Monday Morning Podcast - Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 1-14-16

Episode Date: January 15, 2016

Bill rambles about the New Year, the Los Angeles Rams and entrapment.

Ikea, tip of the week. If you'd like to get a gift, you can count on us. Because until April 15th, Ikea family members will get a free children's menu at the purchase of a warm meal for adults. How are you? How's your week going? Ah, back to the grind. Huh?

Back to the fucking grind. You too? Oh yeah? How was your time off? Did you have a nice holiday? Did you? Did you? Did you?

Oh yeah? How old is she now? Really? Really? Can I jerk off to her yet? Just kidding. I'll see you at break. Alright.

You having those fucking conversations? Oh, the holidays are over. And it's back to the grind. Sitting in traffic going to your cubicle. I think I'm gonna kill my boss. If I don't drive into the wall. Um, I actually had a fucking panic attack. Not a semi-panic attack.

Sort of like I fucking nose dived into a bit of a depression yesterday. Just take another fucking year. Here we go. Here we go again. Here we fucking go again. We have a mechanical problem with the aircraft. We're just going to pull over here on the tarmac. We have a landing light that is inoperable at this moment.

We're going to sit tight here and wait until the mechanics come out here, which I do not have a estimated time on at this point. But what we do gets a lot of information. We'll get back to you as soon as we can. Until then, that once again, we apologize for the delay. And just trying to sit back and relax as best you can. I've got to try to keep the air on. Apologize if it gets a little hot back there.

Another fucking year of that. Another fucking year of that. The shows are great. It's the getting. The getting to the shows. Oh, God, people taking their fucking shoes. If you take your shoes off and you have socks on, I fucking get it. Just don't rub your feet together.

I've talked about it before. Can you not rub your fucking feet together? Foot, foot, foot, foot, foot, foot. It fucking drives me nuts. I just want to punch the back of the fucking chair. Anyways, what is going on with me? I'm going to be on the Colin Cowherd show today. Hyping efforts for family.

I'm going into Netflix today and we're going to do our little song and dance for our season arc for season two. Basically, that's what you do after you do the first one. And they go, hey, yeah, we're pretty good. Pretty good. But now where are you going to go? Where are you going to go with it now? And then you got to get in there.

He does this. She does that. Give us some more fucking money, please. And they go, oh, think about it. Then everybody walks out going, I think that went good. You think it went good? I think it went good. So we're here.

When should we hear? Tuesday. Wednesday at the latest. We want to thank everybody for flying a friend of skies here today. Fortunately, we're dealing with a little bit of weather in the Dallas-Fort Worth area. We're number 72 in line. Unfortunately, there's really nothing we can do here. Be patient.

We're going to try to make up some time. We're in the air. We're going to try to fly a little faster, burn a little more fuel. We're going to try to put our own hole in the ozone layer. Another year of that. But you know what else? You know, sometimes, you know, I don't know. Every once in a while, I just fucking drive down the street.

I just see a homeless guy laying on the sidewalk sleeping. You know, and as much as uncomfortable as it is, you just look and just like, you know, I would fucking love to do that right now. Just pull over and lay down on the ground and take a fucking nap. Now, I don't want to live outside. And granted, I know that that homeless guy is sleeping during the day because at night, that's when the people come up out of the sewer drains like in fucking escape from New York, you know, because they have to feed.

So when you're homeless, you got to be up at night. You know, a lot of people are just bummed, taking a nap in the middle of the fucking afternoon. That's because at night, right, he's having like a fucking, you know, a two by four fight, fighting off. Get away from my box! Right? He's dealing with that shit. So, but I like the nap part of it.

I'm actually looking at the homeless guy's life the way a woman looks at a man's life. Like, that looks, I want to do that. I don't want to pay the price for it, but I'd like that in my life. Equal rights! Oh, I am in a fucking mood! All right, I go on Facebook because I'm an old white guy. I love, I love the Facebook. I absolutely love it.

I didn't give a fuck that even if I delete my account, they never delete it. Because of that creepy cunt who I judged by the actor who played him. I don't even know what the real Zuckerberg looks like. Is that his name? I fucked up the other day. I said Lamar Lundy instead of Lamar Hunt. He was the original owner of the Dallas Texans. Lamar Lundy was part of the fearsome foursome. And what's funny is that's the fucking name I can never remember.

You know, when they go name the fearsome foursome, I'm always like, Hi, Rosie Greer, Merlin Oson, Deacon Jones, and Lamar Lundy is like the bass player in a huge band, right? You can never name the bass player, you know? Unless they're really, if they're, unless they're like one of those frontman bass players like Steve Harris, you know, Billy Sheenan, you know, back in the day, John and Twistle, you know?

Or they play in a trio, because then you only have to remember three names. But if they play in a band of four or more people, you just can never remember the bass player's name, you know? Lamar Lundy is that. All right. What's the front floor for the Steelers? I don't think I can name those. Me, Joe Green, L.C. Greenwood, Dwight White, and the bass player.

What the fuck was his name? It's a great name, too. Oh, that's a fucking shame. I'm going to have to look that up. I have to look that up. Like, you can't disrespect the fucking 70 Steelers. They went 4-0 in titles. You can't, you can't disrespect a team, you know, who's fan base.

I'm not going to get into it. All right, away we go. Steelers. Front floor. There's a bunch of people in fucking... There's a bunch of people in Pittsburgh right now screaming at their fucking... The Steel Curtain. Who were they?

The Steel Curtain. Yada, yada, yada, yada, yada. Me, Joe Green, L.C. Ernie fucking Holmes. What a great name. Ernie Holmes. He's coming down tonight. Ernie Holmes.

You know he's going to be at least 6'5". Anyways, there aren't any man's names left anymore, do they? This is coming from a guy named Bill. Well, Joe will come home, Bill Bailey. Let's go back here. Oh, here's what I wanted to talk about. The Los Angeles... The St. Louis Rams.

Slash Los Angeles Rams. Slash Cleveland Rams. Huh? Slash Cleveland Rams. They're coming back. They're coming back. I'm so psyched that they're coming back. I'm so psyched that it was the Rams

and not the Chargers or the Raiders. There it is. I'm so fucking excited. Okay? L.A. does not need the Chargers or... There it is. We don't need them. Stay away.

Okay? L.A. needs the Rams. Blue and yellow. The Rams. The Los Angeles Rams. That's what they need. They don't need... They don't need the fucking...

They don't need to bring the Raiders. If you bring the Raiders back, the city of Los Angeles, if you bring the Raiders back, you're basically signing off on the fact that someone's going to get stabbed or shot. It's just... It's a fact. Just watch the 30 for 30

on the fucking Los Angeles Rams, the one that Ice Cube narrates. The way he's talking and all that shit, it's fucking... It's actually inadvertently, like, hilarious. It's just the level of, like, L.A. doesn't need. You don't fucking need it.

Somebody's going to... They can't handle. They can't handle those colors. They can't handle the pirate on the side of the... Keep it in fucking Oakland where people just dress up like it's going to be a musical. And even then, somebody got shot

at a fucking 49ers Raiders like a pregame thing. You don't need it. You know, it's funny. Everybody always talks about the Philly fans and how East Coast fans, oh, Yankees, Red Sox, it's nothing compared to out here.

People die out here. The guy went to a fucking Dodgers game with this kid and had on a Giants jersey and he has brain damage for the rest of his fucking life because this fucking... Two guys jumped him

while his kid sat there and watched. That was at a fucking baseball game. The Rams. That's it. Hi! We're the Rams. Perfect. You don't need the autumn wind was a raider.

You don't need to bring that to the Inland Empire. You don't need to do that. I'm telling you. And I'm basing Charger fans on the one fucking Charger game that I fucking went to. And I, you know,

me and Lawhead almost got into a fight when we were there and I was rooting for the Chargers. I just had a Patriots hat on. It was an old school Patriots hat. It was all fucking beat up. They were playing the fucking Colts. I'm cheering the Chargers.

That alone. I mean, I expected to get a little bit of shit. Right? A little bit of shit. But to get to the point that it's going to be a physical confrontation and somebody dumps a beer on you and that type of shit.

Oh, my bad. But they did it on purpose. Like, yeah, fuck that. Keep those fucking animals where they're at. Keep them where they're at. Like, just, you know, keep the Rocky Horror picture show in the end zone. Keep that up and fucking Oakland.

Plus it's the Oakland Raiders. That's their fucking... I'm kind of giving... I inadvertently give an Oakland shit. I don't mean to do that. It's the Oakland Raiders. All right? They came down here before.

They tried to make it in Hollywood. They couldn't. You know? They got a couple of guest stars on the fall guy. You know? Then they did an episode of Full House and then it just sort of dried up for them. And then they put their tail between their legs.

They went back home. They took over their dad's business. I don't understand why are they coming back? And why everybody all at once, all of a sudden everybody wants to come here? We've been sitting here for 20 fucking years without a team. Now all of a sudden everybody wants to come back? The Rams should come back.

They're Los Angeles' team. All right? Now, I know the charges started here in LA like their first year or two on the AFL. But, uh... Yeah, keep them down in San Diego. You know? In San Diego.

You know what I understand about San Diego? San Diego is a great place. It's one of the most mellow, great places. When you go down there, you're like, this is everything that LA should be. It's chill. It's fucking relaxed. You got the weather.

This is great. It's not the grind of LA. That's what San Diego feels like when I go down there. Fucking love it. But then, for whatever fucking reason, you go to a sporting event and these people turn into fucking maniacs. Not a pod rig game.

It's just a charger game. They just have fucking animals. Um... I don't know. Maybe if they built them a nicer stadium and then they gave them a mascot. I have no idea. But I do think it's really fucked up

that, you know, the raiders are going to leave and the charges are going to leave and St. Louis is leaving basically because they don't like their stadiums and they're throwing a fucking temper tantrum. The NFL is so fucked up, man. But sports in general that they do that to people. It's like, dude, it's your league.

It's your fucking business. You know what I mean? You don't like your fucking place to work, but, you know, build another one. I don't know. But there's no way to organize people to get them to stand up to owners, right? Like I remember here when I was working in Indianapolis.

In Indianapolis, you know, they played at the, I was at the Hoosier Dome or whatever. When they were building that Lucas oil field, this taxi driver when I was there was telling me that the city, they weren't even done paying off the RCA dome or whatever the fuck they called it. They weren't even done paying that off

and then they had this fucking thing. If you've never been to Indianapolis, I don't know if the Hoosier Dome, RCA dome, whatever the fuck it was called, if that's still standing. But when they were fucking building Lucas oil field and it was right next to the old one, which I believe is torn down, you could fit like two of those inside the new one

and stack two on top of each other the size of this fucking new one. I can only imagine how much taxpayers have to pay for that shit. It's fucking stupid. The whole thing's fucking stupid. I really believe that once you make a stadium, that should be a stadium

and you just keep fixing the fucking thing up the way I'm fixing up my shed hall of a house. Sorry. I just discovered something else that was fucked up in my house, but you know what? Right now, the stubborn German-Irish guy in me, I'm just like, you know what? Bring it.

I'll sink every fucking dime I have into this goddamn taken on water shit-hole of a boat. I'm done. I'm fucking done. I'm having somebody come over today to look at my garage and somebody built off of my office here. They built this closet and they extended this room itself

and I don't know who's friend of a friend built this fucking thing, but it literally sits right above my garage on these two wooden... I don't even know what the terminology is. They're not two by fours. They're four by sixes, whatever. It's wood and that's always bothered me.

I talked about this in the last podcast, but beneath that is my garage and in my garage right underneath that wood is a steel beam that goes across the garage. There's a steel beam going down one side and not on the other because there's a window there. So they said, well, forget supporting

the entire fucking structure. Let's put a window here so I can look at my neighbor's house that's fucking six inches away. Yeah, one of the first things I did when I bought the house was I put a shade up and pulled it down and I've never brought it back up again until the other day when the guy looked.

So anyways, I think when you get like a stadium, just fix the fucking thing up. Just fix it up and keep fixing the fucking thing up. And that's it. What do you do? Have you ever gotten tickets into a luxury box? It sucks.

It sucks. The food sucks. You're nine million miles away from the game. Now the upper deck is further away from the game. It fucking blows. I wish you guys, you young people out there, I wish back in the day you could have gone to like the Boston Garden,

Maple Leaf Garden. I mean, I never went to a game there. I took a tour of the place, but I'll just go with the ones that I went to. The old fucking Boston Garden, dude, you were on top of the fucking game. It was like Thunderdome. When you were in the upper deck of those fucking stadiums, dude,

you literally felt like if you leaned too far forward, you were going to fall down and you would hit the ice. That's how steep it was, but now they're like the fire code and, you know, to get the fucking elephants out, you know, it's got to be fucking more chill, you know, a relaxed grade. I don't know, I'm not into it,

but I'm psyched that the Rams are back. I feel like the Rams should be there. I feel like San Diego should be in San Diego. I feel like Oakland should be in Oakland, you know, like the way it was when I was a kid. And that's it. And I know I was kind of fucking rough on fucking LA fans, but it's true.

Anaheim. I went down to Anaheim one time. We were cheering on the Red Sox. We had on our Red Sox shit, you know, but we weren't cunts about it. I used to wear Red Sox stuff into Yankee Stadium and people would break my balls, chant some shit and point at me when I laughed it off

and they saw that I was a good shit or whatever. Then they would say, hey, how long you down here in New York? I live down here. Oh, really? But blah, blah, blah, blah, you know, and then they'd score and they'd fucking laugh at me and give me shit or whatever.

And, you know, and if we scored and won the game, I wouldn't fucking point at them and stuff. I wasn't a dick, all right? Because this is my thing. If you go into a stadium with the other jersey, you got to expect to get some shit, all right? But like, once you demonstrate that you're not going to be a fucking obnoxious ass,

people should leave you alone. You know what I mean? You're just making a road trip. You're showing the other stadium respect that you wanted to come and see it, and that should be the fucking end of it. And that was my experience when I was living in New York. I came out here and it's just like,

no, I'm going to stab you in the fucking neck. So, well, actually, you know, I'm always bitching about the population problems. You know what? Fuck all that. Fuck the last 18 minutes of this podcast. Bring the raiders. Bring them down here.

Maybe some people will fucking die and it'll be a couple less people procreating, you know? Bill, did you really have to take it to there? Yeah, I think I did. All right. You know what that kind of reminds me of, though, is these fucking people who are baiting Trump supporters? No, I'm not going to, you know, get into politics here,

but, you know, you got to call the spade a spade here. I mean, those people are mouth-breathing morons. And Trump is up there not saying anything and getting them to go absolutely fucking nuts. And it's actually, it's like watching a movie where they're kind of warning you about, I don't know. And when I watch Trump and I listen to what he says, it reminds me of like some couple of Hollywood movies

that I've seen. And the person running for office is just so over the top and ridiculous. It just reminds you that you're watching a movie and just like, why did they go that far? They just fucking dialed it back a little bit. This could be a little more believable and you'd have a much better, much better movie.

And then along came Trump and, you know, I owe all of those movies an apology, but I do have to say this, the fucking nerds who went to one of the latest Trump rallies and had a sign, Obama's a good president. This country already is great, but you just went in there, you know. You went in there to pick a fight

and then they videotaped it. And when they tore up your signs, which you knew they were going to do, they had to be like, Trump's supporters have hit a new low. I guess the reason why they're doing that right now, which is really what that is, is basically entrapment. That's like they throw drugs at your feet. Ah, what's that?

No, that's actually not so. Some smoking hot chick, he just woke up to some fatty and she's just like, hey, you want me to suck your dick? Give me 20 bucks. And he's like, okay, let me finish this muffin. The cops just come in. You can't fucking do that. You can't tempt, you can't tempt somebody like that.

And I feel like that's kind of what they did with them. But having said all that, yeah, that Trump thing stopped being funny like a good four to six months ago. And it's just like, wait a minute, is this guy going to get the nomination? You know, all I'm begging for is just give me two reasonable human beings,

two sane, reasonable human beings. You know what I mean? That, you know, on either fucking side and then give me that third fucking option, just be fucking reasonable. Don't walk around. I'm going to bomb the shit out of somebody. The fuck is wrong with you?

It's always the guys who don't have to go over there and do it. You know, I'm the tough guy behind the fucking desk. I can't believe nobody's slept that wig off yet, you know? All right, let's plow ahead. As somebody who's trying to keep up with both hockey and basketball, this is what ends up happening. You just end up watching your own teams and you don't know what the rest of the league is doing.

And that's what's going on with me because I used to check in with the Dallas Stars and the Blackhawks and the LA Kings. Just teams I really like watching. And I haven't had a chance to. So I've just been watching the Bruins fucking lose, lose, lose on this road trip. We lost to Jersey.

Then we lost to... Fuck, did we lose? No, we beat Jersey, right? We beat Jersey and we've lost three in a row. We lost to the Flyers, the Rages and Ottawa. I will say Ottawa was the most enjoyable loss because it's my belief that the best thing in sports right now is three-on-three overtime hockey.

Even if you fucking... Everybody who bitches about hockey, this is the hockey you want to see. No fights racing up and down the ice and someone's basically going to score within five fucking minutes. You'll love it. I don't know if there's any YouTube videos. You could watch the whole fucking overtime. The Ottawa Bruins overtime, it was...

We lost and I almost stood up and applauded. It was that fucking enjoyable to see. It was incredible. It's almost... When you watch it, you're like, you know what, maybe there's too many people playing professional hockey. I don't want to take anybody's job. But if it was three-on-three from the get-go, Jesus Christ,

the whole fucking game, you know what would happen? Somebody would die. The cardio would just be off the fucking... Has anybody interviewed a NHL player yet to say, what's it like to take a shifter in three-on-three overtime versus when it's five-on-five? Not including the goaltenders, okay, for all you fucking numbered nerds out there.

Like, what is that like? Are you more winded? Is there an unbelievable freedom? Because you don't have to worry about getting checked. It's got to be fucking incredible. Feeling like you're playing pond hockey. Anyways, and then the fucking Celtics, they finally won last night.

Of course, I missed the goddamn game. I just saw them fucking lost to the Knicks. Dude, that poor zingus guy. Holy fuck. He's like a ten-foot Larry Bird. He was looking like that in the first quarter. This guy was just hitting one three after another. And then he took one shot, three-point shot.

This guy's like seven-foot-two or three or something. He took a three-pointer from like fucking... It looked like he was like eight feet behind the arc. And he just went whoosh. And what's funny is it's each three that he hit, the fucking noises that the crowd was making. Like, basically, this is the guy. I think this is the guy.

Like, he hit one, they cheer, but you hear it like underneath the chair, you hear, whoo! Then he hits the second, whoo! And then the third one, whoo! Like freaking the fuck out. And you can tell Mello loves fucking playing with them. They're passing to each other.

It was fucking great. So I'm sitting there watching it going like, all right, if we're going to lose these guys, at least I get to watch, you know, the older star having fun with the new kid. You know, it was just really fun to watch the two of them playing. And Jesus Christ, God help the league

if they get a fucking point guard, huh? Well, not the whole league, but I mean, they could fuck with the Cavaliers, couldn't they? Maybe? I don't know shit about hoop. I'm going to shut up. But I enjoyed watching them play. And everything's going great.

And I go, all right. See, you know what? I'm going to watch the rest of this fucking game. And who knows? Maybe I'll watch one of these guys put up 40, right? Who knows? And then all of a sudden it all went to shit. Mello's backing up the fucking court.

The ref standing there. He steps on the ref's foot. He turns his fucking ankle. And then that's it. It's fucking it. He tried coming back out after the half and then he just said, fuck it. Left.

I'm out. I dropped my fucking 20 for the evening. I'll see you. And he fucking leaves. I saw the other night he's still not fucking playing because he stepped on the ref's foot. So he fucking leaves. So I'm like, all right.

See if the kid can lead the team here. And then next thing you know, he's got like five fucking fouls and he's sitting down. And this is funny. This funny thing is we still lost the goddamn game. I actually love the Celtics. They're young and everything, but they love scoring like 35 in the first quarter, you know,

and going up by 10, 12, 19. I watched them lose to Memphis. They're having a 19 point fucking lead. And I don't know. I still like them. If they could just fucking hang on to a goddamn lead, I could enjoy it a little bit more. But by the way, so last night they were playing the Pacers.

And what are the fuck most fucked up things ever? I was sitting there looking at the Pacers, wearing these uniforms. I'm like, where do I know those uniforms from? And I looked it up online. They were wearing the uniforms, the same uniforms that they wear in that movie. Hoosiers, right?

Am I correct in assuming that? Let me look this up before I make fun of them for actually doing that. Hoosiers, movie, images. It's all going to be Gene Hackman's face, right? Yeah, they were wearing those things. Do you realize how fucked up that is? Hey, black guys, why don't you put on these uniforms

that white people used to wear when you weren't allowed to play? The second I saw it, I was like, wait, those are fucking whitey versus whitey? They all white days, right? Look at the picture. Here's the picture of the fucking team in black and white that they were doing. All right, number 43, white.

Number 15, white. Number 53, white. 25, white. 13, white. 12, white. 14, white. I can't read his number. They're all white.

Whitey. Why would you have them wear those? Are you going to have the color barrier, broken uniforms one day this year? I don't know. It seemed like an odd fucking choice to me. However, Indiana has such a weird fucking state. You know, it's really just like, you know, just golly gee, shucks, white people slash astoundingly racist.

You know, like as much shit as Boston, like the only places that get shit for being racist, basically it's the South and Boston, Massachusetts. And having been on the road, I don't know how fucking long. You can't be speaking. The worst is when you're still at the gate. They're just like, attention everybody on American Airlines, Flight 196 to Albuquerque.

We're still waiting for our flight crew to show up. So it's probably going to be another 40 minutes if you'd like to get something to eat, but don't want it too far. That shit. I don't even know why I just went into that. I don't even fucking remember. You know what? And I've been doing this long enough to just say, fuck that idea.

I'm just going to continue on. All right. So we got Patriots vs. the Chiefs this weekend in playoffs, football playoffs. And I think that we could possibly win that game by the skin of our teeth. It all depends on who comes back. But if we do not have an offensive line, then our goose is cooked because our starting running back, who I can't even remember his fucking name. He's been out for so long.

I really need to just pick a sport. You can't fucking watch them all. That's what I'm trying to do. I'm watching the Patriots, Bruins, and Celtics. And I don't even know anybody's fucking name anymore. I used to know the fucking lines of the Bruins. I don't even know. I'm just sitting there.

You know what is it? This is my fucking, I don't know what the psychological term is. It's like, oh, I'm going to watch the Bruins. Watch all the Bruins games. Watch all the Bruins games. I'm just fucking sitting here binge watching this shit like a maniac. I think I need to step back for a second and get my priorities in order and realize that the Patriots are in the fucking playoffs

and the Bruins and Celtics are still in the regular season. I ought to just be paying attention to the Patriots, right? I don't know. I think it's Seattle. I think Seattle, they had their fucking little, you know, when you win a game the way Seattle won last week, which is basically the other team basically screws the pooch, you got to start to feel like you're kind of a team of destiny, right?

And I know one year the Patriots, you know, the Ravens missed a field goal and that got us into a Super Bowl, but that one made me feel like we backed in. But like, I really think like Seattle, if it wasn't fucking nine degrees out or 10 below zero, I thought that was really in the Vikings favor, kind of slowed them down a little bit, evened out the field. And I can say that knowing nothing about the Vikings,

I'm going to shut the fuck up right now. How about that? Would that be all right? Anyways, well, that's the half hour here. I got to go fucking put on my monkey suit here and make sure that I look like I'm from Indiana when I go in to go pitch the second season here. So anyways, thank you everybody for listening to the

Thursday afternoon just before Friday, Monday, Monday podcast, just checking in on you episode. Now we're going to do a little throwback shit. I didn't see any advertising for this week. Maybe you listen to some advertising right now that are recorded on my phone on the way to the fucking meeting. I have no fucking idea what you're going to hear right now, but I know eventually you're going to hear some throwback shit

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Click on the microphone at the top of the homepage and type in burr, B-U-R-R. Now, back to some throwback podcasts. Music I don't know. Cock blocks all been defined like the different kind of cock blocks. I don't know if there's names thrown, but I got a new cock block for you. This cock block is very special and a very obvious one. And I think this happens all the time, but for some reason I've never heard anybody name it.

So I'm going to kick off the creative process. I call this guy the announcer. That's the name of this cock block. This is what happened to me. I was, I did a gig in Jersey and at the end of the night, these two girls who waited to be at the back of the line came up and they said, hey, you want to go out and get banana pancakes? You know, making a reference to my jokes saying if I wanted to go out and hang out with both of them, right? And the second they said it, I was like, holy shit, here's a fucking, here's something I never had. Here's a two on one and I can't fucking do it because I'm with Nia.

Who's kidding? No, not because I'm with Nia's because everybody's got a cell phone fucking camera and I get caught. Honesty. Um, no, I couldn't deal with the guilt. Um, I gotta, I'll be honest with you and I would say this if Nia was here, if two fucking 10s came up to me and said, let's do this. I, I, you know, yeah, fuck it. Let's do it. I never did it.

You know? Fuck it. So anyways, so they said, hey, you want to get, uh, you want to go out and get bananas and pancakes or something like that? And then this fucking guy like 10 feet away just goes like, oh, what's going on over here? You know those guys? Like if a girl just comes up to you and just like, you know, you know, I've always loved guys in green shirts and you're thinking, right? You're thinking like, holy fuck, this is going to happen. There's some other guy like five feet and just makes the whole fire, the whole fucking room look over at you.

The fucking announcer fucking cockblock motherfucker. You know, who would do that? If I was standing there and I heard two girls say it to a guy, I'd be like, God damn, it's going down. Right? Side of my mouth. That lucky motherfucker. I wouldn't be, oh, she wants to put it in her mouth while the other one watches. I mean, why would you do that?

The fucking announcer. And if you have a friend like that, all right? The only way you can still hang out with him is if he goes out, if you guys are going out trying to meet women, he has to wear one of those old ABC bright yellow Monday night football sport coats. And if the girls, why are they wearing that? You'll see. You'll see. And that'll be the, that would be the funniest fucking thing ever. Like if somehow if he couldn't figure out the joke and he just thought the coat looked good and just the whole night, you just saw him anytime.

You heard all in the, you know, 10 feet away in the bar. Hey, what's this all about? And you just look over and you see this guy dressed like Howard Cosell and you'd be like, oh, that's the announcer. He's the, he's the, he's the guy. He can cock block from like, he's almost like a sniper. He wasn't so fucking loud. He's at the same distance as a fucking marksman, but he kills it with, with loudness. Oh my God.

Did that guy fucking annoy me? Hey, come here. Come here. She just came and shaking her head. What? I am beyond. Come on over here. I was just telling that story where that guy cock blocked me with those two chicks out in Jersey when they would just go.

I mean cock blocked you. I told you this story. No, but you're making it seem like you were going to do something. No, no, I wasn't going to do something. This is the thing, but I just admitted. General cock blocking. Yeah, but this is what I did admit. If they were both 10s, I would have, I would have done it.

I would have done it. I never had a fucking two on one. And you know something? Would you be that mad if they were both smoking hot and the cell phone video got out? The video doesn't even need to get out when you got the announcer. The guy, he just literally goes like, yeah, we'd like to get bananas and pancakes. He said something like, oh, what's going on over there? Nothing.

You're a jerk. Why am I a jerk? Silk pajamas? Huh? You are. Talking about cock blocking and two on one. What kind of podcast is this turning into? You know what?

It's turning into a very honest podcast. I was very honest. Oh, good for you. This is the thing. I said I couldn't deal with the guilt unless they were both 10s. If they're both fucking 10s, give me a break. Let me tell you something here. If you hooked up with Brad Pitt, there's only so mad I could get.

Oh, really? It's fucking Brad Pitt. Okay. Yeah. Good to know. Okay. You know what? If I just said some generic, good looking guy.

And you just said that. That would have scared me. But the way you just acted like you had Brad Pitt's phone number, that doesn't scare me. Oh, really? Okay. It's going down. What if it's the regular guy version of Brad Pitt?

Is that okay? Like he's just as good as Brad Pitt. If you want to go live out on the street and get the fuck out of this house, absolutely. But you're allowed to have some sort of crazy two on one? Yes. That's bullshit. No, it isn't.

It is. If you just, you know what? Because you're thinking on it on like a very big, basic level. But if you really, if you really think about it, just think about it. It makes sense. Bill, you're not going to try to mind fuck me into thinking that it's okay for you to have some sort of two on one.

And I can't. That's not, no, it's not going down like that. Yeah. But women are beautiful. We lost after you. It totally makes sense. You guys find like dicks are weird. They're gross.

It's all hanging out there. It's disgusting. You don't want that. You know nothing about it. You don't want that. Which has been proven time and time and again. And you're stand up, Ann. And your podcast.

But that's a, that's another discussion. You know what? You, you just set yourself up. Like you're going to make some huge point. And then you just tapped out. You know nothing about women. But that's just another discussion. And I just don't want to even get into that.

So now what? You just give me the face. What are you doing today? Lazy. Huh? What do you mean lazy? Neenie Kubrick. Yeah.

I just filmed my short film over the weekend. Screw you. I'm working hard. While you're in here and your pajama is talking about two on ones. Yeah. Well, I have to do an hours worth of shit here. I'm coming up on it. What do we have?

Fill it up with whatever you can. Let me go. An hour and two minutes. An hour and two minutes. Have you done your, uh, your viewer emails yet? Yeah, I did. Listen to our emails. You did that already?

Oh, because you want to chime in. I don't know. I already did it. What do you got there? I already did it. What about overrated, underrated? Didn't do it. They didn't have any of this.

Look at you. I think you're a fan of this podcast. No, I'm not. Listen, it didn't go down. All right. But I'm telling you right now, Nea, if two 10s come up to me, it's going down. Okay. All right.

Well, just be prepared for the retaliation. Game set match. Really? You're going to deny me that? Can I just buy you some stuff? Wow. Really? Yes.

Really? I'm not some sort of fucking basketball wife that can be placated with material things to a point. Yeah, exactly. Okay. If I'm going to be fucking honest here, come on. There's got to be something that I can buy. You know something?

This should be our Valentine's Day. All right. For the guy, the guy Valentine's Day. This is what Valentine's Day is. Valentine's Day. This is what Valentine's Day should be every year is the guy gets a two on one and then you get some nice stuff. Well, why can't I have a two on one?

Because you don't like that. What do you mean? What do you know? Women don't like sex. You don't find like when you guys fantasize, you think about the guys in your life. You don't think about other things. Come on, Nia. Just one.

Just give me one. You get one and I get one. No, you don't. You don't. Because you don't want one. What do you mean? I don't want one. You're just being childish.

No, I'm not. Yeah, you are. You think you want to hook up with Jake Gyllenhaal and Bradface, whatever the fuck his name is. Brad Pitt. Bradface Pitt. You just think you do. See, you know what I think about me is like you have to hook up with somebody famous. I'm actually just regular people.

See, I'm down to earth with this shit. See, that's what I'm saying. You like stuff. You like shiny, shiny things. This is the deal. I get a two on one and you get some cracked up face old man in Vegas like Robert Redford. Like I used to be good looking when Nixon was in office. No.

That's not how negotiating works. Now you've got to come with something else here. No, I think we should both get an equal opportunity thing going on. Yeah, but this isn't an equal relationship. Why is it not an equal relationship? I wanted to. I could pin you down to the ground right now and tickle you until you passed out. And there's not a fucking thing you can do about it.

That has nothing to do with anything. That's how the world works, Nia. Why do you think America's on top? Because we're right or because we can blow you up more times. So it's your physical presence. That's what makes it like an unequal relationship. Yeah, because I can beat you down. Well, maybe you're physically stronger, but I'm mentally stronger than you.

Oh snap. And I'm smarter than you. Yeah. So whatever physical power. Let me ask you this. What did you have are trumped by my mental fucking goliathness. Suck on that red. Why do you think you're smiling?

Oh, that was good though. You got a good one in and now you're storming off. I taught you well. Yeah. Let's get to the complaints this week. Some lady just absolutely lost her mind hates my guts now and won't listen to this podcast anymore. And I apologize to her, but she says she's not listening anymore. There's no way that she's listening, despite that she wrote like a five page email that I'm now going to read.

She has a huge problem with me, everybody. So settle in. Want me to wait? You want to go down to the break room, go get yourself a little coffee cake? Oh, I can wait. I'm on vacation. I got nothing better to do. Go ahead.

I'll wait. Fucking dogs been farting all day today. I don't know what's deal is and it keeps looking at me like, dude, you got to help me out. I keep going to take it outside and then it just sniffs the grass. And then I bring it back in and it starts farting again and it keeps looking at me like, dude, I'm really trying not to shit on your rug. Like, I mean, that's how I'm reading her face. I think that's what she's saying.

I have no idea. So anyways, so anyways, here we go. Subject. Your podcast is hate speech. Oh, Jesus, Bill, you probably won't read this. Or if you do, you will just dismiss me as a stupid contour, but no matter. See it right there. She's already draped herself in the I'm brave and I'm going to plow a head flag.

Your podcast as of late has morphed into hate speech. You used to be funny and I could brush off your hateful comments with a cringe and a shrug. Now, wait a minute. If they were hateful right along, why would you add that? Okay, let's just plow. But now you've gone too far for me to feature a segment on your podcast devoted to the deplorable behavior of women is intolerable. For those of you new to my podcast, I've been doing this segment, which I think is hilarious and needs to be done. Just to get you caught up before this lady gives me both barrels here because believe me, she does.

You know, there's a bunch of shows out there that shine a light on men who beat their women. Those pieces of shit, right, trying to stop them from that behavior. There's a bunch of shows out there that will talk about how who are these guys, you know, to say what a woman could do with their body. They'll talk about the glass ceiling, the old boys network and all that type of stuff and they shine a light on all of that. Okay, which they should because that is guys doing things that they should not be doing that is not fair to women. Okay, but my so my problem is not that they do that. My problem is that they never shine a light on shit that that women do that is not fair to men. So recently, if I can rate my rate myself in some sort of brave flag, I've been reading these stories about guys who are married.

Their wife goes out, cheats on them, has unprotective sex, has a kid with another fucking guy, doesn't tell their husband and by the time he figures it out, he has to pay child support for a kid that isn't even his and it's totally legal. And then I had the audacity to say that a woman who would do that to her husband is a cunt. Evidently, that's hateful speech towards all women, according to this person. All right, because she continues and how does she ever continue to feature a segment on your podcast devoted to the deplorable behavior of women is intolerable. How is that any different than someone spending 20 minutes a week on a different podcast featuring the deplorable behavior behavior of black people? Why do they always go to black people? That's always a that's just like calling me the n word.

This is no difference than slavery. That's people in other groups always do that. Always do that. All right. Give me a goddamn break. All right, that she goes women are I mean, how is that different? I'm how was how was what I'm doing any different by by featuring a segment of women who are doing something absolutely reprehensible to men? How is that any different than a show that focuses on men doing anything reprehensible to women? When they show wife beaters, I don't look at that like, oh my God, they're saying I'm doing it too.

I think you know something I really think you're being really selfish here. And the fact that you could sit here and listen to my podcast for this long as I've gone off on fat people. I mean, Jesus Christ, you want to talk about hate speech? How much shit have I talked about Peyton Manning despite the fact I can't even throw a football? You know, if he sent me an email, I wouldn't understand and I bet it wouldn't even be as crazy as this. She says women are treated like second class citizens all over the world. When did I ever say they weren't and even still in this country? Yet you have no problem inciting further hate and disgust towards your fellow human beings on this earth.

How am I inciting hate? When when shows show wife beaters, is that inciting hatred towards men? If you look at those shows and that makes you hate all men, then you're a moron. So basically what you're saying is that I'm a moron and that all my listeners are morons. That if I call a woman who cheats on her husband, has a baby with another guy and makes her husband pay for that. If I call her a cunt, that means I'm calling all women cunts. You know, is that what you're saying? Are you saying we're all that stupid? She said right now there are men and that is written in capital letters, M-E-N, men in this country still.

Capital S-T-I-L-L. Discussing whether or not women should have the right to contraception and abortions. Yeah, I understand that. Those people freak me out. Those people freak me out and I am a guy. And I've never said that a woman shouldn't have a right to that. So I don't know what you're talking about. This has nothing to do. I'm talking about these fucking whores that cheat on their husbands. Ma'am, you know what I love about all this? How come you don't address what I talked about? How come I can't hear? What do you think about a woman who would do something like that?

I saw a stat the other day that said 13% of kids in this country are not with their biological father. Meaning that their wife got divorced and then remarried. They mean like there's a guy either knows or doesn't know. Like the woman had a kid with somebody else while they were married. Like 13% of kids. I mean, that means 80% of women are on the up and up. Alright? God bless them. They're angels. But that 13% needs to be taken to task.

I mean, how many guys are beaten women? I would guess they'd probably be right around that same. You know, maybe a little higher. I have no idea. Let's just say it's 20% of guys beat their women. Should they not be called out and be called cowardly pieces of shit? You know, and if you call them cowardly pieces of shit, would I have a right to sit there and look at that and be like, well, that's now you're inciting further hate and disgust toward all men. You're being really selfish here, man, because I go off on everybody.

This podcast is over the top and it's crazy. I call guys cunts on this podcast and you're being really selfish right now. And now, you know, you make this big long speech and then you're going to take your ball and go home. Look at this. Look at all she's bringing up here. Women still earn only 70 cents for every dollar a man earns. I think you guys should make the same amount. But I also don't think that that number is accurate. $77.

$77 for every dollar that a man earns. Because if you include divorce settlements, you get to keep your 77 cents plus his 50 cents. So then he's down to 50 and then you're up to $1.37. See, that's what I'm talking about right there. Go fuck yourself, you over sensitive jackass. Good Lord. Go buy a bigger bra. I don't know what your fucking problem is.

I hope that bugged you too that I said that that was deliberately supposed to be offensive. All right, so go fucking write a letter to fucking cunthair.com because I don't give a shit. All right, in short, we are still not equal to our male counterparts and we will forever be labeled the weaker sex. Well, with that attitude, of course you will. You know, I don't think you're the weaker sex. I think that that's all a myth. I think that that actually makes you stronger. You know, because guys are fucking idiots and they think because they can do more push ups than their woman that they're actually, you know, that makes them smarter.

You know, I don't know. I don't know. My fucking doorbell's ringing. Are you serious? Hang on a second. I gotta go up here and then I gotta read the rest of this. Hold on. All right, so I'm back.

Little winded, but I'm back. I'm back. So anyways, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. It just keeps going on and on and on and on. Where the hell is it? Where the hell was I? Weaker sex and then she tries to break me down psychologically, but my mom not hugging me. If that's the case, then I'm sorry for you.

I hate when people do that. It's like you're not sorry for me. You hate me right now. Okay, so stop acting like you're really sorry for me and you're showing some sort of empathy. You're not showing empathy. You're being really selfish. Like I said, I go off on everything here. I've never said that a woman should make the same amount of hours a guy.

I never should said that a guy should be able to hit a woman. I've never said that. What the thing I'm trying to shine a light to is that some of these divorce settlements are absolutely fucking ridiculous and that when a woman cheats on a guy and has a kid with another person and the poor sap who married her has to pay for that. You don't think that's fucked up? Howard Stern just did a great story on it last week. Somebody sent me an email.

He did a story about a guy who was in that situation and he refused to pay the child support and they said, we're going to send you to jail. He's going to go to jail because his wife cheated on him, had unprotective sex. Hey, to hell with AIDS, let's roll the dice with my husband's life, right? Has unprotected sex, has a kid. He doesn't realize it, figures it's his because it's his wife's pregnant. Why would he think that it's somebody else's? He starts making the payments.

Next thing you know, he starts raising the kid, figures out it's not his kid and has a natural reaction. I don't want to pay for that and the law is just like, no, you have to pay for it. It's just man, do you have any empathy for that? You seem to have all this empathy for women and women's issues and like somehow I'm supposed to still respect you. Despite the fact that you could give a fuck if this injustice is done on the other side. It doesn't make any sense. I want to see like, this is like focusing on this issue. This is an issue for some reason that is just not talked about whatsoever.

It's just sort of accepted and I think it's an absolute, I think it's absolutely deplorable. I think it's deplorable. So I have the right to talk about it. You know what I mean? And if you want to get offended and you want to be selfish and just be like, well, that isn't fair. What if I had a whole segment every week and all I did was talk about wife beaters. You know what? You'd probably send me email.

I just want you to tell you, I love your podcast even more. It is just, it's, you are just, you are a hero to hear a man out there. Just, just letting these, these, these cowardly pieces of shit know that it's, you'd be fucking over the moon about it. But now all of a sudden I'm talking about women who are doing shit that you're not even doing. At what point in any of these stupid fucking rants that I've done, have I ever said that all women are doing this? I never have. I never said that all women cheat on their husbands and have a kid out of wedlock. I didn't.

All right. Do I make generalizations? Apps of fucking Lulee. It's a comedy. I paint with the broad brush. I'm fucking around. Okay. Jesus fucking Christ.

Stop being so goddamn selfish. Okay. And if you don't want to listen to my podcast, don't listen to my podcast anymore. And other than that, you know, I mean, go fuck yourself. I don't, I don't, I don't know. This, what she's doing is, is a, is a pet peeve that I have. Um, like that happens to me, like sometimes when I do shows and at the end of my shows, some will come up to me and just be like, look, you know, I have a good sense of humor, but, but subject whatever my fucking phone. They'll just be like, you know what, that's never funny.

That is never. Oh, the lovely Nia, everybody. Hang on one second. Hello. Hey, I'm taping my podcast right now. Is this urgent? Are you on the side of the road? We got triple A.

No, no, I, the dog was farting and I thought it had to shit in the house. So I took it outside and then it just sniffed around and peed. Yeah. It was a pain in the ass. So I'm going to get back to the podcast. All right. All right. I'll tell you in like a half.

All right. Um, you know what? I'm going to get back to the podcast. All right. All right. I'll tell you in like a half. All right. Um, anyways, oh, and then she goes on to say that the terms I use will then cause, you

know, people to use those, you know, as I fuck around and use these terms, she then thinks that people are going to use them seriously. You know what I mean? And I'm sure a few will, but that's not on me. Somebody who does that it's cause you're a moron. I like, it's not my responsibility to fucking babysit anybody once they're an adult. If you don't know not to call women these terms. Okay.

Although I will tell you this if, uh, you know, there is a time to call a woman a cunt. Okay. And that's when you find out that your son is not your son and you still have to pay for it. There's a reason that that word does, does exist. All right. All right. So I hope you come back to the podcast.

I hope that you actually listen and will respond. And I don't hear another fucking word out of you unless you tell me what you think about those kinds of fucking women who do that. Okay. And stop bringing up slavery and all this other shit and try to drag all this other crap into it. All right. You stay in your own goddamn lane, sweetheart.

All right. Good Lord. So to compare yourself, not being able to vote, to being enslaved, really, that's another one that gets, that's a whole nother fucking topic. Every fucking person out there just tries to fucking jump on that. You know, that's our N word. Oh, go fuck yourself. Um, anyways, I can't believe you just did that.

Why did you flick that big right in my face? You burned off two eyebrow hairs. That's my Tresden. Even though woolly mammoths have been extinct for tens of thousands of years, with the Metaverse, students will be able to go back to the Ice Age to visit them. The Metaverse may be virtual, but the impact will be real. Learn more at meta.com slash Metaverse Impact.