Monday Morning Podcast - Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 1-19-23

Episode Date: January 20, 2023

Bill rambles about talkers, depressing movies, and 80's action stars. Nutrafol: You can grow thicker, healthier hair by going to www.Nutrafol.com/men and entering the promo code BURR to save fifteen dollars off your first month’s subscription.

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Byrne. It's time for the Thursday afternoon just before Friday Monday morning podcast and just checking in on you. Just checking in to see how your week's going. How are you? Oh, Billy back brace. Oh, Billy back braces fucking laying here with his legs elevated, dude, underrated, throwing out your back. You get to lay around and cancel shit. Oh, dude, dude, dude, I'd love to. But I threw out my back. Oh, you don't say what happened? Oh, you know, the freezer, you know, the goddamn freezes at the bottom of the refrigerator there. And wouldn't you know, I went down to get a frozen waffle in the suction from the freezer just caused this that little bit of resistance in a full

oh yeah, the forward bends are the worst dude. And you're out. And you're out. You don't have to do fucking shit. I don't have to even emotionally support my wife right now. That's how I feel. You know, I don't have to do shit. So that's what I'm doing. I've been watching some movies. Yesterday I fired up the fucking aviator. I got like through the first 45 minutes of that every all the every movie that you guys are recommending, by the way, for whatever reason is two hours and 50 minutes long. Casino Jackie Brown heat in the aviator are all like three hour fucking movies. Do you know what? I got time to watch them because I do it. I threw out my back. That's right up there with I got kids. I got to go home

the kids, you know, I got to get back to the kids. I got the let's let's top five. I got to get the fuck out of here. I don't want to talk to you. You know, you know, you just get cornered with somebody who just like won't shut the fuck up. Nia, you know what that's like, right? Every day. Oh, every day. It's so difficult living with old Billy back brace. When you know, somebody won't shut the fuck up and you're not giving them anything. And the person will literally talk to the side of your face for 40 straight fucking minutes. They just won't get it. They just don't get the fucking hint that you as a human being have disengaged from whatever, whatever life experience that has created them to do what

they're doing to you right then, right? If that isn't working, if they can literally sit there and talk to the side of your fucking face like you're a horse and they're brushing your back. At that point, you have to go with you got to go with an excuse. All right. Now you can't go with I threw out my back. That only works over the phone and via text. You know, if they FaceTime, just make sure you're laying down and you just have that look on your face and you'll be good, right? In person. When someone's being the old horse trainer talking to the side of your fucking head, right? I would say you got to go with I got kids. I got a dog. I don't know where to go after that. And what's a good one to get out

of a fucking somebody's just talking to the side of your fucking head? What's a good one to get out of there? I got to get up early in the morning. I got to get up or show me. I got to get up early in the morning. Good answer. I got to get, you know what my buddy of mine used the other day? I got to take a piss. He didn't have to go. Wait, just to get out of a conversation to get out of this guy was so annoying and he just kept trying to get out of it. He couldn't. So he went, I always excuse myself to the ladies room. But the great thing is he didn't have to go. So then he just went in there and still you always have to go a little bit. I guess you can make it happen or you can act like it,

right? You can just stand there, go in to the bathroom and then when you come out, oh, I ran into somebody else and so I don't get back to the conversation. Yeah, or Nia, you could just go with straight up honesty and just stop staring off into the fucking tree line and turn your head to him and just be like, buddy, you're killing me. You're killing me like what? I mean, I literally have not even made a facial expression. Forget about sent any words your way for at least 11 minutes. You know, those are the people who don't pick up on social cues, sociopaths. No, not sociopaths, people who just don't pick up on social cues where they can't recognize the fact that you're not into this conversation anymore and they

just keep talking at you, not even to you, but just at you. You know, what's worse than that is to someone that does pick up on the social cues and they realize you don't want to talk to them, which causes them, they already have like low self-esteem. So then they think that they can just like, they can fix it and they can just keep going and make it happen. Like they're going to turn you around. Yeah. And that's when you have to be like, you know what? I need to just run to the restroom or you just get graphic. I got to take a shit real bad. Oh, that's beautiful. Oh yeah, I'll go with you. That's what the person will say. I'll go with you. And then like, you're in the stall and there's this standing outside

the stall still talking to you. Anyway, no, you got to go with the honesty. I'm getting good at that, Nia. I'm getting fucking good at like, you know, in that, you know, it's weird. It's a comedian you can do. What'd you say? Fuck you. You know, because it doesn't mean anything. It's stupid. Everybody else is watching. So no one takes it. Well, for the most part, nobody takes it seriously. And then came social media. I'm getting better at that in my, in my everyday life. I actually use that this guy was just fucking like, you know, watch I, I just watched these guys break down a game, which I there's nothing worse than listening to fucking people breaking down a game. Yeah, why don't you break down

the game, right? And it doesn't it doesn't even matter what they say, they're not held accountable. It's just like, just talk about this sport for like that. Oh my God, I just picked up on the social queue at your face. You don't want it. All right, sorry. See that you see what I did? Oh my God, you know, you should have done in the middle of that been like, Hey, I got to go to the bathroom. I just realized I got to get out of here. You know, I actually, Nia, I noticed a lot of your social cues and I got to be honest with you, they bug me. Yeah, I hate when I'm interrupting whatever you're doing. And then and then you pretend like you don't hear me interrupting you and you want to teach me a social lesson

that when two people are talking, you just don't come walking up like a toddler and talking to them. I hate when you do that. What am I supposed to do? Stop, turn around and address your husband. So have you learned anything? Yeah, you know what I've learned that you're going to take is much. Why did I ask that? If did you learn anything? Never give Bill Byrne opening to explain himself further. You are that person that just talks and talks and talks and doesn't realize when the other person is zoned out. That's my whole podcast. That's my whole podcast. You have to explain how the auto rotation works in your fucking helicopter for the 20th time. God knows we need to hear that story again. Yeah. All right,

guilty is charged. No, I guilty is charged. I realized the one of the main things that attracted me to you is also once again, what always happens is this thing that fucking annoys me the most about you. Right. Yes, exactly. What does that mean? That means I understand completely. I don't think I've ever I don't think you now repels me. All right. Oh, you trash in me again. So what is it that attracted you to me that now annoys you? You know what I realized? It would be really dumb for me to answer that question. So I'm not going to. Okay. I was kind of hoping that it would bother you that I didn't answer that and you were like, well, what is it? No, I need to know what the mystery is. You don't care,

but you got to figure out what fucking Susie fake tits said to Betty Botox every week on the fucking real housewives, the real house whores, the fucking Aberdeen fucking county. Huh? Where they going next, Nia? If you're running that franchise, where do you where's the next town that you can find fucking five washed up whores that didn't that married for money rather than fucking love? They haven't done Vegas yet? Well, I bet those chicks would be cool out there. You know why, Nia? Because they know the score. Hey, baby, nobody comes to Vegas looking for love. You come to Vegas, you're looking for something else. Can I interest you in a highball? Whatever the fuck you drank back in the day. So what are you going to

do all day today, Nia? Huh? I don't care. Gonna go to the gym. I'm gonna fake and have lunch with my friend and then come home and be like, baby, get the fuck out of the bedroom. Um, why am I going at you today? I don't know. I was gonna say, do you have nothing to talk about in this podcast? And I just happened to be sitting here. So now it's like, oh, you're here. Let me just use you. Yeah, when I was in improv college, they taught me to use improv college. I actually have one accredited credit on an accredited course at improv college. Wait, what was your major in college? Are you told me communications, right? No, I had a bunch of majors and then I settled on communications. Yeah. And by the time I came around, they

changed that to media arts. So I don't think you can get a communications through it. It was media arts. You're telling me I'm so old what I majored in doesn't even exist anymore? I think so. At our school, I don't think so. I think they changed it to media arts, which is just as general. I majored in being the town executioner. Yeah. Like they didn't know who that guy was. Like when he came up with this fucking shirt off, you know what I mean? But he has got a hood with the hood on his face. Does that even I mean, how many executions could they go to? And you'd be like, Mike, I didn't see it. The execution again. I was there. I was Mike, you're not. You're not the executioner. Are you? Oh, no, me. Come on.

You know, I can't keep a secret. All right. So where are you going to be on Thursday? They're executing somebody else. I'll be out. You know, he's like that guy in Saturday Night Fever. I was looking for you guys. Where were you? You were up on the platform, mother. You cut Jebediah's head off. You knew him. Hey, man, when I put the hood on, I become somebody else. Oh, Billy, the executioner. Oh, Billy, the executioner. Was that a wrestler? The executioner was Bernard Hopkins, I believe. Was that a wrestler? No, he's one of the great boxes of all time. He was the Tom Brady of boxing. He went into his 40s and was still kicking ass on people who were in their 20s. It seems like the name of a wrestler, like

an 80s, the executioner. No, they had. Didn't they have the Grim Reaper? No. Am I making that up? You're now making me forget everybody's name because you're almost getting them right. The Undertaker. The Undertaker. Didn't they have the Grim Reaper? Didn't they have Portuguese power? No, it was Polish power. Ivan Putski. I knew something to do with death. So what is it? The Undertaker? The Undertaker. Got it. And he threw mankind. He choked slam him on top of the cage and he fell the essentially two stories and landed on his entire backside from the back of his feet to the back of his head. And I remember the way his leg was like crossed over his other leg. I'm like, that's how people look when they're dead. When they

fall to their death, you know, your shoes always pop off too, by the way, on impact. Oh, okay. Yeah. If you're ever hovering over your body and looking at it and your shoes aren't on. Take a note of your shoes. Yeah. That means you're not going to hover back into it and get to tell like Nikki Six when he OD'd on heroin, his shoes were still on. And that's when he knew it was probably boots. He's a rock star. He knew it was okay to float back into his body. All right. I got to go to the bathroom. Oh, no. We'll be right back with boring your spouse. After these messages, you know what I don't have a lot to talk about because I haven't done anything because my back hurt. Oh, here, let me get you some time.

I will tell you, I don't take that shit. You keep giving it to me, and it doesn't fucking do anything except beat the shit out of my liver liver. What the fuck does that mean? I don't want any. I don't want any. Excuse me, Nia, I don't want any. Hey, Nia, no means no. Don't means want any means don't want any. No, I don't want that stuff is not doing anything. This just has to work itself out as I watch two hour and 50 minute movies. Nia, do you have a suggestion for a movie that I could watch before I get back out into the world? A suggestion for a movie? Oh, God. All right. Fantastic. I don't want any. Why won't you take any pain relief for your back? Because I'm not in pain. You're

not in pain. No, I'm in an uncomfortableness. No, because I just don't, I don't think the pain listens to you complain about it every day. So why don't you fucking take something and shut up? I haven't been complaining about it every day. Oh my gosh. I am here. You're going for the laugh. I never said, oh my back. I'm not taking that. Take it right now. Oh, I almost had it. Come on, sit up please. All right. Oh my God. No. Bill just went for a leave out of my head. I feel like I'm in one of those, I feel like I'm in one of those psych ward movies. I'm not helping you. Oh, Jesus. Did you go to the bathroom and get four happy pills? Wow. What a fucking Florence Nightingale. What if one of our children finds

them on the floor and tries to eat them? You have to find it. Well, I guess their little back won't hurt anymore. I'll get the shop back. Don't worry about it, sweetheart. When did you only start wearing jumpers? What are you, a fucking mechanic? Is that a one-piece? No. These are my people's clothes. Anyway, speaking of helicopters, I did fly the other day. Oh God. And I'm telling you, you got to come up with me, Nian. It rained out out here. It looks like you're going over Ireland. Yeah. And you sat in that position in your helicopter for how long? Listen, you would have no problem if I was a little over an hour. Okay. And you came back and you're like, I probably shouldn't have written my helicopter

and sat like that for a couple hours. Oh, my back. Is that what I said? Yes. I don't think I said that. I think I said you should go up there, man. It looks like Ireland. I felt like it was in the Irish spring commercial. The hills are all green. You got to see them. The hills have eyes on you. The hills are all green. You got to go up now before it all turns brown and lights on fire and you watch people running for their lives. Okay. You can do whale watching in March. Go right down the coast of fucking Malibu. I would do whale watching. Would you do whale watching? Well, once you go to any local mall, you'll see them wearing Hawaiian shirts. There's a fun way to throw out your back. Hot fudge Sundays.

There is something so amazing about a supermarket with the level of shit that they will sell in there that could fucking kill you. And you have to go in there as an adult and just avoid all of that shit. Do you know that you can go into a supermarket and they have fudge that you can heat up to be hot fudge. They got ice cream. They got whipped cream. They have this whole section of different toppings. Have you seen the madness? You know, when you go down there and you're like, give me some cherry berry. Whatever the hell you say. It's a little ice cream sandwich. And I go down there, right? It's probably my voice. That's my inner fat guy voice. Ice cream sandwich, right? And you stand there and it's like,

you know, we should go see the whale with, um, what's his name? Hughes? No. Um, what's his name? Oh my God. I tag Lee Abu. What? No, no, no, no, no. Frazier. Yes. Thank you. Is it Brendan or Brandon? Brendan, right? Brendan Frazier. I've never been able to get either one of those names right. I know. Whenever it's someone's name, Brendan, I call them Brandon. Whenever they're Brandon, I call them Brandon. Yeah. You might as well call your kid tomato. Hey, tomato. It's tomato. Sorry. Tomato. It's tomato. Is he a gambler? Or is he fat? Why do they call him the whale? He's, yes, he's like severely obese. Oh, it's Darren Aronofsky who did the wrestler.

I love the wrestler. I watched the rest. Black Swan. Black Swan, I couldn't deal with, man. I love Black Swan. When she was doing something with the nails or getting her back was bleeding or something. And I was just like, I don't want to watch this. That movie was incredible. I just love that. It's watching a tortured movie. He did Operation Dumbo Drop. He did. Dennis Larry's in that movie. He did Pee Wee's Big Adventure. Now that's one, that's, that's the reboot. That's the reboot. What reboot? You do this, the second Pee Wee movie, which was Pee Wee's Big Top or something. You do it with Operation Dumbo Drop. You fucking reboot that elephant. You get him with Paul Rubens. Bam.

And you reboot that elephant. Yeah. You have Bet Midler sing the soundtrack. You are the elephant beneath my ass. Fly, fly high. Remember that? Remember those menstruation songs that would just go to number one? You are the wind beneath my wings. Wasn't that about that one week a month where you guys are disagreeable? Was that in a tampon commercial? You guys could see the way she's looking at me. Do you remember that movie? You are the wind beneath my wings. This is such an important movie for women. You know, each day a woman dies while her friend sits there singing a sappy song to her. And finally Hollywood Cinema has devoted some time to it. Have you ever even seen beaches?

I just remember it was really like lit. Like, like fucking, like there's a lot of light on this movie. I think they were trying to make everybody angelic. What happened again? That's what you remember from that movie was the lighting. They were on like a beach and the lady's like, hey, just to let you know, I got lupus. And she goes, what? She goes, I got lupus. And she goes, no, no. She's totally codependent. That movie was so sad. It's just about lifelong friends. And yes, then one of them passes away. Yeah, why do I want to go through that? Like that's like people will sit here and shit on me for making fun of that movie. Somebody thought that somebody's losing their best friend to fucking lupus was this is a fucking this is entertainment. It's about having

a deep connection to someone and you know, they grew up together as little girls and like a lifelong friendship. That's what the movie is about. Yeah, which is fun. And it makes me feel good. And then all of a sudden one of them gets an ingrown toenail that turns again green. They got a cut her leg off. Like why do I want to watch that? Like there's not enough sadness. I go into the movies to be in a good movie. I want to I fucking hate sad movies. Okay, okay. You hate sad movies. You hate scary movies. You hate suspenseful movies. Yeah, I don't need I have all of that in my life. This is these are the movies that Bill relates to anything violent, funny and funny. Yeah, violence and humor. It's a narrow window. That's what you like out of your movie. I like it. No

sadness. No scariness. Yeah, no best friend dying. Okay. Listen, yeah, I love how you make me be the asshole. You're the one that go. You're just extremely simple. You're the one who goes to bed watching other people's fucking the murder shows. I don't know why you fucking sit there watching that shit. You know what I figured out why women like Oh, now it's all women. Okay. Oh, who are you to shy away from a generalization of women? Get the fuck out of here. Fair enough. Fair enough. I realized I think why women will watch murder shows because I think it gives us some sort of sense of control because you're always feeling like someone's either going to like kidnap you or murder you

at any point anyway. So you feel like you watch these shows and you're like, Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm learning the the warning signs, the red flags and you all you can sort of distance yourself from it and be like, Well, that would never happen to me because but the truth is, if you end up getting into a situation where you get killed, which is usually by somebody close to you, a man close to you, chances are like there's not necessarily a way out. I mean, you know, what's amazing about that? Obviously, when you the first signs of any kind of abuse, but a lot of times you're just manipulated and you're in a situation where you can't get out of anyway. So that's like the really scary part of it. All right. Thank you, Nia. Thank you for

coming on here with that public service. You know what, you watch those moves. You watch those shows for the like you got have some sort of control and understanding. Please don't act like you're not talking 90% of this podcast. You want to be on this thing. So I'm going to talk. But now I'm done. Okay. You watch those murder shows for the same reasons why I watched a Steven Segon movie. Because as a man, you always have to think, what if 30 Jamaicans come into this bar? A bar called Mark for Death, and they all try to kill me at the same time. Is he still alive? Is he still alive? Steven Segal. Yeah, Steven Segal. Is he still alive? He's trying to defeat his last opponent, which is death. Okay. Yeah, I think he's still alive. Oh, okay.

Okay. You didn't get into the steam. Come on, man. Steven or young Steven Segal. Why would I watch any of those movies? First of all, because you watch murder shows. Why wouldn't you watch a guy walking around fucking everybody up in a bar? In the 80s, when I was like a kid, why would I be watching Steven Segal movies? Well, the wings beneath my wind was in the 80s. Yeah, I know. But I like I didn't watch that until I was older. And that's not exactly like my shot. All right. So when you got older, you didn't watch a Steven Segal. I had no interest. Come on, man. Do you have that fucking jet black hair pulled back the ponytail? Yeah, no. The whisper voice? No, I was never drawn to him. Where's the gun, cuz? Any level. No.

All right. Who was your favorite action hero of the 80s? Schwarzenegger. Sliced alone. The muscles from Brussels. Who was that? Oh, Jean-Claude Van Damme? Jean-Claude Van Damme. You know, when he hit those splits, whoo, baby. He hit those splits. Okay. So the split, you like the splits better than? No, I liked. I used to watch a Magnum PI with my parents. Does that count? Yeah, I love it. You know, what's amazing is how much Higgins who flew the helicopter. Wait, did he fly the helicopter? No, Magnum drove the car. The black guy, he did the helicopter. TC. I liked him. I liked Apollo Creed more than I liked Rocky. So it was very sad when he passed away.

Okay. Did you notice when you watched Magnum PI that Higgins? How much the old Higgins? He's the butler. No, he was sort of the fucking old guy. He was the butler. He was like, hello, Magnum. Did you notice how much he looked like Hitler? It was fucking unbelievable. Now that you say it. He looked exactly like Hitler. He dressed like Hitler, and it was just like that. I've never really mentioned where they did with Hitler's body. It's like, did this guy fly in from Argentina? I used to watch this audition. Knight Rider. I liked that show a lot. Oh, Knight Rider was fucking great. The talk in I-Rock. I'm gonna watch those TV shows. Did you watch The Fall Guy? No.

What do you have against a white man in a Chevy Silverado? Where do I start? Yeah, what are the other action shows? Square Body. Oh, that used to what? What about Matt Houston? I don't know what that is. Dude, that was the fucking the height of everybody like Bert Reynolds set the standard of what a good-looking guy was, and that opened the door for the guy who played Matt Houston, fucking Tom Selleck. Who's the guy eating the sandwich on the floor there? Who drove the fucking Trans Am? David Hasseloff. David Hasseloff. Do you know I did a table read one time and I was sitting right next to him? And I'm gonna tell you right now, the best-looking guy I've ever seen in my life. Really? I was like looking at the guy going like it's like fucking

like you drew him. Full head of hair, the curly wavy hair, the chicks like the fucking dimple in the chin. You know what I remember from Magnum Polly? Tall as shit is when he's in the opening credits of the opening sequence when the girl is like snorkeling or something and he's helping her quote-unquote her ass up and he's like oh I mean just another day in the life of Magnum P.I. That's right. What is he doing exactly? Was he teaching her how to swim? Why did he need, why did she need to be held up like that? Listen, do you think Magnum, do you think Magnum? Like what was he doing? First of all, it was raining. Okay, it was raining? It was raining pee for ol' Magnum. Oh, oh, oh. That's why he had the teetops open. He didn't want to crack him

when those whores jumped in his fucking fiat or whatever he drove, the Ferrari. Or a vet. No, it was a Ferrari. It's funny, that's like one of the worst Ferraris that they made evidently. Who's I love you, baby? Who loves you, baby? Lollipop. No, come on. I watched that with my step dad. He used to watch that show. That's Kojak. Tell us about us. Kojak. He would watch the reruns of that. So I watched that guy. I watched the equalizer. The equalizer never saw that. Did you used to watch? I would watch M.A.S.H. with them. I stopped doing that. Stop doing it. The suicide is painless, baby. No, they're in Korea. Oh, Korea.

That was the thing when it was like the show lasted longer than the actual conflict. It's called the Korean conflict. It was never called a war. All right. Well, it wasn't like, I wasn't yelling that at you. I was just giving you that information. All right. Speaking of that, I have other information. I have information that is actually of interest. Unlike myself. It's actually exciting. All right. The Patrice O'Neill comedy benefit is back, ladies and gentlemen. Tickets for the 10th annual. 10th annual, Nia. Patrice O'Neill comedy benefit go on sale today, Thursday, January 19th at 12 p.m. Eastern Standard Time. The show is on Tuesday, April 4th, 2023 at 7.30 p.m. at the New York City Center.

The lineup includes Mo Amer, Bill Burr, Shane Gillis. This is all in alphabetical order. Bobby Robert Kelly, Eleanor Kerrigan, Jim Norton, Keith Robinson, Cipher Sounds, Ricky Velez, and Rick Voss. Rich Voss. Oh my God. I said Rick. Rich Voss. And maybe some surprise guests will drop by to buy tickets to go to any of the following. www.NewYorkCenter, citycenter.org slash patrice10. The theater box office is located at 131 West 55th street between 6th and 7th Avenue. Box office hours are Monday through Saturday, 12 p.m. to 8 p.m. and Sunday, 12 noon to 7.30 p.m. There you go. It's the 10th one that we've done, but it's been over 10 years. He died in November of 2011. So it's actually been 11 years, we can believe it. Yep. A lot has

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And then they order food. They order food and the waitress brings it over. There it is. And there it is. Oh, there she is. There she is. They are going on tour as well. Who are? Watch your crappens. They're going back on tour. Oh, I was hoping the Jersey people were going on tour. I've been listening to what they had to say. All right. Nutriful. There it is. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Real quick. Jersey housewives is coming back. Will you be watching it with me like you did last season? I will be, but I. Your favorite one. Come on. I feel like now that the guy's deported, she's already done her jail time. I mean, where do you go from there? There's plenty of drama because her and her brother. This is like on Roseanne when all of a sudden they won the lottery. You know,

her and her brother have like major beef. So I feel like there's going to be a lot of slamming things down and crying and just like Italian. You're my fucking father. Yeah, exactly. There's a lot of that. So it's going to be traumatic. Yeah. All right. You know, I just like that, the sociopath one, which one? The one who she looks like a villager, a velociraptor. The one who's just like, I don't know why I was signing. I mean, I just, they put it in front of me and I just signed it. Yeah. Yeah. She looks like a velociraptor. I don't know why. No, no, she doesn't. You know what she looks like? She looks like that lizard and that thing where that guy was tripping and they, they automated it, they animated it and he was going like,

Oh, what was the name of that fucking YouTube video? It was his classic thing. This guy, they, some people say it's true. Some say it's not. It was a guy and he was fucking tripping balls on LSD mushrooms and he was just talking about what he was, what he was seeing and he was just going, look at that kid over there going crazy. He was just doing all of this shit. And for whatever reason, they, they took the audio and they just had like this lizard just saying it and the lizard that they drew looks like that woman that fucked those people out of that money and acted like she didn't know what she was doing. Sorry. I think you're getting your housewives confused, but that's okay. I'm not. Her husband got deported in the, I don't know. Am I going to

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3,000 top actors, people like, oh shit, the movie stars are using this. I got to get some of this shit. Dude, I say five A-list actors are equal to 3,000 top doctors. Just to let the people in the marketing department know when they put together their memoir, you can grow thicker, healthier hair and support our show by going to neutrophil.com slash men and entering the promo code burr to save 15. It's Rain and Hairyman. Hallelujah. Their dicks are hard. They'll bang their wives. Code burr to save $15 off first month subscription. This is their best offer anywhere and it's only available to US customers. Use customers. Use customers. For a limited time. My god, Bill. No, because I was, I was, I'm thinking of jokes. Use. I was just thinking if you could get Viagra

in Neutrophil and you, as you're growing your hair, your fucking dick is coming up. I mean, your wife might faint. That would be incredible. Plus free shipping every order. Get $15 off at neutrophil, neutrophil.com slash men spelt N-U-T-R-F-N-U-T-R-A-F-O-L November, uniform, tango, Romeo, alpha, foxtrot, Oscar, Lima, dot com slash men promo code burr. All right. All right. That's the podcast, everybody. Wait, can I ask you a question? Yep. Do you miss having hair? No. Yeah, I don't either. I mean, on you. No. You know what it is? It's, it's when you hang on to it. That's when you miss it. But I remember when you were first talking about shaving your head, I was like, no. And by that time, you'd already cut it down pretty low, but I still wasn't. You were the one

who told me to shave my head. Was that me? Yeah. Okay. What am I talking about? I don't know what you're talking about. You were like, you would go shave your head, shave, shave your head. You would do that. You're right. You're right. You're right. Come on. It's time, baby. Well, you know what it was? Let it go. Shave your head. Shave, shave your head. Come on now. I like the middle ground. I think I like it either like ball ball, but when you were still like had a little bit of hair like peach fuzz, that's what it was when I was like, all right, let's just get rid of it all. No. That's not what happened? No. When I had it longer, when I had the regular size you were, you said you shave your head. I say, you think so? And you're like, yeah, I was like, I don't know.

I might look like an asshole. And you were like, shave your head, shave, shave your head every fucking day. And I finally just trying to shut you up. It's a good move though. It was a good move because you know what, exactly. It's a weird thing, man. When you, when you have red hair on top of your head, they go, you're, you're, you know, you're the nice guy. You're the guy next to the second you shave your head. You're like, oh, you're a fucking asshole. It's like, I've been trying to tell you guys that for 25 years. I'm an asshole. Trust me, people know. This is fun. It was fun. You ever been in a relationship where you just know without a doubt you love the other person more than they love you? All right. This is the deal, everybody. This podcast is done regardless

of what Nia's going to say after this. Please enjoy the music from the great Andrew Thamelis and we'll have a bonus episode of the Thursday afternoon just before Friday, Monday morning podcast coming up right after the music. Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Byrne. It's the Monday morning podcast from Monday, Monday, Monday. Um, what is today? It's, uh, January 19th. Ladies and gentlemen, I'm actually taping this on Sunday first down. I'm watching the Patriots right now. They're up 14 to seven, four minutes to go in the fucking first second quarter, Joe. Joe, what are you? What are you supposed to be fucking Paul Revere? Your fucking goddamn colonial hat.

All right. I gotta be honest with you guys. I already recorded a podcast this week with a very special guest, uh, but it's, it's a famous drummer and, uh, I think it's going to be too much of a drumhead thing for, uh, all you guys are just like, are used to listening to me talk about sports. So I'm going to do a quick one here, Monday. And then I'm going to have, uh, I have an interview with Chris Layton from, uh, Stevie Ray Vaughan and double trouble back in the day from Ark Angels. I saw him touring last year, came through the Greek with Kenny Wayne Shepard. Um, he does that Hendricks review thing and he's actually in town here in LA working with Steven still. So, uh, if you're into drums and, uh, you know, it's not, not the only thing

that we talk about, but we talk about, uh, his time, you know, coming up and making it and pushing through people being negative little talk about whiplash in there. I think it's a really interesting podcast. Even if you don't play drums and, uh, he got me some hilarious, uh, a couple of hilarious gifts and then one unbelievable one because he's such a great guy. So please tune in. I'll post that probably on Wednesday of this week. So let's start, start talking some pop. Make me a f**king sandwich lady, lady, please. Um, hey get in the kitchen and make me a f**king sandwich you're watching a goddamn game. You know, houses are so close together out here. I

shouldn't be yelling stuff like that. You know, I shouldn't you? Yeah. Look at me again. I'll give you another one. Let's see if I can get the cops come into my house. I shouldn't do that. Like Garrett Blunt for a first down. Sorry, I'm not going to do that, but I do have the game on here and I actually have to uh, I don't know, I got a ton of s**t I got to do tomorrow. So anyways, what do we do here? What do we do? Um, I got to tell you something right now. I was what I watched the Green Bay Seattle game and I am over it, but I was absolutely f**king sick at the end of that game. Um, not out of like a hate in Seattle kind of thing. It was just that f**king prevent defense prevent offencing. I just for the life of me, I mean, it has to work.

It has to, it has to work. Not only has does it have to work. It has to work way more times than it doesn't work for them to continue the insanity of playing football for 50 f**king minutes, 55 minutes. And then in the end, you just play not to lose that. I, I, Green Bay went into Seattle. They shut up their crowd. They, they handled, they manhandled them through the first half. And then when you knew Seattle was going to come back and have a surge and they handled that five minutes to go, they pick off Russell Wilson for the fourth f**king time. You got the ball back. All right, let's f**king eat up some clock. What, what did they do? They run the ball into the ass of their center three f**king times and

then punt it. I didn't think they took a minute off the clock. The whole game and you got Aaron Rogers as a quarterback. Does he all of a sudden not know how to throw a f**king ball? This guy's a Super Bowl champion. Do you think he's f**king nervous? The whole game, you're playing to win. And then in the end, you, I, it was f**king unbelievable. I can't imagine what it'd be like playing for the f**king Packers. Aaron Rogers taking those playcalls. You know? All right, man, five minutes to go. What are we doing here? What are we going to dump it off to run it back? We're going to post pattern. What are we doing here? Run the ball up the bed all. Oh, okay. All right. Yeah, I get it. We're in a little clock here. Ready, ready, set, time out.

Two seconds, three seconds off the clock. All right, coach, second down to 10. What are we doing? Huh? We throwing the ball here, right? What are we going to do? A little play action fake, freeze the linebackers, do something here, maybe pick up five, six yards, run it up the bed all. Really? All right. Hey, the boss, ready, Omaha, tackle, time out. Another two seconds off the f**king clock. Third down and 10. Aaron's warming up his arm. What are we doing here? Come on. Who am I throwing it to? Run it up the bed all. Are you f**king serious? The f**k are we doing, right? You don't want to throw the ball? Run it into the a**crap of your center. This is a recording. Blue 54, set, over. Seattle doesn't take a time out. Green Bay kicks the ball away.

They take off f**king 50 seconds, 55 seconds off the clock. Then what do they do? Are they going to go back to playing football and get up in their grills, rush f**king Russell Wilson, put them on his back like they have been the whole guy, f**k that. I got a better idea. Let's go into the prevent. Let's go into the f**king prevent defense, which is basically, we don't want them to score on one big play. We'll protect the sidelines. We'll give them the middle in 15 to 20 yard chunks while they burn the clock or burn their timeouts. That's the philosophy. So basically, you don't give it up on one play. You give it up on six plays and you make every quarterback, every quarterback who's ever faced a prevent defense immediately looked how Joe Montana or

John L. Way or Roger Starback used to look when, and in the final two minutes of the game when they actually played f**king defense as far as I remember. So Seattle goes right, you know, and I am literally, where's my phone? I f**king was texting Paul Verzi. You want to hear my tweets during the end of this f**king game? All right, here we go. Let me scroll. Oh, Jesus, they're coming in chunks, coming in chunks. Let's see here. All right, this is me after I watched them run the ball into the ass of their f**king center, three plays in a row and then punted all capitals. What a f**king waste of a possession. They are now going to ruin it. Oh, now that they're not, I think they still had one more run to go. They are now going to run it. They just got Seattle's just

going to take a timeout f**king eight seconds off the clock. Now they've kicked the ball. I write, what was the strategy there? Get the other team to use all their timeouts. They aren't even going to burn a minute off the clock on four f**king plays. Paul writes back, I know now Seattle has the ball and I text, they are literally going to get, they're going to give this team a touchdown just so they can burn off time from the clock. I can't tell if that is good coaching or it is done by the league to give every game possible a dramatic ending. This is when I'm sitting there going, I'm a comedian. What the f**k do I know about, about prevent defense? All I know is a fan watching. Now, obviously they scored. I wrote f**king joke. Verzi wrote, wow, then he said,

no TD. Thank God. Oh, that's when they threw it to Marshawn Lynch, who by the way, it's the closest thing I've seen since Earl Campbell, watching an entire defense try to tackle that man is like, you haven't been drunk with your friends during the summertime and all the windows of your car is down and you got everybody gets out of the car on a small hill and all of a sudden you notice the car starts rolling and everybody grabs onto it, sliding in their tennis shoes, trying to stop it. Eventually you f**king do. That's what it's like watching a defense try and stop Marshawn Lynch. It's f**king amazing. Then I go every f**king game, Paul, every f**king game that stupid strategy makes every team look like the 49ers in 1989. Okay, now Green Bay, okay, they've now,

I don't want to read all this whole f**king thing. It's just basically, I'll read the excerpts. It's the dumbest f**king strategy I've ever seen in my life. Green Bay Packers deserve this. Their fans don't. Then in the end, travesty and Versey said, the problem was they kicked a gut field goals instead of touchdowns. There's nothing wrong with that. If you're playing against the defense, I feel as good as Seattle's, you got to take what they're going to give you. All right, you kick the field goals and then your defense was answering the call. They answered the bell, whatever the f**king cliche is, and you had the f**king game one. Green Bay had the ball back. They had the ball. They had their f**king destiny in their hands. Go for a first down. If they got two first downs,

three first downs, that f**king game is over. All right, sorry, I'm back. I'm back. I actually knocked my recorder off. I was saying, I'm so f**king old that when I see people who run like me, how bad I run, they've played 17 years of quarterback and blew out an ACL. Anyway, so I, at the end of the game, watching them, watching them lose that game the way they did. First of all, congrats. I didn't even say congratulations to Seattle. Congratulations. I mean, it's not your fault they stop f**king playing. And I guess to say that, I'm taking away from your victory, but I'm sure you've seen your team. I think every football fan, you've seen your team do that. You've seen your team just playing football. I'm not giving it up an inch. I'm

right up on you. F**k this. We're winning this game. And then you go to this whole like, well, you know, I'll give you like, we'll give you 10 yards, 15 yards, but that's it. I mean, just, it's just the exact, I don't know, the mentality of it. I just don't, I don't understand it. It makes, you know what it is about the prevent defense? No game is out of reach. You have to be like f**king up 21 points, but if it's below 20, all of a sudden within five minutes, if you're going to play that way, it just seems like everything all of a sudden is in reach. And then the, the announcers are like, we're mad, I'll turn them up. Who never thought what? When you start playing 20 yards off a guy,

when you stop calling any imaginative plays on offense and even Troy Aikman on the third time was going like, you know, I got to feel like they're going to run in here and keep it on the ground. It's like, everybody knew it. When you got two standup comedians texting what the Green Bay Packers are going to do next, that's probably not a good sign as far as if you're going to try and win a f**king game. Dude, I was so, I was so upset because I felt like the pay, you know, I'm not looking past the Colts either. I know obviously anything can happen, but if we were going to go to the Super Bowl, I got to think that for whatever reason, we matched up better with Green Bay. I just, I just feel that the fact that we get, for the most part, no pressure on

the quarterback and you got Russell, who's so mobile, that would present a problem. And then we suck against the run for the most part and Marchand Lynch, even if you're good against them, it takes at least what, like six, seven people just to kind of slow them down. And Seattle's defense is unbelievable, as annoying as they are, how they stand over every person after they tackle them as if that person has never been tackled before. And as annoying as all those bandwagon fans are, which was hilarious to see them locked out, you know, nobody who was at the king dome back in the day left that game. You know, god damn well, they were going to stay there even if they were going to lose. They would have sat there and they

would have cried like a real fan and then walked out to your car with your head down. Well, as always next year, right? I have a tremendous amount of respect for, for that organization. I mean, it's a fucking, I mean, obviously the team that they put together is incredible. But I would like to win the Super Bowl. So I would like to give my team the greatest chance. So I was, that was not the damn team that I wanted to play. But it's not even that they Seattle won, it was the way Green Bay lost. And I had to get in my fucking Prius. Fucking go for a drive. And I ended up in an Italian restaurant. They make homemade pasta, right? And I was right before dinner and they hadn't made,

they were in the process of making the pasta in their sauce. So I got a, I got a salad and then just a couple of meatballs and sat there and had a scotch as the Patriots were playing, recording the game. Just dumbfounded how I watched Green Bay lose that fucking game. And, and somewhere halfway through that scotch that I was drinking, it just became hilarious that my team was playing. And I was so distraught over two other teams that aren't my team that didn't knock my team out and that I wasn't even watching my team, even though I was recording it. And just that whole thing of like, why the fuck, why do I care this much? And I don't know, it just kind of struck me as funny. Then of course I'm talking to the bartender,

you know, he doesn't give a shit about, well, I guess maybe he could give a shit. He just needed money. So he was working. I just assume if you're taking that shift, you could at least fake sick or whatever. So anyways, Jesus Christ, two weeks in a row. At least it wasn't a bad call, man, but what the fuck? What the fuck? Anyways, this is the Monday morning podcast. I don't have any questions or anything this week. How far into this? I don't even know how many fucking minutes I'm into this because I didn't look at the first one should probably my condolences, not only to Packer fans, but any fan of a fucking team that had to sit there and watch your team have a game one and then go into the prevent defense. I'm really actually going to listen

to sports talk radio tomorrow morning to try and have some hopefully somebody will explain it. Um, there's another one I don't get five seconds left in the half. For some fucking reason, you squib kick it. So then they get the ball in the 40. Like how big a threat is that guy back in the end zone? What are the odds he's going to take it to the 40? If they wanted to, they probably won't. But if they wanted to, they could just fucking heave it to the end zone with Andrew Lux arm, right? I don't know. I don't fucking get it. Um, well, Bill, you're a comedian. You're not supposed to get it. I'll go fuck yourself. Um, so anyways, I got a, uh, I got a crazy week coming up here. Um, you guys remembered a long time ago, I did a movie out in, uh, New Orleans

called black or white that started, oh, they took a knee. It's another thing. Why don't you throw the Hail Mary? They used to do that. What is the problem? Um, anyways, I really sound like a crabby old man. Why don't they do it the way they used to do it? Uh, all right. So I did a movie a year and a half ago, uh, called black or white, um, starring Kevin Costner, Octavia Spencer, and, uh, directed and written by Mike binder. Um, and, uh, it's finally coming out. It's coming out on January 30th. And, uh, so we're doing all the promotion, all the press and all that type of stuff this week, which should be, uh, hopefully a good time. So I got a bunch of that type of shit coming up and, uh, I'm going to be on, um, real time with Bill Maher on, uh, on Friday.

And, uh, and then after that on Saturday, I leave for my, uh, what the hell am I going? I go to Australia, New Zealand, Singapore, Hong Kong, Mumbai, all of that shit. And I get back to just going back to being a comedian. So I got basically a week of press here that I'm doing coming up. Um, I was in New Orleans this week. I did a, uh, had a quick three day shoot and, uh, an upcoming movie. I never say what they are until they're coming out. And then I make sure that I'm still in them. So, uh, you know, trying to keep my actor health insurance hanging in there, the sag after shit. So, uh, anyways, let's do a little bit of advertising here for this week. Oh, I did another one of the goddamn comedy jams, uh, this weekend with Josh Adam Myers.

And, uh, we actually did, um, I did a Pantera song. Cowboys From Health was the song that I chose to do, uh, despite the fact that I don't play double bass and, uh, my double bass playing was, was, uh, it was pretty horrific, but it was way better than I was before I decided to do that song. Um, I dressed up like Vinny Paul. I made an ass of myself and, uh, but it's fun. You know, what's cool was I sat down behind the kid. I wasn't nervous at all, which is, uh, which is a good thing because usually there's a, um, you know, cause I'm stepping outside myself, but you know, you just keep doing it and doing it and doing it and all of a sudden just becomes, oh yeah, I'm doing this show again. I've done it before. I know what I gotta do, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

And, uh, you know, it's funny. The sound was really bad. We were outside in a tent. It's way better when it's, when they have the show over on the brayer because you can actually, you know, the sound was tremendous. They had to turn down the sound because we were playing Riot Fest, some sort of comedy festival that they have in downtown LA and people were complaining about the noise, not even from the music. They were complaining about how loud the stand-ups were. I guess there was a, uh, apartment building right next door. So my apology to those people, but, um, yeah, I went up there and I had a, uh, I had a good time. So I have no idea what the next one I'm going to do is. If you guys have any requests, you know, if you have, I'm basically asking you

guys to give me an idea of what song I should fucking play next because, uh, I'm kind of out of ideas. I played a Zeppelin one dressed like John Bonham, Motley Crue, Tommy Lee, and now I did Pantera. Um, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Let the double bass go. I don't want to do another double bass song, but if anybody knows a good one, uh, if you learned how to play double bass, obviously starting with Vinnie Paul is not an easy thing. If you know a Pantera song that, uh, because if you play double bass, I would imagine that Cowboys From Hell is pretty straightforward. Um, as far as the tempo is not that bad. If you know something else along those lines, that's sort of the next thing. Cause I always felt like if you're learning how to play

drums, for me, if you learn, if you're a white guy and you're playing rock drums, for me, it was, you started with AC DC, right? You learned the whole four on the floor, two, four fucking thing, right? And then the next thing I would do is then you move to like guns and roses, appetite for destruction, or maybe we went up to Charlie Watts, if you're going to baby step your way up. So it's a little more busy bass drum, you know, and, uh, then I would go appetite for destruction. And then from there, it would basically be like whatever direction you wanted to go in. Uh, here I am talking about drums again. I don't know, I'm supposed to be talking about, I don't know what the fuck I'm supposed to be talking about here. Um, anyways, hey, I saw that

movie boyhood. Did you guys see that shit? It's pretty interesting where they have, uh, uh, basically the, they shot the movie over 12 years and you get to watch this little boy that they cast grow up. Oh my God. Here we go again. Domestic violence and sexual assaults are hard subjects for everyone to talk about. So let's show all these people crying. I don't like it when people get raped. Who does? What are they going to do next? Funerals? Were you actually cared about the person who died or hard to talk about? And then I have to watch people crying for the love of God. Who are those fucking commercials for? Does the person who sexually assault someone just sees Hillary swank crying and then goes,

you know what, I'm going to stop sexually assaulting people. I don't, I don't, for the fucking life of me, who doesn't care about victims of basically anything. What do they have? Are they trying to move me to do what? What are they trying to do? I think they're trying to get my money on some level, right? So that they can siphon off 20% of it so they can go out and go buy themselves a pink Bentley and then they throw some money at the, uh, you know, no more backhands doc org, whatever the fuck they're doing. I just, for the life of me, those fucking goddamn commercials. And as annoying as those are, I don't understand why you kick another team's fucking ass for

55 minutes and then decide to lay down on the goddamn ground for the final, your own choice, your own fucking choice. God damn it. I liked it. I liked Seattle. I really like that fucking team, but I just cannot stand all the fucking pomp and circumstance around it. Did you guys see that they have two giant screams allegedly measuring how loud the fucking crowd is? I mean, isn't it enough that they built a fucking stadium to try to just hold those people's hands into trying to sound like they give a fuck? What else do they have to do to coerce these people into cheering every goddamn game? They got to have some fucking war vet or fucking 80 act eight 1980s action hero come out and wave a fucking hanky to get them all excited. You're not excited. It's a fucking playoff game.

You're going to try to be the first team to repeat in like 10 fucking years. That's not enough excitement. You know, you need Frank Stallone to come out there and swing a dirty diaper over his fucking. Oh yeah, that's right. We're supposed to give a fuck. Uh, worst dress fans. Who are you going with? Honorary mentions got to be the black hole Oakland Raiders. That absolute fucking shit show of humanity. I would say Cleveland Brown's the dog pound if they put them on TV more. Remember that when they used to bark at the camera and eat dog biscuits and you're supposed to sit at home going, wow, these people are crazy. They had money legal tender to buy football tickets and they went to their assigned seat. Jesus fucking Christ with the pretend crazy. I got to be honest

with you, the person who's really just going to fucking knock you out and make you fucking, you know, eat the rest of your meals for the rest of your life sipping through a fucking straw is not the guy that's dressed up like a dog or the dude with the spikes coming out of his fucking shoulder pads. It's going to be that quiet guy with the dirty hat. The dude with the neck tattoo. It's going to be that person because they know that they're crazy and they know that they're going to fuck somebody up. And the last thing they want to do is fucking put somebody in a coma and then run out of a stadium dressed like big bird because they're going to get caught. They want it. They want to blend in with the fucking crowd. Wouldn't you think? Am I out of my mind to think that shit? I have no idea. So

anyways, I just heard a fucking plane fly over my head. I'm actually studying for my exam next month to get my license and I'm not going to fly here for the next couple of weeks due to my schedule and all that type of shit. So I am literally studying, bringing my notebooks with me, taking practice tests. Oh shit. I should have had some of that stuff in front of me. I should have taken one of those goddamn tests. All this type of shit you have to know. If you're flying east to west and you slow down, you know, which way is the needle going to point? Is it going to point down towards the south of the north on your fucking compass? I already can't even fucking remember. I've answered that question so many fucking times I

still forget. When you're flying east, when you fly east to west, you fly at an even altitude plus 500 west to east. You fly at an odd plus 500. So you wouldn't fly at 5,000. You fly at 5,500. You're going the other way. You'd fly 4,500, not 4,000. All of that shit plus all this shit about the weather. All right. What do you got here? Second half is starting. How about fucking Amandola? Is this guy been stepping up or what? I was like most people. I thought the guy like every time he went to go pick up his helmet, he blew out his hamstring and all of a sudden, I mean, he had such a fucking, I didn't really talk about the game last week. I was so fucking on my period about the Des Bryant catch that wasn't a catch. And I don't know. When am I going to

learn? I can't fucking have the TV on and try to fucking riff on this goddamn thing. You would think, Oh, by the way, can we talk about that lady? The fucking lady. There's a woman out there. She fucking was married to a guy who was a billionaire. She's getting a divorce. The guy wrote her a check just under a billion dollars and she turned it down. Now I know what a lot of people are thinking. What a fucking gold digging whore. This is right up Bill's alley. I know what I'm going to do. I'm going to tweet a fucking link to this article and this will get him going on the podcast and then he'll have a shit fit and I'll laugh as I'm sitting in my cubicle. Well, surprise, surprise. I'm not really having a shit fit about this because I don't think it's about

the money. This is the deal. This broad. All right, this fucking twinkle toes here. All right, all little fucking sugar tits here. She married this guy. This guy was worth 50 million bucks. He was an oil man. Get off my fucking property. There ain't no global warming. Good. I like that there's a hole in the ozone layer. Makes me feel like I'm closer to God. Right? He's an oil man. Hey, I'll tell you what, Mr. President, I even know why I have to call you Mr. President. I fucking put you in office with my goddamn money. Look at me when I'm talking to you, Obama. All right? My granddaddy put that dictator in fucking power and he was supposed to give us our little gold, little shit there, right? He's supposed to give us our liquid gold, right? He ain't doing it no

more. You got to go over there. You got to take that fucker out. You understand me? I'll give a fuck how you do it. He's an oil man. It's a fucking oil man. All right, he's got Slim Whitman on the laser disk. Right? That's Irish. What was the fucking Slim Whitman? He sold over nine million records. Anyways, I'm all over the fucking map here. See, I'm back to me. I'm not looking at the TV anymore. So this fucking guy, he's got a $50 million business. He already has this and this woman does not sign a fucking. He doesn't sign a prenup with the woman. According to her, she didn't take the billion dollar payout because now 26, 27, 28 fucking years later, they're going for a divorce. This guy's company is worth $20 billion, according to her. All right?

Now here's the thing. She's like, I was with this guy and I supported him and held down the fucking home front and all that. That's got to be worth something. This was fucking crazy to me. It's like, you know, with all due respect, sweetheart, this guy made $50 million without you. Okay? Look, I could see if the guy had a couple hundred grand in the bank. All right, maybe. All right, whatever. You know what I mean? If you make $50 million, give me a fucking break. If you started out with nothing and you're worth $50 million, you fucking, you know what you're doing. At that point, once you have $50 million, that's when, that's when you got your own, you're starting to have your own plane. You're in a gated community. You got your own security system.

You fucking kill somebody and the cops go down to your house and they're talking to your lawyer in the driveway is just sitting there eating fucking escargot and an English muffin and they're asking your fucking lawyer. If you, if you wouldn't mind turning yourself in over the next six, seven days, you like that level fucking rich. And once you're that level rich, it's all fucking downhill. You're meeting the people that are running the world. You meet the people in the Bilderberg group. You meet them people in the other groups that I don't know about or what the fuck they talk about, but I pretend like I do. You're at that level of fucking wealth. All right. So this fucking guy grows it to $20 billion and she gets a check for a billion just basically.

And she says she doesn't want it. She wants more. So everybody's saying that she's a gold digging whore. You know what I really think it is? And she's saying that she supported them and helped the bill and say, go fuck yourself. All right. Let's just say for whatever fucking reason, I met an unknown lady Gaga in the East Village 10, 12 fucking years ago. Right. And she's down there ripping off Madonna songs or whatever. And I'm like, you know what, there's something about her though. You know, she's got nice legs. She's got a nice ass. I mean, I like the imperfections. I like the giant nose. Look at me. I got red fucking hair. It's falling out. I think we can make a good couple. You know, we're both a mess. Two negatives make a positive.

We'll make a beautiful baby. So I start fucking hanging out with her. Next thing you know, we follow like Garrett. So then we think, uh, all right, you know, we get married. Okay. And let's just say whatever I'm doing. I'm fucking, I make keys. That's what I do. That's my job. Okay. And she's out down there. She's down the village and she's fucking, you know, she's making her own meat dress. You know, she's going out. She's making money in a coffee house and she goes right to the deli and she buys more meat. She's investing in herself. She's building her career. She's playing the fucking piano. She's coming home and she's like, what do you think of this? And I'm like, it sounds good, honey. Right. I'm over there. I'm knitting a fucking sweater. You know, I got a

pot roast in the goddamn oven or whatever. Okay. And then she becomes Lady Gaga. I get to quit my fucking job. I'm Mr. Gaga. I get to go on Oprah and sit there silently, you know, as Oprah talks to Lady for fucking an hour. And then finally she says, well, what, what do you see at her? And then I already have some pre written speech about how I'm Gaga about Gaga. I'm Gaga for Gaga, whatever the fuck happens, right? And let's just say in the end, all of that, I'm walking down the fucking hall blinded by her gold records, platinum records and all that shit. Every morning when I go to brush my teeth, I got a fucking, I got to put on my, uh, my amber visions just to get there. So I don't fucking walk into the walk-in closet instead of the bathroom.

Let's say at the end of that, she gets sick of me and she kicks me to the fucking curb. All right. And let's say she's worth a hundred million dollars and she turns around and says, I'm going to give you, Bill, I'm going to write you a check. Let's do the same thing. Let's say to 20 billion, just say she's worth 20 million. And she says, Bill, I'm going to give you a million dollars. And you know what I'm going to say? I'm going to say, thank you, Lady Gaga. It was awesome. I enjoy, I was just making keys. I wasn't going to make a million dollars in my lifetime. All right. I'm going to take this money and I'm going to pay my taxes on it. I'm going to get myself a little fucking house, you know, and I'm going to make keys in the back

of it. I'm going to get my life back and I'm going to find God knows you gave me plenty of fuck. And I would buy, you know what I would do with that? I would go buy a fuck. Everybody needs keys. Touchdown Patriots. Who the fuck was that? Who just scored that? Nate Solder just scored his first touchdown ever. Nice 23 seven. Oh, did we match up better against the Packers? So anyway, oh, look at our two cheaters talking there on the sidelines, two convicted cheaters. That was a nice play. That was a nice play. How'd you like the video? I love the video. Anyways, you got to have a sense of humor about your own fucking team, don't you? Most people don't, but I do. Anyways, so let's go back here. Yeah, she gave me a million bucks. What I would do is

I would find a house that cost like, I don't know, like 150 grand. You know, and I would put down a ridiculous amount of money on it. And then I put the rest of the money away and I would start cutting keys again out of the back of my house. And I get that business going and I would fucking build it up. And then I go on to instead of farmers only.com, I'd go on like key makers only.com and I try to meet somebody else. That's what the fuck I would do. I would never try to take her money. I'd be like, you know what? I know I gave you support. I know I said that was a beautiful song. I know you wrote a couple songs about us. Instead of Dear Ben, you wrote Dear Bill. I get it. But I can't sing. I can't play a fucking

piano. Who's kidding who? We both know why I lived the life I lived for the last 10 years. It was because of you, Lady Gaga. And to think I got to live that life and in the end of it, you're going to give me a million bucks to leave. Yeah, you're a fucking saint. I still love you, Lady Gaga, even though you don't love me anymore. I get it. I don't even know why you love me in the first place, but God bless you. That's probably why you write such wonderful songs that connects with an entire demographic of people. Continued success. Thank you for that million dollars. And I would fucking leave. All right. I got too much fucking pride to sit there if somebody doesn't fucking want me

to then try to take everything they got. I mean, just I couldn't fuck. The second somebody doesn't want me around, I'm like, all right, Jesus, I didn't know I was annoying you. I get it. Sorry. Can I grab my things now? Do you want to want me to send somebody else? All right, just get the fuck out of there. So anyway, so that seems to be, you know, this lady here that she got a billion dollars and she says it's not enough. What I honestly think it is, I just think it's an emotional thing for this woman. I don't think it's a money thing because you can't spend that. He can't spend all that fucking money. Right. Did you guys, they actually showed a copy of the, of the check that this dude wrote

to his ex-wife. He didn't write it on one of those business checks, you know, that are sort of extra long and the whole extra area, the memo section that you write stuff. He wrote it on like a personal little check, like the same kind of check, like, you know, somebody living week to week, those little checkbooks, he wrote a check for like 989 million, 899 thousand dollars and 31 cents, whatever the fuck it was. And I think what he did was this guy's obvious. I don't know what the fuck, maybe he's just good at business. I think he just sat down after they decided on the number. And I bet he did it right in front of her after 26 fucking years. Okay. He's walking away. He's leaving and he just sits down and he's just writing money just to make her leave.

And he just sits down and goes scribble, scribble, scribble, sign, sign, sign, dot the I cross the fucking T tears it out. He'd go beat it lady. I just think it came across like that. And it fucking pisses her off. And she's just like, this is the thing. The worst thing you can have when a woman's breaking up with you, or if you're breaking up with a woman is if she's not over you. If she's over you, it's going to go smoothly. You don't have to deal with her fucking, you know, putting up your pet rabbit in a goddamn stew. All right. But if they're not over you, you got to fucking let them down easy. You can't just push them down the emotional elevator shaft. All right, you're gonna have a major fucking problem. And I think this guy, he just fucking

fired off to check like he was paying another bill. And she just was insulted by that. And she's think doing the math and I had like, you know, this motherfucker's gonna actually talk to a little bit about this on the Chris Layton podcast. So I forgive me if there's a little bit of overlap, but I just want to hear what he thought about it. I think that I don't know. I just think that they want you, they want you to hurt. They just want you to hurt. I don't know what it is. Not all of them, just some of them. And I think that she didn't get a satisfied enough of a satisfied hurt look on this guy's face. There wasn't enough pain. I think he just treated her like he had to get the gutters fixed

and had some professional come over and did it. And he just fired off this fucking check and it just pissed her off now because she's more than taken care of for the rest of her fucking life. Anything she could ever want, she's, it's all good. But I think the fact that he still has so much more money and it didn't hurt him to write that check that and she knows that he has enough money to get like, you know, I mean, you got $20 billion. There's like a Victoria's Secret model that will pretend to give a fuck about you for a good year, year and a half. And you can do that for the rest of your life as you ride around in Ferraris. Now her, she's a woman, guys don't work that way. We don't really give a shit about money. You know, we're more like enamored by looks.

You know, it's both of our fucking weaknesses, whatever. You guys are into stuff. We're into fucking, you know, tits and ass. So which is why, you know, we will date somebody as dumb as a fucking rock and you will also date some ugly old balding douche, you know, because they can take care of it. It's, it's kind of what we do. So I'm not really, a lot of people wanted me to go off finally. She's a gold dig in her. I don't think she is. I think she's, I think she's hurt. And she's hurt how easy this guy is just getting over. I know all you guys are sitting there going like, dude, what the fuck? He's writing her check for billion dollars. I know that hurts. Dude, you got 20 billion dollars. Come on, man, if that's true, if it's true and you got 20 billion dollars,

I'll write you a fucking check for, for a bill. That wouldn't hurt me at all. There you go. Bang, bang, boom, bait it. Whistle and Dixie. Jesus Christ, the fucking interest alone on that money. By the time you walk down the driveway or she walks down the driveway leaving you, your money is probably already made fucking 30 million dollars. The fuck do you care? I know he's probably, that's obviously not 20 billion liquid. He's got a lot of that tied up in Derek's, right? Some giant book and wrenches, some oil rags, some trucks. Look at that Pat's fan. That looks like Jim LaLetta. Comedian, I knew back in Boston. Drinking a Sam Adams there. Anyways, it's 24 to 7,

9 0 9 left to go in the third quarter. Patriots D is looking good, but I just don't think there's anything in the AFC that was, is really going to, can get you ready for what Seattle's going to be bringing on at least a defensive level. I don't know. That was, I probably one of the worst games as a pro that Russell Wilson has had. I have no, I really don't have, I don't have any idea on what's going to happen. I like, if the Patriots play Seattle in the Super Bowl, it will not surprise me if we win or we get absolutely ass raped. I have no fucking idea. I've watched that little amount of football this year because I've been so fucking busy. But that's going to be amazing.

And how about Robert Kraft, huh? I know I've mentioned this before. What a fucking owner he is. Three coaching hires, Bill Parcells, unknown Pete Carroll, as far as like at the pro level, and then Bill Belichick. It's pretty cool that now his, he's basically these two guys are looking like they're going to face each other in the Super Bowl. I would love to hear that conversation. I wonder if, I wonder if they've ever talked since he fired him. I'm sure he sent him some sort of fucking the fuck was it? 1-800-Fruit. What was that thing when I lost my shit when I was reading it? I can't remember. What the fuck was it? FruitBaskets.org. I forget. Me undies, everybody. Here we go

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slash burr. That's dollarshaveclub.com slash burr. You know, I have to say it three times. Say with me, dollarshaveclub.com slash burr. All right. Hey, how about those Bruins, huh? They finally, for the first time this year, put together a nice run there. They played six games without losing, winning five in a row, and they lost one in overtime, but they still picked up a point. Then last, the other night they lost to the Columbus Blue Jackets, but they're starting to hopefully play up to their potential. I love whenever they have a fucking problem. Do you know somebody actually texted me and they said that they should trade Lucic, or trade Brad Marchand? It's like, yeah, do you fucking mind? Yeah, let's trade the guys that

get the fucking team going. You know, I just, for the life of me, I just don't understand the panic, and they always pick like the star. I think people who say that just, they don't watch the game. They just fucking, they just, they watch the stars. Like if the Patriots start losing this, remember earlier this year, they started blaming Tom Brady, saying he's, is he passed his prime? I didn't think that, but I was also one of those people that thought the, I thought the Patriots were finished after that. Was it Kansas City game? And then we came against the Bengals. I thought it was, I definitely thought that we were done, because I just felt like we kept,

I think you can hear it on one of my podcasts. I was saying how we had this formula, where we would basically have a veteran player. And right when the guy was getting his second, or his second to last, or his last contract, and he wanted big money, we would always trade the person away to stay under the cap or whatever. And then we'd place him with somebody that didn't have experience. And then we would be weak at that position for a while. We just kept doing that all the way around on offense and defense. And I, I don't know, trading Logan Mankin's look like a bad fucking move, but the genius of Belichick and the driver, Brady, and the defense and all that, I was wrong. So I've been wrong about a lot of shit. And I don't think we match up well against

Seattle. So I think I'm hoping I'm going to be wrong against that. Granted, there's still, you know, plenty of fucking time left in this game. I'm talking about it like we already won. Anyways, how far into this are we 46 minutes? I forget how long I talked in the other one. I feel like I got to talk to at least 15 minutes. So anyways, I'm gearing up for this this stand up tour that I have coming up and going to be playing doing a night of stand up, running my hour hit flappers, possibly another place going to be bouncing around LA all this week, getting ready to go just going back to being a fucking comedian. Again, I can't wait to do it. I am so ridiculously excited to

go out to Southeast Asia. And even though this time, you know, I'm not spending a lot of time in any of these places, but this is how I handled Europe. I just kept going there just business, business, business. And then once I started selling tickets, I was actually able to slow down and taken some sites. So I plan on doing that throughout Southeast Asia. So there's some quick things that I'm going to do when I go to Hong Kong. I don't know how long I'm going to be there, but at some point I'm going to get some fucking dumplings, touch the Patriots. Sorry. There we go. Now it's going to be 31 to seven. So it's looking pretty good here. Paul Verzi would have called this game at 14 nothing. It's over. It's over.

I got to smoke a cigar with that guy. Jesus Christ. It's been a while. So when I go to Hong Kong, I'm going to, I'm definitely going to try to get dumpling somewhere. When I go to India, India, I think is going to be, I don't, I think that that's going to be actually a bigger culture shock than when I go to like Shanghai in, in Hong Kong. This might be ignorant of me, but I feel like I've gone to Chinatown enough times. You know what I mean? I've gone to San Francisco and gone down there and you walk there and there's just so many people, Asian people that you from the most part feel like you are somewhere in Asia, but I've never been, towns don't really

have like a little India, you know, they have little Italy, little Armenia, Thai town, they'll have Chinatown on that type of stuff, but I've never gone to a place where I was just surrounded by nothing but Indian people. So I think it's going to be an amazing experience. And I had a buddy of mine who actually, one of my flight instructors was just over in Hong Kong and he said it's the coolest city he's ever been to hands down, which is so fucking awesome to hear. And I also liked China anyways, just because they were the underdogs where as far as I know, little I know about Asia, like Japan was kind of like the white people over there where they are like, we are the supreme people and we're now going to try to enslave everybody

over there. You know what I mean? They were sort of the, they had the European mentality and I don't know, everybody else is sort of the underdog. So I don't know, there's just something about it, something I read about Bruce Lee one time. I read this thing that the Japanese back in the day said that the Chinese were animals. So Bruce Lee was fighting in this Chinese style, defeating these shogun warriors. And after he kicks their ass in the movie, he says, by the way, I'm not an animal. And in China, they like the movie theater just stood up and gave a standing ovation. I was like, that's the shit. I hope that's true. So anyways, I'm looking forward to going over there. And it's killing me that I won't be anywhere near the Great Wall of China.

Because that's definitely on my bucket list. But I figure if I keep going over to Hong Kong, and I can build up a following over there, eventually I'll make enough money where I can then blow it on another, I figure I got to jump on another plane. I don't even know where the Great Wall is. Is it in Beijing? I know I can't jump in a fucking Prius over there and drive to it. I would be terrified to do it because I figure once I get out of Hong Kong, the road signs are no longer in English and I would be fucked. So Singapore, it fascinates me. I'm not going to lie to you, I am nervous that I am going to say something on stage that will get me camed. I promise you, if I get into that situation, I will try to remain calm enough before the first

strike to yell out, Do Jesus, yo Jesus before then and then any bitchy sounds they make after that. I don't want to fucking hear it unless you got camed. And then I have all Australia and New Zealand. And I just think it's going to be, you know, come on, man, this is like some shit that people bid on at the end of the fucking price is right. And I get to do it while telling jokes, man, I'm pretty much, I'm pretty much stealing money, not to mention when I go over there, my biggest fucking problem is going to be cigars, because Cuban cigars are legal over there. And I kind of made a New Year's resolution that I was going to smoke only one a week, because you figure that's still 52 fucking cigars a year. That's a lot of fucking cigars unless you smoke

cigars. Then it's a joke. So for the month of January, I unfortunately have already smoked five. I smoked one at the Rose Bowl, then I smoked two during the Patriots game last week. I smoked two in New Orleans. And I was going to smoke one today. I was like, I can't because I'm already, for the allotted time, I'm already into February. So I have to somehow get through this week and my first fucking week of Australia without smoking. But I got to tell you today, you know, today was tough. I got a nice back porch area. It was really calling to me, Jesus Christ. I really, I am addicted to those fucking things. I got to admit it. I'm fucking addicted. I got to work on that. But anyways, that is the podcast for this week. Congratulations to

the Seattle Seahawks franchise and all the fans that stayed and all the ones that were back there in the Kingdome. My condolences to all the fucking fans of the Green Bay Packers. Um, can anybody, anybody who's in code, there's got to be somebody in coaching, you know, I don't give a shit what level you coach. Can you please explain to me the prevent defense and just do you have any numbers? It has to work way more than it doesn't work. I don't know. I just think as a fan, I hate it because even if we win, I still have to go through fucking the amount of stress that it puts me through. Just drives me up the fucking wall. It's just like you've been kicking their ass. Just keep kicking their fucking ass. Can anybody in coaching please for the love of

God help me? Oh, and by the way, I had an epic battle with Giannis Papas and Paul Verzi. Got the Babe Ruth thing going again. I know it bugs some of you guys, but I know a lot of you guys enjoyed it and actually trying to beat those guys. I mean, it was a fucking two on one. So I was taking my hits. I'd like to think I was dishing them out too. Oh, by the way, Paul Verzi on the Verzi effect sat down with Giannis Papas and they allegedly destroyed me on the Babe Ruth debate. Here's some interesting stats outside of Babe Ruth to tell you why I feel like it was an inferior league. All right, Ted Williams was the last guy to ever hit 400. He did it in 1941. Nobody has done since. So that's coming on 74 seasons going on 75 years. Nobody has hit 400 yet prior to the 1942

baseball season. Hitting 400 had been done 28 times in a little over 60 years. Every guy who did it was white and did it in an all white league. And after 1941, it was never done again. Prior to 1941, they averaged somebody doing it almost every two years, two to two and a half years, two to three years. Somebody hit 400. Honest Wagner, Ty Cobb and some guy Ed McDermott or some shit. You know what they have in common? All three of them, not only did they hit 400, they did it three fucking times. And this is what funny. I brought that up to Giannis and I go, dude, there was a guy in the 1870s or 1880s hit 434 for the season. And he goes, oh, that's ridiculous. And it is ridiculous compared to 1925. Hitting 434 in 1875 is ridiculous. But 19, 1925 is compared to 1965.

To me is also ridiculous. What you have during the all white era. Okay. What you have is you have not only with Babe Ruth, you have straight across the board, unprecedented offensive numbers. Pick off by the Patriots. Do you know in the 1930s, I did a quick, quick research. I might be wrong for all you baseball heads out there every year in the 1930s, except one year to win the RBI crown, you had to hit at least 170 RBI's. Honest Wagner hit 100 and not Honest Wagner. Sorry. Hank Greenberg. Hank Greenberg had 191 fucking RBI's. Okay. And what you notice with all of these crazy fucking stats, guys having 30 wins seasons, guys pitching double headers, guys winning 500 fucking games, all of that shit. What you notice is, is this ridiculous level of fucking stats.

And then when the game becomes integrated, all of a sudden those, those numbers go down and they level the fuck off. All right. And I really feel stats from the 50s, 60s, 70s touchdown Patriots, the Garrett Blunt, we're going to the Super Bowl into the 80s. Into the 80s, like those are leveled off fucking numbers. And some of the greatest pitchers and some of the greatest hitters of all time played from the 50s into the fucking 80s. And none of them came anywhere close to winning, hitting, long ball, any of that fucking shit. Other than, uh, Roger Maris, who hit 61 home runs. Okay. I guess some, I think Mantle hit like 57 home runs or whatever. But I'm saying, and then all of a sudden

you had a game that was just steeped in its past and all the great records and all the shit were all, all held by these fucking guys whose baseball cars were inside of cigar boxes. All right. And then you notice all of a sudden those records start getting broken again. They livened up the ball. They made the stadium smaller. They livened up the ball. They made the stadium smaller and guys started doing steroids. And still the most fucking RBI is anybody ever hit was Manny Ramirez, 165, Sammy Sosa got 160. Both of those guys were on Roids and even they couldn't get 170, 180, forget about 191. Nobody's hitting 400. I'm telling you. And you're also talking about like all the pitches back then, the curveball, the slider, split finger, fastball,

cut fastball, all of those pitches were being developed. So you had a guy like Babe Ruth, who had an any era monster talent showing up there. Yeah, that guy's going to do some fucking damage and he's going to put up unprecedented fucking numbers. And for these guys to sit there and suggest that in 2014, 15, if this guy fucking played that not only would he get his 700 something home runs, he would also be a Sai young award winning pitcher. It doesn't even fucking make sense. Okay. That a guy that talented could fucking exist. And then never is there another guy that talented again. And despite everything that you saw in a mate incredible athlete like Bo Jackson do nothing Bo Jackson did. As far as statistics go, despite the fact

that he was that he was arguably definitely going to be a Hall of Famer in baseball and arguably had the talent to be a Hall of Famer in baseball. The fact that even what he did in his short time paled in comparison to what fuck Babe Ruth did, Babe Ruth played in an all fucking white league. And some of you guys will argue, well, there was only 1012 teams and it's like, fine, okay, let's take today's baseball and whittle it all the way down to 12 teams with those 12 teams, then go back to being only white guys. They wouldn't, they would still be the best of the best. Okay, which when it's all legal and fair seems to be predominantly Latino in that sport. So those people would not be allowed to play and right there it becomes inferior. So I feel like

I'm still giving Babe Ruth 600 plus home runs for his career. All right, but he would have had to have decided to either be a great pitcher or a great hitter. That's how it would have fucking gone down. All right, and that's it. I'm not going to debate this any fucking more. I really feel that Babe Ruth played essentially you had an any era Hall of Fame dominant fucking player that played against division one college talent. And I think that is a fact. And I don't give a fuck what you say. I think because everybody loves baseball, they're just so steeped in that history that is absolutely sacrilegious to talk about these fucking guys and the records that they had and their 500 fucking wins and all of this shit. I'm telling you man, come on at the beginning.

I maintain it watching Kobe score 80 something points in the 2000s is more, I think that's more difficult to fucking do than to score 100 points like will Chamberlain in the 1960s. That's just how I feel. You know, you got 100 fucking years of this is what it defense wins championships. So if you're going to be successful, they figured they would pitch around Babe Ruth, they would figure out how to they would figure out how to neutralize his talents. Okay, dude, Babe Ruth went up, but we was hitting against fucking an all white league. He went up against a guy who sold shoes in the fucking off season. Like these guys didn't even make enough fucking money. I mean, if you're Babe Ruth, you did, but this guy that the level of talent he was playing against was

so piss poor, this guy could go out and booze and eat cakes and hot dogs, not even work out. You know, look, I'm not saying the guy was wasn't one of the greatest of all time. But you know, when John Goodman gets selected to play you in the fucking movie of your life, I mean, give me a fucking break. All right, I'm done. That's it. That's the podcast. Go fuck yourself. What's up, everybody and welcome back to the anything better podcast to NFL edition NFL playoff edition. And they say this is the best week of them all everybody this is divisional. I actually like wildcard week better than this week to be honest with you. But hey, who am I say, why is this one better? They say this is the best one. I like wildcard myself.

You know, but here we are. And Bill had a Bill had a good week. Bill had a I had a hope. I started good. Dude, I had hate did Paul had a rough one. If it wasn't listen, if it wasn't for these guys, if it wasn't for these guys, I would have been all for all of it, dude. I fucking I had the wait a minute real quick before we get into this. I still it's beyond me, Bill. And you knew the Los Angeles charges are up 27 to nothing. And the Jaguars threw four picks in the first half for four. And they fucking lost the game. They lost the game 31 to 30. And all of my friends like Bill and Bartnick and everybody just go Yeah, that's what the charges doing. I'm going. This is the best team on paper. It was fucking horrible. Oh, it was four, four. It's what you said, Bill.

You always say Bill always says if you throw a pick six, it's tough. Then he throws two or whatever. No, I used to say if you throw a pick six, you're not going to win the game. Now, because they've so made it offense friendly. Yeah, all of these sports, you know, you dunk on nobody in the NBA and you're fucking screen like you're in 300 after you do it. And everybody says it's amazing. Football now you have to throw two pick sixes. And then it's over. That's what now I think that that's the new rule, dude, because I was talking on my podcast, like, how many more of these fucking no-name backups, Paul, are just going to step in and then do something that Joe Montana couldn't do or Roger Staubach. Like that kid, Perty on San Francisco, he won his first five games. Nobody's

ever done that. And it's just like, is that because he's so good? Am I really supposed to think that? Or have you made if you tip to scales? I think they've made being quarterback as close to t-ball as you possibly can, because offense gets the casual viewer. I don't know what, but I've never seen so many people from who gives a fuck community college step in for a guy that played at USC and just, you know, throw for 300 yards, win four or five fucking games in a row and I'm like, who was this guy? Yeah, I don't buy it. Yeah, yeah. They like play to protect them too. I'm sick. What's his face for the fucking dolphins? Who the hell is that guy? Oh, those blow for blow with Josh Allen, who came from the fucking

Mount Wesley. Yeah. Dude, I talked to somebody who was a charger fan and they go, Paul, I listened to your pick and I go, dude, was 27. Nothing. I called my boy and he goes, dude, my buddy, Verzi knows. I'm telling you, dude, it's 27. Nothing. He was so right. And I go, dude, I'm so sorry. I said, I've never seen anything. He goes, I never said anything like that. I've never seen anything like that. You have four, not four. You have four. I built. I don't think anybody stole four picks what the Atlanta Falcons did in a fucking Super Bowl. I know that was, I was unbelievable. That was unbelievable. I'll tell you what the four picks was taking that

fucking sack, knowing what was on the line. It was insane. I know. 12 yard loss. So Bill, Bill, you had a, well, yeah, hey, you had a better, who didn't have a better week than me? Thank you. Thank you, Giants. At some point, I had to win something. We're going into Jacksonville. I just, as I was saying, San Diego in the playoffs, this is what they do. San Diego plays Jacksonville the week before the end of December. They win that game 35-3. Handling. Handling. Going away. They all go to Orlando. They go to Disney World. They have a great fucking time. It becomes January. Here's, here's how bad that game was. Stacey went to bed when it was 27, nothing going into halftime. Lucas went to bed. They woke up and my wife,

who could give a shit about the Jaguars or the charges, looked at her phone and she just goes, the Jaguars won. I think that the Chargers logo should not be that lightning bolt. It should be Lydanean Tomlson on a fucking exercise bike. The guy runs over the whole fucking league the whole year. You can't stop him and then playoffs come around. He gets hurt. He's got to be on a, he's on an exercise bike. It looks like he's in a Richard Simmons video. Well, the San Diego Chargers have the New England Patriots beat. They stop us on fourth down. They take an unnecessary roughness call and blow the game. This is what they do. This is what they do. Dude, if my Giants were up 27, nothing and blew it, you would see me walk off like,

when they held, what's his name? Kellen Winslow. Kellen Winslow. You and Bartnick would be on one side. I have Buick coming off my beard. Now imagine this, Paul, because as bad as what they do. Yeah. They still have that great San Diego weather because they're always going to be the San Diego Chargers to me. All right. Not the football version of the LA Clippers sharing somebody else's stadium. Clippers, by the way, getting their own stadium for whatever fucking reason because it's not, it's not 100 degrees out enough per year, days per year. At least they have the nice weather, Paul. What if you were the San Diego Chargers and it was so cold out, you had to build tunnels underneath your street during the winter, like you in the Arctic.

I'm talking about the Minnesota Vikings, Paul, who also play great. I can't even say all year. They play great up until about November. They get in the playoffs. It's a home game. Everybody has a Juicy Lucy. They go down there. They're dressed like rapists and pillaging Vikings. And what happens, Paul? The karma of all that raping and pillaging comes back and they lose every year. Remember that game? They were 15-1 just absolutely stacked and lost to the Atlanta Falcons, the Falcons who invent ways to lose in the playoffs. They lost to them. What is it about a franchise that stays that way, that stays that? Franchises are historically the same for decades. It's really fucking weird, man. The players change, but the results do not.

Dude, Chicago Bears, same team forever. Even my Giants. The Giants are the weirdest team. They beat a team that everybody thinks they're going to lose to. Then they lose to a shitty team, like everybody is the same. Then they're saying they need to get rid of Eli. They got to get rid of the coach. Then they get a wild card and then they fucking won't go the whole thing and they beat an 18-0 New England Patriots team. Yeah, that's what they do. Catching helmets off their ankles and their fucking heads. That's what they do. So why would you fix that? There's no reason to fix whatever the Giants are doing because it's working. The Vikings, I don't know. I mean, I'll give it to them in the 70s. They weren't on steroids. They were late to the steroid game.

What about the Lions? The Jets? Same shit. The Lions are family-owned from what I've heard, and the initial guy that bought the team new football, and that's when they had Bobby Lane, and they won all their titles, their last titles. Then throughout the years, it's just been passed down to the Frados. The bottom line is even if you're not into football, it's a billion dollar fucking corporation. You're not going to get into that business when you secretly want to be a barista. That's what they have, Paul. They have a fucking barista as an owner. But what does family-owned mean? The Giants are family-owned. Robert Kraft owns the, what is family-owned? Family run. Family run. Okay. Like you have to go to the family. Hey, you got to go

to the family. You got to talk to them. Like I talked to a guy that played on the team. He goes, don't have a fucking shit on Wayne Fonsec. He had all these moves he wanted to make, but he had to fucking go upstairs and talk to these video player game, whatever they were. They weren't football people. Wayne Fonsec. I loved that guy. All right, got his uncle. He really did. He had that old Italian. He had that old Italian boxy ball. Before we get into the picks, guys, we got to shout out the BetMGM sponsor. Best lines out there, guys. And you, you too can play with us. All you got to do is you got to download the BetMGM app. Use bonus code BRR. That's B-U-R-R. Very simple. And guess what, everybody? Guess what? You put

as little as 10 bucks in. They're going to match it up to a thousand. You got to stack for free, even if you lose. All you got to do is you got to go to the BetMGM app. You got to download it. You got to use bonus code, B-U-R-R, BRR. And there you go. And then you're a part of our show and you're betting with us and you're losing money like I did last week. I'm kidding. We're going to get it back this week. Here we go. All right. So we're the first game, Andrew. What's the first game on the docket here? First game Saturday is the Jacksonville Jaguars at the Kansas City Chiefs. Jacksonville Jaguars at the Kansas City Chiefs. Minus nine. Yeah. I got Kansas City all day. Jacksonville. The slip returns into a

fucking alligator slider and they go right back to Jacksonville. I'm with you on that. I don't see them. I don't see them. My home's rested. I don't see that happening. So my home's is going to do the first throw. Yeah. My home's is going to do it around the. It drives me up the fucking water. It's so stupid. It goes fucking half a yard and the announcers are going to be like, it's like, I used to do that delivering newspapers. Yeah. That's backyard football with your friends and they're going nuts. It's like, yeah, he stopped before the line of scrimmage and he did that. It's not that nuts. Right. And then the blind man can't fucking tackle them or touch them because it's rough and so that they got to like pull up. This is my home. I don't

like the way he runs. Um, no, I don't either. His knees. No, look, three yard pass. Fucking magic Johnson thrown it through trees behind his fucking goddamn head. Oh, dude, you got to see this video. There's an old clip of Dan Marino practicing with his team like and he's almost at the he's at the 40 dude and his teammate is in the end zone and he just takes the ball and he fucking does around the back, dude. And it is a like a 35 dude, right? It was, it was not stood. Um, all right. What's the second game, Andrew? The over under on that's 53, by the way. I like the under. Yeah, me too. All right. Chiefs in the under next games, Paul's New York Giants versus the Philadelphia Eagles. And that's minus seven and a half. It was eight yesterday.

Now it's minus seven. I love the Giants. I think the Giants are clicking. I like them with the points. I like them with the points. I love the half a point. Take the Giants for sure. Dude, Daniel Jones is going to beat you three times in a fucking row. I really don't. And I think that we're clicking really good. I think if we could keep it within a possession, we'll pull it off in the end. But dude, how about Daniel Jones in Minnesota? Kid looked, you didn't see the game, dude. It was really awesome, man. Put up a stat line that hasn't been done 80 yards, rushing 300 yards, passing two touchdowns, zero interceptions. Yeah, in 2023, Paul. Yeah. And what about Purdy and fucking Joe blow in and all of these fucking guys? You guys really have a

quarterback from Duke. Yeah, Joe Montana numbers, Paul. I'm done with this. It's an entertainment league. I mean, entertainment league. You can do all you want. Paul, every motherfucker out there now can throw for 300 yards and run for 80 yards. It's insane. It's ridiculous. I mean, running for 80 is a lot for a quarterback. I mean, gotta give a little credit. Is it running for 80? Paul, they got five wide outs. They just send them down. You're telling me a white guy from Duke can run for 80 yards in an NFL game as a quarterback. Okay. Okay. All right. Yeah. All right. I love I love him being white. It's the funniest. White guy from Duke makes it in the NFL fucking wins a fucking playoff game and runs for 80 yards fall. If I told you 20 years ago

that that was going to happen before fucking Jim Hersey and all those cunts. Yeah, it's fucking rules. Yeah, you would say you're out of your fucking mind. It sounds like a true false question. True or false? A white guy from Duke ran for 500 yards in an NFL season. Oh, sounds like a movie Hollywood would buy. Yeah. Um, I like the giant. We definitely agree on the Giants. Um, now we get into the hard games. What's the next one? Cincinnati bangles are in Buffalo and Buffalo's giving five and a half. I love Cincinnati all day long. I'm torn on this one. I had sincey all week. I had sincey all week, but I don't know. Oh, you know what? Just to make it fun and interesting. I had sincey all week and I'm going to change it.

I'm going to say Josh Allen and Stefan digs finish what they fucking started. I thought they were emotionally spent. I don't like how they played against the dolphins, but I actually think that that's going to work to their advantage. I'm going to take them to beat Joe Burrow and the bangles, and I think they're going to fucking do it by by six points. Oh, I don't know about that one, Bill. That one, that one felt different when I said it. Yeah, no. Until the bills win a fucking Super Bowl, they are the chargers. They are the Vikings. They are the Falcons. It's what they do. They almost fucking blew it last week against some guy named fucking Skyler. Let me ask you this question. What happens to Buffalo? What happens to Buffalo and that organization, if they go to the Super

Bowl, like against the Niners and lose, dude, dude, I'm going to tell you right now, if there's eight minutes left in that game and they're going to lose that game, I'm shutting it off. Bill, Bill, the pain on your face in Buffalo. Dude, the pain on your face when I even was asking the question. Because I knew where it was going. Oh, I knew where it was going, Paul. You know what's going to happen is a third of the population of Buffalo is going to walk into Lake Erie and just say, I've had it. This actually, I would say probably eight percent of their fan base is rooting against Buffalo this week, just to get it over with. And just be like, you know, if we lose it to the divisional level, NFL films won't make another fucking chapter of us being these sad sack losers.

But if we go to another fucking Super Bowl, and you know, I mean, you got to think as a Bill's fan that you're like, if we're not going to win the Super Bowl, just lose this fucking week because I don't need to watch it. I don't need to blow another three grand going to fucking New Orleans or wherever the hell they're going to have it this year. Oh my God, dude. It'd be worse if they lost this year. And then next year, they went back. And instead of being excited for their team to be back in the Super Bowl next year, they have to go, oh, shoot, are we going to lose two in a row? What if it what about this? What if it's giant bills like it was 1990? And this time the bills go wide left.

And they lose to a white guy quarterback from Duke, and he runs for 90 yards. So, Bill, you got the Bengals. I'm going to take the bills. And yeah, I mean, that's going to do, that's going to be a good one. Over under 49 on that. Over under 49. I think I like the you know what the fucking worst is right now is their fan base is buying into the fact that that tragic thing happened to their cornerback. I know that their America's team and people are rooting for them. It's just like it's literally like watching Charlie Brown try to kick the football. It's like, can you guys please guard your emotions? How do you not until they fucking win the goddamn thing? Can you please as a Buffalo

Bills fan guard your emotion? They were my Super Bowl pick. I am rooting for them. They were your team, Paul. We got money on this. Actually, hold on, I got to give I got to give a shout out to Bill on that because I had the Chargers who had all the fucking talent that they should have. They you can't all it's on you. It's on you. You've been what you're a big boy, Paul. Come on now. You know what you said? You've been watching football for fucking goddamn you know what they do. Paul, you know what they do. I have been watching. I've been watching football seriously since I'm 11 12 years old and I haven't seen talent like that on a team, a quarterback like that. You can't give up 27 points. You have you have and you've seen them lose.

You told me you the Patriots. That's the greatest offensive I've ever seen. You watch your own team beat them. Still was the best still was incredible. You saw the 15 and one fucking Minnesota Vikings lose to the goddamn dirty birds. And the next week that quarterback gets kicked out of the game because he's out there banging horse. He hasn't missed a kick all year. Remember that? Scott? No, you saw Bill Belichick on the Giants shut down John Elway and Jim Kelly in the running gun. You saw Bill Belichick shut down the greatest show on turf. That Ricky Pro was going fucking and the dynasty begins. The dynasty begins. The dynasty is over and your stadium is now a whole foods in St. Louis. They don't have a fucking team. Don't you fucking sit there and tell me you

haven't seen this before Paul Versey. And I will drive out to your house and I will clear the olive oil off your shelf. You have to say something like that again. Dude, I'm all my teams are out of it. I said at first I said Chargers Niners and then I said no, Scratch the Niners Packers. So my Super Bowl teams are out. Paul can't lay off a team with yellow in the uniform. It looks like gold to him. He starts thinking about the chain around his neck and he will ride or die. Your loyalty is what you should have beaten the book by 20 games. Bill, who did you have in the NFC? Dude, I think did you have the Niners? Dude, did you have the bills in the Niners? I think you did.

I don't know who I am. I might have said Niners. I don't think I who else would I have? You definitely said Buffalo. And I think for the NFC, dude, you were teetering with Niners or somebody else. So you you may have both of you. We got to go to week one. I definitely didn't say Eagles. No, you did not say Eagles. You did not say Giants. You did not say Cowboys. Dude, I think you have Tampa. You either said you either said Tampa or Niners versus the bills. Tampa's my Green Bay. But you know, it's Tom Brady. What am I supposed to do here? All right. So we got we got we both have no, we he's got the the bangles. I got the bills. And then now we go into the final game, which is the NFC big one. It's the Cowboys who looked really good in San Francisco. What's

that line? Cowboys are getting for Cowboys are getting for I'm taken. I can't believe I'm saying it. I'm doing it. I'm taking. I can't believe it. Jack Prescott and the Cowboys to go in there and get to Brock Purdy. Okay. Are you out of your mind? Paul? Brock Purdy won the first five. No one's ever done that. Going to hit the kid hard. He's going to make a mistake and get flustered. I'm taking the two scariest words in January in the NFL are Brock and Purdy. You thought Skyler what's his face was scary. You thought Daniel Jones, the white guy from Duke, the white hope, Hey, hey, run for some yards. You haven't seen Brock Purdy against that. Got the Dallas Cowboys. Then was where did Purdy go to college? We got we got Daniel Jones

at Duke. I want to know where Brock. I'm going to bet you 50 bucks. I could get accepted at that school. Hold on. I'm going to guess Wyoming. Colorado State. Oh, you guys are both pretty close. Iowa State University. All right. We're right there. Hey, you go neighbors. Brock Purdy from Iowa State. Right now. That is a football factory out there in Iowa State. How many brothers Purdy's have to come into the league before these scouts start hanging around Iowa State? So Bill, who you got four points to 49 is all fucking day long because I'll tell you right now when the owner of your team has more Botox than rings, right? That's actually not true. He's got three of them. That guy that that that organization's problem is

him. All right. I don't know what he is. He looks like he goes to Epstein Islands. I don't like it. He just does. He has that creepy, creepy like fucking laminated. I don't want a yacht and nobody was even born in the same century that's on it face. So I got to go with the San Francisco 49ers. Okay. Shout out to Hotty Milk. I'm going. You got 49ers laying. Paul, wait, wait. 49ers laying, laying. That's probably a dumb bet. I'm just I'm kind of going this week with who I think is going to win because they probably got I don't know if that defense dude, I think they're going to I don't think that Crest God has the greatest team around them. I don't think he's the problem. I think people who just watch the ball think he's the problem. I don't think he's the

problem. The problem is all the way up that super fast elevator, Paul. I think the man. I think Brock Purdy's little special run here is is going to come to it's going to show its rear its ugly head in a big moment. And I think the Cowboys get to him and make a make a mistake. And I think the Cowboys go in there and win that game and go to an NFC champion. Hey, Paul, I got a line for you. There's nothing ugly about Purdy. How about this? How about this in the morning? Don't Jesus. How about this one in the morning in the paper? Not so Purdy. That's so Purdy. Oh, yeah. All right. So now we just do a parlay. We do a parlay. So real quick, just just so we have this. Bill and I have the chiefs together. We both have the chiefs minus

nine. Yeah, we both have the Giants plus seven and a half. Take that to the fucking bank. That's my that's my fucking layup of the week. He has the bangles. I have the bills five and a half. Oh, you can take that to an offshore account. He has the Niners. I have the Cowboys right to Epstein Island. Over unders 46 on that. Hey, you heard the new bond that they're making. Yeah. Wait, I knew the new kid that they picked. They picked the kid from they picked the kid from that bullet train movie. Yeah, they remember the man with the golden gun. Yeah, they're rebooting it.

The man with the laminated face. Jerry Jones is the man with the shiny face. Oh, I thought you were serious because they just picked the new bond. It's about a guy with a yacht in his own island and he's got this ray gun. He's gonna. I can't say all this stuff about if he doesn't do shit like that. I'm sorry. He met you may meet him one day and he may say, Hey, bail man, just want to say you're welcome at this park. And I don't. Yeah, I don't do fucking human beings over a certain age that are that thin with a face that shiny. I don't want to be anywhere in their circle. Yeah, no. That reminds me of a certain I can't say it. I can't

I saw a fucking I saw this fucking creepy guy one time at a game. He was hanging out with all of these. You can see it was all younger people and there's mainly younger chicks. I had good seats fall. I was down near the corporate cuts, right? So everybody went down to go get, you know, their free food underneath. And he's sitting there. And one of the hot chicks came back early and she and she had the police don't sexually assault me empty seat between the two of them. And he looked over at her and he tapped the seat that was next to him and get up and sit next to the guy. It was fucking awful. And I felt bad for it. But then on another level, I was like looking at her like the fuck are you doing? Yeah. Yeah. Why are you all right?

It's like you literally just felt your body go No, I want to not only do I not want to sit in that seat. I want it's one of the worst things they don't teach young people to listen to that little thing in their stomach that goes this guy's a creep. Yeah. All I thought about when you said that was if my daughter was ever around people with money just because of that, I did a bad job as a father, which would never I wish I yelled Hey, hair plugs. She doesn't want to sit next to you. Don't do it, honey. You know you don't want to. Your pubes have more snow in it than the North Pole. You're old. Wrap it up. You're old. Viagra's cheating.

What are they going to get into that fall? What the amount of guys still out there banging chicks because of fucking Viagra. I mean, that's not TDS the amount of people that are on Viagra like literally took it and that dick is standing up as they look watching ESPN go look at this guy taking steroids. I knew he was a cheater. Here's here's the deal though. If your dick takes a dive in its 40s or 50s, dude, if your dick goes down early, you got to do something. You get into coaching. You get a desk job at ESPN on the Playboy channel. You start telling people talking about your glory days. Dude, what is that? What makes a dick fucking throw in the towel at 50?

Like what what is it? Is it is it? It's it's like five decades of pot tarts and ho ho's. Is it juice? Sugar? I'm not a doctor. I don't know what it is. Yeah, but you go from like this fucking horny young man who's like, yeah. Maybe she sucks the life out of you. You know what it is, Paul? It's all of those years of right as your ass is about to hit the seat. She goes, oh, honey, could you just tell me a quick favor? And after a while, your taint starts to collapse. And you know that today the taint's connected to the ball bank, the ball base next to the shaft joint. I got one for you. I got one for you. Ready? Ready? It's

third and eight. It's third and eight fourth quarter, two minutes left, one possession game, NFC championship. Okay, it's all about Bernard Purdy all day, right under the center. No, no, no. It's third and eight. If they get this, it's all they're going to the Super Bowl. Your wife calls you in the shower. But you got to go at that moment. Do you leave the play? No. You watch the game and rub one out. You send her flowers the next day. That's one of the easiest questions ever. I was hanging from a gutter about to fall from my death with my head on fire and the Real Housewives finale was on. I'm going to die. Oh, it is what it is. And she'll have the nerve to cry at my funeral. Oh my God, Bill, dude, you keep my stomach is hurting, dude. Fuck.

I'm getting all kinds of looks. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. My wife just came into the room. Hi, Nia. Hi. I love how you just said hi, Nia. I know I'm like a scared. I'm like, I'm in New York. I'm not here. I'm not here. No, my wife's cool. It's so funny, dude. You're that cool. Come on. Karen, I got to come home to this. Come on. You got to do it one time, Nia. I'm sorry. That's our favorite line in a movie. I'm sorry. What about her? She doesn't really go, ah, she's starting to cry. Yes, she goes, starts to cry. Sorry. He goes, he wanted to go to jail. He wanted to get away. That's why these guys want, that was my favorite thing of how dumb, making how dumb

the wives would be. He wanted to go to, these guys that get caught, they want to go to jail. Like, do you know what we're doing? It's not going to happen to us. The Bengals are going to cover. They wanted to lose the tuition for this, son. You know how you blow a 27-nothing lead with four interceptions? You want to lose, Karen. It's not going to happen to us. Asante Samuel got three interceptions in the first quarter. He wanted to, Karen. All right, dude. All right, here we go. So the last thing we're going to do a little parlay, Giants Eagles, Bill. Giants Eagles. An NFCE rivalry matchup. Daniel Jones passing. We have choices. Daniel Jones rushing 50 yards under over or passing 240. Anytime touchdown, one or two.

Jaylen Hertz, the same numbers passing, rushing. Anytime touchdown, same thing. Seyquan Barclay, 80 rushing yards, 25 receiving yards. Anytime touchdown. Um, Isaiah Hodgkins, A.J. Brown, Devonta, you know, we could just go on. So I like guys named Isaiah and Devonta. That sounds fast. That sounds like a lot of yards. Isaiah Hodgkins is the Giants faster than fucking Daniel Jones to get more than 80 yards. I can tell you that. Um, is that his GPA? Or am I really supposed to sit here and think that this guy's gonna, he's fucking fast, dude. Don't, you know, dude, he fucking fell down because it's so, because he's so fast. Yeah, this guy was running down the field. He looked like me chasing after a toddler,

and then he just fell down on his face. Oh, you guys, such a guy, it happens. By the way, shout out to the Dallas Cowboys kicker who had to bear the brunt of all the fucking people out there that are so miserable with their life. I could not believe how much people were enjoying watching him having the worst day of his fucking life in front of everybody. You fucking hang in there. Yeah. Talk about a tough call. Right there, dude. If I taught like a fucking class in college, I would, I would show what that guy went through and then people's reaction to it on fucking Twitter. And I would be like, this is why you only have two or three friends in life. This is why you don't listen to most people because they're fucking miserable.

I actually was hurting for him when on the third miss in a row, he, the stare he gave at it after it missed, he, he looked and then he, it went from confusion to anger to just his, his career. It was really fucked up, man. Yeah. It was brutal. Who the fuck wants to see somebody lose their job? Dude, I walk out of a room when a comic is bombing. When comics like it and laugh, I actually don't. When I see a comic up there really struggling, dude, I'll, I'll, I see if they're going to get out of it with the next show. Can I leave? Look, if they don't know how to control it, but if it's, if it's a guy that's funny and he's up there laughing like trying new shit and bombing, I'll watch that because you're laughing with them, but like to sit there and watch somebody like,

oh, just have one of those. And then you, and you see them sweating and they're like, anyway, and I don't, I can't, guys are like liking it. I'm like, dude, no, man. It's guys like, no, I'm out. I'm out, dude. I'm not big on that watching a car crash shit, although in traffic last night, I went around one, which made me feel bad. You know, commend you that you didn't go through one. All right. So what do you think you want to do? Say, we could, Andrew, can we pick and choose? I hated every fucking thing I heard about what to bet on there. I don't believe say, Juan Barclay has, he's going to fucking, if he didn't do it last week, he's not going to do it against the Eagles. What if he just breaks one, dude? What if he, Paul likes that? What if he just

breaks one for fucking 55 yards in the first quarter? He's got a, I think say, Juan goes over 80 yards, maybe 82. That's a, Paul, you know what? This is your world. This is the giants. I'm going to go with you. I saw what you did on Rich Eisen, the Rich Eisen show. I did. Oh my God, dude. I want that as a meme. You just go, I did. Rich, Rich, I go, Rich, I go, we might go to the NFC championship game. Eisen goes, this is in August before week one. He goes, he goes, Paul, he goes, NFC championship game. I go, all right, dude, what do you think? I go, I think they're going to win nine, 10 games. And then I broke down the games. I was fucking almost nailed every one of them. You beyond broke down the games. You knew what kind of losses they were going to be. Oh, Rich Eisen goes,

he said disappointing. All right. I like the adjectives. Because I like the adjective. I'm one game away from predicting the giants in the NFC championship on Rich Eisen in August. Let's go giants and then we'll go giants with the points, seven and a half or eight. Doesn't matter. Same difference, right? Pretty much. Oh, you've got to have your people. If they, if they win this week, you got to have your people reach out to Rich Eisen. I was thinking that I said, I got to have, I got to have my publicist reach out and get rich. Don't forget, he's got to owe you a Bud Light and a fucking hot dog or something, some sort of stadium tip of the cap. If giants win, we're taking that clip from Bill and we're

sending it right to Rich's fucking inbox. I want to be in the booth. You got to have me doing the setup. Well, you said that shit was going to happen on Rich Eisen, then he cuts you going. I did. By the way, shout out to, how great of a dude is Rich Eisen? Dead serious. Is that guy going to the best? On and off stage, just total solid guy, amazing father, husband, person, and he's totally into sports and he's a Michigan guy. There's nothing not to love about that guy. He didn't, if you go to Ohio State, you begrudgingly have to admit that he's a better human being than anybody on that campus. He goes, I told him the story about how when I put my arm around

stray hand at the stand, when I performed in front of him and I looked at him and I go, oh, seven changed my life. And I go, I'm a grown man with children and I actually said that too. And they all start laughing. So at the end of the segment with Eisen, Eisen goes, come on, yellows, take a picture. And we took a picture. And as he, as we took a picture, he goes, your appearance changed my life. He called it back. It was so fucking great. All right, so he used to do stand up. I think he was a stand up first. He started to stand up ecology side. I think he did it for like three to five years or something. All right, so we take the Giants with the points, seven and a half. We're going to take Saquon to break one, get 80, get 80 in

a divisional game. For some reason I'm seeing that. I don't see him getting to the end. So I see him running diagonally, looking over his shoulder and some fucking corner from the other side, running him down. I see Saquon 101, 101 yards and a touchdown. Oh, I love it. And what's one more bill under? Oh, no, I don't want to fuck with the under over, dude. That's a coin toss. What's the under over? You want to do Daniel Jones? Anytime touchdown? Does that mean wait? Hey, I mean, it's a great white hope. Does that mean throw? That means throw too though, right, Andrew? Uh, no, we just take last time anytime. Okay, so can we do we can do Daniel Jones to throw one Saquon to rush over 80 and the Giants with the points. I mean, what's the biggest crowd

this kid played in front of in college? 4,000 people? No, he put I did. I saw him get rocked at West Point. And I remember going, Oh my God, dude, a blindside. He was like this, this dude from West Point fucking exploded him. And I go, Oh my God, that guy's so slow. Now I'm like, he's a deer. Oh, this was a fun one. This was one of the most fun. This was fun, dude. Bill got me crying on this one. All right, everybody. Well, there you go. You got your divisional games. You got your divisional games. I can't believe I picked the Cowboys and the Giants, but hey, somebody's got to go down. But can I just say this? And this is going to upset the Kansas City fan base. And I'm sorry. And I don't mean to do that because I know Kansas City. I think you want to do it.

And I think you should. Here's the thing. I love being in Kansas City. I love the people that Patrick. Oh, this is going to be bad. It's going to be bad. If you had to like fucking give the city props before you talk about that team, it's going to be bad. I might step out of frame for this. There's something. There's something about Patrick Mahomes and his camp that really bugs me. And I don't know what it is. There's something. There's like an arrogance. I don't know if it's like his wife and them yelling at fans ever since I saw that. I don't know if it's when he does like a flick. Listen, I've seen the guy make incredible passes. They kind of, if I want to see a little humbling of Mahomes, is that bad to say?

I would say it is because he hasn't won the last few years. He's one of the best guys in the league. He lost Tyreek Hill. They're having a fucking unbelievable year. My only thing is if you could just get rid of that purse throw. If I just don't have to look at him, do the little fucking paperboy shovel pass and listen to some fucking, oh my God. How did they come up with that? And I'm sitting there going like, it's a forward lateral. That was what, oh, they've literally made forward laterals legal. You can fucking have your hand under the ball and basketball. I mean, you can do anything you want now. Just score some fucking points so we can get some more mouth breathing morons to watch this shit. I actually like Patrick Mahomes. I don't like the

way he runs in that fucking throwing of the purse drives me up the goddamn wall. It's not even his fault. It's that the announcers act like he fucking threw it 80 yards. There goes my fucking ticket sales. Listen, I just don't, I just don't really, there's something about them I don't really like. I do like Travis Kelsey. Maybe it's Kelsey every time he gets three and a half yards. He stomps around like he just won the MVP of the Super Bowl. And I love Andy Reed. I love everything about them except there's something I think it was, I know what it was. Andy Reed's the only guy I won't go with. Andy Reed. Andy Reed's the best. I want to roll that guy right into the fucking all the way to St. Louis into the Mississippi because it's funny. Oh, why would you not like that guy?

Oh, okay. I'm saying, yeah, he literally looks like he works for the town. He does be standing there next to an orange cone as you drive by going fucking do something. Yeah, he looks like he cuts down Christmas trees for people in the community. Like he's just Andy. With his big puffy coat with shorts on and his sausage fingers. How you doing, Mr. Versey? It was when Josh, I mean, it was when Patrick Mahomes his whole like camp was going like this to fans. That's what did it for me. You know what, Andy Reed, I gotta say something. He actually looks like the BT cake serial killer. Yeah, but if you like fucking let go of himself.

They look the same. Oh, BTK was big. He was just your typical bald, fat face mustachioed midwestern guy out there burning, torturing and killing people. Well, there's not a lot to do out there. Once you get past the cornfields and you know, you got to find your own fun. Yeah. Yeah. Nobody knows how to find the fun like they do in Wisconsin. Andy Reed. Wisconsin is, it's a breeding ground for serial killers. Hey, but they're nice people, though, other than that. The ones that aren't serial killers are nice people. Because you know what, all of those serial killers that they have in Wisconsin, they're all like Dexter. They only kill the bad people, Paul. That's why when you go to Wisconsin,

you're like, wow, people are so nice up here. No, no, they don't need bad people. I mean, you don't think so? No, unless you're so I can't believe how fucking serious you are. This is the dumbest thing I've ever said. Yeah, come on, man. I think some of those guys were good shits. Paul, you said that so seriously. I was like, what do you mean? All right. Hey, Paul. I did. All right, I got to get out of here. I got shit to do. All right. Enjoy your football weekends, guys. Now, I know you get all excited about the playoffs, but also remember to savor this. Football is almost over. I hate to be that guy saying that. What I fucking hate about this weekend

is how many teams are left? Eight. It'll be four next week. Thank you. There won't be five. There won't be five. Paul, I'll tell you, man, nobody does the math like you. I know. After that, it'll be two, then it'll be one. I will make playoff math simple for you. And you will come up with the right answer. Make sure you wipe double checks you work. After the Super Bowl, no more games next week. Hey, Bill, I want to put a grand on the Pro Bowl this year just because it's fucking a

great dumb way to start the year. I'm going to it. I'm going to go to it because it's in Vegas. Why don't you come out? And they're playing flag football. They're not even they're not even in pads. All right. I got to come up with a good lie to tell my wife how I can go to Vegas. Nia, what's a good lie to tell you? She goes, I'm going to go to Vegas and buy you something. That's a good one. Everybody wins. No, no, she's saying I'm lying that I'm not going to buy her shit. She was trashing me. Yeah. But if you would, if you did go and bought her something, what if I did go and I bought you something? What would you like over there, Nia? Yeah, some sort of

some sort of something. Some sort of something. Some sort of something that get over at the Cosmo stores. All right. All right. White leather bag. Yeah. Prada, some shit. Italians really think that solves all problems, don't they? Dude, you give white leather. We got a war here with this other family. Send them some white leather. Tell them you're sorry. Send over a little fresh plate pasta balls, three, three meats. Make sure you get the fucking deal in there. Okay, how low the nephews are. What they send Hitler, you know, they send Hitler like some white leather thing. He's like, Oh, that's why we got in with Mussolini. He bribed him some meatballs and some fucking white leather. Oh, you want to talk about picking the wrong team? You know,

didn't do well on bed MGM fucking Mussolini. Well, why wouldn't you? They had Porsches and Mercedes. Before you knew what Hitler was doing, you know, I like this guy. This guy's passionate. You had no idea what the fuck he was doing. Oh, fuck, dude. All right. Go Giants. Have a great week. I'll see you guys. I love you guys. Bye. I did it. I did. All right, I'll see you. And remember, guys, Tibet, you got to be 21 years of age or older to wager in Arizona, Colorado, DC, Iowa, Indiana, Kansas, Michigan, Mississippi, New Jersey, New York, Nevada, Pennsylvania, Tennessee, Virginia, West Virginia or Wyoming only new customer offer paid in free bets. Visit betmgm.com

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