Monday Morning Podcast - Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 1-24-25

Episode Date: January 24, 2025

Bill rambles about the 90's, reincarnation, and the beauty of a brake light. (00:00) - Thursday Afternoon Podcast (28:24) - Thursday Afternoon Throwback 1-24-25 - Bill rambles about Madonna, NFL Football, and writing poetry. (01:21:58) - Anything Better NFL Preview & Picks - Championship Games Squarespace:  Head to Squarespace.com for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, go to https://www.squarespace.com/BURR to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Policy Genius:  Secure your family’s tomorrow so you have peace of mind today. Head to www.policygenius.com/BILLBURR 

Hey, what's going on? It's bill burr and it's time for the Thursday afternoon just before Friday Monday morning podcasts and I'm just checking in Checking in on you. What's going on? How are you? How's it going? What's up? People on the East Coast my friends still checking in on me to see how I'm doing. I have not watched anything on the news I don't watch the news. I have no idea what's going on and it's unsettling that they keep asking because I thought the fires were out and they were just sort of hosing it down as they do afterward but I guess not. I guess it's still going so this is insane. So it is what it is. I've started to wear a mask out here.

I didn't have a mask on for a few days. I was like, I don't want to do the fucking mask thing again. And I walked around for a couple of days without a mask and my throat was killing me, right? And I was just thinking that I was just thinking like, you know, all like the plastic, you know what I mean? Everybody has a plastic dust pan in their house, you know? And then like if like, you know, if somebody has Crocs in a house, I feel like you're like a Crocs family, you know?

Like just not one person, then everybody gets them. And those things are like, oh, those rubber? Maybe those are rubber. I don't know what it is. But all I was thinking was they better, you know, since what they learned during the cleanup after 9-11, that they get these firefighters, you know, the right equipment so they don't destroy their lungs. I don't know. What a time. What a time. There's, oh, you know something? Every time's a crazy time to be alive, though, you know, when you think about it, I think that's why people like

the 90s, 80s and 90s, and maybe most of the 70s, at least in this country, it's like, we got out of Vietnam. So that was over. You know, you have your recession fucking bankers, right? And he kind of went in and out of that. We had Grenada in the 80s, you know? And then we had a quick one in the early 90s over in the Middle East. I don't know. There's always something going on though, right?

There's always something that makes you feel like whatever you believe in is gonna be showing up next week to judge you. I saw this thing with this guy who recently passed away. They posted his thoughts on the afterlife and he was a reincarnation guy which just doesn't make any sense to me. You know what I I mean like you keep coming back until you get it right and then you then you get to go to the afterlife then what I would think would be the population would be slowly dropping rather than increasing because with each death there would be a certain percentage that finally got it right.

And then also I'm thinking like, if that is true, the reincarnation thing that you stay here until you figure it out, and human beings have been walking the planet for I don't know how many hundreds of thousands millions that I can never fucking remember what scientists say or the Bible if the reading well they don't believe in reincarnation about whatever what the scientists say you know we claim out of a fucking lake or some shit and I'm still here it's like how fucking dumb am I like at what point do you give up on the dream of, you know what I mean? Like I had a lot of fucking dreams before I figured I'd give stand up a shot. I had a lot of fucking dreams. And one of the things that led me to stand up comedy was when I sucked at something,

I honestly looked at myself and I was like, I don't, you know, I'm not good at this. And I would just try to find something else. So it would be weird if I was able to do that in my life and find the right job for me, learning from my failures as far as my career, but for some reason the overall, the big overall getting life and doing it right, I keep doing it wrong. You know, that's a good sci-fi movie, right? That somehow everyone finally becomes aware of it. Right? And that's why the world keeps getting worse and worse

because with each like generation dying off, the people that get life and are nice and courteous and empathetic or whatever you're supposed to be doing down here, there's none of them left. So then all it is is just us pieces of shit. And then whoever makes us announces this is the final round. And it's the most difficult because everybody down there is a fucking moron, a

piece of shit or both. And that's why the world is progressively gotten worse and worse and This is your last opportunity and you somehow all of you Have to set aside your petty shit Your greed your lust whatever the fuck it is that's holding your back and you Gotta do what's right Or else for the rest of your life, you know, your life is going to be standing in line at the DMV or whatever the fuck your idea of hell is. I don't know.

I never thought with like hell, I just never thought like the punishment matched the crime. You know what I mean? Unless you were like... Like a... like a serial killer. Like if you just like took somebody's life. You know what I mean? Or you were some mass murdering dictator or fucking whatever. Like I always felt like like that justified being like, you know, punished forever, right? Because you took these people away from the people that they loved, you took somebody's life. That always made sense to me. But like, you know, if you're just some fucking

asshole that cheats on his taxes, you know what I mean? You went to Vegas and you got a hooker. I just don't see like, and then now you shall be down there right next to Hitler. It's like, really? Hitler it's like really I mean what the fuck's a big fucking leap no I don't know I always felt like if you had any sort of a fucking like I don't know so much it's it all everything falls apart after a couple of questions always something you can't answer including if you go the science way. You can't answer it after a while. You know what I mean? And they can be like, well, you know,

we haven't figured it out yet. So it's like, all right, I'll go with that arrogance. And then like you have on the other side, religion, which so much of it is made up of just dumb people who are so too dumb to know that they're stupid, right? And they just, well, that's God! That God did that! It's just a fucking simple answer. Simple answer. You know what I mean? Like, oh, you know what? Why does that happen? Oh, that's God! He did that!

I always love, you have the answer and you know the sex. Of the product. Like what, what, like, and all, he, he made us in his image, all of that arrogance and all of that stuff. Like I like, like, you know, I definitely think the way that we behave, it's feels more believable to me that we crawled out of a swamp. Then the perfect guy created us in his image and this is the way we're behaving. Or maybe we're like the boss's son you know what I mean like he did all the work and now we're just going around being fucking hey you know who I am huh god yeah he created me in his image man means I get want. So anyway, playoffs this weekend. One football game, one predetermined outcome. So I'll just be watching that NFC game. I can't stomach watching. And it's not the chief's

fault. It's not the fan base's fault. I just can't I can't fuck it I just can't look at that Show anymore. All right, if I wanted to watch football like that, I would watch Tom Cruise and all the right moves You know what I mean? I'm not like, you know I'll go put on Rob Lowe and Youngblood I'll just watch a movie rather than something that's acting like it's real rather than a fucking movie Like it's a made-for-tv fucking movie at that point where you just start, they're literally casting people. So anyway, I've been watching College Hoop and I've been following the Jayhawks.

I watched their last two games. I watched them come back against TCU. TCU given into the pressure of the NBA with the European basketball courts. It's fucking difficult with me, with my old eyes to watch a basketball game where the floor is supposed to be the same like texture as a horned frog. It's like I get it, you're frogs. I don't understand how you think making that little three-prong thing with your hand is supposed to be a horny toad, but I mean I'll give it to you. I'll give it to you the same way Florida thinks that clapping your arms together is, oh that's like an alligator and I don't think it is. I don't think it is. It looks like you shutting like, what would you call that,

like a couple of pocket doors that were turned vertical, more so than an alligator. I think it's disrespectful to alligators considering how long they've been here, you know, and how many things that they've survived. Like as much as God fucked up with people, he crushed it with fucking alligators and crocodiles. I mean, those goddamn things. It's like, if you can just live to be in like, you know, I don't know, eight, nine feet tall, eight, nine feet. Is that what you say? Um, something like that. Eight eight nine feet tall eight nine feet is that what you say? Something like that eight nine feet tall

Long Then you have like the chance to live like how long of those things live is like tortoises I saw this thing the other day. They tried to say this tortoise was a hundred and fifty fucking years old It's like what is it telling stories? Are you counting the rings on its neck? How the fuck do you know how old it is? Scientists figure that shit out. They sit there and they fucking look like, how the fuck do we figure out how old, are you looking at its molars

How long its beak is whatever you call it? Anyways the Kansas Jayhawks is I as I switch between the end of the world creationism versus crawling out of a swamp over to Bread and circus we're back to bread and circus the Kansas Jayhawks next game, ladies and gentlemen, is... Who is it? They're playing Houston. They Houston? Houston, were they? The Cougars or whatever? They're like, they're a top 10 goddamn team.

Taking you all the way back to five, Jamma Slam a Slam a Jam a whatever they were way back in the day with Clyde Drexler, Akim Olajuwon and all of them. They're back. Let's see where where are they right? I got the rankings right in front of me. They're ranked seventh. Auburn, War Eagle, number one, Duke is two Iowa State yes Iowa State when was the last time Iowa or Iowa State was ranked this high in anything maybe thrash metal maybe that was the thing that they had it was was slipknot, I don't know. Alabama. Everybody thinks it's about football over there. Look at that. Look at that.

I'm trying to think the last great Auburn basketball player, I want to say, was Charles Barkley, but I don't watch it a lot. And he got Florida. Was it Joaquin Noah played there, and then he got Tennessee. I think Peyton Manning during the offseason. He played the two guard, right?

Then Houston is number seven. Michigan State, Kentucky and Marquette. Rounding out the top ten. And then you got, there's some crazy teams in here. I never would have thought would be in the top 20 in basketball. Purdue, that makes sense. Kansas, my Jayhawks are at 12 and 12. Texas A&M. Mississippi State, there's some new ones here. Oregon, Ole Miss, Illinois, Wisconsin, Yukon. I feel like that's low for them at 19. They must have lost some players. St. John's, low for them at 19. They must have lost some players left. St. John's, formerly known as the Redmen, now known as the Red Storm. Here's a question I have. Do the St. John's Red Storm ever play in their old arena or all of their games at Madison Square Garden? Because when I'm back east doing the play, I would love to go to a game but i want to go if i could in that other stadium um which is kind of going to be difficult because um

i feel like their games will be the same time i'll be working who knows um shout out to the Michigan Wolverines at 21. Missouri 22, West Virginia 23, Memphis. I'm sorry, Missouri 22, West Virginia, what? Oh, West Virginia 23, Memphis 24, there we go. And I said what because like I keep doing that my eyes, they keep failing me. I need my reading glasses. So I have them um Anyway plumbing ahead here. Um Here's another upside if you're into moto sports

Moto gp and f1 are starting again next month and I saw two crazy things um Like mark Marquez is You know, he rode Ducati last year, but he wasn't on the official team he's now on the official team with Pekka Pekka Banyai and then Lewis Hamilton is driving Ferrari now a lot of people have like difficulty with that, you know, saying they should have, I guess,

stuck with the two young kids that were coming up, but I get why he would do that. I would think if you were a F1 driver and you had the opportunity not only to drive for Mercedes, but then also drive for Ferrari and become part of the history of both of those. I mean what else does that guy have to prove? Doesn't he have like the most championships of all time?

As you can tell I don't know much about F1 but I know that people were mildly upset by the fact that he, why doesn't he fucking do why is he doing what he wants to do? um I don't know that's like you basically have You know the jordan of both sports or the modern-day jordan of both sports are changing what? Uh factory they're uh, they're riding for which really, really going to be interesting. I can't fucking wait, man. And I got to tell you, man, I know you watch a lot of sports, but Moto GP is the easiest

thing to watch. They're quick races, they're only 20-something laps, and they got three levels of them. They got Moto 3, Moto 2, and then the top one. So, you know, I don't know if you like passing and that type of stuff. If you like watching somebody riding 200 miles an hour on a motorcycle and he's trying to pass the person in front of him going 202 miles an hour, I mean, that's exciting to you.

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B-I-L-L-B-U-R-R, one word. All right. Well, there you have it. It's 23 minutes of your life, you'll never get back. Anyway, becoming a fucking motorcycle fanatic. It's weird. I don't know, I've always liked them. and now that I've been riding a little bit I absolutely love them. And I don't know. I don't know what to do about it. This is not something I saw happening. But I mean, they're fucking works of art.

So many of them, and I've been, you know what I've been looking at is a bunch of the older ones. It's a fucking disease, man. I just love old shit. I love old houses. I love old instruments. I love old cars, trucks, motorcycles.

I like anything that's fucking old. I just think there it's inherently fascinating. You know what I mean? That like what how it used to look, the way it was built, you know, the technology that existed then, like I've been really into a lot of those classic Japanese bikes. You know, sort of like the first super bikes. And I don't mean the ones from the 80s, like the 70s. Some of the Hondas particularly. I remember as a kid I used to always love them. There was this weird thing when I was growing up where all of a sudden foreign cars were

like taken over Like my family had a 73 Toyota Corona station wagon black gray with black interior Stick-shift everyone in my family drove a stick right for speed and actually had a wood handle But it was I want to last year's that they did that and I remember my dad Okay, so get the dashboard piece of shit, right? Cuz it was all like plastic. Oh Christ. Look at this thing you know, he didn't want to buy a foreign car, but it's just where we were they were cheaper, right and

Wasn't I say I always loved like during that period the brake lights The way the red and the orange and the shape of them the the way they put them together on the Datsuns, the Toyotas, the cars, and then on the motorcycles. I used to always love the Honda's rear brake light. I don't know why. There was just something about it that it just really looked great and it looked great with the 70s aesthetic. And I'm finding myself going back looking at those things, you know, now that I have, okay, I'll tell you, underrated, learning how to drive, ride a fucking Harley Davidson with the fairing. Once you ride one of those big ones, every other bike becomes a possibility. Now, I'm not talking about like those ones, you know,

where people get on and dress like Speed Racer and go like 200 miles an hour in third gear. I'm not talking about those things, those ninjas and all. I'm not talking about that shit. I just mean everything else that is sort of like, what would you say, what would the word be? The word would be What would you say? What would the word be? The word would be sort of user, more user friendly, more chill or whatever. I've gotten really into those things like old Ducatis and I don't know, they're just like fascinating. And then also it just seems like if I had any sort of mechanical like inclination not inclination skills like the engine is just like the one of the cool things about a motorcycle is a fucking engine is right there I guess you got to take all the shit off on top but like compared to a car was under the hood lifting up the hood trying to

fucking peek around and it was just so goddamn intimidating this shit it's like it's like sitting right there in front of you I know it's like not as simple as that, but in my simple head it is Anyway, I'm getting ready to get the fuck out of here gonna go back east do this play And I'm gonna try to figure out how I can do stand-up during the time when I'm doing it going around doing spots And I'm excited to after I do the play is to do a little tour you know like that one I did right before the holidays where I went through the central valley and I went to all of these places that I had never been to before so I'm kind of into doing that on this tour I want to go to a lot of places I

never been to or haven't been to in a while. So it should be fun but it's kind of crazy. The only date I have on the books right now is Abu Dhabi in July and which will be right after the play. So I got to make sure you know the act doesn't get too dusty. But this is all good problems to have. I got to make sure, you know, the act doesn't get too dusty, but this is all good problems to have. I want to thank everybody that has already bought tickets to go see Glenn Gary, Glenn Ross. I want to thank everybody that has bought tickets to the Wiltern on the 27th.

I get to work with the great Shane Gillis. I've never co-headlined with him before so it's exciting. We're doing our part to try to help whoever we can with the money raised from this and how quickly it's sold out. It's a testament to all the great people out here in LA. So from the bottom of my heart, I really appreciate you guys coming down to the Will turn and Shane always brings it and I plan on bringing it too. And it's going to be a positive thing as we try to figure out how the hell to get out of this. Alright, alright. Well that's it. Enjoy the sports this weekend. Enjoy the people in your life. Alright. Don't let them divide you. Just fucking, you know, listen to people's theories.

You don't have to argue with them. You know, we should just bring back hugging. Somebody says something you don't understand, just be like, oh, just give them a big hug. It would just defuse everything. So fucking silly. Or you do it to the wrong person, you get stabbed in the abdomen, but that's where the excitement comes. All right, that's it, go fuck yourselves.

We have a bonus episode of the Thursday afternoon, just before Friday, Monday morning podcast. Sending out love to all you guys. Look at me, being all fucking mushroomy, post mushroom trip guy. All right, I'll see you. you guys look at me being all fucking mushroomy post mushroom trip guy all right I'll see you hey what's going on it's Bill Burr and it's time for the Monday morning podcast for January 23rd 2017 what's going on how are ya oh man

what a weekend holy Toledoedo. Holy Dayton. Holy Sydney. Holy Cincinnati. Holy Cleveland. What a fucking weekend I had. Good Lord. First of all, I sat there with an Afghan and some Kleenex and watched the entire women's march. And I have to say I was so moved. I'll be honest with you, I haven't watched a second of it. The only reason why I'm bringing it up is because like 50,000 people on Twitter are like, dude, I can't wait to hear you take on the Women's March. I didn't fucking watch it. I cannot, I can't, I, I, did I ever tell you guys how much I believe in protesting, but how much I cannot watch it?

I'm always let down, I'm always disappointed. It's always just a bunch of bad chants. Like I watched the Madonna speech thing, I did do that. Just because I relate to Madonna. Like her, I also stayed at the party too long. You know, I became the old creepy person, still at the club, I did it, I've done it. I totally get it.

I can't. She's fucking brilliant, man. She goes there, right? She knows she has all these eyeballs on her, so she's done this her entire career. This is how you stay relevant. Alright, long after, people give a fuck. This is how you stay in this.

She goes in, she just doesn't give a speech. I mean, how easy would it have been to give the speech without dropping the F word, right? But if you do that, you're not going to get any free press, so she throws a couple of F-bombs in there. God knows I know how that works. I made a lot of money off that word. Good for you, Madge.

Right? But that's not going to be enough because she's thinking probably in her head, you know, I already kind of did the dropping the F-bomb thing on the Letterman interview like 20 years ago. Critics will be like, oh, more of the same from Madonna, blah blah blah, I need to take this to a new level. What does she do?

Threatens to blow up the White House. You know, I got about blowing up the White House, did you, did you really think that? You thought about doing that, Madonna. How did you think, exactly how were you going to execute this plan? Were you going to put on a wily coyote suit and fucking climb the fence? Do you little thing of dynamite going around you know you're backing up with the fucking wire?

Madonna. Oh I thought of did you didn't think about that. You just know if you say some shit like that, it becomes an issue of national security, no matter who the fuck says it. So there you go, now you get Fox News going like, should we consider this a terrorist threat? Right? Classic.

And then what does she do? What is the cherry on top? She sings one of her hit songs in front of all those women. How much fucking money do you think she made? Are you with me? I said are you with me? Do you believe in love? This is off my fourth album. I believe at first debuted it on the blonde ambition tour goes a little something like this Give me a dollar baby I you can download this on iTunes. You know, you know, I'm give me a fucking break

fucking read everybody up there with their fucking I Don't know I Little I couldn't watch it. I had to watch some Madonna thing because when I heard she did that, I was like, this woman, she's fucking brilliant. That woman is, she is showbiz 24-7. That's why she's still around.

She did that. She should have got booed when she started singing that song. People should have been like, is this bitch fucking trying to get 99 cents off of me? I don't know. But that's the only thing I watched. It was like five minutes.

Well actually, I watched her speech, and then I was like, well I gotta hear the song she sings. And it was fucking perfect, man. You know, I love that she sang the Lady Gaga song. Anyways, and of course course underneath all of those, there was like some 17 minute speech from Michael Moore. That shameless bastard out there trolling for pussy, you know, playing the I understand card.

I really hate how he dresses like John Goodman when he was on Roseanne. He's always walking around with his big dumb fucking, I just got done working on assembling cars that fucking Hattie wears. There's no fucking way. I can't sit through that fucking, I can't sit through any of it in this stupid chance and we're going to do this and we're gonna do that. You just wanna be like, you're not, you're not. You're all gonna go home,

you're all gonna get 50,000 different fucking cars and that's gonna be the end of it. You're all gonna get to say that you were there and you put your fucking fist in the, I know this is cynical as shit, but I mean Trump did the same thing, did he not? His acceptance speech, something else I barely saw any of. I just watched the clips.

When it comes to all of this type of shit, I just watched the highlights. Like if you never watched sports, and all you did was just watch Sports Center. You know what I mean? But you never watched the game. That's basically how I watched the shit. Trump did the exact same thing.

He's sitting up there going, hey, these corrupt politicians, they're not there for you. That's basically how I watch this shit. Trump did the exact same thing. He's sitting up there going, these corrupt politicians, they're not there for you, they're there for themselves. Well guess what? It stops now. How Donald, how does it stop now? He sounded like a fucking, some loud drunk in a bar.

Dude, you know what I would do if I was running stuff? I'd kick them all up. Anybody takes a dime, they're fucking out of here. I mean, it sounded like, did he just rent the Untouchables? It was like Kevin Costner's fucking speech in that movie. Like, you're the president. This is what I'm worried about that guy.

I'm worried about that guy, because he thinks being president is like he just bought an old casino, and he's going to go in and get all the people that were fucking, you know, loafing around. He's going to fire them and then replace them with, it's like, you can't get rid of these,

how are you going to get rid of these people? How are you going to prove that they're doing what you're saying? You would have to expose them. All of them. Both the blue ties and the red ties, the red bras and the blue bras, right? They're all going to collectively get together and be like, this guy is going to make us all look like fucking scumbags. We're just not going to work with it. I mean, what he said was just a bunch of, it was a bunch of shit. It's just, it's not, you're not going to do that. That's not how that town works. You're not

the boss. You can't go, you're fired. You have to run shit by people and then they're going to be cunts. They, they will already, Democrats are already going to be a cunt to you because you wear a red tie and they're going to do the exact gonna be a cunt to you because you wear a red tie And they're gonna do the exact same shit the Republicans did do a bomb or they're not gonna work them because you have a different color tie You're gonna come in and you're gonna give some tough speech, you know He should have been standing there holding like a like a piece of a two by four You know, I don't it was like it was very

You know when you're watching a movie and you're enjoying a movie and then all of a sudden they just remind you that, oh, this is just a fucking movie. Because you go, you know, that would never happen. That's what that speech looked like to me. But I didn't see it. I didn't see that either, I just watched the highlights. So you're probably saying, well, Bill,

why didn't you see anything this weekend? You know why? Because I had something a little more important in my life that happened. Okay? I had to watch the New England Patriots win the AFC Championship game. There was a battle this weekend, people.

And I don't mean women and people without voices standing in the rain wearing berets or a prisoner jumpsuit, whatever the fuck somebody was wearing on that day. You know what's funny about Madonna's speech is the amount of people milling around in the background not even listening, smiling, looking at you and listening for a couple seconds, you throw your hand in the air,

and then you just go fucking schmooze with somebody else. It was a big fucking Hollywood party. And I can say that, because I watched three minutes of it. There was another battle going on here, people. And this isn't, by the way, this isn't like an anti-Trump thing, this isn't an anti-woman thing, it's just one of those things of like,

what the fuck is everybody getting so excited about Are you ready I said are you ready and they're all going yes, and it's like for what what are we doing? Where are we going? What's gonna happen? We're gonna walk Up there. We're gonna chance some shit Okay, you think if they walked up, let's say they walked up to the White House because I don't know where they went Let's say they all start chanting. Okay Donald Trump is in there, okay? First of all, me as a civilian, okay? I can go to a Best Buy and I can get a pair

of those Bose noise-canceling headphones and I can press a button and I can't even hear a fucking jet engine that I'm on, or the guy talking too loud on his cell phone. I can just press that fucking thing and it's over, okay? And I'm just a citizen. Can you imagine the pair of Bose fucking headphones that you get handed when you become president?

So you don't have to hear the chanting of the disenfranchised, right? I bet you can't even see them. You know, they fit right underneath this, not the toupee part, the part that's still real, the Ben Franklin part of his fucking hairdo, right? Probably just sticks them in his ear. You know, are the ladies there?

He probably just sat there, right, just with his binoculars on, you know, rubbing himself as he's looking out the window. I'm sorry. Alright, oh God, when did I become such a cynic? You know what, I don't know, I like to think it's life experience, but what are you going to do? What are we going to do?

What do we want? What's going to happen? Nothing! Because we all have to leave. We all have to go to work tomorrow. We have to go to work baby. You know what's funny about Madonna showing up to this one? It's like, don't you live in England?

Why the fuck didn't you go to that rally? I wanted to blow up the fucking White House. Oh yeah? Can I see your passport please? It's like don't you live in England? Why the fuck didn't you go to that rally? I? Wanted to blow up the fucking White House. Oh, yeah, can I see your passport, please? Did you go through customs first there? Oh Jesus just staying at the party staying at the club too fucking long What I'm doing is I'm challenging the images of what is except now you no you're not, no you're not. You're not challenging anything. If she was a guy, she'd be that guy at the Christmas party who had, you know those guys who put the tie around their head and it becomes like,

this is their big rebellion, that's who she'd be, that person. With the fucking mantits. You know, saying wildly inappropriate things to some fucking intern. Just walks into work on Monday, just has to not look at anybody, just close the door to his office and be like, Oh God, how long, how long do I have to just feel the shame of my behavior last Saturday night. Anyways, there was another battle going on. It was the battle between the city of Boston

and the city of Pittsburgh. I don't know, with all the screaming and yelling this fucking weekend, I don't know if anybody noticed that yesterday, in the sporting world, the world that you can actually trust. Well, they do give a lot of speeches, a lot of locker room speeches, and everybody actually is on the sporting world, the world that you can actually trust. Well, they do give a lot of speeches, a lot of locker room speeches, and everybody actually is on the same team,

and then they all go out together and they try to achieve a goal. The Boston Bruins and the Pittsburgh Penguins played each other on the same day that the New England Patriots and the Pittsburgh Steelers played. Now, I know if you're not from this country or if you're just a cunt, you're going to be like, well, I mean, it's really the Boston is the Bruins, not the Patriots.

Do you guys know why the Patriots are called the New England Patriots? This is really actually a sad tale about this team. We were the Boston Patriots initially. And what ended up happening was And what ended up happening was Because you know they were in the AFL and it was an upstart league and All the talent a lot of talent was in the NFL. Nobody really gave a fuck So in an effort to try to get more fans they switched from Boston. They thought if they said New England They could get enough people trickling down from Maine, New Hampshire, Vermont, up from Connecticut and Rhode Island to maybe fill up a little bit of Fenway fucking Park

or whatever they played. Nickerson Field, all these places where they played. That's the reason why. So anyways, so the first game, the Bruins come out, right, and they play Pittsburgh. And for half the game, we were doing all right, you know? After half the game, it was fucking two to one, and then I don't know what happened.

I don't even know what happened. I didn't see the game. I was, uh, I was, you know, doing some other shit, but I was watching it on my phone. It was like two to one. I'm like, all right, they're hanging in there. They're hanging in there. And then I fucking, I don you know, doing some other shit, but I was watching it on my phone. It was like two to one. I'm like, all right, they're hanging in there. They're hanging in there.

And then I fucking, I don't know, I felt like I walked around for 20 minutes. I looked back at my phone. It was like five to one. We got fucking smoked. So you know, people giving me shit on Twitter going, ah, that's one. Same thing's going to happen to your Patriots. And I got to be honest with you. I had no feeling one way or the other

about that game yesterday as far as like, you know, what do you think's gonna happen? I had no fucking idea. Nothing was gonna surprise me. If the Steelers came in and beat us, it wasn't gonna surprise me. After the way, you know, we just looked bad against the Texans and I was not, you know, didn't have too much confidence

in our offensive line and I know Pittsburgh always has like a great defensive line and that type of shit. So I didn't know what the fuck was going to happen. So I was very surprised at, you know, how well everything worked yesterday and it was just fucking amazing. And I was sitting there watching the game on this hospital TV, you know?

And the TV was so fucked up, it was because, you know, it's fucking hospital TV, dude. Like it has like, you know like those waves they used to do when someone was going into like a fucking, like a dream sequence? That's what it was like. So I couldn't even tell what quarter it was or how much

time was left. And thank god they kept saying what the fucking score was, because I could barely see it. And that's all I did. I just was in the hospital, and I was just fucking watching football games on this fucking TV. They just had these lines. They weren't doing the wavy thing.

They were just sort of, you know, just going from left to right. We just, and they just kept fucking going. I couldn't see what was going on. So, but fortunately I was sitting there and I watched the game with my brand new baby daughter laying on my chest for the whole game. Was one of the fucking greatest,

arguably the greatest moment of my life. Did I mention that? Did I forget to bring that up, that old fucking Billy the Kidless is finally a father? Um, yeah. My wife gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. She's perfect, she's absolutely gorgeous. And I'll spare you all the cliches,

you know, that everybody says because one thing I really did learn throughout this whole process which is really is the guy you're observing this amazing thing is that you know just don't tell too many fucking people that's all I can tell you you know I know I said it on the fucking podcast but I don't run into you guys. I mean, in your life. Don't tell too many people you have in a fucking kid because I swear to God, the amount of misinformation,

or even if it's good information, a lot of people don't know how to fucking convey information in a compelling way. So you're just sitting there just smiling, thinking when is this gonna be over? Yeah, people will fucking, it's so nuts. Whatever they went through, they tell you that that's what you're going to go through.

So you end up going in there and you have everybody else's experience in your fucking head swimming around, when the reality is, this is not their experience, it's your experience. And however you react, whatever you do, whatever you think and all that, is fine. It's your fucking experience. Because I was sitting there almost having

like an outer body experience thinking like, why am I feeling this? Why am I feeling this instead of that? I thought I was going to feel this, blah, blah, blah. I was literally in my head for like fucking, I don't know, like 15 minutes. So anyways, that was my weekend. I became a father and I got to see the Patriots go to their unprecedented ninth Super Bowl.

So my wife and my beautiful daughter come home today. I have to do the Jimmy Kimmel show because I'm promoting my next stand-up special that comes out on Netflix on January 31st, taped at the Ryman Theater in Nashville, Tennessee, you know, which is home of the original Grand Ole Opry and legendary place. I got to play it a number of years ago when I did Vince Vaughn's Wild West Comedy Tour

festival thing they have out there in Nashville. And of course, like every performer who goes there, you just fall in love with the place. It's just a magical place. So I got to do my special there and you know, very proud of this one. And if you guys can get the word out and just let people know

that I got a special coming out. It's on January 31st. I don't know how the ratings work on Netflix. I don't know. But basically, people got to watch it. If you watch it, then it comes up on the thing where people can actually see it in the sea of 20 million shows that they have on that worldwide network. So please tweet about it, Facebook about it, social media about it, and all that type of stuff. And I hope you guys enjoy it. I'm really proud of this special. I

love the way it came out and all that stuff. So that's what I got going on and my wife and daughter come home tonight. So that's it. This is the last time my house is going to be quiet. But I've been having a great time so far. I got my fucking diaper changing thing down. My swaddle game is at like, I'd say, you know, it's about at 80%. That's like the biggest fucking thing. I suck at burping. I'm not good at that. You know what I mean?

Because there's only so hard you can go on a baby's back before you think like, am I like beating a baby right now? I don't want to do this. So anyways, anyways, oh, I forgot this too. I got to say my apologies once again, two weeks in a row, to the Atlanta Falcons. I'm sorry, so sorry, that I doubted many eyes. Jesus Christ, the Atlanta Falcons

look like fucking world beaters. I have been converted. In two short weeks, I went from isn't this the fucking team that had to pump in crowd noise because it was so quiet at their fucking stadium? Didn't they have to do that a couple years ago? Didn't they get caught doing that and everybody laughed because it wasn't the New England Patriots cheating

so that it wasn't a big federal offense. Didn't that happen? Isn't that the franchise we're talking about here where they got some little slap on the fucking wrist where the Patriots would have got $12 zillion in fucking fines and lost a bunch of first round draft picks? Nah, nah, nah, it's okay, it's okay. We got a little upset for a second

because we saw a little red in the uniform, and we go, oh, that's not the Patriots, so then it's okay, it's okay. We got a little upset for a second because we saw a little red in the uniform. Oh, that's not the Patriots, so then it's just sort of funny. Isn't that this franchise? Now look at the place, the place is packed. The place is packed, everybody's loud, and I got to tell you something right now, 80% of the people in that fucking stadium

should have been hanging their fucking heads in shame, because where were you? Where were you when they were bad, huh? You know where you were, you goddamn Georgia fans. You can't even show up to the Braves when they make the fucking playoffs. You can't even sell out your fucking stadium. I don't get Atlanta when it comes to that type of shit.

I don't get it. Like, they just, they are not a pro city fucking town. They've lost two hockey teams. You know what I mean? Twice divorced. They had the Atlanta Flames. Wasn't enough to have Bobby Orr and all these great guys from the 70s coming to their town.

They didn't give a shit. They were down the street, right, between them hedges. Hey, we watching some fucking college football. That's what the fuck they were doing. And what did the NHL say? All right, well, what were we thinking? Let's get the fuck out of here. And they went to Calgary and became the Calgary Flames.

Right? And then for whatever reason, because they're the NHL, you know? Because they're stubborn. God damn it, we're going to put another team in there 20 fucking years later. Here you go. The Atlanta Thrasher's, which I've never done, I don't even know what the fuck that is, Thrasher's.

When I hear about thrashing, I just picture somebody shaking their kid, you know what I mean, and you're sitting there in the car next to them in the parking lot going, ah, at what point do I intervene? That should have been their logo, right? Some adult shaking a toddler. I know that's a bad image, but it's a tough game.

It's a tough fucking game. And what happened? You didn't show up to those either, so they fucking moved them to Winnipeg. I'm just fucking with you guys. And now all of a sudden, now they're great and everybody shows up, you know, everybody's fucking pointing the hat,

everybody's fucking doing that millennial thing when your team's doing well and you start fucking vigorously nodding and turning around at the rest of the crowd. Oh, that one drives me up the fucking wall, the nodding thing. These, I think that's sign language for all day. Anyways, but Jesus Christ, that fucking team,

if there's any justice in the world, they're gonna go in as Super Bowl favorites, but they're not. And what's great is they're gonna be able to use that as, you know, whatever they say, to get them hyped. They don't believe in us and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. It's not going to be disrespect to the Falcons. What it is, is when the Super Bowl comes around, is when a bunch of people who don't watch

sports show up. And they're going to show up and be like, who's playing in the game? Oh, Tom Brady, the Patriots, I know who this team is. The Falcons, are they from Tennessee? Like people who don't know sports will know the Patriots and they'll just throw a hundred bucks in the game and they'll put it on the Patriots because that's the fucking team they know.

Which affects the line because Vegas tries to get money on both sides of the ball. So that's what's going to end up happening. That's why back with that year when the Patriots lost to the Giants, which one? The first time when we were undefeated. That's why we were 17 fucking point favorites. Not because we were 17 point favorites. It's because every mouth-breathing dumb cunt that went to Vegas put money on the undefeated team and they were trying to get money on the other side of the ball and if you don't fucking believe me, a month earlier we played the Giants,

we won on like the last drive, the last second, and we led up like 33 fucking points and won by like three or four. How a month later you become a 17 point favorite to a team a month earlier you played in all only one by four points if you can even figure out the fucking math on that one, it's beyond me, so I'm predicting that the Patriots are gonna go in they're gonna be considered the favorites and But they're not I think the Falcons are the favorites and and I think this is their year. I think they're a team of destiny.

Okay? Now people who are into superstition know exactly what I'm doing. Because you're thinking, hey Bill, you're a Patriots fan, how the fuck would you, how the hell could you ever say that? I got a system here people. When the Falcons played Seattle, I said Seattle was going to win. And who won? Those dirty birds of Georgia?

Dirty filthy inbred fucking birds in Atlanta right down low birds Of Atlanta of Atlanta, Georgia, right then last week they go to play Aaron fucking Rogers And the Green Bay Packers and what did I say? Ah, you know, I had a little more respect that I'm gonna go with the Green Bay Packers, and what did I say? Ah, you know, I had a little more respect. Ah, I'm gonna go with the Green Bay Packers. And what do those dirty, stinking, filthy fucking birds do? They went in there, and Green Bay got their asses what? By those glorified pigeons, right?

By those fucking seagulls, by those filthy dirty birds. That's how much fucking goes on in Atlanta. You know what I mean? Even their logo has a fucking STD right outside. That was a bad joke. Anyways. So I've picked against them two times, and both times the Falcons win.

So now they're playing my team in the Super Bowl. So here's my philosophy. Now I'm going to pick Atlanta. And I'm going to say that they're going to win. I got to be honest with you. If Atlanta is getting points, you're out of your mind not to fucking take it. I think personally.

Their fucking defense is unbelievable. That fucking Julio Jones is like, I don't even know. Like he doesn't even look like, he looks like he's, he looks like a full grown adult playing with high school kids. That fucking pass he caught and he just started shredding tacklers. Then that last guy gave him like two or three stiff arms like a jab. Get the fuck out of my face, go fuck yourself right there Fred Touchdown. That guy's a major fucking problem.

Their running back is a major fucking problem. Their running back is a major fucking problem. Obviously Maddie Ice looking like the MVP of the fucking league. They got the three-headed monster thing going on offense and their defense. I don't know anybody's fucking name. All I know is they're flying around the field fucking up every team that I think is going to beat him. So, if they're going to get points, that's a pretty good bet if you ask me. So we'll see. We'll see what happens. You know what Belichick's going to do.

He's going to double fucking Julio Jones and he's going to try to fucking do this and all that shit. I have no fucking idea what's going to happen. I have no idea. I've been busy and I'm so happy that my wife is no longer pregnant. You know, other dads out there know what it's like in that final fucking, the final fucking month is just so brutal where it's just like they are so uncomfortable and there's literally nothing you can do.

One of the most helpless feelings I've ever had. And I'm just so happy that now she's on the other side of that and I was as thrilled for her as it was for myself becoming a dad just that she think that was over so Jesus Christ I already knew my wife was tough considering the amount of like I you I lose most fucking arguments to her because she just but watching her go through what the fuck she went through, Jesus Christ, whole new level of respect for her toughness,

you know what I mean? Like my wife, what she went through could literally watch like a UFC event and be like, ah, these guys are pussies. So anyways, I got to read some fucking advertising here, don't I? I'm sitting here running my yap. All right, all right, where are we going here? Where are we going?

Typing my password, sorry. There we go. All right, let's get to the, oh, here we go. Oh, Jesus Christ. Oh, Jesus Christ. Oh, you know what I forgot to bring up by the way? Remind me, I'm gonna talk to you about this move that Aaron Rodgers does as a QB. I didn't see him do it all day yesterday.

I gotta talk about it, cause I might forget. He's got this fucking move. It's brilliant, right? He, when they do like a seven step drop, right? This, people rushing in from either side and the tackles are blocking them. And you see that they're gonna get around them on the outside.

And Aaron Rodgers has just gone far back enough where that's the line to sack him. So the move all quarterbacks do in that moment is they then step back up into the pocket. So those guys, you know, basically they go around the outside or have to try to go to the inside and then they're back in front of the tackle. Okay, but you know, sometimes they still break through. What he does is he starts to step up and he gets between the tackles. So then those guys who are rushing to the outside then try to make a move to go to the inside

and then he immediately, the second they both commit to go back inside, he pops back to the fucking outside and he actually with that movement has his tackles lined up with their men. It's fucking amazing. He does it all the fucking time and just sat watching Tom Brady. Jesus Christ Did you see that first sack the Steeler had were like I swear to God it was like Tom

The batteries if he was like a robot they shorted out for half a second He's just didn't see the guy and then he kind of did like Buddy kind of freaked out then he spun around and laid down He looked like a deer in headlights on that one He's just not the most mobile fucking guy in the world, but everybody knows that. So that move is the shit. And here's something I don't understand that no wide receiver ever does. You know when they do like a fucking reverse, double reverse or whatever, and you know when the defense is stringing it out and it's not going to work.

You can see it's not going to work. You know, and it's just dying a slow death. I don't mean when, you know, it doesn't work and the receiver gets the right there, Fred. Obviously tuck the ball away, but how come when it's dying a slow death, why do they start doing this OJ fucking dancing around shit? Why don't they just throw the ball away for an incomplete

rather than taking the fucking five to seven yard loss? Has anybody ever seen anybody do that that that is my that's my football Question for this week is anybody seen a wide receiver on a reverse, and it wasn't fucking working out of fucking nowhere Right has anybody seen a wide receiver Just basically do that play is what is all I'm For the love of God, can somebody fucking tell me that they've seen that? I don't understand why they don't do that.

Why the fuck wouldn't you do that? You don't get hit, you don't lose a bunch of yard. Bill, we get it. All right, all right, let me read the advertising here for this week. All right, oh shit everybody. Hey, did I tell you guys I tried to make some beef brujoles the other day?

That's not a fucking easy thing to do. I don't know, did I tell you? I can't remember if I told you that on Thursday. I think I did, I did. I finally figured it out, my recipe, you got to slow cook it for 90 minutes, not 60 minutes. Or I have to learn how to tenderize meat a little bit better.

I need to learn how to beat the meat a little, you get it, a little jerk up joke there, sorry. All right, let's, did I talk about everything I wanted to talk about in the podcast? I believe I did. I believe I did. You know what's fucking hilarious is my wife keeps telling me to go to the firehouse to make sure, the fire station,

to make sure that the kid's seat is put in correctly. Which I think it is. I mean, I fucking could have got a finger punch it, you know, I tried to rip it out, I couldn't rip it out. You know what I mean? And I think my fucking arms are just as strong as a two car accident, right? So, I've gone over to the firehouse twice.

The one in my neighborhood, I've been over there two fucking times. Every time I've ever gone by that fucking firehouse, the trucks are there, somebody else is fucking washing it. Every time I go by the house, the fucking firehouse, nobody's there. Trucks are gone, I'm ringing the doorbell, and there's nobody there.

And I'm sitting there thinking, well, maybe, at least the guy who makes the fucking chili, he doesn't hang back. The second time I went there, the fucking TV was on. So, I don't know. I've been driving around in my wife's car, which I didn't like at first. You know, all these fucking cars,

they're shaped like dinner rolls. They all look the exact fucking same. But now I actually kind of like it. It took me a minute. You know, it's a fucking bronze car. What are you going to do? Anyways, let me read some of the questions for this week. Did I fucking copy and paste them?

Did I at least do that for the love of Christ? No, I didn't, of course not. Why would you do that, Bill? If you did something like that, then that would mean that you were actually fucking paying attention. All right, let's just read them from here. Okay, weight loss slash fat shaming.

Hey there, Billy Bassinet. I actually know what a bassinet is now. Congrats on pregnancy. And you and the lovely Nia will make pretty good parents. That's hilarious. I'm emailing you because I wanted to thank you and Joe Rogan for all of your shit. It enabled me to lose 120 pounds.

That's a whole person. I started back in November of 2015. Dude, that's amazing. And I've kept it off and continued to get to my goal of 220 pounds. I was 357 when I started. He goes, that's a fucking plane. I think it's a gun, isn't it?

357 Magnum. Anyway, thanks for the shame and motivation, you freckled cunt. Good luck and best wishes to you and your growing family in 2017 and the coming years. Oh, and by the way, go fuck yourself in the best way possible. Think stranger.

I don't know what that means. Anyways, oh dude, that's great. I could use know what that means. Anyways, oh dude that's great. I could use some advice because I've been during the last few weeks, I should really say like the last two months of Nia's ordeal is what I'm going to call it. Because it was not a, pregnancy is a fucking ordeal.

You're sick the first fucking third and then there's this, you know, eye of the storm the second trimester and then there's this, you know, eye of the storm the second trimester and then it's just like, it's fucking horrible, you know? If you don't have any sympathy for your wife during a pregnancy, you're not in love with her. You fucking married the wrong person, I could tell you that. So anyways, um... Anyways, yeah, I've been, I put on some, I put on a little bit of weight. Not, not too crazy. I kept hitting the fucking elliptical, but I just kept making comfort food.

And then what would happen was, you know, she'd eat a little bit of it, sort of like it, and then all of a sudden would just be totally, for whatever reason, hormonally would be totally turned off by the next fucking day. And I made enough for two people, and I'm not going to throw it out. You know what I mean? So I got fucking, I gotta finish it. You know, I ate almost a whole shepherd's pie myself. This beef brussels, she goes too heavy, she couldn't deal with it. So you're supposed to have red meat a couple times a month. I've had it four times this week. So, but you know what, I finished the day with a salad.

I never make myself salads either. I just never know what the fuck to put in them. You know what I mean? I finally just started with basics, right? I go to the grocery store. This is what I've been doing lately. It's been working for me. As I go there and I get that pre-washed fucking lettuce that they have in there, you know, because you know basically what happened.

A few people had to die by unwashed fucking lettuce. Now they wash it up for us. So you get that shit. I get three different colored peppers, green, red, and the orange, right? I cut those fucking things up, cut up some cucumbers, throw all of that in a bowl. Then I got some tomatoes on the vine in a bowl outside the fridge

and a little parmesan cheese and then I just have everything all chopped up and ready to go. Pre-shredded fucking parmesan and all that so then at night when I get hungry before I do something stupid I just make a quick fucking salad a little bit of the Paul Newman's fucking balsamic vinaigrette on it

I make a face like I don't want fuckin' eat this and then a couple bites in, you're into it, it's over. You get it going, it's like trying to fuckin' write a term paper back in the day. You kept puttin' it off, puttin' it off, and then when you finally sat down, you just fuckin' did it.

Same thing with eatin' a salad. I try to do that if I'm gonna eat past like seven o'clock. I try to have that and then I have like a scotch. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. I try to have that and then I have like a scotch. It's the Ron Burgundy diet or whatever. All right, work meeting. Dear Billy Redtank, the cunts I work with have tasked me to share an inspirational quote or poem during our bi-monthly team meeting, sorry.

Consciwork have asked me to share an inspirational quote or poem during our bi-monthly team meeting. Oh my God. Well, if there's ever a sign you gotta quit this fucking job. Personally, I'd rather tell them to go fuck themselves, but since this would be frowned upon, I find myself in need of your expertise. Do you have any inspirational quotes

that you can share with me so that I can keep pretending that I'm not dead inside? Dude, you're not dead inside. What you are is you're an intelligent human being who knows that this is silly and you're sick of being treated like a fucking child. This is like some shit that like when I was still in school, you know, and I had to sit there

with my hands folded on my desk. Dude, I swear to God, the corporate world is so fucking cold and so out of touch with like how human beings even fucking work. Or they totally understand it, and this is how they just break your spirit You know what it is is you probably you guys have these mind-numbingly boring fucking jobs, right? They probably don't pay enough money for you to be fucking excited by it. So now what they're gonna try to do is have you You know Go out and they won't even do it for you.

They won't even come up with like a fucking, you know, their own like little, you know, like the Raiders, just win baby. You know what I mean? The Cubs, let's play two. They can't even come up with their own. This is their fucking job. Well look, you know what you have to do, but what I would love you to do is write your own fucking poem where it all rhymes and you just trash in this thing, whatever the fuck this exercise is. What rhymes with cunts? Uh, let's see. One of the most exciting plays in baseball is when a speedy hitter lays down a bunt.

I am dead inside. I don't like this job. And certainly not working with you cunts. Consider this my last fucking day. Don't worry, I don't have a gun, but I would like to say fuck all of you and your mothers too. Now I'm out of a job, I don't know what I'm gonna do.

And then you just leave, go on and get drunk. I don't know what the fuck to do. Dog wins marathon. Hey Billy, probably a dad. I am, go on and get drunk. I don't know what the fuck to do. Dog wins marathon. Hey Billy, probably a dad. I am, I'm a father now. Which means I now get to fucking act like I know things that people who don't have kids know. Don't know, or whatever, you know how they do it.

Oh, you don't understand, you don't understand your baby's looking in your eyes, shut up. You didn't wear a condom, all right? That is your fucking big, that's what you did, alright? Stop acting like you walked on the moon. Oh, do you have a baby? Oh my god! What is that, 12 billion of those fucking things? It's like saying you have a hat.

Alright, dog wins marathon. Hey Billy, probably your dad. Thought you liked this story. But it's my hat. Thought you liked this story. But it's my hat. Thought you liked this story. A dog left its house and started running a marathon and ran alongside runners and finished the whole thing. He finished seventh.

Congratulations, get the fuck out of here. Now I have to watch this video. He ran the whole fucking... No, he didn't. Ludivine. Ludivine ran the entire 13.1 miles without a leash or human companion. Okay, first of all, 13.1 miles is not a marathon. Oh, half marathon, sorry. See how the misinformation starts? He fucking called it a marathon, and then I start blaming CNN. Dog wins marathon.

He won half a marathon. See, you already started the lie. Dog gives CPR after running a fucking marathon. Runners in Alabama may have bitten off more competition than they anticipated in a race earlier this month. All right, now it makes sense, because I was like, what kind of a fucking dog owner would leave his front door wide open and the goddamn thing just runs out and runs fucking 13 miles away?

Oh, obviously somebody in Alabama. A dog finished in the top 10 in the Elkmont Half Marathon, the trackless train trek, on January 16th and has been quite the internet sensation. What is a trackless train trek? There used to be train tracks there? Was this the Underground Railroad? Is this how the slaves got out of there? Yeah, you know, we later, they escaped up this way, but we blocked it off.

Now we just do a marathon. White people only marathon. I love how they act like, I do it too, like, racist white people are only in the south. That's not true. We're everywhere. Ludvine, a bloodhound, lives nearby, and a bloodhound, oh, I fucking love those. That's not a bloodhound. Oh, I fucking love those. That's not a bloodhound. Oh, yes it is, but when it runs,

its face is all flying backwards so it looks like a fucking retriever. That's one of my favorite dogs ever. Ah, god damn, it's making me miss my dog. Alright, let's plow through this. Bloodvine, a bloodhound. Lives near, by the way, update on Cleo is the new owner sent me a fucking picture

and it was up on the couch sleeping like a baby, loving life, probably doesn't even remember us because it's a dog and it lives in the fucking present and so that was that was good to see but when I saw it was like, oh fuck Anyways, she competed without a human or leash. Her owner doesn't even run That's what makes this story. You know what? I don't like this story. I don't like this far. I don't like this is one of these just like let's just go aww all together Isn't it? There's a nice heartwarming story for everyone All right best man

Hey, Billy bitch tits That's one of the most popular ones you guys always call me that Billy bitch tits. Is it the alliteration? I do push-ups. I don't have bitch tits. That's one of the most popular ones. You guys always call me that. Billy bitch tits. Is it the alliteration? I do push-ups. I don't have bitch tits yet. I recently proposed to my girlfriend. Congratulations. And we're getting married in December. Congratulations. And when my lady asked me who I wanted as my best man, I realized I wasn't close enough to anyone to ask them. I have friends and coworkers and family, but I'm not really close with them. Not enough to choose one best man anyway. So with that, is this a fucking pitch for a Hollywood movie? Didn't Kevin Hart have to,

is this a Kevin Hart movie? So with that being said, what are the chances of you showing up and being my best man? If not, can you get me in touch with Joe Rogan? Thank you. Where's your wedding gonna be at? If I got a gig, if I got a gig nearby, I'll fucking do it.

I'll come down, whatever you need. Let me tell you something about, something that a lot of people don't know about Larry. Okay? This guy, fucking, this guy listens to the Monday morning podcast. Start doing the Madonna thing. I'll just start hyping my fucking podcast. That's what I'll do. I'm going to do the Madonna thing. I'm going to wear a beret. I was like, you know, when I came here, I thought about blowing up this fucking reception area. Cause I didn't like the cake. Why is the groom on the left?

And not the people read from left to right. Why is it the lady first? Any, I don't know what the fuck. What I do, I don't want to fuck it. What I do, I don't know, maybe I would do that. I have no fucking idea. No, I'm not going to do it because then I have to go through the whole fucking ceremony. I got to present the ring and do all of that shit. I don't want to fucking do that.

I barely wanted to be at my wedding. Even though I had a great time. That's what I learned about myself too. I swear to God, what I fucking learned about myself is the level of social anxiety that I have, that the amount of big moments in my life that if I could just fast forward through them and get on the other side of them,

I would gladly do it to not, I mean after I have the experience, I always think like, well what the fuck was I so you know, anxious about? And I actually, you know, my wedding was one of the best nights of my life. But like, you know, my wife went into labor and shit. You know, I'm driving her over there and everything. And, you know, there was that part of me

was just going like, just thinking like, I hope this is over as quickly as possible. And it wasn't, that was like a selfish thought. It had nothing to do with, like, I don't want my wife going through anymore just thinking like, I hope this is over as quickly as possible, and it was, that was like a selfish thought. It had nothing to do with like, I don't want my wife going through anymore of this pain, which I definitely, that might have been the most emotional I got. Listening to her screaming in fucking pain, that was fucking brutal.

Anyways, but like, yeah, I had this feeling like, if I could just hit fast forward and just be on the other side of this thing I would do it in a second and I Thought about that like my entire fucking life I've had I've had I never really realized I have this social anxiety with all of this shit

Like I just want to I just get fucking through it get on the other side. I'm on the other side I made it through nothing humiliating happened now. I can fucking relax. I felt like that for like the first probably nine years of every stand-up show that I did. Like the level of relief that I had after. Like once I got on stage I would be fine. And then you just do when you're acting. Then then even if you're bombing or whatever, it's like, the clock has started. And with every second, it's closer, the event is closer to being over.

You know what I mean? It's the waiting and not knowing. That's what has always, always fucking given me anxiety. Like the amount of stand-up shows that I've done and impossible situations that you go through as a comedian when you're coming up, for me it was never, it was already over by the time I got on stage.

Because now you just go out there and now you just deal with stuff and you tell people go fuck themselves or you plow through, they get you and you look stupid and you feel like an asshole, but then you say good night and then it's over. And then you can just fucking relax. But when you're standing there, for me, for me, when you're standing there at the side

of the fucking stage waiting, or metaphorically, you know, going there, I mean, I don't know. I can't believe, this was one of the craziest fucking weekends of my life you know what I mean from the Women's March to Donald Trump getting sworn in to the Patriots going to another fucking Super Bowl and becoming a dad was a hell of a hell of a four days I can tell you that and I don't know and I'm very thankful to be honest with you, all jokes aside, that I finally got to have that experience of becoming a dad because it was getting to the point of like, I don't know if I'm going to get this experience. And it's weird.

I feel like I lived my youth straight into my golden years. And now I'm the middle part. I'm just doing it. I was joking. I think I may even said this on podcasts. I'm like living my life like a Tarantino movie where it's like completely out of sync you know John Travolta is walking by in the background you know the diner scene in Pulp Fiction my ruining this do I still say spoiler

alert even though that fucking movie came out like 22 years ago 23 years ago anyways that is the the podcast for this week tune in to Jimmy Kimmel tonight and I don't know what I'm gonna do I don't know what I'm going to do. I don't know what I'm going to fucking talk about. All I know is I got the pre-interview coming up. What were some of the things you'd like to touch on? Huh? Well, can I do the cunt poem for my podcast?

I don't think so. We shall see. We'll see how this one goes. I'm very excited. I've never done the Jimmy Kimmel show. And here's something. This is how cool that fucking guy is. I met him one time at, I think I was down at Lago, where I'm going to be.

Bill Burr and Friends on January 31st on La Cienega Boulevard, right down here in Hollywood. And he came down to the show to see somebody else and I met him and I started talking to him about how Bill Walsh wrote this book. You know the at the height of his you know just being like the Bill Belichick Vince Lombardi guy of his era he was approached to write a book on football and he wrote like you know he basically showed the outline and he had diagram plays and it was like you had to be a coach to understand the book and the the publisher or whatever the the company he was doing the book with was basically like going dude you got to like we can't put this book out like you

got to be like a you got to be like a football coach to even understand any of this shit. How about some pictures of you with Joe Montana? How about some family stories and blah blah blah? And he was just like, no. You want me to write a book about football? This is it right here. And he just fucking put out this thing. So the book bombed as far as not making money

with just regular Joe's, like even myself, the amount of football that I watch, but amongst coaches evidently, that book became like a Bible. And if you can find like a hardcover version, you find them on the internet, they go for like three, 400 bucks or something like that. And whatever, I was telling Jimmy that story

and he was laughing, thought it was funny or whatever, and I was joking going like, you know was laughing, thought it was funny or whatever, and I was joking going, I want to actually get that book, maybe I'll finally understand the cover to defense or whatever the fuck is, the nickel defense and that type of shit. So sure enough, fucking three weeks later, I get this package from Amazon. It was from him and he actually bought me the book and I thumbed through it, dude, and I'm telling you, it's like you feel like you stole a team's playbook so anyways so but I've never been able to do his show every time I try to do his show like something

would come up so this is my first time doing it and so tune in tonight I'm hoping I'm gonna go there and be able to repay him by being a little bit funny on his show but once again my new stand-up special, Walk Your Way Out, comes out January 31st on Netflix. Please tweet about it, please let everybody know. And that's it. Thank you for listening to the podcast. I'll talk to you later.

I'll check in on you on Thursday. All right, see you. It's Championship Week. What's up, everybody? Welcome back to the Anything Better podcast, NFL edition for Championship Week. I'm Paul Verzi, that's Bill Burr. We got Andrew Thimless over there. We have, of course, we have Jake The Snake in an undisclosed

location with our injury report and we are going- Ask the people where he is, the ladies ladies will find him still knock his door down. Um, dude, the Buffalo Bills beat the Ravens. The, the Rams, dude, the Rams, I thought they were going down and going to win that game. And when they, when Stafford threw it out of bounds, I was like, what are you going to do? Great games though. Both of the games were good. Yeah. And I think, you know, they made too much of a thing about the Ravens messing up. They weren't given the Bills defense enough credit. I mean, okay,

that kid dropped the ball in the end, but like they were punching the ball out, stripping and doing all kinds of stuff. They were forcing turnovers. So, you know, we'll see. I had, I thought they were all good games other than like the Casey game. I literally had to shut it off, dude. The amount of just cross promotion that was going on. Yeah. So here's my theory.

So they cut to Taylor Swift and she's with some big female athlete. Yeah, Caitlin Clark. All right, well here's the deal. There's a conspiracy theory on the internet that feminism, as far as the part of feminism where to get women in the workforce was done by the people that own the banks

because they could only tax half the population. So they kind of start, hey, you should get out there and work, right? So my conspiracy theory is big pharmaceuticals upset because only half the population gets CTE. So now they want to start promoting female sports. I mean, do the level of like how far in the background I felt the game was. And listen, you'd watch your Lakers game, they would cut to Diane Cannon or Jack Nicholson. But like the level that they have to do with so Swifties keep watching. I just felt I was just like, you know, the chiefs are trying to three peak is way bigger than me looking at this musician

and her re, oh, it was a good play. Of course she likes it. Yeah. She's dating the tight end. I get it. How many fucking times and oh, and she's with Caitlin Clark and Caitlin Clark, they just fucking thought of that. And Caitlin's holding the can of Pepsi and Pepsi, but by the way, it's just like, what

the fuck are we doing here? Well, I got something for you, Bill. Your buddy Paulie over here in New York. I'm putting my money where my mouth is. I think Josh Allen and the Bills overcome the Chiefs, overcome Taylor Swift and overcome the officials and beat them this week. I thought I'd listen. Is that AI or players really saying at least former players are going like, yeah, man, this is ridiculous. And like Troy Aichman going, this is ridiculous. No, it's not AI.

I gotta be honest with you, as a Patriots fan, I'm getting tired, oh, they're the new Patriots. We never got the red carpet like that. And also, you're forgetting deflate gauge. Dude, Brady never- Roy D'Amel fucking hated us to the point he upheld the investigation of, the independent investigation

of the owner of the losing team. And then we beat him in court because it was such bullshit, and they found a loophole to still suspend our Patrick Mahomes for six games. When that fucking happens, dude, then you can say you're the new fucking Patriots. That guy hated us.

Hated us. Brady never got these calls. The only guy that I saw kind of have his way with officials like this was Jordan in like that heyday that three year. But this is dude, uh, ex players are saying it. Analysts are saying it. Mad dog Chris Russo was going like, do it like you. He goes, I can't take it anymore. I can't, I can't even watch him. I can't watch him. And here's what sucks. The officials did a great job all year except like like except for them, which sucks

because they're like on their game. But dude, I think Josh Allen and the Bills are going to beat them. I think they're better. I called it. It's the only storyline they had like they these sports and I'm not shitting on the NFL. All of these NHL doesn't do it at all because they've always just been a wild card. But like the NBA has storylines, football has storylines, baseball has storylines, and that's what storylines is what keeps people come back, the soap opera of the thing. And they protect that thing at all fucking costs, especially if you only have one. Because if you take away, you know, Taylor Swift, Travis Kelsey, Patrick Mahomes, can the Chiefs repeat? If you take that away, it's a really weird time

in the NFL right now where there's no, there's always like, who do you like better, Brady or Peyton, you know, Manning? Who do you like better? Fucking, who was it back in the, oh, the Cowboys 49ers rivalry or Elway or Montana. They've always had that. I keep saying this every week,

but like it's getting so fucking overt. And then people are trying to be like, dragging the Patriots into that shit is so fucking ridiculous. It's like the NFL was against us. That's how much they fucking hated us. Hey, I got a question for you. If Travis Kelsey was dating a dog show, but she was up there in the booth, if she moved tickets, if she moved tickets 100% if it was Lizzo. If it was somebody that was like you know annoying. Yeah. Everybody would watch just to hate if the person was annoying. Yeah. Yeah. Don't ever forget Paul if they're annoying. It's annoying. Yeah it's annoying. Yeah. Yeah. Don't ever forget Paul if they're annoying. It's not. Yeah, it's annoying. It is annoying Paul and I have to be honest with you. This is like sports on two levels was an escape for men. It was an escape from the news, the reality of your job and the pressure of having

to support your family. And it was also an escape. You got away from the woman in your life. You hung out with the fellas, you fucking said whatever and you had a good fucking time and that shit is over. Sports are now like, you know, they just they bring everything. They got the fucking military flying over, you know, this and that's money. The NFL doesn't support the troops. They make money off of them. I'm so sick of them acting like they're aligned with the troops. You get paid every time you show one. Um, dude, I almost just went off on my wife when you said that. So I was going to say it's the wife's fault. I'm not going to go there. She might hear me. Um, but dude, I will say, I'm going to do something I normally don't do, Bill. I'm going to play devil's

advocate here. I'm going to be a contrarian, which you know, isn't me. I'm an anti-contrarian, but I'm easy. I think he got to give, I think everybody's got to give the chiefs a little credit here, dude, because he finds the open man a lot. And like Kelsey does get Paul. No, they're good, man. They're good. More people need to compliment Patrick Mahomes. No, I'm just saying they're good. They are a good team. I'm not saying they're not a good team Paul But I gotta be honest with you. It you what are we doing? They're in the fucking TSA pre-check line going down the field They got clear and preach what I can tell you right now

That fucking flop he did out of bounds. He should have got a three-game suspension for that was your dow's ridiculous. Oh What the fuck was that? We went from Jack Lambert to that. A hundred percent right. A hundred percent right. And it was ridiculous. It was egregious, but I think they're going, Andrew, can we get the lines for the chiefs bills?

I got to see the line here. Paul, they, they fucking decided this guy was gonna be the next guy. They did. Okay? And I'm not saying he's not one of the best, if not the best in the league right now. But dude, is he Peyton Manning? The Chiefs are two point favorites. Two point...

Paul, I hate how that graphic came up and just my point just laid on the ground Paul is he Elway? Is he Montana? Is he as good as those guys? are you saying that he has like some fucking Dan Marino level arm? no I'm just saying the amount of praise it's just fucking insane it is it absolutely is

um and Paul it came early I remember making fun of it. One of his first Thursday night games just announced, he goes, I hope you'll praise me! Watch out, watch out! And I'm going like, this kid's the next kid. They are selling this kid this fucking hard because Brady's leaving and they're done. They don't have anybody else. But to your point about comparing it to my homes, those other quarterbacks, he's

already won three Super Bowls. He has more Super Bowls than all those guys. So it's like, it's hard to judge now. And he could get a fourth this year. I know, but too. They're fucking just letting him go down the field holding players. Yeah, that's the thing. I gotta be honest with you too. I am so sick of that like if he gets six championships does that mean he's as good as Jordan? Michael Jordan who changed the game. Yeah, and here's the thing dude and I hate to keep bringing this up and sounding like a broken record and sounding like sour grapes and people are gonna say Paul it's because you bet on the 49ers last year.

Dude, Nick Bosa would have sacked Patrick Mahomes three times in a row if he literally wasn't held by both shoulder pads, three plays in a row to the point where everybody on the sidelines was just going like, what's going on? But that being said. Oh, wait, wait, no, no, not that being said. Jake the Snake, I'm gonna tell you what, this is manufactured.

This is manufactured the way the fucking Lakers were in fucking the 2000s. Oh my God. Jordan's leaving. What do we have? We have no storyline. And all of a sudden the Lakers, oh my God, Shaq's going there. Colby's going there. Phil Jackson's going there. None of them were Lakers. That was a Charlotte Hornet and Orlando Magic and the coach of the fucking Bulls. And they needed a storyline. I'm not saying he wouldn't have won championships or anything, but this dude, this shit, they're in a fucking limousine. Oh yeah.

No, they are. There was a, comparing them to the Patriots, there was a stat that Brady got 38 roughing the passer calls in his career. And I think Mahomes also has 38 But Mahomes obviously has played half the years. So I mean, yes right there Yeah, they learned with baseball what happened to baseball was all the records were like from fucking you know, and Inside show Billy had fucking 400 RBI's and 19 fucking oh two, right? And it was like it was just a game of the past and they needed to update it so

They juiced up the ball They made the stadium smaller and they looked the other way when these guys got roided up and then all of those records fucking Felt and I think everybody like was like well We don't want to be what happened at baseball be the Nationals pastime and then become the sport Nobody gives a fuck about right so they get in a panic when there's a changing of the guard. Okay, like when Jordan retires, fuck, who do we got now? We need a story, we need a fucking story. And you need an interesting story.

Okay, and it's just like, so they got all of this shit. They tried to do the thing, you literally saw them trying to make people give a fuck about Patrick Mahomes and his relationship. Nobody did. So they dropped that because that and what was the prototype for that? It was Brady and Giselle. Yeah, Oromo and Jessica Simpson. That happened naturally. The way the Lakers and the Celtics happened naturally in the 80s and then the NBA's like, oh, that's our bread and butter. Two teams, bunch of stars battling each other. And then you went into the age of the super teams. Yeah. Jake, do we have any injuries for commanders, Eagles or Bill's Chiefs tomorrow? I mean, Sunday, uh, commanders, Eagles, the big one is, um, Jalen hurts. Um, uh,

there was a play where, uh, hurts rolled his knee or someone rolled over hurts knee. And you can see that he wasn't the same after that. So we'll see if he recovers in time for this week, but, um, I'm sure I'll be out there, but he definitely looked hobbled towards the end of that game. I think he only played three passes after that. So that's the big storyline. But other than that, I think everyone's going to be a fair point. The big names at least will be out there. My homes, Alan, Jay, Daniels. Yeah. So anyway. All right, Bill, I'm going to give you the first game here. What do you think? Commanders are getting six against the Eagles. What's that?

I'm gonna take the Eagles and I'll tell you why, because as much as you're seeing, you know, another superstar quarterback with the commanders, I didn't like how they needed to score 48 points to win the game. They still led up, how many points points they let up. What was it? High 30s, low 40s or something like that. I'm old school. I still believe you have to have a defense

to win a game. And I just think the deeper you go into the playoffs. I don't know what was their record this year against each other. It was one and one but hurts got injured in the second game or got got a concussion in the second game So when when that happened the commanders came back and won? I still think I think everybody's gonna love the six fucking points. Jesus Christ. All right, I'm just talking money line I think the Eagles win this game six fucking points Yeah, dude, this is tough because you know, I have this bias to say quant thing. I love them money line I think the Eagles win this game six fucking points yeah dude this is tough because you know I have this bias the Saquon thing I love them it's

hard to see him do what he's doing but the commanders are on a run and I really think they're playing with house money I could see the Eagles pulling it off at the end of the field goal but I love the points I'm gonna take the commanders getting six I've been riding them all year and they've gotten me here. So I'll take the commanders getting six. And all right, I'll start off Bill's Chiefs. That's a surprisingly low scoring game. So it's probably good to take it. I don't think it's going to be a shootout. I think the Eagles are a really, really solid team. And I just don't see. I mean, I'll be honest with you. I don't know what the fuck that game was last

week. The commander's 28 second quarter, the fucking game's over. No, it isn't. They had to do it twice. Yeah, dude, it's Madden now. Dude, the Lions that was I mean, that was my Super Bowl pick. I did not expect that. Um, Jake's been Jake's been calling the Lions frauds all year. He's probably happy that they're my favorites and they lost by what was the two three scores, but the pick six is a huge reason why the commanders has scored so many points. So I mean, it flipped the entire game. So I mean, the lions probably still going to came back if it wasn't for that point. So I mean, that's the difference of the game right there. Um, all four teams have not committed a turnover that are left in the playoffs. So whoever wins the turnover battle probably wins these games. All right.

If you turn it over then there's a flag and they get they get a fucking do-over. That's the chiefs. I'm curious to see. Hit me with this fucking cheese. He's got four fucking rings. Fuck that shit. I'm curious to see. They're doing this shit on purpose.

Yeah. Because they have a new king dude. Whether he is the guy or not the guy and I'm not saying he's I'm gonna be a fucking broken record here. I'm just saying dude this is a game. the like 30 miles an hour. They got an electric mountain bike. Yeah, they got a little electric motor pushing them up in field. And I'm not the only guy fucking saying it either. It's former players are saying it too. So I don't know how long you can sit there going haters. No. And I'm curious to see what the officials do because everybody's saying it this week. Everybody's saying it this week. So, you know what they do?

They need to have that kid from fucking rock and new year's Eve. Like he should be the guy commentating the game. Who's the guy Ryan Seacrest should be announcing the game. And there's Taylor Swift and she's sitting next to fucking whatever, Caitlin Clark and oh my God, here comes Beyonce. And it's the top two halftime show and Travis Kelsey's gonna dance with them. I hope you appreciate.

That really is true. Chiefs games have become the red carpet at the Golden Globes. It's a fucking variety show. It's not football. I literally shut it off. Like I feel like I'm watching a movie about football and that they're cutting through the co-star for some shit. All right.

Well, here's my weird feeling and prediction. I think that the game is going to be a field goal And I think somebody's gonna mess up and miss and I think it's gonna be the Chiefs I think Josh Allen is gonna do enough to put the Bills in position to win and I think he takes them out I'm going with the Buffalo Bills in an in a in a in not a huge upset because it's only two points But I'm gonna take the Buffalo Bills to silence that Red Kingdom over there and Taylor Swift. And I hope, let me just say this, I hope when Josh Allen and the Bills are cheering and jumping around that field, they go to Taylor Swift in that suite and they show everybody in there looking somber. They better do that.

That's my prediction. All right. What I didn't like about your prediction is you said you think Josh Allen is gonna do enough. That sounds like you're picking a game in October. I don't think you, you can't come in and just do one. I don't know, dude. No, I mean enough by getting them to the 30 and kicking a game winning field goal.

Against the Chiefs, the rats in Spotify. You think that that's going to, I didn't. I can just fucking hold you on the final fucking drive. If I just put my hand on your hip and it's past interference, if I can take my helmet off in the end zone and the ref tells me to put it back on rather than and it's past interference. If I can take my helmet off in the end zone and the ref tells me to put it back on rather than getting an unsportsmanlike, if my defensive coordinator can call timeout, even though that's illegal and the timeout is called, I need Josh Allen to do more than just enough. Valentine's day massacre. It's by 40.

Dude, I wish I wish us four for this show could be together. Shakootery board, all the food and just have the cameras on us watching the Chiefs. Oh, I can't eat and watch a Chiefs game. It's that. Just have just have a fucking barf bag. And here's the thing. I love the Chiefs with fucking Ben Dawson, Joe Delaney, rest the the the Oh dude, Hank Schramm was great. Good, that's a good place, that's a good place. Wilson LeMere, I'm a fucking huge Chiefs fan, but I'm a fucking football fan first. And let me tell you something, Paul, this ain't football. So Bill, you're taking the Chiefs.

You're taking the Chiefs. 100% I'm taking the fucking Chiefs. The movie of the week. The movie of the week. I can't wait, they're probably going to have a movie of the week I can't wait. They're probably gonna have a movie of the week. They're probably already shooting it Called the three Pete and that kid who used to host the Daily Show is gonna fucking be Patrick Mahomes Part of me thinks you're right, but I'm just going with the better team. I think that I don't know, dude. Oh,

Trevor, what's his face is going to play Patrick. They're already shooting it ball. That's how fixed it is. They already know. It's called the three Pete and somewhere in there like the, the just for, uh, to keep the story going. Taylor Swift will have some sort of, you know, ambiguous cancer test. We can get Travis Kelsey, who will be playing himself to tear up on camera and get nominated for a Golden Globe. Soundtrack is, oh, yes, soundtrack merch. I mean, you know.

Oprah's gonna produce it. Oprah's been kind of laying low lately. I feel like she's kind of like, alright, I made my money, you know what I mean? I don't know what this business is anymore. It's like two streaming services that aren't buying anything.

We'll just sort of leave it at that. I mean, I think that's the thing. I that aren't buying anything. We'll just sort of leave it at that. Oh, dude, I can't, Bill, I can't, I wish I could be a fly on the wall at your house when they call a flag against the Bills. I'm not watching it. I realized last week the NFL was playing me as a sucker going they're like I know The bill burr sports fan hates that we keep cutting to fucking Madonna, right? But fucking Taylor Swift, right? But he is too invested In watching NFL games. It's still a playoff game. He will stay and watch this. We are betting.

Yeah. We are betting that we can keep all of this stupid shit going on and all of this cross promotion and all of this shit. He's going to keep watching it. Dude, I just, I had to shut it off. I had to shut it off because it made me sad because if you think this is going to be the last time

they do this, I think this is their new business model. That they're gonna prop up a team even when they're not the team. I'm not saying they shouldn't have won one or two of them or whatever but dude that shit last year was a fucking gift. The year before was worse in my opinion when they beat the Bengals on a tiki-tac call. Oh dude the Bengals had them and then that out of bounds. Yeah. And then the Eagles game, the holding call that was a Phantom holding call at the end, won them that game.

So I think that was the worst one. That's like honorary degree championships. 100%. That was their O2 Lakers run, the 22 run. Oh yeah, yeah, beating the Sacramento Kings. So I mean, I don't know dude, like, I've just been, I've been watching college basketball. I'm watching the Kansas Jayhawks. It still looks like poop to me. I'm done with the NBA. That looks like a shoot around. It's it.

And I'm not going out like a gentleman either. I'm shitting on all the leagues. See, but this is what upsets me because everything was good this year except the Chiefs. The Chiefs ruined. It was a good year. Teams like the commanders with a young quarterback, good officiating. And then they do this. That's a fair point. That's a fair point. Everything was good except this fucking team. God, I want them to watch and I like them. Look at look at look at look at you. You're like, Oh God, I want that's what that's what they're hoping for. It's it's making you fucking hate them. So you sit down and watch. Don't fucking watch. Don't watch and buy the jersey of that kid on fucking buy a bunch of Josh Allen jerseys this week. Do Josh Allen make the NFL think, oh, that's where the money is. Because

that's all they care about. You saw it was CTE, they look the other fucking way. And then when they had to pay the players, with the miserable final third of their fucking lives, what they give them 700 bucks each. Look, there's a reason why I fucking beat the book four years in a row. Okay, because I'm one of the best there is. Okay. Now let me say this. Okay. I was doing an Instagram live and somebody goes over so you don't know I go I'm better than you at this. Here's the deal.

Somebody is still questioning you. Oh, dude, somebody's you know, very few but here's the deal. Josh Allen is on another level. Their running game with James Cook is great. Their defense is not bad. One little thing that they don't have that I think the edge goes a little bit The officiating crew, yes. The officiating crew and receivers. But dude, I think the Bills can go in there and control the clock with the running game.

And Josh Allen is just not a guy, knock on wood to make big mistakes in a big game. He just isn't. And Josh Allen is MVP candidate this year. Patrick Mahomes is not. Josh Allen is having a better year as a quarterback this year. The Buffalo Bills are only a two point favorite because the officiating. They're a better team. You're describing the Bills going every good bills team that

went in and lost the playoff game. They're always this guy. There's no reason why Charlie Brown one time doesn't kick the fucking ball. You know what I mean? There's no reason for that yet. It doesn't fucking happen with that. You know what? Marv Levy is 99 years old, the great Marv Levy who took those bills teams.

And I got to be honest, that means those losses never took years off his life. Thank God. Right? Guy's gonna hit 100. He was too nice to win one. He was a wholesome guy. He helped out the community, led home to his wife. These are not the things.

This is not how you win in a capitalist society. No, I'm kidding. That's hilarious. Be like, yeah, dude, never cheated on his wife. They're done. He has morals. It's over. If a guy gets concussed, he actually sits him down because he's thinking about the quality of the rest of his dude he was there for his kids no way they win all right okay now who are the chiefs playing in this made for tape TV movie you're saying they're gonna be playing the commanders um no no i don't know if the commanders are going to win. I like the six points. I

could see the Eagles winning by a field goal. The commander's keeping it close. Um, I think in a perfect world, the two cameo. What's that? Man does what? The Stallone do a cameo. Oh, a hundred percent. Stallalone wouldn't. I feel like the loan wouldn't still do a rocky reference. No, the rock would the rock would do a cameo not sly. Sly once is when when Rocky

wins. Is that not one of the greatest scores of any music ever? Dude, I'll be honest with you when when Adrian was in the hospital, and two and he's sitting there and Mickey's got his head down. And she goes, Come here, I'll be honest with you, when Adrian was in the hospital in two, and he's sitting there and Mickey's got his head down, and she goes, come here, I want to tell you something. And he goes, what?

She goes, and she goes, when? And then all of a sudden you hear the bell go off? Dude, I almost cried, dude. I almost lost it. I, dude, when that music, and then, and then Mickey goes, what are we waiting for? I'm like, dude, I can't handle this. Like a bearded eight-year-old Paul Bursey. Remember that little kid working out to the music? No the the was that John Williams did he do it again on that one was that him? No. Broke that. Uh I

always forget that's uh isn't a tiny guy. When they play that to real boxing I was watching that they had like great comebacks and they they start. Yeah. Bill Conti. Huh? Bill Conti. No I like that. Dude that's I mean that's. Oh, dude, that's the Hulk Hogan when they go to drop the hand the third time and it

fucking stays up and he starts fucking doing this walking around the whole place, starts going nuts. Dude, you know what scene in Rocky isn't talked about enough and it's funny and touching in a weird way is when he went to the priest and he like honks his horn he goes yo father father and he just goes the way he described he's like you know a fight I was wondering you know if you give me a little prayer he just like ah rocky he does the whole thing all right thanks father and just leaves that was so great man it was so great I loved it I loved it hey remember when you people used to think you could trust a priest?

Well, that's why he did it from the window. And now we had a little weird interaction a couple of decades ago. I was wondering if you could maybe try to even it out with a little... Oh, yeah, hey, call the cops. Your father, forget the past a couple of years ago. Just wondering. That's hilarious. I'm sorry. No, he was Italian. He wasn't a the priest was Italian. Vatican is in Italy. I know it's considered a sovereign state, but Paul, it's sitting right there. It's surrounded by Italians and the thing's on behind that wall. Paul,

you know, what can you do but hope for the best? What can you do? You can turn the fucking cops. You don't send them to a new place. That's true. That's true. Then around the league, like Jeff George, that's my, oh my, I'm go to reference always. So Bill, you have the chiefs and the Eagles in the Super Bowl, yeah? Uh, yeah. There's only one football game next week. All right. The other one that they're shooting for, uh, you know,

stock footage for when Trevor Noah plays Patrick Mahomes in the, the Chiefs three Pete, it's already been greenlit. Dude, did the Washington Redskins with Mark Rippon play? Were they one of the four teams that beat the Bills in a Super Bowl? The second year. That was the second year was Mark Rippon. And that was the great Joe Gibbs,

who won three Super Bowls with three different quarterbacks. No one's ever done that. Joe Theismann, Doug Williams, Mark Rippon. What if we get a Washington Buffalo, another Super Bowl? It's right there in front of them. That'd be amazing for the NFL, I think. That's not the only thing in front of them. Big bag of cash. Oh my God, my Chiefs jersey just came.

Did you see that? That was one of the best things. He goes, Oh, my my Chiefs jersey just came. It's what I love. Did you see that? That was one of the best things. He goes, oh my new Chiefs jersey. It was an officiating thing. He went like this till he lifted it up. Putting to the point, the people on ESPN are saying it. No, dude. Legends are saying it. Everybody's saying it. Tom Brady said it. What? Tom Brady said it.

Oh, then. They're not gonna listen. Oh, I hate to play. They don't listen to anything the fucking patriots say. No, but Bill, you made a good point about something with that flop he did. That was like so egregious. Like that was that was like he like waited, went out of bounds and then did it like a child. It was like just to try to get the flag, which shows you. He knows he's getting calls. It is. It was musical theater.

It was ridiculous. And... It was Pirates of the Caribbean, Paul. Oh, Bill, we're gonna be here next week talking Buffalo. We're gonna be here talking Buffalo. The Buffalo Bills are going in there. And I saw her face. Now Paul's a believer.

You're betting against the Chiefs in the playoffs and you're betting on the Buffalo Bills. The Buffalo Bills logo, the Buffalo should be replaced with a broken heart. Or just some Bills fan laying face down on a table that didn't break. Frying with wing sauce on the side of his face. Yeah, man, I don't know. I think the better team is Buffalo.

I think they're gonna go and win. Hey, Paul, you're not gonna get an argument here on that. I think the better team was the 49ers last year, but with confidence. So who wins the Super Bowl at this point, at this juncture here? was the 49ers last year. But I, with confidence, I'm like the chief. So who wins the Super Bowl at this point, at this juncture here? Who wins the Super Bowl? Well, we gotta do the picks when we find out, but like.

Well, I'm just saying right now, who do you still think wins the Super Bowl? If they're gonna three-peat, and then everybody's gonna be forced to say, oh my God, is this the greatest fucking team that ever fucking put on, that's what it's gonna be because they have nothing else I think Buffalo is gonna beat the Philadelphia Eagles in the Super Bowl that's what I want to happen but I think the more we talk this out Bill is a great point and the Chiefs are

probably gonna win it but I think the Eagles will be there either way. So I'll go Chiefs. Yeah, I think that, yeah. So, so Jake the Snake is with Bill. He's got the Eagles and Chiefs. Andrew? Hey, dude, the league, the guys that run the fuck are with the Chiefs. I actually think the Bills can win. I don't know how much more of this shit you can fucking watch. or with the Chiefs. I actually think the Bills can win. I don't know how much more of this shit you can fucking watch.

How much more of this you can fucking watch? I think the Bills can win. I mean, I thought the Ravens could have beat the Chiefs. I mean, I'm still heartbroken over that Ravens loss. I'm obviously not a Ravens fan this season. I was rooting for him. I thought they had, you know, the team to beat the Chiefs and to win the Super Bowl, but those, that was brutal.

But, uh- No, he's given the Bills credit though, man. They- Oh, no, no, no, I, listen, I understand. But if, but if, if there's like two drop balls that like really changed the course of that game. And I'm not saying that the Bills weren't- I felt bad for that kid, man.

Yeah. The turnovers, didn't he? The ones before those, they don't count? No, no, no, they do. Listen, again, I'm not saying the Bills didn't do it. I just think if you add it all up, I think that those two plays, I mean, if he catches that ball in the end zone,

obviously it's. I'm gonna play in the Bills coach in the made for TV movie. Travis, can you put a word in for me? They are teaching those guys to just punch the ball out. That's like a play now where they're just running and they just from behind. That's great. Just punch down, dude, and it works.

Well, Lawrence Taylor came up with that. They've been doing that ever since then, but Lawrence was the best at it. He brings that hammer of Thor. Oh. You had your back to him. Lawrence Taylor, was there anybody better on defense? No. Who's the closest?

Ray Lewis. Ray Lewis? In my opinion. Ray Lewis is a good one. Like, I don't think anybody... OK, I would go with Ray Lewis being the closest but there's nobody... I don't know, people don't understand changing the game. Ray Lewis dominated the game. What's-his-face was doing shit. You've seen that clip, like that's not in the playbook. And he goes, well, you should put it in there

because it's a dandy. You ever seen that? No. He's supposed to drop back in coverage at the pro level and he rushes instead. That means his guy is open. And not only does he still get to the quarterback before the guy can even see the dude

he's supposed to be covering isn't covered, he strips the ball and gets a touchdown. Yeah. Yeah. Wasn't he the first? Highlight reel looks like a future NFL like, like the, you know, the high school reel where it's going to the NFL and the rest of these kids are going to a community college. He was doing that at like the NFL level.

Wasn't he the first guy to stand up as a D end, not get in a three point stand, just stand up and rush like that? Yeah, and Parcells was looking at him like, what the fuck is he doing? That's so great. I was the first guy to drive by the stadium, see the lights on and be like, oh shit, I thought that that was tomorrow and he like and he got there in the first quarter I didn't know that he's the one that started to punch the ball out he's the first guy I saw that did

that because he used to be they should just try to set sack the quarterback and strip it yeah no they wouldn't they would just you just try to grab him and tackle him he's the guy at least he came up with the you know when he coming in from the blind side yeah at that I'll do and I also don't think anybody looked better in a uniform oh then he did he looked like a friggin superhero oh god I'm getting the chills I love it Charles Tillman had the record for punch outs so I would say Lawrence Taylor wide receiver is a toss-up between Jerry Rice and Randy Moss. Yep, I agree. Running back is a hard one. I'd have to go like as far as like

power and speed, Bo Jackson, and then as far as lasting longer earl campbell And then I would say, you know as far as being just elusive An explosive would be barry sanders walter payton Walter payton was a mix of uh A power, uh back in An elusive guy like he would do that that step and then dip back out he used to do that move um and then i would say honorable mention i mean the guy who should be in the fucking hall of fame as far as like he was showing the future as far as his receiving ability and uh as a running

back is roger craig the fact that that guy isn't in the Hall of Fame is fucking ridiculous He's not a whole thing. No, he's won like four Super Bowls now or three two or three. He was on all those teams Oh somehow he's not in crazy. All right. How about safeties you got Ed Reed and Ronnie lot? Take oh Ed Reed's a good one Oh, Ed Reed's a good one. Troy Palamolo, too. Troy Palamolo's a good one. Mike Keynes was a corner. I think Ed Reed statistically is the best one.

Dude, we saw him smoking a cigar when we were in Vegas at the Super Bowl. That was awesome. That's cool. He's a huge cigar guy. Yeah, those are all good. I don't know if people would... All right, who's the best quarterback you ever saw? He's a huge cigar guy. Um, yeah, those are all good. I don't know if people would. All right.

And who's the best quarterback you ever saw? The best quarterback I ever saw is, I mean, it's for me, it's a no brainer. It's a, it's Tom Brady. I saw him. I saw him a giant stadium go 16 and O get the record to Randy Moss. Randy got the record with that pass. Tom and Randy got the record together with that pass. And it was the first time in my life,

this is when me and you first became friends, and I've been to Giant Stadium plenty, is the first time in any professional sporting event I've ever seen when Brady and the offense were walking to the line of scrimmage and Giant Stadium is on their feet for all plays but three. It looked like they were at their practice facility, that calm, collective, knowing what they're doing. It was the most, I remember just being like 70,000 screaming against them and the way they just walked up like a machine. I was like, dude, this is, this is nuts, dude. I'm watching something special here. I think I'm still a Joe Montana guy and honorable mention damn damn marinos

season in 84 and him beating the 85 bears. They just had no fucking defense in their coach was old and it passed them by. So those are the in Elway to do like, oh, it was my Elway. I would say yeah, and then I also any of those guys If they had like, you know, it's like what if Dan Marino had Bill Walsh? You know what I mean? Because that that really is a part of it. You got to have all of those pieces You know the ownership the GM the coach and all of that. So dude, what if Jim Kelly won two of those? Jim Kelly dude, he never gets talked about because they lost, but dude, he went to four Super Bowls in a row. Yeah, it's insane. Yeah. And they had that big comeback against the, uh, the Oilers. Um,

he didn't, he didn't play in that. It was Frank. Right. It was his backup. Oh, that's right. Good call. Um, yeah. The 80s is when it like changed. Like those 70s quarterbacks, it was just, it was a different game. Um, all of the Starbucks, the Bradshaws, Fran Tarkenton and all of that. It was, it was on Ken Stabler, Bert Jones, those dudes. It was on its way to becoming what it is.

And that started in the 80ies with all of that. But that's back when like, dude, just the Giants alone, what they did to Joe Montana and the quality of his life now, like they broke him in half twice. That Leonard Marshall hit from behind. They played on fucking Astro turf. Yeah. Turf is more common now. the first time I saw the turf. Yeah. Well, they're more common

now. Spectrum Stadium was like getting tackled and on like the **** parking lot. Dude, what about the first? Who was the first Mike Vic that I saw? It was Randall Cunningham and dude Randall. What's that? Island Briscoe. Well, in my time, it

was. Yeah, that's a little before my time. My time was Randall Cunningham. But dude, Randall Cunningham also had a bomb. Do you remember his arm? Oh yeah. Oh yeah, no, Randall Cunningham was unbelievable. Marlon Briscoe was Randall Cunningham 20 years before him. Yeah, we've pulled him up on here before, I think. Dude, Randall Cunningham would run around,

run around, run around, get at it, and then just sling it, dude. He was great. No, he was incredible. Oh, the honor. You got to love the honorable mentions. I love the honorable mentions. I feel bad right now because I know the listeners are all screaming names that they want to fucking hear. I've got to think of some. Oh, I'm sure I'm saying Rogers, Breeze and Payton for quarterbacks. But, you know, that's more modern. And we didn't run up Drew Brees or whatever. As far as like the guy that Doug Flutie award, the guy who shouldn't be there, but

still just fucking goes out and wins. You got to go fucking drew breeze. Brett Favre in his day. Brett Favre in his heyday. Yeah, Brett Favre was always like he can't too many fucking turnovers for me. Yeah, that's

right. Yeah, he just has power house though. Green Bay was green. They were really rough team in the early 90s. No, but Bill's right. He would throw across his body and try to stick it in places and just get picked off. And then they would be like, well, he's a cowboy. He's a slinger. There really was no ramifications. He probably I bet he historically leads everybody in like, you know, four or more interceptions in a game. Did we mention Troy Aikman? We haven't no Troy very quiet has three. Kurt Warner. Terry Bradshaw.

Kurt Warner with those Rams teams was amazing. Yeah yeah what's it called who is the- Doug Williams when he was at Tampa and then one with the Redskins there's been a lot of good QBs out there. the- who is the- one. Williams when he was a Tampa and then one one with the Redskins there's been a lot of good good QB is out there. Yeah I'm thinking about all these running backs to. Just like

you know LT and Adrian Peterson. All. Who hit the hole faster than LeDain Tomlinson the year you have forty home forty or whatever thirty something touchdowns. I had a conversation about him with somebody and they kept referring to his L. T. my neighbor is younger and I was like oh you mean L. D. T. like

like as a different generations here at see there's L. T. and there's L. D. T. but look. You know we never mentioned Peyton Manning once which is nuts but all right Peyton never mentioned Peyton Manning once, which is nuts. But all right, Peyton, Peyton Manning, Jay brought him up in the run of those guys. But dude, listen, Brady went to 11 Super Bowls. Did he go to 11? He lost four. Four, so that would be 11, right? He lost seven. Oh, seven, right? Six with the best. Who else did he lose to? He lost to the Giants in

711. He lost to the Eagles in the Eagles he lost to in like 2017. I think the comeback listen, the comeback against the Falcons. If that didn't solidify he was through the comeback against the Falcons with the two two point

conversions to if that didn't seal the deal, dude, I mean mean the guy didn't make a mistake. Who's on the Falcons Paul? Dude 28-3 though dude in the third. I got a crazy stat about Eli Manning. Oh Eli yeah. In 7 and 11 he's he never won a playoff game any other year except those years. And all were on the road. How nuts is that? That'll never happen again. To me that's one of those things where you're like, how is Eli not in the Hall of Fame and then somebody brings that up and it's like, huh, are they hanging their hat on that? It's a weird stat for a guy that was that good. No, his stats are weird across the board.

He has like the same amount, almost the same amount of interceptions to touchdowns, his completions, but he just won big games. Like I think you'd have to say after two and two Super Bowl MVPs, I think he should be in there. He's gonna get that. He just has an Alistair. I wasn't expecting it.

You're not gonna get a Patriots fan being like, eh, no, I don't know about that guy. We know about that guy. Who do you think the best rookie is? I'm trying to think of Raiders. Who are Raiders? Who are the best Raiders? Ben Stabler.

Right, but who was after him? Wasn't there anybody after him? Jeff Hostetler. No, Jeff Hostetler won a Super Bowl with the Giants. Did he never play with them? I don't know, Gatlin, Chris, something like that. They all look- Jim McClunkins.

Casio Paitou. Oh, Rich G that. Rich Gannon. That's the old fight dude. Oh, Rich Gannon. Rich Gannon went to a Super Bowl and his receivers on that team was Jerry Rice and Tim Brown. Mark Wilson. And I still. Tim Brown's another guy you gotta bring up.

Tim Brown. Tim Brown, Tony Gonzalez. As far as I could. Tony Blanda. The greatest tight ends of all time. Tim Brown, Tony Gonzalez, as far as I could land. The great, uh, the greatest tight ends of all time. Tim Brown, Tony Gonzalez, um, Antonio Gates, Antonio Gates, Russ. Getting, he should be in the Hall of Fame too. Travis.

I think he's now you have to say, I think you have to say Travis Kelsey now. Do you. Dude is yeah he just passed Tony Gonzalez for yards I think last year or that you know some. I had numbers like that no he's he's got a lot of yards he's got a lot of this

is actually one of his lowest years this is one of his worst years. I think wrong for. The answer well I heard that today versus like the stats like tennis just it's a different the game changes so much That's it's why it's hard to go like error to error. Obviously Kelsey would fucking dominate In any hour Gronkowski, dude Gronkowski had hands He had like he it wasn't like he actually reached out high grab the ball and then yards after the catch Gronk was a beast

Dude, they just went after his fucking legs. Yeah. But they just, they hit that. I never saw a guy get hit low. You had to, there was the only way to bring him down, but they just fucking hammered him. He went down like a tree, dude. They would hit him right up,

they would hit him like right above, right above the knees. And then his top would just crash straight down. Yeah, or the back too. Brady loved him. Brady loved going to him because he always delivered for him. Yeah. Um, who do you think the best rookie?

Who do you think the best rookie quarterbacks are Jake Ted Texamy? Maybe, uh, Jaden Daniels. The best rookie quarterbacks. I think Jaden did, but also I believe Ben Roethlisberger went 13 and three his first year. Ben Rothesberger. My forest gump moments. I went to I was doing a gig in Pittsburgh and I went to the mall and Ben Rothesberger was sitting there signing autographs. It was like five people in the line and no one who's that guy is that guy he's got the long name right and dude that was like the second game of the year and then a month later I was on tour with Charlie

Murphy rest of the soul and Donnell Robbins uh Rollins and we were in uh Dallas and I went to that old ugly ass stadium they had a little like a giant golf ball that they cut the top off of and I went in there and by then he was already a star. That's when he was like 7-0 and the legend of Big Ben. I'll say as far as what I liked about him, and I don't know that you're going to see a guy like that again. He was an old school, like tough quarterback where it was like tackling a defensive, the level of hits that that guy took and you

still didn't go down. He wasn't elusive. He just, he just grab them and you bounce off of them and he would still make the throw and the completion. But you know what? He was a little more elusive than you think because there are times where he like scampered away and you're like, how did he not get caught? Cause he looks so slow.

And they said he was that height and that big in high school when he played in Ohio. They go it was like the same guy. But you're right. The last name makes you go that guys that's a backup last name. Yeah, it doesn't it doesn't seem like it's gonna be. Yeah, that sounds like a fucking Cleveland Brown quarterback. Who's back up to Chicago the next year. You guys didn't have Gronk in 07, right?

When did we get Gronk? No, those were the Welker years. Gronk would have been like... I was out here when Willis Whelan comes out. We were out here during the thing and he had just gotten drafted. And I was standing there, he was fucking huge. He was just a kid., yeah I think it was gonna be. I didn't think, you know, I had no idea it was gonna be what he was. What did he do? Now did that Patriots run with those, that Patriots run with the players they had from Moss that year to Gronk, to Welker, to Edelman. 2010 and his scouting report,

if I remember correctly, was really good, but he was injured his last year in Arizona. And some people are like, nah, this guy's injury prone. Like he's, it's like like he's not going to forget. I have it. I know he had his off field issues, but like those years when we had the two tight ends, it was amazing and pass with a guard. Yeah. Oh, by the way, how do we not have a movie?

How did we never, ever mention Aaron Rogers? And he's like arguably the most talented quarterback arm wise ever. That guy. Well, that's my thing too. I don't think you think that Aaron Rodgers at his best is Patrick Mahomes played at that level yet. As far as throwing the football. No, that's just the way now. As a matter of fact, Aaron Rodgers did the bread far across the body and actually fit

it in. Yeah, he got he got it in. Yeah. So I love that. Yeah, so I loved it. I could talk about this all the time. So Aaron Rodgers is gonna be the last Hall of Fame quarterback at the end of his career that's gonna go to the Jets. Everybody's after Brett and then fucking Aaron. Everybody's gonna be, the agents are all gonna be like,

you don't wanna go there. Yeah, it's not gonna end well they just show a chart of everybody that did it yeah I got a great story I don't know bill you I might have told you this but there's a great story for the show so this is a Warren Moon this is a Warren Moon on the Minnesota Vikings story. Warren Moon, I guess he was after the Oilers or whatever, or whenever he played on the Vikings. And he had a young Chris Carter, Hall of Famer. And I guess he threw the ball and Chris Carter, like he missed Chris Carter and Chris Carter kind of did this diva flashy. Wow, come on.

And apparently Warren Moon went up to him, gets in his face and he goes, if you ever fucking do that again in public, he said, I will bury you in this offense and nobody will ever know your fucking name. It's true story. Crazy. Love that. Chris Carter, one of the great receivers too. Yeah.

Oh my God. And then went on to mental. John Jefferson, the first Jerry Rice, but he took the money and went to Green Bay. Dude, Green Bay had James Lofton and John Jefferson in the same thing. And they were playing in the frozen Tundra. Oh my God.

If Dan Marino had those two, Dan Marino is my coach. John Wooden, that's my guy. Dan Marino. I'm not trying to hurt Buffalo Bills fans here, but this was their team. You had Thurman Monson in the back, Thurman Thomas. Yeah.

You had Thurman Thomas, Thurman Monson. You had, rest his soul. I let wide receiver. Rest his soul. You had Thurman Thomas in the backfield. You had James Lofton, you had Andre Reed, you had Bruce Smith, you had the Daryl Talley, Cornelius Bennett, Daryl Talley, Don Beebe, dude Don Beebe in special teams, they just went against the Cowboys with Emmett, Troy, Michael.

They also went up against Bill Belichick's Giants defense. And they went up against Joe Gibbs, dude. They went up against they first of all, they went up against the two masters. Belichick Parcells on the same fucking team and then Joe Gibbs. And then they went up against fucking how about damn Cowboys we got like 49 number one picks when he cut all those players after Herschel Walker trade and Shout out to Jimmy Johnson picked all the right guys to Jimmy Johnson is not enough credit Guess what give a fuck Jerry Jones wanted Jerry Jones wanted him out fucking mood since the first time I saw since He was with Miami.

He's just always been ear to ear grin. I'm not happy when they had a hair like that. You ever notice when a, I love his hair. You ever notice though, when an owner does that, when an owner wants to, gets rid of the guy that they shouldn't get rid of, the team doesn't win. Jerry Jones didn't want Jimmy Johnson calling the shots and he got rid of them because they had a riff and then the Maras you know the Maras kind of got rid of Coughlin after Coughlin did what he did

and Coughlin wouldn't shake his hand at the press conference and stuff you shouldn't have got rid of the guy you know you shouldn't got rid of the guy the fucking team no it's ridiculous no He gone what's his face is still saying he's gonna be the GM. Jones and Jerry Jones. Yeah, the fucking GM. What about Rex Ryan going to jets gotta pick me. I'm the best guy for the job. They know I've been there. I could do it again. I'm gonna come back and I'm the guy for the job. It's just basically interviewing himself on ESPN.

back and I'm the guy for the job. It's just basically interviewing himself on ESPN. My team did something similar. We fired Marty Schottenheimer after going 14 and two and then we're terrible. So Marty Schottenheimer is an anomaly. I've never seen a guy

have a more dominant year and then in the playoffs be winning and then just have it stop. Is the worst time clock management ever. Falcons are up there too though. The Falcons in that game were up there too.

They didn't run the ball. They just kept throwing it. That 28 to 3. Yeah, no, yeah. The different types. The NFC Central, whatever they fucking call it now. There used to be the black and blue division. At some point, dude, other than the Packers, the misery, the misery in that Lions, Vikings and Bears, the Bermuda

Triangle fucking being a football fan. Well, they were saying that that was the best division all year. People were saying, and I'm not saying that they weren't because they had obviously a few competitive teams, but they're like best, best division all year people were saying. And I'm not saying that they weren't because they had obviously a few competitive teams but they were like best division all year. And they're like, they just, they got shut out of the playoffs. Well. I went three.

First of all, is when you have a great season like the Lions did and you're just one and done. I mean, how far emotionally as a fan and how far ahead you've already planned And it's over in hours, you know, you know, you know who did that the most I hate to say it But Peyton Manning did that the most I think Peyton Manning They would go 13 and three and the Chargers would knock them out. I think Peyton Manning has 11

First round eliminations or something like that, dude Well, that's why their owner had to get on the competition committee and change fucking rules to tip it to the advantage of their team and steal our offense. Yeah, and an owner shouldn't be allowed, the NFL should not allow an owner to be on a rules committee. It's a complete conflict of interest. It does, but it's the Midwest, you know? It's fine. No, because then they could make rules for indoors. You know what I mean? It's like for their stadium.

It's just rules of where you kick the ball off and where you don't when you fucking, you know, miss a field goal, whatever the fuck happened that year. Yeah. It was like boss hog shit. Yeah. Did you guys hear about this happened over break? Because you mentioned, you're talking about coaches happened- over break because you mentioned- terrible

coaches the John Madden movie that they're making. Oh that's gonna be. You know who's playing John Madden. Who. Three keep which they're gonna show this Sunday before the game. Who's playing Madden. Nicolas Cage. What. No imagine him like with makeup. They're gonna do it. You gotta kick the ball. And you know who's playing Al Davis? You know, kick the ball through the uprights. You got four quarters.

One, two, three, four overtime. Why would he do that? Why? Um, Al Davis. You know who's playing Al Davis? Who? that. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not playing for overtime. Why would you do that. You know is playing Al Davis. Who Christian Bale. I heard that I heard that

that could be good. I would like it Frank Caliendo to play John Matt. God. Seriously at all his family is like maybe you you could have gone with somebody else. Is John Goodman not around? Nicholas Cage is playing John Madden? Are they gonna put him in like a suit? Like what? They're gonna put him in Eddie Murphy's nutty professor. All right, well, we're at, well, we went, that was great.

A little memory lane, a little nostalgia there. All right, well, we're at, well, we went, that was great. A little memory lane, a little nostalgia there. All right, everybody. Those are our championship week picks. Bill has the Chiefs and Eagles. I have the Commanders and Bills. Hope you appreciate when you watch the Kansas City Chiefs, the level of greatness that you are watching. I just hope that you appreciate that.

Dude, I'm not going to mention the name now. I'll tell you guys off the recording, but I was in the green room. I might've said this before. I was in the green room in Milwaukee or something. And this guy, this guy that was featuring for me, nice guy, Spanish kid, tall. He goes, he told me a guy he opened for and it was a name that we all know. And he goes, yeah, I was in your open for this. What the guy said to him, I guess the guy he opened for the headliner killed and he went back in the green room and he

sat down and he looked and he goes, I'm jealous of you, bro. And that feature goes, why? He goes, I'm jealous that you got to see that set that I just had. I wish I could have watched. He goes, I wish he goes, I wish I could have watched what I just did for an hour. I'm just there alone with him and do I'm terrifying. Like, not fucking around. Like, I'm jealous of you, bro. And he goes, Oh, why? He goes, because you just got to witness and watch what I just did out there. Like I wish I could have watched if it was like some Kanye way. And he thought he was

fucking with him. He's like, ah, and he's like, No, man, I was like, I'm jealous. You got to see that, dude. He told me he was serious. I was just like, what? I was like, dude, that's another liner is when I tell you I'll tell you. Hey, I can't say it here. All right. Yeah. Tell us. I got a story like that.

I'm not going to say it because people might figure it out. Okay. Dude, I had somebody bring me up one time and the level that they complimented themselves and where they put me in position to them. I was like, for the first five minutes I was on stage, I'm like, did he really just You can't even think of your first jokes. You're like, wait, what's like, like, out of all the people out there, this is the only guy that comes close enough to lick my boots. the I was just like, did you prepare that? Or it was that off in your head?

Like that you just think things like that? I would never do that to anybody. Yeah, this is the closest thing. It fucked me up for like seven minutes. And then I was like, then I was mad at myself going, why did I just let him get away with that? I should have at least said something. And then, yeah, and then it fucked up

like the next few minutes. So then he ended up being right. Thinking about what he said. That might have been psychological warfare. That might have been the plan. Oh, dude, it was a it was a fucking good one. I was just like, but it was like, dude, it was the same thing like what that kid said, it was like, so like, was he joking? Like, do people like literally, okay, you think that shit, but to be also so unaware to say it out loud?

No, that's one of the most narcissistic, crazy, I mean, the fact that somebody thinks you're fucking around is how wild it is. I don't know. I'm jealous of you, dude. He goes, what? You got to see what I just did. Hey, you know, tell us all three of you guys, because you guys got to hear my conspiracy theories about the NFL, you know, I wish that I could have been you. Telling you what really

goes on behind closed doors with you know, Bill Bill, Andrew and Jake, I'm jealous that you guys got to watch me give my picks as I was given. You got to hear me think them out and say I can't believe beat the book three, four years in a row. Rod's go. I'm just jealous that you got to experience an evening with jealous that you got to experience an evening with me. It's one of the greatest one bedroom apartments you're ever going to be in, in your life. Dude, I'm going to say that to my wife next time we get a little frisky. As soon as we're

done, I'm going to go I'm jealous of you. You just got to have me do that to you. I wish I could have. Oh, because when you sit there at brunch and listen to all your friends talking about their husbands, you're going to sit and have nothing to say. Because there's no way after what I just did to you, you would have any sort of a complaint. All right. Oh, that's great. All right, everybody. bronze that apartment when you leave. Like, it's unrentable.

Like, you know, they retire a jersey, they're gonna retire his apartment. They've only done that to three apartments. Unknown Burt Reynolds. Brad Pitt and unknown Jake the Snake. Certain departments after the legendary acts that happen in there just have to be retired. Andy Briggs, the injury reports. As always, as always, the MVP. Thank you, thank you. I could see Jake the Snake at a bar in Hollywood and some chick comes up and she goes, are

you Jake the Snake from Anything Better? He just gets cool. He goes, depends who's asking. If you want me to be are you injured? I'm the fucking I'm becoming the Bobby Bonilla of this podcast. Dude, Bobby Bonilla just got his last year's check. Yeah. Dude, Bobby Bonilla just got his last year's check. Yeah. That was good. I should extend them again. I got the Allen Houston contract. This guy got a million bucks for like 30 years.

Dude, what is with New York and these fucking like never ending contracts? It's amazing. Stupid. It's so stupid, man. That Juan Soto, 760 million for a fucking position player? Cause I'm- Don't fucking, you guys throw it around, Paul. You get, hey, New York, you guys like to spend.

Yeah. All right, guys, to get the, you guys know what to do, to sign up and to have fun. Obviously bet responsibly, but get the best app out there It's a bet MGM app guys. All you got to do is download to your advice and use our code. It's an easy code It's B. You are our that's burr B. You are our and you deposit as little as ten dollars into the account and If you lose your first bet you'll get fifteen hundred back in bonus bets if you do lose

your first bet, you'll get 1500 back in bonus bets. If you do lose, you'll get the 1500 in bonus bets after the initial wager is settled. And check out the first touchdown prop bet, you pick any player in any of these games to get the first touchdown and hey, now it's narrowed down. Now it's narrowed down. So you pick any of these players in these games, first touchdown, you win if in fact, they don't get the first touchdown, but the second you'll get your cash back. There you go. Bet responsibly. I just saw the Chiefs. Vegas just took the Chiefs game off the board. They just took

it. You can't bet it. It's just too fucking obvious. Everybody knows they're going to win. I feel like you bet the bills though. You know what I'm doing here, Paul. I'm trying to jinx them. I hope so. I have no idea how bad I went wrong about all of this. Oh, God. I just want to see Josh Allen run off that field like this

with his long hair on his way back to Buffalo. Oh, God. Both games had the same over-under, which I thought it was 47 and a half. It caught my eye, obviously. And I like Mah homes and Kelsey like they seem like the refs did this the refs did this yeah I don't like either independently you think they did they didn't it's it's a marketing plan but this shit this whole that shit done done

Done. How great. What would you do if it was like 34, 10? Andy Reid's a great coach too. All right. Anyway. I like Andy Reid. I like all that shit, but I also like football, Paul. I like football.

May the best team win. Well last question here. There's a lake flag. Did the Washington commanders beat the Lions because they're that good, or did the Lions just have a bad day? Because if the commanders beat them outright, Philly could lose, which I'm excited to see.

Paul, the Lions are in the Bermuda Triangle. Minnesota. I like that.ermuda Triangle. Minnesota. I like that. Chicago, back up to Minnesota. You do not wanna be rooting for football within that triangle. Did you come up with that, the Bermuda Triangle? That's great. Oh, but that's what it is.

It's the Bermuda Triangle. It's the NFL's Bermuda Triangle. The level of suffering. Like the AFC has the Buffalo Bills and the Chargers. All right? Jets, too. Oh, and the Jets. That's sort of an isosceles.

That's a weird looking triangle. I don't know. But it's the fact that they're all in the same spot division, although the Jets and Bills are in that division. What about the Dolphins, by the way? Oh, they're the Dol the way? Dolphins. They've been living off that that undefeated season since 72. They haven't won in over 50 years. They won three years. The last time they won was three years after the only time the Jets won. All right. Let's talk about real quick before we leave. Let's talk about longest droughts in the NFL right now. You got the Cowboys

You have the Miami Dolphins Real quick the Dolphins are the longest playoff drought in the league What? Get some of the fucking Cowboys in there like that. You go you got to go back 50 years with all these other guys Alright Jets Super Bowl or playoffs? No, no Super Bowl win Jets 69 Miami 72 Super Bowl or playoffs? No, no, Super Bowl win. Jets, 69. Miami, 72. Bills, never.

They won a title in like 60 or 61. Bills, never. Detroit Lions? Never. So Cardinals, 70. Yeah, Cardinals, 77 seasons without a Super Bowl. Detroit Lions, 66 seasons. The Vikings, 63.

Oh, Cleveland Browns, Cleveland Browns. 60, Cleveland Browns next, they're 60. No, no, no, that's technically not true because that franchise is the Ravens. Oh, that's right. What it is is Cleveland, this is the most Cleveland story ever. When the Cleveland Browns won a Super Bowl,

they did it in Baltimore. I mean, that's hard, dude. Yeah. And then Atlanta, 59 seasons. Tennessee Titans, 59 seasons. But again, that's the Titans. You gotta... The Oilers, the also Houston Oilers. Yeah. But again, that's the Titans. You gotta. The Oilers, the also Houston Oilers. Yeah. The Buffalo Bills 58 seasons. Wow.

That's an honest 58 seasons. The Chargers 58. They're counting them during the NFL-AFL merger. Right. So that's their count. They're going back to Super Bowl I. They've never won one, right? But like their last Winning a title was like early 60s. John F. Kennedy was in office

Wow, I'm the fucking Lions wanted Bobby Lane. I don't think Eisenhower had been elected yet Truman might have still been president. I'm not sure about that Yeah chargers then Bengals then Jets 56 seasons. And then and then the Carolina Panthers and the Jaguars were the expansion team in 95 and they haven't done it right? Jaguars been 30 years Panthers 30 years Niners 30 years Cowboys, Colds, Saints. But the Dolphins are the longest playoff drought, yeah? Well, you gotta understand, like, those early, like right up until like fucking, say the Cowboys run.

51. All right, like so few teams, like the Packers had two, Steelers had four, 49ers had four, Cowboys had four, they were just eating them up. The fucking Redskins had three, Raiders had three, so all of a sudden like those first like 30 fucking Super Bowls were shared it seemed between a half dozen teams and everybody else was on the outs. Yeah, I saw a trivia question yesterday that said, what's the only NFL team to win in four different decades?

It might be the... Packers. No, the answers a lot of people were saying were those and the Broncos, but it's the Giants. The Giants did it in 86, they did it in 91, they did it in 07 and they did it in 11. That was a self-serving stat but I'll give it to you. No no I'm just saying it was a it was a thing that came up. I mean I who am I? I would have said it if it was another team. So for Jake, to answer your question, the longest playoff drought, if this fucking AI answers correct here, it says, just the regular search, it says New York Jets 15 seasons, last appearance 2010.

That's when they beat the Patriots, I believe. Oh my god. Yeah. The one that brought Tom Brady's career. That's Rex Ryan. That's that was the Rex Ryan. Yeah. That was 2000. That's the last time they've been in the playoffs. Wasn't that Mark Sanchez, right? It was. Yeah. The Jets haven't been in the

Jets haven't even been a wild card in 15 years. Dude. Well, I gotta be honest with you. In a lot of ways that that that that jet loss hurt just as much as those cowboy of the Giants ones because he talked all of this shit. I'm not going up there to kiss their rings. We absolutely destroyed him like 52 to something in December. And then Welker said, we're going to put our best foot forward making fun of how Rex Ryan's in defeat.

And then Belichick benched him and we just started off no pun intended on the wrong foot. And they and they had that great they had that great defense and they came in and they beat us in fucking in Foxboro. That was a brutal brutal loss. Wow. Jake the Dolphins, it looks like they won a few years back, so they're not, they haven't won a playoff game since 2000, but they've been... That's what I meant, yeah. Okay, yeah. They get like a pass.

The Dolphins get like a pass. Nobody talks about them not winning a lot. Because they won. They're raiders. Fucking undefeated season. They keep getting their balls washed about that every year. the the the the

the the the the the the the the the was the last time they're in the playoffs? The nineties were just yesterday. For what, playoff win?

Yeah, and they haven't won a Super Bowl, dude, in 53 years. Dude, if the Buffalo Bills win, fucking the Buffalo's gonna burn down. And then, dude, I don't even know if the, dude, you know how many people are at the airport rooting them on? It's like the whole fucking town goes to the airport

while they're just watching them get on the plane. How bad, I want them to win dude Yeah Like they give a shit tourism dude What that's so bad for tourism that stat that the whole town is there. It's just clearly said There's absolutely nothing to do here other than the route for the pills Dude the coach came off the plane. He couldn't believe it

It was like buffalo was at the airport by like where the plane landed. They're just going nuts. And I was like, holy shit, man. Those people are sure reality glasses actually seeing Niagara Falls was an amazing thing. And now, dude, have you seen these fucking guys? They have these things. These guys make these things.

I mean, the system is like 40, 50 grand. I think Rogan got one where you can put at, you feel like you're in a the and I'm sure plenty of people know more about this than I do. But I think on when you're becoming like a pilot for United or something like that, I think you're allowed to log some of those, what do they call it? The simulator miles into your book, I believe, because they're that good at this point. But I don't know. I still don't see how that they could duplicate

a fucking cross. But dude, it's that bit. It's that bit that I did. That pilot came up to me, all happy joking pilot in a JFK. And he was like, we're starting to build a rapport. And he like taps me on the thing. I swear to God, he was this happy guy, like overweight is hilarious.

And he just goes, dude, you know what I learned? I swear he was talking to me like this. He goes, you know, I learned to do this. Okay, fucking had like a delta pin or whatever, America, whatever it was. And he goes, do video games. He goes, it's the exact same thing. It's the exact same thing, dude. I did a joke in my bit and I was just going, he goes, yeah, he goes, it's all the technology is nuts. That's what that same thing. Good. And I was just, I could fucking die. That's, that's yeah, you don't have that. There's that.

And then there's, there's fighting a crosswind and crabbing in, you know, in your goddamn, you know, in some way. The buttons may be the same. The buttons and all the things, the instruments may be the same, but that doesn't mean this is the- Hey Paul, you know why I became a green beret? Fucking PlayStation.

Exact same thing. Paul, I've been to Iraq in my living room. You know how many throats I slit? In that case, I'd like to say I am a Jedi. You're a Jedi, he's a Jedi in a video game. No, but I know what they're saying as far as like, it's weird, it's like, you know how to do it, but then you have to relearn how to do it for real.

But it's like, you know, it's like the steering wheel, gas pedal, all of that shit's there and how you shift, they make the cockpit the exact same. So you know where all the shit is and what the buttons do. But then you do still have to learn how to do it for real. Did you ever hear Mark Wahlberg talk about he was supposed to be on that 9-11 plane? And he goes, if I was on it, dude, I'm stopping. He goes, I'm stopping it. He goes, it's not happening if I'm on it. He was dead. It was, you know how jealous I am of you? All right guys, we will see you one more week, Super Bowl week.

We will be back. Enjoy the championship games and we'll see you next time. Bet responsibly. Have a good time.