Monday Morning Podcast - Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 1-26-17

Episode Date: January 26, 2017

Bill rambles about James Harden, acid trips and trying on a tuxedo.

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Byrne. It's time for the Thursday afternoon, just before Friday, Monday morning podcast. I'm just checking in on you. Just checking in on a little baby cry in the end. My beautiful daughter is home now and she's downstairs sleeping. So I'm going to try to knock this out while she's still asleep before she wakes up in like 18 seconds, which has been the thing. She hasn't been so bad. All these parents are you, I think, right? I ran into parents tonight and I'm going, no, you know, it's not that bad. I'm a little sleepy, but you know, I'm hanging in there. And then, you know what they said? Oh, wait till she starts walking. I just want to be like, are you enjoying any aspect of this that I swear to God they're gloom and like, you know what parents are like? It's like reading a Dan Shaughnessy sports column. It's just there's no light at the end of the tunnel, even if there is light. It's, oh, but it's going to blind your eyes. Good Lord. Good Lord.

I understand why kids run away from home just talking to all these fucking parents, man. I just, I swear to God, I am, I'm like, I'm loving people that don't have kids right now. They had a kid. Oh, good for you. Good for you. That's great, man. Yeah, you're going to be a great dad. That's it. He's other fucking people. I swear to God. Have these parents. You know what? They ought to stick them on the weather channel, you know, because you know that that's how the weather channel, that's how they make their money. Like nobody pays attention when it's a beautiful day, but oh my God, if there's a storm coming, you know, they just start freaking out, getting everybody running out to the grocery store to buy nine weeks of eggs because it's going to rain for an afternoon. Or maybe it's going to snow. We're going to get 18 inches. Holy shit. That's almost up to my knees. What am I going to do? You're going to be fine. You got it. What was the last fucking time a whole town got so snowed in that everybody just died of starvation. Has that ever happened in the United States? I'm not saying a couple of fucking people haven't died. There's always the person sitting in the car and the fucking snow comes up and the carbon monoxide goes in.

There'll always be some old lady sitting too close to the window and she'll die, right? Because it snowed out or because she was born, you know, three years after the civil war. I mean, you make the call on that one. Jesus fucking Christ. These goddamn parents, they just, they fucking scaring the shit out of you. So I don't know what's going on in the world in a good way. I'm having the best time ever being a dad. I've always wanted to be a dad, so I'm enjoying the hell out of it. I don't care if I'm fucking tired and I feel like I'm drunk. You know, I don't want to miss a second of this thing. So I'm going to stop talking to other parents. Goddamn weirdos. I just don't get them. It's like, what did you think was going to happen when you had a baby? What did you think was going to happen?

You knew it was a baby. You knew it wouldn't understand English. Did you read up on it at all? Everybody's, you know what they sound like? They sound like, they sound like some people who like bought like a swamp land and were promised that it was a paradise or something. I mean, I don't know. I don't fucking know, but I'm not going to be that guy. If I meet somebody else who's having a kid, even if I have a tough day, I'm going to say, hey, good for you. That's great, man. It's going to be a great thing. Good for you. So putting all this fucking gloom and doom in everybody's head. Anyways, anybody watch the Celtics the last couple of games, man? I kind of love the fact that the fucking, the Celtics and the wizards have this rivalry now.

You know what I mean? Everybody's talking about the calves and the, and the, and the gold estate warriors. Yeah, we got down to tier two or tier three. I love how the wizards were all black. It's going to be a funeral. Yeah, just fucking put your sneakers on, pump up your little Reeboks, whatever the fucking, just go and go play basketball. We're all dressed in all in black. Oh, what does that mean? You're going to try tonight? The other nights when you just wear your uniform or your regular street clothes, you're not going to try. I don't understand that. I always loved that way back in the day when Kevin McHale, I remember we were playing that playoff series and we blew this team out the first game and the other team was in the locker room saying that we better watch out. Celtics better watch out game two because we're coming and Kevin McHale goes, well, yeah, you should be coming every night.

This is the NBA completely defused the whole fucking thing. Oh, you're going to try? Well, we're trying every game. So, you know, just to keep it interesting, why don't you try? Anyways, having said that, I really like the wizards team and young team. They played great. I just kept, you know, basketball being a game of runs. I just kept waiting for them to hit this streak where they weren't going to be shooting well and they just fucking killed it all night. My only complaint, and I mentioned this today. I did Bill Simmons podcast hyping my special that's coming out January 31st, whoring myself out. I was mentioning the only thing I didn't like about the wizards the other night was when John Wall dunked on Kelly Olinik and then he flexed afterwards. I get it. It was a nice dunk. It was an explosive move, but at the end of the day, you went around Kelly Olinik,

okay, who essentially is like a parking pylon that's seven feet tall and wears a little bandana. That fucking guy, man. I swear to God, if he was six, NBA loves a seven footer. If you have a seven in front of you and for your height, forget it. You're going to get drafted and you're going to hang around on some fucking team. I swear to God, if that guy was six foot 11, he'd be direct in traffic. Anyway, I know that's harsh. I don't know shit about hoop, you know, well, whatever. I just, he gets, you know, he draws a couple of offensive files. I'll give him that, but he's always around the ball, but it never ends up in his hands. He tries to jump. Then like every 19 games, he'll hit like five, three pointers and everybody's like, he's going to turn the corner.

Anyways, yeah, it was a great game. Marcus Smart having the meltdown, you know, wanting to be out there and then immediately apologized on Twitter. There's a lot of great, you know, Celtics are way more fun to watch this year. And I haven't been watching, you know, the Bruins as much as I usually do, only because it's going to kill me to watch them fire Claude Julian. I just don't want to see that. I love that fucking guy. But maybe, I don't know, maybe it's time. I guess that's how it works. You know what I mean? The whole coaching thing. If you hang around long enough, they're going to fire you, right? Players go for the money and shit. I don't know what it is, but, you know, we beat the Red Wings. That was a good one. And we got the Penguins coming up. Maybe we'll see what happens, but we're still there. We're still into the eighth scene.

Oh, what happened to the team, man? I've been doing that the whole game. But anyways, I watched a little bit of the whole year of whining about the fucking Bruins. I'm going to stop. Who knows? Maybe we bottomed out. We're on our way to the seventh seed. Who knows? But I was watching the Celtics versus the Rockets tonight and, you know, I just got it on the NBA package. It just records. And what sucks is I wish, is anybody know how to set it? So I always get the Boston feed because I love listening to Tommy Heidson. You know, he knows the game. He's a Hall of Famer. He's a total homer. And he announces the game like he's still sitting on the bench or he's still coaching the team. It's fucking great. So tonight I got the Houston feed.

And, you know, so they're obviously pro Houston, which I don't have a problem considering Tommy Heidson is so fucking pro Boston. What was great was tonight James Harden gets fouled, spins around in the air and just fucking smacks. Jonas Gerebko, right in the fucking mouth, draws blood and everything. And Tommy Heidson's flipping out. I was able to see that. Bill Simmons retweeted this thing. So Tommy Heidson's flipping out and blah, blah, blah, going, you Christ, you could have called that from half court. You know, all this shit saying it was a total dirty play and the refs are reviewing it and the Houston guys are just going like, oh, that's just was unfortunate. Kai was finished. He was just trying to get his balance. He was he was following through. It's an unfortunate. You see, he immediately apologizes. This is why I think the refs got it right that they called it a flavorant foul.

Aside from the fact that that guy was crying the whole game. You know, like a young Sidney Crosby or Tom Brady at his worst, you know, when he's in a bad mood and anybody brushes against him, he turns around and looks at the ref like he touched my uniform. I can even say that as a Pats fan, you know, what's his face? James Harden was acting like that the whole fucking game, the whole fucking game. He's just bitching at the refs. Every fucking time anybody comes near him, he wants a call, right? I mean, maybe I don't know shit about who maybe he just was having a bad night. Maybe the chick he usually bangs in Boston when he comes to town, fucking found true love. It was on the rag. I don't know what it was, but he that guy was definitely in a mood. And this is all this is why I think it was a flagrant file because when he smacked him in the fucking face, he immediately apologized, but not to Jonas.

He looked at the ref and went, oh, like he was trying not to get the file. If you really, if you fucking smacked somebody in the face accidentally, what would you apologize to some other guy that you didn't hit? Don't you apologize? Oh, I'm sorry. Try that a bar some night. You don't get yourself one of those little girly drinks and spin yourself around the floor and backhand someone across the face, causing them to draw blood and then just pick some other guy standing. Oh, that was an accident. I figured that one out. I don't know. I love that he got the flavor and file and the Celtic send it a three game losing streak, but I'm really enjoying the the NBA. I never fucking I left it for so goddamn long, but hockey will always always be my first love. I'm just kind of, I don't know, I'm waiting. I got a bad feeling. Oh, I got a bad feeling there that the hammers about ready to fall there.

So anyways, I've been whoring myself out like a lunatic. That's why I'm taping the Thursday afternoon, just before Friday, Monday morning podcast on a Wednesday night, because I got to do some more stuff tomorrow. I'm doing the Cowherd show tomorrow. I did Rich Eisen show today. Had a great time on that. Did Jimmy Kimmel the other night had a great time. And you know what I've noticed? Cause both Kimmel and Eisen, obviously big sports fans. And I've noticed that like with Boston sports, we've had so much success that they can't even trash the teams anymore. So now they just sort of go after you as a fan. Like when I was on Kimmel, he was going like, so like you have like a man crush or something on Tom Brick kind of came at me with that angle.

And when I was on Eisen show, he's going like, why are Boston fans still so mad? Like they've completely left the field of play. And then they're like, Hey, you sitting in the fucking mezzanine level. Well, how come you got one of your socks pulled up and the other one isn't anymore? It's just one of those. It's just, it is what it is. That's how many fucking championships they've won. They, you know, they got nothing to say. I'm not trash to do one of those guys cause I like, but I did notice that as sports fans. That's, that's kind of the way that they, that they come at you. But I gotta give a big thanks to both of them for having me on their shows and everybody at the Jimmy Kimmel show.

They put together this little gift package for my daughter, a little Jimmy Kimmel cutesy thing ever for a toddler, a little coat and a bunch of children's books. So I can't wait to read them to my daughter when, uh, I guess when she understands, cause evidently now she's just sort of, somebody told me that they don't recognize anything. All they see is lights, like it's an acid trip for, I don't know how many weeks. So she wouldn't stop crying and I'm walking around with her, you know, babies have this, this thing where like if you walk around with them, they stop crying. But the second you sit down or God forbid lay down, they kind of like, Oh, wait a minute. No, no, you're not doing that. And then they cry and then you stand up. Oh, it's good. Let's keep it moving. You know, I feel like I'm an officer and a gentleman, right? And my baby's giving me the Lewis Gossett Jr. treatment, you know, making me keep my legs up. I want to fly jets, right? So, um, anyway, so once I got that information that they're kind of, uh, it's kind of an acid trip, here's a good way to stop your baby from crying.

I've found is when you, when walking around, isn't working, just start spinning, going, whoo, right? Just start doing that. They just start looking around like it's the greatest acid trip ever. The head just starts looking around like, wow, man, what the fuck is that? And then they stop crying. I just learned that 20 minutes ago. I've only tried it once, but it totally works. You can also, as you're doing that, there's a different ways you can spin and you can kind of lift them up and lower them. Do like the TILTA world kind of thing. Um, however long you can stand it before, you know, you end up yacking on your own kid, you know, if you're one of those people that gets motion sickness, but I found out that I found that that works. So I'm trying to put something positive out there for all the negative shit that I've heard about having a kid. It's fucking hilarious. Um, anyways, what else do I got? Do I have anything else? I got nothing, man.

I feel like I'm drunk. I've had such a little amount of sleep. It's actually, it's actually hilarious. I've always found babies crying funny though. You know what I mean? Cause they sound adorable, so it's already funny. And then else you want to be like, like, what are you crying about? You don't have any bills. There's no stress. You know, like what deadline do you have to meet? You know, what, what's going on tomorrow that enough stress built up that you're crying? It just strikes me as funny. I mean, I know they're trying to communicate before you give me a fucking kid, pop psychology, fucking horse shit that I've just had coming out my ears. Um, or like if I'm on a plane and when kids cry, it's never annoyed me. Even if I get on the plane hungover, the second a kid starts crying, it just makes me like, I, I just start laughing cause I always think like, you know, that's exactly what I'm feeling right now. Anytime you get on a plane, there is that thing once they close the door, you're like, oh, this is going to suck.

You know, even though it's amazing, you can fly across the country in six hours is fucking incredible, but it is not comfortable. As far as what you're used to with comfort, you know, I don't know, it'd be great. You know, so what they should do, if they ever come up with a time machine, they should send people back in time, not to change history, you know, not to do something good. Like Tom Cruise going back and killing Hitler, whatever the fuck he was trying to do in that movie. They should just send you back just so you could see how hard life was so you could just stop bitching. You know what I mean? Oh, I guess you could go to like a third world country or something like that. You know, spend one day with like a fucking water carrier, whatever the hell you call it, their version of a canteen, balancing on your head, walking like 20 miles past fucking, I don't know what God knows what kind of wildlife. You know, through a civil war and all this other shit, you know, trying to stay away from some baby formula that some corporation over here puts out.

Fuck you kid up. Do that for a couple of days and you come back here. I bet all the shit that we bitched about probably be probably wouldn't be as bad, right? I guess you wouldn't need a time machine. You know, see that you like that? I just worked that all out all by myself. Here it is. I thought we needed a time machine and all I needed to do was just travel. And you know what? I think that I think there's there's some sort of something in that.

I have no idea. Anyways, I ran into that dude tonight who told me I'd never play fucking drums again. Once I had a kid, I was breaking his fucking balls so bad. You're going to be a dad. You'll never play drums again. I went up to him. I was like, yeah, why did you say that to me? He goes, you watch.

Fine just said, Dave Grohl has like two or three fucking kids. He plays drums and guitar and sings in a band that travels around the fucking world. You idiot. And he's cracking up laughing. He goes, yeah, but he's such a negative cunt. He goes, yeah, but his drums aren't at home. It's like, yeah, they are. I saw the fucking documentary.

He's got a studio in his house. He was recording with his band and then his kid came in and said, hey, you want to go swimming? And he goes, yeah, and he goes out. Swimming. And then he goes back in. He writes another hit song. I don't know. He's this fucking guy.

He's acting like it's the 1800s. If I was standing behind a team of oxen and some kid came up to me, I'd be a guy. You know, I don't have time to play with you. I got to keep plowing the fucking field here. I don't know. I got to learn to block this shit out because I was doing so well and other parents give me anxiety, but I'm so proud of my kid. I keep showing everybody pictures.

I don't show pictures, but if somebody, hey, I congratulate you. You had a kid. I got you brought it up. Now I got to show you. I never thought I'd be that guy, but you got to do it. You got to do it. Look, my wife gave me. All right, let's, uh, let's, uh, let's do this here.

Let's do, uh, let's read a little bit of advertising. Oh, my mother-in-law came over today and she said that she got upset because she went online and I was joking around. On Kimmel and somehow they took something that I said out of context and says, Bill, Bill Burr has a kid and doesn't enjoy being a parent. Oh, the internet. It's not even the internet. It's just fucking people right and shit. That's the funniest. I want to, you know, something, if I could do this business over again, I wouldn't be the guy.

I would, that's what I would do. I would want to get into entertainment journalism because it has to be the funniest job ever. If you're in a room with other people and just sitting there trying to think how disgustingly out of context you can take something and just crying, laughing, thinking of the person that you're fucking over like their, their reaction to what you're doing. I guess they do it so much that nobody really reacts to it, but I always find it, I don't know. It's just funny to me because it's such a country thing to do and that's just funny to me because he's not really hurting anybody. You're just trying to get eyeballs onto the website, right? I don't know. Am I still speaking English?

I swear to God, I almost just... I swear to God, I almost just... Fell asleep right there. Alright, the black tux, everybody. As opposed to the white tux, the black tux. Oh, by the way, somebody said not to say cunt too much in the advertising read. That's where I've come to, you know, on the entertainment ladder. People have just so accepted the fact that I'm a fucking moron that they just go, hey, you know, read it however you want to.

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You got a tuxedo, you're getting hammered, you know, drinking the wine. You can put on fucking CISO and that was some other shit in there. I can't even remember. All right, there's your half hour. I'm just checking in on you. Okay, you guys ought to be checking in on me. Checking in on me fucking nodding off. Anyways, I'm almost a weekend to be an apparent, you know.

I got to tell you, it's pretty easy so far. I don't know what all you guys have been whining about. I don't know what you've been preaching about, you know, what you're so fucking concerned about, you know. Maybe you guys who are parents, maybe you need to pick up an instrument, stop being so goddamn obsessed with your fucking kids. I'm just kidding. All right, I'm just fucking around.

I just need to throw shit out there that people then can take out of context because that helps me, because then people search for me and then they'll realize, oh, wait a minute. This guy is a special coming out January 31st that I taped at the Ryman in Nashville, Tennessee. Had a great time. By the way, thank you everybody that bought all the tickets to the Patrice O'Neill benefit. There's only a few left.

Looks like it's going to sell out yet again this year. Very excited about that. And it's just going to be a great time in February. All right, makes a great Valentine's Day gift. You know, it makes a great me gift. What if you're single and you don't have anyone? Does that mean you shouldn't get a gift? In order to find love, you need to love yourself.

Well, why don't you love yourself and buy yourself a gift? Buy a pair of tickets for yourself, right? To the Patrice O'Neill comedy benefit. Then you can go there and you can have a little bit of leg room. You can look over, you know, as you laugh through your tears, realize that you're still single. I'm going to be sad just by one. Maybe you get on the aisle.

Who knows? All right. Have a great weekend. Your cunts. I will check. I'm not checking. I'll talk to you on Monday. All right.

What's going on in sport? There's no football, right? There's no football. I tell you right now, I got to tell you. I'll tell you right now, the Super Bowl is going to be a classic. All right. I feel like it's 50-50. Pat's got a 50-50 chance.

And Atlanta, let's see, let's do the math. They have a 50-50 chance too. That's where I'm at. All right. I would take, if Atlanta gets, I don't like only getting three. The bet I want is Atlanta getting points. That's what I want. I think them getting points is a great bet, but not only three.

You know, four is a little scary. You start talking five. That looks like a good bet to me. And I can tell, I can say that without a fucking doubt, because I watched at least nine games this year. You heard it here from the fucking freckles mouth. All right. Go fuck yourselves.

Have a nice weekend. Let me run with you tonight, I'll take you on a moonlit ride. There's something I used to say, but she don't give a damn for me. But let me get to the point, let's roll another joint and turn the radio to left until long to be proud. And you don't know how it feels, you don't know how it feels to be me. Something I wanted to talk about. Oh, so my wife, for whatever fucking reason, absolutely loves that show, that American

Greed, and she watches like three of those episodes every fucking night before we go to bed. And I always end up falling asleep because it's the same fucking story over and over again. You know, it's the same thing. The guy starts up a fucking business, he dressing the party, he's faking it till you make it. He gets a bunch of investors, he hands out fake spreadsheets and got these fucking innocent

people just going like, you know, oh, you know, I saw, I saw they were charging. I was getting 30% and I was like, oh, this sounds like a good deal to me, right? And then they always go, you know, let's always get some really bad metaphor. They invested in an ice cream chain. But this wasn't the flavor they were looking for when we returned glass in the ice cream. That fucking song of American Greed, I'll tell you, I was gonna end up on fucking American Greed is that cunt who shot that lion. Everybody's talking about this dentist that went over and illegally poached this lion that

was friendly with people. I love that shit. Is it friendly with people until what? It bites somebody's fucking head off. Fucking unreal. You know what I mean? Everybody's fucking salient, gas the pit bulls. You shoot a fucking lion and everybody's like, oh, he was nice.

He was a good lion. I'm not saying it was a bad lion. I'm not saying the guy shouldn't have done it. I think everybody's missing the fucking story here. All right. Even of American Greed, this guy paid 50 grand, all right? That's just for the fuck. That's not even for his flight to go over there and kill this fucking lion, all right?

Not trying to stir anything up here, but how to fucking a dentist afford to drop 50 grand to fly to Africa to shoot a fucking lion illegally. Just thinking of all the expensive, the shoes he had to buy that he had to sneak around and there had to be some sort of ninja wear fucking. I'm going to shoot a protected lion wear that he had on, right? I dropped 50 grand on that and now he's gone underground. They go over his house. He's got a mansion, right?

And all they're talking about is his fucking lion. I'm watching an episode of American Greed. How to fucking you afford all, filling fucking, how many teeth are you filling? This guy's pulling teeth. I'm telling you right now, I used to work in a dental office, right? And there was some good dentists, just like cops, there's some good cops, there's some bad cops. And I'm not talking about interrogation.

I'm talking about brandishing a weapon. No, I'm talking about fucking people pulling teeth that didn't need to be pulled fucking doing root filling fillings on teeth that did not need to be fucking drilled into because they bought a car beyond their own fucking needs or whatever they're they're their financial responsibility. All right. I think this guy should be fucking taken back there just for the simple fact, just for the simple fact that he he went to another country and did that.

What do we got over here? Does the MGM still have a lion? What if he what if somebody from Zimbabwe came over here? What about the MGM lion, right? Right as they were recording that you're watching an MGM film, they fuck please turn the air condition back on. Back on. Yeah.

The lovely me everybody. She came in. This is a studio, man. Dave Letterman had a cold. I'm having a cold. He lasted fucking 30 years on television. I want to do 30 years of podcasting. Well, what's good is the air conditioning if you're going to fucking turn it off?

Listen, I'm talking about that dentist that went out went over to Zimbabwe. You got to go grab a mic from the from the closet there. No one wants to listen to this. Let me just hit pause here. Fuck it. I never hit pause. Do you know that story, Nia? Yes.

This dentist from Minnesota. He's a B, you know, he likes. He's one of those big game hunters. You know what I mean? He's one of those fucking guys. I'm going to shoot something that people think is scary and they can be like, Oh, I killed that shit. You know, like it went up and he fucking put it in a chokehold.

It's like you didn't you went over and you shot it. The fact that you can go, you can walk up and kill an armed man. A human being with a gun, you could fucking kill. You could you could do it. Even if he knew you were coming, you have a gun. He has a gun. You could do that. So now you're going up to a lion.

The thing doesn't have a gun. So I mean, how fucking difficult is that actually they shot it with a crossbow. But the only reason why they shot with a crossbow was because they were trying to disguise. Doesn't he have he's gone big game hunting before, right? Like he's done it a lot. Well, here's the thing that I thought I saw some weirdly alarmist headline being like, you know, he's like a serial killer of animals. And it's like the way they were putting it was like, you know, this is what he does

all the time. I don't know. I haven't read about it. He's one of those guys. He doesn't seem like he kills to eat it. Yeah. Yeah. It's just for sport.

Yeah. He's one of those guys to be like, yeah, you ever hear of an alligator fucking shot one in the head? What? Is he put it up in his study or something? Yeah. He's one of those guys. He's one of those guys.

So what about him? He fled, right? Like he, uh, he went over to Zimbabwe. Yeah. He crossed bow and he fucking went into some like wildlife sanctuary. Allegedly this lion was friendly with people. I love that shit. Cecil the lion.

Cecil or whatever. It was, it's, yeah, it's friendly until it isn't to the one day you do something that reminds us, you know, of something from its childhood and it fucking bites your head off. But it's what it's supposed to do. It's a lion. Yeah. It kills shit. Yeah.

Of course. So he went in and he fucking killed it. Decapitated it. Skin the fucking thing. Yeah. First of all, how do you get the head back? I don't know. I don't want to know that you got to go gym bag.

You got to drain it out. They probably do it there. Like, oh no, you know what he did? He probably like taxidermy. Well, he probably like takes the fucking just this, the skin from the head. You bring that back and then you just, you have somebody like make a, uh, like a lion's skull and then you put it over there because no one's going to know that the skull isn't in there.

Right? This is the kind of shit. This is like premeditated. I have no idea. Let me ask you this now because you're into American greed. This guy's a dentist. Yes. He paid 50 grand to do that.

Now he's gone underground. They're going by his house. He has a mansion. This guy's a dentist. He has a mansion. Yeah. He's going all these expensive fucking, uh, you know, going around killing all these, how does a dentist have all that fucking money?

Is he like a hoity-toity, fancy dentist that like doesn't take any insurance at all? Like self-pay? And it's. I worked in a dental office. What's going on? A safari? Even to just look at him, forget about to just want a safari, how much money that is. Forget about, you're going to go over there and then sneak back later, kill a lion, butcher

the fucking thing and sneak it back. Yeah. I don't know. He sounds very sketchy though. Wow. Wow. Cause he's not going to go, he's not going to fuck with animals like that. You know what he wouldn't?

No. Cause we don't do that. I mean, you don't do that. You guys like to do that whole fucking with animals thing. I mean, listen, you watch these white, these shows about like wilderness and survival and like naked and afraid. It's like, I mean, there, there was one black dude that I saw in the commercial, but like for the most part, and you can always find one person that's going to be an exception

to the rule, but it's like, I don't know why white people feel like they need to constant like fuck with animals or like be out in nature naked. Like we've evolved past that. I can answer that. Like why are you doing it? Cause we're bored. Oh, really? Yeah.

We don't have a cause. We're not being oppressed. It's just... So you need something to give you that sort of adrenaline rush or something? You're awake 16 hours a day. That's why we jump around and flip around on skateboards and shit. We're bored. Oh, Jesus.

That's so terrible. I'm not saying it's terrible. We're just bored. Generally speaking, white people of a certain income, we're bored. So there's a white guy like standing on like a cliff, like an, I don't know, like a Grand Canyon or someplace really fucking scary and it's like, you know, white people will do shit like this, but then they'll like cross the street when walking on the same side with like a black person.

I don't know. But they'll stand on the ledge of some fucking, you know, cliff or like Mount Everest. It's like, what are you guys doing? Like, what are you trying to prove with all that? Wrestling Geisters in the Bayou? Like, what the fuck is... I don't... What?

I love all that. Why? An Australian fucking accent. And then you brought up the Bayou in fucking New Orleans. Like, why? Really though? It's what the nature and the fucking with animals. Why do you do that?

I mean, can't you do that with every culture and race? Be like, why do you do that? I suppose, but I feel like white people really like push the envelope in terms of these extreme experiences and nature and like, I don't, I don't know. Because we don't have any gangs. White people have gangs? What are you talking about? But they're like official.

There are many, there are many white gangs. No, but like, okay, name them. Jesse James Gang. The Klu Klux Klan is that's a gang. The fucking... I mean, white people have gangs, come on. You know, like, in certain areas, like, you know, they're like... No, we have groups.

Groups? Yeah, we don't have... Clubs? We have clubs. Organizations. Governments. We have shit like that. Oh, governments, those are your gangs.

But our shit is like mainstream. Okay. I remember a long time ago. I got in this fucking hilarious talk with Patrice. Can you, can you push that thing so it's not rattling over there? Oh my God. This whole AC situation is... Is what?

We live in an old house. Okay? The fucking heaters rattle a little bit that we run the ACs for like... It's freezing in here. Oh, goodness. You got a fucking Afghan on. I know, and I'm still cold. All right.

So I got in this hilarious argument one day, like, Patrice, when he used to just get sick of white people would, you know, he just would stop coming down to the club for a little bit. And then sometimes he would call me up and vent. About white people? No. He would vent at me representing white people. So one time I'm sitting at home just being white, you know, hanging out, having a fucking

peanut butter and jelly sandwich. The phone fucking rings. I pick it up and like, hello, and he just goes, Bill, he goes, what, what do white people do? He didn't even say hello, like, what do you mean, he goes, what, what do you do? I'm like, I was like, did you just get pulled over by a cop, like, what, where's this coming from? Like, what do you mean?

What do we do? Like what? He's like, what do you do? Like, what do you bring to the table? Yeah. He's like, black people, we do this. We do that. What do you guys do?

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. You're going on. That's hilarious. Like you say. Yeah. But the thing about it is. How did you answer him?

I fucking answered him like, what do you mean, what do we do? You just don't recognize, our shit is mainstream. It's like hiding in plain sight so you don't see it. So you don't think that, you don't think that there's any sort of culture or anything like, what do we do? Oh. So all the XE, look at skateboarding, okay, that came from surfing, you know, and the fucking waves weren't there and, you know, skateboarding and totally evolved into what

that is. Was it not something that like Polynesian people were doing? Stock car racing. Wait, wait. I'm not going to sit here and have you try to tell me that white people didn't come up with anything. I'm just asking. You fucking do that all the fucking time.

I'm just wondering. Didn't the fucking Eskimos and Vent Ketchup, shut up. But I don't know. Like. Skateboarding, Polynesians came up with skateboarding. No, no, but skateboarding. I saw the documentary with Dogtown and Z-Boys in a fucking empty swimming pool in Santa Monica.

I thought skateboarding came from surfing and then surfing come from Polynesian people. I don't know. I could be wrong. You thought what? Didn't surfing come from like indigenous people? No, no. I'm talking about skateboarding. I know, but that skateboarding came from surfing.

It was sort of derived of that culture. Yes. Right. So I'm saying, but didn't surfing come from. So you're saying white people don't get credit for skateboard? I didn't say that. I was just asking who came up with a thing that inspired skateboarding. I'm just wondering.

I'm just wondering. I'm not. What? I thought this is like literally then this becomes the argument and a panel with Patrice. All right. Stop car racing. All right. Stop car racing.

Okay. That came out of moonshining. What is that? Stop car racing. Moonshine. Moonshine. Basically the back during prohibition when alcohol was fucking illegal. Right.

So fucking bringing illegal booze, moonshine, you know, cross state lines and all that type of shit. You wanted a fast car, but you didn't want it to look fast. So what you did was it looked like a stock car, like a stock car you got from Detroit. That just looks like a Chevy. That looks like a Ford, but underneath the fucking hood, you soup the fucking thing up and you were able to outrun the cops and the cops didn't have fucking radios back then. So these guys that did this shit, all right, would talk shit about how my car is faster

than your car. No, it isn't. Blah, blah, blah, blah. So they started racing and that started stock car racing. That's a cultural fucking thing. Okay. So then it's on fucking TV all like, so I started listing all of that shit and he was actually going late.

He said, I think at one point he went, he said, good answer is what he said. And I just, I'm like, fuck you, I'm not asking for your approval. This whole fucking conversation is annoying. Is that car racing like something that's very important to people? Like I said, I got big deal. I know you're already looking at me because I know what you're going to do. I think I came out wrong. I'm not even going to get into this conversation and then we're going to go to music and then

everything in music is somehow going to go back to the fucking blues like Beethoven heard the fucking blues and the fucking Irish music and all that. Well, if you actually, the nozzle be like, well, it all came from the pyramids and black people built those. How would you know that? How would you know that? Cause you went to I'm right.com and you fucking red shit that said, you guys did it. Like that is the dumbest shit.

Like that whole fucking credit thing is so fucking stupid. It's everybody. It's Africa. So that's African. So that's black people. I know it isn't. No, they're not. Aren't they?

They're African. Yeah. So that's my point. Yeah. So when you see, when you see an Egyptian guy, right, you think that guy looks like you. I don't know. I feel like some of them are really hard. So I'm French, German and Irish.

You're French. So yeah, I have a little bit of French, but I'm mostly German, Irish. Let me finish. Oh, so I'm European. Uh huh. So me and Italians, yeah, we're on the same fucking page. So Ferrari. Yeah.

That was us. That was us. That was pasty freckle guys. We did that shit. Give me a fucking break. No, you guys invented like vodka and stuff like that. Right? No.

No. Irish Russians. Sorry. Sorry. I don't know the history of any of that shit. Whiskey? I didn't want to get into this fucking debate. It's more of a, like a German, Irish, Whiskey.

What's the other ones, Bourbon? No. Is that an American thing? Scotch. Bourbon. Well, Scotch is from Scotland. Bourbon's from Kentucky. Yeah.

Whiskey was. But Egypt is in Africa. But now it's from everywhere. But now it's from everywhere. I think it was Naz's point. Is that, was that a true thing to say? Yeah. But Africa is a fucking continent.

Yeah, it is. True. It's a continent. There you go. So, like, can Irish people take credit for shit that happens in Romania, because they're all European? I feel like there's a reason why this is different, but I don't know why. So, I'm not going to answer that question.

But I feel like. Can I fucking have that written on a t-shirt? Like. I feel like an Egyptian person, would they necessarily say I'm African or would they say I'm Egyptian? They would probably say I'm Egyptian. Yeah, Egyptian. I don't know enough about, all I know is that all this shit is in Africa.

So. Have you met anybody over in Europe saying I'm European? No. They go, I'm French. That's true. I'm Swiss. Yeah. Swish.

I'm Swiss. This is a, this is actually, this is like a toxic, this always becomes a toxic conversation when it. Okay, we'll start then. No, I'm going to talk about you and me. I'm just saying, because I don't want to stir up everybody, because it's very easy. Too late. Yeah.

It can go off the rails and it becomes this big fucking race, you're a fucking racist and all this type of shit. Resist the urge to read too much into this people. Anyways, I'm just. So stock cars is a big accomplishment for white people is what you were saying. No, no, no. I'm not saying it's a big, wow. You know what I hate about this conversation?

What I hate about this conversation. I know. It is. You feel like you can't come back. I can't say anything. I know. I can't fucking say anything. If I say anything.

You feel like you can't come back and say anything. That's true though. I'm just saying that all of a sudden it's this, this, and this, there's a whole bunch of shit that I'm leaving off because I'll then become, I'll be called a fucking elitist. Okay. What do we do? We fucking pretend to go the moon. That's what we do.

The space shuttle. That's the shit. When you just see it on TV, that's, that's some shit that we did. I mean, that's, that's kind of a cool. No, it's amazing. I know the astronauts weren't rapping. They didn't have their spacesuits hanging off their asses. I know that.

The kids didn't want, but the kids, but the kids still wanted to do it. You have to fuck out of here. They want Chuck Yeager fucking around any motherfucker out there. Give me a break. I'm fucking around with you. I'm just, I'm just getting your goat because I see you wanting to leap out of your skin right now. I know.

Can I say something? Can I say something right now? I fucking hate when you do that. What? My brother used to do that. Do what? I don't want shit to get me going. I'm, I'm being honest with you and I'm saying what I'm feeling.

Don't just be sitting. You think I can't say some shit to get you going? I know you can. You do all the time. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have mocked stock car racing or any of that stuff. That wasn't nice. Yeah.

The thing, you know what the fucking, one of the greatest things about stock car racing is what's going, the level of intellect in the pit versus across the racetrack sitting in the stands. That's why I love going to car races. Is that why people think that you're elitist or something? No, because you got these guys like what the fuck they have to do because it's so regulated now just to try to squeeze it and then the fucking hundredth of a hundredth of a second to try and win this fucking race.

The level of science, physics and all that shit that's involved that these guys, the fucking egghead shit that's going on in there and then right across the track is just fucking it. I don't know. I went to the Indianapolis 502 years in a row. I went to drag racing. Do you know in between races, they pull the whole fucking engine out and rebuild the whole goddamn thing in between races.

There's a whole team of guys. Why? I don't know why because it matters that much. Everything has to be brand new. Okay. Like that cool song you guys made up, right? No, everything has to be fucking brand because if it isn't, if it isn't a brand new fucking engine, the amount of money they could cost you that split second it cost you was a different

like six figures of money. Wait a minute, wait a minute. That's what they're doing when they stop and all the guys run over and they're like no, no, no and drag and drag racing. They're changing the engine. I thought they were just like no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no tires and like wiping off the windshield. No, I'm not talking.

I'm sorry. Maybe. No, no, in that type of racing, gentlemen's dot your engine, hang one of those little air fresheners from the rear view mirror. Right. Um, no, no, I'm talking about in drag racing, you know, those long skinny cars with the big fucking tires, then they got the parachute comes out in the back, the engine sits behind the driver.

I've seen that. They finally figured out to do that after years of them trying to see around it. Why do they have a parachute though? Don't they have brakes? They do, but it's going 300 miles an hour. Oh, so you need all the help you can get. And they don't have flaps to put it down and you can't reverse the engine like a plane. I see.

And they're landing faster than a fucking 747, but it doesn't weigh as much, but that's all the fucking physics. Okay. And it's also probably if they stop quicker, they don't have to make as big of a track and that saves the guy owns the track money. All of this shit. All of this fucking nerdy egghead shit. Hmm.

Okay. So this is what white people do. They get on a dirt bike and they figure out how to go off a ramp and flip in the air two times over and they land into foam and they figure out how to do that and then they try to land. Yeah. We're bored. We're fucking bored.

White people need gangs again. Like if you notice like white people in the 20s, when you had the gangs in New York was at the 1800s, I'm fucking right. You know what it was? I know. I could really trap. Yeah. I could really trash white people right now.

Oh. Man was born around. He's still trying to beat the clock. Think of me what you will. I've got a little space to fill. So let's get to the point, let's roll another join. Let's head on down the road, somewhere I gotta go. You don't know how it feels.

You don't know how it feels. You don't know how it feels. You don't know how it feels. You don't know how it feels. You don't know how it feels.