Monday Morning Podcast - Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 1-21-21

Episode Date: January 22, 2021

Bill rambles about insulation, speeches, and news insanity.

3X R safer than Albert Hein Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Thursday afternoon just before Friday, Monday morning podcast and I'm just checking in on you. I'm just checking in on you and I'm not even gonna fucking sugarcoat it. I am losing my fucking mind today. Losing my fucking mind today. Jesus Christ. Just every fucking day. I can't take a fucking day off. I thought I had this, I, you know, my daughter, right? It was her birthday yesterday, right? Her fourth birthday, so I made her this vanilla confetti cake. I fucked the thing up. I left the cakes in too long, you know, because she had come home with the cold. You know, I caught it from her and then we're like, oh fuck, do we have COVID? So we get tested for COVID, rapid test, you know, comes back negative.

Which I swear to God, I must have blown fucking two grand on those things. Comes back negative. Well, at least it's not that. So now I'm feeling myself, I'm getting sick, but I got to make this fucking cake. So it was like stick the cake in the oven 30 to 35 minutes. So I just set the time on 32 and a half and I just took it out and I didn't even, I should have checked. So it was not one of the most disgusting words out there unless you're talking about a cake moist. I hate that fucking word. It was not. It was, it was, I even mixed it too much or I left it in too long or a combination of both. And I bit into it, I knew it sucked and then everybody at the birthday party told me it was good and I knew it wasn't good. I knew it wasn't good, but I was like, I'm not gonna fucking sit here and have a boohoo. You guys are just saying that and ruin my daughter's birthday. So it's just like, I know they know it sucks. I just, I just made a mental note of what I have to do next time.

So anyway, I didn't want to talk. So today, you know, I was going to go fly and I was just like, you know what, I'm not feeling good. So I'm not going to fly. So I, you know, I just don't fly. I'm like, oh, wow, look at this. You know, that's usually a two hour, two and a half hour chunk out of my day. Leave that fucking thing wide open. And then I swear to God, the second it opens up, I get all these text messages. Oh, by the way, yeah, yeah, we got this fucking zoom call. And it's just like, what the fuck, we're gonna fucking tell me that. I swear to God, you ever feel like you're in the fucking Truman show? And it's just like an experiment. How much can it take, right? Let's pull this out. Okay, we're graphing the emotions. He seems happy. He seems happy. He's going to lay on the couch and just fucking enjoy himself, sending the text in three, two, one, go fuck yourself, freckles. Right. And then meanwhile, something great is happening today, but also, you know, little inconvenient is I have this shitty insulation inside my old house that is now a nice house, but I'll never make my money back unless I live to be 90. Because I put so much money into this fucking house. I had like that, that the porno spray, you know, you know, you can actually roll it out and have the nice insulation or somebody can just do the money shot with the insulation.

I had that shit. So of course, we also have plumbing fucking cocksuck and fucking problems, and they rooted the fucking pipes up into the attic and then came down into the bathroom. So the plumber stuck his head up there. He's like, Jesus Christ, I'm not sifting through this fucking New Year's Eve, Times Square, whore shit. You got a vacuum it out of here, right? So I got these guys, they're vacuuming it out. So the game plan is they're going to vacuum it out. And then the plumber's going to come by, he's going to stick his head up there. He's going to see what the situation is. And then, and then nobody has to do, then they're going to roll the new shit in. And he'll know where all the plumbing is and all of that stuff. Then he can just sort of roll it back, you know, like when they just roll in the grass on somebody's front, he had there, right? So I end up, I'm talking to my, my lovely wife about it. All right. And it's just like, okay, so what's the deal? I go, they're going to vacuum this stuff out. He's going to look at it and then they can put the new stuff in. And she goes, no, they're going to take it out and then put it back in, and then he's going to come up and look.

And I'm like, what? I go, they're going to take it out and put it back in. And she goes, Yeah, I go, they're going to take out the stuff we don't want and then put it back in. Aren't they going to put the new stuff in. And she goes, Yeah, I go, you just said they're going to take it out and put it back in. I go, they're taking out the old stuff and then putting the new stuff in, right? She goes, Yeah, that's what I meant. And I'm like, well, that's not what you said. You said they're going to take it out and put it back in. And then I'm like, is the guy going to look in between? She's like, No, he's going to come Saturday. So I'm like, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, they're going to take it out.

Then he's going to stick his head up and look and then they put the new shit in. She goes, No, they're going to take it out and put it back in and then he's going to come on set or they're going to leave it out. And I'm just like, can we get on the same pronoun page? Please. I literally stood in my foyer for fucking, I should have had a little fucking, what was that little hat that fucking Costello used to wear. I was just waiting for my wife to take it out. Then I put it back in at first base. Oh my God. It just, it just, I just fucking, I mean, I know you probably think, Bill, this isn't that big a deal. Just imagine having this conversation while there's a shot back on in the background the entire time. So it was more like, they're going to take it out and then put, put the new stuff in.

They're going to take it out. No, they're going to take it out and put it back in. That doesn't make any sense. I swear to God, I swear to God, I was standing on the stairways and at one point I just wanted to just jump headfirst to a sailor's dive right down to the last step and just fucking end it. So now she's going to send me the plumber's name because now she's saying that they, they're taking it out and they're just going to leave it out. And the fucking new shit is going to sit on my front fucking walkway and then the guy's going to come by Saturday. I'm like, well, it's going to fucking rain. I swear to fucking God, I swear to God. They're going to take it out and they're going to put it back in.

Why would they take it out and put it back in? What the fuck are we doing? First base. And then in the end of all of that, I'm the asshole because I think now my wife has fucking pissed at me and it's just like, I can't even get into it. And then I can't even say, I can't even state the obvious of the whole fucking situation because that's going too far because this is the fucking hilarious argument we got into, right? Oh, we got a couple of fucking arguments. Yeah, we got a couple of fucking arguments like last night after the birthday, right? Like, she doesn't, she never cuts up boxes, right? She just throws them in the laundry room and then I come by and I've become like box boy and it fucking drives me up the wall. So last night I'm feeling fucking sick.

I'm trying to fight this fucking thing off and I go into the laundry room to drop off something and I see like, you know, a bunch of boxes from the birthday just sitting there. Then I'm like, wait a minute. Oh my God, I got to take out the trash. Tomorrow's trash. Yeah, what the fuck, right? So, and I see all these, just the way they were thrown in there, I took it personally. Like, yeah, you fucking cut them up, right? So I'm fucking and I'm fucking muttering.

I am a muttering, pasty, freckled, county son of a bitch and I'm fucking fucking trash can't make it all this fucking noise like a goddamn bear going through these things. So of course she comes downstairs and she's like, what was that all about? I was going to cut them up. That's what she always says. I was going to cut, just gaslight you. I was going to do it. So I just sat there and I said, okay. I just started going, I know, I know, I know.

I was going to cut them up. I did it and I took the biggest day and I was going to cut them up and I just kept going, I know, I know, I know. And she goes, were you just being an asshole? And I go, no, okay, okay, I'll give you that. Let's just say you were going to come down and you were going to cut them up. All right. Me flipping out is about the 900 previous times when you didn't. So then she went totally Bill Clinton on me.

She went full on fucking politician. She just starts talking about it. So this morning we fucking know this morning, you know, this is a great country. Remember how you used to do that? Like Bill Clinton, did you just bomb that country to get the story of you getting a blow job off the front pages? And he'd be like, you know, when I grew up in Arkansas, the air was fresh, the water was clean. That is the America I want to get back to. It's just like that.

I always fucking hate the next reporter. As he goes to the next reporter, I want the next reporter to be like, hey, you know, you didn't answer that person's question. But the fucking reporters are so about, oh, what if he answers my, my question and I get it in the Gazette, I get the scoop. Oh boy, oh boy, I'm fucking Jimmy Olsen. Then he does it to him and he just keeps fucking doing it. It's the craziest thing ever. I don't mean to single out Clinton, but they all fucking do it, but he, he, he, he was the master. So anyways, I go, it was about those other nine at a time.

So she tried to spin it in to how in the morning, evidently, I was a douche. When I wasn't a douche, I should have had her on for this podcast. Um, you know, I'm going to have her on the next one because this isn't fair that you just hear in my side of the story. She like, my daughter came in and I thought she said, dad, can I have some waffles? But she said, can you, I guess she wanted me to make them, you know, and once again, you know, she's four years old. So she doesn't, you know, once again, doesn't say it the right way sometimes. So I just, oh, yeah, hey, that's great. So my wife comes in the room, mind you, I'm getting sick and I'm sitting there.

I literally drank Nyquil cause we didn't have any dayquill at like fucking eight in the morning, which I'll tell you, dude, that is a fucking, that puts you on the time zone on the other side of the planet, right? So then my lovely wife comes in and she's just like, you're still laying in bed and she had like this fucking panic. She goes, I thought you were going to make her make her waffles. I was like, I didn't say that. Then she got all like flipped out and I was just like, honey, relax. It takes me two seconds. I'll go downstairs.

So then she tried with the box thing to drag that fucking bullshit of a miscommunication while I'm sitting there on Nyquil. Hey, I've had a hell of a fucking 36 hours here. So anyway, she sits there. Oh, last night in the argument, she goes, and then I went out and I got you a bone broth soup. And I was like, no, you didn't. You postmated it. And I paid for that. And then she got mad at me going, you don't say that.

Don't throw that in my fucking face. But you get to act like you went out. You didn't go out. You just moved your fucking thumbs. Unbelievable. I'm fucking believable. But I'll tell you this though. I love her to death.

I love her to death. You know, I had to fix all of this. I can fix all of this with that little cutie cake. I'm just going to take her out to lunch. That's all you got. I finally learned that, that women are just as simple as guys. It's just you have to go do some woman shit. You know that?

That's what I'm going to do. I'm going to fucking take her out. We're going to go to some fucking place that one of her friends recommended. Well, we can't. It's a fucking lockdown here. Whatever. I'll figure something out. We'll go.

We'll eat it in the car. We'll stick it in a drink. And you know what? And then I'll apologize for everything that I was right about. And then I think, you know, it's easy. That's all you have to do. That's all you have to do to just fucking keep the ball moving. Keep it moving.

I did Mike Tyson's podcast, everybody. The Great Iron Mike Tyson. The most electrifying heavyweight champion that I ever saw. No disrespect to Muhammad Ali. I was a little too young for his time. When I finally saw him, he fought Leon Spinks. It was the first time I saw him. So he was at towards the end.

But as far as like seeing a fighter come on the scene and just absolutely dominate and just be must see TV every time he fought, Mike Tyson was the guy. And I got to do his podcast. It was Mike Tyson and his co-host, Jeremy Piven. And we had a great time. That podcast is up right now. And I have to tell you, there's only a couple of times in my life that I have met the greatest to ever do whatever it is that they do.

And that was one of those moments. And I could not believe that I, I couldn't believe when I walked in and I shook his hand, I couldn't believe, I couldn't believe it. You know, I just couldn't believe. I was, there was an element of that surrealness throughout the whole podcast. And he was an absolute sweetheart of a guy. And I had so much fun joking around and all that. And it's, it's up, I guess we get all podcasts.

I should check that out. I had a great time. All right. And with that, once again, my theory, by the way, that they need to shut down Fox News and CNN and MSNBC and all of these 24 hour, not news channels. They need to get rid of all of these things. Okay. Like if you watch the fucking local news versus watching those to see how differently that

the news is presented. And I love the local news because they give you some sort of feel good story at the end of it, right? They have to because they live in your city. They can't just be bumming you out the whole time. And then they're going to run into your Trader Joe's. And it's just like, you fucking depressing cunt. How about a fucking story about some old lady, you know, who's still doing setups in her 90s?

Can you throw me a fucking olive branch, right? Those national news guys, they don't give a fuck doing the news under a mountain in some fucking state. You don't even know where it's at, right? So anyway, I go on Facebook because I'm old, right? I love Facebook. Facebook, you know, I keep going back for Facebook. What I love about Facebook is we drove, all of us old people drove the youth out of it,

you know, and then they all leave thinking we miss them. Okay, we have politics to talk about. Dude, and I got to tell you, go on Facebook. And if you have a nice wide variety of friends, we have people on the right and the left. If you look at how the way that they were talking about Trump leaving, I had this dude that I went to high school with. He did everything but get on his knees and blow Trump. Thank you for this.

Thank you for that. Thank you for making the economy this. Thank you for you. Thank you for being a true pain. Thank you for being the first real president. I mean, just fucking, I mean, I have seen rock and roll, hall of fame, inductee speeches that were less ball washing than what the fuck this guy wrote. And then I got one of my Larry liberals on the other side was talking about Trump leaving

and said, does anybody else feel that the same feeling after you take a giant dump that this guy's out of here? The fact that both of those people feel that their perception of that man is 100% right is what is wrong with Fox News and CNN and MSNBC. And that is how big the divide is. And like, I just don't understand. I don't understand why smart people are just getting drawn into that. I know I keep popping on this, but is anybody else like not watch those news channels?

And then when you talk to somebody who watches either one or all three, they all sound fucking crazy. Did you hear what Mitch McConnell? Now, I know you have to pay attention to know what's going on. I guess, I mean, how are we going to stop it? But like, I just don't think it's you're listening to, you just listen to basically like propaganda. You know what I mean? It's kind of like, you know, if you if you look at how we talk about our foreign policy and then how

people talk about a foreign policy, just how completely opposite it is. Where it's just like, you know, we're defending freedom where we're, you know, I give a shit, we give a blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and then the people on the other side of that shit are all just going like, you know, you guys are fucking war criminals. You pieces of shit. You're the fucking devil. Your country is Hades. You know, like, do you remember when Osama bin Laden would call us infidels?

I remember just thinking like, I had to look up the word. It's like, Jesus Christ, this guy's perception of me and all of my friends like we're just a bunch of jerkoffs. And as far as me traveling around, I kind of learned that, you know, most people, it's so fucked up. Most people are just walking around, they're trying to get a sandwich, you know, they want to feel safe. They want to find love. They want a job that they're excited to go to. That's about as deep as it goes. Like they're not walking around plotting against other nations.

That's the sociopath fucking lunatic cunts that are running for office and the money behind them. And if elected, and if elected, I would say that we go beyond. It'd be on the pale. You got to go past Fox News. You got to go past CNN and MSNBC. You got to go past the Democratic candidate. You got to go past the Republican candidate, the Libertarian candidate sitting there with his mittens in his ear muffs. You go past all of that.

Walk behind that curtain. And you get to the blue blood money that told us the gas combustion engine. Not only was a better choice was more powerful than electricity. If you see what these Teslas are doing to all of these loud ass fucking gas combustion cars, the whole thing was a fucking lie. It's a hundred year fucking lie. They actually had people believe in that electricity wasn't powerful. There's no horsepower. Dude, I got to tell you something, man.

Those fucking Teslas. Okay, let's call a spade a spade. Not a good looking car. The SUV one's actually pretty cool. I think it's because I'm just so used to seeing a grill so the air can get into the radiator to help cool the antifreeze. It's just new, you know? Those things are fucking like... I thought I had a fast car, you know what I mean?

You got a fast car, right? Halfway decent. I didn't think it was like super fast, but you know, supercharged V6. Not that heavy a car, right? I put it in when I clicked on the checkered flag suspension mode and all of a sudden my blue lights become red like my car just got angry. And ooh, it's ready to tear up the road. Dude, I can't even tell you how many times I have it in that mode. And there's a woman in one of those Tesla SUVs full of fucking kids. And the light turns green and she's just gone.

Gone. One more time for effect. Gone! Yeah, the whole thing was a fucking lie. All right, this is just my theory of someone who doesn't read, doesn't watch the fucking news. Okay? You know who his senators are, you know, and cannot even have a conversation about insulation coming in and out of his house without getting confused. Okay, so take all of this with a giant grain of salt.

All right, but my solution for the world's problems. I deliver this with more confidence if I was smoking a cigar than I'd really think I knew shit. We just... everybody. GM, Ford, Chrysler, Porsche, all these guys. You just switch over to electric cars, you do it in aviation, all of that shit. Everything becomes fucking electric. All right? I think the air would get cleaner.

I think we have enough oil in this country to fucking, you know, keep anything else that needs oil going. Getting outside. Oh, I'm really outside. Bump my pig right here, right? Then we don't have to be over in the Middle East. And when we leave the Middle East, they will just pick up with where the fuck they were before we got there. And considering they've been fighting for thousands and thousands. No, this is the thing.

I don't want people in the Middle East to be fighting. And I went over there to Israel, did a show in Tel Aviv, stayed in Jaffa, and it was fucking beautiful. And I gotta tell you something. The Israeli and the Palestinian women that were walking around dropped dead gorgeous. Me and Barton next sitting there like, what the fuck are these people fighting about? Sitting right on the Mediterranean Sea was one of the most beautiful, relaxed, peaceful places I'd ever been. But down there in Jerusalem, oh, Jesus, the shit was flying. So you do away with the gas combustion engine.

All right? You switch over to this shit. You make all religions illegal. Okay? And rather than having one world bank, you just have one world religion, which is you can believe whatever the fuck you want to believe. Okay? But you are not allowed to get annoyed by somebody else because they believe something else. Does that work?

I mean, no. No, that doesn't work. That wouldn't work. You gotta have the Ten Commandments. You gotta have that shit. But we have laws, right? I don't fucking know. It just doesn't make any sense to me.

But I gotta tell you something. Being on Facebook like the old person that I am and watching two fucking people. I mean, this one guy, I swear to God, you would have thought he was talking about a war hero the way he was talking about Trump. And then the other guy, you know, you would have thought like he was talking about, you know, some guy that married his sister became an alcoholic and started beating her. And she finally got out of the relationship. I mean, that is how far apart. And what kills me is those guys could be neighbors sitting in their house and all they're doing is watching two different channels. I mean, that is fucking insane.

That is fucking insane. Or am I insane? I don't know. Little rumbling, bumbling, stumbling, Donnie Trump. I don't know. I will say that I don't understand how somebody could like be a Trump supporter and not think that he didn't go out like Isaiah Thomas. And not even say Biden's name and not even concede none of that shit. I mean, I mean, come on.

I mean, how hardcore a Trump fan are you if you can't look at that and just say that he was kind of acting like he had on a giant diaper and rattle. All right. And I'm not saying, you know, that Joe Biden and what's a face there Kamala are the solution. I'm not saying that either, because I think that they're going to get us into another war. I have no fucking idea. I don't know what's going to fucking happen. Okay, but I'm done. I'm just glad.

I'm glad that like, I don't know what. I don't know what I'm just happy that I, you know, when Trump got elected, unfortunately, I was booked on a talk show. It's a Conan show. And I was just like, it's going to be fine. What's the big fucking deal? I had no idea the shit show that was going to happen. I mean, that was fucking, that was wild. That was a fucking wild ride.

I will tell you that whatever that was, that was a fucking wild ride. And I'm, you know, the same way I was rooting for Donnie, which I still think his undoing was COVID. If the dumb bastard had just said, Hey, let's all get together and work on this rather than saying, Hey, wearing a fucking mask and no one around me wears a mask. That is classic control freak behavior. And I actually know somebody who did that. That actually has like a medical background did that. And this person was a total control freak, worked for themselves. And what happened was COVID fucked with this dude's sense of control.

So he had to rebel. And you know what? The dumb ass went out and he fucking got it like an idiot. All right, let's read some fucking advertising here. And I'm all that saying if you get COVID, you're an idiot. I'm just saying that if you deliberately go out and not do what the fuck they say not to do, then yeah, that's stupid behavior. All right, Stitch Fix, everybody. S-T-I-T-C-H Fix.

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Get your mind right, motherfucker. All right. Okay. I think that is the podcast. I think the Bruins are playing the fucking filthy flyers tonight. I don't know what happened to Celtics. I thought they were playing yesterday. Let's check the old Shedge here.

Celtic schedule. Celtics said tomorrow at 4.30. Okay. They got to 76s. All right. And then the Bruins. I think we have the flyers tonight, right? Bruins schedule. Bruins biggest problem.

We ain't scoring any goals. Our defense has been fine so far. Not having Chara has not hurt us. Today at 4 p.m. Today at 4 p.m. There we go. All right. So we got the Celtics today.

4 p.m. my time. 7 p.m. East Coast. 6 p.m. Central. 5 p.m. Mountain. 11.30. Hawaiian time.

You know, I was actually reading up about how we annexed Hawaii. Added them to our country. They were kind of like, it's weird. They were like stuck between a rock and a hard place like Finland. When they were playing between Hitler and Stalin. When they were between us and Japan. It's like, which group of people that thinks they are God's chosen one is going to absorb us? You know?

Why do I talk about shit like this? Just because I glanced at it on Wikipedia. All right. That is the podcast to everybody. Godspeed. Keep watching your 24-hour news networks. I'm telling you, if you want to be happy, you want some headspace, man, watch local news. They give a shit about your sports teams.

And I'm telling you, in the end, they're always going to, I used to joke about it. In the end, they scare the shit out of you. But in the end, they show some old lady that makes her own jam. And it makes you feel, they bring you back. They let you down easy. Okay. As opposed to the Anderson Cooper's, the Tucker Carlson's, that Wolf Blitzer guy. Every day there's this situation, right?

Fucking guy. Like, you know, do you ever just take a fucking day off from scaring people? What do you think they, they must be great on Halloween, you know? Considering all the shit they say during the day. Can you imagine what, maybe they go the opposite way. But I would think that, like, how scary a fucking 24-hour news network anchor. Like, you know, you're like, hey, we're going to carve some jack-o'-lanterns. That's not fucking scary compared to the shit I'm talking about every day.

Let's go fucking buy a cobra off the dark web. Let's set it loose. We've got to find it. Everybody puts on a beekeeper suit. You've got to try to catch the thing. That's probably what their fucking party's like. All right. I've overstayed my welcome.

All right. Have a great weekend, you cunts. And I'll check in on you on Monday. No, I'll do my Monday morning podcast. I'm checking in on you right now. Now I'm confused. All right. There's going to be a little bit of music by the great Andrew Thamelis.

And then there's going to be a half-hour bonus episode of the Thursday afternoon just before Friday. Monday morning podcast from a Thursday afternoon podcast from two years ago. All right. That is it. Check out the Mike Tyson podcast. 00:37:32,000 --> 00:38:01,000 Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's the Monday morning podcast from Monday, January 21st, 2013.

How's it going? Did you get the day off on Martin Luther King Day? Is it Martin Luther King Day? I think it is. I'm not sure. I have no fucking idea. I saw it mentioned. Somebody said something about Martin Luther King on the internet, on Facebook.

And it was a white guy. So I figure white guys will only comment about Martin Luther King around Martin Luther King Day. So I'm going with that. You know, this is one of these times a year where it's fucking George Washington Day and Lincoln Day. Now it's President's Day. It's the same day. There's a couple of these days here where all of a sudden everybody's got a day off. And I'm suspecting that people have a day off because I went over to NHL.com to see if the Bruins were playing tonight.

And lo and behold, they're playing right now. One to one after one period. You know? And I'm like, well, who the fuck is at that game? Shouldn't everybody be at work? And I was like, wait a minute. Some white guy said something about Martin Luther King Day. Oh, shit.

It's a fucking day off. It's a beautiful day off in the neighborhood. Bado, bado, bado, bado, beep, bado. How great is it that hockey's back for hockey fans? I can't believe how much I missed it. I actually started this podcast late because I wanted to watch the first period on my computer. I watched a ton of sports this weekend. I will get to the football and my Patriots losing, which dude, what fuck it?

I'll get to it right now. Did I call it or did I call it? Huh? I'm telling you all year, the Patriots' defense stinks. And that fucking, what's his face? Tay Leib, quietly. How the fuck you say his name? That guy was the glue that was holding that thing together.

He was shutting down that whole side of the field. When he pulled up lame with his hamstring there, I texted Verzi. I said, watch Joe Flacco air quote heat up. And that was the end of it. And that's it. I don't know how many more fucking examples you need. I don't give a shit how good your quarterback is if you don't have a fucking defense. You're gonna lose.

And I shut it off before I had to watch Ray Lewis cry again and thank Jesus, you know, for helping him to win this football game when Jesus does not give a shit. You know, I would never say this to Ray Lewis. I wouldn't even say it to his nostrils. I don't know why it's the first thing I thought of when that guy gets going, his fucking nose starts flaring. He's literally like a goddamn bull. Probably forget about one of the greatest.

Well, he's basically the, the LT of, I wouldn't even say he's not, no one's LT. LT is LT, but whatever. He's the closest thing to LT that the AFC has ever had. But when that guy gets going, man, I just, you know, he's the kind of guy you would just agree to whatever the fuck he was saying. Once he fucking gets going, you know, I watched the thing on Ray Lewis one time. I think I've brought this up before. They did a behind the scenes, whatever, you know, beyond the lines with that original ESPN guy, right?

And they did a whole thing on fucking Ray Lewis. And Ray Lewis was talking about his dad that took off on him. I don't know if you guys have ever seen this. And he, and Ray went to the same high school his dad went to. And he always wanted his dad to show up to a game and his dad never showed up. So he just started breaking his dad's records. And he starts getting all intense. He's like, in every record that I broke, and they're playing this fucking keyboard in the background,

just one note, this intense fucking one with this weird effect on it. It was the most intense thing I ever saw in my life. It was so fucking unreal. I actually, I went to the gym for two weeks straight. That's how, that's how inspiring Ray Lewis is. Every day I'd wake up and I, you know, after like three days, you know, I start slipping back into who I really am, which is a fucking pussy. He wants to lay on the couch and eat cheese doodles.

But I just kept hearing his, you know, I just kept hearing, you know, Ray Lewis would go to the gym. Ray Lewis is at the fucking gym right now. Doing butterflies with his nostrils, you know, just flaring him out. So anyways, yeah, I didn't stick around to watch that. Jesus does not care, you know, or God or Yahweh, whoever the fuck you pray to. You got to think that, you know, ahead of his laundry list of dreams that he's going to make true would probably be people on being in the gym. The dreams that he's going to make true would probably be people being held captive.

I think they're going to saw my head off on Al Jazeer. I make Nike fucking sneakers in a sweatshop. How about a cubicle God? Can you hook me up? How about every other Saturday? Maybe I could only work 17 hours. I think those prayers are a little higher on the, on the list. You know, then can I please win this, this, this footy game? But anyways, I'm actually excited about the Super Bowl.

Now I was kind of glad the Patriots lost in a way because I didn't want to see Tom Brady lose another fucking Super Bowl and listen to morons be like, Oh, what was it for now? Now what's with him? Like you can literally like, Oh, he was the shit and could win Super Bowls and what now he forgot how to do it. You know, I don't, I can't, I can't talk to people. I can't talk to people who do shit. And also like people who will be like the Patriots. So they were fucking nine and a half point favorites, eight and a half a game time.

What the fuck dude? What a fucking upset, right? You know, that fucking ESPN shit. Look, this is the deal morons, morons in general gamble on football. And when playoffs come around playoffs, every more, it's like the Super Bowl. Everybody who didn't even fucking watch shows up to watch that goddamn game. And this is the same thing with playoffs. These gamblers who don't watch come out of the fucking weekend warrior gamblers, they come out. They don't know shit about football.

You know, they barely watch it, but they know Tom Brady and Bill Belichick. Oh, are they playing? Let me put some money on them. That's why the spread is so wide. You know what I mean? That's basically what it is. Vegas is trying to get money on both sides of the ball. So what they have to do is because there's so many fucking rubes out there who the second they see Tom Brady and that Dimple in his chin and his fucking Uggs, they're going to throw down a hundred bucks on him.

Basically at that point, if the Patriots win, they're going to lose their shirt. So they got to fucking expand the spread. Everybody else who's been watching all year is like, well, wait a minute, the fucking Patriots played the Ravens earlier this year and the game was 31 to 30. We let up 30 fucking points to this team, only one by one. Why the fuck would we be nine and a half point favorites a mere four months later? You know, I don't know.

Or is this hindsight is 2020. I'm just saying whatever. Congratulations to the Ravens. Once again, your defense has got you there. And I for one, I'm going to miss Ray Lewis, but I am not going to miss playing the fucking Ravens with that goddamn defense. I'm not. And I think you have Trent Dilfer 2.0 at quarterback.

I'm not buying into this guy. I actually had a conversation with somebody and I was like, I don't know. He goes, come on, man. He goes, he doesn't stink. He's in the top 10 in the league. I don't think he is. I think he's like 12. You know, I would put Peyton Brady breeze Aaron Rogers.

I put Matt Ryan ahead of him and I had my voice crack when I said it Matt Ryan. People, I would put Matt Ryan ahead of him. I'd rather have what the fuck is with my voice. I got to go see nutritionists. So it says here in your chart that you're experiencing phlegm and your voice is cracking on your podcast. I put, I put Andrew luck. I'd rather have Andrew luck than Joe Flacco. Who else going to throw out there to piss off some Baltimore fan.

I can be pissed. They're in the Super Bowl. So here we go. Harbaugh versus Harbaugh competing for daddy's attention. Who he thinks going to win? You know, I'll tell you right now. This is the only way I feel the Ravens are going to win. Okay.

Because this is Jim Harbaugh. I think the only thing he has to worry about is right now he is unbelievably undernourished. Am I the only guy who's noticed the transformation in his fucking chest, his neck, his shoulders and his face. He, he used to be fucking jacked. And I swear to God, I think that that guy is looking at X's and O's in some walk-in closet in the bowels of fucking candlestick for like 20 hours a day. And he's not eating because now he's wearing doctors. He's starting to look like Bill Clinton used to look before the heart attack where he's got those mother in hips and he's getting all fucking gaunt. Somebody's got to get that guy a steak.

You know, get him some fucking, what do you call those things? Dumbbells. Get him something. Perfect push-up. I don't know what it is. He doesn't give a fuck how he dresses. He's been wearing that stupid black pull-over. That linty thing with those doctors, man. He's scaring me.

You know, somebody get that guy a sandwich and be like, listen, I know you're driven, but for the love of God, can you fucking eat something? We're right on the cusp. But you know, I don't have any major predictions other than I think the 49ers are going to win. I think they're going to, I think that I just don't, I think their defense is good enough. I don't, you know, I don't fuck. I don't know shit about the 49ers are weird. They play the Patriots. They put up 31 points on us and our shitty defense.

They play Seattle, which I think is the, that team's the future in the NFC. They can keep everybody there. They got that unbelievable defense. They fucking shut them down. They play the Falcons, the Falcons of fucking scoring points like a goddamn pinball machine to start it out. So I don't know. I don't know that I have that much faith in those guys as much as I did a few months ago, but I do know this. I don't think anybody listening really gives a fuck.

Good lord. Am I turning into one of those analysts? I'll tell you if I'm the fucking 49ers defense, I gotta be thinking. Um, oh, here's one. Did you guys watch, uh, did you guys watch the Lance Armstrong Oprah Winfrey in depth interview? Hang on one second. Let me do a little advertising before I get into that because that's going to be a fucking long one. Uh, what do we got here?

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Did you see that frigging story where they, they had to ground that airplane? They had a problem with the battery. Had the problem with the battery, you know, like your car, except it's a fucking plane. You know, I don't know what the hell I'm talking about. All right, let's get back to Lance Armstrong. So Oprah had an in depth interview with Lance Armstrong. It was a dumb, it was actually fucking hilarious. I was watching it with the lovely Nia.

And I was just laughing my ass off. It was, it was phenomenal. Like she's sitting there going like, um, so were you, were you basically injecting, you know, fucking horse jizz steroids into you for every race? And he's like, yes. Yes, I will for all tours. He's like, yes, I was. She's like, did you consider it cheating? And he's like, at the time, no, no, I didn't.

It's like a course. He didn't, you know, it pissed me off about Lance. I guess it was kind of a good move on his part that he didn't go like Oprah. Did you do any research into this sport? Did you notice the top 20 guys were all fucking doing this shit too? You got to fight fire with fire. You can't bring a knife to a gunfight. If everybody else is jacked up, I got to be jacked up too for fuck's sakes.

The worst thing though, I didn't actually like the Oprah interview and it was kind of funny watching her be dumbfounded by this guy's complete lack of, you know, just not giving a shit when he was cheating. And then the whole thing was funny to me because I, you know, I'm old enough to remember when Oprah used to interview fucking midgets who want to fuck their mailman's brother, you know, so I don't know. I feel like she kind of cheated her way up too. Didn't she? Didn't you kind of host a carnival show to get where you were acting and then all of a sudden you went like, wait a minute, I've been doing some soul searching. That's completely not the same thing. I just like making fun of Oprah. So anyways, they do the whole interview and then they go on ESPN.

This was like ESPN this week was just a total male hissy fit. You know, that's stupid Notre Dame story. Have you ever seen more of a non fucking story in your life? Why do I give a shit about that? He didn't lie to me. I don't even care if he knew it was a made up person and he wanted more attention. I think that's fucking hilarious. That's hilarious to me.

And if he got away with it good for him, I don't give a fuck. Why don't why do I give a shit? If anybody for the love of God like four or five days. So this is the detect today. It takes another bizarre turn. I don't know. I, you know what? I still don't give a fuck.

I don't have anything funny to say about it. You know, it's funny that Nia finally wanted to pay attention to ESPN. And what I ended up doing was I because I couldn't listen to it for more than a minute. I just hit record on Sports Center. The first time ever I recorded Sports Center for her. And I had to turn the channel because I don't give a shit about a football player's love life. You know, nobody died. Right.

Nobody got killed. There was nobody, you know, you would have thought a double murder happened. I don't know. So anyway, so I'm watching fucking Rick Riley. Rick Riley is talking about Lance Armstrong. And I guess Rick Riley was backing Lance. And he was just having this hissy fit about his reputation because he back Lance Armstrong. Like anybody gives a flying fuck about Rick Riley.

And when Lance Armstrong, when he finally, you know, came out that he did it, did anybody go like, oh my God. Now what happens to Rick Riley? Like he made that whole fucking thing about himself. You know, he made, he said, he made me look like a fool. I was typing things supporting him. Rick, relax. Nobody's blaming you. Nobody gives a flying fuck.

This really isn't on you. This is about Lance. This isn't about you. Okay. So why don't you just close your laptop, fucking relax. Like he felt betrayed. It's like Rick, what are you fucking special? He lied to the whole world.

He's not going to lie to you. Like Rick, listen, I know I just went on national television and said that I don't cheat in those races, but I actually am cheating. I've cheated every race and I plan to continue cheating in the future. And now that you know that, I have to kill you. You know, I don't know. I was really hoping for more on all both of those subjects. I was hoping that I was going to have something a little more funnier. You know what is, I just, I'm worn out.

I don't give a, I just, I watched that fucking game yesterday and we lost. And Nia was going to go see Lady Gaga last night and at the last second her friend bailed. Actually the day before her friend bailed. So she goes, do you want to go? Would you go with me? And I was just like, yeah, I'll fucking go to that. I'll go to it. You know, I'm a comedian.

I need to know what the fuck's going on in pop culture. I will go to this stuff. And I will go to this thing and she goes, do you realize how funny it's going to be? If somebody who listens to your podcast is at that thing and sees you at that. And I said, yeah, it's going to be fucking hilarious. So I went down there and get ready to see, you know, no, let's, let's tell this in chronological order. I'm watching the Patriots game over a buddy of mine's house and I'm just pounding beers. I don't know why I bought a 12 pack.

I bought a 12 pack. They were set up and I just felt like I had to knock them all down. And I think, I think I had at least seven of them. If not eight, somebody else was digging into them too. I can't fucking remember, you know, one of those things where you're not really totally hammered, but you forget your sunglasses, you know, like that kind of level drunk. So I got a race home and, you know, I shut myself off in the third quarter just like I'm at the game. I just start drinking waters and eating fucking chicken wings and shit.

And sober up, jump in the car, drive home, put on a shirt. No, wait, no, we took a cab. That's right. We ended up taking a cab over to Staples Center and we missed the open and act, which I'm like bonus because I know I'm not going to like them. And we come fucking walking into the Staples Center and right as the show starts and Lady Gaga comes out of a fake castle on a horse and starts walking around the arena. You know, I do that big thing now. They got like the big fucking half a semi-circle loop with a bunch of fucking raven kids in the middle of it.

And that's what started it off. And then she sang one of her songs and then she went back into the castle. And then all of a sudden it looked like it was a turkey with its leg spread. And she came out of the vagina of that, unzipped it and came out of that, you know. And then sang another fucking song, you know, a bunch of shredded gay guys, old five, six, seven, eight, all at the same fucking time. And then she just starts spewing this fucking self-help horseshit, you know, doing that stupid dramatic pause to milk the crowd. She's just like, you know, it's great to be here tonight, Los Angeles. And he's like, what?

She's just like, I got a message out there for anyone who's ever felt different. If you feel different, no. And all this fucking bullshit about being there. It was literally like, it was like gay spinal tap. And it was honestly, it was a terrible fucking show. Terrible show. The fucking dancing was terrible. She can sing, but she stinks at dancing.

She's on a fucking horse. She comes out of a vagina. How many times has that been done? Why'd you come out of the vagina, Lady God? Let me guess, this album was a rebirth for you. You fucking hack, ripping off Madonna right and left. First of all, she's got that one song that I don't know what Madonna song is. I never know.

Whenever I hear it, I start singing the other Madonna song. She's ripping off Madonna right down. She had a black Jesus. And the crowd's eating it up. And at first I'm like, you gotta be fucking, she's doing the black Jesus thing. Like a prayer, am I the only guy I looked around? I was like, oh my God, I'm old. I'm old.

I'm fucking old and I'm sitting there and all I want to do is just start trashing. I want to start heckling, which I did a couple of times and Nia just gave me the look and I was like, I can't ruin this for her. She was going to go here with somebody else who was going to be waving glow sticks and I agreed to come here. I can't be a cunt. So I'm not glad, I sat down after the first fucking song and it was really difficult to listen to.

It was really fucking annoying. Way more annoying than I thought I was going to be. I thought I was going to be all right, you know, still going to be on some level. I'll appreciate it. This is pop shit. I can try to come here and enjoy this shit. And it just really wasn't a good show. I can't fucking...

Oh, with the stupid dramatic pauses. Why do singers always have to look up in the air halfway through a sentence and just get another applause break? I saw a band the other night in this little fucking club and the guy was doing that. He was like, you know, this is the first time. Then he looks up the ceiling and it's just dead silence. And then the crowd always gives into the fucking silence.

I don't know if they feel uncomfortable with it and they just feel they have to fill it up by going whee. And then the guy finishes the sentence that we've been in Los Angeles in three years. It's like, why couldn't you just complete that sentence? Why couldn't you just go, hey, you know, this is the first time we've been in Los Angeles for like three years. And we're happy to be back because you guys are great fans.

You could do that and like fucking... What was that? How long did it take me to say that? 3.5 seconds? It takes them like 30 seconds. Los Angeles is a city. That's on the west coast of this country and you know. That was fucking horrible.

So anyways, Lady Gaga's on stage. I can't believe I have this fucking story. I feel like I dreamed it. She just goes, you know, she finishes another one of her fucking horseshit songs. I think at that point she was like dry humping a yak to protest some sort of Middle Eastern thing. I don't know what the fuck was going on. And by the way, her drummer was the shit.

And I really would have enjoyed watching him, but he appeared to be in the dungeon section inside the fucking castle. Because God forbid that somebody else out on the fucking stage taken away from your fucking horseshit. Oh my... And then she had two plants in the crowd. Two clear fucking plants. She calls some fucking young gay kid on the crowd

and tells him it's okay and the kid starts fucking. He's like, how did you get his number? When did you get his number? How did they have him miked up? How can I hear this guy clear his fucking day talking into a fucking cell phone that's going through the roof of the Staples Center to outer space back down to the fucking...

through the roof again to Lady Gaga who's got drapes around her fucking head, right? Crowds eating it up. Like, oh my god, she's a saint. Look at her reaching out, right? And then the worst part was she's sitting there dancing around and she's only a little bit better dancer than I am and I'm fucking horrific, so she's up there.

And then she goes, where's that guy with the green hair in the crowd? Get up on the stage, you know, because she's so down to earth and the dude, the green-haired dude gets up on the fucking stage, shirtless, shredded, right? So right there, you know, it's a plant. Although there were a lot of gay guys there and gay guys are always fucking shredded. So I'll give them the benefit of the doubt on that.

The shirtless fucking shredded dude with the green hair gets on, runs up the runway, doing his best to act like he's shocked. And then they go into this fucking dance routine and this dude knows every fucking move right down to when to leave with the other dancers and walk into the castle. It's like, why is he going into the castle? I thought he was just some random guy you pulled out of the fucking crowd.

Shouldn't he go back to his goddamn seat? How much of a grumpy cunt am I that I'm really ripping this shit apart? It was fucking, I gotta tell you, I was really disappointed. I felt like I put myself in the headspace where I could enjoy this. I was already seven beers in. I grabbed a little bit of McDonald's on the way in. Had a quart upon it with cheese and some French fries. I'm like, all right, let's see this fucking, let's see this.

I know she can sing, so it should be halfway decent. I know it just was ending the songs and then just sitting there with fucking every time drapes around her face. It's like, when are you just going to accept your nose? We get it. You don't like your nose, but you're afraid to get a nose job because you think it's going to change the sound of your voice. Just when are you, you're sitting there telling all these young gay kids

it's okay that they're different. And here it is. You can't even accept your face walking around like that chick from the ring. Your hair all in your goddamn face. It's so fucking awful. And finish it every song and then she just sit there all wrapped in drapes and they're being all like breathing into the mic, which was super fucking annoying. Then she was like, I hope you guys are having a good time tonight.

Because if you're not, I don't give a fuck. I said, I don't give a fuck. The whole crowd goes nuts. Then she proceeds to give a fucking speech about how much she doesn't give a fuck. Goes over to another shredded gay guy fucking backup dancer. You know, hey fucking salivate. Do you, do you give a fuck? He's like, I don't give a fuck either, either, either.

I think that's when I heckled. And I got my first dirty look from there because it's literally like, you know, if you don't give a fuck, get on with the not giving a fuck. Why would you stop and give a speech? You know, that's something I've learned in life is if you don't give a fuck, you just, you don't say you don't give a fuck. If you don't give a fuck, other people, they recognize it and they say it for you. Hey dude, you know that kid, you know that kid Mike?

Yeah, dude, that kid, he doesn't give a fuck. Seriously, that kid, and then you tell the fucking story. But Mike isn't walking around going, you know, telling everybody that he doesn't give a fuck. She clearly gives a fuck. She gives a fuck how she looks. I don't think she likes the way she looks. And I think that that's why she's fucking walking around an Afghan or fucking, I don't know what you call it, upholstery all over her fucking face.

I don't know, whatever. Should I just enjoy the, I don't know, the fucking, I don't know what. I was really, I mean, as dumb as this sounds, I went there with some sort of expectations and I just, you know, I thought the drummer was the best part of the fucking show and he was in a castle and I couldn't fucking see him. Granted, his drumsticks were lit up so I could see some of the shit that he was doing, but I don't know. And then there was some sort of story going on.

I felt like they were like workshopping a musical and they didn't really have the full story. They just kept being this face that would glow up and it was Lady Gaga's and she would just be speaking monotone like she was some sort of zombie, which I guess was supposed to give it some sort of depth. Can you guys believe that somebody 44 going to be 45 is wasting this much time talking about how I was disappointed at a Lady Gaga concert as if that fucking show in any shape or form was designed to appeal to some fucking redheaded cunt like me. You know, whatever.

I had to get that out because there's a chance Nia might be coming down to the podcast and I did a real good job not taking the piss out of that show when I was there and not ruining it for. But anyways, fucking, it was really bad. You know what I mean? Even Madonna concerts back in the fucking day. Oh, that was another thing that she fucking said. She was going like, you know, when I started out, out, out, out. Dramatic pause.

People didn't think that I could bring the underground gay scene to the mainstream. You know, it's like, why are you ignoring Madonna? Didn't Madonna do that like 20 years ago? Didn't the village people kind of start it? You know, it's funny about like, it was so it was that shit was so fucking underground in the 70s, right into the 80s that morons like me didn't know that like half the people you were listening to were gay. You had no even know like you'd be listening to a band called Queen and the guys prancing around in his in fucking. I don't know what the diapers adult diapers. I don't know what he was doing walking around barefoot.

You still like the music was, you know, you're still in though. I watched the other day I was watching this Judas Priest concert. I forget where the fuck they were. It was like in the early early 80s. And Rob Halford is coming out like in like literally fucking like SN this SNM outfit. And you had no fucking idea. I know there's like 20 guys like that. It was still underground, but like that Madonna shit when she did all that vulgar crap.

That was like 20 almost 25 years at this point. So I don't know. I think that's just what it is. I think I'm just an old fucking guy and I imagine when I was watching whatever the fuck I was watching, they were all going dude Zeppelin did this like 15 years ago as I'm sitting there freaking out watching a band called Cinderella. I think that was the point of it. No offense to Lady Gaga fans. I think I just realized how fucking old I was.

All right. And I just watched my team lose. Okay. Stamps.com everybody. Intro. Not supposed to read intro part. If you haven't heard yet, postage rates are changing again. You know what that means? The post office will be even more crowded than usual.

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Sad news this week on the podcast. The great Earl Weaver. Earl Weaver. Ooh, Earl Weaver. He, I'm sorry, he passed away this week and he was one of my favorites. He's a throwback coach. We got a great clip of him. He's, there's two great clips of him.

I got to find the other one. Was he, the first one is when he comes out and he's arguing, I believe it's a buck. And he's yelling at that umpire and he goes, you know what? You are out here for one goddamn reason. And the umpire is hilarious. He goes, why is that, Earl? And he goes, to fuck us. He's like, ah, that's a budget ball.

That is that's true. You came out here to fuck us. And you know what's great is the umpire is just so sick of Earl Weaver. He's like, ah, yeah, cause Earl Weaver like threatens them. He goes, ah, Earl, you're not going to knock anybody on your ass. He goes, what are you going to do? Fuck up another world series. I think he was making reference to the fact they were up three games to one against the pirates.

I was too young. I don't know if Earl made some bad calls with the, you know, the pictures he put in or whatever. I think it was more the pirates. It was just their destiny to win that year. But, ah, the empire literally says to do what, Earl? Fuck up another world series. And he said it. What?

And Earl goes, I've won more than I've lost. And the umpire is like, no, you haven't. No, you haven't. And Earl goes, I'm talking about games. Fucking hilarious. So the umpire is basically calling him out going, you lost more world series that you managed and then you won. And Earl goes with the technicality.

Yeah. But I won more world series games. It's fucking hilarious. Um, you know, I really hope, I just don't think that there's going to be another guy like him this day and age would like to actually get audio back then was so rare where nowadays I just feel like, um, I don't know. They just don't go off the way they used to. They were just some great ones and he was, he was the best of the best.

I would say Earl Weaver as far as yelling at an umpire might have been the Jordan or the Bobby Knight, I would say of, uh, I had Bobby Knight always came off like a baby to me, you know, like throwing chairs, like a little kid throwing his toys and stuff. He always came off like a baby to me and a phony tough guy, Earl Weaver. Earl Weaver to me just kind of came off like, uh, he was just like a fucking badger. You know, a little Wolverine or something like that. I don't know. There was just something fucking whole because he was his little guy.

The greatest thing about this clip is I think he walks away like four times and every time he stops and walks back, the crowd goes even crazier and it was almost like watching Hulk Hogan, like milking a crowd right before he rips his shirt off. It's just, I don't know any, it's another thing that makes me feel old. Um, the late great Earl Weaver passes away. So anyways, hey, let's check in on the brew and see how they're doing here. Um, I love this by the way. This is free advertising.

It's still one to one in the second period. I love this by the way, when you can fucking, uh, you can watch the game. So you get the package on the computer because I'm on the, I got a big tour coming up everybody. I'm really excited about this and, um, I'm playing all these unbelievable venues and, uh, I don't know, I get amped up for this like fuck, like if I was playing sports, you know, going to all these places and just wanting to make sure, you know, you give people their money's worth. Um, I'm going to be at the Wilbur theater, the Wilbur.

Um, February 21st, 22nd, and I believe the 23rd, right? The Patrice O'Neill benefit is February 19th, Thursday's the 21st. Yeah, February 21st, 22nd and 23rd, two shows a night. Um, oh, and I don't know if there's tickets still available, but I'm doing two benefits next week on the Patrice O'Neill one is sold out. There is a chance that some tickets at the last second might be made available depending on, uh, we got to make sure all family and friends get their tickets. Um, we set aside some, so, uh, there might be some extra ones.

I'll give you guys the heads up on Twitter. Um, but on Monday, the 18th, I'm doing a benefit for a good friend of mine. Uh, Vinnie Mark, whose, uh, wife is, uh, battling cancer and, uh, I'm doing it at the Bananas Hasbrook Heights. I know tickets are on sale for that one. I think that one might have sold out too, but, uh, just in case there are some tickets. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You You

You You You You You You You You

You You You You You You You You

You You You You You You You You

You You You You You You You You

You You You You You You You You

You You I stood up for the first song by the second song I was sitting down and I was like, I don't care, it doesn't matter if you're sitting down. And I was like, wait a minute, I don't want to, I don't want to back up. At one point I was texting with a friend of mine about the game and you said, who are you texting? The longest text I've ever seen. Okay. I did enjoy it. You shouldn't have gone. All right, well, fuck it then. I tried. I tried. I tried. I tried and you failed miserably.

I thought you were having a good time. I was having a good time, but you know, there were moments where I was just like, you know, you know, something what you should have listened to your instinct. I should have. You know, people listen to this podcast no better than go to a Lady Gaga concert with me. They know fucking better than that. I know. Okay. Now, I did, you know, those tickets were not fucking cheap. They were not. Right there. And I put some fucking

of her self-help. Com's about gay guys. What are you talking about? It's not underground anymore. You tried to describe things that you don't know the names of. It's just next top model. Fantastic. America's next top model.

America's next top model. There you go. That fucking guy there, who, who, like, you know, Miss J. Yeah, that dude. That fucking guy. That fucking guy. That fucking guy. That fucking guy.

That fucking guy. That fucking guy. That fucking guy. That fucking guy. That fucking guy there, who, who, like, you know, this, Miss J. Yeah, that dude. And Mr. J.

Okay. Let me tell you something. If that fucking guy was on TV when I was growing up, they would have been fucking like, oh, like, they wouldn't have been like, what the, they couldn't believe it. If he was just like, like, or if there was anybody openly gay when I was growing up, it's over. Nobody gives a fucking anymore and they shouldn't. Okay. It's, it's like, I can't, I can't explain.

For her to claim that, like what I watched last night, all right, in no way. I guess if she was in Nebraska, that would be shocked. But I watched that shit and none of it was shocking to me. And I was just sort of looking at it going like, she's fucking ripping Madonna off brutally. Yeah. But when she came in on that black horse though, that was like, I had, I stopped in my tracks. We hadn't even gone to our seats yet. And I was like, what?

Oh, that was amazing. And this is why I really don't want to hear anything that's going to continue to disappoint. No, this is actually making fun of me. This is going to make fun of me though. Yeah. I was so drunk at that point. When I brought up the horse on the podcast, there was part of me going, now was that a horse or is that two people in the horse?

You know, we hang onto the guy's waist and then you walk in, you know, the horse costume. Like somebody's the ass and somebody's the front. Yeah. I couldn't, I didn't know if it was two guys on like stilts. No, it was an actual horse. It was an actual horse. It's a beautiful horse. Poor fucking horse.

I know. It's on the road. It's a smack habit. That horse is going everywhere with them. Maybe it's a different horse in every city. Like they planned it out and she was like, I need to have a black stallion. All right. So make sure everywhere we're going.

No, because you have to have a horse that isn't going to freak out with a bunch of shirtless people gyrating all over the place. Oh my God. What about the girl who was just completely naked? Oh, in the crowd. She goes, give it up for that naked mermaid. And then they just show this girl. Wait, wait, wait.

And Gaga said, are you over 18? Okay, good. All right. She had her tits out. Yeah. That was funny. And I laughed. I laughed.

I swear to God. In my hat of hats, I came there to be entertained. And you know what? I believe you because I know you. I believe that you the, of course, the only reason why you, you, Bill Burr would ever go to a Lady Gaga concert is because you love me. I know that because there's no way in hell you would ever do that for anyone else. Never.

No, and she can sing. That's what I like. She can sing. She can sing live. The drummer was the shit. He was. Oh my God. That drummer was awesome.

Yeah. Too bad he was in the dungeon you couldn't even sing. I know. That guy was fucking awesome. I get it. I know you have good intentions, but that's, that's my point though. You, I, as someone who is in a relationship and has known you for a long time, like I need to understand your limitations and as much as you might have good intentions.

You like how she says that everybody, like I have some sort of special needs. You do have special needs. You are my special needs child. You have good intentions, but you have limits and I need to recognize that in you and be like, oh, he can't go to this because he won't, he won't know how to act. So it's fine. But I appreciate you. I will go, I will go to that shit again.

This time I will be stone fucking sober and I won't yell out Jesus fucking Christ. I wish I knew what the fuck she said when she said it and I swear to God, it would have been, I would be, I would be vindicated. I just don't have that evidence because I don't remember it. Okay. Well, whatever. All right, whatever. That's the podcast for this week.

Can we talk about my podcast? Yeah. What about your podcast? Whatever. It's going to shit all over me. I don't have an extension of this except I won't be there to defend myself. Exactly. Perfect.

I'll be listening to it. I'm doing it for the ladies. I'll be listening to it. And the men's. No, I'm not, I'm really trying not to do like the female Bill Burr. That's not what I'm going for. You should. This is what you do need.

Well, I can't do this. This is how you start a fucking podcast. What you do is just do a 10 minute one, do a 15 minute one. You just build it up and you just naturally figure out which way it's going to go. Right. And then, you know, there'll be people from this podcast that will go over there and then there'll be people from this podcast. Well, it's too much like this.

I'm not into that. So some of them won't. But other people, you're pulling, you're pulling your own crap. I have to be like Lady Gaga and not have any fucks to give. Yeah, you don't give a fuck. But I like that part of it because all this week I've been dealing with a bunch of other stuff and it's like, yeah, you really can't give a fuck sometimes. So that was my takeaway from it.

I had an awesome time in that concert. Thank you for getting tickets. I really appreciate it. It was so much fun. You know how much it meant to me. Okay. But when her next album comes out and I go to the next show, because I plan on going to the next show because I had that much fun, you are not coming.

Okay. And I'll take care of it on my own. Fucking hilarious. I'll find somebody else. And you're saying this to me like there's going to be a debate and you are not allowed to go to Lady Gaga. Now I feel like a douche. I'm almost a 45 year old guy.

I'm sitting there shitting on a goddamn pop star. Good for her. God bless you. It's an incredible center when there's no music industry anymore. It's an amazing accomplishment that she did it. And yeah, she's not trying to appeal to some guy, a 45 year old guy who just drank eight Budweiser watching the AFC championship game. Yeah.

You are not exactly. Was the show not in your wheelhouse? Wow. What an edgy comedian. Who are you going to attack next week? Whatever that new boy band is that did the Drew Brees commercial, right? Well, anyway, anyways, I really hope everyone listening. I put it on Twitter and stuff, but like I'm starting to please podcast soon.

Just give me a little bit. Yeah, thank you. And email me questions. I'm making it an advice show. Can you stop doing that? It's obnoxious. Yeah, it is just like your whole demeanor last night. So make sure you email me some questions.

I'm doing an advice show. Where can they email you? The bitch please podcast. The email address is tenderheadedfilms at gmail.com. That's it. That's it.