Monday Morning Podcast - Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 1-23-20

Episode Date: January 23, 2020

Bill rambles with legendary comedian Don Gavin the historical Boston comedy scene, classic Celtics, his new film.

All right. Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for a very special edition of the Thursday afternoon just before Friday, Monday morning podcast. You know, whenever I have a guest, I always try to make sure that it's going to be somebody special and I don't know how to top this one as far as influence on why the hell I'm sitting here, how I even know how to write a joke or where the hell, you know, all these towns in Massachusetts in New Hampshire are. Please welcome Boston comedy legend Don Gavin. Very nice to be here, Bill. And thank you for calling me special. You were here to promote. You have a new, what do they they call it? An album. An audio digital audio download available. Don Gavin live

with a Manhattan live with the Manhattan with the Manhattan. Very important. Not from Manhattan. That's correct. OK, with a man with a Manhattan, which is available right now on Sirius and Pandora and then Friday of this week, it's going to be available everywhere. iTunes, Spotify and any stream you can find strawberries or creak or whatever. Yeah, absolutely. So what's going on? Hey, I don't think I've ever run into you out here in LA because I haven't been out here for quite a while. What was the last time you were out here? Oh, man. Did some commercials maybe in the 2002 or three years. Oh, OK. And I get a $300 jaywalking ticket, so I didn't come back. Which I haven't paid by the way. I don't know what I don't know what. Oh, there's a warrant out for you. I don't

know what the statute is. Where were you? Where were you jaywalking? Right down and right down in Hollywood, right near where the comedy store is down that way. OK. And the car, the car actually pulled me. He says, you know, I'm you know, I'm pulling you over. I go, well, you're not pulling me over. I'm walking, you know, right? And I said, I thought this only happened in the movie. $300 ticket. $300. $300. And I had to go in there. I was supposed to be doing this commercial. He said, I don't believe you because I dressed in sweatpants and looked like a bum. Right. Which is like my normal garb. And so he came in the studio with me to check to see if I was for real like because I had no idea on me. So I think he wanted to arrest me. Oh, because you didn't have

an idea? Because I was thinking, why does he keep? Why does he give a shit? I don't know. But he wanted $300 at some point, which they haven't got. So. Do you ever watch those videos online when there's people who actually know their rights and they just start going at the cop? I would still be nervous to do that. Like, no, I'm not required to give you an ID. I'm not in a car. Yeah, I'm sure I'm a citizen. I'm sure they say, well, the money will just hold you until you produce this of that. Yeah. I haven't got the time for that. No, I don't think I'd have the savvy to do that. Yeah. I don't have that law background, if they say. Yeah. How did the how did the get go? The commercial shoot? I didn't get it. You didn't get it. Isn't that hilarious? So you think they did

they make you fly yourself out here? I was already out here for a while. Oh, you were. I I mentioned to the to the West Coast a few times. I lived in the studio for a while. That's where I was living at that time. I believe. Oh, you did. Okay. I actually took me the longest time to like it out here. Yeah. But now I now it's home. I like it. I I do definitely get nervous with the whole it's a city that does that exists, but shouldn't exist. Mm hmm. You know, and yeah, sometimes that gets that gets to me as far as like, you know, the dollar collapsing and, you know, global warming. I'm kind of like, but then the other side of me is like, well, it'll be over quick. I mean, you guys back east, you got all those lakes and shit. You can sit there and fill

up your canteen, but I'm going to be fucked out here. But with many other people, though, you alone. Yeah, I think it'll be all of us self involved people tweeting about how we're dying. But tell me about this album. Where did you where did you record? And dude, I just it's such a thrill. I got to say again to have you on here like, I appreciate the hours and hours and hours and hours that I've watched you do stand up with all different kinds. Do you remember that time I showed up super late? Yes. I was telling some friends about oh my god. I was so nervous. I'll tell you, listen to this one. This man, Mr. Burke comes in. We were working at a in New Hampshire. I thought it was mania. No, it was I think it was Jonathan's. I think it was

anyways. So in those days, a two man show. And in those days, Bill was was the opening act and I was the closer. And so the opening act bill somehow comes quite late. And I was at least 90 minutes late. And so now it's the deal is I'm going to have to go on first, you're going to second you came through the door, but you you had me out for the headed me off of the past. Instead of instead of being apologetic, you said, I don't want you in my face. Leave me alone. You wouldn't believe the traffic. And you went on and on. I said, yeah, I wouldn't believe the traffic. That's why I came about three hours earlier. And then afterwards you apologize. I remember I was so fucking pissed. And then also, but I was so scared. Yes. Because I was like,

Don's going to call my clock and then that's going to be I'm going to be out of giggles. And then Mike has everybody's all the big guys ears, Lenny, Sweeney, all Noxie, rest of soul, Tony and all of them. And I was just like, I am just good. I just I just whatever however long I've been working two and a half years of work down the tubes. I got to move. Bill Burr's career goes down before it begins. Yes. That's what I was worried about. But you were I remember you was sitting at the bar. It was funny. Yeah, you didn't say all right. You didn't say anything. You just were looking at me as I was spewing all this shit out. Yeah. And then I just sort of ran out of steam and you were just looking at me. I just went,

I'm sorry, man. I can't. And you just went, sorry. Sorry. Just just sit down. We're going to figure this out. That was I had two fuck ups like that. Really? Another one when I pulled up to Mike Clark's giggles in Saugus. And I want to say I was with Tony Vee. And we thought it was an 8 30 show. And we got there like 10 past eight and Mike is standing outside the club. And we don't know why. So we're like, Hey, Mike, how's it going? And he in his head, he's like, these fucking assholes are showing up 10 minutes late and come strolling in like that 20 minutes early because that was our vibe. And he goes, Listen, pal, you know, I don't mind if you're going to be late, but you know, just got to give me a call. That was just like, Yeah, man, if I'm ever late, I'll give you

a call. And we like went back and forth like a bad sitcom, not understanding each other. Right. Then he goes, pal, the show's supposed to start 10 minutes ago. And then I was like, Oh, no. Oh, God, I pissed off. Yeah, you guys will also fucking intimidate. You know what I mean? Because you guys had like, you were like the generation before me. So you were even angrier than my generation. So you actually scared my my lunatic generation. So when you made a live with the Manhattan, which by the way, is that your drink? My before dinner drink. Yes, your for dinner. I have something else after dinner. But yes, before dinner drink. So no, it's kind of a kind of an older person to drink, which I am kind of an older person. But I try stick with

tradition. Yeah, classy guy. Manhattan. Yeah, very classy. You can be absolutely shitfaced, but you got slacks on your drinking nose. You're fine. And it looks like an adult beverage. Yeah, hasn't got a pink star in it or a flamingo. I was always a just sort of a straight, like, well, I was a beer guy first, and then I switched to like bourbons. And I kind of just went back on the rocks are just straight. So educate me here. What is what is it? It is a Canadian whiskey with a little bit of a little bit of bitters, just tiny bit of bitters, and a nice cherry in it, and a sweeper. That's it. Oh, God, that sounds delicious. Yes, they get down rather easy, at least for me. So let me just because I I've been laying off the booze for a little bit. So I like

to live vicariously through people. So you have this Manhattan before dinner, which by the way, that's that's that's an America that should come back. Yes, you know, okay, so you have parent teeth. Yeah. What's what's your go to drink? Don wants a buzz. Oh, Don doesn't really necessarily want a buzz. But my go to drink is a lot of vodka with a hint of a calua, which would be a tan Russian, not a black, tan, tan. Oh, you go like, and I usually put those in gallon barrels. And that's how I drink. A lot of ice, though. Make sure you ice takes up a quarter of that gallon. Yeah, that's right. You don't want to make sure that you're properly lubricated. You know, absolutely. Yeah. That's the deal. What is this? Where did you record this album? We did it actually

at the Portland Comedy Connection. And you you remember, yeah, Portland Comedy Connection. We did this thing. And after I did it six months later, the place closed. So that's how effective I was up at that. Oh, no, that's not there anymore. That finally closed. Yeah. Well, it was on a pier, you just remember that was falling apart. And finally, somebody in one of the dinner guests that actually fell halfway through the pier, not all the way into the water, right? The place was falling apart. It was and it was really a horrible little spot. But but the comedy there was a terrific. Yeah, do you remember the original one? Oh, yeah. So the original one was was more downtown Portland. And I remember doing spots up there for I swear to God, it felt like half a year. And we

would be like, what the fuck is that smell? And they found out a rat had died. And it was like, wasn't right above you as a comic was like off to the right on that beam. The thing just just I don't had a heart attack or something. It just died. It didn't fall. And it just laid there. And nobody came close enough to the ocean. You thought it was a fucking low tide. You know, what's going on here? The other dead rat up there. Yeah. So now I think it's a restaurant or maybe it's a high rise. I don't know what it is, but it did. It's going to close now. Well, of all the places you've done, your all time favorite room to do stand up and just go up where you just knew you were going to you were going to murder. Wow. That's a good question. I like the smaller intimate rooms,

which is with my fame. That's that's the rooms that I work. So that's probably what I like that. Right in your wheelhouse. When you do these big large auditoriums to me, that's showing off. Yeah. So I've always been full of myself. I like to keep my crowds down. Usually like double figures. There's an air of mystery about you when you work the smaller places. I like that. It's a mystery. That's why we're trying to get this album out. So maybe I'm not a mystery. I used to see the quotes all the time that I was Boston and comedy's best kept secret. I'm going, you know what? Let's not have that a secret. Can we change that? People start talking about. Well, that's why you're doing the podcast here. You know,

it's a great one, too. It was the old comedy, the original comedy connection on Warren Street. That was like, I feel like those places. Well, the audience would you you could actually reach out and touch the audience. So was that it was that close? I actually have the first time I ever videotape myself. I have it on. No, I won't be showing this anywhere. I have a VHS tape of me. Yeah, at the at the comedy connection. I've been doing comedy. It was 1993. So I've been doing it for one year. It was the first time my parents came to see me. And I went up and I did five minutes and I killed, thank God. And I still have that thing. And I think it took me 10 years before I even showed it to my wife. She's like, oh, my God,

you're a little boy. You know, the big red afro, right? Stupid early 90s lime green shirt. It was hilarious. That was like the only show in town there for in Boston for years. But it was usually decent, you know, the crowds were good. Although I was there one time I was working with Lenny Clark, and some woman got trashed and threw an astray, a big glass astray. On those days, everybody was smoking. And he ducked and the thing smashed against the wall, broke into pieces. And Lenny goes, you got to be quick on your feet if you're a comedian. And then so my friend was the bouncer at the time. He goes over, okay, who did that? And so finally they point out to the girl and he goes, man, okay, who's the boyfriend? The boyfriend stands, he's

like, I got to knock somebody out. And he knocked out the guy. That's the truth. I can't hit the broad, but I can knock out the guy. I feel like those stories only exist like in a few cities during a certain time, like even that like that craziness of that story that was gone by the time I came up with more civilized where would be like, Yeah, the logic of that would not have passed. I just was talking to Jay Leno, right? And he was telling a story about some guy while he was on stage. You heard this guy, you know, yell out in pain. And he found out afterwards the guy was talking. And the bouncer stabbed him in the leg like a guy was sitting down. He just he just just right in his thigh. The guy screamed and he fucking threw him out. And then years later

when Jay made it, he called him up, right, going, Hey, man, I remember I hooked you up that one time, like calling him up. I don't look him for a favor or something like that. And Jay's like, I didn't ask you to stab somebody while I was on stage. I mean, I could have I could have just had a funny retort. I had a similar one. I'm doing going to be doing the evening the improv the next day. So I'm just going over my set at Nick's Boston. That's one of the clubs I started in Boston. And so I'm just doing my set. And some guys yelling and I said, Yeah, when I'm finished, I said, We'll talk when I'm finished, kind of intonating that we might do more than talk. So instead, he rushes the stage with his friend. I'm distracted. And I get hit in the back of

her head by this big steel chair. So there's an olive brawl. Everything the cops getting involved, people rolling around knives were taken out. So anyway, I'm on the bottom of the thing. I'm getting kicked by three people. I turned my assailant on top and they kicked the shit out of him thinking it was me. So then we're leaving. And the other guy, the first guy that was sad the whole thing, he's behind a cop going, Hey, you know, like he got away with it. So I took a shot at him. The cop stepped between us and I hit the cop right in the face. I got arrested at my own show. I had to spend the night in jail. I had a black guy that I had to go and even get in the improv the next day. And I wore Elton John glasses. So people thought that was a joke and it wasn't

because I was black. Yeah, I thought you went on Hollywood. Yeah, yeah. But I got arrested in my own show. And so they leave me out in cuffs and the people going, That's the headline. That's the guy at the end. What? How come he's getting arrested? Yeah. So that was the deal. But I hit the cop. Well, you know, it is the just a lack of like cameras. So you sort of settled a lot of shit amongst yourself. Like now there would have been video that they would have been video of you hitting the cop and the fact that the guy came up on it. And so the story goes, so we go to the if we go to the jail and said everybody's drunk out of their ass in the jail. And people yelling at her and all this kind of stuff. So I can get to sleep so I'm exhausted by the time. So I have to

go to court like two months later. The assailants, these two guys come in, they're in orange jumpsuits because they've been arrested three or four times since then. Oh, wow. Similar to your story, about four years later, the guy comes up to me goes, You better remember me. I'm the guy that hit you with the chair. And I can't think he wanted me to compliment him. Yeah, like you went to high school together with a bunch of good times. When did you find like that? Like, because when I started that we just hear all of these crazy stories. When did it it start to, you know, slow down where it became just more established and more because it started the Dinghou Chinese restaurant and nobody was in there. That was called the Springfield Street soon. That was the Dinghou

where it became infamous. And but the people there, you know, there wasn't such a thing of comedy there. It was a Chinese restaurant barely surviving. And and there was a people at the bar, but we couldn't throw them out. So they'd stay there and they'd be turned around and shut the fuck up, you know, to the comedians because they were bothered in their drink. They're drinking for the day. So finally we had to weed them out and stuff like that. But there were a lot of fisticuffs involved and then it became more. Is that why is that why all you guys are so big? I always thought there was like a height requirement for the first wave of of Boston Combs. You, Sweeney, Larry, all you guys are like six, one, six, two, six, three, Lenny. Yeah, DJ Hazard.

DJ Hazard was you. Santa Raleigh is a big guy. I just was sitting there going like, well, no wonder these guys were able to establish the scene. I always felt like there was a group of people like 510 and below that tried like the early 70s and got destroyed. Kind of like with the Red Sox, do you remember the Red Sox? Actually, this is their second mascot. The first mascot they had was sometime in the 70s was called the Fenway Freak. And it lasted like three games and just got the shit kicked out of him. The guy's like, fuck that, man, you put the goddamn head on, you walk out there, I'm not doing it anymore. I always wanted like, like whenever I would do like comics come home, and Larry would be there and there's always a

couple of you guys there. And I always still feel like a little kid looking up at you guys going everybody. And then Patrice, when he came along, he was like the only guy from our generation that was like your guy's height. Yeah, the thing was you had to be fast on your feet and fast with your wit and fast with your hands. And there were a number of the hands thing that came in. Hey, can you tell the story? I don't know. I think this was attributed to you. The time you had that gig way out in Western Mass and you showed up and there was no stage. Oh, yeah, I go to this thing. It's an outdoor concert. Outdoor concert. It was going to be a nice venue. And people were sitting up against trees and lying on the grass. And the stage was set up, but they're barely.

And they were still kind of setting things up. The band that was supposed to come, and there was a name band, I can't remember now, but they were supposed to come in later. And so the guy says to me, oh, are you ready to go on? I go, on what? I mean, I've got the stage put up. And he said, no, that's fine. What I can do is I have a megaphone. I'll give you the megaphone and just go over to that tree where the people are and do a couple of jokes. Then go over here to this tree and I'm going, this guy's serious. So I said, oh, sure, I can do that. I said, but I got to go to my car to get my puppets first. So I went to my car and he always saw after he didn't even see, but I drove away. That was the end of that. And then, but I went

quick enough to the place that I was hiding and collected my money in cash before they found out that I didn't show up. Oh, my God, I got to get my puppets. And to this day, I have the guy's megaphone. What I love about that story is that never dawned on me to do that. The amount of times that I should have said, oh, yeah, let me go back to the car and get my props. I got a sport coat. I'll be right back and just left. Yeah, I always thought like your generation, too, had like this, this thing that when like someone was trying to fuck you on a gig, in somewhere now that you got him back, like Mike Donovan used to always tell me when he would do a bad gig, he would take all the money and buy himself something like a VCR or a stereo

or something. And that would be his fuck you. I don't even know. I don't know if that makes sense. But that was that's what he said. He goes, I would just go out and go buy myself because fuck those people. I'm going to get something nice out of this. And that never dawned on me to do that. I remember Patrice was the first one to ever tell me like, Bill, you can say no to these things. I was so into that whole thing like, oh, I'm a comic coming up. I got to pay my dues. I got to pay my dues this. There is that tipping point where you have to put a value on what it is that you're doing. And it's just like, if you're not even going to. I started to say college gigs when they said we don't have a microphone. Is that going to be a problem? I was like, have you ever

watched a late night talk show? Have you ever seen a comedian go out without a microphone? Hello, no microphone. I'm doing one hell or something. I'm doing one for a lumber companies and 600 people. And I get there and, you know, they're all seated and everybody's dressed up and the guys say the same thing. We don't remember Mike, but is that a problem? I don't know, 600 people. I said, what are you shitting me? Yeah. It goes to the problem, you know. Yeah, every time I did college gig, it was always like, there was always like, you know, we have a mic. There was always a guy and the guy wasn't the guy with the key. It's in the closet. He's not here yet. But we feel if we make a semicircle around you, that you can kind of do the colleges. You have to do

those. Just call them teases where you go into the cafeteria and do like 10 minutes of material to kids that are eating. They couldn't give a shit less that you were even on the planet. You know, and they called them teasers back then because you had to do 10 minutes of, you know, and then you were going to be and he'll be appearing for four hours from now. And like the people going, who the hell is this guy? You know, God, the worst one just get the humiliation I had a city when I did Memphis. They the only place that I've ever worked that they positively hated me. They hated me. They I was heckled before I got on stage before. I'm they introduced me and I'm getting heckled. Why they introduce them. They see from Boston, you know, this whole thing

Yankee thing and whatever. And it was horrific. So I go and try to do it. They had a clock and it's always this way. Sometimes for communities, they'll have a clock to give you the time. But one of those old fashioned bells, how I clocks like from back to the future, that big, you know, and you can see it progressing. And I'm supposed to do 45 minutes. I'm looking up, I said, man, I got to be close to finish. They look up and I've done 18 minutes. I'm going, this is hard. But 45 minutes of material. Well, yeah, that too, a little speedy. And I kept going. So I finished the thing. So, well, okay, tomorrow, I'm going to make up for it. So I went and went to Elvis's, you know, where he's buried and you know, the house and I said, I'll do some local

jokes. So I go there. When I get to the Elvis place, it's cordoned off. Have you ever been there? Of course. And yeah, okay. But it's really just a house, you know, actually kind of look like a house of Elvish kind of with the velvet walls. And so I'm sorry. And it's cordoned off, you know, like, like at a funeral type, those things. So I'm going, wow, I can't believe it. And the people be quiet and respect for the dead. I go, he died like 25 years ago. So, so, so I do the show. And I go up that night. I do some nice things. I think I'm getting they hate me. They hate me still. And I'm going, this is that this isn't work. So I went and give my shit stuff about Elvis and made sure that they hated me. I'm going, I said, he's buried in his back. Yeah, I said,

well, I'm coming from we should do that. If you had like a sparrow or goldfish, you do that. And I said, when they get a fucking shoebox, big enough for that fat brick. And so I didn't injure myself at all. Then I went table to table. I hack out each table. And then I get back and stay to look at that giant clock. And I still have 15 more minutes to do so. So now I did finish the story. And then next night, nobody nobody comes in highly or it's lousy weather. There's like, he said, we need a show unless there's 20 people. So there's 16 people there. I go outside, two cars pull up. I go out and got rolled out of the window. I said, I said, sorry, plumbing problem. The show was called up. Now there's 16 people inside. But if they had come in, I would have got to do a show.

So I sent away four or five guys got paid and didn't have to do it. Haven't been back in Memphis. I just I don't know. I just love the survival instinct of that. You're just like to not just I would just stand there and take it. You know, we didn't have teasers at the colleges. You actually had we had nooners. You had to do the whole you're hoping to get an act. That's horrible to it. Yeah. Well, I think teasers even worse because people who are thinking of going to the show then see you in the worst possible light whether they're eating whether they're eating a peanut butter jelly sandwich. You know, yeah, those things were always were always horrible. So I'm so I'm I'm downloading this damn thing the second I get out of here live with a Manhattan

Don Gavin available now on Sirius and Pandora and Friday this week, which will be Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, the 24th everywhere. Itunes, Spotify, etc. All of that type of stuff. So the good point is that the virtual comedy network, a new network of comedy with Jim Serpico, he is the guy that kind of discovered or rediscovered this particular thing. So now instead of I mean, when I used to sell these, I only sold them at a club. It was almost like I was bootlegging my own material, you know, like a lot of the back of a trunk. Oh, because you recorded this in 2011, right? And I never went any further because I'm the worst business in the world. So you actually were smart because you retained ownership of the thing, which is the

best. I was told that was smart. I didn't I did that by mistake. So that was good. Yeah. No, I've never seen this guy played in a band. He said you're better to own 100% of something and sell 20,000 copies than to not own any of it and sell 20 million because you're going to make more money because that's how that's how bad you get. You get you just get fucked. That's why we started all things comedy. Yeah, it was basically to try to get comedians together to help each other so we could maintain ownership of our stuff because they just they they and you would tell me this kind of a co-op type thing. So yeah, that now moved on to like, you know, we've sold a couple of shows. We've produced a bunch of stand up specials. And, you know, we can maybe produce a movie here

coming up and and we just we just keep expanding what it is that we do. And we just make sure that we try to protect the the artists for once. Because, you know, they always try to ownership ownership to you should be a big deal. For you, it should be exposure. We're going to get you out there though. I'm going to stay home, watch Netflix while checks come into my mailbox and you you're going to be going to fucking, you know, Saskatchewan over the holidays. You probably didn't read the entire contract. So yeah, yeah, let's say that's definitely a tough thing. So how long did you live out here in LA? Oh, only about eight months. Some people said what do you like about it? I said I like the weather. Yeah, the weather is great. You a golfer though? Not what

you would call it that I have been on the course, but you wouldn't want to see another 19th hole. I actually have a 20th hole. No, I did the traffic here. I don't know. I'm an east coast guy. Yeah, I get that. I just moved to Florida. Oh, you did. Congratulations. The winter friendly. I fought the winter for many, many years in the winter one. That's awesome. That's awesome. Well, next time I do Florida, man, I would love to work with you. That'd be terrific. Yeah, seriously. I'll open for you this time. How's that? All right, you get me back. You'll be 90 minutes late and just start yelling at me like I did something wrong. What the hell are you talking about? That's great. You know, I heard there's another guy out and he's got some weird

stalkers. I can't say who another guy I know. I'm not gonna say on the podcast. He moved out of there. Is there a reason all you guys as funny as you were that you stayed in Boston? Well, I did because I had two kids and the shows, that's great. So you were an awesome dad, too. Well, I wasn't an awesome dad. I was a dad, but I wasn't as good as I could be. Passable? Passable was right. But now I have, you know, I still go on great with my kids. I have a grandson now, seven-year-old Maddox. That's great. Who I'm gonna see in a couple of days. But we were doing at Nick's Boston, which I said, we started with one show. We were doing eventually five shows on a Saturday night in one night. So I didn't have to leave. So I did. I had my own show there

for nine years straight and only took like one week a year that I wouldn't work. So there was no incentive. And maybe I was lazy and again, not a good businessman. So I just stayed. I stayed. No, but the thing was, you did, you created this thing for all of us to come into. And now I get the checks from all you guys. Yeah. Well, the thing that blew me away was like, I don't know, you guys just had like this. There was like almost like a rule of like a certain level funny you had to be or you just got you just got squeezed out. And if anybody stole a joke, they literally got punched out. Yeah, there was a code. There certainly was a code. And we were very xenophobic, I guess, that we didn't like anybody coming in from New York or LA or this

and that kind of. Comic-Con has great stories about that. Yes. And we'd intentionally try to blow them off, you know, not just out of the room, but out of the state, you know, that they shouldn't be on. I dealt with that. I dealt with that. After I left Boston, I would go out there and what would happen was the middle act, as we call it, rather than feature. We always call them. Yeah, that feature thing. Feature, to me, is the feature film is the one you want to see. Yeah. Yeah, you're a middle. Yeah, exactly. You're middle. You're working your way up. So I would go out there and the middle act would go on stage and would just be murdering for the first seven to eight minutes. And I didn't understand anything he was talking about.

Oh, this guy, this guy, you see, this guy's gonna be down Johansson Street in about two hours every day. Oh, this guy must be from so and so county or he's going to be hanging out at this club. And you're just in like, you're just sitting there like, okay, this is the local. And then halfway through it, you realize, like the poise of the guy, you're like, oh, this is the local reference headliner guy. Yeah, this is the hardest guy ever, because he's going to do a show tailor made for everybody in that area code. And you will, you will fuck it took you though those shows when I was learning how to follow a guy like that. I should just go up mid be like, I don't I don't understand one fucking thing that guy was talking about. And who's almost and why do you why is it

sub so bad? Yeah, I heard it was a great place. I could have gone again, the opposite of what he did. But I would go up there and just come because he would end on like 11. And then I would come up and try to start my act at 11. I like that. I like to just take in the opposite of that step of what he did. Yeah, never thought to do that. And what what I thought was Yeah, I like that. I would go on. Yeah, we'll go on stage super high energy. And I remember many nights, 10, 12 minutes into my set, out of breath, sweating from telling jokes, hilarious, and everybody just seeing how uncomfortable I was. And then I had run out of energy. And my voice would be blown out. And then I had to do like another like 35 minutes. And as you know, when you when you get in that

position, nervousness, you go faster, instead of slowing down and letting them hear you, you go from medical to medical attention. And so now not only do they not know that not like you, they don't kind of even understand you at that point. That's what I was thinking maybe happened to you in Memphis, because your cadence is way faster than a little fast. I was told I talk 70 words a minute, gust to 180. Yes. So that's it. But it's not good, depending on your your temperament. Yeah, maybe my libation before or after. Yes. So how long ago did you move down to Florida? Oh, I just got there. I think I haven't even done my boxing set. I was sleeping on the floor for two nights and that I left. So I'm looking forward to getting there and getting away.

That's incredible. And are you still going to go back to Boston and all to do some stuff here and there? Yeah. Yeah. Wow. No, I'm that is a massive, massive shift in the Boston comedy scene. Well, not about that, but a message. No, it is, dude. It is. It is. You don't understand, man, you're on the Mount Rushmore. So like, Wow, Boston just became even more sadder. Every time I go, but you want to see a familiar face and say, Ah, Don, Don, he went down to Florida, dude, he's a fucking snowbird. They actually had a going away product where they went up some some of the communities. I'm not making one up and plead with me not to move. I'm not sure why, but they did. I don't think that you because you're you, you don't understand what you meant to us and how it was

always, always Gavin jokes, always like Bob Marley would always be like, Yeah, because I was working with Gavin and it was always somebody said something in the crowd and then your your response to him. Yeah, I mean, I just all of those, all of those places, man, I go back to Boston, I have like this this weird thing. Well, I've kind of learned now I have to go to new places, because if I go into the old Knicks and I was like a frigging dance. Oh, yeah, I'm just like, I walk up there. I'm going to see Dane, I'm going to see Patrice, I'm going to see Bobby, you know, Gav or Sweeney's going to be closing. You just walk in and it's just not, you know, I mean, granted, it's fucking 30 years later. Yeah, the only one giggles is still where you a lot of guys still come. But

all the other ones, like with like Knicks, the one that I said that that should have been unplugged many years ago. I know that you're to shut the lights. That thing is dying. The slowest steps kind of sad actually. Well, the only thing I like is that that's where I started the first time I ever stepped on stage to do stand up comedy was next comedy stop and March 2 1992. And the fact that I've almost been doing this for 28 years coming up in my original room still exists that I started in is pretty cool because I know everybody else that I know, you know, started in some, you know, way back then I was I booked it myself to of course didn't get paid to book the show. Like an idiot, I found after four or five years later, when I, you know, wanted to work more

in the coming, I found out that the guys kept making like real good money book and I go, oh, I never get paid to do that. I was the worst with that shit. So you guys also when you used to book us on your shows, like if we had a mediocre set, you guys would get pissed. I remember like Noxy would get mad. Yeah, and he would take it personally that he felt that like he said he was busy vouching for you. And if you didn't level up to where he thought you were, no, yeah, then the crowd was looking at him like Kev, you fucked us. Like that's how personal. I don't think I was ever comfortable doing Noxy's show because I was just like, I don't want to be the guy who fucked Kevin Knox over. I don't want to do that. And we used to be in such control of it, like the headliner,

like I'd be the headliner, but I was also the emcee. So the reason I did that is that, yeah, say you came on for us, you did a good job. You do your 15. Next guy supposed to be 15, but he's dying after like six minutes, I just go up and grab the mic out of his hand ago. That was so and so. So I wanted to be in control. But you're right. If you didn't measure up, you knew about it. That's for sure. Who do you watch? Any stand up or anything like that? Is there anybody that's been catching you lately? Anybody from Boston or anything like that, that you watch and you see like, okay, if this person does the work, they're going to get somewhere? I don't know. I'm still kind of out there. I do a lot of cruise ships. So I'm kind of about to

touch with the land, I guess is what it is. I know a couple of people from boats that are pretty good. You know the sea comics. I only did one cruise ever. Yeah, you're lucky. Yeah, you can get those land gigs. That's always good. Yeah, I did that. Well, that's so maybe that's why you're down in Florida, because you can get you can go in and out easier. Yeah, there's a lot of work down there in the communities to cruise work coming out of Boston Harbor. Beautiful Boston Harbor. The only cruise out of there with booze cruise cruise cruise cruise. Yeah, those used to be a joy too. You know, people be ship before they go on, you know, and they that ended up is on one of the three people fell off. Oh, my God. Yeah, and two of them, two of them, they got back.

So did you have to do stand up on that? Yeah, we were still doing it. In fact, they wanted us to continue as they as the Coast Guard was looking for the body. So looking for they found two of the people. Oh, that guy for real died. Oh, yeah. Yeah, it was a girl. But yeah. So yeah, so my audience was cut down by one. That was my concern. I used to do the I used to do the the prom gigs. Oh, man, those were fucking horrible. Those those were like, I think those might have been the worst gigs I ever did. Like there's a lot of some footage of me on the internet, you know, with some tough crowds, but like those things were nothing. We've all had the hell gigs, the ones that you don't want to do. You know, I did.

I didn't want to the foxy lady, which was a strip club, which is still around. I didn't want to do it. But the money was actually quite good. And when I went, I didn't believe I did it one night, and it didn't work out. But I'm in this dressing room where normally the headliner stripper, you know, from the penthouse side would be there. So all these new bile girls, 18 to 25, they said, Oh, well, our sense we dress in here. Is that okay? Well, I'm going with my notes. I go, Yeah, I'm a giver. You know, and now six, six totally, totally, totally naked woman, frolic around getting dressed, or getting undressed, I guess. And I'm in there with my notes. I looked at my notes the next day. I have lines just going down

from one another. I'm paying a lot of attention. How did the gig go? Well, I had to do three sets. The first set before the Nazis came out went pretty good. Okay. Then we had some death, then I went up and they couldn't have given a shitless that I was just basically, you know, come on, where were the tips? I did take my shirt off, but not successfully. Only one time I did stand. I think twice I did stand up at like titty bars and stuff like that. Those were always. Yeah, the creepier, creepier audience or whatever. Yeah. All right. I'm trying to think of what else I can ask you this. This is I've never gotten to do this. All these years, I've known you I've never been able to just sit down. How have you enjoyed you lived in Boston

through this incredible sports run? Yeah, you know, it's you know, it's odd that kids and if you think of kids that are 12 or 13 years old in that age, well, I haven't even heard this from more than one source are going, I don't believe this. We're not even we're not even going to have a parade this year, meaning that they're not they are the championship thing occurs at least once a year. Yeah, once every two years. So the four teams, they'd all won within a nine year period, I believe, you know, and some of the multiple times. So kids of that age are just going, you know, because they love to get the day off from school. And there's no no there's no parade this year. Yeah, like they have no idea. And then the old time is trying to say, well, you know,

how many years since 1918. Well, it's looking like we got an extra parade last year that we shouldn't have got with that whole fiasco. How nuts is that? I don't know how much parade we're going to get this year. Yeah. Well, the parade there, but they should have given no cameras anyway. But that's my thing is I 100%. It's absolutely cheating. I think that the Red Sox are going to get there's no way that guy did that there and he didn't do it. Oh, I think it's been doing all across the board. Yeah. But my thing is, is I have sympathy for everybody who lost to us, but I don't with the Yankees. I still don't. I don't because it's just like, all right, if we're really going to be honest about fairness and that type of thing, I don't think it was fair

that the Red Sox and Yankees could spend 200 million dollars and have roided up free agents from around the league, beat the shit out of all these other teams that couldn't afford it. And then we just had a luxury tax. Hey, 20, 40, 60, get the fuck out of here. I mean, there was something, it's all been kind of dirty, but I have really enjoyed baseball watching Kansas City get one, watching the Cubs get one, and some of these others. I'd love to see Milwaukee get one. Like they got to get out of this. They got to do more of like the NFL where they have like Parity. They have to do shit like that. Like those, that super team thing I think in the NBA, it's great for playoff ratings, but it really ruined the league. And I just wish they would get back

to like, you know, back in the day, like, you know, like whatever, Ted Williams was a Red Sox. This guy was a Yankee and blah, blah, blah, like, like way back in the day, how like magic was on the Lakers. Bird was the Celtics. It wasn't like, you know, when the Lakers started getting the better best of us, you know, Larry signs with the Lakers and then starts walking around. Oh, I got fucking, I got five championships now instead of three. That's, that's the part of it that I don't like. And I never liked that luxury tax. This is the Mar-O Bill Burr that we're hearing right now. Yeah. Yeah. But then I think, and then I just, I think it's silly. Like say, let's say if the, well, I can't say the Yankees because my hatred is just so blind to them. Let's just, if any other

fucking team did that, like if the Dodgers did it to us, it was the other way around, I would still have to be like in the back of my head going, well, you know, we also had, you know, 180, 90 million teams with free agents and steroid, you know, fucking athletes, Andrew Steen and all of this shit. And we've won four titles. So do I give a fuck that? I mean, Houston Astros can't afford to spend $200 million and buy up the Red Sox and Yankees guys. So they had to do something else and then the shot heard round the world. Like I allegedly, some guy had a fucking telescope out there. Yeah. From 1951. Yeah. So I mean, I don't know how many people are like cheating on their wife for their taxes and shit. And they're bitching about the fucking Astros. Yeah. Yeah. How can

they possibly do this? So you mentioned the Yankee thing. It's so funny in Boston. And if you listen out here, the hatred for Boston people hate the Yankees. Now the Yankee people just like Boston, but the Boston people hate the Yankee. I mean, you go to a game that they can be played in the Brewers and you see half the people wearing Yankee suck t-shirts. I said, they're not playing the Yankee. They're not playing the Yankee. They're not here. They're not here. They're like, that's not a country right now. Well, that's because, you know, if you're of a certain age, they rubbed our nose in it, chanted the year after year after year after year after year. I thought New Yorkers were a little bit, they were kind of babies when we won in 2004. And

they were just like, like, all right, you won. Whatever. We're happy for you guys. Right. Enough already. We got we got 26. I remember they did 26 to six t-shirts. So yeah, I thought they were a little, you know, I just I actually got a kick out of that going like, dude, you're like 20 ahead of us. Like you're going to you're going to make this petty fucking t-shirt. I was just like, wow, this really bothers them. I shouldn't say all of them because the same way there's a bunch of red socks still fans still chanting Yankee sucks, which I kind of think is more like the pot van sucks. You just do it to do it. Well, I don't do that. I would think something like when traveling on they do on the ships of you meet people that think the same way about the Patriots.

They think they positively hate the Patriots because of their success. Not any other reason just because of their success. You know, I was wearing a Patriots logo on one ship and some woman nice maybe 91 year old woman comes up to you guys. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Patriots. You probably voted for that bitch Hillary too, didn't you? I'm going, wow, I don't know it. If you like the Patriots and I'm going, oh my God, but I thought they were Trump supporters. Yeah, that's it. They were Trump supporters. But if I had big children, I go, wow, okay, I don't know how that came in. Well, I'm hoping I don't know. I am like, I'm a diehard sports fan. So I know that the Brady thing and all that is coming to an end with the Bruins are solid Celtics are solid. The red socks

are going to be fun right now to see who, you know, you I think you moved away at the wrong time. You might have been their manager. They're an interim manager. They want to manage it. That's more savvy with the media and photography right now. I can't imagine like I just want to know how the whole thing goes down like how many players are involved. How do you keep your mouth shut? How do you enjoy the championship after because I'll tell you, I saw a look when El Tuve got interviewed, the look on his fucking face. It just looked like like, oh man, this guy definitely knew something. I stopped short of believing that they wore a fucking wire because I would think that, you know, like, how far are

we going to take this guy's like, we're going to get caught. Have a camera out there and, you know, how hard is it with texting and all that shit that just and again, I've been in a lot of locker rooms. If everybody if it was being done, everybody knew it wasn't like one only two people knew about it. It was such a secret. You're not keeping a secret. I know that's but that's why I love that Alex is going to take the phone to guys on Houston and like they mastermind the whole thing. Like Alex came to the Red Sox and he did it all by himself. I mean, come on, get the fuck out of here. And even the initial ones, they were banging a trash bell. I mean, that's pretty, that's, you know, that's kind of caveman type. I'd like to think that I could I could pick up

on that after a while. After a couple years. And who's that asshole hitting the trash bell? Tell them to stop. Let's go to the casino. We'll have a little card counting thing and I'll bang on the trash can four times. Anytime's the diamond. I think they're going to pick up on it. Three for hit me two for no. Yeah. All right. Well, listen, thank you so much for coming on. I love you to death, dude. It's so great to see you. And I got to make sure I'm going to find out where you're going to be in Florida. So I got to make sure we'll hook up because I got one for you. There's a theater down there. I don't know if it still exists. But you know, when you play, those are the ones that I think you have to know. Yeah, I want to don't exist. Well, there's

you know, if you play that game as far as like, Hey, what's the first concert you ever went to? Which by the way, what's your first concert? For me, it would have had to been, let me see, I mean, the birds possibly. Oh, wow. Ben Morrison. Ben Morrison. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Yeah. So my mother's claim to fame. She saw Elvis. I looked up the date. It was it was February 21st, 1956. Because she saw saw him in Sarasota, Florida. And he did like by four shows. They like a two or four o'clock or whatever. She said there was like 50 people there. And I looked up in the history that was the day his first single came out. Really? Yeah. And she was down there for like spring break or whatever. And then

when she got back to school in March, everyone was talking about him. And then a month later, he went on like Milton Berle. And then that was it. You asked me and actually I left the one out. It was at the Boston Tea Party. I don't want to mention the year because I don't remember but the doors. You saw the doors. Yes, because that's a place where it's definitely. Yeah, that was the first one. The tickets. I remember very expensive one dollar and seventy percent. What did you think when you saw him? It was unbelievable. It was just it was, you know, it was something surreal because, you know, and the place probably held 280 people. Like I you probably remember working with stitches in the paradise. Well, I opened for a particular

act there. And they said it was a black rhythm and blues people. And the name of the guy was Prince. Oh, my God. I opened for Prince. And they told me to keep my show clean, totally clean, because it's a black rhythm and blues. So I think it's going to be some religious Mormon group coming out and it was Prince. Oh, my God. Now I'm going down this rabbit hole. All right. When did you first go to a Patriots game? Were they at Nickerson, Fenway? No, I never went to the Nickerson, but when I was down at Foxby, I was a ticket taker there when they first opened Foxby State and they didn't they hadn't completed the parking lot. So there were no lines on the parking lot. You just came in, you parked the car wherever there's a night game against the

Giants exhibition game. And the show ended and the game ended, excuse me, and people get out of that parking lot at five o'clock in the morning. Because think about no lanes to get in and get out. And I was I was in the Air Force reserves, then I was going to have to be meeting at eight o'clock the next morning. But in my trunk, I had a huge cooler with maybe three cases of beer. By the end of the night at three in the morning, I was selling the beers for $11 a piece, which is now what you pay when you go anywhere. Yeah, but I made a fortune. All right, last one. First, what Celtics, who was playing when the first time you saw the Celtics? Because I saw Larry and those guys. I go back in the 50s. I used to go in with my, which we never do, you would never do now,

but I would go in when I was like 11 years old, my brother was nine. I might have been 10 and eight, and we'd go on the subway, the whole thing to the station, which no one would even think about sending the kids in by themselves to do that. And the tickets again were good. But I remember, you know, Bill Shaman, Bob Coosley, Bill Russell, Sam Jones, Casey Jones, Jim Leskatov, who was my coach in college. So you sat there and you got to watch Red Arvett, Lightest Sides, and almost always I would sit in the second row because I'd come down from up above to there. And because nobody used to go to the game, they won championship, had a champion, was never sold out. Yeah, because there was still selling that game. In fact, the people that came in one time,

owned the seats that I had in some businessmen. This nice guy that was a yusher, these two people go to take the seats where my brother and I were, and he goes, these are the seats. He goes, no, no, these guys are here all the time. Find some other seats. Because if I know these are our seats, we just don't come to the games. He goes, find something else. And he winked at us, someone away. So that was Leo. You weren't at Coosley's last game where that guy yelled out, we love you. I still have the programmer of him, drew him on the cover. I still have the program. Oh, my God. And when he yelled it out, we love you, Coosley. It was for an issue, it sounded like, who's that ass? Oh, yeah. And then people realized that was pretty cool. And

then there was applause. Yeah, that guy's like, he passed away, but he was like a Boston. No, it wasn't. It wasn't. I read this book on Bob Coosley and Bill Russell that had, and I got to learn all Tommy Heinz and all these guys like, and that whole run, and then how they would go out and play these exhibition games to sell. Sure. They went through all the way through New England. They did be at high school gyms and YMCA's playing. That's how they drum. They go down south and and Heinz and used to add half time. But an average half time family would have three cigarettes and two beers at half time and then go back out and score 16 more. Play full court. All right. Last one, Bruins. You ever go to Bruins? Well, I used to wait way back. And during the

time when or and that crew were playing, if you were not a Bruins fan in Boston, you'd weren't from Boston. Right. It was impossible. And then we became friends with came down and stuff later. And did you did you go see Bobby or when he had the crew cut when it was like super young Bobby? Yeah, he's on the cover sports illustrator. Yeah, like he's nine years old. Like you did when you first got on stage. Oh, yeah. I look 97 years old. That's so awesome. All right, Don, I love your brother. Congratulations on the name of the digital download is live with the Manhattan available now on Sirius and Pandora and then Friday, everywhere, iTunes, Spotify, everything. Thank you so much for coming on here. This has been a thrill bit. It's ridiculous that

I finally got to shoot the shit with because I always show up 10 minutes before both going to go on. How are you doing? How are you going to fuck yourself? And then that would be a site. They finally got to talk to you for like 45 to an hour, man. Couldn't be happier, but thanks so much for helping me out. All right, no worries. Don Gavin, everybody get the album live with the Manhattan legal zoom. Oh, legal zoom. You know, it's easy to make the new to make the same old New Year's resolutions that won't stick. So why don't you change it up this year? Use legal zoom to do something impactful in your life. Make 2020 the year you officially start your business or you can finally get your will and living trust sorted out over the past 19 years. Legal zoom has helped

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What are you doing? You know, I can take my time with this shit. What do you got to do? You got to get back to work, huh? Shuffling your fucking papers and your cubicles. Is that what you got to do? Readjust your paper clips. They still got paper clips out that way with all the fucking Steve Jobs shit that he created. You know something? I watched all kinds of football this past week, weekend, obviously, and he was the most fucking annoying thing. Why is everybody shitting on Steven Tyler? Going, how bad was his national anthem rendition? All right, guys fucking 63 years old, he's singing outside. You know, with no band behind him, right? Can we cut him some slack? Fuck no. This is the internet. Let's take this guy down,

who's had more hit singles than all of us, who's gotten more pussy than all of us, who women still want to bang. Jennifer Aniston like four or five years ago when she was still married to fucking baby blue eyes there, you know, with his highlighted tips. You know, that guy played Billy Bean, Brad Pitt, right? They had their list of five people that they could bang. One of hers was still Steven Tyler. I think one of Brad's was Angelina Jolie. Oh, I enjoyed that one. Did you? I don't give a fuck. So anyways, he sings the national anthem. I thought he did a great job. I never fucking problem with it. So anyways, this is what people say. On Celebrity Circuit, they go, Steven Tyler, how bad was his national anthem rendition?

Not, do you think it was good? How did you like it? They're just immediately staring it towards the negativity, which really is the fucking, you know, bleeding baby seal of the internet. Everybody's going to pile on. They're all going to pile on and trash Steven Tyler. Why? Because he's stunk or because you hate your fucking life. This is what, this is what, how would, how would his fellow American Idol judges rate Steven Tyler's rendition of the national anthem at the AFC Championship game on Sunday? Let's just say it probably wouldn't get him to Hollywood. He, he lives in a house in the Hollywood Hills. He's already there. He's a fucking legend. He's in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. You know, just when I think I'm the biggest cunt on the internet,

people like this just blow right by me and just show me a whole new level. A New England Patriots fan, the 63 year old American, Aerosmith frontman warbled the star spangled banner before the New England Patriots played the Baltimore Ravens. He missed the high note and butchered some of the lyrics. Heckling began before his performance ended. You know, I got HDTV fucking surround sound. When, when was that heckling? I don't fucking get it. You mean when they cheered when he said land of the free? You know, how bad was it? So let's listen to what all these people have to say who can't even fucking sing. This would be like me making fun of a first ball at Hall of Fame quarterback saying he's overrated. All right, I'll shut the fuck up now. Dude, was it me? I didn't

think it was that bad. Oh my God, what was Steven Tyler wearing? Jesus Christ, hang it up. You know what? He's a victim of, he's a victim of, he's still so fucking badass. People think that he's, they forget that he's fucking 63 years old. You know what I mean? And is it, I don't know, is it because he's so badass or is it because the Rolling Stones are still dragging their asses out on the road? Because I've noticed that with Aerosmith, they never got, they never looked that fucking old because the Rolling Stones are always going to be 10 years older than them. So I don't know, does any of that make any fucking sense? All right, let's, let's get back to what the fuck I wanted to talk about the football this week. My fucking condolences to all the

Ravens fans out there, except for that fat cunt from two years ago when the Ravens won and made me never go to a fucking sports bar again to watch a game. Remember that story? The first play of the game, they handed the ball off to fucking Ray Rice and he ran 85 yards for a touchdown and this guy just went, Super Bowl. He just kept yelling. You know, like when a, when a professional player makes an unbelievable play and they just start yelling, it's annoying enough when they do it. This guy was doing that. Looking back now, it's actually kind of funny that he was that much of a spaz and how mad he made me. He's the only Ravens fan that I don't have sympathy for this morning. And I am not even going to remotely talk shit about that. We

basically, we backed into the Super Bowl. You know, that's not one of those games. You're like, yeah, huh? When it came down to it, what did we do? We got in your head and we fucking through some salted butter over your shoulder, whatever fucking thing we could do to make you miss a 32 yard field goal. What the fuck? I do got to say I was surprised at how well our defense played and, uh, you know, and I can't believe they didn't review that fucking touchdown. The guy caught the ball, boom, boom, both feet were down, right as the second one came down, more slapped it out of his hands and you would have thought that they, you know, for a Super Bowl, they would have reviewed it for some fucking reason. They didn't and fucking 32 yard field goal and the guy hooked it.

That poor bastard. That fucking poor bastard. You know, kickers always get made fun of, you know, for being pussies and that type of thing. Do you know the balls that took for that guy to walk into that locker room after that? The fucking Ray Lewis goddamn, righted out dragon, breathing fire sitting across from you. I think if, if he killed him, I don't think anybody in Baltimore would have fucking convicted them. So I don't have to tell you, I can't talk any shit. I'm, uh, excited that my team is back in the Super Bowl, but I'm also worried because I think the giants are fucking world beaters. There, I said it. All right. I know I'm going to get shit from Patriots fans, but be honest with you, the level of play in that Giants 49ers game,

the level of hits, that was a monster of a fucking game. It really was. And that was one of those games where it was a shame that anybody had to fucking lose it. Um, so I don't know. I always have faith with Belichick and his ability to come up with a game plan, but I don't, I don't know if he's got enough guys to execute it because, uh, I don't see a weakness in the Giants. Corners are a little weak other than that. You know, Tom Clough, Tom Coughlin to Bill Belichick. I'm saying that's a push at this point. Belichick spent around too long. He's like an old fucking stripper. Everybody knows his moves. All right. He's still up there grinding on the pole to some journey song, you know? So I think that's a push running backs. You got to give it to the Giants.

Wide receivers. That's a push defensive front for no contest. That's the Giants linebackers. I think a linebacker's been playing great, but I would say that slight edge to the Giants in corners. That's a flip. And this is going to surprise you. I would say at quarterback, I would say it's a push. I know. Oh, fuck a job, Brady. I don't give a fuck. Eli Manning plays his best when the game's on the line. The guys won fucking five road playoff games since 2007, you know? So I'm not talking any shit and it's not going to surprise me. If we lose, no, it'll surprise me if we win. I think it's going to be another nail biter. I hope. Although I do have a bad feeling that in the second half it could get ugly if they have any sort of long

sustained drive because I'm not good with the names. Whoever their fucking fullback is who basically is like, he's like a defensive lineman, but he's a running back. That motherfucker, that guy can really wear down a defense. And I already had a nightmare of Brady sitting on the sidelines wondering when he was going to get the ball back. So, so whatever. Look at that. The Patriots, their seventh trip to a fucking Super Bowl with three and three. I'm hoping we're going to be four and three. But like I said, 49ers, unbelievable fucking game they played. And Ravenfans, I can't talk any shit because I thought you got fucked on that, that not them. You deserved a replay on that play and, you know, fucking 32 yard field goal. Who's kidding? Who?

30% of people in the crowd could have hit that, you know? Oh, Jesus. What the fuck is that? How do you sleep after you do something like that? Like when I go on stage and bomb as a comedian and I just let myself down, like I'm talking to myself. I'm walking around. I come home. I'm grumpy to Nia. I act like an ass, you know, and I just let myself down to let down fucking what are you, let me be on a team. 48 guys, 46, whatever the fucking rule is. Let down 40 plus other people who all are lifting weights and can run a 440. And you're walking in there built like you're on the fucking math team. At just the level of balls and you're wearing those goddamn stretchy pants. That's the one thing I got to give the Raven shit for. When did you start wearing those ballet pants

in games? I don't get it. Why are you guys out there wearing those pantyhose? Is there a giant? Remember those fucking eggs that pantyhose came in in the 70s? The fuck were those things called really dating myself? Is that what it's about? But you know, I had Reed and fucking Ray Lewis, that tough that they can actually wear pantyhose and no one's going to give them shit. I'll do it in the safety of my own fucking place. 3000 goddamn miles away. I will fucking do it. But uh, that's the only shit I can give you other than that, man. I thought you guys got you got fucked in the end. So with that, it is on. The Patriots are going against the best quarterback in the Manning family. Do you understand me? It is Eli. I just want to piss off because I'm

still getting, I'm still, you could please, I'm still getting emails from Peyton Manning fans trying to tell me why the guy is better than Tom Brady. Why can't we just agree to disagree? Okay. I get why you think he's better than Tom Brady and I'll never convince you otherwise and I'll take Tom Brady. Let's just make a truce. Leave it at that and how about we enjoy what the fuck Eli's doing? Seriously, he's a football fan. It's fucking unbelievable. You know, he's getting shit all over. He's in the toughest media market out there arguably. You know, it's if it's not that as Boston or Philly, you know, and uh, any, any guys going out there winning the fucking games. Um, can't get mad at that. All right. But whatever you do Peyton fans, I don't

give a fuck. I'm not reading your emails anymore because all you guys are doing now is you're rewriting history and you're coming back with your fucking excuses about, well, Peyton really never had a defense acting like Peyton used to lose to the Patriots 40 to 38. He didn't, he used to lose games 20 to 17. Oh, by the way, what did I say? Patriots 23 20. I think that's exactly what happened. You know, and I was so confident in that prediction that I didn't even bet the game because I was like, you know what? It's too easy. No, it's not true. I actually said 23 20 or 20 to 17. And in the third quarter, I texted fucking Paul Versey and said, this game's over. We're going to lose because I thought our defense had broken at that point. So I'm not even

going to fucking, you know, whatever. I hit a half court shot, not looking. Um, but anyways, Eli, Oh, wait a minute Peyton, stop fucking trying to rewrite history. Okay. He lost games like 20 to 17. That's how he lost those fucking games. And it always came down to the end and you always had one more shot and he never got it done. All right. That's all I'm saying. So go fuck yourself. And the fucking Patriots, all right, we had, we had Antoine Jamison, old ass Corey Dillon, Tom Brady, six round draft pick, by the way, that people are forgetting now because he's a superstar was throwing the fucking Dion branch, Troy Brown and David Patton. Well, fucking daddy long leg neck there was fucking throw into, uh, arguably the fucking Jerry Rice of the AFC had Marvin

Harrison, Edgerton James behind behind them with his fucking, uh, Samson S dreads, right? Yeah. He had all kinds of fucking players. His defense wasn't the greatest. No, but it was decent. It was good enough to win a game and you're ignoring the fact in his Joe Montana moment in the Super Bowl, he threw a pick six to lose the Super Bowl, right? So go fuck yourself. Go twisting around all you want to twist it around and ignore the fact that he can never beat the fucking Patriots. And that one year he made like fucking 20 different clips where he felt it was a penalty refs never called a flag because it wasn't a penalty. He took it to the front office and they're like, Peyton, we don't know what to tell you. It's legal. And then they were like,

well, it shouldn't be right. And then his owner who sits on the rules committee changes the rules. So now it is illegal. And guess what? The next year he beats the Patriots or two years later, whatever, and gets his fucking rank. Give me a fucking break. You want to know why all these guys are fucking breaking Dan Marino's records? It's because of that rule change. It's fucking ridiculous. These goddamn quarterbacks, cornerbacks, if they even touched the fucking receiver, they got a 50-50 chance of being called for interference. It's both the amount of times I say that's fucking bullshit and the call goes my way. It's bullshit. I'm not one of those fucking sports fans who think something's bullshit until it goes against his own fucking team. I mean, until the call goes

with my team. Those fucking rules are bullshit. I understand no hands to the face. I get that. Five yards, I get, you know, you can only touch them after five yards, but that shit where the guy can't kind of have his hand on you like hand checking you, I don't get that. Okay? And he has to be turning around looking at the ball to fucking put his hands up so he can't be feeling back to see where the fuck you're at. Is it any wonder why these guys are breaking Dan Marino's records? Give me a fucking break. So fuck all the Peyton Manning fans. The guy's the first Ballad Hall of Famer. I've always told you that. I just said in the playoffs he's an easily frustrated guy and his playoff record shows it. He lost to the eight

and eight and 97 charges at home. Go fuck yourself back to back years. I don't want to hear it. Go blame that on your defense. All right there, Cunty, the real man. You know what it is? Peyton Manning is Venus Williams and Elias Serena. Really, Bill? Are you really? I love how he said I wasn't going to talk about this, but I'm going to continue talking about it. Peyton Manning is one of those guys that the second he's retires, I'm going to absolutely love him, just like Magic Johnson. And I'm not, listen to me, I'm not fucking bragging about the Patriots because that's another thing. Them going to the fucking Super Bowl. Ben Rothlessberger was wearing one clown

shoe for the final third of the season, so we didn't have to play the Steelers. We didn't have to play Peyton Manning in the Colts. We went up against Touchdown Jesus in their high school offense and then we backed into the Super Bowl, so I am by no means confident. All right, but you fucking Peyton Manning fans, go rewrite history with each other, okay? That's what you have to do because of what happened, so go fuck yourself. All right, I actually had somebody send me an email, go and see, look what the Colts did this year. That just shows that Peyton Manning was consistently taking, making a 5 and 11 team, 13 and 3. Marvin Harrison, Edridon James, Marshall Faulk, Dallas Clark, all those guys, right?

You know, coaching the guy fucking, give me a break. That was a 5 and 11 team, so this team here is the team he's had since 1998. Are you that fucking stupid? Are you really that fucking stupid? This year actually showed not only how good Peyton was, but also how bad a franchise the fucking Colts are because they never took into consideration that Eli, that Peyton was ever gonna go down. So they had some guy from the fucking YMCA coming and back him up and yeah, he lost a bunch of fucking games. What if they had Matt Castle? Do you think they'd be Owen fucking 13 or whatever the hell they were going? They wouldn't. You know, what are you gonna do? Why don't you go change another rule? Why don't the Colts go

change another rule that if your star quarterback goes down, the Colts automatically get 13 fucking wins. It's not fair, he hurt his neck. All right, I know that whole fucking rant was annoying to a lot of people, but you know, I really don't give a shit. You know, I get shit on the internet just like Steven Tyler. I got one right here from my Facebook page. Bill, I love your act, but this thing of publishing slash recording every thought you have at a moment's notice is seriously sad. That's actually a compliment that he said it was sad, which would mean that I've somehow dropped a level. You know, I don't know if this guy realized that I perform in strip malls across the country. So the fact that anybody's even listening to this

is a major triumph. And that's how I'm looking at it. All right, I feel like I'm firing on all cylinders. I'm taking one game at a time. Anyways, let's let's talk about I was in Texas. I was in fucking Texas this weekend. I was in Houston, then I was in Austin. A tale of two cities. Austin is like, Hey, buddy, what the fuck you looking at, man? Right. And then Austin is like, all the leaves are brown. Hey, man. Why don't we make a house out man? Both of those stereotypes are going to fucking annoy people. But I got to tell you, I got one of the funniest heckles I ever got when I was in Houston. I was at the house of blues. And thank you to everybody who came out to my show, by the way, to both shows. I had a fucking

awesome time. I was standing on stage and I was talking about rappers getting busted with the unregistered gun in the car. And I was like, Oh Jesus, how many of these guys have gotten busted for that? And this guy in the back goes all of them. And immediately brought all this racial tension into it. And it was such a funny vibe from the crowd afterwards. I totally felt this vibe that like half of them agreed. And the other half were cringing going, You see, this is why we have this reputation. It's not all of us. It's a select few. It wasn't even half the crowd agreeing with the guy. But that's one of the things I love about doing stand up is those kinds of fucking moments like it remind me like a long time ago. Just one of those moments

where you just realize that most people are decent human beings because the amount of people who fucking cringed. And then when I was making fun of them afterwards, we're like almost like overly laughing just to a show that listened. We're not all like that. Like I remember a long time ago, I did this this room in East Harlem in New York. And I don't know what the fuck it was. It looked like a lecture hall. The way it was set up with a stage was, you know, at floor level. And then the seats all went up, you know, and the only fucking white guy in there. And there was some woman there, some lady. And she was a drunk and sort of like a neighborhood legend. So she just kind of got away with doing whatever she was she wanted to do. She was being rude and yelling out and kind

of making the show all about herself. You know, one of those deals, she thought she was helping the show. So I start giving her shit. I start shitting on her telling her to shut the fuck up and all that blah, blah, blah, blah, and the crowds laughing. I don't know. She got upset or something. She stood up. And I was like, is she going to come onto the stage? And she didn't. She started walking up the the aisles all the way up to the top. And in my head, I'm going, thank God she left. Now I can actually try and do my fucking act here. So like about two minutes later, I'm in the middle of my act. And I was imitating something acting something out. So I was kind of leaning forward. And one of my legs was about six inches, one of my feet was like six inches in front of the other, like

standing like that, almost like a wide receiver lines up, right? And all of a sudden, I didn't realize this, that fucking lady, she took off her shoe and fucking like Kareem did a hookshot and threw it down at me and it came in and hit the inside of my leg almost hit me in the bulls. And I don't know if you've ever been on stage and someone's thrown something at you, you instantly become absolutely fucking livid. All right. So she threw it at me, it hit me. And immediately, there was sort of this ugly silence in the crowd. Because I don't know, because I was the only white guy there she fucking threw it just got really weird. And then also it was, you know, somebody just threw something at somebody on stage. It's like, Oh, it's just going to get fucking nuts right

now. So I looked down at the shoe. Fortunately, it was one of the most fucked up looking shoes I ever saw in my life. It was just like, it was like glitter on it and duct tape. The fucking thing was a mess. So I go, I was like, you know what, I was going to get mad. But upon looking at this shoe, I now realize this isn't about me. This is about her childhood and everybody immediately started laughing yada, yada, yada. And I just remember at the end of the show, the amount of people that came up to me basically saying that they didn't approve of what she did. All nervous that I was going to then go down to the Lower East Side in Manhattan and be like, those people up in the fucking East Harlem are crazy. Everybody was concerned that I was going to do that. So it kind

of took me to that fucking moment. And I don't know if you heard that shaking in the middle of it, but my dog came in with the lovely Nia who hasn't been on the podcast forever. You want to come on the podcast? All right, well, let me hit pause and I'll get you a mic. Hang on a second. All right, so anyways, that was, I don't know, can you tell I hit pause and I don't even know where the fuck I am. The lovely Nia, everybody. Hi, how are you? Back at the, hey, how's it going? It's nice to be here on a rainy Monday. I got to tell you that weather is wacky out there. What's up with you there, showbiz? Put your slickers on and your rain boots. Have you ever been to Houston? Yes, I have been to Houston actually. Did you notice that there's

no zoning laws out there? I did not notice. That is one of the ugliest cities I've ever been to, other than the downtown area. It is just an absolute cluster fuck. And I understand now why people need to be in power and why people have to be controlled because if everybody just does whatever the fuck they want to do, just go to Houston. They'll be like a strip mall next to an old lady's house next to a skyscraper. They just have these skyscrapers in the middle of nowhere. It just, you know, like all these little like, you know, hey, Tony's pizza just like in New York. Every pizza is New York pizza. I don't know why, but everybody claims to have it. And then right next to it will be this towering building made all out of glass. And then next to it will be just

like an open lot. It's one of the ugliest things to have. Are we listening to me or are you just, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, no, but I was thinking about what you were saying about New York pizza. Speak into the mic, please. No, I was going to say Boston doesn't do that. We have New York style pizza thing, but there is a place called New York pizza. It's over by Emerson my and your alma mater. I was going to say that Boston doesn't do that we have New York style pizza thing because Boston pizza is amazing. The bar pizza is amazing. What do you mean the bar pizza? Dude, I gotta tell you, New York pizza is really overrated just because the amount of people who fucking ride on the coattails of New York pizza. Sure, everybody. Because I know the

money people go to New York. Oh, dude, I went to eat the pizza. It sucked. It's like, yeah, most of it does suck because they have a reputation. Most of the bagels suck. A lot of the shit there sucks because they have to know where to go. Yeah, it's like Chicago style pizza. I went there and I was like, this stuff sucks. It's like eating a big giant piece of lasagna. I don't like it. And then people go, well, where did you go? And I'm like, who knows? I went to Ed's touristy place right next to the airport that said authentic deep dish Chicago pizza. Yeah, you got to talk to the people at the hotel or something. Well, you know what's funny about the people listening to my podcast? I told these cunts

that I'm trying not to drink on the road. Hey, it's a term of endearment. It's a term of endearment. It's not. No, but it is. You didn't see the twinkle in my eye when I said it? No, you actually look a little glazed over to me. Hey there, cunty peoples walking down the street. No, I would think that they would. Do you need some sort of like blanket or I don't know. What? Not blanket, but a pillow or something like we've got to get you set up better because you just would I lay on the floor and you look like a chiropractic nightmare right now. Why? Because you need like a proper chair and a whole this line on the floor. I can't I can't do it. Like I can't fucking do my podcast sitting down. Why? I don't know. It feels too fucking

professional. I have to lay on the floor and be like, yes, let me talk about Peyton Manning, who's a fucking Hall of Famer and could beat the shit out of me if he flexed his neck. Let me talk shit about him. You used to do it in the bed in your underwear and now you do it in a new place in a basement in your sweatpants. Slightly changed, slowly upgrading. What were you talking about? Pizza? I don't know. You go with it now considering you wanted to take it in an entirely different direction. You want to talk about sexting and people cheating and text messages. Sexting. This guy would kill to read the sexting between teenagers. Do they really, do they really know where anything is? If I had to sex when I was 14, I want to put my hand where I think there's some stuff I've never

seen. No, you know what? Actually with all this free porn, they probably know exactly what they're saying. Yeah, it's probably like eighth graders. And he didn't even know where my G spot was. Oh God. That's what it is now. It's crazy. People, it's fucking crazy. That would be so sad to think of an eighth grade girl. All right, all right, all right. I tried to say it quickly. Don't sit there and dwell on the actual details. That's what takes the funny out of it when you actually really bring the reality of it. What is it that you do on stage every night? Just talk about fantasies? You're talking about some real shit, baby. No, what it is if you notice one of the reasons why I talk so fast is you just, it's like running across the nice. You get right across and then

anybody says anything. You just yell shut the fuck up really loudly in your mind. I'm a bully. There's no, are you a bully? There's no talent here. What do I do to you around the house? Please. Shut it. No, you don't. We do what I tell you. Listen. That's the big lie that you're trying to tell. Oh, you go girl. What are you trying to get an Oprah applause break? Why do all women have to do that? Why do you have to come on my podcast and you got to start shitting all over the place, marking your fucking territory? You shut your mouth woman and try to make me out. You bully me around the house, which is so not true. So what do you talk? What don't I do? What don't I do that are exactly what I want to do before you paint me? You know, before you ruin

my reputation. Let me finish. I'm sorry. Maybe I shouldn't, you know, break down the veneer that you have projected of being like the man. Listen, all those big words he wants to do when the reality is quite different. I'll just leave it at that. See what they do. Now, there's a classic female thing there. They this is what these broads do. You just sat there, used all your big fancy words and then you got a smart bill. Let me finish. And then you acted as though there was going to be this whole list of examples. And then the end, you tried to sneak out the back door going, and I'm just going to leave it at that. That's all I'm going to say about that. And that would get you a fucking applause break on TV. It would. Yeah. Yeah. You think that would hold up in a

court of law? I know a lot of people didn't think that guy committed this murder, but let me just tell you, I know otherwise and I'm just going to leave it at that. Defense rest. I mean, prosecution rest. Get the fuck out of here. I like how you're comparing our relationship dynamics to a murder trial. That's what I am doing. I was gone for fucking three days. Oh, the best three days of my life. I came home. I came home and I said, I'm going over my buddy's house to watch the football game. You like, why did you change into me? And I said, screw you, lady. I'll be back at the end of the game. And that's exactly how it went down. I'll be back and cuddle you when I get home. That's right. Exactly. Now Cleo has to come over. Get out of here. Get out of here with your

fucking paintbrush tongue. Move out of the way, baby. Come on. Go lay down. Get over there and then lay down there scrumptious. Huh? Oh, nervous Nellie over there. Oh my God, what's going to happen, man? My last owner was a jerk. Cleo, how long do we have to be nice to you before you realize that you're in heaven now? She's insecure. That's what, that's what our trainer said. You understand? She has self esteem issues. How LA do we sound? Our dog is insecure. Our life coach dog trainer brought that up. So when he was, let's talk about get the fucking dog out of here. Beat it. I'm just doing it because I want people to be like, you're so mean to that dog and they don't realize that I lay down and spoon with her more than I do with you. He is obsessed with this

dog. I fucking love this dog. Everyone needs to know obsessed. Just imagine they have a love affair if you had a friend who was always happy to see you and was covered in fur. You wouldn't want to give that person a hug every once in a while? My problem is I go to the dog's energy. When that dog gets amped up, I take it to the next level and next thing you know, I'm already predicting I'm going to lose a front tooth to her fucking head. That would be hilarious. I'm sure you'd like that. Sexting. Sexting. All right. This isn't really, well, this is about this guy. He remember, I told you that story about that dude. He worked for some corporations, C.A. Cubicles. All right. And I'm sure he's on some sort of team. Right.

And everybody has to do some sort of song before they go in there like those poor kids. Morale building exercises. Yeah, like those people who work at the Cold Stone Creamery. You ever see that like with like making like the goddamn ice cream going hi ho, hi ho. It's off to work. I just that like a part of me dies when I see that when I just see people like it's like basically watching someone work in like an ice cream death camp when I'm in there. None of them are happy. None of them dreamed of doing that ice cream death camp. Maybe if you're like a fatty, you know, when you got a job at an ice cream store, kind of like a pedophile getting a job at like a Cub Scout camp. Wow. You know, it's not where they always end up. I love working with kids.

You know, I said that last week, follow your dreams unless you're a pedophile. Yeah. Right. So I said using that, I shouldn't say that I have a problem with Fatty's working in the ice cream store. Let's let's let's get to this shit. So anyways, so they're going to get everybody in shape. So they hire some sort of personal trainer and he's training everybody. All right. And what he does is he gets everybody's emails. Right. Great move on this guy's part. Fucking great move. Now he doesn't have to deal with them face to face. And if there's any fucking hotties he wants to bang, he can take it to the next level. Perfect. Yeah, that's how you do it. Shooting fish in a fucking barrel or fishing barrels in a shooting gallery. So anyways, so all of a sudden this guy

notices that, you know, he gets one text going, Hey, Brad, you know, just do a couple more jumper jacks and you should be fine. For some reason, his little hottie wife has to get like 40 fucking texts from this guy at like 1130 at night. Oh, I do remember this. Yeah. He and his wife work at the same place. Obviously. Yeah. It's interesting. Okay. The same place. Right. So he fucking he finds out about he keeps asking his wife. I remember this. Okay. All right. Well, I'm going to recap for people to listen last week. All right. So he keeps asking his he's catching his wife late at night texting going and he goes, who are you texting? And she would immediately slam the phone shut because he's got a flip phone, evidently, and would say no button really would say nobody or would get mad

and say nobody. Right. So this guy's not a moron. He figures out something's up. Sure. He's in he's into some sort of fucking spy gate shit where he's at he hacks into her thing gets her password and sees that all these text messages back and forth to train it. So what does he do? He's a goddamn man. Does he slap his fucking wife around? No, he goes right to the trainer and says, slap him around and says, Hey, sport. No, because you get sued. You get sued for that now. You get sued for kicking somebody's ass when you're right. Yeah. You go, he goes, Hey, sport, why don't you do me a favor and stop texting my fucking wife in all hours of the night. So then sport over there immediately starts acting like a bitch around him starts acting overly nice.

Like, you know, what all guilty people do, right? He was innocent. He would have got mad. Sure. What the fuck are you talking about? I always text people about how to get make their core stronger at two in the morning. I'm dedicated. Maybe should be inspired by what I'm doing. I specifically am interested in women having a strong core because they're so beaten down in society, you know, he would have come back with some shit like that, but he didn't. Now he's all like, Hey, man, how are you with this whole please don't beat the shit out of me and expose me for being the dirt bag I am. So I lose this giant money making client here, right? So anyways, she denies the whole fucking thing. So he sent a couple of actually a couple of texts

that this girl wrote. They were talking about the Beatles and he writes all those damn Beatles songs make my stomach hurt when I listen to them, because it reminds me of getting ready to go see you. They give me anxiety. This is what the trainer is writing to this guy's wife. Now, what sort of exercise are they talking about there? Is that a push ups? So then she writes back all the lonely people where do they all belong? Oh, God, right? And then he said, I remember you asking me if I related to that song, if I related that song to you, because I thought you were lonely. He's talking about a fucking marriage. Yeah. Oh, this guy. This guy's a dirt bag. It's the classic guy. It's the classic.

It's the classic. He listens to me. Yeah. Oh, this guy, he's just saying everything. We talk about music. Yeah. My feelings. Oh, yeah. My husband doesn't do that. Right. And what it is is his dick is downloading all the knowledge in this guy's brain that he has about human beings. And he's just giving her and the dick is just basically sitting in the Captain Kirk chair. He's just fucking anything she wants to hear. So anyway, then he write another one. He said, I know, fuck my life. I wear my fuck my life to sleep. And I have a confession to make. I also wear your panties. She goes, LOL, shut up. He writes, it's true. So I don't know what kind of fucking shit this guy's into, but the real question is not whether or not that that's socially acceptable. The real question

is how did he get this married woman's panties? He at least finger blaster. Would you go with me on that? I mean, if I mean, maybe he's just saying that to be just like controversial. That's what I thought. But she goes, LOL, shut up. He goes, it's true. Yeah, but he just still may be talking to the mic. Oh, he may just still be joking around. But if he is wearing, but if he is, she gave it to him. How else would he have them? And they're talking about the Beatles and she gave it to him if it's okay. Okay. So that's basically what I'm saying. So he's fucking, he's got a fucking panties. They're both adults. I'm guessing by this, she's like in her thirties. What is he doing? Fingering her and taking her out for a malt? He's banging her. He fucking banged her.

This fucking piece of shit, who'd be a great movie kid is a great character for a fucking movie. So anyways, he said, and that's what he said, his wife, she's still denying this whole conversation ever happened. She's just incomplete, obviously denial. She's in denial. He said, I'm dumping her not for the reminiscing talk, but for, but for lying to me. He's not interested in trying to please say that, Nia. And I swear to God, I'm gonna throw my computer at you. I will throw this fucking computer at you. Are you fucking he's not interested in what? I don't know.

Working it out. Don't throw it at me. No, no, no. Go ahead. I'm just going to leave you in dead silence. Go ahead. Tell me. No, no, no, no, no, no. I just, I don't know. No, he's well within his right. I was just posing a question. That's all. Well within his right. I don't understand why she doesn't just fess up then. That's a whole nother topic. It's a whole nother topic. I mean, I feel like, no, you know, what is the move here? I feel like part of the story is missing. No, I feel like part of the story is missing or something. What the video of them fucking? Is that what's missing? What else is missing? If you start blaming him for not paying attention and that's why she's fucking this guy, I will, I will fucking throw you out of this room.

All right. I'm not to calm down. That's not what I'm doing. I'm just saying. So he says to her, are you cheating on, are you fucking this guy? And she's like, no, shut up. What are you talking about? Like, and she just flat out deny. I don't understand how she can flat out deny something as hard. She's a piece of shit. That's why she's a lying piece of shit. Nia. Yeah. But if you have something and you're like looking at it, like this is what you wrote, how are you denying it? Because she just, she's that's what denial is. You're totally in denial. I don't have a drinking problem. As you fucking drinking a Nyquil. I think it tastes good. I don't have a problem. Right. I like sleeping. You know.

Yeah. You know what it is? I'm just making sure you keep speaking to the mic. This is what you keep that. I want people to hear what you have to say. Oh, okay. All right. All right. But this is good shit. And I'm ruining it. No, you're saying it off my fucking Lord. You know what kills me is he was still like, it's just, I don't know. I'm gonna, I'm gonna piss you off right now. You ladies will defend you guys defend each other like right there. If a guy did that, I'm not defending her. Well, let me, can I get up my when I'm gonna say if a guy did that shit, you'd be like dump his ass girl. He's a fucking loser. You can do better than that. Call me. We'll eat a little moon pie. I'll build you up. That's what the fuck you would have done. But because yeah, I just feel

like some part of the story is missing. What is missing? I guess nothing. Thank you, Nia. Thank you for being on the podcast. Yeah, is that what you wanted? You just want me to come on and agree with you a good fucking 20 minutes. Yeah, not agree with me. Agree with the decision this guy made. This isn't about me, Nia. Please. Okay. I'm just a messenger here. Sure. You know, I'm just trying to do, I'm just trying to do what's right on it because it's very clear what's happening. And you got someone who's just like, I don't know what you're talking about. All right. Here's the deal. Man or woman. If the person you're with is texting past, I would even for regular people who aren't in show business. The booty hour starts after 11, I would say. After 11? Yeah.

Okay. But that's, but that's what somebody you're already fucking. Okay. I know you don't understand it because you don't have to talk yourself into it. Guys, we have to spin the plates from the second we meet her all the way through. So you got to be setting it up. Okay. You know, 730 is too creepy and stalker-ish. And I would say you start going past 930. She's going to feel like, like you just, she's some sort of tramp. But if you haven't fucked her yet, right? So you got to, there's that, there's that window. About 815 to about 907. You have to do the setup text. Okay. And the setup text is not talking about pussy. It's go, oh, you know, I'm, I'm watching blah, blah, blah on TV. So and so is so ridiculous. I'm sort of fucking just to

get it going. You know what I mean? Right. That seems very benign. Yeah. Like a boxer. You feel him out in the first round or the Beatles. Yeah. You don't load it up, right? You're feeling it up. Yeah. That's what they're doing. Right. This fucking guy, this fucking guy, this guy, you know, something as much of a piece of shit as that guy is. If he writes a book, I would read it in a second. Why? Because you know, he's got great. I mean, the position he has, that's like when I used to take, I used to take that, that yoga class when I was out here. And there was that guy out in Santa Monica and he was a phenomenal fucking teacher. And this place was jam packed. And it was by donation only. So then for tax purposes, I think he falls under a church. I know it helped

him with taxes and it's all in cash. So it's all good. All right. And then the hottest fucking women, some of the hottest women ever move out to LA to become actresses. Okay. He's got him in his class getting all getting them all stretched out before he bangs them. It was one of the greatest. It was it was fucking airtight. Yeah. And he would go around the class and somehow me, having never touched my toes since I was in the womb, was somehow always doing every position correctly. Yet all these other hotties always needed to be adjusted. Yeah, right around the so ass. So I don't get mad at a guy who's got a good thing, but you know, stay away from the fucking married ladies. Yes. Anyways, isn't that right, Cleo? Here we go. I bought the wrong dog dog food.

Look how fat she's getting. I usually feed her this diet stuff. She looks like a prize winning pig right now. She's not that big, actually. She's bloated. She's a few pounds heavier than normal, but she is still looks good. Yeah, the brothers would be saying what's up to her. Number one, hey, here's advice for the week. All right. Hey, Bill, I'm a 21 year old guy who still lives with his parents. That's not bad in this economy. That's totally acceptable. I had, unless you're sitting at home and you're jerking off the porn and maxing out your credit cards, and that's a dumb thing to do. Hey, you know what? No porn for this year. Is that what you decided? I have yet to watch porno this year. Well, still early. And Jesus, is that support? Does that support everybody?

Why do you need me to support you not watching porn? I don't have a problem if you watch porn. You know what? Somebody sent me an article. I got to hit pause again, because I'm going to find this. Somebody sent me an article about how watching too much online porn, how it's not healthy for you and can actually add to depression, if I can say that word. I feel like it probably gives you like a higher expectation of what your sex life should be. But, you know, because we're not all porn stars. Back to what you feel should be going on in your life in a moment. Let me just. No. I feel like he should be able to pick me up over his head and turn me upside down and do things to me. Is that unreasonable? With my back problem? Hang on a second. Hang on a second.

You know what? Sorry to say, I can't find that fucking email that dude sent me and all I found was a bunch of people trashing that online porn is not addictive and saying that it isn't bad for you. But I don't know. It's just, you know. It depends on your personality. Yeah, it's one of those deals. Why don't you put the microphone over your shoulder? You're listening to it playing with you. Sorry. You know what? I'm gonna, I'm gonna fucking, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna get a desk down here with two fucking chairs. So the mic will be, you know, yeah, right there. Okay. Okay. All right. We want to work on it. Okay. All right. I feel like you have something to contribute. And I just don't feel like people are hearing you. So I did that

people. I complimented her. I stroked her ego so she can do it. Thank you. That's all I was looking for. I just want people to know that I'm here. I have not watched porn this whole, sometime at the end of December, I watched something. And it was so disgusting that when I was done, I actually burst it out laughing as if I just watched Bridesmaid. It was just, and I was just like, what is wrong with me? Like, I actually got to that point in porn, where the porn was so fucked up. It was just funny to me. Not that the people were doing it. There was just something pathetic. And I was like, you know, I got to walk away from this. Hey, last year, I didn't drink this year. I'm swearing off the porn. Okay. See that? All right. I'm always trying to become a better

person. And what do you do? Constantly shit all over me. By the way, you got a couple of shoutouts in Houston. Oh, did I? Yep. When I brought out the podcast. Yay. I said, I was with a wonderful lady. What's up, people yelled Nia. And then one of your friends texted you and said, oh, you got a couple of shoutouts. So then when you brought it up in the car, I was like, you were like, what does that mean? What does that mean? I got like shout out. Like, you don't know what a shout out is. I didn't. Yeah, you did. You wanted to hear what people said. What did they say? Were they chanting my name? That's going to be the end of us, Nia. When people start liking you more than me, and then we're going to break up like Sonny and Cher, but still

perform together for a little bit. If we break up, your fans are going to hate me. I just know it already because they, because they're already going to be on your side. They're just going to automatically take all the fun out of it because that's what they do. They like you first and I'm always going to be second fiddle. Marsha, Marsha, Marsha. I don't blame them. All right. Number one, numero uno. Hey, Bill, I'm a 21 year old guy who still lives with his parents. I have a history of being very introverted. Oh my God. If you start saying that you torture small animals, I'm going to stop reading this. I've been that way ever since I was in junior high. Well, what were you in elementary school? Were you going all out? No, because I would have

related to that. I'm in college now and I've become more social, at least when I'm on campus and at my job, but I'm having a really hard time building a life for myself outside of those arenas. Did I write this to myself 20 years ago? Totally relate to this guy. I don't really have much of a life. I'm really bored most of the time and I feel like I'm wasting my youth. All right. I know that I have to go out more and hang out with my friends. It's up to me to take some kind of initiative. Cleo, for fuck's sakes, get out of my face. And if it was up to me, I would, I totally would. I live with my parents though and that's why it's kind of tricky. My parents are very into the Lord. Oh, Jesus.

I don't really share their beliefs. Good for you. And so when I want to go out, the evening usually includes a variety of activities that my parents would give me a hard time about. Normal stuff such as drinking a little weed, man, and secretion of the semen. Oh, God. Okay. You have to put it on like that. Wait a minute. You're drinking, you're smoking weed, and you're getting laid. What's the problem? The problem is you live with your parents. No, does he want to do that and he doesn't? Or he's saying? No, he's saying he goes out and he does this shit and his parents are giving him a hard time. So he's doing this. Maybe he's getting guilt. Why don't I read the rest of it? I know that I'm a young adult and I'm old

enough to make my own decisions. A lot of my own decisions, he says. I just don't have the strength of character to look my parents in the eye and have a discussion about all this stuff with them. I especially have the problem with my mom. She was raised religious and has very different idea about being 21 than I do. I just don't feel like she would understand if I tried to have a conversation with her about my thoughts. I wish I could just come and go as I pleased without being bothered. I have a car, but I can't avoid the questions about where I've been. I know that my personal life is my business and I don't share all of it, but they don't seem to understand that. On top of all this, I'm obligated to go to church every week and I'd rather fuck my own ass than

go to one more church service. All right, dude, you got to move out. Yeah, you got to move out. But yeah, I feel trapped. I want to move out. There it is. But I have no money and doing my job selling burgers isn't going to pay the rent in any place. I know. I'm not sure what to do. Please, for the love of God, rescue me. Oh, Jesus. Rescue yourself. Yes, rescue yourself. You're 21. You're still working your way through college, right? Yeah, you got to get on a track where you're going to get some sort of better paying job. Exactly. Get a better paying job. Find a roommate situation because you're not going to be able to take some student loans. Take out some student loans, you know, which is a bad fucking idea,

because then you'll be even further in debt. Yeah. I was going to say live at school. There's a way to do it. Yeah. Why can't you live on campus? All right. How should he do it? Because I don't have anything. Well, you know what, though? He's probably not living on campus because maybe his parents can't afford it. So that's why he's living at home. They can't afford that part of the education. Either that or they don't believe that they should live there because of all the sinners he'd be with. Exposed to, yeah. The devil is in that quad. No, he's got to work his ass off. You need to get another job. You've got to find a roommate situation. Save up your money. Get a car with a bench seat. Do all your fucking in there and then come home and just always have library

books that you're walking in with and just live a lie until you have the money to move out. You don't have to necessarily talk to your parents about anything in particular unless they're doing something that's really abusive to you or something. You don't have to talk to them about your life. It's your life. Yeah. Try sarcasm. What'd you do tonight? Smoke crack and got a hooker. Good night, mom. Exactly. Then she'll be praying the rest of the night and she'll leave you alone. No, but you got to make some sacrifices so you can save some money, get an apartment with a roommate and live your own life. But you're being... He's slipping burgers though. How can he do that? This is like a guy, Nia, who's on the verge of selling drugs. Doesn't that what they always say?

What do I do? Sell burgers? I need to make some money. Well, I don't know. You know what? I'm not His ghetto was his ghetto was his parents' house. Yeah. Get another job. Ask for a raise. You got to figure it out. But I think you're also becoming a little bit complacent because you don't have to pay bills and your parents buy your food for you and all that other stuff. So I think there might be a little hesitation on your part to really fully leave. Get a car with a bench seat. That's all I'm saying. What is a bench seat in a car? What is a bench seat? It doesn't have like the little console. It's not bucket seats. It's one of those ones back in the day. You know, yeah, you could fucking cars. Yeah. Yeah. I know what you're talking about. You could never do that

now. Yeah. The bench seat, like my truck has. Yes. Yes, it does. Have you told them about your truck? No, I didn't. I bought an old Ford truck and it's got a 360 v8, shifts three on the tree and I'm getting some new headers put on it because you could light my breath on fire. I would drive. I would drive it like Ace Ventura down the street because everybody kept telling you, you know, your headers look fine. I'm like, dude, I'm telling you, you could light my breath on fire if I drive this thing for 45 fucking minutes because they would drive around the block and be like, dude, it's fine and you couldn't see anything really come at least our untrained eyes. So I get it back today. Yes, you do. Getting back to getting back to this whole scenario here,

you need to stop having your little pity party there and pick yourself up by your bootstraps. Get your shit together. No more of this. I'm awkward. I don't have friends. I don't understand. Start reaching out to some people. Figure out what to do about a job. Save your pennies. Get a car with a bench seat and do what you want to do and move your ass out. Figure it out. Start talking to people. Maybe someone's looking for a roommate and they're like, Hey, you know, only a couple hundred bucks. I'll let you sleep on my couch. That's it. You know, all right. Number two. Asshole. Well, you just kept saying the same thing over and over. Look at Cleo. Cleo, get out of here. He's so curious about what's going on. All right, dear Bill,

I need some advice. I'm 30 years old and I've been seeing this lady for the past four months and things have been getting, uh, I've gotten pretty serious. I'm already having dinner at her parents' house frequently. Oh, Jesus. Going to her family parties. Oh, Jesus. And spending the holidays together. Jesus Christ. I'm practically part of the family. I read ready to use her father's words and to be honest, I'm cool with it. Um, I love this girl. She's great. All right. So what's the problem? Um, so, so great. In fact, we decided to do New York New Year's in Palm Beach together at her cousin's place. And now he finally writes, oh, Jesus. All right. Now what's going to happen? See, I like some of these, these, these letters that they set him up like a great movie. Like,

he set this up like this is perfect. This is like a Norman Rockwell parent. Yeah. A parent painting. Everything's going great. Now all of a sudden he's going to New Year's in Palm Beach together at a cousin's place. What, why, what could possibly go wrong? This is, this is very well written. This guy gets a star. Um, anyway, so we go out the night before New Year's. There's a whole group of us and I head off to take a piss. I come back and see my girl dancing and making out with some other guy who wasn't a member of our group. Well, who gives a shit even if he was a member of the group? It's another guy. I'm obviously flummoxed. This educated son of a bitch. I decided to interrupt their little make out session on the dance floor. It would have continued unabated

if I hadn't stepped in. So I pushed the guy aside, hand her back or purse. Yes, I was carrying her purse for her if fit into my back pocket in case you're wondering. I was wondering. And I leave the bar. The bar is called the Cusina. Yeah, kitchen, right? Right? I think so. Yeah. I am a little Spanish right there. I am outside just beside myself with anger and she doesn't follow me out. I go back to her cousin's place and go to bed. Around 3 a.m., the text come in. Nothing happened. I didn't do anything, etc. She finally cops to it and just in her defense, she says, I'm just not used to having a boyfriend and I don't think you know how drunk I was. So happy New Year's. This was in a text message? No, no, no, no. No, when she showed up to him, she says to him. She finally just said,

look, she, yeah, fine. I fucked the guy. I'm just not used to having a boyfriend. Okay. And I don't think you realize how drunk I was. Wow. Yes. See? And you can be that honest. You know what I mean? I could never be that honest with you because you could throw a vase at me and then the cops would arrest me for breaking the vase with my forehead. Anyways, he goes, should I chalk this up to a dumb drunk mistake and patch things up? No. I've been, I'm having trouble being objective about this. This has really got me fucked up and hurting. Yeah, dude. Yeah, that was, that was a ridiculous level of acting out on her part. That's crazy. That is absolutely crazy. That is some wacky stuff. That's wacky. That's some real wacky shroll. No, she made out with a guy right in front of you.

He knows. What are you talking about? He knows. He knows what he's supposed to. He's fucking stunned, Nia. Yeah. Jesus Christ. That's pretty stunning. We're in the goddamn trauma unit right now. And you're going, you stepped on a landmine. Yeah. Move on, sweetheart. Yeah. No, that is retain some dignity and walk away. You basically just imagine if you discovered that 17 years in married with four kids that half look like you and half look like this should have been stripper. All right. You dodged a bullet and yeah, it's going to hurt. And that's really what that really is dude is. Aside from your feelings, that's your fucking manhood being hurt right there. And you don't have to look at it objectively. Let me finish for fuck's sakes.

As a guy that that shit's not supposed to happen, right? Because you're supposed to put it on them and they're supposed to be mesmerized by your dick. And the reality is, is that's not what it's like. And when you discover that, that's a tough day. Yeah. But you don't have to look at it objectively. And you never trust those broads again. You never trust them again. That's the safest place you can be. No. Number three. But don't look at it objectively. It was a shitty horrible thing that happened and you should be feeling all those feelings, including anger. So, but just walk away. It's what you should do is just walk away. Although I would be tempted to pull a female move and get some revenge. And I would tell her dad, you know, what do you know what a slut you

raise? Do you know what a slut you're in love with? That's half your DNA. Did she get that from your fucking wife? No, no, no. No. Yeah, don't do that. No, no, because then he'll look like an asshole and then he'll understand why she did it. I'm trying to inflict the most pain here. Now walk away. I don't do revenge. Don't do that shit. All right. Number three. Let's say, let's say, as they say in Boston, one over one fucking say. There's no consonants in that word. Thursday, Friday, say. I always do that with previty. Say, let's say I was out with my friends and I was shitfaced. We were at a bar and I was sitting at a table when I saw the girl, saw the girl. She was absolutely beautiful. I don't know why, but something told me I had to

go up to that girl. See, they always start fucking phenomenally. Son was out. Jesus was walking on the clouds. She saw me looking at her and I get her and I give her a wink when she smiled at me. Jesus, you went with that? Did you give her the double point too? I then tried. I then turned to my friends and said loudly, give me a fucking pen. Oh, Jesus, is he drunk? Give me a fucking pen. They gave me a pen and I wrote my number on a napkin and went over to her and her friend. I slapped the napkin. This guy's, I love this guy. This guy's got just give me awareness. Scarf too. This guy's like the most interesting man in the world. I love him. He's wrestling a badger in the corner. Hang on a second. Give me a pen. He goes,

I slapped the napkin on the table and went to her, went to her ear and said, I don't drink often, but I think you are fucking beautiful and walked away. What? No, he's hammered. This is fucking hilarious. I totally missed the joke in this. This guy is completely fucking hammered. Right. He's sitting there head bobbling. I don't drink often. I think you're fucking beautiful. Call this number. It's going to change your life, sweetheart. I love this guy. So anyways, being shit face, I didn't know any better. And I guess I went to the table and put my head, what? I went to the table and put my head was down at that point. According to my friends, she wanted to know what my name was and stuff. So my friends went over and talked to her and

talked me up. Before she left, she came up to me. This guy's still in the game here and told me her and her friends were leaving to go to a different bar. I asked her her name. We talked a little bit and she left with her friends. I told her, please text me three, four days past and I hadn't heard anything. I couldn't get her out of my head. She was seriously the most beautiful girl I had ever seen. Yeah, after drinking a 12 pack of Keystone. And there was something about her. I know I was shit face, but I have never felt that way. I looked online for her on Facebook. The other person she was with had gone to high school with. We weren't friends, but we knew each other. I found the girl on her friend list. There we go. I know that is creepy,

but I want to message her and tell her I'm sorry for being so drunk, but I really want to talk to her. I feel she wouldn't have come up to me before she left to my friends and asked my friends my name if she wasn't somehow somewhat intrigued. I don't think that's creepy. Nowadays, in the old school, when I grew up, that's not creepy. I think if you just say, listen, I'm sorry I was so drunk the other night. I really meant what I said and I'm sure this freaks you out. I don't even say freaking it out. Like I'm not trying to invade your privacy. I just wanted to say I meant those things that I said. Respectfully yours. Here's my phone number, my address, and yeah, and just leave it at that. I'll leave it at that. There you go. No more communication

after that because then you're venturing into weird things. What time we got on the podcast here? All right. All right. Well, we're getting close to the end here. We got overrated and underrated. With that also, I want to remind everybody that Amazon thing's been working out for me. It's a good thing, so I don't have to charge for the podcast. So this is basically what I'm telling people. If you're going to buy something on Amazon rather than going directly to amazon.com, go to billbird.com. Click on podcast and on the right hand side, you'll see just under the iTunes link, you'll see the Amazon window and you just click on that and I will get credit for driving traffic to amazon.com. You don't have to hit anything else after that and I'm not telling you to buy

anything. I'm just saying if you're going to and you're going to go to Amazon, just please go to billbird.com first. Even if you're just going to browse, even if you're just going to browse for something. I don't know if it works that way. They got to spend money. Oh, they do? Yeah. It's like I'm driving people to a drug dealer. If you're just going to look at the cocaine, can I just sniff it for a second and then no, they need to make their money. Sniff it for a second. Even if you're just going to browse, if you just want to see what they're doing with their website. Yeah, that's it. It's a great way to donate to the podcast. And like I said, 10% of all donations will then go on to the Wounded Warriors Project. So you support this podcast, you support the troops. America.

America, that's right. By shit, you donate. Support the troops. It's all right there. A couple of clicks in the mouse. So there you go. Overrated, underrated for this week. Underrated. The feeling of knowing you're leaving a job and ceasing to give a flying fuckeroo from the time you were offered another job until the time you put in your two weeks notice and finally through those last two weeks and finally going through those last two weeks. Hear me out. This is an amazing feeling. For some reason I got a feeling he's not going to leave like the way the Patriots, the way Drew Bledsoe left the Patriots where he was a total class act and should have been co-MVP, the Super Bowl 36. All right, here we go. I was offered a better paying job last week

at another company but have yet to give... Oh, this guy already got offered a better job by another company. He's yet to give his two weeks notice at his current job because I am due my yearly bonus this coming Tuesday. I don't want to jeopardize my current company not paying the bonus. So I'm holding out until this coming Wednesday to give my two weeks after I collect the bonus so they can't take it back. Oh, that's a little dirty. It's dirty. That's a little dirty. No, no, it's good. But that's one of the... I mean, what he's getting compared to the people at the top are getting is probably you can't even compare it. Yeah, but the people at the top also gave him a fucking job. That's one of those things like you're dating somebody and then you find who you really

want to be with. So you fucking propose to them, you got the wedding all set and as the invitation goes out, you go, oh, by the way, this is over and I'm out of here. No, no, no. I know and somewhere in there you go into their piggy bank and take money. Well, look, I understand what he's doing, but that's a... That's one of those things where... Because you don't know how this next job's gonna go. So if this next job doesn't go well and then he needs the recommendation of these last people, they're gonna knock it down. You mean that fucking guy who took the bonus and then left? Oh, that's true. I didn't think about that. He's leaving this place a little on bad terms. Yeah, for sure. Yeah, he's going Albert Hainesworth here rather than Drew Bledsoe. That's all I'm saying. Well,

I take that risk, I guess, but no, I didn't think of it that way. What did you say? Little Hainesworth here? Yes. Overrated. Overrated. Cookies. What? Unless they're straight out of the oven. Oh. They're dry and everyone wants to make oatmeal cookies at some point. You know what? That's funny. I actually had in my dressing room, Nini, did I mention I'm in show business? They had a plate of cookies and you know me, I got a sweet tooth, right? Yep. Because I'm half of... They had this plate of cookies and I ate the first one. It was terrible that they're cookies. But knowing you, you kept eating them, right? They're cookies and there was four different kinds. I'm like, what are the odds there's going to be two different flavors of cookies and they're both going to be bad? God

damn it. You're so funny about that stuff. It wasn't. Oh, it's ridiculous. I would eat a fucking Jim Dandy. Just keep going and keep going and hoping it's going to get better. I would eat a Jim Dandy's with a group of old ladies every day at Friendly's if they would have me. That's for the older guys. He used to go to Friendly's. I know Friendly's. Yeah, but do you know the Jim Dandy? No. The Jim Dandy came in a fucking glass like those old light beer from Miller commercials where it was basically, you go, let me get a glass of beer and they basically were pouring like at least two beers into the thing. Just imagine a goblet, I believe it's called. Friendly's served alcohol? No. I'm talking about the vase that they would stick this Sunday in.

Oh. I think I went to, no, no. Who was I with? I was working with somebody recently and we went into a, I would stop at Friendly's when I'm back. It's just DeAngelo's, all those places I ate when I was a kid. So I fucking went in there and I was laughing because I saw they still had the Jim Dandy and I just read the ingredients. Cleo, can you, okay. I just read, my dog has her head on my stomach right now. She just wants to snuggle. I fucking read the ingredients and it was the most ridiculous thing. It was like three different kinds of ice cream, like full scoops, a full fucking banana, you know, like half a bottle. It was disgusting. It was like doing a keg stand with like ice cream and trying to set the fraternity record. Anyways, I'm trying to say I have a

sweet tooth and this fucking dog is distracting me. Cleo, I want you to know we're wrestling after this. We're going round and fucking round. All right, underrated. This is the last thing. Animatronics, puppets, makeup, etc. I remember the days when the cool, scary monster was handmade by extremely talented artists and technicians, not software. These creations appear much more believable and frightening over the comparatively lazy CGI. Stuff like Alien, The Thing, Hellraiser, Poltergeist, Jaws, and countless other examples all genuinely freak me out growing up. I mean, what compares to Jaws these days? Shark Knight 3D, fucking get real. Fucking get real, man. All right, that's the podcast. I know what he's saying, but he's right. But also school versus

a new school. Yeah, they don't make them like they used to, etc. Yeah, one of my favorite shots is that slow motion one of that crazy lady who's on the ice skates with the fucking hatchet. Do you ever see that? What are you talking about? I've talked about this my podcast before. There was some horror movie I watched on like Showtime or Cinemax a long time ago and like two in the morning I'm watching this and this lady was skating on a pond and all of a sudden they just start showing the skates of this murderer, this fucked up mask and this long hair was skating in slow motion and then just fucking put his hands up and had like a tomahawk. Somebody find that horror film and send us a clip from YouTube or something. I'll get it. I'll try and get it up.

Look up on YouTube, psycho, whore, bitch, ice skates, hatchet, search. All right, that's the podcast for this week. Please go to amazon.com through my website, billbird.com, click on the podcast, click on Amazon, go buy yourself some shit you don't need, help me out and help out more importantly, 10% go into the wounded warriors project. That's the podcast for this week. Hey everybody, how about that NFL Pro Bowl that they now fucked up by sticking in between the championship games and the Super Bowl? So no one who's in the Super Bowl actually plays. We're going to that. Next year we're going to the Pro Bowl. We are? Wait, you don't like sports. I'm going to Hawaii by myself. That's it everybody. Wait, it's Hawaii? Have a great

time. Go fuck yourselves. Don't take any shit. I'll talk to you next week.