the fucking cowboys and they're also part of the NFL. So congratulations to the chiefs and evidently they're playing the Patriots is what I got from some of the tweets and.

the chiefs and evidently they're playing the Patriots is what I got from some of the tweets and I am not a comfortable Patriot fan. No Patriot fan who's been watching the Patriots is, you know, we had a lot of losses towards the end of the year. I'm hoping you know we're gonna get some help back on our offensive line. Either way it's gonna be even if we were healthy it would have been a brutal day because you know Andy Reed is no slouch as much as a guy gets a ton of shit I mean the guy's been to a bunch of NFC championship games and shit like that he has been there before But you know you do need the players you do need the ownership you need all of that type of shit to try to

To try to succeed so congratulations to them and I by no means Comfortable with next week. And you know also, you know, the chiefs beat the Seattle Seahawks as far as being the loudest fans at one point and they did it in that old ass stadium rather than the stadium Seahawks fans have that helps them out and contains the sound. That's such a cut. But it's true. And yeah, so speaking of the Vikings and the Bengals, my condolences to fans of both teams,

I've been there, fortunately, have not been there in a long time. I guess the giants lost us, but I can't win as a fan with all the other shit that was going on, but Jesus, fucking Christ. What the fuck was that guy doing after he picked off the ball, walking up to the tunnel, already celebrating? I thought fucking athletes were superstitious.

The fuck are you doing? Right there, right, that's fucking unbelievable to me. And then he's fucking sitting there. He probably already took his goddamn cleats off and then the very next play what was it two plays in they fumbled a fucking ball I had to watch this part of the game on highlights because I taped the game of the one time I don't do the extended fucking record this shit happens and Probably to put his cleats on run back out on the field I think he was so fucking frustrated because he still had champagne, you know,

coursing through his veins. He was already mentally the next week that he goes, it's the same guy, right? Goes in and fucking knocks out that player. I'm fucking believable. I'm fucking believable. Hey, stealer fans, how many of you shut the game off after the interception? Huh? Not because you're a fair weather weather fan just because you couldn't stomach to watch the Bengal fans jumping up and down and having some joy You know, I'd forgive you if you did that. I'd forgive you if you walked away

You know or if you already started celebrating and you turned your big fucking Sausage eating back to the fucking TV and you're already doing And you turn your big fucking sausage eating back to the fucking TV and you're already doing wow Hey, but up, but up. Who do we got next week doing all that shit? fucking brutal and The Vikings I won't even I don't even Can you explain to me how you place kicker had the laces facing you kicker twice in one fucking game and a playoff game? That's unfuck him. I've never I never see the laces facing you kick her twice in one fucking game and a playoff game? That's unfuck him. I've never seen the laces in. Right? I never even knew about, I'm not gonna lie to you. I didn't never even knew about laces out since fucking Ace Ventura. That's when I

learned about it. Or is it Ace Ventura? Um, Jesus fuck, I mean, I watched the replay of that game and I went on Twitter beforehand and I found out that Vikings won, which is fucking sucked. But I was in the middle of, you know, trying to make spinach pasta, which was well beyond my cooking abilities. So, you know, I was a little fucking, got a little sideways there for a minute. And I was thinking like, what the fuck? I mean, he must make this feel goal. And then Seattle just has a ridiculous kickoff return. And then they're able to kick it. Or maybe they score a touchdown or maybe a defensive back falls down.

I had no idea that he was going to fucking lose it. Oh my God. Fucking brutal. But you know what? Every championship team, you gotta have a little bit of luck. The first fucking Super Bowl, the Patriots won. We had the Tuck Rule, which was a fucking rule. Everybody blames Tom Brady. It was a blame the officials.

Oh no, the rules committee for coming up with that weird one because I say to this day, that's a fucking fumble.'s a fumble the way sugar bear Hamilton did not interfere with Ken stayed the year the fucking raiders won it super bowl 11 so anybody in Oakland put your fucking hankey's away because I don't want to hear you crying about it with that was payback for super bowl not super bowl 11 the fucking playoffs playoffs in 77. When Sugar Bear Hamilton was already in the air, jumping at Ken Stabler, and then he lets the ball go and they called roughing the passer. And back then it wasn't a 15-yard penalty.

They put the ball where the guy threw it, and it was the end of the game, and he threw a 50-yard fucking prayer. Ray Hamilton's already in the fucking air, lands on Ken Stable, they call roughing the passer and they took the ball from like the 50 and put it on the fucking one inch line and then the Raiders went and won the fucking game. So I don't want to hear anything about it. But I am man enough to say that the tuck rule was fucking horseshit and I think it's a fumble, you know, but I'm not expecting that level of maturity from radar fans, you know, a fan base that goes to

the game, you know, dressed with, you know, spikes on your shoulder pads that have been checked by security to make sure that they're totally safe as you make a, I'm not safe, angry face. You know something that does bug me I can't stand when they fucking when people get upset that Hollywood has the audacity have award to have award shows and they always talk about the self-congratulatory night. Like what business doesn't have an award show? It's just not fucking televised. You know, if you fucking drill for oil, you know, they have the best of, you know, BP and all that, they have that fucking yearly fucking Christmas party.

You know, best regional manager goes to a claim, claim field out of fucking Miss Shawaka. Claim, I'm paying for that call, bro, tonight. Just kidnases wife here. You know, they do and they get my little fucking trophy. They have salesman of the month. Shit, you work at McDonald's, you can get employee of the month. You know, they have franchises. You join the fucking Cub scouts.

You tie your fucking shoes, they give you a little badge to sew and your fucking shoes, they give you a little badge to sew and you're fucking shirt, right? Why isn't Holly what allowed to have their little fucking evening? What is it, huh? What is it that bugs you? That there's a bunch of hot, famous ass there? Oh, jeez, I'm sorry. You know what I want to say? I want to see somebody go out there and defend Bill Cosby

on an award show, Dead Serious, and just fucking hold it and never let anybody in on the joke and then try to continue hosting. Do it in the monologue. Let's see if they ask you back. All right, I'm done being a cut Pat's first Kansas City. No, I'm not honest. This is one I want to fucking read here. I want to read The live reads advertising. All right, you know it'd be great as even if you even if you know Have a nine to five regular job if you start off with a decent breakfast You bring your fucking lunch and then you order blue apron. Get night and you all know you, did I say y'all y'all y'all know what I'm talking about? Dinner is what fucks you diet.

At least for me, because I can eat well the whole fucking day, the whole day I'm doing good, I'm doing good and then by fucking four o'clock, I'm like, oh, it's fucking dinner, you have to see that. I want some ice cream, you know, If you can just fucking call these cunts and have them deliver a 500-700 meal and you just fucking eat the shit, right? And then you're done, drink water to the rest of the night, have a little celery already cut up, you know?

Throw a spoonful of peanut butter in there, you know? It's gonna melt off. Unless you have, you know, I don't know, some built-in excuse, you know, like a lot of overweight people do. My metabolism's really slow. Yeah, yeah, that in 8,000 calories a fucking day, dude. Oh, you know what, we only have four this week. So what do I do two and two? Let's do that. All right, let's get back to the thing here. All right. Oh! Today, as I'm rushing through this fucking podcast,

I'm having somebody come and overlooking at my garage today, I even have to whisper the shit, I somehow talk my wife into, you know, allowing me to have just have somebody come over and take a look at the garage. I know I did that a couple months back, but then I got busy, but now I got the person coming back again. a couple months back, but then I got busy, but now I got the person coming back again. And I'm actually using her skills, you know, that she does with me. That's how I ended up with a dog.

Like we're not getting this dog. We're just, we're fostering the dog for a couple days because she knew that I'd fall in love with the fucking dog. And then that would be it. So it's kind of like when you first start dating a woman, you know, and she wants a relationship when she comes over your apartment, what she starts to do is she leaves shit there because it gives her an excuse to come back.

I mean, that's fucking nuts, right? Like they're thinking that far ahead. All you're sitting there's like, oh, look at those debts, I want to fuck her. All right, that's all you're thinking. And they're sitting there plotting. You know what I mean? It's like you're some fucking head coach that has no game plan and she's across the field like fucking bill walls calling the first 25 plays of the game, right?

Oh, I love a football life. There's a nice reference to use So you know what's fucking hilarious and speaking with Patrice O'Neal benefits coming up once again. I'll tell you a quick Patrice story He was so fucking brilliant that I remember he was dating this woman and you know, or whatever seeing her and She started leaving shit around his house and I just had brought that up I go, yeah, you know, I did his woman. You know, she left this shit here and she left that it's like what the fuck, you know I only see her like, you know once every two weeks. He just has shit there. So for two weeks. I keep looking at her fucking brush or the shampoo she left or whatever and it's just I keep thinking about her and it's annoying me and

Patrice just goes He goes so throw it out. I Go what he goes throw it out. I go what he goes throw it out. I Go I can't throw it a brush. He goes I would. I Go get the fuck out. He goes yeah, he goes I did that. They told me a story But there was a woman he was messing around with and she left these toiletries and a little bag of like you know makeup And brush and all that and he he fucking threw it out and then he came back like a week and a half later and she

goes to go in the bathroom and she's like she's like hey what did you do with my my stuff he goes and he just plays dumb he goes watch stuff she goes I left shampoo here a little makeup back he goes oh yeah I was just plays dumb he goes what stuff she goes I left shampoo here a little makeup Bay He goes oh, I was showing us yeah, he goes yeah, I threw it out And she was like literally beside herself But actually on some level respected him For like fucking realizing what she was doing And then also I think because that early on he clearly let her know in a

very funny fucking way that he wasn't looking for a relationship and that she was able to relax and kind of be thinking, oh, we're just fucking. All right. I wanted a little more he doesn't at least, but he letters no so fucking early on That it didn't really hurt You know, does that make sense? I mean I don't maybe I'm speaking for her, but I guess I am but whatever either way it was fucking funny. No Jesus was that the fucking worse? I literally just jumped out of the plane and pulled a fucking rip cord on that story. Sorry It's been a while. It's been a while since I told that story. Hasn't it? Or have I told it before? I don't fucking know. So anyway,

so I'm kind of using the same fucking tricks that my wife used that got me the dog. I'm using with her because we're going to like, why am I whispering here? Like she can't just listen to the fucking podcast. Fucking, sometimes like how dumb I am, it's just really fucking, so anyways, what I wanna do is I have this old school fucking, my house is built in 1923, so the garage, whenever it was fucking built, was built

to house like a fucking Model T Ford kind of car and those things for those things you sat inside the fucking wheel wells you know what I mean if you if you look at old cars you know how the fenders used to flare out and then there was just the engine and you know you sat like literally like right behind basically where you you sat like literally like right behind, basically where you sat, I can, I don't know if I'm explaining correctly. You know what I mean?

You sitting inside the fucking wheel, wheel, wheel, wheel. Not like literally in them, but as far as like the line down the side of the car, right? Like if you stuck your head out and you didn't have any fenders on it, you'd be looking at the fucking tire, right? As opposed to, you know, the fucking road. I know all you guys know what I'm talking about.

It also goes to show you how fucking fat and big people have gotten, you know what I mean? Two things, if you ever go to Mount Vernon and you go to Thomas Jefferson's house and you have to duck underneath the fucking, the, the, the fuck do you call them? The door frames, you see how much taller people are and then when you look at those old fucking cars The fact that two adults could sit side by side like that and it wouldn't be they probably won't even touch on each other

You know so many ways what I'm trying to say is that my my garage is Long and skinny and it's like high up, you know and long and skinny and it's like high up, you know, and then it kind of flares out at the back as it kind of wraps around the back of the house a little bit. So what I want to do, the front part is long enough for me to squeeze my truck in there. But then in the back, what I want to do is I want to turn that into like a little gym, which my wife is all for. And then I'm also pitching that I build maybe a little drum room. I could actually, I got this drum kit that I bought

that I have in cases that if I want to play it, I have to throw in the truck and drive it down to a studio. I'm thinking of making building like a room within a room, which will add no value to the house unless I someday sell it to another fucking drummer who also whispers on his own fucking podcast like his wife can't hear it. I'm still whispering. You know why? You know why?

Because the guy's coming in like a half hour and my wife is asleep downstairs and she hears me yelling about it. I might have to have this argument sooner than I'm prepared to have it. So that is the game plan. And like a couple months back, I bought those atomic holds. You know, all those things like that, American ninja shit. So downstairs on the garage, I want to just have those hanging from the ceiling. So I can do all that grip strength shit that I want to get better at. By the way, I fucking started working out for the first time in forever. And I went to do, go do pull ups, holy shit. I literally felt like, I was like,

do I have sandbags in my pockets? What the fuck's going on? I did six good ones and whimpered through the last four. I always try to do 10. I can't even fucking do it as pathetic. So that's like the big exciting thing in my life right now. And I gotta kinda get this thing going

before my wife wakes up and find something else to do in the house, you know, maybe, I don't know. So anyways, by the way, people, I'm doing a gig in Vancouver. I'm doing a gig in Vancouver, Canada this Sunday night, a last second one that was added because I left my January open because I'm still waiting to hear about a season two. We meet with Netflix this week to pitch them our ideas for season two. So if you've already watched FFIS for family, thank you so much because you've got me to at least getting the meeting. So we'll see what happens with that. And so I hadn't booked anything in January.

So now we're having some last second gigs coming up. I'm going to do a gig in Vancouver this Sunday. And then I'm going to do a couple of dates. One or two dates, I think, right before the Pat O'Neal benefit um, in the tri-state area, we're still um, trying to fucking iron those things out. As we speak, Jesus Christ, Bill, spit it out. All right, let's get to the uh, the questions of this week. Um, all right, inbox. Inbox, inbox, where's the content? Here's the content. No, I had it on the other page.

What am I doing? Now there we go. All right, Bill, Patriots first Kansas City. Hello there, Mr. Burr. How's it going? You're freckled, cut there. How are you? Hope your holidays were just peachy,

same to Cleo and Nia. Today, I just wanted to hear your honest and objective thoughts about the matchup between your paths and my chiefs this weekend. I was just listening to your podcast from 12, 7, 15 where you said, KC won't win shit. Somebody tweeted me that I said that. I talk so much trash, I don't even remember saying that. And I'm content that you may eat those words this week.

Oh, absolutely. Oh, I absolutely might eat those words this week. But having said, I think I meant, well, Casey won't win shit. Is he not going to win the Super Bowl? That's what I mean. My pick is the Seattle Seahawks, which is not really a, is not really a, a genius pick by any stretch of the means. They've been there two fucking years in a row. I mean, didn't they win yesterday without Marcian Lynch? I was running back and forth, trying to make Lasagna noodles. As far as I know, I didn't see Marcian Lynch in there. My wife was also clicking back and forth to like the fucking golden globe, so I just know that they... No, we're're not wait, that was the earlier one

Dude, do you know yesterday I watched I watched fucking Ohio State, Indiana I watched two play-of-football games and I watched half of a Celtic game and fell asleep It was fucking ridiculous, so I'm trying to remember what the fuck I saw this weekend, but um... no, I don't think it's going to be an easy, uh, listen, I got to tell you this, if we were fucking healthy, we would kick the shit out of you. All right, if we actually had an offensive line and Edelman was back and Amandola was back, we had a fucking running game and we, we, we, we, we were healthy. This is no fucking contest at home. You know it. And I know it.

Right now Brady is driving a fucking rental car. So you might go in there and beat us and then you're gonna get all fucking excited and loud and then you know what I don't know you know why would I root against you guys hey you know what you guys you guys haven't since what 1970 all right what was that what was that fucking hang stream call power trap cross 57 half half what the fuck was that thing called I don't remember you guys have a uh when you beat the fucking Vikings Jesus Christ going way back you beat the AFL team that fucking sold out maybe that's why they're cursed maybe that's why they've lost what are they they lose? Three, three, four super balls, three super balls. All right. They lost

to the fucking chiefs. They lost to the packers. They lost to the dolphins and they lost to the Steelers. Is that right? Wait, the dolphins lost to the cowboys, then they beat the Vikings and they beat the Redskins. That's right. Chiefs beat the Vikings. Green Bay beat the chiefs. They didn't beat the Raiders, did they? They beat the Vikings, right? No, the Vikings would have been in the NFL by then I Don't fucking whatever you lots like fucking three of them maybe cuz you're yet you didn't stick with the AFL guys Does that make any sense whatever good luck to the Chiefs this week good luck to the Patriots obviously my heart is with the Patriots but You know, I don't I didn't like that dolphins game where every time Brady the few times he went back to past There was just somebody right in his grill every fucking time

But whatever the end of the fucking day we have the greatest fucking quarterback and coach of all fucking time So go fuck yourself. I think we're gonna beat you all right It'd be no fun if I just said good luck to you guys. So fuck you guys. You don't stand a chance there. Now if you beat me, you got something to talk about. Then you can trash me and I can fill out a fucking hour next week on the podcast. Alright, drive to school. Oh, by the way, Alabama!

The dream is tonight! Alabama Clemson! I have no, I don't know shit about either team. I was so fucking busy in the fall I didn't get to watch it even but of course I Wouldn't care if Alabama won but Clemson hasn't won in a while so I'd love to see them win however if if Alabama wins It just makes the Cleveland Browns futility even funnier to me because The dumbest fucking move ever.

Do you realize that they had Bill Bellicicek and Nick Saban coaching their team and they've fired the the fucking Paul Brown, Vince Lombardi of the modern day NFL and the Paul Brown, Bear Bryant, Vince Lombardi, of NCAA division one football. They had them both coaching together and they fired. So if Alabama is a Cleveland Brown fan, you have to be rooting for Clemson. You just have to. You guys have had enough fucking pain, right? Who knows? Maybe LeBron can get you over the hump this year, you know? I always root for Cleveland, like I said,

I have relatives, you know, family that grew up out there and all the type of shit. I actually love Cleveland, so. However, I also love a good joke. So if Alabama wins tonight, it'll still be funny. Anyways, continue on, drive to school. Hey Bill, I've been a fan of yours since the ONA days in Chappelle Show.

Somewhere along the line, I had a kid and he's old enough to listen to some of your podcast. I listened to it with him on the drive to school. I listened to the whole episode before beforehand and cut out any of the stuff that is a bit heavy or sexual. Jesus, you're fucking great dad. When you start editing their content, you know. Look at you, you're fucking great dad when you start editing their content, you know Look at you. You're a regular typical Not because I'm sheltering him, but because he and I don't need Don't need share certain podcasts moments when you talk of jizz and in some skank before 8 a.m

Exactly let the kid have a childhood Trying to keep it light and positive with the exception of the funny negative. Anyways, I wanted to tell you that it's the best thing we got going. We listened to about 15 minutes a day. It puts him and I in a laughing mood, which he needs. School has a lot of work these days, and he always got a ton of homework and projects and his dragon in the morning. This wakes him up. Sometimes we pause and talk about certain things, or all explain certain stuff to him about

politics, sports, et cetera. Yeah, in other words, correct the dumb shit that I said. All that father-son stuff. Thanks for the parental assist. Oh, that's great. Who would have thought my ignorance could be hot woman? Anyways, I'm already regretting, fucking making funny Ricky Gervais. Why did I do that shit?

But you know what? I mean, he's making fun of everybody on the show. It's only fair, right? They're showing up with fucking acceptance speeches and he's got all those fucking zingers at him in his writing staff route. It's only fair. That's why I like Mel Gibson. Mel Gibson gave him shit back.

I don't understand why people just go out smiling. They should fucking trash them. Visectomy, dear Bill, I don't want to get a Visectomy. I just don't. My wife and anyone else who chimes in on the subject started trying to break down positives and point out the lack of negatives. Ever just not want something? I just don't want one. Can you believe this? Or you with everyone else that it must be rooted in some fear, etc. Fuck that dude. Fuck that. Are you fucking kidding me? Do you think you could fucking tell a woman what the fuck to do with her body for two seconds before she just said you're a You're a showvinist to cut Yeah body for two seconds before she just said you're a you're a showvinist to cunt. Yeah dude fuck that. Fuck that all day long. That's your fucking dick and

balls. All right? I thought they fuck with you dick. If you don't fucking want them to go in there and snip snip whatever the fuck I've even looked up the operation. I still don't get it. I don't get it. Nothing comes out. So does it stop your ability to make gizz? Do they put an utter down there where you got to milk the gizz out? It's disgusting. I don't get what happens, but fuck that. Fuck that. Just sit down with your wife, say, listen, I don't want to do that. It should be like, why? Why not? You're just, you're just fear based. It's like, no, it isn't. I don't want to be walking around. And it like, dude, you know what? That's like, you're like a muscle car.

And they want to rip the engine out and put a fucking V6 in there. Fuck you. And keep you a Shelby badge on the side of your car. And every day in the morning you wake up, standing there looking at yourself after you got out of the shower knowing that it's a lie. Fuck that dude. Fuck you keep the bullets in that gun. All right, she can't handle it, you know, I don't, you know, what is she gonna do to you? Huh? She gonna hold you down and make while someone else does it

Just yeah, you don't want one dude. You don't want one to the level. You're reaching out to a fucking podcast Okay, do you understand? I would even use that in your argument just be like but I don't play this audio though I would just say, listen, I so do not want to do this that I actually wrote into a podcast to get advice. That's how much I don't want to do this. And then she'll just be like, well, maybe we need to go talk to somebody about it, which means she's going to set up an appointment with somebody who agrees with her. All right, because she's going to set up an appointment with somebody who agrees with her. Alright, cause she's gonna set up the appointment going, listen, my husband needs to get a vasectomy. He's very nervous.

He says he doesn't want to get it, but it's gonna be the best for us. And she's gonna totally set the fucking table. It's like those dumb fucks that go on Dr. Phil. You ever see those sad sacks that go on that fucking show with their wife like they have a fucking prayer Dr. Phil's audience is women So he's gonna have to side with the woman every fucking time even if he you know He's gonna try to you know hide his hand and give her a little bit of shit But at the end of the day he's gonna be looking at you going you need to get your balls snipped

Right he's gonna come at you like that. While he sits there, you know, with his junk still fucking working, you know, he's got a giant fucking unit. Doesn't he do that big fucking goof, that big bald goof walking down the hall? You know, he's got a fucking giant fucking unit. Big great-dane balls I don't know why I think he's got a fucking giant unit he does he's just like he's just dirt but dirt the way he talks he's just got to always gives them This giant size 16 brown wooden wing tips just sitting across from you. This gotta be the worst fucking show ever to be on. Oh my God. I never thought about Dr. Phil's junk before.

You see that? It takes some of you to fucking bring up a vasectomy. You'll never be able to think about them again. Me and my big dick say, you need to listen to your wife. All right, jumping out of a plane. Hey, Bill, where are you at on jumping out of a plane? If you're a chicken shit American, I'm a Brit. How much money would it take you to jump? American I'm a Brit how much money would it take you to jump? I got a bet with my mate That you hate heights and it take 500,000 US dollars. Don't change your answer to be contrary to what I just guess

Keep it fair good sir. Thanks Jesus another arrogant Brit These guys think they're fucking geniuses. I've already done it, you fucking idiot, and I paid someone to do it. I paid. I went to in Pepperon, Massachusetts when I was 19 years old, and I didn't do a tandem jump either. I did a static line jump. I've told this story on the podcast, sir. If you're a little bit more up on it. And also, I have a pilot license. I fly helicopters. So if I was afraid of heights, I mean, I'm afraid of heights. Look, if I don't have a parachute on my back, and I'm not in a in a in a vehicle that's designed to fly then yes I'm afraid of heights like I don't like you know like if you like one time I watched a YouTube video and they just showed these guys that

had to climb up to the top of this fucking building. And then, not climbing to the well, they took the elevator, it was getting hot, they were on the roof. And it was already on the fucking roof. This building was so fucking high up. And you know, the wind up there must be ridiculous. I would literally just lay down in the fetal position and crawl back to the fucking door

that leads to the stairwell, reach up to the handle and fucking go back down. But this dude then climbs the fucking, whatever, the radio tower or whatever, and it just keeps getting higher and higher and higher and the tower gets smaller and smaller and smaller and smaller And he's hooking and unhooking his safety line. I literally I Couldn't I mean obviously the guy lived because it's his GoPro on his helmet and I've never been so fucking unsettled watching something in my life Okay, then I would hate heights, but I think at that point, everybody hates heights. But, um, yeah, when I was 19 years old, I went to this place in Peperal, Massachusetts, which I don't think exists anymore. There might still be an airport there.

And they had a, uh, a school. And, uh, you, I did the static line jump if you've ever seen that movie Fandango when a Kevin Costner's earlier ones Where the dude from breakfast club Judd Nelson his character jumps out That's exactly what I did and I remember when we went up the Command was sitting the door get out and then he slapped you on the shoulder and said, go. And I remember when he said sit in the door, I thought he was saying close the door. So I was reaching up, I'm sitting down, reaching up trying to close the door. And he had this big smile on his face like he thought I was checketing out.

I feel like I just told this story on the podcast. And then I finally realized I was saying sit in the door. So you sit in the door, and basically it's one of those planes where the wing is above the aircraft. Do you know what I mean? It's on top of the aircraft as opposed to below, which actually gives you a much better site, I would think, as far as if you wanted to look down.

And then there's the support that goes to the side of the plane. So, and then right above one of the landing wheels, the wheels don't retract on this plane, they had welded a little step. So, you sat the fucking door, and I forget how high we were at. I want to say we were only like 1500. We weren't that high up because you shoot immediately comes out. So you sit in the door, then he goes get out, and then what you do is you reach out and you grab that support beam from the wing and you hold on to that while one of your feet is standing on that little step thing. And then basically what you do is I'm literally acting this out so I can remember it is you then, basically you bend your arms and you bring your chest

like flush with the support beam. And then the foot that's dangling, you put it straight out behind you. It's almost like a yoga pose. So sit in the door, get out, and then he slap your shoulder and he goes go. And you let go and then the door, get out, and then he slaps your shoulder, and he goes, go. And you let go, and then you arch, you arch, right? Arch, arch 1000, 2000, 2000, 3000. Look, if nothing, look, reach pull. And when you're looking, you're looking over your, your shoulder to see

if your shoot came out. And then if nothing, you look down at the handle reach pull it because for some reason they say if you don't look down you might be flailing because your pan and king because this is the first time you jumped and the shoot didn't come out. Sorry, Kaiyanpepper. Hang on a second. So anyways, I get out, he goes go, I let go, and instead of arching, I get out, he goes, go, I let go. And instead of arching, I, I don't know what I did. I just reached for something. All I know is I started doing front flips as my shoot was coming out. And I felt it go by my leg, the inside of my leg, I felt it go by my leg. I felt something hit that.

And I was immediately thinking, oh my god, I'm gonna roll right up in this fucking thing, like, you know, when you put bacon on shrimp. And the second I had that thought, like the shoot already had come out, and by the grace of God, I didn't get tangled up. I think about that sometimes like how easily I could have fucking died. And then boom, your shoot comes out and when your shoot comes out, you don't even feel like you're falling because there's nothing going past you because you're above the tree line and all that. So you just feel like you're just sort of suspended in the air. And there was a radio and this lady just talked to you and she said, pull the left toggle and you had to pull it all the way down to your knee because I remember there was this big girl in the class and she couldn't get it around her hips and she landed across the street in a pile of loom and dislocated her knee. I remember that before and then I went up after her and I was just like, fuck.

I remember that before and then I went up after her and I was just like fuck And then they have this ridiculous, you know, when you get to the tree line You suddenly realize how fast you're falling. I think it was like 17 feet per second or maybe 11 feet I can't remember but it was really fast. It was like basically, you know Jumping off of a basketball rim like how fast you'd come down It had to be a little bit slower, right? No, no, because you're not reaching terminal velocity. I don't fucking know. So all I know is when you hit the ground, what you were supposed to do was look straight

ahead. Because for some reason, if you look down at your feet, what you were going to do, they were worried you'd pick your feet up too quickly and somehow break your legs. So what you had to do is look straight ahead. And as right as you hit the ground, you're supposed to do this little fucking like collapse down and then this big ridiculous bring it, both your legs straight up in the air and then over to your side. I don't know why. I doubt that they still have people do that. And I did what everybody else did is I came

down and the second my feet hit the ground I did a face plant right into the grass and my buddy grabbed the the mic from the person and called me a dickhead something like that what a dickhead or something in the in the in the radio um so yeah there you go so I did it and what are you basing chicken shit American on? Huh? Are you tough guys over there with your fish and chips? Have you done it yet? 500 years. There's nothing you can, something, if I don't want to do something,

I wouldn't do it. There's not money that you can give me. I know you guys, oh, give me a fucking break. No, I'm making great money. I got enough money. I got enough money. I'm good. To take my got enough money. I got enough money. I'm good. To take my life in my fucking hands. No. That's one of those things. No, I was back

working at the warehouse. Me granted, I paid somebody when I was working in a fucking warehouse. I, uh, shit, you know, let's see. How much would they, I mean, if they gave me? Literally if you gave me $400 you would have doubled my pay for the week so I would have done that. Let's see, let's go back to the building to climb up that building. How much money would they have to give me when I was working in the warehouse, $800. And now for that building, I would say, yeah, I just wouldn't do it. That's not I'm all right. I'm all set. I'm all set. I should actually send you guys that video.

So it's not that I hate heights, sir. I hate risking my life To that level if there's like a parachute or something like that It is a bungee cord or there's like a fucking safety line. That's fine But you know you're going up that tower where I have to unhook the safety line and then hook it back up and there's wind and shit Fuck that. That's too much of a a risk I wouldn't do that but uh You know I don't know I don't want to fuck I'm talking about it college cooking dear Billy boy I dig oh, that's a great one

What a great one Billy Billy boy I D. Oh fuck I got to wrap this up this guy's coming in 12 minutes boy ID. Oh fuck I got to wrap this up this guy's coming in 12 minutes. I'm sure everyone is blowing you up to make another cooking video so don't worry this isn't that. I'm a college student. I know you've lived like a college student in the early 30s from past stories about living with Bobby Kelly. Oh, dude we weren't living like college students. We were living like fucking animals. Do you have any menu suggestions? Besides pasta, what would you mix together? I'm pretty creative and I do all right, but I'm open to some suggestions. What's good to throw together on a budget and on a fly? You know what, dude? I would go to

I would, this is what I would do. I would go on YouTube and I would ask that question and you'll find videos and then just start searching and at some point you're gonna connect with somebody and I feel like I'm you know Drop on the ball here on the question, but like I'm not a chef. I'm not even a cook I'm really early on this to this myself So that's what I would do this a's a bunch of old episodes of Mario, Mario Battalys, Multomario, M-O-L-T-O Mario. I really suggest watching those. Just watch the guy.

I used to just watch the show and just by watching it you learn things and you start to see how things are made. And the big thing is not having, you just have to learn shit life. You gotta have the mindset of like, I'm gonna fuck this up probably the first time and that's all right. And then I'll get a little better. Like the pasta, I already, just even just running it through the pasta maker,

I already have like three fucking things that I'm not gonna do the next time. And by the way, somebody gave me a great tip when you're after you've needed the dough and you put it through your pasta maker. Be sure to douse like both sides with flour. Be liberal with the flour because if you don't, it's gonna tear. It could tear when you're in there because it's supposed to be like sticky and elastic at the same time. And when you run it through there, yeah, you could possibly have some issues. And it tears, and it's a big fucking pain in the ass. And then he gets sad. You feel like a fucking failure. And you're not. He had the balls to try it. So I would, I go that. Rachel Ray's got a great bunch of great ones from back in the day Everybody always makes fun of her, but she wouldn't she I make 20 minute meals

He that little fucking laugh. She do ice to watch her shit all the time That's great shit for probably where you're at But I would also Google some stuff like that But it's great as a college student if you start to learn how to cook if you start to learn how to cook right now and you Do it religiously you you are going to be a fucking beast compared to the average person. By the time you're in your 30s, dude, forget it. If you add like shit, like learning how to make a pie crust, because then you can make turkey pie, you can make quiche, you can make all of this shit, you start making homemade pasta.

Forget it. It's fucking over. Then you learn how to do all this other stuff. I forget what, I mean I made it with Nia. I was really concentrating on making the pasta. She did the bolognese and then she did the whole milk sauce thing. But I just was watching her do that. When you heat it up some butter and some flour, and then you heat it up some milk, then you pour the up some milk, then you pour the whole thing together instead of using like ricotta cheese,

or any of that type of shit. You use this really rich milk thing, it was almost too much. The fucking dish was like, it almost tasted like a dessert, it was so fucking good. But I didn't know how to do shit when I was your age, So I think it's great that you're doing it. You know, you want to have a blue apron. Sign up for that shit and just, you know, steal some of their meal ideas and then expand on them. If there's a style of cooking that they give you, then you go on YouTube and you just start looking at recipes about that. Like, you know what? I don't know anything about which is weird because I love the food. Is any sort of Asian style cooking. I actually smoked some ribs and I had this this dipping sauce that was like a you know, whatever Chinese, a Japanese influence, you know,

with the fucking soy sauce and all that. And it was, and I was in a part of the grocery store that I never went to. And it was the shit. It tasted great. And that's something I was kind of thinking this year. I want to get down pasta and start to have some Asian-type dishes in there.

So if there's anybody out there that can help me with that, I'd appreciate. So anyways, the guys coming here in eight minutes, I gotta upload this fucker. I'll talk to you later. What's up everybody? And welcome back to the Anything Better podcast, NFL Edition going into Wild Card Super Wild Card weekend.

They're calling it super because there's a Monday night game. I mean, they're Saturday game, it's Sunday games. The regular season is over everybody. So now it is. Let's be honest, Paul, there's a lot of teams out there that have no business being in the playoffs. They just added all of these rounds to make money. That's why it's super.

So they can get bigger yachts, bigger mountains of cocaine, and a lot more horse. But you know what, Paul, we have nothing better to do so let's talk about these games. Well what team do you think doesn't belong there? Um, Texans, uh, the dolphins, couldn't put away the bills, uh, the Rams, what are they gonna do? And the Buccaneers, even though I like Baker Mayfield like this whole thing. It's this is like T-Ball How many second place teams Paul are you gonna invite to the dance? You weren't pretty enough Yeah, you stay in home on prom night, but not on super wild card weekend Paul Yeah, you know what next we should have started a flat football game

We probably could have played the fucking backers next Next year it's gonna be super duper, well, super duper, too swacky wild weeks of it. I love how they added an extra week of football and then like nobody played. It was like, they should call that back up weekend. That's a great point. It's like, it's an extra week and my homes and Kelsey are in hoodies.

I love it. And they didn't play. And they honestly had to pay them. It's fantastic. Although they would have just done are in hoodies. I love it. And they didn't play. And the owner still had to pay him. It's fantastic. Although they would have just done that in week 16. Yeah. Oh, you got a lot of buttons. A lot of buttons.

And they're all buttoned up. You joining the military? Huh? You got somebody coming by, checking out, you know, with a white glove? Did you just wake up? I'm sorry. No. I had a cup of coffee. I'm being a douche. Go

ahead. I'm sorry. No, uh, speaking of white glove, there was this North Korean chick on Rogan and Rogan goes, what is it? What is like, what like constitutes somebody getting like executed in your country? And she goes every, every room in the house has to have one of the Kims, a portrait of one of the Kims, either Kim Jong-un or the son or whatever, right? And at any time, the car lives, love, laughs signs. Yeah, and you have to have it in every room. And she said to Rogan that the government

could break in in the middle of the night at two o'clock in the morning and they come in and they actually put a white glove on. And if there's dust, if those pictures aren't like pristine and perfect, you could be imprisoned for life or executed. Yeah, you can't, you're not, he's not going to last. Yeah, anyway, you can't, you can't, you can't be doing that to people. Speaking eventually they rebel. Let's get into fun.

Let's get into fly, Puff, you know what? I don't know, there's something about this weekend feels a little super. First guys, we got a shout out. It was funny as nobody says super anymore. It's kind of funny how you don't think about the super bowl. Super bowl. Well, no, but I'm saying like, it's just they said it

so long ago. And you don't really think about it. Like, no one goes super. Hey, pay Paula, you wanna meet tomorrow at five o'clock? Super. No, yeah. Like nobody says that. Super.

Like, what if they called it the far out bowl? You know, that's what they need. And this would be the far out fucking wild car weekend, man. The groovy's the groovy bowl, baby, the at a sight bowl, out of sight bowl. The mama hand bowl. It's kind of weird that they, and I never really thought about that. But Paul, I'm not a thinker.

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There you go, everybody, $5 gets you 158, so you could enjoy super wild card weekend. super wild car weekend. We have a lot of I'm fucking amped up for this weekend. I am. It's gonna be super. Dude wild car weekends my favorite. I like wild car weekend better than divisional. This is my favorite. Well you're a positive guy. You fucking like everything. You like you like bad weather. Who does doesn't know I'm a weather guy bill it snowing back here. I fucking love it I'm up to my fucking ass and snow that I have to shovel and you you love it Paul That's what it got I higher you like a 35 year old Santa Claus. You just did a good fucking mood Your beard hasn't gone white yet, you know

Listen Well, here's what it is Paulieie Christmas. You live longer that way. God willing, knock on wood. Um, Paul, you're going to be, you're going to be the guy everybody wants to be. He's always in a good mood. I think that's why he beats the book every year. He just he thinks positive. Listen, three years in a row, what's it going to take until I get my recognition?

I mean, you should get some sort of a trophy, a ring, something, a concentration call. I feel like they're going to go Donald Trump and then not going to concede and say that you cheated. I keep getting the franchise tag on this thing. I'll do it again. I'll do it again. I'll fucking do it again. You want me to do it again? Right. I don't think anybody's betting against you, dude. I think I against you dude. Three years in a row. That's not a fluke call. By 17 games. I think I beat it by 17 or 16 and a half. Come for me. I'm coming for you Steven A. I'm coming for you. Wait, you over three years 16 or this year. 16 this year. Last year was like.

Well, why did you wait till the second week and be like, mathematically, I can fucking, I got him. I thought you were going up by like three or four games. That's incredible. Hang on one second. Hey, I'm doing a podcast. Let me quiet right back. Let's get into this bill. The first game.

Oh, it's going to be a super one, Paul. It's going to be far. By the way, Andrew, how are we doing this, buddy? Are we are we picking each like there's only a certain amount of games? Are we just picking this together? What's going on here? Uh, yeah, whatever you want to do last year, last year, I think you guys just picked every game together. All right. So the first game we got is we got the Cleveland Browns. We got the Cleveland Browns on the road. I'm issued a plan. Oh, Cleveland is actually a road favorite, two and a half.

They're laying two and a half in Houston against the Texans. I like the Texans. What? I like the Texans. Are you didn't like that? I like the Texans. No, no, I was trying to hear what you said. Oh, it's a tough one. Joe Flacco, you know, is a foreign. That's right. I keep forgetting Joe Flacco.

And who's who's having more fun than him, Paul? It's a tough game. Let's be honest. It's not the greatest game on the list. Would you call it super? Gun to my head? Yeah, I'll take the Texans at home. That rookie quarterback had a great amount of time. I don't wanna do, I wanna root for Joe Flacco. Well, you could, you could pick your pick, I make my pick.

Oh, okay, I just needed your permission, I'm sorry. I'm gonna take the Texans, you talked to me out of it. Listen, I don't give a fuck cause this doesn't count against my record. I just wanna enjoy the game. So I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna go the Texans. You talked to me out of it. Listen, I don't give a fuck cause this doesn't count against my record. I just want to enjoy the game. So I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna go with the Browns because I like Joe Flacco. I like the Browns. You know, the Texans. I mean, they're still an expansion franchise to me. That's the Houston Oilers and they went to fucking Nashville.

You know what? You know what? You're right. I'm actually I Gotta go with the better defense. I do like TJ Stroud. I like what the Texans did But they had to win the last game to get in or whatever. I'm gonna take the Browns to I like that pick I think the Browns better defense and Joe Flacco's experience I'll take the Cleveland Browns to listen my last What if he just went on a fucking run? Imagine you won the Super Bowl. That's what I'm saying. How much fun would that be? Dude, if Joe Fletcher won the Super Bowl with the Browns

That would be they make a movie out of that dude. Yeah, that's That'd be ring number two and then he's in the hall, but it's not happening I mean, this is a super weekend. I mean, I think that would be pretty super if he did that. I'll go as far as to say only one team on this. Pretty cheeky. Only one team on this list. What do we got? Two, four, six, eight, ten, only one team out of these 12 teams is going to the Super Bowl and this one. And the other team ain't on this list because they ain't playing this weekend. Yeah. Um, all right. I like I'm with the still with this party guy.

I think he's throwing a ball before they even turn around. It's like everybody does that. They do that at all levels. It's called quarter back. Yeah. It's called being a quarterback. We supposed to wait till the D backs also looking. Do you realize level skill it takes?

Um, I'm not saying the 49ers are bad team. I'm just saying. They just did there. they're selling this kid. All right. Okay. So I'm going with the Browns minus two and a half. I'm going with the Browns minus two and a half too. I like that. I'm fucking Joe Flacco. That's my guy. I'm fucking. I'm going with the Browns. I'm moving for them in the AFC. BFC. So both of us are going with the Browns.

Next game, by the way, I was like one in last year's playoffs. I need a bounce back playoff here I was terrible. Well, you put your feet up on the table you beat the book You're feeling good. You let the cigar and the other over I let us cigar too early Gather around let me tell you how to make money in this business Paul you're going for right now Gather around. Let me tell you how to make money in this business. Paul you're ruined for right now. What? Paul you lost all that you lost all the play. Whisperer in your ear like fucking George W on 9-11. You get that look on your face. All right next game we got the dolphins plus four and a half at arrowhead against the chiefs. We all know what's going to happen in this game.

at arrowhead against the chiefs. We all know what's going to happen in this game. I know they got Nick Crow, the Wiz kid and this and that and the chiefs are struggling and beat a dopped up a dope through Travis Kelsey is going to be stomping around in the end zone. Fucking blowing kisses to, you know, these girl, Taylor Swift, Taylor Taylor Swift the biggest gangster and fucking entertainment Today She's beating all those bastards Paul She's big the chiefs. I got to see it. It's one of those where I got to see it

It's I got to see the chiefs lose. They're not gonna. I don't think super boat defending super boat champs They rested up last week. I like the chiefs as well Mm-hmm. All right that brings us to the Steelers and the bills. Okay, this bill is finally living up to their potential big win last week, Paul, they beat the Miami dolphins down there in Miami. Reminded the dolphins of who they are. They're a destination city for a vacation. They're a destination city for a vacation

There a place where you go after you get your pilot's license to consider Trafficking cocaine into this country what they are not Paul is a professional football city I'm gonna take I'm sick of them living off the fucking undefeated dolphins from 1972 Paul it was It was 52 fucking years ago. Enough already. They had two white running backs. Tom Selleck mustaches. You already ever did it since, man. Listen, I think the Buffalo Bills, I think the Buffalo Bills are going to beat the Steelers. I think the Buffalo Bills are going to go to the Super Bowl, but I don't think they're going to beat the Steelers by 10. So I'm taking the points.

I think the Bills win the game. I don't think they win it by more than 10. I like the Steelers getting points on the road. Mike Tomlin, team is tough. Another winning season. Listen, it's a Pittsburgh Steelers. It's one of those franchises that just show up. It's just a great franchise.

I love the 10 points. We're starting to agree with you. I like the 10 points to I keep feeling like Josh Allen's going to have like his breakout game where he gets on the same pages with with with what's his face. He keeps overthrown them there. Stefan Diggs. It's going to happen one of these weeks, Paul. One of these weeks I feel like in the playoffs,

they're gonna have a blood bath. I love that. So you kind of think it's gonna happen early. And the Steelers, you know, the Steelers, they're like, this is what we're doing, and they don't make half time adjustments. They don't fire head coaches. They don't listen to the American Heart Association.

I'm trying to work this out, Paul. I'm doing math. All right. You're confusing me here. You like to point out? How can I enjoy this super wild car weekend if you're in my ear like that? Super duper.

Super duper. You jive turkey. Why am why am I gonna do this? This is stupid. I'm gonna take the Buffalo Bills. I just feel like they're gonna score a lot of touchdowns and they're gonna be fucking talking to the camera like that coach of the Eagles and then you're probably next week they're gonna lose.

But I think this week they're gonna make a statement and everybody's gonna be like, this is what's gonna happen. Oh, little moves and fucking back in August. It's probably what's gonna happen. I like Josh Allen stuff on digs. They finally get it, they play a little hurry up. Collinsworth called it last week.

He's like, is it me or does he play better when they fucking make go fast? He dropped the F bomb, nobody heard it. Cause he got such a gravely voice. I'm gonna take the bills, minus 10 at home. That's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna go bitch. All right, bills take the bills minus 10 at home. That's what I'm, what's what I'm going to do? I'm going to the bitch. All right.

Bill's got the bills. I'm a bitch playing 10. I got the Steelers getting 10. I think the bills went up by like six. All right. Next game Packers Cowboys. Cowboys are seven and a half point favorites in Dallas against the Packers and Jordan love.

Good team, man. It's a tough one. It's a tough spread too. I hate that half a point. Yeah. And both of these teams are a little wishy washy Paul. Like, if you were going to rob a bank, you're not going in with either one of these teams. They're not sitting in the getaway car. When you come out of the bank with the with the with the bag of money, are

they are they going to be there? Are they not? That is perfect. I am not robbing a bank with the cowboys or the packers. Convenient store maybe. I'll steal some M&Ms with the Packers in the Cowboys, but I am not I am not going federal with these fucks No You know what just cuz it's fun. I'm gonna take it pulse super. Why can't I have a good time? I'm gonna go with the Packers getting seven and a half. I really like Jordan love I am and I'm really hoping that he's gonna be Continue the tradition of incredible quarterbacks in green bay because this is another thing to call

like what you're watching here bret far to aron rogers and then jordan love does it i mean you talk i haven't seen but we've never seen that that's like root garrick well they're all the way up to make you mantle paul i was listening i was listening to something on the radio with and this guy called in and he said something.

I forgot to mention, they're up to do magic. Sorry, sorry, New York 718, sorry. He said, he said something, that's why our show is the best because we give the best information, but here's the deal. And we're humble. A little bit, you are. The humble is from the thumb. Just a bounce.

You beat the book three years in a row. I mean, I can't believe you're fucking not wearing a candy cap or a country No, you got to say in the business in the business I'm the best any cap or in the business When we do Vegas Paul, I'm gonna make sure that crowd gives you your fucking respect On this man's name that's gonna be such a fun show a little respect. No, no Aaron Rogers stayed on the, they said,

holding a clipboard as they say behind Brett Fart for two years, getting frustrated, learn the system. Then this kid learned the system. I actually think it makes sense for teams with a good quarterback that's halfway or kind of towards the end, draft a young quarterback and let the kids sit on the bench for two years and learn the, the learn the system. I think that's why you know these guys that come in and they just get thrown to the wolves. No, I don't know why they do that either. No, I also don't know why they go forward and forth down. There's a lot of things Paulie don't understand anymore, but I, I'd like to go with them. I'm still gonna bring them up.

It's like a kid, a kid starts a quarterback for BYU. He wins a big bowl game and next thing you know, he's playing on Sunday's starting against the fucking against the Eagles. It's like, it's not going to work. It's not going to work. Well, this time of year, I think it does work against the Eagles. Speaking of which, I know I shouldn't use Eagles. All right.

I'm going to actually go opposite bill on this one. I think Dak Prescott and CD Lam are really on the same page. I think the Cowboys win this game by 10 or more. I think they're gonna rush this young quarterback and he's gonna win. Well, they're on the same page. It's the fucking 19th game, 18th game of the season that we're in the same uniform.

He goes like this when he's open. But they're clicking big is what I'm saying. Unlike, unlike Diggs and that guy, well actually Diggs and them are coming along too, but I like the Cowboys to win by 10. I'm gonna take the Cowboys as much as it hurts me to say that as a Giants fan. Next game, we got the Rams.

Oh, dude, this is a game. It's Matthew Stafford. Matthew Stafford going against his old team. Oh, shit. Indetroid. Indetroid team. Oh shit in Detroit. In Detroit. Oh, I got the lines because they disrespected Jared Goff. And I also, I also, I loved, you know, as much as I fucking hate the way they call some of these games, I loved that he went forward again on the two-point

conversion against the, it was against the Cowboys. That game, yeah, I liked that. I liked that he went forward again. Like fuck you. This is what we're doing. I like that coach. I'm with you 100%. I love the lions in this game. I love the lions in this game. This is a jaric out for a bench game. I love it. What's the coach of the lions? I keep looking it up. Dan Campbell. Dan Campbell. I want him to do a wrestling promo. He's the triple H. You're fucking head coaches. You know, you just look, you know, the guy played the game. No, he's great. He's great. He goes, and then when we're on our way up, we're going to bite their kneecaps on the way up. He just

said some shit and everyone's like, all right. Yeah, yeah. He's he's going in. You know, he is, he's like, he's like the third lead in like the predator movie. You can just see him in there. He takes Jesse the body's part. I love that guy But it's gonna be interesting as far as like This is a huge challenge for them even though they're three point favorites I just feel like the experience with the coach and I think Matthew Stafford at this point is still a better quarterback Proving himself the guy's got a ring I can't I can't, I can't argue that.

Can't argue. Who am I? I mean, Paul, you know, just the guy who beats the book. No, no, you're right. I just the best in the business, Paul. I think, I think Matthew Stafford is a slightly better, but I think the Lions are a better team. And the line is a little bit more. Wait, am I just scotty-pippin' of this show?

Am I gonna start to resent you after a while? When I don't get the ball at the end of the game? Ha, ha, ha, ha, we both love the line. Oh, Billy Pippin. I'll be honest with you. I think the lines too low. I think the lines win the game by a touchdown, no? Hey, Paul, I mean, that would be super because I'm taking the lines.

I'd take the line. What a super what a car weekend. That would be all right. This brings us Paul to a game that the, oh, take the coming in by the way ladies check out the stubble the man is single the man is available and he very quietly Paul very quietly you know what you want Paul you're like fucking you're the Teflon Don you're out there with the Canary Yellow suit talking this guy right here this guy right here. This guy right here, he's got the president's phone number. I like to double Jake, you're looking

good, but thanks one one spill stamped it, I knew I had to keep it. You got to keep it to get a little swagger. That's what you need, man, you have your fucking crush on it. What do you got for us? Thank you, you know, just kind of put in here by by Andrew, but I think you guys are on a something with those picks, I especially agree with the Andrew, but I think you guys are on to something with those picks. I especially agree with the chiefs, so I think that's it's up magic for Miami. It's going to be like zero degrees there too.

Yeah, they're not going to play well in that. They're going to try to shut down Tyree Killo. Tyree coming back to his house though. So you're like, what we're doing so far. Yeah, maybe with the Lions Rams, I'm going to loop it on Rams, but you guys can kind of want me over with that argument about The Lions that they're gonna be amped up. I think it's the first time they made the playoffs and quite Don't listen to us. Hey Jake. Do we have any Jake? Do we have any injuries? Is there anybody anybody out anybody hurt? Not that I know I think if anything the injuries are gonna be in the Eagles game

I saw hurts and AJ Brown got injured in that Giants game. Yeah. But it seemed like that they're going to play. Yeah, they're going to play. They're going to play. Yeah. All right. Playoffs, you know, people don't sit out as much, you know.

But yeah, it's going to be super. What if Jake's going to be super? Super hero. And this is just as fucking alter ego. That'd be sweet. I would lose someone. Alright, okay, Jake. Well, thanks for checking in. There you go. We got. That was fucking super. I was a super Jake to snake. Hot take Jake. All right, boss boss. We got it. It's a Monday night special.

What did he say that would be Andrew is a Monday night special, right? Because it's Monday night. Yeah, if you want a Monday night special. All right, dude, we just know Paul. You explained to me where the Eagles were in November that not only they playing on super wild card weekend, they are on the fucking road. Well, Bill, let me go into Tampa, Paul, a lot of titty bars. Let me ask you a lot of titty bars. Bill, you're a little older than me. You've been watching football longer than me.

I've got 10 years on you, youngster. When is the last time you saw a team? I'm serious. This is a serious question. I might be joking around. When is the last time you saw a team 10 and one in the NFL, 10 and one, and then lose every other game but one after that. Like, do you, do you remember that or no? Without a major injury, I think they're hurt, Paul. I think, and then just not telling people because, you know, they have it. They have a solid coach. Can't call

them great till they win it, right? Is that fair? Can't call them great till they win it, right? Is that fair? Can't call them great till they win it. Yeah, all he's done is premium blend. Remember that show? Got me central. Um, listen, I think that this is the game that they need. Uh, I think even injured that they're going to go in there and they're going to, uh, they're going to out football on Paul. That's just what's going to happen. They're going to be better on special teams that just, they're just going to be better in all facets of the game. I love Baker Mayfield and all of that, but I kind of feel like everybody down there is surprised that they are in

the playoffs where the Eagles are kind of like what the fuck happened? We need to write this ship. I just feel like they're gonna be more Play and desperate like we can't go out like this But only thing Paul is just a lot of titty bars in Tampa And that's something that we need to consider it is There's some tanned up titties. This is eyes that ask down there, Paul. This is gorgeous.

Just make some man abandon a family, Paul. The amount of friends I had that went down to Tampa. And I was worried that they were gonna choose Scientology because it started right there in clear water. And that's what we always thought, oh my I mean, I, oh, my God, Elron, Robert got another one. That persuasive son of a bitch. And it wasn't Paul. It wasn't. You come down there, Paul. And you'd see him sitting in the corner

in the dark drinking out of a half coconut side splinters comedy club is broken up more marriages. Bobby's jewel has taken more comics to Titty bars. No, that guy's not there anymore. Oh, he isn't all right. Does Baker Mayfield pull this off? To the Tampa's? Oh, wait, okay, if we're just going fun, if we're just going fun, I'm a Baker Mayfield guy. I fucking love the guy. All right. You've been on him all year and you were right. Oh yeah, I've been on this guy since what's his face is calling what's his face is shitting on him. Oh, Calum on his show. Yeah, calling cowherd. So I you know right there I rooted for him to have a fucking guy and the sports business Paul. Means not as good as you Paul you're the best in the business. Okay, but I'd say he's number two. He's in the playoff, right?

I need to see. He brought him on the show and continued to shit on him. Looking like he can't even throw a ball. He leads the Browns to the playoffs and gets him a victory. Colin still trashes him. Gets bounced around to the Panthers, the Rams, what's going on? But blah, blah, blah, blah. Lands on his feet and this has happened.

And as far as I know, Paul, the man's still getting no respect. You know what I'm gonna do, Paul? Just for the fucking fun of it. I'm gonna take the Buccaneers plus three, even though I like the Eagles. And I like Nick A. I like that coach. Why not, Paul? Hey, Paul, that's the pregame speech. Why not us?

Here's the thing. I think the Buccaneers, I'm with you. I agree. Something is really broken and Philly. You don't lose five out of six of your last games when you're 10 and one. And the coach just looks completely fucking baffled in the press conference. He's going, we need to dig down deep. Something is wrong.

J. Lee, just guys are hurt. He's not baffled. But he forget how to coach football. They're fucking hurt, Paul. I'm telling their hurt and he has to sit there and take one for the team. He can't go out there. Everybody's hurt. Yeah, you're just speaking in hyperbole.

I'm with you. I'm gonna take Buccaneers. I think the Buccaneers are gonna fucking. I think Nick is taking one for the team by saying, you know, we got to dig down. We got it blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, because he's his name? Chad Johnson was on inside the NFL and he said, I can show the best show out there right now. And he said something I completely disagree with. He goes and you could tell the other hosts were like, what? He goes, the Eagles are playing possum. And once he goes, what? You don't play possum and lose home field advantage. You don't play possum to lose a by week. You don't go ahead, maybe possum was the wrong word.

Hey Bill, let's make our road rougher to really throw people off. Let's add some drama to this. No, the thing is they're just, yeah, I like Baker, Mayfield. They're flying high down there in Tampa, but we gotta do a special. So we'll take the bucks and the three points.

Oh, now we're getting into money. I was going with my heart with Baker Mayfield. I'll take, Paul, I have a feeling the bills and the Eagles are gonna try to reestablish themselves this weekend. They want to beat the fuck out of both teams. Well, the bills are already reestablished. The bills are one the last four, I think. I did what the fuck? They were supposed to fucking run away with the division. The whole question

was supposed to be can they get past the chiefs. Oh, that's going to be a good AFC. Nobody nobody nobody can fucking remember like fucking four months ago. Drives me crazy. What do you think you Andrew what's the under over? I Hate the under over 43 I just think it was gonna be low scored. Sorry, so the people are saying it's low score and they want you to jump on the hook and take the over I might do it You want to take the over you want to point? Tease it up if you want change the odds a bit. I say tease it down or yeah either way either way Hey, I'm a straight shooter. I don't fucking teach it all right. You know what you stand with me. No We never take the over we always take the under

Well if that fucking Eagles defense shows up and they just shut them down and they got to score like fucking 35 of the points How many touchdowns this 43 Four Fort a field goal. Oh, it's six. Seven times six is 42 six shit and a field goal I'm never figure you out, Paul. I will never figure you out. Every time I think you're smart, you say something dumb. Every time I think you're dumb, you say something smart.

Who are you, Paul? You are the best-handed caper in a business, baby. You want to, hey, you want to not do the under-oat? We're not even close, Paul. Yeah, 4th 28. 10 times 4 is 40. 4 is 28. I don't know.

I got confused how many teams, each team, I don't know. Let's do this. Paul, let's just, let's, let's slow it down. Let's not do the under-o- Let's stop doing addition and multiplication, too. All right, let's stop that too. Let's do the Buccaneers plus three, getting three, starting with points. Let's do Baker may feel to throw one and let's do Jalen Hertz to throw one. I think that's a doable, fun thing.

Some reason I just pictured him running one in. You got it. He's got to have to throw one. They're both going to have to run. But he's hurt. He's not going to run, right? All right. So let's do that. Okay.

Hey, Paul, and you have yourself a super weekend. So we're going to have Bucket Kneeers getting three. Jalen hurts to throw one. Baker to throw one. and there you go. It puts some money in your pocket. What else you want? All right, Paul, I got one. Now we have to talk about something. I mean, Mount Rushmore of today's coaches basically just Nick Sabin retires.

Arguably the greatest college football coach ever. Seven rings. Who the fuck else has seven? Yeah, Nick Sabin and Bill Bella check both leaving their bill check. It's it's it's officially done. But that was a little more mutual. What's that was a little mutual, right? Bella check wanted out too, right? Like he was a little done. Right? Bella check wanted out too, right? Like he was a little done. Yeah, I think so. It never ends well.

No, but he would have if listen, if he was fired, they would have done that Monday. I think they talked and I think, I don't know, there was no way we were gonna fire him, I think. No. It was an unbelievable run and it is over. But I'm hearing in some problems. I'm here in some rumblings that are going to make Jake the snake happy. I'm here in that Belicek wants Justin Herbert and that charges team

wants to come to the warm weather. Oh my god. I can't even tell you how much I would enjoy it. It would be great to see you went in there and he got them their first far out bowl Super Bowl. Sorry. Championship. Dude, if Bill Belicek goes goes to fucking so fire and wins a Super Bowl in Los Angeles, that would be the, he said, I'd love if we hired Vrable. Oh, Vrable's on the market.

Oh, that's right. The Titans fired Vrable. Yeah. And I've got a cable to the Pats. Vrable could go to the Pats. Yeah, I know. Um to the pets. Vray book could go to the pads. Yeah, I know. Um, I don't like my label. I mean, it's, it's, uh, I love my

label. It's just, it's just, uh, you know, give me a second to fucking handle this shit and sneaky peed. What about Pete Carol? Bring Pete Carol back. Oh, oh, there's a thing. Hey, there's a thing. Nobody's doing that.

I don't think right now with where we're at in a lot of positions. And I don't know what kind of, well, we got the number one draft pick that that could be tantalizing, but you're also following Bill Bellicek. It would be so talk about fucking, uh, I was gonna say, apropos, is that what you say? He had to follow Bill Parcells when he was with the Patriots, Pete Carroll. And he, and

he was just the whole time he was there, he was not Bill Belichack. He wasn't Pete Carol's like you're not I mean, you're not Bill Parcels Then he would come back even with a Super Bowl ring He would be Not Bill Belichack Does he want to do I don't think so I mean I if I was him and I'd want to go back to Southern California Jake the snake how would you like Pete Carroll coming down to San Diego. Yeah, you want that competition in the bar? Him coming around.

He's got some stubble. I have to get some gum. Get some gum. Yeah, you got to get that jawline going. He goes down there, you know, meets a couple of chicks with some daddy issues. Next thing, you know, you're, you're a little well starts drying up. You drink some milkshake. You know, Pete Carroll, one of the best. He's just a little bit older. So I kind of want someone younger to kind of like, you got to pair with her, but that will check what would be incredible. I mean, that's that's obviously I would definitely love

to have to. I will listen, I like this charges way back during the Dan Fouts air Coriel Day. So that would be great. Their fans had douchebags. You know, it's funny. How do you interview Beliap? At least when they were down to San Diego, I remember I went down there where a Patriots had, I was rooting for the charges.

They weren't even playing the Patriots and they would just fucking constant. Like, but the bills fans would like that. I think it's just because we were beating everybody back then, but I'll tell you that, that ship is sailed. Belicheck doesn't, the best thing is Bella check just chooses a team. He wants there's no interview What's he gonna do drop a fucking handful of rings on the desk? It's say what is your fucking franchise done? You're looking at me fucking nuts

Yeah, dude and listen to be great, you know Tom Brady went down south and he won one And then if he goes down and he wins that would be number nine Paul number nine and dude going to going to get Having Justin Herbert and Austin Eccler and having that talent with a guy like Bella check in that in that locker room Oh, you don't want to put a chargers. Oh, you think poor he's on the chargers before. If Bellicet goes every week. This is what funny. Everybody was saying that he's finished and he's this and he's that. Now that he's on the market, everybody's fall.

Oh, we should get that guy. It's the same with Herbert. They're all trashing him until until their team needs a quarterback, they're like, you see on social media, they're like trade for Herbert. How are they trashing the guy? He got hurt. It's unbelievable. You'd be surprised. Oh that's right. People are fucking idiots. Yeah I forgot. Sometimes I forget that. I mean you think I'd learn from the example of myself. I got what I got one for you Bill. Sneaky Pete to the pads. Mike Raible your defensive coordinator. How happy would you be?

Would a first round be? Listen, that would be great. But I don't think Pete wants to start over. The thing about it is, it's just starting over with the patriots, where the chargers, you know, you're just trying to get the car back on the road. But they have the personnel. You're just trying to get the car back on the road, but they got they have the personnel I'm trying to think I know that guy from Atlanta got fired I love when he yelled at that other coach. Everybody's like what a dick. It's like

He's emotional. He has to sell his house. He knew he was getting fired He thought maybe you know, maybe they could sneak one more victory in there He wouldn't have to pull his kids out of the local school system. Yeah. And then that guy just fucking stomped on him. He kept going, you know. I just thought it's something so funny. I just thought of Bella check and sneaky peat in the same waiting room to interview for the chargers and be sneaky peats like, hey, Bill. Bill goes in first.

Sneaky peats just pacing around. He's going, hey, Bill, you in first. Sneaky piece just pacing. He's going, hey, Bill, you know, I still wake up with more than would. What about you? No, but Agra, how fuck am I? Oh, shit. Wanna race up the stairs? Oh, you know, I wake up sometimes with some wood. I know.

It's an end of an hour, dude. Listen, I mean, what other team has had a better corner of a century run than the Patriots? It's the, nobody. Yeah, I mean, it was fantastic. And it's over and, you know, it's weird. It's like I'm sad that it's over, but there's also like the level pulp, the years that I aged as much as we went to the Super Bowl, all of those fucking times and all of that stuff, but there's a zillion times we went to the playoffs. During those 20 years and just, you know, living and dying on every fucking play. And most of the times losing, you know, even with all the success,

we won the title six times. And people talk about, oh, you lost to the giants and the Eagles. It's like, we're fucking lost to the Ravens a couple of times. Yeah, they lost that one to the Colts when they stole our offense. Those fucking cunts. And we lost some bad ones, not even getting to the Super Bowl. People forget about all of those. Dude, that was that one game, the Ravens, the first offensive play ran it up the gut for like 90 yards. We got stomped in our own house. I mean, that one, that was, that was a humiliating loss. There was that was some but you know

And then you got a fucking shake that off not watch ESPN for four days. It was every fucking year that So now to just sort of suck It's kind of like you know you in between projects like all right. I don't have to be anywhere today The movies in the can't Yeah, I can watch the game. It doesn't really matter. I can just fucking relax for a second. But, you know, the Celtics are great. The Bruins are doing great. And I know what the Red Sox are doing. People are sitting there going like, you know, they keep getting like, hey, this guy won the Sai Young five years ago, whatever. But I still believe in the Red Sox though.

Listen, good franchises are always working on just getting better and being there. Hey, this guy won the Sai Young five years ago, whatever, but I still believe in the Red Sox though. Listen, good franchises are always working on just getting better and being there. And that's the nice thing. All those Boston teams you just mentioned are just solid franchises with good people in the upper in the higher office that try to make the team better. That's what it is. Yeah, Camille has been crushing it for the bronze. He's a lot of people that we lost, Craigie and Patrice Bergeron.

And after that, that regular season and that unbelievable disappointment in the first round, we came right back with new personnel and we set the league on fire. And I'm going through a little, you know, back and forth here right now, but we're still doing great. Right. Right. Luchich back, you know, so people stop pushing us around. I love what's going on out there. Franchises like the Steelers,

like there are just certain franchises that just are always, they're just always, you're gonna have a couple bad years. You're gonna have a couple bad years, but then you come back. Hope, oh God, hopefully the next, the next are hot right now. How does team in the NBA, that trade we made is helping,

but I can't, I gotta just, I gotta keep it down. I gotta just keep it, I gotta, I gotta, I gotta, I'm gonna look at you from now on when you talk about the nicks. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.

You notice how I've late that into good franchises and then I said the nicks are doing good right now. Paul, you are the nearer on casino trying to land Sharon Stone. Just fucking give her a jewels and let her leave. She never loved you, Bob. I want my fucking money. Oh, she was the worst. What are the top performances ever by a female I've ever seen ever?

I mean, she should have got a fucking Oscar for that one. That was dude. Ginger? Are you thinking everyone was just, they were so fucking upset for her, you know, showing a goods there with the movie before that basic instinct basic instinct It was a funny part of Michael Douglas's career Just doing those fucking sex thrillers just grabbing women and bending them over Terran that fucking close off. Yeah, I'm gonna fuck you

And he was the hero. Shit. All right. Well, there we go. There we have it. There we have. Is that it? We're going to end on Michael Douglas bending over what's her face on the couch. We got a lady. she was wearing thigh highs. He was obviously, well, oh, he wearing thigh highs for.

I don't know, because I wanted to look nice. He was old too. He was still old. Like he just got through that. Like if Michael Douglas was five years after that, it wouldn't have been all right. Yeah. You know, you do is like a three year period. If you did a movie with Michael Douglas, you were getting bent over a couch.

You know. You know. You do is like a three year period. If you did a movie with Michael Douglas, you were getting bent over a couch. You were getting bent over a couch. You were getting bent over a couch. You were getting bent over a couch.

You were getting bent over a couch. You were getting bent over a couch. You were getting bent over a couch. You were getting bent over a couch. You were getting bent over a couch. You were getting bent over a couch. You were getting bent over a couch. You were getting bent over a couch.

You were getting bent over a couch. You were getting bent over a couch. You were getting bent over a couch. You were getting bent it. Say that's it. I want to say. Yeah, but then he then he did the movie after that We're like Diane Lane remember that other movie were dying lanes cheating on him and then he like stalks her and the guy and like kills him She's like banging like you like the like great look at Spanish Hey, listen, there's a reason why that guy's been working for like 50 straight years. I love my guy I'll switch it up. I'm just saying yeah, I'm just saying Yeah I'll switch it up. I'm just saying. Yeah, I'm just saying Yeah, no, hey, you fucking or the anything better podcast has well me and Bill Me and Bill both have the Browns Me and Bill both have the chiefs

Bill has the bills I have the Steelers Bill has the Packers I have the Cowboys Bill has problems me and Bill both have the Steelers. Bill has the Packers, I have the Cowboys. Bill has problems. Me and Bill both have the Lions, and me and Bill both have the Buckeneers. Buckeneers. And the Monday night special, Buckeneers.

Baker Mayfield, Dan Campbell, Justin Love, Josh Allen. What's his face there? Tippy Toes there on the chases. Tippy toes is perfect. Tippy toes is, did you see that? Patrick, my home, you said I can imitate him? That kid imitate him? Oh, like, I mean, I've been saying that's just beginning. Dude, he does float around.

It's hilarious. He's light on, he's lighten his fucking cleats there. And then I got Joe Burrow no Joe flacco Joe burrow Joe flacco What a sin Joe burrow should be in this fucking sin all right We got the fucking years getting three We got Baker throwing one and Jalen throwing one for the Monday night special for a super wild card weekend. That's how it's gonna be. It's gonna be wacky wild Funorama wild card weekend next week

Dude, what would you do if they just went old school this weekend because it's super duper wild wacky and they just had the cheerleaders come out with like no bras wet t-shirts And just fucking just went just call that old school weekend old school no brats no annoying brats and they just will If what if every week just just to fucking bounce it out how far they went the other way I mean they were in pink for a whole fucking month for seasons right almost a goddamn decade just to fucking balance it out maybe they went too far in that direction what if they just had every wildcard weekend was just showvoness wildcard weekend and they just

went back I want to kiss you sneaking Peteaking Pete chewing extra fast. He's fucking psyched. He's got a woman on either arm. He goes up to the cheerlead. How you gonna sweetheart? I'm gonna fuck both of them in half time. You wanna join after cheerleader in the ass? Winx satter? saturday, like to make some half time adjustments on you. All right, everybody bet responsibly. Enjoy super duper freaky, deaky. And don't forget guys, I'm Turkey wild card weekend. The new promotion, $5 get you 1588 you place your first bet.

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keep on trucking. Hey, everybody, that's the super wild car. We can get ready. Get ready. And Andrew, uh, Andrew, did you? That's the super wild car we can get ready get ready and Andrew Andrew did you? Because we got it we got to say this before we get out of here our producer Andrew Themless Has an incredible record. He shattered He's shooting one of the kukus nest when you just one year Just one year don't you know won't one year, don't get crazy. I did it three times. Am I protective of my record? Yes, I am.

But Andrew, did you want to throw in any of your locks? What's the Andrew Thames lock of the week? The only one that I might put money on is I actually do like the cowboys. And it shouldn't be, but I just, there's too many weapons. I just don't think the Packers are gonna do well at home. I think it's at least two scores, but that's the only one. I took that part certainly.

And the Lions, I'd take the Lions too. I don't see the Rams doing much there. I actually think the Dolphins could win, but the only reason I'm not gonna take the Dolphins is the weather. I think otherwise, it's a, a you know could be a flute game That's it nothing exciting Paul I remember early the year all the way what time other dolphins. Oh look at this play. I mean who runs a play like that

And then I just feel like everybody figured it out. Yeah Yeah, why is there an echo? Am I the only one here in an echo? Yeah, yeah, why is there an echo am I the only one here in an echo? I like it Ladies and gentlemen gentlemen, gentlemen, all right. Let's wrap this up so people have life. Let's get out of here Yeah, thank you so much listening We'll see you next week. Enjoy football bet responsibly salad All right everybody and Seth McFarlane's new peacock original event series, Ted, your favorite foul, maltetti bear takes it back to 1993.

You know, back when you didn't have an endless supply of pornography in your pocket, but you did have an attention span longer than two minutes back when you had a bipod from a weird guy in the corner. You still do, but he has a store now. This prequel series to the Ted movies is a coming of age story about the high school days of Ted and his best buddy John Back when they would do and well, high school shit. Let's just say you don't want to miss out on the teen Excapaids of Ted and a 16 year old John as you probably know McFarlane is the mind behind family guy the orville the Ted movies and more

So the show is gonna be funny as hell stream Ted the new event series only on peacock the show is going to be funny as hell. Stream Ted, the new event series only on peacock.